1 00:00:03,506 --> 00:00:05,508 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:09,179 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:54,599 --> 00:00:56,434 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,827 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:16,871 --> 00:01:18,956 [inmate speaking Spanish] 6 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,585 [Taystee exhales heavily] 7 00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:24,962 How are we supposed to clean the floors 8 00:01:25,045 --> 00:01:29,049 with nonstop bitches tracking their shit through? 9 00:01:29,134 --> 00:01:31,511 [Suzanne] We are like he whom the gods have condemned 10 00:01:31,594 --> 00:01:36,224 to push the boulder up the hill only to watch it roll back down. 11 00:01:36,307 --> 00:01:37,392 Oh, right, right, right, right. 12 00:01:37,475 --> 00:01:41,020 And then he has to cut his arm off to get out from underneath it. 13 00:01:41,103 --> 00:01:43,773 What is that guy's name? Oh, James Franco! 14 00:01:43,856 --> 00:01:45,065 Sisyphus. 15 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:46,859 I did hear that rumor. 16 00:01:46,942 --> 00:01:50,280 You know those Hollywood types, they will stick it in any warm hole. 17 00:01:50,363 --> 00:01:53,658 Well, you don't have to be from Hollywood to wanna put it in a warm place. 18 00:01:53,741 --> 00:01:54,784 It's called having a dick. 19 00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:56,244 No, my Vinnie would never. 20 00:01:56,327 --> 00:02:01,081 Well, maybe not in a man-hole, but you away a long time. 21 00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:05,211 He could be getting his M&M melting in some ho's mouth 22 00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:06,671 and not in his hand. [chuckles] 23 00:02:06,754 --> 00:02:11,091 No. No, that's never gonna happen because we're talking sexy on the phone, 24 00:02:11,176 --> 00:02:14,094 like, 24/7, and I mean real sexy. 25 00:02:14,179 --> 00:02:15,555 And I give very good phone. 26 00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:18,683 Are we talking about peanut M&M's or regular? 27 00:02:18,766 --> 00:02:20,143 [both laughing] 28 00:02:21,894 --> 00:02:23,688 [man on PA] Inmate Jefferson, Tasha Jefferson, 29 00:02:23,771 --> 00:02:25,606 report to the warden's office. 30 00:02:25,690 --> 00:02:27,983 Inmate Tasha Jefferson to the warden's office. 31 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:31,028 Who's Tasha Jefferson? Oh, Taystee? 32 00:02:31,111 --> 00:02:32,613 Taystee, go to the warden's office. 33 00:02:32,697 --> 00:02:33,906 We have a warden? 34 00:02:33,989 --> 00:02:37,117 -Your name's Tasha? -What is this about? 35 00:02:39,495 --> 00:02:43,749 The main thing is answering the phones and organizational stuff. 36 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:46,377 General assisting. 37 00:02:48,421 --> 00:02:50,631 I don't know. I've never had an assistant before. 38 00:02:50,715 --> 00:02:52,049 We will figure it out together. 39 00:02:52,132 --> 00:02:54,552 And you swear this is legit? 40 00:02:54,635 --> 00:02:56,011 'Cause I seen Shawshank 41 00:02:56,095 --> 00:02:59,682 and I don't wanna go to Seg because I did your taxes too good. 42 00:02:59,765 --> 00:03:00,891 I guarantee you, 43 00:03:00,975 --> 00:03:03,728 you will never see anything with my social security number on it. 44 00:03:03,811 --> 00:03:05,104 Never say never. 45 00:03:05,187 --> 00:03:06,689 You work for MCC. 46 00:03:06,772 --> 00:03:09,859 Maybe one day you realize you need food stamps 47 00:03:09,942 --> 00:03:11,611 and you don't know how to fill out the forms. 48 00:03:11,694 --> 00:03:12,820 Well, I'm your girl. 49 00:03:12,903 --> 00:03:15,656 I can walk you through it, but I'm gonna need them digits. 50 00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:18,659 However... [whispers] I'm a vault. 51 00:03:18,743 --> 00:03:20,703 I don't say nothing. 52 00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:24,457 And I ain't never crawling through a tunnel of piss and dookie, so rest easy. 53 00:03:24,540 --> 00:03:28,836 Okay. As of now, you're off janitorial and you're with me. 54 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,463 Praise Jesus. 55 00:03:30,546 --> 00:03:32,798 Every day. When I'm working, you're working. 56 00:03:32,882 --> 00:03:35,050 Is this 'cause I won at job fair? 57 00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:38,388 -Sure. -[scoffs] I told them bitches. 58 00:03:38,471 --> 00:03:41,932 Take a clipboard, write things down, look busy. 59 00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:45,395 Outside. 60 00:03:48,231 --> 00:03:50,483 Alert! Alert! Alert! 61 00:03:50,566 --> 00:03:52,860 -What? -Mmm! 62 00:03:55,195 --> 00:03:57,615 [Alex] What? Healy's just showing her around. 63 00:03:57,698 --> 00:04:00,701 Frieda's over there. It's all good. 64 00:04:00,785 --> 00:04:04,872 Why does she get some special garden tour like some fancy Shiba Inu? 65 00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:08,042 [scoffs] She's a celebrity, okay? 66 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:09,502 Fucking relax. 67 00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:12,212 Uh... [stammering] 68 00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:16,091 Not okay. Not... Not really relaxed. 69 00:04:16,175 --> 00:04:18,969 I think you are way too relaxed... 70 00:04:19,053 --> 00:04:22,557 to be in this big, brown shit-uation that we're in! 71 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,767 Lolly, believe me. 72 00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:28,729 My insides have completely liquefied and I wanna vomit all the time... 73 00:04:28,813 --> 00:04:33,108 but I have chosen to keep my voice low and appear calm. 74 00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:34,569 You have to do the same. 75 00:04:34,652 --> 00:04:37,738 -[exhales deeply] I can't. -You have to. 76 00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:40,074 -Look at me. You... -[inhales sharply] 77 00:04:40,157 --> 00:04:42,660 Listen. You have to. 78 00:04:42,743 --> 00:04:48,624 Change the record in your head. Play, "He was a bad man. 79 00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:51,336 We did what we had to do and we did it well. 80 00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:52,712 So now it's through." 81 00:04:52,795 --> 00:04:55,172 It's a mantra. Say it. 82 00:04:56,341 --> 00:04:58,801 "We did what we had to do and we did it well." 83 00:05:00,219 --> 00:05:03,180 You forgot the bad man part. And the end. 84 00:05:03,848 --> 00:05:05,600 But that's the idea. 85 00:05:05,683 --> 00:05:10,145 So whenever you're feeling worried, whenever your thoughts start to... wander, 86 00:05:10,229 --> 00:05:13,566 just bring them back to the mantra... and then come and find me. 87 00:05:13,649 --> 00:05:14,859 Okay? 88 00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:18,863 "He was a bad man who did bad things well, 89 00:05:18,946 --> 00:05:20,155 and now he's gone." 90 00:05:20,239 --> 00:05:21,491 Got it! 91 00:05:21,574 --> 00:05:25,035 "He was a bad man, now he's gone from the well..." 92 00:05:26,203 --> 00:05:29,457 [Judy] Now that is one happy tomato. [chuckles] 93 00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:31,291 I hope I do as well here. 94 00:05:31,376 --> 00:05:33,210 -Hey, there's a good idea. -Hmm. 95 00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:35,630 Maybe we should fertilize our women, too. 96 00:05:35,713 --> 00:05:38,383 -[both chuckle] -I do love your good intentions. 97 00:05:38,466 --> 00:05:41,343 -[Maureen] Hey, Judy. -Hey. 98 00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:42,470 Hi. 99 00:05:44,389 --> 00:05:45,640 You've got quite a following. 100 00:05:45,723 --> 00:05:48,393 Yeah, I was hoping the novelty would wear off soon. 101 00:05:48,476 --> 00:05:51,020 Might have to hide myself in that corn. [chuckles] 102 00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:54,189 Oh, look, how beautiful! 103 00:05:54,273 --> 00:05:55,357 Help yourself. 104 00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:56,901 Oh! All right. 105 00:05:58,486 --> 00:06:00,112 [Red] Oh, really? 106 00:06:00,195 --> 00:06:02,698 Free-for-all on the produce now, huh? 107 00:06:02,782 --> 00:06:04,617 Regardless of who's in the club. 108 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:08,788 Who's worked the soil, pulled the weeds, tended the seedlings. 109 00:06:08,871 --> 00:06:10,330 Is that the new policy? 110 00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:13,626 -This is Judy King. -Oh, I know who she is. 111 00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:17,588 I've seen her... daytime TV program. 112 00:06:17,672 --> 00:06:20,215 But we haven't had the pleasure. 113 00:06:20,299 --> 00:06:23,218 Mrs. King is going to be joining your club, Red. 114 00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:25,638 So I'll leave you to it. 115 00:06:25,721 --> 00:06:27,640 -Thank you. -Yeah. 116 00:06:27,723 --> 00:06:30,225 I'm sure you'll find a lot in common. 117 00:06:30,309 --> 00:06:32,102 Hair and... 118 00:06:32,186 --> 00:06:33,228 accents. 119 00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:37,149 You know, my daddy used to call me "Red." [laughs] 120 00:06:37,232 --> 00:06:39,359 Really? That's sweet. [chuckles] 121 00:06:40,235 --> 00:06:44,865 My papa called me solnyshko. It means little sun. 122 00:06:44,949 --> 00:06:48,494 But I've grown bigger and hotter since then, and he's dead. 123 00:06:49,745 --> 00:06:53,332 So what are you going to do with that ear, now that you've picked it? 124 00:06:53,415 --> 00:06:56,836 Well, I guess that depends on what else I can find around here. 125 00:06:56,919 --> 00:07:00,339 I could do a Southern fried corn, a dilled corn shooter, 126 00:07:00,422 --> 00:07:02,174 Taiwanese-style street corn. 127 00:07:02,257 --> 00:07:03,801 Listen to fancy pants. 128 00:07:03,884 --> 00:07:05,886 I could shove it up your ass. 129 00:07:05,970 --> 00:07:08,598 Hmm, I'm not so big on ass play. 130 00:07:08,681 --> 00:07:11,976 What do you suggest I do, Miss Red? 131 00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:14,812 I'm thinking. 132 00:07:19,316 --> 00:07:21,527 -Can I have some seeds? -[blowing] 133 00:07:21,611 --> 00:07:24,655 You bought Ovaltine. Reap what you sow. 134 00:07:24,739 --> 00:07:26,031 Ovaltine's got vitamins. 135 00:07:26,115 --> 00:07:29,619 I'll trade you Ovaltine powder later for some seeds now. I'm good for it. 136 00:07:29,702 --> 00:07:31,078 No deal. 137 00:07:31,662 --> 00:07:34,457 You'll regret it. That's some malty goodness you're passing up. 138 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,085 Excuse me? 139 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:42,297 You knew going into this I had bad knees. My feet are killing me. 140 00:07:42,381 --> 00:07:43,674 We are putting out a vibe. 141 00:07:43,758 --> 00:07:46,343 If you are sitting and/or eating my seeds, no vibe. 142 00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:50,347 Right now, there is no vibe. See? Look at this. 143 00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:54,351 -All of a sudden, I'm approachable. -Picking up or dropping off? 144 00:07:55,269 --> 00:07:57,271 Neither. We're out. 145 00:07:57,354 --> 00:07:58,981 I gave you guys new ones yesterday. 146 00:08:00,315 --> 00:08:02,777 We're hanging up our lacy intimates. 147 00:08:02,860 --> 00:08:04,987 If this is because of the money Stella took, I'm good for it. 148 00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,071 I'll pay you back. 149 00:08:06,989 --> 00:08:10,868 It's not worth it anymore. We're smelling the beginning of the end. 150 00:08:10,951 --> 00:08:12,828 You and all your posturing, 151 00:08:12,912 --> 00:08:15,498 shipping the kangaroo down the hill. [tutting] 152 00:08:15,581 --> 00:08:20,085 It's starting to feel dangerous. You've even got a heavy on the payroll. 153 00:08:20,169 --> 00:08:21,796 Ha! I see what you did there. 154 00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:24,507 -"Heavy." -Not on purpose. 155 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,342 Fine, jump ship like rats. 156 00:08:27,426 --> 00:08:29,554 And I'm not talking about the Disney-Pixar kind. 157 00:08:29,637 --> 00:08:32,014 I was gonna fire one of you anyway, but I'm not gonna say which one. 158 00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:33,182 Chew on that. 159 00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:37,436 We're gonna take a walk on the track, you wanna join us, kahuna? 160 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,271 No, she does not. She's got bad knees. 161 00:08:39,354 --> 00:08:40,690 [sighs] 162 00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:41,899 Enjoy sweating for free. 163 00:08:41,982 --> 00:08:45,402 I expect all my undies still in your possession returned posthaste. 164 00:08:46,195 --> 00:08:48,488 [chuckling] "Posthaste"? That's nuts. 165 00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:52,326 -Do you have something to say? -Sure. 166 00:08:53,953 --> 00:08:56,371 But I'll wait till I'm with my friends. 167 00:08:57,873 --> 00:09:00,209 Off the backboard. [clicking and grunts] 168 00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:02,920 -[Poussey] Oh! -[Brook laughs] 169 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:06,090 Short, black and bad at basketball. 170 00:09:06,173 --> 00:09:10,886 -Subverting expectations since 1990. -Oh, it's okay. 171 00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:14,181 Litchfield's latest lesbos, in fun-size. 172 00:09:14,765 --> 00:09:16,433 Look, how much longer do you think 173 00:09:16,516 --> 00:09:18,603 the world's longest game of Horse is gonna go on? 174 00:09:18,686 --> 00:09:20,855 [exhales deeply] She ain't a lesbian. 175 00:09:20,938 --> 00:09:22,439 I see. 176 00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:25,359 Testing the waters before diving in face-first? 177 00:09:25,442 --> 00:09:27,862 I'm attracted to people, not genders. 178 00:09:27,945 --> 00:09:31,406 Well, aren't you special. 179 00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,451 Tell you what, why don't you use some of that sexual fluidity 180 00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:37,079 to slide off the court so the real men can play? 181 00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,749 [scoffs] Come on. 182 00:09:39,832 --> 00:09:43,878 Even though I do think labeling is a total sham... 183 00:09:43,961 --> 00:09:46,171 I see the power in reclaiming an epithet. 184 00:09:46,255 --> 00:09:48,340 Like you guys have with "nigga." 185 00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:53,846 Okay, maybe not that exactly. 186 00:09:53,929 --> 00:09:56,556 But... I really like you. 187 00:09:58,058 --> 00:10:01,145 Like, really a lot. And I just-- 188 00:10:01,228 --> 00:10:05,107 I wanna honor your feelings, you know, if you wanna call this something. 189 00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:09,111 Like, we're girlfriend-girlfriend, or... 190 00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:10,780 lezzy togezzy. 191 00:10:10,863 --> 00:10:11,989 [laughing] I don't know. 192 00:10:12,072 --> 00:10:17,452 How about we say we're happy, yeah? Leave it at that? 193 00:10:17,536 --> 00:10:19,496 Okay. [chuckles] 194 00:10:19,579 --> 00:10:20,580 Oh, shit. 195 00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:25,044 Hey! Hi! Hi... 196 00:10:25,711 --> 00:10:27,713 Judy, I'm... 197 00:10:27,797 --> 00:10:29,214 Hey, girl. [chuckles] 198 00:10:29,298 --> 00:10:30,925 [Poussey stammers] 199 00:10:31,008 --> 00:10:32,718 You're... Fuck! 200 00:10:32,802 --> 00:10:34,053 [grumbling] 201 00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:39,224 It is so cute how moony you get every time she's around. 202 00:10:39,308 --> 00:10:42,061 By "cute" you mean, "lame as fuck." 203 00:10:42,144 --> 00:10:44,939 Well, yeah. You need to pull it together. 204 00:10:45,022 --> 00:10:48,442 I mean, she's a person you admire, but she's still just a person. 205 00:10:48,525 --> 00:10:50,194 A person. Right. 206 00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:53,238 You should be able to have a conversation with anyone. 207 00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:55,741 Hi, I'm Brook. I'm your neighbor. 208 00:10:55,825 --> 00:10:58,118 I was wondering if you'd heard about the plans to build a Walmart 209 00:10:58,202 --> 00:10:59,662 at the corner of Exposition and Euclid? 210 00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:00,871 Yeah, I heard about it. 211 00:11:00,955 --> 00:11:03,958 Well, I'm one of a group of citizens trying to convince the city council 212 00:11:04,041 --> 00:11:05,918 to turn that lot into a park space instead. 213 00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:08,796 I was wondering if you'd be willing to have a friendly discussion, 214 00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:10,589 or maybe even sign our petition? 215 00:11:10,672 --> 00:11:14,009 -Sure... if you take your top off. -[all snickering] 216 00:11:14,093 --> 00:11:15,928 -Okay, that is inappropriate. -Yes. 217 00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:19,014 Inappropriate things do happen out there. How would you handle it? 218 00:11:19,098 --> 00:11:22,476 You really think a grown man is gonna ask me to take my top off? 219 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:27,522 Well, there's a sex offender at 3134 10th Street. He might. 220 00:11:27,606 --> 00:11:29,691 No, you do not have to go to the sex offender's house. 221 00:11:29,775 --> 00:11:33,403 No one has to knock on any door that makes him or her feel uncomfortable. 222 00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:37,616 But I do urge you all to be bold and stretch yourself. 223 00:11:37,699 --> 00:11:40,494 By the way, has everyone signed their liability waivers? 224 00:11:41,495 --> 00:11:42,830 Oh, shit. 225 00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:45,540 I hear he likes little boys. 226 00:11:45,624 --> 00:11:48,210 Little boy, Asian girl, are they really that far apart? 227 00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:50,838 You said our break-up was going to be amicable. 228 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:54,466 Yeah, I said a lot of things. So did you, like, "I love you. 229 00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:57,386 I'll always love you. This is not because of Oren." 230 00:11:57,469 --> 00:11:58,846 Wait, what? 231 00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:01,598 She dumped me to get with you. I'm not sweet enough arm-candy. 232 00:12:01,681 --> 00:12:02,933 Oh, my God! 233 00:12:03,017 --> 00:12:04,977 Could you kids drop the soap opera for another time? 234 00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:07,938 We're going out there this afternoon. You need to feel like you're prepared. 235 00:12:08,022 --> 00:12:11,025 Well, clearly, she's not. She can't even handle "take your top off." 236 00:12:11,108 --> 00:12:15,237 Okay, 50 bucks says I get more signatures than you, Ethan. 237 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,572 No bet. People will sign just to shut you up. 238 00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:18,866 But here's a bet. 239 00:12:18,949 --> 00:12:21,493 Get the pedo to sign, I'll give you your 50 bucks. 240 00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:24,121 And Oren will go on a date with you. Cool? 241 00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:25,790 -I'm not really in-- -Okay! 242 00:12:25,873 --> 00:12:27,624 You are so on. 243 00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:29,668 He will sign and you will give me cash, 244 00:12:29,751 --> 00:12:32,963 and I will spend it on a new hemp messenger bag and strawberry lube, 245 00:12:33,047 --> 00:12:36,175 because Oren seems like a strawberry kind of guy. 246 00:12:36,258 --> 00:12:37,384 Well-- 247 00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:41,763 [man] Great, now let's talk one more time about mirroring body language. 248 00:12:41,847 --> 00:12:44,641 I'm just saying, if you bought me a watch, I'd be on the time better. 249 00:12:44,724 --> 00:12:46,852 -There's a clock on the wall. -Not in my office. 250 00:12:46,936 --> 00:12:48,312 I'll put a clock in your office. 251 00:12:48,395 --> 00:12:51,231 Or you could buy me a watch, so when we out of the office like now, 252 00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:53,150 I could tell you things like, "Hey, Mr. Caputo, 253 00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:54,944 we're only a few minutes late to meet Piscatella, 254 00:12:55,027 --> 00:12:57,696 and you the boss anyhow, so relax." 255 00:12:57,779 --> 00:13:00,115 I will consider your watch request. 256 00:13:00,199 --> 00:13:02,242 Hey, I'm just trying to make your life better. 257 00:13:02,326 --> 00:13:03,535 This ain't about me. 258 00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:05,454 By the way, what you want me to do once we there? 259 00:13:05,537 --> 00:13:06,997 -Take notes. -Hold up, hold up. 260 00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:11,168 "Take notes." Got you. 261 00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:12,419 [Piscatella] Mop it all around. 262 00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:14,004 Damn! 263 00:13:14,088 --> 00:13:18,968 This place is like Rehab Addict: Litchfield Edition. 264 00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:20,886 And with, like, real addicts. 265 00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:24,223 [Piscatella] So, in a nutshell... 266 00:13:25,891 --> 00:13:28,602 electrical is still having Internet issues, 267 00:13:28,685 --> 00:13:30,896 plumbing works, but no hot water yet. 268 00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:34,733 All beds and extraneous furniture are assembled and ready for move-in. 269 00:13:34,816 --> 00:13:36,944 -[scribbling] -Now, the interior paint-- 270 00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:38,028 Uh, inmate? 271 00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:41,198 What are you possibly writing that will have any salience 272 00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:42,741 past this moment in time? 273 00:13:42,824 --> 00:13:46,370 Well, Mr. Caputo wants notes. Now, I don't know what salience is, 274 00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:49,748 but I think a checklist of what's completed and what's not 275 00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,208 is hella revalent. 276 00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,418 You mean "rel." Relevant. 277 00:13:53,502 --> 00:13:57,381 I mean, I'm trying to do my job, same as you, big man. 278 00:13:58,132 --> 00:14:02,052 Are you... suggesting that we are in any way, 279 00:14:02,136 --> 00:14:05,722 on any planet, in any universe, the same, inmate? 280 00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:08,767 Why don't you go check on Luschek and the Internet situation? 281 00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:12,729 -What? -Let me watch you go. 282 00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:15,983 Oh, you gonna "watch me" watch me? 283 00:14:16,816 --> 00:14:19,319 I will watch... you. 284 00:14:19,403 --> 00:14:22,281 -Go! -[chuckles] I'm goin'. 285 00:14:22,364 --> 00:14:25,367 It's clearly that... [whispers] time. 286 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,661 -Look at me go. -Go. 287 00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:32,082 -May I ask you a question, Mr. Caputo? -Shoot. 288 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:37,087 How did you choose her to be your assistant, exactly? 289 00:14:37,171 --> 00:14:39,089 -Between you and me? -Yes, sir. 290 00:14:39,173 --> 00:14:43,635 She's the only semi-intelligent one that I'm only... 291 00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,888 semi-attracted to. 292 00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:47,347 [laughs] 293 00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:51,018 Well, if you'll follow me, I'll show you the bathroom. 294 00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:52,811 -[scribbling] -What are you writing? 295 00:14:52,895 --> 00:14:54,104 Man, why everybody act like 296 00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:56,648 they ain't never seen a black woman with a clipboard before? 297 00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:57,732 No, it's your pen. 298 00:14:57,816 --> 00:15:00,277 It's exorbitantly scratchy and it's giving me anxiety. 299 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,281 Damn, Word-A-Day. I need to get me one of them calendars. 300 00:15:04,364 --> 00:15:07,409 "Anxiety" wasn't from the calendar. That's just me. 301 00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:09,995 But... "exorbitant" was. 302 00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,455 Check out these fat phone cords. 303 00:15:11,538 --> 00:15:13,916 Shit, I could make so many bracelets out of the wires in one of these-- 304 00:15:13,999 --> 00:15:17,502 Uh-uh. Those ain't phone cords. They're for the Internet. 305 00:15:17,586 --> 00:15:21,173 And believe me, you want some of them guards to be able to watch their porn 306 00:15:21,256 --> 00:15:24,509 and get it all out before they on duty, so you best leave it. 307 00:15:26,136 --> 00:15:28,847 So, hey, how come you don't get to live here, Luschek? 308 00:15:30,099 --> 00:15:32,184 -Because I have a home, inmate. -Oh, yeah? 309 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,769 -An entire basement to myself. -Hmm. 310 00:15:34,853 --> 00:15:37,940 You gotta admit, though, it is kind of swanky... you know? 311 00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:41,193 I mean, you could fit an entire family just right in here 312 00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,278 and still have room for a TV. 313 00:15:43,362 --> 00:15:46,531 Couple of pictures of X-rays. Home sweet home. 314 00:15:46,615 --> 00:15:49,534 -Did you just say X-rays? -I did say X-rays. 315 00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:51,536 'Cause when my grandmammy broke her pelvis, 316 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,538 all of us kids got X-rays. 317 00:15:53,622 --> 00:15:57,042 'Cause the doctor was really nice, and my mom was doing him on the side. 318 00:15:57,126 --> 00:15:58,585 -[both laugh] -That's funny, huh? 319 00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:02,297 He literally took an entire X-ray of my whole skeleton, 320 00:16:02,381 --> 00:16:06,343 and I hung it up on my wall like a fancy English guy. 321 00:16:06,426 --> 00:16:08,803 But it was just pictures of bones instead of-- 322 00:16:08,887 --> 00:16:11,348 You know, it wasn't, like, real bones. 323 00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:12,766 Your life is grotesque. 324 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:15,560 -Another big word. -What are you even doing here? 325 00:16:15,644 --> 00:16:19,564 Mr. Caputo wanted me to check up on the Internet issue. 326 00:16:21,858 --> 00:16:23,193 Inmate... 327 00:16:23,277 --> 00:16:25,112 Scar-neck, explain the problem. 328 00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:27,990 It doesn't work. 329 00:16:29,366 --> 00:16:30,409 There you go. 330 00:16:30,492 --> 00:16:32,286 [Lorna] Hey, baby. 331 00:16:32,369 --> 00:16:34,621 [Vince] Yeah, I thought you were getting home an hour ago. 332 00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:38,333 Oh, I know, the traffic was awful coming back from the store. 333 00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:41,336 I think there was a wreck or something. 334 00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:45,382 Anyway, how was work? How are you? 335 00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,592 -Vinnie? -Look, I'm sorry. 336 00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:48,885 I'm just in a mood. 337 00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:50,595 Well, don't you worry. 338 00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:55,350 You just sit right down. I'm gonna give you such a nice backrub. 339 00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,769 -Lorna... -[Lorna moans] 340 00:16:57,852 --> 00:17:01,648 -Lorna! -Honey, you're so tense. 341 00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:05,360 I'm reaching around and I'm feeling down 342 00:17:05,444 --> 00:17:09,573 your chiseled and bumpy abs. 343 00:17:09,656 --> 00:17:11,908 Oh, my goodness. 344 00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:16,246 I just found your cock-a-doodle-doo and it's so hard. 345 00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:18,165 -[woman knocking] Vinnie? Hurry up! -I'm busy! 346 00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:19,708 All right? 347 00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:22,294 Lorna, I can't really do this today, okay? 348 00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:24,504 Well, can you at least try? 349 00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:26,673 No, my roommates! It's awkward. 350 00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:30,844 Well, I'm talking about kissing crotches in front of 50 other women, 351 00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:32,971 but for you, it's awkward? 352 00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:34,473 I don't know, I thought you were into that. 353 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:35,932 Well, uh... 354 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:41,105 Maybe you could feel that way about your roommates. 355 00:17:41,188 --> 00:17:42,814 Don't say that. 356 00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:45,442 Well, do you have a speaker? Put me on speaker, baby. 357 00:17:45,525 --> 00:17:48,278 I'll talk so nice for you and the boys. 358 00:17:49,238 --> 00:17:51,573 [woman] Vinnie, are you gonna help him with his homework? 359 00:17:55,910 --> 00:17:59,289 Lorna, my roommates are my parents and my kid brother. 360 00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:01,125 [scoffs] What? 361 00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:02,917 All right? There, now you know. 362 00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:05,379 Well, why didn't you say that before? 363 00:18:06,213 --> 00:18:08,382 I mean, what kind of fantasy is that gonna be? 364 00:18:08,465 --> 00:18:10,967 [stammers] You thought you married a man, not a boy. 365 00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:14,053 Look, I gotta go, all right? 366 00:18:14,138 --> 00:18:16,848 Gino's back from school. I gotta help him with his homework. 367 00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:18,808 [scoffs] 368 00:18:18,892 --> 00:18:19,976 Okay. 369 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,111 I think he shares a room with his kid brother. 370 00:18:29,194 --> 00:18:32,322 Does that mean no more phone-boning in front of everybody? 371 00:18:32,406 --> 00:18:34,866 Because, legit, that shit was kind of gross. 372 00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:38,203 But also hot. 373 00:18:39,788 --> 00:18:41,581 I'm having mixed emotions right now. 374 00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:44,876 Yeah, me, too. 375 00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:50,215 [gasps] 376 00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:54,052 She's taking all the green beans. I asked her not to! 377 00:18:54,136 --> 00:18:56,388 Nicely, even! Ignored. 378 00:18:56,471 --> 00:18:59,308 And her flunkeys, always lurking around now. 379 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,437 -Look! -I'm looking. 380 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,814 In Russia, we have a saying... 381 00:19:05,897 --> 00:19:09,734 [speaking Russian] 382 00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:14,198 "Don't open your mouth to eat other people's bread." 383 00:19:14,281 --> 00:19:16,241 Or what? 384 00:19:16,325 --> 00:19:19,286 Ask the Germans in wintertime. 385 00:19:21,330 --> 00:19:22,956 -Uh, Miss Judy? -Uh-huh. 386 00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:25,500 Uh, I was wondering if you would sign my cookbook. 387 00:19:25,584 --> 00:19:26,585 Of course. 388 00:19:27,252 --> 00:19:29,379 That's so nice. Um... 389 00:19:29,463 --> 00:19:31,965 I'll buy one and bring it to you when we both get out. 390 00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:33,925 All right, well, we have a date, then. 391 00:19:34,008 --> 00:19:37,346 Now, thank you, ladies. Bye-bye for now. All right. 392 00:19:38,638 --> 00:19:40,056 Mmm. 393 00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:42,016 Hey, there, Judy King. 394 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:45,562 Oh, guilty as charged, in all respects. 395 00:19:46,938 --> 00:19:48,440 That's a joke, darlin'. 396 00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:49,774 Oh! [laughs] 397 00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:52,944 You know, a lot of people in here are funny without meaning to be. 398 00:19:53,027 --> 00:19:54,821 I learned the hard way to hold my mirth. 399 00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:58,658 Oh, well, let your mirth fly free. I mean to be funny. 400 00:19:58,742 --> 00:20:00,494 All right. [laughs] 401 00:20:00,577 --> 00:20:04,038 Um... actually, I was wondering if I could speak to you about my friend. 402 00:20:04,122 --> 00:20:05,999 Oh, that little retarded girl? 403 00:20:06,082 --> 00:20:08,835 She's actually not... challenged at all, 404 00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:11,796 which is what we're supposed to say, not the R-word. 405 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:16,050 Oh, uh... "R"s, "F"s, "L-M-N-O-P"s and "Q"s. 406 00:20:16,134 --> 00:20:19,971 You know, I get in more trouble for expanding those single letter words, 407 00:20:20,054 --> 00:20:21,723 but never "N"s. 408 00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,058 Despite this drawl, I'm brighter than that. 409 00:20:24,142 --> 00:20:29,105 So, now, you were saying? About your friend who is not challenged. 410 00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,940 -[chuckles] -Am I allowed to say "special"? 411 00:20:31,024 --> 00:20:34,694 No, she's not special. Well, she is to me. 412 00:20:34,778 --> 00:20:36,571 -Mmm. -But not euphemistically. 413 00:20:36,655 --> 00:20:40,074 She's a fan and whenever she sees you, she freaks out. 414 00:20:42,035 --> 00:20:44,037 You've gotta understand. 415 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:49,083 Institutional racism... traps the most vulnerable people in our society 416 00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:53,547 in this cycle of incarceration which, in turn, leads to a cycle of poverty. 417 00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:58,302 It makes someone like you... someone rich and powerful and white, 418 00:20:58,385 --> 00:21:00,512 virtually unapproachable. 419 00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:02,472 All right, so now let me get this straight. 420 00:21:02,556 --> 00:21:06,685 Your friend acts like a moron around me because she's black and poor? 421 00:21:06,768 --> 00:21:09,604 -Is that right? -Basically... yes. 422 00:21:09,688 --> 00:21:13,650 [sighs] I think her mother was a crack addict or something. 423 00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:15,652 You might as well be an alien. 424 00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:17,571 But you could bridge the divide. 425 00:21:17,654 --> 00:21:20,782 -The way you did. -Yeah, exactly! [chuckles] 426 00:21:20,865 --> 00:21:24,661 All right, how about this? Why don't you bring her over at lunch? 427 00:21:25,704 --> 00:21:27,539 Okay. [chuckles] 428 00:21:27,622 --> 00:21:32,544 It'll be like, uh... the 1% sitting with the other 1%. 429 00:21:32,627 --> 00:21:33,628 Oh, my God. 430 00:21:33,712 --> 00:21:37,256 "The other 1%" is such a good hashtag. 431 00:21:37,341 --> 00:21:38,967 [chuckles] 432 00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:40,552 [chuckles] 433 00:21:43,888 --> 00:21:46,182 [man on TV] The New Orleans police put out a call to... 434 00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:48,184 -Hi! My name is Brook... -Look... 435 00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:49,686 ...and I was wondering if-- 436 00:21:49,769 --> 00:21:51,771 Take your picture or smash an egg in my face, 437 00:21:51,855 --> 00:21:55,274 or whatever you need to do for you and your friends to get your jollies. 438 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,403 -But spare me the setup, all right? -I don't have a setup. 439 00:21:58,487 --> 00:21:59,904 You know who I am? 440 00:22:00,489 --> 00:22:01,990 Yeah, I do, actually. 441 00:22:03,575 --> 00:22:04,993 You're a member of the community 442 00:22:05,076 --> 00:22:07,120 who has as much right as any of your neighbors 443 00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:09,205 to be concerned about the big-box monstrosity 444 00:22:09,288 --> 00:22:12,542 that's being proposed for the corner of Exposition and Euclid. 445 00:22:12,626 --> 00:22:15,462 I'd be happy to talk about it with you, if you have the time. 446 00:22:15,545 --> 00:22:18,423 Look, I'm watching this Hurricane Katrina stuff. 447 00:22:18,507 --> 00:22:19,674 It's really intense. 448 00:22:19,758 --> 00:22:21,551 The world's gonna be lousy with Katrinas 449 00:22:21,635 --> 00:22:24,971 if we let mega-corporations like Walmart carbon-bomb our planet. 450 00:22:31,269 --> 00:22:32,729 You wanna come in? 451 00:22:34,230 --> 00:22:35,774 Sure. 452 00:22:35,857 --> 00:22:37,942 Yeah, I'll give you the whole shpiel. 453 00:22:38,026 --> 00:22:39,360 Spiel. 454 00:22:39,444 --> 00:22:41,530 Sorry, I never know how to pronounce that. 455 00:22:41,613 --> 00:22:43,239 Wait, um... 456 00:22:43,322 --> 00:22:44,741 how old are you? 457 00:22:45,784 --> 00:22:46,868 Nineteen. 458 00:22:47,911 --> 00:22:48,912 Okay. 459 00:22:50,121 --> 00:22:51,205 Come in. 460 00:22:51,289 --> 00:22:54,042 [man on TV] ...aspect of this terrible hurricane 461 00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:57,587 that came on land with 145 mile-an-hour... 462 00:22:57,671 --> 00:22:58,880 Okay. 463 00:22:58,963 --> 00:23:01,340 I don't know if you realize, 464 00:23:01,425 --> 00:23:04,594 but the introduction of mega-retailers, like Walmart, 465 00:23:04,678 --> 00:23:07,847 almost invariably have a negative effect on property values-- 466 00:23:07,931 --> 00:23:10,224 -You're so nervous. -I'm not nervous. 467 00:23:10,308 --> 00:23:13,895 I'm passionate about saving local businesses. 468 00:23:13,978 --> 00:23:15,313 Like Lola's Bloomers. 469 00:23:16,815 --> 00:23:19,943 -May I? -Sure. Sure. 470 00:23:21,528 --> 00:23:23,572 Conservative estimates are that there will be 471 00:23:23,655 --> 00:23:27,241 thousands of more cars in the neighborhood per day because of the construction-- 472 00:23:27,325 --> 00:23:30,870 It says you wanna put a park in instead. 473 00:23:30,954 --> 00:23:32,997 I can't live within 2,500 feet of a park. 474 00:23:33,081 --> 00:23:35,834 They would literally kick me out of my own home. 475 00:23:40,088 --> 00:23:41,089 Sorry. 476 00:23:41,172 --> 00:23:43,800 Can I talk about the elephant in the room for a second? 477 00:23:43,883 --> 00:23:45,343 I wish you wouldn't. 478 00:23:45,426 --> 00:23:47,637 I look across from me and I don't see a monster. 479 00:23:47,721 --> 00:23:52,934 I see a human being fighting to control the animalistic parts of his brain, 480 00:23:53,017 --> 00:23:54,978 true grit overcoming impulse. 481 00:23:55,061 --> 00:23:56,605 Not everybody judges you. 482 00:23:56,688 --> 00:23:58,940 What if I told you it was kiddie porn? 483 00:24:00,942 --> 00:24:02,360 I'd... 484 00:24:02,443 --> 00:24:03,778 say you need support, 485 00:24:03,862 --> 00:24:08,324 and I'd applaud your restraint for finding an outlet for your compulsions. 486 00:24:08,407 --> 00:24:12,161 [scoffs] Wow! You will really say whatever it takes. 487 00:24:13,705 --> 00:24:16,249 Well, it was a lot worse than kiddie porn. 488 00:24:16,332 --> 00:24:17,542 Wanna see? 489 00:24:18,627 --> 00:24:20,962 No, I don't... I don't need... No. 490 00:24:21,045 --> 00:24:22,380 No need. 491 00:24:23,089 --> 00:24:24,090 Um... 492 00:24:29,554 --> 00:24:31,681 Wait, all you did was have sex on the beach? 493 00:24:31,765 --> 00:24:34,601 Consenting adults on an empty beach. 494 00:24:34,684 --> 00:24:37,979 Well, except for the creeper that filmed it and turned us in to the cops. 495 00:24:38,062 --> 00:24:41,190 -But you think that pervo got in trouble? -That is insane. I mean... 496 00:24:41,274 --> 00:24:43,985 [sighs] You are such a cautionary tale. 497 00:24:44,068 --> 00:24:47,321 I would be, if people got the story right. 498 00:24:47,405 --> 00:24:50,992 But once I had to go around door-to-door announcing my status, 499 00:24:51,075 --> 00:24:52,493 the rumors got started... 500 00:24:54,078 --> 00:24:57,165 I don't know. It's all so fucked. 501 00:25:02,587 --> 00:25:03,713 Here. 502 00:25:07,216 --> 00:25:09,302 It's not like Walmart's gonna lose. 503 00:25:12,305 --> 00:25:13,347 Awesome. 504 00:25:13,431 --> 00:25:15,224 [sharpener whirring] 505 00:25:18,477 --> 00:25:20,188 [phone ringing] 506 00:25:23,441 --> 00:25:25,276 -Oh... -[continues ringing] 507 00:25:26,110 --> 00:25:27,862 Uh... [clears throat] 508 00:25:27,946 --> 00:25:29,280 Warden Caputo's office. 509 00:25:29,363 --> 00:25:32,158 This is Ms. Jefferson speaking, how may I assist you? 510 00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:33,993 [man] Is Warden Caputo available? 511 00:25:34,077 --> 00:25:37,330 Let me place you on a brief hold while I go and check. 512 00:25:37,413 --> 00:25:38,832 [beeping] 513 00:25:39,498 --> 00:25:41,209 Fuck. 514 00:25:41,292 --> 00:25:42,836 Oh, well, you gonna call back. 515 00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:44,629 Hello? I'm still here. 516 00:25:45,839 --> 00:25:49,508 Damn, you are still there. Then why the little light go out? 517 00:25:49,593 --> 00:25:52,053 Anyway, don't matter, I ain't got him right now. 518 00:25:52,136 --> 00:25:53,805 Will you please let him know I called? 519 00:25:53,888 --> 00:25:56,182 All right, you take good care now. 520 00:25:56,265 --> 00:25:58,267 -Yeah. -[breathes deeply] 521 00:25:58,351 --> 00:25:59,477 Shit. 522 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,312 What? What happened? 523 00:26:01,395 --> 00:26:03,397 I didn't quite get his name. 524 00:26:03,982 --> 00:26:05,692 [sighs] You don't know who it was? 525 00:26:05,775 --> 00:26:07,401 Well, it was some brother, 526 00:26:07,485 --> 00:26:10,363 sounded like a salesman-type, if you ask me. 527 00:26:10,446 --> 00:26:12,866 So I probably did you a favor there. 528 00:26:12,949 --> 00:26:18,079 Oh! And then some white lady, she called about a get-together. Mmm-hmm. 529 00:26:18,162 --> 00:26:19,372 It happened twice? 530 00:26:19,455 --> 00:26:21,750 Jesus, Jefferson, what am I paying you for? 531 00:26:22,541 --> 00:26:24,628 Are you sure she said "get-together"? 532 00:26:24,711 --> 00:26:27,421 What does that even mean? Like... like, a meeting? 533 00:26:27,505 --> 00:26:29,007 Like a meeting. 534 00:26:29,090 --> 00:26:32,385 Or... like a date, maybe. 535 00:26:32,468 --> 00:26:34,470 You holding out on me? 536 00:26:34,553 --> 00:26:36,597 You somebody's Ca-baby-boo-to? 537 00:26:36,681 --> 00:26:38,725 You're on thin fucking ice, Jefferson. 538 00:26:42,603 --> 00:26:43,604 Was it Linda? 539 00:26:44,230 --> 00:26:45,231 Possibly. 540 00:26:46,565 --> 00:26:47,734 It wasn't Natalie, was it? 541 00:26:47,817 --> 00:26:49,944 [clicks tongue] Linda sounds more right. 542 00:26:50,820 --> 00:26:53,823 Okay. Get Linda from MCC on the line. 543 00:26:53,907 --> 00:26:54,991 All right. 544 00:26:57,201 --> 00:26:59,287 Press the button that says "Line one." 545 00:26:59,370 --> 00:27:01,289 -One. -Nine and the number. 546 00:27:01,372 --> 00:27:02,540 Nine... Got you. 547 00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:06,210 -[muttering] -[line ringing] 548 00:27:06,294 --> 00:27:08,379 -[clears throat] -[Linda] Uh, hello? 549 00:27:08,462 --> 00:27:12,258 Yes, hello. I have Director Caputo. I will transfer you now. 550 00:27:12,759 --> 00:27:14,385 [beeps] 551 00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:16,429 [blows raspberries] Shit! 552 00:27:18,264 --> 00:27:21,059 -[dialing] -[phone rings] 553 00:27:21,726 --> 00:27:23,144 Warden Caputo's office. 554 00:27:23,227 --> 00:27:24,645 [Caputo] Jefferson, I got it. 555 00:27:24,729 --> 00:27:26,314 My bad! My bad! 556 00:27:26,397 --> 00:27:30,819 -[Linda] Hello, uh, Joe? -Linda, hi. Uh... 557 00:27:30,902 --> 00:27:33,029 Jefferson, hang up your line. 558 00:27:33,112 --> 00:27:35,031 I don't wanna disconnect y'all. 559 00:27:35,114 --> 00:27:36,574 Hang up the phone! 560 00:27:38,159 --> 00:27:40,078 Uh, I'm still training her. 561 00:27:40,161 --> 00:27:43,456 Uh, I got your message about a get-together. 562 00:27:43,539 --> 00:27:46,375 Oh, uh... wrong Linda, I think. 563 00:27:46,459 --> 00:27:48,962 -[sighs] -But we do need to celebrate our victory. 564 00:27:49,045 --> 00:27:50,797 All these veterans becoming guards. 565 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,216 Yes. Yes, we absolutely do. 566 00:27:53,299 --> 00:27:54,759 Any chance you're free tonight? 567 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,595 Tonight? 568 00:27:57,678 --> 00:27:59,723 Yes, it's perfect. 569 00:27:59,806 --> 00:28:01,599 Um... 570 00:28:01,682 --> 00:28:05,228 We can celebrate and, uh, talk business. 571 00:28:05,311 --> 00:28:08,940 -How about La Fontana's at 8:00? -Yeah, great. [chuckles] 572 00:28:09,023 --> 00:28:13,277 -Great. I'll see you tonight. -Okay, bye. 573 00:28:16,865 --> 00:28:19,117 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 574 00:28:22,245 --> 00:28:25,957 Ah! Even the staff waits for the bathroom now, hmm? 575 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,542 What can I do for you, Red? [sighs] 576 00:28:28,626 --> 00:28:30,754 I want to talk to you about the King woman. 577 00:28:30,837 --> 00:28:32,922 You two are hitting it off, right? 578 00:28:33,006 --> 00:28:36,092 You gave her the run of my garden. How did you think that would go? 579 00:28:37,218 --> 00:28:41,597 You know, planting a flag on the Moon doesn't mean that you own it. 580 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,934 You're Russian. I thought you'd appreciate that attitude. 581 00:28:45,018 --> 00:28:49,147 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm only concerned for her. 582 00:28:49,230 --> 00:28:51,858 Respect in prison has to be earned. 583 00:28:51,941 --> 00:28:53,902 I don't know about that. 584 00:28:53,985 --> 00:28:57,113 You've received a lot of leeway from staff around here. 585 00:28:57,196 --> 00:28:58,697 You seem to be doing all right. 586 00:29:00,074 --> 00:29:03,369 Was that what this is about? Are you punishing me? 587 00:29:04,495 --> 00:29:06,705 Did you do something wrong? 588 00:29:06,790 --> 00:29:09,793 I did the only reasonable thing I could. 589 00:29:12,211 --> 00:29:14,839 There's no such thing as a consensual relationship 590 00:29:14,923 --> 00:29:16,674 between a prisoner and a guard. 591 00:29:17,508 --> 00:29:19,593 Lorna's wedding was a bittersweet end 592 00:29:19,677 --> 00:29:24,015 to a relationship that never actually happened, Sam. 593 00:29:24,098 --> 00:29:26,309 -[toilet flushes] -You're reading something into this 594 00:29:26,392 --> 00:29:28,812 that isn't there, Reznikov. 595 00:29:28,895 --> 00:29:31,522 And what goes on with Mrs. King is none of your business. 596 00:29:31,605 --> 00:29:32,941 You're pampering her. 597 00:29:34,150 --> 00:29:35,568 Oops! 598 00:29:35,651 --> 00:29:37,236 [sighs] 599 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,530 She even gets a magazine? 600 00:29:52,710 --> 00:29:53,795 What do you want, Ruiz? 601 00:29:53,878 --> 00:29:57,590 I heard about your labor dispute. I thought maybe my friends could fill in? 602 00:29:57,673 --> 00:30:00,093 This is Pidge. 603 00:30:00,176 --> 00:30:03,054 You know Ouija, or she knows you. 604 00:30:03,137 --> 00:30:04,931 And that's Zirconia. 605 00:30:05,014 --> 00:30:06,099 Zirconia? 606 00:30:06,182 --> 00:30:08,017 I took out all my rocks before I come in, 607 00:30:08,101 --> 00:30:11,312 so nobody would think they was diamonds and rip 'em out. 608 00:30:11,395 --> 00:30:12,856 Plus... 609 00:30:12,939 --> 00:30:14,232 I don't think it's allowed. 610 00:30:14,315 --> 00:30:17,193 They're all ready and willing to join your panty party. 611 00:30:17,276 --> 00:30:20,238 Can I talk to you for a sec? Privately, please. 612 00:30:22,156 --> 00:30:25,451 What are you doing? This is not a publicly traded company. 613 00:30:25,534 --> 00:30:28,704 Its very existence depends on keeping its existence hidden. 614 00:30:28,787 --> 00:30:31,332 Chill the fuck out. I was just trying to help you. 615 00:30:31,415 --> 00:30:32,959 I don't need your help. 616 00:30:33,042 --> 00:30:34,377 What I need is your discretion, 617 00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:37,505 and you bringing a bunch of thugs into my house is the opposite of that. 618 00:30:37,588 --> 00:30:42,426 I decide who knows about Felonious Spunk. I decide who gets hired. 619 00:30:42,510 --> 00:30:47,181 I am the prison pussy panty business. 620 00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:51,769 Somebody's getting a little big for her panties, I think. 621 00:30:52,728 --> 00:30:55,314 I'm gonna choose to assume you're talking about yourself 622 00:30:55,398 --> 00:30:56,732 and take that as an apology. 623 00:30:56,815 --> 00:30:58,026 [snickers] 624 00:30:58,109 --> 00:31:01,029 You're talking shit out a paper asshole, Chapman. 625 00:31:01,112 --> 00:31:05,699 But when an actual hard-ass bitch decides to call you on it... 626 00:31:05,783 --> 00:31:09,954 well... [tutting and inhales sharply] 627 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:19,547 Pretty sure she was talking about herself on that last one. 628 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,385 [Suzanne] It's not fair. 629 00:31:24,468 --> 00:31:27,889 It is the most unfair thing that's ever happened in this prison. 630 00:31:27,972 --> 00:31:31,100 Mmm, what about when Carson went to SHU for sneezing too loud? 631 00:31:31,184 --> 00:31:34,312 Or what's-her-face, the Puerto Rican girl, with the gimpy eye? 632 00:31:34,395 --> 00:31:37,982 And when she got the wrong meds by accident in the med line and went nutso, 633 00:31:38,066 --> 00:31:41,319 and gimped her other eye with a spork. Now, she double gimp-eyed. 634 00:31:41,402 --> 00:31:44,613 Or how 'bout when Pornstache used to make the meth heads 635 00:31:44,697 --> 00:31:47,033 blow him for drugs in the mop closet? 636 00:31:47,116 --> 00:31:49,368 Or the time Chapman got furlough? 637 00:31:49,452 --> 00:31:52,496 I retract and redact. 638 00:31:52,580 --> 00:31:53,872 New statement. 639 00:31:53,957 --> 00:31:59,045 It's easily the top 138 most unfair things that has ever happened here. 640 00:31:59,128 --> 00:32:00,463 What is? 641 00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:01,755 Your new job. 642 00:32:01,839 --> 00:32:05,134 My job is the bomb! 643 00:32:05,218 --> 00:32:11,349 You sit at a desk all day when you were plucked from the most rewarding job. 644 00:32:11,432 --> 00:32:15,353 I'm not saying it's on par with all the human rights abuses in here, 645 00:32:15,436 --> 00:32:18,856 but women fought for a long time to shake the role of desk-ridden secretary. 646 00:32:18,940 --> 00:32:20,441 Are you for real? 647 00:32:20,524 --> 00:32:22,776 -Hey! -[all laugh] 648 00:32:22,860 --> 00:32:23,861 Do you get the Internet? 649 00:32:23,945 --> 00:32:26,447 -Do you have a mini-fridge? -Ah! 650 00:32:26,530 --> 00:32:28,950 Do you have a skeleton key made from real human bone 651 00:32:29,033 --> 00:32:31,744 that opens a door to a world of talking animals? 652 00:32:31,827 --> 00:32:33,537 Man, I got me a clipboard 653 00:32:33,621 --> 00:32:37,583 and a personal relationship with Mr. Caputo. 654 00:32:37,666 --> 00:32:39,168 -[mimics buzzing] -[all laugh] 655 00:32:39,252 --> 00:32:41,795 Man, if George R. R. Martin wrote about prisons, 656 00:32:41,879 --> 00:32:45,508 I'd be, like... the Hand of the Warden. 657 00:32:45,591 --> 00:32:47,343 Yo, don't the Hand always die in them books? 658 00:32:47,426 --> 00:32:49,512 Man, whatever, okay? 659 00:32:49,595 --> 00:32:53,141 Winter is coming, bitches. 660 00:32:53,224 --> 00:32:55,351 And I'm getting me a watch. 661 00:32:55,434 --> 00:32:57,186 -For real? -Yes. 662 00:32:57,270 --> 00:32:59,188 Hey. [chuckles] 663 00:33:00,023 --> 00:33:01,815 Yo... 664 00:33:01,899 --> 00:33:03,985 I feel like she's smiling and waving at me. 665 00:33:04,068 --> 00:33:06,404 [mouthing] 666 00:33:06,487 --> 00:33:09,448 Maybe she can see dead people and there's one standing right... 667 00:33:09,532 --> 00:33:10,741 right in front of you. 668 00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:12,576 Are the hairs standing up on the back of your neck? 669 00:33:12,660 --> 00:33:14,453 I feel like I'm the dead person. 670 00:33:14,537 --> 00:33:17,790 I... may have set you up on a blind friend date! 671 00:33:17,873 --> 00:33:19,458 -Wait, you did what? No! -Surprise! 672 00:33:19,542 --> 00:33:22,670 -What? -[chuckling] I just talked you up. 673 00:33:22,753 --> 00:33:25,048 -Go! Be yourself. -Yo... 674 00:33:26,382 --> 00:33:29,177 [both giggling] 675 00:33:31,179 --> 00:33:34,182 -Go, P! -Go, P! Go, P! 676 00:33:34,265 --> 00:33:36,934 -Let me fix your clothes. -Get off me! 677 00:33:37,018 --> 00:33:39,478 Hey. [chuckles] 678 00:33:39,562 --> 00:33:40,896 You must be Poo-see. 679 00:33:40,979 --> 00:33:42,273 She called her Poo-see! 680 00:33:42,356 --> 00:33:44,358 No, I'm sorry. Did I say that right? 681 00:33:44,442 --> 00:33:46,610 Yeah, yeah. Poussey, it's French. 682 00:33:46,694 --> 00:33:48,362 Oh, French. 683 00:33:48,446 --> 00:33:50,364 I was named after a great aunt 684 00:33:50,448 --> 00:33:53,992 who hid pearls from the Yankees under her pendulous breasts. 685 00:33:54,077 --> 00:33:55,161 [laughs nervously] 686 00:33:55,244 --> 00:33:59,457 And she also brewed a famous home remedy that supposedly cured hookworm. 687 00:33:59,540 --> 00:34:01,417 -Not quite so exotic. -Listen. 688 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,252 -Hmm. -I... I feel... 689 00:34:03,336 --> 00:34:04,628 I feel like I need to apologize... 690 00:34:04,712 --> 00:34:06,004 -Uh-uh. -...for just being all, like, 691 00:34:06,089 --> 00:34:08,174 weird and stuff, you know, I just... 692 00:34:08,257 --> 00:34:10,051 -I dig your whole thing, you know. -[chuckles] 693 00:34:10,134 --> 00:34:13,554 And I just, I watch your show so much, so seeing you in person was just, 694 00:34:13,637 --> 00:34:15,681 you know, I got all tongue-tied, and fan-girly and stuff. 695 00:34:15,764 --> 00:34:17,100 So I'd try to say words, 696 00:34:17,183 --> 00:34:19,017 but when they came out of my mouth, it just sound like... 697 00:34:19,102 --> 00:34:21,895 All right, all right, all right. Relax, darlin'. 698 00:34:21,979 --> 00:34:25,316 Your friend has told me the whole story. She has got you covered. 699 00:34:29,528 --> 00:34:32,448 You gotta sink a hook in the keepers, especially in this place. 700 00:34:32,531 --> 00:34:34,533 -Uh-huh. -You know, it's funny. 701 00:34:34,617 --> 00:34:36,869 Me and Brook, we never would've crossed paths. 702 00:34:36,952 --> 00:34:38,912 I mean, growing up all over the world, 703 00:34:38,996 --> 00:34:42,083 bouncing culture to culture with a strict, conservative family, 704 00:34:42,166 --> 00:34:45,753 versus, you know, sleeping in tent cities with a bunch of dirty hippies, 705 00:34:45,836 --> 00:34:47,921 eating food out of dumpsters. Oof! 706 00:34:48,005 --> 00:34:50,007 You have been through a lot. 707 00:34:50,549 --> 00:34:53,261 [stammers] Nah, it was... I mean, it was good. 708 00:34:53,344 --> 00:34:55,554 Well, I mean, it was hard, you know? 709 00:34:55,638 --> 00:34:57,348 Like, I guess being transient, 710 00:34:57,431 --> 00:34:59,892 and not really having any long-term friends, 711 00:34:59,975 --> 00:35:02,145 but I do know three languages. 712 00:35:02,228 --> 00:35:03,729 Hmm! Wait... 713 00:35:03,812 --> 00:35:06,399 -you know three languages? -[chuckles] Yeah. 714 00:35:06,482 --> 00:35:09,193 How does the child of a crack whore learn three languages? 715 00:35:09,277 --> 00:35:11,862 -That is remarkable. -Excuse me? 716 00:35:11,945 --> 00:35:13,197 What languages? 717 00:35:13,281 --> 00:35:16,992 English, French and German. Did you just call my mother a crack whore? 718 00:35:18,369 --> 00:35:21,580 My mother had a masters in Art History and she could barely take an aspirin. 719 00:35:21,664 --> 00:35:23,999 -Excuse me? -My dad is a major in the army. 720 00:35:24,082 --> 00:35:25,626 I was supposed to go to West Point. 721 00:35:27,420 --> 00:35:29,713 I guess you were expecting just another ghetto prison rat. 722 00:35:32,007 --> 00:35:34,177 At least one of us lives up to the stereotype. 723 00:35:34,260 --> 00:35:36,220 What, no! Sweetheart, no! 724 00:35:36,304 --> 00:35:39,640 You have snatched the taste right out of my mouth. 725 00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:42,435 I'm just parroting what your girlfriend told me about you. 726 00:35:42,518 --> 00:35:46,730 You came out of a cycle of poverty, blah, blah, blah. 727 00:35:47,606 --> 00:35:52,320 I mean, it seems to me that you two formed this relationship without talking much. 728 00:35:58,284 --> 00:36:00,869 Did you know I am learning Italian? 729 00:36:00,953 --> 00:36:02,330 [sighs] 730 00:36:11,129 --> 00:36:12,756 [stammers] 731 00:36:13,591 --> 00:36:14,592 [sighs] 732 00:36:16,344 --> 00:36:18,679 [indistinct chatter] 733 00:36:18,762 --> 00:36:21,640 So, did Chester the Molester sign? 734 00:36:21,724 --> 00:36:24,393 You owe me 50 bucks. 735 00:36:24,477 --> 00:36:26,979 -Whoa. -And you better take me out. 736 00:36:27,062 --> 00:36:28,939 I can't believe you had the balls to do it. 737 00:36:29,022 --> 00:36:30,899 Whatever, he probably finger-banged 738 00:36:30,983 --> 00:36:34,570 his 15-year-old girlfriend when he was 17 or something else no big. 739 00:36:34,653 --> 00:36:36,405 The sex offender lists are full of sob stories 740 00:36:36,489 --> 00:36:39,533 about people's lives being ruined by technicalities. 741 00:36:39,617 --> 00:36:41,619 I read all about it on Salon.com. 742 00:36:42,661 --> 00:36:46,915 [scoffs] You know, as a matter of fact, 743 00:36:46,999 --> 00:36:51,920 he was a fucking horrible child-molester rapist. 744 00:36:52,004 --> 00:36:53,839 Because I'm so sure he told you that. 745 00:36:53,922 --> 00:36:57,510 Yeah, 'cause he... He fucking tried to seduce me. 746 00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:00,429 He invited me in for lemonade. 747 00:37:00,513 --> 00:37:02,973 -And you went in? -Yeah. 748 00:37:03,056 --> 00:37:05,017 He told me I didn't look 19. 749 00:37:05,100 --> 00:37:07,645 [inhales deeply] That's when I knew I was in trouble. 750 00:37:07,728 --> 00:37:08,896 Shit. 751 00:37:10,606 --> 00:37:11,899 He stroked my hair. 752 00:37:11,982 --> 00:37:17,029 [scoffs] He wanted to brag, so he showed me the newspaper article 753 00:37:17,112 --> 00:37:20,366 about how he stalked this nine-year-old girl from his church, 754 00:37:20,449 --> 00:37:22,117 for, like, a year. 755 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:26,289 Earning her trust, gradually convincing her to... 756 00:37:26,372 --> 00:37:28,416 Well, to... 757 00:37:28,499 --> 00:37:30,083 [sighs] To... 758 00:37:31,919 --> 00:37:35,256 [exhales sharply] And then I was running down the street. 759 00:37:36,799 --> 00:37:39,134 For your fucking bet, Ethan. 760 00:37:39,217 --> 00:37:41,094 For 50 fucking dollars. 761 00:37:43,055 --> 00:37:45,766 But also because I... 762 00:37:45,849 --> 00:37:47,560 because I wanted to go out with you. 763 00:37:52,064 --> 00:37:53,816 [exhales deeply] 764 00:37:55,484 --> 00:37:58,612 [Caputo] I really appreciate you coming all the way down from Utica. 765 00:37:59,363 --> 00:38:02,074 Sorry, again, I couldn't get a seat in one of the gondolas. 766 00:38:02,157 --> 00:38:04,910 No, no, it's okay. This is great. 767 00:38:04,993 --> 00:38:06,787 I'm really glad that you thought I called. 768 00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:07,871 [chuckles] 769 00:38:07,955 --> 00:38:10,791 These new guards, they're a... they're a big win for us. 770 00:38:10,874 --> 00:38:12,042 Like, "us" us. 771 00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:15,128 And the company, but especially "us" us. 772 00:38:15,212 --> 00:38:18,549 Yeah. We're not a bad team, Linda from Purchasing. 773 00:38:19,592 --> 00:38:22,219 To us, Joe from Litchfield Human Activity, 774 00:38:22,303 --> 00:38:24,305 and our continued wins. 775 00:38:24,388 --> 00:38:27,891 -And to the veterans, of course. -Of course. [chuckles] 776 00:38:28,517 --> 00:38:30,143 # Happy, happy birthday clappy # 777 00:38:30,227 --> 00:38:32,020 # Join us as we celebrate # 778 00:38:32,104 --> 00:38:33,897 # Clap your hands and dance around # 779 00:38:33,981 --> 00:38:35,608 # Have a laugh and eat some cake # 780 00:38:35,691 --> 00:38:38,276 # Happy birthday, happy birthday Happy birthday # 781 00:38:38,361 --> 00:38:39,653 # You're so great! # 782 00:38:39,737 --> 00:38:41,655 [all cheering] 783 00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:45,618 What? 784 00:38:45,701 --> 00:38:47,995 The bald guy... is, uh... 785 00:38:48,078 --> 00:38:50,163 one of our former guards. 786 00:38:50,247 --> 00:38:52,916 A really good guy. Donaldson. 787 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,919 A good guy... who walked out in the middle of 788 00:38:56,003 --> 00:38:58,964 an inmate transfer/high-profile self-surrender? 789 00:38:59,047 --> 00:39:01,550 Yeah, I get your point. 790 00:39:01,634 --> 00:39:03,802 Don't beat yourself up, Joe. 791 00:39:03,886 --> 00:39:06,805 You handled that situation like a total boss. 792 00:39:07,431 --> 00:39:10,351 Meant both literally and in that hip-kid lingo way. 793 00:39:10,434 --> 00:39:11,685 Jesus! 794 00:39:11,769 --> 00:39:15,022 He's not even a fucking waiter. 795 00:39:15,105 --> 00:39:17,608 -He's a busboy. -[laughs] 796 00:39:18,567 --> 00:39:19,777 -What? -No, just... 797 00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:22,070 you could've lost your job... 798 00:39:22,154 --> 00:39:25,240 or faced prosecution had inmates gone missing that day. 799 00:39:25,323 --> 00:39:31,455 I mean, you're concerned about... these jerks that hung you out to dry. 800 00:39:31,539 --> 00:39:33,541 You're quite a guy, Joe Caputo. 801 00:39:35,208 --> 00:39:36,710 [waiter] There you go, sir. Whenever you're ready. 802 00:39:36,794 --> 00:39:39,087 -Uh, do me a favor, will you? -[waiter] Mmm-hmm. 803 00:39:39,171 --> 00:39:40,839 -The change is yours. -Okay. 804 00:39:40,923 --> 00:39:43,133 Give a 20 to that busboy over there. 805 00:39:43,216 --> 00:39:45,969 Wait till we're gone. I don't want to make a thing of it, okay? 806 00:39:46,053 --> 00:39:47,430 [waiter] Okay. 807 00:39:48,514 --> 00:39:49,890 Hey, Mr. Caputo! 808 00:39:50,808 --> 00:39:53,018 -Look, Donaldson-- -I don't need your money, Mr. Caputo. 809 00:39:53,101 --> 00:39:54,352 It's nothing, take it, it's-- 810 00:39:54,437 --> 00:39:55,938 Nah, this is not to help me. 811 00:39:56,021 --> 00:39:58,273 This is to make you feel better about that... 812 00:39:58,356 --> 00:40:00,609 pardon my French, miss, bullshit you pulled. 813 00:40:00,693 --> 00:40:03,487 -Okay, Joe, let's go. -The bullshit I pulled? 814 00:40:03,571 --> 00:40:06,407 I work three jobs. This is the good one. 815 00:40:06,490 --> 00:40:09,159 O'Neill? I heard he had kidney stones. 816 00:40:09,242 --> 00:40:10,453 But no health insurance. 817 00:40:10,536 --> 00:40:12,663 So he thought he'd power through, wait for it to pass. 818 00:40:12,746 --> 00:40:13,789 It didn't. 819 00:40:13,872 --> 00:40:16,709 Now he's on dialysis. He may lose a kidney. 820 00:40:16,792 --> 00:40:18,461 -Jesus. -Yeah. 821 00:40:18,544 --> 00:40:21,797 So take your $20 and drown your conscience in a bottle of gin, 822 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,049 because paying me to feel better about it ain't gonna work. 823 00:40:27,302 --> 00:40:28,596 Donaldson. 824 00:40:31,389 --> 00:40:35,227 You tell O'Neill I'm sorry about his stones. 825 00:40:35,310 --> 00:40:37,145 I'm also sorry you gotta work here. 826 00:40:37,229 --> 00:40:39,648 But I need you to understand something. 827 00:40:40,941 --> 00:40:44,903 I'm sorry for you. I don't regret firing any of you. 828 00:40:44,987 --> 00:40:50,158 You walked out on the biggest day the prison's faced in 25 fuckin' years. 829 00:40:50,242 --> 00:40:53,537 You put the prisoners at risk, you put your fellow COs at risk, 830 00:40:53,621 --> 00:40:56,749 you put this whole town in danger! 831 00:40:56,832 --> 00:40:59,334 The shit hit and instead of moving the fan away, 832 00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:02,796 [stammers] you plugged it in and you hit "oscillate." 833 00:41:05,633 --> 00:41:08,469 I was gonna make you captain of the guard, Wade. 834 00:41:12,430 --> 00:41:13,891 Really. 835 00:41:13,974 --> 00:41:15,267 You keep the 20. 836 00:41:16,351 --> 00:41:19,522 Least I could do for helping me dodge a bullet. 837 00:41:21,023 --> 00:41:22,232 I'm sorry about this. 838 00:41:29,490 --> 00:41:34,161 These houses are yours to live in, but they are prison property. 839 00:41:34,244 --> 00:41:36,413 They will be treated with respect. 840 00:41:36,497 --> 00:41:40,793 As long as they are treated with respect, you will be as well. 841 00:41:40,876 --> 00:41:44,046 Okay, the warden has asked me to do a... 842 00:41:44,672 --> 00:41:46,799 icebreaker event. 843 00:41:48,008 --> 00:41:51,887 I will demonstrate this activity with CO... 844 00:41:51,970 --> 00:41:54,431 -McCullough, sir. -Okay, McCullough. 845 00:41:54,515 --> 00:41:59,603 Tell me two true things about you and one lie. 846 00:41:59,687 --> 00:42:02,565 I will attempt to guess the lie. 847 00:42:04,149 --> 00:42:05,859 Okay, um... 848 00:42:05,943 --> 00:42:08,987 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 849 00:42:09,071 --> 00:42:11,156 I came to say I'm sorry. 850 00:42:16,494 --> 00:42:18,038 I'm sorry. 851 00:42:22,918 --> 00:42:26,296 Okay, please don't lock me out. You're right to be upset. 852 00:42:26,379 --> 00:42:27,756 How would you know? 853 00:42:29,550 --> 00:42:31,635 You don't know anything about me, Soso. 854 00:42:32,636 --> 00:42:34,471 [scoffs] 855 00:42:34,555 --> 00:42:37,182 And, what, you think I'm upset about my mom's crack abuse 856 00:42:37,265 --> 00:42:39,977 or because I grew up poor, black and uneducated in the urban jungle? 857 00:42:40,060 --> 00:42:43,188 Okay, I watched The Wire a lot. I made assumptions. 858 00:42:43,271 --> 00:42:44,982 But you spent time with me. 859 00:42:45,983 --> 00:42:47,860 I mean, did you even listen when I talked? 860 00:42:47,943 --> 00:42:50,779 Like, what the fuck about me, besides the color of my skin, 861 00:42:50,863 --> 00:42:53,115 would indicate that I'm some indigent hood rat? 862 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,577 -I don't know. -[scoffs] 863 00:42:56,660 --> 00:42:59,537 No, it's fine, it's cool. I'm guilty, too. I won't lie. 864 00:42:59,622 --> 00:43:02,290 You know, I like the story of the rich, white, hippie girl in my bed. 865 00:43:02,374 --> 00:43:03,792 I've been working that on my end. 866 00:43:08,088 --> 00:43:09,798 I don't want this to end. 867 00:43:23,896 --> 00:43:25,022 [Gloria] What good is coming up here 868 00:43:25,105 --> 00:43:26,899 and sitting in the lobby every weekend gonna do? 869 00:43:26,982 --> 00:43:30,110 She wants to get Sophia out, she needs to get a lawyer 870 00:43:30,193 --> 00:43:32,154 or a non-profit involved or something. 871 00:43:32,237 --> 00:43:35,073 Ms. Burset said that the prison has tons of lawyers, 872 00:43:35,157 --> 00:43:37,618 so at least coming up here and waiting for the warden to come out 873 00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:39,787 to get into his face is something... 874 00:43:39,870 --> 00:43:41,579 Michael started a Kickstarter campaign. 875 00:43:41,664 --> 00:43:43,248 Kickstarter? What that mean? 876 00:43:43,331 --> 00:43:45,125 Not much, usually. 877 00:43:45,208 --> 00:43:47,711 There's nothing to be ashamed about. 878 00:43:47,795 --> 00:43:49,797 Plenty of guys live with their parents. 879 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,214 Right, yeah, I mean, you know... 880 00:43:51,298 --> 00:43:54,051 I'm just doing this to save money, you know? 881 00:43:54,134 --> 00:43:56,344 'Cause I could live on my own, obviously. 882 00:43:56,428 --> 00:44:00,140 Oof! Obviously. I mean, very, very obviously. 883 00:44:00,223 --> 00:44:03,101 It just makes the most financial sense, you know? 884 00:44:03,185 --> 00:44:04,311 For the both of us. 885 00:44:04,895 --> 00:44:06,689 Oh! 886 00:44:06,772 --> 00:44:11,401 That's my manicotti, always thinking of his little lasagna. 887 00:44:11,484 --> 00:44:14,446 [chuckles] Hey... 888 00:44:16,198 --> 00:44:17,991 I made you something. 889 00:44:19,534 --> 00:44:21,203 Fresh baked. 890 00:44:22,162 --> 00:44:23,163 Lorna... 891 00:44:23,246 --> 00:44:25,916 No, no, no, don't say it. 892 00:44:25,999 --> 00:44:28,836 You know, even though it took a lot of time, 893 00:44:28,919 --> 00:44:31,379 and I had to go to the store twice, 894 00:44:31,463 --> 00:44:35,175 you... are worth it. 895 00:44:43,058 --> 00:44:44,351 [exhales deeply] 896 00:44:45,643 --> 00:44:47,354 [sniffs] 897 00:44:47,437 --> 00:44:48,814 Hmm. 898 00:44:51,734 --> 00:44:52,735 Mmm! 899 00:44:52,818 --> 00:44:55,528 -Mmm! -It's still warm. 900 00:44:56,529 --> 00:44:58,531 My favorite. 901 00:44:58,615 --> 00:45:00,868 Peanut butter and M&M's. 902 00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,953 -Snickerdoodles. -Oh! 903 00:45:03,036 --> 00:45:05,455 -I love you. -Oh! 904 00:45:05,538 --> 00:45:08,333 And you should. I am quite a catch. 905 00:45:08,416 --> 00:45:11,461 Oh, my God, you are. You so are. 906 00:45:11,544 --> 00:45:12,587 [exhales deeply] 907 00:45:12,670 --> 00:45:14,006 Fuck. 908 00:45:15,924 --> 00:45:17,425 I want you. 909 00:45:18,426 --> 00:45:20,637 -Vinnie. -I want you. 910 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:22,097 It's our living room. 911 00:45:22,180 --> 00:45:24,641 The neighbors want to look in, that's their good luck. 912 00:45:25,809 --> 00:45:27,602 I'm already unbuttoning my shirt. 913 00:45:28,311 --> 00:45:31,940 My goodness, you know that I can't resist your muscular chest. 914 00:45:32,024 --> 00:45:33,691 Oh, my God. 915 00:45:33,776 --> 00:45:36,319 My hands, they're in your hair right now. 916 00:45:37,070 --> 00:45:38,864 -I'm stroking it real soft. -[panting] 917 00:45:38,947 --> 00:45:41,408 Till I grab a handful of it and pull it back. 918 00:45:41,491 --> 00:45:44,244 [moans] You're such a man. 919 00:45:44,327 --> 00:45:46,163 [Vince] Oh, God. I'm licking your neck. 920 00:45:46,246 --> 00:45:47,790 Kissing your ears. 921 00:45:47,873 --> 00:45:50,417 My hand is on that big mountain in your pants, 922 00:45:50,500 --> 00:45:53,045 and I am unzipping you right now. 923 00:45:53,128 --> 00:45:55,964 And I'm pulling your shirt off real slow. 924 00:45:56,048 --> 00:45:57,674 No, no, no, it's a button-up. 925 00:45:57,757 --> 00:46:00,260 -I unbutton it real slow. -No, no, no, tear it off. 926 00:46:00,343 --> 00:46:01,469 -Pulling it off. It's off. -Tear it off. 927 00:46:01,553 --> 00:46:03,596 It's off, the buttons, they're everywhere. They're everywhere. 928 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,474 Oh, my God, my mouth... My mouth is on those big titties. 929 00:46:06,558 --> 00:46:09,394 -My nipples are so hard right now. -Oh, my God, my cock. 930 00:46:09,477 --> 00:46:11,021 Oh, my God, my cock is really hard. 931 00:46:11,104 --> 00:46:12,272 I know, baby. 932 00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:14,149 No, it's really hard. Like, right now, it's really hard. 933 00:46:14,232 --> 00:46:16,068 -I know, Vinnie... -Oh, God. 934 00:46:16,151 --> 00:46:18,028 -Vinnie, put it inside me. -Yeah? 935 00:46:18,111 --> 00:46:21,865 Oh, my God, it's in you. Oh, it's in you. 936 00:46:21,949 --> 00:46:23,783 -Oh, my God, it's in you. -[Lorna moaning] 937 00:46:23,867 --> 00:46:25,077 It feels so good. 938 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:26,829 You're so wet. You are so wet. 939 00:46:26,912 --> 00:46:28,496 I actually am. 940 00:46:28,580 --> 00:46:30,498 -I'm super wet right now. -I know. 941 00:46:30,582 --> 00:46:32,209 [both panting] 942 00:46:32,292 --> 00:46:33,418 Do it to me. 943 00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:35,503 I'm doing it. I'm doing it. 944 00:46:35,587 --> 00:46:37,339 -Don't stop. -I'm not stopping. 945 00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:38,798 I'm not stopping. I'm not gonna stop. 946 00:46:38,882 --> 00:46:41,676 I'm not gonna stop. Oh, my God. 947 00:46:41,759 --> 00:46:43,761 -Oh, baby! -[strained] Oh, my God! 948 00:46:44,429 --> 00:46:46,764 [yells] 949 00:46:48,516 --> 00:46:50,560 [man] He's humping the table. 950 00:46:50,643 --> 00:46:51,644 [Vince sighs] 951 00:46:52,437 --> 00:46:55,107 -[panting] -[woman] What the hell? 952 00:46:56,024 --> 00:47:00,445 Hey! Hey, stay right here. Stay looking at me, all right? 953 00:47:01,029 --> 00:47:02,530 Jesus Christ. 954 00:47:02,614 --> 00:47:04,157 [man] Don't think I don't see you. 955 00:47:08,411 --> 00:47:10,288 Pleasure, as always. 956 00:47:10,372 --> 00:47:13,041 Also, I want to talk to you about something. 957 00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:15,835 If this is about last week, I don't get to control my flow. 958 00:47:15,919 --> 00:47:18,630 I think it's all the stress of all these new bitches in here. 959 00:47:19,256 --> 00:47:22,509 I know these last few weeks have had their challenges. 960 00:47:22,592 --> 00:47:25,888 So... I wanted to say thank you. 961 00:47:25,971 --> 00:47:28,348 And keep up the good work. 962 00:47:28,431 --> 00:47:30,850 Your morale is important to me. 963 00:47:30,934 --> 00:47:33,478 Oh! That's so sweet. 964 00:47:33,561 --> 00:47:34,646 Ovaltine? 965 00:47:34,729 --> 00:47:36,023 It's to make chocolate milk. 966 00:47:36,106 --> 00:47:37,857 Pretty much only Chinese people drink it now, 967 00:47:37,941 --> 00:47:41,694 which is probably why it's at commissary, but it's really good. 968 00:47:41,778 --> 00:47:44,031 So, it's chocolate powder for my powdered milk? 969 00:47:44,114 --> 00:47:45,323 It's got vitamins. 970 00:47:45,407 --> 00:47:46,699 Oh! 971 00:47:46,783 --> 00:47:49,119 See? New bitches. 972 00:47:49,202 --> 00:47:52,998 Why are they always staring like they're waiting for a donkey show to start? 973 00:47:53,081 --> 00:47:55,959 I don't think they're staring at you. They were following us earlier. 974 00:47:56,043 --> 00:47:57,294 And you didn't say anything? 975 00:47:57,377 --> 00:47:58,878 People can stare. 976 00:47:58,962 --> 00:48:01,006 -It's a free country. -Not in prison. 977 00:48:01,089 --> 00:48:02,882 See, this is what I'm talking about. 978 00:48:02,966 --> 00:48:05,260 I bet your Bloody Mary gonna come early, too. 979 00:48:15,478 --> 00:48:17,314 [indistinct chatter] 980 00:48:36,874 --> 00:48:37,875 Hey. 981 00:48:39,586 --> 00:48:40,670 Hey. 982 00:48:43,715 --> 00:48:45,717 [sighs] 983 00:48:47,677 --> 00:48:48,678 You okay? 984 00:48:48,761 --> 00:48:51,514 -No. You? -[exhales deeply] 985 00:48:51,598 --> 00:48:53,058 No. 986 00:48:54,184 --> 00:48:55,435 Do you want to talk about it? 987 00:49:02,067 --> 00:49:04,527 Not really. You? 988 00:49:11,826 --> 00:49:14,121 But have you ever heard the phrase "paper asshole"? 989 00:49:15,622 --> 00:49:17,249 [chuckles] No. 990 00:49:17,332 --> 00:49:18,708 Ruiz said it to me. 991 00:49:20,085 --> 00:49:22,004 I think I pissed off the Dominicans. 992 00:49:22,879 --> 00:49:24,714 Relax. 993 00:49:24,797 --> 00:49:29,011 You run the Litchfield panty company... not the Sinaloa drug cartel. 994 00:49:30,220 --> 00:49:32,514 No one's stitching your face to a soccer ball. 995 00:49:34,849 --> 00:49:36,559 See ya around, Pipes. 996 00:49:44,026 --> 00:49:45,277 [Gloria] What's this? 997 00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,195 [in Spanish] It's for the eyes. Takes the red out. 998 00:49:47,279 --> 00:49:49,947 [in English] I know what it is, pendeja. What's it doing out? It's contraband. 999 00:49:50,032 --> 00:49:52,534 Whoops! I need to be more careful. 1000 00:49:52,617 --> 00:49:55,245 Yeah, you do. A few drops of that falls into the food, 1001 00:49:55,328 --> 00:49:57,247 and this whole prison will be shitting their brains out. 1002 00:49:57,330 --> 00:49:59,291 Really? I had no idea. 1003 00:49:59,374 --> 00:50:03,670 She acts so tough, but to stress-eat this food? 1004 00:50:03,753 --> 00:50:05,047 The poor woman. 1005 00:50:05,130 --> 00:50:08,175 [laughs] Oh, you evil, Russian bitch. 1006 00:50:08,258 --> 00:50:12,804 What can I say? I do a lot with a little. 1007 00:50:12,887 --> 00:50:14,431 [laughs] 1008 00:50:23,356 --> 00:50:24,691 No! 1009 00:50:24,774 --> 00:50:26,693 No! No! 1010 00:50:26,776 --> 00:50:29,112 [inmate] What the fuck? That's my toilet paper. 1011 00:50:30,405 --> 00:50:31,948 -[defecating] -Oh! 1012 00:50:32,031 --> 00:50:34,159 [rap music playing in distance] 1013 00:50:46,129 --> 00:50:48,005 I talk a lot. 1014 00:50:49,591 --> 00:50:51,551 I babble... 1015 00:50:51,634 --> 00:50:55,555 until I find something the person I'm with is interested in. 1016 00:50:55,638 --> 00:50:59,101 And I'll say anything I can to get them to like me. 1017 00:51:00,602 --> 00:51:05,815 But I... really... really like you. 1018 00:51:08,151 --> 00:51:09,527 The real you. 1019 00:51:10,237 --> 00:51:12,239 [scoffs] You don't know the real me. 1020 00:51:13,406 --> 00:51:14,991 But I want to. 1021 00:51:16,659 --> 00:51:20,622 So in, like, a minute, I'm gonna put down this radio, 1022 00:51:20,705 --> 00:51:24,167 and I'm gonna listen to you tell me about yourself. 1023 00:51:24,251 --> 00:51:29,214 And I'm not gonna try to rewrite your story in my head. 1024 00:51:30,215 --> 00:51:33,676 And then, when you're done, I'd like to tell you about myself. 1025 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,553 [sighs] 1026 00:51:35,637 --> 00:51:40,892 And some of it will be embarrassing and ugly... 1027 00:51:40,975 --> 00:51:42,644 but mostly boring. [exhales] 1028 00:51:45,230 --> 00:51:47,274 And then... 1029 00:51:47,357 --> 00:51:51,403 maybe afterwards, we could, like... quiz each other or something? 1030 00:51:54,781 --> 00:51:56,324 Eminem? 1031 00:51:56,991 --> 00:51:58,785 [chuckles] 1032 00:51:58,868 --> 00:52:02,914 Yeah, it's not a presumption about you liking rap. 1033 00:52:02,997 --> 00:52:07,419 It's just... AM 700 The OG is the only station that comes in clear. 1034 00:52:09,212 --> 00:52:11,673 [snickers and clears throat] 1035 00:52:16,052 --> 00:52:17,845 Jackson, North Carolina. 1036 00:52:22,099 --> 00:52:23,560 Is that where you were born? 1037 00:52:24,186 --> 00:52:27,146 No, that's where my great-grandmother was born. 1038 00:52:31,943 --> 00:52:35,197 I mean, stuffed crust shoulda revolutionized pizza, 1039 00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,575 -but it was just a fad. -Man, nah, it's the same thing. 1040 00:52:38,658 --> 00:52:40,535 -Man, it is not the same thing! -All right. 1041 00:52:40,618 --> 00:52:45,498 'Cause that's Italian... this is Mexican. 1042 00:52:45,582 --> 00:52:50,503 You got a stuffed tortilla, and you stuff that with more stuff. 1043 00:52:50,587 --> 00:52:52,339 -[faint humming] -Man, it's my golden ticket, 1044 00:52:52,422 --> 00:52:55,467 and I'm gonna do it right with that business savvy and shit. 1045 00:52:55,550 --> 00:52:57,969 -[scatting] -Hey, hey, hey! 1046 00:52:59,178 --> 00:53:00,472 Do you hear that? 1047 00:53:00,555 --> 00:53:02,139 [humming continues] 1048 00:53:03,140 --> 00:53:04,267 What is that? 1049 00:53:05,435 --> 00:53:06,978 [inmate] Wow, look at that. 1050 00:53:07,061 --> 00:53:08,771 [inmates chatting indistinctly] 1051 00:53:09,564 --> 00:53:11,399 That's a drone. 1052 00:53:11,483 --> 00:53:14,569 -It's a drone. -Shit! What's it doing here? 1053 00:53:14,652 --> 00:53:16,696 Like we some Iraqi wedding? 1054 00:53:16,779 --> 00:53:18,906 Man, come on. We're gonna be late. 1055 00:53:21,326 --> 00:53:24,746 He was a bad man and we did good things. 1056 00:53:24,829 --> 00:53:27,707 He did bad things and we killed him good. 1057 00:53:28,875 --> 00:53:30,960 No, we did bad. 1058 00:53:31,043 --> 00:53:32,044 No! 1059 00:53:32,128 --> 00:53:33,713 We did well. 1060 00:54:12,585 --> 00:54:14,086 [whispering] Hey. 1061 00:54:14,170 --> 00:54:15,254 Have you seen Whitehill? 1062 00:54:22,178 --> 00:54:24,347 Yeah, I forgot the garden needed turning. 1063 00:54:24,431 --> 00:54:27,099 If Rikerson comes back, just tell him where we went, okay? 1064 00:54:32,229 --> 00:54:33,648 Oh, fuck! 1065 00:54:35,483 --> 00:54:37,485 [grunting] 1066 00:54:37,985 --> 00:54:40,029 -No! No! -Lolly, Lolly. 1067 00:54:40,112 --> 00:54:41,280 -[shushing] -Listen, listen. 1068 00:54:41,364 --> 00:54:43,032 They know! They know! 1069 00:54:43,115 --> 00:54:45,827 They found you! We have to move the body! 1070 00:54:45,910 --> 00:54:48,204 [whispering] Shut up. We cannot move the body. 1071 00:54:48,287 --> 00:54:50,039 There's drones. 1072 00:54:50,122 --> 00:54:51,458 Stop it, Lolly. 1073 00:54:52,917 --> 00:54:54,877 We cannot move it. 1074 00:54:56,087 --> 00:54:59,341 If I told you I already moved it, would it calm you down? 1075 00:55:01,133 --> 00:55:02,259 Maybe for a minute. 1076 00:55:02,344 --> 00:55:05,012 Good, 'cause I did. 1077 00:55:05,096 --> 00:55:06,138 Now, scat. 1078 00:55:10,477 --> 00:55:12,645 [fence opens and closes] 1079 00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:15,357 You didn't actually move it. 1080 00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,360 Hell, no. And I'm not about to. 1081 00:55:20,236 --> 00:55:22,614 [sucks teeth] We're gonna have to kill her. 1082 00:55:22,697 --> 00:55:24,782 [rap music playing]