1 00:00:03,506 --> 00:00:05,508 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:07,635 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:54,599 --> 00:00:56,434 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,951 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:16,579 --> 00:01:18,456 [rock music playing on radio] 6 00:01:18,539 --> 00:01:21,417 That shit is disgusting, man. I don't know how you drink it. 7 00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:23,628 [Luschek chuckles] Yum. 8 00:01:23,711 --> 00:01:26,589 If I could tell five-year-old me that one day he'd be able to get drunk 9 00:01:26,672 --> 00:01:29,884 off the liquid equivalent of Werther's Originals for $5.98 a bottle, 10 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:32,845 he'd be fucking psyched. 11 00:01:32,928 --> 00:01:34,514 [laughs] 12 00:01:34,597 --> 00:01:37,099 Or, actually, really confused about what drunk means. 13 00:01:37,183 --> 00:01:38,768 [scoffs] Lucky you. 14 00:01:38,851 --> 00:01:41,687 Five-year-old me knew exactly what being drunk meant. 15 00:01:46,776 --> 00:01:50,070 -Want a nibble? -Nah, man. I-- I gotta work. 16 00:01:50,155 --> 00:01:51,614 So? 17 00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:53,658 Ah, my manager's up my ass, you know? 18 00:01:53,741 --> 00:01:55,326 He's gonna know I'm high the second he sees me. 19 00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:56,786 You didn't listen to me, man. 20 00:01:56,869 --> 00:01:59,622 I told you, you gotta show up high on your first day, man. 21 00:01:59,705 --> 00:02:01,582 That way they think that's who you are. 22 00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:03,626 [mockingly] But no, you had to go and make a good impression, 23 00:02:03,709 --> 00:02:05,253 get off on the right foot. 24 00:02:05,336 --> 00:02:06,671 Now, you're screwed. 25 00:02:09,215 --> 00:02:11,259 [garbled] Can't let other people define you, man. 26 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:13,969 When are you getting the boot off your truck? 27 00:02:15,346 --> 00:02:17,182 After I get my bike out of impound. 28 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,019 [sniffs] Thanks for the ride. 29 00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:24,147 [woman talking indistinctly on PA] 30 00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:28,901 Boom! 31 00:02:34,574 --> 00:02:36,826 Mmm! Hey, um, Joel? 32 00:02:38,244 --> 00:02:39,912 -Me? -Sorry, did I get that wrong? 33 00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:41,164 I thought it was Joel. 34 00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:44,167 I saw it on your mailbox, uh, which is overflowing. 35 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:47,753 I just think you might wanna take care of that before Piscatella sees. 36 00:02:47,837 --> 00:02:51,090 [mimicking Piscatella] Keep things orderly and in order! 37 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,597 -Uh, what's your, uh, first name? -Baxter. 38 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:01,934 [giggles] Your parents named you Baxter Bayley? 39 00:03:02,017 --> 00:03:03,644 That sounds like a cartoon dog name. 40 00:03:03,728 --> 00:03:06,481 My dad's really into dogs, actually, so... 41 00:03:07,106 --> 00:03:08,190 Uh, it's weird. 42 00:03:08,274 --> 00:03:11,694 -Yeah. -Here's the thing, Baxter Bayley, uh... 43 00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:14,614 I don't really like to pay too much attention to anything around here, 44 00:03:14,697 --> 00:03:18,200 especially if it requires me to do something as a result. 45 00:03:18,284 --> 00:03:20,661 So, uh, if you're gonna point something out to me, 46 00:03:20,745 --> 00:03:24,499 it should be something awesome, like cake or pie in the break room. 47 00:03:24,582 --> 00:03:27,167 Yeah. Got it, Joel. 48 00:03:27,252 --> 00:03:29,379 Uh... it's, uh... Luschek. 49 00:03:29,462 --> 00:03:31,171 Sorry. 50 00:03:31,256 --> 00:03:34,925 Look, I just... I really think you need to deal with your letters. 51 00:03:38,971 --> 00:03:41,474 -What the hell? -Told you. 52 00:04:09,627 --> 00:04:11,086 [gulps] Oh! 53 00:04:12,630 --> 00:04:14,131 "Caputo's dingleberries"? 54 00:04:14,214 --> 00:04:15,341 I gotta go. 55 00:04:16,301 --> 00:04:18,886 Hmm? Okay. 56 00:04:18,969 --> 00:04:21,972 Well, I will let you know if I see cake or pie. 57 00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:24,642 [chuckles] Great. 58 00:04:25,518 --> 00:04:27,270 -Thanks. -Have fun. 59 00:04:27,353 --> 00:04:29,355 [indistinct chatter] 60 00:04:29,439 --> 00:04:32,066 Oh, hey, morning, sugar. 61 00:04:32,149 --> 00:04:33,734 -[chuckles] -Inmate. [sighs] 62 00:04:33,818 --> 00:04:36,111 [sniffs] Do I smell butterscotch? 63 00:04:36,195 --> 00:04:38,281 [gasps] Ah. 64 00:04:38,364 --> 00:04:40,325 Do I look like my 92-year-old nana? 65 00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:42,785 Ooh, boy. Somebody's in a mood this morning. 66 00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:44,370 So, what have you got there? 67 00:04:45,455 --> 00:04:47,122 -Fan mail. -Ah! Oh, wait. 68 00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:48,583 All right, little advice. 69 00:04:48,666 --> 00:04:50,501 You wanna get yourself a signature stamp, 70 00:04:50,585 --> 00:04:51,627 save you hours. 71 00:04:51,711 --> 00:04:53,588 Aren't you full of time-saving tips? 72 00:04:53,671 --> 00:04:56,591 Mmm. So, you got yourself an overzealous pen pal? 73 00:04:57,842 --> 00:05:00,135 Uh... former inmate here. 74 00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:02,805 And I thought I was special. 75 00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:05,975 Wasn't like that. 76 00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:07,893 [cell door slams] 77 00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:10,521 [Karen] That must've taken a lot of courage. 78 00:05:10,605 --> 00:05:14,149 Remember, you have a community that serves you. 79 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,486 Thank you for your honesty today. 80 00:05:16,569 --> 00:05:18,821 [inmates applauding] 81 00:05:18,904 --> 00:05:21,031 Now, before I distribute today's chips, 82 00:05:21,115 --> 00:05:23,242 join me in the Serenity Prayer. 83 00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:29,374 [all] God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 84 00:05:29,457 --> 00:05:32,627 the courage to change the things I can, 85 00:05:32,710 --> 00:05:35,880 and the wisdom to know the difference. 86 00:05:35,963 --> 00:05:37,006 Okay. 87 00:05:37,923 --> 00:05:41,260 So it looks like I only have one chip to celebrate today, 88 00:05:41,343 --> 00:05:42,470 and it's a goody. 89 00:05:43,095 --> 00:05:44,514 Nichols. 90 00:05:45,515 --> 00:05:46,932 Care to come up here? 91 00:05:47,016 --> 00:05:48,267 [chuckles softly] 92 00:05:51,061 --> 00:05:53,981 -Three years. Well done. -[softly] Thank you. 93 00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:56,108 [inmates applauding] 94 00:05:57,735 --> 00:06:00,988 [chuckling] Hey! Well, shit, man, 95 00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:03,533 if I knew you guys were gonna clap, I would've brought my tap shoes. 96 00:06:03,616 --> 00:06:05,034 [all chuckle] 97 00:06:05,117 --> 00:06:06,118 Uh, you know, to be honest, 98 00:06:06,201 --> 00:06:07,953 I never really believed in this bullshit before, you know? 99 00:06:08,037 --> 00:06:09,997 I'd go to rehab and no one told me 100 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,666 that you guys give it away for free in here. 101 00:06:11,749 --> 00:06:14,126 I should've just gotten locked up, like, a decade ago, 102 00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:16,086 saved my mom a suitcase of cash. 103 00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:17,713 [all chuckle] 104 00:06:17,797 --> 00:06:19,298 Although, I do miss the cigarettes. 105 00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:20,800 -[inmates murmuring] -[inmate 1] Aw. 106 00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:23,886 -Really miss the cigarettes. -[inmate 2] Damn. 107 00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:28,641 Hey... and like, how the fuck do you have AA with no smokes? 108 00:06:28,724 --> 00:06:30,142 -[inmates chuckling] -It's nuts. 109 00:06:30,225 --> 00:06:32,687 And it's criminal. You know, so to speak. 110 00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:34,313 Anyway... [sighs] 111 00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:36,732 [sighs] 112 00:06:37,942 --> 00:06:41,403 This valueless piece of crappy plastic really means a lot to me. 113 00:06:42,404 --> 00:06:44,114 Uh... 114 00:06:44,198 --> 00:06:47,117 symbolism, et cetera. 115 00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:51,581 Well, screw it, you know, I'm fucking proud of myself, so... 116 00:06:51,664 --> 00:06:53,290 [inmates applauding] 117 00:06:54,249 --> 00:06:57,462 [Karen] All right, everyone. So, I'll see you tomorrow. 118 00:06:57,545 --> 00:06:58,588 Keep coming back. 119 00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:02,132 [all] It works if you work it. 120 00:07:02,216 --> 00:07:03,342 [Karen] Okay. 121 00:07:15,605 --> 00:07:17,690 -You fucking kidding me? -Contraband. 122 00:07:20,901 --> 00:07:22,402 Shit. 123 00:07:22,487 --> 00:07:23,613 [panting] 124 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:25,823 [Sankey] Morning, sister. 125 00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:31,829 Sorry, I, uh... I have a thing... 126 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:34,206 over here. 127 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:39,462 [panting] 128 00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:55,394 I would've asked, but since we're sneaking 129 00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:57,312 into each other's bunks in the middle of the night, 130 00:07:57,396 --> 00:07:59,857 I thought it was... safe to assume. 131 00:08:00,733 --> 00:08:02,568 I was sleepwalking. 132 00:08:02,652 --> 00:08:05,404 Climbing... whispering. 133 00:08:06,446 --> 00:08:09,324 -What's going on with you? -Nothing. I'm great. [scoffs] 134 00:08:09,408 --> 00:08:13,245 I'm just sitting here... 135 00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:15,414 enjoying the prison breeze. 136 00:08:15,498 --> 00:08:17,291 I'm worried about you. 137 00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:20,044 The other night was really out of character. 138 00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:22,630 Maybe it's entirely in character, but you wouldn't know 139 00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:23,798 because we haven't talked in so long. 140 00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:24,924 Fine. 141 00:08:25,883 --> 00:08:27,092 I will leave you alone. 142 00:08:28,052 --> 00:08:29,136 [Alex sighs] 143 00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:32,139 But I'm here if you ever wanna drop the sarcasm and talk to me. 144 00:08:32,222 --> 00:08:33,599 Oh, my God. 145 00:08:33,683 --> 00:08:34,684 How generous! 146 00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:38,688 Now you have time for me? Now you wanna talk? 147 00:08:39,354 --> 00:08:42,107 Where were you before? When I needed you? 148 00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:45,235 I begged you to listen to me, 149 00:08:45,319 --> 00:08:47,237 and you were too busy fucking that tattooed kangaroo 150 00:08:47,321 --> 00:08:48,656 and calling me paranoid. 151 00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:52,868 I spent months thinking that I was crazy because of you! 152 00:08:52,952 --> 00:08:54,411 And you know what? I was right. 153 00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:57,122 Right? What do you mean, you were right? 154 00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:01,711 Nothing. Never mind. I have to go. 155 00:09:02,753 --> 00:09:03,879 [sighs] 156 00:09:04,839 --> 00:09:06,173 [inmates laughing] 157 00:09:06,256 --> 00:09:10,595 Most likely to be an undercover baller goes to... 158 00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:13,388 -Maritza. -[squeals] 159 00:09:13,472 --> 00:09:15,140 -[cheering] -[laughing] 160 00:09:15,224 --> 00:09:16,726 [Maria clapping] 161 00:09:16,809 --> 00:09:19,937 I have dreamt about this moment my whole life. 162 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:21,772 -[inmates chuckling] -No, but for real, though, 163 00:09:21,856 --> 00:09:23,816 that was, like, some James Bond-level shit. 164 00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:26,819 -Ooh! -Panty Galore. Hi. 165 00:09:26,902 --> 00:09:28,988 [laughing] 166 00:09:29,071 --> 00:09:30,656 No, but seriously, when do we get paid? 167 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:32,992 Alonso's gonna let me know when all the inventory's sold. 168 00:09:33,075 --> 00:09:35,285 [scoffs] Yo, this is a real shame. 169 00:09:35,369 --> 00:09:37,162 -Hmm? -[Ouija] We got a group here, right? 170 00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:38,956 We got a system. So... 171 00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:41,083 Oh, why we ain't going after the hard stuff? 172 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,919 That's true. How much we ever gonna make off panties? 173 00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:46,005 Yo, we gotta be patient, all right? 174 00:09:46,088 --> 00:09:49,216 Our crew ain't about nothing illegal, you hear me? 175 00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:50,550 -This is the game in here right now. -Why? 176 00:09:50,635 --> 00:09:52,762 So we're gonna play the game and we're gonna win. 177 00:09:54,221 --> 00:09:56,431 On behalf of the Litchfield Safety Task Force, 178 00:09:56,515 --> 00:09:57,975 you need to halt your gathering. 179 00:09:58,058 --> 00:09:59,685 What the fuck you saying? 180 00:09:59,769 --> 00:10:01,145 Congress... 181 00:10:01,228 --> 00:10:02,772 [stammers] Shit. No, that's not it. 182 00:10:02,855 --> 00:10:04,732 -Um, conga-- -[inmates snickering] 183 00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:07,860 -Ca-- Conga. Conga. This shit? -[inmates chuckling] 184 00:10:08,611 --> 00:10:10,738 "Congregating." It's "congregating." 185 00:10:10,821 --> 00:10:13,783 -Yeah. Congregating... -[Maria chuckling] 186 00:10:13,866 --> 00:10:17,494 ...in a group of four or more is no longer allowed. 187 00:10:17,577 --> 00:10:18,704 -[scoffs] What? -[chuckles] 188 00:10:18,788 --> 00:10:22,207 -Man, get the fuck outta here. Stupid. -[Maria laughing] So stupid. 189 00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:23,542 Look, you dirt taco. 190 00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:24,710 [inmates] Whoa! 191 00:10:24,794 --> 00:10:27,672 You move along or I'll call a CO over here and get y'all some shots. 192 00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:28,798 What'd you just call her? 193 00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:31,842 -What's the problem? -They're gathering, sir. 194 00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:34,386 Oh, gathering, huh? 195 00:10:34,469 --> 00:10:36,096 Well, I guess that's some shots. 196 00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,182 -[Pidge] What? -Oh! Are you serious, man? 197 00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:39,892 -[Dixon] Yeah. -Are you fucking kidding me? 198 00:10:39,975 --> 00:10:41,101 Really? 199 00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:42,436 [typing] 200 00:10:45,439 --> 00:10:47,482 It's like he's in my head. 201 00:10:47,566 --> 00:10:50,319 -It's like he's talking right to me. -That's good. 202 00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:52,362 [sighs] 203 00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:56,366 Can I pitch you a crazy idea? 204 00:10:57,076 --> 00:10:59,161 You wanna make me breakfast. 205 00:10:59,244 --> 00:11:00,454 That is very sweet. [chuckles] 206 00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:03,165 Stick with me for just a second. 207 00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:05,710 We have all these issues because of the overcrowding, right? 208 00:11:05,793 --> 00:11:08,337 We have lack of space, unemployment, bad behavior, 209 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:11,506 but you know what I think the biggest problem we have is? 210 00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:12,717 My hunger? 211 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,051 Boredom. 212 00:11:14,134 --> 00:11:15,469 The inmates are restless. 213 00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:17,387 They have nothing to fill up their time, so they're... 214 00:11:17,471 --> 00:11:18,973 they're picking fights and they're acting out, 215 00:11:19,056 --> 00:11:20,224 and you can't really blame 'em, 216 00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:22,392 and we don't have the money to give them jobs, 217 00:11:22,476 --> 00:11:24,394 but we can give 'em something else. 218 00:11:24,478 --> 00:11:26,688 Something that gives them a reason to... 219 00:11:26,772 --> 00:11:28,357 to get dressed in the morning. 220 00:11:29,358 --> 00:11:31,777 That makes them more productive members of society, 221 00:11:31,861 --> 00:11:33,112 in and out of prison. 222 00:11:34,613 --> 00:11:35,781 [sighs] 223 00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:38,492 We can give 'em classes. 224 00:11:40,786 --> 00:11:41,912 That sounds expensive. 225 00:11:41,996 --> 00:11:43,663 But it wouldn't have to be. 226 00:11:43,748 --> 00:11:45,582 MCC would never let one of those 227 00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:47,584 fruity liberal arts schools inside our walls. 228 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,794 I know that. That's why I was thinking 229 00:11:48,878 --> 00:11:50,545 we can train the guards to lead the classes. 230 00:11:50,629 --> 00:11:52,006 We don't have to teach calculus, 231 00:11:52,089 --> 00:11:55,259 just some more concrete life skills. 232 00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:57,594 We can call them... 233 00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:58,971 enrichment classes. 234 00:11:59,889 --> 00:12:02,850 This can make a real difference in some of these women's lives. 235 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,643 And maybe ours, too. 236 00:12:04,726 --> 00:12:07,062 If I can get this off the ground... 237 00:12:07,729 --> 00:12:10,524 it has the potential to be career-defining. 238 00:12:11,483 --> 00:12:12,484 Right? 239 00:12:13,861 --> 00:12:14,904 I can help. 240 00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:16,989 -Yeah? -Yeah. 241 00:12:17,072 --> 00:12:18,908 I know how to pitch things to MCC. 242 00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:21,660 It's all about using the right language with them, 243 00:12:21,743 --> 00:12:23,037 putting things in their terms. 244 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,288 When I'm in my flow, they don't even realize 245 00:12:24,371 --> 00:12:25,414 what they're saying yes to. 246 00:12:25,497 --> 00:12:26,832 You think that's the right approach? 247 00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:29,084 Absolutely. You let me handle them. 248 00:12:29,168 --> 00:12:32,712 You focus on your legacy. Go, team. 249 00:12:32,797 --> 00:12:34,589 -[both chuckling] -Go, team! 250 00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,050 [chuckles] And go omelet, maybe? 251 00:12:36,133 --> 00:12:37,176 Like, a scramble? 252 00:12:37,259 --> 00:12:39,136 -Scramble? You're hungry? -Love a scramble. 253 00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:40,762 -[laughing] I'm hungry. I'm starving. -You need to eat. 254 00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,597 This is good, Joe. This is so good. 255 00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:45,309 -I'm gonna make you an omelet. -Great. Go, team! 256 00:12:46,018 --> 00:12:48,395 This week we seen two sets of titties on the walls, 257 00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:50,815 which is less than four the week before, 258 00:12:50,898 --> 00:12:53,108 and only one pussy. 259 00:12:53,192 --> 00:12:55,360 Uh, but to be honest, it wasn't really drawed that well, 260 00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:57,988 so I don't think anybody knew it was supposed to be a pussy, anyway. 261 00:12:58,072 --> 00:13:00,615 Yeah, chalking that up as a win all around. 262 00:13:00,699 --> 00:13:02,367 Been breaking up groups of border niggers 263 00:13:02,451 --> 00:13:03,618 and plain niggers, too. 264 00:13:03,702 --> 00:13:07,206 Spooking spooks. Crunching nachos. Ain't nothing. 265 00:13:08,123 --> 00:13:09,249 [hands slap] 266 00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:12,377 This has been moderately to minimally helpful. 267 00:13:12,461 --> 00:13:13,587 Thank you, inmates. 268 00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:14,922 [Sankey] Wait, we got more. 269 00:13:15,464 --> 00:13:18,008 Some of us girls have also been noticing panties. 270 00:13:19,093 --> 00:13:23,055 [laughs] Why don't you just, uh, leave the strip-searching up to us? 271 00:13:23,138 --> 00:13:26,058 Not the regular panties. The fancy ones from the sewing job. 272 00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:27,434 Slutty panties. 273 00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:28,768 Well, I think they're pretty. 274 00:13:28,853 --> 00:13:31,355 Shouldn't we be focusing on gang activity? 275 00:13:31,438 --> 00:13:34,358 Girls wearing panties sounds pretty harmless to me. 276 00:13:34,441 --> 00:13:35,650 For perverts. 277 00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:39,238 -Cash money. Crotch sniffing. -Yeah. 278 00:13:39,321 --> 00:13:41,866 It's a business. We heard. 279 00:13:41,949 --> 00:13:45,369 You're telling me that somebody's making money off of dirty panties? 280 00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:50,582 Yeah, they're selling for, like, $700 to Chinamen in China. 281 00:13:50,665 --> 00:13:52,042 That's what we heard. 282 00:13:52,126 --> 00:13:53,377 [Angie] Oh, we heard that. Yeah. 283 00:13:54,378 --> 00:13:56,463 [Dixon] Thank you for your intel. 284 00:13:56,546 --> 00:13:57,839 [inmate 1] Keep it steady. 285 00:13:59,216 --> 00:14:00,968 [whirs] 286 00:14:01,051 --> 00:14:02,552 [inmate 2] All right, I got it. 287 00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,555 [drill whirring] 288 00:14:05,639 --> 00:14:07,307 [Coates] Yeah, see, if you wanted to be the United States, 289 00:14:07,391 --> 00:14:09,476 you should've been the women, because they're good at soccer. 290 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,270 Whereas the men, not so much. 291 00:14:11,353 --> 00:14:13,480 I'm not gonna be some chick team, dude. 292 00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:16,441 -Oh, damn it! -[Coates] Yeah, that's offsides. 293 00:14:16,525 --> 00:14:18,360 [drilling] 294 00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,280 I can't concentrate with all the noise from the idiots out there. 295 00:14:21,363 --> 00:14:22,865 You want a soda? 296 00:14:22,948 --> 00:14:25,617 -Anything harder? -Aren't you on the clock? 297 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,452 [mockingly imitates Coates] "Aren't you on the clock?" 298 00:14:27,536 --> 00:14:29,413 -[hammering] -[inmates exclaiming] 299 00:14:29,496 --> 00:14:32,041 Maybe I should just call the cable company instead. 300 00:14:32,124 --> 00:14:33,708 -If you wanna pay for it, sure. -[inmate exclaiming] 301 00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:38,422 Teaching them to install illegal cable doesn't exactly sound like rehabilitation. 302 00:14:38,505 --> 00:14:40,132 -[inmates clamoring] -[Luschek sighs] 303 00:14:40,215 --> 00:14:42,759 Hey, it's a practical skill in the real world, my friend. 304 00:14:43,468 --> 00:14:44,594 I'm bleeding. 305 00:14:44,678 --> 00:14:46,096 -What the fuck did you do? -Jesus. 306 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,558 I cut myself with that shitty, rusty wire cutter you gave us. 307 00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:51,685 -Come on, run. -What? No, I need to go to medical! 308 00:14:51,768 --> 00:14:53,437 At halftime, just... 309 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,230 -wrap a sock around it or something. -[Gina scoffs] 310 00:14:55,314 --> 00:14:56,773 One more scar's not gonna change your world. 311 00:14:56,856 --> 00:14:59,651 -[exclaims] Fucking asshole. -[cheering on TV] 312 00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:02,612 Oh, goal! Take that, fucker! 313 00:15:02,696 --> 00:15:04,156 I wasn't even playing, man. 314 00:15:04,239 --> 00:15:06,075 You're such a piece of shit. 315 00:15:06,158 --> 00:15:07,367 What did you say, inmate? 316 00:15:08,243 --> 00:15:10,704 I said, you're a piece of shit! 317 00:15:10,787 --> 00:15:13,540 -You wanna spend some time in the SHU? -Hey, man, she needs to go to medical. 318 00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:16,001 -Are you defending her? -If she's telling you she needs something, 319 00:15:16,085 --> 00:15:17,294 you need to listen to her. 320 00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:19,171 They're people, for Christ's sake. 321 00:15:19,254 --> 00:15:21,256 It's our job to take care of these women. 322 00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:24,634 Do your fucking job! You're not listening to her. 323 00:15:25,177 --> 00:15:26,261 Are you joking? 324 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:29,639 Get out of my house. 325 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,851 No? Not joking? 326 00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:35,020 It's been a real buzzkill. 327 00:15:35,104 --> 00:15:36,438 [inhales sharply] 328 00:15:37,314 --> 00:15:38,523 Let's go, tetanus. 329 00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:41,610 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 330 00:15:41,693 --> 00:15:43,237 [Gina] What? 331 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,529 Can you give us a ride? 332 00:15:46,365 --> 00:15:47,366 [sighs] 333 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:57,417 [birds chirping] 334 00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:02,214 -[clattering] -[hinges squeaking] 335 00:16:02,297 --> 00:16:04,841 [male CO] Hey, get a move on, inmate. 336 00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:14,018 -[indistinct conversations] -[cell doors slam] 337 00:16:20,482 --> 00:16:21,483 What's your business? 338 00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:23,360 Well, I figured I'd bust out of here 339 00:16:23,443 --> 00:16:26,780 and sell generic disinfectant and cleaning rags on the street for pennies. 340 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:30,492 Man, come on. It's me. 341 00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:31,743 Answer the question. 342 00:16:32,619 --> 00:16:34,829 I am a cleaning porter, 343 00:16:34,913 --> 00:16:37,166 as my giant accomplice here might indicate. 344 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:43,047 Take a left down hallway A, 345 00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:45,382 a right down hallway 21... 346 00:16:46,383 --> 00:16:48,010 and then report to the SHU gate. 347 00:16:49,511 --> 00:16:50,679 Oh, hey, let me ask you a question. 348 00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:53,348 Uh, at what point do I get to meet the wizard? 349 00:16:58,228 --> 00:16:59,813 Oh, thank you. 350 00:17:00,605 --> 00:17:01,648 See ya. 351 00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:04,068 -[SHU inmates speaking indistinctly] -[Nicky] Michigan, Lansing. 352 00:17:05,402 --> 00:17:07,487 Minnesota, Jackson. 353 00:17:08,697 --> 00:17:11,700 Missouri, Jefferson City. 354 00:17:11,783 --> 00:17:14,744 [Sophia] Mississippi. You forgot Mississippi. 355 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,123 Mississippi. 356 00:17:18,207 --> 00:17:19,374 God damn. 357 00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,044 I always do that. 358 00:17:27,132 --> 00:17:28,883 [SHU inmate] Shut that motherfucker! 359 00:17:30,177 --> 00:17:32,887 -What, you a Peeping Tom now? -[clears throat] 360 00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:39,936 Hi, Burset. 361 00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:42,064 Be honest with me. 362 00:17:42,856 --> 00:17:44,816 Ever seen me look this ravishing? 363 00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:46,526 Uh... 364 00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:51,115 if we're using "ravishing" as a synonym for "horrendous," never. 365 00:17:51,865 --> 00:17:53,117 Nichols, right? 366 00:17:54,784 --> 00:17:56,578 You're on this hallway a lot? 367 00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:59,289 Maybe once a week. 368 00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:01,833 And I never really know where they're gonna assign me. 369 00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:02,917 [softly] Listen. 370 00:18:04,086 --> 00:18:06,045 Can you get me a blanket? 371 00:18:06,130 --> 00:18:08,465 Bring it in next time you come through? 372 00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:11,760 [stammers] I'd love to help you, I just, uh... 373 00:18:11,843 --> 00:18:13,678 I'm really trying to keep on the straight and narrow. 374 00:18:13,762 --> 00:18:16,348 Please. I'm not sleeping. 375 00:18:17,266 --> 00:18:19,726 I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't get some rest. 376 00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:23,105 And we both know what happens if you go insane in this place, right? 377 00:18:23,188 --> 00:18:26,441 [sighs] Hey, uh, I feel you. I really do. 378 00:18:26,525 --> 00:18:28,902 But think about it, I don't even know where to find a spare. 379 00:18:28,985 --> 00:18:31,613 Even if I did, they'd just spot it in a second. 380 00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:33,532 You'd be fucked. I'd be fucked. 381 00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:38,036 I get it. 382 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,371 Sorry I asked. 383 00:18:42,291 --> 00:18:43,500 [softly] Hold on. 384 00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:51,133 Here. 385 00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:55,345 At least that'll keep your mind occupied. 386 00:18:55,429 --> 00:18:59,098 All right, so just go slowly, all right? 387 00:18:59,183 --> 00:19:02,477 Read every word, even the ads. [chuckles] 388 00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:06,815 Reciting the capitals helps me if that doesn't work. 389 00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:09,193 [chuckles] 390 00:19:09,276 --> 00:19:10,819 [cell door slams] 391 00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:15,324 -I gotta go. I gotta go. Okay. -What's it like outside today? 392 00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:17,284 Is it raining? 393 00:19:20,454 --> 00:19:21,538 [Humphrey] Go. 394 00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:23,122 Whoa, Snow White and her high hoes. 395 00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:24,291 Why don't you get in the back of the line? 396 00:19:24,374 --> 00:19:25,667 -[Humphrey] Next. -What's going on? 397 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,419 Oh, it's a stop-and-frisk. 398 00:19:27,502 --> 00:19:29,921 [Humphrey] Over here. Next. 399 00:19:31,923 --> 00:19:33,175 Over here. 400 00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:34,426 Thank you. 401 00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:35,510 -Next. -Are you wearing? 402 00:19:35,594 --> 00:19:36,595 Mmm-hmm. 403 00:19:36,678 --> 00:19:38,263 -[Humphrey] Here. -Fuck. 404 00:19:38,347 --> 00:19:39,598 [Humphrey] Next. 405 00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:42,434 Over here, please. 406 00:19:43,477 --> 00:19:45,479 Oh, yeah, hustle. 407 00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:46,855 Next. 408 00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:52,277 Right over here. 409 00:19:55,989 --> 00:19:57,115 Go. 410 00:19:58,742 --> 00:19:59,868 Next. 411 00:20:02,746 --> 00:20:03,872 Go. 412 00:20:05,332 --> 00:20:06,833 You. 413 00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:08,001 No. 414 00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:10,128 You. 415 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,547 You look interesting. 416 00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:16,426 -Where are you from, inmate? -Hawaii. 417 00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:17,802 Ooh. 418 00:20:18,845 --> 00:20:20,013 Well, over here. 419 00:20:22,307 --> 00:20:23,392 Aloha. 420 00:20:25,101 --> 00:20:28,146 -Next. -Well, hello there, CO, sir. 421 00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,523 How are you today? 422 00:20:30,690 --> 00:20:31,691 Go. 423 00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:34,403 Come on. 424 00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:39,658 And next. 425 00:20:40,325 --> 00:20:41,493 [CO] Next. 426 00:20:44,288 --> 00:20:45,289 Shit. 427 00:20:54,756 --> 00:20:55,757 [CO] Next. 428 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:56,841 [Taystee] Look at this. 429 00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:00,887 Oh, shit. That's Betty Cracker herself. 430 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,139 I was in that grass this morning. 431 00:21:03,222 --> 00:21:04,308 That exact grass. 432 00:21:04,391 --> 00:21:08,061 Damn. We could've been in this pic. Been all prison famous. 433 00:21:08,144 --> 00:21:10,355 You know what's better than being famous? 434 00:21:10,439 --> 00:21:13,191 Uh... pizza, daisies, smelly markers, 435 00:21:13,275 --> 00:21:15,819 any animal, a really good dream, a warm bath, 436 00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:17,487 -picking a booger, a dry one... -Ugh! 437 00:21:17,571 --> 00:21:20,156 ...pizza, graham crackers and icing sandwiches, 438 00:21:20,239 --> 00:21:22,200 the feeling you get when you make a really good joke 439 00:21:22,284 --> 00:21:25,704 and someone laughs, in a nice way, not a mean way, and they-- 440 00:21:25,787 --> 00:21:27,789 -Money! -Money? 441 00:21:27,872 --> 00:21:30,375 -Cash money, y'all. -[laughs] 442 00:21:30,459 --> 00:21:32,961 Yo, do you know how much these paparazzi people make 443 00:21:33,044 --> 00:21:35,297 off of one of these celebrity pictures? 444 00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:37,549 If they be flying these robocops over Litchfield 445 00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:40,760 just to get this janky-ass picture... 446 00:21:40,844 --> 00:21:44,973 imagine how much a close-up could be. 447 00:21:45,056 --> 00:21:46,808 That's what those drones are doing? 448 00:21:47,434 --> 00:21:49,143 The aliens aren't coming? 449 00:21:49,227 --> 00:21:50,604 Yo! 450 00:21:50,687 --> 00:21:52,731 Focus! 451 00:21:52,814 --> 00:21:54,649 -My bad. My bad. -Mmm-hmm. 452 00:21:54,733 --> 00:21:56,318 I got the Internet. 453 00:21:58,111 --> 00:22:00,405 -Where? -You got on Caputo's computer. 454 00:22:00,489 --> 00:22:03,199 Yo! That's a game changer! 455 00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,744 I know! I know, I know, I know! Okay, okay, okay. 456 00:22:05,827 --> 00:22:08,955 So, all we got to do now is find ourselves a cell phone, 457 00:22:09,038 --> 00:22:11,375 and we got ourselves a retirement plan. 458 00:22:11,458 --> 00:22:13,377 [Suzanne gasps] Yo... 459 00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:19,383 I'm gonna retire in that hotel with the indoor water park in Ohio. 460 00:22:19,466 --> 00:22:21,217 Lord, give me strength. 461 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:22,802 [Lolly] You got kids? 462 00:22:22,886 --> 00:22:24,471 [Healy] No. 463 00:22:24,554 --> 00:22:25,805 Wasn't in the cards. 464 00:22:26,723 --> 00:22:28,057 Didn't have the genetics. 465 00:22:28,141 --> 00:22:30,226 [chuckling] Well, that don't stop most people. 466 00:22:30,309 --> 00:22:34,188 [chuckles] Well, there was some family medical history 467 00:22:34,272 --> 00:22:35,565 I didn't wanna pass on. 468 00:22:36,858 --> 00:22:38,067 You? 469 00:22:38,151 --> 00:22:41,029 Well, the... Okay, the me that I used to be wanted 'em... 470 00:22:41,112 --> 00:22:43,740 but considering my present situation... 471 00:22:43,823 --> 00:22:47,368 it's probably good that I didn't make any more little Lolly-pops. 472 00:22:48,036 --> 00:22:49,663 Hey, have you ever seen The Twilight Zone? 473 00:22:49,746 --> 00:22:52,624 -Up here every day. -[laughs] 474 00:22:52,707 --> 00:22:54,918 You know, my mother loved it. 475 00:22:55,001 --> 00:22:56,127 And there was an episode 476 00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:59,213 where this couple wakes up in a strange house. 477 00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:01,382 So they go downstairs, and they're looking for other people. 478 00:23:01,466 --> 00:23:02,967 They can't find any other people. 479 00:23:03,051 --> 00:23:05,136 They try to make a call, and all the phones are fake. 480 00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:06,345 -No! -Yes. 481 00:23:06,430 --> 00:23:08,014 [both laugh] 482 00:23:08,097 --> 00:23:10,308 And outside, there are fake squirrels, 483 00:23:10,391 --> 00:23:14,646 stuffed... posed on fake trees. 484 00:23:15,439 --> 00:23:18,567 So, at the end... 485 00:23:18,650 --> 00:23:23,154 this really huge hand reaches down from the sky 486 00:23:23,237 --> 00:23:24,781 and picks them up. 487 00:23:25,824 --> 00:23:27,867 And it's a young girl... 488 00:23:28,952 --> 00:23:30,119 but she's a giant... 489 00:23:30,745 --> 00:23:34,040 and the couple are stuck in her play world, 490 00:23:34,123 --> 00:23:36,250 so she can make them do whatever she wants. 491 00:23:37,293 --> 00:23:38,837 Whoa. 492 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,129 My mother... 493 00:23:41,297 --> 00:23:43,675 was... like you. 494 00:23:45,635 --> 00:23:46,970 Similar issues. 495 00:23:48,304 --> 00:23:52,350 And she would always say... that that's how it felt, 496 00:23:52,433 --> 00:23:56,480 like she was locked... in a fake world... 497 00:23:56,563 --> 00:23:58,231 that no one else was part of... 498 00:23:59,398 --> 00:24:01,943 even though it looked exactly the same. 499 00:24:04,654 --> 00:24:06,823 Yeah, I got a lot of prisons in my life, sir. 500 00:24:08,783 --> 00:24:10,284 I got the literal one, duh. 501 00:24:12,078 --> 00:24:16,541 I got the one where I'm on my meds and I can't feel anything. 502 00:24:16,625 --> 00:24:18,543 That is not so great. 503 00:24:18,627 --> 00:24:20,128 Then, I have the worst one... 504 00:24:20,211 --> 00:24:23,464 the prison where I'm usually living in, 505 00:24:23,548 --> 00:24:25,049 and there's all these people, right, 506 00:24:25,133 --> 00:24:26,551 and they're talkin' and talkin' and talkin'. 507 00:24:26,635 --> 00:24:28,344 And they cannot agree on what is the truth. 508 00:24:28,427 --> 00:24:29,721 That's like that episode. 509 00:24:29,804 --> 00:24:31,097 That's exactly right. 510 00:24:33,349 --> 00:24:34,518 How's your mom? 511 00:24:35,143 --> 00:24:36,352 She's fine. 512 00:24:37,812 --> 00:24:39,105 I'm glad. 513 00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:40,314 Thank you. 514 00:24:46,530 --> 00:24:48,573 I need the dead man's keys. 515 00:24:48,657 --> 00:24:51,450 [scoffs] Warm a girl up a little, would ya? 516 00:24:52,368 --> 00:24:55,329 I would very much like to return your witty banter, 517 00:24:55,413 --> 00:24:58,207 but I am too exhausted to be clever. 518 00:24:58,291 --> 00:24:59,292 The keys. 519 00:24:59,375 --> 00:25:00,459 Now. 520 00:25:02,796 --> 00:25:04,255 [sighing] 521 00:25:08,342 --> 00:25:09,385 Are you all right? 522 00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:13,222 I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. 523 00:25:17,310 --> 00:25:20,063 Hoping to escape to the Motel 6 down the street? 524 00:25:20,146 --> 00:25:24,693 A more practical escape than that, my friend. [clicks tongue] 525 00:25:24,776 --> 00:25:26,903 How the fuck are you not freaking out right now? 526 00:25:26,986 --> 00:25:28,529 -About the panty raid? -Yes. 527 00:25:29,072 --> 00:25:31,616 -You saw that stop-and-frisk today. -Mmm-hmm. 528 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:35,203 They're not even looking in our direction, and they're never going to. 529 00:25:35,745 --> 00:25:37,163 We're good. 530 00:25:37,246 --> 00:25:40,834 I'm playing those guards like a flute. Like a group of flutes, many flutes. 531 00:25:40,917 --> 00:25:41,960 I'm the flautist. 532 00:25:42,043 --> 00:25:44,337 Okay, I get it. You play a mean flute. 533 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:47,966 But tell me, what's gonna happen when they stop one of the brown girls... 534 00:25:48,049 --> 00:25:49,383 who's wearing panties? 535 00:25:49,968 --> 00:25:51,886 You think she's gonna give up Maria? 536 00:25:51,970 --> 00:25:53,680 Fuck, no. She's gonna point right at you, 537 00:25:53,763 --> 00:25:56,683 because... well, it's the truth, so she won't be lying. 538 00:25:56,766 --> 00:25:59,185 [laughs] And also, everyone hates you. 539 00:25:59,268 --> 00:26:01,520 If they are coming for me, I will be here. 540 00:26:01,605 --> 00:26:03,648 That is precisely my point. 541 00:26:03,732 --> 00:26:06,860 You're just sitting, waiting. Chapman, make a move. Be a shark. 542 00:26:06,943 --> 00:26:09,779 I am not tearing down everything that I have built. 543 00:26:09,863 --> 00:26:12,531 This business is important to me. It gives me purpose. 544 00:26:12,616 --> 00:26:16,327 Oh... honey bear. [chuckles] 545 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:19,455 See... now we come to the point in our journey 546 00:26:19,538 --> 00:26:22,541 where it's time for you to think about someone other than yourself. 547 00:26:23,251 --> 00:26:25,378 You brought people into this. 548 00:26:26,921 --> 00:26:29,007 You're responsible for us. 549 00:26:29,090 --> 00:26:30,549 If you wanna wear the crown, you gotta be willing 550 00:26:30,634 --> 00:26:31,676 to fall on your sword. 551 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,304 Everything's gonna be okay. I'm not worried. 552 00:26:35,847 --> 00:26:39,308 Someone is going to go down for this, Chapman... 553 00:26:40,393 --> 00:26:42,020 and for my sake... 554 00:26:42,103 --> 00:26:43,562 I hope it isn't you. 555 00:26:46,650 --> 00:26:49,068 When you say that everybody hates me, 556 00:26:49,152 --> 00:26:51,070 you're being a little hyperbolic, right? 557 00:26:53,322 --> 00:26:55,033 I'm afraid we're gonna have to wrap it up, ladies. 558 00:26:55,116 --> 00:26:56,492 -[inmates] Aw! -Have a good day, 559 00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:58,787 and remember our theme. 560 00:26:58,870 --> 00:27:00,830 [inmates] Use what you've got! 561 00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:02,874 -[cheering] -[Judy] Thank you. 562 00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:07,378 -Oh, good, good. -[indistinct chatter] 563 00:27:09,338 --> 00:27:11,716 -Yes. Yes. -All right. See you later. Thank you. 564 00:27:14,218 --> 00:27:15,344 Oh, Lord. 565 00:27:15,428 --> 00:27:18,306 Are you gonna keep dancing over there like a little girl who has to pee 566 00:27:18,389 --> 00:27:20,308 or are you gonna come over here and tell me what's wrong? 567 00:27:23,477 --> 00:27:24,603 [sing-song] Look. 568 00:27:25,271 --> 00:27:28,858 -What's this? -That is freshly whipped butter. 569 00:27:28,942 --> 00:27:31,110 And Bill puts this Maldon salt 570 00:27:31,194 --> 00:27:33,404 in my care package. This is my heroin. 571 00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:36,282 Now, I'm not supposed to tell anybody, so keep quiet about it. 572 00:27:36,365 --> 00:27:38,201 There we go. Cheers. 573 00:27:40,912 --> 00:27:42,080 [Judy] Mmm! 574 00:27:42,163 --> 00:27:43,664 [garbled] Holy fuck. 575 00:27:43,748 --> 00:27:44,833 That's good. 576 00:27:44,916 --> 00:27:46,667 Better than a good shit in the morning. 577 00:27:46,751 --> 00:27:48,211 That's my favorite thing. 578 00:27:48,294 --> 00:27:50,964 [chuckling] Oh, sweetie, that's everybody's favorite thing. 579 00:27:51,047 --> 00:27:52,631 Don't go thinking that makes you original. 580 00:27:53,299 --> 00:27:55,468 Now, what are you moping about around here? 581 00:27:55,551 --> 00:27:57,470 Did your girlfriend write to you again? 582 00:27:57,553 --> 00:27:59,806 Well, she's not my girlfriend, first of all... 583 00:27:59,889 --> 00:28:00,932 Right. 584 00:28:01,891 --> 00:28:02,934 I don't know, it's weird. 585 00:28:03,017 --> 00:28:05,269 I, like, care or something. 586 00:28:05,353 --> 00:28:07,731 -Oh. -'Cause normally, I do not give a shit. 587 00:28:07,814 --> 00:28:09,858 -Mmm-hmm. -About anything... 588 00:28:10,942 --> 00:28:12,235 and especially this. 589 00:28:13,569 --> 00:28:15,780 Maybe the chocolate I had was bad. 590 00:28:16,364 --> 00:28:19,492 It doesn't make sense, because... she fucked up. 591 00:28:20,910 --> 00:28:23,454 Man, did she fuck up. But... 592 00:28:24,497 --> 00:28:26,332 [sniffs] I knew it was bad for her 593 00:28:26,415 --> 00:28:29,627 and I got involved anyway, and now she's worse off than before. 594 00:28:31,420 --> 00:28:33,339 Really gotta suck ass down there. 595 00:28:33,422 --> 00:28:34,715 [sighs] 596 00:28:35,591 --> 00:28:37,593 God, what was that, like, sympathy or something? 597 00:28:37,676 --> 00:28:39,053 Mr. Luschek... 598 00:28:39,137 --> 00:28:42,891 I believe that what you are referring to is called guilt. 599 00:28:44,225 --> 00:28:46,435 [groans] But I don't have anything to feel guilty about. 600 00:28:46,519 --> 00:28:48,104 Well, guilt is tricky that way. 601 00:28:50,148 --> 00:28:51,941 Yeah, look, I need an honest opinion. 602 00:28:54,778 --> 00:28:57,030 -Am I a piece of shit? -Do you want it straight? 603 00:28:57,655 --> 00:28:59,073 -No. -Mmm. All right. 604 00:28:59,157 --> 00:29:00,491 From what I've observed, 605 00:29:00,574 --> 00:29:04,245 you're lazy, you're selfish as all get-out... 606 00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:07,749 you don't care about much, you don't seem to shower that often. 607 00:29:07,832 --> 00:29:11,419 But you are funny as hell, and I think you're genuine, 608 00:29:11,502 --> 00:29:13,712 which is hard to come by. So, all in all, 609 00:29:13,797 --> 00:29:17,175 I think that makes you... Hmm... What? 610 00:29:17,258 --> 00:29:18,426 Half a piece of shit. 611 00:29:19,427 --> 00:29:21,846 But there's always time for change. 612 00:29:22,972 --> 00:29:24,473 That's the thing. [clears throat] 613 00:29:24,557 --> 00:29:26,434 There's literally nothing for me to do. 614 00:29:29,312 --> 00:29:32,941 She's in max. I can't do anything for her. 615 00:29:33,024 --> 00:29:35,568 And maybe she doesn't even deserve it, even if I could do something. 616 00:29:35,651 --> 00:29:37,821 Well, everybody deserves kindness. 617 00:29:40,323 --> 00:29:41,490 [sighs] 618 00:29:41,574 --> 00:29:44,202 [laughs] Oh, God, I really got you on that one. 619 00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:47,413 [chuckles] "Everybody deserves kindness"? 620 00:29:47,496 --> 00:29:48,790 What do you think I am? 621 00:29:48,873 --> 00:29:52,251 Some black granny knitting on a porch in Savannah? 622 00:29:52,335 --> 00:29:53,586 Come on. 623 00:29:53,669 --> 00:29:56,923 Stop whining in my kitchen and go figure this out. 624 00:29:57,006 --> 00:29:58,007 Oh... 625 00:29:59,133 --> 00:30:00,802 You are a straight, white man. 626 00:30:00,885 --> 00:30:02,636 You don't get to be the victim, sweetie. 627 00:30:03,304 --> 00:30:05,431 Yeah, that whole thing's gonna flip at some point, right? 628 00:30:06,099 --> 00:30:07,100 [scoffs] 629 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,520 -[buzzer blares] -[indistinct chatter] 630 00:30:19,737 --> 00:30:21,364 [inmate speaking indistinctly] 631 00:30:22,198 --> 00:30:23,241 Hey. 632 00:30:38,047 --> 00:30:39,548 [Stella] Care if I join you? 633 00:30:48,557 --> 00:30:49,851 All right, what are you doin'? 634 00:30:49,934 --> 00:30:51,727 You're not in a very lovey mood, I see. 635 00:30:51,810 --> 00:30:53,062 "Lovey"? 636 00:30:53,146 --> 00:30:56,024 What is that? Is that, like, an acceptable word where you come from? 637 00:30:56,107 --> 00:30:59,193 No, hey, 'cause here in America... Yeah, that makes us barf. 638 00:31:00,528 --> 00:31:03,281 Okay, well, how would you describe the other night in the bathroom then? 639 00:31:03,364 --> 00:31:05,283 'Cause the way you were screaming my name... 640 00:31:05,366 --> 00:31:06,993 it was pretty hot. 641 00:31:07,076 --> 00:31:10,621 I was just doing my very best Streetcar Named Desire impression. 642 00:31:12,957 --> 00:31:15,501 "Stella!" 643 00:31:15,584 --> 00:31:17,503 That's the, uh, the Meryl Streep one? 644 00:31:19,380 --> 00:31:21,590 Yeah, I hate it when you talk sometimes. 645 00:31:21,674 --> 00:31:22,800 No... [inhales sharply] 646 00:31:22,884 --> 00:31:24,010 all the time. 647 00:31:24,093 --> 00:31:25,553 Jesus. 648 00:31:27,055 --> 00:31:28,139 What's wrong? 649 00:31:29,140 --> 00:31:30,391 Nothing. 650 00:31:32,685 --> 00:31:34,478 You know, rough day. 651 00:31:40,693 --> 00:31:42,736 I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from me 652 00:31:42,820 --> 00:31:44,572 if you were back on that shit. 653 00:31:45,864 --> 00:31:47,325 You're disgusting. 654 00:31:52,788 --> 00:31:53,831 Fucking hell. 655 00:31:53,915 --> 00:31:56,334 [man speaking indistinctly on PA] 656 00:32:00,421 --> 00:32:01,797 Heard you need a thing I have. 657 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,507 [Alison chuckles] 658 00:32:03,591 --> 00:32:07,136 A religion that'll stone me to death if I get raped? 659 00:32:07,220 --> 00:32:08,930 Mmm, no thanks, I'm good. 660 00:32:09,805 --> 00:32:11,515 I'll go ahead and assume 661 00:32:11,599 --> 00:32:15,894 Bernie Madoff speaks for your entire religion, too. 662 00:32:15,979 --> 00:32:17,730 Ignorant asshole. 663 00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:22,401 All right. Okay. 664 00:32:23,902 --> 00:32:25,071 Now... 665 00:32:28,199 --> 00:32:29,408 what you talkin' 'bout? 666 00:32:32,286 --> 00:32:33,997 [man speaking indistinctly on PA] 667 00:32:39,127 --> 00:32:41,629 Shit! Wait a minute. 668 00:32:42,588 --> 00:32:43,714 How'd you know I need that? 669 00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:47,760 You make the mistake of assuming anything is private in here. 670 00:32:47,843 --> 00:32:49,095 All right, what you want for it? 671 00:32:49,887 --> 00:32:51,472 Box of tampons for 15 minutes. 672 00:32:51,555 --> 00:32:54,183 Oh, hell, no. 673 00:32:54,267 --> 00:32:57,478 Look, I'll give you one tampon for an hour. 674 00:32:57,561 --> 00:32:59,272 That's unreasonable. 675 00:32:59,355 --> 00:33:01,107 [scoffs] So is God, but that don't stop him. 676 00:33:01,190 --> 00:33:03,401 Are you comparing yourself to God? 677 00:33:03,484 --> 00:33:04,818 I mean, do you even have, like, 678 00:33:04,902 --> 00:33:07,738 one teeny-tiny, itty-bitty bit of humor left in you? 679 00:33:07,821 --> 00:33:10,366 Or does your headscarf numb that part of your brain? 680 00:33:11,242 --> 00:33:12,994 Offer's off the table. 681 00:33:13,077 --> 00:33:14,953 [smacks lips] Yeah. 682 00:33:15,038 --> 00:33:17,665 That's what I thought. 683 00:33:17,748 --> 00:33:20,626 You know you just lost, right? 684 00:33:20,709 --> 00:33:23,087 [scoffs] Winnin', losin'. 685 00:33:23,171 --> 00:33:27,175 I'm so enlightened, those words don't mean nothin' to me. 686 00:33:30,469 --> 00:33:31,762 [Black Cindy sighs] 687 00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:33,056 [sighs] 688 00:33:38,686 --> 00:33:40,229 [Nicky] Hey, I'm telling you, you made a mistake. 689 00:33:40,313 --> 00:33:42,148 [stammering] I don't get visitors. 690 00:33:48,112 --> 00:33:49,113 [chuckles softly] 691 00:33:49,197 --> 00:33:50,323 [chuckles] 692 00:33:51,782 --> 00:33:53,909 [indistinct conversations] 693 00:34:11,344 --> 00:34:12,803 Hello, sunshine. 694 00:34:12,886 --> 00:34:14,847 Oh, hey, fuckwad. 695 00:34:14,930 --> 00:34:17,225 Thanks for your sappy love letters. 696 00:34:17,308 --> 00:34:19,602 I wanted you to know I cared. 697 00:34:20,311 --> 00:34:22,438 You know, in my family, "fuck you" meant, uh, 698 00:34:22,521 --> 00:34:24,690 "you really get me," so, joke's on you. 699 00:34:26,234 --> 00:34:27,735 What the fuck are you doin' here? 700 00:34:27,818 --> 00:34:29,153 I was in the neighborhood. 701 00:34:30,196 --> 00:34:32,156 Came to say hi, thought you could use some company. 702 00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,408 Yeah, 'cause I'm really lonely, uh... [chuckles] 703 00:34:34,492 --> 00:34:36,327 with my five roommates and 400 other people 704 00:34:36,410 --> 00:34:38,579 that I gotta shit and eat with on a daily basis. 705 00:34:38,662 --> 00:34:39,997 -[slams phone] -Wait! 706 00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:42,416 [scoffs] 707 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,214 You know, you put me in a really crappy position, Nichols. 708 00:34:48,297 --> 00:34:49,757 I almost lost my job because of you. 709 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:51,509 You're shitting me right now, right? 710 00:34:52,968 --> 00:34:54,345 Just gimme a second to work up to it. 711 00:34:55,053 --> 00:34:56,139 [breathes heavily] 712 00:34:56,222 --> 00:34:57,598 Look... 713 00:34:58,516 --> 00:35:00,893 I wanted to say that I'm sorry... 714 00:35:01,519 --> 00:35:02,561 -[scoffs] -...that things 715 00:35:02,645 --> 00:35:04,062 ended up the way that they did. 716 00:35:04,147 --> 00:35:06,857 Now, I'm sure it's not great down here. 717 00:35:08,401 --> 00:35:09,485 There. 718 00:35:10,611 --> 00:35:12,321 -That's it. -Wow! 719 00:35:13,906 --> 00:35:15,491 Are you the symbol of empathy. 720 00:35:15,574 --> 00:35:17,951 No, Luschek, things aren't great. 721 00:35:18,035 --> 00:35:22,998 [scoffs] Let's see, uh... I'm sober, so that's something. 722 00:35:23,081 --> 00:35:26,335 All right, like, uh, intentionally sober, 723 00:35:26,419 --> 00:35:29,713 not barely-skating-by sober, for the first time in my life. 724 00:35:29,797 --> 00:35:32,508 Um... hardest fuckin' thing I've ever done 725 00:35:32,591 --> 00:35:34,760 and, oh, yeah, I picked a hell of a time to do it 726 00:35:34,843 --> 00:35:37,680 considering that anything you want down here is available to you 727 00:35:37,763 --> 00:35:39,932 and less than a foot away at practically all times. 728 00:35:40,015 --> 00:35:43,186 Uh, what else, what else? Let me catch you up, uh... 729 00:35:43,269 --> 00:35:47,356 I have no family, uh... [sobs] I am completely alone. 730 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,275 I have no friends. 731 00:35:49,358 --> 00:35:52,820 And, uh, yeah, yeah! It's all my fault, so... 732 00:35:52,903 --> 00:35:57,032 thank you for coming all the way down here and, uh, reminding me of all that, 733 00:35:57,115 --> 00:36:01,119 while also managing to conveniently clear your own conscience, you know. 734 00:36:01,204 --> 00:36:03,080 -I fuckin' really appreciate it! -[guard] Hey. Hey. 735 00:36:03,164 --> 00:36:04,498 I'm sorry. Uh... 736 00:36:04,582 --> 00:36:06,875 Hey, next time, do me a favor, right, 737 00:36:06,959 --> 00:36:08,126 just do it the old-fashioned way 738 00:36:08,211 --> 00:36:11,214 and cum all over my face and then leave, okay? 739 00:36:11,297 --> 00:36:12,923 Fuck you! 740 00:36:13,006 --> 00:36:14,758 -[sighs] -[buzzer sounds] 741 00:36:14,842 --> 00:36:16,051 [door opens] 742 00:36:19,722 --> 00:36:21,349 [sighs] 743 00:36:21,432 --> 00:36:22,433 [door closes] 744 00:36:22,516 --> 00:36:24,518 [Brook moaning] 745 00:36:44,705 --> 00:36:46,207 [Poussey sniffs] 746 00:36:46,290 --> 00:36:47,375 [kisses] 747 00:36:50,669 --> 00:36:51,795 [Brook] Mmm. 748 00:36:54,089 --> 00:36:56,174 -[exhales] -[chuckles] 749 00:36:56,259 --> 00:36:57,551 You okay? 750 00:37:01,805 --> 00:37:04,642 Does it bother you that I, like... 751 00:37:06,018 --> 00:37:07,102 I never... 752 00:37:08,145 --> 00:37:11,315 -Nah, girl. I'm good. -You know... [sighs] 753 00:37:11,399 --> 00:37:13,150 But it's so one-sided. 754 00:37:13,234 --> 00:37:15,236 You admittin' you're a pillow princess? [chuckles] 755 00:37:15,319 --> 00:37:17,280 -Okay, what is that? [chuckles] -[laughs] 756 00:37:18,697 --> 00:37:20,408 -Oh. -[both chuckle] 757 00:37:20,491 --> 00:37:21,909 You know, like, um... 758 00:37:21,992 --> 00:37:25,621 Your head's always on the pillow, and you don't really do much else. 759 00:37:26,539 --> 00:37:29,667 -[laughs] Stop. -That is totally what I am! 760 00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,002 Oh, no! [chuckling] 761 00:37:32,085 --> 00:37:34,338 See? I don't even know the lingo. 762 00:37:34,422 --> 00:37:36,424 You don't need to know the lingo. 763 00:37:38,884 --> 00:37:40,093 Look. 764 00:37:41,094 --> 00:37:42,179 [sighs] 765 00:37:43,306 --> 00:37:44,848 We'll ease into it, okay? 766 00:37:46,016 --> 00:37:48,561 All right? You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. 767 00:37:51,272 --> 00:37:52,815 You're ready when you're ready. 768 00:37:53,691 --> 00:37:54,942 [chuckles softly] 769 00:37:56,109 --> 00:37:57,152 [Brook chuckles] 770 00:37:59,029 --> 00:38:00,489 [Brook] You taste like vagina. 771 00:38:00,573 --> 00:38:02,491 [snoring loudly] 772 00:38:20,468 --> 00:38:22,803 [snoring continues] 773 00:38:37,401 --> 00:38:38,444 [exhales] 774 00:38:42,448 --> 00:38:45,784 So, did you figure it out yet, you piece of shit? 775 00:38:47,578 --> 00:38:49,997 Rub my nose in it. Thanks. 776 00:38:50,748 --> 00:38:52,040 What happened? 777 00:38:53,542 --> 00:38:55,002 -I went to visit her. -Mmm-hmm. 778 00:38:55,544 --> 00:38:56,545 Made it worse. 779 00:38:56,629 --> 00:39:00,257 Well, did you make it about her? Or did you make it about yourself? 780 00:39:00,924 --> 00:39:02,050 I apologized to her. 781 00:39:02,134 --> 00:39:03,511 I thought you didn't do anything wrong. 782 00:39:04,928 --> 00:39:07,180 [chuckling] Yeah. Well, I didn't. 783 00:39:07,890 --> 00:39:10,476 That makes my apology even more meaningful. 784 00:39:10,559 --> 00:39:11,810 Only if it's genuine. 785 00:39:12,645 --> 00:39:14,688 -Who made up all these rules? -[scoffs] 786 00:39:14,772 --> 00:39:16,649 Do you want me to call you a piece of shit again? 787 00:39:16,732 --> 00:39:18,275 Would that be more helpful? 788 00:39:19,777 --> 00:39:21,028 [sighs] 789 00:39:22,112 --> 00:39:25,157 I gotta tell Caputo how everything went down. 790 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,450 That's the only way to get her out of there. 791 00:39:26,534 --> 00:39:28,118 Won't you lose your job? 792 00:39:29,578 --> 00:39:30,621 Most definitely. 793 00:39:30,704 --> 00:39:34,833 [scoffs] Well, that is the most idiotic plan that I have ever heard. 794 00:39:34,917 --> 00:39:38,671 Now, this is comin' from a lady who once tried to sell her own line of ketchup. 795 00:39:39,505 --> 00:39:42,425 But... Heinz is the only ketchup. 796 00:39:42,508 --> 00:39:44,510 Nobody wants fancy ketchup. 797 00:39:45,010 --> 00:39:46,762 Where were you in '96? 798 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,599 -I was 14. -Oh, go fuck yourself. [laughs] 799 00:39:52,059 --> 00:39:54,562 Honey, you can't confess. 800 00:39:54,645 --> 00:39:57,314 It's not gonna do you or her a lick of good. 801 00:39:57,398 --> 00:40:00,776 And besides, nobody ever confesses because it's the right thing to do. 802 00:40:00,859 --> 00:40:03,028 They confess out of self-interest. 803 00:40:03,946 --> 00:40:05,322 -Yes, exactly! -Hmm. 804 00:40:05,406 --> 00:40:07,491 I can't keep carrying around all this guilt! 805 00:40:07,991 --> 00:40:10,578 Well, sounds like you're gonna have to, my friend. 806 00:40:11,537 --> 00:40:12,955 [sighs] 807 00:40:13,038 --> 00:40:14,873 Now, can I get me some of that? 808 00:40:15,999 --> 00:40:18,752 Come on, butterscotch is my favorite. 809 00:40:21,964 --> 00:40:23,090 Thank you. 810 00:40:26,552 --> 00:40:28,011 Mmm! 811 00:40:29,179 --> 00:40:31,264 I really don't like feelings. 812 00:40:31,348 --> 00:40:32,975 [chuckles] 813 00:40:33,684 --> 00:40:34,893 Uh-uh. 814 00:40:34,977 --> 00:40:36,394 Puff, puff, pass. 815 00:40:41,233 --> 00:40:43,777 Charleston, West Virginia. 816 00:40:43,861 --> 00:40:45,112 -[inmate shouts indistinctly] -[buzzer sounds] 817 00:40:45,195 --> 00:40:47,823 Madison, Wisconsin. 818 00:40:47,906 --> 00:40:49,450 [cell door slams] 819 00:40:49,533 --> 00:40:52,327 Cheyenne, Wyoming. 820 00:40:53,161 --> 00:40:55,456 Montgomery, Alabama. 821 00:40:55,539 --> 00:40:56,582 You, cleaning lady. 822 00:40:56,665 --> 00:40:58,416 We need a mop in room 12. 823 00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:04,923 Well, I prefer Ms. Cleaning Lady, but sure, demean me. 824 00:41:06,258 --> 00:41:07,425 [sighs] 825 00:41:26,820 --> 00:41:28,030 Where's Burset? 826 00:41:29,031 --> 00:41:30,658 Shut up and do your work... 827 00:41:30,741 --> 00:41:33,243 Ms. Cleaning Lady. We need that cell. 828 00:41:43,546 --> 00:41:44,588 [Poussey chuckles] 829 00:41:46,214 --> 00:41:48,258 -Good morning to you, too. -[chuckles] 830 00:41:48,341 --> 00:41:50,177 [Poussey chuckles] 831 00:41:50,260 --> 00:41:51,386 [Brook clears throat] 832 00:41:53,221 --> 00:41:54,222 What's up? 833 00:41:54,306 --> 00:41:56,016 [Brook] Mmm-mmm. [giggles] 834 00:41:56,099 --> 00:41:57,350 [both chuckle] 835 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:00,646 What? 836 00:42:03,941 --> 00:42:06,109 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey. 837 00:42:07,235 --> 00:42:08,696 You don't have to do that. 838 00:42:08,779 --> 00:42:11,323 -But-- -Look, I don't want you to do that 839 00:42:11,406 --> 00:42:13,826 'cause you think that's what I want. 840 00:42:13,909 --> 00:42:16,954 I want you to want to do it. You feel me? 841 00:42:17,788 --> 00:42:19,372 [softly] I don't wanna screw this up again. 842 00:42:20,165 --> 00:42:21,416 [scoffs] 843 00:42:23,794 --> 00:42:25,503 What's... what's going on up there? 844 00:42:28,131 --> 00:42:29,257 [sighs] 845 00:42:32,928 --> 00:42:35,097 What if I never want to? 846 00:42:35,848 --> 00:42:39,017 I just have all these questions, you know? Like... 847 00:42:39,101 --> 00:42:40,728 what does this mean? 848 00:42:41,854 --> 00:42:44,147 What would happen if we both got out? 849 00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:49,987 I... 850 00:42:52,364 --> 00:42:54,366 I don't know if this would be enough for me. 851 00:42:55,784 --> 00:42:58,746 You mean, you don't know if I would be enough for you. 852 00:42:58,829 --> 00:43:03,375 But... No, it's not you. You are amazing. 853 00:43:04,126 --> 00:43:06,962 But you're a girl. [sighs] 854 00:43:07,045 --> 00:43:09,006 So you're saying you don't wanna be with me. 855 00:43:09,089 --> 00:43:10,090 No. 856 00:43:11,091 --> 00:43:12,092 I... 857 00:43:13,135 --> 00:43:14,970 I just don't know... 858 00:43:16,013 --> 00:43:19,516 if I'll ever be what you need me to be. 859 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,393 You gotta let me handle that. 860 00:43:22,352 --> 00:43:23,687 [softly] What do you mean? 861 00:43:25,939 --> 00:43:29,401 [inhales deeply] Look, maybe... 862 00:43:30,986 --> 00:43:33,405 this challenges what you thought you were. 863 00:43:36,033 --> 00:43:40,746 And... maybe I'm gonna get my heart broken in a thousand different pieces. 864 00:43:41,789 --> 00:43:43,290 But those are maybes. 865 00:43:45,626 --> 00:43:47,836 You can't live your life accordin' to maybes. 866 00:43:49,797 --> 00:43:50,881 [chuckles softly] 867 00:43:52,841 --> 00:43:53,842 I love you. 868 00:43:58,681 --> 00:43:59,682 [whispering] You do? 869 00:44:02,142 --> 00:44:03,226 [chuckles] 870 00:44:05,896 --> 00:44:07,773 I love you, too. 871 00:44:10,483 --> 00:44:11,526 [chuckles] 872 00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:20,118 [clattering] 873 00:44:20,202 --> 00:44:22,830 She can see us. Move over. [chuckles] 874 00:44:22,913 --> 00:44:24,331 [indistinct chatter] 875 00:44:27,918 --> 00:44:30,420 [woman speaking indistinctly on PA] 876 00:44:31,714 --> 00:44:33,340 [Lolly] I have 11 cards. 877 00:44:33,423 --> 00:44:34,925 [Alex] You're supposed to have 11 cards. 878 00:44:35,008 --> 00:44:36,760 -[Lolly] Okay, good. That's good. -[Alex laughs] 879 00:44:36,844 --> 00:44:38,553 Then, that... No, this is awesome. 880 00:44:39,221 --> 00:44:40,305 Hey, Alex. 881 00:44:41,389 --> 00:44:42,683 Can I talk to you for a sec? 882 00:44:43,767 --> 00:44:45,643 -Alone? -Whatever you need to say to me, 883 00:44:45,728 --> 00:44:47,604 you can say in front of my good friend, Lolly, here. 884 00:44:47,687 --> 00:44:49,314 That's me. I'm the good friend. 885 00:44:49,397 --> 00:44:51,149 I didn't know you two were so close. 886 00:44:51,233 --> 00:44:53,526 Oh, you didn't get the, uh, friend announcement that we sent out? 887 00:44:53,610 --> 00:44:54,694 [chuckles] 888 00:44:54,778 --> 00:44:58,031 I'm kind of in a rush, but I would really like to talk to you. 889 00:44:58,115 --> 00:44:59,699 It's not laundry day. 890 00:45:00,533 --> 00:45:03,120 Well, I've got a lot of dirty stuff, so... 891 00:45:05,247 --> 00:45:08,125 Okay. [scoffs] Cool. 892 00:45:09,042 --> 00:45:11,169 What did you mean when you said you were right? 893 00:45:14,506 --> 00:45:16,466 Nothing, I just... 894 00:45:16,549 --> 00:45:19,261 I just knew you were gonna get swept up in all that. 895 00:45:21,554 --> 00:45:22,639 Oh. 896 00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,978 Well, they say hindsight is 20/20, so... 897 00:45:28,061 --> 00:45:29,271 See you later. 898 00:45:31,774 --> 00:45:36,820 Okay, that was like watching a really bad play. 899 00:45:39,907 --> 00:45:41,199 [indistinct chatter] 900 00:45:55,088 --> 00:45:56,714 What the hell is this mess doin' here? 901 00:45:56,799 --> 00:45:58,884 [stammering] We had it cleared 20 minutes ago, sir. 902 00:45:58,967 --> 00:46:01,469 I left to go on rounds, and by the time I came back, 903 00:46:01,553 --> 00:46:03,471 it was up again. We can't keep on top of it. 904 00:46:03,555 --> 00:46:06,058 Well, take care of it. Now. 905 00:46:07,642 --> 00:46:10,562 -Hey, you have a place to sleep. -[Pidge] Ow! What the fuck? 906 00:46:10,645 --> 00:46:13,023 Rouse it up! You have quarters. 907 00:46:13,106 --> 00:46:16,443 -Who the fuck just kicked me? -[Piscatella] Wake-up time. 908 00:46:16,526 --> 00:46:18,320 -I was just-- [gasps] -[inmates exclaim] 909 00:46:18,403 --> 00:46:20,948 [Piscatella] Get these pillows, get these sheets, fold them. 910 00:46:21,031 --> 00:46:22,615 It hasn't even healed yet! 911 00:46:22,699 --> 00:46:24,201 [Piscatella] Come on. 912 00:46:24,284 --> 00:46:28,455 You don't need your own tepee. This is a prison, not a sleepover. 913 00:46:28,538 --> 00:46:30,958 [Ouija] Oh, shit! Yo, warden! 914 00:46:31,041 --> 00:46:33,751 Hey, yo. Long time no see, man. 915 00:46:33,836 --> 00:46:35,170 Yo, how's it hanging? 916 00:46:35,253 --> 00:46:38,548 -Hey, looking sharp, huh? -Step back, inmate. 917 00:46:38,631 --> 00:46:39,757 We have this handled, sir. 918 00:46:39,842 --> 00:46:41,551 -[sighs] -[Pennsatucky] Hey, Mr. Caputo. 919 00:46:41,634 --> 00:46:44,512 Look at this. It's a basket I've been making. 920 00:46:44,596 --> 00:46:45,848 You wanna know how? 921 00:46:45,931 --> 00:46:48,391 -Sure. -I've been unraveling all the socks 922 00:46:48,475 --> 00:46:49,809 that people throw away. 923 00:46:49,893 --> 00:46:54,272 Individually dyeing each strand with the pink soap in the bathroom, 924 00:46:54,356 --> 00:46:58,110 or the green mush, I think it's peas, and other stuff with color. 925 00:46:58,193 --> 00:47:03,448 Then, I took the string and I weaved it over trash bags. 926 00:47:03,531 --> 00:47:06,118 Three hundred hours. Still not done. 927 00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,453 Yeah, idle time is the devil's workshop. 928 00:47:08,536 --> 00:47:10,205 When do we get to work? 929 00:47:10,288 --> 00:47:13,125 [Zirconia] Yeah, I can't pay for nothin' at commissary. 930 00:47:13,208 --> 00:47:15,418 Age discrimination. That's what I'm calling it. 931 00:47:15,502 --> 00:47:18,213 Inmates, back up. 932 00:47:18,296 --> 00:47:19,839 I'll have this under control in five minutes-- 933 00:47:19,923 --> 00:47:21,091 I've got this. 934 00:47:23,343 --> 00:47:27,597 Ladies, I have heard your complaints... 935 00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:31,101 and trust me, they have not fallen on deaf ears. 936 00:47:31,726 --> 00:47:33,770 In fact, I can't tell you much yet, 937 00:47:33,853 --> 00:47:39,151 but we have an exciting new educational program that will be announced soon. 938 00:47:39,234 --> 00:47:41,153 Bringin' back the GED program? 939 00:47:41,236 --> 00:47:43,405 [inmate 1] Yeah, remember that one? [inmate 2] Mmm. 940 00:47:43,488 --> 00:47:45,532 I think you'll all be very satisfied. 941 00:47:45,615 --> 00:47:48,201 In the meantime, hang in there. 942 00:47:48,285 --> 00:47:50,828 Keep your heads up, okay? And... 943 00:47:52,039 --> 00:47:55,375 take care of each other. This is beautiful work. 944 00:47:55,458 --> 00:47:58,545 Thanks. [smacks lips] And I'll believe it when I see it. 945 00:47:58,628 --> 00:48:00,880 -You'll see it. -All right, let's go. Make a path. 946 00:48:00,964 --> 00:48:02,424 Let's make a path. 947 00:48:02,507 --> 00:48:04,092 [inmates speaking indistinctly] 948 00:48:04,176 --> 00:48:05,427 Caputo! 949 00:48:05,510 --> 00:48:09,681 [inmates chanting] Caputo! Caputo! Caputo! 950 00:48:13,643 --> 00:48:15,853 -What happened to you? -I'm not sure. 951 00:48:18,523 --> 00:48:21,068 -She's still out? -Goin' on hour 19 now. 952 00:48:25,530 --> 00:48:27,365 Guess she really needed to sleep. 953 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,202 I'm sorry, okay? 954 00:48:30,285 --> 00:48:32,412 God, why is everyone always so mad at me? 955 00:48:33,413 --> 00:48:34,581 [Maritza] You think she's dead? 956 00:48:35,707 --> 00:48:38,418 I don't like her that much, but I wouldn't want her to be dead or nothin'. 957 00:48:38,501 --> 00:48:41,588 We'd have heard if she was dead. Ain't no secrets in this place. 958 00:48:41,671 --> 00:48:45,258 But if she is dead, I call dibs on those little glasses she wears on a string. 959 00:48:45,342 --> 00:48:47,135 I think my eyes are starting to go. 960 00:48:47,219 --> 00:48:49,262 Looks like it's your lucky day, inmate. 961 00:48:50,180 --> 00:48:51,806 Yo, what the fuck are you doing? 962 00:48:51,889 --> 00:48:54,351 -Get off me, man. Ouch! -Nah, I don't think I will. 963 00:48:54,434 --> 00:48:55,602 We searched your bunks. 964 00:48:55,685 --> 00:48:57,479 Found some interesting evidence under your bed. 965 00:48:57,562 --> 00:48:59,189 -What? What? -Underwear evidence. 966 00:48:59,272 --> 00:49:00,690 Dude, you blew the mystery. 967 00:49:00,773 --> 00:49:03,068 Oh, come on. Like she doesn't know what's under her own bunk? 968 00:49:09,324 --> 00:49:11,159 What the fuck? 969 00:49:12,410 --> 00:49:16,331 As I understand, Cindy, you need a cell phone. 970 00:49:16,414 --> 00:49:19,334 -Mmm-hmm. -Abdullah, you have a cell phone. 971 00:49:19,417 --> 00:49:23,463 I am sure we can reach some sort of agreement for this problem. 972 00:49:23,546 --> 00:49:26,549 No, the problem is she gobblin' up all my real estate 973 00:49:26,633 --> 00:49:28,176 like some hateful Monopoly shoe. 974 00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:32,389 I am always the car in Monopoly. 975 00:49:33,181 --> 00:49:34,391 You know... 976 00:49:34,474 --> 00:49:38,978 I never did shit to you except claim what was rightfully mine. 977 00:49:39,854 --> 00:49:42,607 They gave me a bed, I slept in it. 978 00:49:42,690 --> 00:49:45,818 And ever since, you been makin' this bunk an unsafe place. 979 00:49:45,902 --> 00:49:47,779 [Black Cindy laughs sarcastically] 980 00:49:47,862 --> 00:49:51,158 See, that's funny, 'cause I think nine out of ten experts would agree 981 00:49:51,241 --> 00:49:54,119 that you made shit unsafe when you put a bomb in here. 982 00:49:54,202 --> 00:49:58,206 I retaliated against actions you took. 983 00:49:58,290 --> 00:50:00,417 -Oh, hell, no... -[indistinct arguing] 984 00:50:00,500 --> 00:50:04,754 Ladies! Ladies. Let's remember to use "I" statements, please. 985 00:50:04,837 --> 00:50:08,425 Seems like diggin' up the past ain't gonna get us nowhere. 986 00:50:08,508 --> 00:50:14,056 Let's try to remember to stay focused on moving forward. 987 00:50:15,223 --> 00:50:16,766 Fine. 988 00:50:16,849 --> 00:50:18,810 I... want in. 989 00:50:18,893 --> 00:50:22,105 You can use the phone for however long you want, 990 00:50:22,189 --> 00:50:25,483 if I get 25% of the payday you get from that magazine. 991 00:50:25,567 --> 00:50:26,776 [snorts] 992 00:50:26,859 --> 00:50:28,945 -Seems fair to me. Cindy? -[scoffs] 993 00:50:31,323 --> 00:50:32,657 I don't trust her. 994 00:50:33,408 --> 00:50:36,578 So? You think people trusted L. Ron Hubbard? 995 00:50:37,370 --> 00:50:39,664 Fuck, no. But that don't stop Scientologists 996 00:50:39,747 --> 00:50:41,958 from handing over fistfuls of money to him. 997 00:50:42,041 --> 00:50:44,627 I know! Hold... 998 00:50:44,711 --> 00:50:47,672 -You read Going Clear? -Of course! 999 00:50:47,755 --> 00:50:50,717 How about when that crazy psycho told his wife 1000 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:52,969 to kill herself so he wouldn't have to get divorced? 1001 00:50:53,052 --> 00:50:54,887 -I know, man! I know! -Mmm-hmm. 1002 00:50:54,971 --> 00:50:56,848 You know them fuckers don't even pay taxes? 1003 00:50:56,931 --> 00:50:59,351 -Oh, girl! -And we're the criminals? 1004 00:50:59,434 --> 00:51:02,104 I heard that. Oh, I got a theory! 1005 00:51:02,187 --> 00:51:03,313 -What's your theory, dawg? -[blows raspberries] 1006 00:51:03,396 --> 00:51:05,982 What if he like Tupac? Not really dead. 1007 00:51:06,065 --> 00:51:07,567 -Mmm. -Still alive? 1008 00:51:07,650 --> 00:51:09,486 -Alive! -[laughs] 1009 00:51:11,529 --> 00:51:14,449 -They're not mine. -I should hope not. 1010 00:51:14,532 --> 00:51:17,285 That's a lot of dirty underpants for one girl... 1011 00:51:17,369 --> 00:51:19,954 -in a lot of different sizes. -Yeah, I didn't do nothing. 1012 00:51:20,037 --> 00:51:23,416 See, that's where our perspectives start to diverge, Ruiz... 1013 00:51:23,500 --> 00:51:25,918 because the evidence says otherwise. 1014 00:51:26,002 --> 00:51:27,254 Come on. 1015 00:51:28,588 --> 00:51:30,257 Everyone knows that's Chapman's gig. 1016 00:51:30,923 --> 00:51:32,425 -Chapman? -[scoffs] 1017 00:51:32,509 --> 00:51:36,221 Who started the very task force that uncovered your illegal operation? 1018 00:51:36,304 --> 00:51:38,890 [chuckles] I don't think so. 1019 00:51:38,973 --> 00:51:41,559 That's it, isn't it, right? 1020 00:51:41,643 --> 00:51:43,811 If I was white and blonde, 1021 00:51:43,895 --> 00:51:47,064 you wouldn't think so about me, either. [clicks tongue] 1022 00:51:47,149 --> 00:51:50,693 Well, that's some corrupt racist bullshit you're runnin' 'round here. 1023 00:51:51,819 --> 00:51:55,365 In light of your crimes... I will be recommending 1024 00:51:55,448 --> 00:51:59,369 that the judge add three to five years to your sentence. 1025 00:52:00,787 --> 00:52:02,705 Uh... what? 1026 00:52:03,873 --> 00:52:06,668 Are you-- [stammers] You can't do that. 1027 00:52:07,669 --> 00:52:11,381 Come on, just send me to the SHU for a couple of weeks and get it over with. 1028 00:52:11,464 --> 00:52:15,218 It's fucking underwear! We're not talking about drugs here! Jesus! 1029 00:52:15,968 --> 00:52:17,053 That would be easy, right? 1030 00:52:17,136 --> 00:52:19,847 Send you away for a couple weeks, forget this ever happened. 1031 00:52:20,723 --> 00:52:23,518 Well, that's not how things work around here anymore, inmate. 1032 00:52:24,018 --> 00:52:25,562 -You stole property... -[scoffs] 1033 00:52:25,645 --> 00:52:29,232 ...from a private company and started a for-profit business. 1034 00:52:29,316 --> 00:52:31,901 You organized inmates. 1035 00:52:31,984 --> 00:52:33,445 You ask me, 1036 00:52:33,528 --> 00:52:36,113 -looks a whole lot like gang activity... -Oh, come on. 1037 00:52:36,198 --> 00:52:39,201 ...which you would know a lot about, wouldn't you? 1038 00:52:39,284 --> 00:52:40,535 Isn't that the family business? 1039 00:52:41,911 --> 00:52:44,414 You know what we do with gang leaders, Ruiz? 1040 00:52:45,498 --> 00:52:47,209 We make examples of 'em. 1041 00:52:48,626 --> 00:52:51,671 So get back down there and tell your muchachas 1042 00:52:51,754 --> 00:52:53,673 how poor choices... 1043 00:52:53,756 --> 00:52:54,799 can ruin a life. 1044 00:52:56,259 --> 00:52:57,719 Maybe cry... 1045 00:52:58,428 --> 00:52:59,762 'cause it's so sad. 1046 00:53:04,392 --> 00:53:05,560 [sighs] 1047 00:53:09,439 --> 00:53:10,898 [knocking on door] 1048 00:53:13,610 --> 00:53:17,905 Just say thank you, and then get back to being your cute, gruff self. 1049 00:53:19,407 --> 00:53:22,410 -Excuse me? -I solved your problem. Say thank you. 1050 00:53:23,620 --> 00:53:26,539 -What problem? -[scoffs] With your little friend? 1051 00:53:27,164 --> 00:53:28,165 I don't understand. 1052 00:53:28,250 --> 00:53:30,209 Oh, honey. 1053 00:53:30,293 --> 00:53:33,004 A little money and a good lawyer go a long way. 1054 00:53:33,087 --> 00:53:35,757 [scoffs] Then why are you in prison? 1055 00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,216 [chuckles] 1056 00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:39,886 You don't wanna fuck with the IRS, that's all I can tell you. 1057 00:53:41,220 --> 00:53:42,264 So she's really comin' back? 1058 00:53:42,347 --> 00:53:45,892 Ugh. Don't look at me like I am some kind of saint. 1059 00:53:46,726 --> 00:53:48,978 You're my only friend in here. 1060 00:53:49,061 --> 00:53:51,731 I was not about to let you make some kind of stupid decision 1061 00:53:51,814 --> 00:53:54,191 and leave me here all by myself. 1062 00:53:54,276 --> 00:53:56,319 Nor could I take your bellyaching anymore. 1063 00:53:56,403 --> 00:53:58,613 -[chuckles] -Two birds, one stone. 1064 00:53:58,696 --> 00:54:01,240 Now, get over here. 1065 00:54:01,324 --> 00:54:02,742 Have a seat. 1066 00:54:03,826 --> 00:54:04,994 I'm-- I really shouldn't. 1067 00:54:05,077 --> 00:54:08,247 If you close that door, nobody will know you're in here. 1068 00:54:12,335 --> 00:54:13,795 [laughs] 1069 00:54:15,505 --> 00:54:16,756 [Judy] Oh, I'm sorry. 1070 00:54:16,839 --> 00:54:18,841 Did I make it sound like you had a choice? 1071 00:54:20,843 --> 00:54:22,345 I took care of you. 1072 00:54:23,888 --> 00:54:26,766 Now you are gonna take care of me. 1073 00:54:27,850 --> 00:54:29,811 [whispers] Butterscotch. 1074 00:54:30,978 --> 00:54:32,439 [chuckles] 1075 00:54:32,522 --> 00:54:33,648 [sighs] 1076 00:54:50,582 --> 00:54:52,750 -Stay cool. -What's happening? 1077 00:54:52,834 --> 00:54:54,377 I was a shark. 1078 00:54:54,461 --> 00:54:55,503 I made a move. 1079 00:54:56,170 --> 00:54:57,797 [breathing heavily] 1080 00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:04,095 I am going to bury you! 1081 00:55:04,178 --> 00:55:07,640 You're never coming back from this. Never. 1082 00:55:14,731 --> 00:55:15,857 What did you do? 1083 00:55:15,940 --> 00:55:19,026 [breathing shakily] I had to protect my people. 1084 00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:22,530 I had to. 1085 00:55:26,701 --> 00:55:28,077 You okay? 1086 00:55:29,412 --> 00:55:31,456 [breathes deeply] 1087 00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,251 They're giving me more time. 1088 00:55:35,334 --> 00:55:38,337 This bitch frames me, and they're stealing my life. 1089 00:55:38,421 --> 00:55:39,756 What? Over fucking panties? 1090 00:55:39,839 --> 00:55:41,424 Yo, my baby girl's gonna be in kindergarten 1091 00:55:41,508 --> 00:55:43,134 by the time I get outta here now. 1092 00:55:44,010 --> 00:55:45,219 That bitch is mine. 1093 00:55:51,643 --> 00:55:53,770 Fuck it. [sniffles] 1094 00:55:54,771 --> 00:55:56,856 -We goin' legit. -Fuck, yeah. 1095 00:55:56,939 --> 00:55:58,190 You talkin' 'bout drugs? 1096 00:55:58,274 --> 00:56:00,234 -Yes, you idiot. -All right. 1097 00:56:00,317 --> 00:56:01,861 It's about time we was for real. 1098 00:56:10,036 --> 00:56:11,496 [indistinct chatter] 1099 00:56:27,679 --> 00:56:28,930 I'm here about the thing. 1100 00:56:33,142 --> 00:56:34,436 You understand the payment? 1101 00:56:54,747 --> 00:56:56,666 [sighs] Need your signature on this. 1102 00:57:02,505 --> 00:57:03,548 Nichols? 1103 00:57:05,091 --> 00:57:06,300 Huh. 1104 00:57:07,218 --> 00:57:10,012 Well, my prodigal daughter returneth. 1105 00:57:23,693 --> 00:57:25,361 Payment first. 1106 00:57:42,462 --> 00:57:44,464 [mournful pop music playing]