1
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,404
Here's the problem with teleportation.

2
00:00:10,915 --> 00:00:12,164
Lay it on me.

3
00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:15,699
Assuming a device could be invented
which would identify

4
00:00:15,819 --> 00:00:18,438
the quantum state of matter
of an individual in one location

5
00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:21,688
and transmit that pattern to a
distant location for reassembly,

6
00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:23,859
you would not have transported
the individual.

7
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:26,284
You would have destroyed him
in one location

8
00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:28,373
and recreated him in another.

9
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:31,562
How about that.

10
00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:35,154
Personally,
I would never use a transporter,

11
00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:37,833
because the original Sheldon
would have to be disintegrated

12
00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:39,954
in order to create a new Sheldon.

13
00:00:41,163 --> 00:00:44,864
Would the new Sheldon be in any way
an improvement on the old Sheldon?

14
00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:48,112
No, he would be exactly the same.

15
00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:49,901
That is a problem.

16
00:00:50,673 --> 00:00:51,763
So you see it too.

17
00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,849
Dr. Hofstadter. Dr. Cooper.

18
00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:56,225
Dr. Gablehauser.

19
00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:58,727
Gentlemen, I'd like
you to meet Dennis Kim.

20
00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:01,822
Dennis is a highly sought-after
doctoral candidate,

21
00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,066
and we're hoping
he'll do his graduate work here.

22
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:07,789
- Graduate work. Very impressive.
- And he's only 15 years old.

23
00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:11,347
Not bad... I, myself,
started graduate school at 14.

24
00:01:11,752 --> 00:01:15,203
Well, I lost a year while my family
was tunneling out of North Korea.

25
00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:19,135
Advantage: Kim.

26
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,249
I thought maybe you boys
could show Dennis around.

27
00:01:23,369 --> 00:01:26,585
Let him see why we're the best physics
research facility in the country.

28
00:01:26,705 --> 00:01:28,050
I already know you're not.

29
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,379
You don't have an Open Science Grid
computer or a free electron laser.

30
00:01:31,499 --> 00:01:34,389
The string theory research being done
here is nothing but a dead end.

31
00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:37,953
Excuse me, that is my research,
and it is by no means a dead end.

32
00:01:38,471 --> 00:01:41,061
Obviously you don't see it yet,
but trust me, you will.

33
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:45,688
Dennis, we've discussed this.

34
00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,985
We're in the process
of updating our equipment,

35
00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:50,321
and we welcome your input
on our research goals.

36
00:01:50,483 --> 00:01:51,986
We've agreed to look the other way

37
00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:54,378
if you use up to 20%
of the grant money you attract

38
00:01:54,498 --> 00:01:56,578
to smuggle your grandfather
out of Pyongyang.

39
00:01:58,332 --> 00:02:00,257
We want him here, boys.

40
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,378
- Make it happen.
- Yes, sir.

41
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:04,285
You can count on us.
We're on it.

42
00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:06,504
What the hell do you mean, "dead end"?

43
00:02:07,097 --> 00:02:10,047
I mean, the whole landscape
of false vacuums in string theory

44
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:13,454
could be as large as 10
to the 500th power. In addition...

45
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,095
Look, chocolate milk.

46
00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:20,595
I sense a disturbance in the Force.

47
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:23,883
A bad feeling I have about this.

48
00:02:25,141 --> 00:02:27,356
Episode 112
The Jerusalem Duality

49
00:02:28,908 --> 00:02:31,992
Transcript: swsub.com
Synchro: sub-way.fr | italiansubs.net

50
00:02:48,228 --> 00:02:50,386
Dennis, how long
have you been in America?

51
00:02:50,506 --> 00:02:52,137
- A year and a half.
- No kidding.

52
00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:55,007
- You speak English really well.
- So do you.

53
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:59,065
Except for your tendency
to end sentences with prepositions.

54
00:03:00,553 --> 00:03:02,403
What are you talking about?

55
00:03:03,797 --> 00:03:04,620
That.

56
00:03:05,974 --> 00:03:07,273
He's not wrong.

57
00:03:08,401 --> 00:03:10,518
All right... And this is my office.

58
00:03:10,729 --> 00:03:13,153
- Is this part of the tour?
- Nope. Goodbye.

59
00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:16,282
Sheldon,
we've hardly shown him anything.

60
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:19,291
All right. This is my desk.

61
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:23,038
These are my books; this is my door.
Please close it behind you. Goodbye.

62
00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,788
Looks like you're doing work
in quantum loop corrections.

63
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,777
Keen observation. Goodbye.

64
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:33,033
You see where you went wrong, don't you?

65
00:03:36,629 --> 00:03:37,553
Get him out.

66
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,432
Come on. I'll show you the rec center.
They've got Nautilus equipment.

67
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,392
Do I look like I lift weights?

68
00:03:44,573 --> 00:03:45,993
Not heavy ones.

69
00:03:47,257 --> 00:03:49,016
It's startling you haven't considered

70
00:03:49,136 --> 00:03:51,886
a Lorentz invariant
or field theory approach.

71
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,666
You think I haven't considered it?

72
00:03:53,786 --> 00:03:55,822
You really think
I haven't considered it?

73
00:03:55,984 --> 00:03:57,495
Have you considered it?

74
00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:01,019
- Get him out, Leonard.
- Come on, Dennis.

75
00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:03,034
I'll show you the radiation lab.

76
00:04:04,323 --> 00:04:06,207
You won the Stevenson Award?

77
00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:10,308
Yes. In fact, I am
the youngest person ever to win it.

78
00:04:11,028 --> 00:04:12,956
Really? How old?

79
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:14,506
Fourteen and a half.

80
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:16,759
You were the youngest person
ever to win it.

81
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,057
It's like looking into an obnoxious
little mirror, isn't it?

82
00:04:28,306 --> 00:04:30,359
This is really delicious, isn't it?

83
00:04:34,185 --> 00:04:36,781
Still can't talk to me
unless you're drunk, huh?

84
00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:41,395
Sweetie, you are so damaged.

85
00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:45,595
Hey, I'm damaged, too.

86
00:04:46,471 --> 00:04:48,154
How about a hug for Howie?

87
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,967
Sure. Raj, hug Howard.

88
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:57,800
Something you'd like to share?

89
00:04:59,023 --> 00:05:00,976
A tale of woe, perhaps?

90
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,055
15 years old.

91
00:05:03,484 --> 00:05:07,010
Dennis Kim is 15 years old,
and he's already correcting my work.

92
00:05:07,255 --> 00:05:10,740
Today, I went from being
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to...

93
00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:13,983
- You know, that other guy.
- Antonio Salieri?

94
00:05:15,031 --> 00:05:17,486
Oh God, now even you
are smarter than me.

95
00:05:18,799 --> 00:05:20,840
You know, you don't have so many friends

96
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,076
that you can afford to
start insulting them.

97
00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:26,078
Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.

98
00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:27,693
Why waste food?

99
00:05:27,813 --> 00:05:30,680
In Texas, when a cow goes dry,
they don't keep feeding it, they just...

100
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,550
take her out and shoot
her between the eyes.

101
00:05:34,078 --> 00:05:36,719
I'm confused.
Did Sheldon stop giving milk?

102
00:05:38,517 --> 00:05:40,474
You can't let this kid get to you.

103
00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:44,005
You always knew that someday someone
younger and smarter would come along.

104
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:46,972
Yes, but I assumed I would've
been dead hundreds of years

105
00:05:47,092 --> 00:05:50,395
and that there'd be an asterisk
by his name because he'd be a cyborg.

106
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:55,311
So you've got a little competition.
I really don't see what the big deal is.

107
00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:58,459
Of course you don't.
You've never excelled at anything.

108
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:04,117
I don't understand exactly how did
he get any friends in the first place?

109
00:06:05,048 --> 00:06:06,506
We liked Leonard.

110
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:10,706
What are you gonna do, just give up?

111
00:06:12,566 --> 00:06:15,104
It's what a rational person does
when his entire life's work

112
00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:18,442
is invalidated
by a postpubescent Asian wunderkind.

113
00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:21,565
He ceases his fruitless efforts,

114
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:24,130
he donates his body
to scientific research,

115
00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:25,850
and he waits to die.

116
00:06:27,927 --> 00:06:29,779
I'm confused again.
Is he waiting,

117
00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:32,378
or do we get to shoot
him between the eyes?

118
00:06:37,469 --> 00:06:40,478
I've decided you're right.
My career is not over.

119
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:41,605
Great!

120
00:06:41,816 --> 00:06:44,493
Since the arrival of Dennis Kim
has rendered my research pointless,

121
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,951
I just have to find something else
to focus on.

122
00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:48,236
Great!

123
00:06:48,447 --> 00:06:51,081
So I've decided.
I'm going to collaborate with you.

124
00:06:54,294 --> 00:06:55,154
Great.

125
00:06:55,955 --> 00:06:57,795
So what exactly is it you do?

126
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:02,884
You chatter on about it all the time,
but I've never really paid attention.

127
00:07:03,732 --> 00:07:06,011
Right now, I'm designing an experiment

128
00:07:06,222 --> 00:07:08,592
to study the soft component
of cosmic radiation at see level,

129
00:07:08,712 --> 00:07:11,762
- but I really don't need any help.
- Sure you do.

130
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:15,300
See, what's this here in the schematic?
Is that a laser array?

131
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:16,890
- Yes.
- Now...

132
00:07:20,378 --> 00:07:23,320
What happens if you use argon lasers
instead of helium-neon?

133
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:25,823
- It would blow up.
- Are you sure?

134
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:27,408
Pretty sure.

135
00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:29,301
"Pretty sure" is not very scientific.

136
00:07:29,421 --> 00:07:32,789
Is this how you normally work?
Just hunches and guesses and stuff?

137
00:07:35,143 --> 00:07:38,002
I understand that you're going
through a bit of a career cris,

138
00:07:38,164 --> 00:07:40,254
you're searching for some other area

139
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,344
where you can feel
valuable and productive,

140
00:07:42,464 --> 00:07:44,952
but I need to tell you something.
I want you to listen carefully.

141
00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:47,488
- All right.
- Go away.

142
00:07:50,397 --> 00:07:52,559
If you're concerned about
sharing credit with me,

143
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,869
your name can go first...
I'm going.

144
00:07:59,263 --> 00:08:01,786
It's a small, brown paper bag, Ma!

145
00:08:01,906 --> 00:08:03,682
I'm looking in it right now.

146
00:08:05,073 --> 00:08:08,344
Why would I make that up?
There's no Ding Dong in it.

147
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:14,719
How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow
gonna help me today?

148
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:17,956
So...

149
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:20,086
This is Engineering, huh?

150
00:08:20,492 --> 00:08:22,062
I'll talk to you later.

151
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:23,729
Engineering.

152
00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:25,808
Where the noble semiskilled laborers

153
00:08:25,928 --> 00:08:28,345
execute the vision
of those who think and dream.

154
00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:31,597
Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

155
00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:35,976
Sheldon, what are you doing here?

156
00:08:36,527 --> 00:08:38,388
I just came by to say hello.

157
00:08:38,598 --> 00:08:41,231
I've been in this lab for 3 years.
You've never come by to say hello.

158
00:08:41,392 --> 00:08:43,852
Up until now,
I've had better things to do.

159
00:08:45,356 --> 00:08:47,215
So, what are we making today?

160
00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,385
A small payload support structure

161
00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:51,609
for a European science
experimental package

162
00:08:51,729 --> 00:08:55,312
- that's going up on a space shuttle.
- Really? How does it work?

163
00:08:55,432 --> 00:08:57,706
When this is done, it will be
attached to the payload bay,

164
00:08:57,868 --> 00:09:00,418
and the sensor apparatus
will rest on it.

165
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:04,785
So, it's a shelf.

166
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,970
No, you don't understand.
During acceleration,

167
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:13,498
it needs to stay perfectly level
and provide...

168
00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:14,974
Yeah, it's a shelf.

169
00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:17,531
I notice you're using titanium.

170
00:09:17,651 --> 00:09:20,052
Did you give any consideration
to carbon nanotubes?

171
00:09:20,172 --> 00:09:23,691
They're lighter, cheaper,
and have twice the tensile strength.

172
00:09:24,319 --> 00:09:26,017
There's a diploma in my office

173
00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:28,655
that says I have a
master's in engineering.

174
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:32,616
You also have a note from your mother
that says, "I love you, Bubula."

175
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:38,330
But neither of those is a cogent
argument for titanium over nanotubes.

176
00:09:40,502 --> 00:09:42,003
Go away!

177
00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:44,837
Did Leonard tell you to say that?

178
00:09:45,443 --> 00:09:47,172
No, I thought of it all by myself.

179
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,128
That can't be a coincidence.

180
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:55,105
There must be
some causal link I'm missing.

181
00:09:58,285 --> 00:09:59,850
Go away!

182
00:10:08,601 --> 00:10:10,507
Curiouser and curiouser.

183
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,668
- Is he here?
- If he were, I wouldn't be.

184
00:10:17,778 --> 00:10:20,417
Do you know what he did?
He watched me work for 10 min,

185
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:24,506
and then started to design a simple
piece of software that could replace me.

186
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,254
Is that even possible?

187
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,148
As it turns out, yes.

188
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,801
Something's got to be done about him.

189
00:10:33,012 --> 00:10:35,548
Like what? He'll never be
able to cope with the fact

190
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,891
that some 15-year-old kid is smarter
and more accomplished than he is.

191
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:41,553
What if something happened to this boy

192
00:10:41,673 --> 00:10:43,646
so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?

193
00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:47,290
Then our problem would be solved.

194
00:10:48,292 --> 00:10:51,070
Hang on, are we talking
about murdering Dennis Kim?

195
00:10:52,407 --> 00:10:53,711
I'm not saying no.

196
00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:58,069
We don't have to go that far.
There are other means available.

197
00:10:58,189 --> 00:11:00,357
We can't send him back to North Korea.

198
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:02,493
He knows how to get out.

199
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:07,836
The only thing we need to do
is make this Kim kid lose his focus.

200
00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:10,881
Won't happen. He is not interested
in anything but physics.

201
00:11:11,092 --> 00:11:12,771
- What about biology?
- What?

202
00:11:12,891 --> 00:11:14,556
You know, biology.

203
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:19,325
The one thing that can completely
derail a world-class mind.

204
00:11:19,718 --> 00:11:20,599
He's 15.

205
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,419
Yeah, so? When I was 15,
I met Denise Palmeri

206
00:11:23,607 --> 00:11:26,668
and my grade point average
fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.

207
00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:29,110
She was sleeping with you?

208
00:11:29,450 --> 00:11:30,602
No, I just...

209
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,989
wasted a lot of time thinking
about what it would be like if she did.

210
00:11:35,456 --> 00:11:37,430
Oh, good, you're all here.

211
00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:39,419
Look, if the three of you drop

212
00:11:39,539 --> 00:11:41,522
whatever it is you're working on
and join me,

213
00:11:41,642 --> 00:11:45,359
we could lick cold fusion in less
than a decade. 12 years, tops.

214
00:11:48,201 --> 00:11:49,128
Go away?

215
00:11:53,511 --> 00:11:54,713
Could it be me?

216
00:11:58,602 --> 00:11:59,608
What's up?

217
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,267
We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl
with a thing for smart guys.

218
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:04,810
What?

219
00:12:04,971 --> 00:12:08,340
Howard, that's racist.
Any 15-year-old girl will do the trick.

220
00:12:15,122 --> 00:12:17,872
It's possible she may have
misunderstood us.

221
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,116
Dr. Cooper.
Are we interrupting?

222
00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:28,805
No, please come in.
I think you'll appreciate this.

223
00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:30,336
This is very exciting.

224
00:12:30,498 --> 00:12:32,601
- What are you working on?
- Something remarkable.

225
00:12:32,721 --> 00:12:35,258
Since my prospects for the Nobel prize
in physics have disappeared

226
00:12:35,468 --> 00:12:37,050
thank you very much,

227
00:12:37,187 --> 00:12:39,451
I've decided to refocus my efforts

228
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:42,057
and use my people skills
to win the Nobel peace prize.

229
00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:44,683
I will solve
the Middle East crisis

230
00:12:44,914 --> 00:12:47,090
by building an exact replica
of Jerusalem

231
00:12:47,210 --> 00:12:49,460
in the middle of the Mexican desert.

232
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,357
To what end?

233
00:12:51,697 --> 00:12:53,356
It's like the baseball movie.

234
00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:55,335
"Build it and they will come."

235
00:12:56,711 --> 00:12:57,738
Who will come?

236
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,394
The Jewish people.

237
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,202
- What if they don't come?
- We'll make it nice, put out a spread.

238
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,956
Okay, well, speaking of spreads,

239
00:13:07,076 --> 00:13:09,908
we're having a small welcoming party
this afternoon for Mr. Kim

240
00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,419
who's agreed to join us here
at the university.

241
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:13,935
Of course he has.

242
00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:16,821
The Oracle told us
little Neo was the one.

243
00:13:19,310 --> 00:13:21,460
You can see the matrix, can't you?

244
00:13:22,256 --> 00:13:25,490
Well, obviously you're very busy
with your...

245
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,377
Come, Dennis.

246
00:13:28,951 --> 00:13:32,302
You'll have to excuse Dr. Cooper.
He's been under a lot of...

247
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:34,116
He's nuts.

248
00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:44,486
They'll come, they'll settle,
and I'll win the prize.

249
00:13:46,362 --> 00:13:49,124
I really don't understand
your objections, professor Goldfarb.

250
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:52,919
Why wouldn't the Sonora desert
make a perfectly good promised land?

251
00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:54,884
Go away.

252
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,016
We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.

253
00:14:00,156 --> 00:14:01,511
Please go away.

254
00:14:02,793 --> 00:14:04,457
Said Pharaoh to Moses.

255
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:08,018
Why are all these young women here?

256
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:09,970
It's Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

257
00:14:10,663 --> 00:14:12,406
Really?
I was not aware of that.

258
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,916
Yes. There was a very official e-mail

259
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:17,607
sent to everyone
whose insurance files indicated

260
00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:20,363
they had daughters between
the ages of 14 and 16.

261
00:14:21,913 --> 00:14:23,348
- Smooth.
- Thank you.

262
00:14:25,476 --> 00:14:27,260
There's the man of the hour.

263
00:14:28,995 --> 00:14:31,333
Okay, so we now have
a socially-awkward genius

264
00:14:31,493 --> 00:14:33,792
in a room full of attractive,
age-appropriate women.

265
00:14:33,912 --> 00:14:36,254
All he has to do now is
hook up with one of them.

266
00:14:44,306 --> 00:14:46,532
Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?

267
00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:50,573
- We need a social catalyst.
- Like what?

268
00:14:50,693 --> 00:14:52,842
We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.

269
00:14:53,816 --> 00:14:55,565
- Or can we?
- No, we can't.

270
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:59,793
I don't think you mean "we can't."
I think you mean "we shouldn't."

271
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:04,185
You're a Jew.
If there was another Wailing Wall

272
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,027
exactly like the one in Jerusalem

273
00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:08,626
but close to taco stands
and cheap prescription drugs,

274
00:15:08,746 --> 00:15:10,538
would you still be able to wail at it?

275
00:15:12,902 --> 00:15:14,712
Okay, it's definitely me.

276
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,805
We cannot leave this to chance.
Let's pick a girl

277
00:15:19,965 --> 00:15:22,844
and figure out how to get her
together with Dennis.

278
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:24,721
How about that one?

279
00:15:25,535 --> 00:15:26,613
I know the type.

280
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,990
Cheerleader, student council,
goes out with the jocks,

281
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:31,267
won't even look at anybody
in the gifted program.

282
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:33,657
If after 2 years of begging,
she agrees to go out with you,

283
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:36,619
it turns out to be a setup and you're
in your mom's car with your pants off

284
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:38,796
while the whole football team
laughs at y...

285
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,454
- Are you crying?
- No, I have allergies.

286
00:15:46,455 --> 00:15:47,378
Okay...

287
00:15:48,017 --> 00:15:49,097
How about her?

288
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,463
Sure, if he wants to spend two years

289
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:55,121
doing her homework
while she drinks herself into a stupor

290
00:15:55,241 --> 00:15:56,716
with nonfat White Russians.

291
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,341
You're holding her head
out of the toilet while she's puking

292
00:15:59,461 --> 00:16:01,507
and telling you she wishes
"more guys were like you."

293
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,799
Then she gets into Cornell
because you wrote her essay

294
00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:05,950
for her and you drive up
to visit her one weekend

295
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:08,177
and she acts
like she doesn't even know you.

296
00:16:11,145 --> 00:16:12,676
Okay, so not her, either.

297
00:16:14,419 --> 00:16:15,503
How about her?

298
00:16:16,244 --> 00:16:17,699
Interesting,
kind of pretty,

299
00:16:17,859 --> 00:16:20,108
a little chubby,
so probably low self-esteem.

300
00:16:20,228 --> 00:16:22,888
I think that's our girl.
One of us should go talk to her.

301
00:16:23,008 --> 00:16:24,804
I can't talk to her... you do it.

302
00:16:24,981 --> 00:16:28,283
I can't just go up and talk to her.
Howard, you talk to her.

303
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:32,411
She'll never go for the kid
once she gets a peek at this.

304
00:16:34,937 --> 00:16:36,583
In India, this would be simpler.

305
00:16:36,743 --> 00:16:39,884
5 min with her dad, 20 goats
and a laptop, and we'd be done.

306
00:16:40,697 --> 00:16:43,757
- We're not in India.
- Why don't we do it your way then?

307
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:46,550
We'll arrange for this girl
to move in across the hall from Dennis

308
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:49,254
so he can pathetically
moon over her for months on end.

309
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:54,052
- Okay, that was uncalled for.
- You started it, dude.

310
00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:57,269
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?

311
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:01,154
What a wonderful occasion this is,

312
00:17:01,511 --> 00:17:03,583
and how fortunate
that it should happen to fall

313
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:05,606
on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

314
00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:10,235
We're here to welcome
Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family.

315
00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:12,171
Welcome, Dennis Kim.

316
00:17:13,865 --> 00:17:14,788
Mr. Kim

317
00:17:14,949 --> 00:17:17,850
was not only the valedictorian
at Stanford University,

318
00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:20,957
he is also the youngest recipient

319
00:17:21,117 --> 00:17:23,038
of the prestigious Stevenson Award.

320
00:17:23,298 --> 00:17:25,315
Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!

321
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,552
And now, without any further ado,

322
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,949
let me introduce
the man of the hour,

323
00:17:31,069 --> 00:17:32,730
Mr. Dennis Kim.

324
00:17:38,735 --> 00:17:39,595
What?!

325
00:17:41,349 --> 00:17:44,066
Would you like to tell us a little bit
about your upcoming research?

326
00:17:44,558 --> 00:17:46,843
No, thanks.
I'm going to the mall with Emma.

327
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,200
The kid got a girl.

328
00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:56,701
Unbelievable.

329
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,416
Did anyone see how he did it?

330
00:18:01,670 --> 00:18:03,044
Don't worry, I've got this.

331
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:05,121
Ladies and gentlemen,

332
00:18:05,623 --> 00:18:07,062
honored daughters,

333
00:18:07,539 --> 00:18:10,842
while Mr. Kim,
by virtue of his youth and naivete,

334
00:18:10,962 --> 00:18:14,173
has fallen prey to the inexplicable need
for human contact,

335
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:18,124
let me step in and assure you that
my research will go on uninterrupted,

336
00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:22,159
and that social relationships
will continue to baffle and repulse me.

337
00:18:24,048 --> 00:18:24,975
Thank you.

338
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:30,030
- He's back.
- Mission accomplished.

339
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:33,450
Forget the mission. How did
that little yutz get a girl on his own?

340
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:36,599
I guess times have changed
since we were young.

341
00:18:36,719 --> 00:18:38,478
Smart is the new sexy.

342
00:18:39,571 --> 00:18:42,367
Then why do we go home
alone every night? We're still smart.

343
00:18:43,031 --> 00:18:44,523
Maybe we're too smart.

344
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,413
So smart it's off-putting.

345
00:18:47,937 --> 00:18:49,584
Yeah, let's go with that.

346
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:53,829
Unbelievable.

347
00:18:54,162 --> 00:18:56,799
Components I built
are on the International Space Station

348
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:59,433
and I get a ticket for launching
a model rocket in the park.

349
00:18:59,594 --> 00:19:01,879
I don't know if the ticket was
so much for the launch

350
00:19:01,999 --> 00:19:03,900
as it was for you telling
the policewoman,

351
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,933
"You have to frisk me.
I have another rocket in my pants."

352
00:19:07,631 --> 00:19:08,735
Look at that.

353
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,098
It's Dennis Kim.

354
00:19:13,311 --> 00:19:15,162
I almost didn't recognize him.

355
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:18,065
I kind of feel bad
about what we did to him.

356
00:19:22,432 --> 00:19:24,398
Yeah, we really ruined his life.

357
00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:27,885
Screw him...
He was weak.