1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,735
- Take him down!
- He's got you, Sheldon.

2
00:00:03,855 --> 00:00:06,234
- Look at this move!
- He's completely schooling you.

3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:09,523
Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses
wanted me to ask you something.

4
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,972
It's called Tresling.

5
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,286
It combines the physical strength
of arm wrestling

6
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:16,603
with the mental agility of Tetris
into the ultimate sport.

7
00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:18,883
That's terrific,
but they wanted me to ask you

8
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:20,565
to cut it the hell out.

9
00:00:20,726 --> 00:00:22,502
Great. Come here, guys. Come on.

10
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:26,696
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>

11
00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:29,964
We might as well stop. It's a stalemate.
You're beating me in Tetris,

12
00:00:30,084 --> 00:00:32,911
but you've got the upper body
strength of a Keebler elf.

13
00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:35,372
Keebler elf?
I've got your Keebler elf right here.

14
00:00:40,411 --> 00:00:42,027
Okay, it's a stalemate.

15
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,216
So, Leonard, will we be
seeing you on Saturday

16
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:48,986
- for your free birthday cheesecake?
- He can't eat cheesecake.

17
00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:51,721
- He's lactose intolerant.
- He can have carrot cake.

18
00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:54,766
- What about the cream cheese frosting?
- He can scrape it off.

19
00:00:56,231 --> 00:00:58,937
Forget about the cake.
How do you know my birthday's Saturday?

20
00:00:59,098 --> 00:01:01,686
I did your horoscope, remember?
I was gonna do everybody's,

21
00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:04,234
until Sheldon went on
one of his typical psychotic rants.

22
00:01:05,243 --> 00:01:08,606
For the record, "that psychotic rant"
was a concise summation

23
00:01:08,726 --> 00:01:12,534
of the research of Bertram Forer,
who, in 1948, proved conclusively

24
00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:14,553
through meticulously
designed experiments

25
00:01:14,673 --> 00:01:17,038
that astrology is nothing
but pseudo-scientific hokum.

26
00:01:17,199 --> 00:01:18,998
Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus.

27
00:01:20,451 --> 00:01:22,042
Are we gonna see you Saturday?

28
00:01:22,204 --> 00:01:23,836
- I don't think so.
- Why not?

29
00:01:23,998 --> 00:01:26,548
- I don't celebrate my birthday.
- Shut up. Yeah, you do.

30
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,842
It's no big deal;
it's just the way I was raised.

31
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,469
My parents focused
on celebrating achievements,

32
00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:34,764
and being expelled from a birth canal
was not considered one of them.

33
00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,275
That's so silly.

34
00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:39,553
It's actually based
on very sound theories.

35
00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:42,435
- His mother published a paper on it.
- What was it called?

36
00:01:42,555 --> 00:01:44,733
"I Hate My Son
and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?

37
00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:47,444
It was obviously effective.

38
00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:49,748
Leonard grew up to be
an experimental physicist.

39
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,792
Perhaps if she'd also denied him
Christmas,

40
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,430
he'd be a little better at it.

41
00:01:54,605 --> 00:01:56,369
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

42
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:57,824
Well, I love birthdays.

43
00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:00,662
Waking up to Mom's special
French toast breakfast,

44
00:02:00,782 --> 00:02:02,392
wearing the birthday king crown,

45
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:04,335
playing laser tag with all my friends...

46
00:02:04,496 --> 00:02:06,546
Yeah, see?
That's what kids should have.

47
00:02:06,707 --> 00:02:08,483
Actually, that was last year.

48
00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:15,388
So you really never had
a birthday party?

49
00:02:15,548 --> 00:02:18,642
No, but it was okay.
When I was little, I'd think

50
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:21,700
maybe my parents would change their mind
and surprise me with a party.

51
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,147
Like this one birthday
I came home from my cello lesson

52
00:02:24,308 --> 00:02:26,511
and I saw a lot of strange
cars parked out front.

53
00:02:26,631 --> 00:02:28,937
When I got to the door,
I could hear people whispering

54
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,988
and I could smell German chocolate cake,
which is my favorite.

55
00:02:33,104 --> 00:02:33,865
And?

56
00:02:34,026 --> 00:02:36,056
It turns out my grandfather had died.

57
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,662
Oh, my God. That's terrible.

58
00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,040
Well, it was kind
of like a birthday party.

59
00:02:42,949 --> 00:02:46,072
I got to see all my cousins,
and there was cake, so...

60
00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:49,213
It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

61
00:02:49,374 --> 00:02:50,215
You think?

62
00:02:50,376 --> 00:02:52,467
Go ahead, tell her about
your senior prom.

63
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:57,640
Episode 116: The Peanut Reaction

64
00:02:58,325 --> 00:03:01,982
Transcript: swsub.com
Synch: sub-way.Fr | italiansubs.net

65
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,990
Make sure they remember, no peanuts.

66
00:03:20,110 --> 00:03:23,618
Howard, every Thai restaurant in town
knows you can't eat peanuts.

67
00:03:24,722 --> 00:03:27,820
When they see me coming,
they go, "Ah, no-peanut boy!"

68
00:03:39,181 --> 00:03:42,516
- Hello, Penny. Leonard just left.
- I know. I want to talk to you.

69
00:03:43,044 --> 00:03:44,352
What would we talk about?

70
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:47,129
We have no overlapping
areas of interest I'm aware of.

71
00:03:47,249 --> 00:03:49,132
As you know, I don't care for chitchat.

72
00:03:49,503 --> 00:03:51,291
- Can you just let me in?
- All right,

73
00:03:51,411 --> 00:03:53,465
but I don't see this
as a promising endeavor.

74
00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:58,074
Here's the deal. We're gonna throw
Leonard a kick-ass surprise party

75
00:03:58,235 --> 00:04:00,648
- for his birthday on Saturday.
- I hardly think so.

76
00:04:00,768 --> 00:04:02,870
Leonard made it very clear
he doesn't want a party.

77
00:04:03,032 --> 00:04:04,621
Did someone say... "party"?

78
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:09,945
He just doesn't know he wants
one 'cause he's never had one.

79
00:04:10,065 --> 00:04:12,103
I suppose that's possible,
but for the record,

80
00:04:12,223 --> 00:04:14,883
I've never had a threesome
and yet I still know I want one.

81
00:04:17,336 --> 00:04:19,868
Howard, here's the difference...
The possibility exists

82
00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:23,225
that Leonard could have a birthday party
before hell freezes over.

83
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:28,146
Fine. If I do have a threesome,
you can't be part of it.

84
00:04:29,974 --> 00:04:31,649
I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.

85
00:04:32,894 --> 00:04:34,469
Can you bring a friend?

86
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,076
I think a birthday party's
a terrible idea.

87
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:42,091
I envy Leonard for growing up
without that anguish.

88
00:04:42,211 --> 00:04:43,083
Anguish?!

89
00:04:43,203 --> 00:04:45,245
Year after year, I had to endure

90
00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:47,554
wearing comical hats while being forced

91
00:04:47,674 --> 00:04:50,021
into the crowded, sweaty
hell of bouncy castles.

92
00:04:50,141 --> 00:04:51,938
Not to mention being blindfolded

93
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,200
and spun toward a grotesque
tailless donkey

94
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,649
as the other children mocked
my disorientation.

95
00:04:58,128 --> 00:04:59,593
Okay, sweetie, I understand

96
00:04:59,755 --> 00:05:02,304
you have scars
that no nonprofessional can heal,

97
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:05,391
but, nevertheless, we're going
to throw Leonard a birthday party.

98
00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:07,961
Have I pointed out that I'm extremely
uncomfortable with dancing,

99
00:05:08,081 --> 00:05:10,980
loud music and most other forms
of alcohol-induced frivolity?

100
00:05:12,628 --> 00:05:14,432
- Nevertheless...
- In addition, I...

101
00:05:14,552 --> 00:05:15,609
Here's the deal:

102
00:05:15,770 --> 00:05:19,003
You either help me throw a birthday
party or I will go into your bedroom

103
00:05:19,123 --> 00:05:21,680
and unbag all of your most valuable
mint-condition comic books.

104
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,619
And on one of them,
you won't know which,

105
00:05:23,739 --> 00:05:25,662
I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.

106
00:05:28,165 --> 00:05:31,125
You can't do that. If you make a mark
in a mint comic, it's no longer mint.

107
00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:34,379
Do you understand
the concept of blackmail?

108
00:05:34,539 --> 00:05:35,990
Well, of course, I...

109
00:05:38,893 --> 00:05:42,010
I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard
a kick-ass birthday party.

110
00:06:01,924 --> 00:06:03,441
That's not the secret knock.

111
00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:06,838
This is the secret knock.

112
00:06:10,632 --> 00:06:12,083
What difference does it make?

113
00:06:12,243 --> 00:06:15,372
The whole point of a secret knock
is to establish a non-verbal signal

114
00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:18,264
to verify the identity
of one's co-conspirators.

115
00:06:18,693 --> 00:06:21,556
- Is that Raj and Howard?
- Possibly, but unverified.

116
00:06:22,053 --> 00:06:23,650
Will you just let us in.

117
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:26,485
Luckily for you,
this is not a nuclear reactor.

118
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:30,184
- So what'd you get the birthday boy?
- Well, Raj got him an awesome,

119
00:06:30,344 --> 00:06:33,774
limited edition Dark Knight sculpture
based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman.

120
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,833
And I got him this amazing
autographed copy

121
00:06:35,953 --> 00:06:37,692
<i>of The Feynman Lectures on Physics.</i>

122
00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:39,049
Nice.

123
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:40,964
I got him a sweater.

124
00:06:42,118 --> 00:06:45,038
Okay, well, he might like that.
I've seen him get chilly.

125
00:06:46,628 --> 00:06:49,746
- Sheldon, I didn't see your present.
- That's because I didn't bring one.

126
00:06:49,906 --> 00:06:51,220
- Why not?
- Don't ask.

127
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:54,250
The entire institution
of gift-giving makes no sense.

128
00:06:54,411 --> 00:06:56,221
- Too late.
- Let's say I go out

129
00:06:56,341 --> 00:06:57,939
and I spend $50 on you.

130
00:06:58,059 --> 00:07:00,882
It's a laborious activity
because I have to imagine what you need,

131
00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:02,633
whereas you know what you need.

132
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,928
Now, I could simplify things...
just give you the $50 directly,

133
00:07:06,088 --> 00:07:07,680
and then you could give me $50

134
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,268
on my birthday, and so on,
until one of us dies,

135
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,802
leaving the other one old
and $50 richer.

136
00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:17,172
And I ask you, is it worth it?

137
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:19,850
Told you not to ask.

138
00:07:20,638 --> 00:07:23,863
Sheldon, you're his friend.
Friends give each other presents.

139
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:26,449
I accept your premise;
I reject your conclusion.

140
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:32,204
Try telling him
it's a non-optional social convention.

141
00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:34,264
- What?
- Just do it.

142
00:07:37,161 --> 00:07:40,421
It's a non-optional...
social convention.

143
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,038
Oh. Fair enough.

144
00:07:46,754 --> 00:07:48,320
He came with a manual.

145
00:07:49,653 --> 00:07:52,558
Question. How am I going to get Leonard
a present before the party?

146
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,649
I don't drive and the only things
available within walking distance

147
00:07:55,769 --> 00:07:57,612
are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.

148
00:07:57,732 --> 00:07:59,766
I suppose I could wrap up
an order of mee krob

149
00:07:59,886 --> 00:08:01,603
and a couple of lottery scratchers.

150
00:08:02,308 --> 00:08:03,579
Okay let's do this...

151
00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:06,759
I will drive Sheldon to get a present.
Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard

152
00:08:06,879 --> 00:08:08,532
- for about 2 hours.
- No problem.

153
00:08:08,744 --> 00:08:11,996
And then, Raj, you bring the stuff
across the hall and start setting up.

154
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,412
What if guests show up?

155
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:16,208
Entertain them.

156
00:08:16,941 --> 00:08:18,453
What if they're women?

157
00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:22,130
Stare at them and make them
feel uncomfortable.

158
00:08:35,309 --> 00:08:37,219
- How's it goin'?
- Fine.

159
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:41,524
So listen, the NuArt
is showing the revised,

160
00:08:41,685 --> 00:08:43,609
<i>definitive cut of Blade Runner.</i>

161
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:44,652
Seen it.

162
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:47,525
No, you've seen
the 25th Anniversary Final Cut.

163
00:08:48,379 --> 00:08:51,325
This one has eight seconds
of previously unseen footage.

164
00:08:51,486 --> 00:08:54,162
They say it completely changes
the tone of the film.

165
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:55,746
Pass.

166
00:08:56,593 --> 00:09:00,562
Come on. Afterwards, there's a Q & A
with Harrison Ford's body double.

167
00:09:01,413 --> 00:09:03,945
Look, I'm in the Halo
battle of my life here.

168
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:06,477
There's this kid in Copenhagen...
he has no immune system,

169
00:09:06,597 --> 00:09:09,635
so all he does is sit in his bubble
and play Halo 24-seven.

170
00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:14,410
- Can't you play him some other time?
- Not if you believe his doctors.

171
00:09:18,285 --> 00:09:20,133
Oh, my God, do you smell gas?

172
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,076
- No.
- Yeah, no.

173
00:09:28,353 --> 00:09:29,864
They have DVDs over there.

174
00:09:30,025 --> 00:09:32,749
Yes, but they have
DVD burners over here.

175
00:09:34,061 --> 00:09:36,055
Leonard needs a DVD burner.

176
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,666
A gift shouldn't be something someone
needs, it should be something fun.

177
00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:42,964
Something
they wouldn't buy for themself.

178
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,882
You mean like a sweater?

179
00:09:47,976 --> 00:09:49,467
It's a fun sweater.

180
00:09:49,627 --> 00:09:51,761
It's got a bold geometric print.

181
00:09:52,248 --> 00:09:54,471
Is it the geometry that makes it fun?

182
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,216
The point is one of the ways
we show we care about people

183
00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:01,229
is by putting thought and imagination
into the gifts we give them.

184
00:10:01,913 --> 00:10:04,857
Okay, I see. So, not a DVD burner.

185
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:06,341
Exactly.

186
00:10:06,461 --> 00:10:09,109
Something he wouldn't buy for himself,
something fun,

187
00:10:09,229 --> 00:10:12,436
Something like...
An 802-11n wireless router!

188
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:18,783
Here you go, Copenhagen boy.

189
00:10:18,903 --> 00:10:21,686
How about a taste
of Hans Christian hand grenade?

190
00:10:24,904 --> 00:10:26,372
That could not feel good.

191
00:10:29,761 --> 00:10:31,962
Come on, come... Oh, you clever...

192
00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:37,489
Come on.

193
00:10:38,815 --> 00:10:39,840
Take that!

194
00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:49,402
- What's the matter?
- This granola bar has peanuts in it!

195
00:10:49,562 --> 00:10:53,067
- Oh, my God. Why did you eat it?
- I don't know. It was just there!

196
00:10:53,399 --> 00:10:56,210
If I had a gun there,
would you have shot yourself?

197
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:59,620
Don't yell at me!
I've got to go to the emergency room!

198
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,975
- Now?!
- No, after my tongue has swollen

199
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,624
to the size of a brisket!

200
00:11:04,528 --> 00:11:06,877
All right, just let me get my keys.

201
00:11:07,385 --> 00:11:09,125
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

202
00:11:10,627 --> 00:11:12,800
The laundry is out of the hamper.

203
00:11:16,473 --> 00:11:18,869
Okay, Sheldon,
what was it supposed to be?

204
00:11:19,974 --> 00:11:21,847
Fine. It's out of the washer!

205
00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:24,905
I'll call you when it's in the dryer.

206
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,208
All right, let's go.

207
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,617
- What do you think?
- That one.

208
00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:42,080
Because of the two
additional Ethernet ports?

209
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,365
- Sure.
- No need,

210
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,582
he's already got
a six-port Ethernet switch.

211
00:11:45,702 --> 00:11:47,293
- Okay, then this one.
- Why?

212
00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:50,159
I don't know.
The man on the box looks so happy.

213
00:11:50,956 --> 00:11:54,132
Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard
a gift, I'm going to do it right.

214
00:11:54,468 --> 00:11:57,386
I refuse to let him experience
the same childhood trauma I did.

215
00:11:58,257 --> 00:12:00,789
I know I'm gonna regret this,
but: What trauma?

216
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:03,850
On my 12th birthday,

217
00:12:04,011 --> 00:12:06,274
I really wanted a titanium centrifuge

218
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:08,981
so, you know,
I could separate radioactive isotopes.

219
00:12:09,519 --> 00:12:10,458
Of course.

220
00:12:10,722 --> 00:12:14,029
Instead of a titanium centrifuge,
my parents bought me...

221
00:12:14,979 --> 00:12:16,063
This is hard.

222
00:12:17,228 --> 00:12:18,256
They got me

223
00:12:18,827 --> 00:12:20,320
a motorized dirt bike.

224
00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:27,250
What 12-year-old boy wants
a motorized dirt bike?

225
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:29,952
All of them?

226
00:12:30,471 --> 00:12:31,669
- Really?
- Yeah.

227
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,686
So we're getting this one?

228
00:12:36,806 --> 00:12:38,902
- Yeah, I suppose.
- All right, let's go.

229
00:12:39,537 --> 00:12:42,014
Excuse me.
Do you know anything about this stuff?

230
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:44,391
I know everything about this stuff.

231
00:12:44,552 --> 00:12:47,185
Okay, I have my own
wholesale flower business

232
00:12:47,346 --> 00:12:49,658
and I want to hook up
my computer in the front entrance

233
00:12:49,778 --> 00:12:51,725
with the one in my
refrigerated warehouse.

234
00:12:51,845 --> 00:12:54,286
Buy this one:
it's the one we're getting. Happy guy.

235
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:55,855
No, she doesn't want that.

236
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:59,896
She needs a point-to-point
peer network with a range extender.

237
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:01,182
Thank you.

238
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,054
Which hard drive do I want...

239
00:13:03,174 --> 00:13:04,870
firewire or USB?

240
00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:07,039
It depends on what buss
you have available.

241
00:13:10,977 --> 00:13:13,148
I drive a Chevy Cavalier.

242
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,257
Oh, dear Lord.

243
00:13:16,418 --> 00:13:18,008
- We have to go.
- Not now.

244
00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:21,137
This poor man needs me.
You, hold on. I'll be right with you.

245
00:13:21,761 --> 00:13:25,037
What computer do you have?
And please don't say "a white one."

246
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:33,565
- Excuse me.
- Fill this out. Have a seat.

247
00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:35,918
Listen. We're throwing
my friend a surprise party

248
00:13:36,038 --> 00:13:38,476
I'm supposed to keep him out
of his apartment for 2 hours.

249
00:13:38,849 --> 00:13:40,405
Fill this out and have a seat.

250
00:13:40,616 --> 00:13:42,483
No, the only way I could
get him to leave

251
00:13:42,603 --> 00:13:45,243
was to tell him I ate a peanut
because I'm allergic to peanuts.

252
00:13:45,405 --> 00:13:48,203
Well, in that case,
fill this out and have a seat.

253
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,181
All I need from you is to take me
in the back and give me a Band-Aid

254
00:13:52,301 --> 00:13:54,829
so I can pretend I had a shot of
epinephrine, and you tell my friend

255
00:13:54,949 --> 00:13:57,010
you need to keep me under observation
for 1 hour 1/2.

256
00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:58,534
- Is that all you need?
- Yes.

257
00:13:58,654 --> 00:14:00,050
Get out of my ER.

258
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:03,856
- No, you don't understand.
- I understand, but unfortunately,

259
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:06,599
this hospital is not equipped
to treat stupid.

260
00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:10,735
Okay, I get it.
I know how the world works.

261
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,211
How about if I were to introduce to you

262
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:15,788
to the man who freed your people?

263
00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:23,068
Unless my people were freed
by Benjamin Franklin

264
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:25,700
and his five twin brothers,
you are wasting your time.

265
00:14:28,359 --> 00:14:30,331
Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot.

266
00:14:30,451 --> 00:14:32,575
- How are you doing?
- Bad, very bad.

267
00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:34,991
Really? You don't look like
you're swelling up at all.

268
00:14:35,111 --> 00:14:37,546
We should just pick up some Benadryl
at the drugstore and go home.

269
00:14:37,706 --> 00:14:39,788
- We can't go home.
- Why not?

270
00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:41,529
Because...

271
00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:43,360
because...

272
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:45,930
Brisket! Brisket!

273
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,918
- Water! Need water!
- I'll be right back.

274
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:56,106
I've got a problem.

275
00:14:56,456 --> 00:14:59,018
Well, so do I.
You gotta stall Leonard a little longer.

276
00:14:59,228 --> 00:15:00,956
- I don't think I can.
- You have to.

277
00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:03,331
We all have to be there
at the same time to yell surprise.

278
00:15:03,451 --> 00:15:06,242
You have to understand something.
We're in a hospital right now.

279
00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:09,433
- Why? Is Leonard okay?
- Leonard's fine. I'm fine.

280
00:15:09,553 --> 00:15:11,205
Thanks for asking, by the way.

281
00:15:11,682 --> 00:15:14,810
Okay, I don't need your attitude.
Just hold him there a little longer.

282
00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:17,920
I've done my best, but he wants to go
home and I don't know how to stop him.

283
00:15:18,924 --> 00:15:21,386
Okay, how about this?
You keep him there a little longer,

284
00:15:21,506 --> 00:15:24,534
and when you get to the party, I'll
point out which of my friends are easy?

285
00:15:34,356 --> 00:15:36,149
Don't toy with me, woman.

286
00:15:37,906 --> 00:15:40,192
I got a hot former fat girl
with no self-esteem,

287
00:15:40,352 --> 00:15:42,490
a girl who punishes her father
by sleeping around

288
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:46,477
a alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away
from letting you wear her like a hat.

289
00:15:48,343 --> 00:15:49,702
Thy will be done.

290
00:16:00,244 --> 00:16:02,385
I'm doing this for you, little buddy.

291
00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:10,729
Okay, we don't have that in stock...

292
00:16:12,259 --> 00:16:14,657
but I can special-order it for you.

293
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:16,138
Him.

294
00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:19,398
Excuse me, sir.
You don't work here.

295
00:16:20,455 --> 00:16:22,735
Yes, well, apparently,
neither does anyone else.

296
00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:26,238
- Sheldon, we have to go.
- Why?

297
00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:28,947
For one thing, we're late for
Leonard's birthday party,

298
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:31,076
and for another,
I told him to call security.

299
00:16:32,606 --> 00:16:33,770
Good luck.

300
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:38,588
By the way, a six-year-old
could hack your computer system.

301
00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:39,817
Keep walking.

302
00:16:39,937 --> 00:16:42,199
"1234" is not a secure password.

303
00:16:45,102 --> 00:16:48,006
Excuse me, my friend is having
an allergic reaction to peanuts.

304
00:16:48,319 --> 00:16:50,179
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.

305
00:16:50,339 --> 00:16:52,729
Look, sir, we are very
busy here, and I...

306
00:16:53,114 --> 00:16:54,766
Holy crap!

307
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,469
Please help me!

308
00:16:58,654 --> 00:17:00,272
Code four! I need a gurney!

309
00:17:01,799 --> 00:17:03,813
- Right away! Right away!
- Thank you.

310
00:17:08,097 --> 00:17:10,783
Say what you will about the
healthcare system in this country,

311
00:17:10,903 --> 00:17:13,806
but when they're afraid of lawsuits,
they sure test everything.

312
00:17:14,927 --> 00:17:17,725
I really don't think
the colonoscopy was necessary.

313
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,210
You know, before you got all swollen up,

314
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:25,026
I actually thought you were trying
to keep me out of the apartment

315
00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:27,177
so you could throw me a surprise party.

316
00:17:27,910 --> 00:17:30,594
Right, it's your birthday.
I had no idea it was your birthday.

317
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:33,245
I completely forgot.
What a lousy way to spend a birthday.

318
00:17:33,365 --> 00:17:34,619
It's all over now.

319
00:17:38,702 --> 00:17:40,370
There is a party, isn't there?

320
00:17:41,305 --> 00:17:42,184
Maybe.

321
00:17:45,604 --> 00:17:48,424
- Are you mad?
- How could I be mad?

322
00:17:49,087 --> 00:17:52,323
You actually risked your life
because you care about me.

323
00:17:54,035 --> 00:17:55,744
Yeah, that's why I did it.

324
00:17:58,802 --> 00:17:59,790
All right.

325
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:01,583
Here we go.

326
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:04,262
My first birthday party.

327
00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:15,609
Dude,

328
00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:17,850
everybody left an hour ago.

329
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,187
Surprise!

330
00:18:26,353 --> 00:18:29,404
Okay, Leonard.
I am at your birthday party.

331
00:18:29,721 --> 00:18:33,031
I don't know where you are,
dude, but it's really kick-ass!

332
00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:36,739
Everyone is very, very drunk and...

333
00:18:38,808 --> 00:18:41,671
And look,
there's a girl taking her shirt off!

334
00:18:43,406 --> 00:18:45,021
That's my friend Carol.

335
00:18:45,364 --> 00:18:47,921
Remind me,
I gotta introduce her to Howard.

336
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:51,903
Oh, sweet Krishna,
shake that rupee maker!

337
00:18:54,135 --> 00:18:56,467
I'm so sorry you didn't get your party.

338
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:57,918
It's okay.

339
00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:01,867
Happy birthday, anyways.

340
00:19:10,395 --> 00:19:12,075
When's your birthday?