1 00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:02,300 Let's see, Raj was the Kung Pao Chicken. 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:03,960 I'm the dumplings. 3 00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:06,560 Yes, you are. 4 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:08,700 Creepy, Howard. 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,500 Creepy good or creepy bad? 6 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,700 Who was the shrimp with lobster sauce? 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:14,800 That would be me. 8 00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:18,860 Come to papa, you un-kosher delight. 9 00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:21,530 I'm not necessarily talking to the food. 10 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,660 Sit over there. 11 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,860 Sit over there. 12 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,660 Baby wipe? 13 00:00:45,730 --> 00:00:46,900 Why do you have... 14 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,860 No, don't ask! No, don't, don't! 15 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,060 I'll tell you why. 16 00:00:52,430 --> 00:00:54,030 I had to sanitize my hands 17 00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,660 because the university 18 00:00:55,730 --> 00:00:57,130 replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms 19 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,330 with hot air blowers. 20 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,530 I thought the blowers were more sanitary. 21 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,100 - Really, don't. - why...? 22 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,230 Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers 23 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,060 of bacteria and pestilence. 24 00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:08,500 Frankly, it'd be more hygienic 25 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,830 if they just had a plague-infested gibbon 26 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:12,200 sneeze my hands dry. 27 00:01:12,260 --> 00:01:14,100 Hey, guys, I just got the most amazing... 28 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,660 ...news. 29 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,730 Gosh, Raj, do you think you'll ever be able 30 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,800 to talk in front of me without being drunk? 31 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,200 Okay, well, I'll just, um, 32 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:27,660 go eat by myself. 33 00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:29,130 Penny, you don't have to do that. 34 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:30,960 Oh, it's okay, between him not talking, 35 00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:33,100 him talking and him... 36 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,900 I'm better off alone. 37 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,700 Good-bye, you poor, strange little man. 38 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,460 She's so considerate. 39 00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:47,830 So, what's your news? 40 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,260 Remember that little planetary object 41 00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:50,330 I spotted beyond the Kuiper belt? 42 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,130 Oh, yeah, 2008-nq sub-17. 43 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,560 Or as I call it, Planet Bollywood. 44 00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:57,060 Anyway, because of 45 00:01:57,130 --> 00:01:59,130 my discovery, People Magazine is naming me 46 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,230 one of their 30 under 30 to watch. 47 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,060 Raj... congratulations. 48 00:02:03,130 --> 00:02:04,200 That's incredible. 49 00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:05,800 Excuse me, 50 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:09,860 30 what under 30 what to watch what? 51 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,960 30 visionaries under 30 years of age to watch 52 00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:15,160 as they challenge the preconceptions of their fields. 53 00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:18,700 If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that. 54 00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:21,660 It's pretty cool. they've got me in 55 00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:23,830 with a guy who's doing something about hunger in indonesia, 56 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,700 and a psychotherapist who's using dolphins 57 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,100 to rehabilitate prisoners, 58 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,460 and Ellen Page, 59 00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:32,000 star of the charming independent film, Juno. 60 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,530 Oh, I'd so do her. 61 00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:39,530 You'd do the dolphins. 62 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,360 Do I get an honorable mention for designing 63 00:02:41,430 --> 00:02:43,630 the telescope camera mounting bracket you used? 64 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,200 Sorry, it's not part 65 00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,860 of my heartwarming and personal narrative 66 00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:49,200 in which a humble boy from New Delhi overcame 67 00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,700 poverty and prejudice 68 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,760 and journeyed to America to reach for the stars. 69 00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:55,800 Poverty? Your father's a gynecologist. 70 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,530 He drives a Bentley. 71 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,900 It's a lease. 72 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,560 I'm confused. 73 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:07,300 Was there some sort of peer review committee 74 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,500 to determine which scientists would be included? 75 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,260 Peer review? It's People Magazine. 76 00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:13,400 People picked me. 77 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,800 What people? 78 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,400 The people from People. 79 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,530 Yeah, but exactly who are these people? 80 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,800 What are their credentials? 81 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:22,230 How are they qualified? 82 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,900 What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock 83 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,730 that's been traipsing around the solar system 84 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,000 for billions of years more noteworthy 85 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:31,000 than any other scientific accomplishment 86 00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:32,600 made by someone under 30? 87 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,060 Boy, I'll bet Ellen Page's friends 88 00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,530 aren't giving her this kind of crap. 89 00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:43,100 Are you proud of yourself? 90 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,430 In general, yes. 91 00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:17,160 Oh, there's my missing neutrino. 92 00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:19,900 You were hiding from me as an unbalanced charge, 93 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,800 weren't you, you little sub-atomic dickens? 94 00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:24,160 Hey, Sheldon. 95 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,360 Hey, look, 96 00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:26,660 look, I found my missing neutrino. 97 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:29,360 Oh good, we can take it off the milk carton. 98 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,300 Come on, we're going to apologize to Raj 99 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,400 and invite him out to dinner. 100 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,400 Apologize... for what? 101 00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:37,860 He came over last night with some pretty good news 102 00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:39,760 and we weren't very supportive. 103 00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:43,360 I sense you're trying to tell me something. 104 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:47,430 You were a colossal ass-hat. 105 00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:50,800 No, I beg to differ. 106 00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:53,430 Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive. 107 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,260 Really? Do tell. 108 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:57,400 How will Raj ever reach true greatness 109 00:04:57,460 --> 00:04:59,100 if his friends lower the bar for him? 110 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,930 When I was 11, 111 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,430 my sister bought our father 112 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,860 a "world's greatest dad" coffee mug 113 00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,660 and, frankly, the man coasted until the day he died. 114 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,230 Okay, let's try it this way. 115 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,660 What if this People Magazine thing 116 00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:13,460 is the best Raj is ever going to achieve? 117 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:16,660 I had not considered that. 118 00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:18,200 Come on. 119 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:21,230 I often forget other people have limitations. 120 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,700 It's so sad. 121 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,460 He can feel sadness? 122 00:05:25,530 --> 00:05:26,730 Not really. 123 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,860 It's what you and I would call condescension. 124 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,600 Now when we go in there, 125 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:33,460 let's show Raj that we're happy for him. 126 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:36,730 But I'm not. 127 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,460 Well, then fake it. 128 00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:39,460 Look at me. 129 00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:40,900 I could be grinding on the fact 130 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,700 that without my stabilizing telescope mount 131 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,260 he never would have found 132 00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:47,160 that stupid, little clump of cosmic schmutz. 133 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,830 But I'm bigger than that. 134 00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:51,930 Fine. 135 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,000 What do you want me to do? 136 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,900 Smile. 137 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,130 Oh, crap, that's terrifying. 138 00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:09,100 We're here to see Koothrappali, 139 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,000 not kill Batman. 140 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,460 Try less teeth. 141 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,100 Close enough. Come on. 142 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:24,630 Hey, Raj. 143 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,030 Hey, guys. What's up? 144 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,030 We just wanted to invite you out to dinner tonight. 145 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,600 To celebrate your "30 under 30" thing. 146 00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,000 Right, Sheldon? 147 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:36,930 That's very nice of you. 148 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:37,960 I would like that. 149 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:39,630 Hello, boys. Dr. Gablehauser. 150 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,630 Dr. Koothrappali. 151 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:41,630 Dr. Gablehauser. 152 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:43,060 - Dr. Hofstader. - Dr. Gablehauser. 153 00:06:43,130 --> 00:06:44,530 - Dr. Cooper. - Dr. Gablehauser. 154 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,260 Mr. Wolowitz. 155 00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:49,360 Boys, I've got a question for you: 156 00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:50,600 who in this room 157 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,100 discovered a star? 158 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,960 Actually, 2008-nq sub-17 is a planetary body. 159 00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:56,930 I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. 160 00:06:58,130 --> 00:07:00,030 You, my exotic young friend, 161 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,160 are my star. 162 00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:04,230 But you didn't discover him. 163 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,400 You merely noticed he was here, 164 00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:08,260 much like he did with 2008-nq sub-17. 165 00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,260 Sheldon... 166 00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:10,400 Oh, sorry. 167 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,760 Boy, we've got to get you into a better office. 168 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:17,900 Something more suited to your status. 169 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,560 Really, you don't have to go to any trouble. 170 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:21,560 How about if I put you in Von Gerlich's old office? 171 00:07:21,630 --> 00:07:23,060 I'd rather have Fishbein's. It's bigger. 172 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:26,860 Wait a minute, I called dibs on Fishbein's office 173 00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:30,330 the day he started showing up at work in his bathrobe. 174 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,900 He gets a new office, I can't even get 175 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,100 - paper towels in the men's room? - Sheldon. 176 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,800 Damn, this is hard. 177 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:44,530 Let me ask you something. 178 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,300 What do you think the business of this place is? 179 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,260 Science. 180 00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:54,930 - Money. - Told you. 181 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,860 And this boy's picture in People Magazine 182 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,260 is gonna raise us a pile of money taller than... 183 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,830 well, taller than you. 184 00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:07,230 I have a master's degree. 185 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,860 Who doesn't? 186 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,230 Dr. Koothrappali, have you ever had lunch 187 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:13,760 in the president's dining room? 188 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:16,300 I didn't even know there was a president's dining room. 189 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,130 It's the same food as the cafeteria, only fresh. 190 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,300 Come on, little buddy. 191 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,400 Okay, big buddy. 192 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:22,600 See you tonight, guys. 193 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,900 You can stop smiling now. 194 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,800 So anyway, after a fantastic lunch, 195 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,900 I was whisked off to the people magazine photo shoot... 196 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,160 have any of you boys ever been to a photo shoot? 197 00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:39,200 - Uh-uh. - No. 198 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:40,560 It's fantastic. 199 00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:41,600 Apparently, 200 00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:44,500 the camera loves me and I, it. 201 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,330 They shot me in front of 202 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,700 a starry background where I posed like this. 203 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,400 They're going to digitally add a supernova. 204 00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:58,700 They say it's the perfect metaphor 205 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,330 for my incandescent talent. 206 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,860 Right, a ball of hot, flaming gas 207 00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,230 that collapses upon itself. 208 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:07,630 Excuse me. 209 00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,560 Oh, it's my assistant, Trevor. 210 00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,200 Go for Koothrappali. 211 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,230 They gave him an assistant 212 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,760 if I want a new pen, 213 00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:17,260 I have to go to the bank with wire cutters. 214 00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:20,360 Have we at this point met our social obligations? 215 00:09:20,430 --> 00:09:21,630 Not yet. 216 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,160 Okay, just put it on my calendar, 217 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,060 But start thinking of a reason why I can't go. 218 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:27,760 All righty? Koothrappali out. 219 00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:29,230 God bless that boy. 220 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,200 I don't know what I'd do without him. 221 00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:32,430 You just got him this afternoon. 222 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,800 Yes, but I'm finding that having a lackey suits me. 223 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,430 A lackey? 224 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,160 Oh, I'm sorry. Is that politically incorrect? 225 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:42,300 In India, we just call them untouchables. 226 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,430 Now? 227 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,600 Almost. 228 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaking of untouchables, I've got great news for you guys. 229 00:09:50,530 --> 00:09:51,960 People magazine is having a reception this saturday 230 00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:54,000 and I managed to get you invited. 231 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,330 Oh, gee, thanks. 232 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,800 Oh, you're welcome. 233 00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:59,460 Of course, I couldn't get you into the V.I.P. section 234 00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:00,930 because, you know, that's for V.I.P.s 235 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,260 and you guys are just, you know... P's. 236 00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:08,260 There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea 237 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,530 where, when a hunter flaunts his success 238 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,900 to the rest of the village, 239 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,260 they kill him and drive away evil spirits 240 00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:15,930 with a drum made of his skin. 241 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,030 Superstitious nonsense, of course, 242 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,330 but one can see their point. 243 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,400 Here you go, Raj. 244 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,300 You might want to drink this one slowly. 245 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,600 Okay. So, saturday night, can I count on my posse? 246 00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:36,960 Gee, I'd love to, Raj, but I can't make it. 247 00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:38,530 Oh, okay. Leonard? 248 00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:44,800 No, I could... no. 249 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,100 Sheldon? 250 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,130 I can make it. But I won't. 251 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,000 What are you guys talking about? 252 00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,100 There's a reception for my magazine article on saturday. 253 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,330 And you guys aren't going? 254 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,760 I can't believe you. 255 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,630 Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment 256 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,960 and you're not even going to be there to support him? 257 00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,400 A tremendous accomplishment would be 258 00:11:02,460 --> 00:11:04,100 if the planetary body he discovered 259 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,360 Were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. 260 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:09,860 That would be cool. 261 00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,800 I'd go to that reception. 262 00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:13,700 Come on, this is huge. 263 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,300 Raj is gonna be in People Magazine, 264 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,630 and he didn't even have to knock up one of the Spears sisters. 265 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,730 Would you like to go with me? 266 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,830 Of course I would. 267 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:23,860 I would be honored. 268 00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:25,400 Really? Cool. 269 00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,760 Shame on you guys. 270 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,500 Look at that, I got a date with Penny. 271 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,930 I can't believe it took you a whole year. 272 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,500 Now? 273 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560 Now. 274 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:45,830 Hey, buddy, 275 00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:48,130 I'm going to be in People Magazine. 276 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,000 Yeah, call me when you're on the cover. 278 00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,683 Raj, look at you! 279 00:12:03,818 --> 00:12:07,530 I know. I'm resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not? 280 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,830 Uh, yeah. Starting with the champagne 281 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,300 A little early, aren't you? 282 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,330 It was in the limo. They sent a limo. 283 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,660 I have a limo. I just love saying "limo". 284 00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:19,630 Sip on this while you're getting ready. 285 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:20,800 Oh, I'm ready. 286 00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:23,500 That's what you're wearing? 287 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:27,230 Um, yeah. Why, what's wrong with it? 288 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,830 Nothing. I was just hoping for something a little more, 289 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:33,430 You know, ridonkulous. 290 00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:41,060 Mm, yeah. well, this is all the "donkulous" 291 00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:42,730 You're gonna get tonight. 292 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,760 Okey-dokey, let's roll. 293 00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:48,400 All right, it's time to raise the roof! 294 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,160 Hey, Leonard. 295 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,330 - Hey. - Dude. 296 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,500 You look very nice. 297 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,560 Thank you. 298 00:12:58,330 --> 00:12:59,500 Come on. 299 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:00,900 - Good night, Leonard. - Good night. 300 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,530 Hey, Leonard, do you see my limo downstairs? 301 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,900 Yeah. 302 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,360 It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in. 303 00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:08,530 Terrific. 304 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,060 It has more food, too. 305 00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:12,860 All right, come on. come on. 306 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,860 Hey. 307 00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:25,200 Hey, good news. 308 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:27,030 You don't have to sulk about Penny anymore. 309 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,700 Look, there are hundreds of croatian women 310 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,460 just waiting for you to contact them. 311 00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:36,560 Anything-for-a-greencard.com? 312 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:38,300 I'll lend you my user name. 313 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,900 It's "Wealthy Big Penis". 314 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,100 You're joking. 315 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,730 You gotta make it easy for 'em. 316 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,300 They're just learning english. 317 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,730 Pass. 318 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,230 So you're just gonna sit around here and mope 319 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:55,160 while Penny is out with Dr. Apu from the Kwik-e-Mart? 320 00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:58,300 It's not a date, and that's racist. 321 00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,930 It can't be racist. 322 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,130 He's a beloved character on the Simpsons. 323 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,600 Let's just eat so I can get to bed. 324 00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:07,330 With any luck, 325 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,960 tonight will be the night my sleep apnea kills me. 326 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,460 Did you remember to ask 327 00:14:14,530 --> 00:14:16,630 - for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded? - Yes. 328 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,200 Even though the menu description specifies "shredded"? 329 00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:19,730 - Yes. - Brown rice, not white? 330 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,460 - Yes. - Did you stop at the korean grocery 331 00:14:21,530 --> 00:14:23,100 - and get the good hot mustard? - Yes. 332 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,600 - Did you pick up the low sodium soy sauce from the market? - Yes. 333 00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:27,160 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 334 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:29,830 What took you so long? 335 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,930 Just sit down and eat. 336 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,400 Fine. 337 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,360 All right, it's shredded. What do you want me to do? 338 00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:43,130 I want you to check before you accept the order. 339 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,230 Sorry. 340 00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,630 Were you distracted by the possibility that Koothrappali 341 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,160 might have intercourse with Penny tonight? 342 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,800 He's not going to have intercourse with Penny. 343 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,930 Then there's no excuse for this chicken. 344 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,430 You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind 345 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:03,960 a story from my childhood. 346 00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:07,530 Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle. 347 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,660 That's northwest Texas. I'm from east Texas, 348 00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:13,330 The gulf region, home to many vietnamese shrimpers. 349 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,000 Do the shrimpers feature in your story? 350 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:17,630 No. 351 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,000 Anyway, 352 00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:21,500 When I was eight, 353 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:26,500 a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat Lucky. 354 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,600 Lucky? 355 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:29,830 Yes, Lucky. 356 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,700 He's irony-impaired. Just move on. 357 00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:37,060 Okay, dead cat named Lucky. Continue. 358 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:40,030 While others mourned Lucky, I realized his untimely demise 359 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,460 provided me with the opportunity to replace him 360 00:15:42,461 --> 00:15:44,461 with something more suited to my pet needs: 361 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,700 a faithful companion 362 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,330 that I could snuggle with at night, 363 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,230 yet would be capable of killing upon telepathic command. 364 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,130 So not a puppy? 365 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,060 Please, nothing so pedestrian. 366 00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,930 I wanted a griffin. 367 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,600 A griffin? 368 00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:05,530 Yes, half eagle, half lion. 369 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,700 And mythological. 370 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,860 Irrelevant. 371 00:16:10,930 --> 00:16:14,630 I was studying recombinant DNA technology, 372 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,430 and I was confidant I could create one, 373 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,930 but my parents were unwilling 374 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,600 to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. 375 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:24,700 Of course, my sister got swimming lessons 376 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,600 when she wanted them. 377 00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:32,930 Sheldon, not that we don't all enjoy a good lion semen story, 378 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,800 but... what's your point? 379 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,900 My point is if Koothrappali is moving on 380 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,500 to a new life of shallow undeserved fame, 381 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:45,230 perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort. 382 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,660 You want to breed a new friend? 383 00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:51,530 That's one option, but who has the time? 384 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,260 But consider this... the japanese, 385 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:56,360 they're doing some wonderful work 386 00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:57,660 with artificial intelligence. 387 00:16:57,730 --> 00:16:59,830 Now, you combine that with some animatronics 388 00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,830 from the imagineers over at Disney, 389 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,600 next thing you know, we're playing Halo 390 00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:06,830 with a multilingual Abraham Lincoln. 391 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,600 Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way, but you're insane. 392 00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,460 That may well be, 393 00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:14,300 but the fact is it wouldn't kill us 394 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,800 to meet some new people. 395 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,700 For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. 396 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,800 They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. 397 00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:28,700 And I'm not insane. My mother had me tested. 398 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,730 If we do get a new friend, 399 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,060 he should be a guy you can trust. 400 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,530 A guy who has your back. 401 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,130 And he should have a lot of money 402 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,900 and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties. 403 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,060 404 00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:41,500 He should share our love of technology. 405 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,860 And he should know a lot of women. 406 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,660 Let's see, money, women, technology... 407 00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:50,900 okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be Iron Man. 408 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,900 409 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:01,500 Welcome to the Raj Mahal. 410 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,730 It's very nice. Good night, Raj. 411 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,930 - No, no, wait. The evening's not over. - yes, it is. 412 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,760 No, it's time to put on some R. Kelly and suck face. 413 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:13,100 Oh, wow, is the evening over? 414 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,630 Wait, wait, wait! 415 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,630 That's my mommy and daddy calling from India. 416 00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,260 I want you to meet my parents. 417 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,860 Wait. Meet them? 418 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,160 Hello, mommy, daddy. Good to see you. 419 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:27,230 How are you? I'm not drunk. 420 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,330 Why would you say that? 421 00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:30,900 Just making conversation. 422 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,700 Mommy, daddy, I want you to meet my new squeeze, Penny. 423 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,800 I'm not your squeeze. There is no squeezing. 424 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:39,430 I can't see her. Center her in the frame. 425 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,860 Here you go. Cute, huh? 426 00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,060 She's not Indian. 427 00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:46,700 So she's not Indian. The boy is just sowing some wild oats. 428 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,100 No, no, no, 429 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,760 there's no sowing, no squeezing and no sucking face. 430 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,730 What if he gets her pregnant? 431 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,330 Is this little hotsy-totsy who you want 432 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,260 as the mother of your grandchildren? 433 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:58,795 What right do you have to pick with 434 00:18:58,795 --> 00:19:00,260 whom I can have children with? 435 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,600 Look, Rajesh, I understand you're in America. 436 00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:05,400 You want to try the "local cuisine". 437 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:09,400 But trust me. You don't want it for a steady diet. 438 00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:10,800 Now you listen to me. 439 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,200 I am no longer a child 440 00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:14,030 and I will not be spoken to like one. 441 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:17,260 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up. 442 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,460 What's wrong with him? 443 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:21,960 I don't know. 444 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,760 Maybe it's the local cuisine. 445 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,660 Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. 446 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:35,330 I'm just gonna set you on down over here. 447 00:19:35,430 --> 00:19:39,100 And I'm gonna leave, so namaste. 448 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:45,660 And FYI, you'd be lucky to have me as a daughter-in-law. 449 00:19:47,661 --> 00:19:49,661 She is fusty. I like that. 450 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,330 Raj, what are you doing? 451 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:08,660 No, no notes. 452 00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,960 If you have something to say to me, say it. 453 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:27,830 Sorry. 454 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:32,600 Oh, sweetie, it's okay.