1
00:00:02,124 --> 00:00:05,776
All right, Raj has played
his phantom warlord card,
2
00:00:05,844 --> 00:00:10,614
and I am going to back him
up with my strangling vines.
3
00:00:11,483 --> 00:00:14,151
Choke on that, sucka.
4
00:00:14,219 --> 00:00:19,056
Okay, well, then I'll just cut
your vines with my ruby sword.
5
00:00:19,124 --> 00:00:22,994
That's right, I did it. I cut 'em.
6
00:00:23,061 --> 00:00:25,847
Um...
7
00:00:25,914 --> 00:00:27,815
I have a question.
8
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:31,569
Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf,
9
00:00:31,636 --> 00:00:32,904
elf beats water sprite,
10
00:00:32,971 --> 00:00:36,440
and basically everything
beats enchanted bunny.
11
00:00:36,508 --> 00:00:38,476
Unless you have the carrot power.
12
00:00:38,544 --> 00:00:41,612
Okay, I've got another question.
13
00:00:41,663 --> 00:00:43,631
When does this get fun?
14
00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:45,583
Are we going to talk
15
00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:48,536
or are we going to play
"Mystic Warriors of Ka-ah"?
16
00:00:48,604 --> 00:00:50,838
Just play potion card.
17
00:00:50,923 --> 00:00:52,306
Which one?
18
00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:53,341
It doesn't matter.
19
00:00:53,425 --> 00:00:55,526
You can't possibly win.
20
00:00:55,594 --> 00:00:56,677
Sheldon, don't ruin the game.
21
00:00:56,762 --> 00:00:58,129
How could he ruin the game?
22
00:00:58,180 --> 00:00:59,881
Given the cards that have
already been played,
23
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:01,549
Penny can only be holding
necromancer potions,
24
00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:03,634
which are only effective against
wraiths and day-walkers,
25
00:01:03,685 --> 00:01:05,953
and there are no more
of either left to be drawn.
26
00:01:06,021 --> 00:01:07,972
The cards remaining in
the undrawn stack are:
27
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,326
four fire weapons, a troll, two
ogres and the jewel of Osiris.
28
00:01:12,361 --> 00:01:14,645
See? Ruined.
29
00:01:14,696 --> 00:01:17,481
Sheldon, that is incredible.
30
00:01:17,549 --> 00:01:20,668
From your vantage point,
it certainly must seem so.
31
00:01:20,736 --> 00:01:23,871
Sheldon has kind of
a photographic memory.
32
00:01:23,956 --> 00:01:25,990
"Photographic" is a misnomer.
33
00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:28,876
I have an eidetic memory,
as I've told you many times.
34
00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:31,078
Most recently last year during lunch
35
00:01:31,163 --> 00:01:32,863
on the afternoon of may seventh.
36
00:01:34,099 --> 00:01:36,500
You had turkey and complained it was dry.
37
00:01:36,568 --> 00:01:38,336
Well, I guess game'over.
38
00:01:38,387 --> 00:01:40,304
Really? Oh, great.
39
00:01:41,089 --> 00:01:43,808
I mean, aw.
40
00:01:44,676 --> 00:01:46,727
Okay, I gotta go.
Why?
41
00:01:46,812 --> 00:01:48,262
Because the last me I didn't go,
42
00:01:48,347 --> 00:01:51,098
I ended up playing
"mystic warlords of ka."
43
00:01:51,183 --> 00:01:53,868
Not "Ka. Ka-ah."
44
00:01:53,936 --> 00:01:56,070
Buh-eye.
45
00:01:56,154 --> 00:01:58,155
See ya.
46
00:01:59,741 --> 00:02:01,909
Still can't believe
she's going out with me.
47
00:02:01,994 --> 00:02:03,661
Nobody can.
48
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,531
That reminds me, I have
a bone to pick with you.
49
00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:08,282
What?
50
00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:10,234
You and I made a pact
51
00:02:10,285 --> 00:02:12,703
that if either of us
ever got a hot girlfriend,
52
00:02:12,754 --> 00:02:14,205
That person would have his girlfriend
53
00:02:14,256 --> 00:02:15,423
hook the other guy up
54
00:02:15,507 --> 00:02:17,425
with one of her girlfriends.
55
00:02:17,509 --> 00:02:19,460
I don't remember that.
56
00:02:19,544 --> 00:02:21,862
June 30th, 2004.
57
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:25,416
Opening day of spider-man 2
at the AMC Pasadena.
58
00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:29,120
They only had red icees, no blue.
59
00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:30,554
Oh, yeah.
60
00:02:30,605 --> 00:02:33,190
So you've been with Penny for
like a month and a half now.
61
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:34,709
Where's my shorty, Morty?
62
00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:38,229
Howard, you can't hold me to that.
63
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,447
Why not?
64
00:02:39,531 --> 00:02:40,815
Because when I made that agreement,
65
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,616
I didn't think I'd ever have a hot girlfriend.
66
00:02:42,701 --> 00:02:44,035
And I was positive you never would.
67
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:47,955
Hey, how come I wasn't
part of this deal?
68
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,274
You had left the refreshment
stand in order to indulge
69
00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:53,244
in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
70
00:02:53,295 --> 00:02:55,129
Oh, so that's how it works?
71
00:02:55,213 --> 00:02:58,615
I have a teeny bladder and now
I don't get a hot girlfriend?
72
00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:01,752
Yeah, Raj. That's how it works.
73
00:03:01,803 --> 00:03:04,305
Damn.
74
00:03:04,389 --> 00:03:07,842
* our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state *
75
00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:11,062
* then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! *
76
00:03:11,129 --> 00:03:12,697
* the earth began to cool *
77
00:03:12,764 --> 00:03:15,366
* the autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals develop tools *
78
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:17,868
* we built the wall *
* we built the pyramids *
79
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:20,571
* math, science, history,
unraveling the mystery *
80
00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,540
* that all started with a big bang*
81
00:03:22,541 --> 00:03:24,158
* bang! *
82
00:03:31,054 --> 00:03:33,538
Oh, damn it. Can I have a napkin?
83
00:03:34,341 --> 00:03:37,026
I'm sorry, no.
84
00:03:37,094 --> 00:03:39,529
But you have a whole bunch of 'em.
85
00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:43,065
Yes, I've moved to a four-napkin system.
86
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,736
Lap, hands, face and personal emergencies.
87
00:03:47,821 --> 00:03:49,539
If you like, starting tomorrow,
88
00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:50,574
I'll add a guest napkin,
89
00:03:51,658 --> 00:03:54,560
but I'm afraid there's nothing
I can do for you today.
90
00:03:57,698 --> 00:04:00,232
Good luck. That's the face napkin.
91
00:04:01,936 --> 00:04:03,486
So, have you talked to Penny yet?
92
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:04,637
No, I haven't.
93
00:04:04,688 --> 00:04:05,555
Why not?
94
00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:08,441
Because I've been busy,
because I haven't figured out
95
00:04:08,493 --> 00:04:09,143
a way to bring it up,
96
00:04:10,227 --> 00:04:11,278
and mostly... and I can't
stress how key this is...
97
00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:14,531
because I don't want to.
98
00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:16,115
Leonard, a pact is a pact.
99
00:04:16,183 --> 00:04:18,151
You have to get Penny to fix me up.
100
00:04:18,235 --> 00:04:19,152
It's not that simple.
101
00:04:19,203 --> 00:04:19,320
What am I supposed to say?
102
00:04:19,371 --> 00:04:20,538
"Penny, do you have any friends
103
00:04:20,622 --> 00:04:22,989
you'd like to never hear from again?"
104
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,208
Come on, I'm smart,
105
00:04:25,292 --> 00:04:29,695
I have good job and I have
only three percent body fat.
106
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:30,914
It's true.
107
00:04:30,998 --> 00:04:31,499
I've seen him at the beach.
108
00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:34,717
He's like a human chicken wing.
109
00:04:34,802 --> 00:04:35,336
Leonard, come on.
110
00:04:36,387 --> 00:04:38,505
Fine. I'll ask if she has a friend for you.
111
00:04:38,556 --> 00:04:39,672
Hot friend.
112
00:04:39,723 --> 00:04:40,840
Right.
113
00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:42,091
And tall.
114
00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:44,344
I want our kids to be able
to ride space mountain
115
00:04:44,345 --> 00:04:45,361
before they're 20.
116
00:04:45,429 --> 00:04:47,747
Ii'll see what I can do.
117
00:04:47,815 --> 00:04:49,866
Hey, Sheldon, guess what I heard today?
118
00:04:49,934 --> 00:04:52,986
I'd imagine you heard
any number of things today.
119
00:04:53,053 --> 00:04:55,154
When you arrived at work you
undoubtedly heard, "hello, Raj."
120
00:04:55,222 --> 00:04:56,372
"How are you, Raj?"
121
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,208
Given that you're wearing
a new sweater-vest,
122
00:04:58,209 --> 00:04:59,809
you may have heard "new sweater6vest?".
123
00:04:59,994 --> 00:05:02,529
And possibly, though far less
likely, "nice sweater-vest."
124
00:05:02,596 --> 00:05:06,049
Why don't I just tell you what i heard today.
125
00:05:06,116 --> 00:05:08,868
That would probably save us some time.
126
00:05:08,919 --> 00:05:11,204
Saturday night at the comic book store,
127
00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:12,889
they're having a "mystic
warlords of ka-ah" tournament.
128
00:05:12,957 --> 00:05:15,375
First prize is $500.
129
00:05:15,426 --> 00:05:17,260
If we team up, we'd be unstoppable.
130
00:05:17,344 --> 00:05:19,178
I'm sorry, Raj, but I have no interest
131
00:05:19,246 --> 00:05:21,548
in playing a game in which I find no challenge.
132
00:05:21,615 --> 00:05:22,799
What about the money?
133
00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:23,900
I have money.
134
00:05:23,968 --> 00:05:25,635
This is other money.
135
00:05:25,719 --> 00:05:28,087
How does it different
from the money I have?
136
00:05:28,155 --> 00:05:30,323
Half of it will be mine.
137
00:05:30,357 --> 00:05:33,743
Do you need it to buy a less
disturbing sweater-vest?
138
00:05:35,946 --> 00:05:37,146
Leonard, help.
139
00:05:37,231 --> 00:05:39,065
Are you kidding?
140
00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:42,352
I couldn't even talk him into giving
one of his freakin' napkins.
141
00:05:45,456 --> 00:05:50,126
Wow, you really are a genius.
142
00:05:50,194 --> 00:05:51,744
Not really.
143
00:05:51,795 --> 00:05:53,830
I googled how to do that.
144
00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:03,489
So, listen... have you ever
made a pact with someone?
146
00:06:06,977 --> 00:06:09,479
OkAy, fine, like a pinky swear.
147
00:06:09,546 --> 00:06:12,098
Well, in the first grade,
my friend Rosie and I
148
00:06:12,149 --> 00:06:13,933
made a pact to marry Bert and Ernie.
149
00:06:13,984 --> 00:06:16,603
You know, from Sesame Street?
150
00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:18,304
I'm familiar with Bert and Ernie.
151
00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:20,998
Knowing fact, we both wanted Ernie.
152
00:06:21,325 --> 00:06:24,043
We didn't speak again until middle school.
153
00:06:24,111 --> 00:06:25,828
Over puppets?
154
00:06:25,913 --> 00:06:29,182
The heart wants what
the heart wants, Leonard.
155
00:06:29,249 --> 00:06:30,433
Okay.
156
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:33,453
Speaking of what the heart wants...
157
00:06:33,504 --> 00:06:36,072
Um, a long time ago,
158
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:39,726
I made a pact with Wolowitz
that kind of involves you.
159
00:06:47,801 --> 00:06:51,971
Okay, I don't know where
you're going with this,
160
00:06:52,022 --> 00:06:57,009
but tread carefully because it may be
the last conversation we ever have.
161
00:06:57,061 --> 00:06:59,362
No, no, nothing like that.
162
00:06:59,446 --> 00:07:02,231
The deal was that if either
of us ever got a girlfriend,
163
00:07:02,316 --> 00:07:04,517
we'd have her fix the other one up
164
00:07:04,568 --> 00:07:06,336
with one of her friends.
165
00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:10,237
And you thought a good time to
bring this up be right after sex.
166
00:07:09,373 --> 00:07:14,144
Well, I sure as hell wasn't gonna
bring it up before sex.
167
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:19,799
And during, I was trying to
remember what I read on google, so...
168
00:07:22,836 --> 00:07:25,555
I'm not hooking Wolowitz up
with one of my friends.
169
00:07:25,639 --> 00:07:28,591
It doesn't have to be a good friend.
170
00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:32,829
And you know that deep down
inside, Howard's a really nice guy.
171
00:07:32,896 --> 00:07:35,598
The problem isn't what's on the inside.
172
00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:37,850
It's the creepy candy coating.
173
00:07:37,918 --> 00:07:41,521
Will you at least think about it?
174
00:07:41,588 --> 00:07:43,756
Just as a favor to me?
175
00:07:43,824 --> 00:07:47,577
Oh, great thing about Ernie,
176
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:50,363
was he never asked me for anything.
177
00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:53,816
He just gave.
178
00:07:55,185 --> 00:08:00,790
Got it. Got it. Got it.
Got it. Got it. Got it.
179
00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,575
Betty and Veronica?
180
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,294
Oh.
181
00:08:05,362 --> 00:08:08,097
Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern
figurine's coming in tomorrow.
182
00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:09,382
Want me to set one aside for you?
183
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:10,750
Thank you.
184
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:12,802
You just robbed me of the opportunity
185
00:08:12,886 --> 00:08:14,587
to stumb upon the figurine
186
00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,355
and make the oh-so-satisfying journey
187
00:08:16,423 --> 00:08:17,890
from discovery to desire to possession.
188
00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:20,159
All right, I won't set one aside for you.
189
00:08:20,227 --> 00:08:21,377
But I must have it.
190
00:08:21,445 --> 00:08:23,880
Okay, I'll set one aside for you.
Thank you.
191
00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:25,898
You know, I can buy
all these things online.
192
00:08:25,966 --> 00:08:28,251
I come here for the personal service.
193
00:08:31,605 --> 00:08:33,272
Hey, Stuart, is the Wil Wheaton signed up
194
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:34,307
For the mystic warlords tournament.
195
00:08:34,374 --> 00:08:36,909
The Wil Wheaton from Star Trek?
196
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,145
Yeah, he lives around here. Big gamer.
197
00:08:39,213 --> 00:08:40,563
Excuse me.
198
00:08:40,631 --> 00:08:44,400
Are you saying that Wil Wheaton
aka Ensign Wesley Crusher
199
00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,319
on Star Trek: The next generation
200
00:08:46,386 --> 00:08:48,237
is going to be participating
in your tournament?
201
00:08:48,305 --> 00:08:52,592
Oh, I'm sorry, did I rob you of the opportunity
to stumble onto that for yourself?
202
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:53,826
You don't understand.
203
00:08:53,894 --> 00:08:57,480
Growing up, I idolized Wil Wheaton?
204
00:08:57,564 --> 00:09:01,334
Wesley Crusher had an eidetic
memory just like me.
205
00:09:01,401 --> 00:09:02,468
Ooh, what a coincidence.
206
00:09:04,071 --> 00:09:05,271
Meanwhile you're playing
in the tournament.
207
00:09:05,339 --> 00:09:07,440
Sign here.
I was such a fan
208
00:09:07,491 --> 00:09:10,860
that in 1995, I traveled ten hours by bus
209
00:09:10,944 --> 00:09:13,079
to a sci-fi convention in Jackson, Mississippi,
210
00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,281
wearing my star flee
academy cadet uniform
211
00:09:15,349 --> 00:09:17,166
in order to meet Wil Wheaton
212
00:09:17,251 --> 00:09:18,584
and get him to autograph
213
00:09:18,652 --> 00:09:20,953
my mint in-package Wesley
Crusher action figure..
214
00:09:21,021 --> 00:09:23,873
Ooh, it'll be like a reunion then.
215
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:24,924
Sign here.
216
00:09:24,991 --> 00:09:26,142
My arduous journey, however,
217
00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:28,160
was for naught.
218
00:09:28,212 --> 00:09:30,847
Although advertised to appear,
he did not show up.
219
00:09:30,931 --> 00:09:34,150
It was at that moment, I vowed
eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton.
220
00:09:34,218 --> 00:09:36,602
Okay, great, you can
tell him you hate him.
221
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:37,904
Sign here.
222
00:09:37,971 --> 00:09:40,940
It might also interest you
to know that Wil Wheaton
223
00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:43,726
currently ranks sixth on
my a-time enemies list...
224
00:09:43,811 --> 00:09:45,728
right between director Joel Schumacher,
225
00:09:45,813 --> 00:09:47,730
Who nearly destroyed
the Batman movie franchise,
226
00:09:47,798 --> 00:09:49,699
and Billy Sparks,
227
00:09:49,783 --> 00:09:51,350
who lived down the street from me
228
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:53,486
and put dog poop on the
handles of my bicycle.
229
00:09:53,537 --> 00:09:55,538
Okay, I get it. He's a bad guy.
230
00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:56,756
Sign here.
231
00:09:56,824 --> 00:09:58,991
In the words of khan noonn singh
232
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:02,411
in the immortal wrath ofhan, "he tasks me.
233
00:10:02,496 --> 00:10:05,364
He tasks me and I shall have him."
234
00:10:05,415 --> 00:10:07,333
No doubt, sign here.
235
00:10:07,384 --> 00:10:10,036
From hell's heart, I stab at thee."
236
00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:15,508
All right, Raj, looks
like you're teamed up
237
00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,094
with "die, Wil Wheaton, die."
238
00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:26,300
So, tell me more about the
future mother of my children.
239
00:10:27,485 --> 00:10:29,069
She's adorable, Howard.
240
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:30,387
I think you'll like her.
241
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,605
Great.
242
00:10:31,656 --> 00:10:33,490
So what did you tell her about me?
243
00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:34,942
Did you mention the body fat?
244
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:38,329
No, I thought that would be
a nice surprise for her.
245
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:41,148
Good, good.
246
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:46,120
I just told her you're
an aerospace engineer,
247
00:10:46,171 --> 00:10:47,588
you speak five languages...
248
00:10:47,655 --> 00:10:49,289
six if you count Klingon.
249
00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:52,076
Girls don't count Klingon, Howard.
250
00:10:52,143 --> 00:10:52,843
Right?
251
00:10:52,927 --> 00:10:53,961
Right.
252
00:10:55,663 --> 00:10:56,997
Oh. And I told her you have
253
00:10:57,048 --> 00:10:58,265
an unhealthy attachment to your mother.
254
00:10:58,332 --> 00:10:59,933
What?
255
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:01,385
I'm kidding.
256
00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:05,338
Another delightful surprise for her.
257
00:11:10,511 --> 00:11:12,363
Sheldon, it's your play.
258
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:14,515
Sheldon.
259
00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:18,852
My enchanted troll bludgeons
your screaming harpy
260
00:11:18,903 --> 00:11:20,371
with a cursed mace. Game.
261
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:23,073
Sorry, boys.
262
00:11:23,158 --> 00:11:25,876
Say hi to your mother
when she picks you up.
263
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,545
Or I could just tell her later tonight!
264
00:11:30,465 --> 00:11:32,466
We pawned them, dude! Up top!
265
00:11:32,533 --> 00:11:34,051
Look at him.
266
00:11:34,135 --> 00:11:38,505
Wil Wheaton, my old friend.
267
00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,974
I have chased you 'round the moons of Nibia
268
00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:45,345
and 'round the Antares maelstrom
and 'round perdition's flames!
269
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,681
You know, you keep quoting Wrath of Khan,
270
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,966
but he was in next generation.
271
00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:50,901
It's a totally different set of characters.
272
00:11:50,985 --> 00:11:53,437
Silence!
273
00:11:53,521 --> 00:11:56,407
How much longer must I wait for my revenge?
274
00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:58,375
Well, if Wil Wheaton
and Stuart win their match
275
00:11:58,443 --> 00:12:01,028
and we beat lonely Larry
and captain sweatpants
276
00:12:01,079 --> 00:12:02,246
in the next round,
277
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,231
we'll face off for the championship.
278
00:12:04,282 --> 00:12:07,567
So, my path to satisfaction is blocked
279
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:10,971
by lonely Larry and captain sweatpants.
280
00:12:11,039 --> 00:12:13,307
Very well.
281
00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:15,893
They must be destroyed.
282
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,045
Dude, you have to stop talking like that.
283
00:12:18,096 --> 00:12:19,129
It's really lame.
284
00:12:19,214 --> 00:12:21,648
Silence!
285
00:12:25,887 --> 00:12:29,106
So, Penny tells me you're
working as a waitress
286
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:31,024
to put yourself through grad school.
287
00:12:31,092 --> 00:12:33,143
That's pretty great.
What are you studying?
288
00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:34,244
Microbiology.
289
00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:39,116
Oh, cool. So you could study me.
290
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,118
I don't understand.
291
00:12:41,202 --> 00:12:45,772
Microbiology is the study
of tiny living things.
292
00:12:45,824 --> 00:12:48,959
I know, I'm studying it.
293
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:55,916
And I said you could study me
'cause I'm a tiny living thing.
294
00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:58,618
It's a joke.
295
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:00,671
Are you sure?
296
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:06,426
Do you like science-fiction?
297
00:13:06,478 --> 00:13:07,427
No.
298
00:13:07,479 --> 00:13:08,595
Role-playing games?
299
00:13:08,646 --> 00:13:11,598
Like in the bedroom or
like Dungeons and Dragons?
300
00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:13,133
Either.
301
00:13:13,184 --> 00:13:13,984
No.
302
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,822
Gonna be a long night.
303
00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,524
Well, it's your fault.
304
00:13:20,608 --> 00:13:24,261
I had to ask. You didn't have to say yes.
305
00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:26,497
You like magic?
306
00:13:26,581 --> 00:13:27,498
Not really.
307
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:29,149
Okay.
308
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:41,845
I play my endless serpent.
Raj will play ecstatic frenzy,
309
00:13:41,930 --> 00:13:43,814
which means Larry will have
to play chaos overlord.
310
00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:45,883
Then captain sweatpants, molten river.
311
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:49,169
I play nightshade dryad.
Game, set and match.
312
00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:55,692
Now fetch me Wil Wheaton!
313
00:13:57,178 --> 00:14:02,199
Bot-tash bir jab-loo-di rekh kkhakkh-o ny!
314
00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:04,818
Did that guy just say
315
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:07,955
"revenge is a dish best
served cold" in Klingon?
316
00:14:08,022 --> 00:14:10,307
I believe so.
317
00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:13,911
What is wrong with him?
318
00:14:13,995 --> 00:14:16,797
Everyone has a different theory.
319
00:14:20,635 --> 00:14:22,836
How about computers?
320
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,171
Do you like computers?
321
00:14:24,222 --> 00:14:27,057
I use them. I don't like them.
322
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:29,709
Okay...
323
00:14:29,761 --> 00:14:32,913
Puppies? Where do you stand on puppies?
324
00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:36,233
A puppy once bit my face.
325
00:14:36,317 --> 00:14:37,851
Of course it did.
326
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:40,354
How about that? Einstein was wrong.
327
00:14:40,405 --> 00:14:41,188
What?
328
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:42,439
Approaching the speed of light
329
00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:43,523
doesn't slow down time.
330
00:14:43,575 --> 00:14:44,775
Approaching them does.
331
00:14:48,229 --> 00:14:49,947
Excuse me.
332
00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:51,782
Oh, damn. It's my mother.
333
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,066
Are you going to answer it?
334
00:14:53,117 --> 00:14:54,101
I'm torn.
335
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:56,236
She might be dying, and, you know,
336
00:14:56,304 --> 00:14:57,570
I wouldn't want to miss that.
337
00:14:57,622 --> 00:14:59,890
On the other hand,
338
00:14:59,958 --> 00:15:05,112
if I let it go to voicemail,
I could play it over and over.
339
00:15:05,179 --> 00:15:09,466
I know how you feel.
My mother makes me crazy.
340
00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:12,219
Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
341
00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:13,420
Oh, yeah?
342
00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:15,105
Does your mother call
you every day at work
343
00:15:15,106 --> 00:15:16,607
to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
344
00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:18,542
My mother calls me at workk
345
00:15:18,610 --> 00:15:21,261
to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
346
00:15:25,116 --> 00:15:26,783
Okay, well, does she lay out
347
00:15:26,868 --> 00:15:28,702
your clothes for you in the morning
348
00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:29,987
like you're nine years old?
349
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,055
You live with your mother?
350
00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:34,291
No. That's the sad part.
351
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:36,376
Ooh, rough.
352
00:15:36,444 --> 00:15:37,744
Okay, check this out.
353
00:15:37,795 --> 00:15:39,913
My mother made me wear
rubber gloves to kindergarten
354
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:43,800
so I wouldn't pick up a disease
from the other children.
355
00:15:43,885 --> 00:15:45,168
That's nothing.
356
00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:46,436
I couldn't ride a bicycle
357
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:48,639
'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump
358
00:15:48,706 --> 00:15:49,806
and lose my virginity.
359
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:52,092
Oh, wow.
360
00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:53,176
You didn't, did you?
361
00:15:53,261 --> 00:15:54,895
Not on a bicyclle.
362
00:15:54,962 --> 00:15:56,847
In a camry.
363
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:57,981
Oh!
364
00:15:59,484 --> 00:16:00,917
Corolla!
365
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,021
More wine?
I'd love some.
366
00:16:04,105 --> 00:16:05,939
Listen, you have to come
367
00:16:05,990 --> 00:16:07,691
to shabbat dinner
at my house sometime.
368
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:08,909
Why?
369
00:16:08,976 --> 00:16:10,544
A catholic girl like you
370
00:16:10,611 --> 00:16:11,945
wearing a big cross like that
371
00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:14,581
might just give my mother
the big brain aneurysm
372
00:16:14,648 --> 00:16:15,815
I've been hoping for.
373
00:16:17,952 --> 00:16:20,704
Okay, but only if you come
374
00:16:20,788 --> 00:16:23,173
to Sunday dinner at my
house wearing a yarmulke.
375
00:16:23,174 --> 00:16:24,524
It's a date.
376
00:16:25,843 --> 00:16:28,078
Am I a matchmaker or what?
377
00:16:34,685 --> 00:16:36,386
Lava serpent.
378
00:16:36,470 --> 00:16:40,356
Nest of snakes.
379
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:41,391
Underworld guardian.
380
00:16:41,475 --> 00:16:43,276
Underworld guardian.
381
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:46,396
We skirmish to the death.
382
00:16:51,986 --> 00:16:53,019
Invisibility spell.
383
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:54,337
Luminescence spell.
384
00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:55,488
Water nymph.
385
00:16:55,539 --> 00:16:56,506
Fire demon.
386
00:16:56,574 --> 00:16:57,857
Two-aded tiger.
387
00:16:57,908 --> 00:16:59,709
Three-headed lion.
388
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,578
Sulphur.
389
00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:02,862
Brimstone.
390
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:06,382
Problem, Wil Wheaton?
391
00:17:08,919 --> 00:17:09,919
Hang on.
392
00:17:10,004 --> 00:17:12,338
You're holding two moderate spell cards,
393
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:14,373
a small rock and a potion of Zancor,
394
00:17:14,374 --> 00:17:15,875
which will be about as much help
395
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:17,827
as an air conditioner
on the ice planet Hoth.
396
00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:20,096
Your only move is to play the potion,
397
00:17:20,180 --> 00:17:22,048
lose the skirmish,
398
00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:23,917
a nd two moves later, the game.
399
00:17:23,984 --> 00:17:26,736
I think he's got me.
400
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:31,608
The year was 1995.
401
00:17:31,692 --> 00:17:34,310
The place: Jackson, Mississippi.
402
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,363
Having spent ten hours on a bus,
403
00:17:37,414 --> 00:17:39,332
during which I had to twice violate
404
00:17:39,399 --> 00:17:42,201
my personal rule against relieving myself
405
00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:43,720
on board a moving vehicle...
406
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,172
I finally arrived
407
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,958
at the fourth annual
Dixie-Trek convention
408
00:17:49,043 --> 00:17:53,463
only to find that my idol
Wil Wheaton decided he had
409
00:17:53,547 --> 00:17:57,083
better things to do than to show
up and sign my action figure.
410
00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:02,422
What?
411
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:06,276
You betrayed me, Wil Wheaton.
412
00:18:10,814 --> 00:18:15,618
You went to the '95 Dixie-Trek?
413
00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:20,123
Oh, dude, my grandmother had just died,
414
00:18:20,207 --> 00:18:22,609
and I had to go to her funeral.
415
00:18:25,045 --> 00:18:27,480
Your mee-maw died?
416
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:30,683
That's terrible.
417
00:18:30,751 --> 00:18:32,669
Yeah, it was.
418
00:18:32,753 --> 00:18:36,172
But I'm really sorry
that I disappointed you.
419
00:18:36,256 --> 00:18:39,092
No, no, I understand.
420
00:18:39,143 --> 00:18:40,727
Anything happened to my mee-maw,
421
00:18:40,794 --> 00:18:42,795
I'd be one inconsolable moon pie.
422
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,132
I should clarify that statement
423
00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:49,185
by explaining that she calls me "moon pie."
424
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,804
It'a special relationship, isn't it,
425
00:18:51,855 --> 00:18:53,606
between a boy and his grandmother?
426
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:55,174
Oh, yes.
427
00:18:55,242 --> 00:18:58,144
Okay, great, everybody
loves their grandmas!
428
00:18:58,195 --> 00:19:00,930
Now, come on, Sheldon, finish him off!
429
00:19:00,998 --> 00:19:02,615
It's okay, Sheldon.
430
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:03,750
I let you down.
431
00:19:03,817 --> 00:19:05,484
I deserve it.
432
00:19:05,536 --> 00:19:07,120
Potion of Zancor.
433
00:19:09,456 --> 00:19:12,675
What are you waiting for?!
434
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,427
Kill Wil Wheaton!
435
00:19:14,461 --> 00:19:16,779
From hell's heart, stab at him!
436
00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:21,100
I can't.
437
00:19:21,168 --> 00:19:23,469
Sure you can. Do it! Do it!
438
00:19:24,138 --> 00:19:26,005
No.
439
00:19:26,056 --> 00:19:28,340
I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton,
440
00:19:28,442 --> 00:19:31,060
the man who destroyed my dreams.
441
00:19:31,145 --> 00:19:36,866
But I can't defeat Wil Wheaton,
the man who loved is mee-maw.
442
00:19:39,403 --> 00:19:41,654
Enchanted bunny.
443
00:19:41,705 --> 00:19:46,042
No! Not enchanted bunny!
444
00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:49,495
I call my mee-maw "nana."
445
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,799
And she's going be very happy
446
00:19:52,866 --> 00:19:56,135
to hear that my small rock
kills your enchanted bunny.
447
00:19:57,254 --> 00:20:00,890
Game over, moon pie.
448
00:20:04,094 --> 00:20:05,711
I... I... I don't understand.
449
00:20:05,763 --> 00:20:07,980
Your grandmother's alive?
450
00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:09,649
Oh, you catch on quick.
451
00:20:09,716 --> 00:20:13,069
Come on, Stewie, let's get our prize money.
452
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:17,490
That was fun.
453
00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:27,567
Wheaton!
454
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:31,137
Wheaton! Wheaton!
455
00:20:31,205 --> 00:20:37,122
Sync by honeybunny - corrected by chamallow35
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net