1
00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:08,698
("The Imperial March" playing)
2
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,861
Will you please turn
your shirt off?
3
00:00:22,895 --> 00:00:24,032
What?
4
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,699
I'm giving myself
dramatic entrance music.
5
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,804
People will know I'm awesome
and to be feared.
6
00:00:28,838 --> 00:00:30,407
Right.
7
00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:32,745
There's nothing more awesome
and frightening than a man
8
00:00:32,779 --> 00:00:35,816
who's got music blasting
from between his nipples.
9
00:00:35,850 --> 00:00:37,417
(turns music off)
10
00:00:37,451 --> 00:00:39,820
Hey, Stuart,
what's going on?
11
00:00:39,854 --> 00:00:42,021
Well, you might want to mark
your Google calendars.
12
00:00:42,056 --> 00:00:44,591
Stan Lee is coming to do
a signing on Thursday.
13
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:47,426
Did he finally write a sequel
to his autobiography?
14
00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:51,263
I'm sure ages 79 through 87
were just action-packed.
15
00:00:51,297 --> 00:00:54,065
No, just a regular
comic signing.
16
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,570
My uncle is his dermatologist
and Stan's doing him a favor.
17
00:00:57,604 --> 00:00:59,906
Oh, I don't want
to know that!
18
00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:02,312
How can I possibly discuss
with Stan Lee
19
00:01:02,346 --> 00:01:03,913
the scientific foundations
20
00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:05,749
for interstellar flight
on a silver surfboard
21
00:01:05,784 --> 00:01:07,820
when part of my brain
will be scanning his face
22
00:01:07,854 --> 00:01:11,391
for signs of contagious
skin disease?
23
00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:14,861
Stan Lee does not have
a contagious skin disease.
24
00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:18,867
Well, look who thinks
he's Stuart's uncle now.
25
00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,068
Can't believe it.
26
00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:22,537
We're going to meet Stan Lee!
27
00:01:22,571 --> 00:01:25,373
("I'm So Excited" playing)
28
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,214
I'm sad to say
I taught him those moves.
29
00:01:36,084 --> 00:01:39,687
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
30
00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:43,025
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
31
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:44,627
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
32
00:01:44,662 --> 00:01:47,164
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
33
00:01:47,198 --> 00:01:49,867
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
34
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,505
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
35
00:01:52,539 --> 00:01:54,440
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
36
00:01:54,474 --> 00:01:55,476
♪ Bang! ♪
37
00:01:55,477 --> 00:01:59,377
The Big Bang Theory 4x16
The Excelsior Acquisition
Original Air Date on March 1, 2010
38
00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:01,478
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
39
00:02:01,502 --> 00:02:02,403
I can't decide
40
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:03,604
whether I want Stan Lee
to autograph
41
00:02:03,639 --> 00:02:06,240
my Journey into Mystery 83,
first appearance of Thor
42
00:02:06,275 --> 00:02:08,076
or my Fantastic Four
number five,
43
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:11,013
first appearance of Dr. Doom.
44
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,250
(Jeopardy theme song playing)
45
00:02:20,091 --> 00:02:22,326
Alex, I'm going to go
with what is...
46
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,495
you're a dumbass?
47
00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:27,731
(blowing raspberry)
48
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:32,870
I've decided I'm going to
have Mr. Lee sign my copy
49
00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:34,906
of this month's Batman.
50
00:02:34,940 --> 00:02:36,040
That's crazy.
51
00:02:36,075 --> 00:02:38,076
Stan Lee had nothing
to do with Batman.
52
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,544
Yes, which is why no one else
will ask him to sign one,
53
00:02:40,579 --> 00:02:43,647
and I will be the possessor
of a unique, albeit
confusing, artifact,
54
00:02:43,682 --> 00:02:47,184
which will set me apart from
hoi polloi of comic book fandom.
55
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,020
That's a great idea.
56
00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:53,224
I'm going to get him
to sign a Batman as well.
57
00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:56,995
What is it about the word
"unique" you don't understand?
58
00:02:57,029 --> 00:02:58,430
Ow!
59
00:02:58,464 --> 00:02:59,564
Damn, paper cut.
60
00:02:59,599 --> 00:03:00,799
Nothing worse than a paper cut.
61
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:04,002
Well, obviously you don't
remember your circumcision.
62
00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:08,841
There's Neosporin and Band-Aids
in my top desk drawer.
63
00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:12,144
Why don't you keep that stuff
in the bathroom?
64
00:03:12,178 --> 00:03:13,545
He does. And in the kitchen.
65
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:15,781
And in the car.
And in his pocket.
66
00:03:15,815 --> 00:03:18,283
Yeah, but the ones in
my pocket are mine.
67
00:03:19,419 --> 00:03:21,487
Hi!
Hey.
68
00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:23,489
Guess who's going to be at the
comic bookstore on Thursday?
69
00:03:23,523 --> 00:03:25,291
Um... can you give me a hint?
70
00:03:25,325 --> 00:03:27,126
Stan Lee.
71
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,128
Um... Stanley...
72
00:03:29,162 --> 00:03:31,364
Stanley... Stanley Tucci?
73
00:03:31,398 --> 00:03:32,899
No. (chuckles)
74
00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:35,235
No, Stan... Lee.
75
00:03:35,269 --> 00:03:37,671
Oh, oh, Stan Lee!
76
00:03:37,706 --> 00:03:40,541
Cool!
77
00:03:40,576 --> 00:03:42,977
You have no idea
who he is, do you?
78
00:03:43,011 --> 00:03:44,913
Of course I do.
79
00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,781
You're an important
part of my life
80
00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:49,284
and I pay attention to the
things you are interested in.
81
00:03:49,318 --> 00:03:50,951
Oh, good.
82
00:03:50,986 --> 00:03:52,319
Good.
83
00:03:52,354 --> 00:03:53,554
So, who's Stan Lee?
84
00:03:53,589 --> 00:03:56,991
Um... he was on Star Trek.
85
00:03:59,895 --> 00:04:01,529
Nope.
86
00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,665
Star Wars?
No.
87
00:04:03,699 --> 00:04:05,467
Um... uh, Stan Lee.
88
00:04:05,501 --> 00:04:08,936
Ooh, he was in those goofy
kung fu movies you love so much?
89
00:04:08,971 --> 00:04:11,539
That's Bruce Lee.
90
00:04:11,573 --> 00:04:12,740
Oh.
91
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,610
So, is this Bruce Lee's
nerdy brother, Stan?
92
00:04:16,879 --> 00:04:19,280
Sheldon, why do you have
all these unopened
93
00:04:19,315 --> 00:04:20,916
paychecks in your desk?
94
00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:23,018
Because most of the things
I'm planning to buy
95
00:04:23,052 --> 00:04:25,620
haven't been invented yet.
96
00:04:25,654 --> 00:04:28,289
There-there must be thousands
of dollars here.
97
00:04:28,323 --> 00:04:30,025
Why don't you put it
in the bank?
98
00:04:30,059 --> 00:04:31,493
I don't trust banks.
99
00:04:31,527 --> 00:04:33,395
I believe that when
the robots rise up,
100
00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:36,064
ATMs will lead the charge.
101
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,601
You've also got something
102
00:04:38,635 --> 00:04:40,570
from the Pasadena
Municipal Court.
103
00:04:40,604 --> 00:04:43,439
(sighs)
Undoubtedly another
snide response
104
00:04:43,474 --> 00:04:45,141
to my repeated letters
complaining
105
00:04:45,176 --> 00:04:46,809
that the flags in front
of the courthouse
106
00:04:46,843 --> 00:04:47,910
are flying in the wrong order.
107
00:04:47,944 --> 00:04:49,544
From left to right,
it's supposed to be
108
00:04:49,579 --> 00:04:52,380
federal, state,
and then city of Pasadena.
109
00:04:52,414 --> 00:04:55,583
I'm sorry. You sent more
than one letter about that?
110
00:04:56,551 --> 00:04:59,153
It bothers me.
111
00:05:00,722 --> 00:05:02,056
Sheldon, this is a summons.
112
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:03,690
A summons for what?
113
00:05:03,725 --> 00:05:07,228
Looks like you ran a red light
on Marengo Avenue
114
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:10,699
at 9:30 p.m.
on November 16.
115
00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:11,933
They got you
on a traffic camera.
116
00:05:11,968 --> 00:05:15,037
Nice picture.
117
00:05:18,341 --> 00:05:20,510
November 16?
118
00:05:20,544 --> 00:05:23,012
Penny, that's the evening
you fell in your bathtub
119
00:05:23,047 --> 00:05:25,148
and I had to drive you
to the emergency room.
120
00:05:25,182 --> 00:05:26,583
No, it isn't.
121
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,251
Yes, it is.
122
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,853
No, it isn't.
123
00:05:29,887 --> 00:05:31,388
Penny, I have an
eidetic memory.
124
00:05:31,422 --> 00:05:33,556
Also, that's a picture of
you in the passenger seat
125
00:05:33,591 --> 00:05:35,225
holding your dislocated
shoulder.
126
00:05:35,259 --> 00:05:37,561
Mmm, no, it isn't.
127
00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:39,162
(clears throat)
128
00:05:39,197 --> 00:05:42,700
Okay, then why is a summons
for a traffic violation
129
00:05:42,735 --> 00:05:45,236
committed in your car,
bearing your license plates,
130
00:05:45,271 --> 00:05:47,005
coming to me?
131
00:05:47,039 --> 00:05:49,141
(dramatic string playing)
132
00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:53,646
Okay, look, they sent me
the ticket.
133
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,880
I told them
I wasn't driving
134
00:05:54,915 --> 00:05:56,749
and they were all,
"If it wasn't you, who was it?"
135
00:05:56,783 --> 00:05:58,751
So you betrayed me?
136
00:05:58,785 --> 00:05:59,885
(squealing):
No!
137
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,353
It wasn't a betrayal.
138
00:06:01,388 --> 00:06:04,023
It was more of a "I can't afford
any more points on my license."
139
00:06:04,057 --> 00:06:05,391
I already have
to buy my insurance
140
00:06:05,425 --> 00:06:07,860
from this place
in the Cayman Islands.
141
00:06:07,894 --> 00:06:10,429
But the only reason
I was driving your car
142
00:06:10,463 --> 00:06:13,399
was because you were in distress
and I was rescuing you.
143
00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:14,567
Yes, yes, look, and now
144
00:06:14,601 --> 00:06:17,402
you have a photo to remember
that heroic day.
145
00:06:18,171 --> 00:06:20,405
It's not that big a deal.
146
00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:22,640
You just go down to the court
on Thursday
147
00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:23,708
and you pay the fine.
148
00:06:23,742 --> 00:06:25,576
I'm not going
to pay a fine.
149
00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:27,111
That would imply
I'm guilty.
150
00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,747
You are guilty.
151
00:06:29,548 --> 00:06:32,250
(Law & Order theme music
playing)
152
00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:36,088
That one I liked.
153
00:06:38,091 --> 00:06:39,124
I am not guilty.
154
00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:40,726
I only have a
learner's permit.
155
00:06:40,761 --> 00:06:41,961
Penny was the teacher.
156
00:06:41,995 --> 00:06:44,063
When the light turned yellow
she said "Go, go, go."
157
00:06:44,097 --> 00:06:46,833
So I went, went, went.
158
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:47,934
Sheldon, I'm sorry.
159
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:49,802
I'll be happy to reimburse you
for the fine.
160
00:06:49,837 --> 00:06:51,637
You know, as soon
as I get a part in a movie
161
00:06:51,671 --> 00:06:53,506
or my own TV series.
162
00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:56,042
You don't need to reimburse
me because I'm not paying.
163
00:06:56,076 --> 00:06:58,344
On Thursday, I will
have my day in court
164
00:06:58,379 --> 00:07:00,079
and justice will be done.
165
00:07:00,114 --> 00:07:03,316
In fact, I'm going to begin
preparing my defense right now.
166
00:07:04,918 --> 00:07:07,420
Okay, he's going to jail.
167
00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:09,489
Oh, that's right.
168
00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:11,624
Thursday is Stan Lee Day.
169
00:07:13,494 --> 00:07:15,628
Now you see what you've done?
170
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:19,933
Because of you, we're all
going to miss Stan Lee.
171
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:22,302
Whoa!
172
00:07:23,237 --> 00:07:24,837
What do you mean "all?"
173
00:07:24,871 --> 00:07:26,572
Well, you're my friends.
174
00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:29,108
You'll be standing
by my side, supporting me,
175
00:07:29,142 --> 00:07:30,609
feeding me
legal precedents,
176
00:07:30,644 --> 00:07:32,277
and if you had the
upper body strength,
177
00:07:32,312 --> 00:07:35,681
carrying me out on your
shoulders when I'm victorious.
178
00:07:36,616 --> 00:07:38,950
Yeah, okay. No.
179
00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:41,018
Are you saying that you
will not stand beside me
180
00:07:41,053 --> 00:07:42,487
as I plead my case?
181
00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,555
That's what I'm saying.
182
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,957
Howard?
183
00:07:45,991 --> 00:07:46,991
Wow. (clears throat)
184
00:07:47,025 --> 00:07:49,961
Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court.
185
00:07:49,996 --> 00:07:51,997
Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice
186
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:54,099
it would've been a much
shorter movie. No.
187
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:56,034
Raj?
188
00:07:56,069 --> 00:07:57,335
You'll be there, won't you?
189
00:07:57,370 --> 00:08:00,238
(buzzer buzzing)
190
00:08:00,273 --> 00:08:02,641
All right, then.
191
00:08:02,675 --> 00:08:05,076
My so-called friends
have forsaken me.
192
00:08:05,111 --> 00:08:08,413
So, I guess it'll just be me
and my eyewitness.
193
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:11,816
Oh, balls.
194
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,084
Please try to wear something
appropriate.
195
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,351
It won't help my case
196
00:08:14,385 --> 00:08:16,386
if the judge is busy trying
to read the word "Juicy"
197
00:08:16,421 --> 00:08:18,088
scrawled across your buttocks.
198
00:08:24,361 --> 00:08:25,828
Penny.
199
00:08:25,862 --> 00:08:27,229
Penny.
200
00:08:27,264 --> 00:08:29,365
Penny.
201
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:32,668
That's just wrong.
202
00:08:32,703 --> 00:08:34,403
All right, let's go.
203
00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:35,438
Wait, hold on.
204
00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:37,106
Before we get to
the courthouse,
205
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:40,110
I'd like to call on
your skills as an actress.
206
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,411
What is this?
207
00:08:41,445 --> 00:08:42,579
I've taken the liberty
208
00:08:42,613 --> 00:08:44,515
of scripting your appearance
on the witness stand
209
00:08:44,549 --> 00:08:46,884
because, let's face it, you're
somewhat of a loose cannon.
210
00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:49,454
Now, don't worry; it's written
in your vernacular.
211
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:50,855
So shall we rehearse?
212
00:08:50,890 --> 00:08:52,023
Do I have a choice?
213
00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:53,692
Well, of course
you have a choice.
214
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,228
Although we live
in a deterministic universe,
215
00:08:56,263 --> 00:08:57,663
each individual has free will.
216
00:08:57,698 --> 00:08:59,699
Now, sit down.
217
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:02,469
I call your attention
218
00:09:02,503 --> 00:09:04,471
to the events of November 16.
219
00:09:04,506 --> 00:09:05,906
Do you remember that date?
220
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:09,576
"Darn tootin', I do.
221
00:09:10,745 --> 00:09:13,146
"If the court will excuse
my homespun,
222
00:09:13,180 --> 00:09:15,950
corn-fed Nebraskan
turn of phrase."
223
00:09:15,984 --> 00:09:18,152
That's excellent. Go on.
224
00:09:18,186 --> 00:09:20,621
"The reason that date is, like,
225
00:09:20,655 --> 00:09:23,057
"so totally fixed in my memory
226
00:09:23,091 --> 00:09:24,925
"is that I had the privilege
to be witness
227
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:28,661
to one of the most heroic acts
I've ever seen in, like, ever."
228
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:33,732
"And who performed
that heroic act?"
229
00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,367
"Why, you did, sir.
230
00:09:35,401 --> 00:09:37,670
"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
231
00:09:37,704 --> 00:09:40,839
And may I add, it is
a privilege to know you."
232
00:09:42,175 --> 00:09:43,842
"There's no need
for compliments.
233
00:09:43,877 --> 00:09:45,811
This court is only interested
in the facts."
234
00:09:45,845 --> 00:09:49,781
"But it is a fact that
it's a privilege to know you.
235
00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:51,916
Totally."
236
00:09:53,152 --> 00:09:56,588
A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!
237
00:09:56,623 --> 00:09:58,057
Only a suggestion.
238
00:09:58,091 --> 00:10:00,526
A catch in your throat
would work just as well.
239
00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:02,462
(sighs)
240
00:10:02,496 --> 00:10:04,464
(with catch in throat):
"But it is a fact
241
00:10:04,498 --> 00:10:07,200
"that it's a privilege
to know you.
242
00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,369
Totally."
243
00:10:12,573 --> 00:10:15,574
Maybe you should put on
your "Juicy" pants again.
244
00:10:18,145 --> 00:10:19,645
Pay the cashier.
245
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,548
Sheldon Cooper.
246
00:10:24,751 --> 00:10:26,685
Good morning, Your Honor.
247
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,353
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
248
00:10:28,388 --> 00:10:30,055
appearing in pro se.
249
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,257
That is to say,
representing himself.
250
00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:33,659
I know what it means.
251
00:10:33,693 --> 00:10:34,960
I went to law school.
252
00:10:34,995 --> 00:10:37,497
And yet you wound up
in traffic court.
253
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:38,698
(clears throat)
254
00:10:38,732 --> 00:10:40,266
Anyway,
255
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:41,434
if it would please the court,
256
00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:43,102
I'd like to begin
with an opening statement.
257
00:10:43,136 --> 00:10:44,236
The court would
258
00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:45,771
advise you to make it quick,
259
00:10:45,806 --> 00:10:48,541
as the court had a dicey-looking
breakfast burrito this morning
260
00:10:48,575 --> 00:10:50,443
and just took an Imodium.
261
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:52,578
Very well.
262
00:10:52,613 --> 00:10:54,881
A quick opening statement.
263
00:10:54,916 --> 00:10:57,017
Like a milking stool,
264
00:10:57,051 --> 00:10:58,586
my case rests on
265
00:10:58,620 --> 00:10:59,821
three legs.
266
00:10:59,855 --> 00:11:01,189
I will demonstrate
267
00:11:01,223 --> 00:11:03,058
that I was improperly
instructed in driving
268
00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:05,461
by a woman whose lack of respect
for society
269
00:11:05,495 --> 00:11:06,929
borders on the sociopathic.
270
00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:08,830
I will argue
271
00:11:08,864 --> 00:11:11,266
that the emergency met
the legal doctrine
272
00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:13,335
of quod est necessarium
est licitum--
273
00:11:13,369 --> 00:11:15,571
that which is necessary
is legal.
274
00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:16,805
But first,
275
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,741
I will raise
a Sixth Amendment issue.
276
00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:21,176
I'm unable
to confront my accuser,
277
00:11:21,211 --> 00:11:23,245
a non-human
entity, to wit,
278
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,614
a camera.
279
00:11:24,648 --> 00:11:25,948
So, to sum up:
280
00:11:25,982 --> 00:11:26,983
improper instruction;
281
00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:29,018
quod est necessarium
est licitum;
282
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:30,186
Sixth Amendment.
283
00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:32,088
My milk stool is complete.
284
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,323
Impressive.
285
00:11:33,357 --> 00:11:34,023
Thank you.
286
00:11:34,057 --> 00:11:34,957
Guilty.
287
00:11:34,992 --> 00:11:36,926
Pay the cashier.
288
00:11:36,961 --> 00:11:38,261
I object.
289
00:11:38,295 --> 00:11:40,063
You're completely ignoring
the law.
290
00:11:40,097 --> 00:11:41,798
No, I'm following the law.
291
00:11:41,832 --> 00:11:43,633
I'm ignoring you.
292
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:44,934
Really?
293
00:11:44,969 --> 00:11:48,337
I would point out that I am
at the top of my profession,
294
00:11:48,372 --> 00:11:51,240
while you preside
over the kiddy table of yours.
295
00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:54,310
Dr. Cooper,
before I find you in contempt
296
00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:57,481
and throw you in jail,
I'm going to give you a chance
297
00:11:57,515 --> 00:11:59,316
to apologize
for that last remark.
298
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,017
I am a scientist.
299
00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:03,353
I never apologize for the truth.
300
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:11,963
That's my spot.
301
00:12:18,206 --> 00:12:20,006
♪
I can't wait to ask Stan Lee
302
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,276
why he insists on giving all his
characters first and last names
303
00:12:23,311 --> 00:12:24,944
that start with the same letter.
304
00:12:24,979 --> 00:12:27,380
Oh, come on.
Why would you do that?
305
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,415
Bruce Banner, Reed Richards,
306
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,083
Sue Storm, Stephen Strange,
307
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,751
Otto Octavius,
Silver Surfer,
308
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,987
Peter Parker, oh,
and worst of all,
309
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:39,659
J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.
310
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,528
Okay, I'm cutting.
311
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:45,232
I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee
after you cheese him off.
312
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:47,601
("Spider-Man" theme
ringtone playing)
313
00:12:49,771 --> 00:12:51,105
Hey.
314
00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:52,540
Sheldon's in jail.
315
00:12:52,574 --> 00:12:53,875
Sheldon's in jail?!
316
00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:57,145
You called it.
317
00:12:57,179 --> 00:12:58,880
PENNY:
What do you think?
For what?
318
00:12:58,914 --> 00:13:00,981
For doing the same crap
he always does,
319
00:13:01,016 --> 00:13:02,349
except to a judge.
320
00:13:02,384 --> 00:13:05,218
He has to stay in there
until he apologizes.
321
00:13:05,253 --> 00:13:07,253
So tell him to apologize.
322
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:08,588
Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard.
323
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,489
That didn't occur to me.
324
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,124
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,
325
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,092
he is going to spend the night
in jail.
326
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,461
Oh, no, that's terrible.
327
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:18,462
Ooh, the line's moving.
Got to go. Bye.
328
00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:30,140
Excuse me?
329
00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:31,575
Excuse me, jailor?
330
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:33,877
What?
331
00:13:33,911 --> 00:13:35,579
I need to use the restroom.
332
00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:37,380
Knock yourself out.
333
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,351
That's the toilet?
334
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:44,553
Well, it ain't
a wishing well.
335
00:13:46,022 --> 00:13:48,957
Please tell the judge
I'm ready to apologize.
336
00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:53,561
Look at that.
337
00:13:53,595 --> 00:13:55,629
"To my friend, Leonard.
338
00:13:55,664 --> 00:13:58,565
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
339
00:14:00,002 --> 00:14:01,035
Awesome.
340
00:14:01,069 --> 00:14:03,070
Mine says,
"To my friend, Howard.
341
00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:05,839
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
342
00:14:07,275 --> 00:14:10,277
Mine says,
"To Raj, from Stan Lee."
343
00:14:14,615 --> 00:14:16,816
That's 'cause you pissed him off
about his character names.
344
00:14:16,851 --> 00:14:18,084
Hey,
345
00:14:18,119 --> 00:14:20,987
I didn't even mention
Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,
346
00:14:21,021 --> 00:14:22,755
Matt Murdock,
Pepper Potts,
347
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,290
Victor Von Doom,
348
00:14:24,324 --> 00:14:26,325
oh, and worst of all,
349
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,794
Millie the Model.
350
00:14:28,829 --> 00:14:30,629
We're home.
351
00:14:30,664 --> 00:14:32,498
Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
352
00:14:32,532 --> 00:14:34,433
You know very well
how it went.
353
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,602
Yeah, but we all want
to hear it from you.
354
00:14:39,973 --> 00:14:42,374
I was found guilty
and fined $533.
355
00:14:42,408 --> 00:14:44,810
I'm going to write you
a check for that.
356
00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:46,812
As long as you promise
to put it in your drawer
357
00:14:46,846 --> 00:14:50,183
and never cash it,
like the others.
358
00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:53,553
I also now have
three points
359
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:56,223
on a driver's license
I do not yet possess,
360
00:14:56,257 --> 00:14:58,592
and I was forced
to issue an undeserved apology,
361
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:00,594
simply because
I refuse to urinate
362
00:15:00,628 --> 00:15:04,664
in a stainless steel bowl
in front of criminals.
363
00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:07,334
Plus, you didn't get
to meet Stan Lee.
364
00:15:08,236 --> 00:15:09,903
Okay, that's enough, Howard.
365
00:15:09,937 --> 00:15:11,938
The poor guy's
had a tough time.
366
00:15:11,972 --> 00:15:14,340
He had to spend
the entire afternoon in jail
367
00:15:14,374 --> 00:15:16,409
wearing that suit.
368
00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:19,445
WOLOWITZ:
You're right,
369
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,914
so it would be cruel to mention
370
00:15:20,948 --> 00:15:22,216
that after he finished
signing autographs,
371
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:25,819
Stanley took Stuart and us out
for gelato.
372
00:15:26,655 --> 00:15:29,890
You had gelato
with Stan Lee?
373
00:15:29,925 --> 00:15:32,226
He said we could call him Stan.
374
00:15:33,194 --> 00:15:35,329
Except for Raj.
375
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:42,303
Well, I hope you're
satisfied, Penny.
376
00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:43,637
You are responsible
377
00:15:43,672 --> 00:15:47,175
for all the evil that
has befallen me today.
378
00:15:47,209 --> 00:15:48,943
Okay, I realize that...
Not finished.
379
00:15:48,977 --> 00:15:50,345
It is because of you
380
00:15:50,379 --> 00:15:52,080
that I now have
a criminal record,
381
00:15:52,114 --> 00:15:54,449
and it is because of you
that I missed out
382
00:15:54,483 --> 00:15:56,184
on having gelato
with Stan Lee.
383
00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:58,487
Okay, maybe you'll have
another chance to have...
No, no.
384
00:15:58,521 --> 00:16:01,657
I will never have another chance
to have gelato with Stan Lee
385
00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:03,192
because
opportunities to have
386
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:06,196
gelato with Stan Lee come
but once in a lifetime.
387
00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:10,868
"The moving finger writes,
and having writ, moves on!"
388
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:19,678
Did he just somehow
give me the finger?
389
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,279
Not just the finger.
390
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,948
The moving finger.
391
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,919
Hey, Stuart.
392
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,622
Oh, hey, Penny.
393
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,659
Wow. Hi.
394
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,226
What's going on?
Nothing.
395
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:39,763
I'm just getting ready to
close up and... head out.
396
00:16:39,797 --> 00:16:41,198
Ah.
397
00:16:41,232 --> 00:16:43,033
Cool. Got any fun plans?
398
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,903
Oh, yeah. Big night tonight.
399
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:48,573
Gonna share a can of tuna
400
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,808
with the cat.
401
00:16:50,842 --> 00:16:52,843
Oh, nice.
402
00:16:52,877 --> 00:16:54,277
Not even my cat.
403
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:56,046
I just feed it.
404
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,216
Some nights it
doesn't even show up.
405
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,684
Oh, okay.
406
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,687
Well, I was hoping, um,
407
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,055
you could do me a favor.
408
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,456
Sure, yeah, name it.
409
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:07,792
Well, I'm kind of responsible
for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,
410
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,861
and I really want
to make it up to him.
411
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,164
So I was hoping you could
give me his phone number
412
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,832
so maybe I can arrange
for them to meet.
413
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,101
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't
have his phone number.
414
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:17,436
Hmm. Damn.
415
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,803
Mm.
All right. Thank you.
416
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,271
Mm-hmm.
417
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,974
Wait.
418
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:24,575
I have his address.
419
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,010
Really?
420
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,277
Great!
421
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:30,380
But I can't give it to you.
422
00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:32,282
Then why did you tell me
you had it?
423
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:35,118
I don't know.
Just chatting.
424
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:37,355
You're looking at a guy
425
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,189
who could very well
get stood up
426
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,491
by a stray cat tonight.
427
00:17:40,525 --> 00:17:42,226
I'm sorry, Stuart.
428
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:43,494
Thanks anyway.
429
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,330
Mm-hmm.
430
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,365
Wait.
431
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,234
Yeah?
432
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,003
Maybe we can make a deal.
433
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,072
What kind of deal?
434
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,041
I will give you the address
435
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,144
if you go to my
cousin's wedding with me.
436
00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,545
You're extorting
a date out of me?
437
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,612
I kind of have to.
438
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,214
The cousin
who's getting married
439
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,650
is the cousin I usually
go to weddings with.
440
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,051
Can I bring Leonard?
441
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:09,353
Sure. What the hell.
442
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,654
Deal.
443
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,823
We'll tell people
he's your cousin.
444
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:17,260
This is Stan Lee's
front door.
445
00:18:17,295 --> 00:18:18,996
We were on Stan
Lee's curb,
446
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,631
then we were on
Stan Lee's walk,
447
00:18:20,665 --> 00:18:22,266
and now we're
at Stan Lee's
448
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,334
front door.
449
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,303
Yup.
(doorbell rings)
450
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,773
Oh, Lord, you just rang
Stan Lee's doorbell.
451
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,308
At Stan Lee's house.
452
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,877
We're about to go in and have
milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
453
00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:34,013
Okay, sweetie, I don't know
if we're gonna have cookies,
454
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:35,214
or he's just gonna say hi,
455
00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:37,083
or really what's gonna happen,
so just let me
456
00:18:37,118 --> 00:18:38,985
talk, and we'll... ?
457
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:41,121
Yeah?
458
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,657
Are you Stan Lee?
459
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,393
Oh, damn.
460
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,494
Hi. I'm Penny.
This is my friend, Sheldon.
461
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,029
We're not friends
at the moment.
462
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,364
Depends on
how this goes.
463
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,232
Right, right. Anyway,
464
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,300
Sheldon here is a huge fan
of yours, and he was supposed
465
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,503
to meet you the other day
at the comic book store,
466
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:02,641
but he kind of ended up in jail.
467
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,909
I see. And you thought
468
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,678
you'd just come over
to my house uninvited?
469
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,614
You said we
were invited.
470
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,316
Oh, no, no, I said
I'm inviting you
471
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,218
to come with me
to Stan Lee's house.
472
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,322
You know,
you fan boys are unbelievable.
473
00:19:16,357 --> 00:19:17,623
Do you think
you can just
474
00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:20,059
ring my doorbell
any time you want?
475
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:22,094
I mean, why don't you
just come on in
476
00:19:22,129 --> 00:19:23,629
and watch the Lakers game
with me?
477
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,532
Well, I'm not much
of a sports fan,
478
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:28,735
but thank you.
479
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:31,037
I'm sorry.
480
00:19:31,072 --> 00:19:33,039
He doesn't really
understand sarcasm.
481
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:35,642
Well, I'll give him something
he'll understand.
482
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:37,310
Joanie, call the police!
483
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,245
Nice to meet you.
484
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,018
Fantastic Four,
Daredevil,
485
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,553
Invincible Iron Man,
486
00:19:47,588 --> 00:19:49,389
Happy Hogan,
Curt Connors...
487
00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:51,191
Would you just let it go?
488
00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:55,363
And worst of all,
Fin Fang Foom.
489
00:19:55,397 --> 00:19:56,998
(door opening)
490
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,968
Hey, where've you been?
491
00:20:00,002 --> 00:20:01,636
I'll tell you where I've been.
492
00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:04,839
You boys may have had gelato
with Stan Lee
493
00:20:04,873 --> 00:20:06,273
and gotten
autographed comics,
494
00:20:06,308 --> 00:20:08,375
but I saw the inside
of his house
495
00:20:08,409 --> 00:20:10,610
and got an autographed
application
496
00:20:10,645 --> 00:20:13,680
for a restraining order.
497
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,650
Sweet.
498
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:20,253
Plus, I get to hang out
with him again at the hearing.
499
00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:24,654
This is going
to look great hanging next
500
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,723
to my restraining order
from Leonard Nimoy.
501
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,793
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --