- Here you go. - Thanks.
Sure.
Don't you just love Christmas?
- Yeah, it's okay. - It's okay? Just okay?
It's a very nice holiday. Like Fourth of July or Arbor Day.
Are you comparing Christmas to Arbor Day?
No. I'm not comparing them.
They're both holidays and they're both fine.
- Fine? - Yeah. They're fine.
I don't know, Mr. Schott. I just don't know about this.
We're teaching the world a lesson, Miss Duffy.
This is no time to waffle.
Well, I don't think it's waffling.
Just because I think it's a little...
Well, maybe it is waffling a little.
No.
I don't think so, because...
- Because it's... - Unfair, unkind, unpleasant.
The world is an unfair, unkind, unpleasant place, Miss Duffy.
This is simply going to strip away the fa�ade of decency and goodwill.
- Grab it. - What's she doing?
I told you guys.
Don't pick on Danielle.
Children! Oh, children!
Come here, won't you?
Come on, let's...
I have something I want to give to you.
You're not some kind of weirdo, are you, mister?
No. I'm a toymaker. Here, let me show you.
Ta-da! The Atomic Space Rat.
- What does the gun shoot? - Use your nose.
It stinks.
Cool.
Here, you can have this one.
- Thanks. - I want it.
Watch what the smell does.
- Hey! - Cool.
This is mine. And so is this.
And I want this.
And this.
Give me it.
Greed, Miss Duffy. The rats make the children greedy!
- Let's get her! - Come on! Go, go!
Get back here.
See, I think what makes Christmas so special is the whole spirit of...
- Let's get her. - Let's get her, come on.
- Come on. - Get her.
- Come on. - Get back here.
Shopping. I just remembered some last second shopping.
Excuse me.
The spirit of shopping.
That about sums it up, doesn't it?
Get her!
Merry Christmas.
The rats go on sale first thing tomorrow morning.
Every toy store in Metropolis will carry them.
Every child will want one.
Everyone who comes near them will smell them...
...and, oh, Miss Duffy, what a Christmas this will be.
Lois, doesn't the time of year and the feeling in the air just make you happy?
Clark, don't try to sell me on Christmas. I'm not the Grinch. I like it a lot.
- But you don't love it. - But I like it, a lot.
A lot, a lot. Or a lot, a lot!
Somewhere between a lot and a lot, a lot.
- Hi. How are you? - Hi.
You don't remember me.
You caught the wreath in front of the orphanage.
Oh, yeah. You look different.
- How's it going? - Well, I wish I could say great...
...but so far, you're way ahead in the generosity race.
It's too bad too, because these kids really deserve better.
I guess people can't even imagine what it's like to be an orphan at Christmas.
Boy, this guy's good.
Lois, why don't you go ahead? I wanna stay and talk to Santa.
Of course, you do.
I know, honey, I'm excited too. Our very first Christmas alone together.
Now, tomorrow night we're gonna have some nice candlelight...
...and I'm gonna put on that special red Santa suit...
...and ask you whether you've been naughty or nice.
What's a secret Santa?
Secret Santa is...
It's where we all put our names in a bowl and we all...
...pick a name out...
...and whoever's name you get, you get a Christmas present for.
- I'm in charge of it. - Sounds like fun.
I'm Angela.
- I'm in charge of it. - Nice to meet you, Mr. I'm-ln-Charge-Of-lt.
- A little heavy on the red and green, huh? - Why, you don't like it?
- Do I have a choice? - Excuse me?
It's just that it's everywhere.
Ribbons and wreaths and mistletoe and trees and Santas and Elves...
...and Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph pounding you in the face:
"You must love Christmas, you must love Christmas."
I guess this means we won't be caroling tonight, huh?
No, it's... It's just that, for once, I would like to feel Christmas.
You know, discover it.
Unwrap it and be surprised by how wonderful it is...
...instead of having it shoved in my face like half-off coupons at a swap meet.
I know what you mean. It's like Christmas has become so big...
...it's like a whale and we're minnows.
Well...
...this year I am not going to be a minnow.
I'm gonna take control and I'm gonna have the Christmas I want.
Oh, that's excellent.
Dr. Sam Lane, please.
His daughter.
Lois.
I've been to all the big toy stores trying to get donations.
I guess they're just too busy.
What if I get my friend of mine to ask the stores for toys?
He's sort of a celebrity and he's an orphan himself.
- Do I know him? - You might have heard of him.
He spends a lot of time flying in and out of Metropolis.
No, Lucy, Mom can't make it. I couldn't even get Dad on the phone.
They kept me on hold for 20 minutes. What about you?
You're in love?
Christmas in Venice. Wow, that's romantic.
Oh, Venice, California.
So he's either an artist or an actor. Well, good luck. You're gonna need it.
Merry Christmas.
Atomic Space Rats.
- People going nuts for them. - Let me guess. Slow news day.
A 70-year-old lady just knocked another lady's dentures out.
- For crying out loud. Hey, Olsen? - Yes, sir.
Should have taken pictures. Where's Clark?
- Sorry, chief. - Out on the street. Talking to Santa.
Of course, he is.
Merry Christmas. I love you.
Miss Duffy, will you put that down?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Schott.
I don't know why you keep those fuzzy failures around anyway.
Oh, don't call them that. I love them.
They're so soft and sweet.
I think they're the best toy you've ever made.
Oh, really? Do these words ring a bell, Miss Duffy?
"Mister, your teddy bears suck. We hate these."
Children say things they don't always mean.
If that were only true with adults who say things like, "You're fired."
Oh, you were too good for Metropolis Toys, Mr. Schott.
So were you, Miss Duffy.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Schott.
"Make something the children will want to buy," they said.
Well, we're doing that now, all right.
Being fired last Christmas was the best thing that could've happened.
And now, we're going to make them pay for what they did.
Oh, they're going to pay.
And pay.
And pay!
Jeez, look at all the people.
I wonder what the big deal about this toy is.
Let's find out.
Lois Lane, Daily Planet. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hi, we're doing a story on the Atomic Space Mice.
- Rat. - Whatever.
We'd like to get in, see the toy, you know, take some pictures.
- Ask some questions... - Wait!
- No, no, no. We're not open yet.
No, stay back! We don't open till 9. No, no. Wait, please. Stay back!
Doesn't anybody like teddy bears anymore? Oh, is this it? What is...?
Oh, jeez, that's kind of nice.
- Are you all right? - Superman.
Thanks, Superman.
Sir, have you ever heard of the Coates Orphanage?
- Yeah. - They really need toys this year...
...so I'm asking stores to donate gifts. Would you be interested?
- Oh, absolutely. - Great.
- Give me that. Come on. - Out of my way.
- I was here. - Over here!
If my biochemical calculations are correct...
...the rats should have a slightly different effect on the adults.
- I want that. - Sorry, I had it first.
- Possession is nine-tenths of the law. - You give me that.
I believe its rather unusual side effect will be to make adults act like children.
- No. I had it first! - Did not!
The question is, will they act like greedy children?
- Did so. - Did not.
- Did to.
I'd say so far the rats are living up to every expectation, wouldn't you, Miss Duffy?
All right, on to step two of our plan.
Step two? There's a step two?
We're ruining Christmas, Miss Duffy. It's a big job.
- Lois, can I just see one? - No, they're my rats.
Look, it was kind of a funny joke in the cab, a little less funny in the lobby...
...now it's getting old and we've got a deadline. So can I please have a look?
- Just a look? - Just a look.
Okay.
- That smells terrible. - Awful.
- I like it. - Me too.
- And I want one of those rats. - Me too.
Oh, I want one of everything.
Hey, hey, look over there.
What? What?
What is it, Clark?
Hello, Lucy? It's Lois.
I just wanted you to know that you are not invited to Christmas dinner tomorrow night.
Well, because all the food that I'm going to buy...
...is mine and I'm not sharing.
Ready, set...
- You cheated! - Hey, hey, hey.
What in the sam hill's going on here?
- I told you guys we should have been quiet. - Clark, you are not the boss of us.
Lois.
Those squares in magic marker?
- Well... - Lois is in trouble, Lois is in trouble.
Well, I have all the rats and you don't have any.
- Well, I could get those if I wanted. - Hey, hey, hey. That's enough.
Now, I don't know what you got going on here...
...but obviously, we all need a vacation a little bit more than I thought.
Now, we still got a paper to put out and a story to do on those rats.
Oh, chief. Chief, give me the rats.
- Give me the rats. Give me the rats, please. - Hey!
- I'll do the story, okay? - No!
- That's it! - No, they're mine!
- They're mine, they're mine, they're mine! - That's it! The end! Good night!
Lois...
...give me those rats.
Lois.
All right. Now, go back to your desk.
Gee, that's really fair.
Can I have a rat, chief? Please?
Clark, you want me to send you to the darkroom?
- Darkroom? - You heard me.
- No. - Well, then, settle down.
Go back to your desk.
Doesn't anybody like fire engines anymore?
I wonder if this ugly sucker shoots.
- Hey, make sure Farley gets one. - Okay.
That lady cut right in front of us. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Jonathan, she did not.
Are you kidding, Martha? That woman was a human knife.
Jonathan, she was in a hurry. She didn't see you.
- Merry Christmas. - Excuse me.
This is the last Christmas we come to Metropolis to do our Christmas shopping.
This town is crazy.
Everybody pushing and shoving and grabbing.
Oh, Jonathan, what are you talking about?
Oh, are any of those for me? Are any of those for me?
Oh, there's so many. I don't know which one to choose.
Well, gee whiz, Martha, I don't know. I guess I must be imagining it.
Come on, feet! Talk to me, talk to me!
Rock on! Rock on!
- Hi, Perry. - Johnny!
We were looking for Clark.
Clark Jerome Kent, you get over here right now.
- What? What did I do? - You know exactly what you did.
- You come in here, right now. - Mom.
- I am so angry at you... - Mom.
...I just don't know what to do with you. I never spanked you. I never had to.
But right now, I'd like to drop your britches and tan your hide like cheap leather.
- Now, Martha... - Jonathan...
...he burned the heel off Lois' shoe.
Is that true, Clark?
Well, she took...
Well, she...
She took something...
Martha, I don't think he's quite himself. And neither is Lois and neither is Perry.
Well, what in the world is going on?
I don't know.
The last thing I really remember clearly was being near the elevators...
...and getting sprayed by one of those rats.
And suddenly feeling like I wanted everything...
...and feeling like a little kid.
Hey, check this guy out.
If this is step two, I must say I'm not very eager to see step three.
Oh, show a little backbone, Miss Duffy.
I know what I'm doing. May I have your attention, please.
As you know...
...it is the holiday season again...
...and you're a bunch of unemployed longshoremen...
...who will no doubt be spending this Christmas Eve in a flea-bitten flophouse.
Alone, broke and, if you're very lucky...
...smashed out of your mind on the cheapest alcohol known to man.
How many of you would like to do something about that?
- Yeah, I would. - I would.
I don't mean to sound overly concerned, but I think we should do something.
What are you talking about?
Anyone object to a fast, easy way of getting some of this?
- All right by me. - Yeah.
For I'm a merry good fellow.
For I'm a merry good fellow...
...and a merry old Christmas to me.
I don't know, Alice.
I don't know if I wanna spend some dumb, creepy, kissy-face Christmas.
I don't know.
I wanna go to Graceland.
Alice?
I think I'm fine now. Whatever it is, it wears off.
And use your pinkies.
Pinkies. Oh, that's good. Now, put your fingers down.
Probably faster on me than other people.
You guys go ahead and finish your shopping.
We're looking at a job for Superman.
Okay. Sweetheart, I'm so glad I didn't have to spank you.
- Me too, Mom. - We'll get the presents.
Cool! Superman. You wanna play?
Sure.
Just a second.
Superman, you're not gonna take my rats away, are you?
Oh, what a gyp.
Lois? Lois, I think we ought to wash your hands.
- What? - I mean, do you want these rats?
Space Rats! My Space Rats! Give me! Give me!
Oh, I want them. Come on, give them. Superman, please!
Can I have them?
You too?
I think Superman brought me home. You too?
You feel okay?
You?
But I did some digging and I have a clue.
Harry Hecklebaum.
- Who's that? - The one and only distributor of rats.
I'll get dressed.
What? You have no other toys? All toys stolen?
Well, my price just doubled.
You don't wanna buy, you don't have to buy.
I'll see you in bankruptcy court, pal of mine.
Mr. Hecklebaum. Hi, I'm Lois Lane, this is Clark Kent.
We're from the Daily Planet, investigating the Atomic Space Rats.
You wanna do a story on me?
Actually, we were wondering who makes the rats?
If you were going to do the story, maybe I would've talked.
Do you know how much money I'm making here?
You think I'm gonna tell you who makes these?
What am I, nuts? What am I, stupid? Don't let the door hit you in the butt going out.
Excuse me. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Did I say...? Let it hit you in the butt, what do I care?
Joanne. Hey, Joanne.
How much money did I make in the last five seconds?
Surrounded by these all day, no wonder the guy's a nutball.
Well, my price just doubled.
Hey, there's an invoice over there. See it?
- I'll distract, you grab. Go! - Joanne, let me ask you.
- Oh, I want! I want! I want! - Hey, hey, no, no, no.
- I want! I love the Space Rats! - No! No, no, no.
- No! - No, I want the Space Rat!
- No, that's my... - No, give me the rat!
No, no!
- Give me the Space Rat! I want it! - Sorry.
- Lois, come here. - Give me the rat.
- Sorry about that, Mr. Hecklebaum. - Can I have it, please?
Joanne! Joanne!
Give me the rats. Come on, let me have a rat. Okay, you can put me down.
- Are you okay? - I was holding my breath.
- Did you get the invoice? - Yeah.
The maker of rats, one W. P. Schott.
No address, no phone number. Only a post office box. So...
Background check.
Clark, do you have any Christmas plans?
Yeah, I'm flying back with my folks. Christmas is a party in Smallville.
Well, I'm just having a few people over. I thought you might like to come.
- Well, l... - No, no. Don't change your plans.
You should be with your family.
Step three, Miss Duffy.
Mr. Schott, this is hard for me to say...
...but I'm not sure I can keep up with this any longer.
You used to love children so much. You were so marvelous to them.
I'm still marvelous to them.
I'm giving them not only what they want, but what they deserve.
And it's only temporary. There are no lasting side effects.
- Yeah, but it just seems like, well... - You know, Miss Duffy...
...I used to always watch you when you left the office every night.
You did? Really?
- Oh, why, Mr. Schott... - I remember watching you at the bus stop.
It always made me feel so sad.
You always looked so tired and cold.
For you, Miss Duffy, the first profits from the Space Rats.
Oh, Mr. Schott. It's so very...
...shiny.
And this.
Man-made, of course. We don't wanna hurt the little creatures.
You see, Miss Duffy...
...there are advantages to striking back.
I mean, after all, what are we doing anyway?
It's not as if we're foisting something on the public they don't want, right?
Well, I suppose not.
And in the meantime...
...if people become the scabrous, obtuse, jealous...
...greedy, nasty bunch of prepubescents they are anyway...
...well, then, all the better then, huh?
Merry Christmas, Miss Duffy.
Well, I guess there's nothing to do until the report comes in on Schott and the rats.
It's a good thing too. I'm not feeling quite 100 percent yet.
You?
Yeah, I'm feeling kind of weird too.
I guess the only one who's immune to this stuff is Superman.
You would think.
Did you get your tree yet?
- Yeah. You? - No. I always have trouble deciding.
See, I like the big pretty ones, but I feel so sorry for the little scrawny ones.
I remember when I was 12...
...my parents had just split up so they didn't bother to get a tree.
I broke in to my piggy bank.
I went and found the ugliest, loneliest little tree I could find.
I thought if I could make that tree beautiful that I would have a great Christmas.
So I decorated it with ribbons and popcorn and tin foil.
And?
And the needles fell off, it turned black and Mom threw it out.
You know, I'm not a kid anymore.
I should just get a great tree and have a great Christmas, right?
Now, that is the spirit.
I just couldn't leave it there all alone.
I understand.
You don't think it's ugly?
I think...
...it has lots of potential.
Well, those Space Rats are getting hotter by the second.
If this keeps up, those rats could end up being tradable commodities.
So are we gonna have a white Christmas this year?
- I want more money. - Pardon?
I'm not gonna tell if it's gonna snow unless I get a raise.
That goo inside the rats is a sophisticated, psychotropic, mind-altering drug.
Here's the weird part. When you boil it...
...it becomes a completely harmless solution low in sodium and high in vitamin C.
Jimmy Olsen...
...l'm your secret Santa.
Jimmy. I'm your secret Santa, boy.
- Hey, Jimmy. - Here you go, Jimmy. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas. - Here you go, pal.
- I got your name. - Happy holidays, Jimmy.
You rigged the Secret Santa, Mr. I'm-ln-Charge-Of-lt.
- What a jerk. - Angela, wait!
Stay away from me.
Let her go, Jimmy.
She'd take your heart and tear it right out of your chest.
- Still can't find Alice? - Oh, well, she left word that she's gone.
I got people looking, but we were supposed to spend Christmas together.
I was gonna put on my special little Santa suit.
I don't know, I feel like I've been down seven miles of bad road.
I can't remember anything. Everything's a haze.
Lois and Clark say it has something to do with those nasty little rats...
...but they can't prove anything.
Well, you know, even if I could find her, it'd sound like a pretty flimsy excuse.
I guess I'm gonna just be lonesome tonight.
Yeah.
Well, you two are invited to my house for a Christmas Eve dinner tonight.
Well, that sure beats the soup kitchen, huh?
Don't get your hopes too high, chief.
Oh, excuse me. Do you know where Clark Kent is?
Right over there.
That's right, Hecklebaum. STAR Labs is faxing their report.
Yeah. He should be arrested immediately and those rats taken off of every toy shelf.
Santa!
Thank you.
- Sorry, I don't know what else to call you. - No, no, no, Santa is just fine.
This is Danielle, she's one of our kids. She helps with the collections.
We just thought we'd drop by, say hi, and warm up a little before heading back.
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
This is my friend, Lois.
Lois, this is Santa and this is Danielle.
- Hi. - Danielle hasn't spoken since her parents...
Well, she hasn't spoken for the last three years.
But she's all excited about Christmas, right, Danielle?
Do you wanna play?
Fortunately, I just recently relearned this game.
I spoke to the toy stores.
They'll donate all they can. We'll get everything there tonight.
Well, tell your flying friend we really appreciate it.
All right, Danielle, we'd better get going.
Oh, you keep it, sweetie.
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, what a cute little girl.
- I wonder if she'll ever be able to talk. - Your report on Schott.
Our little old toymaker.
- He used to be a chemist. Interesting. - That explains a few volumes.
Any last known address?
Not for him, but I found out he worked for a toy company.
Got fired last year along with his secretary. About a month ago...
...a warehouse was rented in her name.
Let's go.
Call my folks. They can go on to Smallville. I'll catch a later flight.
- Okay. - Thanks.
Oh, what a day for the car to be in the shop.
Taxi!
So, what shall we toast to, Miss Duffy?
Well, we could...
No, that would be too...
- We might... - You're waffling again, Miss Duffy.
It's unseemly for a woman wearing a $50,000 necklace to waffle.
Well, we might drink to us.
Yes, to us. To our many, many years together.
You know, you're a very fine woman.
Am I?
The Atomic Space Rats, the toy sensation of this year's Christmas...
... is not such a sensation after all.
According to police, the rats contain a mind-altering drug...
... which causes extreme, but temporary...
- ... behavioral changes when inhaled. - Oh, no, Mr. Schott.
Help me get the chemicals into the truck. Miss Duffy, I said I need your help!
Well, what are you gonna do?
Our little toy enterprise may be coming to an end, Miss Duffy...
...but the game isn't over.
Metropolis still has lessons to learn and we're still the teachers.
Oh, this is ridiculous. Just stop the cab. We'll walk to the warehouse from here.
That'll be 200.
Two hundred dollars for a 10-block cab ride.
Lois, calm down.
Look, you're not in your right mind. So here's a 20 and some advice.
- Lose that rat. - There you go.
Here we go.
Here, baby. Here you are.
You know what would make my Christmas merry?
- What? - Winslow P. Schott, bagged and tagged.
Well, let's get him.
If you're not going to breathe it, drink it.
A holiday gift from me to the Metropolitan Water Supply.
Merry Christmas, Metropolis!
It must have been rusted through.
I've got a bad feeling.
Where's our toyman and his nasty goo?
I don't know, but it looks like he just got the Dear John letter.
"Dear Mr. Schott, I cannot go on participating in this.
I have gone to give the last good thing you made for the world...
...to some deserving children. Miss Duffy."
That lady from the orphanage.
Miss Duffy, Miss Duffy. I have a surprise!
So do we. You're busted. Merry Christmas.
- Where are the chemicals? - Who are you? What did you do with her?
- Nothing. - Lf you've hurt her...
- She left you. - She left me? Why, she'd never...
What...? We've been together for 20 years. I have to see her.
I know where she is.
Tell us where the chemicals are and we'll take you to her.
Maybe you'd like to say goodbye before you go to jail.
Oh, I am so glad the children are enjoying the toys.
Oh, sweetie, I don't have any more bears.
Oh, no, that's all right. We appreciate this.
Well, I didn't know there would be so many children.
Perhaps I'd better bring another batch.
What are you holding that stupid bear for?
I don't know, I just didn't feel like letting go of it.
- Most people can't let go of the rats. - Ladies, ladies, please.
- I promise you, the rat is not worth it. - Hey. Hey.
Danielle, wait!
Look out!
No!
Oh, thank you, Superman.
- Are you all right? - Danielle?
- She's fine. - Mr. Schott, are you...?
Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Superman.
You took a big chance for someone who doesn't like children.
Oh, you don't understand, Mr. Superman. He really loves children.
I wasn't thinking. I just saw her there. Why would she run out there like that?
I should have known. The rats. Greedy just like everyone...
Merry Christmas. I love you.
Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Bear.
She... She... Did you hear that? Did you hear that?
Danielle. That's the first words she's spoken since I've known her.
It's a miracle!
I love you.
I guess there's more to people than just greed, Mr. Schott.
Is this your bear, mister?
He made it.
I made it for you.
Thank you.
Where's Clark?
He was taking it pretty hard from those old ladies.
Mr. Schott's really a good man.
He was so hurt when the children said they didn't like his toys.
Superman, I'm sorry. I'm just so ashamed.
Just tell me what you did with the chemicals.
Merry Christmas!
Yeah!
Merry Christmas!
Please, can't we spend a little more time with the children?
- Officer, it would mean so much to us. - Please?
Merry Christmas to all!
It's Santa.
Merry Christmas.
Come on, kids. Santa's got some presents over here.
Officers, can Mr. Schott and Miss Duffy give us a hand in giving out these toys?
I'll make sure they get back to the station myself.
All right, sir.
I told myself I was gonna have a real Christmas...
...one I'd find for myself.
And?
And I have.
Merry Christmas, Superman.
Merry Christmas, Lois.
Superman, I just found out Alice is in a hotel downtown.
I gotta get down there right away.
I understand. Stay in the sleigh. I'll give you a big entrance.
Oh, great.
Lois, sorry I'm gonna miss your dinner.
- So am I. - I understand.
Big holiday for you. No holidays for you.
Okay, Superman, giddyup!
Away!
So, what time is dinner?
- You're not coming. - I'm not?
I explained how you were not quite yourself before.
She's a very understanding girl. You should hang on to her.
It's rare.
Merry Christmas.
Miss Duffy.
My name is Margaret.
And what I want this Christmas...
...is you.
Clark, you came.
Why aren't you in Smallville with your folks?
Oh, my plane got snowed in.
It did?
- It's not snowing. - It isn't?
You are just the best.
Oh, and you are gonna get stuffed.
I made a turkey and yams and cranberries and stuffing.
Did you know you have to make stuffing, it doesn't come in the bird?
Yeah, I heard that someplace.
I brought you a gift.
Open it.
I told Superman that story about your Christmas tree when you were 12...
...and he and I both decided that this might look good on that little guy.
It's beautiful.
I've never seen anything like it.
Where did he get it?
I'm just gonna put it on.
I love it.
- Carolers. - Yeah.
I wonder where Superman spends his Christmas.
He must still be pulling Perry around in that sleigh.
Merry Christmas!