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I think it's done.
This is terrific.
Say that after you taste it.
No, I mean us.
Here in the kitchen, cooking dinner together.
Not too normal for you?
Routine? Dull?
I live for normal. Thrive on routine.
And as for "dull," that word just does not exist when I'm with you.
Well, in that case, after dinner you're in for a very special dessert.
Wanna give it a quick check before we get comfortable?
It sounds pretty quiet out there.
Superman may actually have the night off.
It's great. Tangy. Crispy.
Just the right combination.
- Cuts like butter. - Sure. You're Superman.
Isn't London broil supposed to be pink in the middle?
I can see pink.
Where?
- Right there. - That tiny, infinitesimal dot?
It's a pink dot, honey.
It's a disaster. Clark, face it. I can't cook.
Lois, I didn't fall in love with you because of your cooking.
- Stop the presses. - I fell in love with you because of you.
Put another way, I bought the whole house, not just the kitchen.
And believe me, there are other rooms where you rate five stars.
Let's skip right to dessert.
Help! Go away! Go away!
Help me! Help me!
Go away!
Go away! Go away!
It's Bertha Emory.
Help! Help!
No! No!
Now, Bertha, you should never try flying without Superman.
Stax? I hear you in there.
Open the door.
Mink.
You're a tough man to find, Herbie.
This is your fourth move in the last month.
Yeah, well, ambience is everything.
I think I finally found it.
What's all this?
It's a ghost.
A ghost?
I hate that New Age music. Enough.
Bad news, Herbie.
The boys voted to clip you.
For what? I got you in on the ground floor, didn't I?
You sold us an entire block of brownstones so we could set up a mall.
You don't even own those buildings.
The ownership papers were fake.
Okay, yes, maybe there is one small flaw in the deal.
Nobody scams us.
I sold those deeds of trust to a retirement fund for widows and orphans.
How should I know it was controlled by the crime family?
Everybody makes a mistake, Herbie.
This one's yours.
I'm working my butt off to make things right with my partners.
Let me show you.
Gently.
Trust deed to number 27.
Bertha Emory's place?
- The old bat sold? - Went on the market this morning.
- She said she'd never budge. - Yeah, but then she saw ghosts.
Soon I'll own every brownstone on the block.
- Who's next? - The Kents.
Young newlywed couple. Should be out by tomorrow morning.
I don't know. I come back without popping you, I get popped.
No, no. See? Not if you present the deal correctly.
Point out to your associates that...
...available parcels of prime real estate like this...
...are practically nonexistent in the city.
That this is one of the only blocks zoned for retail development in the entire area.
In short, they are just one sure-fire scheme away from a gold mine...
...and the wise man...
...that decided against popping the possessor of that scheme was you.
Stand tall, Mink. Stand proud.
You're about to turn the corner onto Easy Street.
Did the crime lab find anything unusual in Mrs. Emory's house?
Anything to explain why she took a high dive out the window?
Trust me, it wasn't a suicide attempt. I was there.
Clark was carving a roast.
Lois. Some French guy.
Says you called him about a cooking lesson?
- He's a famous chef. - I can barely understand him.
Yes, tell him I'll be with him tout de suite.
Well, if you hear anything else just a give me a buzz.
Monsieur Bouchard.
Thank you for returning my call.
See, the problem is, I've never been really interested in cooking.
Well, I would hardly call it a crime against humanity.
I just have been more interested in my career.
The thing is, I'm married now...
...and it's a little embarrassing, serving dinner from take-out cartons.
So I was wondering, could you give me cooking lessons?
Hello?
Bertha Emory listed her house this morning. It sold in less than an hour.
Wow. The market must be picking up.
Remember that real estate agent that called?
He said he had a buyer that would die if he didn't get our brownstone.
Poor Mrs. Emory. She must've sold because of what happened last night.
She claimed that her place was haunted.
Haunted? As in...?
- Ghosts. - Ghosts? That's ridiculous.
Isn't it?
Herbie?
Stax!
Stax! Stax!
From what I hear, these Kents you're gonna scare away...
...are well-known reporters for the Planet.
They may not scare so easy.
Very perceptive, Mink. I like that in a thug.
Because they're the Kents, I've decided to up my efforts.
- How? - You know anything about the black arts?
Witchcraft? Devil worship? Human sacrifice?
Sounds like my second marriage.
Look, I'm all stocked up.
I got black-mass candles, satanic symbols, a book of incantations...
...tannis-root powder, rubber snakes. Guy sold me the whole kit.
When I'm through with them...
...the Kents will think a witches' coven has moved in.
Add to that my special effects...
...and they will be begging me to take the place off their hands.
Let me impress one thing on you, Herbie.
You got 48 hours.
This thing don't work, the next time we meet, one of us will be dead.
Boy, you just can't buy that kind of encouragement.
No! No, puppy, no!
Superman?
Hi, honey. I was in mid-emergency.
- What is it? - I don't know.
- You don't know? - If I knew, I wouldn't need your help.
- Lois... - Something intense...
...is happening in the kitchen.
Well?
Demonic symbols...
...black-mass candles, an incantation book.
What about the pots and pans?
Hanging neatly from the rack.
Who do you suppose did this?
- Vandals. - Vandals?
Clark, pots and pans were whizzing around the room.
By themselves?
I know how it sounds.
- There must be a rational explanation. - I am all for that. Go ahead.
I'll accept almost anything.
Barometric pressures. Wind currents. Sun spots?
- Afraid not. - Your turn.
Fatigue and emotional trauma?
What emotional trauma?
Although it was no real big deal to me...
...you seemed pretty upset by last night's London broil.
What? Clark...
...after everything we've been through: Invading aliens, alternate universes...
...machines that suck the youth out of you...
...you think the one thing that's gonna make me see flying pots is meat?
Oh, man.
What a dump.
I always wanted to say that but I was never in a place awful enough.
Who are you? What are you? Why are you?
- Most important, why are you here? - You set me free.
It was a mistake. Wasn't me. It was that crap I bought.
I wanted to thank you. I've been in this strange state of limbo since my death.
- I was murdered, you know. - Oh, well, you're welcome.
Do I open the door or do you slither underneath?
Well, how long have I been dead? There was no way of telling in there.
Who was the president when you died?
I never followed politics.
Well, who won the Super Bowl?
I wasn't into sports.
What was your favorite TV show?
Well, I didn't really watch television.
Oh, no wonder somebody killed you. You were a real drag.
I must find my killer. Avenge my death.
So that I can pass over to the other side.
The other side? What's on the other side?
- Don't you know? - Who, me?
You must be a very powerful medium to have released me the way you did.
- Are you my master? - Master?
Yeah. Master.
That's it. You got it, sister.
And you have to do everything I say, or I'm gonna put you back in that wall.
Yes, master. Anything you say.
I like the sound of that.
Now, in time, if you are a good and faithful servant...
...I will discover the identity of your killer so you can be free.
- You can do that? - Yeah, I'm a master medium, remember?
Hey, Herbie, let go of the door.
You didn't call me, Herbie.
And when I phoned over here...
...they says you wasn't taking any calls.
I had to leave my nice, warm apartment to find out how it went tonight.
I'll know in the morning how successful I was.
Say, listen, do you notice anything different about the place?
It's even uglier than I remembered.
Look, Stink, don't pressure me.
- Quit following me around. - What did you say?
I'm tired of you breathing down my neck. Be a good little hit man and go home.
I'll call you when I need you.
Who the hell do you think you are?
You can't get away with that. Nobody talks to me like that.
I shouldn't have done that.
Your wish is my command.
Yeah, don't you forget it. Get back to the Kents. Scare the hell out of them.
- Why? - Because I said so.
That's good enough for me.
Oh, I was dreaming about pots whizzing around the kitchen.
Do you get the feeling we're not alone?
No.
Pots don't fly by themselves, we agree on that.
Absolutely.
You know...
...our neighbor moved out of her house because she thought it was haunted.
Then you come home and find eerie symbols and props.
So I'm primed to see something horrific, which I do.
She was frightened out of her house and immediately sold.
We get a call from a real-estate agent wanting to buy our place.
And now, strange, spooky stuff starts showing up here.
So somebody's trying to scare us into selling.
It worked on Mrs. Emory.
Well, I guess it's a relief...
...to feel like we're up against a real, live, flesh-and-blood adversary.
See, I told you there was a rational explanation.
I'm glad you realize I'm not in the habit of seeing things.
- Right. - I mean, I'm a pro, right?
Of course.
My job is to observe.
Calmly.
And rationally.
Oh, my God.
- You didn't see that? - See what?
It just vanished into the wall.
- What are you doing? - I'm gonna look into the wall.
Well, I don't think x-raying's gonna do any good.
- What do you mean? - I don't think you can X-ray a...
- A what? - A ghost, Clark.
A ghost.
They were ready for bed, for God's sake. Kissing.
You better get thicker skin if you're gonna be in real estate.
Why do I have to terrify them? They seem like such a nice couple.
- I want them out of the brownstone. - Why?
Since when do you ask questions? I'm the master, you're the servant.
- Remember? - I'd like to think of us as partners.
- Oh, you do? - Yes.
- Fine with me. - Really?
Absolutely. Since you're dead, you can be the silent partner.
Get back there and do your stuff. Or I'll never reveal your murderer.
Even though I'm real close to finding out who it is.
And you will spend eternity squeezed between 5 inches of moldy plaster.
Gotcha.
- Lois? Are you okay? - Oh, sure.
You didn't get much sleep last night, honey.
- What is all this? - A little morning sunshine I whipped up.
Sorry about last night. Things look a lot less spooky in daylight.
Sit. Eat.
Well, it all looks delicious.
It tastes great, honey. Wonderful.
Wow. That must be some cookbook you're reading.
You know, I've been thinking.
All that yucky stuff that happened...
...it could take a long time, ages...
...to find out who's at the bottom of trying to drive us out.
We do have an interested buyer. It's not like we've put down roots here.
What say we just sell, avoid the aggravation and get a good night's sleep.
Honey, that's not us. We can't be intimidated like that.
I can be intimidated if I want. And I want.
- I've already signed the escrow papers. - What escrow papers?
That person interested in buying our house?
- You already signed papers? - If this marriage is going to work...
...we're going to have to divide the chores.
So you take out the garbage, I'll sign the papers.
I don't know what's going on here...
...but we need to talk... - Listen, four-eyes...
...don't get up from that table again until you finish your breakfast.
I think last night affected you more than you're willing to admit.
If you love me, you'll sign.
If you wanna love me, ditto.
Clark. Don't you dare sign.
Sign, damn it. Or I'll never make another meal.
Don't listen to me. I'm not me.
Shut up. You shut up.
Do that again and I'll scratch my eyes out.
Lois.
Witch! Intruder!
Wacko! Cow!
Get out! You get out! I was me first!
Now do you believe me?
Relax. I told you, I'm fine.
Are you sure? What I mean is...
...are you sure?
- I'm sure. - Well, I'm not.
Know what it feels like having the person you love turn into a snarling monster?
She was snarling. I was speaking loudly for emphasis.
I'm glad you were there.
It helped me get through it.
What was it like?
I mean, how did it feel to have someone...
...occupy your body?
Crowded.
- It's strange. - I can only imagine.
No, I mean, it's strange.
I still feel remnants of her feelings in me.
I feel her pain.
Clark, I feel sorry for her.
Well, she didn't earn a whole lot of my sympathy...
...when she was trying to brain you with that that spatula.
It's like she's stuck here.
Here? In the house?
Gee, that ought to send property value soaring.
Speaking of which, would a ghost have a big interest in real estate?
Because the last time I looked, dead people couldn't own property.
So why was she trying to force us to sell?
Maybe she's being guided by a more earthly force.
Yeah.
Did you learn anything else about her?
She never thought she was pretty.
She gained some weight and her husband used to tease her about that.
What? What is it?
She was murdered.
Right here in this room.
Oh, you're about the worst ghost I've ever met.
One simple haunting and they're gone. Out.
But, no. Once again, you come back empty-handed.
Casper could do a better job.
Stop yelling at me.
You sound just like my husband.
All he ever did was yell at me. Make fun of me. Tease me.
Laugh at me. Get it?
I'm sorry. I was so wrong to raise my voice.
So, what did they call you when you resembled the living?
My friends used to call me Katie.
The few I had.
So, Katie...
...the reason I got so carried away is because...
...I wanna turn that brownstone into a home for widows and orphans.
A place where little tykes can fill their empty tummies...
...and blue-haired ladies can play canasta to their hearts' content.
Love, Katie. Love.
- That's why I want that brownstone. - I understand. You're forgiven.
Bless you. Now, think you could take one more shot at clearing out the place?
Those orphans aren't getting any younger.
Frightening didn't work. I even tried possessing her.
But that Lois was tough. She fought me with everything she had.
But as bad as it was, it was still sort of nice being human again.
I mean, it beats this limbo I'm in.
Now, now, take it easy.
Remember, if you complete this task...
...I might just disclose who your killer is to you.
Oh, that would be wonderful, master.
Herbie. Call me Herbie.
After all, we're gonna be partners, right?
Are they out?
What makes you a first-class criminal, Mink.
- You have an instinctive feel for... - Cut the crap.
Mink, I'm this close.
I'm begging you, Mink. A few hours. That's all I ask.
I like to see you sweat. My head don't hurt so much.
And how'd you do that thing with the lamp?
Three hours. Please. Four hours, I'll throw in a TV.
Bye-bye, Herbie.
That creep.
Oh, it does my heart good to see my two top investigative reporters...
...hard at work on their stories.
"Prohibition Agents Raid Brownstone.
Discover Stiff in Basement"?
What's that got to do with smuggling microchips out of the country?
I put that story on hold, chief. Right now I'm working on a murder.
Okay, okay. Good. Sounds like page one.
- When did it happen? - Some time after 1898.
- What? - Someone died in our brownstone, chief.
I'm compiling a list of everyone who owned it...
...and cross-referencing the names with the morgue files.
Jumping Judas. You've got a rogue's gallery...
...of fiends, cutthroats and murderers there.
And those are just the good tenants, chief.
Well, you know, I tried to trace my family back once.
Didn't like much what I found.
So I stopped.
At least I got one reporter taking care of current business.
How's the Morton bribery case coming along?
"How to Raise the Dead"?
I get tired of novels.
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me.
You're trying to resurrect...
...the person killed in your townhouse.
Now there's a thought.
I found her.
Name's Katherine Banks. Wife of a crime lord, since retired.
- How was she killed? - Blow to the head.
- When? - Ten years ago.
- Any suspects? - The husband, of course.
But he had an airtight alibi.
He was in jail.
Anything else?
- She was covered with flour. - Flour?
Well, I was just reading.
It seems a murdered spirit...
...can only be freed from the place it haunts if the killer is found.
I got it. I got it.
- Tuna on rye, right? - No.
- I'll call the delivery place, chief. - Does anybody still work here?
Your neighbor sold her brownstone to Bismark Development Company.
The name on your escrow papers for your place...
...is Hardkin Investment Associates.
Two completely different buyers.
They could be dummy companies controlled by the same person.
- Keep digging. - All right.
The key to this is Katherine Banks' murder.
We need to find out more about it.
Maybe from the best source possible.
No. Way too dangerous.
Lois, I'm serious.
Seriously, Lois, this is something you just... You cannot do.
Calling Katherine Banks.
Calling Katherine.
Come in, Katherine Banks.
Here.
It was here, wasn't it?
They found you in this room.
Are you here, Katherine?
- What do you want? - Oh, my God. A ghost.
You're really a ghost.
Yes, I am. Move out.
No.
I mean, I belong here.
You can see the logic. I pay the mortgage and I'm alive.
But I get that you're in terrible trouble and I'm sorry.
Very sweet. Move out.
- We both know why you're here. - We do?
And by "here," I mean here as opposed to there.
- I'd like to help. - Sure. As if you care.
I don't trust you or anyone with a pulse.
Life was that tough?
Well, I was beaten to death with a blunt instrument...
...so in that sense, yes.
I get the feeling your husband...
You did everything for him.
I know you're a great cook.
I was. And I cleaned and I brought him his slippers.
But he could be very mean to me.
And he made me feel cheap and used and unwanted.
That's terrible.
- Can you tell me about it? - No.
No.
This morning when I was you...
...your husband looked at me, us...
...with such love in his eyes like I've never seen in my whole life.
Not for one day as long as I lived.
- Katherine... - Oh, call me Katie.
All my friends call me Katie.
Katie.
What happened the night you...?
Were murdered?
It's okay.
- I just finished giving a cooking lesson. - You give cooking lessons?
I had taught a secretary at my husband's firm, Lilah Monroe...
...how to prepare aiguillettes of pheasant with juniper berries.
I came into this room...
...and the next thing I knew...
...I was stuck in the kitchen wall for... Well, how long have I been dead?
- Ten years. - Ten years?
Ten years?
Ronald Reagan.
What?
- I have to go. - But what did your husband do to you?
- I can't tell you. - But if I could figure out...?
My master's calling. Herbie freed me. I can't betray him. I have to go.
Katie.
I'm sorry. We have no seats left on that flight, Mr...
It's Stax. Herbie.
- We have no seats. - Next flight to Miami is full?
- Yes, it is. - Book me anywhere else you fly.
Ten years. Reagan was president when I died.
Am I glad to see you. I've got something for you to take care of.
I can't go on scaring Lois and Clark.
- Ask me anything else. - Forget Lois and Clark.
Katie...
...to better improve master-servant relations...
...I have decided to reveal the identity of your killer.
- Really? - You deserve it.
Katie, it's time to avenge your death.
Time's up, Herbie.
Undertaker's waiting.
Oh, this is gonna be a pleasure.
I can't believe you tried...
...such an insane stunt. - It worked, didn't it?
That is the second thing I can't believe. That you actually summoned a...
Ghost. It's okay. You can say it.
How was she? As scary as when she possessed you?
Clark, she's a ghost. She was scary.
But then she just seemed like this lonely little girl.
Does she have any idea who killed her?
No. The last thing she remembers is giving a cooking lesson.
That would explain why she was covered with flour.
There was a detail about her marriage she couldn't bring herself to tell me.
She seemed more interested in talking about you and me.
I hope you didn't tell her everything.
I left out the good parts.
She's probably already seen them anyway.
I never thought of that.
Is there any chance of getting her back here for an encore?
This Herbie called her away.
She said he was her master.
- The one who freed her. - Wait, wait. Freed her from our wall?
Herbie must be the guy who put that stuff in the kitchen to scare us out.
We need to find this Herbie.
Going somewhere, Herbie?
Yeah. Yes. On a fundraising mission.
Since you didn't keep up your end of the bargain, I've gotta find...
...another home for those poor widows and orphans...
...or they'll be doomed to wander, homeless and hungry...
...sleeping in cardboard... - Put a sock in it.
You used me to do something terrible tonight, Herbie.
I'm not a killer. I don't kill people.
That poor man that I dispatched to the other side...
...he wasn't the one that murdered me. - How do you know?
I'm the medium. You're just the message.
If he was, I would've passed over by now...
...instead of being stuck in this crummy room with a crummy con man.
I never got an even break in my whole life.
And you're the last in a long line that saw to it.
The heck with passing over.
I don't want my murder solved. I'm staying.
And I'll look better than I ever looked.
And I'll be with a man that's actually decent.
I'm gonna live.
I'm gonna live better dead than I did alive.
And I'm gonna have anything I darn well please.
And I'm gonna make things a living hell for you...
...for the rest of your miserable life.
Investigating officer's statement?
"Blunt-force trauma to the back of the head. "
Which means Katie never saw her attacker.
I think we've been through all this.
Last entry was two years ago.
An unsolved murder case is never officially closed...
...but when the trail turns cold, like old soldiers, it just fades away.
The darndest thing. Guy got killed tonight. Ask me how.
Am I gonna regret this?
Witnesses swear lawn tools flew through the air by themselves...
...and attacked him. - Lawn tools?
Flew?
- Do you have the victim's name? - Yeah. Mahoney.
Mink Mahoney.
- That rings some bells. - I ran him through our morgue.
Trigger man for the most powerful crime family in the city.
Excuse me, alleged trigger man.
- He always walks away clean. - Until now.
Got another name for you. Herbie Stax.
- Herbie? - Herbie?
- You know him? - Well, his name gets around.
He has a bunch of dummy companies he uses for real-estate scams.
He bought Bertha Emory's townhouse under Bismark Development...
...and he tried to get yours using Hardkin Investment.
Crime family that Mahoney works for, what are they into?
They build mini-malls and stuff after grabbing the best properties in town.
It's pretty questionable deals.
Sounds like Herbie was trying to sell them our block.
Look at this. I found a supplemental report.
Page l6C. This wasn't in the original.
Katie.
Help me find l6C. I'm sure that's where the answer is.
Daily Planet.
C.K. Phone call for you, line six.
- This is... - Clark Kent?
- Is this Clark Kent? - Yeah.
- It's Herbie Stax. - Herbie Stax.
- We wanna talk to you. - Kent.
Look, she's out of control. Someone has to stop her.
- Who? - Katie Banks.
The ghost. Look, she's gone off the deep end.
Just tell me what to do. I'll do anything.
Where is she right now?
I think she wants to bond with your wife. And I mean bond.
Your wife's there with you, isn't she?
Yeah, yeah, she's...
Lois? Lois?
Lois?
Who the heck are you and what are you doing in my house?
Where's Clark? I made a lovely dinner for my man.
It's time to leave Lois' body, Katie.
I wouldn't be giving me orders, big boy.
See, I can actually make Lois die...
...by shutting down her system any time I want to.
I like her as a home, but I can find others.
There's that cute what's-her-name who turns those cards on that game show.
I could do that if I was still dead.
You are dead, Katie.
I know Herbie betrayed you, but this just won't work.
- Clark will learn to love me. - No, he won't.
Clark loves Lois.
Well, then I hope he comes to her funeral.
Let me go. I swear, I'll kill her.
I know who killed you, Katie. It was right there on page l6C.
The one that Lois had before you blew it away.
The thing one you couldn't tell her was your husband was having an affair.
- Almost from the day you were married. - I don't wanna hear.
You never knew who it was, did you?
And being cooped up in our wall...
...you didn't know that your husband remarried right after you died.
He married her, Katie.
- A stripper named Lilah Monroe. - Lilah wasn't a stripper but a secretary.
My husband felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her. I gave her cooking lessons.
Your husband begged you for a divorce, didn't he?
But you wouldn't give it to him.
You suspected he was in love with somebody else...
...so you vowed to stay married to him just to punish him.
You didn't know...
...that you were giving cooking lessons to your husband's mistress.
She hated you and wanted you out of the way.
Hadn't she just left your house the night of the murder?
- I think she came back. - No, it's not true.
I wouldn't be taken in like that. Not by Lilah.
- It wasn't my idea, Katie. He made me. - The truth, Lilah.
Just like you told me.
- It'll free all of us. - Don't say it, Lilah.
Go on, Lilah. She won't hurt you.
- Lilah! - I did it.
- I killed Katherine. - You!
I'm sorry, Katie.
I don't care. I'm not leaving.
I can start over.
I'm beautiful. I have a wonderful husband and a life like I never had.
And I'm not giving it back.
Katie, Lois said that you are a wonderful person.
But nothing about your life was fair.
Obviously, you belong in a better place.
No! I like it here. And you don't have a choice.
The way I hear it, Katie...
...you don't have a choice.
Your killer has been found.
I'm sorry, Lois.
I know.
I understand.
But things will be better for you now.
You're probably right.
It seems I've made my best friend...
...my only friend, after I left this life.
Bummer.
You'll make sure all those people get their homes back?
I'll be waiting for both of you on the other side.
Goodbye, Katie.
Well, nice to know while we're in prison we have something to look forward to.
Lois?
Yes, it's really me, don't be worried.
I wasn't worried.
- Who was at the door? - Telegram.
From Herbie.
"Enjoying prison so far.
Thick walls, terrifying guards, feel very safe.
Tell Superman thanks. "
And Lilah is deliriously happy to finally have the murder off her conscience.
She was concerned about the hereafter.
After a run-in with Katie, she has more to be worried about.
So everyone is where they belong.
- Great. - Yes. Including me.
Lois Lane, in the kitchen, cooking.
- And you can get that look off your face. - What look?
Look that says, "Oh, God. Lois cooked and I have to eat it. "
Katie left a little behind.
She sure knew how to cook a wonderful breakfast.
- I call that Eggs à la Katie Banks. - Honey, you can cook.
Yes.
Who would've thought a couple of eggs could give me such a feeling of conquest?
Although it's sort of like climbing Mt. Everest.
Once you do it, you think, "Why would I ever do that again?"
I'll eat slowly.
I would.
Oh, oh, no.
Oh, no. No, I won't. No. No.
I'm just kidding.
Sorry, did I get egg on you?
Let me just wipe that off.
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