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Lois, this is a terrific piece you two wrote on those missing orphans.
It's poignant, it's real touching.
It reminds me of the King's "In the Ghetto. "
Thanks, I just wish we could write a happy ending to it...
...find the jerk who kidnapped them.
- The police still don't have any leads? - No. That's the story.
Twenty kids have been taken in the last couple of months without a trace.
And since the police don't have any worried parents screaming in their ears...
...they're not exactly making it a top priority.
Well, stay on it.
If anybody can get to the bottom of it, you two can.
Dad, I gotta go.
All right, you guys are gonna stay with us. No arguments. That is final.
Okay. Okay. All right, we'll see you when you get here tomorrow.
Love to Mom. Bye.
You know, it is their anniversary.
Maybe they don't wanna stay at our place. Maybe they wanna be alone.
Alone?
Yeah, you know, so they can be together.
Celebrate in private.
Come on, these are my parents we're talking about.
Well.
- How long have they been together? - Thirty-five years.
That's even longer than Alice and I got. We had...
- Well, we had 32 and a half... - Chief, got your personal ad...
...in tomorrow's edition no problem. - Personal ad?
Well, not like I'm having a whole lot of success dating lately...
- Let me see what you wrote. - Oh, no, no, no.
No, it's just boilerplate likes and dislikes...
...and it was supposed to have been anonymous.
Ryan? Ryan! Oh, my gosh, he's gone!
Help! Somebody, call the police!
- I... - Sure, yeah. Go.
How do you guys do that?
How did you even know he had somewhere to go?
Oh, well, I... I just...
...can't tell you.
Ryan! Ryan!
- What happened? - The man who steals the children.
He struck again. He took Ryan!
- Did you see which way he went? - No, he just left.
- Please, you've gotta save him! Hurry! - Okay, I'll see if I can find him.
- There you guys are. - Hi.
I was worried.
Sorry, honey, we got stuck in traffic.
Well, see, you should let me take you here myself, you know.
We didn't wanna bother you, son. That's why I thought we should stay at a hotel.
No way. Unless you guys want to be alone.
- Jonathan, Martha. Happy anniversary. - Well, not yet. Two more days.
- Well, it's close. Congratulations. - Thanks.
So we're just 34 and a half years behind you.
You'll get there.
Police don 't have any leads on that boy...
- We saw that. Isn't that awful? ...taken from the foundling house.
Although they're not ruling anything else out...
... they are working under the assumption that this case may be connected...
... to the other missing orphans.
- Oh, those poor kids. - You have no idea...
...where they're being taken?
Whoever's behind this lined everything with lead, including the getaway car.
The thing is, there never seems to be a struggle when these kids are taken.
It's almost as if they want to go.
I'd be a total wreck if that ever happened to my kid.
Oh, cab's still on the meter.
- Clark, can you help me with the bags? - Sure. Yeah.
- Are you okay, honey? - Me? Yeah, I'm fine.
This whole story's just got me thinking about having babies.
Lois?
- Are you trying to tell me something? - What?
Oh, you think that I'm...
Oh, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. Really. I mean, not that I wouldn't wanna be.
I mean, I wouldn't wanna be right this second...
...but it's just... Just been crossing my mind lately.
- I see. - Actually...
...we're waiting for Dr. Klein to tell us if we can even have kids.
Did you ever have any qualms about raising children...
...after you started trying? I mean, did you...
Did you ever think that you might not be able to handle the responsibility?
Oh, no, not once I decided I was ready.
And I'll know that I'm ready for this how, exactly?
You just will.
When you are...
...you'll know, believe me.
Here you go.
Oh, Wendy, and how are the little tykes doing today?
They're just fine, Dr. Kripstly. Just like every day, thanks to you.
And thanks to you too, Wendy. After all, look how happy you make them.
Well, I get as much out of it as they do, believe me.
Plus, it beats working in the toy store.
Here, I made them some toys.
New ones too. They're not even out in the stores yet.
Now, make sure the new boy, Ryan, gets first pick.
- You're spoiling them. - They deserve to be spoiled.
They're all neglected and forgotten children, betrayed by the adults...
...who would deny them their fantasies, their childhood.
Just like you deserved when you were a child.
That's none of your business!
I don't ever wanna hear you talk about my childhood here again!
- Do you understand me? - Okay. I'm sorry, I... I didn't know.
Remember, Wendy, this is a place for happy thoughts only, okay?
Now, why don't you hand out these toys, okay?
What is this?
I thought that you might wanna see that.
It seemed to me it was like that idea you were telling me you had.
"STAR Labs, a subsidiary of Dynacord International...
...is rumored to be ready to unveil their latest technological breakthrough:
The Reintegrator, a device which will be able to disintegrate matter...
...transport it across space and then rematerialize it. "
What's wrong?
See, this is exactly why you can never trust adults, Wendy.
They'll stab you in the back every time!
This is the prototype for the Reintegrator.
I spent years developing this.
- This is my idea. - You mean Dynacord stole it from you.
I pitched this to their board of directors years ago...
...when I worked in their toy division. I had hoped to be recognized...
...as a legitimate scientist. Instead, they laughed at me.
They mocked me. They called me a quack.
And then they told me to get back to my toys.
Now I discover that they have assigned a scientist from STAR Labs...
...to oversee its development without me.
But it's your invention.
- You ought to sue them. - No, no, no.
That's the adult way of doing things.
My way is far more childish and juvenile.
And therefore more punitive, which makes it more fun.
The Reintegrator was my baby, and they stole it from me.
Therefore, I think it's only right that I steal their babies from them.
Probably rotten parents anyway.
Steal their children? Dr. Kripstly, you can't do that!
Not without help I can't.
And this is just the man who'll help me: Dr. Bernard Klein.
- Dr. Klein? - Yes?
Down here, you fool.
That's right, it's me.
Oh, look, how cute. Where did you come from?
You're coming with us, Klein.
- Excuse me? - Let's go.
Come out, come out wherever you are.
- Hector, I should've known. - I beg your pardon, Dr. Klein?
- Hector. - I said move it, baldy.
Eyes front, pal.
Hard to call it a kidnapping when there's no kidnapper.
Maybe it's some kind of mind control. Or a hallucination.
Or maybe even some kind of invisible man.
Clark, listen to us. What do we do for a living?
What was that sound? Can you rewind that?
What do you think?
It sounds like a... A sick duck.
Hello? Is anybody there? Help.
Welcome, Dr. Klein!
Oh, thank God. At least you're not another toy.
You're not, right?
My name is Dr. Kripstly. Does that ring any bells for you?
Dr. Kripstly. Harold Kripstly, the toy inventor?
- I'm flattered. - Well, sure, I've heard of you.
You were a legend in the toy division.
I used to read about you in the newsletter.
You're supposed to be brilliant, a wunderkind.
Whatever happened to you?
I went mad.
Oh, well, I never would have guessed.
Are all those your children?
They are now. And you're gonna help me get more.
Specifically, all the sons and daughters of Dynacord's board of directors.
What? I will not!
Sure you will. And you're gonna do that...
...by telling me exactly how to make my Reintegrator fully operational.
Reintegrator. Now, what's a reintegrator?
Last chance, Dr. Klein.
I will never tell you, no matter what you do to me.
Oh, no?
Chico.
All right, Ryan! Good swing, Ryan.
- Who wants some cake? - We do!
Hey, nice wheels, toots.
Stow it, doc, I'm not interested.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Demento is in the house.
Still think you can get me to tell you how to make the Reintegrator work? Not!
Actually, thanks to Chico's truth serum, you already did.
The part was right where you said it would be too.
- What does that thing do, anyway? - Well, it's quite ingenious, really.
What I could never figure out was how to consistently rematerialize...
...the transported matter into its original form.
This transponder actually codes each separate molecule...
...of the disintegrated object...
...so they can be decoded upon reintegration.
Whatever.
Tell me, doctor, how exactly were you able...
...to accurately calibrate the emitter beam?
Easy. I simply implanted a ruby prism in the microcircuitry, just like a laser.
I can't believe I just told you that.
Wouldn't it be great if every adult were as truthful as you are, Dr. Klein?
If they were, I wouldn't have to punish them.
All right, Brittany, time to pack up your toys.
You don't want to be late for your piano lesson.
Come on, hurry up.
Brittany, gather your things.
Is that your toy?
I don't remember that. Well, put it away. We've got to go.
Pretty!
There, that's everything. All right, Brittany.
Brittany?
Brittany!
Her name's Brittany.
She's my only child.
We're sorry about what happened...
...but shouldn't you be talking to the police?
I read your articles about those other missing kids.
I was hoping maybe you'd know something the police don't.
Those kids were all parentless, Mr. Turner. Underprivileged.
- You're CEO of a huge conglomerate. - Which means, most likely...
...it's an unrelated kidnapping.
If it was just that, why haven't I received a ransom demand?
Where exactly was Brittany when she was taken?
She was at the park. The nanny said she was playing with one of her toys.
The next thing she knew, Brittany was gone.
She never even saw what happened to her.
- Do you have any kids? - Oh, no. Not yet, anyway.
Well...
...when you do...
...you'll realize that they mean everything to you.
The world.
We'll do everything we possibly can, Mr. Turner. I promise you.
Wait...
...does Dynacord own STAR Labs? - It's one of our subsidiaries.
Why would you ask that?
Well, here, in Jimmy's research on Dr. Klein's recent projects...
...I just noticed that Dynacord's name is on STAR Labs letterhead.
But what does that mean?
Well, Dr. Klein from STAR Labs was abducted.
- It could be related to your daughter. - We need a list of everyone...
...who might have a grudge against you or Dynacord.
Competitors, ex-employees, anyone you can think of.
I'll do it right away.
Thank you.
- Chief, got a sec? - No. Not now, Jimmy.
I'm hip-deep in red ink here.
Well, it's...
It's just that you got a response to your personal ad.
Here, it's this one.
"You like to curl up by the fire, so do I.
You're a hopeless romantic, so am I.
You're a lonely guy, so am..."
What? What's this?
Sorry, chief, it's... It's this one. I'm sorry.
"Dear Hound Dog..."
That's me being anonymous.
"I too love Elvis and a good book...
...moonlit walks, piņa coladas.
Have you been looking for me as long as I've been looking for you?"
Sounds like a match. You gonna respond to her...
...in tomorrow's personals? - I don't know. Yeah, I guess so.
Well, I... I better have her meet me here, though...
...just in case she turns out to be an ax murderer.
Mommy!
You're gonna love it here, Brittany. You'll see.
Just give it time. All the little kids love it here.
- Mommy! I want Mommy! - Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
I know. I know.
Hey, yo, toy guy. Would it be too much to ask for a set of ear plugs?
- I'm getting a headache here. - I've got bigger problems to worry about.
I just heard through the grapevine that Lois Lane and Clark Kent...
...are starting to interview ex-employees of Dynacord.
Well, then, you are done for, pal.
Lois and Clark are like pit bulls, they're the best.
Thanks for the tip. Looks like I'll just have to kill them now.
Wait, what?
Don't tell me I'm still blurting out the truth.
- Afraid so. - That's it.
You've gone too far this time. I quit.
- Wendy, what's the matter? - You're sick, that's what's the matter.
It's one thing to rescue orphans to take care of.
But it's another thing to rip a perfectly happy child away from her parents.
- It's wrong. - To be honest, it's all wrong.
- Shut up. - Shut up. If this is about Brittany...
...you just need to give her time. - She doesn't need time.
She needs a mommy. Her mommy.
You took her for all the wrong reasons. As far as I'm concerned...
...that makes you just as bad as all the evil adults you denounce.
I can't be a part of this anymore. I won't.
But what about all the other children? You can't just walk out on them.
I'm not walking out on them, I'm walking out on you.
I'm going to the police...
...unless you let them go. - Wait, okay, look.
I don't want you here if you're not happy.
It defeats the whole purpose.
And I don't want you going away mad at me, either.
After all, you're the only adult I ever trusted.
You've been so good with the kids...
...at least take something of them with you...
...as a token of our appreciation.
This is the first toy I ever made.
- If this is some kind of trick... - No trick.
Scout's honor.
Please.
Well, okay.
She's beautiful.
There. That'll teach you to talk back to me!
But you never set the controls to reassemble her molecules.
- Without that, she's as good as... - What? Dead?
Well, eventually that's what happens when you grow up.
I don't know, Clark. Maybe the little girl's kidnapping...
...isn't connected to Dr. Klein.
How many more names on that Dynacord list?
Seven. I just hope one of them pans out, or it's back to square one.
Listen.
Both Jonathan and I know how hard you two are working right now.
And we want you to know that if you can't...
...celebrate our anniversary with us tomorrow night...
...we absolutely understand.
No way, Mom. We are definitely coming.
- Well, it's about time. We're starved. - Yeah.
What in the world?
Quite a little guy, huh? I found him waddling up to the door.
Isn't he the cutest thing?
It would be great to give it to a grandkid.
Jonathan.
Wait a minute.
- Everybody all right? - Yeah.
- But that was close. - Too close.
Which means somebody obviously thinks we're getting too close to them.
I just wish we knew who we were supposedly getting too close to.
Well, we've pushed somebody's buttons, all right.
At least we're on the right track.
- Toys. - What?
That's it. That's the common denominator.
Everything is connected to toys.
Dynacord has a toy division.
And we heard that toy quack when Dr. Klein was abducted.
Brittany Turner was playing with a toy when she disappeared.
- That plus the explosion. - Where's that list?
Harold Kripstly, toy maker. Fired six months ago.
He just moved to the top of the list.
I think we should put you two up in a hotel until this thing's over.
It's too dangerous here.
Come on, Martha, let's let them do their job.
- Hello? - Now maybe...
...we can do a little celebrating in private. Finally.
Hey, Jimmy, what's up?
Okay.
Thanks.
Two more Dynacord board members' kids just disappeared.
Look at this place.
Sorry about that. I was just fooling around.
- Are you Harold Kripstly? - Yes.
Lois Lane, Clark Kent. We're reporters from the Daily Planet.
But... I thought you two worked at the Chronicle.
Oh, no, no.
- Mind if we ask you a few questions? - Oh, no, no, not at all.
- Okay. Mr. Kripstly, you... - Actually, it's Dr. Kripstly.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Kripstly. You used to work at the toy division at Dynacord.
Yes. I was one of their inventors. I came up with the Hovering MorphCar.
- It was all the rage two Christmases ago. - I remember it. It was a big hit.
So why did Dynacord fire you?
Oh, well, you know, I guess they didn't like my attitude.
I mean, I was just an overgrown kid in a world of suits and ties.
I didn't really fit in.
Must have been upsetting though, wasn't it?
Sure, yeah. I mean, I'm only human. But it's all worked out for the best.
I'm much happier here running my little toy store.
I like being my own boss.
Do you know who Alex Turner is?
Sure, yeah. He's the big cheese at Dynacord.
- His daughter was kidnapped yesterday. - Kidnapped?
Oh, my God.
Wait, you...? You don't think that I...?
Oh, hey, look, I would never do anything to harm a child, ever.
- I love kids. - We're not saying you would.
We're just investigating all of our possibilities.
Okay, because I don't know anything about it.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
No. We thank you very much for your time.
Okay.
Oh, hey, I sure hope you find that little tyke.
Hard to believe he's the evil villain behind the curtain, isn't it?
Yeah, but he's still one of the only names...
...on the list connected to toys.
We should have Jimmy run a background check on him.
See if he has any exploding ducks in his closet.
Good idea. Maybe we should split up the rest of this list...
...before any other kids disappear.
I'll take the lawyer and the board member...
...you take the other two. - Deal.
- First one back to the Planet wins? - You're on.
- Okay. - Hey, no fair fly... You know what.
Hey, kids.
Why the long faces?
Why isn't anybody playing?
- We wanna go home. - But this is better than home.
This is a kids' world, where the only rule is:
Kids rule!
Come on, kids, who wants to play video games?
I miss my daddy.
- Me too. - I wanna go home.
The truth is...
...it was a bad idea to kill off Wendy. - Yeah, who asked you?
God, when will that truth serum wear off?
Eat 'Em Up Burger.
I need 30 cheeseburgers, 30 large fries, and 30 chocolate shakes right away.
- Make mine vanilla? - Shut up.
No, not you. I'll be right there.
I just need that last board-member kid, and I am done. Those pesky reporters...
...are mucking everything up. - I told you they were good.
Look, do you wanna vanish just like Wendy did?
The truth is, you need me.
I understand the machine and you don't.
I'm a scientist. You're just a... A toy man.
Damn it, Klein. Shut your mouth!
Do you understand me? Or you are dead!
Do you understand me? Dead.
You're a bad man.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Please stop crying. Really...
Well, how about if I give you a dollar? Would you like that?
Okay, 50, that's my final offer.
- Hey, what did you do to him? - Nothing. I just... I said hello.
Are you okay, Joey? Okay. What do you want?
- I'm just looking for Mr. Steele. - And who are you?
Lois Lane. I'm a reporter, and I'm doing a story on Dynacord.
I know he used to be on the board of directors.
Well, he's on vacation. He'll be back on Tuesday.
What's this?
Look, Joey, it's addressed to you. Let's see what's in it.
Do you think you could get ahold of him? It's important.
Look, it's a Superman toy.
You like that, don't you?
- Where did that toy come from? - Here. Here you go.
Oh, wait a second.
Hey, what's the matter with you?
No, you don't understand. It could be dangerous.
Lady, get your own damn doll.
- Lois? - What are you doing here?
Dr. Klein. Are you all right?
Oh, yeah. I'm fine, thank you. But the truth is, Lois...
...you're a goner.
I wouldn't. You see, this only looks like a toy.
You are not supposed to be here, Joey Steele is.
Why do adults like you always screw things up?
Sorry, it's what I do.
I thought I had gotten rid of you once before, Ms. Lane.
I'm not gonna make that mistake again. It's time to say night-night.
Wait, wait.
- Not in front of the children. - Go to bed!
You know what your problem is, Kripstly? You don't think ahead.
- What's that supposed to mean? - It means, first Wendy, now Lois.
You keep getting rid of mother figures...
...you're never gonna make those kids happy.
What are you talking about?
- She's not a mother. - But that doesn't mean I'm not qualified.
In high school I was the most popular babysitter in my neighborhood.
And The Sound of Music is my favorite movie...
...except, of course, for Toy Story.
- I love Toy Story. - Well, there you go.
Still, I...
I don't know.
But I guess it's worth a try.
I mean, if it doesn't work out, I can always kill you anyway.
Making it a win-win situation.
In the meantime, I've gotta cover my tracks...
...so that husband of yours doesn't follow.
I think I'll arrange to meet him at the toy store...
...and then blow it up. That's cool, huh? And don't bother yelling...
...for that super grownup, either. This kiddie place is soundproofed.
Wait a minute!
Oh, come on! Open up!
Hello there.
How's it going?
Hi, kids, I'm Franky the Frog.
What's all your names?
No?
Look at this.
It's a... A monster with...
...poisonous fangs and...
...visible intestines.
Who wouldn't wanna play with this?
I don't exactly know what happened.
She just suddenly disappeared before my very eyes.
Lois wasn't holding a toy in her hand by any chance, was she?
She must have known. That's why she didn't want Joey to have it.
- Known what? What did she say? - She said it could be dangerous.
She saved Joey, Mr. Kent.
Oh, my God, I hope she's all right.
Excuse me.
- Lois, is that you? - No, C.K., it's Jimmy.
I found out why Kripstly got fired.
Apparently, he tried to sell the board on some crazy invention...
...and then got ballistic when they turned him down.
- What was the invention? - Something called the Reintegrator.
From what I gather, it's supposed to make things vanish in one place...
...then reappear somewhere else.
It sounds like "Beam me up, Scotty" to me.
Oh, one more thing.
Kripstly called here for you.
He said if you wanted to meet him, you knew where to find him.
Does that make any sense to you?
C.K.?
Mr. Kent?
I miss my doggy. I'm scared.
Oh, listen, I've got something for you.
How about a story?
Once upon a time...
...there was a little boy who had to leave his home...
...because his planet was going to explode.
And his mommy and daddy, they didn't have time...
...to build a spaceship big enough for the whole family...
...so they built one just for him...
...so that he had time to escape.
And then...
...he traveled millions and millions of miles through space...
...until he landed here, on Earth.
And he was really, really scared too...
...because he missed his home...
...and his mommy and daddy, just like you guys.
But you know who that little boy turned out to be?
This little boy turned out to be Superman.
Superman was scared too?
But you know what he did?
He reached down inside...
...and he found out that he was also really, really brave.
- I can't believe it. - I didn't know that.
So when you're your most sad or your most scared...
...you just remember that Superman was scared once too.
And if you believe in yourself...
...then everything will work out for the best.
The end.
- Dr. Klein. - Lois, that was amazing.
I'm impressed. How did you know what to do?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe I saw it in some old movie or something.
Maybe just maternal instinct.
You think?
Listen, I've got an idea how to let Clark know where we are.
Kripstly just got word to him to go to the toy store.
How are you gonna reach Clark before Kripstly does?
Do you think you can reach the Reintegrator controls?
No... No, I can't.
- You have to try. - No, I'm telling you, I can't.
- Look, once there was this little boy... - Yes, Lois, I heard the story.
All right, Kripstly, where are you?
Oh, that's good. A little farther.
Keep going.
I did it! I did it! I don't believe it!
- What now? - I'm writing a message to Clark.
I don't want it to be too obvious in case Kripstly sees it first.
What do you think?
The truth? It sucks.
Never mind, just set the controls for the toy store.
Okay, but how are you gonna get the drawing to the transponder?
Just hurry.
Kripstly.
Easy.
Easy, easy. A little to the left.
Careful, you're going too fast.
Watch out, watch out, you're gonna...
Nicely done.
Okay, now.
Hey, what are you doing?
What are you two doing?
I knew I shouldn't have trusted you adults.
Well, I'm gonna do what I should've done right off the bat.
Starting with you, Klein.
I forget. Which is it, Bernie?
Do you implode in deep space? Or explode?
- You! - All right, Kripstly, playtime is over.
Superman...
...if you so much as twitch one of those oversized pecs of yours...
...those kids will become space debris.
Understand?
I don't believe you'd do it.
I think you care too much about those kids to ever hurt them.
Superman, I don't mean to be critical, but what do you think you're doing?
He could never hurt a child.
At least not intentionally, anyway.
- It's against everything that he's about. - Let them go, Dr. Kripstly.
They don't wanna be in this place, not forever.
Just because you don't wanna live with rules and regulations...
...doesn't mean that's what they want. They need rules, they need structure.
That's what makes them feel secure.
That's exactly what an adult would say. That's why I ought to push this button.
To spare them a life of being betrayed and abused...
...by lying, hypocritical, two-faced...
...evil adults.
What do you think of that?
I think that would be a big mistake.
No!
Superman!
Did you really used to be scared?
Of course. Everyone gets scared.
- Come on. Come on. - Superman! Superman!
Poor guy.
Jimmy.
Look, son, I... I appreciate you hanging here with me.
But let's face it...
...the old Hound Dog got stood up.
Come on, chief, don't give up yet. She's only...
...two and a half hours late.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, chief.
You know, things that seem too good to be true, they usually are.
- Go on, get the hell out of here. - All right.
- Good night. - Yeah.
Flowers?
- For me? - Alice?
What are you doing here?
Responding to your ad...
...Hound Dog.
Now, wait a minute. You... You're moonlight walks?
- Piņa coladas? - Afraid so.
I just put the ad in for fun. I didn't really expect anything to come of it.
Certainly...
...not this.
I don't know what to say.
Well, figuring that we haven't spoken since the divorce...
...that's understandable.
Believe me, Perry, I didn't even realize it was you.
Not until I found out where you wanted to meet.
That's why I'm so late.
I couldn't decide if it was a good idea...
...or not.
Well...
...jeez, Alice.
I guess it wasn't a very good idea after all.
And I... I better go.
No, no, no. Wait.
Don't.
- Really? - Yeah.
Yeah, really. I...
Here. Here, honey.
Are you sure you guys don't wanna stay for a nightcap or something?
No, your mother and I are gonna head back to the hotel.
Well, you know, you can stay here if you want to. It's safe now.
- I promise. - It's all right.
You two really do wanna be alone.
Thanks for the wonderful dinner. And the beautiful present.
That thing we were talking about before? About being ready?
I think I know.
Jonathan, we have to go now.
- Bye. - Bye.
What was this all about?
Oh, just girl talk. I'll tell you about it upstairs.
- Why upstairs? - Guess.
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