1 00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:07,032 You actually think the Mets have a shot this year? 2 00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:08,932 - You're an idiot, Madison. - I'm an idiot? 3 00:00:08,933 --> 00:00:11,301 You waited on hold for an hour and ten minutes 4 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,570 just for me to hang up on you mid-sentence. 5 00:00:13,571 --> 00:00:15,771 What are you talking about? You... 6 00:00:16,773 --> 00:00:17,974 Never gets old. 7 00:00:17,975 --> 00:00:19,309 Well, it looks like 8 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,310 we're out of time. 9 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,377 I'm Oscar Madison. 10 00:00:21,378 --> 00:00:23,480 Thanks for listening. 11 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,482 Another great show. 12 00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:28,218 Yep, another show. 13 00:00:28,219 --> 00:00:29,352 God, I love working 14 00:00:29,353 --> 00:00:31,955 from my apartment. 15 00:00:31,956 --> 00:00:34,189 Yeah, it's a treat for us all. 16 00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:38,228 I confirmed your interview with Kobe... 17 00:00:38,229 --> 00:00:40,296 Please. 18 00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:43,500 ...I told your ex-wife to wait a day before cashing the check, 19 00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:46,669 and I told your bookie you're dead. 20 00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:48,972 Thank you, Dani. You're the world's greatest assistant. 21 00:00:48,973 --> 00:00:50,440 Now, get out. 22 00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:51,808 Hot Casey 23 00:00:51,809 --> 00:00:53,743 from downstairs might be stopping by. 24 00:00:53,744 --> 00:00:55,478 So you moved from flirting in the elevator 25 00:00:55,479 --> 00:00:56,868 - to an actual date? - Sort of. 26 00:00:56,869 --> 00:00:59,082 I sneaked some of my mail into her mailbox 27 00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:00,850 to force her to come by the apartment. 28 00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:02,652 Aw. All the great romances start 29 00:01:02,653 --> 00:01:04,886 with the words "sneak" and "forced." 30 00:01:05,455 --> 00:01:06,722 See you tomorrow. 31 00:01:22,071 --> 00:01:24,440 - Hello, Oscar Madison. - Casey! 32 00:01:24,441 --> 00:01:25,708 What brings you here? 33 00:01:25,709 --> 00:01:27,310 Um, some of your mail 34 00:01:27,311 --> 00:01:29,746 mysteriously found its way into my mailbox. 35 00:01:29,747 --> 00:01:31,281 - What?! - What?! 36 00:01:31,282 --> 00:01:32,949 Oh, yeah, Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 37 00:01:32,950 --> 00:01:34,317 - Mm-hmm. - That's me. 38 00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:36,352 - Hmm. - I don't like to talk about it, 39 00:01:36,353 --> 00:01:38,588 but I'm in the Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 40 00:01:38,589 --> 00:01:41,724 So what's the next step of this little mail trick? 41 00:01:41,725 --> 00:01:44,160 I don't know. I've never gotten this far before. 42 00:01:44,161 --> 00:01:45,828 Can I offer you a drink? 43 00:01:45,829 --> 00:01:47,996 Sure. Why not? 44 00:01:49,232 --> 00:01:51,668 Wow. So this is where the garbage chute goes. 45 00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:53,937 Let me guess, 46 00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:55,805 another neighbor with your mail. 47 00:01:55,806 --> 00:01:57,974 No. You are the only woman in the building 48 00:01:57,975 --> 00:01:59,309 I'm stalking, I promise. 49 00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:00,709 Aw. 50 00:02:02,445 --> 00:02:03,947 Hello, Oscar. 51 00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:05,248 Felix! What a surprise. 52 00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:07,350 Casey, this is my old friend Felix Unger. 53 00:02:07,351 --> 00:02:08,885 - Hi. - I'm sorry. 54 00:02:08,886 --> 00:02:10,220 Is this... this is a bad time? 55 00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:12,422 No, it's a good time, about to be a great time, 56 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:13,690 so yes, it's a bad time. 57 00:02:13,691 --> 00:02:16,625 Unless this is a major crisis. 58 00:02:17,427 --> 00:02:19,229 Ashley kicked me out. 59 00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:20,563 She wants a divorce. 60 00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:23,832 20 years of marriage, and I have nothing. 61 00:02:25,802 --> 00:02:27,904 And that feels like a major crisis to you? 62 00:02:27,905 --> 00:02:29,939 I should have called. 63 00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:32,375 No, no, don't be ridiculous. Casey, 64 00:02:32,376 --> 00:02:33,943 can we have that drink some other time? 65 00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:35,178 Of course. 66 00:02:35,179 --> 00:02:37,413 Um, I'm so sorry, Felix. 67 00:02:37,414 --> 00:02:38,982 Stay strong. 68 00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:40,550 I'm trying. 69 00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:43,119 But the pain comes in waves. 70 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,920 Surf's up! 71 00:02:49,292 --> 00:02:51,060 Oh, Oscar, 72 00:02:51,061 --> 00:02:52,495 I... I'm sorry I ruined your date. 73 00:02:52,496 --> 00:02:54,297 I just... I just didn't know who else to turn to. 74 00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:56,499 No, no, it's okay. I know divorce is brutal. 75 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,568 But it gets better, buddy, trust me. 76 00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:00,035 This is better? 77 00:03:01,671 --> 00:03:03,973 Well, when Gaby left, she took the maid. 78 00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:06,075 Are you sure? I think I saw something moving 79 00:03:06,076 --> 00:03:07,610 under that pile. 80 00:03:07,611 --> 00:03:09,112 You know what? Let's get out of here. 81 00:03:09,113 --> 00:03:11,381 We'll go eat something, and you can tell me the whole story. 82 00:03:11,382 --> 00:03:13,616 I can't tell you how much it means to have some... 83 00:03:18,822 --> 00:03:20,156 What the hell are you doing? 84 00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:23,359 Sorry, it's my sinuses. I've got... 85 00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:27,497 I must be allergic to something. 86 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:29,265 Well, my neighbor has a cat. 87 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:31,633 Yes, I'm sure that's it. 88 00:03:51,682 --> 00:03:54,738 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 89 00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:10,604 Do I look like I've been crying? 90 00:04:10,605 --> 00:04:12,806 No, you look like you are crying. 91 00:04:12,807 --> 00:04:15,743 You're right, I need to man up and be strong 92 00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:18,078 to survive this trial separation. 93 00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:20,581 Trial separation? You were in couples therapy for eight years, 94 00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:24,050 and the last year you were the only one who was going. 95 00:04:28,656 --> 00:04:30,691 This is nice, Oscar. I've missed you. 96 00:04:30,692 --> 00:04:32,826 I'm... I'm sorry I haven't been around much the last year, 97 00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:35,195 but it's just weird with our wives being such good friends. 98 00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:37,564 No, I know. Your wife hated me after the divorce. 99 00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:40,299 Oh, no, she hated you before the divorce. 100 00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:43,302 After... look out! 101 00:04:45,072 --> 00:04:47,574 Still, I should have been there to help you with your pain. 102 00:04:47,575 --> 00:04:49,276 What pain? The day we signed the papers, 103 00:04:49,277 --> 00:04:50,711 I threw myself a two-day party. 104 00:04:50,712 --> 00:04:52,546 I woke up covered in bubble wrap. 105 00:04:52,547 --> 00:04:55,315 A stripper had to pop me out. 106 00:04:55,316 --> 00:04:58,118 One bubble at a time. 107 00:04:58,119 --> 00:05:00,153 A little bit of food on your mouth. 108 00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:02,523 Now it's on your hand. 109 00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:05,159 Where will it go next? 110 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,695 Felix, I'm just saying divorce is not the end of the world. 111 00:05:07,696 --> 00:05:10,164 Oscar, Oscar, I told you, it's a trial separation. 112 00:05:10,165 --> 00:05:12,132 Any minute now, this phone is going to ring, 113 00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:13,200 and it's going to be... 114 00:05:14,369 --> 00:05:16,637 ...Ashley. 115 00:05:16,638 --> 00:05:18,472 No. 116 00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:20,007 Just an allergy alert. 117 00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:21,942 But good news: 118 00:05:21,943 --> 00:05:24,845 the pollen level has dropped to a 2.3, so the mask... 119 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,547 stays in my pocket. 120 00:05:26,548 --> 00:05:29,715 Wow, and she left you. 121 00:05:31,285 --> 00:05:33,087 I'm telling you, buddy, being single together 122 00:05:33,088 --> 00:05:35,022 is gonna be like college all over again. 123 00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:36,990 Remember that insane party at the Theta Phi house? 124 00:05:36,991 --> 00:05:39,626 That was the night that I knew we were going to be friends. 125 00:05:39,627 --> 00:05:41,295 Those guys were giving me a rough time 126 00:05:41,296 --> 00:05:42,930 about my Pep Squad uniform, and you said, 127 00:05:42,931 --> 00:05:44,798 "Leave him alone! He's all right!" 128 00:05:44,799 --> 00:05:47,301 Actually, I think I said, "He's our ride." 129 00:05:47,302 --> 00:05:49,036 But we had a great night, 130 00:05:49,037 --> 00:05:51,171 and we'll have a lot more because we're free. 131 00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:52,573 I don't want to be free. 132 00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:53,874 Give it time. 133 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,876 Look at this place. You are now single 134 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,578 in the greatest city in the world. 135 00:05:57,579 --> 00:05:59,046 This town is teeming with women. 136 00:06:00,215 --> 00:06:02,883 Hey! Move it, you jackasses! 137 00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,384 See? There's one. 138 00:06:04,385 --> 00:06:06,120 Maybe not the one. 139 00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:07,955 Well, thank you for tonight, Oscar, 140 00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:10,090 but it's getting late, and I really should find a hotel. 141 00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:12,025 Oh, don't be silly. You'll stay with me. 142 00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:13,894 Really? I wouldn't want to impose. 143 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,629 Are you kidding? We'll have fun. 144 00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:17,164 Oh, thank you, Oscar. 145 00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:18,866 You're a good friend. 146 00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:22,201 I promise, you won't even know I'm there. 147 00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:39,052 Oscar! Welcome home. Great news. 148 00:06:39,053 --> 00:06:40,954 I managed to save the ficus out on the terrace. 149 00:06:40,955 --> 00:06:42,556 Sadly, the same cannot be said for whatever 150 00:06:42,557 --> 00:06:45,192 was growing at the bottom of your laundry hamper. 151 00:06:45,193 --> 00:06:46,727 Now, then, take off those sneakers, 152 00:06:46,728 --> 00:06:48,329 grab some booties from the bootie basket, 153 00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:49,346 and wash up for dinner. 154 00:06:49,347 --> 00:06:51,587 I won't tell you what we're having... 155 00:06:51,588 --> 00:06:55,534 but dirty fingers are a fon-don't. 156 00:06:56,303 --> 00:06:58,971 I have a laundry hamper? 157 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,596 Oh, yeah, this is nice. I'm gonna get 158 00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:09,964 a couple of these... 159 00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:11,699 Mm-hmm. 160 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:14,886 Teddy, are you filming my sports ticker? 161 00:07:14,887 --> 00:07:16,835 And your ten TVs. 162 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,757 The next time my wife tells me I'm spending money 163 00:07:18,758 --> 00:07:22,427 like an idiot, I'm gonna show her this. 164 00:07:22,428 --> 00:07:24,362 You know what? You should get a sports wall. 165 00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:26,631 You're my agent; tell Diane you need one for work. 166 00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:28,400 Oh, Oscar. 167 00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:31,703 You get a wife or a wall... no man gets both. 168 00:07:36,274 --> 00:07:38,276 Hey, Roy. Put your booties on. 169 00:07:38,277 --> 00:07:39,376 What? 170 00:07:41,646 --> 00:07:42,814 What the hell happened in here? 171 00:07:42,815 --> 00:07:44,583 Felix the hell happened in here. 172 00:07:44,584 --> 00:07:46,415 You remember Felix; he came to poker that time 173 00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:48,049 and cleaned the cards. 174 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,051 While we were still playing. 175 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,619 Oh. Right. 176 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:53,287 Yeah, my hands smelled like ammonia. 177 00:07:53,288 --> 00:07:55,990 My wife thought I was having an affair with our maid. 178 00:07:55,991 --> 00:07:57,891 Like I could get her. 179 00:07:58,926 --> 00:08:00,528 I am starving. 180 00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:01,796 When is our pizza getting here? 181 00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:03,731 It's not. Felix insisted on cooking. 182 00:08:03,732 --> 00:08:05,800 Hey, Felix! How's the food coming? 183 00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:08,035 I'm just plating it. 184 00:08:08,036 --> 00:08:10,137 Roy, always a pleasure. Teddy, 185 00:08:10,138 --> 00:08:12,139 if you have to smoke that cigar, please turn on 186 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:13,541 the air purifier. 187 00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,042 Oh. Gentlemen... 188 00:08:15,043 --> 00:08:17,744 start your taste buds. 189 00:08:19,981 --> 00:08:24,785 I'm developing a little theory about why his wife wasn't happy. 190 00:08:24,786 --> 00:08:25,953 He's not gay. 191 00:08:25,954 --> 00:08:27,755 Are you sure? He seems a little gay. 192 00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:29,890 No, he seems incredibly gay, but he's not. 193 00:08:29,891 --> 00:08:31,726 Ah. 194 00:08:31,727 --> 00:08:34,661 That's a shame. I always wanted to have a gay friend. 195 00:08:35,496 --> 00:08:37,898 You know, to just seem more evolved. 196 00:08:37,899 --> 00:08:41,769 You already have a black friend; what are you trying to prove? 197 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,071 Teddy, I don't hear that air purifier! 198 00:08:44,072 --> 00:08:46,507 Oscar, where have you been hiding this guy? 199 00:08:46,508 --> 00:08:48,743 And can we shove him back in there? 200 00:08:48,744 --> 00:08:50,811 I wish. We've been friends for years, but I didn't know 201 00:08:50,812 --> 00:08:52,480 what it'd be like to live with him. 202 00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:54,414 I'm starting to think I made a mistake. 203 00:08:55,216 --> 00:08:57,383 Gazpacho time! 204 00:08:58,119 --> 00:09:00,454 A horrible, horrible mistake. 205 00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:02,623 Dig in, boys. It's a vegan feast. 206 00:09:02,624 --> 00:09:03,958 Try one of the meat-free chicken wings. 207 00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:05,292 If a chicken had no meat, 208 00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:07,561 it would just fall down to the ground. 209 00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:09,964 There's no meat in any of this? Not even the meatballs? 210 00:09:09,965 --> 00:09:11,532 No. No, there is not. 211 00:09:13,668 --> 00:09:16,103 Well, I just thought, with Oscar's high cholesterol... 212 00:09:16,104 --> 00:09:17,571 How do you know my cholesterol is high? 213 00:09:17,572 --> 00:09:19,273 Based on those pills in your medicine cabinet. 214 00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:21,509 You went into my medicine cabinet? 215 00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,144 How else would I put down shelf paper? 216 00:09:25,146 --> 00:09:27,481 Teddy, I've warned you, twice. 217 00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:28,949 Hey! That's my beer! 218 00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:30,918 You could have put that in the gazpacho. 219 00:09:30,919 --> 00:09:33,554 Come on, Roy, let's watch the game at my place. 220 00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:35,189 See you, Oscar. 221 00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:36,824 Oh, guys, don't leave. 222 00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,460 We can go without cigars for one night. We'll live longer. 223 00:09:39,461 --> 00:09:43,263 You've met my wife; why would I want to live longer? 224 00:09:47,735 --> 00:09:50,171 Where are the guys? Did they leave? 225 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:54,742 They didn't leave, they fled, to a place called Nofelixstan! 226 00:09:54,743 --> 00:09:56,777 Well, that's the last time I cook for your friends. 227 00:09:56,778 --> 00:09:58,611 Thank God I bought Tupperware. 228 00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:04,585 Felix, I'm trying to remain calm here, 229 00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,720 because I know you can't help yourself. 230 00:10:06,721 --> 00:10:10,924 Clearly, you were sent from your planet to tidy up ours. 231 00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:14,495 - But you have to stop. - Stop what? 232 00:10:14,496 --> 00:10:16,297 Everything... the nagging, the cleaning, 233 00:10:16,298 --> 00:10:17,698 the food-free food, the... 234 00:10:17,699 --> 00:10:20,134 gazpacho time! 235 00:10:20,135 --> 00:10:23,237 So, in other words, I'm getting on your nerves. 236 00:10:23,238 --> 00:10:27,074 Not in other words; those are the perfect ones! 237 00:10:27,075 --> 00:10:29,176 Take a look at what you did to my sports ticker. 238 00:10:29,177 --> 00:10:31,178 "We're out of corn flakes... F.U." 239 00:10:31,179 --> 00:10:34,582 "Pick up your socks... F.U." 240 00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:39,319 It took me two days to figure out that F.U. was Felix Unger! 241 00:10:40,921 --> 00:10:43,824 Well, I've got something to get off of my chest, too. 242 00:10:43,825 --> 00:10:46,827 When I was at the lowest point in my life, you took me in, 243 00:10:46,828 --> 00:10:48,662 you showed me the true nature of friendship, 244 00:10:48,663 --> 00:10:50,698 and I will never forget that! 245 00:10:50,699 --> 00:10:52,700 What the hell was that? You don't even know 246 00:10:52,701 --> 00:10:53,868 how to fight right! 247 00:10:53,869 --> 00:10:56,337 That said, it is no picnic 248 00:10:56,338 --> 00:10:58,639 living with an inconsiderate slob who is so lazy 249 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,574 that his idea of multitasking 250 00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:02,977 is peeing in the shower! 251 00:11:02,978 --> 00:11:04,812 Have you been watching me? 252 00:11:04,813 --> 00:11:07,348 Yes, I have been watching you, and you know what I see? 253 00:11:07,349 --> 00:11:10,718 A man who is marinating in sex and booze and filth 254 00:11:10,719 --> 00:11:13,053 because he can't admit how much he misses his wife. 255 00:11:13,054 --> 00:11:14,989 You, sir, are in denial! 256 00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:17,258 Oh, I'm in denial, Mr. Trial Separation? 257 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,593 At least I admit that Gaby's not coming back, 258 00:11:19,594 --> 00:11:21,595 instead of thinking that Ashley's just gonna 259 00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,397 magically change her mind. 260 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,335 Oh, I'm sorry. Look who just texted me. 261 00:11:28,336 --> 00:11:30,905 Does that say "Ashley" or is it magic? 262 00:11:30,906 --> 00:11:33,574 Please tell me she's taking you back. 263 00:11:33,575 --> 00:11:36,210 Oh, it's a phone number. 264 00:11:36,211 --> 00:11:38,546 For a lawyer. 265 00:11:38,547 --> 00:11:41,348 Who will be representing her in our divorce. 266 00:11:41,349 --> 00:11:44,885 Aw, I'm... I'm sorry, buddy. 267 00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:47,721 Well, look at me. 268 00:11:47,722 --> 00:11:50,324 Rock-bottom and I am still standing on my feet. 269 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,462 Nope, trapdoor! Here comes the abyss! 270 00:12:01,035 --> 00:12:02,303 Hey, Casey. What's up? 271 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,504 Hey, I got your message. 272 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:04,605 I can't do dinner tomorrow. 273 00:12:04,606 --> 00:12:05,973 I promised I'd hang out with my sister. 274 00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:07,141 Well, bring her along. 275 00:12:07,142 --> 00:12:08,576 I'll bring Felix. We can double. 276 00:12:08,577 --> 00:12:09,877 Uh, I can't do that to Felix. 277 00:12:09,878 --> 00:12:11,111 Emily's going through a tough time. 278 00:12:11,112 --> 00:12:13,246 She can get so emotional and high-strung. 279 00:12:14,915 --> 00:12:18,018 Why?! 280 00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:21,054 Why?! 281 00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:24,091 - So you want to say 7:00? - It's a date. 282 00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,225 Great. 283 00:12:36,971 --> 00:12:39,273 I'm sorry. Is this bothering you? 284 00:12:39,274 --> 00:12:40,774 I'd choose a piece more to your liking, 285 00:12:40,775 --> 00:12:42,977 but it's hard to play porn on a cello. 286 00:12:42,978 --> 00:12:45,779 Felix, I'm sorry about last night. 287 00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,148 Let's start over. Let me take you out to dinner. 288 00:12:48,149 --> 00:12:49,717 - Really? - Yeah, just you and me. 289 00:12:49,718 --> 00:12:51,652 And Casey and her sister. 290 00:12:51,653 --> 00:12:53,420 A date? I'm not ready to date. 291 00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:55,456 Well, get ready because they're here. 292 00:12:55,457 --> 00:12:57,224 And if you back out now, it'll be rude. 293 00:12:57,225 --> 00:12:59,526 And if I know Felix Unger, he's never rude. 294 00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,595 Damn you. 295 00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:04,598 Just do me a favor and don't cry in front of Casey 296 00:13:04,599 --> 00:13:06,866 and kill the mood. 297 00:13:11,438 --> 00:13:13,941 Casey, welcome. Where's your sister? 298 00:13:13,942 --> 00:13:17,111 She's right... Get in here. 299 00:13:17,112 --> 00:13:18,612 Hi, you must be Emily. 300 00:13:18,613 --> 00:13:21,649 I am Emily. And, yes, we came from the same gene pool. 301 00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,583 Thanks, nature. 302 00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:27,688 Hi, you must be Felix. 303 00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:28,689 A pleasure. 304 00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:30,658 Well, you seem very nice, 305 00:13:30,659 --> 00:13:32,493 but just so you know, I'm only here 306 00:13:32,494 --> 00:13:34,995 because my sister wanted me to get out more. 307 00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:39,098 Well, I'm only here because my wife wanted me to get out. 308 00:13:41,502 --> 00:13:44,171 Look at you two, hitting it off. I'll go make us some drinks. 309 00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:45,873 Good idea. I'll give you a hand. 310 00:13:45,874 --> 00:13:47,641 Great. 311 00:13:47,642 --> 00:13:49,476 I can't stay out late. 312 00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:51,578 I was up all night with an ear infection. 313 00:13:51,579 --> 00:13:52,946 Understood. 314 00:13:52,947 --> 00:13:54,782 Sinuses. 315 00:13:54,783 --> 00:13:56,250 Well, if you need a specialist, 316 00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,719 I've got a great guy on West 58th. 317 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,788 Dr. Marshall? 318 00:14:00,789 --> 00:14:02,756 Oh, my God, do you go to him? 319 00:14:02,757 --> 00:14:05,925 Are you kidding me? This nose bought him his summer home. 320 00:14:07,728 --> 00:14:09,563 Look, Oscar, I really do like you... 321 00:14:09,564 --> 00:14:12,199 Ooh, never a good start to a conversation. 322 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,434 So... 323 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,735 let me be honest with you. 324 00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:15,836 Getting worse. 325 00:14:15,837 --> 00:14:17,771 I have a busy career. 326 00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:20,374 I just broke up with a guy who was super needy and emotional, 327 00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:22,643 and I live with my sister, who is super needy and emotional, 328 00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:24,111 and I can't break up with her, 329 00:14:24,112 --> 00:14:26,580 so all I'm looking for right now is... 330 00:14:26,581 --> 00:14:28,214 - Friendship. - Sex. 331 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:35,022 I'd like to change my answer. 332 00:14:35,023 --> 00:14:37,825 It's just, that's all I can handle right now. 333 00:14:37,826 --> 00:14:40,126 I will not give you more than you can handle. 334 00:14:42,696 --> 00:14:45,566 I'd like to change my answer again, please. 335 00:14:47,702 --> 00:14:51,004 Felix was just telling me about the end of his marriage. 336 00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:52,706 Oh, that's fun. 337 00:14:52,707 --> 00:14:55,275 What are you doing? 338 00:14:55,276 --> 00:14:57,678 She asked. She's divorced, too. 339 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,313 Yeah, six months. 340 00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:03,250 So, this is my ex-husband, Brandon. 341 00:15:03,251 --> 00:15:06,186 Mm. I see you like them rugged and handsome. 342 00:15:06,187 --> 00:15:09,422 Turns out, so did Brandon. 343 00:15:11,658 --> 00:15:13,494 Do you have any pictures of Ashley? 344 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,396 Do I have pictures? Are you kidding? I'm a photographer. 345 00:15:15,397 --> 00:15:17,664 I have an entire slideshow set to the music of Enya. 346 00:15:17,665 --> 00:15:18,965 Oh. 347 00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:21,935 Pictures of Ashley? Are you crazy? 348 00:15:21,936 --> 00:15:23,404 You trying to make yourself cry? 349 00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:25,672 Oh, please. Give me some credit. 350 00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:27,574 Don't you dare ruin this for me and that beautiful girl... 351 00:15:27,575 --> 00:15:28,575 Where did she go? 352 00:15:28,576 --> 00:15:30,677 I knew it was too good to be true. 353 00:15:30,678 --> 00:15:32,346 Where's Casey? 354 00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:35,783 Oh. She's in the bathroom throwing up. 355 00:15:35,784 --> 00:15:37,451 I'm just kidding. 356 00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:38,952 She is in the bathroom. 357 00:15:38,953 --> 00:15:41,755 And she eats a lot and still looks like that, so... 358 00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:45,191 only two dots to connect here. 359 00:15:46,627 --> 00:15:49,329 This is Ashley. Lovely, isn't she? 360 00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,198 - She's very pretty. - Mm. 361 00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:54,067 Aw, look at you two, walking on the beach so happy. 362 00:15:54,068 --> 00:15:55,335 Yeah, kicked off my shoes, 363 00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:56,637 rolled up my summer-weight slacks, 364 00:15:56,638 --> 00:15:58,371 wrinkles be damned. 365 00:15:59,606 --> 00:16:00,674 And who's this? 366 00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:01,909 That is Oscar's ex-wife Gaby. 367 00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:03,744 The four of us went to Hawaii together. 368 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,113 - Have you ever seen these pictures? - No, I haven't. 369 00:16:06,114 --> 00:16:07,314 And I don't need to see them now. 370 00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:08,615 Please put them away. You know what, 371 00:16:08,616 --> 00:16:09,883 I can actually sync them up to the TV. 372 00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:12,019 No syncing. Don't sync. No syncing. 373 00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:14,788 No sync... Oh, my good God! 374 00:16:14,789 --> 00:16:16,023 Aw. 375 00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:18,125 Oscar, you and your wife look so happy. 376 00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:20,394 Oh, oh, oh. Look, Oscar, there's the seashell. 377 00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:22,830 That's how Oscar proposed to Gaby. Tell Emily the story. 378 00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:24,198 Nothing to tell. 379 00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:25,732 Oh, it-it's so romantic. 380 00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:28,202 He wrote "Will you marry me?" on a seashell. 381 00:16:28,203 --> 00:16:30,471 No, I wrote "Please let me make you happy 382 00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:33,674 for the rest of your life" and then hid it on the beach. 383 00:16:33,675 --> 00:16:36,944 And there's Oscar telling us they're engaged. 384 00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:39,480 I must've walked her past that seashell 20 times. 385 00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,615 And then when she finally saw it, it was all smudged, 386 00:16:41,616 --> 00:16:43,716 so I had to read it to her. 387 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,889 And she just threw her arms around me and... 388 00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:52,059 It was a great day. 389 00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,495 Aw, Oscar, look at you. 390 00:16:54,496 --> 00:16:55,829 You're crying. 391 00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:59,166 No, I'm not. 392 00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,634 Oscar? 393 00:17:00,635 --> 00:17:01,935 Hey, what's going on? 394 00:17:01,936 --> 00:17:04,004 Uh, Oscar's getting a little emotional. 395 00:17:04,005 --> 00:17:05,806 He's thinking about his ex-wife. 396 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,274 No, no, no, I'm not. 397 00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:09,843 Um, I could use another drink. 398 00:17:09,844 --> 00:17:12,144 Em, come help me. 399 00:17:14,248 --> 00:17:16,049 Are you kidding me? 400 00:17:16,050 --> 00:17:18,151 All she wanted was sex with no feeling. 401 00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:20,120 That's my skill set! 402 00:17:20,121 --> 00:17:22,122 Can't you see? This is a good thing. 403 00:17:22,123 --> 00:17:24,491 You're finally confronting your emotions about Gaby. 404 00:17:24,492 --> 00:17:26,226 There is a beautiful person inside you. 405 00:17:26,227 --> 00:17:29,329 Well, I was about to be inside a beautiful person! 406 00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,732 You're having a major breakthrough. 407 00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:33,267 Don't stop. Let it all out. 408 00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,369 You know what, let me cue up your wedding video. 409 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:37,037 - No, give me that. Give me that. - No. So you can erase my pictures? 410 00:17:37,038 --> 00:17:38,652 - No. Never. No. No. Sir. - Give me it. Give me it. Give me it. 411 00:17:38,653 --> 00:17:40,541 Oh, God. The guy is looking 412 00:17:40,542 --> 00:17:43,010 at pictures of his ex-wife and crying. 413 00:17:43,011 --> 00:17:45,646 Is this the most awkward date you've ever been on? 414 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:49,616 Well, on our third anniversary, Brandon made out with a busboy. 415 00:17:49,617 --> 00:17:52,419 So... no. 416 00:17:54,122 --> 00:17:55,421 Ah! 417 00:17:58,159 --> 00:17:59,793 Oh, my God. What happened? 418 00:17:59,794 --> 00:18:01,762 He told me to let go, so I did. 419 00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:04,298 With no warning, and I cracked my head on the coffee table. 420 00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:05,566 What's wrong with you? 421 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:06,567 Felix, are you okay? 422 00:18:06,568 --> 00:18:08,201 I'm concussed. 423 00:18:08,202 --> 00:18:10,070 I know I'm concussed. 424 00:18:10,071 --> 00:18:12,272 Oh, you're fine. Just walk it off. 425 00:18:12,273 --> 00:18:15,676 I will. All the way to a hotel. 426 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,444 No, you are not staying at a hotel. 427 00:18:17,445 --> 00:18:19,346 Yeah, spend the night with us. 428 00:18:19,347 --> 00:18:22,783 What?! You're on a date with me and he gets to spend the night? 429 00:18:22,784 --> 00:18:25,452 Yeah, we will have a much better time with just Felix. 430 00:18:27,255 --> 00:18:30,924 If you think that sound stops when he falls asleep, 431 00:18:30,925 --> 00:18:32,458 it doesn't! 432 00:18:47,107 --> 00:18:49,576 Hello, Oscar. I just came for my things. 433 00:18:49,577 --> 00:18:51,410 You look dreadful. 434 00:18:52,946 --> 00:18:56,083 Well, I slept out here last night. Look, 435 00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:59,353 I like to make jokes and pretend I'm happy my marriage ended, 436 00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:01,321 but you were right. 437 00:19:01,322 --> 00:19:03,924 I've just spent the last year of my life distracting myself 438 00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:07,194 from the truth, which is... 439 00:19:07,195 --> 00:19:09,095 I miss Gaby. 440 00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,565 And then you came along and... 441 00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:15,401 I want somebody who cares about when I take my vitamins. 442 00:19:16,403 --> 00:19:17,737 F.U. 443 00:19:20,707 --> 00:19:24,177 Well, I had two chardonnays and a cherry NyQuil last night, 444 00:19:24,178 --> 00:19:26,779 so I'm a bit of a wreck myself. 445 00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:31,318 But it dawned on me that you are the second person in a week 446 00:19:31,319 --> 00:19:34,154 to tell me that I am impossible to live with. 447 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:38,058 So, if I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, 448 00:19:38,059 --> 00:19:42,294 I think I might need someone to teach me to loosen up a little. 449 00:19:43,397 --> 00:19:46,333 Felix? Hey, we came to see if you're okay. 450 00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:48,335 Also, we can't find anything in the kitchen 451 00:19:48,336 --> 00:19:50,636 since you reorganized it. 452 00:19:52,272 --> 00:19:54,608 It's not alphabetical, it's by region. 453 00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,110 I'm fine. 454 00:19:57,111 --> 00:20:00,547 In fact, I think I'm gonna be staying here with Oscar. 455 00:20:00,548 --> 00:20:01,948 You are? 456 00:20:01,949 --> 00:20:04,151 Yes. This is his home now. 457 00:20:04,152 --> 00:20:06,420 Aw, I'm so happy for you guys. 458 00:20:06,421 --> 00:20:10,090 Blink if you're being coerced. 459 00:20:10,091 --> 00:20:12,592 I've got a great idea. Why don't I make up for last night 460 00:20:12,593 --> 00:20:14,294 and take you all out for breakfast. 461 00:20:14,295 --> 00:20:15,562 - Thanks, Oscar. - Ooh. 462 00:20:15,563 --> 00:20:18,498 I know this great place. Best omelets in town. 463 00:20:18,499 --> 00:20:20,600 Oh. Hi. I think some of your mail ended up in my... 464 00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:22,334 Not now, not now, not now. 465 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:38,848 Wow, that's a lot of Lycra. 466 00:20:39,813 --> 00:20:41,613 Not enough but a lot. 467 00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:43,650 Just doing my daily yoga. 468 00:20:43,651 --> 00:20:45,051 I find it really centers me. 469 00:20:45,052 --> 00:20:47,686 Otherwise, I would be an uptight basket case. 470 00:20:48,521 --> 00:20:49,556 Care to join me? 471 00:20:49,557 --> 00:20:50,957 No, I'm going out for a run. 472 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,426 - Really? - Well, a beer run. 473 00:20:53,427 --> 00:20:55,061 But I'm gonna walk to the cab. 474 00:20:55,062 --> 00:20:57,564 Oscar, as your roommate, I'm putting you on notice. 475 00:20:57,565 --> 00:20:59,999 I'm not just going to purify your apartment, 476 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,269 but also your body, your mind, 477 00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:06,339 and your soul. 478 00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:10,076 Thanks, buddy. 479 00:21:10,077 --> 00:21:11,810 Here, hold that. 480 00:21:13,813 --> 00:21:15,782 Oscar, is that coffee? I just cleaned the rug! 481 00:21:15,783 --> 00:21:17,517 Better not move. 482 00:21:17,518 --> 00:21:25,448 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.