1
00:00:02,361 --> 00:00:05,389
Felix (from other room):
Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, yes.
2
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:07,160
Oh, yes. Yeah, that's it, that's it.
3
00:00:07,161 --> 00:00:07,883
Almost there.
4
00:00:07,884 --> 00:00:10,049
Oh, God, yes!
5
00:00:11,485 --> 00:00:13,254
Yes...
6
00:00:13,255 --> 00:00:15,456
that's the spot.
7
00:00:15,457 --> 00:00:19,760
I thought I heard sex noises,
but this is equally disturbing.
8
00:00:19,761 --> 00:00:22,263
I'm shooting an ad campaign
for a restaurant chain.
9
00:00:22,264 --> 00:00:23,791
Wouldn't you like to try
this delicious sundae?
10
00:00:23,792 --> 00:00:26,334
- I'd love to.
- You can't.
11
00:00:26,335 --> 00:00:28,369
It's not edible... it's a little bit
12
00:00:28,370 --> 00:00:30,371
of food-styling trickery. You see,
13
00:00:30,372 --> 00:00:31,839
the ice cream is actually just lard,
14
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,874
and the chocolate sauce is motor oil.
15
00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:36,476
Later, I have to dispose
of the sundae at Pep Boys.
16
00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:39,180
This is so exciting. I love learning
17
00:00:39,181 --> 00:00:40,915
all the little behind-the-scenes tricks.
18
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:43,784
If you really find it interesting,
I could use some help.
19
00:00:43,785 --> 00:00:45,720
I have some money in the budget.
Do you think Oscar
20
00:00:45,721 --> 00:00:47,021
could spare his assistant for the day?
21
00:00:47,022 --> 00:00:48,356
This is actually my day off.
22
00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:49,924
I'm just here for the free WI-FI.
23
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,792
Great! You can help me
with the hamburger photo.
24
00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:52,994
Oh.
25
00:00:52,995 --> 00:00:55,162
Step one: select the perfect bun.
26
00:00:55,163 --> 00:00:57,832
Now, our featured bun must
be perfectly symmetrical
27
00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,500
with a golden crust.
28
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:01,435
Okay.
29
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,004
It doesn't shy away from
attention, but it knows
30
00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:04,238
it's not the center of the sandwich.
31
00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:06,674
Got it. Oh!
32
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:10,845
It's the kind of bun that's comfortable
at a bar, or a Bar Mitzvah.
33
00:01:10,846 --> 00:01:12,338
I'm done.
34
00:01:12,498 --> 00:01:14,548
Yeah, you can talk all you
want... you're paying me.
35
00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:16,751
That I am.
36
00:01:16,752 --> 00:01:19,185
- Good luck.
- Oh!
37
00:01:20,454 --> 00:01:22,256
- Hey, Felix.
- Oh, gentlemen. Welcome home.
38
00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:24,592
- How was Atlantic City?
- It was all kind of a blur.
39
00:01:24,593 --> 00:01:27,128
Lots of drinking and gambling
and bouncers shouting,
40
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:29,263
"No touching."
41
00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:32,600
When I drink bourbon, I like
to touch people's... teeth.
42
00:01:32,601 --> 00:01:35,503
At least you got to drink.
43
00:01:35,504 --> 00:01:37,304
This juice cleanse is killing me.
44
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:39,774
It's killing all of us...
you smell like a hamster cage.
45
00:01:39,775 --> 00:01:44,011
All right, Oscar, it's time
for me to be your agent again.
46
00:01:44,012 --> 00:01:46,247
You had your fun,
but now it's time to...
47
00:01:46,248 --> 00:01:48,249
Drink beer in my underwear?
48
00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:50,351
Sit your ass down and
start writing that book.
49
00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:52,953
Wow, I wasn't even close.
50
00:01:52,954 --> 00:01:54,622
Oscar, you're writing another book?
That's wonderful.
51
00:01:54,623 --> 00:01:56,524
Oh, it's no big deal...
I'm just ghostwriting
52
00:01:56,525 --> 00:01:58,826
this autobiography for a
retired baseball player.
53
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,429
I just crank 'em out and
make some fast cash.
54
00:02:01,430 --> 00:02:02,763
Oh, yeah, he does work fast.
55
00:02:02,764 --> 00:02:03,998
He goes through those books
56
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:07,368
like seaweed through a human colon.
57
00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:09,737
I miss solid food so much.
58
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:12,840
Yeah, I could use a nap.
Do you mind if I crash here?
59
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,109
My wife thinks I'm still
in Atlantic City, and...
60
00:02:15,110 --> 00:02:17,912
I'd like to keep it that way.
61
00:02:17,913 --> 00:02:19,346
I'm gonna be kind of busy, Roy.
62
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:22,083
Yeah, okay. You know, I can...
I can just sleep in the park.
63
00:02:22,084 --> 00:02:23,484
Yeah. At the park,
64
00:02:23,485 --> 00:02:25,419
no one nags you, or says they've lost
65
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:28,155
all sexual desire because
your body feels,
66
00:02:28,156 --> 00:02:32,959
quote, "like a bag of wet
sand dipped in hair."
67
00:02:33,561 --> 00:02:35,196
Take a nap here, Roy.
68
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,797
All right.
69
00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:38,966
Your friend drops an
emotional bomb like that
70
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:40,634
and you just let him walk away?
71
00:02:40,635 --> 00:02:42,470
- That's the polite thing to do.
- Absolutely.
72
00:02:42,471 --> 00:02:44,405
Can't you see, he's got some
73
00:02:44,406 --> 00:02:46,040
deep-seated feelings that
need to be dug into.
74
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:49,143
No, no, no, no. Don't dig.
You always do that.
75
00:02:49,144 --> 00:02:51,322
- What are you talking about?
- You treat every conversation
76
00:02:51,323 --> 00:02:52,213
like it's therapy.
77
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,447
You root around people's heads
78
00:02:53,448 --> 00:02:54,915
and get them all mixed up.
79
00:02:54,916 --> 00:02:56,717
(chuckles): 18 therapists in 15 years...
80
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,853
I think I know a little
bit about psychology.
81
00:02:58,854 --> 00:03:03,958
Not everybody wants to share the
painful details of their lives.
82
00:03:03,959 --> 00:03:05,326
Oh, really?
83
00:03:05,327 --> 00:03:08,795
Heard of Facebook?
84
00:03:09,597 --> 00:03:11,398
I found the perfect buns.
85
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,533
I thought it was your day off?
86
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,034
I'm helping Felix with a project.
87
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:16,070
Ah, yes, Dani, very nice.
I like this one.
88
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,471
Now we just have to modulate
89
00:03:17,472 --> 00:03:18,772
the clumping of these sesame seeds.
90
00:03:18,773 --> 00:03:20,641
Why have they all congregated over here?
91
00:03:20,642 --> 00:03:23,042
What do these seeds know
that these seeds don't know?
92
00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:26,245
I will get you tweezers.
93
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,083
And I will get you pliers
94
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,884
to remove the stick from his ass.
95
00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:55,031
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
96
00:04:00,516 --> 00:04:02,518
There he is. Hey, Murph.
97
00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:03,953
I see you brought some writing juice.
98
00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:06,055
Yeah. Sorry I'm late.
99
00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:07,823
This girl recognized me
at the liquor store.
100
00:04:07,824 --> 00:04:09,525
Guess she's a big baseball fan.
101
00:04:09,526 --> 00:04:12,395
So I had to stop and do the
whole polite meet a fan thing.
102
00:04:12,396 --> 00:04:13,763
You slept with her.
103
00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,631
Yeah.
104
00:04:15,632 --> 00:04:17,967
Marcus Murphy does not kiss and tell.
105
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:20,368
Well, she does.
It's trending on Twitter.
106
00:04:21,437 --> 00:04:23,606
"Made it to home base
with Marcus Murphy.
107
00:04:23,607 --> 00:04:28,044
#bestsexever #majorleaguepenis"
108
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:29,845
Hey, it was a team effort.
109
00:04:29,846 --> 00:04:32,248
We're all just out there trying
to have the best sex we can.
110
00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:35,016
Or any sex we can.
111
00:04:35,885 --> 00:04:36,986
So, how's our book coming?
112
00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:38,587
Great. I haven't started it yet,
113
00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:40,723
but I know everything there is
to know about your career.
114
00:04:40,724 --> 00:04:42,992
Seven all-star teams, three Gold Gloves,
115
00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:45,294
two sex tapes; both went platinum.
116
00:04:45,295 --> 00:04:46,929
Yeah.
117
00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:48,064
I can't take all the credit.
118
00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:50,999
Those girls showed a lot of hustle.
119
00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:52,802
Just passing through. Hello.
120
00:04:52,803 --> 00:04:54,136
Pretend I'm not here.
121
00:04:54,137 --> 00:04:55,304
Murph, this is Felix.
122
00:04:55,305 --> 00:04:57,106
He's not here.
123
00:04:57,107 --> 00:04:58,741
What are you, some kind of photographer?
124
00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:01,909
Hmm, technically, I am many
kinds of photographer.
125
00:05:02,945 --> 00:05:04,346
Currently, I am doing
some commercial work.
126
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,048
Although, my first love is portraiture,
127
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:08,716
or as I call it, illuminating the soul.
128
00:05:10,052 --> 00:05:11,187
He's gonna keep talking as long
129
00:05:11,188 --> 00:05:12,755
as you keep making eye contact.
130
00:05:12,756 --> 00:05:15,491
Yes, any portrait can tell you
what a person looks like,
131
00:05:15,492 --> 00:05:17,460
but by manipulating color
and light and shadow,
132
00:05:17,461 --> 00:05:21,063
I can tell you who a person is.
133
00:05:21,064 --> 00:05:23,466
Whoa. Whoa, hey, Oscar,
134
00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:25,401
don't we need a picture
of me for the book flap?
135
00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:27,470
I'm thinking casual
setting, natural light.
136
00:05:27,471 --> 00:05:29,805
Felix, I have a deadline.
137
00:05:29,806 --> 00:05:31,006
I can't keep wasting time.
138
00:05:31,007 --> 00:05:32,508
(phone chimes)
I've got work to do.
139
00:05:32,509 --> 00:05:34,410
Oh, there's my lunch.
140
00:05:34,411 --> 00:05:37,146
All right, you guys have ten minutes.
141
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,048
Oh, no, I've got to call my bookie.
142
00:05:39,049 --> 00:05:40,449
You guys have 20 minutes!
143
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:42,384
Just see what I'm working with here.
144
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,619
Oh, yes, yes.
145
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,321
Structure's good. Okay.
146
00:05:45,322 --> 00:05:47,389
Photoshop will take care of that
little scar on the earlobe.
147
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,391
How can you see that? It's so tiny.
148
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:51,060
Oh, as a professional,
I'm trained to notice
149
00:05:51,061 --> 00:05:52,428
the most minute detail.
150
00:05:52,429 --> 00:05:53,729
In fact, tell whoever
gave you that hickey
151
00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:55,229
she's got a loose crown.
152
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,734
Pickup for Madison.
153
00:05:58,735 --> 00:06:00,002
Oh, hey, neighbor.
154
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:02,104
- I thought this might be for you.
- Yep.
155
00:06:02,105 --> 00:06:05,040
I'm sure you're wondering
why I got a job here.
156
00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:07,476
Not really.
157
00:06:07,477 --> 00:06:10,079
Well, my jewelry business
hasn't really taken off yet.
158
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,448
You know, it started as just a-a hobby,
159
00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:14,083
something I did for "mad money".
160
00:06:14,084 --> 00:06:16,385
But now I need to make "rent money,"
161
00:06:16,386 --> 00:06:18,320
so... (chuckles) look at me!
162
00:06:18,321 --> 00:06:19,788
I'm a working girl.
163
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:21,891
Scrappy working girl in the city.
164
00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:24,894
Plus, it's free advertising for my designs.
165
00:06:24,895 --> 00:06:26,162
So it's all good.
166
00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:27,863
No, it's all great.
167
00:06:27,864 --> 00:06:30,032
I'm sorry, what did you ask?
168
00:06:30,033 --> 00:06:31,167
I didn't.
169
00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:32,334
Oh.
170
00:06:32,335 --> 00:06:34,103
Oh, I forgot your utensils.
171
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:35,604
I will be right back.
172
00:06:35,605 --> 00:06:37,071
Oh!
173
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,577
Living the dream.
174
00:06:41,578 --> 00:06:43,012
(shutter clicking)
Yeah, that's it, that's it.
175
00:06:43,013 --> 00:06:44,598
Back straight, chin out,
like a proud meerkat.
176
00:06:44,599 --> 00:06:45,447
Yes, yes.
177
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,582
Who's that coming?
178
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:47,716
Oh, it's my friend the gazelle.
179
00:06:47,717 --> 00:06:49,518
Yeah?
180
00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:51,887
Huh, that is an interesting expression.
181
00:06:51,888 --> 00:06:54,423
Uh, sorry, I just don't know
what a gazelle looks like,
182
00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:56,559
so I'm picturing a skinny moose.
183
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,160
No, it's not that.
184
00:06:58,161 --> 00:06:59,895
It just, it looks like
you're pondering something.
185
00:06:59,896 --> 00:07:01,931
I guess I'm thinking about the book.
186
00:07:01,932 --> 00:07:03,532
What about it?
187
00:07:03,533 --> 00:07:04,900
I don't know. It just seems so weird
188
00:07:04,901 --> 00:07:06,535
to have your whole life
189
00:07:06,536 --> 00:07:08,170
boiled down to stats and game scores.
190
00:07:08,171 --> 00:07:09,338
Yes.
191
00:07:09,339 --> 00:07:11,173
Interesting. Anyone ever tell you
192
00:07:11,174 --> 00:07:12,942
that you have unexpected depth?
193
00:07:12,943 --> 00:07:14,310
My English teacher, Ms. Russell,
194
00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:16,045
said something like that in high school.
195
00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:17,846
At first, I thought she was just
trying to get into my pants,
196
00:07:17,847 --> 00:07:19,915
but it turns out, she
also liked my poetry.
197
00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,684
Poet, I knew it.
198
00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:22,885
The camera does not lie.
199
00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:24,553
Ah, I messed around a little bit.
200
00:07:24,554 --> 00:07:26,622
I really enjoyed it, but
my dad said it was stupid,
201
00:07:26,623 --> 00:07:28,357
and that I had to focus on baseball.
202
00:07:28,358 --> 00:07:30,726
Yeah, so you spent hours
training, sacrificing.
203
00:07:30,727 --> 00:07:33,395
All to make your father
happy, but no one ever asked
204
00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:34,797
what made you happy.
205
00:07:34,798 --> 00:07:36,398
This is spooky.
206
00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:38,367
It's like you're right inside here.
207
00:07:38,368 --> 00:07:40,135
Quick, what animal am I thinking of?
208
00:07:40,136 --> 00:07:41,237
I'm not a psychic.
209
00:07:41,238 --> 00:07:42,703
A meerkat.
210
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:44,573
We just talked about them.
211
00:07:44,574 --> 00:07:45,975
Look, the point is,
212
00:07:45,976 --> 00:07:47,610
baseball is only a small
part of who you are.
213
00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,578
Yeah, exactly. I wrote a bunch of poems
214
00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:51,193
about breaking up with
my first girlfriend,
215
00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:52,114
Ms. Nicholson.
216
00:07:52,115 --> 00:07:54,116
My math teacher.
217
00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:57,019
We had very different
high school experiences.
218
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,154
But I would love to hear those poems.
219
00:07:59,155 --> 00:08:00,322
Nah, nah.
220
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:01,657
It's embarrassing.
221
00:08:01,658 --> 00:08:02,925
Oh, please, Murph,
222
00:08:02,926 --> 00:08:04,159
this is a safe place.
223
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,463
I am zipping us into a tent
224
00:08:07,464 --> 00:08:11,734
of unconditional emotional support.
225
00:08:11,735 --> 00:08:13,668
Go ahead, I'm listening.
226
00:08:13,969 --> 00:08:16,872
Careful.
227
00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:18,974
Oh, here you go.
228
00:08:18,975 --> 00:08:21,243
- Sorry for the delay.
- Oh, no need to explain.
229
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:24,013
My manager insisted I
remake your sandwiches.
230
00:08:24,014 --> 00:08:25,814
- You're explaining.
- And, apparently,
231
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,883
it comes out of my
paycheck, but that's okay.
232
00:08:27,884 --> 00:08:31,353
Only three more hours
till I break even for today.
233
00:08:31,354 --> 00:08:35,324
So don't feel the need to
over tip because we're friends.
234
00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:37,126
Okay.
235
00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:40,562
Or because I gave you free onion rings.
236
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:43,231
No comps; that's coming
out of your paycheck.
237
00:08:44,633 --> 00:08:48,003
Learning through failure!
238
00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:51,507
My dad said poetry was for losers.
239
00:08:51,508 --> 00:08:53,542
He even threw my notebook in the trash.
240
00:08:53,543 --> 00:08:57,112
Interesting.
241
00:08:57,113 --> 00:08:59,682
But I wasn't allowed to cry, so
I just kept hitting baseballs
242
00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:01,583
harder and harder and sleeping my way
243
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,384
through the female faculty.
244
00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:08,691
Tragic. The young artist has
his dreams trampled. (gasps)
245
00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,459
This is the book.
246
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:13,228
A scathing indictment of our
sports-obsessed society.
247
00:09:13,229 --> 00:09:14,697
MURPHY: Hey,
248
00:09:14,698 --> 00:09:16,365
maybe I could put my poems in it.
249
00:09:16,366 --> 00:09:18,232
Brilliant idea.
250
00:09:23,238 --> 00:09:24,605
Meet me in the kitchen!
251
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,178
What the hell is going on?
252
00:09:29,179 --> 00:09:31,380
We've had a breakthrough.
Turns out Murph has many layers.
253
00:09:31,381 --> 00:09:33,015
Oh, no, no, you dug.
254
00:09:33,016 --> 00:09:35,050
I didn't dig.
255
00:09:35,051 --> 00:09:36,952
You do like to dig.
256
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:41,023
Hey, I-I came up with a
great name for the book.
257
00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:42,823
Verses Loaded.
258
00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:45,194
Yeah, it's like bases loaded.
259
00:09:45,195 --> 00:09:47,062
Just give it a second.
260
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,665
Murph, the reason the publishers
keep asking me to write
261
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:52,401
books like this is because I
know exactly what they want.
262
00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:54,269
They want a book about an athlete,
263
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:55,904
not about some poem guy.
264
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:57,438
Or poet.
265
00:09:59,007 --> 00:10:00,776
So you think my poetry's stupid?
266
00:10:00,777 --> 00:10:03,144
It's your father all over again.
267
00:10:04,947 --> 00:10:06,215
You know what, Oscar?
268
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:08,050
I'm really excited about this.
269
00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:10,352
It's my chance to show the
world who I really am,
270
00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:11,954
but if you don't want to do it, fine.
271
00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:13,522
I-I already have plenty of money.
272
00:10:13,523 --> 00:10:15,391
Well, I don't, so we
need to write the book
273
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:17,292
or you need to give me
some of your money.
274
00:10:17,293 --> 00:10:20,496
Now, now, I'm sure that
we can find a compromise.
275
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,398
Murph just wants to
honor the yearning soul
276
00:10:22,399 --> 00:10:24,299
- beneath the jersey.
- Wait a second.
277
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:27,469
Felix, you got to write this with us.
278
00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:29,870
Ooh, that's trouble.
279
00:10:31,373 --> 00:10:33,216
- What's happening?
- Oh, no, no, Murph,
280
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,610
I couldn't; Oscar's the writer.
281
00:10:34,611 --> 00:10:36,412
- Thank you.
- But I could sit and look
282
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:37,980
over his shoulder and edit as we go.
283
00:10:37,981 --> 00:10:40,783
Great! It's settled.
284
00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:42,951
What is happening?
285
00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,319
Oh, wow.
286
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,788
First two writers, now three.
287
00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:48,189
This book is gonna be twice as good.
288
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:54,395
Oh, that math teacher screwed
him in more ways than one.
289
00:10:56,598 --> 00:10:58,967
Oscar, I can tell by your
nostrils that you're angry.
290
00:10:58,968 --> 00:11:03,238
You need to check out
that vein in his neck.
291
00:11:03,239 --> 00:11:06,108
I only have 36 hours
to turn in this book.
292
00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:07,743
And I won't get in the way.
293
00:11:07,744 --> 00:11:10,412
I will just be a supportive,
unobtrusive presence.
294
00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:12,314
Oh, Dani, look at that. Very good.
295
00:11:12,315 --> 00:11:13,715
You know what?
296
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:16,885
Now I'm thinking poppy seeds.
297
00:11:16,886 --> 00:11:18,987
They're elusive little
devils, so I will get you
298
00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:21,422
the small tweezers.
299
00:11:22,758 --> 00:11:26,195
You know, people fall off terraces.
300
00:11:26,196 --> 00:11:28,529
Happens every day.
301
00:11:35,673 --> 00:11:37,859
- All right, here we go.
- Before we begin,
302
00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:41,460
I'd like to ask everyone to take a knee.
303
00:11:44,698 --> 00:11:47,488
Lord, as we begin this project,
304
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,790
give us clear heads and fast fingers
305
00:11:49,791 --> 00:11:51,891
to help us write goodly.
306
00:11:53,727 --> 00:11:54,962
- Amen.
- Amen.
307
00:11:54,963 --> 00:11:56,664
God help me.
308
00:11:56,665 --> 00:11:58,632
Huh. Look at us.
309
00:11:58,633 --> 00:12:00,367
The dream team.
310
00:12:00,368 --> 00:12:02,770
Yes, very exciting.
Now let's get started.
311
00:12:02,771 --> 00:12:04,204
Chapter one.
312
00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:07,575
"My name is Marcus Murphy."
313
00:12:07,576 --> 00:12:09,043
That's true. That's right.
314
00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:10,878
I like it.
315
00:12:10,879 --> 00:12:12,313
I like it, too.
316
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,413
I wish I loved it.
317
00:12:15,349 --> 00:12:17,551
What would make you love it?
318
00:12:17,552 --> 00:12:19,119
Oh, I don't know. Let's just try it out
319
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,588
for a minute, bat a few ideas around.
320
00:12:20,589 --> 00:12:22,556
"My name is Marcus Murphy."
321
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:25,492
"Marcus Murphy is my name."
322
00:12:25,493 --> 00:12:28,194
"They call me Marcus Murphy."
323
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:31,198
"I'm Murphy. Marcus Murphy."
324
00:12:31,199 --> 00:12:32,800
You know what?
325
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:35,201
Sometimes the muse just teases.
What we have is good.
326
00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:38,439
"For as long as I can remember,
327
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,574
my family was into sports".
328
00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:42,608
Same here.
329
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:46,447
You're being me. I got it.
330
00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:49,617
"When I first picked up a baseball,
331
00:12:49,618 --> 00:12:53,052
I knew I was home."
332
00:12:57,358 --> 00:13:00,159
Felix, I can feel your ear.
333
00:13:00,995 --> 00:13:03,731
I need to be able to see the pad.
334
00:13:03,732 --> 00:13:06,499
What have we got so far?
335
00:13:08,569 --> 00:13:11,304
(high-pitched whirring)
336
00:13:14,508 --> 00:13:17,009
(whirring)
337
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:19,413
Oscar! Oscar!
338
00:13:19,414 --> 00:13:21,948
Oscar!
339
00:13:25,853 --> 00:13:28,022
Oscar, you could have killed someone.
340
00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:30,356
Yes, but I chose to do this instead.
341
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,827
"It was down to the final stretch.
342
00:13:33,828 --> 00:13:35,929
"Time to rally for one last push.
343
00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,965
"And my mother pushed
with all her might,
344
00:13:37,966 --> 00:13:40,833
and I came into this world".
345
00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:49,243
Oh. Awesome! We did it!
346
00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:50,644
Yes, you were born.
347
00:13:50,645 --> 00:13:52,513
Now we just have to wait 20 years
348
00:13:52,514 --> 00:13:54,915
till the part people care about.
349
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:56,917
Ooh, I am beat.
350
00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:58,619
I'm gonna head home, take a nap,
351
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,320
maybe enjoy the company of a young lady.
352
00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:01,276
Which young lady?
353
00:14:01,277 --> 00:14:02,146
Oh, it's ten blocks.
354
00:14:02,147 --> 00:14:04,459
There'll be someone along the way.
355
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:06,468
And then, I'm gonna bring
back some of my poems.
356
00:14:06,469 --> 00:14:08,856
Great. We can figure out
where to insert them.
357
00:14:08,857 --> 00:14:11,157
Are you open to suggestions?
358
00:14:11,158 --> 00:14:12,592
Well, it's a collaborative...
359
00:14:12,593 --> 00:14:13,993
Oh, I just got that.
360
00:14:13,994 --> 00:14:15,361
(clears his throat)
361
00:14:15,362 --> 00:14:16,896
All right, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
362
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,298
Felix, you keep this guy on track.
363
00:14:19,299 --> 00:14:21,134
Oh, you bet. I will crack the whip.
364
00:14:21,135 --> 00:14:22,602
- (imitates cracking whip)
- (laughing)
365
00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:24,270
(Oscar laughs)
366
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:25,771
(laughing)
367
00:14:25,772 --> 00:14:28,941
Ha, ha, ha. I'm gonna kill you.
368
00:14:28,942 --> 00:14:31,577
Oscar, he wanted me.
I didn't ask for this.
369
00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:33,079
That's exactly what you did.
370
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,547
You dug, and you broke Murph,
371
00:14:34,548 --> 00:14:36,048
and you ruined what was supposed to be
372
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,884
a perfectly nice book about baseball.
373
00:14:37,885 --> 00:14:40,520
Why are you so afraid to write
about anything with real depth?
374
00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:41,988
Why must you only skim the surface?
375
00:14:41,989 --> 00:14:44,390
Because I like the surface.
It's pleasant.
376
00:14:44,391 --> 00:14:47,293
It's pleasant, or is it safe?
377
00:14:47,294 --> 00:14:48,961
What's so scary down there?
378
00:14:48,962 --> 00:14:51,731
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
379
00:14:51,732 --> 00:14:53,799
Because it's keeping you from
fulfilling your potential.
380
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,336
No, no, no. You stay out of me!
381
00:14:57,337 --> 00:14:58,671
When we were in college,
382
00:14:58,672 --> 00:15:00,206
you wanted to be a great
sports journalist.
383
00:15:00,207 --> 00:15:01,641
You wanted to win a Pulitzer.
384
00:15:01,642 --> 00:15:03,509
I remember because
I was the one who told you
385
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:04,911
it's not pronounced Poo-litzer.
386
00:15:04,912 --> 00:15:07,313
I was a kid. I had lots of dreams.
387
00:15:07,314 --> 00:15:10,516
I wanted to touch a Lakers Girl's boob.
388
00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:13,152
It is never too late to
dust off those dreams.
389
00:15:13,153 --> 00:15:15,354
You know what you need?
390
00:15:15,355 --> 00:15:17,557
A visit to the emotional
391
00:15:17,558 --> 00:15:20,725
support tent.
392
00:15:25,131 --> 00:15:26,599
Oscar, what are you doing?
393
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,900
I'm locking you in.
394
00:15:27,901 --> 00:15:29,936
Oscar, let me out!
395
00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:32,804
You know that I'm bound
by the laws of mime!
396
00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:36,943
You got to finish this book, Oscar.
397
00:15:36,944 --> 00:15:38,277
Oh, what's the point?
398
00:15:38,278 --> 00:15:39,779
I'm a failure. I'm a hack.
399
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:42,181
Even so...
400
00:15:42,182 --> 00:15:44,250
But it's due tomorrow, and
you barely even started.
401
00:15:44,251 --> 00:15:47,253
Yeah, and I realized, that's
my way of protecting myself.
402
00:15:47,254 --> 00:15:50,189
I get to say I didn't have
time to write a great book,
403
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,924
rather than finding out I can't.
404
00:15:51,925 --> 00:15:54,126
Even so...
405
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,128
(phone chimes)
406
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,564
Ah, that's my snack alert.
407
00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:00,666
My one solid food a day.
408
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,034
(laughs)
409
00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:03,669
Come here, baby.
410
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:05,671
(laughing)
411
00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:08,941
Mmm. It needs something.
412
00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:12,345
Like being wrapped in
bacon, sitting on a donut.
413
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,680
Mmm. Mmm.
414
00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:17,083
Emily, can I get a drink here?
415
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,484
Oh, sure.
416
00:16:18,485 --> 00:16:20,386
I'm not a bartender, but what the heck.
417
00:16:20,387 --> 00:16:22,321
I'm learning all sorts
of new things today.
418
00:16:22,322 --> 00:16:24,290
Like day-old bread
makes great croutons,
419
00:16:24,291 --> 00:16:27,025
and rats don't die right
away in those traps.
420
00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:32,431
- Oscar.
- Go away.
421
00:16:32,432 --> 00:16:34,233
Stay out of my moneymaker's brain.
422
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:36,435
Sorry, Teddy. It must be tough for you,
423
00:16:36,436 --> 00:16:37,970
knowing that your livelihood depends
424
00:16:37,971 --> 00:16:40,306
on another person's fragile creativity.
425
00:16:40,307 --> 00:16:42,808
I wouldn't be surprised
if under all that anger
426
00:16:42,809 --> 00:16:45,244
- was a little bit of fear.
- (Teddy laughs)
427
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,979
Oh, good luck getting in here.
428
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:49,248
My wife has been trying for years,
429
00:16:49,249 --> 00:16:51,851
and she's not even in the lobby.
430
00:16:51,852 --> 00:16:55,362
I'm gonna call the publisher and
see if I can buy us some time.
431
00:16:56,555 --> 00:16:59,123
How'd you get out of the tent?
432
00:17:05,097 --> 00:17:08,100
I'm sorry, Oscar. This is all my fault.
433
00:17:08,101 --> 00:17:10,536
You know, I always thought
that I'd write a book
434
00:17:10,537 --> 00:17:12,405
that would make people
see sports differently,
435
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,573
like Moneyball or Seabiscuit.
436
00:17:14,574 --> 00:17:16,509
But instead, I'm cranking out a book
437
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:18,444
about a guy who has two talents...
438
00:17:18,445 --> 00:17:21,614
catching baseballs and
not catching chlamydia.
439
00:17:21,615 --> 00:17:24,016
I wasn't trying to upset you.
440
00:17:24,017 --> 00:17:25,618
I honestly thought I was being helpful.
441
00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:27,787
It's funny, you live
in denial for so long,
442
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:29,789
you can't see the sad
truth about yourself
443
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:31,357
until someone shoves it in your face.
444
00:17:31,358 --> 00:17:33,092
DANI: I did it, Felix.
445
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,761
At first I thought you were
crazy for being so picky,
446
00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:38,830
but now I see how all those
details make a difference.
447
00:17:39,899 --> 00:17:41,300
What?
448
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:43,569
Oh, for God's sake, what is wrong now?
449
00:17:43,570 --> 00:17:45,237
Are the seeds too close together?
450
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:48,506
Is the lettuce too emotionally available?
451
00:17:49,408 --> 00:17:51,744
No, it's a hamburger, all right.
452
00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:54,080
I'm going to take a picture of it,
453
00:17:54,081 --> 00:17:56,148
because that's what I do.
454
00:17:56,149 --> 00:17:59,218
I take pictures of hamburgers.
455
00:17:59,219 --> 00:18:01,020
You know, when I was in college,
456
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:03,456
I dreamed of being Annie
Leibovitz or Richard Avedon,
457
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,725
photographing the essence of humanity.
458
00:18:05,726 --> 00:18:08,094
And now, I make fast food look good
459
00:18:08,095 --> 00:18:10,161
so Americans can get fatter.
460
00:18:10,996 --> 00:18:12,565
I am not an artist.
461
00:18:12,566 --> 00:18:15,066
I am a merchant of death!
462
00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:18,903
I'll leave my time sheet on your desk.
463
00:18:19,672 --> 00:18:22,441
Felix, can I get you anything?
464
00:18:22,442 --> 00:18:23,576
I'll have what he's having.
465
00:18:23,577 --> 00:18:25,511
An existential crisis.
466
00:18:25,512 --> 00:18:27,279
Is that one of those fancy drinks?
467
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,881
It's only my first day.
468
00:18:28,882 --> 00:18:32,585
No, Emily, it's when the
reality of your life crashes
469
00:18:32,586 --> 00:18:34,186
into the dreams of your youth.
470
00:18:34,187 --> 00:18:35,988
Hey, I have an idea.
471
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,556
Why don't you both...
472
00:18:37,557 --> 00:18:41,093
(loudly): shut up?!
473
00:18:41,094 --> 00:18:41,994
I beg your pardon?
474
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,529
"Waa, waa, waa.
475
00:18:43,530 --> 00:18:45,965
I'm not as famous as
some famous person."
476
00:18:45,966 --> 00:18:49,200
"Waa, waa, Seabiscuit."
477
00:18:50,436 --> 00:18:52,538
Do you guys realize how lucky you are?
478
00:18:52,539 --> 00:18:54,940
You get paid to do what you love.
479
00:18:54,941 --> 00:18:56,609
Look at me.
480
00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:58,144
Instead of designing jewelry,
481
00:18:58,145 --> 00:19:00,079
I've spent the day scrubbing toilets
482
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,847
and putting out a grease fire.
483
00:19:01,848 --> 00:19:05,584
Which I started, but
that is not the point!
484
00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:09,822
Wow. Emily, thank you for
your bracing honesty.
485
00:19:09,823 --> 00:19:12,091
We really lost perspective
there, right, Oscar?
486
00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:15,127
Well, that's not the way I
said "Seabiscuit," but, yeah.
487
00:19:15,128 --> 00:19:16,962
And, Emily, we believe in you.
488
00:19:16,963 --> 00:19:19,665
All of this... this is just
part of your journey.
489
00:19:19,666 --> 00:19:22,668
Yeah, all this struggle is going
to make you a better artist.
490
00:19:22,669 --> 00:19:24,403
Huh.
491
00:19:24,404 --> 00:19:26,906
I never thought of it that way.
492
00:19:26,907 --> 00:19:28,574
Thank you.
493
00:19:28,575 --> 00:19:30,643
Well, onward and upward.
494
00:19:30,644 --> 00:19:32,578
- (laughs)
- Go get 'em.
495
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:34,513
- God, her life is a train wreck.
- Ooh.
496
00:19:34,514 --> 00:19:36,314
(sighs)
497
00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:38,384
Hey, well, I had to beg,
498
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,052
but I bought us a couple of days.
499
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:42,421
All right, I'm gonna go
upstairs and write that book.
500
00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:44,156
All right, so you're done playing
501
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:46,692
Midlife Crisis: White People Edition?
502
00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:50,294
Wow. Look who turns into
Chris Rock when he's hungry.
503
00:19:51,564 --> 00:19:53,699
See, I can make race jokes, too.
504
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,768
- No, you can't.
- No, I can't.
505
00:19:55,769 --> 00:19:57,203
Yeah.
506
00:19:57,204 --> 00:19:58,504
While you are writing, Oscar,
507
00:19:58,505 --> 00:20:00,039
I will gratefully rededicate myself
508
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,607
- to the art of food-tography.
- TEDDY: Mmm.
509
00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:04,877
- Teddy, no!
- Screw this diet. I'm starving.
510
00:20:04,878 --> 00:20:07,213
That's not food. It's cardboard
and hairspray and paint.
511
00:20:07,214 --> 00:20:09,947
I don't care.
512
00:20:17,945 --> 00:20:20,035
Oh, there you are.
I just finished setting up.
513
00:20:20,036 --> 00:20:21,237
Hey!
514
00:20:21,238 --> 00:20:23,305
Don't feel obligated to buy anything.
515
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,872
Felix thought Emily's business
could use a little boost,
516
00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:28,177
and he said it right in front
of me, so I had to agree.
517
00:20:28,178 --> 00:20:29,445
Hey!
518
00:20:29,446 --> 00:20:32,127
- Hi.
- I think I will take this tie clasp.
519
00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:34,395
My ties have had a mind
of their own lately.
520
00:20:34,396 --> 00:20:36,497
Yeah, I wasn't gonna say anything.
521
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:38,466
Thank you, Felix. That'll be $45.
522
00:20:38,467 --> 00:20:40,101
So what about you, Oscar?
523
00:20:40,102 --> 00:20:42,119
- Does anything catch your eye?
- Yeah.
524
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,570
I think I'll take these cuff
links for my friend Murph.
525
00:20:44,571 --> 00:20:45,306
Oh.
526
00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:46,674
Oh. Those are $600.
527
00:20:46,675 --> 00:20:49,435
Guys don't buy guys jewelry.
528
00:20:51,012 --> 00:20:54,214
Oh, nothing like a good nap.
529
00:20:55,249 --> 00:20:57,651
How long was I sleep?
530
00:20:57,652 --> 00:21:00,454
About 30 hours.
531
00:21:00,455 --> 00:21:02,095
Have you been back
there the whole time?
532
00:21:02,096 --> 00:21:03,462
Yeah, I curled up in the bathtub.
533
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,146
I like to sleep someplace cocoon-like
534
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:09,435
to simulate the support I never
got from my mother, or my wife.
535
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,403
Want to dig into that one?
536
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,572
No, I'm good.
537
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,141
Hey, Marcus Murphy, I got
both your sex tapes!
538
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:19,410
- Oh, all right. Okay.
- He was great.
539
00:21:21,467 --> 00:21:29,378
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.