1
00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:29,669
Felix, what the hell are you doing?
2
00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:32,179
Playing George Frideric Handel's
theme from Water Music.
3
00:00:32,372 --> 00:00:33,906
Well, duh.
4
00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:36,141
Why are you doing it
at 3:00 in the morning?
5
00:00:36,142 --> 00:00:37,977
And why are you wearing
my Jonathan Toews jersey?
6
00:00:37,978 --> 00:00:40,713
I was chilly.
7
00:00:40,714 --> 00:00:42,481
You know, he wore that in a game.
8
00:00:42,482 --> 00:00:44,650
It's covered in blood,
sweat and Zamboni fumes.
9
00:00:44,651 --> 00:00:45,985
(bell dings)
10
00:00:45,986 --> 00:00:48,254
(whispers): Shh. My cake is ready.
11
00:00:48,255 --> 00:00:50,489
(doorbell rings)
12
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:52,790
What the hell is happening?
13
00:00:55,227 --> 00:00:57,463
Oh, hey, Oscar. Did I wake you?
14
00:00:57,464 --> 00:01:00,532
No, I'm always up at this
hour to milk the cows,
15
00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:02,935
make sure Ma's
warming the griddle.
16
00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:06,091
I just came to see if Felix is okay.
17
00:01:06,092 --> 00:01:07,635
He just sent me a weird text
18
00:01:07,636 --> 00:01:09,070
inviting me to a party.
19
00:01:09,071 --> 00:01:10,738
Are you wearing lipstick?
20
00:01:10,739 --> 00:01:14,274
I was invited to a party.
21
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,045
Who wants cake?
22
00:01:17,046 --> 00:01:19,814
I wish he'd asked me 20 minutes ago.
23
00:01:19,815 --> 00:01:21,649
I just finished a pie.
24
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:23,918
I'm really starting to
get concerned about him.
25
00:01:23,919 --> 00:01:26,888
EMILY: Oh, I think I
know what's happening.
26
00:01:26,889 --> 00:01:28,456
Felix told me that he
hasn't been sleeping well,
27
00:01:28,457 --> 00:01:30,224
and so I gave him a sleeping pill.
28
00:01:30,225 --> 00:01:32,760
I told him to only take
half, but maybe he needed
29
00:01:32,761 --> 00:01:36,062
the whole thing because he's,
you know, so much man.
30
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,134
What kind of pill are you on?
31
00:01:40,135 --> 00:01:43,203
And if Felix took a sleeping
pill, why isn't he sleeping?
32
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,808
I think that he is.
33
00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:49,677
A lot of people who take those pills,
34
00:01:49,678 --> 00:01:51,312
they act like they're
awake but they're not.
35
00:01:51,313 --> 00:01:53,546
And later they have no
idea what happened.
36
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,639
So he won't remember any of this?
37
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,090
Felix, I used
38
00:02:03,091 --> 00:02:05,311
your electric toothbrush
to massage my feet.
39
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,630
I got to get a picture of
this, or he won't believe it.
40
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,268
Poor guy. I had no idea his
insomnia had gotten that bad.
41
00:02:14,269 --> 00:02:16,170
Maybe the divorce is finally
catching up with him.
42
00:02:16,171 --> 00:02:17,538
Sprinkles.
43
00:02:17,539 --> 00:02:19,839
This cake needs sprinkles.
44
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,843
(humming tune)
45
00:02:22,844 --> 00:02:25,245
- Maybe they're down here.
- EMILY: Oh!
46
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,582
That's naked. Naked butt.
47
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,816
Well, now it's a party.
48
00:02:49,226 --> 00:02:54,772
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
49
00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:00,752
Chris Webber is coming by this
afternoon for his interview,
50
00:03:00,753 --> 00:03:02,287
so ask him about his charity work
51
00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:06,024
- and being an NBA All-Star...
- (yawning)
52
00:03:06,025 --> 00:03:08,126
I know I have a soothing voice,
53
00:03:08,127 --> 00:03:10,262
but that is hurtful.
54
00:03:10,263 --> 00:03:11,930
Sorry. Felix was sleepwalking,
55
00:03:11,931 --> 00:03:13,932
so I was up all night babysitting.
56
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:16,768
There is not one hour in the day
that guy does not annoy me.
57
00:03:16,769 --> 00:03:18,904
Well, help is on the way.
58
00:03:18,905 --> 00:03:21,139
Per your request, your loyal
assistant went to Chinatown
59
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:23,442
and got you some of that
special energy tonic you like.
60
00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,177
Great. This stuff is terrific.
61
00:03:25,178 --> 00:03:27,811
It's a blend of gingko,
goji berries and cobra blood.
62
00:03:29,648 --> 00:03:32,584
It's Dr. Pepper and a
packet of fajita seasoning.
63
00:03:32,585 --> 00:03:34,652
(whoops) I'm feeling it already!
64
00:03:35,754 --> 00:03:37,355
Oscar, perhaps you wouldn't mind
65
00:03:37,356 --> 00:03:38,924
explaining to me how your foul-smelling
66
00:03:38,925 --> 00:03:42,727
athletic costume found its
way into my room last night.
67
00:03:42,728 --> 00:03:45,397
It rode in on your back.
You were wearing it last night.
68
00:03:45,398 --> 00:03:47,732
(laughs) And tomorrow I shall parade
69
00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:49,701
down the Bowery in flip-flops.
70
00:03:49,702 --> 00:03:53,271
That pill Emily gave you
made you sleepwalk.
71
00:03:53,272 --> 00:03:56,241
Oh, please. I've never in my
entire life... Oh, my good God.
72
00:03:56,242 --> 00:03:58,977
I'd recognize those perfectly
symmetrical buttocks anywhere.
73
00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:00,245
Look at this.
74
00:04:00,246 --> 00:04:02,512
Oh, man, you are white.
75
00:04:04,249 --> 00:04:06,516
It's like two aspirins kissing.
76
00:04:08,553 --> 00:04:11,409
I-I can't believe it.
I was just stumbling around
77
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,819
semi-conscious in the
middle of the night?
78
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,120
I know. That's my thing.
79
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,623
What else did I do? Was I also
brushing my teeth for hours?
80
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,924
'Cause the battery was totally run down.
81
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,530
Yes. Yes, you were.
82
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,965
Felix, I'm impressed.
83
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,835
Objects in the photo are
firmer than they appear.
84
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,904
Thank you. I inherited the Unger butt.
85
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,972
It was the envy of everyone
on the Mayflower.
86
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:36,475
Now... will you delete it, please?
87
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,277
You know what you need?
Dani's got this herbalist
88
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,812
who makes this great sleep tonic.
89
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,381
It's a blend of kava
root and turtle beak.
90
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,317
It's Diet Squirt.
91
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,019
No, it won't work. Nothing works.
92
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,922
The only thing that ever helped
me sleep was my favorite pillow,
93
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,857
and I... I left it
behind when I moved out.
94
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,458
Well, can't you get a new one, he asked,
95
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,827
knowing he'd get a long,
slow, boring answer?
96
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,497
No, that one was perfectly broken in.
97
00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,998
It was as soft as a baby's cheek
98
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,300
and as firm as a nun teaching gym class.
99
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:05,637
Ooh, that's a hell of a pillow.
100
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,439
Why don't you just go get it?
101
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,374
I can't. Last week, Ashley imposed
102
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,443
a 30-day moratorium on
any contact whatsoever.
103
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,111
No phone calls, no visits.
104
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,347
Why would she do that?
You guys are already separated.
105
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,482
I don't know. For some reason,
she was under the impression
106
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,984
that I was making up reasons to drop by.
107
00:05:20,785 --> 00:05:22,220
It's the 15th of the month;
108
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:24,321
I'm here to check your smoke detectors.
109
00:05:24,856 --> 00:05:26,558
The new Woody Allen movie?
110
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,193
Don't even bother.
111
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,495
I bought too many nectarines.
112
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,997
Do you need nectarines?
113
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,865
Guess who I'm going to be for Halloween?
114
00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:37,902
Frida Kahlo!
115
00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:40,605
The good news is only 22 days to go.
116
00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:42,073
Unless I break the pact,
117
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:45,042
which activates a 15-day penalty phase.
118
00:05:46,311 --> 00:05:48,680
It's a dance.
119
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,082
Felix, do you ever think
this little moratorium
120
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,351
is Ashley's way of telling
you you need to move on?
121
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,820
- Why do you keep saying that?
- Because I'm your friend
122
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,355
and I think you'll be happier
if you know the facts.
123
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,724
I'm sorry I'm throwing a lot
of truth at you right now,
124
00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:01,793
but I got this tonic pumping through me!
125
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,494
The fact is you don't know
what's going on with Ashley,
126
00:06:03,495 --> 00:06:05,611
I don't know what's going on with Ashley.
127
00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:06,397
Anything is possible.
128
00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:07,999
You don't know, or you
don't want to know?
129
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,667
Maybe this is why you're up all night.
130
00:06:09,668 --> 00:06:11,636
I just need my pillow.
131
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,171
(both laughing)
132
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:14,972
Look at this... with the sepia filter,
133
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:17,208
it looks like an old-timey butt.
134
00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:19,410
TEDDY: Now do a slow zoom.
135
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:22,947
Oh, now it looks like a
Ken Burns documentary.
136
00:06:22,948 --> 00:06:25,783
The American Butt.
137
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:27,318
Guys, put that away.
138
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:29,459
Felix is exhausted. He's hitting bottom.
139
00:06:31,188 --> 00:06:33,858
That was unintentional,
which makes it funnier.
140
00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:34,859
FELIX: Well, I'm glad
141
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,227
you can all laugh at my pain,
142
00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:37,795
because I have not slept in five days.
143
00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:39,029
(screams) Cat!
144
00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:40,797
(exclaims)
145
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,734
Felix, you're hallucinating.
146
00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:45,403
We got to get you that pillow.
147
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,839
I told you, I can't have
any contact with Ashley.
148
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,775
Or that cat. I'm allergic.
149
00:06:51,776 --> 00:06:53,978
Well, just go over there
when she's not home.
150
00:06:53,979 --> 00:06:56,947
If I don't see her, it's
not breaking the pact.
151
00:06:56,948 --> 00:06:59,016
Today's Wednesday.
She has yoga on Wednesday.
152
00:06:59,017 --> 00:07:00,484
Great. I'll go with you.
We can't have you
153
00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:02,286
wandering the streets
in an altered state,
154
00:07:02,287 --> 00:07:04,188
because... that's also my thing.
155
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:06,090
All right,
156
00:07:06,091 --> 00:07:08,591
I will go change. Don't want
to go out looking like a bum.
157
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,362
(chuckling)
158
00:07:12,363 --> 00:07:14,798
Bum.
159
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:17,433
(British accent): That's British for butt.
160
00:07:18,035 --> 00:07:19,969
(laughing)
161
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,473
Damn it.
162
00:07:23,474 --> 00:07:25,008
Maurice is working today.
163
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,910
If he sees me, he'll tell Ashley.
164
00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:28,011
Just slip him a 20.
165
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,813
No, no, no, no, he hates me.
166
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:33,383
Ever since I convinced the board
to add a cape to his uniform.
167
00:07:33,384 --> 00:07:36,887
You created your own
arch-villain: Door-Man.
168
00:07:36,888 --> 00:07:39,089
All right, fine, we'll
just go around back
169
00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:40,791
and use the service elevator.
170
00:07:40,792 --> 00:07:42,726
And then we'll...
171
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:45,962
do a series of ninja moves
to get through the laser field,
172
00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:47,931
and the jewels will be ours.
173
00:07:47,932 --> 00:07:49,599
Too much?
174
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,634
You're just lucky I'm
too tired to hit you.
175
00:07:52,903 --> 00:07:54,970
Oh, look, I got my second wind.
176
00:07:59,442 --> 00:08:01,011
Okay, here's the drill.
177
00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:02,379
We get in, we get out.
178
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:05,040
No one can know we're here.
179
00:08:05,682 --> 00:08:07,083
MAN: Hey, can you hold that?
180
00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:08,385
Be cool, just be cool.
181
00:08:08,386 --> 00:08:10,686
Is the opposite of what cool people say.
182
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,560
How's it going?
183
00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:20,897
Good. Good.
184
00:08:20,898 --> 00:08:24,567
Good day to be an electrician.
185
00:08:24,568 --> 00:08:27,736
Which my friend and I here both are.
186
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:34,076
Simple men working hard
for an honest day's wage.
187
00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:37,780
I'm Jim.
188
00:08:37,781 --> 00:08:40,249
Friends call me Jimbo.
189
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,910
This fellow here is McTavish.
190
00:08:44,253 --> 00:08:47,490
He's a Scottish gent, isn't that right?
191
00:08:47,491 --> 00:08:50,093
Aye.
192
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,028
Yep, we're all about doing our work,
193
00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:53,429
tossing back a few brewskis,
194
00:08:53,430 --> 00:08:55,765
and then going home to the wives.
195
00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:57,233
Who happen to be sisters.
196
00:08:57,234 --> 00:08:59,335
And then McTavish here volunteered
197
00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:02,004
one of his wife's eggs.
198
00:09:02,005 --> 00:09:04,040
And we were lucky enough to
have little Jimbo Junior.
199
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:07,275
Who technically is my
nephew as well as my son.
200
00:09:08,577 --> 00:09:10,513
Whew, that was close.
201
00:09:10,514 --> 00:09:13,815
Yeah, for a minute there, he
almost thought we weren't crazy.
202
00:09:21,424 --> 00:09:23,492
My God, will you look at this place.
203
00:09:23,493 --> 00:09:25,961
Magazines haven't been fanned,
pillows haven't been plumped.
204
00:09:25,962 --> 00:09:28,831
She's living like a transient.
205
00:09:28,832 --> 00:09:31,492
And she's gonna be back
soon. Let's move it.
206
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,669
(gasps)
207
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:35,404
Ashley's yoga mat.
208
00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:36,805
I thought she had class.
209
00:09:36,806 --> 00:09:37,973
Is she still here?
210
00:09:37,974 --> 00:09:39,474
I don't know.
211
00:09:41,143 --> 00:09:43,945
I feel like we should have
hidden before we froze.
212
00:09:45,781 --> 00:09:48,083
(imitates bird cawing)
213
00:09:48,084 --> 00:09:50,452
I think she's not here.
214
00:09:50,453 --> 00:09:53,956
Unless she resisted her
natural urge to "ca-caw" back.
215
00:09:53,957 --> 00:09:55,524
(cell phone vibrates)
216
00:09:55,525 --> 00:09:57,825
(sensual music plays)
217
00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:02,698
Teddy put your butt pic to music.
218
00:10:02,699 --> 00:10:05,233
God, it's like two lightbulbs dancing.
219
00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:08,135
Just go grab the pillow,
and let's get out of here.
220
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:24,419
Got it. I missed you.
221
00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:26,822
You're gonna stay at Daddy's house.
222
00:10:26,823 --> 00:10:28,857
What is this?
223
00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:30,926
That? Oh.
224
00:10:30,927 --> 00:10:32,527
Uh, just a photo book
225
00:10:32,528 --> 00:10:34,930
Ashley made of our last
trip to Bear Lake.
226
00:10:34,931 --> 00:10:36,431
The trip you and I used to take
227
00:10:36,432 --> 00:10:37,933
with our wives every single year?
228
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:39,501
Uh, yeah, that's the one.
229
00:10:39,502 --> 00:10:41,169
Ready? We should skedaddle.
230
00:10:41,170 --> 00:10:44,005
Why is there a picture of you
and Ashley and my ex-wife
231
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:46,608
with a guy who's... oh,
how do I describe him?...
232
00:10:46,609 --> 00:10:48,576
not me?
233
00:10:48,577 --> 00:10:50,912
Well, I don't know.
234
00:10:50,913 --> 00:10:53,214
Perhaps he was the innkeeper.
235
00:10:53,215 --> 00:10:56,384
Or... an aggressive photobomber.
236
00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:58,953
He has his arms around Gaby's waist.
237
00:10:58,954 --> 00:11:00,755
I said "aggressive."
238
00:11:00,756 --> 00:11:02,924
- Felix.
- Okay, fine.
239
00:11:02,925 --> 00:11:04,592
After you and Gaby separated,
240
00:11:04,593 --> 00:11:06,528
she started dating a man named Paolo,
241
00:11:06,529 --> 00:11:08,963
and she brought him with us on the trip.
242
00:11:08,964 --> 00:11:10,231
And we're off.
243
00:11:10,232 --> 00:11:11,933
You said you and Ashley went alone,
244
00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:13,568
and you clearly did not.
245
00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:16,804
And did he steal this jaw from Superman?!
246
00:11:16,805 --> 00:11:18,740
Oscar, why are you getting so worked up?
247
00:11:18,741 --> 00:11:20,074
You should be thanking me.
248
00:11:20,075 --> 00:11:22,143
- For what?
- I was sparing your feelings.
249
00:11:22,144 --> 00:11:24,579
You lied to me.
You're a liar and a hider
250
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,514
and a secret trip taker!
251
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:28,349
I was trying to be a good friend.
252
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:30,618
If you were a good friend, you
would have been honest with me.
253
00:11:30,619 --> 00:11:32,820
Fine. Paolo was a 28-year-old
254
00:11:32,821 --> 00:11:35,723
Brazilian gymnast with family money.
255
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:38,024
Well, not that honest.
256
00:11:42,997 --> 00:11:45,032
(both arguing quietly)
257
00:11:45,033 --> 00:11:46,701
Great, you got your pillow.
258
00:11:46,702 --> 00:11:49,603
Also known as "Exhibit A"
when I use it to smother Felix.
259
00:11:49,604 --> 00:11:51,238
Oscar, you're acting like a child!
260
00:11:51,239 --> 00:11:52,840
Oh, am I?
261
00:11:52,841 --> 00:11:55,509
Why don't you go live with
your best friend Paolo?!
262
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:57,411
Oscar, you shouldn't be jealous.
263
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,346
Gaby and Paolo dated for a month.
264
00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:01,482
This is not about them.
This is about you and me.
265
00:12:01,483 --> 00:12:03,384
And you hung out with my
ex-wife and some other guy,
266
00:12:03,385 --> 00:12:04,652
and you kept it from me.
267
00:12:04,653 --> 00:12:06,253
And you know who does that?
A bad friend!
268
00:12:06,254 --> 00:12:08,989
How dare you call me a bad friend?!
269
00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:11,125
Bad friend!
270
00:12:11,126 --> 00:12:12,558
Who's a bad friend?
271
00:12:13,627 --> 00:12:15,296
TEDDY: Uh, Oscar, Chris Webber's here.
272
00:12:15,297 --> 00:12:17,231
Oh, hey, Chris. Nice to see you.
I'll be right with you.
273
00:12:17,232 --> 00:12:18,932
You're a bad friend because
you didn't tell me the truth!
274
00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:20,980
- The truth would have destroyed you!
- Well, at least
275
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:22,803
I wouldn't have wasted
months holding out hope
276
00:12:22,804 --> 00:12:24,605
for Gaby and me. I could
have moved on sooner.
277
00:12:24,606 --> 00:12:26,340
- Who is Gaby?
- Oscar's ex.
278
00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,642
Very pretty, bit of a temper.
279
00:12:28,643 --> 00:12:30,144
Oscar, I'm tired of arguing.
280
00:12:30,145 --> 00:12:32,012
I'm taking my pillow and going to sleep.
281
00:12:32,013 --> 00:12:34,548
Uh, can we wrap this up?
Because Chris only has an hour.
282
00:12:34,549 --> 00:12:36,917
Well, hold on. I want
to see how this ends.
283
00:12:36,918 --> 00:12:39,019
You mean the pillow I helped you
get because I'm a good friend?
284
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,621
- You don't deserve that pillow.
- Give me it!
285
00:12:40,622 --> 00:12:42,122
- No...
- Give me it.
286
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:43,824
Why is the little guy so troubled?
287
00:12:43,825 --> 00:12:45,792
He's cranky. He needs a nap.
288
00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:48,594
Give me that. Hold it high, Chris!
289
00:12:58,271 --> 00:13:00,073
Okay, Oscar, can we please
do the interview now?
290
00:13:00,074 --> 00:13:01,640
Ha!
291
00:13:06,079 --> 00:13:09,181
And with that, I bid you good night.
292
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:13,019
You got to work on those turnovers, man.
293
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:15,155
Can we stop with the pillow
fights and do the interview?
294
00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:18,925
Yeah. Sorry about that. I got
all the questions on my phone...
295
00:13:18,926 --> 00:13:21,861
Oh, no, I forgot my phone
at Ashley's place.
296
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,797
- Who's Ashley?
- The little guy's ex.
297
00:13:23,798 --> 00:13:25,899
- What was he doing there?
- I know. Right?
298
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,200
TEDDY: Oscar, you're leaving?
299
00:13:27,201 --> 00:13:29,135
I have to. If Ashley finds the phone,
300
00:13:29,136 --> 00:13:30,670
she'll know we broke into the apartment.
301
00:13:30,671 --> 00:13:32,204
Hang in. I'll be back in ten.
302
00:13:34,274 --> 00:13:36,242
Want to see a picture of a butt?
303
00:13:36,243 --> 00:13:37,243
Yeah.
304
00:13:37,244 --> 00:13:39,511
(both laughing)
305
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:58,036
Oh, hey, um, McTavish, isn't it?
306
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,339
(Scottish accent): Aye.
307
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,808
I'm glad I ran into you.
308
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,276
I-I got an electrical question.
309
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,646
(Scottish accent): Great.
310
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,281
I'm doing work in 8-B.
311
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,383
Now, if I've shut the
breakers off at the source
312
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,084
and the floors are running in series,
313
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,820
do I have to worry about
ground wires in a junction box?
314
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,990
Nay?
315
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:21,859
Thanks.
316
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:29,199
(knocking)
317
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,709
(key jingling in lock, laughter)
318
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,878
ASHLEY: I know.
319
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:43,081
You know, I'm not crazy
about eating with my hands,
320
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,116
but turns out, I like Ethiopian food.
321
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:46,684
Where did you find that place?
322
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,653
- I read about it on a blog.
- Oh.
323
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:52,075
I like having a boyfriend
who tries new places.
324
00:14:52,076 --> 00:14:53,427
(kissing)
325
00:14:53,428 --> 00:14:55,028
Oh, your place looks great.
326
00:14:55,029 --> 00:14:56,764
You must have one hell of a decorator.
327
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:57,798
I did.
328
00:14:57,799 --> 00:14:59,166
We're getting divorced.
329
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,535
Take off your coat.
330
00:15:01,536 --> 00:15:04,104
How about a glass of wine?
331
00:15:04,105 --> 00:15:05,638
Sure. I'll give you a hand.
332
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,083
ASHLEY: Oh, I forgot the glasses.
333
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:17,484
They're on the bar.
334
00:15:17,485 --> 00:15:20,145
BILL: I'll get them.
335
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,791
Oh, 12-year-old single malt?
336
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:26,059
Okay if I have that instead?
337
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,561
ASHLEY: Sure.
338
00:15:27,562 --> 00:15:31,298
I like a man who knows his Scotch.
339
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:32,766
Oh, nice chair.
340
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:35,502
(sighs)
341
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:36,870
ASHLEY: You like it?
342
00:15:36,871 --> 00:15:38,537
- It swivels.
- Mm.
343
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,576
Hey.
344
00:15:42,577 --> 00:15:45,210
Here's some snacks.
345
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,280
Come here, you.
346
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:52,217
(both laughing)
347
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,188
It's good Scotch. Where'd you get it?
348
00:15:55,189 --> 00:15:57,757
It was a gift from my ex's friend,
349
00:15:57,758 --> 00:15:58,858
Oscar Madison.
350
00:15:58,859 --> 00:16:00,126
BILL: The sports guy?
351
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,394
I'm a big fan.
352
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,062
ASHLEY: Well, I have a cure for that:
353
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,298
meet him.
354
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:07,966
You know what?
I'm gonna have a Scotch, too.
355
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,337
(lights buzzing)
356
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,039
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
357
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,875
Oh, you know there was
a guy working next door.
358
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:18,536
Maybe it's an electrical short.
359
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,592
- Come on, I've got candles in the kitchen.
- All right.
360
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,959
Are you okay?
361
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,495
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
362
00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:37,563
Hey, weren't you Scottish?
363
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,498
Wow, you should get checked out, man.
364
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,016
Oscar.
365
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,385
Felix.
366
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:00,986
Where's Chris?
367
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,389
He had to go. Nice guy.
368
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,924
Finally someone noticed
369
00:17:04,925 --> 00:17:08,092
how clean I keep the top
of the refrigerator.
370
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:11,163
Where did you run off to?
371
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,832
Oh, nowhere. Just an errand.
372
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,000
I thought you'd be sleeping.
373
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,568
Yes, I thought so, too,
374
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,803
but the pillow didn't work.
375
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,538
I have resigned myself to the fact
376
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,973
that I will never sleep again.
377
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,840
Ah, cat's back.
378
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:27,179
Listen, I was a little rough
on you this afternoon.
379
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,014
Of course you're not a bad friend.
380
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,215
You don't have to apologize.
381
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,117
Yes, I do.
382
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,620
I mean, if I heard or saw something
383
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,221
that would utterly destroy you,
384
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,856
who knows what I would do?
385
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:41,460
I'd probably just keep it to myself.
386
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:44,796
No, you would not, because
you are a true friend,
387
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,432
and you've taught me
the importance of honesty.
388
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,835
From now on, we tell
each other everything.
389
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:53,271
That is a great idea for
a New Year's resolution.
390
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:56,007
January first, truth, truth, truth.
391
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,777
No, no, no, this cannot wait.
392
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,680
As friends, if we don't have
honesty, we have nothing.
393
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,316
The world outside can
be cold and deceptive,
394
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,518
but in here, we are in our sanctuary,
395
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,720
safe in the knowledge
that we will always...
396
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,755
Ashley's dating someone.
397
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,390
You are dead to me.
398
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:15,060
What? You told me to be totally honest.
399
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:16,594
Well, I-I don't know what I'm saying!
400
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,263
I haven't slept in five days!
401
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,998
And how could you know
Ashley's seeing someone?
402
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:23,034
I left my phone at her place,
and when I went back to get it,
403
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,737
she was with a guy who drinks
Scotch and really likes to spin.
404
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,906
I can't believe it!
405
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,675
Yeah, it's like the guy
never saw a swivel chair.
406
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,477
Ashley's seeing someone.
407
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,512
I'm sorry, buddy.
408
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,414
I know what you're going through.
409
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,249
It hurts.
410
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,419
Oh, God, it's really over!
411
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:44,255
But at least you're
not in limbo anymore.
412
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,024
You don't have to torture yourself
413
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,692
or wonder what's happening.
414
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:50,295
Because now that you know for sure,
415
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:54,098
you can pick up the pieces
and start your new life.
416
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,900
Now, that's got to be some
kind of relief, right?
417
00:18:57,635 --> 00:19:00,605
(snoring)
418
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:02,073
Felix?
419
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,274
(snoring)
420
00:19:10,648 --> 00:19:13,550
Sleep well, buddy.
421
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,402
FELIX: Morning.
422
00:19:37,403 --> 00:19:39,386
There he is. We started to get worried.
423
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:43,355
We ordered Chinese food, and
we're completely out of cash.
424
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,827
Oscar, you are a good friend.
425
00:19:44,828 --> 00:19:48,630
Thanks to your strong dose
of reality, I slept like a baby.
426
00:19:48,631 --> 00:19:52,668
A baby whose apartment
was ransacked in the night.
427
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,937
Oscar thought he could buy my
forgiveness for the Chris thing
428
00:19:54,938 --> 00:19:57,272
with a pizza and a
six-pack of cheap beer.
429
00:19:57,273 --> 00:19:58,807
Hmm.
430
00:19:58,808 --> 00:20:00,676
He was right.
431
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:04,546
Morning, Felix. How does
it feel to be a celebrity?
432
00:20:04,547 --> 00:20:06,014
What do you mean?
433
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:09,484
Oh, I may have uploaded
your butt to my Instagram.
434
00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,385
What?!
435
00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:11,486
Oh, don't worry.
436
00:20:11,487 --> 00:20:12,421
No one'll know it's you.
437
00:20:12,422 --> 00:20:13,655
I'll know!
438
00:20:13,656 --> 00:20:15,557
Teddy, that is an
invasion of my privacy!
439
00:20:15,558 --> 00:20:16,958
You got 134 "likes."
440
00:20:16,959 --> 00:20:18,994
Oh, really?
441
00:20:18,995 --> 00:20:20,796
And some very positive comments.
442
00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:22,697
"Nice booty." "Cute buns."
443
00:20:22,698 --> 00:20:24,799
"Boy, I'd like to take that
sweet bubble-butt and..."
444
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,180
- Well, that's just not appropriate.
- That's... that's...
445
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:28,979
Look at this.
446
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:31,317
HotMama281 has requested that I...
447
00:20:31,318 --> 00:20:33,753
and I quote... "Shake that cake."
448
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,087
(laughs)
449
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:37,456
HotMama281?
450
00:20:37,457 --> 00:20:39,090
That's my wife.
451
00:20:40,559 --> 00:20:43,329
Obviously, she doesn't have a type.
452
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:46,265
Why is she commenting
on another man's cake
453
00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:47,799
when she got cake at home?
454
00:20:49,538 --> 00:20:57,255
Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.