1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,068
Cute!
2
00:00:04,069 --> 00:00:06,655
Okay, now let's do a pouty face.
3
00:00:08,569 --> 00:00:10,983
Oh, my God!
4
00:00:10,984 --> 00:00:14,943
Even duck-lipped,
we are one cute couple.
5
00:00:14,944 --> 00:00:17,184
This one is so going on Instagram.
6
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,063
Would you like me to
take a photo of you two?
7
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,407
I am a professional photographer.
8
00:00:23,408 --> 00:00:24,858
That's still a thing?
9
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,457
If everyone's got a camera,
why would you need that?
10
00:00:28,458 --> 00:00:29,653
Good question.
11
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,103
Remind me to order my coffin later.
12
00:00:31,104 --> 00:00:32,483
(laughs)
13
00:00:32,484 --> 00:00:34,693
Oh, Felix.
14
00:00:34,694 --> 00:00:36,117
These guys and their younger women.
15
00:00:36,118 --> 00:00:38,568
Am I right?
16
00:00:40,814 --> 00:00:42,943
So how'd you guys meet?
17
00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:45,044
Allyson's a nanny in the building,
18
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,983
and we kept running into
each other in the elevator.
19
00:00:47,984 --> 00:00:48,727
So one day I said,
20
00:00:48,728 --> 00:00:49,943
"You're great with kids,
21
00:00:49,944 --> 00:00:52,693
I am a kid, let's do this thing!"
22
00:00:52,694 --> 00:00:54,153
How could I resist?
23
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,354
Did you try pepper spray?
24
00:00:57,944 --> 00:00:59,853
You know what? I will have some wine.
25
00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,264
Can I see some I.D.?
26
00:01:02,444 --> 00:01:04,974
(laughing): Again, I kid.
27
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,744
Our photo on Instagram
already has 31 likes.
28
00:01:08,745 --> 00:01:09,569
Oh, that's great!
29
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,529
Do we get money for that?
30
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,359
I'm on Instagram.
31
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,529
"Emily underscore Is underscore
Super underscore Cool"
32
00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:16,730
is my screen name.
33
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,239
Whatevs.
34
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,689
I need to use the little girls' room.
35
00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:25,149
She said it, not me.
36
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:27,989
Make all the young jokes you want,
37
00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,569
Allyson makes me happy.
38
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:31,739
Which I know annoys you,
which just makes me happier,
39
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:35,149
which makes you annoyeder,
which I know isn't a word.
40
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,739
She is a little young, Oscar, and...
41
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:39,319
Sh-She followed me.
42
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,359
Allyson just followed me.
43
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,819
I'm going to follow her back.
44
00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:44,109
I'm doing it... I did it.
45
00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:45,779
We're followers.
46
00:01:45,780 --> 00:01:48,189
Must I remind you
47
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:50,399
of your recently stated
desire to mature and to grow?
48
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,399
I am. I'm taking it slow.
49
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,239
Dating Allyson is easy.
50
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,859
And that's all I'm
looking for right now.
51
00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:57,859
Bad news.
52
00:01:57,860 --> 00:01:59,753
Charlotte just got called
into a work thing
53
00:01:59,754 --> 00:02:00,795
and her ex is out of town,
54
00:02:00,796 --> 00:02:02,300
so I have to go up and watch the kid.
55
00:02:02,301 --> 00:02:04,359
Oh, really? Her boss is the worst.
56
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,529
Miss Fancy Pants PhD
57
00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:08,689
thinks she's the smartest
person in the room.
58
00:02:08,690 --> 00:02:10,239
When she thinks this,
59
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,650
are you the only
other person in the room?
60
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:14,490
I better get up there.
61
00:02:14,491 --> 00:02:15,449
I'll escort you.
62
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,313
This building can be
pretty dangerous at night.
63
00:02:17,314 --> 00:02:18,399
FELIX: That's right.
64
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,270
I heard there's a dirty old
man riding in the elevator.
65
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,440
♪ ♪
66
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:42,600
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
67
00:02:43,674 --> 00:02:45,093
(sighs)
68
00:02:45,094 --> 00:02:47,804
I didn't know it was Bring
Your Father to Work Day.
69
00:02:49,174 --> 00:02:50,263
Charlotte.
70
00:02:50,264 --> 00:02:51,723
Oscar.
71
00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,463
Come in! I have a present for you.
72
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:56,053
Oh, no, I really should go
73
00:02:56,054 --> 00:02:58,923
and not, you know, be in there.
74
00:02:58,924 --> 00:03:00,263
Don't be lame.
75
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,754
Get in here.
76
00:03:07,424 --> 00:03:09,173
So, Oscar,
77
00:03:09,174 --> 00:03:10,553
can I offer you a drink?
78
00:03:10,554 --> 00:03:13,383
I have some great 20-year-old scotch.
79
00:03:13,384 --> 00:03:15,803
Or is that too old for you?
80
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,803
I get it,
because she's younger than me.
81
00:03:18,804 --> 00:03:21,053
Oh, there are rocks younger than you.
82
00:03:21,054 --> 00:03:22,843
Allyson may be young in age,
83
00:03:22,844 --> 00:03:24,423
but she's an old soul and...
84
00:03:24,424 --> 00:03:26,883
Oh, no.
85
00:03:26,884 --> 00:03:30,044
(singsongy): I made him
for you at Build-A-Bear!
86
00:03:31,174 --> 00:03:32,883
See? You both like baseball,
87
00:03:32,884 --> 00:03:34,754
and you're both so fuzzy-wuzzy.
88
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,504
So cute!
89
00:03:38,804 --> 00:03:40,584
Let me get a shot of you guys.
90
00:03:42,674 --> 00:03:44,803
I'm gonna check on Evan.
91
00:03:44,804 --> 00:03:46,294
Bye, baby.
92
00:03:49,174 --> 00:03:50,633
Okay, clearly you have an attitude
93
00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:52,013
about me dating Allyson.
94
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,303
But you know what?
95
00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:54,723
To me, age is just a number.
96
00:03:54,724 --> 00:03:56,513
Yes, and if you subtract
97
00:03:56,514 --> 00:03:58,423
Allyson's number from your number,
98
00:03:58,424 --> 00:04:00,874
you still have a number older than her.
99
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:12,423
Okay, I just subtracted
her age from my age,
100
00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:14,794
and actually, she's half my age plus...
101
00:04:15,674 --> 00:04:17,544
Oh, no, wait, you're right.
102
00:04:19,174 --> 00:04:20,923
Immature and bad at math.
103
00:04:20,924 --> 00:04:22,673
Wow, if it's not Allyson,
104
00:04:22,674 --> 00:04:24,553
you are certainly
going to make some girl
105
00:04:24,554 --> 00:04:27,553
born in the mid '90s very happy.
106
00:04:27,554 --> 00:04:30,584
Yeah, well, you...
107
00:04:32,174 --> 00:04:33,754
Damn it!
108
00:04:35,224 --> 00:04:36,923
And then she said I was going to make
109
00:04:36,924 --> 00:04:38,923
some girl born in the
mid '90s very happy.
110
00:04:38,924 --> 00:04:40,223
(laughing)
111
00:04:40,224 --> 00:04:41,803
No, no. Not funny.
112
00:04:41,804 --> 00:04:42,803
Okay.
113
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,263
So next time I see her,
114
00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:45,864
I have to hit her with
an amazing zinger.
115
00:04:45,865 --> 00:04:47,694
All right, uh, give me
something to work with.
116
00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:48,633
Is she blonde?
117
00:04:48,634 --> 00:04:50,164
Is she Polish?
118
00:04:50,964 --> 00:04:53,223
She ever been to Nantucket?
119
00:04:53,224 --> 00:04:54,593
No, Teddy.
120
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:56,963
Well, is she fat? Is her mama fat?
121
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,133
Come on now,
she's got to have some flaw.
122
00:04:59,134 --> 00:05:00,593
Well, she's incredibly smug,
123
00:05:00,594 --> 00:05:03,133
because she knows how smart,
pretty and sexy she is.
124
00:05:03,134 --> 00:05:04,513
(whooping)
125
00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:07,303
No, no. No "whoo."
126
00:05:07,304 --> 00:05:09,093
I have to say, Oscar,
you talk about this Charlotte
127
00:05:09,094 --> 00:05:10,673
far more than you talk about Allyson,
128
00:05:10,674 --> 00:05:12,013
the woman you're actually dating.
129
00:05:12,014 --> 00:05:13,053
What's your point?
130
00:05:13,054 --> 00:05:14,593
My point is...
131
00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:16,593
(singsongy): you like Charlotte.
132
00:05:16,594 --> 00:05:17,763
DANI: Mm-hmm.
133
00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:19,263
I'm with Felix.
134
00:05:19,264 --> 00:05:20,927
When we make fun of you
for dating someone
135
00:05:20,928 --> 00:05:22,511
too young for you, you don't even care.
136
00:05:22,512 --> 00:05:24,723
But when Charlotte does it,
you get so grouchy.
137
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,593
Oh, Oscar the Grouch.
138
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:29,053
I just put that together.
139
00:05:29,054 --> 00:05:30,923
I'm psyched for our
dinner tonight, Felix.
140
00:05:30,924 --> 00:05:32,963
Mostly so I can be the one to complain
141
00:05:32,964 --> 00:05:34,427
about someone's fingers in my water.
142
00:05:34,428 --> 00:05:35,798
Oh, damn.
143
00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:40,133
Actually, there has been
a fantastic change of plans.
144
00:05:40,134 --> 00:05:41,513
I was able to score us tickets
145
00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:43,374
to the Moscow Marionettes tonight!
146
00:05:45,764 --> 00:05:47,673
I know, right?
147
00:05:47,674 --> 00:05:51,584
And yes, I had to pull a lot of...
strings to make it happen.
148
00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:53,513
That was a joke.
149
00:05:53,514 --> 00:05:55,963
No, no, I know.
150
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,883
I guess I was just
hoping to relax tonight.
151
00:05:58,884 --> 00:06:00,279
Oh.
152
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,673
But what the heck? I'm in!
153
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:03,423
You don't have to...
154
00:06:03,424 --> 00:06:04,963
string me along!
155
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:06,303
Marionette humor!
156
00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:07,834
It's contagious, isn't it?
157
00:06:10,094 --> 00:06:11,593
Marionette show?
158
00:06:11,594 --> 00:06:13,673
Look, you know I am a ray of sunshine,
159
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,763
but I'm gonna rain on this parade.
160
00:06:15,764 --> 00:06:17,513
I think it'll be fun.
161
00:06:17,514 --> 00:06:18,963
I do.
162
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:20,463
I actually really like stuff
163
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,053
that you think only kids would like
164
00:06:22,054 --> 00:06:25,044
and sometimes maybe not even kids.
165
00:06:27,464 --> 00:06:28,963
FELIX: Oh, for the last time,
166
00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:31,263
they're not puppets;
they're marionettes.
167
00:06:31,264 --> 00:06:33,487
It's like you haven't listened
to a word that I've said.
168
00:06:33,488 --> 00:06:35,988
It's not like that; it is that.
169
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:38,303
Oscar.
170
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:39,794
Charlotte.
171
00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:48,513
Hello.
172
00:06:48,514 --> 00:06:50,843
I am Felix, Oscar's apartment-mate.
173
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,133
I have heard so much about you.
174
00:06:53,134 --> 00:06:54,463
No, he hasn't.
175
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:55,463
Not from me.
176
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,584
Unless it's bad stuff.
177
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:00,723
Speaking of which,
178
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:02,633
remember when you said
I was going to make
179
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:05,513
a girl born in the mid '90s very happy?
180
00:07:05,514 --> 00:07:07,923
I shouldn't have said that.
181
00:07:07,924 --> 00:07:10,013
Oh.
182
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:12,343
I don't see you making
any woman very happy.
183
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:15,013
(laughing)
184
00:07:15,014 --> 00:07:17,423
I see you've been
talking to my ex-wife.
185
00:07:17,424 --> 00:07:19,423
That's right, I zinged myself.
186
00:07:19,424 --> 00:07:21,673
Oh, the preemptive zinger.
187
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,963
Yeah. Who's the loser now?
188
00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,463
It's me. I've done it again.
189
00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:26,874
(elevator bell dings)
190
00:07:30,304 --> 00:07:31,633
You may have won this one,
191
00:07:31,634 --> 00:07:33,423
but I'll get you next time.
192
00:07:33,424 --> 00:07:37,794
Aw, it's cute and sad
that you think that.
193
00:07:39,304 --> 00:07:41,883
Okay, why are you wasting your
time with this Allyson girl?
194
00:07:41,884 --> 00:07:43,463
What are you talking about, man?
195
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,013
Charlotte is perfect for you.
196
00:07:45,014 --> 00:07:46,423
She's beautiful, intelligent, funny
197
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,883
and, might I add,
once again, age appropriate.
198
00:07:49,884 --> 00:07:53,013
But all we do is insult me.
199
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,803
That's just snappy banter.
200
00:07:54,804 --> 00:07:56,803
Even when you're bickering,
you have chemistry.
201
00:07:56,804 --> 00:07:58,093
Like Beatrice and Benedick.
202
00:07:58,094 --> 00:07:59,624
Valmont and Merteuil.
203
00:08:00,384 --> 00:08:02,383
Han Solo and Princess Leia.
204
00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,423
Oh, okay.
205
00:08:04,424 --> 00:08:07,723
Yeah, I admit there may be a
little stirring when I see her
206
00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:09,963
in my...
207
00:08:09,964 --> 00:08:13,124
nether places.
208
00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:15,553
But it doesn't matter.
209
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,343
I'm with Allyson,
and that's going great.
210
00:08:17,344 --> 00:08:18,513
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar...
211
00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:20,294
Felix, Felix, shut up.
212
00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:23,343
Allyson is nice,
but Charlotte is exactly
213
00:08:23,344 --> 00:08:24,904
the kind of woman
you need in your life.
214
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,488
A strong woman who can stand up to you.
215
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,513
I was already married to one of those.
216
00:08:28,514 --> 00:08:29,763
Exactly. That's your type.
217
00:08:29,764 --> 00:08:31,343
A real substantial woman.
218
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,633
(doorbell rings)
219
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:34,097
Allyson and I do have snappy banter.
220
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,628
Watch this.
221
00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:37,513
There she is!
222
00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:39,004
Wassup.
223
00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:44,513
What's the word, pretty bird?
224
00:08:44,514 --> 00:08:45,803
What?
225
00:08:45,804 --> 00:08:47,633
What's shakin', bacon?
226
00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:50,013
Why are you talking all, like, weird?
227
00:08:50,014 --> 00:08:51,843
Oh, here we go.
228
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:54,133
I love this back-and-forth between us.
229
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,544
Oh, my God, that photo of
you and Bear has 200 likes!
230
00:09:00,514 --> 00:09:02,084
Two hundred and one!
231
00:09:13,403 --> 00:09:14,349
Hey, guys.
232
00:09:14,350 --> 00:09:15,402
Hey, Oscar.
233
00:09:15,403 --> 00:09:17,386
Would you mind letting me
have this table, please?
234
00:09:17,387 --> 00:09:18,667
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, here we go.
235
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:20,442
What's going on?
236
00:09:20,443 --> 00:09:22,192
Oscar's breaking up with the nanny,
237
00:09:22,193 --> 00:09:23,822
so he needs his dumping table.
238
00:09:23,823 --> 00:09:25,942
It's called "Breakup Corner."
239
00:09:25,943 --> 00:09:27,692
Let's treat this with some dignity.
240
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,322
Why do you need this table?
241
00:09:29,323 --> 00:09:30,666
It's the closest one to the door,
242
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,417
so Oscar can get his ass out of here.
243
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:37,902
Water, utensils, candle.
244
00:09:37,903 --> 00:09:39,482
That is everything
245
00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:41,862
I can be soaked, stabbed
or set on fire with.
246
00:09:41,863 --> 00:09:43,522
What am I missing?
247
00:09:43,523 --> 00:09:45,522
Oh, napkins, I need extra napkins,
248
00:09:45,523 --> 00:09:48,152
in case she cries,
or in case I need to pretend to.
249
00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:50,272
Poor Allyson.
250
00:09:50,273 --> 00:09:53,152
I wonder if she'll want to
talk it out with me later.
251
00:09:53,153 --> 00:09:54,902
'Cause we're the same generation.
252
00:09:54,903 --> 00:09:56,362
Uh...
253
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,152
generation means the same age.
254
00:09:58,153 --> 00:09:59,683
I know, Grandpa.
255
00:10:01,113 --> 00:10:02,232
Are you breaking up with this girl
256
00:10:02,233 --> 00:10:03,696
so you can date that Charlotte woman?
257
00:10:03,697 --> 00:10:04,777
Yeah, Felix made me realize
258
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,117
she's a much better match for me.
259
00:10:06,118 --> 00:10:08,192
Oh, now you want to date Charlotte?
260
00:10:08,193 --> 00:10:09,902
Aw, damn it, I was up all night
261
00:10:09,903 --> 00:10:11,473
working on jokes about her mama.
262
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,772
Uh-oh. Dumping table.
263
00:10:16,773 --> 00:10:18,112
Breakup Corner!
264
00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:20,612
Am I the only one with any class?
265
00:10:20,613 --> 00:10:22,772
Emily, I have a gift for you.
266
00:10:22,773 --> 00:10:25,192
I know how much you enjoyed
the marionette show...
267
00:10:25,193 --> 00:10:27,933
Oh, I don't think you do.
268
00:10:29,733 --> 00:10:32,393
...and so I got you a little souvenir.
269
00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:35,822
Ta-da!
270
00:10:35,823 --> 00:10:37,566
(imitating Emily's voice):
Hello. I'm Emily.
271
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:39,152
So, Emily?
272
00:10:39,153 --> 00:10:40,325
- Yes?
- (Emily voice): Yes?
273
00:10:40,326 --> 00:10:43,562
Oh, okay, you're talking
to wooden Emily.
274
00:10:43,563 --> 00:10:45,906
I thought we could try that
new Serbian restaurant tonight,
275
00:10:45,907 --> 00:10:47,362
A Taste of Srebrenica.
276
00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:50,322
(Emily voice): Mmm, sounds great.
277
00:10:50,323 --> 00:10:53,232
Actually, Felix, uh, real Emily...
278
00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:55,232
uh, skin Emily...
279
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:58,022
um, might want to try something else.
280
00:10:58,023 --> 00:11:00,362
You sure I can't tempt you
with some Serbian meat sticks?
281
00:11:00,363 --> 00:11:02,026
(Emily voice):
Mmm, that sounds delicious,
282
00:11:02,027 --> 00:11:04,187
and I don't even have a tongue.
283
00:11:05,483 --> 00:11:07,272
Meat sticks it is.
284
00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:08,942
Great. I'll call and
make a reservation.
285
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,272
Not that you need one.
286
00:11:10,273 --> 00:11:11,732
It's amazing how underappreciated
287
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:13,523
this place is.
288
00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:19,442
Uh, you know, last time,
I kept my mouth shut...
289
00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:21,192
You really didn't.
290
00:11:21,193 --> 00:11:23,362
You guys are a great couple,
291
00:11:23,363 --> 00:11:25,652
but you need more balance
in your relationship.
292
00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:28,232
Oh, it's just he gets so excited
about the things that he likes.
293
00:11:28,233 --> 00:11:29,902
I have a hard time saying no.
294
00:11:29,903 --> 00:11:32,152
You see, body language
is part of your problem.
295
00:11:32,153 --> 00:11:35,433
I'm going to teach you
"the Power of Posture."
296
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,692
I watched a TED Talk on it.
297
00:11:38,693 --> 00:11:40,272
"The Power of Posture"?
298
00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:41,732
Yes, you need to get big.
299
00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:43,362
If you stand confident,
300
00:11:43,363 --> 00:11:45,442
you will be confident.
301
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,325
- That stuff doesn't work.
- No?
302
00:11:47,326 --> 00:11:49,393
Maybe it does.
303
00:11:50,363 --> 00:11:52,902
Hi!
304
00:11:52,903 --> 00:11:55,563
Yum! Lunch is my favorite meal.
305
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,862
Yeah, we'll see.
306
00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:00,902
Great.
307
00:12:00,903 --> 00:12:03,192
We are all set for 7:30.
308
00:12:03,193 --> 00:12:05,732
Which is right when they
do the goat slaughter.
309
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,062
Oh. (chuckles)
310
00:12:07,063 --> 00:12:09,232
Actually, Felix,
311
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:13,232
I don't think I feel like
eating Serbian tonight.
312
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,272
I thought maybe we could
do something else.
313
00:12:16,273 --> 00:12:17,612
Not maybe.
314
00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:19,183
Definitely.
315
00:12:20,903 --> 00:12:24,063
(whoops) Yep.
316
00:12:25,113 --> 00:12:26,692
What's going on, Emily?
317
00:12:26,693 --> 00:12:28,402
What's going on is I want us
318
00:12:28,403 --> 00:12:30,272
to do something I want to do.
319
00:12:30,273 --> 00:12:31,482
Of course, of course.
320
00:12:31,483 --> 00:12:33,482
I-I had no idea you felt that way.
321
00:12:33,483 --> 00:12:34,692
What do you have in mind?
322
00:12:34,693 --> 00:12:36,112
Well, I read something
323
00:12:36,113 --> 00:12:37,902
that sounded fun in The Village Voice.
324
00:12:37,903 --> 00:12:39,862
There's a hip-hop open mic night
325
00:12:39,863 --> 00:12:41,813
at an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn.
326
00:12:43,613 --> 00:12:46,272
Not what I was expecting.
327
00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:48,112
I get it.
328
00:12:48,113 --> 00:12:50,417
To-to prove your point, you're
suggesting something kooky.
329
00:12:50,418 --> 00:12:52,272
(laughing): No, it's not kooky.
330
00:12:52,273 --> 00:12:54,272
I listen to rap when I work out.
331
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,272
And sometimes...
and this is kind of cute...
332
00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:59,272
when I wrap presents.
333
00:12:59,273 --> 00:13:00,902
Of-of course.
334
00:13:00,903 --> 00:13:03,433
If you want to go, then I want to go.
335
00:13:06,023 --> 00:13:07,562
I'm glad you understand.
336
00:13:07,563 --> 00:13:09,482
It isn't you, it isn't me.
337
00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:12,763
It just... isn't.
338
00:13:14,523 --> 00:13:17,612
Well, I can't say I'm not sad, but...
339
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:19,562
I really enjoyed our time together.
340
00:13:19,563 --> 00:13:22,523
And I hope we can keep in touch.
341
00:13:39,613 --> 00:13:41,522
Check...
342
00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:43,442
for juice...
343
00:13:43,443 --> 00:13:46,143
boxes.
344
00:13:52,733 --> 00:13:53,838
Oscar.
345
00:13:53,839 --> 00:13:54,942
Hi.
346
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:56,103
I don't know if you're aware,
347
00:13:56,104 --> 00:13:57,563
but I broke up with Allyson today.
348
00:13:57,564 --> 00:13:58,772
Yes, I'm aware.
349
00:13:58,773 --> 00:14:00,822
She had to take a personal day because,
350
00:14:00,823 --> 00:14:04,442
as she said, "I can't even!"
351
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,322
But not before she took
frowny-face selfies
352
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:09,862
while she let my son drink a big glass
353
00:14:09,863 --> 00:14:12,223
of grape juice on the couch.
354
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:17,772
I have a shirt that goes with that.
355
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,692
You ruined a perfectly good
couch and a fairly decent nanny.
356
00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:23,402
I'm really sorry.
357
00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:25,522
But now that Allyson and
I have parted ways,
358
00:14:25,523 --> 00:14:27,322
it does mean that I'm free.
359
00:14:27,323 --> 00:14:29,062
To do what?
360
00:14:29,063 --> 00:14:30,763
To ask you on a date.
361
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:38,152
I'm sorry.
362
00:14:38,153 --> 00:14:39,902
That didn't come out right.
363
00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:42,112
What I meant to say was:
I ended it with Allyson
364
00:14:42,113 --> 00:14:44,482
because I really wanted to ask you out.
365
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,522
What would make you think
that I would go out
366
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:50,982
with some shallow guy who
dates women half his age?
367
00:14:50,983 --> 00:14:54,103
So you don't like me at all?
368
00:14:55,363 --> 00:14:57,683
What about our snappy banter?
369
00:14:58,983 --> 00:15:01,143
Well, you're not doing it now.
370
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,223
I'll get it.
371
00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:08,103
Damn it!
372
00:15:15,326 --> 00:15:16,766
♪ Yo, nod your head back and forth ♪
373
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:19,939
♪ Till you're inundated,
boy, I'm sick with the flow ♪
374
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:22,295
♪ Y'all better vaccinate it,
all I needed in my life ♪
375
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,295
♪ Was to say that I made it, what? ♪
376
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:26,505
(crowd cheering)
377
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:29,126
Well, point made.
378
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:29,960
We should skedaddle.
379
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,499
Come on, loosen up.
380
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,129
Enjoy yourself.
381
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:34,289
I am enjoying myself.
382
00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:35,919
Although the song-craft is rudimentary,
383
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,039
stream-of-consciousness
barking set to robot music.
384
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,039
It's a 21st-century art form.
385
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,869
Oh, do you hear that?
386
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:44,749
That's the sound of Mozart
coming back to life
387
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,070
and then killing himself.
388
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:50,459
♪ ♪
389
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:53,129
Also, my-my asthma's acting up.
390
00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:57,280
I think it's dust from
all the vintage clothing.
391
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:02,079
And everyone's eyes are dilated.
392
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,079
I suspect narcotics.
393
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,249
Enough!
394
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,709
What is wrong with you?
395
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,999
You're not even giving this a try.
396
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,039
I gave it a try.
I found it's not to my liking.
397
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,999
Well, then at least
have the decency to stay
398
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,829
because I like it.
399
00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,999
God knows I stay through
all your things.
400
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,129
Well, that's different.
You like my things.
401
00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:20,169
Do I?
402
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,999
Look.
403
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,869
I think it's great
that you're passionate
404
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:26,249
about a lot of weird, cool things.
405
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:29,829
But it doesn't mean that I like them.
406
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:31,999
So, what, you've been faking it?
407
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,079
Ooh, who needs a hamburger
when you've got
408
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,959
all this delicious Serbian
409
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,079
glorp glorp?
410
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,999
Well, excuse me for trying
to broaden your horizons!
411
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,663
Did you ever think
that's maybe what I was
412
00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:46,369
trying to do for you tonight?
413
00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:48,579
Oh, like this is going
to broaden my horizons.
414
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:50,622
- This music is just rhymed boasting
- (music stops)
415
00:16:50,623 --> 00:16:52,780
made by tone-deaf trash people!
416
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,459
That timing was unfortunate.
417
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,459
If you're so miserable,
418
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,289
why don't you just go?
419
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,160
Why don't I?
420
00:17:07,370 --> 00:17:11,079
Hey, guys, that undercover cop is gone.
421
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,129
Let's have some fun!
422
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:15,530
(crowd cheers, music resumes)
423
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,709
Hey.
424
00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:21,419
How'd it go with Charlotte?
425
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:23,289
Great. I asked her out. She said yes.
426
00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,129
And right now, we're on a romantic
427
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,999
carriage ride in the park.
428
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,789
I don't understand...
429
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:31,079
She said no!
430
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,829
You got in my head about
needing a substantial woman,
431
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:35,999
and now I don't have
Charlotte or Allyson!
432
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,539
Well, if it makes you feel any
better, I had a bad night, too.
433
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:41,709
It kind of does.
434
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,499
Should we go down to Langford's
435
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,369
and get a drink and drown our sorrows?
436
00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:47,499
Yeah, that'll solve things.
437
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,499
Yeah, you're right.
438
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,749
No, I was being serious.
439
00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,330
Get up, get up.
440
00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:55,169
Don't worry, Oscar.
441
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,959
Your search for a woman of substance
442
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,539
may not have worked out this time,
443
00:17:58,540 --> 00:17:59,959
but you are on the right track.
444
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,539
You need a woman who can challenge you
445
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,169
and broaden your horizons.
446
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,829
(elevator bell dings)
447
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,990
We both do.
448
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,830
Oh, great, Charlotte's couch.
449
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,410
Fellas.
450
00:18:21,170 --> 00:18:24,039
I really screwed things up with her.
451
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,959
And I know she's out of my
league and all we do is argue.
452
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,499
But I don't know.
453
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,629
She makes me want to be the kind of guy
454
00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:33,240
that could get that kind of a girl.
455
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,919
I'm going to hug you.
456
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,209
No, no, no, we're too close!
457
00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:38,652
- We're too close!
- Embrace the hug.
458
00:18:38,653 --> 00:18:39,950
Embrace the hug!
459
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,789
Hey, I'm proud of you.
460
00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:48,670
You put your heart
on the line for someone.
461
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:52,369
Hello.
462
00:18:52,370 --> 00:18:54,369
Oh, you, uh,
463
00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:55,415
heard all of that?
464
00:18:55,416 --> 00:18:56,459
Yep.
465
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:58,740
Oscar, I'm gonna take
a rain check on that drink.
466
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,079
Actually, I kind of enjoyed it.
467
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,669
Maybe you're not as bad as I thought.
468
00:19:04,670 --> 00:19:05,959
Really?
469
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,749
Well, I thought you
were horrible before,
470
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:10,829
so a step up from that
is still not so hot.
471
00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,629
I'll take "not so hot."
472
00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:13,789
(chuckles)
473
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:15,209
So does this mean you'll
474
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:16,789
go out on a date with me?
475
00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:18,490
Oh, God, no!
476
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:22,169
I'll see you around the building.
477
00:19:22,170 --> 00:19:24,579
Not if I see you first.
478
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,830
Keep working on that banter.
479
00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:30,160
Damn it.
480
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,238
Dani, thank you for coming.
481
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:42,828
I didn't want to blow the whole evening
482
00:19:42,829 --> 00:19:45,278
because Felix was being such a butt.
483
00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:46,988
No problem. If you ask me,
484
00:19:46,989 --> 00:19:48,988
date-wise, you traded way the hell up.
485
00:19:48,989 --> 00:19:49,764
(laughs)
486
00:19:49,765 --> 00:19:50,538
(crowd cheers)
487
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:52,328
All right, up next,
488
00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:54,778
welcome to the stage
a new face in hip-hop.
489
00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:57,899
He calls himself Felix Unger!
490
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,368
Felix the Cat.
491
00:20:01,369 --> 00:20:02,328
The Unger-dog.
492
00:20:02,329 --> 00:20:03,868
The Unger-taker...
493
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,609
(indistinct whispering)
494
00:20:06,369 --> 00:20:09,078
Felix Unger.
495
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:12,868
Am I in your dream, or are you in mine?
496
00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:15,408
(hip-hop beat playing)
497
00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:17,658
♪ Clip, clop, some call me a fop ♪
498
00:20:17,659 --> 00:20:20,538
♪ But like a cherry on a sundae,
Emily is on top ♪
499
00:20:20,539 --> 00:20:23,078
♪ Like an iron on pants,
she impresses with heat ♪
500
00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:25,948
♪ Like a well-mopped floor, she
has a shine you can't beat ♪
501
00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:28,368
♪ No strings attached,
not a marionette ♪
502
00:20:28,369 --> 00:20:30,778
♪ If you try to control her,
she's no Marie Antoinette ♪
503
00:20:30,779 --> 00:20:33,868
♪ No losing her head,
she puts her hands on her hips ♪
504
00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:36,408
♪ And says, "Listen up,
Felix boy, and read my lips" ♪
505
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:37,389
(whooping)
506
00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:38,368
Felix!
507
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:39,429
Excuse us.
508
00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:40,689
(whoops)
509
00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:44,328
♪ Unger's got a hunger,
an ache inside of me ♪
510
00:20:44,329 --> 00:20:47,078
♪ For a girl who likes
to call herself Emma-Emily ♪
511
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,828
♪ All my life was just a mess,
but it's only getting better ♪
512
00:20:49,829 --> 00:20:52,408
♪ With the lady making jewelry,
she's a real trendsetter ♪
513
00:20:52,409 --> 00:20:55,038
♪ With Emily Emily Emily Emily,
life is but a dream ♪
514
00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:56,408
♪ With Emily Emily Emily Emily ♪
515
00:20:56,409 --> 00:20:58,819
♪ Life is but a dream. ♪
516
00:21:03,449 --> 00:21:04,798
I'm so sorry.
517
00:21:05,199 --> 00:21:13,064
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.