1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,055
Can I have some of your fries?
2
00:00:05,056 --> 00:00:06,389
What do you have to trade?
3
00:00:06,390 --> 00:00:10,292
A bite of my kale Caesar salad?
4
00:00:11,061 --> 00:00:14,631
Kale. Caesar. Salad.
5
00:00:14,632 --> 00:00:17,400
Not a chance.
6
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:20,337
First day back at work.
7
00:00:20,338 --> 00:00:22,105
Thank you for walking me, Felix.
8
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,390
Of course, you've been
in London for three months.
9
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,974
I didn't want you to look the wrong way
10
00:00:25,975 --> 00:00:27,243
before stepping off the curb
11
00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,576
and getting your pwetty wittle
head cwushed by a bus.
12
00:00:29,577 --> 00:00:31,371
Aww.
13
00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:32,991
Oscar, can I have your tomato?
14
00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,417
Sure.
15
00:00:34,418 --> 00:00:35,819
Oops!
16
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:37,286
I missed.
17
00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:40,190
And that's how it's done.
18
00:00:40,191 --> 00:00:43,360
I didn't want to have
to do this, guys, but...
19
00:00:43,361 --> 00:00:44,828
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,
20
00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:47,731
mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine.
21
00:00:47,732 --> 00:00:51,835
Well, I see that nothing's changed.
22
00:00:51,836 --> 00:00:54,204
Must be so hard to come
back to being a waitress
23
00:00:54,205 --> 00:00:56,312
after spending so much time
pursuing your passion.
24
00:00:56,313 --> 00:00:57,874
This job is perfect for me right now.
25
00:00:57,875 --> 00:00:59,976
The hours are good,
and it's never busy.
26
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:03,179
So I can save all of my energy
for my jewelry business.
27
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:06,448
That is an excellent
rationaliza... realization.
28
00:01:09,419 --> 00:01:11,788
Oh, hey, Maureen, I'm back!
29
00:01:11,789 --> 00:01:13,188
You were gone?
30
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,494
Ah, Oscar Madison!
31
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:19,028
My favorite customer!
32
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:21,063
You fry it, he'll eat it.
33
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,600
Well, it's your fault, Freddie.
34
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,468
You've got the best
French fries in the city.
35
00:01:25,469 --> 00:01:28,671
The secret is we haven't
changed the oil in 30 years.
36
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,440
(laughter)
37
00:01:30,441 --> 00:01:32,708
I love that you think I'm kidding.
38
00:01:34,144 --> 00:01:35,712
Anyway, enjoy 'em while you can.
39
00:01:35,713 --> 00:01:37,680
I'm thinking of closing this place.
40
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:38,982
Why are you thinking that?
41
00:01:38,983 --> 00:01:40,316
Don't think that!
42
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:42,919
That's not a thought to have!
43
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,487
Well, the broiler's on the fritz,
44
00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:46,122
the freezer's on its last legs.
45
00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:48,226
I got to decide whether
it's worth sinking more money
46
00:01:48,227 --> 00:01:51,327
into this place
or just calling it a day.
47
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:52,762
Well, you can't close Langford's!
48
00:01:52,763 --> 00:01:54,230
It's my home away from home!
49
00:01:54,231 --> 00:01:56,399
This is my lucky pick-up table,
50
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,102
there's my make-out corner,
51
00:01:59,103 --> 00:02:01,537
and everyone knows my dumping table.
52
00:02:02,906 --> 00:02:05,708
And I've had so many first dates here.
53
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,943
So many.
54
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,449
I celebrated my tenth
wedding anniversary here.
55
00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:14,783
Man, my wife was mad when I got home.
56
00:02:16,753 --> 00:02:18,455
Well, of course if any of you clowns
57
00:02:18,456 --> 00:02:21,925
has 20 grand lying
around for upgrades...
58
00:02:21,926 --> 00:02:23,560
Ah, I'm kidding.
59
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,460
If you did, you wouldn't
be eating here.
60
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,631
♪
61
00:02:31,968 --> 00:02:33,436
(humming)
62
00:02:33,437 --> 00:02:35,638
Oscar, why are you in a suit?
63
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,607
I wanted to raise some
money to save Langford's,
64
00:02:37,608 --> 00:02:40,109
so I went down to the bank
and asked for a loan.
65
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:42,912
(howling laugh)
66
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,180
That's what they said.
67
00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:46,049
So I guess that's it.
68
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:49,719
My favorite hangout spot,
Langford's, will be no more.
69
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,753
May she rest in grease.
70
00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:54,090
I'm sorry, Oscar.
71
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,226
I know how much
that place means to you.
72
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:58,928
I just wish I knew
someone with the money
73
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:03,199
to put into a rock-solid investment.
74
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,567
A hero who's willing to swoop in
75
00:03:04,568 --> 00:03:06,069
and save the day.
76
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,637
And not just for me.
77
00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:10,206
Think of your dear
sweetheart girlfriend, Emily.
78
00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:11,841
She'll be out of a job.
79
00:03:11,842 --> 00:03:14,522
I mean sure she's got that
red hot jewelry business
80
00:03:14,523 --> 00:03:15,560
to fall back on.
81
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,014
Are you finished?
82
00:03:18,015 --> 00:03:20,416
Can I be?
83
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,760
Okay, so when I first heard
about the Langford's situation,
84
00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:24,821
I must admit, I was a tad intrigued.
85
00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:26,322
Can I tell you a secret?
86
00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:27,857
Safe space.
87
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,292
I have always thought about
88
00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:31,828
dipping my toe in the restaurant "biz."
89
00:03:31,829 --> 00:03:34,163
Ever since the third grade,
when I served my classmates
90
00:03:34,164 --> 00:03:37,166
a perfectly fired white
chocolate crème brulée.
91
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:38,600
Was it a hit?
92
00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:40,837
Let's just say,
93
00:03:40,838 --> 00:03:44,307
there were no atomic
wedgies for Felix that day.
94
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,509
So investing in a restaurant
95
00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,811
would kind of be like
your dream come true.
96
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,418
Well, I was thinking about
something more upscale,
97
00:03:51,419 --> 00:03:52,652
but it could be a start, yes.
98
00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:53,483
It could be.
99
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,451
Felix Unger, restaurateur!
100
00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:56,686
I like the sound of that!
101
00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:57,787
You can't not do it!
102
00:03:57,788 --> 00:03:59,889
I cannot not!
103
00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:01,524
You know what I'm going to do?
104
00:04:01,525 --> 00:04:03,533
I'm going to call the
bank and laugh at them.
105
00:04:04,027 --> 00:04:05,861
This is going to be great.
106
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,832
English.
107
00:04:13,469 --> 00:04:14,870
Representative.
108
00:04:18,374 --> 00:04:20,877
I have to say, when
you agreed to kick in
109
00:04:20,878 --> 00:04:22,211
to upgrade the kitchen,
110
00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:24,312
I didn't expect this.
111
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:28,885
Well,
112
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:30,920
when you get into
business with Felix Unger,
113
00:04:30,921 --> 00:04:32,688
you get Felix Unger in your business.
114
00:04:34,324 --> 00:04:37,356
So, the table bottoms
have been de-gummed,
115
00:04:37,357 --> 00:04:39,291
the ketchup bottles
have been de-crusted,
116
00:04:39,292 --> 00:04:41,360
and now I'm off to
repaint the men's room,
117
00:04:41,361 --> 00:04:45,598
which has become a veritable
museum of graffiti penises.
118
00:04:45,599 --> 00:04:47,700
Well, thanks, Felix.
119
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:50,069
I feel like a weight's been
lifted off my shoulder.
120
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:52,004
As a matter of fact,
I'm taking the weekend off,
121
00:04:52,005 --> 00:04:53,365
I'm going to visit my daughter.
122
00:04:53,366 --> 00:04:54,640
How nice.
123
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:57,476
Yeah, she went to an
all-you-can-eat sushi buffet
124
00:04:57,477 --> 00:05:00,712
and her lap band finally gave.
125
00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:04,349
Eel everywhere.
126
00:05:08,621 --> 00:05:10,689
While I have you,
127
00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,158
would you mind if I correct
a few spelling errors
128
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,994
on the menu?
129
00:05:14,995 --> 00:05:17,730
I'm assuming you didn't mean
to say "jalapeño poopers."
130
00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:20,232
Clearly, you've never tried them.
131
00:05:20,233 --> 00:05:22,201
But, sure, correct away.
132
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:24,297
And would you mind
if I tweaked the menu
133
00:05:24,298 --> 00:05:25,604
a little bit for tonight?
134
00:05:25,605 --> 00:05:27,926
You see, I've invited some of
my foodie friends for dinner,
135
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,790
and I'd like the specials
to be really special.
136
00:05:29,791 --> 00:05:31,237
Whatever you want, Felix.
137
00:05:35,748 --> 00:05:38,149
Whatever I want.
138
00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:40,552
You know what?
139
00:05:40,553 --> 00:05:42,221
Before you repaint the bathroom,
140
00:05:42,222 --> 00:05:44,522
there's a phone number
I want to write down.
141
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:54,600
A hearty bison stew
with rosemary dumplings
142
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,335
and a dollop of crème fraiche.
143
00:05:56,336 --> 00:06:01,073
Lady and gentlemen,
I give you pub food, elevated.
144
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:03,442
Bon appétit!
145
00:06:03,443 --> 00:06:05,244
Who are those nerds?
146
00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:09,348
They're just Felix's
annoying foodie friends.
147
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:11,212
They keep saying stuff
like "organically grown"
148
00:06:11,213 --> 00:06:12,685
and "farm-to-table."
149
00:06:12,686 --> 00:06:15,387
I'd like to serve them
some fist-to-face.
150
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:18,290
They seem intrigued,
but we cannot become complacent.
151
00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,796
Emily, keep their wine glasses full.
152
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:22,448
Maureen, remember, you're
never fully dressed without a...
153
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,594
Bra?
154
00:06:25,998 --> 00:06:28,132
No... well, yes, let's
remember that for tomorrow.
155
00:06:28,968 --> 00:06:29,868
Emily?
156
00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:31,036
A smile.
157
00:06:31,037 --> 00:06:32,438
Exactly.
158
00:06:32,439 --> 00:06:34,939
So might we see one of those
from you tonight, Maureen?
159
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,779
Usually the corners
go up just a bit more
160
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,480
in a traditional human smile.
161
00:06:43,749 --> 00:06:44,916
(gasps) Felix, look!
162
00:06:46,018 --> 00:06:47,553
They're taking pictures of their food!
163
00:06:47,554 --> 00:06:49,821
They're taking pictures of their food.
164
00:06:51,217 --> 00:06:53,258
I didn't take that many
photos when I went to China.
165
00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:55,961
And I saw a panda riding a Big Wheel.
166
00:06:55,962 --> 00:06:57,229
All right, lay off.
167
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,938
Felix is having fun.
168
00:06:58,939 --> 00:07:01,903
And that's a small price to pay
for him keeping Langford's open.
169
00:07:02,868 --> 00:07:04,570
Now if you'll excuse me,
170
00:07:04,571 --> 00:07:09,607
I've got a freshly painted
bathroom stall... to weiner.
171
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:14,279
I gotta hand it to you, Felix.
172
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,518
Last night you were a real groin pull,
173
00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:21,387
but tonight this place is jumping.
174
00:07:21,388 --> 00:07:22,788
Exciting, isn't it?
175
00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:24,757
And now would you show
this lovely couple
176
00:07:24,758 --> 00:07:26,025
to table number seven, please?
177
00:07:26,026 --> 00:07:27,458
Right this way.
178
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:34,666
Whoa, whoo, this place is packed.
179
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:37,335
Did somebody see the face
of Jesus on a quesadilla?
180
00:07:39,271 --> 00:07:41,974
My friend Balthazar
tweeted a glowing review
181
00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:44,510
of his epicurean experience,
and it reverberated
182
00:07:44,511 --> 00:07:47,513
through the gastronomic
blog-o-sphere like wildfire!
183
00:07:47,514 --> 00:07:50,215
Can you believe it?
184
00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:51,550
Believe it?
185
00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:54,286
I don't even understand it.
186
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:56,055
I'm living my dream, Oscar.
187
00:07:56,056 --> 00:07:57,989
I'm living my dream!
188
00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:07,665
You're not us.
189
00:08:09,735 --> 00:08:10,903
It's okay, Oscar.
190
00:08:10,904 --> 00:08:12,237
We can sit at the bar.
191
00:08:12,238 --> 00:08:13,505
But my booth...
192
00:08:13,506 --> 00:08:15,140
My booth...
193
00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:16,708
Can we get three drafts?
194
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,677
Actually, Mr. Unger
replaced our regular keg
195
00:08:18,678 --> 00:08:20,479
with an artisanal hard cider.
196
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:21,713
Cider?
197
00:08:21,714 --> 00:08:24,215
What are we on, a freaking hay ride?
198
00:08:25,484 --> 00:08:26,685
And where's the hockey game?
199
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,420
Why are all the TVs off?
200
00:08:28,421 --> 00:08:31,156
Oh, Felix thinks they're a distraction.
201
00:08:31,157 --> 00:08:33,425
He wants the customers
to talk to each other.
202
00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:37,496
Ugh... I don't want to talk to you.
203
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:39,898
Why would he? That's crazy!
204
00:08:39,899 --> 00:08:40,866
You're complaining?
205
00:08:40,867 --> 00:08:42,401
Felix has been running me ragged.
206
00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:44,103
I haven't had a break in four hours.
207
00:08:44,104 --> 00:08:47,238
Unless you count weeping
out by the dumpster.
208
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:50,841
French fries, you'll never let me down.
209
00:08:53,512 --> 00:08:55,581
No, no, no!
210
00:08:55,582 --> 00:08:57,516
Felix, Felix!
211
00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:59,084
What did you do to the fries?!
212
00:08:59,085 --> 00:09:00,252
Aren't they divine?
213
00:09:00,253 --> 00:09:02,354
I finally changed the oil in the fryer.
214
00:09:02,355 --> 00:09:05,624
You changed the beer,
then you changed the fries,
215
00:09:05,625 --> 00:09:07,860
and I don't know what
it smells like in here,
216
00:09:07,861 --> 00:09:10,061
but it certainly isn't urine!
217
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:13,565
You've ruined Langford's!
218
00:09:13,566 --> 00:09:15,267
Ruined it?
219
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:18,036
I've saved it from ruin,
exactly as you asked me to.
220
00:09:18,037 --> 00:09:21,974
I asked you to write a check,
not Felix it all up!
221
00:09:21,975 --> 00:09:24,408
He's got Maureen wearing a bra.
222
00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:28,480
Monster!
223
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:32,818
Well, I do not have time
for your ingratitude.
224
00:09:32,819 --> 00:09:34,620
As you can see,
I have customers waiting.
225
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:36,421
Fine, they can have our seats.
226
00:09:36,422 --> 00:09:38,257
Dani, Teddy, come on.
227
00:09:38,258 --> 00:09:40,759
And anybody who wants to
watch the game at my place,
228
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,827
follow me!
229
00:09:43,795 --> 00:09:45,831
Fine! Go!
230
00:09:45,832 --> 00:09:47,513
And don't think I don't
know you're the one
231
00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:49,297
that graffiti-ed my
freshly painted restroom!
232
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,250
I would recognize your weiner anywhere!
233
00:09:54,072 --> 00:09:56,407
Bon appétit.
234
00:10:04,847 --> 00:10:06,214
(cheering)
235
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:07,749
My man Carmelo!
236
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:10,884
Mmm, I would climb him like a redwood.
237
00:10:11,786 --> 00:10:13,054
What'd we miss?
238
00:10:13,055 --> 00:10:14,322
Knicks are back up.
239
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:17,025
And Dani needs a boyfriend.
240
00:10:17,026 --> 00:10:18,727
(knock at door)
241
00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:20,028
This where the game's on?
242
00:10:20,029 --> 00:10:23,764
Dirty t-shirt, big beer belly
guy... welcome home.
243
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,084
(quietly): We're really
bringing in quite a crowd.
244
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,571
I put a post on Facebook
telling real Langford's regulars
245
00:10:29,572 --> 00:10:31,106
to come up here.
246
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,173
Oh, that's a great idea.
247
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:34,476
I actually do have a
background in marketing.
248
00:10:34,477 --> 00:10:37,344
Wayne, I don't need
your life story, man.
249
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:40,382
This is all we need, right?
250
00:10:40,383 --> 00:10:42,450
We have beer, chips, sports on TV,
251
00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:44,119
just like Langford's.
252
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,087
(sighing): Yeah, I guess so.
253
00:10:46,088 --> 00:10:48,990
Just I have so many memories there.
254
00:10:48,991 --> 00:10:53,294
That's where I met my wife,
signed my first contract,
255
00:10:53,295 --> 00:10:55,729
drowned my sorrows after my divorce.
256
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,968
Wow, there are a lot of people here.
257
00:10:59,969 --> 00:11:01,736
Yeah, you off for the night?
258
00:11:01,737 --> 00:11:03,538
Yeah, I was going
to work on my website,
259
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:05,640
but thanks to Felix, I'm too tired.
260
00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:06,975
I have to keep reminding myself
261
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,778
I am a jewelry designer,
not a waitress.
262
00:11:09,779 --> 00:11:11,112
Mm-hmm.
263
00:11:11,113 --> 00:11:12,816
Hey, Emily, if you're
going to the kitchen,
264
00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:13,648
I could use a beer.
265
00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:14,783
Yep.
266
00:11:14,784 --> 00:11:16,251
We could use a refill on the chips.
267
00:11:16,252 --> 00:11:17,652
Oh, okay.
268
00:11:17,653 --> 00:11:19,054
Yeah, I'll have a scotch and soda.
269
00:11:19,055 --> 00:11:20,288
Vodka rocks?
270
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:22,956
Hang on, let me write this down.
271
00:11:28,963 --> 00:11:30,465
Hey...
272
00:11:30,466 --> 00:11:31,766
Welcome.
273
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,568
Beer's in the fridge,
crapper's down the hall.
274
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:35,852
Don't forget to sign up
for the basketball tournament.
275
00:11:35,853 --> 00:11:37,009
What basketball tournament?
276
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:38,576
Ow!
277
00:11:41,973 --> 00:11:43,182
NORMAN: Keg party!
278
00:11:43,183 --> 00:11:44,247
This is going to be great.
279
00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:46,275
Yeah, and when it's empty,
we can roll it
280
00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:49,545
down the staircase
and play Donkey Kong.
281
00:11:49,546 --> 00:11:51,647
Oscar, who are all these people?
282
00:11:51,648 --> 00:11:53,048
These are Langford's regulars
283
00:11:53,049 --> 00:11:54,717
who hate what you've
done with the place.
284
00:11:54,718 --> 00:11:56,919
Yeah, Mr. Madison filled me in.
285
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,922
Uncool, Unger, uncool.
286
00:11:59,923 --> 00:12:02,026
Norman, as a building employee
you should have denied
287
00:12:02,027 --> 00:12:03,992
this riff-raff access to the premises.
288
00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:04,993
It's my day off.
289
00:12:04,994 --> 00:12:06,137
Then why are you in uniform?
290
00:12:06,138 --> 00:12:08,005
Chicks dig it.
291
00:12:09,965 --> 00:12:11,200
Oscar, I am exhausted,
292
00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:12,735
and you don't even know
half of these people!
293
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:13,902
What are you talking about?
294
00:12:13,903 --> 00:12:14,903
These are my friends.
295
00:12:14,904 --> 00:12:15,938
Teddy...
296
00:12:15,939 --> 00:12:18,640
Blue hat guy...
297
00:12:18,641 --> 00:12:21,309
Sally Big Boobs...
298
00:12:21,844 --> 00:12:25,280
And Asian Mr. T.
299
00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:27,316
Oscar, you're acting childish.
300
00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:29,752
Ow!
301
00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:31,353
Okay, you were in trouble
302
00:12:31,354 --> 00:12:33,489
and I stepped in and helped you,
like I always do.
303
00:12:33,490 --> 00:12:34,857
But do I get any gratitude?
304
00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:35,858
For what?
305
00:12:35,859 --> 00:12:37,459
Every time I find something I like,
306
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:39,962
you swoop in and
improve the fun out of it.
307
00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,597
First you moved in,
308
00:12:41,598 --> 00:12:43,365
then you banned cigar smoke,
309
00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:46,135
and spitting, and kitchen nudity.
310
00:12:46,136 --> 00:12:48,137
You were using a panini press.
311
00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:50,806
It was for your own safety.
312
00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:53,175
And now you're doing it
with Langford's.
313
00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:54,743
You took my home away,
314
00:12:54,744 --> 00:12:56,979
now you're taking my
home away from home...
315
00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,379
...away.
316
00:12:59,681 --> 00:13:01,016
This is ridiculous.
317
00:13:01,017 --> 00:13:02,785
Oscar, I want these people out of here!
318
00:13:02,786 --> 00:13:04,686
No, they're staying.
319
00:13:04,687 --> 00:13:06,722
In fact, we're doing this
again tomorrow night.
320
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:08,357
And every night after that!
321
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:10,793
(cheers and applause)
322
00:13:10,794 --> 00:13:12,995
We could call it Langford's North.
323
00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,696
Langford's North, I like it!
324
00:13:14,697 --> 00:13:16,365
Well, branding was
sort of my specialty.
325
00:13:16,366 --> 00:13:17,999
Wayne, seriously, stop it.
326
00:13:19,568 --> 00:13:21,303
I do not have time for this tomfoolery.
327
00:13:21,304 --> 00:13:23,170
I'm going to bed!
328
00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:26,275
It's mine now, now I keep it.
329
00:13:26,276 --> 00:13:28,342
Okay, okay, take 'em all.
330
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,943
Morning, Dani.
331
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:42,545
I would help you clean up, but
I'm refusing based on principle.
332
00:13:44,748 --> 00:13:48,318
There's a tortilla chip by
the table right there if you...
333
00:13:48,319 --> 00:13:49,753
Wanted to make sure you saw it.
334
00:13:49,754 --> 00:13:50,587
Yeah, I see it.
335
00:13:50,588 --> 00:13:51,587
I see it.
336
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:56,026
Felix, can't you and Oscar settle this?
337
00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:57,995
It's been four days.
338
00:13:57,996 --> 00:13:59,630
Look what it's doing
to your friendship.
339
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,998
I didn't mean to upset him.
340
00:14:00,999 --> 00:14:02,699
He's my best friend.
341
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,335
You know, one of you is going
to have to be the bigger person.
342
00:14:05,336 --> 00:14:07,938
And I think we both know
who the bigger person is.
343
00:14:07,939 --> 00:14:09,545
I suppose we could find
some compromise.
344
00:14:09,546 --> 00:14:15,382
I could turn the TVs back on,
or serve a... domestic beer.
345
00:14:16,918 --> 00:14:18,820
FELIX: Oscar,
346
00:14:18,821 --> 00:14:19,924
could we talk for a moment?
347
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:22,390
Not now. I gotta unload my supplies.
348
00:14:22,391 --> 00:14:24,826
Corn chips, naked lady swizzle sticks,
349
00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:27,929
all we need for a wild
night at Langford's North,
350
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:30,330
a division of OscarCorp.
351
00:14:31,532 --> 00:14:33,519
Well, I've been thinking
about some of the changes
352
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,821
that I made down at Langford's.
353
00:14:34,822 --> 00:14:36,589
Yes, I've been thinking, too.
354
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:39,325
And we would like to use your
bathroom as the men's room.
355
00:14:39,326 --> 00:14:42,627
Mind if I install a urine trough?
356
00:14:43,429 --> 00:14:45,131
You wouldn't dare!
357
00:14:45,132 --> 00:14:47,400
I don't have much of a choice, do I?
358
00:14:47,401 --> 00:14:48,901
Well, then neither do I!
359
00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:50,252
And now if you'll excuse me,
360
00:14:50,253 --> 00:14:52,919
I have discerning palates to sate!
361
00:14:57,606 --> 00:15:00,928
I hate it when he talks like a book.
362
00:15:00,929 --> 00:15:02,529
I know.
363
00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:04,231
But think about it from his side.
364
00:15:04,232 --> 00:15:05,935
I mean, he's getting
to live out a fantasy.
365
00:15:05,936 --> 00:15:07,735
And remember, he did this to help you.
366
00:15:07,736 --> 00:15:09,169
I know.
367
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:10,904
It's not like I enjoy having people
368
00:15:10,905 --> 00:15:12,773
trash my apartment every night.
369
00:15:12,774 --> 00:15:15,876
That's supposed to be my job.
370
00:15:15,877 --> 00:15:19,246
Well, one of you is gonna have
to be the bigger person,
371
00:15:19,247 --> 00:15:22,648
and I think we both know
who the bigger person is.
372
00:15:26,287 --> 00:15:27,655
It's me, right?
373
00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,490
Of course it is.
374
00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,494
Hey, Felix, can you talk for a second?
375
00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:35,462
Sorry, no, I've got to get these
supplies down to Langford's.
376
00:15:35,463 --> 00:15:37,631
Elderberries for our
new signature cocktail.
377
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,732
A Terence Trent D'Arby
CD for atmosphere.
378
00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,470
And truffle oil.
379
00:15:45,506 --> 00:15:47,608
For the fries.
380
00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:49,342
Monster!
381
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,188
Oh, Emily!
382
00:16:01,189 --> 00:16:02,856
Problem.
383
00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:04,991
The swan is our weekend napkin.
384
00:16:07,161 --> 00:16:08,595
Weekdays are rabbits.
385
00:16:08,596 --> 00:16:12,365
Does somebody need another
copy of the napkin calendar?
386
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,469
Felix, we have to talk,
387
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:16,603
okay?
388
00:16:16,604 --> 00:16:17,605
For the past four days...
389
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:18,589
FREDDIE: Is that Unger?!
390
00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:19,340
Grab him!
391
00:16:19,341 --> 00:16:20,673
Don't let him leave!
392
00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:22,975
Got him, Chief!
393
00:16:24,945 --> 00:16:26,647
What did you do?!
394
00:16:26,648 --> 00:16:27,815
What do you mean?
395
00:16:27,816 --> 00:16:28,782
Maureen, let go!
396
00:16:28,783 --> 00:16:30,851
You've got gorilla strength.
397
00:16:30,852 --> 00:16:32,186
I was gone three days.
398
00:16:32,187 --> 00:16:34,782
The restaurant lost $3,200!
399
00:16:34,783 --> 00:16:36,726
What are you talking about?
The place was packed!
400
00:16:36,727 --> 00:16:39,626
You spent too much
on your fancy ingredients.
401
00:16:39,627 --> 00:16:40,961
Bison?
402
00:16:40,962 --> 00:16:42,363
Truffles?
403
00:16:42,364 --> 00:16:45,866
I lost money on everything
that came out of that kitchen.
404
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,530
The crowd that I was
trying to cater to...
405
00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:48,569
That's another thing!
406
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:50,703
Your crowd doesn't drink enough.
407
00:16:52,206 --> 00:16:53,807
They're too pleased with their lives.
408
00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:57,176
I want sad bastards
with drinking problems!
409
00:16:59,113 --> 00:17:01,949
I'm so sorry, Felix.
410
00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:04,752
It's such a bummer to have
to go back to paper napkins
411
00:17:04,753 --> 00:17:06,920
and me having time and energy
412
00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:09,155
to pursue my passions and whatnot.
413
00:17:10,391 --> 00:17:11,824
Darn it!
414
00:17:14,895 --> 00:17:17,039
I'm sure that we could find
some sort of compromise...
415
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:17,931
Buhp-buhp!
416
00:17:17,932 --> 00:17:20,901
From now on, you are a silent investor.
417
00:17:20,902 --> 00:17:22,069
Do you understand?
418
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,537
I just wanted to...
419
00:17:23,538 --> 00:17:24,905
Buhp!
420
00:17:24,906 --> 00:17:27,241
Silent!
421
00:17:27,242 --> 00:17:30,510
First my daughter
explodes and now this.
422
00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,614
(knocking)
423
00:17:35,916 --> 00:17:37,351
Norman, you're here early.
424
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:38,952
Yeah, actually, I've got some bad news.
425
00:17:38,953 --> 00:17:40,854
Mr. and Mrs. Kim downstairs
426
00:17:40,855 --> 00:17:43,056
complained about the
crowds and the noise
427
00:17:43,057 --> 00:17:47,294
and someone dropping a potted
plant onto their balcony.
428
00:17:47,295 --> 00:17:48,562
That was you.
429
00:17:48,563 --> 00:17:50,197
You did that.
430
00:17:50,198 --> 00:17:54,435
You, me, either way,
I gotta shut you down.
431
00:17:54,436 --> 00:17:56,936
I'm afraid it's the end
of Langford's North.
432
00:17:58,505 --> 00:18:00,106
I'm sorry, Oscar.
433
00:18:02,443 --> 00:18:05,044
Mr. Rogers.
434
00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:12,418
Captain Kangaroo.
435
00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:21,128
Felix, you will be happy
to know that Oscar...
436
00:18:21,129 --> 00:18:23,764
Dani, Dani, Dani, Dani!
437
00:18:23,765 --> 00:18:25,866
You will be happy to
know that I have decided
438
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,402
to close down Langford's
North for good.
439
00:18:28,403 --> 00:18:30,002
For you!
440
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,105
I mean,
441
00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:33,340
you live here too,
442
00:18:33,341 --> 00:18:35,375
and you can't be unhappy
where you live.
443
00:18:35,376 --> 00:18:38,645
So, you're welcome.
444
00:18:38,646 --> 00:18:40,981
That is such a coincidence
because we were...
445
00:18:40,982 --> 00:18:42,415
Because...
446
00:18:45,018 --> 00:18:46,288
I was just coming to tell you
447
00:18:46,289 --> 00:18:48,256
that I am stepping away
from Langford's.
448
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,224
Was I a stunning success?
449
00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:51,526
Yes.
450
00:18:51,527 --> 00:18:54,262
Does it matter if it makes you unhappy?
451
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:55,563
No, not a whit.
452
00:18:55,564 --> 00:18:58,466
Well, that is a great reaction
453
00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:02,670
to the grand gesture
that I made... first.
454
00:19:02,671 --> 00:19:04,105
Not that it's important,
455
00:19:04,106 --> 00:19:06,240
but that is the order in which it went.
456
00:19:06,241 --> 00:19:08,743
Why are we even arguing?
457
00:19:08,744 --> 00:19:10,411
We'll never know who went first,
458
00:19:10,412 --> 00:19:12,195
or who thought of their
thing in the elevator
459
00:19:12,196 --> 00:19:14,986
before they even came in here
and you said your thing, so...
460
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:18,252
Yeah, I mean, who cares
who thought of it first?
461
00:19:18,253 --> 00:19:21,788
The important thing is that it was me.
462
00:19:22,924 --> 00:19:25,126
How do you work for him?
463
00:19:25,127 --> 00:19:27,227
How do you sleep with him?
464
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:29,764
I'm sorry, Oscar.
465
00:19:29,765 --> 00:19:31,065
You know I get carried away.
466
00:19:31,066 --> 00:19:32,266
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
467
00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:33,850
I didn't mean to call you a fun-killer.
468
00:19:33,851 --> 00:19:35,670
You were just trying to help me out.
469
00:19:35,671 --> 00:19:36,804
(knocking)
470
00:19:36,805 --> 00:19:38,672
Let's get our drink on!
471
00:19:40,908 --> 00:19:44,245
Sorry, guys, Langford's
North is closed for good.
472
00:19:44,246 --> 00:19:45,913
(groaning)
473
00:19:45,914 --> 00:19:47,148
Wait, Oscar.
474
00:19:47,149 --> 00:19:48,916
Why don't you do it one last time?
475
00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:49,750
Really?
476
00:19:49,751 --> 00:19:51,118
Why not?
477
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:52,353
(cheering)
478
00:19:52,354 --> 00:19:53,488
I'll order pizza!
479
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:56,691
No, no, no, no, no,
pizza is so pedestrian.
480
00:19:56,692 --> 00:19:58,993
I know a hot new Ethiopian place
481
00:19:58,994 --> 00:20:01,494
that does a marvelous yesiga fit-fit.
482
00:20:03,531 --> 00:20:04,864
Pizza it is.
483
00:20:13,899 --> 00:20:15,634
So, Felix, we're good?
484
00:20:15,635 --> 00:20:17,035
No hard feelings?
485
00:20:17,036 --> 00:20:18,036
Of course.
486
00:20:18,037 --> 00:20:19,304
Actually, it was exhausting
487
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:21,473
maintaining such a high
standard of excellence.
488
00:20:21,474 --> 00:20:23,874
Well, those days are long gone.
489
00:20:24,843 --> 00:20:26,344
Here they are...
490
00:20:26,345 --> 00:20:28,546
the first batch out of the fryer.
491
00:20:28,547 --> 00:20:30,181
(crunching)
492
00:20:30,182 --> 00:20:32,851
Nice, greasy texture.
493
00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:35,352
I'm getting notes of smoke...
494
00:20:36,621 --> 00:20:38,355
...and a hint of potato.
495
00:20:40,992 --> 00:20:42,394
Yep, the fries are back!
496
00:20:42,395 --> 00:20:44,029
(cheering)
497
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:45,997
Fred, how do you do it?
498
00:20:45,998 --> 00:20:47,132
I got lucky.
499
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:48,533
I found the old oil
500
00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:51,135
in a 50-gallon drum back in the alley.
501
00:20:52,871 --> 00:20:54,339
I didn't leave it there.
502
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,176
I took it straight to
the recycling center.
503
00:20:56,177 --> 00:20:59,644
Hm.
504
00:20:59,645 --> 00:21:02,647
So where did this oil come from?
505
00:21:02,648 --> 00:21:03,948
Who gives a crap?
506
00:21:03,949 --> 00:21:05,182
It's delicious!
507
00:21:08,648 --> 00:21:16,248
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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