1
00:00:02,082 --> 00:00:04,751
Okay, this is a bit unorthodox.
2
00:00:04,752 --> 00:00:08,388
Normally, I do couples
counseling in my office.
3
00:00:08,389 --> 00:00:11,190
And, you know, one couple at a time.
4
00:00:13,994 --> 00:00:16,229
Now, how did this all start?
5
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Please!
6
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Please!
7
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One at a time!
8
00:00:24,772 --> 00:00:26,039
I'll go first!
9
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,676
It all started when my
dumbass fool of a husband
10
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sent flowers to another woman.
11
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Uh, if you don't mind,
12
00:00:33,247 --> 00:00:36,082
this dumbass fool of a
husband can tell his own story.
13
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Diane gave me the boot.
14
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When women kick their husbands out,
15
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do they actually hand
them a map to my place?
16
00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:51,998
Teddy, what happened?
17
00:00:51,999 --> 00:00:54,568
Just last week at dinner,
you and Diane were engaged
18
00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:56,136
in a rather saucy game of footsie.
19
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Oh, that was fun to be in the middle of.
20
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Diane found out I sent
flowers to Serena Williams.
21
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It was completely innocent.
22
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I was just trying to
get her to sign my balls.
23
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For a charity auction!
24
00:01:11,985 --> 00:01:14,454
Well, did you explain
the situation to Diane?
25
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Yeah, but it's a little hard to talk
26
00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:18,725
when your wife is chasing
you with a pepper grinder.
27
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That woman can weaponize anything.
28
00:01:21,762 --> 00:01:23,763
Oscar, Teddy and Diane
are clearly in the middle
29
00:01:23,764 --> 00:01:25,432
of a marital crisis.
30
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Nah, this happens every few years.
31
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They fight,
32
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Teddy comes over here to cool down,
33
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they make up, and, bam,
they're back to foot foreplay.
34
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Well, then why does he have a suitcase?
35
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:37,083
'Cause I want her to
think I'm not coming back.
36
00:01:37,084 --> 00:01:39,312
But this is just a decoy.
37
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Chips!
38
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And...
39
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Dips!
40
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Ah, it's gonna be so great.
41
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We'll grab a couple of beers,
42
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we'll watch the fight,
43
00:01:48,723 --> 00:01:51,256
and enjoy a little man-on-man action.
44
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That didn't sound right.
45
00:01:54,195 --> 00:01:56,795
Enjoy a little man-with-man action.
46
00:01:58,064 --> 00:02:00,133
Well, that's not better.
47
00:02:00,134 --> 00:02:01,968
Oscar, if these fights are recurring,
48
00:02:01,969 --> 00:02:03,890
then clearly there's a
problem that won't go away
49
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:04,891
until it's addressed.
50
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,573
Yes. On the other hand...
51
00:02:09,242 --> 00:02:11,678
Teddy, look, you are
a husband and a father,
52
00:02:11,679 --> 00:02:13,313
and, unlike Oscar, a mature adult.
53
00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:14,781
I think you know what to do.
54
00:02:15,916 --> 00:02:16,916
He's right.
55
00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:18,084
Happy hour at Langford's?
56
00:02:18,085 --> 00:02:19,485
Happy hour at Langford's!
57
00:02:20,687 --> 00:02:22,422
Teddy, you've got to deal with this.
58
00:02:22,423 --> 00:02:24,326
Sorry, buddy, you'll have
to wait till tomorrow,
59
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'cause this dude and I are
about to go at it all night!
60
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Damn it!
61
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,903
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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This is fun.
63
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Can you believe Felix wanted you
64
00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:40,473
to call your wife and work it out?
65
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:41,841
Yeah, like I would take advice
66
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from a guy who owns two unicycles.
67
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I know. Just get a bicycle!
68
00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:49,683
Oh, great, Emily.
69
00:02:49,684 --> 00:02:51,151
Can we get two beers here, please?
70
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Oh, I'm actually not working today.
71
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Perfect, don't have to tip you.
72
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We're actually here to celebrate
73
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- because we have big news.
- Mm-hmm.
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We are going to be roommates!
75
00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:04,064
Thought you were
already living together.
76
00:03:04,065 --> 00:03:05,765
No, I was just crashing at her place.
77
00:03:05,766 --> 00:03:07,549
So I asked her to move
in with me officially,
78
00:03:07,550 --> 00:03:09,502
- and she said yes.
- Yay!
79
00:03:09,503 --> 00:03:12,939
So the big news is you're
gonna continue to do
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the uninteresting thing
you were already doing?
81
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Don't rain on our parade.
82
00:03:16,811 --> 00:03:18,845
- Yeah, we're really excited.
- Mm-hmm.
83
00:03:18,846 --> 00:03:20,389
You're right, this is exciting. I'm...
84
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:22,089
Still not getting you a beer.
85
00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:26,519
Uhp, text from Diane.
Time to call it a night.
86
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,054
- Aw.
- Sorry, buddy.
87
00:03:28,055 --> 00:03:30,590
My marriage takes precedence
over goofing off with you.
88
00:03:30,591 --> 00:03:33,592
Yeah, I remember she made
you put that in your vows.
89
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:36,262
Oh, wait, it's from Felix.
90
00:03:36,263 --> 00:03:39,399
"I implore you to call your
wife and open up the lines
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00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,263
of spousal communication
so the healing can..."
92
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,435
How long is this thing?
93
00:03:42,436 --> 00:03:43,737
Forget that.
94
00:03:43,738 --> 00:03:45,572
Let's not let Felix ruin our night.
95
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,116
Well, what if Diane needs to reach me?
96
00:03:47,117 --> 00:03:49,509
Would you stop letting
her call all the shots?
97
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:51,678
Make her wait a little,
show her who's boss.
98
00:03:51,679 --> 00:03:53,012
Yeah!
99
00:03:53,013 --> 00:03:54,013
It's her, right?
100
00:03:54,014 --> 00:03:55,681
It's definitely her!
101
00:03:59,619 --> 00:04:02,287
I just hope we're on the
right floor this time.
102
00:04:04,124 --> 00:04:05,125
Yeah.
103
00:04:05,126 --> 00:04:07,193
That old man was a jerk.
104
00:04:07,194 --> 00:04:08,661
Freezer full of popsicles,
105
00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:10,562
he wouldn't even give us one lick.
106
00:04:16,703 --> 00:04:18,338
Yeah, this is the right place.
107
00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:20,206
All right.
108
00:04:20,207 --> 00:04:21,641
Well, well.
109
00:04:21,642 --> 00:04:25,078
Look who is back from trying to
drown their problems in booze.
110
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:26,679
I know that one!
111
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,846
It's us!
112
00:04:28,982 --> 00:04:30,483
But you cannot drown your problems
113
00:04:30,484 --> 00:04:33,052
because problems know how to swim.
114
00:04:33,053 --> 00:04:35,888
Let's tie rocks to their legs.
115
00:04:36,956 --> 00:04:38,958
How about we pour some
scotch on those rocks?
116
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Nice! Nice!
117
00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,771
Hey, Felix, why don't you
relax and have a drink.
118
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Don't be silly.
119
00:04:43,764 --> 00:04:45,832
I've already brushed,
flossed, water picked,
120
00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:47,667
and done my gum exercises.
121
00:04:47,668 --> 00:04:49,335
Yes, because drinking
would get in the way
122
00:04:49,336 --> 00:04:51,570
of meddling in other people's business.
123
00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:54,962
Teddy, as a person who has
recently had his heart broken
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00:04:54,963 --> 00:04:56,176
and fed into a wood chipper,
125
00:04:56,177 --> 00:04:58,745
I urge you not to take your
relationship for granted.
126
00:04:58,746 --> 00:05:00,689
Now, one of our neighbors
is a couples therapist.
127
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,723
I would be happy to give you her number.
128
00:05:04,517 --> 00:05:05,852
Who cares about your happiness?
129
00:05:05,853 --> 00:05:07,387
Butt out.
130
00:05:07,388 --> 00:05:09,155
Oh, sure, I could do that.
131
00:05:09,156 --> 00:05:10,924
That would be the easy thing to do.
132
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The lazy thing to do.
133
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The Oscar thing to do.
134
00:05:14,695 --> 00:05:17,497
As opposed to the Felix
thing to do, which would be
135
00:05:17,498 --> 00:05:21,300
to burrow into everybody's
business like a manic badger.
136
00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:24,537
Race you to the bottom!
137
00:05:24,538 --> 00:05:25,738
Thanks, Teddy.
138
00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:28,141
Unlike you, Teddy gets it.
139
00:05:28,142 --> 00:05:30,910
More drinking...
140
00:05:30,911 --> 00:05:33,513
less thinking.
141
00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:35,548
Yes, sure. Who cares?
142
00:05:35,549 --> 00:05:37,150
Get drunk. Avoid everything.
143
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:41,354
Now that sounds like the kind
of guy I would love to live with.
144
00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:43,923
So I suppose you're saying
you wish you'd chosen
145
00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:46,028
someone like Teddy to be
your roommate instead of me.
146
00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:49,002
Well, I didn't exactly choose you.
147
00:05:51,564 --> 00:05:52,999
What is that supposed to mean?
148
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,568
Face it, Felix, you just kind
of showed up and never left.
149
00:05:55,569 --> 00:05:58,571
I just "showed up and never left"?
150
00:05:58,572 --> 00:06:01,241
So we agree.
151
00:06:01,242 --> 00:06:03,241
- Take it back.
- I won't.
152
00:06:04,177 --> 00:06:06,311
That wouldn't be the Oscar thing to do.
153
00:06:07,213 --> 00:06:09,548
And I'm Oscar.
154
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:13,018
Fine. I know where I'm not wanted.
155
00:06:13,686 --> 00:06:15,688
Oscar and I had a fight.
156
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:18,024
I know we just broke up,
but would it be all right
157
00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,368
if I slept on your couch tonight?
158
00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:20,326
Of course.
159
00:06:20,327 --> 00:06:21,728
Come in, honey.
160
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:22,928
Thank you.
161
00:06:29,702 --> 00:06:32,471
I'll be right back with all the cellos.
162
00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:50,814
Oh, Rihanna, yeah.
163
00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:00,658
Oscar...
164
00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:01,892
Wake up!
165
00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:06,064
Hey!
166
00:07:06,065 --> 00:07:09,133
That was like an actual sit-up.
167
00:07:09,134 --> 00:07:11,002
What time is it? Where's my phone?
168
00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:13,037
I took it from you last night, remember?
169
00:07:13,038 --> 00:07:14,539
- Oh, yeah.
- Here you go.
170
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,207
There it is, yeah.
171
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:18,142
Oh, crap!
172
00:07:18,143 --> 00:07:20,411
Got 12 messages from Diane!
173
00:07:20,412 --> 00:07:23,408
Teddy-bear, this is silly.
174
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,776
Come home, baby.
175
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,778
Doesn't sound too bad.
176
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,080
That was at 7:00 last night.
177
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,950
Theodore, where are you?
178
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,751
Are you ignoring my calls?
179
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:40,659
That was at 7:03.
180
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:44,662
Call my ass back!
181
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:49,201
That was 7:21!
182
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,637
Oh, my God, what am I gonna do?
183
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,838
I should call Felix.
184
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,462
- He knows about relationships.
- No, no.
185
00:07:54,463 --> 00:07:56,788
Felix will just get you to try
to talk about your feelings.
186
00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:58,210
This is a time for action, man.
187
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,678
Ah, I don't know, Oscar.
188
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,979
Teddy, trust me.
189
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,281
Who's dealt with more
angry women than me?
190
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,217
Go on.
191
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,920
I know a jeweler who delivers.
192
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,454
Whenever I piss a woman off,
193
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,590
I just send her something
sparkly with a note
194
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,925
that says something like,
195
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:15,259
"I'm sorry I touched
your sister's boob."
196
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:18,330
But, you know, you can make it your own.
197
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,033
Yeah, that'll work.
198
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,136
You know, I just say I screwed
up and I'm really sorry.
199
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,838
I'll get you the phone number.
200
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:27,940
Where's my phone?
201
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,742
I'll call it for you.
202
00:08:44,723 --> 00:08:46,891
You want me to leave you a message?
203
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,798
Felix, you really didn't
have to make us lunch.
204
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,800
Oh, please, it's the least I could do
205
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,134
for you letting me stay here.
206
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:59,071
Plus, I packed the panini
press; why not use it?
207
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,374
Oh. What's up, roomie?
208
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,675
Hey!
209
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,939
Ooh, when I saw that panini
press in your bag last night,
210
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:08,046
I was hoping it would end this way.
211
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,314
Oh.
212
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,682
- Pillow's back.
- Yeah.
213
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:11,817
I put it out here last night
214
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,418
and somebody brought it back to my room.
215
00:09:13,442 --> 00:09:14,586
That was me.
216
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:17,289
Oh. I just thought it would
add a little life to the room,
217
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,810
- but if you don't like it...
- No, no.
218
00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:20,692
It's great. Uh, but
it might, I don't know,
219
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,694
look better somewhere else.
220
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,562
Like, uh...
221
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:26,964
Here!
222
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:29,901
Adds a bit of mystery.
223
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,903
It's like, "Ooh, what's that hiding
224
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,007
behind that pretty pillow?"
225
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,041
Great.
226
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,210
- Oh, great. Let's eat.
- Yep.
227
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,612
Nobody move!
228
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,714
I am sensing some tension here.
229
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,384
And, as we all know, the first 72 hours
230
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,019
of a roommate relationship are critical.
231
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,487
It's when the roles are established
232
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,721
and the boundaries are set.
233
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:50,722
Felix,
234
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,257
it's just a pillow.
235
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,793
And Manuela Carrasco was
just another flamenco dancer.
236
00:09:58,964 --> 00:10:01,700
No, I am sensing something
lurking underneath the surface.
237
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:02,900
I really don't...
238
00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:08,874
Now, there are certain people,
whose name shall remain Oscar,
239
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,742
who believe in ignoring their problems.
240
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:15,213
But we shall face our problems head on.
241
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:18,150
Don't worry, this won't take long.
242
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,451
Emily,
243
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,419
what kind of infant were you?
244
00:10:23,288 --> 00:10:25,390
She must have gotten
the bracelet by now.
245
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,392
Why hasn't she called?
246
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,795
Oh, don't worry, you and
your wife will be breaking out
247
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,931
the Barry White CDs before you know it.
248
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,701
Delivery from Reisenbach Jewels.
249
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,002
No, no! That's a mistake.
250
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,852
You were supposed to
deliver that to my wife!
251
00:10:38,853 --> 00:10:39,653
I did.
252
00:10:39,654 --> 00:10:41,739
She told me to bring it
to you with this note.
253
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,810
Oh, no, I'm too scared to read that.
254
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,111
You should be.
255
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,379
That woman is not well.
256
00:10:50,248 --> 00:10:51,750
What does it say?
257
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:54,586
"Theodore, I don't know who you
screwed up with last night..."
258
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,987
Oh, damn.
259
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,589
"...but she must have been something
260
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,091
if you're giving me diamonds."
261
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,392
Oh, God.
262
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,727
She thinks I cheated on her.
263
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,762
And, look, she drew a
little picture of you
264
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,831
with your head up your butt.
265
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,733
I knew I should have called Felix,
266
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,000
and now it's too late!
267
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,968
You're like a little circle.
268
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:14,005
But don't worry, I have a plan.
269
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,274
Does it involve us drinking
ourselves into a stupor?
270
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:17,808
Doesn't just involve it.
271
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,077
That's the whole thing.
272
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,281
No more drinking!
273
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:24,616
Ever!
274
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,317
Today.
275
00:11:27,285 --> 00:11:29,054
So, to summarize, we have learned
276
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,555
it's not really about pillows,
277
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:32,824
it's about Dani feeling marginalized
278
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,193
when she's not allowed to
make decisions in her new home.
279
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,230
I guess.
280
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:41,066
And it's about Emily
feeling a loss of control
281
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,168
as she transitions into cohabitation.
282
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,836
Sure, why not?
283
00:11:47,005 --> 00:11:48,774
Excellent.
284
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:50,208
- So, to recap...
- Damn it.
285
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,743
Ah, so close!
286
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,967
...we found it's not what's
being said that's important.
287
00:11:53,968 --> 00:11:56,047
It's what's underneath
what's being said.
288
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,082
Agreed?
289
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,384
If we say yes, can we eat?
290
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,419
Yes, you may.
291
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,819
- Then yes!
- Yes!
292
00:12:03,321 --> 00:12:05,524
Splendid.
293
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,726
I just wish Oscar were here to see this.
294
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,228
He would say, "Felix, you
were right, and I was wrong,
295
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,363
like I am about most things."
296
00:12:13,698 --> 00:12:16,300
Well, I'm off to work.
297
00:12:17,669 --> 00:12:19,337
Which is different from my calling...
298
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,505
helping people.
299
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:25,976
You're right, no need to thank me.
300
00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:29,648
I thought that would never end.
301
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:30,882
Yeah.
302
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:33,919
I spent the last 20
minutes in my happy place.
303
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,021
By the way, Denzel says hi.
304
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,225
So, about what Felix was saying,
305
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,061
I'm sorry if you feel marginalized.
306
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,429
No, no problem. I get it.
307
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,896
You just don't like change.
308
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,934
It's not that I don't like change.
309
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,203
I mean, I asked you to be my roommate.
310
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,138
That's a pretty big change.
311
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,308
Wait, wait, what does that mean?
312
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,542
What? Nothing.
313
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,910
'Cause if I'm looking underneath...
314
00:13:01,246 --> 00:13:03,281
...sounds like you're
saying it's too big a change.
315
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,617
Nope.
316
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,618
Not at all.
317
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,086
Okay.
318
00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:10,589
See, I feel
319
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,957
like you're putting
320
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,259
words in my mouth.
321
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:17,863
I let you change the decor,
just don't change my words.
322
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,297
It's one pillow.
323
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,198
One ugly pillow.
324
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:25,871
Denzel was right about you.
325
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:28,872
Denzel is overrated.
326
00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:38,282
Seriously?
327
00:13:50,459 --> 00:13:51,726
What are you looking at?
328
00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:54,463
Trying to find a new place to live.
329
00:13:54,464 --> 00:13:56,731
So far, the only thing in my price range
330
00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:59,668
is a used Chevy Vega.
331
00:13:59,669 --> 00:14:02,003
I might need a place, too.
332
00:14:02,004 --> 00:14:05,340
So dibs on the backseat.
333
00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:06,875
I got to wash this day off of me.
334
00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,443
I'm gonna go use Felix's shower.
335
00:14:08,444 --> 00:14:10,145
I used it this morning.
336
00:14:10,146 --> 00:14:12,000
You have to jiggle the handle just right
337
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:13,014
if you want hot water.
338
00:14:13,015 --> 00:14:14,315
You could use my shower.
339
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:16,016
I'm kidding.
340
00:14:17,085 --> 00:14:18,652
It even grosses me out.
341
00:14:20,857 --> 00:14:21,857
Hello.
342
00:14:21,858 --> 00:14:23,425
What?
343
00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:24,725
Okay.
344
00:14:27,095 --> 00:14:28,497
Diane's coming up here.
345
00:14:28,498 --> 00:14:30,899
Up here? Right now? Why?!
346
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,866
I don't know! I'm scared!
347
00:14:34,402 --> 00:14:35,537
Where are you going?
348
00:14:35,538 --> 00:14:37,405
- To jump off the balcony.
- Teddy!
349
00:14:37,406 --> 00:14:38,607
No, it's okay.
350
00:14:38,608 --> 00:14:40,408
If I hit that awning just right...
351
00:14:40,409 --> 00:14:42,711
I'll die.
352
00:14:46,748 --> 00:14:48,383
Someone should answer the door.
353
00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:49,751
It's your door.
354
00:14:49,752 --> 00:14:50,752
It's your wife!
355
00:14:50,753 --> 00:14:52,120
You're closer! Open the door!
356
00:14:52,121 --> 00:14:54,021
All right.
357
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,261
Hey, baby.
358
00:15:01,263 --> 00:15:02,596
Teddy.
359
00:15:06,902 --> 00:15:08,669
Hi, Oscar.
360
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,340
Hey, baby.
361
00:15:15,944 --> 00:15:19,114
Teddy, this has gone far enough.
362
00:15:19,115 --> 00:15:20,715
I want you to come home.
363
00:15:20,716 --> 00:15:21,816
You do?
364
00:15:21,817 --> 00:15:23,785
Oh, thank God.
365
00:15:23,786 --> 00:15:25,859
I know I got a little upset,
366
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:28,428
but you've never stayed
out all night before.
367
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:30,664
I had a little too much
to drink and I fell asleep.
368
00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:31,965
That's what I figured.
369
00:15:31,966 --> 00:15:33,066
I miss you.
370
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:35,969
Ooh, I miss you, too, snuggle-butt.
371
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,170
You didn't hear that.
372
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,772
If only.
373
00:15:38,773 --> 00:15:40,841
I'm sorry, baby.
374
00:15:40,842 --> 00:15:43,410
You're the only woman for me.
375
00:15:43,411 --> 00:15:46,445
Hey, Teddy, I need your
magic jiggle in the shower.
376
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,453
You lying son of a bitch!
377
00:15:53,454 --> 00:15:55,589
No, no... you don't understand!
378
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,590
She just needs me to get it hot!
379
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,727
Talk less, Teddy! Talk less!
380
00:16:00,728 --> 00:16:02,696
Diane, this is all a misunderstanding.
381
00:16:02,697 --> 00:16:04,196
Oh, you're on deck!
382
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,767
Dani!
383
00:16:06,768 --> 00:16:08,735
So you pack up your
suitcase but you forget this?
384
00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:11,872
I left it on purpose so people
might think you have some taste.
385
00:16:11,873 --> 00:16:13,607
Oh, really?
386
00:16:13,608 --> 00:16:16,777
I have so much taste that I can...
387
00:16:16,778 --> 00:16:18,110
taste it!
388
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:22,949
I could have married Mercury
Morris from the Miami Dolphins.
389
00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:25,285
Now here we go with the
"I could have marrieds."
390
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:29,623
Earl Campbell offered
to make my car payments.
391
00:16:29,624 --> 00:16:30,624
Oh, there you are. Good.
392
00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:31,725
I couldn't get into the apartment.
393
00:16:31,726 --> 00:16:33,029
Could I borrow one of your keys?
394
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:33,760
You can have mine.
395
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:35,662
I'm never going back down there again.
396
00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,097
Oh, why? Are they having
397
00:16:37,098 --> 00:16:39,532
a crappy pillow sale in Tackyville?
398
00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:45,172
Mean Joe Greene wasn't mean to me!
399
00:16:45,173 --> 00:16:46,473
Oh, yeah?
400
00:16:46,474 --> 00:16:48,842
Well, Miss Toni Braxton
told me I had a cute butt.
401
00:16:48,843 --> 00:16:51,411
Well, if you could get Toni Braxton,
402
00:16:51,412 --> 00:16:54,247
why you settling for
dinner scraps over here?
403
00:16:54,248 --> 00:16:56,248
Who you calling "dinner scraps"?
404
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:57,918
Oh, you know what?
405
00:17:01,456 --> 00:17:04,490
So there's a therapist
in the building, you say?
406
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,162
And that's when we called you.
407
00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,697
Okay.
408
00:17:10,698 --> 00:17:12,599
There's a lot to process here.
409
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,000
Yes, a lot of emotions to unpack.
410
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:18,271
We have our work cut out for
us, don't we, Dr. Goldman?
411
00:17:18,272 --> 00:17:21,174
Felix, I didn't know
you were a therapist.
412
00:17:21,175 --> 00:17:22,675
I'm not.
413
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:26,011
Why, do I threaten you?
414
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,415
See? Meddling.
415
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:30,050
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
416
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,551
He calls me a meddler.
417
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,886
And after all the times
418
00:17:32,887 --> 00:17:35,856
I stepped in to help him
without him even asking.
419
00:17:35,857 --> 00:17:37,124
You know what?
420
00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:39,259
I have dinner reservations
in, ooh, ten minutes.
421
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:40,961
So we're gonna cut to the chase.
422
00:17:40,962 --> 00:17:42,262
Diane and...
423
00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:45,531
I'm sorry, I didn't get
your name, dumbass fool.
424
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,835
It's Teddy.
425
00:17:48,836 --> 00:17:52,572
You said you have these
fights every so often.
426
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:55,275
But this one seemed to
escalate out of control
427
00:17:55,276 --> 00:17:58,211
when Teddy let Oscar get involved.
428
00:17:58,212 --> 00:17:59,646
Wait a minute.
429
00:17:59,647 --> 00:18:02,248
You taking advice from this chump?
430
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,851
Hey!
431
00:18:04,852 --> 00:18:06,787
Yeah, you're probably right.
432
00:18:06,788 --> 00:18:08,221
See, I told you, Oscar.
433
00:18:08,222 --> 00:18:09,589
You should have listened to me.
434
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:11,558
Well, that's what Dani and Emily did.
435
00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:14,094
And a minor disagreement got blown
436
00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:15,529
way out of proportion.
437
00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:18,665
Aha! You should have listened to me!
438
00:18:18,666 --> 00:18:20,901
No one should listen to you.
439
00:18:20,902 --> 00:18:22,502
Yeah, Oscar.
440
00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:24,104
You almost wrecked my marriage.
441
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:25,572
Yeah, and thanks to Felix,
442
00:18:25,573 --> 00:18:29,342
I was almost sleeping in
the back of a Chevy Vega.
443
00:18:29,343 --> 00:18:31,143
It got dark so fast.
444
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,014
Great job, Felix.
445
00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:35,715
Let's get out of here, Teddy-bear.
446
00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:37,918
Yeah, Teddy-bear wants some honey.
447
00:18:37,919 --> 00:18:38,884
Ugh.
448
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,122
We should go, too, roomie.
449
00:18:42,123 --> 00:18:43,786
Tiny House Hunters
starts in five minutes.
450
00:18:43,787 --> 00:18:46,788
Ooh! I love it when
they hit their heads.
451
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,601
Oscar, are we bad people?
452
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,939
We're not great.
453
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:02,475
Look, you're not bad people.
454
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,244
You had good intentions.
455
00:19:04,245 --> 00:19:06,146
Yeah, but if I had listened to Felix,
456
00:19:06,147 --> 00:19:08,490
then Teddy wouldn't have gotten
himself in so much trouble.
457
00:19:08,491 --> 00:19:11,084
And if I had listened to Oscar,
Emily and Dani would be fine.
458
00:19:11,085 --> 00:19:12,719
Interesting.
459
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,956
You know, it seems to
me that individually,
460
00:19:15,957 --> 00:19:19,759
the two of you are sources of
a lot of conflict and chaos.
461
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,061
But together...
462
00:19:21,062 --> 00:19:24,497
We make each other better!
463
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:28,033
I was going to say you
cancel each other out.
464
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,906
Which makes us better.
465
00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:34,808
Sure, why not?
466
00:19:34,809 --> 00:19:37,310
You are cured.
467
00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,880
I declare you both mentally healthy.
468
00:19:39,881 --> 00:19:42,648
I see no future problems here.
469
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,921
See? We're great!
470
00:19:47,922 --> 00:19:49,422
And a good match.
471
00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:52,025
And that is why I would
like to officially choose you
472
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:53,326
as my roommate.
473
00:19:53,327 --> 00:19:56,196
Will you move back in and cancel me out?
474
00:19:56,197 --> 00:19:58,865
I would be honored.
475
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,533
Welcome home, buddy.
476
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:01,768
Thank you.
477
00:20:01,769 --> 00:20:03,450
Now I'm gonna need you
to clear out of here
478
00:20:03,451 --> 00:20:05,154
for a few hours while
I shampoo the carpet.
479
00:20:05,155 --> 00:20:07,040
Lot of foot traffic in here today!
480
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:14,744
Oscar, don't sulk.
481
00:20:14,745 --> 00:20:17,114
You can push the button next time.
482
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:20,484
That's what you said last time.
483
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,018
Hold the elevator!
484
00:20:22,019 --> 00:20:24,558
Dr. Goldman!
485
00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:26,192
Oh, boy.
486
00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:32,385
I am so glad that we ran into you.
487
00:20:32,386 --> 00:20:34,633
I've been going over my notes
from yesterday's session,
488
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:38,005
and I have a host of
observations to share with you.
489
00:20:38,006 --> 00:20:39,940
You know, my schedule's pretty tight.
490
00:20:39,941 --> 00:20:41,108
See, Dr. Goldman?
491
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,210
This is what I have
to deal with every day.
492
00:20:43,211 --> 00:20:44,545
He's compulsive, right?
493
00:20:44,546 --> 00:20:46,447
Is there a pill he can take for that,
494
00:20:46,448 --> 00:20:48,516
or a really painful injection?
495
00:20:48,517 --> 00:20:50,283
Oh, this is me.
496
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:52,386
Four?
497
00:20:52,387 --> 00:20:54,221
I thought you lived on 14.
498
00:20:54,222 --> 00:20:56,857
I do, but I read an article called,
499
00:20:56,858 --> 00:21:01,327
"Ten Flights a Day Gives You
the Glutes You Want, Yay!"
500
00:21:02,163 --> 00:21:04,230
Oh, God, I've got to move.
501
00:21:06,267 --> 00:21:08,803
That was rude of her to walk
out on our session like that.
502
00:21:08,804 --> 00:21:10,336
I concur.
503
00:21:12,226 --> 00:21:19,826
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