1
00:00:04,146 --> 00:00:05,581
Food, food!
2
00:00:05,582 --> 00:00:07,149
Not our food.
3
00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:09,852
Hey, we ordered before they did.
4
00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:12,486
Hey, here's the thing... they tip.
5
00:00:13,922 --> 00:00:15,556
Greetings, chaps.
6
00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:20,494
What are you, the Not-So-Great Gatsby?
7
00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:22,765
Those are nice binoculars.
8
00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:25,734
What are you, looking at stuff?
9
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,175
These are for my bird-watching club.
10
00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:28,436
Now that I'm single,
I'm trying to meet women
11
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:29,404
with similar interests
12
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:31,306
in the hopes of finding
my perfect mate.
13
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:33,375
Oh.
14
00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:34,643
You're dating again.
15
00:00:34,644 --> 00:00:36,912
Good... that's great.
16
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:39,882
Yes, I am able to since
you broke up with me.
17
00:00:39,883 --> 00:00:41,650
So...
18
00:00:41,651 --> 00:00:44,453
lucky me, I guess.
19
00:00:44,454 --> 00:00:46,488
I didn't mean for it to sound like I...
20
00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:48,524
I am just glad that
you're able to date again
21
00:00:48,525 --> 00:00:49,724
after I...
22
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,261
Order up for Emily.
23
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:53,928
Oh, order up for me, gotta go.
24
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,999
So, have you met anyone yet?
25
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,169
Well, to be honest, it has
been fairly slim pickings.
26
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,270
WOMAN: Felix!
27
00:01:01,271 --> 00:01:04,973
You just missed a
white breasted nuthatch!
28
00:01:04,974 --> 00:01:06,909
Thank you, Muriel.
29
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,577
Muriel, these are my friends, who can
30
00:01:08,578 --> 00:01:10,813
keep their opinions to themselves.
31
00:01:10,814 --> 00:01:11,680
Hello.
32
00:01:11,681 --> 00:01:12,481
ALL: Hi.
33
00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:13,782
Excuse me,
34
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,350
I need to use the little girls' room.
35
00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:19,620
An older lady, all right.
36
00:01:20,823 --> 00:01:22,558
Can't put a price on
experience, because
37
00:01:22,559 --> 00:01:25,459
that would cost a fortune.
38
00:01:27,362 --> 00:01:29,464
Top-notch jibes, top-notch.
39
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,985
But it's not so easy looking for love,
40
00:01:30,986 --> 00:01:33,250
and I'm not going to find
my soul mate by sitting at home
41
00:01:33,251 --> 00:01:34,952
and polishing my fiddle.
42
00:01:37,206 --> 00:01:40,041
Which is not a euphemism.
43
00:01:40,042 --> 00:01:42,066
Listen, dating doesn't have
to be that complicated.
44
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,567
Watch.
45
00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:50,719
(grunting)
46
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,854
I'm Michelle.
47
00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:53,255
Want to get out of here?
48
00:01:53,256 --> 00:01:55,357
Yeah, yeah.
49
00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:56,725
You want me to write that down?
50
00:01:56,726 --> 00:01:57,826
I'm good.
51
00:01:57,827 --> 00:01:58,894
Okay.
52
00:01:58,895 --> 00:02:00,462
Felix,
53
00:02:00,463 --> 00:02:02,264
there are a lot of ways to meet people.
54
00:02:02,265 --> 00:02:04,900
In this new world, all you
have to do is use technology.
55
00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:06,068
What are you doing?
56
00:02:06,069 --> 00:02:08,503
I just took your profile pic.
57
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,639
You just joined a new
app called Seek-A-Boo.
58
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,275
No... I'm not going to
search for women on the Internet
59
00:02:13,276 --> 00:02:16,544
like the way I shop for
vintage German vacuum parts.
60
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,214
This app works.
61
00:02:19,215 --> 00:02:20,816
I had three dates last week...
62
00:02:20,817 --> 00:02:24,186
steak, duck, and I'm seeing
lobster again tonight.
63
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,921
Dating is a numbers game.
64
00:02:25,922 --> 00:02:27,745
Do you know how many
women I had to go through
65
00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:28,724
before I met Charlotte?
66
00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:31,258
Yes... our bedrooms are
right next to each other.
67
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,463
Muriel,
68
00:02:34,464 --> 00:02:36,198
may I escort you home?
69
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:40,568
Oh, Felix, I'm flattered, but
I just don't see you that way.
70
00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:47,202
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
71
00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,579
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
72
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:52,047
- I'm headed up to my place.
- Okay.
73
00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:53,715
Oh, um...
74
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,584
I'll take a rain check.
75
00:02:55,585 --> 00:02:57,368
I mean, you've brushed
your teeth, I haven't.
76
00:02:57,369 --> 00:02:58,854
It's not a level kissing field.
77
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:00,522
You know, if you want, you could leave
78
00:03:00,523 --> 00:03:02,090
your toothbrush here,
79
00:03:02,091 --> 00:03:03,725
right in this thing.
80
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,760
Felix says it's more
than just a beer holder.
81
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:08,963
That's okay.
82
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:12,768
Oh, come on.
83
00:03:12,769 --> 00:03:14,512
We've been dating each
other for six months.
84
00:03:14,513 --> 00:03:16,605
We've named each other's naughty parts.
85
00:03:16,606 --> 00:03:18,407
Good morning, Dani.
86
00:03:18,408 --> 00:03:20,741
I didn't hear the bad thing.
87
00:03:23,045 --> 00:03:25,480
So you really don't want to
leave your toothbrush here?
88
00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:26,515
I've got my routine.
89
00:03:26,516 --> 00:03:27,482
I'll see you later.
90
00:03:27,483 --> 00:03:28,716
Bye, Dani.
91
00:03:29,618 --> 00:03:32,087
Mmm.
92
00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:35,891
What, "Mmm" about the toothbrush thing?
93
00:03:35,892 --> 00:03:37,659
I don't want to get involved.
94
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:39,083
But you're saying there's something
95
00:03:39,084 --> 00:03:40,189
not to get involved in.
96
00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:43,031
I'm not saying anything.
97
00:03:43,032 --> 00:03:45,100
I'm just saying.
98
00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:48,203
Well, well, say what you're saying.
99
00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:49,838
Okay.
100
00:03:49,839 --> 00:03:51,742
I was watching a nature
program the other night,
101
00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:53,241
and when a penguin gives a pebble
102
00:03:53,242 --> 00:03:55,877
to another penguin, it
signifies a serious commitment.
103
00:03:55,878 --> 00:03:57,479
What?
104
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,548
I'm not sure Charlotte
wants your pebble.
105
00:04:02,651 --> 00:04:04,119
Oh, you don't know anything.
106
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,520
Charlotte and I are great.
107
00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:06,754
Mmm.
108
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,493
What's wrong with my pebble?
109
00:04:11,494 --> 00:04:13,862
Ah, checking out your
new dating app, huh?
110
00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:16,765
Well, curiosity got the better of me,
111
00:04:16,766 --> 00:04:17,899
but it's ridiculous.
112
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,501
I mean, how is one supposed to choose
113
00:04:19,502 --> 00:04:20,885
between thousands of random women?
114
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,505
As God intended...
by physical appearance.
115
00:04:23,506 --> 00:04:24,773
Oscar,
116
00:04:24,774 --> 00:04:26,875
that is no way to start a real,
meaningful relationship.
117
00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:28,077
Well, you shouldn't be looking
118
00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:29,578
to get into a relationship right now.
119
00:04:29,579 --> 00:04:31,346
They're really confusing.
120
00:04:31,347 --> 00:04:32,814
Is everything okay with Charlotte?
121
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:34,850
Yeah, I think so.
122
00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:37,185
Women are very hard to read.
123
00:04:37,186 --> 00:04:39,888
Just like books.
124
00:04:39,889 --> 00:04:41,757
I'm looking for that
one to curl up with
125
00:04:41,758 --> 00:04:43,291
for the rest of my life.
126
00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:46,194
No, don't be looking
to settle down right now.
127
00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:48,797
You should just go out, meet
someone, and have a good time.
128
00:04:48,798 --> 00:04:50,966
If, by "good time,"
you mean casual sex...
129
00:04:50,967 --> 00:04:52,834
I do.
130
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:55,337
...then count me out.
131
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,721
I have never had a one-night stand,
132
00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:58,243
and I don't intend to start right now.
133
00:04:58,244 --> 00:04:59,187
And what are you doing?
134
00:04:59,188 --> 00:04:59,841
Look at her.
135
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,510
She seems nice.
136
00:05:01,511 --> 00:05:06,014
Well, yes, but how do I know
if we have anything in common?
137
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,049
Well, you're about to find out.
138
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,617
You're meeting her for drinks tonight.
139
00:05:08,618 --> 00:05:10,379
I can't go on a date
with some strange woman.
140
00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:12,363
Well, you could stand her up,
but that wouldn't be
141
00:05:12,364 --> 00:05:13,255
very gentlemanly.
142
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:16,625
Oscar, there is no way...
143
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,193
Here's a picture of her in a bikini.
144
00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:20,427
Well, I am a gentleman.
145
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,541
- Uh, Eve?
- Yes.
146
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,708
Hello.
147
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,810
I am Felix Unger, from the Internet.
148
00:05:38,818 --> 00:05:40,348
Can I get you something to drink?
149
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:42,150
Gin and tonic.
150
00:05:42,151 --> 00:05:44,919
I will have same, with just
a passing mention of lime.
151
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,054
Little bit of lime.
152
00:05:49,991 --> 00:05:51,126
So,
153
00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:52,694
your profile said
you're a photographer.
154
00:05:52,695 --> 00:05:54,062
You know, Eve, I thought, um,
155
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:57,632
instead of small talk
tonight, we could try this.
156
00:05:57,633 --> 00:05:58,934
It is a series
157
00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:00,702
of 36 questions designed
by a psychologist
158
00:06:00,703 --> 00:06:01,703
to accelerate intimacy
159
00:06:01,704 --> 00:06:03,905
and determine long-term compatibility.
160
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,774
Oh, I don't know if I want to do that.
161
00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:07,576
Question number one.
162
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:10,077
When did you last weep, and why?
163
00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:14,249
Thank you.
164
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:17,185
Could you get started
on my next one, please?
165
00:06:17,186 --> 00:06:19,855
Oh, question 17... this is a fun one.
166
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:22,591
Have you ever thought about
how and when you will die?
167
00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:26,795
Yeah, since question three.
168
00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:28,463
I need to go to the ladies' room.
169
00:06:28,464 --> 00:06:30,831
- Oh.
- I'll be right back.
170
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,707
Oh, she's just going to the bathroom.
171
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,451
Oh, God, I hope not,
because she's out there
172
00:06:40,452 --> 00:06:42,277
on the sidewalk.
173
00:06:42,278 --> 00:06:44,513
Oh, well, maybe she
needed some fresh air.
174
00:06:44,514 --> 00:06:47,149
She's waving at a taxi.
175
00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:50,785
She probably knows that taxi driver.
176
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:52,320
And now she's getting in the taxi.
177
00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:54,456
And the taxi's driving away.
178
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:58,160
You may remove her drink.
179
00:06:58,161 --> 00:06:59,694
By the way, climbing a volcano.
180
00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:01,196
I'm sorry, what?
181
00:07:01,197 --> 00:07:03,365
Question 12... what's the
wildest thing you ever did?
182
00:07:03,366 --> 00:07:04,699
Oh, really?
183
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:05,534
Yeah.
184
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:06,268
A volcano.
185
00:07:06,269 --> 00:07:08,103
How daring.
186
00:07:08,104 --> 00:07:09,738
Oh, I'm-I'm Felix, by the way.
187
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:11,972
Natasha.
188
00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:15,376
(both gasp)
189
00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:18,446
I think I have a new answer
190
00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:19,714
for question 12.
191
00:07:19,715 --> 00:07:21,448
(whoops)
192
00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:32,104
(yodeling)
193
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,956
Say, Felix?
194
00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:38,026
Didn't we have the
yodeling conversation?
195
00:07:38,027 --> 00:07:41,329
Sorry, Oscar, it's just hard
to contain my jubilance.
196
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,597
Ah, your date went well.
197
00:07:42,598 --> 00:07:44,332
Well, you know that
I never kiss and tell,
198
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:46,634
but I had sex last night,
which involved a lot of kissing,
199
00:07:46,635 --> 00:07:47,802
and now I am telling you.
200
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:50,672
Congratulations, buddy.
201
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:51,973
My first one-night stand.
202
00:07:51,974 --> 00:07:54,141
I'm a hound.
203
00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:57,645
Hey, don't forget, I'm
the one who picked her out.
204
00:07:57,646 --> 00:08:01,014
So I hope you thought of me
last night while you two were...
205
00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,284
Never mind.
206
00:08:03,285 --> 00:08:05,220
Actually, Oscar, it wasn't
the woman you picked.
207
00:08:05,221 --> 00:08:07,155
She wasn't my type.
208
00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:08,623
Ran out on you, did she?
209
00:08:08,624 --> 00:08:10,758
Like there was a fire drill.
210
00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:12,727
But then I struck up a conversation
211
00:08:12,728 --> 00:08:14,362
with the bartendress.
212
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,965
Shot down, and he
soldiers on and gets up
213
00:08:16,966 --> 00:08:18,600
- to make me breakfast.
- Actually, no.
214
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:19,781
This is for Natasha and me.
215
00:08:21,069 --> 00:08:22,369
She's still here?
216
00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:24,706
And you're making her breakfast?
217
00:08:24,707 --> 00:08:26,808
That's not the way
one-night stands work.
218
00:08:26,809 --> 00:08:29,609
You don't feed 'em.
219
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,680
Oscar, I'm a gentleman,
220
00:08:32,681 --> 00:08:34,344
and as such I can't
allow a guest to leave
221
00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:35,984
without offering them a proper meal.
222
00:08:35,985 --> 00:08:39,854
Hey...
223
00:08:39,855 --> 00:08:42,223
Natasha,
224
00:08:42,224 --> 00:08:44,259
this is my roommate, Oscar.
225
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:47,195
Hey...
226
00:08:47,196 --> 00:08:49,497
Your place is amazing.
227
00:08:49,498 --> 00:08:50,898
I share a shoebox
228
00:08:50,899 --> 00:08:52,533
with, like, three other people.
229
00:08:52,534 --> 00:08:56,103
34, and I've got a
bathtub in my kitchen, what?
230
00:08:57,772 --> 00:09:00,441
Anyway, fun night, Felix.
231
00:09:00,442 --> 00:09:01,776
I'll see you around.
232
00:09:01,777 --> 00:09:02,744
- Natasha?
- Don't.
233
00:09:02,745 --> 00:09:04,078
FELIX: Would you care to...
234
00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,213
Do not.
235
00:09:05,214 --> 00:09:06,447
...stay for breakfast?
236
00:09:06,448 --> 00:09:07,681
You did.
237
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,185
Sure.
238
00:09:11,186 --> 00:09:12,920
I mean, who turns down a free meal?
239
00:09:12,921 --> 00:09:14,589
Wonderful.
240
00:09:14,590 --> 00:09:18,226
Oh, Felix, this looks really nice.
241
00:09:18,227 --> 00:09:19,661
Well, thank you for saying so.
242
00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:20,795
See, it's fine.
243
00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:23,264
Make it quick... one egg and out.
244
00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,667
Well.
245
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:27,411
I hope you like
fresh-squeezed orange juice.
246
00:09:27,412 --> 00:09:30,680
Sneak a little vodka in there,
you've got yourself a deal!
247
00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:39,380
Seems like the coast is clear.
248
00:09:39,381 --> 00:09:42,549
Did Natasha egg it and leg it?
249
00:09:43,618 --> 00:09:46,621
(chuckles) Came up with
that one on the walk home.
250
00:09:46,622 --> 00:09:48,222
Actually, um...
251
00:09:48,223 --> 00:09:50,591
Oh... my... God!
252
00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:52,527
That whirlpool bathtub
253
00:09:52,528 --> 00:09:55,630
was fantastic!
254
00:09:55,631 --> 00:10:00,101
I almost just proposed
to one of your air jets.
255
00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:04,105
You're still here, and you're bathing.
256
00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:05,940
You know what?
257
00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:07,809
It is such a beautiful day out,
258
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:11,112
I think I'm gonna go lay out
on the balcony for a while.
259
00:10:11,113 --> 00:10:13,414
Lie... objects lay, people lie.
260
00:10:13,415 --> 00:10:15,717
Okay, cool.
261
00:10:15,718 --> 00:10:17,485
So when's the wedding?
262
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,487
What am I supposed to do?
I can't get her to leave.
263
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,723
That's why you're not
supposed to feed them!
264
00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:25,827
Now she's topless...
she's on the balcony
265
00:10:25,828 --> 00:10:27,995
without a top!
266
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:30,198
Hey, Oscar, we need
to call the network...
267
00:10:30,199 --> 00:10:32,033
Nope, don't need to see that.
268
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:35,002
I'm not going to get
my eyes clawed out.
269
00:10:35,003 --> 00:10:37,271
Damn my chivalry!
270
00:10:37,272 --> 00:10:40,041
I am too nice to get rid of her.
271
00:10:40,042 --> 00:10:41,876
Luckily,
272
00:10:41,877 --> 00:10:43,678
I'm not.
273
00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,614
Natasha, may I speak
to you for a moment?
274
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,615
What up, dude?
275
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:56,891
I just think it might be breast
if... best if you were to...
276
00:10:56,892 --> 00:10:58,292
CHARLOTTE: Oscar?
277
00:10:58,293 --> 00:10:59,594
Oh, my God, it's Charlotte!
278
00:10:59,595 --> 00:11:01,596
- Who's Charlotte? Hi!
- Get down!
279
00:11:01,597 --> 00:11:03,498
Get down!
280
00:11:03,499 --> 00:11:06,166
Not what it looks like.
281
00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:08,903
That's Felix's one-night stand,
282
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:10,772
and I was not staring at her chest.
283
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:12,539
Except for one, but that's it.
284
00:11:14,175 --> 00:11:16,210
Okay, I believe you.
285
00:11:16,211 --> 00:11:17,645
You do?
286
00:11:17,646 --> 00:11:19,480
'Cause I'm telling the truth,
287
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:21,149
and I don't even buy it.
288
00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:22,350
It's okay.
289
00:11:22,351 --> 00:11:24,018
You can stare at naked women all day
290
00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:25,253
if you want.
291
00:11:25,254 --> 00:11:26,287
You don't care?
292
00:11:26,288 --> 00:11:27,822
What's going on with you?
293
00:11:27,823 --> 00:11:28,990
Nothing... what?
294
00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:30,934
Well, first you won't
leave your toothbrush here,
295
00:11:30,935 --> 00:11:32,318
then you don't mind if I'm staring
296
00:11:32,319 --> 00:11:34,986
at another woman's breasts,
which I did not, except for one.
297
00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,032
Are you checking out
of our relationship?
298
00:11:38,033 --> 00:11:39,533
No.
299
00:11:40,902 --> 00:11:42,603
Okay.
300
00:11:42,604 --> 00:11:44,739
I did get a little rattled
when you asked me
301
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,374
to leave my toothbrush here.
302
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:49,911
Why? What, what do you
think I'm gonna do with it?
303
00:11:49,912 --> 00:11:52,013
Nothing.
304
00:11:52,014 --> 00:11:53,948
It's just leaving my toothbrush here
305
00:11:53,949 --> 00:11:56,050
and getting upset if you
stare at another woman...
306
00:11:56,051 --> 00:11:58,052
they're signs that
we're getting serious.
307
00:11:58,053 --> 00:12:00,388
And the last serious
relationship I was in
308
00:12:00,389 --> 00:12:02,056
was my marriage, and I got crushed,
309
00:12:02,057 --> 00:12:04,826
and I just want to be careful.
310
00:12:04,827 --> 00:12:07,929
Look, I got burned
by my last divorce, too.
311
00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:11,232
Literally, she... she threw soup at me.
312
00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:13,468
(laughs)
313
00:12:13,469 --> 00:12:16,537
But let's not let our past
screw up our future.
314
00:12:16,538 --> 00:12:21,242
Okay, I will gladly
leave my toothbrush here.
315
00:12:21,243 --> 00:12:26,747
And as for looking at breasts,
eyes down here, buddy.
316
00:12:26,748 --> 00:12:30,050
Allow me to take you all out to lunch.
317
00:12:32,987 --> 00:12:36,791
Oh, good, you are robed.
318
00:12:36,792 --> 00:12:37,792
That makes sense.
319
00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:41,929
It is getting awfully late.
320
00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:43,965
I agree.
321
00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:45,399
- You do?
- Yes!
322
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,400
It's lunchtime.
323
00:12:46,401 --> 00:12:48,736
I'm starving.
324
00:12:48,737 --> 00:12:51,038
Ooh!
325
00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:53,140
Chips and salsa?
326
00:12:53,141 --> 00:12:55,743
I didn't know you were Spanish.
327
00:12:55,744 --> 00:12:59,580
Oh, Natasha, you know,
it's funny... there's so much
328
00:12:59,581 --> 00:13:01,449
that I don't know about you.
329
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:02,783
Like, um, oh, anything.
330
00:13:02,784 --> 00:13:05,786
For example, if you were
to go home right now,
331
00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:06,821
how would you do that?
332
00:13:06,822 --> 00:13:09,857
By, um, subway or taxi or...
333
00:13:09,858 --> 00:13:11,526
Could you open this for me?
334
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:12,793
(grunting)
335
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:15,329
Wow.
336
00:13:15,330 --> 00:13:16,830
So strong.
337
00:13:17,765 --> 00:13:19,933
Yes, I do Pilates.
338
00:13:21,602 --> 00:13:26,840
And, um... hot yoga.
339
00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:35,850
You're, like, the nicest guy ever.
340
00:13:35,851 --> 00:13:37,217
I know.
341
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:40,655
CHARLOTTE: Here we go.
342
00:13:40,656 --> 00:13:43,024
I was scared of combining our lives,
343
00:13:43,025 --> 00:13:44,892
but knowing you want it as much as I do
344
00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:46,327
makes me feel good.
345
00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:49,062
Here's to our future together.
346
00:13:50,498 --> 00:13:54,668
(jail cell door sliding,
then clanging shut)
347
00:13:55,803 --> 00:13:57,071
We did it!
348
00:13:57,072 --> 00:13:58,705
We sure did!
349
00:14:01,309 --> 00:14:03,576
Oh, my God, what have I done?
350
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:13,483
Hiya, hot stuff!
351
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,354
Well.
352
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:19,324
It is nice to see you in
the hand-woven dress shirt
353
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,660
that I was saving
for a special occasion.
354
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,162
Hey, you're still here.
355
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:26,597
And you're wearing a shirt...
that's new.
356
00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:30,235
Oh, sorry, babe,
I didn't know you were there.
357
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:32,838
Yeah, I'm always here.
358
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,773
Just like you are.
359
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,876
And your toothbrush.
360
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,511
Oh, you brought your own toothbrush?
361
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,179
That's so smart.
362
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,047
I just borrowed Felix's.
363
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,452
Nope, keep it... just keep it.
364
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,888
You know, I was thinking
maybe I should leave
365
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,758
a few other things here,
like some face wash,
366
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:53,892
maybe a robe.
367
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,728
Oh, a robe.
368
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,731
So now we're in my closet.
369
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,366
That's nice.
370
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,602
Felix, maybe
371
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,537
I should leave some stuff here.
372
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,972
(gasps)
373
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,574
Oh, and I could bring my dog, too!
374
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,443
Of course then I'd
have to bring my cat.
375
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,944
They're like brother and sister.
376
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:15,680
There you go...
nice quick breakfast bar.
377
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,482
Don't want you to be late for work.
378
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,818
Oh, no worries, I took the day off
379
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,754
so I could hang with my baby.
380
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,057
Please tell me you have an actual baby.
381
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,392
And maybe I could leave
382
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:28,727
some almond milk in your fridge.
383
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:32,130
And now you're in my kitchen.
384
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:33,198
Are you okay?
385
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,099
No.
386
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,534
No, no, I'm not!
387
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,536
You're smothering me,
you're smothering me!
388
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,769
What?
389
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,176
Baby, they don't have what we have.
390
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,944
Agreed.
391
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,813
I'm just going to check
on him very quickly.
392
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,246
Oh.
393
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,022
Hello, all.
394
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,057
Ah, you can have my seat, Felix.
395
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,258
I'm gonna call it a day.
396
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:03,093
Okay.
397
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:08,132
I was actually just stretching.
398
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,902
You know what, sure.
399
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,639
Well, I think I shall join you all
400
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,141
in quaffing a cold one.
401
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,775
You don't quaff beer.
402
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:20,545
He's avoiding Natasha.
403
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,546
(laughs)
404
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,081
That is silly and very accurate.
405
00:16:24,843 --> 00:16:26,266
Felix, you haven't kicked that girl
406
00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:27,452
to the curb yet?
407
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,588
Oh, I can't... to be honest,
408
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,223
I've never ended it
with a woman before.
409
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,424
I usually become overbearing,
410
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,293
and they leave me,
if you can believe that.
411
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:37,195
I can.
412
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:38,463
So, what am I supposed to do?
413
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,465
Felix, the way you
break up with someone
414
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,133
is by being brutally honest.
415
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,436
Like last night, I said,
"Dear, I'm only on this date
416
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,339
because I want that lobster."
417
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,140
Well, I hope you did it after dinner.
418
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,743
I'm honest, not stupid.
419
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,246
No, no, Felix, you've got
to trick them with flattery.
420
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,781
You know, like, "Baby, you could
do so much better than me.
421
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,083
You're an African queen."
422
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,684
(laughs)
423
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:03,021
Hey, what are you guys talking about?
424
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,390
We're sharing with Felix
how we break up with somebody.
425
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:08,360
Oh.
426
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,329
Well, I probably
shouldn't be the one...
427
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,365
I really don't...
428
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,066
Oh, what's that, table five,
more mustard?
429
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,368
Coming right up.
430
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,670
I just... I don't know
what to do. This is insane.
431
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:19,704
What's wrong with me?
432
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,139
There's nothing wrong with you.
433
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,683
You were right... you're just not
a one-night stand kind of guy.
434
00:17:23,684 --> 00:17:24,907
Yes, I think we all know that,
435
00:17:24,908 --> 00:17:26,711
except for the squatter
in my apartment.
436
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,481
I get that... you're
looking for more than sex.
437
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,505
You're looking for someone
to spend your life with.
438
00:17:31,506 --> 00:17:32,550
Right.
439
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,885
Someone who drives you crazy
440
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,387
and makes you do dumb things,
441
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,757
but you can't picture
your life without her.
442
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,692
Want to go talk to her?
443
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,928
Yeah, I think so.
444
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,696
I think you owe $12.25.
445
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,566
And your portion of the onion rings.
446
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,037
Dummy, we're having a moment here.
447
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,571
Always has his moments
when the damn bill comes.
448
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:58,442
(Natasha laughing)
449
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,981
Ah, the Real Housewives are on.
450
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:06,785
Natasha?
451
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,953
Felix.
452
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,588
Park it right here.
453
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,290
How about you give my feets a rub?
454
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,165
You know, you may want to get
that little gray toe looked at.
455
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,598
Oh.
456
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,570
- Natasha...
- Oh.
457
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,973
I am going to be
brutally honest with you.
458
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:32,110
Um, as it turns out, I guess
I am just not the sort of person
459
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,980
who is comfortable hopping
into bed with virtual strangers.
460
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,648
Are you calling me a slut?
461
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:42,220
No, no, no, no... no, you're great.
462
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:46,057
What I meant to say was...
463
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,292
Baby, you could do
so much better than me.
464
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,630
You're a African queen.
465
00:18:57,235 --> 00:19:01,238
Oh, did you take one of
the pills from my purse?
466
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:03,842
Okay, please leave.
467
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,811
Get out, get out, get out,
be gone, you foul temptress!
468
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,646
What is wrong with you?
469
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,115
You're crazy!
470
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,883
Dude, I was ready to leave
471
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:16,021
two days ago, but you asked
me to stay for breakfast.
472
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,989
You told me to take a bath
473
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,558
and lay out on the balcony!
474
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,261
I gave you a Jacksonville jiggler,
475
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:27,598
which, you know, puts a lot
of strain on my lower back.
476
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,368
(groans)
477
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:33,872
I have never been so happy to leave
478
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,939
and go back to my boyfriend.
479
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:44,382
I did it.
480
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,651
She's gone.
481
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,051
Felix, you old heartbreaker.
482
00:19:55,332 --> 00:19:57,981
Oscar, what are you doing?
483
00:19:57,982 --> 00:19:59,482
I'm going to show you something
484
00:19:59,483 --> 00:20:01,218
that you're really going to like.
485
00:20:01,219 --> 00:20:05,087
You've said that before
with mixed results.
486
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,226
It's your own shelf.
487
00:20:09,227 --> 00:20:13,396
For all your mysterious lady things.
488
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,665
Okay, Oscar,
489
00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:17,601
what is going on?
490
00:20:17,602 --> 00:20:20,437
First you want to get closer,
and then you run away.
491
00:20:20,438 --> 00:20:24,507
Well, that's because
you drive me crazy.
492
00:20:24,508 --> 00:20:25,342
I drive you crazy?
493
00:20:25,343 --> 00:20:26,977
Yeah.
494
00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:30,213
Because I realized
495
00:20:30,214 --> 00:20:31,947
that I love you, Charlotte.
496
00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:36,686
And that's why I do
all these stupid things,
497
00:20:36,687 --> 00:20:39,823
because...
498
00:20:39,824 --> 00:20:41,757
I've fallen in love with you.
499
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,829
Are you going to say anything back?
500
00:20:49,232 --> 00:20:52,234
Is it coming anytime soon?
501
00:20:55,071 --> 00:20:57,540
I love you, too, Oscar.
502
00:20:57,541 --> 00:20:59,309
Oh, good, because I was just going
503
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:00,609
to take it back.
504
00:21:07,472 --> 00:21:15,072
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