1 00:00:03,685 --> 00:00:07,120 Top Gear 10x02 English Transcript: Evarin & SimonP @Transcript UK Manager 2 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:10,711 Completed and Synced by: Z102@Finalgear 3 00:00:11,024 --> 00:00:11,882 Tonight, 4 00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:14,979 James May faces trial by water, 5 00:00:15,135 --> 00:00:17,738 Richard Hammond faces trial by fire 6 00:00:17,998 --> 00:00:19,585 and I drive a Ferrari 7 00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:21,277 on the Moon. 8 00:00:27,754 --> 00:00:28,573 Hello! 9 00:00:28,604 --> 00:00:30,165 Hello, good evening. 10 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,689 Thanks very much. 11 00:00:32,924 --> 00:00:33,782 Now, 12 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,771 ever since Honda dropped the NSX 13 00:00:35,891 --> 00:00:37,113 a couple of years ago, 14 00:00:37,322 --> 00:00:39,351 the Porsche 911 was the only supercar 15 00:00:39,508 --> 00:00:40,817 if you can call it a supercar... 16 00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:41,798 Which you can. 17 00:00:42,656 --> 00:00:43,984 ..was the only supercar 18 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:45,909 that you could use every day. 19 00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:47,002 And it still is. 20 00:00:47,575 --> 00:00:48,375 Well, you see, 21 00:00:48,494 --> 00:00:49,161 No, it isn't. 22 00:00:49,227 --> 00:00:50,120 Because now 23 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,172 there's a new kid on the block. 24 00:00:52,292 --> 00:00:52,758 No, there isn't. 25 00:00:54,685 --> 00:00:56,377 Audis are mainly built 26 00:00:56,484 --> 00:00:58,442 for German cement salesmen. 27 00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,133 Not this one, though. 28 00:01:06,617 --> 00:01:07,350 This 29 00:01:07,425 --> 00:01:08,744 is the R8. 30 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,993 It's made from a blend of carbon fibre, 31 00:01:14,113 --> 00:01:14,886 magnesium 32 00:01:14,979 --> 00:01:15,938 and aluminium. 33 00:01:17,324 --> 00:01:18,896 It has two seats. 34 00:01:19,986 --> 00:01:21,519 The engine's in the middle. 35 00:01:22,278 --> 00:01:24,503 And it's about as high off the ground 36 00:01:24,690 --> 00:01:26,262 as a badger's badger. 37 00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:29,060 By any measure, 38 00:01:29,259 --> 00:01:31,079 it's a full-on supercar, but, 39 00:01:31,506 --> 00:01:32,785 so far as I can tell, 40 00:01:33,078 --> 00:01:34,756 it doesn't have any of the usual 41 00:01:34,836 --> 00:01:36,595 supercar drawbacks. 42 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,560 You can see out of it, 43 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:47,266 for a kick-off. 44 00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,983 And it's not powered by some V17 45 00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:53,416 quad turbo that does half a mile to the gallon 46 00:01:53,456 --> 00:01:55,721 and runs on diced lions. 47 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,425 It's actually got 48 00:01:58,692 --> 00:02:00,291 the same for 4.2-litre V8 49 00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:02,502 that Audi put in the RS4 saloon. 50 00:02:02,662 --> 00:02:04,341 And would you listen to it! 51 00:02:08,311 --> 00:02:09,598 I am now doing 52 00:02:09,718 --> 00:02:11,037 100 miles an hour 53 00:02:11,104 --> 00:02:12,956 and it sounds like I'm in church. 54 00:02:15,314 --> 00:02:16,566 Only I've got more headroom. 55 00:02:18,352 --> 00:02:19,564 And how've they done that? 56 00:02:20,386 --> 00:02:22,638 How can there be so much space 57 00:02:22,744 --> 00:02:25,143 in a car that's so low? How? 58 00:02:26,315 --> 00:02:29,206 I can only presume - and this is a revolting thought, I know - 59 00:02:29,318 --> 00:02:30,583 that my buttocks 60 00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:33,674 are actually kissing the cat's eyes. 61 00:02:39,798 --> 00:02:41,330 Not only is it spacious, 62 00:02:41,463 --> 00:02:42,755 but it's comfortable as well. 63 00:02:43,066 --> 00:02:44,995 And at £77,000, 64 00:02:45,048 --> 00:02:47,574 it costs about half as much as its stepsister, 65 00:02:47,851 --> 00:02:49,237 the Lamborghini Gallardo. 66 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:50,846 It all sounds brilliant. 67 00:02:52,146 --> 00:02:53,947 But there are one or two issues 68 00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:55,087 that are worth mentioning. 69 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:56,697 Most of the things on it: 70 00:02:56,782 --> 00:02:57,795 the leather upholstery, 71 00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:59,031 the satellite navigation, 72 00:02:59,106 --> 00:03:00,509 stainless-steel pedals, 73 00:03:00,562 --> 00:03:01,841 the Bang&Olufsen stereo,... 74 00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:03,184 in fact, nearly everything 75 00:03:03,643 --> 00:03:05,327 is an optional extra. 76 00:03:05,412 --> 00:03:07,266 And I don't think it's a particularly 77 00:03:07,309 --> 00:03:08,567 good-looking car. It's not 78 00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:10,575 balanced properly 79 00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:11,705 somehow. 80 00:03:12,537 --> 00:03:13,602 And those LED 81 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:14,817 fairy lamps at the front 82 00:03:15,681 --> 00:03:16,757 really don't work at all. 83 00:03:16,832 --> 00:03:18,761 They make it look like a council house at Christmas. 84 00:03:21,487 --> 00:03:22,404 The thing is, though, 85 00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:25,132 you won't care about the headlamps 86 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:27,072 when you open the taps a little bit. 87 00:03:32,899 --> 00:03:33,922 0-60 88 00:03:34,455 --> 00:03:36,203 takes 4.6 seconds. 89 00:03:38,748 --> 00:03:41,028 The top speed is as near as makes no difference, 90 00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:42,499 190. 91 00:03:49,309 --> 00:03:50,695 It's not the speed, though, 92 00:03:51,771 --> 00:03:53,381 that impresses you most of all. 93 00:03:54,244 --> 00:03:55,278 It's the way 94 00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:56,653 this thing feels 95 00:03:56,759 --> 00:03:57,991 through the corners. 96 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,852 Driving most supercars 97 00:04:02,948 --> 00:04:04,930 is like trying to manhandle a cow 98 00:04:05,548 --> 00:04:06,942 up a back staircase. 99 00:04:11,695 --> 00:04:13,709 This is like smearing honey 100 00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:15,223 into Keira Knightley. 101 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,437 It may have four-wheel drive, but 102 00:04:23,215 --> 00:04:24,483 it never sends more 103 00:04:24,526 --> 00:04:25,783 than a third of the power 104 00:04:26,143 --> 00:04:27,347 to the front wheels. 105 00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:30,630 You don't really ever 106 00:04:30,694 --> 00:04:31,813 get any understeer. 107 00:04:32,548 --> 00:04:34,840 Grip, grip, grip, grip... 108 00:04:35,117 --> 00:04:36,543 And if it does let go, 109 00:04:36,618 --> 00:04:38,078 it's just so manageable. 110 00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:48,878 I'm, um... 111 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:51,901 I'm completely sold. 112 00:04:53,265 --> 00:04:54,363 As far as I'm concerned, 113 00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:56,867 this car is almost without fault. 114 00:05:00,294 --> 00:05:02,436 It is absolutely 115 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:03,640 stunning. 116 00:05:03,715 --> 00:05:04,653 Rubbish! 117 00:05:04,791 --> 00:05:06,209 I'll show you stunning. 118 00:05:11,473 --> 00:05:13,413 This is the best 911: 119 00:05:13,552 --> 00:05:14,895 the Carrera 2S. 120 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,016 It costs about the same as the Audi 121 00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:19,542 and will now run four rings round it. 122 00:05:22,853 --> 00:05:25,219 Ah, Richard Hammond appears to have joined us in his 123 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:26,733 Volkswagen Beetle. 124 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,182 You wanna play? 125 00:05:28,246 --> 00:05:29,035 Right. 126 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,241 Sport suspension on, 127 00:05:32,115 --> 00:05:33,885 traction control off. 128 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,208 Here goes! 129 00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:41,790 The thing is with that Audi 130 00:05:42,045 --> 00:05:44,060 you're just not as involved in the drive. 131 00:05:45,861 --> 00:05:47,417 It's like he's back at base 132 00:05:47,684 --> 00:05:50,828 pushing plastic pieces around on a war-planning table. 133 00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:51,670 And in this, 134 00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:52,810 I'm in the front line, 135 00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,473 getting stuck in. 136 00:05:57,486 --> 00:05:59,607 He's probably rabbiting on in there about 137 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,208 how he feels an organic part of the machine. 138 00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:03,685 But the simple fact of the matter is, 139 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,303 he's behind me. 140 00:06:08,162 --> 00:06:10,790 Obviously, through the corners, I have the 141 00:06:10,972 --> 00:06:13,288 four-wheel drive grip, 142 00:06:13,445 --> 00:06:16,724 and then on the straights, his miserable flat six is 143 00:06:16,906 --> 00:06:20,939 no match for this V8 tower of power. 144 00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:23,281 Hold on. 145 00:06:23,932 --> 00:06:26,638 I think his engine's broken. I can't hear it. 146 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:27,914 It's almost silent. 147 00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,750 What's the point of having a supercar that doesn't shout about it all? 148 00:06:33,578 --> 00:06:36,206 My driving letting us down there. 149 00:06:36,935 --> 00:06:39,251 Mind you, Hammond's driving's also 150 00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,151 letting him down. 151 00:06:43,259 --> 00:06:46,173 Fearing that this would end up in a crash and a fireball, 152 00:06:46,278 --> 00:06:47,292 we pulled over 153 00:06:47,423 --> 00:06:48,750 for an argument. 154 00:06:49,895 --> 00:06:50,832 Now, come on! 155 00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:53,408 No, and it's not just about the result. 156 00:06:53,564 --> 00:06:55,230 It's about the sensation along the way. 157 00:06:55,254 --> 00:06:57,232 The problem with this, mate, is they put the engine 158 00:06:57,336 --> 00:06:58,117 in the back, 159 00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,496 OK? Wrong place. 160 00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:00,381 No. 161 00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:01,656 Horse and cart: 162 00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,920 I know: let's put the horse at the back. 163 00:07:04,102 --> 00:07:05,299 So, in your case, they put the horse 164 00:07:05,429 --> 00:07:06,210 in the middle, 165 00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:07,147 in the cart. 166 00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:08,344 Yes, but it's balanced. 167 00:07:08,656 --> 00:07:11,128 No, that is one of the defining characteristics of that car. 168 00:07:11,232 --> 00:07:11,779 What? 169 00:07:11,935 --> 00:07:13,236 Well, for one thing, it defines the shape, 170 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,746 which is incredibly aerodynamic. 171 00:07:14,876 --> 00:07:17,556 For another, the packaging means, with the engine behind the rear wheels, 172 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,117 you've got room for another set of seats. 173 00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:20,289 So you can use it. 174 00:07:20,419 --> 00:07:21,746 Why do you want seats in the back? 175 00:07:22,153 --> 00:07:24,079 I took the kids to school in that this morning 176 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,328 and drove straight here. 177 00:07:25,432 --> 00:07:26,343 Well, I didn't, 178 00:07:26,473 --> 00:07:27,982 so who's the daddy now? 179 00:07:28,242 --> 00:07:29,231 I said, "Kids, 180 00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,625 you gonna have to go with your mother because I've got no seats." 181 00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:34,592 "Why's it got silly grey bits?" 182 00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:36,778 Having resolved nothing, 183 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,215 we decided to settle it intelligently: 184 00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:42,156 with a half-mile drag race. 185 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:48,583 Well, I've got about 70 brake horsepower less, 186 00:07:48,974 --> 00:07:50,171 but it's lighter. 187 00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:52,565 His four-wheel drive will bog down off the line. 188 00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,573 I really want to win this cos 189 00:07:57,713 --> 00:07:59,587 I really, really like this car. 190 00:07:59,769 --> 00:08:00,706 I mean, a lot. 191 00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:04,791 I've got the engine on the rear wheels, so I've got the advantage 192 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,795 in traction. I'm confident... 193 00:08:07,576 --> 00:08:09,085 ...ish. 194 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:20,570 I am ahead, 195 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,041 clearly. 196 00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:25,545 He's definitely got better traction off the line. 197 00:08:25,585 --> 00:08:26,265 Can't see him. 198 00:08:26,358 --> 00:08:27,291 Where is he? 199 00:08:27,344 --> 00:08:29,062 120, here we go. 200 00:08:29,595 --> 00:08:31,154 Oh, no! Oh, no! 201 00:08:31,616 --> 00:08:33,228 Come on, come on, come on! 202 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:41,395 Who won? 203 00:08:42,549 --> 00:08:43,761 I've no idea. 204 00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:50,684 Now... 205 00:08:51,803 --> 00:08:52,655 Now... 206 00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:54,076 I don't know. 207 00:08:54,182 --> 00:08:56,167 Neither do I, but we're going to find out. 208 00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:57,393 Can we see 209 00:08:57,646 --> 00:08:59,524 a slow-motion replay 210 00:08:59,578 --> 00:09:00,990 of that finish, please? 211 00:09:01,136 --> 00:09:01,856 Here we go. 212 00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:03,782 Oh, yes! Clearly! 213 00:09:05,621 --> 00:09:06,940 No! No! 214 00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:08,685 No! 215 00:09:09,311 --> 00:09:11,016 Oh, no, no, you lost. 216 00:09:11,123 --> 00:09:12,908 That is an "L" for loser. 217 00:09:15,102 --> 00:09:16,487 But very soon, 218 00:09:16,607 --> 00:09:18,606 there's gonna be a V10 version of this. 219 00:09:18,939 --> 00:09:20,111 Not the Lambo V10, 220 00:09:20,178 --> 00:09:21,377 Audi's own. Then... 221 00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:22,216 a-ha. 222 00:09:22,336 --> 00:09:23,229 I wouldn't hold your breath. 223 00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:23,721 Why? 224 00:09:23,775 --> 00:09:25,067 Did you hear what happened to the prototype? 225 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:25,667 In fact... 226 00:09:25,893 --> 00:09:27,882 We have a photograph of it here. If you look up... 227 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,294 That's on fire. 228 00:09:29,387 --> 00:09:30,666 There it is: it's clearly on fire... 229 00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:32,158 Just steam... 230 00:09:32,465 --> 00:09:33,517 - Really? - Yes. 231 00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:36,976 - Would you like to see what happened once they'd put the "steam" out? - Yeah... 232 00:09:37,029 --> 00:09:39,294 There's the car after they put the steam out. 233 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,794 Oh, that's steamed, isn't it? 234 00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:42,620 - It's steamed! - Yes, 235 00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:43,486 well steamed. 236 00:09:43,712 --> 00:09:44,352 Can we just... 237 00:09:44,804 --> 00:09:45,471 get on? 238 00:09:45,644 --> 00:09:47,522 No, I tell you what, I'm going to settle this once and for all. 239 00:09:48,028 --> 00:09:49,281 I'm gonna put it to the audience. 240 00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:50,813 I'm gonna hold a general election 241 00:09:50,919 --> 00:09:52,305 right here, right now. I am. 242 00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:53,500 Are you sure that's a good idea? 243 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:54,486 This is a very popular car. 244 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,884 There's a £30,000 premium on these, at the moment... 245 00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,282 You go ahead if you want. 246 00:09:58,869 --> 00:10:01,307 Actually, no, I've suddenly decided that a general election 247 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,345 right now is a stupid idea 248 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:05,241 because I might lose. 249 00:10:05,374 --> 00:10:06,534 Why don't you just stay where you are 250 00:10:06,586 --> 00:10:08,239 and nick all my ideas? 251 00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:09,434 - That's a good idea. - Yeah? 252 00:10:09,504 --> 00:10:11,637 In fact, it was my idea to do just that. 253 00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:13,465 - So it's a great car, fantastic... - Brilliant car. 254 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:14,930 I've said that from the start. 255 00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,524 We must now find out 256 00:10:16,652 --> 00:10:17,731 how fast this 257 00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:18,832 goes round our track, 258 00:10:18,891 --> 00:10:20,145 and that means handing it over 259 00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:21,778 to our tame racing driver. 260 00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:23,185 Some say 261 00:10:23,314 --> 00:10:25,692 that he's banned from the town of Chichester 262 00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:28,195 and that in a 263 00:10:28,272 --> 00:10:29,667 recent late-night deal, 264 00:10:29,772 --> 00:10:32,233 he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno 265 00:10:32,315 --> 00:10:33,124 from the Duke of Edinburgh. 266 00:10:36,182 --> 00:10:37,143 All we know is, 267 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,298 he's called the Stig. 268 00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:40,384 And he's off. 269 00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:42,154 Track looking a bit damp today, 270 00:10:42,212 --> 00:10:45,072 I hope that won't hurt the time as he powers down to the first corner. 271 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,927 Lights twinkling like a Woolworth's sale there... 272 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,458 Very smooth, very flat. 273 00:10:51,876 --> 00:10:52,462 Lovely! 274 00:10:52,692 --> 00:10:54,953 Remember, that you are always in control. 275 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,969 No feelings of tension, 276 00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:58,563 irritability... 277 00:10:58,703 --> 00:11:01,692 Stig seems to have got himself some self-help CDs as he 278 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,689 flicks it beautifully through Chicago 279 00:11:03,773 --> 00:11:04,417 The chassis.... 280 00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:07,136 ...really is sublime. 281 00:11:07,183 --> 00:11:08,788 Let's see how it copes with Hammerhead now... 282 00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:09,655 Slow in, 283 00:11:09,831 --> 00:11:10,347 then... 284 00:11:10,558 --> 00:11:11,554 back on the power. 285 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:13,062 No real drama there at all! 286 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,878 In these conditions, it's just... 287 00:11:15,053 --> 00:11:15,991 excellent. 288 00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:20,186 Be aware only of yourself 289 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:22,021 and have no concern 290 00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:24,939 or the thoughts or expectations of your partner. 291 00:11:25,044 --> 00:11:26,884 Look at that, straight through the follow-through, 292 00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:27,606 no problem there... 293 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,868 Same engine as the magnificent RS4. 294 00:11:30,278 --> 00:11:31,731 This is so much more nimble. 295 00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:33,114 Dances through the tyre wall. 296 00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:34,157 Ok, two corners left. 297 00:11:34,438 --> 00:11:35,980 Staying level and focused... 298 00:11:36,039 --> 00:11:38,008 There isn't a single moment's drama in it. 299 00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:39,988 A bit of mud at the apex, 300 00:11:40,058 --> 00:11:41,851 and there he is, across the line. 301 00:11:43,393 --> 00:11:44,026 Now... 302 00:11:49,147 --> 00:11:50,249 Now, earlier today, 303 00:11:52,857 --> 00:11:54,873 Earlier today, the Stig, OK,... 304 00:11:55,072 --> 00:11:56,970 he took the Porsche round, OK? 305 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,236 so we could get a time for that. 306 00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,052 We've got some footage of it coming up, I think... 307 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,155 to the second to last corner here, yep. 308 00:12:02,214 --> 00:12:02,964 There he is... 309 00:12:03,526 --> 00:12:04,616 What you make of this, Richard? 310 00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:05,518 Very good, very good. 311 00:12:05,565 --> 00:12:07,323 Very strong stuff, as I'd expect. 312 00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:13,434 No! Well, it's my idea to say, as I've always said, 313 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:16,200 the engine is in the wrong place in a Porsche and... 314 00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:16,809 and that was... 315 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:18,672 It was never my idea that you'd stolen that. 316 00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:19,973 - Nonono! - It wasn't! 317 00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:21,625 Well, he went round again, and he did it 318 00:12:21,719 --> 00:12:22,501 in 1 minute 319 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:23,755 26 320 00:12:23,813 --> 00:12:25,606 .2 seconds, OK? 321 00:12:26,169 --> 00:12:27,833 Then he went out in the Audi. 322 00:12:28,477 --> 00:12:29,192 1 minute 323 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,243 Twenty-four 324 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,091 .4 seconds. 325 00:12:33,195 --> 00:12:34,508 I predicted that from the start, 326 00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:35,434 obviously. 327 00:12:35,668 --> 00:12:37,789 Will you now admit that that is a better car? 328 00:12:39,278 --> 00:12:40,613 - Yes, I do... - Yess!!! 329 00:12:47,148 --> 00:12:48,109 Yeah, I know... 330 00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,278 And now the news. 331 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,783 And i'm afraid we begin with an apology. 332 00:12:58,024 --> 00:13:00,005 We are unable to bring you Jeremy's roadtest 333 00:13:00,052 --> 00:13:00,837 of a Ferrari 334 00:13:01,012 --> 00:13:01,622 on the Moon. 335 00:13:01,704 --> 00:13:03,684 Yeah, unfortunately we have had 336 00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,735 a call from the Director General of the BBC, 337 00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:07,187 who said he had one or two issues with it. 338 00:13:08,183 --> 00:13:09,999 I think that was the bit at the end when the Queen 339 00:13:10,058 --> 00:13:11,030 stormed off the moon. 340 00:13:11,276 --> 00:13:13,023 No, actually, the Queen 341 00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:14,241 walked onto the moon. 342 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,284 No she didn't, she stormed off it. 343 00:13:15,390 --> 00:13:16,491 It wasn't faked in any way, 344 00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:17,230 we don't fake things. 345 00:13:18,268 --> 00:13:18,877 Now, 346 00:13:19,545 --> 00:13:20,542 you know McLaren 347 00:13:20,612 --> 00:13:22,042 are working on a new supercar. 348 00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:23,600 Well given whats happened in 349 00:13:23,659 --> 00:13:24,596 Formula 1 this year 350 00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:26,483 we've been able to speculate on what that will look like. 351 00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:27,092 Here it is. 352 00:13:27,611 --> 00:13:28,303 Yes, yes. 353 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,666 That's the 430 Scuderia. 354 00:13:31,725 --> 00:13:32,685 It is yes. 355 00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:34,221 And that's a kind of a new version 356 00:13:34,385 --> 00:13:36,494 of the 430, and its a bit lighter 357 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:38,123 than the standard car, a bit faster. 358 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,486 It's got the flappy paddle gearbox on it, but it changes gear 359 00:13:40,802 --> 00:13:41,646 even faster. 360 00:13:41,857 --> 00:13:43,251 Which is all great, but it costs 361 00:13:43,392 --> 00:13:46,005 £28,000 more than a standard 430. 362 00:13:46,087 --> 00:13:48,227 I know, and it brings us back to those lightweight supercars 363 00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,032 that we were reviewing last week, because 364 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:51,871 what really annoys me 365 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,465 is that you buy a Ferrari 430, and you think 366 00:13:53,535 --> 00:13:55,722 this is as good as Ferrari can make a car 367 00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:58,183 and then a couple of minutes later they come along and go "no actually this is". 368 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,386 But it's going to cost an extra £28,000. 369 00:14:00,456 --> 00:14:02,097 But if you give us another £28,000 370 00:14:02,179 --> 00:14:04,284 you'll have a car thats as good as we can actually make it. 371 00:14:04,366 --> 00:14:04,881 Exactly right. 372 00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:08,385 I think its a bit like that Sainsbury's Taste The Difference cheese. 373 00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:11,164 That's like cheese? 374 00:14:11,235 --> 00:14:12,371 - Hold on a minute... - No... 375 00:14:13,356 --> 00:14:13,977 No it isn't. 376 00:14:14,434 --> 00:14:15,547 That's not cheese. 377 00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:16,555 This is an analogy. 378 00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:18,606 You go into Sainsbury's and you see cheese, 379 00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:19,766 and it costs a certain amount of money, 380 00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:21,872 but then next to it is Taste The Difference cheese 381 00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:23,512 and its a little bit more expensive, 382 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:24,626 but it tastes really nice. 383 00:14:24,696 --> 00:14:25,680 Lead a bachelor life. 384 00:14:26,887 --> 00:14:28,188 No, but what I want to know is 385 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,145 why don't they just make all the cheese like that. 386 00:14:30,548 --> 00:14:31,778 Or do they just make that cheese 387 00:14:31,825 --> 00:14:33,091 then make some thats a bit worse, 388 00:14:33,325 --> 00:14:34,228 price it lower, and say, 389 00:14:34,286 --> 00:14:36,149 "Here's some rubbish cheese for poor people." 390 00:14:37,181 --> 00:14:38,739 Hang on, I'm confused, so why... 391 00:14:38,927 --> 00:14:40,509 Why are you on this program? 392 00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:42,894 I'm right aren't I? 393 00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:45,783 Why would you deliberately make the cheese 394 00:14:45,888 --> 00:14:47,330 less good than you could make it? 395 00:14:47,377 --> 00:14:49,263 Its a bloody Ferrari not cheese!! 396 00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:50,353 This is exactly my point. 397 00:14:50,435 --> 00:14:52,615 They've deliberately made the F430 less good 398 00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:53,917 than they know it can be, 399 00:14:53,988 --> 00:14:55,464 so they then bring out a more expensive one, and put 400 00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,785 Taste The Difference on it and sell it in Sainsbury's! 401 00:14:57,878 --> 00:14:59,132 Well they don't actually do that. 402 00:14:59,179 --> 00:15:01,324 Now you've confused yourself you poor old goat! 403 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,465 Is it...? Sorry... 404 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,193 Right I'm moving it on. 405 00:15:04,234 --> 00:15:06,358 James has plainly gone quite mad. 406 00:15:06,628 --> 00:15:07,649 Were getting back to cars, 407 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,356 because that's where we're supposed to be. 408 00:15:09,439 --> 00:15:10,118 There's a new 409 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,096 Mini estate car coming along, 410 00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:13,325 they are calling it the Clubman, 411 00:15:13,907 --> 00:15:14,990 it's got 5 doors, 412 00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:17,363 but they're not where you might expect. 413 00:15:17,447 --> 00:15:18,529 We've got a picture here, look: 414 00:15:18,654 --> 00:15:19,799 We've got 2 at the back, 415 00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:23,609 when you close those they make a line down in the centre of the car so you can't see out the rear view mirror. 416 00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:25,316 Then you get 2 on this side, 417 00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:26,627 and 1 on the other. 418 00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:28,626 And you can tell it's German. 419 00:15:28,847 --> 00:15:29,554 How? 420 00:15:29,867 --> 00:15:30,554 Because, 421 00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:32,990 if you pull up in Germany with that, 422 00:15:33,114 --> 00:15:35,529 to let your children out of the back, the only back door, 423 00:15:35,758 --> 00:15:36,737 they're on the curb. 424 00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:38,152 But they don't switch it round 425 00:15:38,319 --> 00:15:39,235 for right hand drive, 426 00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:40,297 so if you pull up in Britain, 427 00:15:40,463 --> 00:15:42,649 open the back door to let the children out, they're in the middle of the road. 428 00:15:43,711 --> 00:15:45,501 so what were really saying is that British children 429 00:15:45,605 --> 00:15:47,833 are less inmportant than German children. 430 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,304 That is the advertising slogan for that car. 431 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,150 - Is it? - No. 432 00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:54,805 I think thats a bit like Tesco's own brand beans. 433 00:15:54,878 --> 00:15:55,435 There you go. 434 00:15:57,251 --> 00:15:59,946 Yes May, you sit there in your armchair, love, they'll be round in a bit. 435 00:16:00,049 --> 00:16:00,576 Love? 436 00:16:01,646 --> 00:16:02,290 Shall we get on? 437 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,740 Fifth Gear news. 438 00:16:04,854 --> 00:16:07,627 You know last week we revealed they'd burned our furniture? 439 00:16:08,155 --> 00:16:10,030 well it turns out that this week 440 00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,652 one of their presentors caught fire. 441 00:16:13,999 --> 00:16:14,951 Jason Potato. 442 00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:15,596 Plato. 443 00:16:16,182 --> 00:16:17,969 Well actually baked potato now. 444 00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:28,112 He was belting down the runway 445 00:16:28,199 --> 00:16:29,987 at Bruntingthorpe, his car caught fire, 446 00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,627 he was quite badly injured actually, he had to go to hospital, 447 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,409 he burnt his hand and his face, and we would 448 00:16:33,878 --> 00:16:35,138 like to wish him a speedy recovery. 449 00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:37,907 I'd just like to say "Thank you God." 450 00:16:39,884 --> 00:16:41,920 Well, it's a Sunday show, he likes Top Gear more. 451 00:16:42,037 --> 00:16:42,916 Yeah, God's on our side. 452 00:16:43,165 --> 00:16:45,084 He sent His Son along this week, look: 453 00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:46,762 Jesus has come. 454 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:49,262 has come amongst us! 455 00:16:49,335 --> 00:16:51,400 The son of God does not go to Fifth Gear. 456 00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:53,261 He doesn't. 457 00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:54,974 That's never been said before. 458 00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:55,824 Oh, now, 459 00:16:56,351 --> 00:16:57,933 we've got a new car from America 460 00:16:58,036 --> 00:16:59,340 launched this week, its called the 461 00:17:00,212 --> 00:17:01,912 SSC Ultimate Aero. 462 00:17:02,483 --> 00:17:05,794 There it is, 1,183 horsepower, 463 00:17:06,043 --> 00:17:07,639 0-60 2.8 seconds, 464 00:17:07,932 --> 00:17:10,504 and this week it set the fastest ever 465 00:17:10,841 --> 00:17:11,588 speed 466 00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:13,156 for a road legal car. 467 00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:16,012 256 miles an hour, 468 00:17:16,144 --> 00:17:17,199 can you believe it? 469 00:17:17,272 --> 00:17:18,019 They say 470 00:17:18,107 --> 00:17:21,432 the body is solely carbon fibre and weighs 131 pounds. 471 00:17:21,612 --> 00:17:22,842 If you don't count the doors, 472 00:17:23,091 --> 00:17:24,161 the bonnet and the boot. 473 00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,120 I weigh 131 pounds, 474 00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:28,658 if you don't count my arms and legs and head. 475 00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:32,745 It also says it has a completely flat belly, 476 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,312 the only thing in America that has. 477 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:37,105 Yes, look hang on, we mustn't mock he Americans 478 00:17:37,178 --> 00:17:38,570 too much because credit where its due, 479 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,397 they've done it, it is the fastest production car in the world, that's an achievement. 480 00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:42,598 I bet this is rubbish. 481 00:17:42,803 --> 00:17:43,126 Why? 482 00:17:43,243 --> 00:17:45,762 I bet it is because the man who did the speed run in it 483 00:17:45,953 --> 00:17:47,769 was 71 years old. 484 00:17:48,459 --> 00:17:51,228 - Yeah, but that just proves how easy it is to drive. Any man can... - No. 485 00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:54,026 No, no, it shows they didn't have all that much faith in it. 486 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,666 Becase think about it what did the advert say? 487 00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:56,413 Wanted: 488 00:17:56,545 --> 00:17:57,702 elderly widower, 489 00:17:58,025 --> 00:18:00,075 to drive a car were not very sure about. 490 00:18:00,354 --> 00:18:02,435 Must have not much else to live for. 491 00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:05,680 That won't be as good as a Bugatti. 492 00:18:05,812 --> 00:18:07,658 I'm telling you now. It won't be as good. 493 00:18:07,863 --> 00:18:08,698 Now I've got a thing here 494 00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,763 from a company that makes brake discs 495 00:18:10,836 --> 00:18:11,730 and brake pads and things. 496 00:18:11,876 --> 00:18:15,210 They are urging us to all check our brakes and make sure thay are working properly because... 497 00:18:15,781 --> 00:18:18,418 According to some statistics from the Department of Transport, 498 00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:20,044 one in three accidents 499 00:18:20,205 --> 00:18:20,791 happens 500 00:18:21,362 --> 00:18:23,135 because a vehicle fails to stop in time. 501 00:18:24,227 --> 00:18:26,381 I thought it was actually all accidents. 502 00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:27,230 Lewis Hamilton. 503 00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:28,490 What? 504 00:18:29,662 --> 00:18:31,551 He had an accident because he didn't stop in time. 505 00:18:31,757 --> 00:18:32,723 Did you see it last weekend? 506 00:18:33,441 --> 00:18:34,320 Did you see it? 507 00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:35,155 No. 508 00:18:35,258 --> 00:18:36,298 Why weren't you watching? 509 00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:37,455 Well... 510 00:18:37,531 --> 00:18:40,168 don't have a go neither was he by the sound of it, he crashed it. 511 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:43,332 He's appalled, his tyres had gone and then it got much worse for him. 512 00:18:43,953 --> 00:18:45,746 We found this on the internet, actually... 513 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,043 Stopped for petrol on the way home. 514 00:18:50,417 --> 00:18:51,331 Oh, poor lad. 515 00:18:53,159 --> 00:18:54,354 Bad day all round. 516 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,421 Shall we get on? 517 00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:56,780 'cause we've got the most important 518 00:18:56,897 --> 00:18:58,111 piece of news ever. 519 00:18:58,685 --> 00:19:01,474 I know you probably imagine we go to wild parties 520 00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:02,412 all week, we don't. 521 00:19:02,494 --> 00:19:04,006 This week we went on the Internet, 522 00:19:04,123 --> 00:19:05,119 and we found 523 00:19:05,306 --> 00:19:07,158 this Porsche design website. 524 00:19:07,299 --> 00:19:08,942 Now it's full of all the stuff you'd expect: 525 00:19:09,012 --> 00:19:11,531 briefcases with Porsche written on them, wallets,... 526 00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:13,277 ... pens that you can buy for £3 anywhere else 527 00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,902 'cause they got Porsche written on them they're 3.5 million pounds each... 528 00:19:16,195 --> 00:19:17,965 And it's all full of that complete rubbish, 529 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,977 and then we went into 'smoking tools', 530 00:19:21,129 --> 00:19:22,079 and we discovered, 531 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:24,950 for the Porsche enthusiast... 532 00:19:25,184 --> 00:19:26,813 And boy have you got to be an enthusiast. 533 00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:35,118 Porsche designed pipe. 534 00:19:36,524 --> 00:19:37,802 These are real, genuine, 535 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:38,950 they cost quite a lot of money, 536 00:19:39,028 --> 00:19:41,103 but they come in 4 different colours and different styles... 537 00:19:43,259 --> 00:19:45,228 I've spun off in my Porsche, look at that. 538 00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:48,415 Mine won't start properly. 539 00:19:48,638 --> 00:19:49,751 Of course it will, its a... 540 00:19:50,075 --> 00:19:51,411 it's a Porsche, persevere. 541 00:19:52,231 --> 00:19:54,692 Noo! What are you doing! Other way round you... 542 00:19:56,297 --> 00:19:58,266 Its a 911 Porsche. Hot bit goes at the back. 543 00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:03,735 You don't look right with that, but have you noticed, 544 00:20:04,157 --> 00:20:05,727 over my shoulder. 545 00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:08,423 Look at him I've never seen him... 546 00:20:11,032 --> 00:20:12,661 With the chair, the pipe. 547 00:20:13,165 --> 00:20:15,474 We're building up the perfect picture for you mate... 548 00:20:15,532 --> 00:20:16,106 I think... 549 00:20:16,177 --> 00:20:17,700 - next week... - I'll tell you something. 550 00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:18,860 You see he's pointing. 551 00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:21,458 I haven't actually got anything to tell you 552 00:20:21,528 --> 00:20:23,122 but I just wanted to point at you with my pipe, 553 00:20:23,204 --> 00:20:25,090 like a pipesmoker... And i'll tell you something else. 554 00:20:28,946 --> 00:20:29,860 Agh, God... 555 00:20:31,934 --> 00:20:33,258 That's not gone well. 556 00:20:38,211 --> 00:20:39,019 Jeremy. 557 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:40,109 Hold on. 558 00:20:40,215 --> 00:20:41,316 Jeremy. 559 00:20:43,613 --> 00:20:44,304 "Oo miue..." 560 00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,145 Can I just get quite clear, 561 00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:57,809 what you just did, 562 00:20:57,875 --> 00:20:59,012 as a grown man, 563 00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:00,125 was light a pipe, 564 00:21:00,441 --> 00:21:02,258 and put the wrong end of it in your mouth. 565 00:21:04,004 --> 00:21:05,691 What are you like on bonfire night? 566 00:21:07,051 --> 00:21:08,047 You bloody idiot. 567 00:21:08,525 --> 00:21:10,833 That isn't the end of the news, but we are ending it there. 568 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,943 It's time now to move on, so... 569 00:21:13,259 --> 00:21:14,325 A couple of years ago, 570 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,966 the 3 of us were asked to make 571 00:21:16,048 --> 00:21:17,290 amphibious cars. 572 00:21:17,525 --> 00:21:18,415 And if we're honest, 573 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,540 it didn't go all that well. 574 00:21:22,701 --> 00:21:24,247 James' Herald 575 00:21:24,329 --> 00:21:26,732 was pretty good on the water but then 576 00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:28,454 there were some problems on land. 577 00:21:28,572 --> 00:21:29,591 Oh, cock! 578 00:21:29,732 --> 00:21:32,916 Richard's dampervan was rubbish 579 00:21:32,951 --> 00:21:35,189 on the land and then even more rubbish in the water. 580 00:21:35,318 --> 00:21:36,204 It's going... 581 00:21:37,481 --> 00:21:38,759 My Toybota on the other hand, 582 00:21:38,817 --> 00:21:40,446 was brilliant everywhere, 583 00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:42,145 right up to the moment when it... 584 00:21:42,485 --> 00:21:43,294 rolled over. 585 00:21:44,829 --> 00:21:47,347 Now that is pretty much par for the course 586 00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:49,723 on Top Gear, were always setting ourselves 587 00:21:49,899 --> 00:21:51,152 ambitious targets, asking, 588 00:21:51,223 --> 00:21:52,582 "how hard can it be to... 589 00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:54,645 ... make a convertible people carrier, 590 00:21:54,738 --> 00:21:56,913 or turn a Fiat Panda into a stretch limo. 591 00:21:56,995 --> 00:21:58,917 And everything always ends up 592 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,284 either broken in half or on fire 593 00:22:01,425 --> 00:22:02,292 or sunk. 594 00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,190 And then we give up 595 00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,268 and move on. 596 00:22:05,487 --> 00:22:07,045 But with amphibious cars 597 00:22:07,116 --> 00:22:08,393 the producers said no, 598 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:10,151 we had to try again. 599 00:22:11,135 --> 00:22:11,721 They said, 600 00:22:12,014 --> 00:22:12,987 "no more fooling about, 601 00:22:13,069 --> 00:22:14,288 we had to concentrate", 602 00:22:14,335 --> 00:22:15,600 we were told to refine 603 00:22:15,776 --> 00:22:17,343 our original ideas and then meet 604 00:22:17,401 --> 00:22:19,147 in a car park near Sidcup, 605 00:22:19,429 --> 00:22:20,624 which is just outside London 606 00:22:21,022 --> 00:22:22,007 on the M24. 607 00:22:22,288 --> 00:22:23,764 - 5. - M5, sorry. 608 00:22:23,823 --> 00:22:24,854 25. 609 00:22:31,811 --> 00:22:33,874 Jeremy was the first to arrive. 610 00:22:37,362 --> 00:22:39,553 There we are. Now, 611 00:22:39,706 --> 00:22:40,550 obviously, 612 00:22:40,678 --> 00:22:41,382 my... 613 00:22:42,307 --> 00:22:44,686 my original plan of simply bolting a very large 614 00:22:44,757 --> 00:22:47,635 outboard engine to the back of a pick-up truck worked very well. 615 00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:50,061 Until it rolled over. 616 00:22:50,166 --> 00:22:52,463 So, to prevent that happening again, what I've done is 617 00:22:52,850 --> 00:22:55,287 I've welded up the doors much more thoroughly this time - 618 00:22:55,668 --> 00:22:56,382 that should 619 00:22:56,523 --> 00:22:58,164 stop water getting into the cockpit 620 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:00,214 and sloshing from side to side. 621 00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:02,277 In the back, I've fitted these 622 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:04,937 big drums, which, when I go in the water, I simply 623 00:23:05,699 --> 00:23:07,114 lower them like this, 624 00:23:07,899 --> 00:23:08,977 so they're like a sort of... 625 00:23:09,036 --> 00:23:10,384 stabilisers on a 626 00:23:10,501 --> 00:23:11,462 child's bicycle. 627 00:23:13,372 --> 00:23:14,872 That should give me more... 628 00:23:20,155 --> 00:23:20,800 [out of camera] Stability! 629 00:23:21,128 --> 00:23:22,054 Yes, that. 630 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,226 Next, Hammond arrived. 631 00:23:29,334 --> 00:23:30,729 Now, you see, Hammond... 632 00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:31,467 Yes? 633 00:23:31,725 --> 00:23:33,061 What you've done there, mate, 634 00:23:34,069 --> 00:23:35,452 is you've parked a van 635 00:23:35,592 --> 00:23:36,436 on top of a boat. 636 00:23:36,495 --> 00:23:38,016 No, it's brilliant. Let me tell you, 637 00:23:38,848 --> 00:23:40,688 it is a refinement of the theory. 638 00:23:40,911 --> 00:23:41,450 Check it out, 639 00:23:41,497 --> 00:23:42,950 flying bridge, completely equipped. 640 00:23:43,032 --> 00:23:44,673 - It's not a flying bridge. - More or less. 641 00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:46,219 And this is where the girls go. 642 00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:47,989 - Up here... - No, Richard... 643 00:23:48,043 --> 00:23:48,910 in bikinis. 644 00:23:49,273 --> 00:23:51,371 I'm already seen a problem. Would you like to step down? 645 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:51,945 Yes. 646 00:23:52,695 --> 00:23:53,339 Stand at the wheel. 647 00:23:53,867 --> 00:23:54,160 Yes? 648 00:23:54,253 --> 00:23:54,898 Look ahead. 649 00:23:55,613 --> 00:23:56,452 Yeah, that is an issue. 650 00:23:58,796 --> 00:24:00,190 I need a box, really. I need... 651 00:24:00,491 --> 00:24:01,334 ... a sailing box. 652 00:24:01,791 --> 00:24:05,119 As before, Richard had stuck with the cabin cruiser principle. 653 00:24:05,565 --> 00:24:07,651 And, as before, to make it move in the water, 654 00:24:07,721 --> 00:24:09,432 he'd simply fixed a propeller 655 00:24:09,662 --> 00:24:12,087 to the Volkswagen's rear-mounted engine. 656 00:24:12,662 --> 00:24:14,138 So, as you're driving down the road, 657 00:24:14,279 --> 00:24:15,650 this propeller is turning? 658 00:24:16,259 --> 00:24:16,740 A bit. 659 00:24:16,927 --> 00:24:17,689 Have you rung 660 00:24:17,860 --> 00:24:19,817 the highways department and told them you're driving... 661 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,429 a car with, effectively, a blender on the back? 662 00:24:22,593 --> 00:24:24,159 And there was another issue. 663 00:24:24,581 --> 00:24:26,116 - This is your hull. - Yes, it is. 664 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,241 These are holes in it. 665 00:24:27,393 --> 00:24:29,561 Fibreglass. Yes, that's for the wheels to stick out. 666 00:24:29,877 --> 00:24:30,557 I've seen 667 00:24:30,791 --> 00:24:31,448 Titanic. 668 00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:32,826 Got a hole in it. Sank. 669 00:24:32,943 --> 00:24:34,537 Well, I've sealed them around the arch 670 00:24:34,630 --> 00:24:35,474 with a bit of foam. 671 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:37,888 Oh, I see. So if Titanic had been filled with foam, 672 00:24:38,111 --> 00:24:39,177 - Fine. - it would've been here today? 673 00:24:39,248 --> 00:24:40,009 But they didn't know that... 674 00:24:40,068 --> 00:24:41,556 That technology - you can't knock them for that. 675 00:24:41,662 --> 00:24:43,040 Fibreglass hull, predominantly. 676 00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:45,091 Barely tips the scales at over five tons. 677 00:24:45,302 --> 00:24:46,099 And the cooling? 678 00:24:46,673 --> 00:24:48,208 Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, there's that... 679 00:24:49,849 --> 00:24:50,939 Jeremy then showed off 680 00:24:51,126 --> 00:24:51,889 HIS handiwork. 681 00:24:51,997 --> 00:24:53,427 You've set fire to it by the looks of it. 682 00:24:53,521 --> 00:24:54,341 There was a small fire. 683 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,033 What happened? 684 00:24:55,103 --> 00:24:56,392 - The welding. - Oh, yeah... 685 00:24:56,509 --> 00:24:57,130 And then, 686 00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:58,771 while waiting for James... 687 00:24:58,947 --> 00:25:00,400 Oh, again, ambitious. 688 00:25:00,470 --> 00:25:03,395 You're thinking of what to occupy yourself with whilst on the water. 689 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:04,649 Whilst YOU sink 690 00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:05,469 again. 691 00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:06,606 No, not this time. 692 00:25:06,653 --> 00:25:07,672 - It will. - It won't. 693 00:25:07,719 --> 00:25:08,563 - It will. - It won't. 694 00:25:08,657 --> 00:25:09,770 - It will. - It just won't. 695 00:25:13,105 --> 00:25:14,968 Some time, much later, 696 00:25:15,168 --> 00:25:16,035 James arrived 697 00:25:16,117 --> 00:25:18,236 in a flurry of deja-vu. 698 00:25:19,633 --> 00:25:20,446 It's the same vehicle. 699 00:25:20,565 --> 00:25:21,502 The same car. 700 00:25:21,789 --> 00:25:23,246 Well, not exactly. 701 00:25:23,496 --> 00:25:25,136 Exactly the same car. 702 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,452 It is the same car, and the reason for that is, my car, 703 00:25:27,582 --> 00:25:29,117 if you remember, worked. 704 00:25:29,274 --> 00:25:29,820 It didn't. 705 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,110 - It did. - Every time you got to a low bridge, your mast was... 706 00:25:33,515 --> 00:25:35,883 Now, I have a collapsible mast. 707 00:25:36,248 --> 00:25:36,742 And 708 00:25:36,976 --> 00:25:38,226 I have a spinnaker 709 00:25:38,460 --> 00:25:39,683 and I also have 710 00:25:39,943 --> 00:25:41,843 a keel-cum-centre-board. 711 00:25:42,415 --> 00:25:43,899 How did you get that underneath here? 712 00:25:44,445 --> 00:25:46,517 You drop it down through the slot, like you do on a dinghy. 713 00:25:46,699 --> 00:25:47,610 That's a whopper! 714 00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:48,885 Have you seen this? 715 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:50,369 That's where the water will be. 716 00:25:50,421 --> 00:25:52,737 The water will just simply... What's the word we're looking for? 717 00:25:52,971 --> 00:25:54,272 Come through there. 718 00:25:54,350 --> 00:25:56,302 - You'll sink before you put your bit of wood in. - No, it won't. 719 00:25:56,432 --> 00:25:57,447 Because I have calculated it, 720 00:25:57,994 --> 00:25:59,269 - using Archimedes: - What's a spinnaker? 721 00:25:59,352 --> 00:26:02,225 When a body is wholly or partially immersed in a fluid, it experiences an up-thrust 722 00:26:02,475 --> 00:26:05,217 equal in magnitude to the mass of the fluid displaced. 723 00:26:05,404 --> 00:26:07,111 This won't work. 724 00:26:08,256 --> 00:26:09,922 We'd soon find out. 725 00:26:10,650 --> 00:26:12,274 Thank you so much. Here's our challenge. 726 00:26:12,836 --> 00:26:13,815 Come on, then. 727 00:26:15,813 --> 00:26:16,438 Is it bad? 728 00:26:16,687 --> 00:26:17,104 Yes. 729 00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:19,540 No, really bad. 730 00:26:19,977 --> 00:26:20,893 Go on. 731 00:26:21,368 --> 00:26:23,162 You will now drive to... 732 00:26:23,721 --> 00:26:24,387 Dover. 733 00:26:25,698 --> 00:26:26,240 No. 734 00:26:26,406 --> 00:26:26,989 Not... 735 00:26:27,114 --> 00:26:29,009 And then you will cross the Channel 736 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:30,091 to France. 737 00:26:30,403 --> 00:26:31,507 That's just... 738 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:32,943 What's it? 22 miles? 739 00:26:33,027 --> 00:26:34,067 He's not making it up. 740 00:26:34,296 --> 00:26:35,691 Mine won't do that. 741 00:26:36,045 --> 00:26:38,564 If I'd known it was the sea, I'd have fitted a bigger anchor. 742 00:26:38,703 --> 00:26:40,701 This is not really a sea-going anchor. 743 00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:42,180 And a longer chain. 744 00:26:42,325 --> 00:26:43,595 Yeah, I'm not going to need that. 745 00:26:43,679 --> 00:26:46,739 That will sink at around 30 feet. 746 00:26:46,864 --> 00:26:49,674 I'm not sure. I reckon my new revised hull... 747 00:26:50,028 --> 00:26:51,589 - We're all going to be killed. - No! 748 00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:53,526 No, we're not, because mine is essentially a dinghy, 749 00:26:53,692 --> 00:26:55,295 and dinghies sail across the Channel every day. 750 00:26:55,399 --> 00:26:56,877 I'm 47 years old. 751 00:26:57,002 --> 00:26:59,033 I'm going to be run down by a Korean... 752 00:26:59,158 --> 00:27:00,157 grain carrier, 753 00:27:00,261 --> 00:27:01,011 minced... 754 00:27:01,198 --> 00:27:02,676 Yeah, but what a day! 755 00:27:03,801 --> 00:27:05,091 Before we could set off, 756 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,360 James had to take down his new collapsable mast. 757 00:27:09,255 --> 00:27:10,067 Oh, timber! 758 00:27:10,213 --> 00:27:11,774 Oh, my God! That's the lamp! 759 00:27:13,106 --> 00:27:14,335 France, here we come. 760 00:27:15,063 --> 00:27:16,521 What's it actually caught on? 761 00:27:16,618 --> 00:27:17,930 The security camera. 762 00:27:18,429 --> 00:27:21,448 So, would you admit that your design is already flawed? 763 00:27:21,594 --> 00:27:22,010 No. 764 00:27:27,902 --> 00:27:29,463 Finally, we were on the road 765 00:27:29,567 --> 00:27:33,169 and it soon became clear that all the additions had taken the edge 766 00:27:33,502 --> 00:27:35,431 off my "Nissunks" performance. 767 00:27:35,535 --> 00:27:36,909 COME OOON!!! 768 00:27:39,573 --> 00:27:40,198 Mind you, 769 00:27:40,448 --> 00:27:41,447 Why was I hurrying? 770 00:27:41,822 --> 00:27:42,759 I'm just gonna... 771 00:27:43,008 --> 00:27:43,924 ring a solicitor, 772 00:27:44,008 --> 00:27:45,569 do my last will and testament, 773 00:27:46,943 --> 00:27:48,838 leave everything to the lifeboat people. 774 00:27:49,129 --> 00:27:51,877 I can't believe they're asking us to go across the Channel in these. 775 00:27:52,411 --> 00:27:54,618 I'm following Jeremy's pick-up and it looks like 776 00:27:54,805 --> 00:27:58,511 a man with a pick-up who's stolen an outboard motor and a couple of oil drums 777 00:27:58,698 --> 00:28:00,156 on the way to a fishing trip. 778 00:28:07,088 --> 00:28:09,378 James, as usual, had fallen behind. 779 00:28:09,558 --> 00:28:12,160 But otherwise, all was well in his world. 780 00:28:12,868 --> 00:28:13,888 This is fantastic. 781 00:28:14,013 --> 00:28:16,012 I absolutely cannot wait 782 00:28:16,594 --> 00:28:19,592 to try out my Triumph Herald in its newly re-rigged form 783 00:28:19,676 --> 00:28:20,841 and sail across the Channel. 784 00:28:21,237 --> 00:28:22,840 Why shouldn't it work? 785 00:28:24,311 --> 00:28:26,955 I had just one crumb of comfort. 786 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:30,140 This time, mine was working on the road, 787 00:28:30,307 --> 00:28:32,263 but then the crumb went away. 788 00:28:42,330 --> 00:28:45,495 Unfortunately, solving the not-floating problem with foam 789 00:28:46,078 --> 00:28:47,764 means you get another one, which is choking. 790 00:28:49,554 --> 00:28:50,095 Then 791 00:28:50,262 --> 00:28:51,761 Jeremy arrived. 792 00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:54,967 Hammond is being killed 793 00:28:55,175 --> 00:28:55,966 and mine is... 794 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,818 Well, it's hard to know, is that smoke or...? 795 00:29:00,914 --> 00:29:03,808 And we jolly sailor boys were up above... 796 00:29:04,370 --> 00:29:05,515 - Well done. - Oh, dear! 797 00:29:06,017 --> 00:29:06,486 Yeah, 798 00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:08,009 what you've done 799 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,040 is fill your engine bay with foam. 800 00:29:11,098 --> 00:29:12,036 Hold on a minute. 801 00:29:12,141 --> 00:29:13,102 And then, what it's done is... 802 00:29:13,266 --> 00:29:14,473 catch fire. 803 00:29:16,238 --> 00:29:17,128 How's your engine? 804 00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:17,890 Ruined. 805 00:29:21,031 --> 00:29:22,679 Every single 806 00:29:23,276 --> 00:29:24,167 thing we do... 807 00:29:24,296 --> 00:29:25,374 James! Where is he? 808 00:29:25,468 --> 00:29:26,604 He isn't even here. 809 00:29:26,745 --> 00:29:27,694 I don't know. 810 00:29:38,875 --> 00:29:40,652 Hoping that the hot exhaust 811 00:29:40,710 --> 00:29:41,788 would burn away all the foam 812 00:29:41,835 --> 00:29:44,120 without it becoming a big ruinous fire, 813 00:29:44,695 --> 00:29:45,620 we pressed on. 814 00:29:45,855 --> 00:29:47,495 Oh, God! Look at the... 815 00:29:47,613 --> 00:29:50,186 They are worse than they were last time on the road 816 00:29:50,679 --> 00:29:53,550 and we've got a much bigger challenge on the water. 817 00:29:54,475 --> 00:29:56,046 Mind you, after five miles, 818 00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,933 Hammond was beyond caring. 819 00:30:00,863 --> 00:30:01,624 It is like 820 00:30:02,116 --> 00:30:04,671 the West Indian dope-smoking team 821 00:30:04,730 --> 00:30:06,042 practising in the car. 822 00:30:07,261 --> 00:30:07,929 Hello. 823 00:30:09,505 --> 00:30:12,798 Eventually, the excess foam did burn off and soon 824 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,321 we arrived in Dover. 825 00:30:15,153 --> 00:30:15,845 People are looking. 826 00:30:16,044 --> 00:30:16,958 Yeah! 827 00:30:17,228 --> 00:30:18,974 You know, one day, they're going to want one. 828 00:30:23,436 --> 00:30:24,490 We would be launching 829 00:30:24,584 --> 00:30:26,131 from the slipway once used 830 00:30:26,189 --> 00:30:29,049 by the giant cross-Channel hovercrafts. 831 00:30:30,966 --> 00:30:31,962 Spread before it 832 00:30:32,032 --> 00:30:33,075 was Dover harbour 833 00:30:33,743 --> 00:30:35,430 and beyond the safety of its walls, 834 00:30:35,489 --> 00:30:37,657 22 miles of English Channel, 835 00:30:37,938 --> 00:30:39,579 the busiest shipping lane 836 00:30:39,649 --> 00:30:40,704 in the world. 837 00:30:45,704 --> 00:30:47,087 The fishing rods! 838 00:30:51,775 --> 00:30:52,490 Amazingly, 839 00:30:52,544 --> 00:30:54,313 the only things that did actually break 840 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,317 on the Nissunk's journey to Dover 841 00:30:56,634 --> 00:30:57,958 were all its brakes. 842 00:30:59,055 --> 00:31:00,086 I'm telling you, James, 843 00:31:00,133 --> 00:31:01,645 I cannot stop it. 844 00:31:04,094 --> 00:31:05,336 I can't stop it. 845 00:31:05,570 --> 00:31:07,573 By the time James had fixed his rudder, 846 00:31:07,693 --> 00:31:08,934 we were running late. 847 00:31:09,570 --> 00:31:11,164 And the tide was coming in. 848 00:31:11,879 --> 00:31:12,898 It's ten to eight. 849 00:31:13,273 --> 00:31:13,625 Yeah. 850 00:31:13,965 --> 00:31:15,113 It's 22 miles. 851 00:31:16,449 --> 00:31:17,961 IF mine works, that's... 852 00:31:18,677 --> 00:31:19,568 25 minutes. 853 00:31:20,083 --> 00:31:21,173 How fast do you think it goes? 854 00:31:21,243 --> 00:31:21,794 40 knots. 855 00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:23,376 Get off! 856 00:31:23,693 --> 00:31:26,001 Have you seen the size of the engine on the back of it? 857 00:31:26,423 --> 00:31:27,255 Your top speed? 858 00:31:27,478 --> 00:31:28,099 Very slow. 859 00:31:28,157 --> 00:31:28,626 Four? 860 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,341 Yeah. 861 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,188 And there's a three-knot tide. 862 00:31:31,258 --> 00:31:32,219 It's a mile an hour. 863 00:31:32,712 --> 00:31:33,087 Yeah. 864 00:31:33,661 --> 00:31:34,352 And you? 865 00:31:34,469 --> 00:31:35,167 20 knots? 866 00:31:36,304 --> 00:31:37,066 No, James. 867 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:38,542 Look, the point is, 868 00:31:38,636 --> 00:31:41,730 I'm the only one with even a vague hope of getting there before nightfall. 869 00:31:42,257 --> 00:31:43,910 Why don't we just go when the tide's going out? 870 00:31:43,992 --> 00:31:44,882 Then it'll help us. 871 00:31:45,033 --> 00:31:45,783 That's a good idea. 872 00:31:45,841 --> 00:31:46,966 That's tomorrow. 873 00:31:47,177 --> 00:31:48,279 No, slack water. 874 00:31:48,642 --> 00:31:49,568 Or slack water, yeah. 875 00:31:49,638 --> 00:31:51,173 Slack water is tomorrow 876 00:31:51,232 --> 00:31:52,251 at about one o'clock. 877 00:31:52,404 --> 00:31:53,529 We shall go then! 878 00:31:53,599 --> 00:31:53,986 Yes! 879 00:31:54,185 --> 00:31:55,427 We'll go to the pub now. 880 00:31:55,474 --> 00:31:56,170 Sound idea, yeah. 881 00:31:56,229 --> 00:31:58,889 We'll go to the pub now, and then tomorrow, one o'clock, 882 00:31:59,545 --> 00:32:01,326 that will be us at slack water. 883 00:32:01,350 --> 00:32:02,182 'Cause the water is slack. 884 00:32:03,729 --> 00:32:04,678 What's slack water? 885 00:32:13,630 --> 00:32:14,474 Honestly, 886 00:32:15,095 --> 00:32:16,208 crossing the Channel 887 00:32:16,477 --> 00:32:17,309 has got to be 888 00:32:17,392 --> 00:32:19,770 just about the stupidest idea ever. 889 00:32:19,852 --> 00:32:21,352 It's one of those ideas where you had that sense, 890 00:32:21,652 --> 00:32:23,023 "I'm going to end up today 891 00:32:23,222 --> 00:32:25,636 with hyperthermia, attached to a stomach pump." 892 00:32:25,730 --> 00:32:26,621 Awful, awful... 893 00:32:26,668 --> 00:32:29,222 We were all so paranoid about sinking, that's why we 894 00:32:29,288 --> 00:32:31,538 put all that foam everywhere to make them float better. 895 00:32:31,597 --> 00:32:33,167 We wrapped it round the manifold, 896 00:32:33,249 --> 00:32:34,140 round the exhaust, 897 00:32:34,433 --> 00:32:35,300 round the engine,... 898 00:32:35,347 --> 00:32:37,738 round anywhere really hot, basically 899 00:32:37,796 --> 00:32:40,179 which is why there was all that smoke pouring out. 900 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:42,199 Anyway, it's now time to put a star 901 00:32:42,246 --> 00:32:44,344 in our reasonably priced car. 902 00:32:44,473 --> 00:32:46,606 My guest tonight was once suspended 903 00:32:46,711 --> 00:32:48,305 from Channel 4 for using 904 00:32:48,352 --> 00:32:49,204 the F-word 905 00:32:49,286 --> 00:32:50,352 on live television 906 00:32:50,446 --> 00:32:51,805 before the watershed. 907 00:32:52,883 --> 00:32:54,430 I mean, for BLEEP's sake! 908 00:32:55,168 --> 00:32:56,000 Ladies and gentlemen, 909 00:32:56,059 --> 00:32:57,196 Jools Holland! 910 00:33:01,869 --> 00:33:03,034 Oh, this is something! 911 00:33:03,084 --> 00:33:04,600 Oh, lovely to see you. 912 00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:06,599 It's like Richard Hammond, 913 00:33:07,648 --> 00:33:09,230 so small and dinky. 914 00:33:09,346 --> 00:33:10,412 Have a seat. 915 00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,248 Thank you very much. I shall. 916 00:33:15,762 --> 00:33:17,683 Now, you're the size of Richard Hammond... 917 00:33:18,078 --> 00:33:18,476 Yes. 918 00:33:18,535 --> 00:33:20,328 But looking into your past life... 919 00:33:20,586 --> 00:33:21,957 Old British motorbikes, 920 00:33:22,004 --> 00:33:23,058 you play the piano,... 921 00:33:23,445 --> 00:33:25,418 You view foreign food with suspicion, 922 00:33:25,476 --> 00:33:27,268 You say people shouldn't go abroad on their holiday, 923 00:33:27,328 --> 00:33:28,746 should spend it in the shed... 924 00:33:29,179 --> 00:33:30,433 Separated at birth, I think, 925 00:33:30,493 --> 00:33:31,593 I think, from James May! 926 00:33:31,652 --> 00:33:33,046 What a lovely fellow he is... 927 00:33:33,128 --> 00:33:34,523 What a talented and... 928 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,053 great mind that man has... 929 00:33:36,463 --> 00:33:39,346 It's... it's very hard, though, for me to reconcile these views 930 00:33:39,721 --> 00:33:41,303 with how I first remember seeing you... 931 00:33:41,502 --> 00:33:43,846 On The Tube, which was of course complete anarchy. 932 00:33:44,828 --> 00:33:46,715 Well, that was on early, happy days, 933 00:33:46,785 --> 00:33:48,660 I think in many ways that was the first 934 00:33:48,707 --> 00:33:50,055 color television was put 935 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:51,562 into the hands 936 00:33:51,609 --> 00:33:52,922 of the lunatics. 937 00:33:53,285 --> 00:33:54,574 Now things have changed... 938 00:33:55,781 --> 00:33:56,883 But... but... 939 00:33:56,988 --> 00:33:58,629 It was the first time it sort of happened... 940 00:33:58,776 --> 00:33:59,760 and... 941 00:33:59,948 --> 00:34:01,389 We made it up as we went along, 942 00:34:01,460 --> 00:34:03,007 and it was live and... 943 00:34:03,276 --> 00:34:04,776 It was Friday, it was 5:30, 944 00:34:04,846 --> 00:34:05,514 the pubs were open... 945 00:34:05,561 --> 00:34:07,460 And you got to do all your interviews in a minute. 946 00:34:07,940 --> 00:34:08,849 Well, that was the other thing, 947 00:34:08,896 --> 00:34:09,752 They... because it was... 948 00:34:10,947 --> 00:34:12,166 Youth television, I suppose, 949 00:34:12,224 --> 00:34:13,326 beginning of youth television, 950 00:34:13,373 --> 00:34:14,990 they thought everybody's attention span was like... 951 00:34:15,166 --> 00:34:15,939 ... that long, so you 952 00:34:16,197 --> 00:34:17,217 only had a minute to do everything. 953 00:34:17,299 --> 00:34:18,482 We had Miles Davis, 954 00:34:18,654 --> 00:34:21,314 one of the greatest jazz legends of all time come up. 955 00:34:21,947 --> 00:34:22,708 And he was... 956 00:34:23,037 --> 00:34:24,302 He'd been promoting his drawings. 957 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:25,216 so... 958 00:34:25,638 --> 00:34:27,391 He sat down, they said you've got a minute to interview him. 959 00:34:27,450 --> 00:34:29,805 I thought, he's one of the biggest names in jazz... 960 00:34:29,969 --> 00:34:31,106 ever. So, surely 961 00:34:31,633 --> 00:34:32,348 You know, 962 00:34:33,356 --> 00:34:34,727 He surely's worth more than a minute. 963 00:34:34,797 --> 00:34:36,438 They said, all right, 1 minute and 20. 964 00:34:37,593 --> 00:34:38,648 So go out and do it. 965 00:34:38,894 --> 00:34:39,949 So I sat and I said to him, 966 00:34:40,452 --> 00:34:42,081 "Well, Mr. Davis", he's just got these great... 967 00:34:42,386 --> 00:34:43,734 sunglasses and... 968 00:34:44,261 --> 00:34:45,105 "Sit down, 969 00:34:45,299 --> 00:34:46,659 "Would you connect your 970 00:34:46,799 --> 00:34:47,327 art 971 00:34:47,409 --> 00:34:48,252 to your music?" 972 00:34:48,604 --> 00:34:49,331 He said, 973 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,604 "Would I connect my art 974 00:34:54,705 --> 00:34:56,275 to my music?" 975 00:35:00,318 --> 00:35:01,255 "Yeeeah... 976 00:35:01,759 --> 00:35:02,931 That's a good... 977 00:35:03,189 --> 00:35:04,451 question." 978 00:35:05,541 --> 00:35:07,556 And I'm thinking, "Please"... and I don't interrupt, 979 00:35:07,615 --> 00:35:09,197 He said, "would I connect 980 00:35:09,291 --> 00:35:11,306 my art to the music?" 981 00:35:14,689 --> 00:35:15,849 And then the woman behind me, 982 00:35:15,937 --> 00:35:16,921 very much like the one we have here, 983 00:35:16,968 --> 00:35:17,988 probably they're doing it now, actually. 984 00:35:18,046 --> 00:35:19,382 so, to make a short story, 985 00:35:19,441 --> 00:35:20,660 They go like this and then she's going... 986 00:35:22,347 --> 00:35:24,574 And then it's down to no time at all, and then it's like this, he said, 987 00:35:25,230 --> 00:35:26,484 Yeaah... 988 00:35:28,378 --> 00:35:30,135 30 years ago you were with Squeeze, 989 00:35:30,218 --> 00:35:31,553 which was part of the punk era. 990 00:35:31,753 --> 00:35:33,264 Do you miss the sort of... gobbing? 991 00:35:33,487 --> 00:35:35,444 I mean... if this were 1978, 992 00:35:35,538 --> 00:35:36,756 you'd just be spitting on us, 993 00:35:36,827 --> 00:35:38,585 it'd be just a hailstorm of gobs... 994 00:35:38,655 --> 00:35:40,401 Honestly, it was a compliment at the time. 995 00:35:40,436 --> 00:35:40,987 It was? 996 00:35:41,104 --> 00:35:41,561 And then... 997 00:35:41,608 --> 00:35:43,155 Feel free to gob on us, then... 998 00:35:43,281 --> 00:35:45,301 That was back in the day... 999 00:35:45,459 --> 00:35:50,060 but then our manager said, "Well what you've got to do to congraciate yourselves with anybody who's doing that 1000 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,912 He said, "Look there's some tins of beer at the side of the stage, 1001 00:35:52,996 --> 00:35:54,385 hand the tins of beer out." 1002 00:35:54,468 --> 00:35:55,318 So we did that 1003 00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:57,400 and once they'd had the beer they chucked the tins back. 1004 00:35:58,203 --> 00:35:59,802 You even met Joey Ramone. 1005 00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:02,250 Does anyone here know who Joey Ramone is? 1006 00:36:02,683 --> 00:36:06,097 Yes, that's one person and that's enough 'cause this is the BBC. 1007 00:36:06,713 --> 00:36:07,846 We don't go for ratings, 1008 00:36:07,912 --> 00:36:09,355 we're going for the one man over there. 1009 00:36:09,471 --> 00:36:10,254 What was it like? 1010 00:36:10,504 --> 00:36:12,752 We were playing in this club called Ceeby Jeebies, 1011 00:36:13,119 --> 00:36:15,767 which was a fantastic punk club and after we finished, 1012 00:36:15,850 --> 00:36:16,899 they said, 1013 00:36:17,166 --> 00:36:19,125 Ramone said, 'Do you want to come down to this club?' 1014 00:36:19,408 --> 00:36:21,007 Very nice place called K-Zee's. 1015 00:36:21,173 --> 00:36:21,906 We went there, 1016 00:36:22,139 --> 00:36:24,588 and I really have never been anywhere like it 1017 00:36:24,687 --> 00:36:25,720 before or since. 1018 00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,602 In every room there was an orgy 1019 00:36:28,018 --> 00:36:29,617 or some drug taking, 1020 00:36:29,734 --> 00:36:31,632 or some sort of obsurd scene, it was like this film, 1021 00:36:31,926 --> 00:36:34,324 like one of those strange films, like Caligula or something. 1022 00:36:34,408 --> 00:36:35,673 I'd never seen anything like it. 1023 00:36:35,807 --> 00:36:37,505 Anyway, I was standing, talking to 1024 00:36:37,622 --> 00:36:38,638 one of the Ramones. 1025 00:36:38,754 --> 00:36:41,336 I looked down and was very surprised to see that there was... 1026 00:36:42,718 --> 00:36:44,983 one of the womenfolk of New York 1027 00:36:45,110 --> 00:36:47,225 performing an act upon his person. 1028 00:36:48,424 --> 00:36:50,589 And do you know he rather lost interest in what I was saying. 1029 00:36:52,854 --> 00:36:54,386 Unfortunately, we must now stop... 1030 00:36:54,453 --> 00:36:56,518 ... no, we cant, because, I'll tell you something... 1031 00:36:56,585 --> 00:36:58,228 you've got this new album out, yeah? 1032 00:36:58,411 --> 00:37:01,025 Well it's sort of the best of the collaborations 1033 00:37:01,092 --> 00:37:02,708 we've done, I've done lots of collaborations... 1034 00:37:02,807 --> 00:37:03,307 it's the best bands... 1035 00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:04,206 We've got a clip of it... 1036 00:37:04,290 --> 00:37:05,789 Just to show how many people 1037 00:37:05,872 --> 00:37:06,954 this guy actually plays with. 1038 00:37:07,038 --> 00:37:08,470 Sorry about the telly, but here we go. 1039 00:37:08,537 --> 00:37:09,371 Play the tape. 1040 00:37:27,950 --> 00:37:29,055 Everybody! 1041 00:37:30,139 --> 00:37:31,473 That's everybody! 1042 00:37:32,766 --> 00:37:34,288 My only regret 1043 00:37:34,455 --> 00:37:35,811 is that you're not there 1044 00:37:35,956 --> 00:37:36,791 playing the drums. 1045 00:37:36,853 --> 00:37:37,833 Trust me, 1046 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,022 there would have been people wrapping their keyboards 1047 00:37:41,169 --> 00:37:43,046 if I had been trying to keep time. 1048 00:37:43,129 --> 00:37:44,088 Now, cars... 1049 00:37:44,255 --> 00:37:45,523 Motors, now you're talking. 1050 00:37:45,757 --> 00:37:47,865 The thing that fascinates me most about your cars is... 1051 00:37:47,996 --> 00:37:50,546 I heard that you choose a car on how it smells. 1052 00:37:50,650 --> 00:37:51,639 Oh, very important. 1053 00:37:51,821 --> 00:37:53,512 For instance, I've got an Austin Westminster 1054 00:37:54,839 --> 00:37:56,140 bought entirely because of its smell. 1055 00:37:56,531 --> 00:37:59,003 1965, as used by the police. 1056 00:37:59,075 --> 00:38:00,680 I don't know how they ever caught anybody in it, but... 1057 00:38:01,492 --> 00:38:02,277 And as you 1058 00:38:02,324 --> 00:38:03,953 wind down the window just this much, 1059 00:38:04,398 --> 00:38:05,242 and then... 1060 00:38:06,027 --> 00:38:07,445 Law and order, 1965. 1061 00:38:07,527 --> 00:38:08,160 Beautiful! 1062 00:38:08,242 --> 00:38:09,097 That's what it smells of? 1063 00:38:09,156 --> 00:38:10,117 Exactly, yeah. 1064 00:38:10,879 --> 00:38:12,226 So, what other cars have you got? 1065 00:38:12,628 --> 00:38:14,328 I have an old Aston Martin, they're quite fun. 1066 00:38:14,878 --> 00:38:15,617 You've got an E-type, too... 1067 00:38:15,687 --> 00:38:16,824 An E-Type, I've always loved... 1068 00:38:17,035 --> 00:38:17,913 I always liked Jags. 1069 00:38:17,972 --> 00:38:19,859 I thought Jags were so... 1070 00:38:20,105 --> 00:38:21,933 were so kind of wonderful to drive. 1071 00:38:22,062 --> 00:38:23,667 The V12 Jag engine is, 1072 00:38:24,018 --> 00:38:25,671 to this day, the smoothest engine 1073 00:38:26,116 --> 00:38:27,229 that there has ever been. 1074 00:38:27,288 --> 00:38:28,038 I've done the 1075 00:38:28,167 --> 00:38:29,549 thrupenny bit test on all of them. 1076 00:38:29,714 --> 00:38:30,639 You get the thrupenny bit, 1077 00:38:31,038 --> 00:38:31,753 you place it 1078 00:38:31,811 --> 00:38:33,089 on top of the engine. 1079 00:38:33,546 --> 00:38:35,921 This thrupenny is not rhyming slang... we're talking about... 1080 00:38:36,542 --> 00:38:37,445 That's right! 1081 00:38:37,527 --> 00:38:38,698 Oh, it matters little. 1082 00:38:38,769 --> 00:38:40,515 What an amazing thing to do! 1083 00:38:40,573 --> 00:38:41,652 Whatever comes to hand. 1084 00:38:41,722 --> 00:38:42,636 Yeah, what a test. 1085 00:38:42,706 --> 00:38:43,440 It'll stand there 1086 00:38:43,531 --> 00:38:46,196 and you can rev it up, and it doesn't bat an eyelid. 1087 00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:48,715 You're a member of a great many classic car clubs, 1088 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:49,985 as I understand. 1089 00:38:50,089 --> 00:38:53,045 Let's see now. Well, the E-type Club, of course. The Jag, you know, 1090 00:38:53,212 --> 00:38:55,023 You know, Philip Porter. 1091 00:38:55,189 --> 00:38:56,813 The Rolls-Royce enthusiasts. 1092 00:38:56,959 --> 00:38:58,687 The Bentley Drivers' Club. Very good 1093 00:38:59,020 --> 00:39:00,228 for spare parts. 1094 00:39:00,352 --> 00:39:01,872 And you can get a Bentley Drivers' Club dressing-gown, 1095 00:39:02,855 --> 00:39:03,792 which you can only... 1096 00:39:03,896 --> 00:39:04,833 You can get a Porsche pipe! 1097 00:39:06,207 --> 00:39:09,059 Only recognisable by another Bentley Drivers' Club person 1098 00:39:09,163 --> 00:39:10,620 if you're in dressing gowns together. 1099 00:39:11,620 --> 00:39:13,535 That's a real worry, now you said that! 1100 00:39:13,618 --> 00:39:15,700 I must introduce you. You must come out with us one evening. 1101 00:39:16,054 --> 00:39:18,365 Come along to one of our Noggins and Natters, 1102 00:39:18,448 --> 00:39:20,592 and cheese niblet evenings we have. 1103 00:39:20,772 --> 00:39:22,063 Anyway, listen. Your lap. 1104 00:39:23,312 --> 00:39:25,123 Your first attempt, not that good. 1105 00:39:25,581 --> 00:39:26,622 Who'd like to see 1106 00:39:26,747 --> 00:39:28,870 his very first attempt to the lap? Yes? 1107 00:39:29,328 --> 00:39:31,160 Let's have a look at this., here we go... 1108 00:39:32,014 --> 00:39:33,201 Coming out to the first corner, 1109 00:39:33,339 --> 00:39:35,671 a lot of speed being carried in that I would say. 1110 00:39:36,087 --> 00:39:37,149 Yes. 1111 00:39:42,457 --> 00:39:43,686 I just thought... 1112 00:39:45,434 --> 00:39:46,996 I just like the way you kept going 1113 00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:49,057 'cos actually I don't think the brake lights went on. 1114 00:39:49,161 --> 00:39:50,185 There didn't seem any... 1115 00:39:50,310 --> 00:39:51,788 Can we can play that again? Here we go... 1116 00:39:51,892 --> 00:39:52,829 No, look! 1117 00:39:53,704 --> 00:39:54,724 This is fine! 1118 00:39:54,849 --> 00:39:56,244 Let's get out of here, exactly. 1119 00:39:56,348 --> 00:39:58,388 I'm very much built for comfort, not for speed. 1120 00:39:59,491 --> 00:40:01,927 I have to say that any man who drives with that kind of 1121 00:40:02,031 --> 00:40:03,821 enthusiasm and bravery, 1122 00:40:03,905 --> 00:40:06,007 will possibly get a good lap out there. 1123 00:40:06,174 --> 00:40:07,902 - Well, I don't know, I was rather nervous... - Good. 1124 00:40:08,068 --> 00:40:09,567 Shall we have a look at the lap? 1125 00:40:10,369 --> 00:40:12,011 Aye, aye. Here we go, play the tape. 1126 00:40:13,384 --> 00:40:14,637 It's a good aggressive start. 1127 00:40:15,507 --> 00:40:16,581 I wanna see the first corner. 1128 00:40:16,749 --> 00:40:17,883 Did you learn your lesson? 1129 00:40:19,358 --> 00:40:20,602 It's still pretty quick. 1130 00:40:21,256 --> 00:40:23,294 Oh no, braking in there, that was quite brave... 1131 00:40:27,443 --> 00:40:29,029 Just said that before the watershed. 1132 00:40:30,663 --> 00:40:32,564 I'd forgotten that I was being mic-ed up in there. 1133 00:40:34,014 --> 00:40:35,003 Did you like the car? 1134 00:40:35,307 --> 00:40:36,500 It was fanta... What a car! 1135 00:40:36,705 --> 00:40:37,634 - Isn't it? - Yeah. 1136 00:40:37,686 --> 00:40:38,487 Wait... 1137 00:40:38,794 --> 00:40:39,928 there's a gear there somewhere. 1138 00:40:39,971 --> 00:40:41,113 Somewhere exactly. 1139 00:40:41,292 --> 00:40:42,690 Ha! We saw you looking. 1140 00:40:43,338 --> 00:40:44,310 And into the Hammerhead. 1141 00:40:44,566 --> 00:40:45,581 The Hammerhead, yes. 1142 00:40:46,084 --> 00:40:47,073 That's very good. 1143 00:40:47,124 --> 00:40:48,156 That's excellent. 1144 00:40:49,668 --> 00:40:50,307 That's a... 1145 00:40:50,384 --> 00:40:52,013 That's a properly good line through there. 1146 00:40:52,652 --> 00:40:53,198 Well... 1147 00:40:53,283 --> 00:40:54,630 Now coming up to the Follow-through. 1148 00:40:56,540 --> 00:40:58,037 Flat through there? Were you flat out? 1149 00:40:58,131 --> 00:40:59,410 That was quite frightening, that part... 1150 00:40:59,538 --> 00:41:00,732 It is quite frightening. 1151 00:41:00,911 --> 00:41:02,164 And that's why it's called the "Followthrough"... 1152 00:41:02,215 --> 00:41:03,247 And through the tyres. 1153 00:41:03,443 --> 00:41:04,732 Yes, it's looking good. 1154 00:41:07,311 --> 00:41:09,383 That's the second-to-last corner, most people get it wrong. 1155 00:41:09,459 --> 00:41:10,636 You've held it on nicely. 1156 00:41:11,158 --> 00:41:12,479 Coming up to the last corner... 1157 00:41:12,582 --> 00:41:13,579 And there we are, 1158 00:41:13,613 --> 00:41:15,020 across the line! 1159 00:41:20,943 --> 00:41:22,167 Now, where do you think 1160 00:41:22,696 --> 00:41:23,984 you came on the 1161 00:41:24,546 --> 00:41:25,697 Board of Shame? 1162 00:41:26,695 --> 00:41:28,434 The Board of Shame where I've always dreamed of being. 1163 00:41:28,602 --> 00:41:29,123 Yeah, well... 1164 00:41:29,191 --> 00:41:30,197 - Well... - Look here... 1165 00:41:30,291 --> 00:41:31,510 This is the keyboard man. 1166 00:41:32,226 --> 00:41:32,942 I think I've... 1167 00:41:33,011 --> 00:41:35,168 I think my birthday's around the same time as him, 1168 00:41:35,372 --> 00:41:36,694 so I'll put myself in next, 1169 00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,020 in Keyboard Corner there. 1170 00:41:38,290 --> 00:41:39,185 Keyboard Corner? 1171 00:41:39,219 --> 00:41:40,575 No, you're way faster than that! 1172 00:41:41,163 --> 00:41:41,845 Delighted to say 1173 00:41:42,058 --> 00:41:42,655 you did it 1174 00:41:42,843 --> 00:41:43,619 in 1 1175 00:41:44,958 --> 00:41:46,422 49 1176 00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:47,313 .09 1177 00:41:47,813 --> 00:41:49,583 Ladies and gentlemen, that is a quick time. 1178 00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:50,884 It is... 1179 00:41:52,630 --> 00:41:53,555 There! 1180 00:42:00,767 --> 00:42:01,845 Not... Surely... 1181 00:42:01,974 --> 00:42:03,837 Surely not faster than Steve Coogan. 1182 00:42:03,931 --> 00:42:05,290 Faster than Steve Coogan, 1183 00:42:05,349 --> 00:42:06,919 that's a very good time. 1184 00:42:07,142 --> 00:42:09,485 Anyway, it's been just great fun having you. 1185 00:42:09,567 --> 00:42:10,560 It's been lovely here, I've enjoyed it... 1186 00:42:10,630 --> 00:42:12,622 Squeeze, and The Tube and music, 1187 00:42:12,693 --> 00:42:13,888 and cars as well. 1188 00:42:13,947 --> 00:42:15,318 Ladies and gentlemen, Jools Holland! 1189 00:42:15,353 --> 00:42:16,782 Thank you very much. 1190 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,454 Thank you very much, that's great. 1191 00:42:22,532 --> 00:42:23,434 OK, 1192 00:42:23,762 --> 00:42:26,036 now back to tonight's big challenge. 1193 00:42:26,223 --> 00:42:28,426 The three of us have built amphibious cars. 1194 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,821 We've driven them down to Dover 1195 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,469 with only one or two small fires 1196 00:42:31,528 --> 00:42:32,723 to contend with on the way. 1197 00:42:32,782 --> 00:42:33,719 When we left the action 1198 00:42:33,789 --> 00:42:36,520 we were preparing to sail them across The Channel 1199 00:42:36,766 --> 00:42:37,750 to France. 1200 00:42:37,914 --> 00:42:39,996 The last time we tried amphibious cars, 1201 00:42:40,054 --> 00:42:42,668 we were flummoxed by a small reservoir in Staffordshire. 1202 00:42:43,312 --> 00:42:47,039 This time we faced not just 22 miles of open sea, 1203 00:42:47,121 --> 00:42:49,769 but the busiest shipping lane in the world. 1204 00:42:50,105 --> 00:42:51,136 Nevertheless, 1205 00:42:51,265 --> 00:42:52,728 we were due to set sail 1206 00:42:52,788 --> 00:42:54,816 at something called slack water. 1207 00:42:58,601 --> 00:42:59,855 It was lovely morning 1208 00:42:59,902 --> 00:43:01,308 and the sea inside the harbour 1209 00:43:01,368 --> 00:43:03,019 was calm and inviting. 1210 00:43:03,910 --> 00:43:05,562 Outside the harbour though... 1211 00:43:07,673 --> 00:43:09,253 Despite the roughness, 1212 00:43:09,306 --> 00:43:11,651 Captain Cocksure was supremely confident 1213 00:43:11,704 --> 00:43:13,862 in his engineering, and eager to get going. 1214 00:43:14,222 --> 00:43:15,488 Hammond and I, however, 1215 00:43:15,981 --> 00:43:16,887 weren't. 1216 00:43:17,815 --> 00:43:19,081 Have you ever considered 1217 00:43:19,854 --> 00:43:21,053 the meaning of life? 1218 00:43:21,706 --> 00:43:22,345 No, but I... 1219 00:43:22,585 --> 00:43:23,597 I think we should. 1220 00:43:23,997 --> 00:43:25,236 And now's the time. 1221 00:43:25,303 --> 00:43:26,009 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1222 00:43:26,168 --> 00:43:26,968 This is ready... 1223 00:43:27,234 --> 00:43:28,606 I've checked it for water tightness, 1224 00:43:28,686 --> 00:43:29,632 and got all the sheets, 1225 00:43:29,686 --> 00:43:31,933 which is the correct nautical term for these pieces of string, 1226 00:43:32,373 --> 00:43:33,278 in the right position. 1227 00:43:33,345 --> 00:43:34,544 It's all absolutely... 1228 00:43:34,717 --> 00:43:35,890 shipshape and ready to go. 1229 00:43:35,983 --> 00:43:37,728 How many grains of sugar are there? 1230 00:43:37,795 --> 00:43:38,847 That's exactly what I would... 1231 00:43:38,967 --> 00:43:40,054 You know, because... 1232 00:43:40,108 --> 00:43:42,039 We say blythly, "I'll have one sugar." 1233 00:43:42,106 --> 00:43:42,972 How many are there? 1234 00:43:43,038 --> 00:43:43,731 One... 1235 00:43:43,838 --> 00:43:44,211 Yeah. 1236 00:43:45,303 --> 00:43:46,223 Two. 1237 00:43:51,528 --> 00:43:53,473 - ... 118... - ... two... 1238 00:43:54,526 --> 00:43:55,871 ... 119... 1239 00:43:55,978 --> 00:43:56,591 ... three... 1240 00:43:56,742 --> 00:43:57,715 Have you started again? 1241 00:43:57,819 --> 00:43:58,674 Yeah, I lost count. 1242 00:43:59,345 --> 00:44:00,251 I want to get it right. 1243 00:44:01,093 --> 00:44:01,861 We have to go. 1244 00:44:03,737 --> 00:44:06,049 That thing's gonna leave, then the harbour's empty. I want to go. 1245 00:44:06,785 --> 00:44:07,499 Finally, 1246 00:44:07,744 --> 00:44:08,714 they arrived back. 1247 00:44:09,042 --> 00:44:11,226 You're two and three quarter hours late! 1248 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:12,410 A lot of stuff to do. 1249 00:44:12,463 --> 00:44:13,667 Slack water is in... 1250 00:44:15,373 --> 00:44:15,820 Now. 1251 00:44:16,023 --> 00:44:16,950 In the sea. 1252 00:44:17,003 --> 00:44:18,122 Listen, before we set off, 1253 00:44:18,293 --> 00:44:19,302 I've just got... 1254 00:44:20,442 --> 00:44:21,593 two more things to do. 1255 00:44:22,147 --> 00:44:23,245 The night before, 1256 00:44:23,288 --> 00:44:24,140 while a bit drunk 1257 00:44:24,194 --> 00:44:26,144 I'd stuck hydrofoil bin lids 1258 00:44:26,208 --> 00:44:27,338 to the side of my pick-up 1259 00:44:27,402 --> 00:44:29,584 and I needed to make sure the glue had set. 1260 00:44:32,462 --> 00:44:34,114 But James wouldn't wait. 1261 00:44:35,169 --> 00:44:36,022 Right, I'm going. 1262 00:44:38,022 --> 00:44:38,810 He's going! 1263 00:44:38,864 --> 00:44:40,121 - He's off. - He's going. 1264 00:44:40,185 --> 00:44:41,294 He's doing it! 1265 00:44:41,635 --> 00:44:42,722 It's a car... 1266 00:44:43,020 --> 00:44:44,182 It's still a car. 1267 00:44:45,064 --> 00:44:46,066 It's a... 1268 00:44:47,036 --> 00:44:47,814 boat? 1269 00:44:47,846 --> 00:44:49,380 Sail, jib sail. 1270 00:44:51,938 --> 00:44:53,011 You're coming back now, 1271 00:44:53,075 --> 00:44:54,098 it's a car again. 1272 00:44:55,270 --> 00:44:56,080 Centreboard. 1273 00:44:57,466 --> 00:44:58,830 - He's got no rudder... - It's that way! 1274 00:44:59,576 --> 00:45:01,367 - He's got no rudder in the water. - Oh, yeah... 1275 00:45:01,822 --> 00:45:02,882 And Dame Ellen May 1276 00:45:03,002 --> 00:45:04,274 had another problem. 1277 00:45:04,711 --> 00:45:06,299 My centreboard's stuck. 1278 00:45:06,551 --> 00:45:08,075 He's got further that way 1279 00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:09,738 than he has that way. 1280 00:45:11,774 --> 00:45:12,679 I'm enjoying this. 1281 00:45:13,660 --> 00:45:14,925 I was so preoccupied 1282 00:45:15,003 --> 00:45:15,988 with my centreboard, 1283 00:45:16,199 --> 00:45:17,800 I wasn't looking where I was going. 1284 00:45:17,905 --> 00:45:19,405 Oh, my...! He's gonna hit the pier! 1285 00:45:19,577 --> 00:45:20,491 Yes, he's hit the pier... 1286 00:45:20,550 --> 00:45:22,061 Here comes the rescue boat. 1287 00:45:22,621 --> 00:45:24,438 He's been rescued after what...? 1288 00:45:24,824 --> 00:45:26,137 a minute and a half? 1289 00:45:26,805 --> 00:45:27,895 It's so unfair! 1290 00:45:29,043 --> 00:45:31,258 The rescue boat nudged me back to open water, 1291 00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,242 where I discovered my Archimedes calculations 1292 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:35,273 were a bit out. 1293 00:45:35,625 --> 00:45:37,207 I would say that car's sinking as well. 1294 00:45:37,341 --> 00:45:38,138 Mayday! 1295 00:45:38,501 --> 00:45:40,270 He's going down, I think we should get in there. 1296 00:45:41,966 --> 00:45:43,150 This can only go well. 1297 00:45:45,728 --> 00:45:46,654 Here we go. 1298 00:45:49,408 --> 00:45:50,322 Oh, yeah! 1299 00:45:55,432 --> 00:45:56,287 Once again, 1300 00:45:56,932 --> 00:45:58,490 the pick-up truck is working. 1301 00:46:00,096 --> 00:46:00,893 Yes! 1302 00:46:01,209 --> 00:46:02,416 It works! 1303 00:46:02,991 --> 00:46:04,116 I am floating! 1304 00:46:06,307 --> 00:46:07,139 Amazingly, 1305 00:46:07,210 --> 00:46:08,838 all three of us were floating. 1306 00:46:10,181 --> 00:46:11,529 Well, when I say three... 1307 00:46:12,771 --> 00:46:13,861 It's going down! 1308 00:46:23,190 --> 00:46:24,842 Richard offered to pick James up, 1309 00:46:25,006 --> 00:46:26,260 but he had a problem. 1310 00:46:26,612 --> 00:46:28,030 You can't stop. 1311 00:46:28,229 --> 00:46:29,870 No, I can't stop the engine. 1312 00:46:30,151 --> 00:46:30,978 See you then! 1313 00:46:31,119 --> 00:46:32,596 Oh, bloody hell! 1314 00:46:33,217 --> 00:46:34,763 Do you want to come on this boat? 1315 00:46:34,974 --> 00:46:36,709 Up to a point, yes. 1316 00:46:37,013 --> 00:46:39,123 Will you admit it's a brilliant piece of design? 1317 00:46:39,263 --> 00:46:39,838 No. 1318 00:46:39,943 --> 00:46:40,658 Bugger off. 1319 00:46:40,759 --> 00:46:41,380 Goodbye! 1320 00:46:43,782 --> 00:46:44,649 Richard and I 1321 00:46:44,731 --> 00:46:45,903 returned to land 1322 00:46:46,290 --> 00:46:47,075 because... 1323 00:46:47,216 --> 00:46:48,376 we wanted to be there, 1324 00:46:48,423 --> 00:46:49,536 to offer James 1325 00:46:49,735 --> 00:46:51,963 reassurance and sympathy. 1326 00:46:52,209 --> 00:46:53,662 You designed 1327 00:46:53,756 --> 00:46:55,771 a rubbish car and you know 1328 00:46:56,088 --> 00:46:57,670 nothing about sailing. 1329 00:46:59,521 --> 00:47:00,881 Amazingly, however, 1330 00:47:01,056 --> 00:47:03,117 James insisted that his Herald 1331 00:47:03,281 --> 00:47:04,336 and the snapped mast 1332 00:47:04,441 --> 00:47:05,730 could be fixed. 1333 00:47:05,941 --> 00:47:08,051 and so, with help from me 1334 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,270 and Jeremy... 1335 00:47:10,043 --> 00:47:11,004 two hours later, 1336 00:47:11,133 --> 00:47:12,375 he was back in business. 1337 00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:14,259 Here we go. 1338 00:47:14,904 --> 00:47:15,689 Let's go! 1339 00:47:21,611 --> 00:47:23,802 This is absolutely brilliant. 1340 00:47:28,361 --> 00:47:29,732 I'm actually using my weight 1341 00:47:29,845 --> 00:47:30,794 to counter 1342 00:47:30,911 --> 00:47:32,130 the roll of the craft. 1343 00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:35,903 Is that your top speed? 1344 00:47:36,243 --> 00:47:37,333 I'm flat out. 1345 00:47:40,029 --> 00:47:40,919 Even so, 1346 00:47:40,990 --> 00:47:42,677 I was a lot faster than James. 1347 00:47:43,165 --> 00:47:45,321 So Jeremy and I left him behind 1348 00:47:45,802 --> 00:47:46,704 and pretty soon 1349 00:47:46,856 --> 00:47:48,614 we were at the mouth of the harbour, 1350 00:47:49,013 --> 00:47:50,513 facing the open sea. 1351 00:47:54,621 --> 00:47:56,062 That's choppy out there. 1352 00:47:57,534 --> 00:47:58,542 I can't do that. 1353 00:47:59,081 --> 00:48:00,312 Not in a van! 1354 00:48:00,792 --> 00:48:02,151 Mate, it's horrible! 1355 00:48:02,292 --> 00:48:04,284 Maybe if we snuck up on it... 1356 00:48:04,355 --> 00:48:05,114 Yeah. 1357 00:48:05,184 --> 00:48:06,602 Sneak up on the sea! 1358 00:48:06,942 --> 00:48:08,208 That's brilliant. 1359 00:48:08,618 --> 00:48:09,356 Meanwhile, 1360 00:48:09,403 --> 00:48:11,184 back with Captain Pugwash... 1361 00:48:11,278 --> 00:48:12,192 Sod it! 1362 00:48:12,860 --> 00:48:14,126 Right now, sail. 1363 00:48:19,625 --> 00:48:21,148 We were leaving the harbour. 1364 00:48:22,039 --> 00:48:24,523 You can't see what's coming, I can! 1365 00:48:27,750 --> 00:48:29,426 I can just see sky, sea, 1366 00:48:29,508 --> 00:48:30,762 sky, sea...!!! 1367 00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:33,960 My God, 1368 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:35,614 this is big now. 1369 00:48:35,907 --> 00:48:37,301 Quite scared. 1370 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,031 Quite scared. 1371 00:48:39,441 --> 00:48:40,906 Quite...really scared. 1372 00:48:41,035 --> 00:48:43,461 Why the bloody hell won't it turn round? 1373 00:48:45,500 --> 00:48:46,309 BLEEP thing. 1374 00:48:48,030 --> 00:48:50,104 Whoa, it's coming through the sunroof... 1375 00:48:50,186 --> 00:48:51,991 I'm gonna try and turn. 1376 00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:53,972 Bloody hell! 1377 00:48:56,186 --> 00:48:57,276 These are quite big. 1378 00:48:57,335 --> 00:48:58,413 Don't like that. 1379 00:48:58,457 --> 00:48:59,711 Don't turn on a wave! 1380 00:49:00,133 --> 00:49:00,766 Wait... 1381 00:49:00,871 --> 00:49:01,879 or something. 1382 00:49:02,301 --> 00:49:03,883 I don't know, I got scared. 1383 00:49:04,445 --> 00:49:05,770 Oh, my God. 1384 00:49:06,262 --> 00:49:08,043 No, no, no... 1385 00:49:08,348 --> 00:49:09,742 In seas like this, 1386 00:49:09,883 --> 00:49:11,518 and with my puny power, 1387 00:49:11,963 --> 00:49:13,217 I bravely decided 1388 00:49:13,288 --> 00:49:14,799 to head back to the harbour. 1389 00:49:19,710 --> 00:49:20,846 And then Jeremy 1390 00:49:20,905 --> 00:49:22,250 bravely followed suit. 1391 00:49:24,242 --> 00:49:25,144 Mayday! 1392 00:49:29,546 --> 00:49:31,186 Is it not working well, James? 1393 00:49:31,245 --> 00:49:33,507 Have you ever heard of the milk of human kindness? 1394 00:49:34,245 --> 00:49:35,850 Well, prepare to suckle on it. 1395 00:49:37,485 --> 00:49:38,235 Thank you. 1396 00:49:40,884 --> 00:49:41,563 Sorry, mate. 1397 00:49:41,844 --> 00:49:43,743 As Jeremy rescued James, 1398 00:49:43,872 --> 00:49:45,841 I realised that the big seas 1399 00:49:45,934 --> 00:49:47,469 had damaged my precious craft. 1400 00:49:48,531 --> 00:49:49,750 My steering's broken. 1401 00:49:49,972 --> 00:49:51,660 I just go in faster circles. 1402 00:49:52,105 --> 00:49:53,101 I was stuck... 1403 00:49:53,593 --> 00:49:55,211 in the entrance to the harbour. 1404 00:49:56,931 --> 00:49:58,994 Oh my God, there is the Seacat. 1405 00:49:59,755 --> 00:50:00,998 He can move. 1406 00:50:02,498 --> 00:50:04,267 But he continued on course 1407 00:50:04,349 --> 00:50:06,787 and now James was a sitting duck as well. 1408 00:50:06,951 --> 00:50:07,903 No time to lose. 1409 00:50:08,020 --> 00:50:08,911 What do you want me to do? 1410 00:50:08,981 --> 00:50:10,786 Just nudge the front gently back to port. 1411 00:50:13,247 --> 00:50:14,677 I can't get in! 1412 00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,449 Come on, onto the helm! 1413 00:50:17,519 --> 00:50:19,055 I can't do gently. 1414 00:50:19,723 --> 00:50:21,340 That's not round, that's backwards, 1415 00:50:21,410 --> 00:50:22,230 you pillock. 1416 00:50:22,336 --> 00:50:24,211 I don't wanna go that way now! 1417 00:50:25,266 --> 00:50:26,039 Go left! 1418 00:50:26,516 --> 00:50:27,488 And then... 1419 00:50:30,149 --> 00:50:31,285 Oh, not another one. 1420 00:50:41,096 --> 00:50:44,013 Never in maritime history has a ship had to dodge 1421 00:50:44,096 --> 00:50:45,877 so much flotsam and jetsam 1422 00:50:45,935 --> 00:50:47,248 while coming into Dover. 1423 00:50:47,353 --> 00:50:47,864 Sorry... 1424 00:50:48,028 --> 00:50:49,317 It was him. Sorry. 1425 00:50:49,774 --> 00:50:50,548 Sorry. 1426 00:50:50,712 --> 00:50:52,587 And this made us be in trouble. 1427 00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:53,559 Morning, officer. 1428 00:50:56,243 --> 00:50:57,344 Yeah, fine thank you, 1429 00:50:57,366 --> 00:50:58,468 everything is under control. 1430 00:50:59,358 --> 00:51:00,952 We were ordered back to land, 1431 00:51:01,011 --> 00:51:01,761 but getting there 1432 00:51:01,831 --> 00:51:02,827 wasn't easy. 1433 00:51:04,140 --> 00:51:05,823 Mate, my engine is letting go. 1434 00:51:06,409 --> 00:51:07,323 It's dying. 1435 00:51:07,932 --> 00:51:09,338 There's no doubt about it. 1436 00:51:11,424 --> 00:51:12,983 The Herald was towed back... 1437 00:51:13,557 --> 00:51:14,202 again. 1438 00:51:14,413 --> 00:51:15,197 Gently! 1439 00:51:16,381 --> 00:51:17,799 And I pulled Richard in. 1440 00:51:18,215 --> 00:51:19,328 That's humiliating. 1441 00:51:20,407 --> 00:51:21,954 So we set out for France... 1442 00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:22,938 ... twice... 1443 00:51:23,196 --> 00:51:23,970 Yeah. 1444 00:51:24,509 --> 00:51:25,083 And... 1445 00:51:25,212 --> 00:51:26,196 We made Dover. 1446 00:51:27,532 --> 00:51:29,168 James's boat was now 1447 00:51:29,238 --> 00:51:30,574 beyond repair. 1448 00:51:30,891 --> 00:51:32,906 But, luckily, Jeremy was on hand 1449 00:51:32,930 --> 00:51:33,949 to comfort him. 1450 00:51:34,137 --> 00:51:35,824 You failed! 1451 00:51:37,378 --> 00:51:38,093 Thank you! 1452 00:51:44,534 --> 00:51:45,776 Third attempt, here we go... 1453 00:51:50,471 --> 00:51:52,205 Today the wind had dropped 1454 00:51:52,322 --> 00:51:53,963 and the sea was much calmer. 1455 00:51:54,314 --> 00:51:55,191 We're going to France 1456 00:51:55,273 --> 00:51:56,586 this time, we are going. 1457 00:52:00,348 --> 00:52:02,398 I was now powered by an outboard 1458 00:52:02,457 --> 00:52:04,683 I'd bought from Jeremy for a million pounds, 1459 00:52:04,953 --> 00:52:06,765 and James was my cabin boy. 1460 00:52:07,198 --> 00:52:08,780 If you'd go below, please, would you? 1461 00:52:08,827 --> 00:52:11,030 - cabin boy, and a cup of tea. - Right, sir. 1462 00:52:11,441 --> 00:52:12,624 Oi, Prescott! 1463 00:52:13,632 --> 00:52:15,026 I'll have a bacon sandwich. 1464 00:52:17,472 --> 00:52:20,800 Richard's million-pound outboard wasn't exactly gutsy, 1465 00:52:21,257 --> 00:52:22,839 so, in the spirit of the sea 1466 00:52:22,932 --> 00:52:24,573 and in keeping of the maritime code, 1467 00:52:24,948 --> 00:52:25,804 I gunned it 1468 00:52:25,874 --> 00:52:27,020 and left them behind. 1469 00:52:29,317 --> 00:52:30,911 Oh, she's riding the waves 1470 00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:32,188 like a twig. 1471 00:52:34,075 --> 00:52:36,465 Meanwhile, back on the cabin cruiser... 1472 00:52:36,723 --> 00:52:37,391 Bloody hell! 1473 00:52:38,154 --> 00:52:38,775 Mate? 1474 00:52:38,986 --> 00:52:39,303 What? 1475 00:52:39,549 --> 00:52:41,236 There's quite a lot of water, it's up to... 1476 00:52:41,506 --> 00:52:42,701 Oh, not again. 1477 00:52:45,689 --> 00:52:47,377 As you can see this morning the sea is 1478 00:52:47,611 --> 00:52:48,515 a mill pond. 1479 00:52:48,855 --> 00:52:50,965 We hope to capitalise on that and make good progress 1480 00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:52,570 before the waves build up, 1481 00:52:52,652 --> 00:52:54,304 which they inevitably will. 1482 00:53:04,287 --> 00:53:06,044 This is the third time I've been in this... 1483 00:53:06,208 --> 00:53:07,462 - ... ruddy sea. - Yeah. 1484 00:53:07,697 --> 00:53:09,560 Technically, it wasn't my fault. 1485 00:53:12,011 --> 00:53:12,890 I'm disappointed, 1486 00:53:12,949 --> 00:53:14,390 I thought we were gonna make it. 1487 00:53:14,907 --> 00:53:16,075 Sorry, mate, the cup sank. 1488 00:53:16,859 --> 00:53:18,206 With typical good grace, 1489 00:53:18,390 --> 00:53:19,772 Jeremy came back to pick us up 1490 00:53:19,968 --> 00:53:20,647 and then announced 1491 00:53:20,766 --> 00:53:22,241 we'd have to go back to Dover. 1492 00:53:25,451 --> 00:53:27,326 This seemed like a waste of time, 1493 00:53:27,537 --> 00:53:29,401 but as we lined up for our fourth attempt 1494 00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,229 his reasoning became clear. 1495 00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:34,282 A couple of years ago Richard Branson set a record 1496 00:53:34,353 --> 00:53:37,107 for crossing The Channel in an amphibious car. 1497 00:53:37,681 --> 00:53:38,466 One hour, 1498 00:53:38,708 --> 00:53:39,645 40 minutes, 1499 00:53:39,762 --> 00:53:40,641 six seconds. 1500 00:53:40,946 --> 00:53:41,567 And...? 1501 00:53:42,317 --> 00:53:43,149 No way! 1502 00:53:43,231 --> 00:53:44,520 It's an average speed 1503 00:53:45,575 --> 00:53:46,852 of 10.8 knots. 1504 00:53:47,157 --> 00:53:48,412 I say we go for it, 1505 00:53:48,482 --> 00:53:49,372 we give it a shot? 1506 00:53:49,466 --> 00:53:50,298 In Calais for lunch. 1507 00:53:50,357 --> 00:53:52,138 Beardy, you're going down. 1508 00:54:00,548 --> 00:54:02,119 Guys, can I ask one question? 1509 00:54:02,177 --> 00:54:02,869 What? 1510 00:54:02,939 --> 00:54:04,181 Where's France? 1511 00:54:04,638 --> 00:54:05,658 We follow the ferry, 1512 00:54:05,705 --> 00:54:07,111 but not the one going to Holland. 1513 00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:11,221 Soon the three men in a boat 1514 00:54:11,631 --> 00:54:13,646 were an incredible two miles from England. 1515 00:54:14,138 --> 00:54:15,990 And since we were going for a record, 1516 00:54:16,072 --> 00:54:17,689 we had to work out our speed. 1517 00:54:18,240 --> 00:54:19,576 This is our speedometer: 1518 00:54:20,337 --> 00:54:21,673 We've tied knots in a rope, 1519 00:54:21,802 --> 00:54:22,576 you throw it in 1520 00:54:22,915 --> 00:54:25,341 and you see how many pass through your fingers 1521 00:54:25,423 --> 00:54:26,642 in a given time. 1522 00:54:26,982 --> 00:54:28,517 'It's a very accurate system.' 1523 00:54:29,431 --> 00:54:30,181 Captain, 1524 00:54:30,427 --> 00:54:31,623 about 110 knots. 1525 00:54:32,666 --> 00:54:33,568 110, now, 1526 00:54:33,627 --> 00:54:34,752 what's that in miles an hour? 1527 00:54:35,748 --> 00:54:36,943 125. 1528 00:54:37,388 --> 00:54:39,509 Because we were blasting along at a steady 125mph, 1529 00:54:41,097 --> 00:54:43,148 we had a visit from the coastguard. 1530 00:54:47,871 --> 00:54:50,519 This is the UK coastguard aircraft, 1531 00:54:50,589 --> 00:54:52,172 please state your intentions. 1532 00:54:52,570 --> 00:54:55,160 Our intentions are to go across The Channel 1533 00:54:55,219 --> 00:54:56,988 faster than beardy Branson. 1534 00:54:57,176 --> 00:54:58,324 In that case, 1535 00:54:58,383 --> 00:55:00,152 I wish you good luck and bon voyage. 1536 00:55:02,357 --> 00:55:03,845 I want to do that for a job! 1537 00:55:04,314 --> 00:55:05,743 That's brilliant and then all you do is 1538 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:07,630 jump out and wrestle Albanians. 1539 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:10,360 Amazingly, 1540 00:55:10,454 --> 00:55:12,376 our vessel ploughed on without mishap 1541 00:55:13,051 --> 00:55:13,719 and then... 1542 00:55:14,223 --> 00:55:15,347 Land ahoy! 1543 00:55:15,488 --> 00:55:16,039 Look! 1544 00:55:16,531 --> 00:55:17,234 France! 1545 00:55:17,937 --> 00:55:19,344 We can see France 1546 00:55:19,906 --> 00:55:21,289 from our pick-up truck. 1547 00:55:22,062 --> 00:55:23,030 Mind you, Jeremy, 1548 00:55:23,089 --> 00:55:24,038 do you wanna be depressed? 1549 00:55:24,143 --> 00:55:24,682 What? 1550 00:55:24,729 --> 00:55:25,889 Look at England. 1551 00:55:29,157 --> 00:55:32,098 Boldly going further than any pick-up had gone before 1552 00:55:32,145 --> 00:55:34,266 we were soon in the shipping lanes. 1553 00:55:38,262 --> 00:55:39,247 Bloody hell! 1554 00:55:39,312 --> 00:55:40,542 what do we do now? 1555 00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:43,226 I can't remember whose right of way it is. 1556 00:55:44,339 --> 00:55:46,484 That's on a constant bearing as well, 1557 00:55:46,566 --> 00:55:48,054 which means we're gonna hit it. 1558 00:55:50,068 --> 00:55:51,369 Oh, God, no! 1559 00:55:53,549 --> 00:55:55,424 Do you reckon I'll maybe go behind it? 1560 00:55:55,506 --> 00:55:56,760 Yeah, I'd go behind it. 1561 00:55:57,217 --> 00:55:59,115 Yeah, yeah, I think behind it is best. 1562 00:56:00,576 --> 00:56:02,463 Having missed all the big, scary boats 1563 00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:03,823 we turned our attention back 1564 00:56:03,893 --> 00:56:05,170 to Branson's record. 1565 00:56:05,252 --> 00:56:06,213 Ready, ready... 1566 00:56:06,366 --> 00:56:07,244 one hour 1567 00:56:07,842 --> 00:56:09,201 40 minutes coming up... 1568 00:56:09,705 --> 00:56:10,244 now. 1569 00:56:10,303 --> 00:56:11,537 We've failed!! 1570 00:56:12,065 --> 00:56:13,061 We lost. 1571 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:16,260 Now it was just a question 1572 00:56:16,342 --> 00:56:17,619 of seeing if we could make it. 1573 00:56:18,147 --> 00:56:19,518 But with eight miles to go, 1574 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,182 it started to get choppy. 1575 00:56:22,745 --> 00:56:24,289 We're going down, boys. 1576 00:56:24,339 --> 00:56:25,388 Nooo! 1577 00:56:25,675 --> 00:56:26,869 It's pouring in! 1578 00:56:27,977 --> 00:56:29,538 Oh my God, look in there now. 1579 00:56:29,998 --> 00:56:31,320 I don't like that! 1580 00:56:31,644 --> 00:56:33,187 We're in big trouble! 1581 00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:35,857 I Don't like that, don't like this! 1582 00:56:36,135 --> 00:56:37,499 Things were even worse 1583 00:56:37,550 --> 00:56:38,548 at the back. 1584 00:56:38,787 --> 00:56:41,472 We're taking on a hell of a lot of water. 1585 00:56:42,118 --> 00:56:43,695 So we sent James to the front 1586 00:56:43,781 --> 00:56:45,247 to act as ballast. 1587 00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:47,456 I'm getting a bit bored with sinking, 1588 00:56:47,924 --> 00:56:48,743 frankly. 1589 00:56:50,477 --> 00:56:51,458 Mercifully, 1590 00:56:51,569 --> 00:56:53,291 as we got into the lee or... 1591 00:56:53,376 --> 00:56:54,289 something or other, 1592 00:56:54,323 --> 00:56:55,355 the waters calmed 1593 00:56:55,423 --> 00:56:57,171 and we could taste success. 1594 00:57:04,325 --> 00:57:05,485 The town of Sangatte 1595 00:57:05,558 --> 00:57:06,479 was about to get 1596 00:57:06,521 --> 00:57:07,886 three more immigrants. 1597 00:57:08,252 --> 00:57:10,299 Never mind that we'd aimed for Calais and missed. 1598 00:57:10,657 --> 00:57:11,927 France is France. 1599 00:57:12,621 --> 00:57:13,516 Come on! 1600 00:57:14,042 --> 00:57:14,826 Come on! 1601 00:57:15,167 --> 00:57:16,813 We're 20 yards from France. 1602 00:57:18,561 --> 00:57:20,087 To succeed, we had to get up 1603 00:57:20,155 --> 00:57:20,973 the boat ramp, 1604 00:57:21,075 --> 00:57:23,317 but that meant going through the breakers. 1605 00:57:27,299 --> 00:57:28,007 No! 1606 00:57:28,549 --> 00:57:29,572 Nooo!! 1607 00:57:32,454 --> 00:57:33,784 Where's that come from? 1608 00:57:39,067 --> 00:57:39,962 I really thought 1609 00:57:40,013 --> 00:57:41,215 we were gonna tip over. 1610 00:57:41,923 --> 00:57:43,057 We're on the rocks. 1611 00:57:44,616 --> 00:57:46,091 We're going up the beach now. 1612 00:57:50,822 --> 00:57:51,624 Skilfully, 1613 00:57:51,769 --> 00:57:53,832 James got a rope round the front bumper 1614 00:57:53,892 --> 00:57:55,222 and then, a gap in the waves, 1615 00:57:55,529 --> 00:57:56,620 I went for it. 1616 00:58:03,967 --> 00:58:05,067 Nooo! 1617 00:58:08,466 --> 00:58:09,293 That's good. 1618 00:58:11,100 --> 00:58:12,368 The pick-up 1619 00:58:12,752 --> 00:58:13,792 had landed. 1620 00:58:15,900 --> 00:58:16,940 Merci bien! 1621 00:58:19,924 --> 00:58:20,913 Finally... 1622 00:58:22,192 --> 00:58:23,033 Finally, 1623 00:58:23,144 --> 00:58:25,011 we got something right! 1624 00:58:25,761 --> 00:58:26,725 Can you believe it. 1625 00:58:27,676 --> 00:58:29,049 We got something right. 1626 00:58:29,381 --> 00:58:30,362 Hang on a minute, though. 1627 00:58:30,456 --> 00:58:32,314 Because we've made this chart of 1628 00:58:32,971 --> 00:58:34,616 Channel-crossing solutions 1629 00:58:35,034 --> 00:58:36,450 and ours doesn't come out that well 1630 00:58:36,535 --> 00:58:37,132 - No, - ...to be honest. 1631 00:58:37,166 --> 00:58:38,527 it really doesn't, let's look at the cost: 1632 00:58:38,578 --> 00:58:39,362 first of all, 1633 00:58:39,439 --> 00:58:41,289 the tunnel costs £120. 1634 00:58:41,537 --> 00:58:42,500 On the ferry... 1635 00:58:42,688 --> 00:58:43,353 £40. 1636 00:58:43,515 --> 00:58:44,884 Our amphibious vehicles... 1637 00:58:45,379 --> 00:58:46,803 just under £19,000. 1638 00:58:47,178 --> 00:58:48,576 This is a good point, well made. 1639 00:58:48,636 --> 00:58:49,676 It gets worse. 1640 00:58:49,762 --> 00:58:50,998 Let's look at the time taken: 1641 00:58:51,134 --> 00:58:52,629 On the tunnel, 35 minutes. 1642 00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:53,524 On the ferry, 1643 00:58:53,609 --> 00:58:54,376 90 minutes. 1644 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:55,996 For the amphibious vehicles... 1645 00:58:56,048 --> 00:58:56,892 that's just about... 1646 00:58:56,986 --> 00:58:58,102 4 ½ days. 1647 00:58:58,679 --> 00:59:00,176 Yes, but the beauty 1648 00:59:00,517 --> 00:59:02,223 of the amphibious vehicle here 1649 00:59:02,496 --> 00:59:03,706 is that you can reuse it. 1650 00:59:03,757 --> 00:59:04,764 So in just... 1651 00:59:05,272 --> 00:59:05,741 What? 1652 00:59:05,869 --> 00:59:07,582 120 crossings 1653 00:59:07,651 --> 00:59:08,739 it would pay for itself. 1654 00:59:08,833 --> 00:59:09,984 But the thing is, Jeremy, 1655 00:59:10,044 --> 00:59:11,988 at 4 ½ days per crossing, 1656 00:59:12,457 --> 00:59:14,008 to do 120 crossings, 1657 00:59:14,068 --> 00:59:14,730 you'd have to do 1658 00:59:14,789 --> 00:59:16,938 nothing other than go backwards and forwards across The Channel 1659 00:59:16,998 --> 00:59:18,115 for a year and a half 1660 00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:19,360 before it's paid for itself. 1661 00:59:19,428 --> 00:59:20,332 Another good point. 1662 00:59:20,366 --> 00:59:21,917 And, as we've proved, 1663 00:59:22,123 --> 00:59:23,743 you've got a two-in-three chance 1664 00:59:23,802 --> 00:59:25,303 of sinking anyway. 1665 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:26,906 So what we're saying 1666 00:59:26,974 --> 00:59:27,904 actually is that... 1667 00:59:27,980 --> 00:59:29,566 we've once again been ambitious, 1668 00:59:30,003 --> 00:59:30,787 but rubbish. 1669 00:59:30,838 --> 00:59:32,023 That's what we're saying. Yeah. 1670 00:59:32,194 --> 00:59:33,345 And on that bombshell, 1671 00:59:33,584 --> 00:59:34,496 it's time to end the show. 1672 00:59:34,842 --> 00:59:35,951 We'll see you next we... no, we won't 1673 00:59:35,985 --> 00:59:36,923 see you next week, actually, 1674 00:59:36,965 --> 00:59:37,878 'cos some drunk men are here 1675 00:59:37,929 --> 00:59:38,807 to play billiards, 1676 00:59:38,858 --> 00:59:40,256 But we'll see you the week after that 1677 00:59:40,299 --> 00:59:41,032 Thanks for watching, 1678 00:59:41,118 --> 00:59:41,893 Good night!