1 00:00:00,885 --> 00:00:04,820 Top Gear episode 10x04 - Botswana Special 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:11,120 Corrected English version by mcdrifter.blogspot.com 3 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:23,586 Hello! Hello and welcome! Thank you very much. 4 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:29,089 Now, as you know, the producers on this show like to give us challenges, 5 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:33,065 specifically where they give us a very small amount of money and tell us to buy a used car 6 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:38,436 then they set unbelievably hard tasks to do to see which one of us got the best deal. 7 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:43,009 Yeah. This week for a Top Gear special they came up with a real humdinger. 8 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,205 They gave each of us 1500 quid 9 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,005 and told us to go to Africa... 10 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,650 ...and buy a car. 11 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,414 Yeah, and there were just two conditions: 12 00:00:51,586 --> 00:00:53,483 It mustn't be four-wheel drive 13 00:00:53,755 --> 00:00:57,252 and it mustn't be built, in any way, to go off road. 14 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:06,860 The meeting point was the border post between Zimbabwe and Botswana. 15 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,995 And, for once, I was the first to arrive. 16 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,639 Now, as you'd expect, I've done this properly. 17 00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:22,882 What I've got is a 1985 Mercedes-Benz 230E, a car that Africa absolutely adores 18 00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:27,015 because it's comfortable, it's rugged, it's dependable and, frankly, 19 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:31,085 if the other two have brought anything other than one of these along, they're idiots. 20 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,561 The first idiot arrived. 21 00:01:36,898 --> 00:01:40,498 - Can you open the door? The handle's broken. - It is a Lancia Beta. 22 00:01:40,869 --> 00:01:43,334 Coupé, 1981. 23 00:01:44,008 --> 00:01:49,638 The only Lancia of any sort in the whole of Botswana. It's done 29,000 miles. 24 00:01:49,811 --> 00:01:52,105 Mm. One owner, is it? 25 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,175 It was a little old lady. 26 00:01:54,349 --> 00:01:56,444 And boy had she ragged it. 27 00:01:56,618 --> 00:01:59,676 Yeah, that's normal, isn't it? That fizzing. 28 00:01:59,754 --> 00:02:02,679 That's er... Yeah. 29 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:05,224 What's the piece of cardboard for? Is that for mopping up moisture? 30 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,160 - No that's because the battery... - Oh, it shorts on the bonnet. 31 00:02:08,230 --> 00:02:11,358 - Shorts on the bonnet a bit. - Right. You've done well. 32 00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:13,630 So now what? Do you want a lift? 33 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:18,629 We left the Lancia to cool down because Hammond was arriving. 34 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,807 - What the hell is that? - I don't know. 35 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,139 - Could it be a Moskvitch? Ju... Opel! - Opel! 36 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,885 And on the front it says Kadett. 37 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,444 Yeah! 38 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,419 What the hell have you done, man? 39 00:02:33,488 --> 00:02:37,219 It's an Opel Kadett from 1963. 40 00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:40,455 - So that's the same age as you. - Same age as me. 41 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,621 Yes, but it's much better nick than you are. 42 00:02:42,697 --> 00:02:46,463 It was 1200 pounds. I had much change with which to buy many beads. 43 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,332 How much more simple can you get? It's got two moving parts 44 00:02:49,404 --> 00:02:52,032 and it's been here for 44 years. 45 00:02:52,107 --> 00:02:54,541 - I love the speedo. - I do like a horizontal speedo. 46 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,304 I really do. 47 00:02:56,378 --> 00:02:58,744 - Where's the engine? Hold on. - It's there. 48 00:02:58,813 --> 00:03:01,303 It's tiny! 49 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:02,641 - Do you wanna know about the power? - Yes, I do. 50 00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:04,614 - 40. - 40? 51 00:03:04,886 --> 00:03:06,650 - 40 horsepower? - Well, they did do a sport version 52 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:09,546 with 48 but I didn't want anything too lairy. 53 00:03:12,894 --> 00:03:14,685 - You've both been idiots. - No! 54 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,587 Brilliantly interesting, brilliantly stylish 55 00:03:16,665 --> 00:03:19,099 - but stupid. - Why's mine stupid? 56 00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,725 What is yours? Where is yours? 57 00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,326 Whoa! 58 00:03:22,404 --> 00:03:25,432 A Lancia? You have been a bit thick. 59 00:03:26,741 --> 00:03:30,302 With the cars at the start line it was time for our challenge. 60 00:03:35,016 --> 00:03:37,446 "The people of Surrey think they need four-wheel drive cars 61 00:03:37,619 --> 00:03:40,588 "because they live up a lane which sometimes has leaves on it. 62 00:03:40,755 --> 00:03:44,621 "You will now attempt to prove them wrong by driving your two-wheel drive cars 63 00:03:44,693 --> 00:03:49,187 - "from here on Botswana's eastern border with Zimbabwe..." - Just there. 64 00:03:49,264 --> 00:03:54,827 "...1000 miles to its western border with Namibia. 65 00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:58,766 "That's right across the spine of Africa." 66 00:04:03,845 --> 00:04:05,069 I'm confident. 67 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,336 I wasn't. 68 00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:12,415 We hadn't even started and the Lancia was playing up. 69 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,622 James chose not to wait. 70 00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:26,159 He may be mechanically confident 71 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:29,601 but he has just turned right which is Zimbabwe. 72 00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:32,731 Which is where, I should point out, the BBC is not allowed. 73 00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:34,471 Oh, hello! 74 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,573 "Sorry, sorry. I'm going now." 75 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:44,448 The Lancia wheezed into life and Hammond and I set off in pursuit. 76 00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:57,388 If you think of the cars that this inspired. 77 00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:02,635 It was latterly built in Russia where it became the Moskvitch, which was rubbish. 78 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,934 And, of course, indirectly, the Vauxhall Astra. 79 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:11,269 Quite a lot of reasonably average cars owe themselves to this. 80 00:05:13,615 --> 00:05:16,413 I don't know if you know but Africa is really quite large. 81 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:20,147 And when you're out in a very remote part you need a car like this, 82 00:05:20,221 --> 00:05:23,190 that can be mended with a brick and a piece of string. 83 00:05:23,258 --> 00:05:24,987 What you have to remember 84 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:30,156 is that three of the most rugged and successful rally cars ever made were Lancias - 85 00:05:30,231 --> 00:05:35,066 the Stratos, the 037 and the Delta Integrale. 86 00:05:35,136 --> 00:05:37,802 Lancia know how to make a rally car. 87 00:05:39,303 --> 00:05:44,778 Unfortunately, on the day my Beta Coupé was made they obviously forgot everything. 88 00:05:45,246 --> 00:05:49,306 The gear box is broken, the steering's broken, the window's broken. 89 00:05:49,384 --> 00:05:52,114 In fact, we all had problems. 90 00:05:52,187 --> 00:05:56,954 Everything works, except this knob, which controls the blower. 91 00:05:57,025 --> 00:06:01,321 I've got to have the windows open because there's quite a strong smell of petrol. 92 00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:04,603 And that mirror over there which is actually slightly stuck. 93 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:09,426 Hazard warning lights, the clock, the fan, the handbrake, all of the dials. 94 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,167 The brakes are terrible because they only work on that wheel. 95 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,276 They work very well on that wheel, but only on that wheel. 96 00:06:15,343 --> 00:06:17,201 And that instrument's a bit wobbly. 97 00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:21,711 Apart from that everything that's actually important to the car works perfectly. 98 00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:26,010 Apart from the handbrake, which I can pull like this as we go along. 99 00:06:27,341 --> 00:06:30,143 Nevertheless, because we were on tarmac roads... 100 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,937 we decided to give our cars a shakedown 101 00:06:33,037 --> 00:06:34,375 Building up speed now... 102 00:06:34,537 --> 00:06:37,775 When it was made this car had 116 horsepower 103 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,578 Top speed, 115 mph 104 00:06:40,678 --> 00:06:41,678 Here we go! 105 00:06:44,579 --> 00:06:46,024 Near 100... 106 00:06:46,124 --> 00:06:48,171 km/h...more... 107 00:06:48,671 --> 00:06:50,748 Right, i'm gonna overtake the truck, here I go... 108 00:06:51,148 --> 00:06:52,925 He's pulled out of his slipstream! 109 00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:56,045 Oh, it's really coming up...105... 110 00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,152 - Still truck... - 105... 111 00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:01,452 Still truck... 112 00:07:02,637 --> 00:07:03,976 105... 113 00:07:04,076 --> 00:07:07,096 3.000 rpm, 3.500...pulls cleanly... 114 00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:10,659 Hang on a minute... 115 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:13,715 It's got no fifth gear... 116 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,315 Somebody's put the knob from a 5 gear model...on it 117 00:07:21,155 --> 00:07:23,222 This is just the happiest car in the world. 118 00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:27,422 I should call it Oliver, not that we'd ever name a car on Top Gear. 119 00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:29,009 I wish I hadn't said that. 120 00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:35,229 It's now five past ten in the morning and it's starting to get quite hot. 121 00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:36,671 I've got an idea. 122 00:07:43,744 --> 00:07:45,674 Oh yeah, that's better. 123 00:07:46,781 --> 00:07:48,305 Don't know what that is. 124 00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:51,881 A horn! 125 00:07:53,408 --> 00:07:55,549 Oh, Oliver! You've got a cold. Listen. 126 00:07:59,194 --> 00:08:04,293 We were having fun but then we discovered we were traveling with Bill Oddie. 127 00:08:04,405 --> 00:08:06,607 - Why have you got a pen? - You tick them off when you've seen them. 128 00:08:06,768 --> 00:08:08,632 Hornbill, Southern Yellow-billed. 129 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,572 ...to even look at your car. It's massive! 130 00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:15,567 Don't knock Oliver... Don't knock my car. That's a fine... he's a fine... 131 00:08:15,884 --> 00:08:18,880 - What did you call it then? - Oliver's a friend of mine... 132 00:08:19,013 --> 00:08:21,678 - He's given it a name. - He's given his car a name. 133 00:08:26,621 --> 00:08:28,981 So far, the journey had been a doddle. 134 00:08:31,426 --> 00:08:35,002 But then the tarmac just sort of...stopped. 135 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,494 Oh, this is bad. 136 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:44,333 I can see from here just how hard 137 00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:47,932 the suspension on Jeremy's Lancia is having to work. It's just a blur. 138 00:08:50,811 --> 00:08:52,540 Come on, Oliver. Please! 139 00:08:52,613 --> 00:08:57,641 The later you book a lift in the Mercedes, the more expensive it gets. It's a bit like an airline. 140 00:08:57,718 --> 00:09:00,152 Oh God! Oh! 141 00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:02,121 I've broken it. 142 00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:03,987 Engine isn't working. It's cut out. 143 00:09:04,058 --> 00:09:05,218 Oh dear. 144 00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:08,888 - He's done literally one kilometer of this. - I know what's wrong with it. 145 00:09:08,963 --> 00:09:10,089 The bonnet won't open. 146 00:09:10,164 --> 00:09:12,359 - It's the bonnet catch, it's... - Shut up! 147 00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:15,834 Hammond was tetchy because he knew the price of failure. 148 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:20,772 Anyone who's car broke down would have to complete the journey in a Beetle. 149 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:28,105 It is collectively our least favorite car in the world. 150 00:09:28,182 --> 00:09:29,877 - Ooh, yes. - It is the punishment. 151 00:09:29,951 --> 00:09:31,111 Please! 152 00:09:32,119 --> 00:09:33,552 Oh! Hang on! Hang on! 153 00:09:34,322 --> 00:09:35,346 Ooh! 154 00:09:37,491 --> 00:09:38,924 Come on, Oliver! 155 00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:40,119 What did you say? 156 00:09:40,194 --> 00:09:42,526 I said, "Oli... Oli... I love ya!" 157 00:09:42,597 --> 00:09:44,792 - Oh my God. - What now? 158 00:09:44,865 --> 00:09:47,698 My car's on fire, but in a very specific place. 159 00:09:47,768 --> 00:09:50,430 Wow! Look at that. It was a magnifying glass? 160 00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:53,405 - There's a laser beam coming through it. - It's like you dropped acid on it. 161 00:09:53,474 --> 00:09:55,374 Oh, his piece of cardboard's gone. 162 00:09:55,443 --> 00:09:57,434 So it sets itself on fire. 163 00:09:57,511 --> 00:09:59,911 If you don't have a piece of cardboard. 164 00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:05,883 We drove deeper and deeper into the bush. 165 00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:09,951 Lancia, yeah! 166 00:10:12,693 --> 00:10:13,921 What is that? 167 00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:17,991 Looks like the sea. 168 00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:23,233 Eventually the road disappeared altogether. 169 00:10:27,908 --> 00:10:30,342 People of Surrey, I hope you're watching this. 170 00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:32,504 We are... 171 00:10:33,447 --> 00:10:36,280 ...driving a Lancia Beta Coupé, 172 00:10:36,350 --> 00:10:38,716 well, just in the middle of... 173 00:10:38,786 --> 00:10:40,481 whatever you call this. 174 00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:49,389 The good news was we'd successfully reached our campsite for the night. 175 00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:53,229 The bad news came in the shape of another challenge. 176 00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:56,031 "Stretching before you is the Makgadikgadi. 177 00:10:58,806 --> 00:11:01,104 "These are the biggest salt flats in the world, 178 00:11:01,175 --> 00:11:05,339 "almost completely lifeless and as wide as Portugal. 179 00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:08,473 "No car has ever driven across them. 180 00:11:08,549 --> 00:11:11,017 "If you run out of water you will die. 181 00:11:11,085 --> 00:11:14,885 "If your car breaks down and you can't be rescued you will die. 182 00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:17,480 "If you run out of food you will die. 183 00:11:17,558 --> 00:11:19,856 "It's like driving on a creme brulée. 184 00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:23,693 "There's a primeval ooze covered with a thin layer of salty crust. 185 00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:29,361 "If you have thin tires you will break through that crust, get stuck and you will die." 186 00:11:29,437 --> 00:11:35,273 So it advises to fit fat tires and remove as much weight as possible before setting off. 187 00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,906 - Well, how hard can it be? - Don't say that! 188 00:11:40,581 --> 00:11:43,106 In camp, the weight-shedding began. 189 00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:44,173 Ready? 190 00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:48,583 That doesn't work. 191 00:11:52,593 --> 00:11:53,582 Thanks awfully. 192 00:11:53,661 --> 00:11:58,496 - Wow, feel how much this seat weighs. - Like your work. 193 00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:08,709 Ah! 194 00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:11,301 Fuel filler, I'll need that maybe. 195 00:12:12,747 --> 00:12:18,151 I don't want to take the hub caps off really cos they protect the hubs. 196 00:12:19,453 --> 00:12:21,387 - Can I point something out? - What? 197 00:12:21,455 --> 00:12:24,589 Hammond's walking round his car muttering about how he needs all of it. 198 00:12:25,359 --> 00:12:26,522 I know exactly what he's doing. 199 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,889 He's formed an emotional attachment, hasn't he? 200 00:12:29,063 --> 00:12:32,004 It'd be like saying to him, "Could you cut bits off your wife?" 201 00:12:34,026 --> 00:12:35,019 What are you doing? 202 00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:38,506 I was gonna take the radiator grill off, on the bases that it's just an ornament 203 00:12:38,531 --> 00:12:40,071 - Can I help? - Please, do 204 00:12:40,096 --> 00:12:43,123 - Do you want your windows out? - No, no, no, they're fine, no, the windows... 205 00:12:43,248 --> 00:12:45,561 But this is old glass! 206 00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:46,986 Very thin glass 207 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:48,675 Very thin 208 00:12:51,764 --> 00:12:53,101 God they come off easily! 209 00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:55,522 - James? - Yes? 210 00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:57,564 - Using nothing but a hammer... - Yes... 211 00:13:02,288 --> 00:13:03,600 - Here's your beer - Thank you, mate 212 00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:07,954 - Have we lost enought weight now? - You haven't lost an ounce! 213 00:13:07,979 --> 00:13:10,252 I lost the spare wheel...and something else 214 00:13:10,277 --> 00:13:11,542 Now, look at mine 215 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:14,845 I'm gonna need some guide ropes to stop it floating away like a big baloon! 216 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:19,715 So, tomorrow we die? 217 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,741 No, i think it's like all the things, exaggerated 218 00:13:22,766 --> 00:13:24,859 We'll be fine, honestly...we're gonna be fine 219 00:13:24,984 --> 00:13:26,082 We've done enought 220 00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:37,600 The next morning, on the edge of the salt pans, 221 00:13:37,675 --> 00:13:41,071 we thought we'd come under attack from a Bond villain. 222 00:13:41,444 --> 00:13:44,480 But it turned out to be the vice president of Botswana. 223 00:13:47,184 --> 00:13:49,714 - That is a f****** cool ride. - Yeah, it is. 224 00:13:49,886 --> 00:13:52,778 Better than an official Rover 75 and a couple of policemen on motorbikes. 225 00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:56,516 He was amazed to hear what was being planned. 226 00:13:56,894 --> 00:14:00,922 I've just never known anybody to go across in a car. 227 00:14:00,998 --> 00:14:03,466 This'll be the first time, I think. 228 00:14:03,534 --> 00:14:06,503 - There they are. - Oh, really? 229 00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:08,333 - Oh, really? - Yes. 230 00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:12,039 - That should be interesting. - You were smiling, you've just stopped. 231 00:14:13,944 --> 00:14:17,640 Buoyed by the vice president's optimism, we set off. 232 00:14:24,455 --> 00:14:28,447 Nothing really prepares you for the sheer size of these. 233 00:14:32,929 --> 00:14:36,359 I think, in a way, that it's more frightening than the Pole. There's absolutely nothing. 234 00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:38,998 You can see the curvature of the Earth. 235 00:14:41,472 --> 00:14:45,065 As we ploughed on, the little Opel was going well. 236 00:14:45,142 --> 00:14:47,403 Oliver is just skipping. Boo! 237 00:14:48,645 --> 00:14:50,176 This car was born to do this! 238 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:56,208 Sadly, though, despite the weight-shedding, my Lancia was not doing so well. 239 00:14:56,886 --> 00:15:00,016 Judging by the way the tires are kind of digging in as I'm driving along, 240 00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:04,005 I think a little bit more has to come out. 241 00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:08,122 Still, as you can see from the tires' grooves, I was doing better than the Merc. 242 00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:14,100 I'm looking at James' rear wheel and he is digging in a long way. 243 00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:16,464 I tried to help him along. 244 00:15:18,809 --> 00:15:19,871 Really helpful. 245 00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:22,311 Well, there's always the Beetle, James. 246 00:15:22,579 --> 00:15:24,244 It's waiting for you. 247 00:15:28,017 --> 00:15:29,541 What are you gonna do? It's sinking. 248 00:15:29,619 --> 00:15:31,820 - We've done... How far's that? A mile? - If that. 249 00:15:32,823 --> 00:15:34,789 My Lancia waded in again. 250 00:15:34,859 --> 00:15:36,383 Just a nudge. 251 00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,553 - That's a crash - There's a thing. 252 00:15:38,629 --> 00:15:42,429 Unfortunately, because it was an automatic, it was useless. 253 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,424 So, we told Richard to try. 254 00:15:45,802 --> 00:15:47,802 But he didn't want to hurt Oliver. 255 00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:55,871 This was hopeless, so we had to rope in the camera crew. 256 00:15:55,946 --> 00:15:58,813 Three! Two! One! Hoy! 257 00:16:00,284 --> 00:16:05,453 Because the ooze was so bad, we had to get even more drastic with the weight-shedding. 258 00:16:08,225 --> 00:16:10,785 We toiled away for hours. 259 00:16:10,861 --> 00:16:12,453 Da-da! Oh God! 260 00:16:13,164 --> 00:16:15,029 Well, two of us did. 261 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,296 And then finally we were ready. 262 00:16:21,005 --> 00:16:26,271 Now, this is light. Lancia Beta Coupé Superleggera! 263 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:33,276 Not a modification! 264 00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:38,650 - This is excellent. - Why don't all cars have no doors? 265 00:16:39,924 --> 00:16:41,949 When I come to power I'm gonna make it a rule, 266 00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:43,721 cos this is just better. 267 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,902 However, the Makgadikgadi was not going to let us off that lightly. 268 00:16:54,071 --> 00:16:59,170 And soon even our super-lightweight cars started to struggle again. 269 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,542 Come on, just... Oh! 270 00:17:05,049 --> 00:17:06,141 Oh, yes. 271 00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:09,046 No, this isn't good. 272 00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:13,117 Oh, no. 273 00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:16,648 Only the Opel remained trouble-free, 274 00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:18,661 which was bad news for me. 275 00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,490 Yes! Come on, man! 276 00:17:22,566 --> 00:17:26,093 I'll go forwards, Hammond, then we'll do it again. Hang on. 277 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:31,164 - How far is it? - Five or six yards and we might be Bobby. 278 00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:32,709 Oh, this is just horrible! 279 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,578 Keep going, keep going, keep going! Keep going! 280 00:17:38,649 --> 00:17:39,911 Yes! Yes! 281 00:17:42,886 --> 00:17:43,875 No! 282 00:17:43,954 --> 00:17:46,218 James, don't go there. You'll get stuck. 283 00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:47,348 That's close. 284 00:17:50,594 --> 00:17:51,925 Come on! 285 00:17:52,763 --> 00:17:54,628 Oh, permission to say cock. 286 00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:58,327 - Can we have everybody? We'll push it off. - We need 100 men or more. 287 00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,562 No! 288 00:18:00,971 --> 00:18:02,029 This is hopeless. 289 00:18:04,174 --> 00:18:08,008 People of Surrey, you need four-wheel drive for this bit. 290 00:18:09,446 --> 00:18:14,907 The gunk was so sticky it had completely jammed the Lancia's rear wheels. 291 00:18:14,985 --> 00:18:19,285 I can't describe... You just think it's just mud... 292 00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:20,755 Do you know what it is? 293 00:18:20,824 --> 00:18:25,386 Fish. It's just rotted prehistoric fish. 294 00:18:25,462 --> 00:18:27,589 One, two, three. 295 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:34,997 Mercifully, the ground eventually hardened and we made good progress. 296 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:39,168 But then suddenly the horizon was no longer flat. 297 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,408 This is interesting. We're now coming between what look like islands. 298 00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:50,419 And I suppose they are. This was a lake, so they would have been islands. 299 00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:53,320 Amazing. Absolutely amazing. 300 00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:09,067 Where are we? It's called Kubu Island. 301 00:19:11,308 --> 00:19:15,301 We're about... I'm trying to think. ...a third of the way across. 302 00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:18,212 And you've been stuck about a thousand times. 303 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,977 That is smug. 304 00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:23,986 A Baobab tree. I've always wanted to see one of those. 305 00:19:24,054 --> 00:19:26,215 - Hammond, look at this. - Whoa! 306 00:19:34,732 --> 00:19:38,429 It is just about the most astonishing place I've ever been. 307 00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:40,231 God, I'm with you there. 308 00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:51,346 As the sun set, we headed for the campsite. 309 00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:11,229 Day two on the salt pans, 310 00:20:11,301 --> 00:20:15,761 and we'd been told that today our problem would not be mud but dust. 311 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:19,798 That meant James and I had to rethink our wardrobe solutions. 312 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:28,640 I've teamed my keffiyeh with a bin liner. 313 00:20:29,052 --> 00:20:33,182 V-necked! The last time I wore one of these I went to see the Clash. 314 00:20:33,257 --> 00:20:38,388 Frankly, I thought it was all a bit much. I mean, how bad could this dust be? 315 00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:41,564 Aargh! My eyes! 316 00:20:41,632 --> 00:20:45,500 Crikey, I can't even see Jezza already. 317 00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:49,130 Oh, no, no, no, no! 318 00:20:52,576 --> 00:20:56,103 Meanwhile, in my unmodified Kadett... 319 00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:58,080 I'm gonna adjust my quarter light a bit. 320 00:20:58,148 --> 00:21:00,412 Just an inch. That's better. 321 00:21:06,089 --> 00:21:08,614 I can feel the hate now. 322 00:21:08,692 --> 00:21:09,989 It's nice. 323 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,051 Me kakai's come off. 324 00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:16,624 Hello? 325 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:21,467 James and I made it through the dust with our lives considerably shortened. 326 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,333 I've got consumption and TB. 327 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:29,068 I've got every single 1920s disease. 328 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:32,981 And then Lord Smug piped up. 329 00:21:33,050 --> 00:21:34,608 I had to close this at one point. 330 00:21:34,685 --> 00:21:38,416 About that much, then it pulls the air out and you get fresh air through. It's nice. 331 00:21:40,357 --> 00:21:43,326 Know what it's like when someone punches you really hard in the face? 332 00:21:43,393 --> 00:21:44,917 I do, actually. 333 00:21:44,995 --> 00:21:47,828 Then the surface got even worse. 334 00:21:52,169 --> 00:21:55,696 It was like we were descending through the seven circles of hell. 335 00:21:56,974 --> 00:21:58,908 Oh no! 336 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:13,021 I'd assumed it'd be the salts that would kill the notoriously rust-prone Lancia 337 00:22:13,090 --> 00:22:14,421 but it was the rough going. 338 00:22:14,491 --> 00:22:18,791 Even though it had now smoothed out again, the Beta was in a bad way. 339 00:22:18,862 --> 00:22:21,262 - I've gone. - Are you conkered out? 340 00:22:21,331 --> 00:22:25,961 - I've got no power, no drive. - Do you remember what the man said, Jeremy? 341 00:22:26,036 --> 00:22:29,233 Break down and you will... What is it? Have a nice time? No, die. 342 00:22:37,014 --> 00:22:40,506 Well that's loose, that's hot. 343 00:22:42,853 --> 00:22:47,222 It is a good job they canted this engine over by 20 degrees cos that means 344 00:22:47,291 --> 00:22:51,422 it's more inaccessible than it would otherwise have... Oh my God, look at this. 345 00:22:54,594 --> 00:22:55,655 For God's sake. 346 00:23:02,505 --> 00:23:06,204 I gotta say it has been nice, the peace. You know, not having him around. 347 00:23:08,712 --> 00:23:12,312 I've checked the alternator, the spark plugs, the HT leads 348 00:23:12,382 --> 00:23:16,148 and the distributor cap, poked around with the starter solenoid. 349 00:23:16,219 --> 00:23:19,711 There's been faults with all of them, but it still isn't going. 350 00:23:19,790 --> 00:23:25,086 I'm not sure which I favor most here - certain death or that Beetle. 351 00:23:36,739 --> 00:23:38,164 Come off! 352 00:23:40,942 --> 00:23:42,204 For God's sake. 353 00:23:44,914 --> 00:23:46,539 I honestly believe it's had it. 354 00:23:50,954 --> 00:23:55,857 - Is my car on the crab? - No, it's tracking true, mate. 355 00:23:56,025 --> 00:23:58,052 He's worried about tracking and look at it. 356 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:02,057 We knew that Jeremy would eventually catch us up, 357 00:24:02,132 --> 00:24:04,432 but what would he be driving? 358 00:24:06,603 --> 00:24:08,468 I can see something in the mirrors. 359 00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:13,941 - Please let it be a Beetle. - I do hope it's a Beetle. 360 00:24:14,878 --> 00:24:18,644 Please, please let it be a Beetle! Please let it be a Beetle. 361 00:24:23,453 --> 00:24:24,977 I'm back! 362 00:24:25,055 --> 00:24:27,819 Oh, Jeremy, well done. I'm disapp... Sorry, delighted. 363 00:24:27,891 --> 00:24:29,825 You're not in a Beetle! 364 00:24:29,893 --> 00:24:34,353 Not a Beetle! A fully-functioning Lancia Beta Coupé! 365 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:38,595 I just wanted the Beetle to pounce on you when you were straying behind. 366 00:24:38,669 --> 00:24:40,296 I'm gutted. 367 00:24:40,370 --> 00:24:43,964 - Shall we just sandwich him, James? - No! 368 00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:00,114 With our convoy back up to strength, we pressed on. 369 00:25:00,190 --> 00:25:03,382 Apart from Jeremy being Bill Oddie occasionally. 370 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,160 - This is where flamingos breed out here. - So that's breeding, is it? 371 00:25:08,031 --> 00:25:11,558 - It's a fossil. - It's not, it only died about two years ago. 372 00:25:11,834 --> 00:25:14,101 - I was talking about you. - It's an ex-flamingo. 373 00:25:14,171 --> 00:25:15,838 - Hey, look! - What now? 374 00:25:16,106 --> 00:25:18,106 I know what created this. 375 00:25:18,375 --> 00:25:20,075 - Ostrich. - Yes! 376 00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:23,943 It's legs are miles apart. That's exactly how it was walking. 377 00:25:24,014 --> 00:25:27,506 You know David Attenborough's about to retire? 378 00:25:27,584 --> 00:25:32,817 Can I just say, you look like a gay cowboy and you look like a gay terrorist. 379 00:25:32,889 --> 00:25:36,655 No, you look like a terrorist with a broken windscreen wiper and your face is ridiculous. 380 00:25:36,727 --> 00:25:39,662 Then Hammond started to pick on my car. 381 00:25:39,730 --> 00:25:42,426 - Why haven't you turned it off? - It's gathering electricity. 382 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:45,161 So, if you turn it off the battery's not going to start it again. 383 00:25:45,235 --> 00:25:49,228 - Turn it off and start it then. - Yeah, go on. Turn it off and start it. 384 00:25:49,306 --> 00:25:51,604 Let's have some beautiful silence. 385 00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:52,972 - Are you ready? - Yes. 386 00:25:53,376 --> 00:25:55,674 - Are you ready? - Yes. 387 00:25:57,581 --> 00:25:58,912 Behold. 388 00:26:02,652 --> 00:26:05,951 - Why did you turn it off? - Because he said it would... 389 00:26:06,022 --> 00:26:09,423 - Good luck. Somebody'll give you a jump start. - It'll be fi... Don't go away. 390 00:26:09,493 --> 00:26:10,551 Goodbye! 391 00:26:13,430 --> 00:26:16,797 Annoyingly, Clarkson got the Lancia going again, 392 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:19,802 and then we came across some big birds. 393 00:26:27,778 --> 00:26:29,109 Wow! 394 00:26:30,781 --> 00:26:33,750 And then we saw even more wildlife. 395 00:26:33,817 --> 00:26:35,114 There's a cow. 396 00:26:36,286 --> 00:26:37,583 Two cows, three cows. 397 00:26:38,455 --> 00:26:39,444 Yes! 398 00:26:39,523 --> 00:26:41,491 We've done it! 399 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,584 We had crossed the Makgadikgadi. 400 00:26:44,961 --> 00:26:46,424 Trees! 401 00:26:46,796 --> 00:26:47,885 Life! 402 00:26:48,164 --> 00:26:53,896 Mate, did you ever think that you'd do that? I'm genuinely proud of him. I am! 403 00:26:54,437 --> 00:27:00,542 Really, I'm startled that this... It isn't a car any more, whatever it is, has done it, 404 00:27:00,610 --> 00:27:04,979 with its low-profile tires and its low suspension that's broken. 405 00:27:05,048 --> 00:27:06,743 Personally, I'm absolutely delighted 406 00:27:06,817 --> 00:27:10,514 cos I think the Makgadikgadi is one of the most unpleasant places I've ever been. 407 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:14,056 It's just a big bowl of dust. Hello, mate. 408 00:27:17,059 --> 00:27:19,392 Widow Twankey may have been glad to see the back of the salt pans 409 00:27:19,462 --> 00:27:24,161 but despite this they gave us a startling parting gift. 410 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:30,600 - That is amazing. - That's the moon? 411 00:27:30,674 --> 00:27:35,304 Yeah, that's the moon. Because of the dust from the pans you get... 412 00:27:35,978 --> 00:27:38,146 - A moonrise. - In orange. 413 00:27:38,414 --> 00:27:39,775 I've got goose bumps. 414 00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,483 I know a Philip Larkin poem about the moon. 415 00:27:43,553 --> 00:27:44,611 - Would you like to hear it? - No. 416 00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,153 As a new day dawned our cars looked like wrecks. 417 00:27:54,030 --> 00:27:56,986 But their ordeal was far from over. 418 00:27:59,068 --> 00:28:04,165 Yes, we had crossed the salt pans, but we were still only a third of the way across Botswana. 419 00:28:04,241 --> 00:28:08,002 And now, we were about to enter the Kalahari. 420 00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:17,017 The Kalahari. 421 00:28:19,089 --> 00:28:22,183 Everyone who comes to the Kalahari takes away a different memory of it: 422 00:28:22,259 --> 00:28:26,218 The savagery, the simplicity, the vast heat. 423 00:28:26,296 --> 00:28:28,593 Me, I think the bumpiness. 424 00:28:29,799 --> 00:28:31,760 It was as rough as hell, 425 00:28:31,934 --> 00:28:36,228 so we were glad when news came through that we were to stop at the next village. 426 00:28:48,251 --> 00:28:51,152 They seem to recognize a truly classy car. 427 00:28:54,724 --> 00:28:58,023 What could they possibly have in mind for us here? 428 00:29:03,066 --> 00:29:05,125 It was another challenge. 429 00:29:06,201 --> 00:29:07,529 Here it is... 430 00:29:09,105 --> 00:29:11,403 "Your cars have traveled far and suffered much." 431 00:29:11,474 --> 00:29:12,566 Yes, they have. 432 00:29:12,642 --> 00:29:15,668 "So we will now discover how much performance they've lost 433 00:29:15,745 --> 00:29:20,239 "in a competition against the clock on a rally special stage." 434 00:29:20,317 --> 00:29:22,979 Mine can't have lost any performance, it never had any. 435 00:29:23,053 --> 00:29:24,816 - True. - I'm not gonna ruin my Mercedes 436 00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:26,822 just for a few points. 437 00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:30,417 - You're right, you're not. You're not driving it. - Well, who is? 438 00:29:30,493 --> 00:29:37,057 Some say he's seen The Lion King 1,780 times 439 00:29:37,133 --> 00:29:41,502 and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo. 440 00:29:41,571 --> 00:29:47,441 All we know is he's not The Stig, but he is The Stig's African cousin! 441 00:29:52,048 --> 00:29:53,140 Wow! 442 00:29:59,856 --> 00:30:02,149 He's protected the important bits. 443 00:30:04,587 --> 00:30:07,956 Keen to get going, the three of us fired up our engines. 444 00:30:08,087 --> 00:30:10,056 Well, when i say three... 445 00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:15,413 It's absolutely dead, there isn't... 446 00:30:15,446 --> 00:30:18,416 Nothing is functioning, there is no electrical... 447 00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,986 - You two, are not being helpful! - No! 448 00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:24,022 - What a stupid thing to say! - What a stupid thing to say! 449 00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:27,025 - Interior light? Headlight? - Nothing, nothing 450 00:30:27,058 --> 00:30:30,513 You know how to mend the ingition system of a 1981 Lancia Bet...? 451 00:30:30,538 --> 00:30:31,356 No... 452 00:30:31,796 --> 00:30:33,432 - It was a long shot - It was a long shot 453 00:30:33,988 --> 00:30:37,500 Annoyingly, a couple of the locals did know what to do 454 00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:39,737 Yes!! 455 00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:46,197 And we drove to African Stig's rally stage which was in a dried-up river bed a few miles away. 456 00:30:46,873 --> 00:30:48,937 With packed spectator stands... 457 00:30:50,076 --> 00:30:51,434 ...Oliver went first. 458 00:30:51,611 --> 00:30:54,208 Three! Two! One! 459 00:30:54,414 --> 00:30:56,104 - Go! - Start! 460 00:30:56,482 --> 00:30:57,545 Three miles an hour. 461 00:30:58,018 --> 00:30:59,650 You know when it was new it had 40 horsepower? 462 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,747 - If it's lost one a year it's at minus four. - Minus four by now, yeah. 463 00:31:04,024 --> 00:31:05,986 He's going round the first corner, hold on. 464 00:31:07,928 --> 00:31:09,122 That was a power slide. 465 00:31:10,597 --> 00:31:12,622 Look at that, it does look... 466 00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:15,692 "Ridiculous" is the word you're looking for. 467 00:31:16,904 --> 00:31:21,170 As the Kadett struggled to get up the hill, the spectators left. 468 00:31:21,241 --> 00:31:25,302 It is having a... Come on, joggle it, Stig's cousin. He's enjoying that. 469 00:31:25,379 --> 00:31:28,576 - And one minute, 12 seconds. - Oh yes! 470 00:31:28,649 --> 00:31:31,140 That's a good benchmark for you to try and beat. 471 00:31:31,785 --> 00:31:34,276 Next up was the Panzer tank. 472 00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:37,017 - Most powerful, longest, best tires... - Heaviest, slowest. 473 00:31:37,091 --> 00:31:38,456 What, longest? 474 00:31:38,525 --> 00:31:41,255 - Longest is good for rallying, is it? - It is on this. 475 00:31:41,328 --> 00:31:44,923 So on loose-surface rallies why don't they turn up with intercity trains? 476 00:31:44,998 --> 00:31:46,226 Go! 477 00:31:48,535 --> 00:31:51,333 That's the most ridiculous spectacle I've ever seen in my entire life. 478 00:31:51,405 --> 00:31:55,466 A Mercedes with no bonnet, no front wings, no doors. 479 00:31:55,542 --> 00:31:59,143 In the hands of African Stig though, it was flying. 480 00:31:59,812 --> 00:32:04,040 That is the latest in a long line of pedigree-lightened Mercedes-Benz sports cars. 481 00:32:04,117 --> 00:32:05,847 There's never been a Mercedes rally car. 482 00:32:07,487 --> 00:32:10,488 Oh, yours is flying up the hill, mate. Look at it go. 483 00:32:11,557 --> 00:32:14,092 You wait till you see, the Lancia will dance through there. 484 00:32:16,162 --> 00:32:18,558 - Oh yes. Lovely. - Oh! It's out of control! 485 00:32:19,883 --> 00:32:21,628 That's a big slide! 486 00:32:26,439 --> 00:32:28,602 - One minute, six. - I'll just do my ancient... 487 00:32:28,675 --> 00:32:33,304 I hate you gloating. Let him do it. It's like winning a semi final. 488 00:32:33,879 --> 00:32:35,677 Time now to put James in his place 489 00:32:35,849 --> 00:32:40,152 because the Lancia was on home turf with its rally pedigree. 490 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,189 Stratos, 037...what? 491 00:32:46,626 --> 00:32:48,853 That's not dust, it's on fire! 492 00:32:49,228 --> 00:32:50,519 Shut it down. Can you turn it off? 493 00:32:53,333 --> 00:32:54,960 Look at it all! 494 00:32:57,004 --> 00:33:00,806 Stopwatch still running. 45 seconds. 495 00:33:01,808 --> 00:33:07,643 We'll replace the seal and then when it's cooled down a bit he'll be able to do the lap. 496 00:33:07,884 --> 00:33:09,609 You'll have difficulty though. He's off. 497 00:33:12,284 --> 00:33:14,316 Maybe he's started. Start the stopwatch. 498 00:33:14,587 --> 00:33:17,116 I think he was in a hurry, so he decided not to take your car. 499 00:33:17,309 --> 00:33:18,514 - Hey, Jeremy. - What? 500 00:33:18,691 --> 00:33:20,889 You're right, though. Your engine, it's canted. 501 00:33:24,161 --> 00:33:27,038 Once again, the broken Lancia was fixed 502 00:33:27,201 --> 00:33:30,875 And then Jeremy arrived with some news for all of us 503 00:33:31,309 --> 00:33:32,276 What? 504 00:33:33,878 --> 00:33:34,912 Can't get some more? 505 00:33:35,613 --> 00:33:36,581 It's empty 506 00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:39,880 Those are the fuel... 507 00:33:40,004 --> 00:33:44,022 The problem was that Richard's car and mine run on leaded fuel... 508 00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:46,424 which was incredibly hard to find 509 00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:50,294 And it was no use turning to the film crew for help 510 00:33:50,363 --> 00:33:53,567 Diesel, diesel, diesel and two stroke. Diesel... 511 00:33:53,592 --> 00:33:55,509 Guys, it's diesel and two stroke 512 00:33:58,391 --> 00:34:01,556 The town of Maun was about 60 miles away... 513 00:34:01,781 --> 00:34:05,341 And, with little fuel, we had to go there as the crow flies 514 00:34:05,668 --> 00:34:08,489 Now we really would see how they cope off-road 515 00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:13,628 We've got to try to keep the distance down to save what fuel we've got 516 00:34:13,995 --> 00:34:16,283 All we're looking for is a track 517 00:34:16,408 --> 00:34:20,474 Indicating that, if other people passed this way, they would be heading to a town 518 00:34:22,245 --> 00:34:25,100 That's how broken my car is, i do that in "park" 519 00:34:30,867 --> 00:34:33,457 This thorns are incredible! 520 00:34:33,582 --> 00:34:36,871 Oh, look at that! They look cocktail sticks growing out of them! 521 00:34:37,296 --> 00:34:38,296 Take cover! 522 00:34:42,812 --> 00:34:47,190 Once again, the 44 year old Opel absolutely shone 523 00:34:48,851 --> 00:34:50,098 Come on, little fella! 524 00:34:50,609 --> 00:34:51,444 Yeah! 525 00:34:51,751 --> 00:34:56,570 With our precious fuel burning away, we carved down the straightest path possible 526 00:34:58,645 --> 00:35:00,830 Guys, you know what we are driving through? 527 00:35:01,203 --> 00:35:02,231 Plants 528 00:35:02,603 --> 00:35:06,658 No, this is a wee, it grows like this and it's hallucinogenic 529 00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:08,838 "Sorry, what did you said?" 530 00:35:12,016 --> 00:35:16,115 If any car was going to get stuck, we would have put money on the Lancia 531 00:35:16,140 --> 00:35:17,140 But no... 532 00:35:17,928 --> 00:35:19,627 Hey, mate! Sorry... 533 00:35:20,424 --> 00:35:21,460 Horn doesn't work 534 00:35:22,714 --> 00:35:25,022 Clearly, I had to get myself out 535 00:35:25,347 --> 00:35:30,666 I'm going to make a rudimentary temporary road for my back wheel 536 00:35:31,429 --> 00:35:32,554 Thank you! 537 00:35:33,062 --> 00:35:35,685 Eventually, we found a smoother track... 538 00:35:36,210 --> 00:35:36,963 Wow! 539 00:35:37,109 --> 00:35:40,697 And I did a detailed analysis of the Lancia's condition 540 00:35:40,830 --> 00:35:41,672 Sitwrap... 541 00:35:42,718 --> 00:35:43,889 It's all broken 542 00:35:44,988 --> 00:35:46,315 As darkness fell... 543 00:35:46,340 --> 00:35:50,810 we found the road to Maun, but by this stage even Oliver was suffering 544 00:35:51,035 --> 00:35:52,185 I can't use my lights 545 00:35:52,210 --> 00:35:55,369 Alternator's packed and full of dirt and dust 546 00:35:55,394 --> 00:35:59,242 If i put lights on I can have the lights but not the engine, because it all dies 547 00:35:59,467 --> 00:36:04,730 So, i've actually got Jonathan, who uses a camera for us, in here, with me... 548 00:36:04,755 --> 00:36:06,885 Lighting me when I talk to you, with a torch... 549 00:36:07,055 --> 00:36:09,265 Which he then uses to light the road ahead... 550 00:36:09,690 --> 00:36:11,410 When i'm not talking to you 551 00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:15,705 Empty 552 00:36:19,416 --> 00:36:21,818 Finally, we rolled into Maun. 553 00:36:23,670 --> 00:36:25,380 Which year was it made? 554 00:36:25,405 --> 00:36:29,751 1981, it's just driven all the way from Zimbabwe to here... 555 00:36:29,776 --> 00:36:31,490 Without going on the road 556 00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:32,610 - Like this? - Yeah... 557 00:36:34,169 --> 00:36:36,395 - May! - Get out of the way of the pump! 558 00:36:36,620 --> 00:36:40,156 I should move it for you. If you ask politely, I'll move it. 559 00:36:45,668 --> 00:36:47,053 Yeah, that's his light 560 00:36:47,168 --> 00:36:49,353 They're grown-up, so honestly, they do this a lot 561 00:36:50,692 --> 00:36:52,510 We were now just over half way... 562 00:36:52,735 --> 00:36:55,458 And, amazingly, our cars were still running 563 00:36:55,982 --> 00:36:57,278 All of them... 564 00:37:01,062 --> 00:37:04,520 The next day, in the center of Maun, we got our next challenge. 565 00:37:04,599 --> 00:37:07,124 - This is it. - Ah, the glittering golden envelope. 566 00:37:07,202 --> 00:37:12,269 "You will drive your cars to Namibia through the Okavango Delta." 567 00:37:12,540 --> 00:37:14,701 That's the really big wildlife place. 568 00:37:14,776 --> 00:37:17,574 "In the Okavango you will encounter many deadly animals 569 00:37:17,645 --> 00:37:20,637 "including lions, leopards, cheetahs, hyenas, 570 00:37:20,715 --> 00:37:24,014 "wild dogs, hippos, black rhino and crocodile, 571 00:37:24,085 --> 00:37:28,078 "bird snakes, shield-nose snakes, puff adders, 572 00:37:28,156 --> 00:37:31,387 "boomslang, cape cobras, banded cobras, 573 00:37:31,459 --> 00:37:35,058 "black mambas, black widows and thick-tailed scorpions." 574 00:37:36,064 --> 00:37:38,225 - What about the honey badger? - The what? 575 00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:41,132 That's the least scary-sounding animal in the world. 576 00:37:41,202 --> 00:37:43,033 A honey badger does not kill you to eat you, 577 00:37:43,104 --> 00:37:45,538 it tears off... your testicles. 578 00:37:45,607 --> 00:37:48,405 - It does not! - Why's it called a honey badger? 579 00:37:48,476 --> 00:37:52,310 - Cos that's what's made it angry. - Why isn't it called the badger of death? 580 00:37:52,380 --> 00:37:55,508 In order to protect ourselves from the lions and the honey badgers, 581 00:37:55,583 --> 00:37:59,075 Jeremy and I would have to rebuild our cars. 582 00:37:59,154 --> 00:38:02,180 But because we'd left all the bits on the other side of the salt pans, 583 00:38:02,257 --> 00:38:04,953 we had to use whatever we could find. 584 00:38:05,026 --> 00:38:07,586 Could a lion eat this? Grrr! 585 00:38:07,662 --> 00:38:11,325 Who do I see about the corrugated metal? 586 00:38:11,799 --> 00:38:14,391 Suppose I better practice, at least, my lion drill. 587 00:38:14,469 --> 00:38:17,199 Oh no! There's a lion coming! Ah! What shall I... 588 00:38:17,472 --> 00:38:19,832 That. Oliver will protect me. 589 00:38:20,525 --> 00:38:24,508 Because I had nothing to do, i decided to irritate Jeremy. 590 00:38:24,533 --> 00:38:26,549 I've got to get some tarpaulin there 591 00:38:26,574 --> 00:38:27,447 Tarpaulin? 592 00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,415 Tarpaulin will defeat... 593 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,883 - A honey badger - Oh, it's well known! 594 00:38:31,088 --> 00:38:34,360 Tarpaulin for its...almost militarily protective capabilities. 595 00:38:34,505 --> 00:38:37,628 That's why you often see people going into war zones drenched in tarpaulin. 596 00:38:37,853 --> 00:38:39,890 Could you put a new door on a car? 597 00:38:40,115 --> 00:38:41,412 Come to have a look, i'll show you what i mean 598 00:38:41,615 --> 00:38:44,382 It's not sophisticated metal work, this, but... 599 00:38:52,610 --> 00:38:57,664 I would like a tarpaulin roof for a Lancia Beta Coupe, 1981. 600 00:38:58,210 --> 00:39:00,453 We can, we can make anything, yes. 601 00:39:00,578 --> 00:39:02,648 Do you have any lion-proof tarpaulin? 602 00:39:02,878 --> 00:39:04,248 So, it's going to be like this thick... 603 00:39:04,673 --> 00:39:05,511 Yeah... 604 00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,876 One and a half meters by... 605 00:39:11,901 --> 00:39:14,805 - Say one and a half meters - If you think of a lion door... 606 00:39:15,030 --> 00:39:18,790 - It would be like about that big - Could you ignore him and make me that? 607 00:39:24,313 --> 00:39:27,282 Because Mercedes were very popular in Africa, 608 00:39:27,350 --> 00:39:32,117 James soon found a spare door and boot lid for his car. 609 00:39:35,691 --> 00:39:39,855 And while he was looking for more bits, I hatched a plan. 610 00:39:40,696 --> 00:39:42,664 Look what I've got. 611 00:39:42,732 --> 00:39:44,962 - That's a cow's head. - Yeah. 612 00:39:45,635 --> 00:39:48,934 Now, this will attract flies which will make his life unpleasant. 613 00:39:49,005 --> 00:39:52,338 - Yes. - It will also attract lions, tigers... 614 00:39:52,408 --> 00:39:56,208 He effectively becomes a burger van driving through. 615 00:39:56,279 --> 00:39:58,679 And to make sure the lions didn't miss... 616 00:39:58,748 --> 00:40:01,376 - Oh, yeah! That's a whopper! - That's a good piece. 617 00:40:04,387 --> 00:40:06,378 Oh, yeah, under the seat. 618 00:40:06,455 --> 00:40:09,117 - And the smell... - Oh! The smell will be beautiful. 619 00:40:10,459 --> 00:40:13,917 We also attached a cowbell to the underside of his car. 620 00:40:13,996 --> 00:40:17,557 But while we were doing this, he was making merry with the paint. 621 00:40:21,470 --> 00:40:25,998 That afternoon we left Maun and headed north to the Okavango Delta. 622 00:40:28,844 --> 00:40:33,213 Right. My car now has been readied. As you can see, I have a wooden door here. 623 00:40:33,282 --> 00:40:36,683 It's a gull-wing, so I can get in and out, obviously. 624 00:40:38,788 --> 00:40:41,188 God, this is like being in an allotment shed. 625 00:40:42,758 --> 00:40:44,458 On a very windy day. 626 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:48,594 On the left I have all the cans that were in the car for the last few days, 627 00:40:48,664 --> 00:40:51,394 they've been arranged. And the "piece de résistance"... 628 00:40:51,567 --> 00:40:53,401 Badgers, go away. 629 00:41:00,910 --> 00:41:02,639 I am the road warrior. 630 00:41:04,146 --> 00:41:05,204 Mad Jeremy. 631 00:41:07,550 --> 00:41:09,074 It's a police car. 632 00:41:16,926 --> 00:41:19,895 Can anybody else smell burning or is it my car? 633 00:41:19,962 --> 00:41:22,059 Is it like a barbecue smell? 634 00:41:25,220 --> 00:41:29,393 As we neared the Okavango, the roads became rougher and rougher 635 00:41:29,754 --> 00:41:31,887 This is where the big Benz comes into its own, really... 636 00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:34,257 Because it's got good ground clearance, nothing... 637 00:41:35,673 --> 00:41:36,600 Damn! 638 00:41:36,790 --> 00:41:41,232 This is enought to shake the skulls through your bonnet 639 00:41:41,257 --> 00:41:44,692 And nobody in the all of human history has ever said that before! 640 00:41:46,613 --> 00:41:48,074 So, just to summarize, viewers... 641 00:41:50,233 --> 00:41:54,329 As we went through the gates and into the game reserve, the road changed again. 642 00:41:54,604 --> 00:41:56,167 For the worse. 643 00:41:56,439 --> 00:41:58,434 This is new. Very soft sand. 644 00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:05,012 To stop our cars bogging down we had to drive as fast as possible. 645 00:42:06,149 --> 00:42:09,209 We had ourselves another rally stage. 646 00:42:13,890 --> 00:42:17,883 Amazingly, even Jeremy had his work cut out keeping up with the Opel. 647 00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:21,960 Hammond's car just looks so composed. 648 00:42:22,032 --> 00:42:26,628 I'm developing this irrational hatred of him and it. 649 00:42:27,337 --> 00:42:29,532 Ho-ho! This is such a good game! 650 00:42:30,273 --> 00:42:35,473 Eventually he was slowed down by a bridge... over the river Kwai. 651 00:42:39,149 --> 00:42:44,086 The rally stage had taken its toll on one of the cars. Take a guess which one. 652 00:42:44,154 --> 00:42:48,614 I'm in a car which, as you can probably hear, has got a throttle that's jammed wide open 653 00:42:48,692 --> 00:42:50,250 and I can't hold it on the brakes. 654 00:42:50,327 --> 00:42:53,763 Hammond, move! You're gonna have to go fast or I'll hit you. 655 00:42:53,830 --> 00:42:56,025 What? 656 00:42:56,099 --> 00:42:59,034 - Oh, God! - Thanks! Well, help yourself to my brakes! 657 00:42:59,102 --> 00:43:01,127 - Why not? - I've lost a skull. 658 00:43:01,204 --> 00:43:02,193 Monkeys. 659 00:43:02,272 --> 00:43:04,399 I'm sorry, I can't... 660 00:43:05,608 --> 00:43:07,371 Whoa! 661 00:43:09,012 --> 00:43:12,209 Just hear the throttle. That's tick-over. Look, my leg's not on it. 662 00:43:14,851 --> 00:43:19,117 Having bodged my throttle, we headed deeper into the Okavango. 663 00:43:22,025 --> 00:43:25,222 Front, twelve o'clock... One o'clock. 664 00:43:25,295 --> 00:43:27,126 This is where wildlife cameramen 665 00:43:27,197 --> 00:43:30,064 come to make a name for themselves with David Attenborough. 666 00:43:30,133 --> 00:43:34,536 But, unfortunately, our film crew are best really with cars. 667 00:43:34,604 --> 00:43:36,538 A giraffe on the right. 668 00:43:36,606 --> 00:43:38,665 There. The big thing. 669 00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:45,776 If we ever do a program called The Back End Of An Animal, these are the boys to hire. 670 00:43:45,849 --> 00:43:47,840 This week on Too Late To Look... 671 00:43:47,917 --> 00:43:51,409 Baboon on the left with animals, with a baby on its back. 672 00:43:51,488 --> 00:43:54,116 To give our crew a chance we stopped, 673 00:43:54,190 --> 00:43:57,489 and discovered that we weren't much good at animals either. 674 00:43:58,361 --> 00:44:00,386 - Wow! Look! Look! - Where? 675 00:44:00,463 --> 00:44:03,694 - A hippo's head. - It's probably a whole hippo. 676 00:44:03,767 --> 00:44:05,325 The rest of him's under the water. 677 00:44:06,903 --> 00:44:09,497 What does a hippo do just before it's about to attack? 678 00:44:09,572 --> 00:44:11,233 Opens its mouth. 679 00:44:11,307 --> 00:44:14,708 It can open its jaw... there's a thing it can do. 680 00:44:14,778 --> 00:44:17,975 Oh, look! Aw! Look at that. 681 00:44:18,047 --> 00:44:24,350 They stop for a drink, using their noses to shovel water into their mouths. 682 00:44:24,421 --> 00:44:26,548 Jeremy, that's a rubbish commentary. 683 00:44:26,623 --> 00:44:28,090 James took over. 684 00:44:28,158 --> 00:44:31,355 That one's lifting its paw up a bit like a dog does. 685 00:44:31,428 --> 00:44:33,692 - Paw! - Hoof, foot, whatever you call it. 686 00:44:33,763 --> 00:44:35,663 - Hoof? - What is it on an elephant? 687 00:44:35,732 --> 00:44:37,165 It's amazing. 688 00:44:37,233 --> 00:44:41,829 There's a man over there with the best combover I have ever seen in my life. 689 00:44:43,873 --> 00:44:44,965 That is... 690 00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:50,705 He's got four partings as a result of that, can you see? 691 00:44:50,780 --> 00:44:53,544 Why don't... "You're bald, live with it." 692 00:44:53,616 --> 00:44:56,141 Oops, he caught me looking at him. 693 00:44:57,487 --> 00:45:02,049 - I was looking through binoculars. - I was looking at the elephants, really, I was. 694 00:45:02,692 --> 00:45:05,183 Look at that sun now, boys. 695 00:45:05,261 --> 00:45:07,252 Elephants, rally special stage, 696 00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:09,958 - best combover I've ever seen. - Everything's here. 697 00:45:23,646 --> 00:45:28,709 We camped by the river and while James serviced his car I hatched a plan. 698 00:45:28,785 --> 00:45:32,482 - Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy! - What? 699 00:45:32,555 --> 00:45:34,455 Quick, come here. Come here. 700 00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,321 It's the cow's head. 701 00:45:36,392 --> 00:45:38,917 It wasn't working in the boot but I've had a better idea. 702 00:45:38,995 --> 00:45:40,019 - What? - Tent. 703 00:45:40,096 --> 00:45:41,120 - His tent? - Yeah. 704 00:45:41,197 --> 00:45:42,323 Love your thinking. 705 00:45:42,398 --> 00:45:45,697 It's the second one from the right. You find it. That's it. 706 00:45:48,671 --> 00:45:51,003 Put it under his bed. 707 00:45:51,074 --> 00:45:53,042 - Shh! - What? 708 00:45:53,109 --> 00:45:55,100 - What was that? - That was a hippo. 709 00:45:55,178 --> 00:45:57,874 What? 710 00:45:57,947 --> 00:46:00,142 Clarkson... 711 00:46:00,216 --> 00:46:02,377 There's a very big hippo. 712 00:46:02,452 --> 00:46:04,886 Oh my God, look at that. 713 00:46:04,954 --> 00:46:09,516 Hippos spend all day in the water and then they come out at night because... 714 00:46:09,592 --> 00:46:11,389 I can't remember why. 715 00:46:11,461 --> 00:46:13,190 Well, thank you. That's useful. 716 00:46:13,263 --> 00:46:14,355 What's that? 717 00:46:15,665 --> 00:46:16,962 Oh, brilliant! 718 00:46:17,033 --> 00:46:22,562 Look, do you wanna go out there with a hippopotamus? 719 00:46:22,639 --> 00:46:24,971 Or do you want to stay in here with a horse's head? 720 00:46:25,041 --> 00:46:28,169 - That's not a question that's ever been asked. - It's not a horse either, it's a cow! 721 00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:34,649 Erm, hang on. That's my bag in James'... This is my tent! 722 00:46:35,351 --> 00:46:36,943 Oh man! Get it out! 723 00:46:40,056 --> 00:46:44,686 Our starting point at the Zimbabwe border felt like it was in another time zone. 724 00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:47,855 But still there were many miles of delta to cover, 725 00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:51,162 and our cars were in a really bad way. 726 00:46:52,602 --> 00:46:55,162 The bush mechanic we have on the team 727 00:46:55,238 --> 00:46:59,265 took two cubic feet of sand out of my carburetor last night 728 00:46:59,342 --> 00:47:03,039 and asked if I wouldn't mind driving a little bit more slowly today. 729 00:47:04,681 --> 00:47:06,774 James' cowbell! 730 00:47:08,885 --> 00:47:13,754 Our ordinary, second-hand road cars were getting more and more out of their depth. 731 00:47:13,823 --> 00:47:16,291 This is proper off-roading now. 732 00:47:17,193 --> 00:47:22,062 Men in camouflage trousers in Wales who like murdering people at weekends 733 00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:23,689 would say this was tough-going. 734 00:47:23,766 --> 00:47:25,097 It was a whole... 735 00:47:25,168 --> 00:47:26,897 Oh! 736 00:47:26,970 --> 00:47:29,598 - What is it? It's like iron. - It's a tree root. 737 00:47:29,672 --> 00:47:32,072 I think I've bent my steering rack a bit. 738 00:47:33,876 --> 00:47:35,309 Wow! 739 00:47:37,246 --> 00:47:39,840 Wow, there is an elephant right there. 740 00:47:40,416 --> 00:47:42,316 Got my door down. 741 00:47:43,152 --> 00:47:45,177 Cos that would stop an elephant. 742 00:47:47,256 --> 00:47:49,417 Soon our route was blocked by a river 743 00:47:49,492 --> 00:47:52,950 and what you're supposed to do is wade in to check the depth. 744 00:47:54,497 --> 00:47:55,896 Right... 745 00:47:57,001 --> 00:48:00,172 Jeremy make us drive on until he got bored 746 00:48:00,566 --> 00:48:01,718 - Here. - No. 747 00:48:02,252 --> 00:48:03,416 - What? - Look... 748 00:48:03,649 --> 00:48:05,869 I agree with him for once, actually, because... 749 00:48:06,151 --> 00:48:08,772 That reed stuff must mean that is shallow 750 00:48:09,097 --> 00:48:11,188 It's shallow where the reeds are, you fool 751 00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:15,454 - We just drive were the reeds are - Well, yes, but you drive through the water to get there! 752 00:48:15,518 --> 00:48:17,833 We can't keep going, we've done 30 miles 753 00:48:17,934 --> 00:48:21,731 No, i'm frustrated, but you can't just drive into a river because you're bored 754 00:48:21,860 --> 00:48:24,526 I do a fair bit of off-roading and I know enough 755 00:48:24,753 --> 00:48:26,695 That's not the place to go across, you're wrong 756 00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:29,023 I'm going throught here, are you gonna carry on? 757 00:48:29,367 --> 00:48:31,959 - Yes, I will carry on if you... - Ok, we'll cross there... 758 00:48:31,972 --> 00:48:33,268 Ok? Keep your radio on 759 00:48:33,279 --> 00:48:34,434 Allright, I'm going. 760 00:48:35,460 --> 00:48:37,459 He won't do it unless he's got 4WD 761 00:48:37,475 --> 00:48:39,659 - Ok, now...? - Fanbelt's off 762 00:48:39,788 --> 00:48:40,900 Fanbelt's off is a good idea 763 00:48:41,004 --> 00:48:42,761 Because it'll just splash water into the circuit. 764 00:48:43,265 --> 00:48:47,131 James went first and I said I'd watch for crocodiles. 765 00:48:48,038 --> 00:48:49,883 Oh, I say there's a ground-hornbill over there. 766 00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:51,507 It's getting deeper! 767 00:48:51,674 --> 00:48:55,137 - Ooh! Hang on a minute! - Permission to say cock. 768 00:48:55,678 --> 00:48:57,202 It's coming in! 769 00:48:59,148 --> 00:49:00,873 Thunderbird One to the rescue! 770 00:49:01,250 --> 00:49:02,582 "Come on, I'm sinking by the bows". 771 00:49:02,752 --> 00:49:04,142 Coming. 772 00:49:07,057 --> 00:49:11,353 - Aargh! No! I can't help you! - Come on! 773 00:49:11,728 --> 00:49:16,458 - James, I'm in a low-slung sports car! - I'm going down! 774 00:49:18,635 --> 00:49:22,367 - That's good. Yes! - I've got water coming into my car! 775 00:49:24,241 --> 00:49:27,301 Oh, I've got a wet bottom! 776 00:49:27,377 --> 00:49:29,436 We're through! 777 00:49:31,347 --> 00:49:35,907 Both our cars were flooded but our guides weren't bothered at all. 778 00:49:36,386 --> 00:49:39,415 People of Surrey, if this happens to you, you get water in the foot well 779 00:49:39,489 --> 00:49:41,914 and you need to drain it out, you need a hole, 780 00:49:42,091 --> 00:49:44,485 Well, the people of Botswana have a tip for you. 781 00:49:57,407 --> 00:50:01,710 Meanwhile, using patience, I'd found a proper crossing point. 782 00:50:03,979 --> 00:50:08,082 There is a technique to fording rivers, even on a proper ford like this. 783 00:50:08,151 --> 00:50:11,243 You've gotta keep enough speed up so you push a bow wave like that 784 00:50:11,521 --> 00:50:15,117 then you use whatever power you've got in the engine. Come on, come on, come on. 785 00:50:15,192 --> 00:50:17,160 Oh my G...! No! 786 00:50:19,862 --> 00:50:20,889 Oh God! 787 00:50:23,066 --> 00:50:25,831 He stalled! He's going down! 788 00:50:25,902 --> 00:50:27,836 I can't open the door! 789 00:50:30,307 --> 00:50:31,569 Oh God! 790 00:50:41,518 --> 00:50:43,713 Please! Come out! 791 00:50:43,787 --> 00:50:46,221 Come on! Float! Float! 792 00:50:46,289 --> 00:50:47,847 Float! 793 00:50:47,924 --> 00:50:50,789 Oliver!!! 794 00:50:52,295 --> 00:50:53,887 Hammond, how's it going? 795 00:50:54,831 --> 00:50:56,256 Well, I got a bit of water in him. 796 00:50:56,333 --> 00:50:59,564 We did as well, but it doesn't matter cos we used the rifles, 797 00:50:59,636 --> 00:51:03,197 we shot the cars and the water's all drained out. It's brilliant. 798 00:51:03,273 --> 00:51:04,706 Good. 799 00:51:05,642 --> 00:51:07,542 I might need the rifle. 800 00:51:09,279 --> 00:51:14,407 As a local tourist truck pulled me out, the laughing hyenas arrived. 801 00:51:18,388 --> 00:51:20,356 May gave his diagnosis. 802 00:51:21,258 --> 00:51:24,523 Starting from the top, the battery's probably pretty knackered 803 00:51:24,594 --> 00:51:27,392 - and then the carburetor will be flooded. - Mm, very. 804 00:51:27,464 --> 00:51:30,900 Then working down, the distributor cap, that'll be full of water. 805 00:51:30,967 --> 00:51:35,495 The engine itself, if water went into the cylinders you might have compressed it. 806 00:51:35,572 --> 00:51:38,268 - The oil will be ruined... - I know all this. I can fix him. 807 00:51:38,341 --> 00:51:41,504 - You are going to try and mend this? - If you'd leave me to it, yeah. 808 00:51:41,578 --> 00:51:43,375 So we did. 809 00:51:54,958 --> 00:51:58,758 Oh, that's harsh. That is quite harsh but go on. 810 00:52:05,702 --> 00:52:07,397 Oh, you'll like this one. 811 00:52:07,470 --> 00:52:08,994 ♪ It's sad 812 00:52:09,072 --> 00:52:10,972 ♪ So sad 813 00:52:11,041 --> 00:52:14,704 ♪ It's a sad, sad situation... 814 00:52:17,447 --> 00:52:20,905 Unfortunately, you can only give a man so much sympathy, 815 00:52:20,984 --> 00:52:23,976 so James and I went ahead to make camp. 816 00:52:27,891 --> 00:52:32,225 Hammond knew that in the morning, if his beloved Oliver wasn't fixed, 817 00:52:32,295 --> 00:52:34,024 he'd have to leave him behind. 818 00:52:34,097 --> 00:52:38,062 So he got our bush mechanic to bring the generator down... 819 00:52:40,303 --> 00:52:42,166 and worked on through the night. 820 00:52:54,416 --> 00:52:56,544 Morning came, and still no Hammond. 821 00:52:56,919 --> 00:52:58,443 I'm knackered today. 822 00:52:59,822 --> 00:53:01,886 I mean, I'm feeling quite like an explorer. 823 00:53:04,994 --> 00:53:08,462 - Is that Hammond? - Is it a Beetle, more to the point? 824 00:53:16,573 --> 00:53:17,933 No way! 825 00:53:23,346 --> 00:53:26,876 - No way. - Oh yeah! Yeah, he's back. 826 00:53:27,884 --> 00:53:29,182 Ah! 827 00:53:30,853 --> 00:53:33,546 And here's the best thing. Remember the horn which was rubbish? 828 00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:36,819 It's excellent. 829 00:53:38,161 --> 00:53:40,891 Is that technically possible? 830 00:53:40,964 --> 00:53:42,158 Probably not. 831 00:53:42,932 --> 00:53:46,400 47 years, I've never been speechless. 832 00:53:48,538 --> 00:53:50,870 With all the cars defying all the odds, 833 00:53:50,940 --> 00:53:53,900 we began our final push to the border. 834 00:53:56,379 --> 00:53:59,706 My car is working perfectly, as usual. 835 00:53:59,783 --> 00:54:02,511 I've got no brakes, the pedal goes straight to the floor 836 00:54:02,685 --> 00:54:06,922 and I have to declutch to stop so I just tread on my own foot, so I'm using the handbrake. 837 00:54:06,990 --> 00:54:08,958 Hal The Lancia could beat that. 838 00:54:09,025 --> 00:54:14,486 Every time I brake it spears off to the right and I'm unable to steer left to correct that. 839 00:54:14,564 --> 00:54:20,024 This has now gone from being a nuisance to being downright dangerous. 840 00:54:20,937 --> 00:54:22,869 We soon reached the end of the Okavango, 841 00:54:22,939 --> 00:54:25,567 so we pulled over to remove the animal protection. 842 00:54:25,642 --> 00:54:27,667 And then, guess what? 843 00:54:27,744 --> 00:54:31,502 The Lancia simply would not get going again. 844 00:54:31,681 --> 00:54:35,039 It now won't start because the starter solenoid's chosen this moment to pack up, 845 00:54:35,218 --> 00:54:39,050 but when it was running it wouldn't move off in any of the gears. 846 00:54:39,122 --> 00:54:41,488 It was just that last 60K, 847 00:54:41,558 --> 00:54:44,425 it had that feel of a car that was dying. 848 00:54:44,494 --> 00:54:47,725 Richard actually sympathized because he'd been there. 849 00:54:47,797 --> 00:54:49,424 As for James? 850 00:54:49,499 --> 00:54:50,796 Beetle! 851 00:54:53,536 --> 00:54:56,157 I'm not gonna give up. I'll push it. 852 00:54:58,807 --> 00:55:00,241 Is this a good time to acknowledge that mine is the only one 853 00:55:00,310 --> 00:55:02,607 - that has worked consistently? - No. 854 00:55:05,181 --> 00:55:07,741 This is worrying. I need to be home by Saturday. 855 00:55:07,817 --> 00:55:09,648 I've been invited to a Beetle drive. 856 00:55:10,820 --> 00:55:13,983 The entire crew was working on the stricken Beta. 857 00:55:14,057 --> 00:55:18,225 Until we were rewarded with the most glorious sound in the world. 858 00:55:19,494 --> 00:55:20,553 Life. 859 00:55:20,730 --> 00:55:23,788 It lives! It lives! 860 00:55:23,866 --> 00:55:26,899 I got a whole hundred yards. 861 00:55:27,737 --> 00:55:29,671 Oh, not stuck! 862 00:55:29,739 --> 00:55:31,639 My idle speed's not good. 863 00:55:33,376 --> 00:55:35,503 Bye, everybody! I can't stop! 864 00:55:35,578 --> 00:55:38,103 Please! Please! 865 00:55:39,182 --> 00:55:43,985 Soon, we hit the tarmac and we started to taste the hope. 866 00:55:49,292 --> 00:55:52,893 Just 20 miles, you can do that, you've crossed Botswana. 867 00:55:53,162 --> 00:55:55,595 Now I'm stuck in second but second will do. 868 00:55:56,565 --> 00:56:01,330 Obviously, mine would keep going to the other side of the whole continent but, you know. 869 00:56:01,603 --> 00:56:03,094 Come on, ten miles, please! 870 00:56:05,074 --> 00:56:08,005 Then something really surprising happened. 871 00:56:08,878 --> 00:56:10,072 Oh no, not now. 872 00:56:11,380 --> 00:56:12,438 Please! 873 00:56:13,649 --> 00:56:17,713 Because the Lancia had been such a problem child everyone was fed up with it. 874 00:56:17,787 --> 00:56:21,018 Only two of the crew stayed behind to help. 875 00:56:21,090 --> 00:56:26,859 Carburetor's gone. Even if we can get that fixed, the starter motor is gone. 876 00:56:27,029 --> 00:56:31,230 We've put it into gear, it goes into third. That stalls the engine and you're back to square one. 877 00:56:32,668 --> 00:56:35,096 The border was just five miles away. 878 00:56:35,171 --> 00:56:38,699 There you go, this is an object lesson for the owners of old cars everywhere. 879 00:56:38,874 --> 00:56:41,734 - "You can drive'em round the world". - Yeah, it's really relaxing. 880 00:56:42,811 --> 00:56:44,142 Come on. 881 00:56:45,114 --> 00:56:46,406 Border! 882 00:56:47,350 --> 00:56:54,279 1,596 kilometers. That's near as dammit a thousand miles, I've still got half a car left 883 00:56:54,357 --> 00:56:56,054 and very bad hair. 884 00:56:59,881 --> 00:57:01,159 I don't believe that! 885 00:57:04,967 --> 00:57:06,059 Sorry! 886 00:57:06,235 --> 00:57:07,395 I've got no brakes. 887 00:57:08,938 --> 00:57:10,430 I've... Yeah. 888 00:57:13,976 --> 00:57:15,136 It's there. 889 00:57:15,811 --> 00:57:16,939 We've done it! 890 00:57:19,548 --> 00:57:21,209 All we had to do now was wait. 891 00:57:21,484 --> 00:57:24,048 Wait to see which car Jeremy arrived in. 892 00:57:26,888 --> 00:57:28,149 - Is that an engine? - That's a car. 893 00:57:31,126 --> 00:57:34,384 Unmistakable clatter of an air-cooled engine. 894 00:57:34,563 --> 00:57:35,621 It's gonna be the Beetle. 895 00:57:36,632 --> 00:57:38,022 And it was. 896 00:57:42,638 --> 00:57:44,130 But I wasn't driving it. 897 00:57:47,076 --> 00:57:48,801 I'm almost pleased, yes! 898 00:57:50,913 --> 00:57:52,710 Oh, that's excellent. 899 00:57:53,883 --> 00:57:57,616 Watch it! Brakes don't work! Sorry, there's no brakes. 900 00:57:57,787 --> 00:58:00,320 - Congratulations. - That's astonishing! 901 00:58:03,192 --> 00:58:06,885 I think, realistically, we have to say the Lancia's won it. 902 00:58:06,963 --> 00:58:10,396 - Why? By what possible measure? - Erm...No. 903 00:58:10,866 --> 00:58:12,760 - It's the most surprising. - It's the worst. 904 00:58:12,935 --> 00:58:15,868 Well, you don't buy a second-hand car to be surprised that it still works. 905 00:58:15,938 --> 00:58:20,074 - It had to be rebuilt once a day. - But... You're right. It's rubbish. 906 00:58:20,376 --> 00:58:22,940 - The Mercedes is the best car. - What? 907 00:58:23,312 --> 00:58:26,047 - What have I had to do? I've had to... - Take the entire body off! 908 00:58:26,315 --> 00:58:27,778 It's a showroom model, James. 909 00:58:27,850 --> 00:58:32,082 I admit that it's not entirely original but in mechanical terms it was perfect. 910 00:58:32,155 --> 00:58:33,554 You cannot break that... 911 00:58:33,923 --> 00:58:36,551 I think, honestly, we have to be magnanimous here 912 00:58:36,726 --> 00:58:39,762 because only one of the cars has actually made it unmodified. 913 00:58:39,829 --> 00:58:43,094 So that brings us on to a Top Gear top tip. 914 00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:50,030 If, people of Surrey, you want to replace your BMW X5 with something that's brilliant off-road... 915 00:58:50,205 --> 00:58:52,103 - Simple. ...simple, inexpensive. 916 00:58:52,274 --> 00:58:55,371 - Easy to maintain, surprisingly comfortable. - Absolutely. 917 00:58:55,745 --> 00:58:58,579 Then you've got to get yourself a Volkswagen Beetle. 918 00:58:59,449 --> 00:59:00,809 - A what? - It's true! 919 00:59:00,883 --> 00:59:02,578 - No, he's right. - It's true! 920 00:59:03,052 --> 00:59:05,743 The Beetl...you've replaced all the electrics in that... 921 00:59:06,052 --> 00:59:16,743 Corrected English version by mcdrifter.blogspot.com