0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:15,545 Tonight, James races a man in wellies, 2 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,107 Richard crashes some motorhomes, 3 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,245 and I close down Manchester airport. 4 00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,758 (Applause) 5 00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:33,126 Thank you very much, thank you. 6 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,794 Hello. Hello and welcome. 7 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:43,699 Now, in a minute, I am going to be reviewing this new Honda Civic Type R, 8 00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:49,148 but first, let's remind ourselves what made the old Type R such a hit, 9 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:53,084 particularly among the sort of young men who have spiky product in their hair 10 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,951 and communicate by grunting. 11 00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:58,982 - Him, really. - (Laughter) 12 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:04,698 To be honest, there was plenty to like about this car. 13 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:13,032 Its engine spins so fast, it generates its own little gravity field. 14 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,769 8,000 rpm. 15 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,970 I'm surprised it doesn't come with its own moon! 16 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:25,214 There isn't that much actual power, 17 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:29,814 but it makes up for that by being so urgent and so... eager. 18 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,949 If you liken all cars to dogs - 19 00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,494 this one is like a pensioner's terrier - 20 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:37,895 you just open up the door and it's... (Yaps) 21 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,694 Out, over your shoulder. 22 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:43,830 It handled nicely too. 23 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,939 It feels light and it feels agile. 24 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:51,068 If you turn into a corner with no power on, the back slides round, 25 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,739 it's like an old-fashioned Peugeot - brilliant! 26 00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:56,846 Of course, it's like a tripod - 27 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,909 always one back wheel off the ground. 28 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:08,156 Yes, I am a little terrier. I'm cocking my leg now. 29 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:11,528 But it was the practical stuff that made this car such a hit. 30 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,659 It was cheaper to buy than almost all its rivals, 31 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,896 and cheaper to insure. 32 00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:20,170 And because the boot is so big, 33 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:24,268 there's plenty of space for a decent pair of speakers - 34 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:32,081 the most important accessory... for the young man who made this car... so popular. 35 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,592 (Pumping music drowns out speech) 36 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:46,726 ...ten pints of Stella and a dollop of chlamydia. 37 00:02:55,876 --> 00:03:00,108 You would imagine then that the new Type R would be even better. 38 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:06,450 It's based on the new Civic, so it comes with funky triangular exhaust tailpipes, 39 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,454 a dashboard from the Romulans, 40 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,548 and door handles from a 1950s fridge. 41 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,789 It's very striking, but like the old model, it's not that expensive. 42 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:22,864 This GT version with satnav and various other luxuries is L18,200. 43 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:29,137 Equip a Golf GTI to the same level and it would be a whopping L5,000 more. 44 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:35,306 Unfortunately, however, from there on in, things start to go a bit wrong. 45 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,086 This car is bigger and heavier than the old model, 46 00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:45,887 so, d'you wanna guess how many more horsepowers it's got? 47 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,723 Thirty? 48 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:48,819 Forty? 49 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,626 No. One. 50 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,332 One more! 51 00:03:56,270 --> 00:04:00,900 Honda say, that despite this, this is just as fast as the old car. 52 00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:04,001 They say it'll do naught to 60 in six and a half seconds, 53 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:08,344 and that flat-out you'll be doing 146, but from where I'm sitting, 54 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:11,873 it just doest feel that quick. 55 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,079 The revs just take longer. 56 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:18,352 It feels like a big car with a small engine. 57 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,352 Then there's the handling. 58 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:27,833 The old car was a joy in the bends because it had fully independent rear suspension. 59 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,428 Unfortunately, independent rear suspension is jolly expensive, 60 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,633 so, in this, it's been replaced with a simple torsion bar. 61 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,041 That makes the car cheaper to make, 62 00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:40,239 and worse. 63 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,081 I'm not saying it's going to fall over or hit a tree, 64 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:54,560 but, all the poise and controllability that you used to get in the old car, 65 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,994 has just sort of... gone, 66 00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:00,124 and all you get instead is, oh, I don't know... 67 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,998 about 15 miles of... Look at this - 68 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,162 hideous understeer! 69 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:14,670 Still, let's see how this new car gets on in a race against its dad. 70 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:19,913 (Tires squeal) 71 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,718 He's getting away! 72 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,727 I'm gonna have to tuck in behind him here! 73 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,160 Nothing I can do. 74 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,998 He's cocked his leg, his back wheel's off the ground. (Laughs) 75 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,438 Look at that! Look at that now - look at him! 76 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,633 He's just roaring away! 77 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:47,870 He's not only faster, but he's having more fun because it's just so much nicer to drive. 78 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:52,044 The whole point of a new car is it's supposed to be better than the one that went before, 79 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,314 and this plainly isn't! Look. 80 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,387 Ooh, come on, come on, turn in! 81 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:05,022 Off the track there - that's just the understeer killing the fun, 82 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,226 killing the power, killing everything. 83 00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:13,437 So, it's slower than its dad and then there's the spoiler, 84 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:17,409 which goes right across the middle of the rear window. 85 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,447 I mean, who thought that was a good idea? 86 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,847 And while we're on the subject of not very good ideas... 87 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,147 - (Beeping) - Can you hear that? 88 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:30,952 That beep is to tell me the ignition key's still in. 89 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:35,552 Why? I know the ignition key's in, cos I've just driven here. 90 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,620 And then there's the um, then there's the seat. 91 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:41,828 Instead of having a wheel here, so you can infinitely adjust the backrest, 92 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,963 you get a ratchet - so you either sit bolt upright, like you're at work, 93 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,234 or you pull it and then you recline, 94 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:51,937 like it's a chaise longue and you're a Victorian prostitute. 95 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,639 Oh, and how's this for a brainwave, OK? 96 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,205 You pull up, you want to get something from the back seat, 97 00:06:56,283 --> 00:07:00,913 so, you pull that lever, pull the seat forward, get whatever it is that you wanted, 98 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,387 pop it back, 99 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,789 and it assumes that in the brief moment you were out of the car, 100 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,327 you've become Richard Hammond. 101 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,955 Why doesn't it go back to where you left it? 102 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,022 I mean, what were they thinking of? 103 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,399 The worst part of this car though, is the ride comfort. 104 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,168 It's all right here on our smooth track, 105 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,142 but on normal roads it is intolerable. 106 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,612 And it's not just me being a fat old man, I promise. 107 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,378 Even if you're a teenager, 108 00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:34,945 even if you're used to sleeping on the floor at parties and being stabbed, 109 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,320 this is completely unacceptable. 110 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:40,189 You need a skeleton made of granite. 111 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:47,193 I like hot hatchbacks. I always have done, but this one... 112 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,758 It's absolutely hopeless. 113 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,969 (Applause) 114 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,175 Out! 115 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,973 You can't hide in there. 116 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,484 Get out. What? 117 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,520 That man, 118 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,318 that man over there told me while we were watching that film, 119 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,518 - that he's just bought one of these. - Oh, that is awkward. 120 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,993 - (Laughter) - Sorry. 121 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,393 How do you feel now? 122 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:20,229 I took them both out and I think that one's a much nicer car. 123 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,733 - What, the new one? - The new one. 124 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,999 The styling's a lot better, and also a higher rpm. 125 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:29,406 That sounds much nicer. This one sounds like you're just thrashing it. 126 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,239 What if you're completely wrong? 127 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,279 (Laughter) 128 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,838 Which, because it's a different opinion to mine, you are. 129 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,110 - (Laughter) - The thing is, 130 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:41,712 what we're talking about here is like a bad sequel, isn't it? Because this is Die Hard 1, 131 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:44,586 - and then that's Die Hard 2. - That is exactly right. 132 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:48,321 What I was hoping for here was Godfather 2 133 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:52,263 - and what it is, is Police Academy 7. - (Laughter) 134 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,392 That's Emmanuelle In Bangkok which... 135 00:08:55,469 --> 00:09:00,771 - (Laughter) ...wasn't as good... 136 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,832 Really? I wouldn't know about that. 137 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:06,437 All I do know is this is 18,000 quid, there or thereabouts. 138 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:12,315 You can buy a good tidy one of the old ones for about ten, and that's what I'd do. 139 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:15,822 And it's a Honda, so it'll be as reliable as the universe, it'll go on forever. 140 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,256 Absolutely. And we must now find out how fast it goes, 141 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,487 this one rather, goes round our track, 142 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:25,589 and that of course means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 143 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:29,500 Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary... 144 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,060 (Laughter) 145 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:36,474 ...and that he recently pulled out of I'm A Celebrity because he's frightened of trees... 146 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,273 - (Laughter) ...and Australia... 147 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,906 - (Laughter) ...and Koo Stark. 148 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,381 (Laughter) 149 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,385 And Ant... and Dec. 150 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,579 (Laughter) 151 00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,747 All we know is, he's called The Stig. 152 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,955 And away he goes. 153 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,962 Not a particularly fast start, but then frankly, this really isn't a very fast car. 154 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,328 Talk among yourselves now. 155 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:02,891 There he is finally at the first corner. Lots of tire squeal as he goes through. 156 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:06,098 The understeer seems to be just about under control so far. 157 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,540 (Man)... ask the prospect if he can envision himself in the future 158 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,703 with this product, service or opportunity. 159 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:16,306 (Jeremy) 0h, dear, for some terrifying reason, Stig's learning how to be a killer salesman. 160 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,875 He drags it round Chicago in a lumpen and joyless way, 161 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,113 and into the Hammerhead. 162 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,746 Turns in. 163 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,621 0h, God, yeah, look, there's the understeer and lots of it. 164 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:30,254 If Stig could experience human emotions, he'd be feeling mild disappointment now. 165 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,788 (Man) Also remember that every dog has its day. 166 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:37,166 Success will prevail. You're in the zone. 167 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:41,264 (Jeremy) Yes, he is, he's in the VTEC zone and let's see if it can give him some speed. 168 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,901 Through the Follow-through. 0oh, there we go, not bad. 169 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:47,970 Difficult second movie now coming into the difficult second to last corner. That's 0K. 170 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:52,348 Up to Gambon. Turns in, keeps it straight and tight and across the line. 171 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,944 - (Applause) - Yeah, got the time here. 172 00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,715 You're gonna be pleased by this. 173 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,317 You're gonna be pleased... 174 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:06,197 ...because it did it in one minute 16 point... 175 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,029 - No, I'm lying. - (Laughter) 176 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,628 It actually did it in 1.33.5, 177 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,503 so, it's a little bit faster than a Golf GTI but a lot worse. 178 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,303 - (Laughter) - The styling's better. 179 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,968 - Shut up! - (Laughter) 180 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,242 And now, the news, 181 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,748 and I'm afraid it's very bad. 182 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,012 Jeremy Clarkson has a cold. 183 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,919 I have not got a cold. I've got bird flu. 184 00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,547 (Laughter) 185 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:34,958 I have. I'm living, breathing proof, soon to not be living or breathing, 186 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,155 that it can jump species. 187 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,529 Wow, that means it's only one species away from humans, 188 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,898 - so we could all get it. - (Laughter) 189 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,234 On with the news. The government has a new solution for cutting congestion, 190 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,969 which is to ban us all from driving... to work. 191 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,977 Good, I can't drive, I've got bird flu. 192 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,535 (Laughter) 193 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:57,674 They're going to introduce, for speeding, you get six points, 194 00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,946 which means two strikes and you're out. 195 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,853 On the plus side, they are talking about introducing that scheme 196 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,983 where you get two points if you're only just over the limit. 197 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,119 No, no, no, they're scrapping that, I read this week, 198 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:14,099 cos it goes against their policy of all speed of any sort kills, which actually isn't true. 199 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,830 I read a survey this week, which I've got here. I brought it out with me. 200 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,873 OK, on country roads, rural normal roads out of a city, 201 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:26,140 guess how many injury and, you know, death accidents are put down to speed? 202 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:29,205 I dunno, rural, probably 50%, 60%. 203 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,513 - No, yokels. 80%. - Four. 204 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,680 - 40%. - 4%. 205 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:41,717 96% of accidents on rural roads have got nothing to do with speed, so what is it then? 206 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:44,992 - What causes the other 96% of accidents? - Yeah. 207 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,693 Because it's dark and it smells funny in the countryside. 208 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,464 - (Laughter) - Does anyone have any ideas? 209 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,471 - What? - (Man) Tractors. 210 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,439 Horses. 211 00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:57,068 No, I think the man with horses is onto something. 212 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,702 I genuinely believe it's animals. 213 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:02,010 People swerving. You know, they've got their kids in the back, 214 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:06,314 and swerve on the wrong side of the road just to miss some fox, which is just a rat. 215 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,183 (Laughter) 216 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,449 - No, it isn't. - It is. 217 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:13,186 No, a rat is quite small and has like a really bald long tail, 218 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:18,220 and a fox is quite big and fluffy and has a big bushy tail, and a name - Basil. 219 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,960 - (Laughter) - You're not a country man, are you? 220 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,901 - Not all of them are called Basil. - No, no, it's like badgers, 221 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:27,736 cos have you seen... I bet you tune in, I do. 222 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,935 - Kate Humble's Badger Watch. - Every week. 223 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,739 It's not what you'd think at all. 224 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,404 (Laughter) 225 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,416 I tuned in, she was talking about some stupid little animal 226 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,453 that basically is a chemical weapons factory 227 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,681 spreading tuberculosis around the countryside. 228 00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,224 - (Laughter) - People get it into their heads like you 229 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,726 that foxes are cute and badgers are cute, and they're not. 230 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:50,354 I honestly believe, genuinely, that the country, 231 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:55,527 cos we've established only 4% of accidents are caused by speed, 232 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:59,368 and I bet most of those are bikers, so driving in the countryside is completely safe 233 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:02,306 and would be better if you could get rid of all the animals. 234 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,776 You've got that the wrong way round. You know Richmond Park outside London - 235 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:09,282 everybody drives through there at 15 or 20 mph, 236 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:13,308 because they're scared about running over Bambi, cos it's full of deer. 237 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,480 Then, as soon as they get to the city, where they'll only run over people, 238 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,354 - they all speed up and drive like lunatics. - (Laughter) 239 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,620 So, what are you suggesting? 240 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,128 Put the deer in the town. 241 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,426 (Laughter) 242 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,193 Yeah, but actually... 243 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,634 If you empty the countryside of all the animals and put them in... 244 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:34,372 James, you've hit, for the first time in your life... 245 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,706 When I come to power, I'm gonna make you my minister of transport, 246 00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:41,235 - and you can implement that. - Oh, there's a rosy future for us all! 247 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,611 (Laughter) 248 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,707 Now, I'd like to talk about a car. 249 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,046 Ooh! 250 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,643 On Top Gear? No! 251 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:51,452 Seriously, look at this, this is the Mercedes McLaren SLR Roadster, 252 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:55,824 which is now officially the fastest convertible in the world. 253 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,626 That'll do 206 mph, 254 00:14:58,698 --> 00:14:59,960 with the roof down. 255 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:05,266 But, if a bluebottle flies over the top of the windscreen at that speed, 256 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,102 and hits you in the middle of your forehead, 257 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:09,937 it'll go straight through... 258 00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:12,740 ...its own arse. 259 00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,439 (Laughter) 260 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,540 - I thought you'd say it'll go through your head. - I was expecting that. 261 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,107 No, your head'll be fine. 262 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:23,417 Anyway, you know those Citroëns that have got a vibrating seat? 263 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,687 And the idea is that if you nod off and stray out of lane on the motorway, 264 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,218 the seat base vibrates and wakes you up and ooh, you can get back in lane. 265 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,663 I was talking to a girl the other day who got one, 266 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,030 and she said she'd gone from London to Birmingham, 267 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,501 deliberately on the hard shoulder because it was so nice. 268 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,037 (Laughter) 269 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,504 The only problem with that is, 270 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:44,532 is that in order to have this excellent facility, you have to buy a Citroën... 271 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:49,776 - Which is terrible. - But now... I've come across this. 272 00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,249 - What is it? - Well, it's a seat base 273 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,253 that you put on your car seat, like that, 274 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:57,779 and then you turn it on and the middle bit vibrates. 275 00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:59,586 You sit on it and it vibrates. 276 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,628 - You don't have to go over the lanes? - You don't need a Citroën either, 277 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,688 you just have this. The thing is, it's quite annoying. 278 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,790 I think it's probably not meant for you. 279 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,630 (Laughter) 280 00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:10,897 Is it meant for you? 281 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:14,202 - No, I think you have to be a girl. - Oh, yeah. 282 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,300 - They're like chaps but they've got... - Want to come and try this out? 283 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,674 She's blushing. 284 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,440 Come on, try it out. 285 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,779 Try out my captain's chair and tell me if that's good and you'd like that in your car. 286 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,080 - Are you ready? - OK. 287 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,985 - Oh, that's good. - (Laughter) 288 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,518 Does anybody else want a go? 289 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,762 How can this be legal? 290 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:43,394 Honestly, you can't drive while eating an apple or using a mobile phone. 291 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,098 But you can drive when you're all cross-eyed and sweaty! 292 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,366 (Laughter) 293 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:53,044 - That's 59.99. - So, it's more expensive than a Citroën. 294 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,274 - (Laughter) - But it's worth it. 295 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,872 Do you like the Dodge Viper? 296 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,349 - Yeah. - You do? 297 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,649 Well, there's a new version out - here it is. It's called the ACR, 298 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,189 and they've squeezed more power out of the engine, 299 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:07,590 the 8.4 liter V10 - has 600 brake horsepower. 300 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,527 And you can buy what they're calling the hardcore pack. 301 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,997 - Really? - They'll strip out all the interior - 302 00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:18,368 carpets, radio, and that saves 40 pounds, which in America is lunch, isn't it? 303 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,669 - (Laughter) - Anyway, can I make an important point? 304 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,299 - Yes. - You know petrol 305 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,435 went past a pound a liter this week, 306 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:29,539 and everybody's saying, "It's too expensive, we've all got to commit suicide?" 307 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:33,177 But it isn't expensive at all. It's cheap. 308 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:37,713 Well, it is, actually, because some mineral water I saw was L4.99 a liter. 309 00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:41,192 Exactly. And it's a good job your car doesn't run on bull semen. 310 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,626 Well, it is, yes, but why? 311 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,526 Because do you know how much bull semen is? 312 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,259 D'you know, I can't remember off the top of my head. 313 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,996 - (Laughter) - L24,000 a liter. 314 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,335 - No way! - This is my point. 315 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:57,137 Seriously, I mean, petrol, they've gotta build an oil rig, float it out to sea, 316 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,644 dig a hole with nothing in it, dig another, then another, 317 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,407 then you get oil then you put it a ship, 318 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,711 float it halfway round the world to another country, 319 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,377 put it in a refinery, which is the size of a small county, 320 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:09,547 turn it into petrol, ship it to a garage, put it in a flame-proof tank 321 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:14,423 and sell it to the customer, and they're doing that for a pound a liter - I find that incredible. 322 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,759 Actually, no. No, because the government takes 65 pence, 323 00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,322 so, they're actually doing that for 35 pence a liter. 324 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,062 - Exactly. - And if you buy ten liters, you get a torch. 325 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,569 - Well, there you go. - (Laughter) 326 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:28,937 Oh, no, that said, I filled my car up with petrol a couple of months ago, 327 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,999 - d'you know how much that cost? - Well, no. 328 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,843 - Ninety quid. - No, L35,000. 329 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:38,042 - You filled it up with bull sperm, you idiot! - (Laughter) 330 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,781 No, somebody nicked my... The garage did that credit card thing 331 00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:43,447 - where they sell it to somebody. - Oh. 332 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,050 Somebody's been running around in California spending my money on stuff. 333 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,822 I reckon he spent it on bull sperm. 334 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,160 - (Laughter) - Did you not notice the pump was different? 335 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,893 (Laughter) 336 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,595 Moo! It keeps mooving! 337 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:03,241 Now it's chasing me! I don't want it any more. 338 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,001 I've got bird flu, be nice. 339 00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,273 (Laughter) 340 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:14,651 Now, Alfa Romeo has launched a replacement for its 156 which is called the 159. 341 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,815 Actually, James, that was launched two years ago. 342 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:20,155 Yes, it was, but we weren't paying attention. 343 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:22,717 - (Laughter) - Never mind, we like Alfas on Top Gear, 344 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:27,562 so, I thought that, belatedly, I admit, I should go and find out what's what. 345 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,103 So, better late than never, here it is. 346 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,770 But before we get stuck in, we have to take care of some housekeeping. 347 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:44,881 I have here, the Top Gear Italian Car Road Test Cliché Swear Box, 348 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:48,409 and every time I use a word like "soul" or "passion", 349 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:54,324 or any bit of fake Italiano to describe this car, I've gotta put a pound in it. 350 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,755 Let me explain the problem. 351 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:03,199 For years, people who do my job, people who test cars, 352 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:07,069 have only ever been able to say exactly the same thing about Alfa Romeos, 353 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:11,201 and it is "Yes, the build quality is a bit ropey in places, 354 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:13,871 "and the electrics will probably prove to be a bit iffy..." 355 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,015 "But we prefer them to BMWs, 356 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,348 "because an Alfa's beautiful looks and gorgeous engine note... 357 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,923 "...fill it with soul and passion." 358 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:29,394 Oh, God! Anyway, you see the problem. This is what Alfa Romeo is about. 359 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:33,865 To be honest, I could take the road test on the 156, which we did nine years ago, 360 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,458 and just change the six to a nine. 361 00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:40,631 Still, you never know, maybe this time things will be different. 362 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,841 Let's start with the looks. 363 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,814 That front end, those lights, 364 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,783 that sweeping bonnet line, the striking grille, 365 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,047 and it's the same story round the back. 366 00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:01,316 Inside, there are lots of silvery bits and lovely dials. 367 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:08,028 In fact, there are two words that perfectly encapsulate the stylistic beauty of this car. 368 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,400 So, business as usual when it comes to appearances, 369 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:21,106 but that could be the last time I put my hand in my pocket. 370 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:26,915 You see, Alfa Romeo has now put ein German in charge of the company, 371 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:31,286 and he's a man who used to be responsible for things like BMW M series cars, 372 00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:33,689 and more recently, the Rolls-Royce Phantom. 373 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,024 Stuff that doesn't fall apart. 374 00:21:38,197 --> 00:21:40,961 Apparently, he's passionate about build quality, 375 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:45,630 and he's promising that the electrics will no longer be installed by a toddler group. 376 00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:50,267 And he better be right, frankly, because this thing is now stuffed with electrical gizmos. 377 00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:54,211 It's got an electronic key, it's got automatic climate control, 378 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,271 it's got an mp3 compatible stereo, 379 00:21:56,349 --> 00:21:58,180 it's got parking sensors, 380 00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:01,482 you can have satnav and you can have an integrated mobile phone. 381 00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:09,586 All this on a car which, at L22,500, is two grand less than the equivalent 3-series. 382 00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:14,699 Now, we won't know if this quality regime works 383 00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:18,100 until you tell us what the 159 is like to live with, 384 00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,639 but for now, there's a more pressing issue. 385 00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:24,738 The danger is that under this new regime, 386 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:28,542 the alternator will work, the headlights will come on when you turn the switch, 387 00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:33,142 but the 159 will have lost its essentially Alfa you-know-what, 388 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:38,919 and it won't drive with all the Alfa traditional... diddly and doodah. 389 00:22:40,593 --> 00:22:43,926 To find out, we need to take it for a good drive. 390 00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,521 And for that, we've come to the River Humber. 391 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:49,227 It's an amazing feat of nature, 392 00:22:49,302 --> 00:22:53,602 which every day, drains one fifth of England. 393 00:22:55,108 --> 00:22:58,441 My job today is to get from one side to the other, 394 00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:02,277 and to keep the Alfa on its toes, I'll be racing against a man. 395 00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:07,953 Yes, it's another of our real life situation tests. 396 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:13,549 This is Graham Bowness. He's rather tall and on this occasion, that's a good thing. 397 00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:20,494 You see, the easiest and quickest way across the mile-wide river, 398 00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:23,126 is the magnificent Humber Bridge... 399 00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:28,338 ...but in our race, neither of us is allowed to use it. 400 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,404 So, I'm gonna drive round the estuary the long way, 401 00:23:32,478 --> 00:23:35,038 starting here, go up here, bit of motorway, 402 00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:38,140 and then this series of spaghetti-like B roads, 403 00:23:38,217 --> 00:23:43,280 where I'll find out if the Alfa still has the soul and the passion. 404 00:23:45,358 --> 00:23:48,816 And Graham? He's going to do something rather amazing. 405 00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:50,954 He's going to walk across. 406 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:53,123 Is there a risk that you'll just get stuck? 407 00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:57,966 There is, yeah. There's a risk that when I'm in the thick mud that's across there, 408 00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:02,736 exhaustion can maybe get the better of me and then I'll just, you know, pass out. 409 00:24:02,809 --> 00:24:06,745 So, you haven't got a breathing tube or a small aqualung or anything like that? 410 00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:09,680 You can only breathe as long as your head is above the water, 411 00:24:09,749 --> 00:24:12,650 - and it will only just be above the water. - Yeah. 412 00:24:12,718 --> 00:24:15,881 - So you've either gotta make it or you drown? - Correct. 413 00:24:17,557 --> 00:24:20,958 What else can I say but three, two, one... 414 00:24:21,027 --> 00:24:22,255 Go. 415 00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:36,164 Right, I'm not gonna be beaten by a man in a giant condom walking across a muddy river. 416 00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:43,275 Graham's journey of 1.8 miles should take him about an hour and a half, 417 00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:48,048 and my journey of 65 miles, should take me about the same. 418 00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:54,418 I'll just tell you quickly about the new engine in this car while I'm in the village. 419 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:57,463 It's a 2.2 liter petrol four-cylinder, it's very modern. 420 00:24:57,530 --> 00:24:59,896 It's got words like "variable" written on the top of it. 421 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:09,005 There's a lovely bit in this engine as you get into the higher reaches of the rev range. 422 00:25:09,075 --> 00:25:11,703 It really comes alive. 423 00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:15,440 That's a quid in the box whatever that is. 424 00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:25,953 As thousands of tonnes of tidal water tore away at Graham's muscles, 425 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,960 I left the B roads for a quick motorway blast. 426 00:25:33,499 --> 00:25:34,932 Here we go. 427 00:25:36,602 --> 00:25:38,467 Get into fifth. 428 00:25:39,906 --> 00:25:41,396 The great thing about an Alfa is, 429 00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:45,274 somehow the Italians do know how to make a car feel elemental. 430 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:48,836 But I suppose that's not surprising from a nation that gave us Verdi. 431 00:25:58,124 --> 00:26:00,354 It was time to leave the motorway. 432 00:26:00,426 --> 00:26:03,691 Ahead lay 35 more miles of B road. 433 00:26:03,763 --> 00:26:05,355 Now it gets interesting. 434 00:26:10,102 --> 00:26:12,434 Graham was past the halfway point, 435 00:26:12,505 --> 00:26:14,405 and despite his immense strength, 436 00:26:14,473 --> 00:26:18,671 he was struggling against the incoming 12 mph tide. 437 00:26:22,481 --> 00:26:24,881 I was also struggling to keep hold of my money. 438 00:26:27,219 --> 00:26:30,882 I'm just stringing this series of sweeping bends together, 439 00:26:30,957 --> 00:26:35,257 like someone who's really skilled at using a fork to roll up their spaghett... 440 00:26:42,301 --> 00:26:44,428 Nice tight right-hander coming up here. 441 00:26:46,939 --> 00:26:49,203 It's got a little kick and a shimmy from the front. 442 00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:52,676 It's all frisky like one of those Peio ponies. 443 00:26:53,980 --> 00:26:55,208 This is getting expensive. 444 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,718 The Alfa's handling had cost me dear - four quid, in fact... 445 00:27:07,526 --> 00:27:10,256 ...but now we were in the final stages of the race. 446 00:27:13,733 --> 00:27:14,757 Come on! 447 00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:33,048 This is it, this is the home stretch bit. 448 00:27:36,722 --> 00:27:38,815 Come on. 449 00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:50,461 I'm looking for the waterside beacon. 450 00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:58,034 There it is. That's the beacon. 451 00:28:06,786 --> 00:28:08,083 Oh, for Pete's sake! 452 00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:12,386 I'd lost and I was broke. 453 00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:13,925 Congratulations anyway. 454 00:28:13,993 --> 00:28:16,860 - Thank you. - Do you mind if I don't? 455 00:28:16,929 --> 00:28:18,954 (Applause) 456 00:39:43,399 --> 00:39:47,893 Now, not so long ago, we in Britain bought more estate cars 457 00:39:47,970 --> 00:39:51,030 than any other nation on earth, but then all of a sudden, 458 00:39:51,107 --> 00:39:55,476 everybody decided that what they really wanted was a big 4x4 of some sort. 459 00:39:55,545 --> 00:39:59,709 The problem is, though, that these days, if you drive a big 4x4 into a city, 460 00:39:59,782 --> 00:40:04,378 communists and ecologicals throw eggs at you and make rude gestures. 461 00:40:04,454 --> 00:40:09,221 Obviously, one solution is to buy a 1963 Opel Kadett, preferably yellow. 462 00:40:09,292 --> 00:40:12,750 - I called mine... - No, Richard, that's not a solution, 463 00:40:12,829 --> 00:40:14,262 but I think I've got one. 464 00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:18,596 What's the matter with going back to the estate car? 465 00:40:22,071 --> 00:40:25,973 For the same sort of money as a Porsche Cayenne or a Range Rover, 466 00:40:26,042 --> 00:40:28,135 you could have either of these. 467 00:40:28,211 --> 00:40:32,113 There's the BMWM5 Touring... 468 00:40:35,785 --> 00:40:39,949 ...or the AMG Mercedes E Class. 469 00:40:43,459 --> 00:40:46,155 Both will take five people in comfort, 470 00:40:46,229 --> 00:40:50,666 in the same way that a Range Rover will take five people in comfort. 471 00:40:50,733 --> 00:40:54,464 And it's not like you're wanting for space in the boot either. 472 00:40:54,537 --> 00:40:56,596 In here, with the back seats folded down, 473 00:40:56,672 --> 00:41:02,338 I have been able to fit a massive 60 cubic feet of cheese, 474 00:41:02,411 --> 00:41:07,542 so if you're in the cheese-making industry, this is a very practical and impressive car. 475 00:41:09,252 --> 00:41:13,882 Now, because the Mercedes is lower, obviously you get less space in the back, 476 00:41:13,956 --> 00:41:15,685 but you'd be surprised how close it is. 477 00:41:15,758 --> 00:41:18,886 I've actually got 57 cubic feet of cheese in there. 478 00:41:18,961 --> 00:41:25,594 And if you convert cheese into dogs, that's 4.3 Great Danes. 479 00:41:25,668 --> 00:41:28,796 And what's more, if I push this button here, 480 00:41:28,871 --> 00:41:33,740 the whole floor slides out, so, if this cheddar were a dog, 481 00:41:33,810 --> 00:41:37,473 it would be able to get in and out more easily. 482 00:41:39,148 --> 00:41:45,087 Sadly, the BMW isn't quite as commodious, and the rear seats don't fold down flat, 483 00:41:45,154 --> 00:41:48,123 but it's still not what you'd call poky in there. 484 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,388 So, if it's space you're worried about, 485 00:41:53,462 --> 00:41:57,990 these cars are very nearly as good as the four-wheel drive alternatives. 486 00:42:03,606 --> 00:42:05,870 They're also just children-proof. 487 00:42:05,942 --> 00:42:09,469 I mean, yes, obviously there's a lot of leather and carpet back there, 488 00:42:09,545 --> 00:42:11,877 into which kids can rub jam and chocolate, 489 00:42:11,948 --> 00:42:17,284 but then, the back of a Porsche Cayenne isn't exactly a Fisher-Price ball pit, is it? 490 00:42:19,989 --> 00:42:22,719 So, what about the environment? 491 00:42:24,327 --> 00:42:26,921 Well, this is the Ape and Apple pub. 492 00:42:26,996 --> 00:42:29,863 It's where the Manchester branch of Greenpeace meets 493 00:42:29,932 --> 00:42:35,302 to discuss polar bears and algae over a lovely pint of wheatgrass. 494 00:42:35,371 --> 00:42:37,532 Now, the fact of the matter is, 495 00:42:37,607 --> 00:42:40,804 those cars produce about the same amount of greenhouse gases 496 00:42:40,877 --> 00:42:42,538 as a Porsche Cayenne Turbo, 497 00:42:42,612 --> 00:42:46,605 but, because ecohippies are so hung up on off-road cars, 498 00:42:46,682 --> 00:42:50,448 nobody's really paying them any attention at all. 499 00:42:50,519 --> 00:42:53,977 In a whole hour, not one person pulled off their windscreen wipers 500 00:42:54,056 --> 00:42:55,887 or let down their tires. 501 00:42:58,227 --> 00:43:00,195 And there's more good news. 502 00:43:00,263 --> 00:43:02,959 These cars are more comfortable than any 4x4. 503 00:43:03,032 --> 00:43:09,062 Yes, sure, the BMW crashes about a bit, but the ride in the Merc is sublime. 504 00:43:09,138 --> 00:43:15,202 And so is its onboard entertainment, navigation command system thing. 505 00:43:15,278 --> 00:43:17,178 The BMW's is far too complicated 506 00:43:17,246 --> 00:43:21,546 but even I can get this one to work without hitting it with a hammer. 507 00:43:21,617 --> 00:43:24,518 - Your route is being calculated. - There you go. Easy-peasy. 508 00:43:24,587 --> 00:43:26,953 Please turn right. Now turn right. 509 00:43:27,023 --> 00:43:31,153 And to shut her up, we just push that and she's silenced. 510 00:43:32,194 --> 00:43:35,527 Please turn right in 100 yards. 511 00:43:51,380 --> 00:43:55,578 0f course, where both cars fall down is out here. 512 00:43:57,153 --> 00:44:01,613 Neither could pull a horsebox up a slippery field, for instance. 513 00:44:01,691 --> 00:44:06,060 I know this because neither can even pull themselves up a slippery field. 514 00:44:07,129 --> 00:44:14,797 So, if you... If you get stuck in a field, these cars are not ideal. 515 00:44:14,870 --> 00:44:20,365 But what if you were to get stuck say, on the tarmac at Manchester Airport, 516 00:44:20,443 --> 00:44:23,207 when it was deserted because of a fire drill? 517 00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:02,377 (Squealing tires) 518 00:45:06,822 --> 00:45:09,814 Why does anybody buy a Range Rover Sport? 519 00:45:09,892 --> 00:45:14,886 If you want sport, get an M5, turn the traction control on, 520 00:45:14,964 --> 00:45:18,957 and mash your foot into the Axminster. 521 00:45:19,035 --> 00:45:20,502 (Tires squeal) 522 00:45:32,715 --> 00:45:37,277 Like the normal M5, it's got a 500 brake horsepower V10 engine. 523 00:45:40,389 --> 00:45:44,883 It's got a seven-speed flappy paddle gearbox with shift ferocity control. 524 00:45:47,430 --> 00:45:49,591 It's got an electronic differential. 525 00:45:51,100 --> 00:45:54,069 It is one of the most exciting cars made today. 526 00:45:54,136 --> 00:45:58,573 0nly now, because this is an estate, your dog can come too. 527 00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,943 OK, that's 100 mph. Just watch these numbers come. 528 00:46:08,918 --> 00:46:11,443 Remember, it's limited to 155. 529 00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:14,785 That's 140. Here we go, that's a 150. 530 00:46:16,525 --> 00:46:18,083 160? 531 00:46:19,295 --> 00:46:21,786 I'm looking through a head-up display. 532 00:46:21,864 --> 00:46:25,800 We're moving to now, 175 mph. 533 00:46:25,868 --> 00:46:31,204 On a runway, you really do think "I'm gonna take off!" 534 00:46:44,487 --> 00:46:47,012 The bigger, softer, more practical Mercedes 535 00:46:47,089 --> 00:46:51,651 doesn't look like it could hold a candle to the BMW, but don't be fooled. 536 00:46:53,896 --> 00:47:01,530 Because its 6.2 liter V8 pumps out an astonishing 507 brake horsepower. 537 00:47:08,410 --> 00:47:12,005 This thing is more powerful than a Ferrari F40. 538 00:47:13,449 --> 00:47:15,474 It's more powerful than Mexico. 539 00:47:20,156 --> 00:47:25,617 The extraordinary thing about the Merc is it doesn't have an electronic diff, 540 00:47:25,694 --> 00:47:27,525 it doesn't have variable anything. 541 00:47:27,596 --> 00:47:30,121 You just wanna get in and go. 542 00:47:31,934 --> 00:47:33,367 And then go some more. 543 00:47:34,970 --> 00:47:36,301 And more. 544 00:47:40,276 --> 00:47:41,265 (Laughs) 545 00:47:49,852 --> 00:47:51,683 So, which is quicker? 546 00:47:51,754 --> 00:47:53,654 Tell you what, 547 00:47:53,722 --> 00:47:55,713 let's find out. 548 00:47:55,791 --> 00:47:57,088 (Tires squeal) 549 00:48:03,732 --> 00:48:06,200 I think that the BMW brakes better than this. 550 00:48:09,238 --> 00:48:13,402 I think it handles better than this, I think it's quicker through the corners... 551 00:48:14,443 --> 00:48:17,571 but as soon as you get this thing on a straight... 552 00:48:20,716 --> 00:48:25,085 ...the BMW doesn't stand a chance! 553 00:48:34,463 --> 00:48:37,227 These cars then, they're both brilliant. 554 00:48:37,299 --> 00:48:39,961 Sure, they can't off-road like a big 4x4, 555 00:48:40,035 --> 00:48:43,869 but they're so much more fun where you spend most of your time - 556 00:48:43,939 --> 00:48:48,239 on the runway at Manchester Airport. 557 00:48:57,620 --> 00:48:59,417 (Applause) 558 00:49:03,792 --> 00:49:05,089 Thank you. 559 00:49:06,161 --> 00:49:07,788 - Come on then. - What? 560 00:49:07,863 --> 00:49:10,058 - Which is best? - Which is best? 561 00:49:10,132 --> 00:49:15,195 Er, well, the BMW is more fun to drive and a teeny-weeny bit cheaper, 562 00:49:15,271 --> 00:49:16,932 and I think slightly better-looking, 563 00:49:17,006 --> 00:49:21,340 but, the Merc is bigger, more comfortable, more practical, faster, 564 00:49:21,410 --> 00:49:25,312 easier to use and it sounds like amplified thunder. 565 00:49:25,381 --> 00:49:26,541 So, you'd have the Merc. 566 00:49:26,615 --> 00:49:28,742 - No. - Why not? 567 00:49:28,817 --> 00:49:31,684 - Because I'd have a Range Rover. - What?! Why? 568 00:49:31,754 --> 00:49:33,915 - (Laughter) - Because when you drive a Range Rover, 569 00:49:33,989 --> 00:49:36,355 you get this warm, moist feeling inside 570 00:49:36,425 --> 00:49:39,417 - that you're annoying Bill Oddie. - (Laughter) 571 00:49:40,362 --> 00:49:43,763 Now, here on Top Gear we're always on the lookout for new forms of motor sport, 572 00:49:43,832 --> 00:49:47,461 and this week, we think we've come up with a good one. 573 00:49:51,740 --> 00:49:55,107 Traditionally, amateur racers go off for a weekend of motor sport, 574 00:49:55,177 --> 00:49:59,113 with a motorhome to sleep in and the car on the trailer behind. 575 00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:05,186 But I've thought of a cunning way to streamline this whole business. 576 00:50:05,254 --> 00:50:08,849 Just leave the car and trailer behind and race the motorhome. 577 00:50:11,593 --> 00:50:14,562 I think this plan has a stench of genius about it. 578 00:50:14,630 --> 00:50:17,861 You've still got something to get there in, something to sleep in, 579 00:50:17,933 --> 00:50:21,198 something to race, and you've still got something to go home in. 580 00:50:26,508 --> 00:50:31,912 To test this theory, I've come here to Essex Raceway in Essex. 581 00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:35,347 Home to banger racing, stock-car racing 582 00:50:35,417 --> 00:50:40,150 and from next year, the British round of the Formula 0ne world championship. 583 00:50:41,790 --> 00:50:46,159 This is my motorhome, a Ford Midas. Nice. 584 00:50:46,228 --> 00:50:51,689 Now, let's meet my fellow competitors and their mobile motor sport racing living quarters. 585 00:50:53,969 --> 00:50:59,066 In the Mitsubishi L300, we've got touring car star, Matt Neal. 586 00:51:01,310 --> 00:51:06,111 In the Toyota Liteace we've got touring car star, Anthony Reid. 587 00:51:07,583 --> 00:51:12,043 In the Chevrolet, we've got touring car star, Tom Chilton. 588 00:51:13,722 --> 00:51:17,351 In the left hand drive Fiat Ducato NV70 Globetrotter, 589 00:51:17,426 --> 00:51:20,623 we've got touring car star, Mat Jackson. 590 00:51:21,663 --> 00:51:23,961 And in the Transit, we've got desperate. 591 00:51:27,403 --> 00:51:31,499 So, we have all sizes and shapes of luxury motorhome here, 592 00:51:31,573 --> 00:51:35,566 and all manner of engines and power outputs, and that's good, 593 00:51:35,644 --> 00:51:39,603 because it leads to the one thing you want most of all in motor sport - 594 00:51:39,681 --> 00:51:41,740 unpredictability. 595 00:51:43,385 --> 00:51:45,945 And the unpredictability doesn't end there, 596 00:51:46,021 --> 00:51:50,890 because motorhome racing brings with it a whole new set of tactical decisions. 597 00:51:52,528 --> 00:51:58,296 You see, the governing body of motorhome racing states in the official 2007 rulebook 598 00:51:58,367 --> 00:52:02,861 that you must prepare your motorhome for racing the night before the race. 599 00:52:02,938 --> 00:52:06,396 Once the sun goes down, you may not make any further changes. 600 00:52:08,710 --> 00:52:10,644 Which leaves you with a dilemma - 601 00:52:10,712 --> 00:52:13,613 do you strip it out and endure a terrible night's sleep 602 00:52:13,682 --> 00:52:15,946 that means you're not on form for the race, 603 00:52:16,018 --> 00:52:18,248 or do you leave the luxuries in place, 604 00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:23,121 and then face having to compete with all the extra weight onboard? 605 00:52:25,861 --> 00:52:29,353 I went for the strip it all out, have a bad night option... 606 00:52:31,633 --> 00:52:34,397 ...and actually, so did all the other drivers. 607 00:52:34,470 --> 00:52:36,028 Well, nearly all. 608 00:52:38,173 --> 00:52:40,664 Gravy juice, pan, warm. 609 00:52:40,742 --> 00:52:43,040 Peas, carrots, add. 610 00:52:48,951 --> 00:52:50,976 Finally, everything was ready... 611 00:52:51,053 --> 00:52:52,384 That's a pie. 612 00:52:52,454 --> 00:52:54,217 ...for next day's big race. 613 00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,755 Night descended over Essex. 614 00:53:00,829 --> 00:53:03,093 - (Dog barking) - (Gunfire) 615 00:53:07,135 --> 00:53:09,126 Morning broke over Essex. 616 00:53:09,204 --> 00:53:11,195 - (Barking) - (Gunfire) 617 00:53:11,273 --> 00:53:15,039 It was time to celebrate the birth of a new motor sport. 618 00:53:25,521 --> 00:53:27,682 Great day for a race, this - 619 00:53:27,756 --> 00:53:29,087 Friday the 13th. 620 00:53:35,697 --> 00:53:37,358 (Horn) 621 00:53:44,706 --> 00:53:48,699 As one of the sport's co-founders, I was in car number one, 622 00:53:48,777 --> 00:53:50,972 and James was in car number six. 623 00:53:52,214 --> 00:53:54,774 Turn it in, feed it through the apex. 624 00:53:54,850 --> 00:53:57,341 There's quite a lot of understeer occurring. 625 00:53:57,419 --> 00:53:59,011 0oh-hool 626 00:54:01,957 --> 00:54:03,390 Now, the point of this sport 627 00:54:03,458 --> 00:54:06,916 is that you should be able to drive your motorhome home again, 628 00:54:06,995 --> 00:54:10,453 so the rules are simple - 15 laps and no body contact. 629 00:54:14,403 --> 00:54:15,461 Oh! 630 00:54:16,471 --> 00:54:17,733 (Horn) 631 00:54:19,975 --> 00:54:23,274 Mind you, we had invited touring car drivers. 632 00:54:23,345 --> 00:54:28,112 Right, we're three abreast. This is gonna be a late braking competition. 633 00:54:29,184 --> 00:54:30,378 Oh, no! 634 00:54:30,452 --> 00:54:31,419 Oh! 635 00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,180 I've just seen the door of the kitchen unit on the track, 636 00:54:35,257 --> 00:54:36,918 and that doesn't happen at Silverstone. 637 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:41,862 James' tactic of a good night's sleep wasn't working out. 638 00:54:41,930 --> 00:54:45,366 He was at the back of the field, but he had a plan. 639 00:54:45,434 --> 00:54:51,168 But the trick, I think, is to take a slow but inside line, 640 00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,675 so that, as they get carried away, I can sneak through on the left-hand edge. 641 00:54:54,743 --> 00:55:00,010 The little red Toyota had no bulk and no power but was plucky, 642 00:55:00,082 --> 00:55:02,812 and we respected that... for a bit. 643 00:55:08,523 --> 00:55:09,683 (Laughs) 644 00:55:09,758 --> 00:55:11,953 But with some aerodynamic tweaks... 645 00:55:12,794 --> 00:55:14,819 the Toyota found some speed. 646 00:55:16,865 --> 00:55:18,662 No, the Toyota's gone through! 647 00:55:27,542 --> 00:55:31,945 Lap eight, and amazingly, James had managed to get lost on an oval. 648 00:55:37,953 --> 00:55:41,650 0n lap ten, I lost a bit of structural rigidity. 649 00:55:44,326 --> 00:55:45,725 Oh, nuts! 650 00:55:47,262 --> 00:55:49,822 May have been a slight touch there. 651 00:55:49,898 --> 00:55:53,732 Most of this will clean up. Most of that will clean out. 652 00:55:54,836 --> 00:55:56,303 I'm having a burst of power, 653 00:55:56,371 --> 00:55:59,863 and it's not... it's coming from me own motor. 654 00:56:00,876 --> 00:56:04,403 With just three laps to go, the red mist descended. 655 00:56:19,828 --> 00:56:22,422 Luckily, my structure was still holding. 656 00:56:26,034 --> 00:56:27,831 No, it wasn't. 657 00:56:27,903 --> 00:56:29,165 (James) Oh, Hammond's gone! 658 00:56:29,237 --> 00:56:31,068 Lightness is everything. 659 00:56:32,741 --> 00:56:33,901 Whoa! 660 00:56:35,410 --> 00:56:37,674 That shelving unit was my downfall. 661 00:56:40,415 --> 00:56:41,746 Bloody pikeys! 662 00:56:44,786 --> 00:56:46,947 Oh, right on my inside line! 663 00:56:49,124 --> 00:56:52,321 0n the checkered flag, the little red Toyota was first, 664 00:56:52,394 --> 00:56:54,157 and I came home third. 665 00:57:08,076 --> 00:57:11,307 Well, I think the "no contact" rule needs a bit of a tweak, 666 00:57:11,379 --> 00:57:12,869 but we are onto something here. 667 00:57:14,950 --> 00:57:18,716 Like I said, you turn up in one vehicle, you sleep in it, 668 00:57:18,787 --> 00:57:22,223 you race in it and then you drive it home. 669 00:57:28,530 --> 00:57:30,828 (Applause) 670 00:57:30,899 --> 00:57:32,389 Well done. 671 00:57:33,802 --> 00:57:36,669 So... Were you impressed? 672 00:57:36,738 --> 00:57:41,368 Well, not really, because if I'd have been invited to take part in your new sport, 673 00:57:41,443 --> 00:57:43,843 I would have brought one of these. 674 00:57:43,912 --> 00:57:47,507 It's made in Germany and it's called The Performance. 675 00:57:47,582 --> 00:57:49,243 - Is it fast? - No. 676 00:57:49,317 --> 00:57:52,844 It has a 12,000cc engine with a turbocharger, 677 00:57:52,921 --> 00:57:55,287 but it's quite heavy. 678 00:57:55,357 --> 00:57:56,619 Why, what's in it? 679 00:57:56,691 --> 00:57:57,953 Well, let me show you. 680 00:57:58,026 --> 00:57:59,391 Step this way. 681 00:57:59,461 --> 00:58:01,656 - Do you need a ladder? - No, I'll be fine. 682 00:58:01,730 --> 00:58:03,493 - OK. - (Laughter) 683 00:58:03,565 --> 00:58:07,126 These stairs, for example, are granite - you can see the glitter. 684 00:58:07,202 --> 00:58:08,965 It's all sparkly! I want that in my house! 685 00:58:09,037 --> 00:58:11,471 Well, there's a lot more you'll want in your house in here. 686 00:58:11,540 --> 00:58:13,371 - The table's granite. - I want that. 687 00:58:13,441 --> 00:58:16,410 This work surface here, OK - you looking at it? 688 00:58:16,478 --> 00:58:18,070 It's sparkly, I want it in my house. 689 00:58:18,146 --> 00:58:20,341 - Check this out. - Whoa, what's that? 690 00:58:20,415 --> 00:58:24,579 - That's the plasma television coming up. - I want that in my home! 691 00:58:24,653 --> 00:58:26,484 Come look at the bathroom. 692 00:58:26,555 --> 00:58:29,854 There's a power shower - I mean, it massages you, OK? 693 00:58:29,925 --> 00:58:32,086 - And then, look at the floor. - Oh, look at that! 694 00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,425 Look at the underfloor lighting and then look at these taps, OK? 695 00:58:35,497 --> 00:58:39,228 Just touch that... and it comes on. 696 00:58:39,301 --> 00:58:41,633 Ok, and that's blue, so it's cold. 697 00:58:41,703 --> 00:58:44,228 Push that, it goes red when it's hot! 698 00:58:44,306 --> 00:58:46,638 And then, in there, is your bedroom. 699 00:58:46,708 --> 00:58:48,505 Wow! 700 00:58:48,577 --> 00:58:50,602 You see, I don't think that's gonna work, 701 00:58:50,679 --> 00:58:53,512 because as I proved, if you don't strip all that stuff out, 702 00:58:53,582 --> 00:58:55,516 it'll be too heavy and you'll come last. 703 00:58:55,584 --> 00:58:56,949 No, James, you're wrong, 704 00:58:57,018 --> 00:59:00,317 cos you haven't seen this thing's piece de résistance yet. 705 00:59:00,388 --> 00:59:05,189 What you have to do is come down here like this, open this up, 706 00:59:05,260 --> 00:59:07,490 and there you are. 707 00:59:07,562 --> 00:59:08,756 (Richard) Wow! 708 00:59:08,830 --> 00:59:12,231 What I'm gonna do now is just lower that down. 709 00:59:13,268 --> 00:59:14,633 Check it out. 710 00:59:14,703 --> 00:59:17,035 (Gasps and laughter) 711 00:59:17,105 --> 00:59:18,436 Oh, that is brilliant. 712 00:59:18,506 --> 00:59:20,440 Yeah! 713 00:59:20,508 --> 00:59:22,442 (Applause) 714 00:59:24,546 --> 00:59:25,843 That is... 715 00:59:26,414 --> 00:59:27,745 That is amazing! 716 00:59:27,816 --> 00:59:30,182 So, when this gets all smashed up in the race, 717 00:59:30,252 --> 00:59:31,776 you can drive home in your posh car. 718 00:59:31,853 --> 00:59:36,950 Exactly. That's what you need, Richard, to win a motorhome race, is ingenuity. 719 00:59:37,025 --> 00:59:38,253 How much is it? 720 00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:40,226 - Er, and cash. - How much? 721 00:59:40,295 --> 00:59:44,755 Er, well, excluding the car, this would cost you... 722 00:59:46,601 --> 00:59:48,762 ...L750,000. 723 00:59:48,837 --> 00:59:50,702 - That's a lot. - It is. 724 00:59:50,772 --> 00:59:52,706 You could almost buy a house for that. 725 00:59:52,774 --> 00:59:54,469 (Laughter) 726 00:59:54,542 --> 00:59:57,033 And on that bombshell, it's time to end. 727 00:59:57,112 --> 01:00:00,275 Thank you very much for watching. See you next week. Good night. 728 01:00:01,275 --> 01:00:11,275 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org