1
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:16,300
Tonight, Audi's dynamic ride control
tested to the limit in the Alps.

2
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:20,800
Variable torque split transmissions
given a workout on our track.

3
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:26,000
And Merc's 190mph Black
on the edge in Wales.

4
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:34,700
- (Applause)
- Thank you, thank you.

5
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,800
Thank you so much. Thank you.

6
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:43,800
Hello, and yes,
tonight and for one night only,

7
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:47,600
we've accidentally made a show
all about cars.

8
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:52,800
Yeah, for the whole show, not one of us
falls over or catches fire or anything.

9
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,200
No. That said, later on
we are gonna do the Cool Wall.

10
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,400
- It's back.
- (Applause)

11
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,000
It's back, but...
but we're kicking off with these two.

12
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:08,100
See, in the not too distant past,
you had a very simple choice

13
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:12,800
if you wanted a fast four-seater rally car
for the road.

14
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,600
Yeah, for one lap of the Nürburgring,
you wanted the super-sharp Mitsubishi Evo.

15
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,000
For the journey home, you wanted
the more comfortable Subaru Impreza.

16
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,300
Anyway, there are now new versions
of both these cars.

17
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:30,000
Let's try the Subaru first.

18
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,000
Right, so it's got a gear lever
and a steering wheel and a key,

19
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,500
so it all seems very normal...

20
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:44,400
...but it isn't. Because, before I set off, I have
to choose how much traction control I'd like.

21
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,900
That means going into
the vehicle dynamics control system.

22
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,100
When you've done that,

23
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:53,100
you have to choose where you want
the power from the engine to go -

24
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,300
front wheels or back wheels.

25
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,500
You can have it in auto,

26
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:03,200
or, you can put it into manual -
six settings for this.

27
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,900
When you've done all that,

28
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:08,400
you have to choose
what kind of throttle response you'd like.

29
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:16,100
Sort of quite sporty, in sport,
very sporty in sport sharp,

30
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:20,600
or intelligent. This is more complicated
than my daughter's mobile phone.

31
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,400
Honestly, I am surprised you don't drive it
with one of these.

32
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,000
But you don't.

33
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,600
This car isn't an anorak.

34
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,000
It's where people who make anoraks go
to buy their anoraks.

35
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:44,900
And life isn't much better
in the new Mitsubishi Evo 10.

36
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,100
I have even had to resort to the handbook.
Here it is.

37
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,200
Because there's a button here
that says ASC Off.

38
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,200
Now, chapter four, verse 56.

39
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:03,000
And lo, "an operation noise may be emitted
from the engine compartment

40
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,700
"in the following situations -

41
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:08,600
"the sound is associated with
checking the operations of the ASC.

42
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,300
"At this time you may feel a shock..."

43
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,000
"...driving force and steering performance
as the vehicle turns...

44
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,100
"...while pressing the acceleration pedal."

45
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:25,100
Who writes this?

46
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,100
If you push this one... I don't understand.

47
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,800
Oh, no, wait - no, no, look.

48
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,000
Now I see!

49
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:40,500
This is to tell it whether we're driving
on Tarmac or gravel or snow.

50
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,700
So, both these cars are complicated,

51
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,200
both are Japanese,

52
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,900
both have four seats,

53
00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,900
both have turbos,

54
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,600
both have four-wheel drive,

55
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,900
both were born in the world of rallying,

56
00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:00,300
both will get from naught to 60
in under five seconds,

57
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:04,200
and both have a top speed of 155.

58
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,000
So, to try and split them up a bit,

59
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:14,400
I've devised a simple test involving
a small group of rally enthusiasts.

60
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:41,900
So what I'm gonna do is see how close
I can get to them in each of the cars,

61
00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:45,900
flat out,
without mowing any of them down.

62
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,700
0K, Mitsubishi first.

63
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:53,600
I've had a 14-year-old
set up all the computers for me...

64
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:58,200
...so let's see what's what.

65
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,100
0n the very first attempt,
I came within half an inch

66
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:13,100
and that put a huge smile
on the rally fans' faces.

67
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,900
So now, here comes the Subaru.

68
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,600
Here we go.

69
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:29,000
0oh, sadly the teenager
had set the car up all wrong,

70
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,900
and it had under-steered wide.
The spectators were livid.

71
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,000
I therefore decided to have another go.

72
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:41,000
Turn in, no power on,
the back'll come round. Yup.

73
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,900
That's the face of a man
who's lost his Bovril.

74
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:51,600
So, to cheer him up,
I had one last attempt.

75
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,300
Turn in, no power.

76
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:59,500
This went so badly,
it's not really suitable for family viewing.

77
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,400
In the olden days it was very close
between the Evo and the Impreza -

78
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,000
it was like Chelsea and Manchester United,

79
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,800
but... but, now, with these new models,
it's like Chelsea and...

80
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,500
(Laughs)
I don't know enough about football.

81
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,200
What team plays in red
that isn't as good as Chelsea?

82
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,000
- (Man) Nottingham Forest.
- Nottingham Forest.

83
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:31,200
And it's not just my close-quarters rally test
either, where the Subaru falls down.

84
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,700
Let's be honest, shall we?
It is uglier than a war wound.

85
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,400
It's far too soft and wallowy.

86
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,300
It sounds...

87
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:51,200
...like it's running on Mogadon.

88
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:58,900
The only reason they can sell it for L25,000
is because it has fewer luxuries than...

89
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,400
I dunno, an Egyptian's lavatory.

90
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,900
So, let's concentrate on the Mitsubishi.

91
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,400
This is not an Egyptian's khazi.

92
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,900
Its TV screen is a satnav.

93
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:30,400
It's a graph showing your average speed and
fuel consumption over the last two hours.

94
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:37,500
But don't think this car
is aimed at an audience

95
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,900
which isn't old enough to drive yet.

96
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,500
It will, quite literally,
run rings round the Subaru.

97
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:56,700
It's so much sharper, so much more focused.
Better-looking as well.

98
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:04,500
And the engine in this FQ360 model
is such a tower of power,

99
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:08,100
it can keep all four wheels spinning endlessly.

100
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,700
(Laughs)

101
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:23,800
I know the entry speed for this corner
in a Ferrari or a Lamborghini is 65.

102
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,700
I've just gone in at 100.

103
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,400
It's just so easy.

104
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,000
It is genuinely incredible,
and I do mean that.

105
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,500
There is no car that handles like this one.

106
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,600
Even if you have a crash,
it'll still keep going.

107
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,100
I thought it would be impossible
to make a four-door saloon

108
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,000
more exciting than the old Evo 9,

109
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,400
but with the 10... they have.

110
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,600
(Applause)

111
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,500
- James May never exploded. Didn't get lost.
- That's what matters.

112
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,500
- Just cars.
- Just two cars.

113
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,800
- So?
- Yeah.

114
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,700
This is the one to buy.

115
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:18,300
Oh, no! You'd have to be drunk and mad
to buy this.

116
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:21,400
- Oh, God!
- No, seriously, OK, it's brilliant on the track.

117
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,200
Unlike old Evos,
it's also quite comfortable on the road,

118
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,800
and you don't have to service it
every 700 yards,

119
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,800
but, instead of a fuel tank,
they've fitted a pipette.

120
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,800
I've actually worked this out -

121
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,800
that if you drive flat out,
you'll empty the tank in 48 miles.

122
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,400
- Ah.
- So, what I'd do is buy this one,

123
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,700
which is the less powerful version.

124
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,000
- Sorry, less powerful?
- Less powerful.

125
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,300
- Is there a doctor in here?
- (Laughter)

126
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:51,300
Bear with me, OK? This has got
300 horsepower, rather than 360,

127
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:55,500
so you go further on a tank. OK?
It's got a six speed gearbox, not five.

128
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,200
It looks exactly the same,
has the same top speed,

129
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,400
- handles exactly the same...
- Yeah, but...

130
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,000
No, and, this is L6,000 less than that.

131
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,000
Yeah, but the Subaru
is L7,000 less than that.

132
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,400
There's lots of things cheaper than that.

133
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,500
Would you like to have keyhole surgery
on your scrotum?

134
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,800
- That's very cheap. Do you want that?
- (Laughter)

135
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,300
- No!
- There you are, I've won the argument.

136
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:22,300
Now we must find out
which is the fastest round our track.

137
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,300
If it's the Subaru,
you're gonna look like such a knob now.

138
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,500
(Laughter)

139
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,600
I am a bit nervous about that,
but nevertheless,

140
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,100
we shall now hand them over
to our tame racing driver.

141
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:37,600
Some say that each of his toenails
are exactly the same as a woman's nipples...

142
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,300
(Laughter)

143
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:43,900
...and that he thinks the credit crunch
is some kind of breakfast cereal.

144
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,300
(Laughter)

145
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,400
All we know is, he's called the Stig.

146
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,300
Subaru first, and he's off.

147
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:54,300
No, wait, he's still setting it up.
Bear with him.

148
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,600
There he goes, start the clockl

149
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,400
0K, I suspect the Stig will have it set
with most of the power going to the back,

150
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,300
so, basically, it's a Mark II Escort.

151
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:07,200
Yeah, you see, the back's stepping out slightly
there, into the first corner.

152
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,600
- That will undoubtedly arouse the rally fans.
- (Music playing)

153
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,400
0oh, Stig seems to have got into
Elton John. Not literally, obviously.

154
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,600
(Laughter)

155
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,800
Chicago. Neat, not that quick.

156
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,600
The Impreza's a hatchback, you'll note,
rather than a saloon, for the first time.

157
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,900
Still looks like
a butchered bull terrier though.

158
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:28,800
There's a fair bit of understeer through there
and tire squeal - that's not good.

159
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,900
#... Daniel waving goodbye... #

160
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:37,200
0K, follow-through, a chance
to really stretch that 2.5 liter Boxer engine.

161
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,000
Brisk through the tire wall.
Two corners left.

162
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,500
He's getting a bit sideways there.

163
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,900
And now, he's coming up to Gambon.

164
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:50,500
More sideways stuff, just like
a 1970s rally car and across the line.

165
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,900
Now, the Evo.

166
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,100
- (Laughter)
- What's he doing?

167
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,000
- (Engine revs)
- 0h, he's readyl

168
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,400
And he's off, there we go.

169
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,000
Now, for fairness,
we're using the less powerful model.

170
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,400
Has the same 300 horsepowers
as the Subaru.

171
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,900
0bviously, of course, the Evo's better,
as I've said.

172
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:08,700
Through the first corner,
taking it quite wide,

173
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,600
but it is looking good.

174
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:15,900
And of course, unlike the Impreza,
this doesn't resemble a smashed buttock.

175
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,300
Chicago was very neat.

176
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,800
Hammerhead.
Subaru wasn't very good here.

177
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,200
Can the Evo do better?

178
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,500
He's bang on the lines.

179
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:28,900
That is stunning. Tidier, on the correct line,
little drift toward the exit.

180
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:32,600
0K, he's really cracking
that two liter turbocharged engine.

181
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,300
Now through the follow-through.

182
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,700
Come on, Stig, quickerl Hurry up.

183
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,100
Second to last corner.

184
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:41,600
Stig's hands all over the wheel
like a crazed Japanese robot.

185
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,000
Through Gambon, four-wheel drift,

186
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,500
and across the linel

187
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,800
(Applause)

188
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,000
So?

189
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,200
- Well, come on.
- Got the times here.

190
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,400
Yeah.

191
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,200
Subaru -

192
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,100
1:28.2.

193
00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,800
So, that goes there.

194
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,900
See, look, quicker than the Evo VIII.

195
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,300
Yeah, good, good.

196
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,800
So, how much quicker or otherwise
is the Evo?

197
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,100
Oh, no, it's all smudged!

198
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:13,200
- You did that.
- No, I didn't. I can't read it.

199
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,000
- You smudged it.
- I think what it says...

200
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,300
Yes, 1:17.1, ladies and gentlemen!

201
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,300
- No, it didn't!
- Yes, it did.

202
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,300
- What did it say?
- (Mumbles)

203
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,200
- 1:20...
- Eight.

204
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,300
- Two.
- 1:28.22?

205
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,800
- 1:28.22?
- Yeah.

206
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,200
It's slower than the Subaru!
The Subaru's faster.

207
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,000
- It isn't.
- No, it is.

208
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,500
- It isn't.
- It is.

209
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,500
It isn't! Stop saying this!

210
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,300
You're wrong. No, it isn't.

211
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,000
Right, let's do the news.

212
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,900
Round where I live there's a new system
for paying for your parking,

213
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,100
using your mobile phone,

214
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,900
but the difference is,
it responds to voice commands,

215
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,800
and the really amazing thing is, it works,

216
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:58,500
until you get to the bit that says
"In one word, describe the color of your car."

217
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,400
- In one word?
- Yeah.

218
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,500
Everyone would go "Erm"
and then it'd be Erm.

219
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:10,600
Exactly. I paid for 20 minutes parking
in a fiat Panda 1.2 Eleganza in Erm...

220
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,800
(Laughter)

221
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,300
You've gotta describe the color
in one word.

222
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,600
- So, if they asked me..."Lovely."
- (Laughter)

223
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,000
Now, anyone see Dr. Who
a couple of weeks ago?

224
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,900
Yeah.

225
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:26,200
(Sighs) Stig's been moonlighting.
We've got a clip of it here.

226
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,700
Check it out.

227
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,300
(Laughter)

228
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,600
It's worrying.

229
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,500
The thing is, though,
he is such a professional.

230
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:42,100
He realized there was gonna be a shot where
you'd be able to see through his visor,

231
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:47,200
so, rather than reveal his identity,
he tore his own face off.

232
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,400
(Laughter)

233
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,700
It was quite disturbing to watch,
but, dedication.

234
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:55,700
Yeah.
Now, good news, Jaguar has found a pound,

235
00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:02,000
and has decided to spend it tarting up the XK.
This is it, the XKRS.

236
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000
It's essentially the same,
just with different suspension,

237
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,500
and, it's got a Bluetooth system in it, OK?

238
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:12,200
Now, have you ever connected
anything up using Bluetooth?

239
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,300
- No.
- Has anyone managed to?

240
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:16,500
- Yes.
- (Woman) It's easy.

241
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,700
It is not easy!

242
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:23,100
You're driving it along and it says, "Do you
want to dock your phone to the dashboard?"

243
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,600
It says "Enter the pin code 1547"

244
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,600
So you put in 1547,
it says "No, that's wrong."

245
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,800
Technically, in that Jag it says,
"Do you want to mate your phone?"

246
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,700
- It does.
- If you're trying to encourage them to mate,

247
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:38,100
I think a box of chocolates and some nice music
would work better than a pin code.

248
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,400
No, it is, it's just impossible,
absolutely impossible.

249
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,300
So, you're encouraging your phone
to have sex with the dash.

250
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,900
What is it they do to encourage farm animals
to mate? Cos they do, don't they?

251
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:51,800
They do. You have to wait for the lady cow
to be on heat.

252
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,400
Then you put the bull in there.

253
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,200
You can't wait for your dashboard to have
a period before you make a phone call.

254
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,200
How can you possibly know when
your dashboard's having its period?

255
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:04,500
Because the satnav would lose its temper
for no reason.

256
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:08,500
- (Laughter)
- (Shouts) I said left!

257
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,400
(Applause)

258
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,800
Applause, sonny. That's what it is.

259
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,800
I think you'll find after a few years,

260
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,700
your dashboard
had been faking all its connections.

261
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,900
- (Laughter)
- "I was putting it on!"

262
00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,400
With your best mate's mobile phone.

263
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,400
Good news - the Vauxhall Vectra is dead.
It's gone.

264
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,100
Here is the replacement.
It's called the Insignia.

265
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:35,100
You've gotta say straightaway,
that is a good-looking car.

266
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,000
There's no arguing with that.
Have you seen the new Ford Fiesta?

267
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,000
- Yeah.
- Look at this, everyone.

268
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,200
That's unbelievably good.

269
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,800
That's terrific.
Am I right in saying, do you think,

270
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,700
that the good-looking cars these days
are the mainstream ones?

271
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:51,700
Have you seen, for example,
that Renault Laguna Coupé?

272
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:56,500
- Or the Citroën C5, have you seen that?
- Is that the Sat CC, the coupé version?

273
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:57,800
I know, they are.

274
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,400
- Bad news!
- What?

275
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,100
The Dacia Sandero, it's delayed.

276
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,200
Oh, no!

277
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:09,300
Anyway, last week we introduced a campaign
to rid Britain of its signposts

278
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:12,700
and it seems to have struck a bit
of a chord with the country.

279
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:16,400
Been sent loads and loads of stupid signs
that need taking down.

280
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,200
One of my favorites is this one.

281
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:23,200
Now, quite apart from the fact
the sign cost 500 quid,

282
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,200
how long was the meeting and involving
how many people and how many biscuits,

283
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,000
before they said, "No, we can't put ten miles,
people will think we're making it up"?

284
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,000
So, what, after 11 miles,
are the squirrels just gray again?

285
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:37,500
- (Laughter)
- It's very precise, isn't it?

286
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,800
What if one day,
you got a really brave red squirrel,

287
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,600
- that said "I'm gonna go to the 12!"
- (Laughter)

288
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,400
Or, he was reaching over for a nut.

289
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,200
Can I show you another really stupid sign -
look at this one.

290
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,200
- Now, I live in the countryside and I know...
- (Laughter)

291
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,800
...squirrels don't have antlers.

292
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,900
I have been tossed by a squirrel like that.

293
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,100
- I'm sorry?
- (Laughter)

294
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,700
I mean head-butted.
Not tossed.

295
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,400
(Laughter)

296
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,200
I wouldn't be surprised if one of your clubs
offered squirrel tossing.

297
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:12,500
Anyway, look, I went on the internet
this week and I found this.

298
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,100
(Laughter)

299
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:20,900
I also found this.

300
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,600
(Laughter)

301
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,200
What that should say is
"Lane closed

302
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:29,200
"so that we can impose a preposterously low
speed limit on the lane that isn't closed,

303
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,000
"and then put average speed cameras up
so we can catch you speeding and fine you

304
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,800
"and spend the money on signs
with squirrels on them with antlers."

305
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,800
- That's what that should say.
- (Laughter)

306
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:16,400
Right, moving on. Until recently,
if you wanted a very, very fast estate car,

307
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:21,200
well, you had two choices -
BMW M5 or Mercedes E63 -

308
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,500
a difficult decision, and it just got harder,

309
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,800
because there is now a third way,
from Audi.

310
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,400
This is what they've come up with.

311
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,400
The new RS6.

312
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,100
And straightaway,
there's a problem with it.

313
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,000
Take this boot space -

314
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:11,200
at 1,660 liters,
it's a lot less than the Mercedes,

315
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,200
and the BMW
has seven speeds in its gearbox.

316
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:17,900
This has to make do with a miserable six.

317
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:23,400
Still, the RS6
does have some feathers in its cap.

318
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,500
You see, the Merc and the BMW
have around 500 horsepower apiece.

319
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,000
This has more.

320
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,900
572 horsepower.

321
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,300
5-7-2.

322
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,700
This is an estate car with more power
than a Ferrari F430.

323
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:52,200
It's got more power than a Ferrari F50,
for crying out loud!

324
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:02,100
What you have here then,
is the most powerful estate car in the world.

325
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,400
Naught to 60 takes 4.6 seconds.

326
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:15,000
Top speed is limited to 155 miles an hour.

327
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,300
But on the unlimited autobahn,

328
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:23,200
Audi test pilots have had more than
200mph out of this thing.

329
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:27,800
Hardly surprising when you see the engine.

330
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:32,000
It's an enormous five liter V10,

331
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,300
which is boosted by two turbochargers.

332
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:46,500
The whole car is awash with evidence
it means business.

333
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,000
The Gene Hunt wheel arches,
the angry grilles,

334
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,400
the rally car pedals,

335
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,200
the very un-estate-like Recaro seats,

336
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,900
and finally, the ceramic brakes.

337
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:02,200
They cost six grand, which is a bit painful,

338
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,900
but then the whole car isn't exactly a bargain.

339
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:08,100
It costs L77,000.

340
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:12,100
Almost ten grand more than the Mercedes
or the BMW M5.

341
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,000
Now, as Jeremy found out in the last series,

342
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,800
those cars are both pretty special to drive,

343
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,600
so how does this big missile stack up?

344
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:31,200
Well, that's why we're in the skiing town
of Les Arcs in the French alps to find out.

345
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,400
I'm gonna drive from here, which is here,

346
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,200
and then drive down the mountain, a very
winding road all the way down here -

347
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,500
down, down, down and then along
and up a little bit at the end,

348
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:46,600
to get to Le Bar Fermé at Villaroger.

349
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,400
And predictably,
there's an improbable race involved.

350
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,300
Against these two.

351
00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:58,700
They are Antoine Montant and Francois Bon,
two top level skiers,

352
00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:03,400
who are also capable of seducing
up to seven chalet girls at any one time.

353
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:09,200
I'm not a petty man,
but I sort of dislike them already.

354
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,700
Anyway, while I'm driving
all the way down the mountain,

355
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:16,300
they shall attempt to beat me by taking
a more direct and dangerous route.

356
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:19,500
That means taking a ski lift
and climbing to the top of the mountain,

357
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:24,200
and then sort of skiing straight down
to finish at the bar.

358
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,200
With a bit of luck, they'll both crash,

359
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,200
and several hundred chalet maids will return
to England with their honor preserved.

360
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:34,000
Before the off, we discussed tactics.

361
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,600
Their English was poor,
but luckily, I speak French.

362
00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:58,600
- OK.
- OK!

363
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,000
OK!

364
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:06,200
Right, this is it.

365
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,600
Into the car's computer -
a lot easier to use than the BMW's.

366
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:14,600
I've got three options for the ride settings -
sport, dynamic or James May.

367
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,200
I think today, sport.

368
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,100
- OK, chaps, you ready?
- (Both) Yeah.

369
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,700
Here we go, three, two, one, go!

370
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:30,900
Now, it's 22 miles to Villaroger and
Le Bar Fermé, which is our finishing line.

371
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,400
But this race
isn't just Top Gear tomfoolery.

372
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,700
This route has a lot of bends,
twists, turns and straights,

373
00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:44,400
so it should give us the opportunity
to see if it's got what it takes.

374
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,400
Come on, big fella,
let's see what you've got.

375
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,100
Back up the mountain,

376
00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:55,100
the skiers were in the first of three lifts
it would take to get them to the top.

377
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,100
The thrust of this thing!

378
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,200
Concentrate, Hammond, concentrate.

379
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,400
One patch of ice
and I'll be falling for weeks.

380
00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:12,300
One thing I have to remember
hurtling down this hill - this is a heavy car.

381
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,300
It's 145kg heavier
than the BMW M5 estate.

382
00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:22,900
That's like driving around with Chris Moyles
permanently in the boot.

383
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:27,900
With this much power and this much mass,
on this sort of road,

384
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:31,800
the four-wheel-drive system
is working overtime.

385
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,100
But then, in the RS6, it does have help.

386
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,800
Nerd moment -
it's got a very sophisticated suspension.

387
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,900
When a car goes into a bend,
say a right-hander,

388
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:43,500
it starts to lean to the left.

389
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:48,100
They've pumped more oil into the shocks on
that side to prop it up and stop it doing that.

390
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,200
Hairpin!

391
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:54,900
Yes, it can handle it.

392
00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:57,600
Six miles down.

393
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:58,700
Where are they?

394
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:02,300
They were still climbing in the cable car.

395
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,600
Leaning on the brakes, again, again, again!

396
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,800
I think six grand is cheap.

397
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,700
I'd pay a lot more.

398
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:27,900
The finish line was now 12 miles away.

399
00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:31,900
Up on the mountain, the two skiers
were in their final cable car.

400
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,100
Only the tiniest window to get past.
That might be it.

401
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,200
Wow!

402
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,600
Ten miles to go, ten miles. Come on!

403
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,900
If they're still going uphill, they've had it.

404
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,400
In fact, they were still climbing,

405
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,100
even though they'd now run out of ski lifts...

406
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:05,500
...because these guys had no intention
of using normal ski runs.

407
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,500
Listen to that!

408
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:17,100
With just five miles of driving left...

409
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,500
...the skiers were now at 11,000ft...

410
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,300
Come on!

411
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:27,400
...and ready to come down the fast way.

412
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:51,500
30kph limit. 30.

413
00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:53,000
Fair enough, it's a town.

414
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:10,400
Get on with it!
Turn left, for God's sake!

415
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:39,000
The skiers had plummeted 6,000ft
in the time it had taken me to do two miles.

416
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,300
It was getting close.

417
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,900
It's a left, I'm going uphill.

418
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:50,400
This is where I have all of the advantages.

419
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:53,900
572 of them, in fact.

420
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,000
Then, with the village in sight,
the skiers hit some global warming.

421
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,400
I was moments away
but the skiers weren't beaten yet.

422
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,000
Go, go, go!

423
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,600
Where do I go?
Where do I go?

424
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:32,800
The bar was hidden
in a mass of narrow streets.

425
00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:39,900
Oh, God, I'm lost.

426
00:29:39,900 --> 00:29:42,600
Not now, please not now.

427
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:48,500
Any channels, this is Hammond,
where are you?

428
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,400
Le Bar, which way?

429
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:02,800
- Oh, bugger!
- (Laughter)

430
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,800
Well done! Good. Been here long?

431
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,300
Now, go to a bar
and pursue some of our English women.

432
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,100
(Applause)

433
00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:19,500
(James) All right...

434
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:25,200
...which is best, the Audi,
the Mercedes or the BMW?

435
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,400
James, in your world,
I'm guessing none.

436
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:32,100
On Planet Earth, if what you really want
is a bonkers estate car,

437
00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:34,900
it's the most bonkers of them all,
you have to have the Audi.

438
00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:37,300
Well, you say that, but you just lost that race.

439
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:39,200
That was only cos I got lost at the end.

440
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,400
If I'd bothered to find out where the bar is
before I set off, I'd have won.

441
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,900
So, thanks to your incompetence, frankly,

442
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:49,300
we have to conclude that if you want
a powerful German estate car,

443
00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:52,000
- buy two small Frenchmen.
- Yes.

444
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,000
(Laughter)

445
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:58,500
Right, it's time now to put some stars
in our reasonably priced car.

446
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:02,500
My guests tonight played
government agents in the hit series Spooks.

447
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,400
Not a very realistic program,
if I'm honest,

448
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,500
cos none of the spies
have ever left a laptop on a train,

449
00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:13,500
and they've never lost an entire town
full of illegal immigrants.

450
00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:16,900
Still, I am a huge fan,
so I'm delighted, please, to welcome

451
00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:19,900
- Rupert Penry-Jones and Peter Firth!
- (Applause)

452
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,500
I see you got dressed up.

453
00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:28,700
You, on the other hand...

454
00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:30,600
Have a seat, gentlemen.

455
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,000
So, have we enjoyed ourselves today?

456
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,200
- So far.
- Absolutely.

457
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,400
- Was the Stig nice to you?
- We're both knackered.

458
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,900
It's very hard,
you have to concentrate for so long.

459
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:43,400
We're not used to that -
normally it's a few seconds.

460
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,300
A minute and 50 seconds.

461
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:49,100
We've got attention spans of about
seven seconds, so it's a bit of a stretch.

462
00:31:49,100 --> 00:31:50,600
- What, as actors?
- Yeah.

463
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,900
It didn't go well in your practices,
did it, if we're honest, Rupert?

464
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:56,000
Some went well and some didn't go so well.

465
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,500
Who'd like to see Rupert trying to practice?

466
00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,700
(Audience) Yes!

467
00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:03,700
Let's just have a look. Here we go.
This is, I think, lap number three.

468
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,900
Second to last corner, inevitably,
and, oh, dear!

469
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,600
- Oh!
- (Laughter)

470
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,300
Would you like to see
what the car looked like after that?

471
00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:15,100
(Laughter)

472
00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:18,100
I had to get out of the passenger window.

473
00:32:18,100 --> 00:32:22,100
I'm not bothered where you had to get out of it,
you broke our precious Lacetti.

474
00:32:22,300 --> 00:32:25,300
That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?
It's entertaining.

475
00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:28,800
It is entertaining. Well done, well crashed.
We enjoyed that.

476
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,300
Now, can we just talk about Spooks,
do you mind?

477
00:32:31,300 --> 00:32:33,700
It really is a fantastic series.

478
00:32:33,700 --> 00:32:36,500
I'm completely hooked.
One of the things I really like about it

479
00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:40,300
is that there's no guarantee
when you sign up,

480
00:32:40,300 --> 00:32:42,400
that you're gonna be in there for a long time.

481
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,900
It's a great dramatic device to kill heroes.

482
00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:49,800
It doesn't happen in television and Spooks
is the only show that does it regularly.

483
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,600
Every time he asks for more money
or five-day weeks,

484
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,200
they start giving him scenes
where he might die.

485
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,200
Putting the silencer
on the end of the gun.

486
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,200
I nearly died about six times
in the last series.

487
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,300
And there's always a mole, isn't there?
There's always a spy.

488
00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:07,500
- Why don't you ever notice that?
- (Laughter)

489
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,500
- When's it coming back?
- End of September.

490
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:13,100
Because presumably each of the episodes
is gonna be a lot longer this time,

491
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:15,200
now you've got 42 days
to question everybody.

492
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,600
(Laughter)

493
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,600
OK, let's talk about cars if I may.

494
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,600
You first of all - first car?

495
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,500
First car, my parents bought me
a Volkswagen Polo, olive green,

496
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:29,300
which, when my dad gave it to me,
it was on my birthday,

497
00:33:29,300 --> 00:33:31,100
he gave me the keys and it had the VW sign.

498
00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:33,100
I thought it was a Beetle
and got very excited,

499
00:33:33,100 --> 00:33:38,000
and he could see the look on my face
and he said "No, it's not a Beetle, it's a Polo."

500
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,600
You were disappointed that you got a Polo
instead of the Hitlermobile?

501
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,000
It's got character.
When you've got no money for a car.

502
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,700
Horse manure's got character.

503
00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:48,200
(Laughter)

504
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,700
And then you, Peter,
your car history.

505
00:33:50,700 --> 00:33:55,300
I understand you once emigrated to Australia
and left a car in a car park?

506
00:33:55,300 --> 00:33:56,700
Not Australia, I mean America.

507
00:33:56,700 --> 00:34:04,300
I parked my car in a car park in St John's Wood
for what I thought was a couple of days,

508
00:34:04,300 --> 00:34:07,600
and then I went to New York to do a play
and I stayed two years.

509
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,400
(Laughter)

510
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:14,900
Effectively forgot really that I'd left it in the
charge of this car park in St John's Wood,

511
00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:20,000
and when I got back, they wanted L5,000
for parking charges, which I didn't have.

512
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,700
- I suspect a lot of actors...
- Exactly.

513
00:34:23,700 --> 00:34:26,500
...wouldn't have L5,000.
- So they took the car.

514
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:31,800
- What was it?
- It was a Mercedes 300 CE Coupé, 1966.

515
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,100
- Oh, my God!
- Nice car.

516
00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:36,400
Did you not think to ring someone up
in England

517
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,300
and say "I've left my car,
I've decided to stay here."

518
00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:42,100
No, you don't.
This is the man who runs Ml5.

519
00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:44,500
(Laughter)

520
00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,700
- You're from Yorkshire, aren't you?
- I am.

521
00:34:46,700 --> 00:34:50,300
I've got this thing about actors
who aren't from Yorkshire,

522
00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:53,000
who get jobs playing Yorkshiremen,
people like him, right.

523
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,200
- I'd never played one.
- No, you wouldn't

524
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,300
because they always
put a T in - I'm going to t'pub.

525
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:01,200
Thank God somebody else has noticed!
I thought it was me.

526
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:06,700
Emmerdale, Coronation Street -
I'm going to t'foot o't'bloody t'stairs.

527
00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:07,900
(Laughter)

528
00:35:07,900 --> 00:35:10,200
It's implying the T, isn't it?

529
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,400
They don't actually say it.

530
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,100
I'm going... pub.

531
00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:16,400
- You remember the band The The?
- Yeah.

532
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,700
They could never play in Yorkshire.
"I'm going to see..."

533
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:21,500
(Laughter)

534
00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:24,800
Now, I've got this poll,
have you seen this?

535
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,200
New Woman's top 100 sexy men.

536
00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:31,600
You, 57th.

537
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,700
The annoying thing about those
is you never look who's behind you,

538
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:38,400
you look at who's in front of you. There's
always "I can't believe that person's..."

539
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:42,200
Yes, in 32nd place there's some little
fridge magnet called Richard Hammond.

540
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,700
- (Laughter)
- Where?

541
00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:46,400
You see?

542
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,800
You are one behind Gordon Ramsay.

543
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,400
(Laughter)

544
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,800
See, that just ruins the whole thing.

545
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,100
I'd love to get you and Richard Hammond
sharing a flat.

546
00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:56,200
(Laughter)

547
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,000
"I want the mirror." "No, me!"

548
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,300
(Laughter)

549
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:03,900
We can get one for him.
Didn't you once try to chat up Jenny Agutter?

550
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,000
How do you know that? I did.

551
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,300
(Laughter)

552
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:11,300
We did a film together
years and years ago,

553
00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:13,900
and then went on the road
doing publicity for it,

554
00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:17,400
and at yet another opening
and another party afterwards,

555
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,500
I did say to her,
having had a few drinks,

556
00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:24,000
"Can you give me one good reason
why we don't go back to my hotel room?"

557
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,200
- She said, "I can give you several."
- (Laughter)

558
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:28,900
That was the end of it.

559
00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:31,200
It's such a killer, that.
"I can give you several."

560
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:36,200
Um, I wanna get some rivalry going now.
Who's got the most interesting car now?

561
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,000
I've got an R8 at the moment.

562
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,600
Not bad and you've got a...

563
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,800
I've got a Maserati Cambiocorsa.

564
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,700
- The Cambio, that's the flappy paddle.
- Yeah.

565
00:36:45,700 --> 00:36:48,900
That's pretty good,
so you've actually quite interesting cars.

566
00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:51,400
- They are.
- You both had SLs in the past?

567
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,200
I've still got my SL.

568
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:57,900
I don't think I'll ever get rid of it.
It was the first decent car I bought.

569
00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:00,000
Which one was it -
the Bobby Ewing or the next one?

570
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,900
- The '86.
- They were very good.

571
00:37:01,900 --> 00:37:05,700
It's lovely. It costs a lot in bodywork,
because I didn't have a garage until recently.

572
00:37:05,700 --> 00:37:08,600
- Well, we've seen your bodywork.
- (Laughter)

573
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,500
Right, so the laps -
who do you think was the fastest?

574
00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:14,600
- I don't know. It's close.
- You think?

575
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,600
I have to say, both of you
looked like you were trying.

576
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:19,900
Isn't that the point?

577
00:37:19,900 --> 00:37:23,900
Yes, but some people don't look like
they're trying. You two do look like.

578
00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:26,100
We've started to see,
if we have two people a week,

579
00:37:26,100 --> 00:37:28,300
cos it does sort of make you...

580
00:37:28,300 --> 00:37:30,800
- Shall we see the laps? Here we go.
- (Audience) Yeah!

581
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,700
One of you is first and it is? Who's that?
We'll have to go inside.

582
00:37:34,700 --> 00:37:37,700
- On guard!
- It's you, Peter.

583
00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:39,600
Did you like the Lacetti?

584
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,700
- Wonderful car.
- Isn't it just?

585
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,200
Yeah, who's the daddy?

586
00:37:46,700 --> 00:37:49,100
# Yes, that's the way

587
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,200
# Uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it #

588
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:56,000
0h dear, madness - the breeze of insanity
is blowing through your head.

589
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,400
Come on, you have some power in there!

590
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,100
We come into the Hammerhead.

591
00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:03,500
Oo-er, missus.

592
00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:07,200
- Yes, that's a man on...
- You stayed in the lines.

593
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,000
He did well there.

594
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,400
I've got the air conditioning off. It gives me
two extra horsepower apparently. It's worth it.

595
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,500
And it's kinder to the environment
and you use less petrol.

596
00:38:18,700 --> 00:38:21,500
And we don't care about that.
Look at thatl

597
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:23,900
That was good, you moved the camera -
always important.

598
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:25,900
Second to last corner. 0ff the road a bit.

599
00:38:27,300 --> 00:38:28,800
And through Gambon...

600
00:38:29,900 --> 00:38:31,900
...and there we are, across the line.

601
00:38:31,900 --> 00:38:33,500
(Applause)

602
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,700
Now, who wants to see Rupert's lap?

603
00:38:38,700 --> 00:38:42,700
- (Audience) Yes!
- OK, play the tape. Here we go.

604
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,700
Here we go. Rupert's under way.

605
00:38:44,700 --> 00:38:47,300
(Bleep) (Bleep)

606
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:50,200
- (Laughter)
- Yeah, we can bleep that out.

607
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:55,800
You're saying "Fancy that, bother"
is what he said there behind the pixels.

608
00:38:55,800 --> 00:39:00,200
That was a sudden turn, got a bit...
That was quick. That is quick.

609
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,800
Oh, my heart's racing. Whoo!

610
00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:07,900
That's wide,
and then getting tight again.

611
00:39:08,100 --> 00:39:10,000
Not bad, not bad.

612
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,400
Does it look as fast as it feels?

613
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,300
- No, it looks really slow.
- That looks really slow.

614
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:16,100
But it isn't.

615
00:39:16,100 --> 00:39:21,200
That's understeer. It does... No, wait, you stay
between the lines brilliantly as well.

616
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:24,500
Come on, come on, this has got nothing!

617
00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:27,500
It has, it's got racing seats and a roll cagel

618
00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:31,400
It's a good job we have a spare car, isn't it?

619
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,100
0therwise this wouldn't work very well.

620
00:39:33,100 --> 00:39:36,100
Second to last corner,
this catches people out. It's got you againl

621
00:39:36,100 --> 00:39:37,200
Ooh!

622
00:39:38,100 --> 00:39:42,500
That's off-roading, that's off-roading
and more off-roading, but there we are!

623
00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:43,700
(Applause)

624
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:53,500
So, where do we think we've come?

625
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:56,200
Let's have a look. Let's do Peter first.

626
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,000
Where do you reckon, Peter?

627
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,000
No, wait, I've changed my mind. Rupert.

628
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,200
- Me?
- You don't know why I've done that.

629
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,900
No.

630
00:40:04,900 --> 00:40:07,700
Rupert, where do you think you've come?

631
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:09,300
Above James Blunt?

632
00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:12,800
- Where's James Blunt? What time is he?
- You're looking very low.

633
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,200
- Above James Blunt?
- Around the middle.

634
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,300
1:48.3.

635
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:20,900
You did it in 1...

636
00:40:20,900 --> 00:40:22,100
40...

637
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,500
...8.1,

638
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:30,000
- so, yes, above James Blunt.
- (Applause)

639
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,100
What a good guess!

640
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,100
So, do you reckon you've beaten him?

641
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:38,100
I think I might have edged it.

642
00:40:38,100 --> 00:40:39,300
I've got the time here.

643
00:40:39,300 --> 00:40:41,400
My two boys said
"As long as you come in the top half,

644
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,300
- "then it won't be embarrassing in school."
- (Laughs)

645
00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:47,000
You did it... in 1...

646
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,000
40...

647
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,500
Look at his little face!

648
00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:56,100
...7.1.
- No!

649
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:59,300
Yes, you did!
Give him a round of applause, he's there!

650
00:40:59,300 --> 00:41:00,800
(Applause)

651
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:07,600
That's a grimace.

652
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,500
That is a grimace. Well done.

653
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,800
That's an impressive time.
You've beaten the Well Spoken Man.

654
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,500
- (Laughter)
- But wait...

655
00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:20,700
...you're the fastest Welshman!

656
00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:22,700
- Oh, great!
- (Laughter)

657
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:28,600
And you are easily
the fastest person from Yorkshire.

658
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,700
So, there we are.
It's been a pleasure having you here.

659
00:41:31,700 --> 00:41:34,600
Thank you so much for coming.
Best of luck with the new series.

660
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,600
Best of luck with everything else you're up to.

661
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
the chaps from Spooks.

662
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,300
- (Applause)
- Thank you.

663
00:46:07,100 --> 00:46:10,800
Now, you know how Fifth Gear
burned down our Cool Wall?

664
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,600
Well, we've got a new one -
here it is, the Cool Wall is back.

665
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,000
- (Applause)
- Yeah, we have a Cool Wall.

666
00:46:18,100 --> 00:46:21,000
That feels better. It does feel better.

667
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,400
It's back and it all needs rearranging.

668
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,500
It's all wrong.

669
00:46:25,500 --> 00:46:27,800
There's a lot to do.
The Citroën C5.

670
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,400
Citroën C5, very good-looking.

671
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,600
- Beautiful car.
- Beautiful looking car.

672
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:34,100
I've made my mind up on this one.

673
00:46:34,100 --> 00:46:36,900
So have I - it's large and French,
therefore it's uncool.

674
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:38,400
You're wrong, it's cool.

675
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,400
No, it's large and French. OK?

676
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,300
Certain nationalities do certain things.
The French cook.

677
00:46:43,300 --> 00:46:47,300
How many people have ever said
"I fancy going out tonight, darling,

678
00:46:47,300 --> 00:46:48,800
"do you fancy eating German?"

679
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,900
- No, I grant you that.
- (Laughter)

680
00:46:50,900 --> 00:46:53,800
How many people have ever said
"I want some flat pack furniture,

681
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:56,800
"so what I'm gonna do is go see
Mr. Phopolopoulos in Athens."

682
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,200
No, you've got this wrong.

683
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:03,500
A large French car is like
a Tunisian fitted kitchen, it doesn't work.

684
00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:05,300
- Is it?
- Yes, in my mind.

685
00:47:05,300 --> 00:47:07,400
No, you're wrong for that exact reason.

686
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,900
Everybody thinks if they want
a large car, buy German.

687
00:47:09,900 --> 00:47:13,800
To buy French, when it's a very handsome car
as well, that's a more clever decision.

688
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,000
Oh, go on then.

689
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,100
- What?
- Go on then. I can't be bothered to argue.

690
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:18,900
You can put it in Cool.

691
00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:20,700
- Is this a trap?
- Yes, we put it in Cool?

692
00:47:20,700 --> 00:47:23,700
- (Audience) No!
- Don't say that, he's never given in before!

693
00:47:23,700 --> 00:47:25,800
- (Laughter)
- Watch this. Do it.

694
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,800
There's no chainsaw coming out the wall?

695
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,800
- No.
- OK.

696
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:34,300
Now, we have a momentous
Cool Wall moment.

697
00:47:34,300 --> 00:47:37,200
BMW M3, here it is.

698
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,800
Been in Uncool for a long time, as we know.

699
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,600
This is cock central.

700
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:46,600
It's the only car we've ever had
that broke the Top Gear cockometer.

701
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:47,800
(Laughter)

702
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:49,400
The thing is, OK?

703
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:54,300
The cocks who had these, have become
fed up with being labeled a cock,

704
00:47:54,300 --> 00:47:57,100
even before they've opened their mouths, OK?

705
00:47:57,100 --> 00:47:59,100
So they've moved on,

706
00:47:59,100 --> 00:48:04,700
leaving the people who were prepared
to weather the storm of hate behind.

707
00:48:04,700 --> 00:48:07,000
So, the only people driving M3s now,

708
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,800
are the people who appreciate
just what a damn good car it is.

709
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:13,800
- This is therefore now cool.
- Annoyingly, I think you're right.

710
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,500
BMW have made a cool car.

711
00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:18,800
Here's the big question for you all -

712
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,300
if the cocks have moved out of the M3,

713
00:48:21,300 --> 00:48:24,600
where do you think they've ended up?

714
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,200
- Oh, God, Hedgehog Man.
- Audi.

715
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,300
He's there.
Hedgehog Man has got it right.

716
00:48:30,300 --> 00:48:33,000
- (Laughter)
- Well done, Hedgehog Man.

717
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,500
All Audis... Where are they all?
They're all hovering around up here.

718
00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:41,400
Specifically, they've ended up in that one,
the RS4.

719
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:46,000
You get some idiot now, an eighteenth
of an inch off your back bumper,

720
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:51,200
I guarantee he's in an Audi.
These are now seriously uncool cocks' cars.

721
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:52,900
Anyone got an Audi?

722
00:48:52,900 --> 00:48:56,400
- Cock, cock, cock...
- (Laughter)

723
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:00,100
And they've all got those Breitling watches -
have you seen them, with the button?

724
00:49:00,100 --> 00:49:01,500
(Laughter)

725
00:49:01,500 --> 00:49:05,300
Has this got the button that if I push it,
the helicopter comes?

726
00:49:05,300 --> 00:49:06,400
It is, it's out there now.

727
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,600
- This is the watch. You don't have an Audi?
- I used to have an Audi.

728
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,900
(Laughter)

729
00:49:11,900 --> 00:49:15,900
This is chief cock with his St Tropez tan.
What have you got now?

730
00:49:16,100 --> 00:49:19,600
- Land Rover.
- Land? What do you mean, "Yeah!"?

731
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,600
- Whoo!
- (Laughter)

732
00:49:23,100 --> 00:49:24,400
James owns one of those.

733
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,700
James May owns one of these -
what's it doing up... (Clears throat)

734
00:49:27,700 --> 00:49:30,100
(Laughter)

735
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,000
(Applause)

736
00:49:40,100 --> 00:49:44,600
They are the rules. You've taken it to the limit,
but they are the rules.

737
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,800
You can't get much less cool that that.

738
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,600
You know how we just got the Cool Wall back?
I'd like to do some changes.

739
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,600
I've got an important one I wanna do which is,
bear with me on this,

740
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:58,700
all Aston Martins, all of them,
are now rendered uncool.

741
00:49:58,700 --> 00:50:00,100
They've all moved down the board.

742
00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:02,700
- (Audience booing)
- Bear with me.

743
00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:06,700
- I've given this some thought.
- What do you mean they're uncool?

744
00:50:06,700 --> 00:50:11,700
For instance, there is a sort of natural
cosmopolitan cockometer in the world,

745
00:50:11,700 --> 00:50:13,300
called the King's Road in London,

746
00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:17,300
and it used to be jammed full of 911s,
all of them.

747
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:21,200
Now, every single one
is a cock in an Aston Martin.

748
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,700
Every single one,
all you see is Aston Martins.

749
00:50:23,700 --> 00:50:26,900
- Rubbish!
- I know it's a big leap, it's a big leap.

750
00:50:26,900 --> 00:50:29,800
- It's a big leap.
- Have you any evidence that they are cocks?

751
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,300
- A lot of evidence.
- Where is it?

752
00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:34,400
Right, hang on a second.
For instance, all of these people -

753
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:37,000
Frank Lampard, Paolo Maldini,
Thierry Henry,

754
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:41,300
Beckham, Wayne Rooney... (Clears throat)
Lan Wright, Shaun Wright-Phillips...

755
00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:44,100
- have all got Aston Martins.
- The coolest footballers.

756
00:50:44,100 --> 00:50:45,800
- The coolest what?
- Footballers.

757
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,800
- It's a footballers' car.
- It's not.

758
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,300
- Wayne Rooney's got one!
- That is a letdown.

759
00:50:50,300 --> 00:50:52,000
- He crashed it.
- Yes, he did.

760
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,000
It was crashed by a plank
who looks like Shrek.

761
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,500
- Yes.
- (Laughter)

762
00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:58,300
- They're all terrible.
- No, you're completely wrong.

763
00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:00,300
You're not having the DB9.

764
00:51:00,300 --> 00:51:01,600
I tell you what.

765
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:05,900
- You touch the DB9...
- I can't. It's locked.

766
00:51:05,900 --> 00:51:07,500
(Laughter)

767
00:51:07,500 --> 00:51:10,100
There, it's gone, it's down here.

768
00:51:11,700 --> 00:51:14,200
(Audience) Whoo!

769
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:19,700
I'm right. None of you believe me now.
One day you will come round and realize...

770
00:51:19,700 --> 00:51:22,100
- Oh, thanks, yeah, all right.
- (Laughter)

771
00:51:22,100 --> 00:51:23,500
(Applause)

772
00:51:23,500 --> 00:51:25,200
That's always your solution.

773
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,200
Right, Fridge Magnet.

774
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:30,500
(Laughter)

775
00:51:31,300 --> 00:51:34,200
- BMW X6. What?
- Ah, yes!

776
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,200
- Cool?
- Wrong.

777
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:36,600
- No, it is.
- More...

778
00:51:37,500 --> 00:51:42,100
No, that is actually a cool... No!
(Quietly) That's my microphone!

779
00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:43,600
It is your microphone,

780
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:44,800
and now you can't argue.

781
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:48,800
This is... a truly shocking car.

782
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:53,600
They said "No, it's a four-wheel drive car.
"No, let's make it look like a coupé."

783
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:57,100
That's saying "I want a Wellington
that looks like a ballet shoe."

784
00:51:57,100 --> 00:52:00,500
- It's really uncool and that's an end of it.
- (Laughter)

785
00:52:01,300 --> 00:52:05,900
Now listen, when was the last time
you just got up and went for a drive?

786
00:52:05,900 --> 00:52:09,900
Not to anywhere, not for anything,
just for a drive.

787
00:52:10,100 --> 00:52:14,600
See, motorcyclists do it all the time,
so why don't human beings?

788
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,100
(Laughter)

789
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:20,800
The price of petrol has something to do with it,
but I think it's more than that.

790
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:24,800
Could it be that cars
just aren't exciting enough these days?

791
00:52:31,500 --> 00:52:37,400
This, however, might just be enough
to get you out of bed before the dawn.

792
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:42,000
It's a special version of the AMG CLK.

793
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,100
It's more powerful, it's more pumped up.

794
00:52:45,100 --> 00:52:47,900
They call it The Black.

795
00:52:59,500 --> 00:53:01,400
This is brilliant.

796
00:53:02,300 --> 00:53:04,100
No phone, no kids,

797
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,300
no interruptions.

798
00:53:06,300 --> 00:53:11,100
It's just... me in my little metal shell.

799
00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:14,400
Time to think, time to work stuff out.

800
00:53:16,300 --> 00:53:18,700
Small wonder crabs are so wise.

801
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:27,200
And this really is an ideal car
for when it's four in the morning

802
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:33,200
and you've got the whole 400,000-mile
British road network all to yourself.

803
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:40,000
What they've done
to create this L100,000 monster,

804
00:53:40,100 --> 00:53:44,500
is remove the rear seats,
the electric motors for the front seats,

805
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:48,100
the electric motor for the steering column,
the satnav, some of the airbags.

806
00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:50,300
They've fitted carbon-fiber door panels

807
00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:51,900
and carbon-fiber spoilers,

808
00:53:51,900 --> 00:53:55,100
and the result of all this weight saving is

809
00:53:55,100 --> 00:53:59,800
that it weights just a little bit more
than when they started.

810
00:54:06,900 --> 00:54:11,600
That's because, underneath,
it has a wider, industrial-strength rear axel.

811
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:15,000
It has a differential
made from a blend of lead and granite.

812
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,800
It's a weapons-grade car this,
and it needs to be,

813
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:22,700
to contain the fury
of what's under the bonnet.

814
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:33,100
There's so much fury, in fact,
that if you were to unleash it all,

815
00:54:33,100 --> 00:54:35,400
pretty soon you'd be...

816
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:37,800
...very far from home.

817
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:52,900
They're used to monsters and dragons
in this part of Wales,

818
00:54:52,900 --> 00:54:57,700
but I bet they've never heard one
that sounds like this.

819
00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:00,200
(Engine roars)

820
00:55:02,300 --> 00:55:05,600
This thing really is the kin of Cain.

821
00:55:12,100 --> 00:55:17,400
The standard 6.2 liter engine
that Mercedes uses in its AMG models,

822
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,100
is already bonkers enough.

823
00:55:19,100 --> 00:55:22,200
If it had a tongue,
it would go around licking windows.

824
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,700
But in this, they fiddled with the electronics
and the exhaust,

825
00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:31,700
and the result
is a dollop of full-bore savagery.

826
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:36,500
In fact, this car is so fast and so mad,

827
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:40,500
it was even delivered with a warning letter
from the people who made it.

828
00:55:42,100 --> 00:55:46,700
I've been road-testing cars nearly 25 years now
and that has never happened before,

829
00:55:46,700 --> 00:55:52,800
but, I've got it here and it says, "Ensure the oil
is warm before driving enthusiastically."

830
00:55:54,700 --> 00:55:55,800
Well, it will be now.

831
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:00,700
"The car is savage, it's very aggressive
and racy in its setup."

832
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,500
This is Mercedes themselves.

833
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:07,100
"On anything other than dry roads
it is extremely lively.

834
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,000
"Quite tail happy,
even under partial throttle.

835
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,400
"The traction control must stay on."

836
00:56:14,100 --> 00:56:16,600
Sounds dangerous.

837
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:29,500
It isn't dangerous, though,
it's just incredibly good fun.

838
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:36,100
I thought it was gonna be like a BMW M3
but it's in a completely different league.

839
00:56:37,300 --> 00:56:42,200
It's just so much more noisy
and powerful and exciting.

840
00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:47,600
It even slows down more violently,
thanks to its carbon brakes.

841
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:56,500
I only had three hours' sleep last night,
but I have never felt more awake than this.

842
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,900
It's like a Saturn 5 rocket.

843
00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:02,700
Whoa!

844
00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:07,900
I've often wondered why they call these
the Black mountains,

845
00:57:07,900 --> 00:57:11,000
because they're not black,
they're sort of green and brown.

846
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,300
Now, I know, though.

847
00:57:13,300 --> 00:57:15,800
They were named... for this car.

848
00:57:23,100 --> 00:57:24,700
Hurry up, sunshine.

849
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,200
Here we go.

850
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:35,700
Christ, it's fast!

851
00:57:49,900 --> 00:57:54,900
Don't get me wrong, though,
that is not... a racing car with number plates.

852
00:57:54,900 --> 00:57:58,900
It's not superstiff, supertaut,
set up for the track.

853
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:02,800
Because if it was, I'd be sitting here now
with blood pouring out of my ears

854
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:06,700
and a smashed skeleton,
thinking "Why did I go for a drive?

855
00:58:06,700 --> 00:58:09,700
"Why didn't I just get up
and play table tennis?"

856
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:19,600
Even though it has a racing car's
flared wheel arches

857
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,400
and even though
some of the luxuries are gone,

858
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:25,400
it still has an automatic gearbox,

859
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,000
it's still got cruise control
and air -conditioning.

860
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,900
It's still totally civilized.

861
00:58:30,900 --> 00:58:34,900
Which means you can sit back and indulge
yourself in what this show's all about -

862
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:38,600
the absolute joy of driving a great car...

863
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:41,300
...on a great road.

864
00:59:01,300 --> 00:59:06,300
What The Black does then, is blend
genuine red-eyed supercar madness

865
00:59:06,300 --> 00:59:08,700
with drip-dry everyday practicality.

866
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:19,600
I'm completely in love with it.

867
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:23,600
The only thing that's stopping me
from plowing on... is that.

868
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,200
I've run out of British Isles.

869
00:59:36,900 --> 00:59:38,200
(Applause)

870
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:40,900
It's a good job they didn't film
Thelma And Louise in Britain.

871
00:59:40,900 --> 00:59:43,000
It would only have been four minutes long.

872
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:44,900
"Bah, we've gone into Cheddar Gorge!"

873
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,500
- (Laughter)
- It's all I could find!

874
00:59:48,500 --> 00:59:50,600
So, is it really that good?

875
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,000
Yes, Simon Bates, this is...

876
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:56,500
- (Laughter)
...this is my new favorite car,

877
00:59:56,500 --> 00:59:58,200
and I'm not alone either.

878
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:00,300
- Don't look at me.
- (Laughter)

879
01:00:00,300 --> 01:00:01,900
I wasn't actually.

880
01:00:01,900 --> 01:00:05,900
No, the Stig drove this last week, said it's
the most entertaining car he's driven in years.

881
01:00:06,100 --> 01:00:11,300
That really is enough of cars now. Next week,
normal accident-prone service is resumed.

882
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:13,700
We spend the entire program falling over.

883
01:00:13,700 --> 01:00:15,400
- Breaking down.
- Crashing.

884
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:18,200
So, we'll see you then.
Thanks for watching. Take care.

885
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,200
(Cheering and applause)