1 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,000 Thank you very much! 3 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,240 Hello and welcome. Thank you. 4 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:33,240 Now, we start tonight with a question we' ve borrowed from Radio 4. Can a car ever be art? 5 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:37,160 Most experts on the subject say no, but then most experts haven't 6 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,560 clapped eyes on Alfa Romeo's latest creation. 7 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:48,640 It's called the 8C and I think it's quite simply the best-looking car ever made. 8 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,760 It's not dramatic. 9 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,640 It's not ground-breaking. 10 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,200 From some angles, it's not even desperately pretty. 11 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:10,320 As Francis Bacon once said, there is no beauty that hath not some strangeness about its proportions. 12 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,920 And he's right, whoever he is. 13 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:17,640 Look at Keira Knightley, she's just an ironing board with a face,and she works. 14 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,560 So does this. 15 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:26,720 With its long nose and short tail, it's as classically correct as a Ferrari Daytona, 16 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,160 or a Georgian's house. 17 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,680 You probably expect the noise it makes to be classical too, 18 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:43,320 like a cello being played by an angel in a pillow of honey. No. 19 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,200 ENGINE REVS 20 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:55,360 Sadly, only 500 8Cs have been made, so it's very unlikely you'll ever see one. 21 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,960 But if one passes within 20 miles, trust me, you'll hear it. 22 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,200 ENGINE REVS 23 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,160 Some cars have tuned exhausts, 24 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,800 so the noise they make is as fake as a hooker's smile. 25 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,880 But this sounds real. This sounds fantastic. 26 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,120 Listen to it on the overrun... 27 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,400 ENGINE ROARS 28 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,760 Ha-ha! 29 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,640 So, it looks gorgeous and it sounds amazing. 30 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:38,640 And on top of that, it's an Alfa Romeo. 31 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:46,960 If I can liken the whole global car industry to the human body, Toyota is the brain, 32 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,840 Aston Martin is the face, Cadillac is the stomach. 33 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:55,560 And Alfa Romeo, as we discovered last week, that's the heart and soul. 34 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,960 So, what is it, then, this £110,000 car? 35 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:13,840 Well, at the front, there's a 450 horse power 4.7 litre version of Maserati's V8. 36 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,120 The gearbox, in true Alpha tradition, is at the back. 37 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,320 The Ferrari seats are carbon fibre. 38 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:29,280 Most of the car, in fact, is carbon fibre, so it weighs less than a Mitsubishi Evo. 39 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,240 You might imagine, then, that it's very fast. 40 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:44,360 They say it'll get from 0-60 in 4.2 seconds and that its top speed... 41 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,720 ENGINE ROARS 42 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,480 ..is 182 43 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,680 I think they could have made it faster than that. 44 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:59,960 But then it would have been faster than a Ferrari, and in Italy, that's a bit of a social no-no. 45 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,800 That would be like vomiting on the Pope. Sorry. 46 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,680 What about the handling? 47 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:13,720 It should be good. The weight distribution is bang on, there's a low centre of gravity... 48 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,680 it's even got a limited slip diff. 49 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:22,280 Add all this together and the overall result is...terrible. 50 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,080 TYRES SCREECH 51 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:36,520 The steering feel's wooden. And the suspension... It feels like it's made from old tea bags. 52 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,480 Here's some sacrilege. It feels like a Mustang. 53 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,880 There's the flappy puddle gearbox. 54 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,960 I don't like any of them, but this one really is a bit ESN. 55 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,160 And the worse thing? 56 00:04:55,160 --> 00:05:00,560 You're driving along and your foot gets jammed underneath the brake pedal. 57 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,880 TYRES SCREECH 58 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,080 I don't really care about any of these things, because 59 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:23,240 buying this car for its dynamic abilities is like buying a porn film for its plot. 60 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,880 I don't care, either, that it has a ridiculous boot. 61 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:37,480 Or that it has no back seats, or that the steering wheel's in the wrong place. 62 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:43,560 I wouldn't care if the seats had spikes in them and the sat nav had Tourette's. 63 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,480 I don't even care about the price. 64 00:05:53,480 --> 00:06:00,360 I mean, somebody recently paid £17.2 million for this fat woman on a sofa. 65 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,040 And which would you rather? 66 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:08,440 153 of those, or an enormous cleaning lady? 67 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:15,760 A man from the Tate Gallery told me the other day that a car can never 68 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:23,080 be art because, for something to be art, it can have no purpose other than itself, no function. 69 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:35,040 Well, look at this. It doesn't drive very well, it's not been built with much care, 70 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:39,440 and it is hopelessly impractical. 71 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,320 What Alfa has built, then, is not a car, it's a centrefold. 72 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:50,720 What Alfa has built is 14 feet of art. 73 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,040 ENGINE ROARS 74 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 75 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,680 Look at that, James! 76 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,560 I have to admit, you're right. 77 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:09,240 It does work better as a poster. It's like the Lamborghini Countach. This should be 78 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,080 supplied with four pieces of blu-tak on it so you can stick it to the wall. 79 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:17,840 Anyway, we must now find out how fast it goes round our track. 80 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,680 And that, of course, means handing it over to our racing driver. 81 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:27,400 Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, 82 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:33,320 and he has a full-sized tattoo of his face on his face. 83 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,360 All we know is he's called The Stig. 84 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:41,280 And he's off. Global warming means it's superwet out there today. 85 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,520 The poster's going to get very soggy. 86 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,600 Very gingerly into the first corner. 87 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,200 Back-end, is that lurching a bit? Looks like it is. 88 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,360 But the Stig's got it under control. 89 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:57,040 # I can see that you're waving goodbye... # 90 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,960 The Stig's still still loving Daniel. 91 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,280 Surprised the Daily Mail haven't picked up on that. 92 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:08,080 Very sideways coming out of Chicago. Coming up to Hammerhead now. 93 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,120 This could be quite understeery in this weather. 94 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,440 Nope. The Stig has used a hoof full of throttle to cure that. 95 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,040 Look at that driving... impressive stuff! 96 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,440 # It looks like Daniel... # 97 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,680 Now the follow-through. 98 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,320 Can he open it up here? 99 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,520 On this lake where the track used to be... There's the tyres. 100 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,200 Finally he gets there. 101 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,480 And opening it up now on the main straight towards the two corners left. 102 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,120 Very twitchy. Stig earning his raw pork treats today. 103 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,840 He's going through, all over the shop. And across the line! 104 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:51,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 105 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,800 Bit of a clue here how well it did. 106 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,240 If we look here, 107 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:05,320 in similar conditions, the Mercedes SL55 did a 133.2 The Alfa - 138.2. 108 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:11,800 That's one of the slowest cars we've ever put round there. 109 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:18,320 But think of it this way, as posters go, it is is quicker than that tennis girl scratching her arse. 110 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,400 Right, the news. Now, we were sent a picture this week of 111 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:25,240 a biker caught in Holland, I think it was, doing 137kmh. 112 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,640 Well, here's the picture. 113 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:31,440 It kind of tells its own story. There's one key thing there. He's not on it. 114 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:39,320 Interestingly, he wasn't prosecuted because he claimed he wasn't riding the bike at the time of the offence. 115 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,240 What did he claim? Probably said he was washing it and it fell over. 116 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:47,600 And it slipped and accelerated and kept building speed. 117 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,800 There's a Top Gear top tip here. 118 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,760 If you're driving along, see a speed camera, no chance of slowing down, leap out. 119 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,880 Don't do that if you're a coach driver! 120 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:05,200 No. Now, as you know, we get quite a few letters of complaint on Top Gear. 121 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,080 A lot are from communists and hippies, so we ignore them. 122 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,160 LAUGHTER 123 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,880 Anyway, last week, we thought nobody would be watching 124 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:18,320 because that epic tennis match was on, which we were all watching! 125 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:24,560 It turns out one person was watching Top Gear, and boy, is he an eagle-eyed chap. 126 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:30,800 Eagle-eyed chap isn't what you said when his letter arrived! I called him something fruitier. 127 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,160 He says he was watching the show when I was driving an Alfa Romeo along the road. 128 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:40,960 He says, and he's complained to the police, that I clipped a double white line. 129 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,440 Well, here's the footage. 130 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:53,760 That bloke should have been at Wimbledon with those crossing the white line spotting skills. 131 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,680 It appears I'm banged to rights and 132 00:10:55,680 --> 00:11:01,440 I think apologies where apologies are necessary, I'm very sorry. 133 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,400 I shouldn't have done it. I'm normally fastidious. 134 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,080 But a mistake. Good job I'm not a brain surgeon! 135 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,760 LAUGHTER 136 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,760 Now, are there any mothers here? 137 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:16,840 Yes. Well, Fiat has decided you need patronising. So, they've come up with 138 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,720 a limited edition version of the Panda. We've got a picture of it. 139 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,200 Why is it for mothers? 140 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,800 It's called the Panda Mammi. I'm not joking. 141 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,400 LAUGHTER 142 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:32,360 And they've given it an orange interior and a purple exterior to match your varicose veins. 143 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,360 And a really big boot that it's embarrassed about. 144 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:42,160 And it's air bags are two feet lower down...on a normal model. 145 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,600 What will they do next? A "Fiat recently divorced father" 146 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,640 with a sat nav that only goes to the zoo? 147 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,200 That's a good idea, actually. 148 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,880 I've got a Fiat Panda and a nephew and niece, so they could bring out 149 00:11:54,880 --> 00:12:02,160 the Panda Unsuitable Uncle, which has just got a very sharp kitchen knife left lying around. 150 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:07,000 I went on the internet this week, and I found this. 151 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,240 GROANS 152 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,280 It is just pure pornography. 153 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,760 Look at it. It's filth! 154 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:22,000 That is a convertible version of the Alfa Romeo HC that I was driving a few minutes ago. 155 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,640 That is gorgeous, though, isn't it? 156 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,360 Great news! What? The Dacia Sandero, I've got a new picture! 157 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,160 Anyway, I think we've had more signpost sent in this week. 158 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,560 We're having this campaign to get rid of unnecessary signposts. 159 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:43,760 Imagine if you're driving along, thinking "These roadworks ahead look really complicated. 160 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,720 "I hope they put signs up to simplify it all for me" 161 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,120 Well, they have. There you go. 162 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,760 That's made it a lot easier. What is...? 163 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,240 My particular favourite from the week is this one. 164 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,520 LAUGHTER 165 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,520 As opposed to gradual gunfire! 166 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,440 Here's mine. 167 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:15,000 Some bloke nailed that to the post, stood back and said, "Yes. I don't see anything wrong with that." 168 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,320 It could be in the other direction. I see what you mean! 169 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:27,040 Anyway, Boris Johnson, has announced this week that the London congestion charge will not, 170 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:32,160 as Ken Livingstone suggested, be going up to £25 a day, he's keeping it at eight. 171 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,360 APPLAUSE 172 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,960 Boris has got a round of applause. 173 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,600 However, in the interests of political balance, I do have a complaint about Boris because 174 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:46,760 he said when he was campaigning that he was going to get rid of the bendy buses. 175 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:51,360 Well, what's the delay? Hang on, give him a chance. How long's he been in office now? 176 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,960 Two months. Two months? Time me. 177 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,400 Right, we've got a phone. Hang on... 178 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,320 Ready, Go! Is that Reg Varney? 179 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,480 You know those big long buses with elastic in the middle, get them off the road. 180 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,120 Don't send them out ever again. Sell them to the Belgians or someone. 181 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,640 Was that two months? 182 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,920 Eight seconds. 183 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,920 Come on, Boris, hurry up! 184 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,920 That's sorted that one out. Good. Hey, Audi's bought a photocopier. 185 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,520 No! 186 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,000 Yes. Bear with me, it's a really good one. 187 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:27,360 They put the Q7, the big huge thing they've got, they put that through their new 188 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:34,200 photocopier at 75% and made this, the Q5, which is a whole new Audi, you see. It's just exactly the same! 189 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,080 It really is. 190 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,760 Seriously, is that a new car? This one is the new one, 191 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:44,320 about 75% the size of that one. Have your mum and dad got a photocopier? 192 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,840 LAUGHTER 193 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,360 Yes, and it was stuck at 60%! 60! 194 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,000 Yes, all right. Moving on. 195 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,800 I want to talk about the new Ferrari California. Here it is. 196 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,680 And that, I think, is the first Ferrari ever with a front-mounted V8. 197 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,240 You think? You don't want to say that in public. 198 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:10,560 (IN A NASAL ACCENT) You'll have the Ferrari owners' club coming round your house. 199 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:17,640 "Mr so-called celebrity so-called May. Surely you remember the B3684/B from 1956?" 200 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,280 Ooh, they're an adenoidal bunch of angry young men. 201 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,160 Mostly angry because they haven't got Ferraris. 202 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,720 "I've got a polo shirt with Ferrari on it." 203 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:33,560 No, I'm going to say that that is the first Ferrari in the company's history with a front-mounted V8. 204 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,600 That's brave, a brave thing to say. I'm going to say something else brave. 205 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,920 That's not very good looking. You're right. It isn't, is it? 206 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:46,000 there hasn't been a good looking Ferrari since the 355. 207 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:51,720 We think they're good looking because they're Ferraris, but they're not. It's like... 208 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,720 Who's that girl in Sex And The City? 209 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,480 Sarah Jessica Parker. We all go, "She must be pretty." 210 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,200 She looks like a boiled horse! 211 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,520 LAUGHTER 212 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:10,680 Right, that's the end of the news. Wait. Check my flies. You know how eagle-eyed our viewers are. 213 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,720 They're not that eagle-eyed. What? 214 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,600 Not that eagle-eyed. 215 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,960 APPLAUSE 216 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,120 This is a Datsun 120Y. 217 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,320 The company that created it has now brought out a follow-up model. 218 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:31,080 It's not coming to Britain till next year but the follow-up to this, I couldn't wait. 219 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:35,320 So last month, I went all the way to Japan to try it there. 220 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,680 This is what I've come to see. 221 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,480 The 193mph Nissan GTR. 222 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,160 It's a very far cry from the old 120Y. 223 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:02,080 Its engine is made in a hermetically sealed lab to ensure 224 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:07,800 the components don't microscopically expand while it's being assembled. 225 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:15,200 Its tyres are filled with pure nitrogen, because normal air is considered too unstable. 226 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,400 No-one has ever made a car this way before. 227 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:24,760 The world's motoring press is hailing it as the prow of the good ship progress. 228 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:30,160 A £53,000 turbocharged four-wheel-drive rocket ship which 229 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:35,200 redefines the way we think about automotive speed. 230 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:41,920 Plainly, the best way for us to test this incredible car is for one of our Top Gear races. 231 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:46,480 But to do that, my colleagues would have had to come out here as well. 232 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,200 Here's what we've got in store. 233 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,760 A race starting here, were we are now on the western seaboard, 234 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:56,280 right across Japan, that's 400 miles, to a mountain here. 235 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,720 At...Noko... 236 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,240 ..There. Where there is a statue to the Buddha of road safety. 237 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,920 Yes. We're going to be using the most efficient public-transport network in the world. 238 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:13,200 And most of the time, we're going to be on the 200mph bullet train. 239 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,520 Very nice, bullet train. 240 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,320 Great. And I'm going to be taking them on in the GTR. 241 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,480 Yes, on roads with a 60mph speed limit. 242 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,520 Where there's a policeman every 200 yards. 243 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:29,400 And you're going to have to drive through Tokyo, which is the most congested city on earth. 244 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,080 A piece of cake. You've had it. 245 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:39,080 And so, at precisely 11 minutes past eight in the morning, the race began. 246 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,240 Look at them. They look like ramblers. 247 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:54,240 We now had 25 minutes to get into town, find the station and catch our first train. 248 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,880 They have so many connections to make, 249 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:04,960 so many forms of transport to go on, the chances of them making it without a single mistake are nil. 250 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,040 If they do make a mistake, that's it. 251 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,640 Have you seen these manhole covers? No. They're fantastic. 252 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:17,080 A boy from Birmingham and a man with no sense of direction, in Japan won't win. The end. 253 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:24,640 Here we go. You don't know what that says! But there's a red dot. That must mean, "You Are Here." 254 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,680 Look, the ice-skating man 255 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,880 with the picnic table. 256 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,400 That's a man on skis playing a harp next to it which probably doesn't mean train station. 257 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,840 I want to adjust the scale on the sat nav. 258 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,280 But it's all in Japanese. 259 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,520 I daren't touch it in case at all just goes off and then I'd be doomed. 260 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,680 Konichiwa. The station? 261 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,240 THEY IMITATE A TRAIN 262 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,360 The thing is, you see, all Japanese cars... 263 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,360 SAT NAV SPEAKS IN JAPANESE 264 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,760 Help! 265 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,960 'To deal with the language problems, we'd all been given 266 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:12,600 'speaking translator machines and at the station, we fired ours up.' 267 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,040 Ticket... 268 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,080 This isn't going to take long(!) 269 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,440 He knows you want a ticket. It's a ticket office. 270 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,240 Good point. He won't think you're asking for shoes. 271 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,840 MACHINE SPEAKS JAPANESE 272 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:35,440 Sorry, that's wrong. That was, "Is this seat taken?" How do I go back? It can't be difficult. Sorry. 273 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,440 The road has opened up. Here we go. 274 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,040 Don't try and match the symbols. I know you are. 275 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,440 OK, I've got a 3.8 litre, 276 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,680 twin turbocharged V6 engine, which produces... 277 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,840 Actually, I've got no idea how much horsepower because each one is handmade. 278 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:10,560 Nissan say it's around 470 brake horsepower but an American magazine 279 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,400 and it was producing 507 horsepower. 280 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,920 Morning. It's like being in a black-and-white film. 281 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,120 Morning. 282 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:30,520 But the best thing about it is that each gear box is tailored to work with a specific engine. 283 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,040 This one wouldn't work in any other GTR. 284 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,680 Not even NASA do that with the Space Shuttle. 285 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,880 They're not just hanging around. Look, there's a line. 286 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,600 You have to walk through the lines onto the train. 287 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,000 What a brilliant looking train. 288 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,800 OK, here we go. The motorway network. 289 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,920 Now we can be a bullet car! 290 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,200 The Datsun would cross Japan by motorway, 291 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,040 go through the centre of Tokyo, 292 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,920 under Tokyo Bay and up a mountain road to the finish line. 293 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:12,000 We would take four trains and a bus to the bay, cross it on a ferry, 294 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,400 and then get to the finish on a cable car. 295 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:22,080 Our route was almost 150 miles longer, but we would have no jams or delays. 296 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,000 87% of normal trains in Japan are on time. 297 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:34,600 But, for them, being late is anything over a minute behind time. 298 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,800 So that's a late train, if it's a minute. 299 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,720 But in the UK, to be late, it's got to be over ten minutes late. 300 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,400 And if trains are late, 301 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,720 you get a free rail journey. 302 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,920 So if this is late, we don't pay, and we get a pass that explains to your employer why you're late! 303 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,080 He's had it. 304 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,400 There are a lot of speed cameras on the motorways but they put signs up 305 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,520 saying "It's in 300 metres, 200 metres, 100 metres, there it is." 306 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,640 The only trouble is the signs are all in Japanese. 307 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:12,440 'However, I'd come up with a cunning plan.' 308 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,880 In Japan, a simple photograph of the number plate isn't enough. 309 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,720 They have to also have a photograph of the face to know who was driving. 310 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,520 So what I've done, is I've made this. 311 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,720 It's a Bill Oddie face mask. 312 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,400 So he's going to be sitting in a badger hole somewhere, 313 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,160 and he's going to be collecting points in Japan on his licence. 314 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,160 PHONE RINGS 315 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:39,560 Hammond. 'Yes?' 316 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,400 'Was your train late?' 317 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,800 'No! Nothing's late. It left to the second' 318 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,160 on time. You've had it. We're going. We're on the way. 319 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,200 MAN SPEAKS JAPANESE 320 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:55,680 We're being shouted at. Hang on mate, there's a man shouting at me. What? 321 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,480 Mate, I've gotta go, I've gotta go. 322 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,600 I like it when there's an emergency like that in his voice. 323 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,080 You know something's gone wrong in his world. 324 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,680 It might be rude to use the telephone in the train. 325 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:16,560 'Unable to talk to my rivals, I started to fiddle with the GTR's buttons.' 326 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,760 All the graphics on the system were done by the same company 327 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,120 that does the graphics for the Gran Turismo PlayStation game. 328 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:25,200 This is amazing. 329 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,880 Engine oil temperature, water temperature, engine oil pressure, boost! 330 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:35,880 And that one gives me my acceleration and braking in G. 331 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,160 Steering G. There it is. 332 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,320 MACHINE SPEAKS JAPANESE, WOMAN REPLIES 333 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:57,600 I can't understand the answers. Exactly, it's pointless. That's the problem. 334 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,960 Two fried eggs, that's not what I want. 335 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,280 I do that. Oh yeah, that was... 336 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:14,320 "Sorry officer, I was trying to get half a G while changing lane." 337 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,800 There we are. 338 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,440 As James and Richard trundle towards Kyoto, 339 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,400 I was hurtling up 340 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,840 Or was I? 341 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:38,800 I'm definitely in Switzerland. 342 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:43,400 I've gone wrong. Somehow, I've gone through North Korea, Russia, Poland, 343 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,880 Germany, and I'm in Switzerland. How have I done that? 344 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,960 'The mountains were staggering, but I couldn't look 345 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,840 'because the Japanese had tunnelled through every single one of them.' 346 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:09,120 Finally, I'm out of the tunnel. 347 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,000 Sunlight! It's gone again. 348 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:14,840 Two hours into the race 349 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,000 and our train, bang on time, 350 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,960 was already two-thirds of the way to Kyoto. 351 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,160 For Jeremy, however, things weren't going so smoothly. 352 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,680 Hello? 'Get out of the way man.' 353 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,560 Come on! Come on! 354 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,360 What are you doing? You're in a traffic jam? 355 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:37,720 'Hammond, there's a man driving at 9mph!' 356 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,840 There's no one wonder China's going to overtake you 357 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,440 as the dominant industrial power if you drive at that speed! 358 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,720 BEEPING Hello? 359 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,160 Don't tell me, it's the biggest drama ever to befall a car journey. It actually is. 360 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,360 'Predicting the traffic would wind me up, 361 00:26:56,360 --> 00:27:00,560 'the Top Gear office had provided me with a calming new-age CD - 362 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,880 'The 100 Best Whale Songs.' 363 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,880 WHALE SONG PLAYS 364 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,680 No! 365 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,960 No! No, no! Not roadworks. 366 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:24,080 'Besides the whale music, the office had also given me a packed lunch.' 367 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,600 Mmm... These are crabs. Can you see that? 368 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,600 Real little crabs, Shell, legs. 369 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:34,520 Mmm... 370 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,920 'Meanwhile, we had arrived at Kyoto Station where we'd switched to the bullet train.' 371 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,240 BOTH: Let's follow everybody else. 372 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:52,600 We have got to get a bit of a move on because it's 11:10am and our train goes at 11:32am. 373 00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:00,120 'Getting a move on, though, wasn't easy.' 374 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,320 There's a ticket machine. Tickets! 375 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,960 That's it. Destination three. Right. 376 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,760 Now what?! There's millions of them! I don't know. 377 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,000 I don't know either! I don't know what any of this means. 378 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,320 This... See the little Indian fellow on the top? 379 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,240 This is lemonade, curry flavour. 380 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,960 'Eventually, we had our tickets. 381 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,840 'And then, Richard announced that he was hungry.' 382 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,120 I don't like any of that. 383 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,600 I won't like those. 384 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,840 Certainly won't like that. 385 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:43,320 That is just a fish, lightly killed and then put in a bag. 386 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:48,800 The marvellous thing is that Richard Hammond won't be able to enjoy any of this, 387 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:53,200 because he won't eat anything unless it's come from a burger van on the A38. 388 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,080 "I don't like cheese. 389 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,800 "It's full of bacteria." 390 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,360 Mate, it's all fish. Yeah, it's good for you. 391 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,520 I don't like fish. Well, you've come to the wrong country. 392 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:07,400 Speed camera! 393 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,600 Is that it? Yah. 394 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,520 Is it supposed to look like that? They call it the duck-billed platypus. 395 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,680 Well, they're not joking, are they? And it is 11:32 on the dot. 396 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,960 SAT NAV SPEAKS IN JAPANESE 397 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,800 Hello, Jezza, we've just boarded the bullet train in Kyoto. 398 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,120 'I still had all of Japan to cross 399 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:56,640 'in a car which is limited by Japanese law to 112mph. 400 00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:01,760 'They, meanwhile, were now steaming towards Tokyo at 200mph.' 401 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:10,280 I don't care how clever his Datsun is. We're going faster. 402 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:18,120 God! The average delay on the one we're on, two years ago - six seconds. 403 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:19,880 Six seconds?! 404 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,320 They're electric, obviously, the trains. 405 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:26,560 They actually have a motor in every single carriage rather than just power cars 406 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,160 to keep the weight distribution even to reduce wear on the rails. 407 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,600 There are three names of bullet trains... 408 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,200 I think that's enough facts. 409 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,720 Hey! Hey! 410 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,960 OK, "Plemium." Premium. "Plemium." 411 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:50,680 All the way up and as quickly as possible. OK. 412 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,760 WOMAN SHOUTS IN JAPANESE 413 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,720 I have seen X Factor winners less cheerful 414 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,560 than all petrol pump attendants are in Japan. 415 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,240 SHE SPEAKS IN JAPANESE 416 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,400 Look at this! Brrr! 417 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,880 How frightening's that? 418 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,240 He can spot your beaver from about a mile away. 419 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,120 Good grief! 420 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,720 Show the viewers. That's where we got on - Kyoto. 421 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:23,680 And we've been on for minutes and we're there, and we're going to where's Tokyo? 422 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,640 There! So, we've gone there to there in no time at all. 423 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:34,840 'While the girl gave my GT-R a thousand-smile service, I went to buy some more dead fish.' 424 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:43,040 SAT NAV: 'HIV...' 425 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,520 I was loving Japan. I was loving the race. 426 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:55,160 But, weirdly, I was struggling to love the GT-R. 427 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,920 It's not the gizmos that I find depressing, like I do in a Ferrari. 428 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,480 They're wrong in a Ferrari but this is a Nissan. 429 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,480 You expect it to have yaw sensors and G sensors, 430 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,120 It's Japanese. That's right. 431 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:11,560 I just wish that at road speeds, it would occasionally 432 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:15,760 put its hand down the front of my trousers and have a little rummage. 433 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:21,680 It's almost like it finds a dual carriageway in Japan just a bit, sort of, easy. 434 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,680 'Nevertheless, it was still a car, 435 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:30,280 'which means it would easily beat those two on their Victorian relic.' 436 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,880 Come on, car, I need 5% of your potential to beat these idiots. 437 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:50,480 'And, boy, did the car respond!' 438 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,520 PHONE RINGS 439 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,560 Hello? 440 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,440 Mate, can you hear me? I'm in Tokyo. 441 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,120 No, you're not. 'Oh, yes, I am!' 442 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:06,120 'I don't believe you.' Unfortunately, mate, I am in Tokyo. 443 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,040 How the hell have you done that? 444 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,760 'Driving a product of the 21st century,' 445 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,840 not something from the Middle Ages. 446 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,720 He got cut off. 447 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,080 They will be so depressed by that. 448 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:22,840 It's the bullet train! Honest to God, they have been so cocky 449 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,480 and confident that this time they were going to win, and they're not! 450 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,440 'We were down but not out, because we knew 451 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:35,960 'he was heading straight into the jaws of Tokyo's legendry traffic jams.' 452 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,440 So, it's time taken in Tokyo now. Yes. 453 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:43,920 Tokyo is where the battle will be won or lost. 454 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,120 APPLAUSE 455 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,040 Really struggling to like that car. 456 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:02,120 I don't like the way it looks. 457 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,640 And on the, sort of, dual carriageways, 458 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,440 it's a bit like a digital camera, you know? It's very clever... 459 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,880 But it's got no soul. It's got no excitement. 460 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,840 Anyway, we do have a full track test of this later in the series, 461 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,400 and we'll be picking the film up later on. 462 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,080 Now, it's time to put some stars in our reasonably priced car. 463 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,520 Here's a thing, OK? A lot of people say 464 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,920 that female newsreaders are only chosen for the way they look. 465 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,680 But plainly, that isn't true, 466 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:33,560 because my guests tonight are a right pair of mingers! 467 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:34,800 LAUGHTER 468 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:38,440 Ladies and gentlemen, Fiona Bruce and Kate Silverton! APPLAUSE 469 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:46,120 Hello. How are you? Good. Not at all mingers! Hello. How are you? 470 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,280 Are you well? Very well, thank you. Have a seat. 471 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:54,120 Ah! I was looking forward to today. 472 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,120 Good, so were we. Yeah. 473 00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:00,640 You've appeared on Top Gear before. Yes. You pushed me out of a lift. Do you remember? 474 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,280 Yes. And then you said something and I had no idea you were saying it. 475 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,720 A lot of people thought I said you had a nice bottom. 476 00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:12,040 LAUGHTER Are you saying you didn't say it? And you'd be right! 477 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:19,200 "That Oxford-educated newsreader's wearing cotton." 478 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,600 LAUGHTER Jeremy, stand up, let's have a look at your backside. 479 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,600 It's got a thing on it... Everybody, what do we think? Facing this way! 480 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,040 SOMEONE WOLF-WHISTLES 481 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,640 It needs a bit of work! I've been smacked by a... 482 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,880 It's like being Max Mosley! 483 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,680 LAUGHTER 484 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,480 I've been hearing from The Stig. He says that you 485 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,520 are one of the most talented people we've ever had round the track. 486 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:47,560 Who are you looking at? Me? Yes, you. And you're one of the most stubborn. 487 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,480 I don't like being told what to do. He said that. 488 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:55,040 When he said "Turn left," and you turned right and said, "It's the same thing,"... 489 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:59,280 Yeah. ..On a track, it sort of isn't. He kept bossing me around. 490 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,720 I hate that! I liked it! LAUGHTER 491 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:07,560 So, you had fun. The only thing I can think of that is more fun than this is reading the news. 492 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,880 Really? It'd be fantastic! I'd love to read the news. 493 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,600 Do you think anyone would believe you? LAUGHTER 494 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,920 You wouldn't be allowed to. 495 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,880 You sit in the studio, warm, read stuff out, lesbians come. 496 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,640 Remember that? Yes. The lesbians chained themselves to the desk. 497 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,320 We've waited for six years for lesbians to chain themselves to things. 498 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,400 Is that your dream? Oh...! 499 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,880 LAUGHTER 500 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:36,840 We had one guy came in - I don't think you were there then, and he was so cross about something - 501 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:41,200 probably the way we were presenting or something, that he broke into the BBC 502 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,800 and hurled a printer through a glass partition, 503 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,600 as he tried to make his way into the gallery. 504 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:51,120 Or your co-presenter lets your chair down mid-link. That happens to me a lot. 505 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,640 We couldn't do that with Hammond. He'd disappear out of view. 506 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:58,280 You wanted to be a journalist, didn't you, from a young age? 507 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,680 Yeah. Your heroes were...? 508 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:05,360 I've always been a bit adventurous, so, Ranulph Fiennes was a big hero of mine, 509 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,240 and then I saw the film, Under Fire, about Nicaragua. 510 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:10,520 I thought of being a war correspondent. 511 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:17,560 I kind of got slightly satiated when I went to Iraq last year. Did you get shot at? 512 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:21,440 I got mortared and dived for cover on air. Typical BBC! 513 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:25,200 Me in the middle of the screen with my two soldiers I was interviewing. 514 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,120 Mortars started dropping. The solders, "Mortar!" 515 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,240 Sophie Rayworth's on the line going, "What are you doing?" 516 00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:35,160 This is still live. She says, "We'll be back with Kate as soon as we can." 517 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,640 LAUGHTER 518 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,240 I'm quite angry about that. It's the job I most wanted to have. 519 00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:46,840 Is it?! Oh, Antiques Roadshow? It is a fantastic job. Why would you want to do it? 520 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,120 I love all the detail and that getting in there. 521 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,560 You can tell it wasn't made in 1643 in Stoke. 522 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,360 But the best thing, the absolute best thing, 523 00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:00,000 is when they come along, "How much do you think it's worth?". "£200." 524 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,960 "No, I'm afraid it's worthless." 525 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:07,400 Or no! When they say, "If you'd kept it in the original box..." That's... 526 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:12,720 "It would have been worth £10,000." Sadly... My favourite one I ever saw on the Antiques Roadshow, 527 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:17,920 someone brought a bowl with a lid on, and she'd Sellotaped the lid down. 528 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:22,480 When they'd taken it off, it was yellow. "If that had been in its original condition, 529 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,400 "it would have been worth £1,000 but because of something YOU'VE done, 530 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:30,280 "it's worth about threepence ha'penny." I laughed like a drain for weeks! 531 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,600 LAUGHTER 532 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,600 Now, I want to talk about cars, if I may. Er, Kate... 533 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:38,480 Early cars. Anything good or embarrassing? I had a lovely early car. 534 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:42,040 I inherited it from my sister. She paid £75 for it. 535 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:45,320 I bet it wasn't lovely. It was a Citroen Diane. 536 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,200 I was right. 537 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,760 Red. She painted black dots all over it, so it was a ladybird, 538 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,040 and then I put stickers all over it. To hold it together? Yeah! 539 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,600 LAUGHTER I loved it. I learned everything about the car 540 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,000 because you could mend it with an elastic band. 541 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:07,120 Can you mend cars? My dad was a London cabbie, and insisted that he wasn't going to have girlie girls. 542 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:11,640 At least not with me! I'd change tyres in the middle of the forest if we broke down. 543 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,760 Why were you in the middle of a forest when you broke down? 544 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:20,560 That was always my route home from the pub with all my friends in the car. Epping Forest! Essex girl. 545 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,240 Yeah, I am. It's OK! 546 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:24,360 LAUGHTER 547 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,680 And your cars, then? I got a Citroen. Which one...? C4 Picasso. 548 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,840 It's great! You didn't buy a Picasso! 549 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,720 It's really good. I love it. It switches the headlights on for you, 550 00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:37,000 you don't have to put the handbrake on, it does it for you. 551 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,640 This is hurting you, Jeremy. My type of driving. 552 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,560 It's a hateful car! It's not. It's brilliant. 553 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,560 It's not! I can't believe how rude you are about my car. 554 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,720 He's so rude about my car. Isn't he rude? 555 00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,240 AUDIENCE: Yeah! 556 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:53,160 Is the Picasso terrible? AUDIENCE: Yes! 557 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:56,720 LAUGHTER Nooo! Come on! 558 00:39:56,720 --> 00:40:00,960 We must get on to your laps. Oh, God! The weather wasn't good. 559 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,320 The Stig was nice, was he? 560 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,560 Yeah. Very nice, yeah. 561 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,160 He genuinely is impressed with... 562 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:13,320 I think the follow-through, he said you did it flat out in fourth gear. 563 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:18,240 What do you mean the follow-through? It's a very fast... LAUGHTER 564 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:21,720 It's what you do if you go flat out in fourth gear. 565 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:26,120 In the pouring rain. Well, it was only because I think he must have been kidding. 566 00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:31,200 He said, "Go flat out in fourth!" When I came out, I went, "I did it." He went, "You're kidding." 567 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,680 He wanted to give you the kiss of life if something went wrong! 568 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,560 I have no idea 569 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:41,360 whose lap is lined up to go first of all. 570 00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,640 Shall we have a look, everybody? Let's play the tapes. 571 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:49,680 Who's that in there? I think it's you, Kate. 572 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:53,000 'No, it isn't!' BLEEP, that was first gear! 573 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,480 Now I'm in fifth! 574 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,240 Oh my God, that was hopeless. 575 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,520 'We got the gears sorted out. 576 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:06,960 'Here we are first corner. That's lovely. 577 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:11,440 'All right?!' This is so much more fun than the school run! 578 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,240 'It is.' 579 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:15,920 'It looks so slow.' 580 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:20,440 'Trust me, it isn't. That's very tight through there.' God, I need a boat, not a car. 581 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:24,760 'Coming up to the hammer head. Are we going outside the line? You want to watch this. 582 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,560 'Eagle-eyed viewers will report you for crossing the white line there.' 583 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:35,840 Fourth gear. Don't brake into the corner, just go for it! Woo! 'You did it as well! 584 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,520 'That's a follow through.' 'Is it? Oh yeah, I did that quickly.' 585 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,760 'Flat out?' 'Yeah.' 'I'm startled. 586 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,240 'And that's beautiful line through there. You're being modest.' 587 00:41:45,240 --> 00:41:47,960 'That's on the grass.' Oh, God! 588 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:52,840 'Here we go, into the last corner. That's brilliant. Fantastic!' 589 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,920 APPLAUSE That's very good. 590 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:05,040 I couldn't change the gears properly! That looked really fast. 591 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:10,160 That was really fast. Shall we have a look at Kate's now? Yes! Yes, Play the tape. Oh, God! 592 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,000 SKIDDING 'Look at that!' 593 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:20,520 'Yes.' Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm officially in charge of a car on my own. 594 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,400 'Really?' Like this. 595 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:24,200 'That's an alarming thing to say! 596 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,480 'Into the first corner.' Weeee-ow! 597 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,160 'Like a mouse! 598 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:33,520 'Come on!' Foot is right down. BLEEP. 599 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:35,680 'Sorry!' LAUGHTER 600 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,200 'I don't know what to say(!) 601 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:44,040 I don't know who I'm apologising to but I'm a newsreader. I shouldn't swear. 602 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,400 'No! Save it for when Gordon Brown comes on the telly next time! 603 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:51,960 'Right, here we go. That's very smooth through there. 604 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:57,840 'Slightly less exuberance.' I'm going to go in fourth flat out round the corner. 605 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,800 'This is very brave what's happening here.' 606 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,800 Ooooh! LAUGHTER 607 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:10,520 Oh, I'm enjoying this! You don't say(!) 608 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,560 'And again, that was very smooth through there. 609 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,520 'Cutting the corner nicely round. 610 00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,680 'The tyres squeal in that water!' 611 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,560 APPLAUSE 612 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:30,400 So, Fiona, I've got yours here. OK. Where do you reckon? 613 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:34,720 Definitely going to be at the bottom. No, you're not at the bottom. You did it in... 614 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:38,480 one minute, which means you're not at the bottom. Oh good, yes! 615 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,240 57.4. 616 00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:44,880 That is hugely quick out there. 617 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:53,880 We could take seven or eight seconds off that because of that. 618 00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:55,520 Well, bung it up then! 619 00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,080 I can't bung it up, that's the time you did it in. Unfortunately. 620 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:03,600 Now, Kate. I think I'm bottom then. You're definitely faster than me. 621 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,720 You reckon? Without a shadow of a doubt. 622 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:10,280 No! I think it's bottom. One minute, so not bottom. OK. 623 00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:14,880 54.7. 624 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,600 APPLAUSE That is seriously quick. 625 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:22,240 4.7 is there. 626 00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:26,720 I'm a bit innumerate. If you take seven or eight seconds off that, 627 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:29,560 you'd be up with the Trevor Eves or Gordon Ramsays. Yeah! 628 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:33,360 Stig was impressed! You should stick it up there, definitely. 629 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:37,040 LAUGHTER In a manner of speaking. And on that bombshell... 630 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,920 it's probably time to end! Thank you very much, guys! 631 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:46,280 Thank YOU! Ladies and gentlemen, Fiona Bruce and Kate Silverton! 632 00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,840 Right, tonight we're having a race across Japan. 633 00:44:55,840 --> 00:45:00,680 It's between Jeremy in the new GT-R, which is billed as a sort of spaceship, 634 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:06,240 but which we think is just a Datsun, and us on brilliant Japanese public transport. 635 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:09,880 And it is just across Japan, from here across Tokyo, 636 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:15,120 across Tokyo Bay, and then up a mountain to the finish line, where there's a Buddha to road safety. 637 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:19,280 Now, when we left the action, Jeremy had just entered Tokyo, 638 00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,360 which is the most jammed up city in the world, 639 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:26,720 and we were on the brilliant Bullet Train doing 200mph...here. 640 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,640 So the car was ahead, 641 00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:42,040 but to maintain that lead, I was going to be relying heavily on my Japanese girlfriend, Amy. 642 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,440 SAT NAV INSTRUCTIONS IN JAPANESE 643 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:53,360 The trouble with Tokyo is that it is about 50 miles from one side to the other. 644 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:56,640 SAT NAV INSTRUCTIONS IN JAPANESE 645 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:02,240 I was braced for the Tuesday afternoon traffic that lay ahead. 646 00:46:02,240 --> 00:46:07,520 If it was really bad, all of Bill Oddie's speeding tickets would have been for nothing. 647 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,560 I thought he'd still be about here. We're still in it. 648 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:23,160 We were now arriving at Shin-Yokohama Station 649 00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:27,360 on the edge of Tokyo, and the next part of the journey for us was critical. 650 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:32,240 Jeremy could plough straight through the middle of the city 651 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:36,720 to get to the bay, but we had to catch two more trains and a bus 652 00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:39,440 to reach the ferry terminal. 653 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,200 We couldn't afford a single slip. 654 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:43,880 Transfer to...subway. 655 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:50,120 Right, fork, yes! SAT NAV INSTRUCTIONS IN JAPANESE 656 00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,680 Amy and I were now in the middle of Tokyo, 657 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:59,760 and despite James's claims that we'd be stuck in traffic for a week, the simple fact is this - 658 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,440 There wasn't any. 659 00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:07,720 James, "It'll be all traffic, worst traffic in the world, you won't move." Look at it! 660 00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:12,680 We had less than ten minutes to catch our next connection. 661 00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:17,880 Er... That's the subway. Subway. Tokyo's not a city, it's a racetrack. 662 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,240 BEEPING 663 00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:23,240 Well, that's no good. Do we have to have another ticket? I don't know. 664 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:30,440 Er... Can we ask? How do we buy? 665 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,480 Where do we get off? Honestly, 666 00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,320 I didn't think I was going to win it. 667 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,440 That's obviously the fare, it gets bigger as you go further away. 668 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,240 How much do we need? Bullet train, pah! 669 00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:44,960 Right, I think it was this way. 670 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,840 Right, go! Go, go, go, go! 671 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:53,280 We were in such a rush we boarded the tube train not knowing if it was going in the right direction. 672 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,920 This is the Yokohama city subway, but does it...go to Yokohama? 673 00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:02,800 Yokohama, number 20... 674 00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:09,000 It's four stops. So if this flashes 23, that's the next stop and we're going in the right direction. 675 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:12,000 If it says 25, we've got to jump off. 676 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,000 23... 677 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:20,240 Yes. Yes! 678 00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:21,600 I didn't panic(!) 679 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,600 This is what comes of not having a congestion charge. 680 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:43,680 We were now at yet another station looking for the train to Kurihama. 681 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,800 Kurihama? Kurihama? 682 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:47,440 Kurihama? 683 00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:53,160 I was so confident that when I did occasionally get stuck at the lights, 684 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:57,400 I broke out some of the Japanese toys the office had provided. 685 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:57,440 TOY GUITAR PLAYS 686 00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,080 It's an air guitar! 687 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:14,120 MOBILE RINGS It's May or Hammond. 688 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:18,120 Hello. Jeremy. Hammond, how are you? I'm very well, 689 00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:19,520 how are you doing? 690 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:24,280 I am in Tokyo, and I'm going brilliantly well, I shall look on my sat nav. 691 00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,040 'How fast are you going?' 692 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:31,960 Oh, my God. What? I've just turned the sat... 693 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,680 I've turned the sat nav off. 694 00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,960 Why did you do that? 695 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:41,000 I just wanted to look where I was, cos it comes up on the phone thing when you're on. 696 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,640 Well, I can tell you exactly where you are now you've turned your sat nav off. Lost! Bye! 697 00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:52,600 With all the sat nav's controls in Japanese, I had no clue how to get it back on again. 698 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,960 Oh, this is just... 699 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:56,360 I'm going to have to... 700 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,040 This was a good moment. 701 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:06,720 We had successfully caught the last of our four trains and would be at the finish line in two hours. 702 00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:10,240 Meanwhile, Jeremy, for the first time, was in trouble. 703 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,280 No. 704 00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:24,400 Right, there's a plane coming in to land there, that must mean...Narita airport's over there. 705 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:31,000 TRANSLATOR SPEAKS JAPANESE Sorry, I just asked for the wine list. 706 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:36,040 That's not right. Amazingly, I found a policeman who spoke English. 707 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,000 'Sort of.' Yes, this tunnel. 708 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,600 This road will lead down, uh... 709 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,760 one, two, three...four signal. 710 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,440 Lights? So four signals? 711 00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:51,120 Four, maybe. Maybe? 712 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:58,320 As our train waited in the station, I went to try my luck with one of the onboard drinks machines. 713 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,080 MOBILE RINGS Then James rang. 714 00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:05,400 Hello? Yeah, will do. I haven't found a vending machine yet, but as soon as I do, I will. 715 00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,560 Yeah, but we're not moving. 716 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:11,160 Well, not now we're not. 717 00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,400 What do you mean we are? No, we're not. 718 00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:19,840 Mate, I'm not on the... 719 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:21,040 How can I not...? 720 00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:26,160 Gear position, braking, acceleration. 721 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,640 MOBILE RINGS Hello. 722 00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:35,840 James? No, it's not James, it's me... Why would James be ringing you up? 723 00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,040 Because there's... 724 00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,240 Something peculiar has happened. 725 00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:45,240 We're not on the same train. 726 00:51:45,240 --> 00:51:47,000 What?! Hello. 727 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,560 We're not on the same train. 728 00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:54,600 The train stopped in a station, I was walking along it to try and find some drinks from a machine, 729 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:58,520 and then James had moved off, he was in the front of the train, it split, 730 00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,960 I don't know where yet. 731 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:06,440 I stopped in the station, then I got off my train to see what had happened, and then my train left. 732 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,000 So if that was the right train, I'm not on it. 733 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,920 If it wasn't the right... One of us is on the right train, one of us isn't. 734 00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:16,280 If it's any consolation, mate, I've just arrived at a dead end. 735 00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:20,280 I've got to ring James now, I'm sorry. 736 00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:23,560 I might just go for a cup of coffee on this basis. Ha-ha-ha! 737 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:29,160 'I was just now all alone with just a Blair Witch Handycam.' 738 00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:32,800 Hello, viewers. 739 00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:38,520 Jezzer has obviously spoken to Hammond, because Jezzer's just rung me up to gloat. 740 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:41,920 Erm... Kurihama? 741 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,400 Kurihama, yeah. 742 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,800 OK, moment, please. Come down. 743 00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:50,200 This man got me on the right train, and I called James. 744 00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:04,720 But my train was 15 minutes behind James's, so I'd have less than two minutes to catch the bus. 745 00:53:04,720 --> 00:53:07,360 You're going to have to hold it. 746 00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:11,760 Just run like hell from the bus, because if you miss the bus, we're stuffed. 747 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:20,000 SAT NAV SPEAKS IN JAPANESE Amy's back! Amy's back! 748 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,920 Amy's back on my screen! 749 00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,680 I pushed everything, she's back! 750 00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:28,800 And not before time - being lost had cost me 45 minutes. 751 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:32,320 The lead I built up had been wiped out. 752 00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:35,960 Show me some of your muscles, car, show me your muscles. 753 00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,920 TRANSLATOR SPEAKS JAPANESE 754 00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,120 That says, "Do you know my friend?" 755 00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:46,200 I mean, "Can you wait, please?" 756 00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:52,000 'I was now off the train and hoping to God James had held the bus.' 757 00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,440 Buses, there should be buses. There's no buses. 758 00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:02,680 I was now heading for the tunnel under the bay in a big hurry, 759 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:06,600 and for the first time the GT-R was starting to come alive. 760 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:12,440 When you put your foot down like that, you just get the vaguest whiff 761 00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:16,160 that this car can go round the Nurburgring in 7 minutes 29 seconds. 762 00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:21,400 That's faster than a McLaren Mercedes, it's faster than a 911 Turbo. 763 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,360 MOBILE RINGS Hello? May. 764 00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:29,640 I'm with my old mate Richard Hammond. (Damn it!) Oh, great! 765 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,360 Mate, they're cross cos you're on your mobile. 766 00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:35,720 Hello? We're in trouble now for talking on a phone on the bus. 767 00:54:35,720 --> 00:54:38,600 He wants to talk to you. 768 00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:42,800 Oh... Hi. Do you know what time you're actually getting on that ferry? 769 00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:46,920 25 past, it leaves, we're getting on it at about 22 minutes past. 770 00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:51,520 All of us were now minutes from the bay. 771 00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,200 Is that bell bad? 772 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:05,920 This is really close now. 773 00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:11,360 Still in the bosom of Japanese public transport, 774 00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:16,000 the finish line in 55 minutes. 775 00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:20,160 All we could do was hope Jeremy's life would be less predictable. 776 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:21,800 It depends... How busy it is. 777 00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:27,320 ..on the terrain, whether it's small roads, whether it's busy, whether there's a speed limit, 778 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:29,840 whether he gets lost. 779 00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:34,280 Small roads? No, not really. 780 00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:54,320 As the immense bridge ended, I knew it would all be down to the final charge up the mountain. 781 00:55:54,320 --> 00:56:01,480 Frankly, what I'm going to need to win this now is a divine wind, and I've got just the thing. 782 00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:04,880 I'm ready! Here we go! 783 00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:15,120 I knew they'd be at the finish line at 4.25 precisely. 784 00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:18,160 Arrival time, 4.31. 785 00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,080 That's six minutes after them. 786 00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:26,360 I'm putting the gear box in race, that speeds up the change time. 787 00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,600 I'm going to put the suspension in race, that firms it right up. 788 00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:33,960 Then I'm going to put the traction control in race, that lets me have some slip. 789 00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:41,480 Bang on time, the ferry docked, a full mile from the cable car, but we had no intention of walking. 790 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,400 I've no time to slow down for these barriers. 791 00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:55,480 Wimbledon with barriers like that on the end of your arm. 792 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,880 Ahead of me lay the mountain road - GT-R country. 793 00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:11,600 God... Just now it's all coming together, it's all just becoming a GT-R. 794 00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:17,720 'Hello.' Jeremy. Yeah, where are you? 795 00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:19,680 We are disembarking now. 796 00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:23,480 This is so damn close. 797 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:28,720 I can't work it out, but he is...he is...very close. 798 00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,760 I've now got it down to 4.27. 799 00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:34,360 Ready? Yes. 800 00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:35,560 Let's do it. Right. 801 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,480 Uh! Wah! Ah! 802 00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:45,960 Ah! 803 00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,000 4.24. 804 00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:57,520 This is the clash of the titans now, and it's going down to the wire again. 805 00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:05,840 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 806 00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,160 I wish you could feel my heart rate now. 807 00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:20,960 I really wish you could feel what's going on here. 808 00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:22,560 Go! 809 00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,480 Hold on! Thank you. 810 00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:37,680 Come on, come on, come on, baby! 'I was now giving it everything.' 811 00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:42,640 So at the top here there is a Buddha 812 00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,240 to road safety. Apparently. 813 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:50,320 Wouldn't it be brilliant if we got there and Jeremy's GT-R was buried in the middle of it? 814 00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,920 "Watch this, I'm here..." "Oh, dear." "Bang." 815 00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,040 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 816 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:06,760 This way. Finally, I made it to to the Buddha's car park. 817 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,000 Victory is mine! 818 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:10,680 But that wasn't the finishing line. 819 00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,480 Go where? Where? 820 00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:17,240 Run! Come on, go, go, go! Just leave it, leave it, leave it! 821 00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:18,560 That's not a temple. 822 00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:22,880 We were now converging on the Buddha up two different paths. 823 00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:26,960 Are you sure we haven't overshot it? Come on! 824 00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,680 No! 825 00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,320 Please, God... don't let them be here. 826 00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:45,360 HE PANTS HEAVILY 827 00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:52,160 They aren't here. 828 00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,560 A car just beat the Bullet Train. 829 01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,720 That's Buddha! This is the Buddha to road safety! 830 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:15,880 And this wall was 12th century, erm...so you remember from the lecture I was giving you... 831 01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:17,680 Hi, guys! Oh. 832 01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:21,640 Just interesting...how this is a different century to that. 833 01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,160 Yeah. Yeah. 834 01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:27,920 You ran up there as well? Oh, yeah. 835 01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,040 Congratulations. 836 01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,720 How long have you been here? Really not long. 837 01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:34,600 Genuinely? Honestly? 838 01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:38,440 Three minutes 12 seconds. 839 01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,040 That is so close. 840 01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:43,560 Thanks, Buddha. You looked after him. 841 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,800 Disappointed! Wait for it. 842 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:51,360 TRANSLATOR SPEAKS JAPANESE Which is? That's the Japanese... For? "Oh, cock!" 843 01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:13,760 Now, look, 844 01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:17,880 we do arrange those races so that we know they're going to be close, but even so. 845 01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:23,040 That really was astonishing. Anyway, there's not much else to say now, except thank you, Tokyo, 846 01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:26,840 for being empty and thank you very much for watching. 847 01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:28,560 See you next week, good night! 848 01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:30,000 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:10,00 www.opensubtitles.org