1 00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:40,212 UK as we look at the outlook for Tonight, Richard tries to start 2 00:00:40,252 --> 00:00:44,492 Your applause is very kind because since we were last here, 3 00:00:44,532 --> 00:00:47,120 In order to reflect that doom and despondency, 4 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,232 we obviously had to make some changes in this series. 5 00:00:50,272 --> 00:00:53,840 So coming up now, what we have is a- taster of what you can expect, 6 00:00:53,880 --> 00:01:05,324 some of the down-to-earth real-world stuff, over the next seven weeks. 7 00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:11,356 Get out of my way, Frenchists! 8 00:01:11,396 --> 00:01:16,416 How is that happening?! 9 00:01:16,456 --> 00:01:21,948 They're hot for James May right now. 10 00:01:21,988 --> 00:01:28,384 What do we want? Aston Martin! 11 00:01:28,424 --> 00:01:40,260 Dear God! 12 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,168 Do you actually do anything to your hair? 13 00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:46,200 Well, I wash it. 14 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:52,232 They're turning my car into a colander. 15 00:01:52,272 --> 00:01:54,260 What a pillock. 16 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,104 Sand! 17 00:01:57,144 --> 00:02:02,232 I mended something! 18 00:02:02,272 --> 00:02:08,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 19 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:12,040 Yeah, we messed that up, yeah... 20 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,136 Yeah, OK, we got... We got that a bit wrong, 21 00:02:16,176 --> 00:02:18,512 cos basically we drew up a list of all the things 22 00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:23,512 we're not supposed to do and then we just did that list of things. 23 00:02:23,552 --> 00:02:27,120 Yeah, but why not? We don't to doom and gloom, we do fun and games. 24 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,572 That's exactly right. So let's get on with this letter, which we have received. 25 00:02:31,612 --> 00:02:34,416 It says, "Dear Top Gear, what would- your programme have been like 26 00:02:34,456 --> 00:02:38,136 "if you were making it 60 years ago?" 27 00:02:38,176 --> 00:02:39,280 Simple. 28 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:46,448 Exactly the same. 29 00:02:46,488 --> 00:02:53,888 You join us in 1949 for a race. 30 00:02:53,928 --> 00:02:59,356 It's between the fastest car in the world, the Jaguar XK120, 31 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:03,356 the fastest bike in the world, the Vincent Black Shadow, 32 00:03:03,396 --> 00:03:09,056 and this. 33 00:03:09,096 --> 00:03:15,448 This Peppercorn A1 Pacific Class steam locomotive is not the fastest train in the world. 34 00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:18,824 But because it was completed only three years ago, weirdly, 35 00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:27,448 it is the most modern train working in Britain today. 36 00:03:27,488 --> 00:03:30,888 So, the race. We would start at King's Cross in London 37 00:03:30,928 --> 00:03:33,104 and finish 400 miles away 38 00:03:33,144 --> 00:03:37,480 at the bar of the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh. 39 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,792 The train would go on LNER's East Coast line, 40 00:03:39,832 --> 00:03:43,696 while the car and bike would go up the Great North Road, 41 00:03:43,736 --> 00:03:49,076 because it's 1949 and motorways haven't been invented yet. 42 00:03:49,116 --> 00:03:54,668 So all we had to do now was decide who'd go in what. 43 00:03:54,708 --> 00:03:56,544 Is this one of your special hats? 44 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,572 No. Do you wear just this hat and nothing else sometimes? 45 00:03:58,612 --> 00:04:03,200 Just pick a piece of paper. Come on, Hammond, you go first. OK. 46 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:08,212 That's the label. Oh God, yes. Arseholes. 47 00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:11,280 And? I've got... 48 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,932 I've got the bike! 49 00:04:13,972 --> 00:04:16,852 There is a God. There is a God! 50 00:04:16,892 --> 00:04:19,232 That wouldn't really have worked. No, it wouldn't. Ready? 51 00:04:19,272 --> 00:04:22,572 May I? 52 00:04:22,612 --> 00:04:25,684 Aww... What do you mean, "Aww"? I'm on the train. 53 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:29,668 I wanted to go on the train. 54 00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:31,920 I certainly didn't want to go on the train, 55 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,696 because the Black Shadow was my boyhood dream bike. 56 00:04:35,736 --> 00:04:39,604 I mean, as any biker will tell you, this thing is an icon. 57 00:04:39,644 --> 00:04:42,948 Just as all heavy-metal can trace its roots back to Led Zeppelin, 58 00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:46,588 all modern superbikes can trace their roots back to this. 59 00:04:46,628 --> 00:04:48,448 This is Genesis. 60 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,448 It really is that important. It's going to be an honour to ride it. 61 00:04:52,488 --> 00:04:55,244 If I'm honest, I'm absolutely chuffed to bits to be going 62 00:04:55,284 --> 00:05:00,620 in the car, especially an XK120, because this is the car that made Jaguar. 63 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:04,920 When it was launched, it was the fastest car in the world - it did 126! 64 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,512 And yet, it was incredibly good value because it was £1,200, 65 00:05:08,552 --> 00:05:12,244 which in today's money, is about 35 grand. 66 00:05:12,284 --> 00:05:14,104 So you got a Bugatti Veyron 67 00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:16,808 for the price of a middling 5 Series. 68 00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:19,640 It's magnificent. 69 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:24,260 As the others drooled, I was in for a shock. 70 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:27,368 Hi there, how are you? Hi there, how are you. Nice to see you. 71 00:05:27,408 --> 00:05:30,872 So, is that where I'm driving it? 72 00:05:30,912 --> 00:05:33,056 Unfortunately, no. 73 00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:34,776 You're the other side. 74 00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:36,528 You've got the fire. 75 00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:38,120 What, I'm shovelling the coal? 76 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:48,056 'I'd be shovelling a lot of coal - 77 00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:49,760 'eight tonnes of it.' 78 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,840 But even so, at exactly 7.23 and a bit, the race began. 79 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,872 Go! 80 00:05:53,912 --> 00:05:55,640 STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS 81 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:02,684 I've got to get changed! I'll do that now. 82 00:06:02,724 --> 00:06:06,776 IGNITION FIRES 83 00:06:06,816 --> 00:06:09,588 Jesus! 84 00:06:09,628 --> 00:06:18,480 Absolute piece of cake. 85 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,760 Obviously, Hammond has to go and put his leather romper suit on. 86 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,964 I've had to turn a key and press a button and I'm off. 87 00:06:27,004 --> 00:06:31,996 What a great idea the car was. 88 00:06:32,036 --> 00:06:34,648 What's the top speed of an A1? 89 00:06:34,688 --> 00:06:37,996 75. Is that all?! 90 00:06:38,036 --> 00:06:41,244 We're limited to 75. 91 00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:45,308 Why don't we do 100? They'll never know. Are there speed cameras? 92 00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:48,852 Yes. Yes. 93 00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:52,040 Finally, I was in my leathers and ready to go. 94 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:57,996 However, starting a Vincent is quite-tricky if you're a bit...erm, small. 95 00:06:58,036 --> 00:07:06,604 IGNITION SPLUTTERS 96 00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:11,776 Listen to that. It's a straight six, beautifully balanced... 97 00:07:11,816 --> 00:07:14,668 ENGINE SPLUTTERS 98 00:07:14,708 --> 00:07:17,136 This engine in one form or another remained in production 99 00:07:17,176 --> 00:07:23,492 until the mid-80s, that's how good it was. 100 00:07:23,532 --> 00:07:28,288 All Vincent Black Shadows came with a bloke in a black leather jacket to start it, 101 00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:31,560 rather than just press a button, which is so ordinary. 102 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,184 There's no sense of occasion. 103 00:07:33,224 --> 00:07:37,888 ENGINE STARTS 104 00:07:37,928 --> 00:07:42,528 At race speed, the train needed 33lbs of coal every mile. 105 00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:45,824 Feeding it was a massive job. 106 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:54,668 Oh no, I'm rubbish, I'm worse than rubbish! 107 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:59,888 The fact is that Jeremy Clarkson, on this journey, is a stoker. 108 00:07:59,928 --> 00:08:04,336 I should think he'll be dead by the end of the platform. 109 00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,212 It's so hot! 110 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:09,824 So noisy! 111 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,604 If you want to know what it's like in here, get under your stairs 112 00:08:13,644 --> 00:08:17,232 at home during an earthquake and spend eight hours 113 00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:25,040 looking at your central heating system. 114 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:29,648 Come on, coming through. Black Shadow coming through... 115 00:08:29,688 --> 00:08:32,400 'At last, I was on the move.' 116 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,492 When this thing was born... 117 00:08:34,532 --> 00:08:35,744 ENGINE SLOWS 118 00:08:35,784 --> 00:08:39,996 Oh no! Oh, oh God. 119 00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:48,640 A temporary glitch. 120 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,904 I, meanwhile, was praying for a breakdown. 121 00:08:51,944 --> 00:08:55,948 But this was unlikely. 122 00:08:55,988 --> 00:09:03,696 The A1s, in the 1940s, could do 250 miles a day, every day. 123 00:09:03,736 --> 00:09:08,684 They can do 150,000 miles between services. 124 00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:13,980 They were phenomenally reliable. 125 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:25,464 That's just enough steam to get us about another five miles. 126 00:09:25,504 --> 00:09:28,744 Oh, you BLEEP! 127 00:09:28,784 --> 00:09:30,560 Yeah, yeah, thank you! 128 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,528 At last, again, I was on the move. 129 00:09:33,568 --> 00:09:36,104 OK, a few things to get used to - 130 00:09:36,144 --> 00:09:39,640 the gear lever is on the other side of the bike. 131 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:43,448 So at the moment, every time I wantto break, I'm changing gear instead 132 00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:48,512 and if I want to change gear, I'm breaking. It's not ideal. 133 00:09:48,552 --> 00:09:52,200 The brakes are the originals and surprisingly good. 134 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:58,572 The only trouble is they're full of asbestos. 135 00:09:58,612 --> 00:10:03,028 Already, viewers, I'm at the beginning of the A1. 136 00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:05,560 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 137 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:10,324 Everything's lovely in Jagworld. 138 00:10:10,364 --> 00:10:13,076 The train, however, was doing even better. 139 00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:17,512 Where are we? Just gone through Potters Bar, so the M25. 140 00:10:17,552 --> 00:10:21,136 We've been under way 13 minutes and already we're at where the M25 141 00:10:21,176 --> 00:10:26,244 would be if it had been built, which it hasn't. 142 00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:31,964 Though the train had opened up a big lead, it would need to stop four times on the journey for water. 143 00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:35,980 That would take time. 144 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:39,544 Steam engines. They're beautiful things, 145 00:10:39,584 --> 00:10:42,136 they're romantic, the technology is fascinating, 146 00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:45,808 but they were already 20, 30 years out of date by 1949. 147 00:10:45,848 --> 00:10:49,492 It's all doomed. 148 00:10:49,532 --> 00:10:51,308 The car is the future. 149 00:10:51,348 --> 00:10:53,280 People can see it already. 150 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,200 We've got a problem. 151 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,104 We've got a problem! With what? We have a problem. 152 00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:06,792 We've got a steam leak somewhere, we don't know where. A leak? 153 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:10,260 If the car had any problems, they weren't from 1949 - 154 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,040 they were from 2009. 155 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:19,056 Temporary 40mph speed limit enforced by average speed cameras. 156 00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:23,104 No-one working! 157 00:11:23,144 --> 00:11:28,200 Finally, on the A1, the Vincent wasunleashed and hunting down the Jag. 158 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,464 I am now straddling my boyhood hero.- No, no, wait. That's not right. 159 00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:34,920 Between my legs... No. 160 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,904 No, my point is, think what this was like 50 years ago! 161 00:11:38,944 --> 00:11:43,480 There was everybody else, tootling around in Austins and Fords and God knows whatever 162 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:48,588 dreary nonsense, and you comeharing along on a 125mph superbike. 163 00:11:48,628 --> 00:11:51,588 This was so far beyond anything else. 164 00:11:51,628 --> 00:12:00,008 In fact, the Black Shadow remained the fastest production bike in the world until 1973. 165 00:12:00,048 --> 00:12:02,932 To fix our steam leak, we needed to get to our water stop 166 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,008 in Grantham ahead of schedule. 167 00:12:05,048 --> 00:12:08,716 We had to fly and that wasn't going to be easy. 168 00:12:08,756 --> 00:12:11,464 You are now climbing to 25 miles. 169 00:12:11,504 --> 00:12:12,920 What, climbing? 170 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,808 Yeah, it's uphill for the next 25 miles. 171 00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:26,120 Keeping this thing at top speed while going uphill meant the shovelling would be torture. 172 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,640 Black Shadow, coming through. 173 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:33,212 Traffic jams. Bad for the Jag, great for the bike. 174 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:41,152 Where are you, May? 175 00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:44,288 My legs are like jelly! 176 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:48,716 Eight hours of shovelling and plumbing. 177 00:12:48,756 --> 00:13:01,104 'If the shovelling didn't get me, the back draft of soot in the tunnels would.' 178 00:13:01,144 --> 00:13:06,932 Seat's nice, smells nice, view's nice, noise is nice. 179 00:13:06,972 --> 00:13:08,716 Morning, moderners. 180 00:13:08,756 --> 00:13:15,604 Meanwhile, far behind... 181 00:13:15,644 --> 00:13:19,040 This is what the Black Shadow was built to deal with. 182 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:24,336 Continual, heavy drizzle. Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. 183 00:13:24,376 --> 00:13:27,744 I love the bike, it's still my hero. 184 00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:31,448 Steve McQueen had one, you know. 185 00:13:31,488 --> 00:13:36,416 On the train, my furious shovelling- up the hill had produced results. 186 00:13:36,456 --> 00:13:41,648 Here's the deal. We're due into Grantham at 9.07 - 187 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,260 It's actually 9 o'clock on the dot. 188 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:48,168 We've got to be out of this station- by 9.20. 189 00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:51,152 So we've got 17 minutes to refill it with water. 190 00:13:51,192 --> 00:13:53,008 4,000 gallons? 191 00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:55,528 We need 4,000 gallons. 4,000 gallons. 192 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,980 And fix that pipe. Yes. 193 00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:01,088 And, of course, while we were stationary, 194 00:14:01,128 --> 00:14:04,980 the others would be catching up. 195 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:09,056 Come on. We are in the world's fastest car. 196 00:14:09,096 --> 00:14:11,792 Peasant! 197 00:14:11,832 --> 00:14:17,308 I still ride bikes because it's a bit naughty. 198 00:14:17,348 --> 00:14:20,512 And this, the Vincent Black Shadow, 199 00:14:20,552 --> 00:14:23,336 come on, it's the naughtiest of them all. 200 00:14:23,376 --> 00:14:25,888 It is just a comic book character. 201 00:14:25,928 --> 00:14:37,400 Raif Montague-Smythe had a deadlysecret. For he was the Black Shadow. 202 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,604 That's funny(!) 203 00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:44,920 'As the water flooded in, I took some time to inspect this incredible machine, 204 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:51,668 'which has been made because no-one ever thought to preserve one of the original Peppercorns.' 205 00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:56,480 Then, one day, someone found the original designs in a skip 206 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:01,184 in York. £3 million was raised and this is the result. 207 00:15:01,224 --> 00:15:04,244 It took them 19 years to build it. 208 00:15:04,284 --> 00:15:07,260 19 years. 209 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:12,152 And every single piece had to be made by hand. 210 00:15:12,192 --> 00:15:18,104 I mean, look at this beautiful RSJ. 211 00:15:18,144 --> 00:15:22,384 You know, if somebody rang me up and said, "Can you make a spring that goes in there 212 00:15:22,424 --> 00:15:28,964 "that's exactly the same as the one- that was fitted in the '40s, by hand, and for next to nothing." 213 00:15:29,004 --> 00:15:44,120 It's an exquisite thing. 214 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,260 And another six hours running. 215 00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,760 I tell you what, I'll be fitter when I get there. 216 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,040 I'm sure you will be. Fitter than I've ever been in my life. Or you'll be dead. 217 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,852 Well, if I do, listen, fling me on the fire. 218 00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:56,920 Use me as fuel to beat Hammond and May. 219 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,280 With the water loaded and the leak fixed, I rang James. 220 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,184 May, how you doing? 221 00:16:03,224 --> 00:16:06,356 I'm about 30 miles from Grantham. 222 00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:10,852 30 miles south of Grantham? James, you're not even in the same century. 223 00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:13,728 You are history, May. You are history. 224 00:16:13,768 --> 00:16:15,792 You're in the lead but not for long, mate. 225 00:16:15,832 --> 00:16:22,384 Trouble is, I'd have to stop for fuel, only I didn't know when. 226 00:16:22,424 --> 00:16:25,920 Now, this is worrying. The owner of this car has told me 227 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,920 that when the petrol gauge reads a quarter full, 228 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,232 it's actually empty and it's going to stop. 229 00:16:31,272 --> 00:16:33,760 And I've suddenly noticed that it's taken a bit of a dive 230 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,980 and it's about that much above quarter. 231 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:43,888 At the next service station, I chickened out and pulled in. 232 00:16:43,928 --> 00:16:47,824 That's already up to £13, 10 shillings and sixpence. 233 00:16:47,864 --> 00:16:50,792 In 1949, you could buy a house for that. 234 00:16:50,832 --> 00:16:54,716 'Inflation wasn't my biggest problem, though.' 235 00:16:54,756 --> 00:16:59,368 Ha! I do believe I'm now in the lead. 236 00:16:59,408 --> 00:17:01,684 Ha-ha, ha-ha! 237 00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:05,244 Because the Jag drinks fuel. 238 00:17:05,284 --> 00:17:07,184 That was a disaster. 239 00:17:07,224 --> 00:17:09,136 Come on, come on, come on. 240 00:17:09,176 --> 00:17:15,288 The game of leapfrog between the car and the bike was now on. 241 00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:19,932 But could either of us bring down the mighty Tornado? 242 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,964 250 miles to Edinburgh. 243 00:17:22,004 --> 00:17:27,280 We just saw a sign. 250. 244 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:34,436 We've got this one in the bag. 245 00:17:34,476 --> 00:17:39,904 APPLAUSE 246 00:17:39,944 --> 00:17:42,980 Like I said... 247 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:47,696 Exactly the same. 1949, exactly the same. 248 00:17:47,736 --> 00:17:50,964 Same old, same old. And we shall pick that up later on, 249 00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:54,640 but now it is time to do the news. 250 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,824 As we know, to try and shore up the car industry, the Government announced that if you scrap 251 00:17:58,864 --> 00:18:05,464 your old Singer Gazelle, you get £2,000 off the price of a new car. Why is it just cars? 252 00:18:05,504 --> 00:18:07,076 What are you suggesting? 253 00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:10,260 "Dear Government, I've just found some rancid bacon in my fridge. 254 00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:14,528 "Can I have a big pile of money to buy a shiny new lobster?" 255 00:18:14,568 --> 00:18:16,324 Would it work for dogs? 256 00:18:16,364 --> 00:18:19,888 Cos when your dog's getting oldand incontinent and you have to... 257 00:18:19,928 --> 00:18:23,888 Peter Mandelson's going to come round and put your dog to sleep? 258 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,852 He's not going to put it to sleep, he's going to kill it. 259 00:18:26,892 --> 00:18:29,964 Technically, yeah, that's what it...yeah. Any vets here? 260 00:18:30,004 --> 00:18:32,904 Cos, you know... You are a vet? 261 00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:34,948 No, a vet student. A vet student? 262 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,356 Well, be careful because I found out the other day 263 00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:40,384 vets have one of the highest suicide rates in the world. 264 00:18:40,424 --> 00:18:43,948 And I know why. It's because, when you have children who love animals, 265 00:18:43,988 --> 00:18:46,728 they always say, "I want to be a vet when I grow older," OK? 266 00:18:46,768 --> 00:18:48,948 Then they discover when they become a vet all they do is drive 267 00:18:48,988 --> 00:18:54,668 around the countryside all day, executing puppies. That's all you'll do. 268 00:18:54,708 --> 00:18:57,572 So, in fact, according to that theory, the only people who should be 269 00:18:57,612 --> 00:19:01,356 allowed to be vets are children who hate animals. Yes. 270 00:19:01,396 --> 00:19:05,260 You like animals? You're going to spend your life just boof. 271 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:10,416 "Here little girl. Is this your puppy?" Boof. There it is. 272 00:19:10,456 --> 00:19:13,244 Have you chosen your weapon yet? What are you going to use? 273 00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:16,056 I'd have two in holsters. Yeah! 274 00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:19,932 Or a croquet mallet for somebody's tortoise that's not well. 275 00:19:19,972 --> 00:19:21,888 LAUGHTER 276 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,588 Sorry. We're going to put her off. Work hard and become a vet. 277 00:19:24,628 --> 00:19:26,852 Just don't kill yourself. 278 00:19:26,892 --> 00:19:28,888 I thought vets had the highest suicide rate 279 00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:31,560 because they're the only people allowed to have pistols. 280 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,852 What's pistols got to do with it? Cos it's easier. 281 00:19:34,892 --> 00:19:38,260 Than what? I've only got a shotgun and it's quite long. 282 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,792 You know, you've got to get your toe in it. 283 00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:41,904 If you had a pistol, you'd have shot yourself by now? 284 00:19:41,944 --> 00:19:45,008 Oh, years ago. Vet! 285 00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:49,416 I'm sorry but we have gone off topic slightly. Back to Top Gear. 286 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,184 Can I talk about a car again? Yes, go. 287 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,824 News of a new Skoda. Here it is. 288 00:19:53,864 --> 00:19:57,288 A version of the Fabia. They've called it the Scout, 289 00:19:57,328 --> 00:20:00,076 so presumably it comes with a 10p piece, a bit of string in the glove box, 290 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:04,920 and pitches up on your doorstep once- a year to ask for a pound to clean itself. 291 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,416 I suppose every summer it goes off and stays in the countryside 292 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:12,212 somewhere and is touched inappropriately? 293 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,588 No, no, James... No, no, James... 294 00:20:14,628 --> 00:20:18,464 That's the Skoda Catholic Church. 295 00:20:18,504 --> 00:20:21,056 Now, we've gone off topic again, haven't we? Quite badly, yes. 296 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:23,088 Now, we have some bad news. 297 00:20:23,128 --> 00:20:25,088 Dacia Sandero? 298 00:20:25,128 --> 00:20:27,620 Not the Dacia Sandero. Worse news. 299 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:32,464 The Peel P50 is no longer the smallest car in the world. 300 00:20:32,504 --> 00:20:36,888 Oh, no(!) How will that affect us all, in any way at all? 301 00:20:36,928 --> 00:20:42,184 You know those little kiddy cars that do that in motorway service stations if you put 10p in them? 302 00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:46,776 A man has taken one of those, put an engine in it and created this. 303 00:20:46,816 --> 00:20:49,244 Wow! 304 00:20:49,284 --> 00:20:50,368 LAUGHTER 305 00:20:50,408 --> 00:20:53,200 I presume you mean the one on the right, not the Honda! 306 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:58,464 Now, the only problem is he hasn't really left enough space in it for him. 307 00:20:58,504 --> 00:21:02,152 He's trapped himself, 308 00:21:02,192 --> 00:21:03,964 Locked in a tomb! It must be scary driving along, 309 00:21:04,004 --> 00:21:09,996 only knowing where you are by things that have gone past. And slightly to the side. 310 00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:12,872 I heard that. I can't even be bothered to look. 311 00:21:12,912 --> 00:21:14,808 I can't even be bothered to look. 312 00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:18,776 We didn't say anything about, "Richard Hammond's ideal car." 313 00:21:18,816 --> 00:21:20,560 Who said that? Now somebody back there has. 314 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,260 Big fella here with the tattoos. 315 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,948 Getting off topic, just for a moment. I was driving here this morning 316 00:21:25,988 --> 00:21:31,492 and I noticed that my Mercedes said on the dashboard. "Your service is due." 317 00:21:31,532 --> 00:21:37,056 I just thought, how Germanic and boring is that? It's very precise. 318 00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,028 Then I was thinking, what's going to happen on the 27th day 319 00:21:39,068 --> 00:21:43,212 when, inevitably, I still haven't had it serviced? 320 00:21:43,252 --> 00:21:45,280 MOCK GERMAN ACCENT: "Cooler, three veeks." 321 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,544 LAUGHTER 322 00:21:49,584 --> 00:21:53,436 It's funny you should say this, because my little Fiat's overdue for a service. 323 00:21:53,476 --> 00:21:54,840 I was driving along and all of a sudden 324 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,648 this picture of a spanner appeared on the dashboard. 325 00:21:58,688 --> 00:22:02,184 That's what it's calling you. "You are a spanner." 326 00:22:02,224 --> 00:22:04,288 Is that what it is? 327 00:22:04,328 --> 00:22:05,824 So if I continue to ignore it like I am doing, 328 00:22:05,864 --> 00:22:10,308 it turns into a picture of the end of a bell or what? 329 00:22:10,348 --> 00:22:14,572 A map of Tasmania. A big picture of a male chicken. 330 00:22:14,612 --> 00:22:18,684 Now, last of all, I want to mention this. 331 00:22:18,724 --> 00:22:23,104 Land Rover has launched a mobile phone which they say is as tough as their vehicles. 332 00:22:23,144 --> 00:22:26,604 I've got a picture of it here. 333 00:22:26,644 --> 00:22:30,200 There you go. What I want to know is why is it covered in diarrhoea? 334 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,104 LAUGHTER 335 00:22:32,144 --> 00:22:35,668 It is. Look at it. That is unquestionably excrement. 336 00:22:35,708 --> 00:22:37,400 Maybe they're trying to say it's tough enough 337 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:42,168 to survive a trip through your digestive system and still be... Oh, my God. 338 00:22:42,208 --> 00:22:44,572 Look who's digestive system. 339 00:22:44,612 --> 00:22:47,792 Sir Ranulph Fiennes. Can we get this on here? 340 00:22:47,832 --> 00:22:51,696 It's actually Ranulph Fiennes' diarrhoea. It's been through him. 341 00:22:51,736 --> 00:22:54,168 What he's actually saying is, "I was all bunged up 342 00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:56,776 "until the phone came out, and thatwas it, it opened the floodgates." 343 00:22:56,816 --> 00:22:57,948 Look at all this! 344 00:22:57,988 --> 00:23:00,028 You can see he's just come back from Nepal. 345 00:23:00,068 --> 00:23:03,668 He's in a lake of poo! That explains his pained expression. Look at that. 346 00:23:03,708 --> 00:23:06,572 Oh, dear. Do you think he passed the Land Rover as well? 347 00:23:06,612 --> 00:23:11,560 Oh my giddy aunt, he did, he ate his Land Rover. Anyway, that is it. 348 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,684 Let's get a picture of Ranulph Fiennes' excrement off the screen 349 00:23:14,724 --> 00:23:16,288 because I want to move on. 350 00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:20,640 See, the thing is, when you're eight, everybody wants a supercar. 351 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,888 But you can never really afford one- until you are 58, 352 00:23:23,928 --> 00:23:27,168 by which time your skeleton is too old and too creaky to get inside. 353 00:23:27,208 --> 00:23:30,920 There has never been a comfortable supercar. 354 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,120 Bit like a comfortable guided missile. 355 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:39,280 Until now. 356 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,904 This is a new Lotus. 357 00:23:43,944 --> 00:23:48,260 It's called the Evora. 358 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:53,448 While that makes it sound like a ladies dress shop in Harrogate, 359 00:23:53,488 --> 00:23:59,212 it presses all the right supercar buttons. 360 00:23:59,252 --> 00:24:02,840 The engine is in the middle... 361 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,492 It's low... 362 00:24:04,532 --> 00:24:06,356 It's swoopy... 363 00:24:06,396 --> 00:24:13,028 and it's as agile as a water boatman in a kettle. 364 00:24:13,068 --> 00:24:16,808 Woo-hoo! 365 00:24:16,848 --> 00:24:20,008 Ha-ha-ha! 366 00:24:20,048 --> 00:24:29,728 What a car! 367 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:34,996 Even by supercar standards, this is fantastic. 368 00:24:35,036 --> 00:24:39,492 Properly, properly fantastic. 369 00:24:39,532 --> 00:24:43,544 Right, I want to go in that direction, now I want to go in that direction, 370 00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:50,184 now I want to go there. This is amazing. 371 00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:53,480 This is handling by telepathy. 372 00:24:53,520 --> 00:25:00,184 I'm not steering now, I'm simply using the power of suggestion. 373 00:25:00,224 --> 00:25:05,888 There we go... 374 00:25:05,928 --> 00:25:08,716 Where this differs from a normal supercar, though, 375 00:25:08,756 --> 00:25:12,212 is what happens when you crash. 376 00:25:12,252 --> 00:25:14,464 O-o-oh, no! 377 00:25:14,504 --> 00:25:15,560 A-a-argh... 378 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,620 Oh... 379 00:25:16,660 --> 00:25:24,448 This is not so bad. 380 00:25:24,488 --> 00:25:28,620 This car is so comfortable, that when you crash off the road 381 00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:33,232 and end up in a field full of buttercups, it doesn't really matter. 382 00:25:33,272 --> 00:25:36,760 You barely notice. If I were in a Ferrari now, driving off-road, 383 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,948 my skeleton would be disintegrating. 384 00:25:39,988 --> 00:25:44,604 My torso, well, it would just become a big bag of mush. 385 00:25:44,644 --> 00:25:53,088 But in this, the suspension is absorbing the knocks, not me. 386 00:25:53,128 --> 00:25:55,920 Where is the track? 387 00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:02,368 It is extraordinary that a car which is soft enough to do this... 388 00:26:02,408 --> 00:26:08,528 ..is hard enough to do this. 389 00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,980 It's unbelievably good. 390 00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:15,152 It's the only car I've ever driven,- ever, which is a killer attack dog 391 00:26:15,192 --> 00:26:18,888 and an old sofa. 392 00:26:18,928 --> 00:26:24,492 That makes it perfect for the Saga-lout. 393 00:26:24,532 --> 00:26:37,288 And there's more good news. 394 00:26:37,328 --> 00:26:40,980 There are seats in the back for your grandchildren. 395 00:26:41,020 --> 00:26:44,480 Although they'll have to adopt the lotus position to get in. 396 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,980 We have a boot which is big enough for all your cat food requirements, 397 00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:50,872 even if your cat is a tiger. I know what you're thinking now, 398 00:26:50,912 --> 00:26:53,824 you're thinking, "Hang on a minute. 399 00:26:53,864 --> 00:26:57,824 "If the seats are here and the boot's here and the front 400 00:26:57,864 --> 00:27:01,088 "is all full of mechanical witchcraft, 401 00:27:01,128 --> 00:27:03,560 "where have they put the engine?" 402 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,464 Well, I'll tell you. 403 00:27:05,504 --> 00:27:11,648 It's about here. 404 00:27:11,688 --> 00:27:16,368 The average supercar has a massive V1,000,000 engine that takes up all the space, 405 00:27:16,408 --> 00:27:22,932 but the ladies' dress shop uses a small V6 from the car you used to have - 406 00:27:22,972 --> 00:27:26,760 A Toyota Camry. 407 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,696 So it's not the most powerful car in the world 408 00:27:29,736 --> 00:27:33,200 and its not, surprisingly, the lightest. 409 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,492 Which means, of course, it isn't the fastest either. 410 00:27:37,532 --> 00:27:43,088 0-60 takes 5.1 seconds and you'd need an awful long runway 411 00:27:43,128 --> 00:27:51,512 to reach the top speed, which apparently is 163. 412 00:27:51,552 --> 00:27:58,696 Talk among yourselves. 413 00:27:58,736 --> 00:28:02,260 That's 140 and it's time to brake. 414 00:28:02,300 --> 00:28:07,792 They're good. They're very good. 415 00:28:07,832 --> 00:28:13,996 The thing is, though, it's a good engine. It sounds meaty- without being deafening. 416 00:28:14,036 --> 00:28:18,184 It's torquey too, and it's very economical. 417 00:28:18,224 --> 00:28:22,212 You should get 30 miles to the gallon. 418 00:28:22,252 --> 00:28:24,932 There are some drawbacks, though. 419 00:28:24,972 --> 00:28:28,212 The interior may be spacious and light but it appears to have been 420 00:28:28,252 --> 00:28:37,088 put together by someone who thinks a Porsche is the bit that sticks out from the front of your house. 421 00:28:37,128 --> 00:28:42,212 Everything sounds and feels... 422 00:28:42,252 --> 00:28:45,416 a bit tinny. And there's more. 423 00:28:45,456 --> 00:28:48,384 All you can see in the dials is a reflection of whatever weather 424 00:28:48,424 --> 00:28:50,588 happens to be prevailing at the time. 425 00:28:50,628 --> 00:28:52,416 The buttons appear to be the result 426 00:28:52,456 --> 00:28:57,356 of some primary school painting competition and the sat nav system 427 00:28:57,396 --> 00:29:00,640 is so un-understandable, I'd simply remove it 428 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:06,560 and use the space to store my Werther's Originals. 429 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:14,324 As a result of this, some say you're better off spending your £50,000 on a Porsche Coxter instead. 430 00:29:14,364 --> 00:29:30,716 Trust me on this one, though - you aren't. 431 00:29:30,756 --> 00:29:34,260 APPLAUSE 432 00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:38,336 Nothing like an Elise. It's unbelievable. 433 00:29:38,376 --> 00:29:42,244 Very, very good. But... 434 00:29:42,284 --> 00:29:44,200 What? 50 grand. 435 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,904 50,000? £50,000. It's a lot. I admit, 50,000 is a lot, 436 00:29:49,944 --> 00:29:55,120 OK, for a car made by turnip farmers out of melted down toilet seats. 437 00:29:55,160 --> 00:30:00,852 But if you compare that to a Ferrari 430, and you can, it's the bargain of the century. 438 00:30:00,892 --> 00:30:06,168 Yeah, but it's not as fast as a 430.- No, Ferrari 430 is here. 1.22.9. 439 00:30:06,208 --> 00:30:11,008 Now, we put that around earlier today and it did a 1.25.7. 440 00:30:11,048 --> 00:30:14,512 But look at that. Oh, we'll ignore that... 441 00:30:14,552 --> 00:30:16,008 Oh, that's awkward. The Exige was quicker. 442 00:30:16,048 --> 00:30:17,840 But it's the same as a five-litre Gallardo Spyder. 443 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,008 A tremendous achievement. 444 00:30:20,048 --> 00:30:22,480 But we're not going to show you that lap, because instead, 445 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,840 we've got something much, much more expensive. 446 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,308 Yes we have and here it is. 447 00:30:28,348 --> 00:30:30,668 It's the Ferrari FXX. 448 00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:35,212 It's a bit like an Enzo except it has 860 horse power. 449 00:30:35,252 --> 00:30:41,744 Even though it costs £1 million, none of the 30 people who have bought one have ever taken delivery. 450 00:30:41,784 --> 00:30:45,668 Seriously, OK, you buy this car and then Ferrari keep it at the factory. 451 00:30:45,708 --> 00:30:47,920 Yeah, they will take it to a race track so you can borrow 452 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,184 your car for the day, then they take it away again. 453 00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:55,448 The point is, OK, since it's here and since we believe it could go very near to the top 454 00:30:55,488 --> 00:30:58,728 of our leader board, we thought that you would prefer to see 455 00:30:58,768 --> 00:31:02,980 this do a lap in the hands of our tame racing driver. 456 00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:08,288 Some say that he invented the curtain and that he recently 457 00:31:08,328 --> 00:31:14,852 submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel... 458 00:31:14,892 --> 00:31:17,244 for his moat. 459 00:31:17,284 --> 00:31:21,544 All we know is, he's called the Stig. 460 00:31:21,584 --> 00:31:22,904 And he's off! 461 00:31:22,944 --> 00:31:25,492 Lots of wheel-spin off the line but this car has lots of power. 462 00:31:25,532 --> 00:31:28,464 Almost as much, in fact, as an F1 car. 463 00:31:28,504 --> 00:31:30,744 First corner comes in fast, as it needs to, 464 00:31:30,784 --> 00:31:35,964 to keep the massive wing-generated down-force. Stig, working hard. 465 00:31:36,004 --> 00:31:40,244 No music, thankfully, because the FXX doesn't have a stereo. 466 00:31:40,284 --> 00:31:42,244 Just look at the way it glides round Chicago. 467 00:31:42,284 --> 00:31:45,980 It's like Batman on a track day. Hammerhead, now. How will it cope? 468 00:31:46,020 --> 00:31:48,212 I'm guessing well. 469 00:31:48,252 --> 00:31:50,744 But look how it reacted to that bump! 470 00:31:50,784 --> 00:31:52,416 I've never seen a car do that before. 471 00:31:52,456 --> 00:31:55,480 Is the Stig phased? Hard to tell. 472 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,336 But let's assume not. 473 00:31:57,376 --> 00:31:59,744 Follow Through...surely, even with down-force, the mighty power 474 00:31:59,784 --> 00:32:02,840 of the 6.3 litre V12 means he'll have to lift off. 475 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,640 I don't think he did! I don't think he did! 476 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,280 So, just two corners left. 477 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:12,904 Here we go. And look now, look at the brake discs glowing red hot. 478 00:32:12,944 --> 00:32:16,572 This is like a Formula One car. But with a windscreen wiper. 479 00:32:16,612 --> 00:32:18,368 Just Gambon left. 480 00:32:18,408 --> 00:32:21,696 Here he comes. Just flies through there, and across the line. 481 00:32:21,736 --> 00:32:26,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 482 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:32,668 So the Gumpert, 1.17.1. 483 00:32:32,708 --> 00:32:34,384 Ready? 484 00:32:34,424 --> 00:32:38,040 1.17.1 to beat. 485 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,696 The FXX did it 1.10.7! 486 00:32:41,736 --> 00:32:46,212 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 487 00:32:46,252 --> 00:32:51,200 What?! Blitzed it. Unbelievable, unbelievable! 488 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,436 Staggering! 489 00:32:52,476 --> 00:32:55,512 Can we keep the doors closed? Why's the door open? 490 00:32:55,552 --> 00:32:58,448 Who opened the door? 491 00:32:58,488 --> 00:33:02,448 You can't come in. It's engaged. 492 00:33:02,488 --> 00:33:04,604 Is that the Stig? 493 00:33:04,644 --> 00:33:08,544 Why would he come in here? The Stig has come among us. I know what this is. 494 00:33:08,584 --> 00:33:11,560 I know exactly what this is. 495 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,088 He was telling me the other day he's been fed up with newspapers, 496 00:33:14,128 --> 00:33:15,776 and I suppose internet geeks as well, 497 00:33:15,816 --> 00:33:19,560 speculating that he's a photocopier salesman from Bolton 498 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,212 or that he lives in a pebble-dashed house in Bristol. 499 00:33:22,252 --> 00:33:23,840 There has been a lot of that going on. 500 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,996 So he said, "First programme when we're back on air, 501 00:33:27,036 --> 00:33:32,416 "I'll come into the studio and I'll show everyone my head." 502 00:33:32,456 --> 00:33:35,136 He said that? You don't think he's... 503 00:33:35,176 --> 00:33:39,572 You think he's actually...? Who here wants to see that? Do you want to see that? 504 00:33:39,612 --> 00:33:42,684 CHEERING 505 00:33:42,724 --> 00:33:45,356 They're not that bothered. Who wants to see the Stig's head?! 506 00:33:45,396 --> 00:33:47,840 LOUD CHEERING 507 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:53,728 So, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, the Stig! 508 00:33:53,768 --> 00:33:55,668 CHEERING 509 00:33:55,708 --> 00:33:57,544 He's moving towards us. 510 00:33:57,584 --> 00:33:59,416 He's coming on the stage. 511 00:33:59,456 --> 00:34:02,544 Here he comes. 512 00:34:02,584 --> 00:34:04,872 Stand well back. 513 00:34:04,912 --> 00:34:09,356 If you'd just like to take a seat here please. 514 00:34:09,396 --> 00:34:17,888 The Stig, everybody! 515 00:34:17,928 --> 00:34:23,512 First of all, massive congratulations on that phenomenal Ferrari lap. 516 00:34:23,552 --> 00:34:25,604 We've never seen anything like that. 517 00:34:25,644 --> 00:34:30,368 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 518 00:34:30,408 --> 00:34:34,492 I'm buying time here. Because this obviously is... 519 00:34:34,532 --> 00:34:38,184 it's a big moment. My heart's fluttering. 520 00:34:38,224 --> 00:34:42,288 If you want to do it, on your head be it. 521 00:34:42,328 --> 00:34:46,028 Remove your helmet. 522 00:34:46,068 --> 00:34:49,232 He's changed his mind. I knew he would. 523 00:34:49,272 --> 00:34:51,840 Go on. Be brave. 524 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:56,260 Show the ladies and gentlemen that you're not a photocopier's... 525 00:34:56,300 --> 00:35:03,728 AUDIENCE: Off, off, off! 526 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:05,640 They want to see. 527 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,384 It's coming. Is it Susan Boyle? 528 00:35:07,424 --> 00:35:12,512 Is it Susan Boyle? 529 00:35:12,552 --> 00:35:15,200 Oh, my God! 530 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:20,076 Stand up, stand up! Look who it is! 531 00:35:20,116 --> 00:35:23,728 The Daily Mail was wrong. 532 00:35:23,768 --> 00:35:27,776 Oh, my God. 533 00:35:27,816 --> 00:35:32,776 Oh, you've got a head, ears, you've everything. 534 00:35:32,816 --> 00:35:38,668 Have a seat, cos there's so much I want to ask. 535 00:35:38,708 --> 00:35:40,852 Where do we start? 536 00:35:40,892 --> 00:35:47,980 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 537 00:35:48,020 --> 00:35:52,308 Honestly, where do we start? 538 00:35:52,348 --> 00:35:55,852 First of all, did you really once punch a horse to the ground? 539 00:35:55,892 --> 00:35:58,640 AUDIENCE LAUGHS 540 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,492 Well, I did think about it, 541 00:36:00,532 --> 00:36:03,368 but I have a wife, she loves horses. I ended up on the ground. 542 00:36:03,408 --> 00:36:05,948 The Stig is married to a horse lover. 543 00:36:05,988 --> 00:36:08,244 We've established something. 544 00:36:08,284 --> 00:36:12,588 Whatever can I ask? Are you illegal in 17 US states? 545 00:36:12,628 --> 00:36:18,416 No, that's much too exaggerated. It's only nine, if I... 546 00:36:18,456 --> 00:36:20,824 Nine, illegal in nine US states. 547 00:36:20,864 --> 00:36:22,464 I just can't believe it. 548 00:36:22,504 --> 00:36:24,464 Some people have told us that you only know two facts 549 00:36:24,504 --> 00:36:28,980 about ducks and both of them are wrong. Is that true? 550 00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:32,152 Well, obviously they don't fly. 551 00:36:32,192 --> 00:36:35,932 Yeah, they're right, you don't know anything about ducks. 552 00:36:35,972 --> 00:36:38,244 I can't believe it. The other thing, of course, I've got to ask you, 553 00:36:38,284 --> 00:36:40,668 before you pulled on the white suit, before you were famous, 554 00:36:40,708 --> 00:36:43,076 what's your real name? 555 00:36:43,116 --> 00:36:45,492 THEY LAUGH 556 00:36:45,532 --> 00:36:53,716 Come on, tell us. What is it? It's too amazing for words, all this. 557 00:36:53,756 --> 00:36:57,760 Well, you have to keep up some secrets. 558 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,356 Come on, everyone, who is he? 559 00:36:59,396 --> 00:37:01,384 It's Michael Schumacher! 560 00:37:01,424 --> 00:37:05,232 THEY CHEER 561 00:37:05,272 --> 00:37:09,996 And that's brilliant, because... 562 00:37:10,036 --> 00:37:12,808 We've got to ask something about Formula One, while you're here. 563 00:37:12,848 --> 00:37:17,356 The question I want to ask first of all is, why is Lewis Hamilton all of a sudden coming last? 564 00:37:17,396 --> 00:37:19,604 HE LAUGHS 565 00:37:19,644 --> 00:37:22,056 He was winning and now he isn't. 566 00:37:22,096 --> 00:37:25,824 Do you know the answer? Well, it is- very difficult, occasionally, 567 00:37:25,864 --> 00:37:27,904 when the car doesn't work out. 568 00:37:27,944 --> 00:37:34,840 And it's very obvious. Both of those-silver cars are not doing very well.- No, they don't work at all. 569 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:39,288 This brings me on to an interesting- point about this year's F1 World Championship. 570 00:37:39,328 --> 00:37:42,948 Mainly, a big friend of yours, obviously, Ross Brawn. 571 00:37:42,988 --> 00:37:45,368 Because when he was at Benetton, 572 00:37:45,408 --> 00:37:48,480 Benetton won. Then he went to Ferrari, Ferrari won. 573 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,336 And now he's got his own team and Brawn are winning. 574 00:37:52,376 --> 00:37:56,356 So I don't want to be impolite with- this question, but was it the car? 575 00:37:56,396 --> 00:38:00,028 THEY LAUGH 576 00:38:00,068 --> 00:38:02,232 Do you know what I mean? It's just,- when he was running the team... 577 00:38:02,272 --> 00:38:04,872 You're absolutely right. It is. 578 00:38:04,912 --> 00:38:07,760 The secret is what you do with you guys together. 579 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,088 You're a team and it's always teamwork. 580 00:38:10,128 --> 00:38:15,436 If you squeeze out every little bit, that's whereyou're proved better than the others. 581 00:38:15,476 --> 00:38:19,888 Is it true you had blood tests taken on yourself, obviously not during the race. 582 00:38:19,928 --> 00:38:22,280 It'd be impossible for a doctor to run alongside. 583 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:26,904 But in the pit stops...? It's true. We did before the race, after the race, 584 00:38:26,944 --> 00:38:28,308 But in the pit stops...? It's true. We did before the race, after the race, 585 00:38:28,348 --> 00:38:30,028 in order to seethe development through a weekend. 586 00:38:30,068 --> 00:38:34,008 And then adjust the food and all of your supplements that you may have to take. 587 00:38:34,048 --> 00:38:38,280 Cut out the curries. I guess, cut out the curries. Hmm...yeah. 588 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:43,808 Yeah, exactly. So when you look back, what for you- were the sort of great races? 589 00:38:43,848 --> 00:38:47,212 You know, I'm getting old.To remember back, all these races. 590 00:38:47,252 --> 00:38:51,076 I remember the Hungary one, when you had to do 25 effective qualifying laps. 591 00:38:51,116 --> 00:38:53,528 That was a great conversation with Ross. 592 00:38:53,568 --> 00:38:56,640 Ross coming on the radio saying,"Listen, we are in this trouble now 593 00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:01,136 "and we need, kind of,20 laps in these kind of lap times." 594 00:39:01,176 --> 00:39:04,920 And that sounded like qualifying.I said, OK, let's go, let's try it. 595 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,448 20 qualifying laps, one after the other? 596 00:39:07,488 --> 00:39:11,648 I don't know, the combinationof Hungary was a special combination. 597 00:39:11,688 --> 00:39:16,888 Track, car, everything just got together and we were able to do those times 598 00:39:16,928 --> 00:39:18,244 and it worked out. 599 00:39:18,284 --> 00:39:21,932 But we had many of those great events together in all these years. 600 00:39:21,972 --> 00:39:24,200 Are you watching this year or have you sort of...? 601 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,668 No, certainly, I'm watching. 602 00:39:26,708 --> 00:39:28,728 I'm travelling to some of the races. 603 00:39:28,768 --> 00:39:30,996 I see them live. And others on TV. 604 00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:34,572 And are you finding it a bit boring- when one person just endlessly wins? 605 00:39:34,612 --> 00:39:37,200 THEY LAUGH 606 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:45,572 APPLAUSE 607 00:39:45,612 --> 00:39:49,948 When you were racing, were there any guys out there who you thought, 608 00:39:49,988 --> 00:39:54,684 "This guy's pretty damn quick"? 609 00:39:54,724 --> 00:39:58,384 Absolutely.I mean, I think my best time I had with Hakkinen, quite honestly. 610 00:39:58,424 --> 00:40:02,964 That was a period that I really like looking back to, 611 00:40:03,004 --> 00:40:07,168 because we had fighting up, really to the limit,to the maximum. And great situations. 612 00:40:07,208 --> 00:40:10,744 And basically have a beer afterwards without problems. 613 00:40:10,784 --> 00:40:15,008 Who was rubbish? Hmm? Who was rubbish? 614 00:40:15,048 --> 00:40:17,640 You know, my English isn't so good, so... 615 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,980 THEY LAUGH AND APPLAUD 616 00:40:21,020 --> 00:40:25,920 Who was garbage? That's very good. 617 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,088 Have you got any regrets? 618 00:40:28,128 --> 00:40:31,308 When you look back, do you think, "I wish I hadn't done that"? 619 00:40:31,348 --> 00:40:34,448 I mean, in life, you always have regrets. You always do certain things 620 00:40:34,488 --> 00:40:38,056 that you think afterwards you could have done differently. 621 00:40:38,096 --> 00:40:42,480 And I'm sure you have someexamples for me. Yep. Three a minute. 622 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:46,232 No, it's just, I mean, let's be honest, you have a desire to win. 623 00:40:46,272 --> 00:40:49,448 That's my nature, yeah. 624 00:40:49,488 --> 00:40:51,400 I'm with you on that one. I play my son at chess. 625 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:55,824 If it looks like he's going to beat me, I wait for him not to be looking and nick his queen. 626 00:40:55,864 --> 00:40:58,008 Which is the same as running into Damon. 627 00:40:58,048 --> 00:41:00,448 THEY LAUGH 628 00:41:00,488 --> 00:41:03,492 You know, it's the sort of... You know what I'm saying. 629 00:41:03,532 --> 00:41:08,728 It's that kind of, "I'm not going to let you beat me because I'm just better than you." 630 00:41:08,768 --> 00:41:11,104 Can I just ask finally before we move off Formula One, 631 00:41:11,144 --> 00:41:14,088 why did you stop? Because you were still winning at the end. 632 00:41:14,128 --> 00:41:18,696 What made you wake up one day and say, "You know, I've had enough of racing in F1"? 633 00:41:18,736 --> 00:41:20,948 Well, you know, 634 00:41:20,988 --> 00:41:22,824 curry was so attractive to me. 635 00:41:22,864 --> 00:41:26,232 THEY LAUGH 636 00:41:26,272 --> 00:41:32,400 It's very nice, it is. It is. 637 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:37,368 Nowadays, obviously the Stig duties- keep you busy, what, one day a week, I guess? 638 00:41:37,408 --> 00:41:40,852 What do you do in the rest of your time? How do you fill your days? 639 00:41:40,892 --> 00:41:45,480 Well, I have several areas that I fill up my time with. 640 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,572 Being, obviously, a Ferrari adviser is one part. 641 00:41:49,612 --> 00:41:52,212 And being a Bacardi ambassador for... 642 00:41:52,252 --> 00:41:57,088 That's an interesting one. I heard about this. You're an ambassador for Bacardi. Yeah. 643 00:41:57,128 --> 00:42:01,696 A lot of girls here, yeah, a lot of ambassadors for Bacardi. They're nodding. 644 00:42:01,736 --> 00:42:04,920 I see lots of potential here. Exactly. 645 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,604 The Breezers will sail through here. 646 00:42:07,644 --> 00:42:09,184 Now, I think it's a great job. 647 00:42:09,224 --> 00:42:16,200 The thing is though, Bacardi have actually asked us to show a clip, OK, of you and not a drink. 648 00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:20,544 But here it is. This is the clip we've been asked to show. 649 00:42:20,584 --> 00:42:27,668 Opera singers. 650 00:42:27,708 --> 00:42:31,492 And then there's a man here with mud. 651 00:42:31,532 --> 00:42:34,572 THEY SING 652 00:42:34,612 --> 00:42:37,668 That's wide. 653 00:42:37,708 --> 00:42:42,480 And then you get into another car and then crash into a cone. 654 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,604 There. Now, there we are. 655 00:42:45,644 --> 00:42:48,008 Forget me on this, forgive me... 656 00:42:48,048 --> 00:42:50,948 APPLAUSE 657 00:42:50,988 --> 00:42:54,728 I have, quite literally, no idea what that's all about. 658 00:42:54,768 --> 00:42:57,948 Are they saying don't drive with mud on the window? 659 00:42:57,988 --> 00:42:59,792 Or don't drive with people singing? 660 00:42:59,832 --> 00:43:03,324 I mean, basically, we tried to put out a message, 661 00:43:03,364 --> 00:43:06,384 kind of almost the opposite of what you did on the North Pole. 662 00:43:06,424 --> 00:43:10,168 Don't drive with James May? I'll support that message. 663 00:43:10,208 --> 00:43:12,324 Leave the gin and tonic, I heard something. 664 00:43:12,364 --> 00:43:15,648 Is this a drink-drive...? We weren't driving! 665 00:43:15,688 --> 00:43:19,728 We were sailing. It was frozen oceans so we were allowed. So it's a drink-drive thing? 666 00:43:19,768 --> 00:43:22,604 What we're trying to get over is to the young generation, 667 00:43:22,644 --> 00:43:26,668 alcohol and driving is not really something that you should mix. 668 00:43:26,708 --> 00:43:29,728 And the campaign is drinking and driving don't mix. 669 00:43:29,768 --> 00:43:32,620 I mean, we don't want to stop people from drinking. 670 00:43:32,660 --> 00:43:38,200 I have had lots of fun after racing in whatever championships with my mechanics and engineers. 671 00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:40,620 Who'd like to see some photographs of Michael? 672 00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:43,336 AUDIENCE: Yes! 673 00:43:43,376 --> 00:43:49,168 We may have a photograph here of a man who's entirely sober. There we go. 674 00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,948 There's another picture I'd like to show. 675 00:43:51,988 --> 00:43:56,356 Who was sick on this man? 676 00:43:56,396 --> 00:44:01,776 And what's that? A fridge. Yes, it's a fridge. You pushed it over. 677 00:44:01,816 --> 00:44:04,288 No, it must have been my brother. 678 00:44:04,328 --> 00:44:06,696 So here's a clear message, everybody. 679 00:44:06,736 --> 00:44:10,560 Drink responsibly or you'll wind up looking like that. 680 00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:14,324 In a room with a fridge on its side. 681 00:44:14,364 --> 00:44:17,872 Can we just talk about cars if, I may? What are you running now? 682 00:44:17,912 --> 00:44:20,168 I have a nice 500 Fiat. 683 00:44:20,208 --> 00:44:22,948 Is it the Abarth? Yeah. That's a fantastic car. 684 00:44:22,988 --> 00:44:25,492 It is. And you, actually, what do you drive most of the time? 685 00:44:25,532 --> 00:44:27,872 Family car, like a Croma. 686 00:44:27,912 --> 00:44:30,336 Fiat Croma? Yeah. 687 00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:33,324 THEY LAUGH 688 00:44:33,364 --> 00:44:36,840 That's a fantastic bombshell on which to end this interview. 689 00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,996 Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Schumacher drives a Fiat Croma. 690 00:44:41,036 --> 00:44:42,728 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 691 00:44:42,768 --> 00:44:44,696 So there you are everybody, The Stig! 692 00:44:44,736 --> 00:44:51,640 The Stig, everybody! Thank you very much. The Stig. 693 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:57,288 It was him, always. I can't believe- it. That was just a weekend gag. 694 00:44:57,328 --> 00:45:04,512 Anyway, fantastic, but tonight we are in 1949. 695 00:45:04,552 --> 00:45:06,888 Yeah, well, you're always in 1949. 696 00:45:06,928 --> 00:45:10,136 Yeah, whatever. We're in 1949 and we are having a race. 697 00:45:10,176 --> 00:45:14,400 I'm in a Jaguar XK 120, which is the fastest car in the world. 698 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:22,168 Richard Hammond is on the Vincent Black Shadow, which is the fastest motorcycle in the world. 699 00:45:22,208 --> 00:45:24,400 And Jeremy Clarkson is on a steam train. 700 00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,464 Yes. Now the start line was here in London and the finish line would be up here in Edinburgh. 701 00:45:26,504 --> 00:45:28,760 And we have left the action, 702 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,152 Jeremy was in the lead, just approaching Doncaster. 703 00:45:31,192 --> 00:45:38,560 I was in second place and as you would expect, captain slow was bringing up the rear. Steady. 704 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:40,744 Hoping to take me from behind. 705 00:45:40,784 --> 00:45:44,696 Yeah, alright. 706 00:45:44,736 --> 00:45:47,260 And then press home his advantage and take Jeremy in the tunnel. 707 00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:58,088 Stop saying things like that. You know what I mean. 708 00:45:58,128 --> 00:45:59,948 Come on, come on. 709 00:45:59,988 --> 00:46:02,852 'To try and stay ahead of James, who was being cautious 710 00:46:02,892 --> 00:46:05,464 'with his petrol gauge, I was stretching my fuel stops 711 00:46:05,504 --> 00:46:08,356 'to the last possible moment.' 712 00:46:08,396 --> 00:46:11,104 Any minute now, this bike is going to start stuttering 713 00:46:11,144 --> 00:46:12,776 and I'm gonna have to pull... There's a lever down here 714 00:46:12,816 --> 00:46:15,448 to switch it to the reserve tank 715 00:46:15,488 --> 00:46:23,008 and then I have to really panic about getting some more petrol. 716 00:46:23,048 --> 00:46:28,088 This is it! Doncaster, my home town, the home town of the original A1. 717 00:46:28,128 --> 00:46:30,232 The home town of the Mallard, 718 00:46:30,272 --> 00:46:33,212 the fastest stream train of them all, the Flying Scotsman. 719 00:46:33,252 --> 00:46:37,872 The greatest steam train of all. 720 00:46:37,912 --> 00:46:41,604 That's my old girlfriend's house. 721 00:46:41,644 --> 00:46:44,244 I might have had sex in... or is that it? 722 00:46:44,284 --> 00:46:48,604 No, I think that's it there. 723 00:46:48,644 --> 00:46:52,244 Here I am. Grim-faced at the wheel of my Jag. 724 00:46:52,284 --> 00:46:58,008 Time for some overtaking. Tally Ho. 725 00:46:58,048 --> 00:47:01,136 I had no choice but to stop for fuel. 726 00:47:01,176 --> 00:47:04,620 As a result, James is going to overtake me. 727 00:47:04,660 --> 00:47:06,212 There's nothing I can do. 728 00:47:06,252 --> 00:47:08,336 'And sure enough...' 729 00:47:08,376 --> 00:47:11,368 Oh my word, it's Richard Hammond. 730 00:47:11,408 --> 00:47:14,760 HE LAUGHS 731 00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:19,888 'Several miles ahead, I too was stationary, taking on more water.' 732 00:47:19,928 --> 00:47:23,560 Hammond, where are you? I'm about 30 miles south of Doncaster. 733 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,840 Oh dear. We're in York. 734 00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:31,728 What? Where's James? He's just overtaken me but his Jag is drinking fuel, 735 00:47:31,768 --> 00:47:34,996 so with a bit of luck, he'll have to stop for fuel before I do. 736 00:47:35,036 --> 00:47:36,872 Or he'll catch fire? 737 00:47:36,912 --> 00:47:39,120 TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT 738 00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,384 What's that noise? It's me being told off not use a mobile phone by the man. 739 00:47:43,424 --> 00:47:49,920 Go and tell him it's 1949. So we can't have mobile phones? 740 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:53,932 Yes! That was wheel spin on a 96-tonne train. 741 00:47:53,972 --> 00:47:55,512 That is a steam train, isn't it? 742 00:47:55,552 --> 00:48:02,028 It's not got some nuclear device on board as well? 743 00:48:02,068 --> 00:48:10,008 'No. What it had on board was a fresh crew and that meant a fresh set of muscles.' 744 00:48:10,048 --> 00:48:15,076 Holy cow. The whole train is now really zigzagging. 745 00:48:15,116 --> 00:48:21,904 I got a tank slapper in a train at 75mph. 746 00:48:21,944 --> 00:48:28,996 HIS BIKE CHOKES 747 00:48:29,036 --> 00:48:32,168 Three minutes early. We're early. 748 00:48:32,208 --> 00:48:35,996 Three minutes? Yeah. You're doing a good job. 749 00:48:36,036 --> 00:48:41,244 'James was now in front of me, but my bold fuel strategy would keep me in the game.' 750 00:48:41,284 --> 00:48:44,964 OK. Settling into the cruise now. 751 00:48:45,004 --> 00:48:48,512 Looking good and going well. 752 00:48:48,552 --> 00:48:54,716 The bike running absolutely like a metronome. 753 00:48:54,756 --> 00:49:01,436 'Meanwhile, on the train, I'd been told I could cook lunch in the world's most fearsome Aga.' 754 00:49:01,476 --> 00:49:04,028 Who is on for a bacon sandwich? 755 00:49:04,068 --> 00:49:07,280 'It didn't go well.' 756 00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,184 Oh, no! 757 00:49:09,224 --> 00:49:11,040 Right up the chimney! 758 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:14,840 So bacon just flew out of the top of our train? Yeah. 759 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,464 Shove over, you dozy cow. 760 00:49:17,504 --> 00:49:23,904 'In a bid to close the gap on the Pacific Class Aga, James had become captain road rage.' 761 00:49:23,944 --> 00:49:26,260 Get in the left-hand lane! 762 00:49:26,300 --> 00:49:30,904 I'm trying to beat the train, you imbecile! 763 00:49:30,944 --> 00:49:35,696 Yay, look at that. That's good! 764 00:49:35,736 --> 00:49:39,840 'They told me that coal-fired eggs would be delicious. 765 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,588 'They were lying.' 766 00:49:43,628 --> 00:49:48,808 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 767 00:49:48,848 --> 00:49:54,668 'Still, could be worse.' 768 00:49:54,708 --> 00:49:58,168 Quick summary of the turn my life has taken. 769 00:49:58,208 --> 00:50:01,808 I'm 20 miles south, not north, of Doncaster. 770 00:50:01,848 --> 00:50:05,104 I'm by the side of the A1. 771 00:50:05,144 --> 00:50:09,604 In the rain. The motorcycle is slightly broken. 772 00:50:09,644 --> 00:50:11,448 What I did was leave the fuel tap on, 773 00:50:11,488 --> 00:50:15,028 the reserve tap on, so the bike pulled a lot of slugs through 774 00:50:15,068 --> 00:50:19,996 from the bottom of the fuel tank, clogged up the left-hand carburettor and now has stopped. 775 00:50:20,036 --> 00:50:22,648 That's the situation. 776 00:50:22,688 --> 00:50:25,728 It is, however, a very manly pursuits, motorcycling, I'm enjoying it. 777 00:50:25,768 --> 00:50:28,824 Testosterone surging around my system. 778 00:50:28,864 --> 00:50:32,308 Or it could be rain, actually. It's getting in. It's rain. 779 00:50:32,348 --> 00:50:36,168 Surging around my system. 780 00:50:36,208 --> 00:50:39,760 'James was overflowing with Top Gear sympathy.' 781 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,280 So, you're fine, but the bike is in bits. 782 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,920 A bit. What a rotten bit of luck. 783 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,716 If you don't mind taking your head and boiling it, 784 00:50:48,756 --> 00:50:50,028 that would be wonderful. 785 00:50:50,068 --> 00:51:03,544 He's had it. It's me and Jezza. 786 00:51:03,584 --> 00:51:08,260 'But this crew, with me shovelling,- were a match for anyone.' 787 00:51:08,300 --> 00:51:13,588 Hold tight. It's a little rough through Durham and the cathedral. 788 00:51:13,628 --> 00:51:17,824 Durham Cathedral. We're in Durham. 789 00:51:17,864 --> 00:51:23,920 We're doing 75mph through the city centre. Oh, yes. 790 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:28,744 Don't know if I'm gaining. Keep calm and carry on. 791 00:51:28,784 --> 00:51:31,400 Ah, we're motoring now 792 00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,492 Wo-ho! 793 00:51:33,532 --> 00:51:39,684 HORN SOUNDS 794 00:51:39,724 --> 00:51:41,448 'Ahead lay our biggest stop. 795 00:51:41,488 --> 00:51:44,640 'Half-an-hour in Newcastle to take on water and more coal. 796 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:48,008 'But despite this, I was still confident.' 797 00:51:48,048 --> 00:51:52,760 We are so far ahead, it's embarrassing. 798 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:58,368 'However, there was a surprise in store.' 799 00:51:58,408 --> 00:52:01,776 Now Black Shadow rides again! 800 00:52:01,816 --> 00:52:04,544 HE SINGS A THEME TUNE FOR HIMSELF 801 00:52:04,584 --> 00:52:08,808 We could just throw in the towel. That's not the Black Shadow's way. 802 00:52:08,848 --> 00:52:11,640 HE CACKLES 803 00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,728 'Then, as the train slowed for Newcastle, 804 00:52:13,768 --> 00:52:16,136 'there was another surprise in store.' 805 00:52:16,176 --> 00:52:21,212 Where are you now? We are you? about 20 miles south of Newcastle. 806 00:52:21,252 --> 00:52:23,840 20 miles south of Newcastle? Yeah. 807 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,904 You're going to go in the... 808 00:52:25,944 --> 00:52:27,648 Only 20 miles? 809 00:52:27,688 --> 00:52:31,076 Yeah. I'm gaining on you. 810 00:52:31,116 --> 00:52:35,436 The car's only 20 miles south of Newcastle. 811 00:52:35,476 --> 00:52:39,744 Bingo, bingo, here we go. 812 00:52:39,784 --> 00:52:42,728 So, we're stationary for 34 minutes? That's correct, yes. 813 00:52:42,768 --> 00:52:48,184 He's going to come past. He's ten miles ahead of us went we set off? 814 00:52:48,224 --> 00:52:50,120 We've some work to do, then. 815 00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,964 'Still, could be worse.' 816 00:52:53,004 --> 00:52:55,416 This, I think, is still that rain 817 00:52:55,456 --> 00:52:58,604 that we had left behind but I got caught up in it again 818 00:52:58,644 --> 00:53:02,620 because I was delayed having to rebuild my carburettor. 819 00:53:02,660 --> 00:53:05,932 As a result, getting quite wet. 820 00:53:05,972 --> 00:53:07,776 Very wet. So... 821 00:53:07,816 --> 00:53:11,308 HE SINGS HIS THEME SONG AGAIN 822 00:53:11,348 --> 00:53:12,668 It's Saturday morning 823 00:53:12,708 --> 00:53:19,056 and the continuing adventures of the Black Shadow continue. 824 00:53:19,096 --> 00:53:20,808 'As I was loading the coal...' 825 00:53:20,848 --> 00:53:22,560 PHONE RINGS 826 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:23,648 Sorry! 827 00:53:23,688 --> 00:53:25,308 '..the phone rang.' 828 00:53:25,348 --> 00:53:27,324 James, what's happening? 829 00:53:27,364 --> 00:53:30,964 I'm terribly sorry, old chap, but I've just gone past you. 830 00:53:31,004 --> 00:53:33,824 You're in the lead? I am. 831 00:53:33,864 --> 00:53:37,104 Quickly, made millions of coals go in there. 832 00:53:37,144 --> 00:53:41,560 Enjoy your time in the lead because it will be short lived. 833 00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,588 What an appalling optimist. 834 00:53:44,628 --> 00:53:50,232 114 miles to Edinburgh. 835 00:53:50,272 --> 00:53:52,544 Both the train and the car had to do another stop. 836 00:53:52,584 --> 00:53:56,288 And from here on, big chunks of the A1 were single carriageway, 837 00:53:56,328 --> 00:54:00,512 so I wasn't popping the cork just yet. 838 00:54:00,552 --> 00:54:02,852 'However, in this stunning part of the world 839 00:54:02,892 --> 00:54:08,416 'and with the sun coming out, I was falling in love with the XK.' 840 00:54:08,456 --> 00:54:11,168 I'll be honest. When I first fired the old girl up 841 00:54:11,208 --> 00:54:13,852 I thought well, that's lovely, it's only a matter of time 842 00:54:13,892 --> 00:54:17,040 before there is an ignition issue, a carburettor issue, 843 00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:21,324 a bearing issue, but no, it's wonderful. 844 00:54:21,364 --> 00:54:24,808 The engine was designed in the evenings during the war, 845 00:54:24,848 --> 00:54:27,260 during the blackout, usually. 846 00:54:27,300 --> 00:54:29,792 The body was shaped by the boss of the company. 847 00:54:29,832 --> 00:54:32,776 The whole thing was completed in a matter of months. 848 00:54:32,816 --> 00:54:36,280 And look at it. I love it. 849 00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:38,512 And I will win. 850 00:54:38,552 --> 00:54:43,416 'Not if we had anything to do with it.' 851 00:54:43,456 --> 00:54:49,288 Come on! Ten miles! Ten miles! That's all we've got to make up. 852 00:54:49,328 --> 00:54:54,964 Dual-carriageway. Oh, God, this engine's good. 853 00:54:55,004 --> 00:55:00,620 Come on! Oh, yeah, we are working. 854 00:55:00,660 --> 00:55:09,008 Oh, just give me a chance, just a chance. I'm in the fastest car in the world. 855 00:55:09,048 --> 00:55:13,744 I'm doing this to beat a car. Why am I doing it? 856 00:55:13,784 --> 00:55:16,588 'Still, could be worse.' 857 00:55:16,628 --> 00:55:24,244 HE SHOUTS IN PAIN 858 00:55:24,284 --> 00:55:26,792 Oh, the pain. 859 00:55:26,832 --> 00:55:32,904 South of Berwick, it was still neck- and neck. But James had a problem. 860 00:55:32,944 --> 00:55:36,356 Come on! 861 00:55:36,396 --> 00:55:42,948 Nobody coming out of this thing owns that Fiesta. 862 00:55:42,988 --> 00:55:45,716 This is what happens when you make petrol stations 863 00:55:45,756 --> 00:55:47,384 into supermarkets as well. 864 00:55:47,424 --> 00:55:51,288 People spend hours in buying bloody bananas and croissants 865 00:55:51,328 --> 00:55:58,920 and other things that you don't need. 866 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:05,572 Yes, yes, in the car, in the car. Don't worry about the handbag. 867 00:56:05,612 --> 00:56:09,996 James's lengthy fuel stop was just what we needed to close the gap. 868 00:56:10,036 --> 00:56:12,824 But then... 869 00:56:12,864 --> 00:56:18,480 Where's the BLEEP water gone? What? Where's the water gone? 870 00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,512 There's no water getting to the boiler? 871 00:56:20,552 --> 00:56:23,400 We need to get water in the boiler now. 872 00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:24,964 It's not going to blow up, is it? 873 00:56:25,004 --> 00:56:28,920 Not yet. This is a worry, now. 874 00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:31,888 These are supposed to be full of water, 875 00:56:31,928 --> 00:56:35,168 but as you can see, there's just a tiny little dribble. 876 00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:36,760 There's water, but nothing's coming out! 877 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,212 If we lose all the water, the fire has to come out. 878 00:56:39,252 --> 00:56:42,888 Otherwise we've got a disaster. 879 00:56:42,928 --> 00:56:45,168 I'm now about 65 miles away from Edinburgh. 880 00:56:45,208 --> 00:56:48,076 I can't get hold of Jeremy, he's obviously on the move. 881 00:56:48,116 --> 00:56:50,648 Too much noise for him to hear the phone. 882 00:56:50,688 --> 00:56:53,696 Now try it. Just lever in water. 883 00:56:53,736 --> 00:56:55,620 One of the water injectors that feeds the boiler 884 00:56:55,660 --> 00:56:58,416 had stopped working. 885 00:56:58,456 --> 00:57:01,492 We've got to ease up now,purely because we are losing steam. 886 00:57:01,532 --> 00:57:03,728 I need to shovel. Sorry? 887 00:57:03,768 --> 00:57:13,464 You want me shovelling?No, I need to shovel. I understand. 888 00:57:13,504 --> 00:57:16,464 The speed is right down. The water is right down. 889 00:57:16,504 --> 00:57:18,872 He's shovelling madly. 890 00:57:18,912 --> 00:57:21,760 And that means only 50mph. 891 00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:28,448 Should be 55, 60mph, until we can get it back. 892 00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:31,152 Temperature, oil, everything. No, it's fine, it's fine. 893 00:57:31,192 --> 00:57:34,308 Everything's fine. 894 00:57:34,348 --> 00:57:38,088 'After several tense moments, relief.' 895 00:57:38,128 --> 00:57:41,056 It's coming back. It just came back? 896 00:57:41,096 --> 00:57:43,288 Cooled down and came back. 897 00:57:43,328 --> 00:57:46,996 You know how they say steam engines have moods? 898 00:57:47,036 --> 00:57:50,368 It was its time of the month for about ten minutes. 899 00:57:50,408 --> 00:57:58,120 The sea, we're going along the sea. 900 00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:01,436 'This was turning into a great race. 901 00:58:01,476 --> 00:58:05,212 'For two of us.' 902 00:58:05,252 --> 00:58:06,872 OK. 903 00:58:06,912 --> 00:58:08,308 Time to get back on. 904 00:58:08,348 --> 00:58:09,996 My hero. That's a good thing. 905 00:58:10,036 --> 00:58:12,448 Um, just past Scott's Corner now. 906 00:58:12,488 --> 00:58:17,308 About 150, 160 miles yet to run. I can't feel my right hand at all. 907 00:58:17,348 --> 00:58:19,056 But this, you know, this is, 908 00:58:19,096 --> 00:58:24,588 this is a marathon, not a sprint. 909 00:58:24,628 --> 00:58:26,620 As we left Berwick for the final charge, 910 00:58:26,660 --> 00:58:32,280 the question was, had our injector problem given James back the lead? 911 00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:37,120 Hello. Hey, Clarkson, are you north or south of Berwick? 912 00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:39,184 North. North? 913 00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,368 Yes. You're joking. 914 00:58:41,408 --> 00:58:44,120 Yeah, but not by much. 915 00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,964 How far north of Berwick are you? 916 00:58:46,004 --> 00:58:48,212 Less than 10 miles. How far? 917 00:58:48,252 --> 00:58:51,152 Less than 10 miles. 918 00:58:51,192 --> 00:58:55,904 17? No, less than 10. 919 00:58:55,944 --> 00:58:57,872 30? 920 00:58:57,912 --> 00:58:59,588 Less than 10! 921 00:58:59,628 --> 00:59:03,492 HE LAUGHS 922 00:59:03,532 --> 00:59:09,336 What a cock end, honestly. 923 00:59:09,376 --> 00:59:16,744 Come on, Mr Clarkson, get shovelling. What? Keep shovelling! Sorry! 924 00:59:16,784 --> 00:59:19,244 Oh, God, the road narrows down to one lane. 925 00:59:19,284 --> 00:59:22,716 That's going to slow me down. 926 00:59:22,756 --> 00:59:26,400 Come on! Get more in it! 927 00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:34,212 I really want to win. 928 00:59:34,252 --> 00:59:36,728 Oh, God above. 929 00:59:36,768 --> 00:59:40,308 One of the farm lorries is overtaking the other one on the only dual carriageway bit. 930 00:59:40,348 --> 00:59:51,684 You selfish turd! 931 00:59:51,724 --> 00:59:52,840 What the hell was that? That's a wheel-spin. 932 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,056 You've got wheel spin at 70mph? 933 00:59:55,096 --> 00:59:58,492 At 70mph! Yes! 934 00:59:58,532 --> 01:00:02,840 Where the hell's Jezza? I wish I knew. 935 01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:06,648 We are now coming alongside the A1.- It's just here. 936 01:00:06,688 --> 01:00:10,512 Where is he? Where is he? 937 01:00:10,552 --> 01:00:16,716 This is as close as it's ever been.- If I see that green monster appear on the right... 938 01:00:16,756 --> 01:00:21,212 20 minutes, not even 20. 939 01:00:21,252 --> 01:00:24,528 Edinburgh. 116 miles, that just said. 940 01:00:24,568 --> 01:00:28,716 So it's still very much a three-way race. 941 01:00:28,756 --> 01:00:32,280 There can't be more than about seven or eight miles between us. 942 01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:34,076 Oh, God. 943 01:00:34,116 --> 01:00:38,056 We've got a red. 944 01:00:38,096 --> 01:00:42,384 No, it's not. It's two yellows, it's two yellows. 945 01:00:42,424 --> 01:00:46,744 What's happening is, we're following a stupid commuter train into Edinburgh. 946 01:00:46,784 --> 01:00:48,996 He's stopping at every station. 947 01:00:49,036 --> 01:00:52,512 He's stopping at every station, which is causing us to slow down. 948 01:00:52,552 --> 01:00:58,104 Less than ten miles to go. 949 01:00:58,144 --> 01:01:02,464 We'll ram it. Ram the stopper train. 950 01:01:02,504 --> 01:01:12,492 He could have gone past. 951 01:01:12,532 --> 01:01:16,416 That's green, green. Go, go, go, go, go! 952 01:01:16,456 --> 01:01:17,200 We need acceleration out of this thing. These lights have really put us behind now. 953 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:17,280 Go, 954 01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:17,480 Go, Go, 955 01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:22,776 Go, Go, Go! 956 01:01:22,816 --> 01:01:27,244 Go, Go, Go! We need acceleration It's a few miles, 957 01:01:27,284 --> 01:01:49,776 out of this thing. It is a few miles following the city-centre 958 01:01:49,816 --> 01:02:14,168 signs. Cole, fire, fire, steam, I'm going to have to seriously run.- 959 01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:46,588 How do I get to the Balmoral Hotel? Unlike James May, I will only run 960 01:02:46,628 --> 01:03:01,716 You have permission to say a cock. You should not laugh! Jeremy, speak 961 01:03:01,756 --> 01:03:09,448 I never want to see another steam train. Well done, mate, you did 962 01:03:09,488 --> 01:03:20,824 very well, because that was man contact. Have you heard from 963 01:03:20,864 --> 01:03:30,932 Hammond? Oh, God! The feeling is coming back. God, that is worse! It 964 01:03:30,972 --> 01:03:37,696 just hurts! What's that shows is that even 60 years ago cars were 965 01:03:37,736 --> 01:03:41,728 better than trains. That is not really a bombshell, is it? I know 966 01:03:41,768 --> 01:03:48,056 what is a bombshell. You will probably wondering why Michael 967 01:03:48,096 --> 01:04:00,136 Schumacher never did a lap in the Suzuki. Well, don't worry, he did. 968 01:04:00,176 --> 01:04:08,872 He has stalled! Oh, my God. Michael Schumacher has stalled. He is off 969 01:04:08,912 --> 01:04:13,336 now. That is not good! He is obviously not used to a manual. Oh, 970 01:04:13,376 --> 01:04:18,744 no, here we go, first corner. That is not the right line! That is 971 01:04:18,784 --> 01:04:26,964 badly wrong. Look at the way he holds that rien de as he heads 972 01:04:27,004 --> 01:04:33,620 towards Chicago. He is not going to make it, he is going off. Oh, no! 973 01:04:33,660 --> 01:04:41,588 He got the camera! It is OK! He has smashed the windscreen. His E-flat 974 01:04:41,628 --> 01:04:51,544 have? No, I do not think he is! Coming up to the tyres. He is going 975 01:04:51,584 --> 01:04:58,744 the wrong way! Going the wrong way! Here he is, final corner. Michael