1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 Top Gear S14E03 2 00:00:11,452 --> 00:00:14,520 Tonight: James wears a stripey jumper. 3 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:21,552 Richard drives a stripey Lamborghini, and we name the greatest car maker in the world!! 4 00:00:29,452 --> 00:00:32,417 Thank you so much, everybody. 5 00:00:32,418 --> 00:00:33,697 Wow! 6 00:00:33,698 --> 00:00:34,698 Amazing! 7 00:00:35,222 --> 00:00:36,222 Now. 8 00:00:36,924 --> 00:00:42,060 As we know, as we know, you can never get rid of a baddie, OK? 9 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,800 No matter how much you kill them. Remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? 10 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:52,684 She was stabbed, she was drowned, half an hour later, reared up out of the bath. 11 00:00:52,784 --> 00:00:57,024 Then you got the Daleks, Blofeld, Peter Mandelson! 12 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:02,936 They just keep coming back. Then there's Top Gear's perennial baddie. 13 00:01:06,136 --> 00:01:11,660 Yes, it's the caravan. Now as regular viewers of Dave will know 14 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:16,060 we have, over the last 24 hours, done our very best to rid the world 15 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:24,428 of the caravan menace. I think there's one more actualy. 16 00:01:27,028 --> 00:01:33,028 That is, I think you'll agree, sterling work in our battle to free the road of these mobile traffic jams. 17 00:01:33,328 --> 00:01:39,300 Sadly, it's a battle we're losing. There are now almost half a million caravans 18 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,764 on UK roads, and the British are the most prolific caravanning nation in Europe. 19 00:01:44,964 --> 00:01:49,020 A title we've held for almost four years, according to the Caravan Council. 20 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,964 In short, they're building them faster than we can destroy them. 21 00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:57,904 So we need a scientific approach to getting them off the roads, and I may have found that!! 22 00:03:04,732 --> 00:03:06,096 It worked!! 23 00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:24,452 What you're witnessing here, viewers, is the maiden voyage of the world's first caravan air ship. 24 00:03:25,052 --> 00:03:28,204 I believe this is the solution to all our problems. 25 00:03:28,304 --> 00:03:33,076 There are only two ways to go caravanning: you can have your two litre diesel 26 00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:36,940 Toe your caravan, obscure the view of all the people you're annoying 27 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:42,220 or you can bring it up. Here. Everybody wins. Driving is more fun 28 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,313 and caravanning is more exciting. 29 00:03:44,897 --> 00:03:45,897 However... 30 00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:51,156 As with all all cutting edge engineering projects, there are teething problems. 31 00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:55,424 Normally, you drive along with your caravan and your car and when you get to a caravan site, 32 00:03:55,524 --> 00:03:58,268 you have a car to use. I don't of course, so I need 33 00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:03,556 somebody to take the car to the caravan site for me. 34 00:04:03,756 --> 00:04:08,088 And for that, I'm calling on my old caravan-destroying mate, Mr. Richard Hammond. 35 00:04:09,288 --> 00:04:11,924 Yes, and because it doesn't have to log the caravan around 36 00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:18,628 it can be a nice car. 37 00:04:18,728 --> 00:04:21,296 This car will never, ever hitch itself to a swift Rapide. 38 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:26,860 It's a Lamborghini, probably the least caravanish car company ever, and this 39 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:36,036 is their new Gallardo Balboni, it's a tribute to Valentino Balboni. Lamborghini most famous test driver 40 00:04:37,636 --> 00:04:43,700 Although he wore a cardigan to work, he was a mentalist. And as a tribute to his mentalness, 41 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:50,160 this particularly Gallardo is the most mental Lambo there's been for a while. But more of that later. 42 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:55,044 Because first, I shall ring James and offer him some encouragement. 43 00:04:56,744 --> 00:05:01,092 Hammond? May. That thing is going to crash, and burn 44 00:05:01,792 --> 00:05:05,860 and explode and you'll be scattered in a million pieces across the English countryside. 45 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,060 Don't be so defeatist. Anyway, I've got an address for you. 46 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:14,924 It's Hunter's Moon Caravan Club, which is just outside wear ham in Dorset. 47 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:18,576 I've made the booking. They are expecting an air ship, and i'll take for lunch by the river. 48 00:05:18,976 --> 00:05:23,444 Right. See you in a bit. Caravanning in a Lamborghini. 49 00:05:24,244 --> 00:05:26,436 I think he might actually be on to something here. 50 00:05:33,036 --> 00:05:35,400 Let me tell you a bit about the caravan air ship 51 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:40,500 It's 125 feet long, 110,000 cubic feet of hot air holding it up 52 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:45,476 and it's a very very ingenious solution, because all the caravan attachments are still here. 53 00:05:45,576 --> 00:05:49,944 Instruments flip up out the table, the gas burners go where the cooker would be, 54 00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:54,816 and can be used for cooking, the beds fit where I'm sitting here. It is still a caravan, 55 00:05:54,916 --> 00:06:03,048 it's just a flying caravan. It floats with the infinite blue. It's superb. 56 00:06:04,648 --> 00:06:08,620 Meanwhile, on the ground, this was turning into the best drive 57 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,633 to a caravan site ever. 58 00:06:10,634 --> 00:06:12,343 According to Top Gear research, 59 00:06:12,378 --> 00:06:17,068 37% of caravaners enjoy wife swapping. Well Think what's gonna 60 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:23,428 happen when the keys for this baby come out the pot! Oh yeah! 61 00:06:23,528 --> 00:06:26,976 As I was saying, because this is a tribute to their looniest test driver, 62 00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:31,068 Lambo ditched the usual four-wheel drive for Gallardo and gone back to 63 00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:38,488 the hairy-chested rear wheel drive, that makes it 120kg lighter 64 00:06:38,588 --> 00:06:43,208 all new steel brakes, instead of carbon ceramic fancy ones. It's Lamborghini's punk album. 65 00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:46,858 Hammond, it's May! - Oh Hello!! Your Alive!! 66 00:06:46,859 --> 00:06:49,291 How are you? - I'm Very well. How's it going? 67 00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:53,397 Pretty good. Slight issue on the horizon, though. - What? 68 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:59,402 It's not the fastest aircraft in the world. - How not quick is it? 69 00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:00,920 Well, top speed is about 17. 70 00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:08,412 70 miles an hour is not bad, in a straight line. - No, 17 miles an hour. 71 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,835 I think Dorset might be a bit far. I've got a new address for you. 72 00:07:12,836 --> 00:07:17,231 Another address? - Dale Acres caravan club site in Kent. 73 00:07:17,716 --> 00:07:20,922 Kent? Probably not my first choice of caravanning destination. 74 00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:22,539 I know, but it's not miles from here mate. 75 00:07:22,539 --> 00:07:25,081 I'll buy you an ice cream. - I'll see you there. 76 00:07:27,057 --> 00:07:31,389 Right, campsite number two. Here we come. 77 00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:38,461 It's now time for a spot of airborne lunch. 78 00:07:40,337 --> 00:07:44,981 This is unquestionably the most powerful cooker ever fitted to a caravan. 79 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,494 Very well cooked on one side. 80 00:07:55,085 --> 00:07:58,453 It's all part of the adventure of caravanning. 81 00:07:58,454 --> 00:07:59,454 Back to the Balboni. 82 00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:05,703 The thing is, the basicness makes it better to drive. 83 00:08:05,738 --> 00:08:08,376 The steering feels so much quicker 84 00:08:08,376 --> 00:08:10,894 because there's no four-wheel drive in the way 85 00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:16,400 and the gear change, the manual box feels like it's shaking hands with an old friend. 86 00:08:20,053 --> 00:08:25,437 The only thing that isn't basic is price, because weirdly, this 87 00:08:25,537 --> 00:08:28,889 stripped out strictly functional costing £163,000, which is 18 grand 88 00:08:28,989 --> 00:08:33,951 dearer than the ordinary four-wheel drive one. 89 00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:36,820 So maybe less really is more. 90 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:42,532 The Balboni propelled me towards our campsite in Kent. 91 00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:45,626 And then James rang again. 92 00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:47,444 Hello? 93 00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:49,035 Hello. - Are you ringing from the grave? 94 00:08:49,036 --> 00:08:52,073 No, not at all. It's going marvellously up here, mate. 95 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:55,871 You'd love it. There is one slight hitch, though. - What is up now? 96 00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:58,045 The performance is slightly marginal. 97 00:08:58,145 --> 00:09:02,313 If I get ahead wind of more than 30 knots, I start to go backwards. 98 00:09:02,413 --> 00:09:06,487 You can't go into a wind of more than 30 knots? - No. 99 00:09:06,488 --> 00:09:08,626 What is the wind speed now? 100 00:09:08,626 --> 00:09:12,883 It was 12. - You're telling me you're being blown around Britain? 101 00:09:13,155 --> 00:09:15,240 It takes too long to get down to Kent 102 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,159 so I will turn around and go the other way up to Suffolk. 103 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,896 Right. 104 00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:21,638 Anyway, I've got an address for you. 105 00:09:21,639 --> 00:09:25,865 Why not book us into every caravan site in Britain before we left? 106 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:30,409 Stop nit-picking, will you? 107 00:09:30,509 --> 00:09:35,893 What a norbert. If this air ship caravan and scheme of his catches on, 108 00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:40,055 what we'll have is the skies full of air ships crashing into each other 109 00:09:40,055 --> 00:09:41,495 when the wind gets up 110 00:09:41,496 --> 00:09:45,753 And the roads full of cars crashing into each other because they have to keep turn around. 111 00:09:54,389 --> 00:09:58,749 With the wind behind me, I headed for our new destination. 112 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,469 Good morning, caravan club. How can I help you? 113 00:10:01,469 --> 00:10:06,812 I was wondering if there were any pitches available at the White House beach club this afternoon? 114 00:10:06,813 --> 00:10:09,488 What is your surname? May. M A Y. 115 00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:13,130 Can I just ask if you have facilities for people arrive by air ship? 116 00:10:13,131 --> 00:10:18,746 By airship? Right okay, um.. You actually a member of this caravan club? 117 00:10:24,073 --> 00:10:31,984 Here I am in the village of - here, this village! And it's somewhere I would never have seen. 118 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:36,481 It's a really, really big tower over there. 119 00:10:36,516 --> 00:10:40,833 That's... well, that's clearly just a danger to caravaners. 120 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:44,467 Look at it. Must remember to tell James about that. 121 00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:47,158 As As it turned out, at that moment, 122 00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:50,449 James had more than a tower to worry about. 123 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,204 May Day, May Day, May Day. 124 00:10:54,205 --> 00:10:58,350 Norwich golf, papa golf, I'm about to enter your air space. 125 00:10:59,121 --> 00:11:04,552 Golf Tango to Papa Golf Nine, you're entering an area of intense aerial activity. 126 00:11:04,552 --> 00:11:08,727 At the moment it is imperative that you remain clear - well clear. 127 00:11:10,997 --> 00:11:16,136 Sorry, cannot comply, have no control over air ship owing to wind conditions. 128 00:11:17,061 --> 00:11:19,296 Remain well clear. 129 00:11:19,764 --> 00:11:23,386 Norwich cannot comply. - You have traffic left, 130 00:11:23,387 --> 00:11:26,920 11 o'clock, range of half a mile, fast moving. Similar left. 131 00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:29,042 Roger! Have visual. 132 00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:32,985 Further traffic in your right 3 o'clock. 133 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:43,468 That's the news report and no news of a massive fireball burning over 134 00:11:43,468 --> 00:11:46,798 Northamptonshire or of people in the streets being hit by 135 00:11:46,798 --> 00:11:51,088 pieces of long burning hair and bad jumper. 136 00:11:51,089 --> 00:11:54,233 Anyway, I'm probably being pessimistic. 137 00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:59,566 I'm sure it is going very well. 138 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:01,542 No! 139 00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:03,455 Stay where you are, man! 140 00:12:04,305 --> 00:12:06,515 I'm heading very close to the KLM City Hopper. 141 00:12:06,515 --> 00:12:10,075 Can you advise them to start abort take off? 142 00:12:10,076 --> 00:12:14,098 Papa Golf Nine, the police helicopter will surely be approach you. 143 00:12:15,013 --> 00:12:16,581 Police helicopter really not necessary. 144 00:12:16,582 --> 00:12:20,012 I will attempt to clear your zone at this altitude. 145 00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,026 Please don't call the police. 146 00:12:36,878 --> 00:12:39,139 He's not really aware of your intention, 147 00:12:39,139 --> 00:12:42,575 but you've strayed into the controlled air space of Norwich airport. 148 00:12:43,101 --> 00:12:46,568 I may be about to get a colossal aviation bollocking. 149 00:12:54,705 --> 00:12:57,921 Suffolk.. popular holiday destination. 150 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:02,135 Just a few miles away now. 151 00:13:02,136 --> 00:13:04,760 James will have landed, 152 00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:06,527 set the van up, 153 00:13:04,795 --> 00:13:09,264 organised our little home from home, 154 00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:11,258 probably got the kettle on. 155 00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:17,479 With the rough of the sky cops still ringing in my ears. 156 00:13:17,479 --> 00:13:20,288 Finally, I reached a caravan site. 157 00:13:20,288 --> 00:13:24,330 I didn't know if it was the one I had booked into, but it would do. 158 00:13:24,855 --> 00:13:30,596 Here we go. The landing you won't even notice. This is a lovely approach over the trees. 159 00:13:30,539 --> 00:13:34,540 This is a matter of a resting descent. Little burst of gas. 160 00:13:35,038 --> 00:13:38,905 What I actually doing here is helping to realise the dreams 161 00:13:38,906 --> 00:13:41,379 that was held by many great man. 162 00:13:41,389 --> 00:13:46,019 People who envisaged the elegance of the majesty of lighter-than-air flight. 163 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:50,774 Zeppelin, Barnes Wallace, this is the man. 164 00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:54,491 A bit of drift. 165 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,729 Drifting. 166 00:13:58,243 --> 00:13:59,690 This is difficult. 167 00:13:59,691 --> 00:14:01,747 Gas! Gas! 168 00:14:01,748 --> 00:14:03,487 It's going down. 169 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,577 No! 170 00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:13,120 I may be going side way slightly! 171 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:16,860 May Day! 172 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:19,774 No! 173 00:14:21,253 --> 00:14:26,693 Bloody hell, stop! Stop! Stop! 174 00:14:36,924 --> 00:14:40,645 Papa Charlie echo, whiskey, echo, what? 175 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,818 I think it has a lot of promise. 176 00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:46,026 James, airships have never worked? 177 00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:48,853 You can't land any aircraft that flies by being full of hot air. 178 00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:51,129 I have been in a hot air balloon once, 179 00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:54,938 and it landed by dragging itself side ways through a hedge 180 00:14:54,939 --> 00:14:58,635 in a field, I ended up jammed on the lady Mayoress in the basket. 181 00:14:58,981 --> 00:14:59,981 Long story, but I did it. 182 00:15:00,425 --> 00:15:03,105 I want to talk about lighter than air transport. 183 00:15:03,105 --> 00:15:05,483 I want to talk about the Lambo. 184 00:15:05,484 --> 00:15:06,582 Because. 185 00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:11,839 It is heroically daft, by going down from four-wheel to rear-wheel drive, 186 00:15:11,839 --> 00:15:16,089 it is bonkers, it is like free climbing rather than all the ropes and harness on. 187 00:15:16,090 --> 00:15:17,192 It's fabulous. 188 00:15:17,288 --> 00:15:21,845 Compared to, we must compare it, cause it's a rear-wheel drive, to a Ferrari 430? 189 00:15:21,845 --> 00:15:25,194 It is not as good, but it is better. 190 00:15:25,195 --> 00:15:26,766 I know what you mean. It's the panther, it's the white stripe. 191 00:15:26,766 --> 00:15:28,756 Super car. - It's just amazing. 192 00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:31,715 And of course you got to drive it a lot more than you thought, 193 00:15:31,715 --> 00:15:34,587 because of the freak weather conditions that blighted James, 194 00:15:34,587 --> 00:15:36,968 the light breezes. 195 00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:41,743 Light breezes? It was more like a Hurricane. 196 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,423 Let's do the news. 197 00:15:46,424 --> 00:15:49,328 Now, the Danes have made announcement, 198 00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:51,355 they are going to start making a supercar. 199 00:15:51,356 --> 00:15:52,356 This is it. 200 00:15:52,357 --> 00:15:57,272 That is got a V8, supercharged and turbocharged, 201 00:15:57,272 --> 00:16:00,393 they say all of the components, where possible, 202 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,753 are going to be made and sourced by companies in Denmark. 203 00:16:04,753 --> 00:16:05,985 Really? - Yes! 204 00:16:05,986 --> 00:16:08,135 Will it be made of bacon? 205 00:16:08,411 --> 00:16:11,718 Will it be lubricated with Lurpak? Cause that Danes. 206 00:16:12,211 --> 00:16:15,828 You know Bang & Olufsen? Beautiful Danish design, 207 00:16:15,828 --> 00:16:20,688 and inside it, as far as I'm aware, it's all Philips electronics? 208 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,073 So that what it will be like. 209 00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:26,319 This will stop you buying pretty much everything they make, doesn't it? 210 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,406 No, I am a bit of a sucker for Bang & Olufsen. 211 00:16:28,407 --> 00:16:29,236 A bit? 212 00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:31,830 You have been in the new Audi? New Audi got Bang & Olufsen speakers 213 00:16:31,831 --> 00:16:35,053 that rise up out of the dashboard when you turn the stereo on. 214 00:16:35,054 --> 00:16:37,703 I bet you're rising up with them. - I am. 215 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:43,391 It works like catnip on him, honestly if you give him a Bang & Olufsen stereo 216 00:16:43,391 --> 00:16:46,923 his front leg grab onto his chest and his back leg kicking like that. 217 00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,387 I love it! I love it! 218 00:16:48,388 --> 00:16:49,998 What's a catnip? What is catnip? 219 00:16:49,999 --> 00:16:51,539 Catnip, well if you got a cat. 220 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,945 It's a herb you give to your cat and they just urghh! 221 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:59,141 The only thing I want to give a cat is its name and address to my dogs. 222 00:17:03,048 --> 00:17:05,779 He said the other day when I said I was gonna sat my dog on his cat. 223 00:17:05,779 --> 00:17:07,538 Will he able to do it? 224 00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:11,569 Your gay dog comes around to see my cat. 225 00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:13,453 It would get its bloody head kicked in. 226 00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:16,524 The point is Bang & Olufsen brings me back to that car. 227 00:17:16,525 --> 00:17:19,526 Because I think that looks absolutely fanta... 228 00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:21,363 I don't care if it's made of bacon. 229 00:17:21,364 --> 00:17:23,765 What it's called? - Bang & Lurpak. 230 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:25,980 Now! 231 00:17:25,981 --> 00:17:27,894 I don't know if you saw the paper this week. 232 00:17:27,894 --> 00:17:32,486 A woman had a baby, while she was on her way to hospital in a Kia, 233 00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:37,565 they have called the baby Kia. 234 00:17:37,566 --> 00:17:40,471 It could have been worse, it could have been Proton. 235 00:17:42,247 --> 00:17:45,736 Because these people called their baby, Kia, 236 00:17:45,736 --> 00:17:49,932 Kia, the people who made the cars have actually given them a Kia car. 237 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,854 We got the picture of the handover. 238 00:17:52,855 --> 00:17:56,432 This brings us on to a very important Top Gear, top tip. 239 00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:59,802 If you are on your way to hospital in Labour, 240 00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:04,412 and you're in a Kia, for God's sake get out. 241 00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:10,070 Let the child be Christened skip, bus stop, phone box, anything, just get out. 242 00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:14,009 I Christen this child, doorway of Currys. 243 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:18,639 Because at least that way you get a free microwave and not a hidious car like that. 244 00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:21,675 I reckon this whole story and baby Kia here, 245 00:18:21,675 --> 00:18:24,278 it could spark a whole load of copy cats, 246 00:18:24,278 --> 00:18:27,132 cos a whole load of dads waiting until the due dates 247 00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:30,263 and then secretly hired a Lamborghini Murcielago 248 00:18:30,264 --> 00:18:35,100 and driving really slowly to hospital. You alright darling, you can hang on. 249 00:18:35,101 --> 00:18:39,149 What are you called Pagani Zonda with the optional ceramic brake package? 250 00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:43,750 Now. Last weekend the three of us were in Middlesborough, 251 00:18:44,592 --> 00:18:46,736 on Saturday night we had to drive back to England, 252 00:18:46,737 --> 00:18:47,737 okay which mean going... 253 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,973 You know what it mean. Going down at the M1. 254 00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:55,126 The truth of the matter is all three of us had been away from home for six weeks, 255 00:18:55,126 --> 00:18:57,300 looking forward to seeing our families. 256 00:18:57,301 --> 00:19:03,599 Belting down the M1, you arrive in Leicestershire, and there is a 20-mile set of road works there. 257 00:19:04,213 --> 00:19:10,258 20 miles, which have average speed camera set at 50mph for the entire length. 258 00:19:10,258 --> 00:19:15,132 Traffic is light, there is no rain, it is three lanes, but you're forced to do 50. 259 00:19:15,345 --> 00:19:17,499 I don't know who the Minister of Transport is, 260 00:19:17,499 --> 00:19:21,469 but I want him to find the man who came up with that idea, 261 00:19:21,469 --> 00:19:22,958 go round to his office on Monday morning, 262 00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:25,606 and punch him really hard on the side of his head. 263 00:19:26,676 --> 00:19:31,149 Because if he doesn't, I'm going to find the man and attach him to a milling machine, 264 00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:35,293 and I'm gonna see if it is possible to turn a man's head into a perfect cube. 265 00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:38,545 Do you know why they have the 50mph speed limit? 266 00:19:38,546 --> 00:19:42,030 To protect the work force, who weren't there. 267 00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:44,578 They were in bed, where I wanted to be. 268 00:19:44,578 --> 00:19:47,541 I agree with you entirely. But the answer is not cubing people's heads, 269 00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:51,344 the answer is when the work force isn't there, do 70. 270 00:19:51,452 --> 00:19:52,889 Well you gonna just get nicked? 271 00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:54,851 No, but if everybody does 70. 272 00:19:54,851 --> 00:19:58,695 Who here would just do 70 through a set of road works with an average speed cameras? 273 00:19:59,092 --> 00:20:02,577 Nobody James. If you go charging through you just gonna get booked. 274 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:06,066 But that's fine, you can test it. Stay to 70 because that the speed limit. 275 00:20:06,066 --> 00:20:08,358 You take it to court in front of a jury, 276 00:20:08,358 --> 00:20:12,735 and you argue correctly that it is wrong to apply the 50mph speed limit, 277 00:20:12,735 --> 00:20:14,733 when there is nobody there to protect. 278 00:20:14,734 --> 00:20:16,250 So you are saying it is logic? 279 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,303 It is logic. 280 00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:18,942 It is logic to kill Peter Mandelson. 281 00:20:18,943 --> 00:20:20,349 No it isn't. - It is. 282 00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:22,014 It is, but you can't do it. 283 00:20:22,015 --> 00:20:24,642 Killing Peter Mandelson is a grey area, 284 00:20:24,642 --> 00:20:27,842 but doing 70mph on the motorway is an absolute. 285 00:20:27,842 --> 00:20:31,093 How many people went on the anti-war march? A million, we went to war. 286 00:20:31,093 --> 00:20:35,652 How many people went on the countryside march? 400,000, and fox-hunting was still banned. 287 00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:37,875 The Government is not interested in the will of the people. 288 00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:41,568 Particularly if it is just one pedantic long-haired old Queen 289 00:20:41,569 --> 00:20:45,675 standing up in the court saying, I did 70 because it's logical. 290 00:20:45,675 --> 00:20:48,107 You absolutely right. Speed limits in motorway can be a pain, 291 00:20:48,107 --> 00:20:50,910 and theres two solutions outlined for you. 292 00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:54,487 Revolution or cubing people's heads, 293 00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:57,446 or alternatively you could just leave a bit earlier. 294 00:20:57,446 --> 00:20:59,540 No, cube their heads. 295 00:20:59,541 --> 00:21:01,996 Leave five minutes earlier. 296 00:21:01,996 --> 00:21:04,542 It is not five minutes any way. - It is five minutes a day. 297 00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:07,724 Anyone here from Leicestershire? Is anyone here? 298 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:08,725 How did you get here, Jesus! 299 00:21:10,366 --> 00:21:12,254 Jesus lives in Leicestershire. 300 00:21:12,255 --> 00:21:15,807 He's Jesus, come here, Jesus, come and talk to me. 301 00:21:16,086 --> 00:21:18,665 Congratulations. - Thank you! 302 00:21:18,665 --> 00:21:22,829 It's slightly bigger news than the M1 but nevertheless let's gloss over the second coming, 303 00:21:22,829 --> 00:21:25,705 do you commute on the road? - I go the back way. 304 00:21:25,705 --> 00:21:26,800 Because of that? - Yeah. 305 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,349 So how much does it add to your transport every day? 306 00:21:30,337 --> 00:21:31,551 Ten minutes, quarter of an hour. 307 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,423 Ten minutes a day? - Each way. 308 00:21:33,424 --> 00:21:34,647 Each way, five days a week? 309 00:21:34,937 --> 00:21:37,398 So that's an hour 40 minutes a week, 310 00:21:37,399 --> 00:21:40,094 the Government is stealing from Jesus. 311 00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:42,940 That's right. 312 00:21:44,190 --> 00:21:45,896 Thank you Jesus for showing up. 313 00:21:49,366 --> 00:21:53,594 Gordon Brown is stealing an hour and 40 minutes from Jesus. 314 00:21:54,048 --> 00:21:56,608 Any way, time to move on. 315 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:59,276 Because last week we asked you to nominate 316 00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,994 the car-maker that you thought over the years 317 00:22:01,994 --> 00:22:04,874 has made the largest number of great cars. 318 00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:08,894 There have been a couple of quite interesting nominations, 319 00:22:08,895 --> 00:22:11,216 one was Matchbox. - That was a surprise. 320 00:22:11,217 --> 00:22:12,410 Pretty clever actually I thought. 321 00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:14,714 The other was James May, 322 00:22:14,715 --> 00:22:17,678 he actually tied with Chrysler. 323 00:22:18,073 --> 00:22:20,802 It was weird cos he only ever made one great car, James, 324 00:22:20,802 --> 00:22:22,590 the Eagle Hamthrust. 325 00:22:24,245 --> 00:22:26,830 This is the top ten, as you can see we have Ferrari, 326 00:22:26,830 --> 00:22:31,409 Lamborghini, coming up now we have the top three, here they are. 327 00:22:31,410 --> 00:22:33,900 Thank you, automatic board. 328 00:22:33,901 --> 00:22:34,743 Cost a lot of money. 329 00:22:35,351 --> 00:22:39,526 And, in third place, according to you, the voters. 330 00:22:40,614 --> 00:22:42,316 BMW, third place. 331 00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:44,462 In second place, even though they made 332 00:22:44,463 --> 00:22:46,949 the worst car in the history of the world ever, 333 00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:49,752 the Beatle, it is VW. 334 00:22:49,753 --> 00:22:51,831 No applauding that. 335 00:22:52,591 --> 00:22:57,350 You can applaud this if you like, the winner is Ford. 336 00:22:57,351 --> 00:22:58,351 So that is it. 337 00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:05,918 The thing is, though, you're wrong. 338 00:23:06,492 --> 00:23:08,269 Ford hasn't won this at all. 339 00:23:08,270 --> 00:23:12,187 Because we reckoned Ford has made four great cars over the years. 340 00:23:12,221 --> 00:23:15,743 But the car company we think is at the top of this list has made seven. 341 00:23:16,335 --> 00:23:18,575 The car company we got in mind, okay, 342 00:23:18,575 --> 00:23:22,443 there were 350 million people watching last week's show 343 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,064 when we asked you to vote. 344 00:23:24,064 --> 00:23:26,775 The number of people who voted for, 345 00:23:26,776 --> 00:23:29,493 what we think is the greatest car company in the world was nine. 346 00:23:30,228 --> 00:23:32,574 Not nine million. Just nine. 347 00:23:32,574 --> 00:23:35,280 Just nine. No ideas? 348 00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:36,895 Made some of the prettiest cars ever. 349 00:23:36,896 --> 00:23:38,653 Let me put it this way, okay. 350 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:42,495 Mitsubishi has won the World Rally Championship once, 351 00:23:42,495 --> 00:23:45,156 Subaru three times, Ford three times, 352 00:23:45,156 --> 00:23:48,205 the company we have in mind won it ten times. 353 00:23:49,154 --> 00:23:52,672 No, silence. OK then, watch this. 354 00:23:55,977 --> 00:24:01,681 This is a collection of art, of madness, of brilliance. 355 00:24:02,030 --> 00:24:05,477 This is a collection of pornography, 356 00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:09,846 this is a collections of Lancias. 357 00:24:10,861 --> 00:24:17,763 But this annoyingly, is the Lancia people remember best of all, The Beta. 358 00:24:18,532 --> 00:24:24,259 It was made from steel so thin that on a windy day it would actually change shape. 359 00:24:24,260 --> 00:24:27,350 And it wasn't much cop in the rain either. 360 00:24:27,351 --> 00:24:29,057 I mean, this was fine yesterday, 361 00:24:29,057 --> 00:24:31,236 but then this morning we had a bit of a shower 362 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:33,557 and now look at it. 363 00:24:36,143 --> 00:24:39,693 The fact is though, that all Lancias had problems. 364 00:24:40,093 --> 00:24:44,763 The Gamma, for instance, exploded every time you turned the steering wheel. 365 00:24:45,526 --> 00:24:48,631 And then, there was the Fulvia. 366 00:24:55,444 --> 00:24:58,435 It is a fantastic little car this. 367 00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:03,758 It's like driving a wroughty sorbet. 368 00:25:04,925 --> 00:25:08,774 With its clever V4 engine, Fulvia was actually the first Lancia, 369 00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:12,035 to win the World Rally Championship. 370 00:25:12,292 --> 00:25:14,306 The thing is, though, when all is said and done, 371 00:25:14,306 --> 00:25:19,887 it was a very small, 1.3 litre, front-wheel drive, two-door saloon car. 372 00:25:19,887 --> 00:25:25,799 But it cost when it was new, more than an E Type Jaguar. 373 00:25:27,289 --> 00:25:32,331 We forgave the Fulvia the silly price tag though, because what made it great, 374 00:25:32,331 --> 00:25:39,270 the same thing that made all Lancia's great, the way it looked. 375 00:25:39,796 --> 00:25:45,808 It really is as pretty as the sunseting over Charlize Theron. 376 00:25:48,752 --> 00:25:50,855 In its day, this was too. 377 00:25:50,856 --> 00:25:56,427 The streamlined Aprilia, the first car to be designed in a wind tunnel. 378 00:25:57,684 --> 00:26:01,187 Inevitably there were problems. For example. 379 00:26:01,188 --> 00:26:03,611 The doors opened like this, that was lovely 380 00:26:03,611 --> 00:26:05,805 it meant getting in and out was very easy. 381 00:26:05,806 --> 00:26:07,453 However, when they were closed 382 00:26:07,454 --> 00:26:12,450 they didn't quite meet, so quite a lot of weather could get inside as you drove along. 383 00:26:12,747 --> 00:26:15,475 And it was only made with right-hand drive, 384 00:26:15,476 --> 00:26:17,908 which is fine fine in Britain and Sweden, 385 00:26:17,908 --> 00:26:21,205 which drove on the left at the time, but it was quite annoying everywhere else. 386 00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:25,658 And then there was the Monte Carlo. 387 00:26:28,343 --> 00:26:33,246 This was a wonderful car, a mid-engineed mini-Ferrari. 388 00:26:33,763 --> 00:26:36,327 But because it was actually a Lancia, 389 00:26:36,328 --> 00:26:41,040 the things that were right were balanced out by the things that were wrong. 390 00:26:41,607 --> 00:26:43,396 If you so much as looked at the middle pedal, 391 00:26:43,397 --> 00:26:45,673 the brakes would lock up and you would crash into a tree. 392 00:26:46,571 --> 00:26:48,779 Lancia took the thing very seriously, 393 00:26:48,779 --> 00:26:52,120 so much so they stopped production for two years 394 00:26:52,121 --> 00:26:54,333 whilst they looked for a solution. 395 00:26:54,333 --> 00:26:59,358 And they found one. What they did was remove the brake servo, 396 00:26:59,358 --> 00:27:01,826 so then it had no brakes at all. 397 00:27:03,969 --> 00:27:05,247 And... 398 00:27:09,556 --> 00:27:12,621 The Monte Carlo then was quite dangerous. 399 00:27:12,621 --> 00:27:14,360 But in that Lancia way, 400 00:27:14,361 --> 00:27:19,390 it was so pretty I wanted one more than I wanted my next breath. 401 00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:28,229 Sometimes, though, Lancia's lunacy did produce results. 402 00:27:29,332 --> 00:27:35,656 Did you know Lancia was the first car company ever to sell a car with a monocoque? 403 00:27:35,656 --> 00:27:38,345 They were the first to offer a five-speed gear box. 404 00:27:38,345 --> 00:27:43,656 First to sell a car with supercharging and turbocharging on the same engine. 405 00:27:43,656 --> 00:27:46,354 First to sell a car with a V6 engine. 406 00:27:46,839 --> 00:27:50,946 First to sell a car with an electric boot spoiler. 407 00:27:50,947 --> 00:27:53,875 They did all these significant mechanical firsts, 408 00:27:53,876 --> 00:27:57,088 yet still, if you say to anyone a Lancia, 409 00:27:57,089 --> 00:27:59,148 they just snigger and say they fall apart. 410 00:27:59,148 --> 00:28:00,864 I know, it is ridiculous. 411 00:28:02,058 --> 00:28:05,396 Holy moly, does the bumper come off? 412 00:28:05,397 --> 00:28:08,091 I believe it has. 413 00:28:08,707 --> 00:28:12,402 You need to define greatness, that is the important thing. 414 00:28:12,402 --> 00:28:15,725 Just because something is unreliable. Oh, 415 00:28:15,725 --> 00:28:18,877 it doesn't mean it isn't great. 416 00:28:18,878 --> 00:28:19,878 Stephen Hawkins, great bloke, even though a lot of him doesn't work. 417 00:28:24,797 --> 00:28:26,831 Yeah. I wouldn't break it to him like that. 418 00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:30,867 But the principal stands. The principle stands. 419 00:28:30,868 --> 00:28:34,925 Meryl Streep, everybody says she's a great actress, 420 00:28:34,925 --> 00:28:39,342 and then she appears in Mama Mia, the worst film ever made. 421 00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:42,160 She's still a great actress. 422 00:28:42,565 --> 00:28:45,142 Have you seen Mama Mia? - Yes I have. 423 00:28:45,143 --> 00:28:46,821 You big girl. 424 00:28:47,673 --> 00:28:52,295 To prove even the tattiest Lancia is tougher than you might think, 425 00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:57,491 we have bought this 1982HPE. 426 00:28:57,492 --> 00:29:03,729 And I shall now drive it non- stop through the night on a rough rally stage. 427 00:29:06,668 --> 00:29:10,467 And I shall be racing, not racing, been told about that, dangerous, 428 00:29:10,467 --> 00:29:15,676 driving at the same time, on the same track in a similar vintage car. 429 00:29:15,676 --> 00:29:18,391 This Morris Marina. 430 00:29:18,392 --> 00:29:21,580 Right, Hammond, winner, last one still running. 431 00:29:21,817 --> 00:29:23,098 Fair enough. 432 00:29:23,099 --> 00:29:24,479 Let's do it! 433 00:29:35,543 --> 00:29:37,532 This is not a promising start, 434 00:29:37,533 --> 00:29:41,554 dispelling the myth that Lancias were not very good. 435 00:29:45,205 --> 00:29:48,280 Yes! - Never doubted it. 436 00:29:49,305 --> 00:29:53,369 Obviously, the Marina won't work because this foul hateful things are hopeless. 437 00:30:04,547 --> 00:30:07,574 Now, you might be saying, it's a Morris Marina, 438 00:30:07,575 --> 00:30:09,114 a piano is going to fall on it. 439 00:30:10,259 --> 00:30:12,534 The more eagle eye viewer might have spotted it. 440 00:30:12,535 --> 00:30:14,389 I've taken a precaution. 441 00:30:14,389 --> 00:30:17,092 I bought a Marina which already are a piano landed on it. 442 00:30:17,093 --> 00:30:18,093 Job done! 443 00:30:19,079 --> 00:30:24,585 Since we're doing serious research, we agreed there would be no childish racing. 444 00:30:24,585 --> 00:30:26,881 I've hit Hammond! 445 00:30:26,882 --> 00:30:29,493 I've hit Hammond! 446 00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:30,494 That's OK, OK! 447 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:36,795 Proving what a fine and strong breed of car the Lancia always was. 448 00:30:37,316 --> 00:30:41,049 I'm gonna hit Jeremy as he goes round this really difficult corner. 449 00:30:42,030 --> 00:30:47,106 He's got the outside there. He'll never get by, and he hasn't. 450 00:30:47,106 --> 00:30:50,023 But we're not racing, we're not racing. 451 00:30:52,106 --> 00:30:55,759 He's through. While I got my sun visor out of the way. 452 00:30:59,556 --> 00:31:05,409 For hour after hour, we continued continued to not race around the rally stage. 453 00:31:06,228 --> 00:31:12,091 As you can see. It's pretty close to dark, still literally no faults to report. 454 00:31:12,092 --> 00:31:13,896 Absolutely nothing. 455 00:31:14,468 --> 00:31:17,662 Eventually, after not racing some more, 456 00:31:18,989 --> 00:31:23,420 the Marina began to pull ahead. 457 00:31:24,317 --> 00:31:28,257 It's of course a well-known fact that a piano on the roof 458 00:31:28,257 --> 00:31:33,032 aids traction and gives you more speed on a rally-special stage. 459 00:31:33,505 --> 00:31:37,363 But then, predictably, it broke down. 460 00:31:38,016 --> 00:31:41,216 So I went to get some tools to try and fix it. 461 00:31:41,907 --> 00:31:46,017 There he is! It's Hammond! He's out! He's down! 462 00:31:55,067 --> 00:32:00,048 The Lancia soldiered on alone, but then I got a warning light. 463 00:32:00,048 --> 00:32:01,715 Literally. 464 00:32:01,716 --> 00:32:02,716 Oh no! 465 00:32:03,104 --> 00:32:04,104 Look! 466 00:32:04,864 --> 00:32:07,283 I can't see through through the flames! 467 00:32:07,284 --> 00:32:08,958 I've got to blow this out somehow. 468 00:32:10,264 --> 00:32:13,820 Maybe if I sped up like in Memphis Belle. 469 00:32:14,263 --> 00:32:15,263 Come on! 470 00:32:16,121 --> 00:32:19,901 No, that's not working. I can't see anything. 471 00:32:20,129 --> 00:32:25,067 No matter, though, because here's proof that Lancias are tough and strong, 472 00:32:25,067 --> 00:32:27,032 and dependable. 473 00:32:29,457 --> 00:32:30,430 So now, 474 00:32:30,431 --> 00:32:32,531 can we please move on. 475 00:32:37,752 --> 00:32:39,954 This is a Stratos. 476 00:32:39,954 --> 00:32:44,784 It had a 2.4 litre Ferrari V6 mounted in the middle. 477 00:32:44,785 --> 00:32:48,939 It was Italian, it was styled by Bertone 478 00:32:48,940 --> 00:32:52,276 and it was completely impractical. 479 00:32:53,005 --> 00:32:56,301 It therefore ticked all the supercar boxes. 480 00:32:56,336 --> 00:33:04,197 But unlike any other supercar before or since, it wasn't designed to be parked in Monte Carlo. 481 00:33:04,419 --> 00:33:08,999 It was designed to get there like this. 482 00:33:10,881 --> 00:33:13,872 It's absurdly short wheel base meant it was agile, 483 00:33:13,872 --> 00:33:16,574 and the Ferrari power meant it was fast, 484 00:33:16,575 --> 00:33:21,391 so fast that it won the world rally championship three times. 485 00:33:23,608 --> 00:33:27,342 And joy of joys, they made 500 Stratoses. 486 00:33:27,343 --> 00:33:29,965 For people to buy. 487 00:33:39,235 --> 00:33:40,235 That's a proper noise. 488 00:33:41,573 --> 00:33:45,179 What a fantastic car! 489 00:33:47,082 --> 00:33:49,876 Of course, there were a few problems with it. 490 00:33:49,876 --> 00:33:54,073 Chief among which was a lack of space inside. 491 00:33:54,073 --> 00:33:57,970 A gynaecologist would get in here and go, "I'm at work!" 492 00:33:57,970 --> 00:34:03,853 It's like climbing into somebody else's giant red posing pouch. 493 00:34:03,853 --> 00:34:06,254 James May's! 494 00:34:06,255 --> 00:34:07,323 Time for a gear change. 495 00:34:07,719 --> 00:34:10,832 Stop touching my knee. - You try changing gear. 496 00:34:11,681 --> 00:34:14,929 You got to. I'm going to change gear now. 497 00:34:14,930 --> 00:34:17,501 This will involve man touching. 498 00:34:18,271 --> 00:34:21,774 And the list of faults doesn't end with the tiny cockpit. 499 00:34:21,774 --> 00:34:25,231 Why did it give the passenger the pedals and the driver the wheels? 500 00:34:25,266 --> 00:34:27,828 I don't know. They're definitely over to the right-hand side. 501 00:34:27,828 --> 00:34:31,467 You're sort of sitting a bit sideways. 502 00:34:31,998 --> 00:34:36,812 These window winders, it's... - Not very good. 503 00:34:37,780 --> 00:34:39,650 The other thing I really like as well is, 504 00:34:39,651 --> 00:34:43,591 you know a Porsche puts the rev counter right in front of you, 505 00:34:43,591 --> 00:34:47,379 Lancia in this put the oil pressure right in front of you. 506 00:34:47,414 --> 00:34:49,035 What does that tell you? 507 00:34:49,616 --> 00:34:52,246 So, not perfect. 508 00:34:58,248 --> 00:35:01,946 But then you look at it and there's the thing, 509 00:35:01,947 --> 00:35:04,225 because it just sort of this. 510 00:35:06,272 --> 00:35:09,231 This is one of the best cars ever made. 511 00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:10,822 I would go with that. 512 00:35:10,822 --> 00:35:12,832 On the grounds of its achievement, 513 00:35:12,833 --> 00:35:16,373 but also that slightly more subjective thing of how gorgeous it looks. 514 00:35:16,785 --> 00:35:17,785 Stop doing that to my knee. 515 00:35:18,059 --> 00:35:19,501 Just move your leg. - That was a stroke! 516 00:35:20,512 --> 00:35:22,171 Move it! - I can't. 517 00:35:25,619 --> 00:35:28,418 After the Stratos, came the 037, 518 00:35:28,418 --> 00:35:33,464 the last two-wheel drive car to win the world rally championship. 519 00:35:35,845 --> 00:35:40,852 And the only two-wheel drive car to beat the mighty Audi Quattro. 520 00:35:47,055 --> 00:35:52,646 The thing is, though, no-one really remember the 037. 521 00:35:55,959 --> 00:36:02,715 Then there's the Thema 832, Lancia's answer to the BMW M5. 522 00:36:02,715 --> 00:36:04,778 No one really remembers this either, 523 00:36:04,779 --> 00:36:09,867 even though it had a fully fledged Ferrari V8 under the bonnet. 524 00:36:12,804 --> 00:36:16,838 We don't really remember any of Lancia's seven great cars, 525 00:36:16,838 --> 00:36:20,768 and all because of what happen in 1980. 526 00:36:23,155 --> 00:36:26,870 Lancia was forced by pressure from the media to spend a fortune 527 00:36:26,870 --> 00:36:33,177 buying back rusty Betas, scrapping them and giving their owners brand new cars. 528 00:36:33,277 --> 00:36:37,241 It was a PR disaster. 529 00:36:38,255 --> 00:36:41,995 In Britain, Lancia's reputation was ruined. 530 00:36:41,996 --> 00:36:47,316 And in 1994, they pulled out of the market altogether. 531 00:36:56,254 --> 00:37:02,262 However, before the most charismatic car maker of them all finally went, 532 00:37:02,262 --> 00:37:08,928 they left us with one final reminder of what they can do when they try. 533 00:37:15,945 --> 00:37:17,661 This is a Delta Integrale. 534 00:37:17,662 --> 00:37:19,660 A four wheel drive turbo charged rally car, 535 00:37:19,660 --> 00:37:24,785 that picked up where Fulvia and the Stratos and the 037 left off. 536 00:37:30,162 --> 00:37:34,521 This thing won the world rally championship six times on the trot 537 00:37:34,521 --> 00:37:36,867 - six times! 538 00:37:37,457 --> 00:37:41,673 And you can feel that DNA in here. 539 00:37:42,825 --> 00:37:46,512 The steering is so neat, precise. 540 00:37:50,922 --> 00:37:53,235 Feel it settles into a turn and just gripped 541 00:37:53,236 --> 00:37:55,758 just pulled itself back into a corner. 542 00:38:17,781 --> 00:38:20,334 Having learned their lesson with the Aprilia, 543 00:38:20,334 --> 00:38:25,600 Lancia weren't going to be stupid enough to make these in a right-hand drive, 544 00:38:26,237 --> 00:38:28,416 so they made them left-hand drive - 545 00:38:28,417 --> 00:38:31,239 only. 546 00:38:34,622 --> 00:38:36,992 Only Lancia. 547 00:38:37,767 --> 00:38:43,887 Despite this, a good one of these today is worth 25,000 pounds. 548 00:38:45,134 --> 00:38:47,437 And I'm not surprised. 549 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,985 Because this is a very unusual Lancia. 550 00:38:52,020 --> 00:38:55,462 It wasn't very pretty, 551 00:38:55,463 --> 00:38:58,240 but, God, it was good. 552 00:39:08,606 --> 00:39:09,606 Unbelievable. 553 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:14,086 I actually want one. I'm standing here thinking "I want that". 554 00:39:15,198 --> 00:39:19,028 What I love about Lancia is that they never once just said, 555 00:39:19,028 --> 00:39:21,153 "Let's just make a medium car". 556 00:39:21,154 --> 00:39:23,057 They were always doing experiments. 557 00:39:23,057 --> 00:39:25,926 Some of the experiments worked and some some didn't. 558 00:39:25,927 --> 00:39:27,240 That's the nature of it. They might take... 559 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:30,449 Could we make an engine with seven-and-a-half cylinders. 560 00:39:30,549 --> 00:39:33,672 Or let's see if we can make the windows go up and down not with electricity, 561 00:39:33,673 --> 00:39:37,218 but with magic. Abracadabra! No, hasn't worked. 562 00:39:37,218 --> 00:39:38,272 But sell it anyway. 563 00:39:39,059 --> 00:39:40,891 And that's what made them so magnificent. 564 00:39:40,891 --> 00:39:43,291 They are still going today but now they are just 565 00:39:43,291 --> 00:39:46,583 a division of Fiat making things like this, 566 00:39:46,584 --> 00:39:49,290 which is neither very pretty nor very good. 567 00:39:49,290 --> 00:39:51,427 What it is in essence is a Fiat Bravo 568 00:39:51,427 --> 00:39:54,966 with Rio Ferdinand's face stuck on the front. 569 00:39:54,967 --> 00:39:56,116 But fear not. 570 00:39:56,116 --> 00:39:58,478 If you still hanker over the glory days, 571 00:39:58,479 --> 00:39:59,414 then later on in the show, 572 00:39:59,415 --> 00:40:01,889 we have something to warm the cockles of your heart. 573 00:40:01,889 --> 00:40:05,904 But now it's time to put a star in our reasonably priced car. 574 00:40:05,939 --> 00:40:09,437 My guest tonight is a broadcasting legend. 575 00:40:09,437 --> 00:40:12,674 He also has an astonishing collection of cars. 576 00:40:12,675 --> 00:40:16,231 I list for you here: Ferrari 599, 577 00:40:16,231 --> 00:40:23,043 Ferrari F40, Ferrari California, Ferrari Enzo, Ferrari 288 GTO, 578 00:40:23,043 --> 00:40:29,466 Ferrari 308 GTS, Ferrari 246 Dino, Ferrari 275 GTB quad cam. 579 00:40:29,467 --> 00:40:35,636 Ferrari 250 GT California short wheel base, Ferrari 250 GT California long wheel base. 580 00:40:35,636 --> 00:40:40,529 So, let's find out if there is any particular type of car he likes. 581 00:40:40,629 --> 00:40:42,388 Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Evans. 582 00:40:44,049 --> 00:40:46,474 How are you? Good going! How are you? 583 00:40:46,475 --> 00:40:49,007 Very well, you've grown up. Chris Evans. 584 00:40:50,188 --> 00:40:52,024 Have a seat, mate. Have a seat. 585 00:40:53,906 --> 00:40:57,243 Presumably, you disagree with our greatest car verdict, then? 586 00:40:57,244 --> 00:40:58,768 Quelle surprise. 587 00:40:58,768 --> 00:41:02,217 Lancia. You don't believe that presumably, judging by your collection 588 00:41:02,217 --> 00:41:04,997 that there are particularly a brilliant maker of motor cars. 589 00:41:04,998 --> 00:41:07,544 What? A car falling to bits the best mark in the world? 590 00:41:07,545 --> 00:41:08,545 Yes! 591 00:41:08,546 --> 00:41:10,182 Are you mad? Are you mental? 592 00:41:10,183 --> 00:41:13,247 Lancia's only came in black and rust! 593 00:41:13,248 --> 00:41:16,156 I still stand by - There's more Lancia I like to.. - Oh come on! 594 00:41:17,432 --> 00:41:20,095 The number of Ferraris I would like to own now is one. 595 00:41:20,096 --> 00:41:22,511 What about the A60 Monza, what about the 750 Monza? 596 00:41:22,512 --> 00:41:25,389 What about the 850 Monza? What about the PF250? 597 00:41:25,390 --> 00:41:27,013 What about the four-cam? 598 00:41:27,014 --> 00:41:28,404 What about the... 599 00:41:29,108 --> 00:41:32,292 A lot of people write and complain this isn't a car show anymore. 600 00:41:32,292 --> 00:41:33,566 It is now! 601 00:41:34,792 --> 00:41:38,557 I love this enthusiasm. Why have you painted all yours white? 602 00:41:38,557 --> 00:41:41,542 Because I wanted them to match. I wanted them to be a work of art. 603 00:41:41,882 --> 00:41:45,921 I've got a white garage or "car house" as they're sometimes known. 604 00:41:46,205 --> 00:41:49,538 It's got a white piano in it, right? 605 00:41:49,539 --> 00:41:54,208 That plays itself, and there are these eight beautiful white Farrarris. 606 00:41:54,209 --> 00:41:55,481 And I've got them matching number plates. 607 00:41:56,686 --> 00:42:00,252 Which led you to that auction. When you bid for the Ferrari California. 608 00:42:00,253 --> 00:42:01,841 The James Coburn's car. - Yes. 609 00:42:01,842 --> 00:42:03,597 This is terribly vulgar. 610 00:42:03,598 --> 00:42:05,419 How much did you pay for that? 611 00:42:05,419 --> 00:42:08,169 It was the most expensive car sold at auction in the world. 612 00:42:08,169 --> 00:42:10,456 When I bought it. - Last year? 613 00:42:10,457 --> 00:42:13,415 A lot of millions? - Yes, 12 millions dollars. 614 00:42:14,611 --> 00:42:17,538 How drunk were you? - I wasn't drunk at all. 615 00:42:17,538 --> 00:42:22,744 The point is, I didn't go to buy the car. I went to buy a poster. 616 00:42:22,745 --> 00:42:23,827 I'm not joking! I'm not joking! 617 00:42:23,828 --> 00:42:25,446 I went to buy a poster, and... 618 00:42:25,676 --> 00:42:28,417 The 250 Spider came up on the stand, 619 00:42:28,418 --> 00:42:30,445 my second favourite car in the world 620 00:42:30,445 --> 00:42:32,915 because it was in my Top Trumps collection. 621 00:42:32,916 --> 00:42:34,049 As simple as that. 622 00:42:34,050 --> 00:42:36,878 Because that how this thing works and that's how life is sometime 623 00:42:36,878 --> 00:42:37,978 I thought I would go for it. 624 00:42:37,979 --> 00:42:40,221 Because I always wanted one. That was the best one in the world, 625 00:42:40,221 --> 00:42:42,407 James Coburn owned it for 28 years. 626 00:42:42,408 --> 00:42:45,561 He bought it because Steve McQueen, he met Steve McQueen in The Great Escape. 627 00:42:45,973 --> 00:42:48,799 Talking about this makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. 628 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,101 It's all documented, I've got all the history 629 00:42:51,101 --> 00:42:54,208 and that baby is back in the garage at home. 630 00:42:54,209 --> 00:42:55,782 I show it to as many people as I can. 631 00:42:55,783 --> 00:42:56,535 Unbelievable. 632 00:42:56,536 --> 00:42:59,580 Now. I was listening to you the other day, listen to you everday 633 00:42:59,580 --> 00:43:03,231 whilst stuck in a traffic jam, and you've auctioned 634 00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:05,272 your entire collection of Ferraris, 635 00:43:05,273 --> 00:43:08,246 most of your collections of Ferraris, for Children In Need. - Yes. 636 00:43:08,247 --> 00:43:09,662 So how does that work? 637 00:43:09,663 --> 00:43:12,567 People ring in and they were bidding? - Yes. 638 00:43:12,568 --> 00:43:13,984 And then they can drive whichever one they want? 639 00:43:13,984 --> 00:43:18,312 What happen is, we take the seven highest bids on the day 640 00:43:18,312 --> 00:43:22,658 and they spend a four-day tour and during the four days, 641 00:43:22,793 --> 00:43:26,823 each person who's bid the amount of money gets to drive every single car. 642 00:43:26,823 --> 00:43:29,050 Isn't that terrifying from your point of view? 643 00:43:29,659 --> 00:43:32,752 It's only tin and rubber. And I think the great thing about this kind of cars. 644 00:43:32,787 --> 00:43:35,105 If anybody comes round to my house, whether they're fitting a carpet, 645 00:43:35,105 --> 00:43:37,622 do the garden, burgling, 646 00:43:38,353 --> 00:43:41,070 just before you take that, come and have a look at the cars. 647 00:43:41,105 --> 00:43:43,232 I think it's really important to share these cars with people. 648 00:43:44,895 --> 00:43:48,066 You don't know who's bid. You know their names. 649 00:43:48,067 --> 00:43:50,269 You could have any sort of ape turning up. 650 00:43:51,085 --> 00:43:52,818 Well, if you bid... 651 00:43:56,661 --> 00:43:59,436 You've got a book out. "It's not what you think". 652 00:43:59,884 --> 00:44:01,290 Which is what it's called. - Yes. 653 00:44:01,465 --> 00:44:04,456 And there's a list of everything at the beginning of every chapter. 654 00:44:04,457 --> 00:44:05,457 Top tens. - The top tens. 655 00:44:05,458 --> 00:44:07,633 Which is great. A man loves the top tens. 656 00:44:07,634 --> 00:44:08,906 We like to quantify everything. 657 00:44:09,057 --> 00:44:11,739 But this car business, it does seem to me that cars, 658 00:44:11,739 --> 00:44:13,965 you sometimes claim you're not a car man, 659 00:44:13,966 --> 00:44:15,393 but you bloody well are. 660 00:44:15,394 --> 00:44:16,845 No, I'm definitely a car man. 661 00:44:16,845 --> 00:44:21,298 Behind my family, my job, maybe you're not not going to like this 662 00:44:21,299 --> 00:44:25,389 maybe golf, then I am a car man. 663 00:44:25,390 --> 00:44:27,454 Sometimes, if I'm away from home, 664 00:44:27,454 --> 00:44:29,345 the first thing I do, I get back home 665 00:44:29,346 --> 00:44:31,910 and I have to go to garage just to have a smell. 666 00:44:31,910 --> 00:44:34,702 I love it. The smell of petrol and leather, 667 00:44:34,702 --> 00:44:40,099 I love it to death. It's better than stuff I've never tried. 668 00:44:42,225 --> 00:44:43,911 Okay, now. 669 00:44:43,911 --> 00:44:46,228 When I first met you about a million years ago, - Yes. 670 00:44:46,228 --> 00:44:49,124 you were definitely a Porsche man. 671 00:44:49,124 --> 00:44:51,575 You are having a laugh! You have 968.. 672 00:44:51,576 --> 00:44:54,927 You've lost your mind. You need to go to Venice - 673 00:44:55,143 --> 00:44:57,805 Did you have a 968? - No. 674 00:44:57,806 --> 00:45:01,766 You did, convertible, Big Breakfast. - I didn't have 968. 675 00:45:01,767 --> 00:45:05,977 It wasn't 968, cos 968 was Tiptronic and mine was manual. 676 00:45:06,012 --> 00:45:08,287 So it was a 944? 677 00:45:08,288 --> 00:45:12,588 It was a 944 drop top, 19 grand, it was a great car, 678 00:45:12,588 --> 00:45:16,380 but it was dull and boring because it was a Porsche. 679 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,839 Obviously, the big news is, 680 00:45:18,839 --> 00:45:23,298 that Chris Evans -- broadcasting air waves so many years, 681 00:45:23,298 --> 00:45:26,669 is about to take over from the Terry Master. 682 00:45:26,669 --> 00:45:29,969 Has he given you any advice about morning stuff? 683 00:45:29,970 --> 00:45:32,121 How to get up earlier, that's gonna be the number one. 684 00:45:32,122 --> 00:45:36,041 Terry doesn't get up early, Terry gets up at 7 that's not a breakfast show. 685 00:45:36,041 --> 00:45:39,371 What time do you started? - 7.00am. 686 00:45:40,057 --> 00:45:42,824 It is quite funny. Because you gonna have to pretend to be older than you actually are. 687 00:45:42,825 --> 00:45:45,342 No I'm not, because for somebody at 60. 688 00:45:45,343 --> 00:45:48,156 We had a request the other day, at somebody 60th birthday, 689 00:45:48,157 --> 00:45:50,831 they wanted Van Halen, because that is the music that was around when they were sixties. 690 00:45:50,832 --> 00:45:53,104 So we are okay, I mean there's quality tune about. 691 00:45:53,105 --> 00:45:57,114 You have Brian Johnson on the show, lead of AC/DC. 62 years old. 692 00:45:57,115 --> 00:45:58,656 It's all fine. 693 00:45:58,656 --> 00:46:01,040 It is all fine, we are all going to be, bye-bye generation 694 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,806 we are going to be in our old people's home with Anarchy In The UK in our wheelchairs. 695 00:46:04,807 --> 00:46:08,073 We gonna have a wheelchair and we still gonna be doing that. 696 00:46:08,074 --> 00:46:10,146 I am the antichrist. 697 00:46:10,146 --> 00:46:11,120 Give me a wheelchair. 698 00:46:11,121 --> 00:46:13,683 I don't want any more Gracie Fields, just this. 699 00:46:15,824 --> 00:46:18,840 How did it go for you, out there today on our lap? 700 00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:24,050 Well I did my best, probably the worst weather there has ever been out there. 701 00:46:24,075 --> 00:46:27,485 The Stig, what a lovely man, he couldn't have been nicer, 702 00:46:27,485 --> 00:46:31,509 however, what I have decided to do, I have had a great time. 703 00:46:31,897 --> 00:46:35,147 I thought if I'm going to die, let me die today on this track. 704 00:46:35,147 --> 00:46:41,022 He did actually say, Chris has no sense of self-preservation. 705 00:46:42,436 --> 00:46:47,304 Anybody like to see some of Chris's practices. 706 00:46:46,796 --> 00:46:50,412 Let's have a look at some of these practice thing here. 707 00:46:50,413 --> 00:46:51,413 At the 50 mark, turning, 708 00:46:52,436 --> 00:46:56,100 off the brakes again, brake hard now, into in to second. 709 00:46:56,101 --> 00:46:58,156 This is the hammerhead. 710 00:46:58,156 --> 00:47:01,396 You're going out of control, go out of control. 711 00:47:03,648 --> 00:47:06,171 Nobody has ever spun there before. 712 00:47:06,172 --> 00:47:07,292 That's good. 713 00:47:07,293 --> 00:47:10,264 Watch this. This is the last corner. 714 00:47:10,734 --> 00:47:11,703 Sideways. 715 00:47:11,704 --> 00:47:13,900 Nobody has ever spun there. - Sideways at the cruise. 716 00:47:13,901 --> 00:47:17,458 Second last corner, everybody goes here, 717 00:47:17,458 --> 00:47:18,736 I'm impressed. 718 00:47:18,737 --> 00:47:21,280 You never even made it to the corner. 719 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,614 I thought I would just go straight on here. 720 00:47:23,615 --> 00:47:25,459 That was brilliant. 721 00:47:25,756 --> 00:47:29,878 That is good bravery. 722 00:47:32,958 --> 00:47:38,063 But then, the lap happened for real. Who wants to see it? 723 00:47:38,064 --> 00:47:39,064 Let's have a look. 724 00:47:41,670 --> 00:47:44,694 So you haven't learned your lesson, still going for brute force. 725 00:47:44,694 --> 00:47:47,400 Come on, hello family. 726 00:47:48,159 --> 00:47:49,159 Concentrate, man. 727 00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:52,316 Concentrate on the job in hand, that is wet. 728 00:47:52,317 --> 00:47:54,660 Good, it's Joe 90 mind the wheel. 729 00:47:54,661 --> 00:47:55,905 Cutting across the red and white. 730 00:47:55,905 --> 00:47:59,754 That is slippery. You're looking quite good though. 731 00:47:59,754 --> 00:48:01,858 You have never been good at anything like this in your life, 732 00:48:01,859 --> 00:48:03,629 try and have a go at this. Come on! 733 00:48:03,629 --> 00:48:07,425 Have you never been good at anything? - Not like this though. 734 00:48:07,709 --> 00:48:10,669 I'm with you, all sports are impossible. 735 00:48:10,670 --> 00:48:12,789 That is not bad. - You have to nail hammerhead. 736 00:48:13,323 --> 00:48:18,391 You got to do this, even though your chin does look like a bum! 737 00:48:18,391 --> 00:48:20,719 This is Hammerhead, do we gonna get around this time? 738 00:48:20,720 --> 00:48:22,645 We have put cones out now when it's rain 739 00:48:22,646 --> 00:48:26,128 so Jonathan Ross doesn't get lost if he comes back, 740 00:48:26,510 --> 00:48:29,104 you're in the white lines, that looks slow but important for a quick time. 741 00:48:29,104 --> 00:48:30,518 Aim for the cameraman. 742 00:48:30,519 --> 00:48:31,257 Aim for the cameraman. 743 00:48:31,258 --> 00:48:32,258 Here the cameraman. 744 00:48:32,259 --> 00:48:33,259 Bad karma. 745 00:48:33,260 --> 00:48:36,417 Because I missed the gear aiming for the cameraman. 746 00:48:36,418 --> 00:48:39,990 There he is, he getting a bit tired now. 747 00:48:41,317 --> 00:48:42,530 That's looking good. 748 00:48:42,531 --> 00:48:46,228 The smell of the clutch. Mmmm. 749 00:48:46,229 --> 00:48:48,368 But does it smell of victory? 750 00:48:48,368 --> 00:48:52,005 I'm being a bit chicky, I'm being a whussy into the final bend. 751 00:48:52,006 --> 00:48:53,073 Come on now! 752 00:48:53,073 --> 00:48:57,381 Cut the corner, just a bit. That's the trick. That's good. 753 00:48:57,827 --> 00:49:01,191 That's quite a lot. This one, cut it a lot. 754 00:49:02,069 --> 00:49:07,769 So an entirely new way across the line. 755 00:49:07,869 --> 00:49:12,390 Here we are. There's the board. 756 00:49:12,391 --> 00:49:13,694 There is the board. 757 00:49:13,694 --> 00:49:17,024 Where do you think? Obviously we will give you a wet lap there. 758 00:49:17,024 --> 00:49:19,123 We will put Chris Evans "wet" on it. 759 00:49:19,124 --> 00:49:20,969 Where do you think you have come? 760 00:49:20,969 --> 00:49:25,512 I don't think it's that impressive, but I did, I promise you I try my best, 761 00:49:25,512 --> 00:49:29,036 but I'm not gonna lean forward, I will try to be cool. 762 00:49:29,037 --> 00:49:31,269 We never had a guest who manage to stay just like that. 763 00:49:31,270 --> 00:49:34,658 I know, I tell you my heart is racing. 764 00:49:35,173 --> 00:49:40,881 You did it in one minute, quicker than Terry Wogan was. 765 00:49:41,342 --> 00:49:46,321 You are already the new fastest Radio Two breakfast show host we have ever had. 766 00:49:46,321 --> 00:49:47,703 In the last 40 years. 767 00:49:49,851 --> 00:49:55,104 You did it in one minute, forty. - That's good. 768 00:49:55,105 --> 00:49:56,625 Eight point one. 769 00:49:56,625 --> 00:50:05,054 For a wet lap that's the third- fastest wet lap we have ever had. 770 00:50:05,687 --> 00:50:07,032 There's your ex. 771 00:50:07,033 --> 00:50:08,337 I'm just above her, 772 00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:10,528 but I'm not on top of her, just above her. 773 00:50:11,734 --> 00:50:12,461 Cos she's my ex. 774 00:50:12,462 --> 00:50:15,148 But we were accused of favouritism with her by David Tenant, 775 00:50:15,148 --> 00:50:17,531 who said that we only allowed her to cut corner 776 00:50:17,532 --> 00:50:19,707 because she was wearing a see-through top. 777 00:50:19,708 --> 00:50:22,202 And he was quite right of course. - Completely right. 778 00:50:22,203 --> 00:50:26,560 But you cut corners as well. - Next time I'm gonna wear a see-through top. 779 00:50:27,133 --> 00:50:30,435 Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Evans. Best of luck. 780 00:50:32,345 --> 00:50:34,640 The new morning man. 781 00:50:34,641 --> 00:50:36,848 That is a good time, be proud of that. 782 00:50:41,118 --> 00:50:44,876 Earlier on in the show, we explained that Lancia, 783 00:50:44,876 --> 00:50:47,775 the greatest car company in the world, 784 00:50:47,776 --> 00:50:51,813 and just because of a few problems with rust 30 years ago, 785 00:50:51,813 --> 00:50:54,875 they are not available in the UK any more. 786 00:50:55,122 --> 00:50:57,739 The thing is though, as Jeremy as been finding out, 787 00:50:57,739 --> 00:51:01,817 you can still get one, sort of. 788 00:51:04,926 --> 00:51:09,926 This is a Lancia Stratos, except for one small thing, 789 00:51:09,927 --> 00:51:10,927 It isn't. 790 00:51:13,438 --> 00:51:16,532 It wasn't made in the 1970s in Italy, 791 00:51:16,532 --> 00:51:19,162 in fact, I don't know where it was made. 792 00:51:19,163 --> 00:51:21,544 In a shed in Nuneaton, probably. 793 00:51:23,319 --> 00:51:26,085 This, you see, is a kit car. 794 00:51:26,086 --> 00:51:30,191 Either you can pay someone to build it for you, 795 00:51:30,191 --> 00:51:34,140 or you can make it at home yourself, with a hammer. 796 00:51:35,037 --> 00:51:39,737 Apparently, if you're fairly competent that would take about 300 hours, 797 00:51:39,231 --> 00:51:44,869 obviously it would take me about 300 years, which is a very long time. 798 00:51:44,869 --> 00:51:50,230 But, there is an upside, an original Stratos would cost 799 00:51:50,230 --> 00:51:52,351 100,000 pounds, maybe more, 800 00:51:52,352 --> 00:51:56,399 that is 13,000 pounds. 801 00:52:01,413 --> 00:52:06,966 In theory that makes this the Hawk HF, the bargain of the century. 802 00:52:06,966 --> 00:52:11,450 The body is absolutely identical to the original, 803 00:52:11,451 --> 00:52:14,994 all the panels are completely interchangable. 804 00:52:16,473 --> 00:52:20,260 The interior too would be familiar to Lancia fans. 805 00:52:22,204 --> 00:52:26,238 The pedals are nowhere near where the bottom of my legs are. 806 00:52:26,512 --> 00:52:31,036 The steering wheel is perilously close to where my testis used to be, 807 00:52:31,036 --> 00:52:35,389 before the seatbelt jammed them up into my lungs. 808 00:52:35,493 --> 00:52:38,475 The gear lever acts like one of Bugs Bunny's ears, 809 00:52:38,476 --> 00:52:42,157 and one of the switches on the dashboard operates a fire extinguisher, 810 00:52:42,157 --> 00:52:45,702 since I don't know which one it is, I dare not touch any of them. 811 00:52:46,568 --> 00:52:50,575 The wiper has gone upside down, 812 00:52:50,575 --> 00:52:55,244 that wouldn't actually clear the rain from the window. 813 00:52:55,245 --> 00:52:57,744 Then there was a big noise. 814 00:53:00,270 --> 00:53:03,159 Wait a minute, what the hell? What was that? 815 00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,497 The front left brake had jammed on. 816 00:53:05,941 --> 00:53:10,471 I got to get this in to a workshop. Come on, come on. 817 00:53:11,048 --> 00:53:14,640 I took the car to Nigel, the resident mechanic at our track, 818 00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,570 and greeted him in the usual fashion. 819 00:53:17,571 --> 00:53:19,308 Have you got a hammer? 820 00:53:22,212 --> 00:53:26,780 That is scalding hot, as we can see on the thermal-images camera. 821 00:53:30,286 --> 00:53:33,338 He has just gone to answer the phone now. 822 00:53:33,339 --> 00:53:36,270 While we wait, I suppose I should explain 823 00:53:36,271 --> 00:53:40,251 the 13,000 pounds doesn't include the cost of an engine, 824 00:53:40,251 --> 00:53:41,551 you have to get one yourself. 825 00:53:41,551 --> 00:53:44,834 And you have a choice of two, you can either get Fiat's twin-cam, 826 00:53:44,835 --> 00:53:47,414 that you can buy used these day for about 5p, 827 00:53:47,415 --> 00:53:51,442 or for 600 quid, you can get the engine I have in this. 828 00:53:51,685 --> 00:53:55,644 Use this handle which is disguised as a spoiler to get the back up, 829 00:53:55,645 --> 00:53:59,806 and there you are Alfa's brilliant 3 litre V6. 830 00:54:00,467 --> 00:54:04,841 This actually produces more power than the Ferrari engine Lancia used. 831 00:54:05,374 --> 00:54:09,605 And with it the Hawk is faster, when it is working, 832 00:54:09,606 --> 00:54:13,057 which it will be, eventually. 833 00:54:17,237 --> 00:54:20,409 It is mended. Now I'm going to get back in. 834 00:54:20,409 --> 00:54:24,477 Which is a surprisingly elegant process if you're a mouse. 835 00:54:24,478 --> 00:54:25,960 You simply get one... 836 00:54:25,961 --> 00:54:28,195 No, that's not good. 837 00:54:28,195 --> 00:54:32,112 You sort of get over this roll bar, like this. 838 00:54:32,112 --> 00:54:36,924 Then you get your head in, it's probably easier to detatch your head first, 839 00:54:36,924 --> 00:54:39,600 and put it back on in the car. 840 00:54:40,644 --> 00:54:41,962 There we are. Whenever there, and 841 00:54:41,963 --> 00:54:45,240 Over there! And then.. 842 00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:48,980 You might want to cut the camera for this bit. 843 00:54:50,932 --> 00:54:53,757 I had intended at this point to check out the performance, 844 00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:59,642 but after the brake problem I had rather lost my nerve. 845 00:55:03,871 --> 00:55:07,891 0-60 takes less than five seconds 846 00:55:07,891 --> 00:55:14,399 and what I'm not going to do now is see where that acceleration stops. 847 00:55:14,660 --> 00:55:21,662 I really don't want to travel at 150mph in a car built in a shed by a man I have never met. 848 00:55:22,828 --> 00:55:24,435 This is 90 perhaps, 849 00:55:24,711 --> 00:55:27,278 that's, the wiper has gone. 850 00:55:28,569 --> 00:55:30,492 That is an important consideration, 851 00:55:30,492 --> 00:55:34,594 you have to bear in mind if you are thinking of buying a used kit car. 852 00:55:34,594 --> 00:55:35,750 You have to ask, 853 00:55:35,751 --> 00:55:40,137 was it built fastidiously by James May over a period of 854 00:55:40,137 --> 00:55:45,777 many hundreds of years, or was it built by a spanner, with a hammer? 855 00:55:47,845 --> 00:55:52,337 I mean, would you buy a kit car that I had built? 856 00:55:56,193 --> 00:55:58,612 Having chickened on the max speed run, 857 00:55:58,612 --> 00:56:04,260 I decided not find out what it is like flat out through the corners. 858 00:56:04,804 --> 00:56:07,297 Here we go, I'm going in, 859 00:56:07,298 --> 00:56:10,946 and here I am cornering not at all flat out. 860 00:56:12,011 --> 00:56:14,897 60, that's fine. 861 00:56:14,898 --> 00:56:18,707 Brakes, all three and three quarters of them are very squirrelly. 862 00:56:18,992 --> 00:56:22,007 The steering is very heavy, a lot of body roll. 863 00:56:22,453 --> 00:56:23,453 There we are. 864 00:56:24,260 --> 00:56:26,801 I think that's probably enough cornering now, 865 00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:28,910 we have done that, tick. 866 00:56:31,494 --> 00:56:36,159 Certainly then, the Hawk is only as good as the bloke who put it together. 867 00:56:36,159 --> 00:56:40,387 You will spend more time under it than in it, for example. 868 00:56:42,207 --> 00:56:46,843 I'm not going to pretend it is as good as an original Stratos either, 869 00:56:46,844 --> 00:56:55,213 but the same reason that a postcard of the Mona Lisa is not as good as Leonardo's. 870 00:56:55,683 --> 00:56:58,843 But one day your car will be working 871 00:56:58,508 --> 00:57:03,233 and you will see a reflection of yourself in a shop window as you go by, 872 00:57:03,233 --> 00:57:08,137 and trust me on this, that's gonna feel good. 873 00:57:08,137 --> 00:57:11,613 Because critically this looks like a Stratos. 874 00:57:11,614 --> 00:57:17,218 If we're honest, that's all we really want. 875 00:57:33,009 --> 00:57:36,033 I would like to build a kit car like that, 876 00:57:36,034 --> 00:57:37,984 cos I think it would be very therapeutic. 877 00:57:37,985 --> 00:57:39,054 It would be. 878 00:57:39,055 --> 00:57:42,813 You know what I mean. It is more satisfying to have something you have made yourself? 879 00:57:43,605 --> 00:57:45,848 I don't even like to eat a sandwich I have made myself, 880 00:57:45,848 --> 00:57:49,157 because it always has blood in it and bits of my fingers. 881 00:57:49,158 --> 00:57:50,158 But anyway. 882 00:57:50,525 --> 00:57:54,888 We must now find out how fast this car goes round our track, 883 00:57:54,888 --> 00:57:59,192 and of course that means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 884 00:57:59,192 --> 00:58:03,304 Some say his new Christmas range of fragrances, 885 00:58:03,305 --> 00:58:07,806 includes the great smell of Wednesday, 886 00:58:07,806 --> 00:58:11,475 and that he was turned down for the job of EU President, 887 00:58:11,475 --> 00:58:16,022 because his face is just too recoginsable. 888 00:58:16,023 --> 00:58:19,218 All we know is he's called The Stig. 889 00:58:20,152 --> 00:58:21,981 He's off, there he goes. 890 00:58:21,982 --> 00:58:24,031 I say listen to that noise. 891 00:58:24,031 --> 00:58:30,140 The Alfa V6 sounds, if anything, even better than the Ferrari V6. 892 00:58:30,297 --> 00:58:33,147 That's fantastic sound. 893 00:58:33,148 --> 00:58:35,147 What's happening here? 894 00:58:35,678 --> 00:58:38,052 Is he looking for the stereo, no, 895 00:58:38,053 --> 00:58:41,727 Stiggy what's gone wrong? He's broken down. 896 00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:44,570 How authentic is that? 897 00:58:44,571 --> 00:58:48,243 This is a scene familiar to any Lancia owner, 898 00:58:48,243 --> 00:58:51,582 look at him walking off, completing his journey on foot. 899 00:58:51,583 --> 00:58:54,267 There he is, not across the line. 900 00:58:54,268 --> 00:58:55,485 Now, okay. 901 00:58:55,716 --> 00:58:58,605 There is no way we were going to allow 902 00:58:58,606 --> 00:59:01,247 our first-ever DNF (Did Not Finish) 903 00:59:01,247 --> 00:59:04,032 on the board, to be a Lancia, no way. 904 00:59:04,033 --> 00:59:08,783 So we, mended the car, in a shed, okay, 905 00:59:08,783 --> 00:59:13,849 brought it back, it was here, this morning for The Stig to try again. 906 00:59:16,244 --> 00:59:18,646 Unfortunately it was raining this time. 907 00:59:18,646 --> 00:59:21,945 But the car has set off well, still making a fabulous noise, 908 00:59:21,945 --> 00:59:27,858 look at the rooster tails, stip dipping badly underbraking as the Stig turns in. 909 00:59:27,858 --> 00:59:32,227 Ooh!! I say that's a bit wide. Stiggy where are you going? 910 00:59:32,228 --> 00:59:35,685 He's got it back. Now that's amazing driving. 911 00:59:35,686 --> 00:59:38,917 He comes up to Chicago, locked up the front, 912 00:59:38,917 --> 00:59:43,759 back stepped out, this is wide he's gone. The Stig has spun. 913 00:59:43,759 --> 00:59:48,437 That's not going to stop him, he's still going on, look at that for determination. 914 00:59:48,437 --> 00:59:51,784 Stig obviously a Lancia fan as well as he comes up to the hammerhead, 915 00:59:51,784 --> 00:59:57,407 he has got it to turn in nicely, done better than Chris Evans there. 916 00:59:57,407 --> 01:00:01,280 Nice through with the whole beautifully-held slide. 917 01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,267 It's gone wrong, he's headed for the camera crew. 918 01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:05,437 I bet they were frightened. Here we go. 919 01:00:05,869 --> 01:00:08,178 Is he breaking down again? No he isn't, 920 01:00:08,178 --> 01:00:11,777 that is not at all like a Lancia as he comes to the follow-through. 921 01:00:11,777 --> 01:00:14,996 He's definitely backed off of that, I can't say I blame him, 922 01:00:14,997 --> 01:00:18,482 as he heads now towards the tyres, building up speed, 923 01:00:18,482 --> 01:00:20,247 not too much speed. 924 01:00:20,247 --> 01:00:23,613 He's coming down, crikey this is out of control now, 925 01:00:23,614 --> 01:00:26,110 but he has done it, he's round the second to last corner, 926 01:00:26,110 --> 01:00:28,688 Oh no! He's gone again! 927 01:00:29,269 --> 01:00:31,340 That's what I call driving, 928 01:00:31,340 --> 01:00:35,224 as he comes around Gambon, this time across the line. 929 01:00:36,723 --> 01:00:40,552 That is the best-looking lap we have ever seen. 930 01:00:40,553 --> 01:00:42,717 I have to say one of the most exciting. 931 01:00:42,717 --> 01:00:45,743 Spectacular. - Car control is phenomenal. 932 01:00:45,743 --> 01:00:53,219 But the time was, 1.48.2, which means it's also 933 01:00:53,220 --> 01:00:57,924 the slowest slap we have ever had around the Top Gear test track. 934 01:00:57,925 --> 01:01:00,658 My.. Can you imagine how long it would take if he build it? 935 01:01:00,659 --> 01:01:02,747 My god! It would not finish the lap by now. Would they? 936 01:01:02,748 --> 01:01:05,064 No! - Or now. 937 01:01:05,065 --> 01:01:08,487 Thank you! Anyway listen, next week we're on for a reason we don't understand, 938 01:01:08,488 --> 01:01:10,492 at 8.30. - Or now. 939 01:01:11,785 --> 01:01:13,581 On that bombshell, - Or now. 940 01:01:13,582 --> 01:01:17,809 it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching! Good night! 941 01:01:23,677 --> 01:01:24,677 Or now. 942 01:01:44,579 --> 01:01:45,579 Or now.