1 00:00:11,072 --> 00:00:15,036 Tonight, Richard drives a muscle car, 2 00:00:15,071 --> 00:00:17,989 I wear some unusual trousers 3 00:00:18,024 --> 00:00:21,040 and there's a wizard in our reasonably priced car. 4 00:00:25,052 --> 00:00:27,040 APPLAUSE 5 00:00:29,068 --> 00:00:32,060 Hello, thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. 6 00:00:32,095 --> 00:00:34,005 Thank you. 7 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,092 Now, in the past, if you were a successful businessman 8 00:00:37,127 --> 00:00:40,611 and you wanted a large four-door saloon car, 9 00:00:40,646 --> 00:00:44,061 you had a choice of Mercedes-Benz, BMW or Audi. 10 00:00:44,096 --> 00:00:49,076 Now, though, you could have an Aston Martin or a Maserati or a Porsche. 11 00:00:49,111 --> 00:00:51,009 And that should, at least, 12 00:00:51,044 --> 00:00:55,024 make the world's financial districts sound a lot better. 13 00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:16,068 These are the cars in question and it's our job to decide which is best... 14 00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:23,028 The 4.7 litre Maserati Quattroporte GTS, 15 00:01:23,063 --> 00:01:26,993 the six-litre Aston Martin Rapide 16 00:01:27,028 --> 00:01:32,028 or the extremely ugly Porsche Panamera Turbo. 17 00:01:33,044 --> 00:01:36,064 This isn't just hideous compared to the other two - 18 00:01:36,099 --> 00:01:39,052 it's hideous compared to a... genital wart. 19 00:01:40,076 --> 00:01:44,012 By contrast, looks is where the Aston gets off to a flying start, 20 00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:47,563 cos it doesn't really look like a saloon at all. 21 00:01:47,598 --> 00:01:51,045 More like a DB9 that's... taken a bit of Viagra. 22 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,024 In fact, you have to stare at it for a while before you can see it's got 23 00:01:55,059 --> 00:01:57,021 four doors at all. 24 00:01:57,056 --> 00:02:01,057 The Quattroporte has now been with us for six years 25 00:02:01,092 --> 00:02:05,052 but if anything, over that time, I think it's got even better looking. 26 00:02:05,087 --> 00:02:06,981 Ooh, it has. You're not joking. 27 00:02:07,016 --> 00:02:10,048 When this first came out, I thought it looked like a Vauxhall Cresta. 28 00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:15,064 Yes, you did. But now, it's just spectacularly well balanced. 29 00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:17,965 It's just cool, though, as well, isn't it? 30 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,040 When you see someone getting out of these, passers by go... 31 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:22,973 It is like a Mafia hit man. 32 00:02:23,008 --> 00:02:26,028 I like these. Oh, those are... They work for me. 33 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,045 When you sum up the looks of these, 34 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:33,016 you've got the ballet dancer, the hit man and someone who's been... 35 00:02:33,051 --> 00:02:35,060 Found at the bottom of a lake after two weeks. Yes. 36 00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,064 And this is the man who threw him in there. 37 00:02:40,004 --> 00:02:42,506 Having examined the outside of the cars, 38 00:02:42,541 --> 00:02:45,008 we thought we'd take a look at the inside, 39 00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:46,061 where there were some issues. 40 00:02:46,096 --> 00:02:52,032 In the Aston Martin, you need fingers like cocktail sticks to operate any of the buttons. 41 00:02:53,032 --> 00:02:57,060 And in the Porsche, you need to be a rocket scientist to understand anything. 42 00:02:57,095 --> 00:03:00,969 But worst of all is the Quattroporte. 43 00:03:01,004 --> 00:03:05,002 This is always going to be a bit of a problem for a small car maker because... 44 00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:09,000 Well, Mercedes-Benz, they've probably got 1,000 people employed just to decide 45 00:03:09,035 --> 00:03:12,059 where the buttons go on the satnav, but with the Maserati, 46 00:03:12,094 --> 00:03:15,084 you get the feeling a man turns up on Tuesday and goes, 47 00:03:15,119 --> 00:03:16,993 "Here is OK." 48 00:03:17,028 --> 00:03:23,004 That's why it's blindingly difficult to operate everything in here, as we shall now demonstrate. 49 00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:26,056 Chaps, give me a straightforward task. I'll give you a task. 50 00:03:26,091 --> 00:03:28,056 Adjust the clock. OK. 51 00:03:33,068 --> 00:03:37,092 While James is doing that, Hammond and I have noticed that we've got these straps here. 52 00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:40,053 These are fitted for you to be handcuffed to. 53 00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:45,000 "Don't take me to the warehouse. I can't find the money! 54 00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:47,021 "Please!" "Just tell me where my children are. " 55 00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:51,036 Ah, ah, ah! "Set time and date. " Go on, then. Right, right. 56 00:03:52,092 --> 00:03:54,094 Manual? Semi-automatic? 57 00:03:54,129 --> 00:03:56,096 Oh, these are the weapons. 58 00:03:56,131 --> 00:03:58,001 THEY CHUCKLE 59 00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:01,021 I'm quite good at this sort of thing but that's rubbish. 60 00:04:01,056 --> 00:04:05,556 At this point, we decided to take a typical businessman's drive 61 00:04:05,591 --> 00:04:10,056 from here in central London to a business park in Hampshire. 62 00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:14,076 I wanted to drive the Maserati. 63 00:04:14,111 --> 00:04:16,005 Toodle-oo. 64 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,017 Well, I'm not driving the Porsche. I'm just not. 65 00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:23,076 'Unfortunately, while I was telling Jeremy I wouldn't drive the Porsche... 66 00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:27,032 '.. James drove off in the Aston. ' 67 00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:32,086 Oh God. Why did I have to get stuck with this? 68 00:04:32,121 --> 00:04:36,096 I grabbed the Aston, expecting perfection. 69 00:04:36,131 --> 00:04:38,993 But I didn't quite find it. 70 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,064 You pay 91,000 for the Maserati, 71 00:04:41,099 --> 00:04:43,583 97,000 for the Porsche 72 00:04:43,618 --> 00:04:46,811 and then 140,000 for this. 73 00:04:46,846 --> 00:04:49,969 But I'm not exactly sure why. 74 00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:54,024 For that sort of money, this thing has to be absolutely brilliant 75 00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:56,020 but I'm not entirely convinced it is. 76 00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:57,973 It's a bit jiggly. 77 00:04:58,008 --> 00:04:59,061 I know it's a sort of supercar, 78 00:04:59,096 --> 00:05:03,012 but it's supposed to be luxurious and comfortable as well. 79 00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:09,036 When it comes to criticism, though, you should have heard Mr Grumble-Trousers. 80 00:05:09,071 --> 00:05:11,973 It's sort of massive for one thing - 81 00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:14,020 I'm scared I might knock over a building. 82 00:05:15,084 --> 00:05:16,053 Oh God. 83 00:05:16,088 --> 00:05:19,001 It's got a stop-start, 84 00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:23,084 so the engine stops when you stop and starts when you hit the pedal to move away. 85 00:05:23,119 --> 00:05:25,589 What's...? To save petrol. 86 00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:28,025 In a 4.7 litre V8 turbo. 87 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:33,080 That's like buying Buckingham Palace, then living in the kitchen to save wearing the carpets out. 88 00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:36,029 Then there's the pricing. 89 00:05:36,064 --> 00:05:41,029 Yes, at L97,000, this does look like good value against the Aston Martin. 90 00:05:41,064 --> 00:05:46,076 Then you discover you have to pay extra for things like the rear windscreen wiper. 91 00:05:46,111 --> 00:05:51,008 Don't be tight. 97 grand - chuck in a windscreen wiper, eh? 92 00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:54,969 Hammond. Yep?I don't like looking at your car. 93 00:05:55,004 --> 00:05:59,088 It's the only thing that brightens my day knowing you have got to look at it and I haven't. 94 00:05:59,123 --> 00:06:03,000 No, there's its reflection! God, it's hideous. 95 00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:08,080 Up ahead, there was a chance for the Porsche to redeem itself. 96 00:06:08,115 --> 00:06:10,084 Ooh, hello. Tunnel. 97 00:06:13,044 --> 00:06:15,096 There it is. Sport. 98 00:06:19,036 --> 00:06:20,057 No noise at all. 99 00:06:20,092 --> 00:06:23,090 On a 4.7 litre V8, and... 100 00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:26,053 I can't hear anything. 101 00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:30,056 'The Aston put on a better show. ' 102 00:06:30,091 --> 00:06:31,993 Not bad. 103 00:06:32,028 --> 00:06:34,013 'But then came the Maserati. ' 104 00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:38,032 What I'm going to do now is push the sport button. 105 00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:40,044 ENGINE REVS LOUDLY 106 00:06:41,044 --> 00:06:44,013 Oh, my God! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 107 00:06:44,048 --> 00:06:50,032 What this button does is it turns carbon dioxide into noise. 108 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:55,028 'However, like the other two, I had complaints. ' 109 00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:59,013 The sports noise - that's good. 110 00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:04,048 The trouble is they've also fitted it with sports suspension and that's not good. 111 00:07:05,044 --> 00:07:09,049 If you can afford L100,000 to spend on a car, 112 00:07:09,084 --> 00:07:14,012 chances are you're a bit old, and old people don't want to drive along like this. 113 00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:15,557 That's not comfy. 114 00:07:15,592 --> 00:07:17,033 'And there was more. ' 115 00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:21,060 I honestly thought James was being stupid, but he isn't. 116 00:07:21,095 --> 00:07:23,969 I can't fathom anything out. 117 00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:27,056 There are buttons I've just found on the back of the steering wheel - 118 00:07:27,091 --> 00:07:30,056 six of them. No idea what they do. 119 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:38,548 'On the uneventful one-hour cruise to the business park... ' 120 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:43,060 HE SNIGGERS Do I care that I don't knowwhat the buttons do? No. 121 00:07:45,004 --> 00:07:47,029 '.. I worked out a way to describe 122 00:07:47,064 --> 00:07:50,997 'the unhinged but bewitching Quattroporte. ' 123 00:07:51,032 --> 00:07:53,969 Owning this car is like owning a two-year-old child. 124 00:07:54,004 --> 00:07:58,092 It's really annoying for a lot of the time but if someone tried to take it away from you... 125 00:07:58,127 --> 00:08:00,033 You'd kill them. You'd kill! 126 00:08:00,068 --> 00:08:05,060 'Then, since the park was closed, we decided to turn it into a race track. 127 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:12,008 'And in the Maserati, Hammond quickly got what I was on about. ' 128 00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:13,052 Oh, my word! 129 00:08:21,004 --> 00:08:26,000 This is a four-door saloon car but it sounds utterly magnificent. 130 00:08:26,035 --> 00:08:27,045 It's just got so much style. 131 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,969 I don't care what the flaws are - 132 00:08:30,004 --> 00:08:33,052 I don't care if it picks its nose and farts in bed - I love this thing. 133 00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:38,000 It's got such a sense of fun about it. That is the whole point. 134 00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:40,092 Even if you're trying to keep that lid down. 135 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,020 'Mind you, the Aston wasn't bad either. ' 136 00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:50,092 Do you know what this is? I'll tell you exactly what this is. 137 00:08:50,127 --> 00:08:52,028 It is exciting. 138 00:08:54,028 --> 00:08:57,092 There's a subtle, refined rage to this car. 139 00:09:01,084 --> 00:09:06,058 It is not as sharp as a Vantage or DB9 or DBS, 140 00:09:06,093 --> 00:09:11,032 but as a four-door saloon car, it's spectacular. 141 00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:14,973 'Here on the business park raceway, 142 00:09:15,008 --> 00:09:19,056 'even the four-wheel drive Elephant Man is making a case for itself. ' 143 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,024 God above! This thing's great. 144 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:27,028 It feels big, but whoo! 145 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,060 Staggering. 146 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,969 I'm just amazed by this car. 147 00:09:36,004 --> 00:09:40,032 Dynamically, it is as fabulous as it is gopping to look at. 148 00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:45,969 'Frankly, we could have fooled about all day in these cars, 149 00:09:46,004 --> 00:09:49,076 'but we decided to induce a bit of science by laying out a course 150 00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:52,072 'and then summoning the head of accounts. ' 151 00:09:59,084 --> 00:10:03,032 Is he ready? Yes, believe so. Of course he is - he's the Stig. 152 00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:05,052 Three, two, one, go. 153 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:10,020 They sold 1,000... Ssh! 154 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:15,997 What were you going to say? 155 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:20,017 I was going to say that they sold 1,000 of those Maseratis over a five-year period 156 00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:25,084 but over the save same five years,they sold nearly 15,000 MercedesS Classes. He's coming back! 157 00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:34,064 You know the Ferrari F438? 158 00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:36,036 What?! 159 00:10:39,024 --> 00:10:41,028 He got a bit squirrely there. 160 00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:45,076 I've had a crisis! 161 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,061 35.8. 162 00:10:46,096 --> 00:10:49,044 'With the Maserati's time on the board... ' 163 00:10:51,004 --> 00:10:53,052 '.. the Stig lined up the Aston. ' 164 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:57,016 Three, two, one, and go. 165 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,064 I'm very angry! 166 00:11:07,064 --> 00:11:11,004 But why is it so expensive? 167 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,036 I think they're charging 140,000 cos they can. Yeah. 168 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,056 Ooh! He is brave. Isn't he brave? 169 00:11:26,088 --> 00:11:29,546 OK, the Aston Martin Rapide. 170 00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:33,004 There's your Maserati, 35.81. 171 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:35,057 Rapide... 172 00:11:35,092 --> 00:11:37,041 35.25. Ooh! 173 00:11:37,076 --> 00:11:40,001 So 50 grand and you go 174 00:11:40,036 --> 00:11:43,985 0.6 of a second faster round Farnborough business park. 175 00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:48,044 It is an important pieceof consumer advice. I'd spend an extra 50 grand for that. 176 00:11:48,079 --> 00:11:50,060 Right. It's time now... 177 00:11:50,095 --> 00:11:53,004 for the Porsche. 178 00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:58,056 Three, two, one, go. 179 00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:00,993 Has it gone? 180 00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:04,044 You two haven't given it the full beans yet, have you? 181 00:12:04,079 --> 00:12:06,024 No. It's absolutely astonishing. 182 00:12:12,076 --> 00:12:15,048 I have to say, I like the look ofit now. You can't... 183 00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:17,040 No, it's behind that building. 184 00:12:23,088 --> 00:12:26,000 It's back! I've got to look. 185 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,048 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 186 00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:37,004 Right. 187 00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:41,005 The Porsche did it in... 188 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:45,021 35.1, which is only a tenth of a second faster, 189 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:49,053 but nevertheless, that thing, I think, is astonishingly fast. 190 00:12:49,088 --> 00:12:53,072 It is. That's all very well, but which would you rather walk out to in the morning? 191 00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:56,061 The Maserati or the Aston that'll make your trousers go all hot, 192 00:12:56,096 --> 00:13:01,052 or the Porsche - they do! - which makes a bit of sick come into your mouth when you see it. 193 00:13:01,087 --> 00:13:04,032 Which would you rather have? That's the thing. 194 00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:06,039 HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY 195 00:13:06,074 --> 00:13:07,977 Nobody's watching. 196 00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,088 Nobody is actually in there, are they? 197 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,981 You've all come along and you... 198 00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:17,036 The World Cup is on BBC One and ITV. How many people do you think are watching? 199 00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:20,092 We could just talk in a high-pitched squeak. Eek, eek! It's just us. 200 00:13:20,127 --> 00:13:23,001 Why don't you get naked? Go on. LAUGHTER 201 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:26,092 Anyway, I have a theoryabout those cars. Oh, God! Joy 202 00:13:26,127 --> 00:13:28,061 It's one of my better theories, this is. 203 00:13:28,096 --> 00:13:31,084 If I were a businessman and I were invited to go and do business 204 00:13:31,119 --> 00:13:34,072 on a business park in Hampshire, I'd use Skype. 205 00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:36,025 Not go, yeah. I wouldn't go, 206 00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:39,005 but if I had an Aston, a Maserati or even the Porsche, 207 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,016 I would drive down there becausethey make... Your day more special? 208 00:13:43,051 --> 00:13:45,965 They make driving more special. For that reason alone, 209 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,993 I like them more than the established BMs and Mercs and Audis. 210 00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:53,008 We haven't finished with them yet there'll be more testing later, 211 00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:56,020 sort of, but for now it's the news. Yes, it is, 212 00:13:56,055 --> 00:13:58,017 and talking about the Porsche Panamera, 213 00:13:58,052 --> 00:14:03,084 you would think, would you not, that it's impossible to make that car any uglier. Yes. 214 00:14:03,119 --> 00:14:06,053 The ugliest thing in the world. Well, it is. 215 00:14:06,088 --> 00:14:10,060 There's a Swiss company called Mansory and here is their creation. 216 00:14:10,095 --> 00:14:13,060 It actually is uglier, isn't it? 217 00:14:13,095 --> 00:14:15,005 I'm going to be sick. 218 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,045 That is... How much is it? 219 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,088 L133,000, they want for that monstrosity! 220 00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:22,096 I like the interior best of all. Have a look. 221 00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:27,024 It's like the set of a children's television programme. 222 00:14:27,059 --> 00:14:28,993 All it needs is a ball pit down here, 223 00:14:29,028 --> 00:14:31,021 and then they've pretty much got it finished. 224 00:14:31,056 --> 00:14:34,969 Anyone go to the Goodwood Festival of Speed last weekend? Several. 225 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:38,524 I wasn't able to make it, but I'm told they had a moving motor show there. 226 00:14:38,559 --> 00:14:42,044 The idea was, unlike a normal motor show, where the cars just sit still, 227 00:14:42,079 --> 00:14:44,969 you can jump in and have a go, 228 00:14:45,004 --> 00:14:49,012 which sounds like a great idea, unless you're one of the four people who were run over. 229 00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:50,057 LAUGHTER 230 00:14:50,092 --> 00:14:54,049 Seriously! I've got a picture here. Somebody got in a Honda Civic. 231 00:14:54,084 --> 00:14:59,044 Is there any danger that these Goodwood people might take over the Farnborough Air Show? 232 00:15:00,096 --> 00:15:04,033 "Next seven for a go in the Red Arrows. Come on. " 233 00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:09,040 "Welcome to the Goodwood interactive zoo. Now, who wants to do lion taming?" It doesn't work. 234 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,061 The Goodwood Festival of Live Ammunition. 235 00:15:11,096 --> 00:15:14,088 "Are there actual bullets in these guns? Is there a range?!" 236 00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:17,028 "No, just help yourself. That's fantastic!" 237 00:15:17,063 --> 00:15:18,025 LAUGHTER 238 00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:21,977 Couple of weeks ago, you may remember we announced that Ferrari had broken 239 00:15:22,012 --> 00:15:26,096 the lap record at the Nurburgring. They did it in six minutes and 58 seconds. Great! 240 00:15:26,131 --> 00:15:31,000 But already, Pagani have broken that with this, the Zonda R, 241 00:15:31,035 --> 00:15:33,045 and they've gone round it in six minutes and 40. 242 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,068 We've got some footage of them doing it here. Here we go. 243 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,977 Obviously, it's just very, very fast. 244 00:15:39,012 --> 00:15:42,552 Wait a minute. Is this a road car?Well, yes. I mean, you can drive it on the road. 245 00:15:42,587 --> 00:15:46,092 Well, the real point is this isa record... Well, it's not a shopping car, obviously. 246 00:15:46,127 --> 00:15:50,064 I see. So this road car with firecoming out of the back... Well done, them. 247 00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,549 Now, I'm going to tell you something very important. 248 00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:57,000 The European Union, which is a big thing in Belgium... 249 00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:57,969 LAUGHTER 250 00:15:58,004 --> 00:16:01,045 It is! They've decided that all car makers 251 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:05,066 must reach an average target for their whole range of car. 252 00:16:05,101 --> 00:16:09,562 So here's how it works, OK? If BMW sell a V12 limousine, 253 00:16:09,597 --> 00:16:14,024 they must then sell lots of little Diesel 1 Series cars 254 00:16:14,059 --> 00:16:16,059 to keep the average of the CO2 down. 255 00:16:16,094 --> 00:16:18,060 It's averaged across the range of cars? 256 00:16:18,095 --> 00:16:19,993 Now, Bugatti, it's not so bad, 257 00:16:20,028 --> 00:16:22,025 because Bugatti's owned by Volkswagen, 258 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:26,016 and Volkswagen also makes the Polo, so that's fine. 259 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:29,021 But Aston Martin - bit of a problem, 260 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:32,009 cos Aston Martin isn't owned by VW or Ford, it's on its own. 261 00:16:32,044 --> 00:16:36,057 And they only make big cars. Onlybig, thirsty cars. They've got toget that average down, 262 00:16:36,092 --> 00:16:41,072 so they've had to make a small car, OK? And we have a picture of it here. It's called the Cygnet. 263 00:16:41,107 --> 00:16:43,591 AUDIENCE GROAN This is potentially disastrous, 264 00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:46,041 because it risks ruining their reputation. 265 00:16:46,076 --> 00:16:49,045 What that is is a Toyota iQ with a leather gear knob 266 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:53,025 and then Toyota crossed out and Aston Martin written in in crayon. 267 00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:58,016 That's what that is. Hang on a minute. If they just need to bring their average CO2 down, 268 00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:01,045 why don't they just buy a bicycle factory? 269 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,005 Or they should do Aston Martin flowers, 270 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:08,025 cos they suck in CO2 and put out oxygen, and that would bring it crashing down! 271 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:13,004 I think it has to be a mode of transport - you can't go to work on some flowers. A horse? 272 00:17:13,039 --> 00:17:17,008 Scissors. Have you ever tried sitting on a pair of scissors? 273 00:17:17,043 --> 00:17:19,045 LAUGHTER Not yet. 274 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,061 A cow. Ostriches. They're quite exotic. 275 00:17:22,096 --> 00:17:27,044 Another one I've just thought of isZonda. What are Zonda going to do?Oh, that'll be easy. 276 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,009 Well, they're Italian, aren't they? 277 00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:31,985 They'll just lie - that's what they'll do. 278 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:35,096 "Emissions is very important! Is it low or high? Low? OK. My emissions is one!" 279 00:17:35,131 --> 00:17:37,111 And that's it. They'll just lie. 280 00:17:37,146 --> 00:17:39,057 Well, why don't Aston Martin just... 281 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,009 Why not take a leaf out of the European book and say, 282 00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:45,053 "Yes, our cars don't really produce carbon dioxide at all. " 283 00:17:45,088 --> 00:17:50,052 If you say... The EU go and inspect a Spanish fishing boat and go, "Have you been fishing?" 284 00:17:50,087 --> 00:17:53,032 "No. " "What's all that in your boat?" "My lunch. " 285 00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:55,037 "It's a lot of fish. Hungry!" 286 00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:58,005 This is the answer. Don't make that, Aston Martin. Just lie. 287 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:03,016 Anyway, I tell you what, you know the American stunt driver Ken Block? 288 00:18:03,051 --> 00:18:05,065 Yes. You know who I mean. Excellent. 289 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,080 You went to see him in California. 290 00:18:07,115 --> 00:18:09,021 Yes, I did. 291 00:18:09,056 --> 00:18:13,016 Some footage here of Ken terrifying the bejesus out of James, look. 292 00:18:15,016 --> 00:18:17,025 So he dropped in on us last week, 293 00:18:17,060 --> 00:18:21,084 and he called me a pussy for not being able to drive a Reliant Robin. 294 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:22,993 You are. 295 00:18:23,028 --> 00:18:26,072 You are a pussy. A big, irritating one. You say that, but last week, 296 00:18:26,107 --> 00:18:30,005 the Stig tried to drive the Reliant Robin. He also rolled over. 297 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:35,028 Yeah. Yes, so are you stayingthe Stig's a pussy? No. No. There you are, you see. 298 00:18:35,063 --> 00:18:38,053 Well, let's have a look because Kenhad a go. He looks good, doesn't he? 299 00:18:38,088 --> 00:18:43,020 He won't be able to do it. He will. I'm telling you, he will not be able to do it. 300 00:18:45,055 --> 00:18:46,025 He has perfect car control. 301 00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:48,061 He won't be able to do it. And here he is. 302 00:18:48,096 --> 00:18:51,096 The first corner, nice and smooth. He's keeping the line wide, 303 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:54,024 using all the track. It's a lovely... 304 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:00,021 That's not gone well, has it? My case rests. 305 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:04,008 You can't drive one of those things round a corner! 306 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:04,977 Right. 307 00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:10,040 Now, it is time to put a Formula 1 star in our old, reasonably priced car. 308 00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:14,021 My guest tonight is a Brazilian. 309 00:19:14,056 --> 00:19:18,057 Not the triangular topiary thing, obviously. 310 00:19:18,092 --> 00:19:22,080 It is a genuine Brazilian. Ladies and gentlemen, Rubens Barrichello! 311 00:19:22,115 --> 00:19:25,076 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 312 00:19:25,111 --> 00:19:27,965 Rubens! 313 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,026 How're you? Nice to see you. 314 00:19:30,061 --> 00:19:32,052 Rubens is among us. Thank you. 315 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,032 Have a seat. 316 00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,084 Have a seat! 317 00:19:39,084 --> 00:19:42,013 I've got a question, if I may. 318 00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:45,092 Why has your country given its name to... 319 00:19:45,127 --> 00:19:47,065 How can I put this? 320 00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,004 .. triangular topiary? 321 00:19:49,039 --> 00:19:50,025 LAUGHTER 322 00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:52,558 I think it's a term used in England, 323 00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:55,056 because in Brazil we call it "Hitlers". 324 00:19:55,091 --> 00:19:57,077 A what?LAUGHTER 325 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,029 It's a little... 326 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,040 You're saying you'd have a Hitler? A Hitler there. 327 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,024 Has anybody here got a Brazilian? 328 00:20:04,059 --> 00:20:08,008 You have, sir? Er... LAUGHTER 329 00:20:08,043 --> 00:20:10,061 HE MUTTERS Anyway... 330 00:20:10,096 --> 00:20:14,036 Obviously, it was Silverstone this afternoon. Well done for winning. 331 00:20:14,071 --> 00:20:15,045 Thank you! 332 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,989 Nasty crash. Yeah. LAUGHTER 333 00:20:19,024 --> 00:20:22,060 Should've covered it there. I should explain it is now Wednesday, 334 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,049 and we have no idea... 335 00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:26,076 I'm just thinking - that will be... How many races is it 336 00:20:26,111 --> 00:20:29,004 you will have done by this evening, now? 337 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,033 297. 297. 338 00:20:31,068 --> 00:20:35,016 Is that a record now? Have you set the record for the most Grands Prix? 339 00:20:35,051 --> 00:20:36,989 Yeah. When I raced for the first time, 340 00:20:37,024 --> 00:20:40,028 I never thought I would race for such a long period, 341 00:20:40,063 --> 00:20:43,057 but I'm enjoying more than I used to. 342 00:20:43,092 --> 00:20:46,017 Cos you must now be, what, 78? Yeah! 343 00:20:46,052 --> 00:20:49,068 Anyway, you're now driving for one of the great teams, Williams. 344 00:20:49,103 --> 00:20:51,017 Well, I tell you, it's... 345 00:20:51,052 --> 00:20:55,004 Since a very young kid, when I was driving go-karts, 346 00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:56,973 I have interviews when people ask me, 347 00:20:57,008 --> 00:20:59,053 "Which team would you like to drive? ", and it was for Williams. 348 00:20:59,088 --> 00:21:03,076 Why was that?I don't know. I just hada great passion for Frank Williams, 349 00:21:03,111 --> 00:21:05,965 and you can see it nowadays - 350 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,993 he is so passionate about everything, 351 00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:12,017 and I'm trying to lead the team to a different area. 352 00:21:12,052 --> 00:21:16,004 They are changing, and I think the future is quite bright. 353 00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:18,981 So, um, Ferrari - just to go there, obviously. 354 00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:23,016 You had that period where you were there with His Schumacherness. 355 00:21:23,051 --> 00:21:24,977 You must have known when you got there 356 00:21:25,012 --> 00:21:28,000 that you were going to be, effectively, the whipping boy. 357 00:21:28,035 --> 00:21:29,965 I did not. Really? You didn't... 358 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,053 That's the funny bit, because people say, 359 00:21:32,088 --> 00:21:38,048 "Shut up, Rubens. You knew you were going to play second in the team. " 360 00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,025 And when I signed, I made sure to ask, 361 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:44,074 "Is it everything to him or am I going to have a chance?" 362 00:21:44,109 --> 00:21:47,088 And in my contract it was zero. There was no mentioning 363 00:21:47,123 --> 00:21:50,029 of becoming a second driver there. 364 00:21:50,064 --> 00:21:54,056 So you were very surprised... It was Austria, where you were winning, he was behind you, 365 00:21:54,091 --> 00:21:59,024 and then the call came through... "Would you mind awfully getting out of his way?" 366 00:21:59,059 --> 00:22:01,563 Was that a big surprise? It was almost like that. 367 00:22:01,598 --> 00:22:04,319 People ask me, "Why did he do on the last corner?" 368 00:22:04,354 --> 00:22:07,005 Because in my mind, I was never going to do it. 369 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:12,004 It was eight laps. You know, it was almost like the lawyer was sitting here 370 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:16,037 and people, you know,there was a discussion going on. Back at the pit? 371 00:22:16,072 --> 00:22:21,016 Yeah. And I could only say,"No, I'm not going to do it. "Did you actually say that? 372 00:22:21,051 --> 00:22:24,057 I said, "I'm not going to do it," until the very final bit 373 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:27,061 when they were a bit more focused on saying something that I... 374 00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:32,000 Did they say, "We've got one of your pets here. NOW will you move over 375 00:22:32,035 --> 00:22:35,000 "and let him go by? "It was almost like that, yeah. 376 00:23:10,035 --> 00:23:12,001 Anyway, of course, you came down here 377 00:23:12,036 --> 00:23:16,049 because we have our Formula 1 board here, yes? Yes. 378 00:23:16,084 --> 00:23:20,060 And you wanted to see where you'd come in our old reasonably-priced car, 379 00:23:20,095 --> 00:23:23,024 the old Liana, which has been gathering dust somewhere. 380 00:23:23,059 --> 00:23:24,577 Was it fun? It was fun. 381 00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,061 Really? Yeah, it was. 382 00:23:26,096 --> 00:23:29,021 Cos you think, you know, I drive this car 383 00:23:29,056 --> 00:23:33,534 with so much power and everything, but it's a different challenge. 384 00:23:33,569 --> 00:23:38,012 I mean, when you step on the brakes, that back end, you know... 385 00:23:38,047 --> 00:23:40,969 So smoothness is what... Keep it quite smooth. 386 00:23:41,004 --> 00:23:44,036 Well, I think the time has come. I hope it was a good one. 387 00:23:44,071 --> 00:23:47,036 Well, shall we find out? Who wants to see the lap? 388 00:23:47,071 --> 00:23:49,977 Yes! OK, let's play the tape. 389 00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:53,036 It's nice to see the old girl back. 390 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,572 Now, concentrate. Remember that I drive normally on that side. 391 00:23:59,607 --> 00:24:03,064 Well, that's your fault for driving on the wrong side of the road. 392 00:24:03,099 --> 00:24:06,049 That's the Stig's line through there. 393 00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:09,090 All the other F1 drivers come way further out. 394 00:24:09,125 --> 00:24:12,096 Well, he talked me into that. I thought it was... 395 00:24:12,131 --> 00:24:15,025 You see? "Come on, horse. " 396 00:24:15,060 --> 00:24:17,977 It's not a horse, but there we are. 397 00:24:18,012 --> 00:24:22,020 What can I say? I'm not going to say, "Oh, that's not very good," am I? 398 00:24:22,055 --> 00:24:26,029 Very good down to the Hammerhead. This is a difficult part. 399 00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:30,048 It is. It normally makes the car understeer there, but you've got it. 400 00:24:30,083 --> 00:24:32,985 How come you can do that and all our guests just can't? 401 00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:37,028 RUBENS CHUCKLES I suppose that's cos they're mostlyactors or comedians. 402 00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:39,024 Wave to the camera? 403 00:24:39,059 --> 00:24:40,053 HE GROANS 404 00:24:40,088 --> 00:24:43,033 The gear! The gear just went "grr". 405 00:24:43,068 --> 00:24:46,092 Well, it must be strange for you to actually have to change... 406 00:24:46,127 --> 00:24:48,989 When was the last time you changed gear? 407 00:24:49,024 --> 00:24:52,032 You know what, I started Formula 1 and it was already the automatic. 408 00:24:52,067 --> 00:24:55,032 Yeah. And I bet your road car has... What's your road car? 409 00:24:55,067 --> 00:24:57,068 My road... I have a... 410 00:24:57,103 --> 00:24:59,977 An M5. 411 00:25:00,012 --> 00:25:02,021 Flappy pedal. So you haven't changed gear for... 412 00:25:02,056 --> 00:25:06,036 Ooh! Look at that. Lovely through the second to last. 413 00:25:06,071 --> 00:25:10,016 And here we are now. What's the time? Give me the time! 414 00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:12,064 APPLAUSE There we are crossed the line. 415 00:25:19,028 --> 00:25:21,084 So we've got the Stig at 1:44.4. 416 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,017 Mansell 1:44.6, 417 00:25:23,052 --> 00:25:26,562 and then Lewis did that with a wet lap at 1:44.7, 418 00:25:26,597 --> 00:25:30,322 which was fairly remarkable. Impressive. Then Mark. 419 00:25:30,357 --> 00:25:34,048 He flew around, actually. Just decided not to bother. 420 00:25:34,083 --> 00:25:35,049 So where do you reckon? 421 00:25:35,084 --> 00:25:38,544 I don't know. My heart is beating more than 422 00:25:38,579 --> 00:25:42,004 at the start of the Silverstone GP, I tell you. 423 00:25:42,039 --> 00:25:45,028 This is obviously a more popular show. 424 00:25:48,008 --> 00:25:49,092 I have the time here. OK. 425 00:25:49,127 --> 00:25:52,063 Rubens Barichello... 426 00:25:52,098 --> 00:25:54,069 You did it in... 427 00:25:54,104 --> 00:25:56,005 One minute... 428 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,985 Well, that's really... 429 00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:03,084 .. forty... I'm on the page, then. You're on the page! 430 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:07,040 .. four... AUDIENCE: Ooh! 431 00:26:07,075 --> 00:26:09,041 .. point... Point? 432 00:26:09,076 --> 00:26:12,088 .. three!CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 433 00:26:12,123 --> 00:26:15,053 44.3! Wow! 434 00:26:15,088 --> 00:26:20,004 The fastest man ever to go round our track! 435 00:26:21,032 --> 00:26:22,548 Fantastic! 436 00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:24,029 Unbelievable. 437 00:26:24,064 --> 00:26:26,048 Wow! That is fantastic. 438 00:26:26,083 --> 00:26:28,037 I am so proud. 439 00:26:28,072 --> 00:26:32,012 It's fantastic and it's also staggering 440 00:26:32,047 --> 00:26:34,045 that you should have beaten him. 441 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,548 We need to get you out of this building in some careful way now. 442 00:26:38,583 --> 00:26:42,981 Yeah. I can't imagine he's going to be very pleased about this. 443 00:26:43,016 --> 00:26:47,036 Especially cos if we get into a fight, he never takes his helmet off! 444 00:26:47,071 --> 00:26:49,076 There you go. You've finally won something today. 445 00:26:49,111 --> 00:26:52,040 LAUGHTER 446 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,546 You'll take a piece of that. It was good 11 wins. 447 00:26:56,581 --> 00:27:00,052 There we are. That is a truly staggering thing. 448 00:27:00,087 --> 00:27:02,057 I will ask for more money from Frank now. 449 00:27:02,092 --> 00:27:06,068 You can now say, "I am the fastest Formula 1 driver in the world, 450 00:27:06,103 --> 00:27:09,067 "and more than that, I'm faster than the Stig. " 451 00:27:09,102 --> 00:27:12,032 Fantastic. Ladies and gentlemen, Rubens Barrichello. 452 00:27:12,067 --> 00:27:14,024 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 453 00:27:24,092 --> 00:27:26,033 Now... 454 00:27:26,068 --> 00:27:29,066 There are a couple of new muscle cars out 455 00:27:29,101 --> 00:27:32,029 that we thought were worth a look at. 456 00:27:32,064 --> 00:27:36,012 And clearly the right man for the job is someone who has owned 457 00:27:36,047 --> 00:27:40,029 a Dodge Charger and a Ford Mustang and a banjo. 458 00:27:40,064 --> 00:27:45,044 Yep, it's our resident redneck, the Duke of Hammond. 459 00:27:48,016 --> 00:27:51,024 This is the first of today's offerings. 460 00:27:55,004 --> 00:27:57,064 A muscle car icon, reborn. 461 00:27:57,099 --> 00:27:59,088 The Chevrolet Camaro. 462 00:28:02,044 --> 00:28:04,037 Jeremy has a theory about the Camaro. 463 00:28:04,072 --> 00:28:07,001 He believes that all Camaros are driven by murderers, 464 00:28:07,036 --> 00:28:10,084 and you should never accept a lift in one cos your head'll end up swinging 465 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:12,080 in the rear-view mirror as an air freshener. 466 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,000 The thing is, there's a bit more to this Camaro than that. 467 00:28:19,028 --> 00:28:25,008 Now if you're under 12, then to you, this car is Bumblebee from the Transformers movies. 468 00:28:25,043 --> 00:28:28,084 In a minute, it's going to stand up and throw an oil tanker at my face. 469 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:33,056 But back in the '60s, its grandfather was fighting the Cold War. 470 00:28:34,032 --> 00:28:38,985 Not the big scary one with the Russians, but the Detroit Cold War. 471 00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:45,012 In 1964, Ford had launched the most famous muscle car of all, the Mustang. 472 00:28:45,047 --> 00:28:49,040 And two years later, GM struck back. 473 00:28:50,064 --> 00:28:55,000 Camaro! Fiery new creation from Chevrolet! 474 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,064 It was one hell of a battle. 475 00:28:59,099 --> 00:29:00,977 And the Camaro... 476 00:29:01,012 --> 00:29:03,076 Well, it lost, actually. 477 00:29:03,111 --> 00:29:04,045 Quite badly. 478 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:09,060 In its first full year, Ford sold over half a million Mustangs. 479 00:29:09,095 --> 00:29:11,060 In its first full year with the Camaro, 480 00:29:11,095 --> 00:29:14,969 GM didn't manage even half of that. 481 00:29:15,004 --> 00:29:20,092 The other muscle cars - Mustangs, Chargers - they went on to starring roles in Bullitt. 482 00:29:20,127 --> 00:29:25,060 The Camaro did once have quite a nice role in an episode of Lovejoy. 483 00:29:29,008 --> 00:29:32,981 But this new boy is coming back fighting. 484 00:29:33,016 --> 00:29:39,036 This is the SS version - the most powerful - with a 6.2 litre V8. 485 00:29:39,071 --> 00:29:43,072 And at L40,000, it is a lot of car for the money. 486 00:29:47,072 --> 00:29:48,997 It also looks good 487 00:29:49,032 --> 00:29:51,985 and unlike other muscle cars, 488 00:29:52,020 --> 00:29:55,056 the suspension isn't made from lampposts and logs. 489 00:29:59,052 --> 00:30:01,025 Because underneath the Camaro 490 00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:06,068 is the chassis from one our very favouritest saloon cars, the Vauxhall VXR8. 491 00:30:06,103 --> 00:30:09,008 It's made by the Australians. 492 00:30:12,092 --> 00:30:16,004 Which means there's a lot of multi-link cleverness going on. 493 00:30:21,008 --> 00:30:25,008 So basically, the Americans had to go to the Australians for a bit of sophistication. 494 00:30:28,028 --> 00:30:29,033 That feels more like it! 495 00:30:29,068 --> 00:30:31,989 A good effort all round and on any other day, 496 00:30:32,024 --> 00:30:35,072 the Camaro could claim to be the muscle car of the moment. 497 00:30:39,016 --> 00:30:42,538 However, it must now face this - 498 00:30:42,573 --> 00:30:46,060 a muscle car, not from America... 499 00:30:48,056 --> 00:30:52,096 .. the very German Mercedes E63 AMG. 500 00:30:57,008 --> 00:30:58,516 Listen to that! 501 00:30:58,551 --> 00:30:59,989 ENGINE ROARS 502 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:01,096 It's the AMG dawn chorus. 503 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,989 It might look like a businessman's express, 504 00:31:07,024 --> 00:31:13,032 but when it comes to noise, the Benz it blows the Camaro out of the water. 505 00:31:13,067 --> 00:31:17,028 This thing sounds like Lynyrd Skynyrd at a bullfight. 506 00:31:20,048 --> 00:31:23,044 And when you take it beyond 5,000rpm... 507 00:31:27,048 --> 00:31:29,005 Ah-ha! 508 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:34,068 Although the Mercedes, like the Camaro, has a 6.2 litre V8, 509 00:31:34,103 --> 00:31:37,044 it's faster and more powerful. 510 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,032 0-60, 4.5 seconds. 511 00:31:49,068 --> 00:31:51,973 Top speed, normally limited to 155mph. 512 00:31:52,008 --> 00:31:58,072 Or for L2,230, you can have the limit raised to 186... 513 00:31:58,107 --> 00:32:00,061 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 514 00:32:00,096 --> 00:32:05,004 .. almost 40 more than the Camaro will do. 515 00:32:13,068 --> 00:32:18,048 There are, however, a couple of chinks in the AMG's armour. 516 00:32:18,083 --> 00:32:25,004 Where the Camaro costs L40,000, this is 72,000. 517 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,540 A muscle car should also be a car for simpletons, like me, 518 00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:34,965 but there are more gizmos in here than Bill Gates's kitchen. 519 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,040 The gearbox, for example, can be operated from here or down here, 520 00:32:38,075 --> 00:32:40,076 and then this dial splits it into four different modes - 521 00:32:40,111 --> 00:32:42,985 comfort, sport, sport plus and so on. 522 00:32:43,020 --> 00:32:47,052 This button adjusts the traction control, lots of settings there. 523 00:32:47,087 --> 00:32:50,013 This button is for the ride, lots of different settings. 524 00:32:50,048 --> 00:32:56,020 And that's a lot to think about if you're the kind of person who goes to work in a vest. 525 00:32:59,016 --> 00:33:01,989 Thankfully, help is at hand. 526 00:33:02,024 --> 00:33:05,981 It's this the fourth button here, the AMG button. 527 00:33:06,016 --> 00:33:11,008 Essentially, it takes all the other settings from all the other buttons and puts them in a thing, 528 00:33:11,043 --> 00:33:15,028 and then when you hit this button, it sets the car up exactly as you want it. 529 00:33:16,052 --> 00:33:19,024 I like mine like this. 530 00:33:27,060 --> 00:33:30,993 With the button in what I call redneck setting, 531 00:33:31,028 --> 00:33:36,084 the AMG can outslide, outturn and outrun any muscle car on the planet. 532 00:33:38,048 --> 00:33:41,096 I'm in a massive German executive saloon. 533 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,084 Going sideways! 534 00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:01,052 The Mercedes may be almost twice the price of the Camaro... 535 00:34:07,008 --> 00:34:10,048 .. but, the fact is, it's twice the car. 536 00:34:19,012 --> 00:34:21,060 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 537 00:34:24,068 --> 00:34:26,021 The thing is... 538 00:34:26,056 --> 00:34:28,021 The thing is I just... 539 00:34:28,056 --> 00:34:32,989 I just love muscle cars as a breed, because I love the idea you take an ordinary, basic car 540 00:34:33,024 --> 00:34:38,076 and then you keep adding more and more and more and more and more power until it's just about unusable, 541 00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:42,040 and then you put it on sale and people buy it. 542 00:34:42,075 --> 00:34:44,989 And you'd have the Mercedes? Nope. 543 00:34:45,024 --> 00:34:46,989 I know I said the Merc is twice the car. 544 00:34:47,024 --> 00:34:50,052 I'd have the Camaro, it's just got much more soul. It's a stupid car! 545 00:34:50,087 --> 00:34:51,025 It's a brilliant car... 546 00:34:51,060 --> 00:34:54,045 OK, things you'll never hear as somebody gets in. 547 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:59,004 "I'd just like to thank the Nobel Academy and now I'm going home. " 548 00:34:59,039 --> 00:35:03,032 Or how about this one? "No, really, let me, Your Majesty. " 549 00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:05,965 There's nobody intelligent... 550 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,029 "Bishop Tutu, can I have a go? Thank you, I will. " 551 00:35:09,064 --> 00:35:14,068 It is a car for a type of person, I love it! It's a stupid, childish... 552 00:35:14,103 --> 00:35:16,993 I'll tell you what, though, no, one interesting thing. 553 00:35:17,028 --> 00:35:22,040 When this thing goes on sale next year in Britain, it will make the job of the police much easier. 554 00:35:22,075 --> 00:35:25,056 Let's pull these over and go, "Open the boot... whose head's this?" 555 00:35:27,048 --> 00:35:31,076 But nevertheless, we must find out how fast these cars go round our track, 556 00:35:31,111 --> 00:35:35,092 and that of course means handing them over to our tame racing driver. 557 00:35:35,127 --> 00:35:40,048 Some say that if you hold him in the wrong way, 558 00:35:40,083 --> 00:35:42,012 he doesn't work properly. 559 00:35:44,036 --> 00:35:50,080 And that, just very recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barrichello. 560 00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:56,008 All we know is he's called the Stig. 561 00:35:57,060 --> 00:35:58,029 And they're off, 562 00:35:58,064 --> 00:36:01,993 and what a racket, the E63 drowning out the Chevy. 563 00:36:02,028 --> 00:36:06,040 You can, of course, get the fantastic AMG V8 in many Mercs, 564 00:36:06,075 --> 00:36:09,029 and, personally, I wouldn't have it in this one. 565 00:36:09,064 --> 00:36:13,004 It's just too ugly - and, in this, case slightly brown. 566 00:36:13,039 --> 00:36:14,965 Round the first corner... 567 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,516 There we are, vuvuzelas on all three channels now. 568 00:36:17,551 --> 00:36:19,997 Stig hopefully will get bored in the next week. 569 00:36:20,032 --> 00:36:22,084 The Camaro does have a certain distinctive presence, 570 00:36:22,119 --> 00:36:26,009 which is peace of mind for the murder squad. 571 00:36:26,044 --> 00:36:30,084 Up to the Hammerhead, both getting a little bit sideways, 572 00:36:30,119 --> 00:36:32,009 but only the Camaro fills the Stig 573 00:36:32,044 --> 00:36:35,092 with a sudden urge to murder his postman. 574 00:36:35,127 --> 00:36:37,084 Actually, he did that in 2004. 575 00:36:40,028 --> 00:36:46,040 Follow-through and now, both... Yep, going through there nicely. 576 00:36:46,075 --> 00:36:49,080 And yep, kicking up dust through the tyres. 577 00:36:49,115 --> 00:36:52,067 Two corners remain, let's have a look. 578 00:36:52,102 --> 00:36:54,985 Oh, the Camaro getting it very crossed up. 579 00:36:55,020 --> 00:36:58,024 The Merc is running away now, just Gambon left, 580 00:36:58,059 --> 00:37:01,028 and they are now through that and across the line. 581 00:37:01,063 --> 00:37:03,092 Right, now... I've got the times. 582 00:37:03,127 --> 00:37:05,989 Yes. 583 00:37:06,024 --> 00:37:08,053 These are the times. 584 00:37:08,088 --> 00:37:14,993 So the Mercedes did it in 1:24.9, which puts it there. 585 00:37:15,028 --> 00:37:19,000 That's unbelievable, that's the same as that Supersports Bentley. 586 00:37:19,035 --> 00:37:20,061 It is, yes, and the Camaro did it in... 587 00:37:20,096 --> 00:37:27,037 1:27.9, which is just... keep going down, it's down there. 588 00:37:27,072 --> 00:37:31,048 So it's even slower than the pick-up truck of the car on which it's based? 589 00:37:31,083 --> 00:37:33,061 Yeah, yeah, it is that, yeah, but I'd still have this. 590 00:37:33,096 --> 00:37:37,029 It was probably weighed down by all the body parts in the boot. 591 00:37:37,064 --> 00:37:41,072 Anyway, it's now time to put another star in our reasonably priced car, 592 00:37:41,107 --> 00:37:43,973 though of course this time the brand-new one. 593 00:37:44,008 --> 00:37:46,534 Now, my guest tonight played a character in Harry Potter 594 00:37:46,569 --> 00:37:49,060 who, in olden times, would have been burned at the stake. 595 00:37:49,095 --> 00:37:52,096 Not for being a wizard but because he's ginger. 596 00:37:52,131 --> 00:37:54,092 Ladies and gentlemen, Rupert Grint! 597 00:37:54,127 --> 00:37:56,032 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 598 00:37:58,004 --> 00:38:00,008 How are you?Yeah, good. Really good. 599 00:38:00,043 --> 00:38:01,064 Rupert! 600 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,088 Have a seat! Brilliant! 601 00:38:11,064 --> 00:38:16,024 Now, first of all, forgive me, why do gingers get so much stick? 602 00:38:17,048 --> 00:38:20,049 Says a man with pubic hair! 603 00:38:20,084 --> 00:38:22,053 Saying that, I didn't get much abuse at school. 604 00:38:22,088 --> 00:38:26,032 People used to call me Luke, actually... for Lucozade. 605 00:38:26,067 --> 00:38:28,969 Oh, Lucozade. Quite a clever nickname. 606 00:38:29,004 --> 00:38:32,052 Is there anyone here who thinks they might be ginger? What about you? 607 00:38:32,087 --> 00:38:35,016 I'm not natural! What, you dyed it ginger?! 608 00:38:35,051 --> 00:38:37,041 LAUGHTER 609 00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:40,009 That's nice to hear, yeah! That is the future right there. 610 00:38:40,044 --> 00:38:45,056 Obviously, we have to talk about Harry Potter, and you're probably fed up to the back teeth with it. 611 00:38:45,091 --> 00:38:51,000 Well, I don't know, it has been my whole life, basically, it's been 11 years. 612 00:38:51,035 --> 00:38:53,013 I've had children who've been growing up in that time, 613 00:38:53,048 --> 00:38:57,068 so I've spent a lot of my time reading them Harry Potter bedtime stories. 614 00:38:57,103 --> 00:39:02,040 What on earth is it about? I mean, really... 615 00:39:02,075 --> 00:39:04,977 Basically, we win in the end so... 616 00:39:05,012 --> 00:39:07,076 Michael Gambon came here. Yeah. A bit older than you, 617 00:39:07,111 --> 00:39:10,021 and I did ask him, "Do you understand it?" 618 00:39:10,056 --> 00:39:13,037 And of course he was Dumbledore, and he said, "Well, sort of. " 619 00:39:13,072 --> 00:39:17,564 But does he give the impression of knowing what he's doing on the set or...? 620 00:39:17,599 --> 00:39:22,021 The performance is ama... He does get a bit confused sometimes, I think. 621 00:39:22,056 --> 00:39:28,048 One question I had from my children, if you don't mind my asking, is do you fancy Emily Watson in real life? 622 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:34,056 Well... No, don't do that face. That man just did that, "Mmm... " 623 00:39:34,091 --> 00:39:36,045 But do you actually fancy her in real life? 624 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,076 Well, it's weird, because I actually had to kiss her in this last one, 625 00:39:40,111 --> 00:39:43,036 because our characters kind of get together. 626 00:39:43,071 --> 00:39:44,096 Yeah, yeah. 627 00:39:46,072 --> 00:39:49,072 And it's like a brother-sister kind of relationship we've got. 628 00:39:49,107 --> 00:39:54,020 So you weren't nursing a semi. Oh, my God! 629 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,004 I wasn't, I wasn't, no. 630 00:40:04,032 --> 00:40:08,013 So what does the future hold, now that the big ten years of Potter is over? 631 00:40:08,048 --> 00:40:12,056 I don't know, it's weird to come out of something that you've been a part of for... 632 00:40:12,091 --> 00:40:13,997 most of your life. 633 00:40:14,032 --> 00:40:17,018 But I've done other films, kind of in between, 634 00:40:17,053 --> 00:40:19,969 and hopefully I can kind of continue doing that. 635 00:40:20,004 --> 00:40:24,514 One of the things that I was thinking... I've been reading up on you, before you came on, 636 00:40:24,549 --> 00:40:29,024 is that you could work with cars,because th ey do seem to bea strong love for you. Yeah. 637 00:40:29,059 --> 00:40:32,025 Because what you actually own is... 638 00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:37,056 let's think, a Range Rooney, an ice-cream van and a hovercraft. 639 00:40:37,091 --> 00:40:39,033 Yeah. 640 00:40:39,068 --> 00:40:42,096 Let's start with the Range Rover, shall we? The Wayne Rover. 641 00:40:42,131 --> 00:40:43,997 Yeah. What colour's that? 642 00:40:44,032 --> 00:40:46,072 It's... orange, it's bright orange. 643 00:40:46,107 --> 00:40:48,045 LAUGHTER 644 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:53,008 Yeah. It's ginger, it's basically a ginger car. 645 00:40:53,043 --> 00:40:55,021 So that works well or...? 646 00:40:55,056 --> 00:40:58,005 I didn't make that connection when I was picking the colour. 647 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,076 I just thought it looked really cool. It's got black wheels, and it does look really cool. 648 00:41:02,111 --> 00:41:03,985 An orange Range Rover in black wheels? 649 00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:07,042 Yeah! Oh, dear, we're fightinga lost cause here with you. 650 00:41:07,077 --> 00:41:10,064 Bringing it back down to earth again. Ice-cream van? 651 00:41:10,099 --> 00:41:12,549 Yep... I've had that for a while. 652 00:41:12,584 --> 00:41:14,965 It's something I've always wanted. 653 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,044 As a child, it was kind of a dream, really. 654 00:41:17,079 --> 00:41:19,088 It's a '74 Bedford. 655 00:41:19,123 --> 00:41:20,577 It's pink. 656 00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:21,997 LAUGHTER 657 00:41:22,032 --> 00:41:28,056 It's not the most practical car, because it's got one seat and it's basically a kitchen on wheels. 658 00:41:28,091 --> 00:41:31,021 You do get people queuing up on the side of a road. 659 00:41:31,056 --> 00:41:36,092 And then they're mildly surprisedwhen they see who's actually sittingin it, I should imagine. Yeah. 660 00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:42,063 And then obviously I have to ask, the hovercraft. Yeah. I am a huge fan of hovercrafts, 661 00:41:42,098 --> 00:41:46,577 because they are the most funyou can have with an engine,I'm convinced. Yeah, definitely. 662 00:41:46,612 --> 00:41:51,056 I was told the first time I ever went on one - and you must have experienced this - 663 00:41:51,091 --> 00:41:54,969 if you actually see an obstacle,if y ou can see it,you will hit it. Yeah. 664 00:41:55,004 --> 00:42:02,024 At some point between seeing it, and then it could be an hour or so, it doesn't matter what you do... 665 00:42:02,059 --> 00:42:04,049 They're amazing, you've got no control at all. 666 00:42:04,084 --> 00:42:08,028 Have you ever actually hit anything? Oh, yeah! I've hit a few things. 667 00:42:08,063 --> 00:42:10,981 And so are you a good driver? 668 00:42:11,016 --> 00:42:14,044 Well, I like to think so. I used to do a bit of karting when I was younger. 669 00:42:14,079 --> 00:42:17,016 Did you now? So, competitive karting? 670 00:42:17,051 --> 00:42:18,061 Well, yeah, with my brother. 671 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:21,576 So what did you think of our new reasonably priced car? 672 00:42:21,611 --> 00:42:24,557 I quite liked it. It was better than I thought. 673 00:42:24,592 --> 00:42:30,505 Yeah, because interestingly, and I'm actually not joking, 674 00:42:30,540 --> 00:42:37,504 we've had this from Kia, the makers of a reasonably priced car, to say that they're recalling the Cee'd. 675 00:42:37,539 --> 00:42:39,537 No way! 676 00:42:39,572 --> 00:42:47,512 They've identified that Cee'd models could suffer from insufficient brake force from the master cylinder. 677 00:42:47,547 --> 00:42:51,580 So what they're actuallysaying there in long wordsis the brakes don't work. No way! 678 00:42:51,615 --> 00:42:53,561 Did nobody tell you that? 679 00:42:53,596 --> 00:42:55,473 No, I didn't realise... 680 00:42:55,508 --> 00:42:58,560 Nobody from our production team told that that car's been recalled? 681 00:42:58,595 --> 00:43:01,497 No, I didn't realise that. It felt all right. 682 00:43:01,532 --> 00:43:06,556 No, apparently only 468 models have been affected, and we don't know that it's ours yet, it's possible. 683 00:43:06,591 --> 00:43:09,485 Anyway, you didn't die! I didn't die. 684 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:15,520 No, you made it, and who herewould like to see Rupert's lap? Yes! 685 00:43:15,555 --> 00:43:17,553 Let's have a look. 686 00:43:17,588 --> 00:43:20,046 There we go. Look at it! 687 00:43:20,081 --> 00:43:22,504 A symphony in brown. 688 00:43:22,539 --> 00:43:25,477 Come on, mmm! 689 00:43:25,512 --> 00:43:27,521 Looking determined. 690 00:43:27,556 --> 00:43:33,556 Not lost there, no, well done, you remembered to go left, that's important. 691 00:43:33,591 --> 00:43:35,575 That's looking very neat and tidy. Yeah? 692 00:43:35,610 --> 00:43:37,560 Well, neat and tidy is the key, really. 693 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,477 Come on. 694 00:43:40,512 --> 00:43:44,540 No, it won't go any faster, that really is as fast as it goes. 695 00:43:44,575 --> 00:43:46,557 You see, this is the important thing - if you look slow, 696 00:43:46,592 --> 00:43:52,596 chances are you're going not as slowly as you think. Oh, no, a bit of a wobble into the Hammerhead. 697 00:43:52,631 --> 00:43:54,477 Do you stay in the lines? 698 00:43:54,512 --> 00:43:57,505 Yes, even more in the lines. It does understeer, this, did you notice? 699 00:43:57,540 --> 00:44:01,540 It does, yeah, yeah, I was really shocked by that. Oh, you see, you know... 700 00:44:01,575 --> 00:44:05,592 Fourth... Are you a manthat prefers oversteer? 701 00:44:05,627 --> 00:44:08,549 I don't really understand oversteer. 702 00:44:08,584 --> 00:44:12,544 Well, this car, when you turn the steering wheel, it sort of pushes on. 703 00:44:12,579 --> 00:44:14,521 Yeah. 704 00:44:14,556 --> 00:44:16,549 Brake... now! 705 00:44:16,584 --> 00:44:21,560 Yes, that was a beautiful line through that, absolutely perfect. 706 00:44:21,595 --> 00:44:23,469 That's understeer! Right. 707 00:44:23,504 --> 00:44:28,500 You almost turned right over, butthere we are, look, across the line! CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 708 00:44:34,516 --> 00:44:38,465 Come on, youth, where do you think you are on that? 709 00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:42,588 Obviously not the wet ones, but 1:45.9 is Peter Jones, the fastest man. 710 00:44:42,623 --> 00:44:45,588 I don't think I got to the top but... 711 00:44:45,623 --> 00:44:47,485 Well, mmm... 712 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:51,536 I shall just have a look on here and see if I can see where you came, hang on a minute. 713 00:44:51,571 --> 00:44:53,548 Is this like being back at school? 714 00:44:53,583 --> 00:44:55,548 You got a B minus! 715 00:44:57,528 --> 00:45:03,592 So, Rupert Grint, you did it in... one minute, you'll be relieved to hear... 40... 716 00:45:06,588 --> 00:45:09,090 5.5! 717 00:45:09,125 --> 00:45:11,557 Oh, yes! 718 00:45:11,592 --> 00:45:18,080 He's the fastest! He's the fastest! 719 00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:24,533 The second time! The second time! Wow. 720 00:45:24,568 --> 00:45:29,512 It's just something in the airtoday. Because Rubens has goneand bust that one. Yes, I saw! 721 00:45:29,547 --> 00:45:31,513 And now you've bust that one. Oh, that's good. 722 00:45:31,548 --> 00:45:36,584 We know that Peter Jones was quick in the old car, the tall Dragon man, 723 00:45:36,619 --> 00:45:39,580 so we thought, "Well, that time will take some beating. " 724 00:45:39,615 --> 00:45:42,537 He has, by the way, just committed suicide. 725 00:45:42,572 --> 00:45:46,540 He honestly left the other day saying, "Well, no-one will beat that in a hurry!" 726 00:45:46,575 --> 00:45:50,528 And it's actually taken precisely two weeks for his time to be beaten. 727 00:45:50,563 --> 00:45:52,561 I don't think that's going to get knocked off for a while. 728 00:45:52,596 --> 00:45:57,532 Wow, I'm impressed with that. So thank you so much for coming,thank you for busting it. 729 00:45:57,567 --> 00:46:00,588 Ladies and gentlemen, Rupert Grint. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 730 00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:10,497 Right! 731 00:46:10,532 --> 00:46:16,544 Earlier on, we tested the new Aston Martin Rapide, which we liked, despite the price, 732 00:46:16,579 --> 00:46:20,537 the Porsche Panamera, which we liked, despite the hideous body, 733 00:46:20,572 --> 00:46:26,572 and the Maserati Quattroporte, which we liked, despite... pretty much everything, really. 734 00:46:26,607 --> 00:46:31,588 Now, though, it is time to see how good these are as four-door saloons. 735 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:44,532 To do that, the producers said we must spend the day as chauffeurs. 736 00:46:44,567 --> 00:46:47,569 Guys? I know all about chauffeuring. 737 00:46:47,604 --> 00:46:50,537 Go on. You've got to wear a hat, 738 00:46:50,572 --> 00:46:56,596 and you have to remember, when you open the back door for a girl to get in, not to look up her skirt. 739 00:46:56,631 --> 00:46:59,500 Right. 740 00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,545 On the way, we changed into our suits, and then 741 00:47:02,580 --> 00:47:06,564 we arrived at a hotel to meet the people we'd be chauffeuring. 742 00:47:08,516 --> 00:47:10,500 OK. Where's your suit trousers? 743 00:47:10,535 --> 00:47:12,521 I've lost them. Lost them? 744 00:47:12,556 --> 00:47:17,548 Honestly, I've searched the housetop to bottom. So we'll have, what do you reckon, one person each or...? 745 00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:19,485 I think it's probably a conference. 746 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:23,554 We'll go to different places and it'll be who get to his place first. 747 00:47:23,589 --> 00:47:27,588 Chauffeur race. Exactly, different places, it's who gets there first. 748 00:47:27,623 --> 00:47:29,087 What? It's a wedding. 749 00:47:29,122 --> 00:47:30,517 What's a wedding? 750 00:47:30,552 --> 00:47:33,596 It's a wedding, we're doing a wedding, we're the car service for a wedding. 751 00:47:33,631 --> 00:47:36,591 Mate, you can't do a wedding in jeans. 752 00:47:36,626 --> 00:47:39,552 You can't, actually, that's going too far. 753 00:47:39,587 --> 00:47:41,481 I can mend this. 754 00:47:41,516 --> 00:47:43,545 A real wedding? Yes. What, an actual wedding? 755 00:47:43,580 --> 00:47:46,541 Yes. We have to drive to the church, the reception. 756 00:47:46,576 --> 00:47:51,524 We are the drivers for the day to see how big the backs of these cars are. 757 00:47:51,559 --> 00:47:53,465 And I've got to mend my trousers. 758 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:57,508 Who is there at a wedding? A bride, a groom... Bride, groom, vicar... 759 00:47:57,543 --> 00:47:59,572 Bride's mother, parents, they all have to go. 760 00:47:59,607 --> 00:48:01,513 The Maserati's the biggest. 761 00:48:01,548 --> 00:48:03,501 The bride should go in the Maserati. 762 00:48:03,536 --> 00:48:07,521 The bride's the mostimportant person at a wedding. So put the bride in the... 763 00:48:07,556 --> 00:48:11,592 Put the bride in the Maserati. I should drive her, because I haven't driven the Maserati. 764 00:48:11,627 --> 00:48:15,528 You're welcome, I'm not driving a bride to her wedding, no way! 765 00:48:15,563 --> 00:48:17,567 Listen, everything we ever do is a disaster. 766 00:48:17,602 --> 00:48:19,537 Well, including what you're doing there. 767 00:48:19,572 --> 00:48:25,572 They'll be black in a minute,trust me. So bride in the Maserati. Yeah. You drive that. Yeah. 768 00:48:25,607 --> 00:48:29,532 Groom is going to want to go in the Aston. 769 00:48:29,567 --> 00:48:30,549 I'll take him in the Aston. 770 00:48:30,584 --> 00:48:33,540 I'll do the bride's mother in the Porsche. 771 00:48:33,575 --> 00:48:36,521 I wouldn't... Oh, I see! 772 00:48:36,556 --> 00:48:41,500 She'll be emotional, and I'm just what she needs on her daughter's wedding day. 773 00:48:41,535 --> 00:48:44,465 Hammond set off to get the groom, 774 00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:47,596 leaving me in a spot of bother with my new trousers. 775 00:48:47,631 --> 00:48:49,557 Oh, no. 776 00:48:49,592 --> 00:48:51,572 My legs have stuck together. 777 00:48:55,524 --> 00:48:56,541 I do apologise for this. 778 00:48:56,576 --> 00:49:01,058 Worse still, chauffeur duties had made James even more pedantic than usual. 779 00:49:01,093 --> 00:49:04,838 Because I want my Maserati here for the bride, I think it's more grand. 780 00:49:04,873 --> 00:49:08,728 Yes, you go and get your Maserati. Can you move out of the way, then?Yep. 781 00:49:08,763 --> 00:49:12,549 But hang on, I can't do this until you've gone, otherwise it's in the way. 782 00:49:12,584 --> 00:49:17,568 What? I can't put the Maserati there before you've gone, or they'd have to walk round it. That's not right. 783 00:49:17,603 --> 00:49:19,513 What are you talking about? 784 00:49:19,548 --> 00:49:23,564 I can't put the Maserati in position until you've left with the bride's mother. Why? 785 00:49:23,599 --> 00:49:25,557 Otherwise she'll come out and get in the Maserati... 786 00:49:25,592 --> 00:49:28,580 She won't, because we'll say, "Don't get in the Maserati. " 787 00:49:28,615 --> 00:49:31,568 Then she has to walk around it, and it's not right, trust me. 788 00:49:31,603 --> 00:49:34,588 Meanwhile, I'd arrived at the groom's house. 789 00:49:34,623 --> 00:49:37,497 This is it. 790 00:49:37,532 --> 00:49:41,596 But having never chauffeured before, I didn't know whether to get him or wait in the car. 791 00:49:41,631 --> 00:49:43,572 He wants to get ready, take his time. 792 00:49:43,607 --> 00:49:45,095 I'll, erm... 793 00:49:45,130 --> 00:49:46,584 I'll hover here. 794 00:49:51,548 --> 00:49:54,521 You've got half an hour to get there, you've got to be... 795 00:49:54,556 --> 00:49:58,528 I've got to be late, yes. Yes, but a tiny bit late, not your usual late. 796 00:49:58,563 --> 00:50:00,493 No, no, I understand the difference. 797 00:50:00,528 --> 00:50:07,500 Whilst James was still deciding where to put his car, the wedding party emerged. 798 00:50:07,535 --> 00:50:09,541 I was going to back it up and do it properly. 799 00:50:09,576 --> 00:50:13,588 Do you want to go in and come out while I back it up? James,will you concentrate on your job? 800 00:50:13,623 --> 00:50:17,564 This way, please. Don't look up her skirt, don't look up her skirt. 801 00:50:21,504 --> 00:50:26,584 No, no, no! I'm in! Thank you for averting your gaze. 802 00:50:26,619 --> 00:50:31,477 Come on. Where is he? 803 00:50:31,512 --> 00:50:32,588 Oh, you're already in! Sorry! 804 00:50:32,623 --> 00:50:33,592 He's already in. 805 00:50:35,508 --> 00:50:36,540 Good afternoon, everyone. 806 00:50:36,575 --> 00:50:38,473 Oh, good afternoon. 807 00:50:38,508 --> 00:50:40,485 I'm James, I shall be your driver. 808 00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:44,568 This is the Maserati Quattroporte. Not the original model, which had a slightly ropey gearbox. 809 00:50:44,603 --> 00:50:48,512 This is the GTS, much improved, as you shall see. 810 00:50:48,547 --> 00:50:50,516 The key's stuck. 811 00:50:52,524 --> 00:50:56,485 Jeremy, meanwhile, was being his usual charming self. 812 00:50:56,520 --> 00:51:01,524 If I've got whiffy pits, I apologise, but it is from wearing slightly hot trousers. 813 00:51:10,592 --> 00:51:16,524 Come on, we're late, we're late!That's the groom, that's the groom. He is the groom. 814 00:51:16,559 --> 00:51:19,580 You're Steve? Yeah. Hi, Steve. Sorry, mate, sorry. 815 00:51:19,615 --> 00:51:21,575 And you're Sam, the best man? 816 00:51:21,610 --> 00:51:23,536 Hiya. Hi, nice to see you. 817 00:51:27,528 --> 00:51:29,521 Are we not going right to the church? Yeah, you... 818 00:51:29,556 --> 00:51:32,552 As we are a bit early, and obviously you don't want to arrive early, 819 00:51:32,587 --> 00:51:35,553 I thought we'd take a slightly longer route, slightly scenic, 820 00:51:35,588 --> 00:51:41,528 so that you can arrive at an appropriate time and also enjoy the car a little bit on the journey. 821 00:51:41,563 --> 00:51:45,536 Unfortunately, the bride's father had never seen Top Gear. 822 00:51:45,571 --> 00:51:48,473 That sounds really good, yeah. 823 00:51:48,508 --> 00:51:53,500 Still, at least James was driving sensibly. 824 00:51:53,535 --> 00:51:54,568 Sport, sport plus. 825 00:51:56,548 --> 00:51:59,509 I WILL get you to the church on time. 826 00:51:59,544 --> 00:52:03,552 As it turned out, my passengers loved fast driving. 827 00:52:03,587 --> 00:52:04,580 Wow! 828 00:52:07,528 --> 00:52:09,529 So a marriage, whoo! 829 00:52:09,564 --> 00:52:11,578 It's a big 'un. It's the big day. 830 00:52:11,613 --> 00:52:13,592 Think what you're taking on, man. 831 00:52:13,627 --> 00:52:16,520 Life changes today. Today. 832 00:52:16,555 --> 00:52:17,549 Yeah. For real. 833 00:52:17,584 --> 00:52:19,501 It's amazing, isn't it, marriage? 834 00:52:19,536 --> 00:52:23,520 You have the big day, the big celebration, it's all exciting, 835 00:52:23,555 --> 00:52:27,508 and then one day it just settles down into the norm, 836 00:52:27,543 --> 00:52:29,517 day to day, 837 00:52:29,552 --> 00:52:34,568 just every day... after day... after day... 838 00:52:38,524 --> 00:52:42,516 You'll never get it to sound like this. It's to do with the crank angle and cylinders. 839 00:52:42,551 --> 00:52:46,557 I never thought I'd be learning about crank angles on the way to my wedding. 840 00:52:46,592 --> 00:52:50,564 Sorry, I think I've taken the wrong exit off that roundabout. Hang on a minute. 841 00:52:50,599 --> 00:52:54,493 I guess we're going to check out the road holding or... 842 00:52:54,528 --> 00:52:58,560 No, no, this isn't a test, I'm just... Because I've done this loop, I'm not absolutely sure... 843 00:52:58,595 --> 00:53:01,548 It must be the next one. 844 00:53:04,584 --> 00:53:07,556 You're not getting nervous now, are you? I am now. 845 00:53:07,591 --> 00:53:09,528 I was feeling pretty relaxed but... 846 00:53:09,563 --> 00:53:11,553 I'll help you with some music. 847 00:53:11,588 --> 00:53:14,572 There you go... Oh, look, it's not as easy as I'd hoped. 848 00:53:18,512 --> 00:53:20,537 We really have to get a move on. 849 00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:25,481 Yeah, but I just want to find out, can I drive the iPod from the stereo? 850 00:53:25,516 --> 00:53:30,504 Oh, this is the most complicated thing I've ever tried to do. Oh, no, that's just impossible. 851 00:53:30,539 --> 00:53:31,564 Hang on, I think I've got it. 852 00:53:32,564 --> 00:53:36,042 # I'm not in love 853 00:53:36,077 --> 00:53:39,485 # So don't forget it 854 00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,556 # It's just a silly phase... # 855 00:53:41,591 --> 00:53:44,576 Here we go! Power! 856 00:53:47,500 --> 00:53:50,544 In the back, Jenson and Lewis wanted even more from the Porsche. 857 00:53:50,579 --> 00:53:52,561 Can't we go somewhere we can go really fast? Yeah. 858 00:53:52,596 --> 00:53:56,594 I have to say... Up to the airfield? Oh, is there an airfield near here? 859 00:53:56,629 --> 00:54:00,592 Yeah! Pull in there, do a circuit, and then we don't mind being late. 860 00:54:00,627 --> 00:54:02,609 Is she a calm bride? 861 00:54:02,644 --> 00:54:04,557 She's been SO calm. 862 00:54:04,592 --> 00:54:11,512 Because James May can drive somebody to the edge of reason after three minutes. 863 00:54:12,524 --> 00:54:16,544 I'll turn round in the garden centre. Sorry about that. 864 00:54:21,556 --> 00:54:24,513 As the clock struck one, I pulled up at the church. 865 00:54:24,548 --> 00:54:29,584 I almost lost my dress then! We made it, we made it, we made it. 866 00:54:33,576 --> 00:54:38,532 The bride's mother and chief bridesmaid seemed very happy with my chauffeuring skills. 867 00:54:38,567 --> 00:54:40,549 However, in Claire Rayner's car... 868 00:54:40,584 --> 00:54:44,080 # Whoo-hoo, no, baby, please don't go... # 869 00:54:44,115 --> 00:54:47,576 I mean it's like your life, it's for life! 870 00:54:47,611 --> 00:54:49,541 It is for life. 871 00:54:49,576 --> 00:54:53,564 Just stretching out in front of you. 872 00:54:53,599 --> 00:54:55,561 Forever. 873 00:54:55,596 --> 00:54:57,548 Just going on... and on. 874 00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:05,572 Amazingly, though, when Captain Cheerful eventually arrived, 875 00:55:05,607 --> 00:55:08,549 the groom was more bothered about my trousers. 876 00:55:08,584 --> 00:55:13,497 What are you wearing? ! I'm fine, nothing to see here. 877 00:55:13,532 --> 00:55:18,536 More worryingly, there was nothing to see in terms of the bride either. 878 00:55:18,571 --> 00:55:22,481 The relations are starting to get angsty. 879 00:55:22,516 --> 00:55:26,576 I can just feel eyes burrowing into the back of my head. 880 00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,504 I did look at the map before I started off. 881 00:55:42,536 --> 00:55:43,588 Right, nearly there. 882 00:55:49,564 --> 00:55:54,548 What hymns have you chosen? The King Of Love My Shepherd Is. 883 00:55:54,583 --> 00:55:57,513 Very good. 884 00:55:57,548 --> 00:56:00,556 JAMES SINGS THE TUNE 885 00:56:02,540 --> 00:56:03,584 CHURCH BELLS RING 886 00:56:05,568 --> 00:56:09,540 Half one, half an hour late now for the wedding. 887 00:56:10,568 --> 00:56:13,050 Look, there it is. Hmm? 888 00:56:13,085 --> 00:56:15,497 The church was that way. 889 00:56:15,532 --> 00:56:18,552 Are you sure it was that way? Yes. Yeah. 890 00:56:18,587 --> 00:56:21,504 Completely, 100% sure. 891 00:56:22,556 --> 00:56:26,501 We're now into something to two o'clock. We're now nearer two o'clock... 892 00:56:26,536 --> 00:56:30,509 We're nearer the next hour than the one when they were supposed to be getting married. 893 00:56:30,544 --> 00:56:36,548 This would have been your last car journey before you became a married woman, I hope it was a good one. 894 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,557 That man, he is the most colossal... 895 00:56:47,592 --> 00:56:50,548 Where have you been? We took a slightly scenic route. 896 00:56:50,583 --> 00:56:54,493 The wedding party hurried into the church. 897 00:56:54,528 --> 00:57:01,520 Explain yourself. What? How come you've arrived 35 minutes late? It's fashionable for the bride... 898 00:57:01,555 --> 00:57:04,529 Yeah, you've obviously made an impression, because they're all leaving. 899 00:57:04,564 --> 00:57:10,524 They're really happy to have had you driving, look at their cheery faces as they walk off dabbing their eyes. 900 00:57:10,559 --> 00:57:11,553 Did they like the Maserati? 901 00:57:11,588 --> 00:57:15,520 Loved it! Did they? Yeah, absolutely. Did you love it? 902 00:57:15,555 --> 00:57:17,572 I love it, top five cars. What do we do now? 903 00:57:17,607 --> 00:57:19,513 Now we wait for them. That's boring. 904 00:57:19,548 --> 00:57:24,552 Actually, no, I tell you what. The bride's mother told me on the way over there's an airfield near here. 905 00:57:24,587 --> 00:57:28,069 So? Well, is this a Catholic wedding or...? 906 00:57:28,104 --> 00:57:31,552 They'll be doing Dear Lord and Father of... 907 00:57:31,587 --> 00:57:34,540 Drag race. Bagsie go in this. 908 00:57:34,575 --> 00:57:36,556 Drag race. Drag race. 909 00:57:38,508 --> 00:57:41,548 So as the congregation began its first hymn... 910 00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:43,561 ENGINES ROAR 911 00:57:43,596 --> 00:57:50,556 .. we headed off to the airfield and set up our drag race. 912 00:57:51,564 --> 00:57:55,508 I'm sure most wedding car drivers do this. 913 00:57:56,512 --> 00:57:58,556 I wonder if they've done the exhortations yet. 914 00:58:02,536 --> 00:58:04,500 Go! 915 00:58:08,548 --> 00:58:10,532 Yes! 916 00:58:12,532 --> 00:58:15,497 Look at this go! 917 00:58:15,532 --> 00:58:18,552 80, level-pegging with the Ast... Oh, no, I'm not. 918 00:58:19,564 --> 00:58:23,560 Maserati sitting in my door mirror here like an oil painting. 919 00:58:23,595 --> 00:58:26,516 Come on, come on! 920 00:58:30,544 --> 00:58:36,493 Even with James at the wheel, that Porsche easily won. 921 00:58:36,528 --> 00:58:40,560 Since the race was over so quickly, I decided there was time for another game. 922 00:58:40,595 --> 00:58:46,576 I bet I can do a longer powerslide in that than you two can in these. 923 00:58:46,611 --> 00:58:47,557 Good game? 924 00:58:47,592 --> 00:58:50,588 Come on, it's a beautiful day, we've got crash helmets on. 925 00:58:57,580 --> 00:59:01,508 The back's coming out nicely, and now bin it there! 926 00:59:04,508 --> 00:59:05,561 Too much grip. 927 00:59:05,596 --> 00:59:08,556 Our new game was excellent fun! 928 00:59:08,591 --> 00:59:11,528 BELLS RING 929 00:59:12,568 --> 00:59:15,525 TYRES SQUEAL 930 00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:18,540 That's a good one! What do you think of that, Hammond? 931 00:59:20,528 --> 00:59:24,548 And another championship-winning entry from Hammond in the Maserati. Yeah. 932 00:59:31,508 --> 00:59:34,528 Oh, yeah! Feeling sick but looking good! 933 00:59:35,584 --> 00:59:37,536 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 934 00:59:44,536 --> 00:59:49,556 I know... I know a lot of you will have been looking at that and thinking it was all a set-up, 935 00:59:49,591 --> 00:59:50,557 they were actors. 936 00:59:50,592 --> 00:59:54,537 Well, it really wasn't, they really were a couple, 937 00:59:54,572 --> 00:59:58,568 they really did get married that day, and they really are here. 938 00:59:58,603 --> 01:00:00,552 Ladies and gentlemen, Steve and Ellie! 939 01:00:00,587 --> 01:00:01,521 APPLAUSE 940 01:00:01,556 --> 01:00:05,521 Congratulations! Sorry! Really sorry. 941 01:00:05,556 --> 01:00:10,485 Sorry we weren't there when you came out. 942 01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:14,540 Sorry about my mood on the day, it was inappropriate, as it turned out. We're sorry. 943 01:00:14,575 --> 01:00:19,551 By way of an apology and as a token of our appreciation, we've brought 944 01:00:19,586 --> 01:00:24,528 you this memento so you can remember the day every time you have a dump. 945 01:00:24,563 --> 01:00:25,596 LAUGHTER Congratulations! 946 01:00:27,596 --> 01:00:31,580 Congratulations. Thank you. 947 01:00:31,615 --> 01:00:34,477 Excellent, excellent. 948 01:00:34,512 --> 01:00:38,528 We clubbed together to buy that,just so you know. Ourselves. Your eternal happiness. 949 01:00:38,563 --> 01:00:42,536 Anyway, it is now time for us to decide which of these cars is best. 950 01:00:42,571 --> 01:00:46,501 Quite easy for me, the Maserati is idiotic, OK? 951 01:00:46,536 --> 01:00:50,560 After five minutes it would drive you mad, and after five weeks it would fall to pieces. 952 01:00:50,595 --> 01:00:53,568 But for me, by a country mile, it's the one I'd have. Me too. 953 01:00:53,603 --> 01:00:56,529 Yeah, and me, by a long, long way. 954 01:00:56,564 --> 01:00:58,588 Yeah, so there we are, we all agree on something. 955 01:00:58,623 --> 01:01:01,469 The worst car is the best. 956 01:01:01,504 --> 01:01:04,525 And on both those bombshell, it's now time to end. 957 01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:09,592 Thank you for watching. Not that you were, because you were watching the football, but there we are. 958 01:01:09,627 --> 01:01:11,596 See you next week, though. Take care, good night! 959 01:01:11,631 --> 01:01:13,548 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 960 01:01:13,648 --> 01:01:17,552 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd http://www.addic7ed.com/ 961 01:01:18,587 --> 01:01:21,556 E- mail subtitling@bbc. co. uk