﻿1
00:00:01,443 --> 00:00:06,743
<font color="#3399CC">Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru</font>

2
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:15,439
Tonight, Maserati brings
some V8 thunder to our track,

3
00:00:16,132 --> 00:00:18,291
Mercedes brings some smoke

4
00:00:18,292 --> 00:00:21,372
and we wave goodbye to Saab.

5
00:00:27,732 --> 00:00:32,011
Hello... Hello, everybody
and good evening.

6
00:00:32,012 --> 00:00:35,091
Hello and welcome -
thank you so much.

7
00:00:35,092 --> 00:00:36,732
We begin...

8
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:41,691
We begin with a letter -
thank you, everybody.

9
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:44,931
It's from a Swiss gentleman
and it says,

10
00:00:44,932 --> 00:00:47,491
"Dear Si Appelli, Top Gear.

11
00:00:47,492 --> 00:00:50,331
"You're more than halfway through
this series

12
00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:53,291
"and yet you still haven't
raced a car

13
00:00:53,292 --> 00:00:56,251
"against something
that isn't a car."

14
00:00:56,252 --> 00:00:59,252
He's right, we haven't -
and we should!

15
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:10,131
As with our off-road scooters
last week, this race
will take place in Wales.

16
00:01:10,132 --> 00:01:13,571
And this is the rally car
we'll be fielding...

17
00:01:13,572 --> 00:01:16,211
a Skoda Fabia Super 2000.

18
00:01:16,212 --> 00:01:19,611
Last season, this car
dominated the championship,

19
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:24,371
winning seven of the 12 rallies
and locking out the entire podium

20
00:01:24,372 --> 00:01:26,731
with a 1-2-3 on four
of those occasions.

21
00:01:26,732 --> 00:01:31,411
But although the car is clearly
no slouch, is it any kind of match

22
00:01:31,412 --> 00:01:34,612
for the non-car thing
we've got lined up for today?

23
00:01:36,452 --> 00:01:38,851
In fact, if I were the car,

24
00:01:38,852 --> 00:01:42,611
I might possibly be weeing myself
right now.

25
00:01:42,612 --> 00:01:46,411
Because today,
it will be taking on Yves Rossy,

26
00:01:46,412 --> 00:01:49,412
the world's first jet-powered
flying man.

27
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,491
Yves, I have many questions.

28
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:56,771
Starting with,
what exactly is this thing?

29
00:01:56,772 --> 00:02:02,971
That's a wing, and to push me in the
air, four engines. It's very simple.

30
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:10,171
Four jets? Yes. And you steer just
with your moves of arms and legs...

31
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:13,291
So you haven't got like,
levers to control the...? Nothing.

32
00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:18,571
The only thing is a little throttle
that I have here.

33
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:25,011
That's the only thing that command.
Well, look, all the best.

34
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:28,291
Mm-hm. I'll be on the ground. Yeah!

35
00:02:28,292 --> 00:02:32,332
'And THAT brings us neatly to
the actual driving of the car.'

36
00:02:33,772 --> 00:02:37,011
Now obviously, I could take
the wheel of that thing myself

37
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:39,731
and show that Swiss cuckoo clock
some real talent,

38
00:02:39,732 --> 00:02:42,691
but under the Top Gear
apprentice driver training scheme,

39
00:02:42,692 --> 00:02:47,531
I've agreed to let the guy behind me,
Toni Gardemeister,
cut his teeth on this one.

40
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:50,451
To be fair, he's pretty good already.

41
00:02:50,452 --> 00:02:51,931
Finnish rally champion.

42
00:02:51,932 --> 00:02:56,051
Many, many World Rally podiums
to his name.

43
00:02:56,052 --> 00:03:00,211
But still keen to get
some tips from me.

44
00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:02,332
So, let's see how this race
will work.

45
00:03:06,412 --> 00:03:10,731
This is the course
the car will be racing around.

46
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,211
Eight miles of prime Welsh
rally stage.

47
00:03:14,212 --> 00:03:19,571
As the car sets off, Yves will climb
to 8,000 feet in a helicopter,

48
00:03:19,572 --> 00:03:22,772
jump out, and then follow
the course from above.

49
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:29,731
Now, Rocket Man can travel
at a steady 120 miles an hour

50
00:03:29,732 --> 00:03:31,331
and we can't.

51
00:03:31,332 --> 00:03:34,251
Well, I could, but I'm not sure yet
about our novice driver.

52
00:03:34,252 --> 00:03:38,411
Anyway, you might think
because of his cruising speed,
we don't stand a chance,

53
00:03:38,412 --> 00:03:42,491
but there's more to it than that.
At the end of the race,
Yves has to land,

54
00:03:42,492 --> 00:03:44,972
so he has to cut his engines,
deploy his parachute

55
00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:49,171
and all sorts of technical
rocket-man stuff has to happen.

56
00:03:49,172 --> 00:03:51,851
So, trust me,
we're in with a shout here.

57
00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:56,371
'And also, we will be busy
covering precious miles

58
00:03:56,372 --> 00:04:00,091
'whilst his chopper is still
climbing to launch height.'

59
00:04:00,092 --> 00:04:02,532
Just relax, Toni,
I'm here if you need me.

60
00:04:05,172 --> 00:04:09,371
Obviously, Yves could cut a corner
up there, but don't worry,

61
00:04:09,372 --> 00:04:12,171
we've thought of that -
we've put a farmer out there

62
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:17,211
with an air rifle with strict orders
to shoot him down
if he sees any infringement.

63
00:04:17,212 --> 00:04:19,492
That's FIA rules all sorted.

64
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:23,772
As the chopper lifted,
the flag dropped.

65
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,211
We're off!

66
00:04:28,212 --> 00:04:29,652
Oh-hoh!

67
00:04:35,452 --> 00:04:37,572
Oh, my God, he's quite confident.

68
00:04:42,812 --> 00:04:44,692
Ye Gods!

69
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,212
Yeah, just as you are.

70
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:03,572
We are absolutely
monstering this course!

71
00:05:07,532 --> 00:05:12,811
We've got 265bhp down here.
Toni is using, I'd say, all of them!

72
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,332
Yeah - whoaah!

73
00:05:15,812 --> 00:05:20,172
'However, as we passed the three-mile
mark, Yves was ready to jump.'

74
00:05:32,692 --> 00:05:35,132
He's jumped!

75
00:05:40,412 --> 00:05:43,092
Engines are good.

76
00:05:56,972 --> 00:06:00,811
Well, he's dropped,
I can't see him out of the car.

77
00:06:00,812 --> 00:06:04,771
'But somewhere up there,
he was following our course

78
00:06:04,772 --> 00:06:06,372
'and closing the gap.'

79
00:06:08,372 --> 00:06:11,012
Aaargh!

80
00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:16,211
Hello! Just concentrate! OK!

81
00:06:16,212 --> 00:06:21,292
As a new driver, you get giddy,
you show off and it goes wrong. Oh...

82
00:06:28,252 --> 00:06:35,091
Up there, Yves is hitting speeds
of 120, 150, 80 miles an hour.

83
00:06:35,092 --> 00:06:38,931
In just, well, a lycra suit
a small crash helmet

84
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,412
and a kitchen table on his back.

85
00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:54,132
How the hell did I get mixed up in
this? I mean, I'm just baggage now.

86
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:59,092
'Within seconds, Yves had caught up.'

87
00:07:03,852 --> 00:07:05,852
There he is, there he is!

88
00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:09,092
He's ahead of us, he is ahead.

89
00:07:10,572 --> 00:07:12,132
Ow!

90
00:07:14,212 --> 00:07:16,931
'As Yves streaked into the lead,

91
00:07:16,932 --> 00:07:20,691
'we still had just under
four miles to go.'

92
00:07:20,692 --> 00:07:22,172
Aaaaargh!

93
00:07:26,252 --> 00:07:29,052
In the air... Ooh-argh!

94
00:07:33,292 --> 00:07:34,372
Ye Gods.

95
00:07:44,852 --> 00:07:46,092
Right, OK!

96
00:07:47,572 --> 00:07:52,612
'Up ahead, Yves's journey was,
unfortunately, almost done.'

97
00:08:06,812 --> 00:08:10,012
There he is. There's his parachute.

98
00:08:15,532 --> 00:08:17,531
We've got to just take advantage

99
00:08:17,532 --> 00:08:22,892
while he's slowing through
the air to land. We've got to
give it everything we can.

100
00:08:26,532 --> 00:08:30,211
We've got about two minutes now.
Absolutely...

101
00:08:30,212 --> 00:08:33,211
This is going to be so close!

102
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,212
Oh, my God.

103
00:08:35,572 --> 00:08:36,852
There he is.

104
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,612
He's behind the hill.

105
00:08:46,572 --> 00:08:51,051
He's behind the trees,
I don't know, he's not down yet.

106
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,972
We still have a chance here.

107
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:58,132
This is it. Where is he?
Where is he? Is he there?

108
00:09:00,252 --> 00:09:04,172
Oh no! After all that!

109
00:09:05,532 --> 00:09:07,931
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

110
00:09:07,932 --> 00:09:12,731
Don't blame yourself. That's the main
thing, man - don't blame yourself.

111
00:09:12,732 --> 00:09:16,571
You did a great job. Thanks for
the guiding. I was there for you.

112
00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:19,651
Thank you. I'm going to sit here
for a little bit now, just...

113
00:09:19,652 --> 00:09:21,571
You look a little bit dark now.

114
00:09:21,572 --> 00:09:24,532
Yeah, do you know, I'm just going to
sit here for a minute.

115
00:09:28,012 --> 00:09:29,852
BLEEP!

116
00:09:37,692 --> 00:09:42,771
Was that a bit scary? Yes!
Very. It's so fast.

117
00:09:42,772 --> 00:09:46,251
You said at one point,
something was getting loose.

118
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:50,531
Yeah, me - my bowels, specifically!
It was really scary.

119
00:09:50,532 --> 00:09:53,651
But what gets me about Yves, flying,
is there must have been

120
00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:58,491
a first time he did that - you can't
work up to being a jet-powered man.

121
00:09:58,492 --> 00:10:00,331
You can't start with propellers.

122
00:10:00,332 --> 00:10:02,731
Oh, no!
So there must've been a first day.

123
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,331
He woke up one day and thought,
right, it's today.

124
00:10:05,332 --> 00:10:08,851
I'm going to jump off a helicopter
with a kitchen table strapped

125
00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:13,251
to my back and a couple of jets
and I'm pretty confident I can fly.

126
00:10:13,252 --> 00:10:17,571
Anyway, we must now do the news
and we begin with this.

127
00:10:17,572 --> 00:10:19,971
What is the worst thing
in the world?

128
00:10:19,972 --> 00:10:21,331
Trying on trousers.

129
00:10:21,332 --> 00:10:23,731
He's right, actually. You're right.

130
00:10:23,732 --> 00:10:27,891
But the second worst thing
in the world is when you're
going on a journey somewhere

131
00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:30,372
and someone in the car says,
"do you mind if we stop"

132
00:10:30,373 --> 00:10:33,091
for some reason - "look,
there's an ancient monument".

133
00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:37,611
I don't want to look at that!
I want to look at my friends who
we haven't seen for five years.

134
00:10:37,612 --> 00:10:40,291
You're absolutely right.
There are some people

135
00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:44,651
who stop on a journey at a motorway
services to play a fruit machine.

136
00:10:44,652 --> 00:10:47,531
Those people who say,
"I need to stretch my legs".

137
00:10:47,532 --> 00:10:51,851
If you're Alec Guinness
and you've been in a box in a
Japanese prison for six months, yes,

138
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,611
you need to stretch your legs, but
after 30 miles in a car, you don't.

139
00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:58,131
It's when people say
they need to stop to eat. Why?

140
00:10:58,132 --> 00:11:02,131
I can't imagine a journey long enough
that means YOU will need refuelling.

141
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:06,491
Well, if you were driving
from Cairo to Khartoum...
Yes, but not in Britain.

142
00:11:06,492 --> 00:11:11,371
If you're going from Leicester to
Birmingham, you don't need food.
You won't starve in that time.

143
00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:14,811
No, and I'm glad you brought this up
because this is where I'm going, OK?

144
00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:17,691
One place I could never understand
why people stopped at

145
00:11:17,692 --> 00:11:21,771
was Little Chef, because what
they did was they took ingredients

146
00:11:21,772 --> 00:11:24,531
and then ruined them.

147
00:11:24,532 --> 00:11:27,891
I once stopped at a Little Chef
very early in the morning

148
00:11:27,892 --> 00:11:30,051
and I said,
"Could I have an omelette?"

149
00:11:30,052 --> 00:11:33,211
The woman said, "No, I'm sorry sir,
the powder hasn't arrived yet".

150
00:11:33,212 --> 00:11:35,211
That's not a good sign, is it?!

151
00:11:35,212 --> 00:11:40,051
I once dropped a sausage from my
plate in Little Chef and it bounced.

152
00:11:40,052 --> 00:11:44,211
They made it out of
old squash balls!

153
00:11:44,212 --> 00:11:49,451
The other day, we heard they'd shut
getting on for half their outlets,

154
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:55,011
and we weren't surprised,
but the other day we stopped at one
that was still open.

155
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,211
I went in and this guy gave me
a paper cup,

156
00:11:57,212 --> 00:11:59,411
he said it's a casserole mash.

157
00:11:59,412 --> 00:12:04,251
I thought, that's just going to be
bits of placenta...

158
00:12:04,252 --> 00:12:05,731
Oh, God!

159
00:12:05,732 --> 00:12:08,771
Garnished with the chef's
bodily fluids. Nice.

160
00:12:08,772 --> 00:12:13,372
It was the second nicest thing
I've ever put in my mouth. Second?

161
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:19,491
OK. It was brilliant.
I loved it, to be honest.

162
00:12:19,492 --> 00:12:23,451
It's because they've got
Heston Blumenthal doing the menu.

163
00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,852
Yes, he cut his teeth,
didn't he, in Heston services?

164
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:32,651
BMW has sent us news of a new Mini.
It's a concept, here's a picture.

165
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:36,091
It's a twee little van
with "Buckingham" picked out

166
00:12:36,092 --> 00:12:39,211
in old-fashioned sign writing
and it looks like

167
00:12:39,212 --> 00:12:43,491
the sort of thing we might have been
driving just after we won the war.

168
00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:46,571
Oh, for God's sake, please!
Don't go there. Won it.

169
00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:50,171
Don't go there.
They've done this before, BMW.

170
00:12:50,172 --> 00:12:52,452
A year or so ago they did a Mini,
but at the back,

171
00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:56,571
it had a wickerwork picnic hamper
and a silver tea set.

172
00:12:56,572 --> 00:12:59,931
The point is, we would like
to extend an invitation to

173
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:03,251
people of Germany to come over here,
not in a bomber...

174
00:13:03,252 --> 00:13:07,451
Not all at once. Not in uniform,
marching... And not at night.

175
00:13:07,452 --> 00:13:11,091
No, not at night,
but come over here as tourists

176
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:14,971
and we'll show you the Shard,
for example, in London.
Modern skyscraper.

177
00:13:14,972 --> 00:13:17,131
We'll show you the Range Rover
Evoque.

178
00:13:17,132 --> 00:13:19,971
We'll take you to an Adele gig.
Maybe not Adele.

179
00:13:19,972 --> 00:13:23,932
Not if ITV are covering it,
cos you'll just get that...

180
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,332
Then there'll be an advert
for panty liners.

181
00:13:34,652 --> 00:13:37,971
Germans need to come here,
they really do - to come here

182
00:13:37,972 --> 00:13:41,651
and understand we're not driving
around in twee little vans,

183
00:13:41,652 --> 00:13:45,131
tugging our forelocks
at the squire any more.

184
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:47,371
They're obsessed with this,
bless them.

185
00:13:47,372 --> 00:13:52,331
They always say, "ve love your
England, viz your tweed and your
little houses mit-out electricity".

186
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,251
We should go to Germany with
mullets and leather shorts

187
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:59,171
and wander about whistling Scorpion
tunes and see how they like it.

188
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,692
Racial stereotyping -
which we don't do.

189
00:14:02,732 --> 00:14:06,211
News from the Continent!
I've always wanted to say that.

190
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,931
"News from the Continent."

191
00:14:07,932 --> 00:14:11,531
The French have announced that
from July 1, you must, by law,

192
00:14:11,532 --> 00:14:14,851
carry a breathalyser kit
in your car.

193
00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:16,971
You can understand
the logic behind that

194
00:14:16,972 --> 00:14:20,131
until you think about it carefully,
and then there's a flaw.

195
00:14:20,132 --> 00:14:24,451
You come out of the bar,
you've had a glass of wine and
you think, "am I OK for driving?"

196
00:14:24,452 --> 00:14:26,971
You use your breathalyser kit,
it says yes, you are,

197
00:14:26,972 --> 00:14:30,171
but then you can't drive,
cos you've used your kit.

198
00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:31,771
It's a one-shot deal?

199
00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:35,571
You'd have to walk to the chemist
and buy another kit
before you set off.

200
00:14:35,572 --> 00:14:38,771
Don't they also make us carry
warning triangles?

201
00:14:38,772 --> 00:14:43,291
Yes, and in France, you've also got
to carry a full set of spare bulbs
and a high-visibility vest.

202
00:14:43,292 --> 00:14:48,571
Aren't all those things the police's
job? Do they want us to stick some
cones in the car, just in case?

203
00:14:48,572 --> 00:14:51,611
And maybe a radio, a notepad,
and a pencil?

204
00:14:51,612 --> 00:14:53,891
But, if they're turning us all
into policemen,

205
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:57,731
we could stop other motorists
and help ourselves to
130 of their euros.

206
00:14:57,732 --> 00:15:00,931
Yes, we could stop Brits
on the last tolls before Calais,

207
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:05,011
who are rushing to get the ferry
and have been speeding.

208
00:15:05,012 --> 00:15:08,131
Has anyone here
been caught speeding in France?

209
00:15:08,132 --> 00:15:11,131
It's like saying,
has anyone been to France? Yes.

210
00:15:11,132 --> 00:15:15,372
Would you have to carry
handcuffs and a big truncheon
as well? No, that's Holland.

211
00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:23,091
Now, Richard, tell me, when
you go to work at the BBC in
London, where do you park your car?

212
00:15:23,092 --> 00:15:25,971
Well, I park it in the car park
at the BBC, underground,

213
00:15:25,972 --> 00:15:28,891
where everybody else parks.
Where do you park?

214
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:33,771
I park in the underground car park.
It's a bit of a walk,
but that's what you do.

215
00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:36,091
Now there is a loading bay
outside our office

216
00:15:36,092 --> 00:15:39,051
which is more convenient
but there is no parking there.

217
00:15:39,052 --> 00:15:42,771
Now I took a photograph in this
loading bay this week. Here it is...

218
00:15:42,772 --> 00:15:46,251
We may recognise this car
if the watch The Apprentice.

219
00:15:46,252 --> 00:15:48,931
It belongs to Lord Sir Sugar.

220
00:15:48,932 --> 00:15:52,651
His chauffeur was probably loading
him into the building then. Exactly.

221
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,651
Technically this was a delivery.
So that's fine.

222
00:15:55,652 --> 00:15:58,091
More worrying is this.
OK, if we zoom in...

223
00:15:58,092 --> 00:16:00,131
Now, right there
is a little Fiat Panda,

224
00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:04,251
part blocking the door
of the honest working men

225
00:16:04,252 --> 00:16:07,051
whose job it is
to deliver things to the BBC.

226
00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:10,251
And I'm wondering, Hammond,
who has a little black Fiat Panda?

227
00:16:10,252 --> 00:16:13,491
I don't know. At the BBC?

228
00:16:13,492 --> 00:16:15,051
I don't know.

229
00:16:15,052 --> 00:16:18,211
Does David Attenborough?
No, he doesn't. Paxman?

230
00:16:18,212 --> 00:16:21,291
Moving on, the most
important news of the week.

231
00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:25,331
Road safety campaigners are
always telling us that driving
is extremely difficult.

232
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:29,211
It's so difficult that you
couldn't possibly do
something else at the same time.

233
00:16:29,212 --> 00:16:31,811
But we disagree with this.
We think driving is easy

234
00:16:31,812 --> 00:16:35,731
and you can do pretty much
anything while you are driving
in perfect safety.

235
00:16:35,732 --> 00:16:38,491
We do, and a couple of weeks ago
he said to prove that point,

236
00:16:38,492 --> 00:16:41,971
he would drive around a track
while sewing a button onto his shirt.

237
00:16:41,972 --> 00:16:45,371
- OK, who'd like to see me try that?
- Yes!

238
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,571
Here we go, we have got it on tape.

239
00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:48,772
'This is a Suzuki Swift.

240
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,771
'There's me at the wheel
sewing a button on as I drive.'

241
00:16:51,772 --> 00:16:54,291
I will try
and get back underneath again

242
00:16:54,292 --> 00:16:56,851
before we get to the Hammerhead
which is tricky

243
00:16:56,852 --> 00:17:00,451
because I've got too many chins
and I can't see what I'm doing.

244
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:02,251
Memo to self: lose weight.

245
00:17:02,252 --> 00:17:05,731
So there you are, ladies
and gentlemen, you can do it.

246
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,212
You can sew a button...

247
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,891
But it goes on a bit. Hold on,

248
00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:14,771
because after you'd said
you'd do that,

249
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:18,331
James then said he reckoned he could
drive a lap of our track in a car,

250
00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:20,451
whilst in a sleeping bag.

251
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:23,571
Can you? Well, let's find out.
Oh, here we go.

252
00:17:23,572 --> 00:17:26,851
Here I am driving along in a
Suzuki Swift, exactly as you were.

253
00:17:26,852 --> 00:17:28,611
Are you wearing normal clothes?

254
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,971
No, I'm in a sleeping bag.

255
00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:34,652
Shuffle the wheel.
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

256
00:17:35,812 --> 00:17:37,491
Now tell me, was it easy?

257
00:17:37,492 --> 00:17:39,011
There was only one problem...

258
00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:41,731
that blithering idiot Hammond
has turned the heater up

259
00:17:41,732 --> 00:17:44,051
to full blast
because he thought it was funny.

260
00:17:44,052 --> 00:17:47,411
And of course I can't
reach the knob.

261
00:17:47,412 --> 00:17:49,531
So there we are,
road safety enthusiasts...

262
00:17:49,532 --> 00:17:54,251
proof that you can do
other things while driving.
I'm not suggesting that people do.

263
00:17:54,252 --> 00:17:57,091
Don't drive to work
tomorrow morning in a sack.

264
00:17:57,092 --> 00:18:00,851
But we've just shown
that you can drive while sewing
or in a sleeping bag,

265
00:18:00,852 --> 00:18:03,971
so you can certainly drive
while eating an apple or...

266
00:18:03,972 --> 00:18:07,451
Putting a CD in.
Well, if you still live
in the 1980s, yes, putting a CD in.

267
00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:10,931
Driving is easy! It's not difficult.

268
00:18:10,932 --> 00:18:16,331
Right, no moving on to this -
it is a Maserati GranTurismo

269
00:18:16,332 --> 00:18:23,771
and it is a soft,
floppy and very enormous barge
for people who can't drive.

270
00:18:23,772 --> 00:18:26,011
Our studio director's got one.

271
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:28,051
Um, I really don't like it at all,

272
00:18:28,052 --> 00:18:30,691
but Maserati
has now scratched its head

273
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:33,052
and tried something a bit different.

274
00:18:43,532 --> 00:18:49,652
This is what they've come up with -
the GranTurismo MC Stradale.

275
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:55,171
It's still vast.

276
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:58,931
The gap between the wheels is longer
than it is on a Range Rover

277
00:18:58,932 --> 00:19:02,852
and even beyond the wheels,
look, it just keeps on going.

278
00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:09,052
Still, it's now been lowered
and lightened and stiffened.

279
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:17,491
So theoretically, it's become
a proper no-nonsense road racer.

280
00:19:17,492 --> 00:19:20,772
It even has a button marked "Race"
on the dashboard.

281
00:19:29,132 --> 00:19:32,811
That speeds up the gear changes,
backs off the traction control

282
00:19:32,812 --> 00:19:35,732
and turns the exhaust
all the way up to 11.

283
00:19:39,532 --> 00:19:42,291
Under the bonnet,
the V8 has been tweaked

284
00:19:42,292 --> 00:19:46,731
so it's now firing 444 horsepower
at the rear wheels.

285
00:19:46,732 --> 00:19:50,292
And the results of all this
are dramatic.

286
00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:07,451
The standard car
is like a duvet on a hot night,

287
00:20:07,452 --> 00:20:11,011
flopping about everywhere,
being annoying.

288
00:20:11,012 --> 00:20:16,412
This, though, in race mode,
this is as tidy as a Marine's bunk.

289
00:20:20,812 --> 00:20:25,491
You can sense that the suspension
is doing battle

290
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:28,451
with the bulk of the thing.

291
00:20:28,452 --> 00:20:33,851
But you can also sense it's a battle
that the suspension is winning.

292
00:20:33,852 --> 00:20:36,812
There's a majesty to the way
this car drives.

293
00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:40,972
And it feels like it has a soul,
too.

294
00:20:42,932 --> 00:20:44,251
Ooh-ooh!

295
00:20:44,252 --> 00:20:46,332
Oooh, I like you.

296
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,971
Oh, and Joe Walsh was wrong.

297
00:20:49,972 --> 00:20:55,172
Because my Maserati
actually does 187.

298
00:20:56,532 --> 00:21:01,011
So, it goes brilliantly
and thanks to carbon brakes...

299
00:21:01,012 --> 00:21:03,452
it stops just as well.

300
00:21:04,412 --> 00:21:08,011
However, if you want a road racer,

301
00:21:08,012 --> 00:21:11,331
you should know
there's a new alternative

302
00:21:11,332 --> 00:21:15,732
from the dour, sensible, no-nonsense
Germans at Mercedes-Benz.

303
00:21:21,292 --> 00:21:23,651
This is the C63 Black.

304
00:21:23,652 --> 00:21:26,691
It's the latest
plunge into the world of insanity

305
00:21:26,692 --> 00:21:30,172
from the skunkworks
deep inside the bowels of AMG.

306
00:21:36,252 --> 00:21:39,371
In many ways, it's very similar
to the Maserati.

307
00:21:39,372 --> 00:21:41,851
Both cost around Ј110,000.

308
00:21:41,852 --> 00:21:43,971
Both are two-seaters.

309
00:21:43,972 --> 00:21:46,931
Both have double-clutch gearboxes

310
00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:49,532
and both are jolly fast.

311
00:21:59,212 --> 00:22:01,851
But there are differences.

312
00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:03,052
Big ones.

313
00:22:07,932 --> 00:22:12,851
You look at this car and you take in
the aero tweaks on the front-end,

314
00:22:12,852 --> 00:22:16,011
the nostrils in the bonnet,
the massively flared wheel arches

315
00:22:16,012 --> 00:22:18,811
and the enormous carbon fibre
rear wing.

316
00:22:18,812 --> 00:22:24,291
And you sit in here and you know
you have strengthening braces

317
00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:29,172
and you think, yes,
this IS a full-on racing car.

318
00:22:32,372 --> 00:22:35,131
It isn't. It isn't that.

319
00:22:35,132 --> 00:22:38,332
It isn't even close to that.

320
00:22:44,652 --> 00:22:47,972
No, no, over there. Go over there.
Over there. Go over THERE!

321
00:22:50,372 --> 00:22:53,011
What is that rear wing doing?!

322
00:22:53,012 --> 00:22:57,011
I think it's providing rear-end
lift. There's no grip at all.

323
00:22:57,012 --> 00:22:58,772
It is hilarious!

324
00:23:04,372 --> 00:23:08,771
Through the corners there's
just no way that I can keep up

325
00:23:08,772 --> 00:23:11,931
with the man in the Maserati
because he is driving a racing car

326
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:17,212
and I...
I'm wrestling a mad yellow bear!

327
00:23:18,332 --> 00:23:21,132
This, honestly, is
Winnie The Pooh with road rage.

328
00:23:25,852 --> 00:23:29,851
I mean, obviously it's much more
spectacular to go round the corner

329
00:23:29,852 --> 00:23:31,252
in a cloud of your own smoke.

330
00:23:31,253 --> 00:23:33,811
But it's slower.

331
00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:37,131
As you can see,
because after every single corner,

332
00:23:37,132 --> 00:23:38,612
he's 300 yards ahead of me.

333
00:23:41,932 --> 00:23:43,331
100 yards ahead.

334
00:23:43,332 --> 00:23:45,131
200 yards ahead.

335
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:46,492
300 yards ahead.

336
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:57,691
So on a track,
the Maserati is better.

337
00:23:57,692 --> 00:24:01,651
However, as an everyday road car,
there are some issues,

338
00:24:01,652 --> 00:24:04,932
chief among which
are the racing harnesses.

339
00:24:05,972 --> 00:24:10,011
Look at this - honestly, it's like
something out of an S&M catalogue.

340
00:24:10,012 --> 00:24:12,091
It means
you can't reach the glove box.

341
00:24:12,092 --> 00:24:16,291
You can't reach car park
pay machines or tollbooths.

342
00:24:16,292 --> 00:24:18,651
They couldn't have ruined
the car more

343
00:24:18,652 --> 00:24:21,492
if they'd smeared the carpets
with dog dirt.

344
00:24:23,292 --> 00:24:26,852
And even if you ignore the bondage
gear, all is still not well.

345
00:24:28,812 --> 00:24:33,171
If you take the gearbox
out of race mode

346
00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:35,572
and put it in everyday
"going to the shops" auto,

347
00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:39,291
it sits down there,
in the bowels of the car thinking,

348
00:24:39,292 --> 00:24:44,131
"Now, he's just pulled that lever,
that means I have to do something.

349
00:24:44,132 --> 00:24:48,251
"What is it? I have to bake cake?

350
00:24:48,252 --> 00:24:51,092
"No. Mow the lawn? No."

351
00:24:52,852 --> 00:24:54,611
"I know! I am a gearbox!

352
00:24:54,612 --> 00:24:58,451
"He's pulled the lever,
that means he wants third!"

353
00:24:58,452 --> 00:25:01,651
It's so dim-witted
and slow in normal mode,

354
00:25:01,652 --> 00:25:05,092
it makes the whole car feel like
it isn't joined up properly.

355
00:25:06,572 --> 00:25:11,211
So how does the Mercedes
stack up as a road car?

356
00:25:11,212 --> 00:25:15,091
Well, like the Maserati,
the rear seats have been removed.

357
00:25:15,092 --> 00:25:18,411
But for a fee,
Mercedes will put them back.

358
00:25:18,412 --> 00:25:21,531
They will also - free of charge -
move the steering wheel

359
00:25:21,532 --> 00:25:25,611
and pedals over
to the correct side of the car.

360
00:25:25,612 --> 00:25:28,931
And look at this -
hasn't been invented in Italy yet.

361
00:25:28,932 --> 00:25:32,732
It's called a seatbelt
and it's so simple and easy to use.

362
00:25:35,532 --> 00:25:37,971
And there's more.

363
00:25:37,972 --> 00:25:39,971
It's smaller than the Maserati,

364
00:25:39,972 --> 00:25:42,491
much like Lincolnshire,
so it is easier to park

365
00:25:42,492 --> 00:25:44,771
and it has a fantastic
central command unit

366
00:25:44,772 --> 00:25:49,211
which not only tells you
where you are and what you're
listening to, but also,

367
00:25:49,212 --> 00:25:51,131
if you push this button here,

368
00:25:51,132 --> 00:25:54,531
how much G
you're generating in the bends.

369
00:25:54,532 --> 00:25:57,971
Where the throttle is
and how much brake you're using

370
00:25:57,972 --> 00:26:01,011
AND the condition of your tyres.

371
00:26:01,012 --> 00:26:05,972
What it should say is, "Very poor,
because in the last corner
you turned them all into smoke."

372
00:26:07,892 --> 00:26:10,731
Yes, I'm just taking
the children to school now.

373
00:26:10,732 --> 00:26:12,652
I'm on the school run.

374
00:26:13,692 --> 00:26:17,011
Just turning left
into Acacia Avenue.

375
00:26:17,012 --> 00:26:19,931
The biggest problem though
with this car

376
00:26:19,932 --> 00:26:23,411
is that it's not
what you'd call comfortable.

377
00:26:23,412 --> 00:26:25,971
Honestly, if you want to know
how this car rides,

378
00:26:25,972 --> 00:26:30,611
sit on a piano and asked someone
to push you down that cobbled hill
they used in the Hovis ads.

379
00:26:30,612 --> 00:26:32,771
It's ridiculous!

380
00:26:32,772 --> 00:26:35,091
I actually owned
the predecessor of this car

381
00:26:35,092 --> 00:26:37,851
and I've been saying for years,
it rides too harshly.

382
00:26:37,852 --> 00:26:40,131
And what have they done with
the replacement?

383
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:42,052
They've made it worse!

384
00:26:43,532 --> 00:26:45,251
So, there we are.

385
00:26:45,252 --> 00:26:48,171
Both these cars
are good fun on the track,

386
00:26:48,172 --> 00:26:51,251
albeit for very different reasons.

387
00:26:51,252 --> 00:26:55,411
But for commuting and shopping
and going out for dinner,

388
00:26:55,412 --> 00:26:57,531
thanks to the ride in the Mercedes

389
00:26:57,532 --> 00:27:00,451
and the gearbox in the Maserati,
no.

390
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:03,612
Neither of them
work very well at all.

391
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:17,931
It does have a better petrol tank
than mine.

392
00:27:17,932 --> 00:27:21,811
And the seat belts
are easier to do up. Yeah.

393
00:27:21,812 --> 00:27:24,171
Let me get this one straight,

394
00:27:24,172 --> 00:27:27,691
so you finally admitting that
AMG Mercs are ridiculous?

395
00:27:27,692 --> 00:27:29,491
Well, I mean, if you are me

396
00:27:29,492 --> 00:27:34,411
with my very specific requirements
for a car, it's very good indeed.

397
00:27:34,412 --> 00:27:38,691
Yeah, but quite a lot of people
aren't you, so for all of them?

398
00:27:38,692 --> 00:27:41,371
Well, as I said in the film,
er, it is a bit stiff.

399
00:27:41,372 --> 00:27:44,811
Yeah. Just why don't you tell
the ladies and gentleman

400
00:27:44,812 --> 00:27:46,691
how many laps of track you managed

401
00:27:46,692 --> 00:27:51,331
before the rear tyres went down
to the cambers? There's a very
pretty girl there. Have you seen?

402
00:27:51,332 --> 00:27:54,171
How many lap did you manage of
our track

403
00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:55,572
before the rear tyres were lunched?

404
00:27:55,573 --> 00:27:57,091
Erm...

405
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:58,411
Four.

406
00:27:58,412 --> 00:28:02,011
- How many? Four.
- Four!

407
00:28:02,012 --> 00:28:03,571
Four laps of the track.

408
00:28:03,572 --> 00:28:05,371
That adds up to 6.8 miles.

409
00:28:05,372 --> 00:28:12,131
That works out at Ј85 a mile,
just in tyres, to run this car. Yes.

410
00:28:12,132 --> 00:28:15,411
And we're now going to have to
man our wallets once more

411
00:28:15,412 --> 00:28:20,971
because it's time to find out
how fast the Mercedes and
the Maserati go around our track.

412
00:28:20,972 --> 00:28:24,891
And that of course means handing
them over to our tame racing driver.

413
00:28:24,892 --> 00:28:31,651
Some say that he is the only man
in history to buy a DFS sofa

414
00:28:31,652 --> 00:28:34,012
when there wasn't a sale on.

415
00:28:35,732 --> 00:28:41,011
And that his favourite
boxing venue is Munich Airport.

416
00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:43,411
All we know
is that he's called The Stig!

417
00:28:43,787 --> 00:28:45,486
And they're off.

418
00:28:45,506 --> 00:28:48,905
Now the Maserati is undoubtedly
quicker through the corners,

419
00:28:48,906 --> 00:28:51,385
but the Merc will blitz it
on the straights.

420
00:28:51,386 --> 00:28:54,185
Obviously we are not going to
find out here because, look,

421
00:28:54,186 --> 00:28:57,225
the Merc is already twitching,
and wait for it...

422
00:28:57,226 --> 00:28:59,226
yes, smoke and sliding.

423
00:29:03,066 --> 00:29:06,425
Stig unfortunately still obsessed
with The Archers.

424
00:29:06,426 --> 00:29:08,985
Chicago,
once again the Merc sideways.

425
00:29:08,986 --> 00:29:11,305
They should have called it the Crab.

426
00:29:11,306 --> 00:29:14,025
OK, hard on the brakes
for Hammerhead.

427
00:29:14,026 --> 00:29:16,505
What will happen in here, I wonder?

428
00:29:16,506 --> 00:29:19,665
Yup, there goes the Mercedes.
Oh, even the Maserati's sliding.

429
00:29:19,666 --> 00:29:22,826
And the Merc continues to
smoke like a refinery fire.

430
00:29:26,346 --> 00:29:29,385
A double helping
of agri-drivel there.

431
00:29:29,386 --> 00:29:32,745
OK, here we go,
the Maserati has the V8 engine.

432
00:29:32,746 --> 00:29:37,426
The Merc is now unleashing a 6.2
litre, 510 horsepower V8 atom bomb.

433
00:29:38,746 --> 00:29:43,225
Just a fantastic amount of power
in that thing. Two corners left.

434
00:29:43,226 --> 00:29:45,545
Looking pretty even so far.

435
00:29:45,546 --> 00:29:46,786
Penultimate corner.

436
00:29:46,787 --> 00:29:49,425
Didn't go sideways,
but Gambon, he did.

437
00:29:49,426 --> 00:29:51,826
And there we are, across the line.

438
00:29:54,866 --> 00:29:57,745
Now the Maserati... Yes.

439
00:29:57,746 --> 00:30:04,185
The Maserati did it in 1.23.1.
So it goes there. Not bad.

440
00:30:04,186 --> 00:30:06,665
Nearly as quick as a Ferrari 430
in fact.

441
00:30:06,666 --> 00:30:08,545
Come on, then. The Mercedes...

442
00:30:08,546 --> 00:30:11,865
1.21 dead. What?!

443
00:30:11,866 --> 00:30:17,225
Look at that.
It's between the 599 and an SLR.

444
00:30:17,226 --> 00:30:19,025
What?! Hang on. No, no. Hang on.

445
00:30:19,026 --> 00:30:23,025
How...? How did IT do that?

446
00:30:23,026 --> 00:30:26,265
Because as I've explained to you
many times, Hammond,

447
00:30:26,266 --> 00:30:29,585
precision and technicality
will always be beaten

448
00:30:29,586 --> 00:30:31,905
by shouting and smoking and power.

449
00:30:31,906 --> 00:30:36,225
Anyway, it's time to put a star
in our reasonably priced car.

450
00:30:36,226 --> 00:30:40,105
My guest tonight is quite simply
Doctor Who,

451
00:30:40,106 --> 00:30:44,065
which explains how he was able to
travel back in time to the 1980s

452
00:30:44,066 --> 00:30:48,386
and steal Phil Oakey's hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Smith!

453
00:30:51,546 --> 00:30:55,305
Hello, hello, hello!
How are you? Hello, big man.
It's good to see you.

454
00:30:55,306 --> 00:30:59,066
Thank you for having me on.
It's a pleasure!
Doctor Who is among us!

455
00:31:01,586 --> 00:31:04,226
He is!

456
00:31:06,066 --> 00:31:09,745
You're not wearing
your Doctor Who outfit!

457
00:31:09,746 --> 00:31:12,065
No, mate, just me civvies.

458
00:31:12,066 --> 00:31:14,705
And I've got odd socks on
cos I couldn't find them.

459
00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,186
You're actually dressed more like...

460
00:31:16,187 --> 00:31:19,745
Well, I've discovered you
are a football enthusiast.

461
00:31:19,746 --> 00:31:22,545
Oh, big! Yeah,
a massive football enthusiast.

462
00:31:22,546 --> 00:31:25,025
Did you ever play properly?

463
00:31:25,026 --> 00:31:27,225
I played for... I mean, yeah.

464
00:31:27,226 --> 00:31:32,225
I went through the youth academies
and I played for Forest
and I played for Leicester.

465
00:31:32,226 --> 00:31:34,745
Hooray!

466
00:31:34,746 --> 00:31:38,265
There's actually a Leicester City
supporter here?

467
00:31:38,266 --> 00:31:41,265
He's here! I should say it
that way round.

468
00:31:41,266 --> 00:31:43,665
You played and then what happened?

469
00:31:43,666 --> 00:31:46,265
I had a back injury
called spondylitis,

470
00:31:46,266 --> 00:31:51,865
or it's some sort of strange name.
Was it caused by your hair
going all on one side?

471
00:31:51,866 --> 00:31:55,665
Yeah, I was injured for a year,
and God bless my dad,

472
00:31:55,666 --> 00:32:00,945
he'd drive me up from school every
day when I was playing at Leicester
and I'd get the treatment there.

473
00:32:00,946 --> 00:32:04,345
But I just never recovered,
and so they let me go.

474
00:32:04,346 --> 00:32:07,345
Do you reckon you could've
been a footballist

475
00:32:07,346 --> 00:32:11,025
if your back hadn't have...? I hope
so. I was captain at the time,

476
00:32:11,026 --> 00:32:14,825
at Leicester under-15s, and, um...

477
00:32:14,826 --> 00:32:17,465
You know, I had a great season.
But who knows?

478
00:32:17,466 --> 00:32:19,865
The one player that I played with,

479
00:32:19,866 --> 00:32:22,785
and at Forest,
we were two years unbeaten.

480
00:32:22,786 --> 00:32:27,145
And the only player that went on
to play in the Premiership
was Jermaine Jenas, that was it.

481
00:32:27,146 --> 00:32:29,026
Yay. Howay.

482
00:32:30,826 --> 00:32:34,905
Let's move off football
and on to Doctor Who which is
I'm sure where everyone wants to go.

483
00:32:34,906 --> 00:32:39,385
It's the longest-running
sci-fi series in the world.
That's correct.

484
00:32:39,386 --> 00:32:45,305
Is it 50 years now or next...?
50 years, on, I think, it's November
23rd or 24th, 2013. 50 years.

485
00:32:45,306 --> 00:32:48,185
And you're the youngest Doctor ever.
I am the youngest carnation.

486
00:32:48,186 --> 00:32:52,185
I'm in the Guinness Book Of Records
which as child, I was like, "Yes!"

487
00:32:52,186 --> 00:32:53,985
The youngest Doctor Who.

488
00:32:53,986 --> 00:32:57,145
It's better than seeing how many
beans you can put up your nose!

489
00:32:57,146 --> 00:33:01,425
One of the things that fascinates
me is that when I was growing up,

490
00:33:01,426 --> 00:33:05,145
and Doctor Who had the Daleks on,
I was, "It's a thing with a sink
plunger!" I was terrified.

491
00:33:05,146 --> 00:33:10,825
But now, even my youngest plays
Call Of Duty and plays the Nazi
zombies with dogs that explode.

492
00:33:10,826 --> 00:33:12,825
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

493
00:33:12,826 --> 00:33:16,705
Is it difficult to think of
something that will scare a child

494
00:33:16,706 --> 00:33:21,145
who has just finished shooting an
alien in the face on a PlayStation?

495
00:33:21,146 --> 00:33:23,385
Well, no... Yes, perhaps, but...

496
00:33:23,386 --> 00:33:24,866
Doctor Who isn't scary in the way

497
00:33:24,867 --> 00:33:27,505
that there's blood and guts
and people getting blown up.

498
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:30,265
And actually, how scary is that?

499
00:33:30,266 --> 00:33:33,905
"Scary" is in tension. That's why
I think the angels are really scary.

500
00:33:33,906 --> 00:33:37,425
Cos when you're not looking at them
they go, thumpthumpthump, like that.

501
00:33:37,426 --> 00:33:39,305
Yeah, that is quite scary.

502
00:33:39,306 --> 00:33:41,745
What's the grinning doll one called?

503
00:33:41,746 --> 00:33:43,265
Which one?

504
00:33:43,266 --> 00:33:45,665
It looks a bit like Richard Hammond.

505
00:33:45,666 --> 00:33:48,745
There were some dolls in this one,

506
00:33:48,746 --> 00:33:51,025
the peg dolls,
or there's the scarecrows,

507
00:33:51,026 --> 00:33:53,665
which was a Tennant episode.

508
00:33:53,666 --> 00:33:56,345
And then Cybermen aren't scary.

509
00:33:56,346 --> 00:33:59,905
Yes, but... They are not! Somebody
said they are, but they aren't.

510
00:33:59,906 --> 00:34:03,985
It's like, they're here, right,
and they come at you like this.

511
00:34:03,986 --> 00:34:05,186
They're slow, I know.

512
00:34:05,187 --> 00:34:08,465
You could just walk away.
"Oh, there's a Cyberman there,
I'll just stroll over here."

513
00:34:08,466 --> 00:34:12,345
Never apply logic to Who, because...
I suppose.

514
00:34:12,346 --> 00:34:16,745
Presumably a lot
goes with being Doctor Who
that's not just playing Doctor Who.

515
00:34:16,746 --> 00:34:21,025
Everywhere you go,
you've got to have children saying,
"Who's the scariest monster?"

516
00:34:21,026 --> 00:34:24,265
Yes! I don't know if I should even
say this, but I got home last night,

517
00:34:24,266 --> 00:34:28,185
got to my door, and there
was little girl of about 12 or 13

518
00:34:28,186 --> 00:34:29,945
reading a book in a bush.

519
00:34:29,946 --> 00:34:33,465
And she said, "Don't worry,
I'm not a homeless person."

520
00:34:33,466 --> 00:34:36,425
Then she said, "Could you just say,
'Hey, I'm the Doctor.'?"

521
00:34:36,426 --> 00:34:40,745
So I just sort of said,
"Hey! I'm the Doctor."

522
00:34:40,746 --> 00:34:44,265
Then went, "Go home!"

523
00:34:44,266 --> 00:34:48,585
That is quite scary. You could get
into trouble for that.

524
00:34:48,586 --> 00:34:51,905
Anyway, we had Michael Fassbender
on last week. I know, he did well.

525
00:34:51,906 --> 00:34:55,905
He did well and he's not
the only one that's appeared naked
in a film recently.

526
00:34:55,906 --> 00:35:00,745
You have too, in The Womb, you had
your Time-Lord sausage out.

527
00:35:00,746 --> 00:35:03,825
It was with Eva Green,
who played a Bond girl.

528
00:35:03,826 --> 00:35:06,425
A very beautiful woman.
She was, in Casino Royale.

529
00:35:06,426 --> 00:35:08,505
The first scene of the first day,

530
00:35:08,506 --> 00:35:12,745
we're on the most northerly point
of Germany and it's Baltic cold.

531
00:35:12,746 --> 00:35:15,745
It's March.
And I've got to get in the sea.

532
00:35:15,746 --> 00:35:17,825
So I get there, I go in the sea,

533
00:35:17,826 --> 00:35:20,305
freeze my BLEEP off, come out,

534
00:35:20,306 --> 00:35:22,785
and then do this scene
with Eva Green!

535
00:35:22,786 --> 00:35:27,866
And what can you do but apologise
and go, "It's normally
much more majestic!"

536
00:35:29,426 --> 00:35:32,545
It was awful! This beautiful
French woman and you're like...

537
00:35:32,546 --> 00:35:35,225
I saw... I saw in the film,

538
00:35:35,226 --> 00:35:39,266
you see her eyes, I come
and she goes... You what?

539
00:35:40,946 --> 00:35:44,306
I come out of the water. I see,
I'm with you, and she's like...

540
00:35:45,946 --> 00:35:48,905
Yeah, it was crap, basically.

541
00:35:48,906 --> 00:35:50,945
Now, cars.

542
00:35:50,946 --> 00:35:55,825
As you're such a young Doctor Who,
I can't imagine your car history's
particularly brilliant.

543
00:35:55,826 --> 00:36:02,545
Well, no. The first car I had was...
I passed at 18 and I got a Corsa
which I bought brand new.

544
00:36:02,546 --> 00:36:06,465
And I've got to say,
it was a brilliant little motor,

545
00:36:06,466 --> 00:36:10,545
and it's still going.
It's still going. So, this was
a ten-year-old Vauxhall Corsa?

546
00:36:10,546 --> 00:36:14,865
Yeah, my sister's driving it about
and I broke the wing mirror,

547
00:36:14,866 --> 00:36:19,745
so I just taped it with gaffer tape
and had it like that for four years.
My friends would call it "The Shed".

548
00:36:19,746 --> 00:36:25,825
Was it much bigger on the inside
than on the outside? Sadly not.
What do you dream of owning?

549
00:36:25,826 --> 00:36:29,465
Do you know what I'd like most of
all? I'd like an old 911. I know
it's a point of contention...

550
00:36:29,466 --> 00:36:33,625
You may as well have an old one
cos the new one is exactly the same.

551
00:36:33,626 --> 00:36:36,385
They're sexy cars.

552
00:36:36,386 --> 00:36:39,185
Especially the old 911,
from what was it?

553
00:36:39,186 --> 00:36:45,025
In the '90s. They're the same as
they are now! And it's not new.

554
00:36:45,026 --> 00:36:49,145
Obviously, of course, you came here
to do your lap. Yeah.

555
00:36:49,146 --> 00:36:53,425
How did it go?
I was getting frustrated.
I spun off a couple of times.

556
00:36:53,426 --> 00:36:58,225
But I just thought,
"Right, hell for leather!"
But I think that was my problem.

557
00:36:58,226 --> 00:37:02,345
A lot of the guests
that come here struggle
with the second-to-last corner.

558
00:37:02,346 --> 00:37:06,465
And we've got some footage of you
attempting to get around there.
Oh, God... Anyone like to see?

559
00:37:06,466 --> 00:37:08,985
Yes!

560
00:37:08,986 --> 00:37:11,585
Let's have a look at Matt coming up
to the second-to-last corner.

561
00:37:11,586 --> 00:37:12,905
And...

562
00:37:12,906 --> 00:37:14,825
run a bit wide there.

563
00:37:14,826 --> 00:37:17,625
Now that was attempt number one,
there.

564
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,625
And then that's Gambon
with a new line.

565
00:37:20,626 --> 00:37:23,825
There we are, not crossing the line.
Here we are again.

566
00:37:23,826 --> 00:37:26,025
Oh, you, BLEEP!

567
00:37:26,026 --> 00:37:29,225
See, that's quite angry.
Oh, dear, now...

568
00:37:29,226 --> 00:37:31,186
Fishtanking.

569
00:37:33,066 --> 00:37:34,825
I really admire...

570
00:37:34,826 --> 00:37:37,586
I do admire a man who goes,
"No, I can do it!"

571
00:37:39,066 --> 00:37:42,265
Who here
would like to see Matt's lap?

572
00:37:42,266 --> 00:37:43,905
Yes!

573
00:37:43,906 --> 00:37:45,666
Play the tape. Oh, no...

574
00:37:47,186 --> 00:37:51,345
Now, let's see if we can see any
evidence of this aggressive driving.

575
00:37:51,346 --> 00:37:53,306
Right, concentrate. Calm.

576
00:37:54,386 --> 00:37:56,665
♪ We're singing in the rain... ♪

577
00:37:56,666 --> 00:38:00,105
That's not a bad idea, actually.
♪ Just singing in the rain... ♪

578
00:38:00,106 --> 00:38:01,826
I was getting too annoyed, you see.

579
00:38:03,266 --> 00:38:05,706
Couple of bites at turning in there.
Wide, wide, wide...

580
00:38:05,707 --> 00:38:09,785
That's a tortured tyre,
but it is clinging on well.

581
00:38:09,786 --> 00:38:11,746
I'm just sort of braking around it.

582
00:38:14,866 --> 00:38:17,345
♪ And down to second gear... ♪

583
00:38:17,346 --> 00:38:20,665
Ooh, running a bit wide there.

584
00:38:20,666 --> 00:38:24,305
Listen to those tyres! They're
working for a living today.

585
00:38:24,306 --> 00:38:26,225
This is the Hammerhead coming up.

586
00:38:26,226 --> 00:38:30,666
It's like an angry shark.
Oh, yeah...

587
00:38:32,906 --> 00:38:35,745
That's actually quite nicely done.

588
00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:39,745
In, a lot of understeer
at the first part and... Argh!

589
00:38:39,746 --> 00:38:41,666
OK on the way out.

590
00:38:44,546 --> 00:38:48,785
And we're going to hit Gambon
like a BLEEP train.

591
00:38:48,786 --> 00:38:50,185
'Come on!'

592
00:38:50,186 --> 00:38:53,185
Like to see a man planning ahead -
we're only at the Follow-through,

593
00:38:53,186 --> 00:38:56,946
still got that to do.
And the tyres... Long way.

594
00:38:59,506 --> 00:39:01,546
Good cutting.

595
00:39:02,866 --> 00:39:06,905
Yeah, yeah... Into second.
You're in very soon.

596
00:39:06,906 --> 00:39:09,865
You can leave it in third
actually for Gambon.

597
00:39:09,866 --> 00:39:13,186
And lots of understeer again,
but across the line!

598
00:39:20,466 --> 00:39:25,505
Now, you are by no means the first
Doctor Who we've had down here.

599
00:39:25,506 --> 00:39:27,145
You've had Chris and David.

600
00:39:27,146 --> 00:39:30,145
Yeah, we've had Christopher
Eccleston and David Tennant.

601
00:39:30,146 --> 00:39:31,785
We've even had Billie Piper.

602
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:36,825
Former assistant. Yeah, I've driven
with Billie. She's quick.

603
00:39:36,826 --> 00:39:40,185
She did it in the Lacetti in one...
I haven't got my glasses on.

604
00:39:40,186 --> 00:39:44,785
It was either a 1:46 or a 1:48.
Has anyone got any glasses?

605
00:39:44,786 --> 00:39:50,785
She did it in 1:48.3.
Actually, she was the quickest.
1:48.3, what were the others?

606
00:39:50,786 --> 00:39:53,705
Eccleston was 1:52.4, in the Liana,

607
00:39:53,706 --> 00:39:57,105
and Dave was 1:48.8.

608
00:39:57,106 --> 00:40:00,505
1:48.8... So where
do you think YOU'VE come?

609
00:40:00,506 --> 00:40:03,825
Actually, you're in a new car.
Cos they did it in the Liana
or the Lacetti.

610
00:40:03,826 --> 00:40:06,625
So where do think you've come?
I have no idea.

611
00:40:06,626 --> 00:40:08,865
I know I'm nowhere near Fassbender.

612
00:40:08,866 --> 00:40:11,906
Oh, I don't really want to be
below Louis Walsh.

613
00:40:13,826 --> 00:40:20,065
Where is Louis Walsh? At 1:47.7,
that wasn't that rapid.

614
00:40:20,066 --> 00:40:22,225
You did it... Hm...

615
00:40:22,226 --> 00:40:23,785
1...

616
00:40:23,786 --> 00:40:26,665
40...

617
00:40:26,666 --> 00:40:28,146
So that's good.

618
00:40:30,546 --> 00:40:31,985
3...

619
00:40:31,986 --> 00:40:34,545
Point 7. Get in!

620
00:40:34,546 --> 00:40:36,665
Matt Smith, the fastest Doctor Who!

621
00:40:36,666 --> 00:40:40,145
And you go right up there.
I'll take that.

622
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:45,025
I'll take that, absolutely!
That's a bloody good time.

623
00:40:45,026 --> 00:40:46,825
Yeah! Get in!

624
00:40:46,826 --> 00:40:49,945
That was a good time. Up there with
Ryan Reynolds, exactly the same.

625
00:40:49,946 --> 00:40:52,625
And it's weird, because normally,

626
00:40:52,626 --> 00:40:56,345
when a lap looks boring and slow
and steady, they're the quick ones.

627
00:40:56,346 --> 00:40:58,185
Yours looked properly aggressive.

628
00:40:58,186 --> 00:41:02,025
So, do you drive the TARDIS
like that? Is it the full,
"Give it some!"

629
00:41:02,026 --> 00:41:04,545
Absolutely, that's the only way
to drive the TARDIS.

630
00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:09,225
That's why it's always broken.
You're always having to hit it
with your screwdriver!

631
00:41:09,226 --> 00:41:13,145
It's been a huge pleasure to have
you on, the fastest Doctor Who we've
ever had. I'm chuffed with that.

632
00:41:13,146 --> 00:41:15,546
Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Smith!

633
00:41:28,266 --> 00:41:32,265
When we heard the news that Saab
had closed down,

634
00:41:32,266 --> 00:41:35,785
Jeremy and I were genuinely
very sad.

635
00:41:35,786 --> 00:41:40,226
Although we weren't actually sure
why, so we went to investigate.

636
00:41:42,106 --> 00:41:45,385
Saab began as an aeroplane maker.

637
00:41:45,386 --> 00:41:51,625
But after WWII, it noticed
that demand for fighter planes
had dropped off dramatically.

638
00:41:51,626 --> 00:41:55,345
So it decided
to start making cars as well.

639
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:58,505
The first effort
was created by two men...

640
00:41:58,506 --> 00:42:01,985
one who designed wings
and one who designed bomb racks.

641
00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:05,226
Neither had done a car before
and it kind of showed.

642
00:42:07,546 --> 00:42:13,385
Their prototype had enclosed front
wheels which was very aerodynamic,

643
00:42:13,386 --> 00:42:16,745
but as you drove along in winter,
snow would build up in the arches

644
00:42:16,746 --> 00:42:21,385
and it was only when you got
to a corner when you noticed
the steering had jammed.

645
00:42:21,386 --> 00:42:24,785
There were other issues too -
the rear window was tiny

646
00:42:24,786 --> 00:42:27,146
and there was no boot lid.

647
00:42:31,146 --> 00:42:34,905
Mass production
wasn't their bag either.

648
00:42:34,906 --> 00:42:39,225
While Austin made a car every 27
seconds, it took Saab 27 minutes.

649
00:42:39,226 --> 00:42:43,426
Oh, and all their cars
were painted green.

650
00:42:46,466 --> 00:42:49,185
So, a green car
with no boot you could use,

651
00:42:49,186 --> 00:42:51,145
and in bad weather, no steering.

652
00:42:51,146 --> 00:42:55,905
But the biggest problem in those
early days was the engine.

653
00:42:55,906 --> 00:42:58,226
As James shall now explain.

654
00:43:00,386 --> 00:43:04,665
This is the 92.
It was Saab's first production car,

655
00:43:04,666 --> 00:43:07,065
and it came with a thirsty
two-stroke engine

656
00:43:07,066 --> 00:43:09,826
that produced just 25 horsepower.

657
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:16,865
The real problem is that the engine
was only lubricated when you had
your foot on the throttle.

658
00:43:16,866 --> 00:43:20,345
In a two-stroke,
engine oil is mixed with the fuel,

659
00:43:20,346 --> 00:43:23,625
so if there's no fuel going in,
there's no oil going in.

660
00:43:23,626 --> 00:43:27,265
This wasn't an issue when you were
driving along on a level like this,

661
00:43:27,266 --> 00:43:31,426
or going up a hill, because you
had your foot on the throttle and
you had the fuel and oil going in.

662
00:43:33,586 --> 00:43:38,065
But once you were going downhill,
you had a problem as you had to
brake with your left foot, but...

663
00:43:38,066 --> 00:43:41,225
Whoa! Keep the power on
with your right foot

664
00:43:41,226 --> 00:43:43,825
so that the engine
still got some oil.

665
00:43:43,826 --> 00:43:46,505
Whoa... This is very tricky.

666
00:43:46,506 --> 00:43:51,345
And it feels stupid. I'm driving
and stopping at the same time.

667
00:43:51,346 --> 00:43:56,585
Then you'll arrive at the bottom
of the hill with your brakes
completely boiled over

668
00:43:56,586 --> 00:44:01,105
and your 65mph Saab would be
absolutely unable to stop.

669
00:44:01,106 --> 00:44:02,625
It's hopeless.

670
00:44:02,626 --> 00:44:06,426
'Saab's history is littered
with terrible mistakes like this.'

671
00:44:08,866 --> 00:44:10,745
'There was the 900 convertible,

672
00:44:10,746 --> 00:44:13,665
'which was as rigid
as a week-old salad.

673
00:44:13,666 --> 00:44:15,665
'There was the Sonnet,

674
00:44:15,666 --> 00:44:18,986
'which was supposed to have been
a sports car... but wasn't.'

675
00:44:20,506 --> 00:44:24,546
'And then in then in 1992, they even
made a car with no steering wheel.'

676
00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,786
In fact, the more you drive this...

677
00:44:39,026 --> 00:44:40,785
the easier it becomes.

678
00:44:40,786 --> 00:44:43,625
The temptation is to just
stare at the bonnet in wonderment

679
00:44:43,626 --> 00:44:46,866
that you can actually have
any directional control at all.

680
00:44:48,146 --> 00:44:54,586
So, lots of Swedish strangeness,
and an advertising campaign that
didn't make much sense either.

681
00:45:00,506 --> 00:45:03,825
'Only one aircraft manufacturer
makes cars.

682
00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:07,266
'Sierra-Alpha-Alpha-Bravo.'

683
00:45:08,226 --> 00:45:10,905
Yes, Saab loved to remind us

684
00:45:10,906 --> 00:45:14,745
that their cars came from a company
that made jet fighters.

685
00:45:14,746 --> 00:45:15,906
But it was nonsense.

686
00:45:15,907 --> 00:45:20,145
This jet fighter, for example,
had an engine made by Volvo.

687
00:45:20,146 --> 00:45:24,545
'Saab. It's a pity other cars
aren't built this way.'

688
00:45:24,546 --> 00:45:29,385
The idea was that you were buying
"a jet fighter for the road",

689
00:45:29,386 --> 00:45:31,785
but were you?

690
00:45:31,786 --> 00:45:34,505
So, James,
you have a pilot's licence

691
00:45:34,506 --> 00:45:38,985
and I believe you've been in
a Typhoon, a fighter aircraft. Yes.

692
00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:42,586
Is there anything in here
that puts you in mind of that plane?

693
00:45:44,466 --> 00:45:46,665
No. What, nothing?

694
00:45:46,666 --> 00:45:48,225
No.

695
00:45:48,226 --> 00:45:52,185
Is the key down here on a Typhoon?

696
00:45:52,186 --> 00:45:53,665
No.

697
00:45:53,666 --> 00:45:57,905
Do you have to lock the Typhoon in
reverse before you take the key out?

698
00:45:57,906 --> 00:46:02,665
No, it doesn't have reverse,
as such. It has reverse thrust.

699
00:46:02,666 --> 00:46:06,865
Yeah, but it doesn't have
a reverse gear. It doesn't
have a key, actually.

700
00:46:06,866 --> 00:46:10,105
So, this is really not the same.

701
00:46:10,106 --> 00:46:14,025
However,
it does have a night panel button.

702
00:46:14,026 --> 00:46:17,585
It shuts down all the dials
apart from the speedo.

703
00:46:17,586 --> 00:46:21,105
Now, I can see this would be useful
if you were in

704
00:46:21,106 --> 00:46:23,185
an F-14 over the Pacific

705
00:46:23,186 --> 00:46:26,265
looking for the landing lights
on your aircraft carrier.

706
00:46:26,266 --> 00:46:31,825
But on the A38 outside Derby,
why would you want that?

707
00:46:31,826 --> 00:46:37,305
I used to worry it was all
just broken anyway. How do you know?

708
00:46:37,306 --> 00:46:39,745
I went in an F-15 once,

709
00:46:39,746 --> 00:46:44,665
it was very different because
nothing in here is covered in sick.

710
00:46:44,666 --> 00:46:50,025
Even after Saab was taken over
by General Motors in the late '80s,

711
00:46:50,026 --> 00:46:52,625
their marketing men kept at it.

712
00:46:52,626 --> 00:46:54,905
Breathtaking acceleration.

713
00:46:54,906 --> 00:46:59,385
Here, an F-22 Raptor, not built
by Saab, being used to advertise

714
00:46:59,386 --> 00:47:02,785
what is basically
a Vauxhall Cavalier.

715
00:47:02,786 --> 00:47:05,346
Saab, pure driving pleasure.

716
00:47:06,786 --> 00:47:10,665
So, Saab, a chequered history,
bonkers advertising

717
00:47:10,666 --> 00:47:12,505
and lots of harebrained ideas.

718
00:47:12,506 --> 00:47:15,505
But for every idea
they had that didn't work,

719
00:47:15,506 --> 00:47:18,265
they had another which did.

720
00:47:18,266 --> 00:47:21,145
Often brilliantly.

721
00:47:21,146 --> 00:47:25,306
And one of the most brilliant ideas
of them all was this.

722
00:47:27,426 --> 00:47:30,346
The 99 Turbo.

723
00:47:31,826 --> 00:47:34,225
Saab weren't the first
to turbocharge a car,

724
00:47:34,226 --> 00:47:38,665
that was Chevrolet
and BMW and Porsche.

725
00:47:38,666 --> 00:47:43,825
But they were the first to
put a turbocharger on
a mainstream car, which was this.

726
00:47:43,826 --> 00:47:47,825
It was thanks to this car
that everything in the '80s

727
00:47:47,826 --> 00:47:49,705
went turbo-crazy.

728
00:47:49,706 --> 00:47:52,945
The word "turbo" came to mean
anything that was really good.
It did.

729
00:47:52,946 --> 00:47:56,385
I had a turbo vacuum cleaner,
which was fair enough,

730
00:47:56,386 --> 00:47:59,545
but my mate had turbo sunglasses!

731
00:47:59,546 --> 00:48:02,185
It said it on the lens.

732
00:48:02,186 --> 00:48:06,945
You also got turbo razors.
Turbo aftershave.

733
00:48:06,946 --> 00:48:09,705
Did you? Well, I didn't
because I don't wear aftershave

734
00:48:09,706 --> 00:48:12,185
because I'm not from Cheshire!

735
00:48:12,186 --> 00:48:16,425
There was more, because
you could even buy your Turbo

736
00:48:16,426 --> 00:48:19,105
'with water injection.'
I don't understand that.

737
00:48:19,106 --> 00:48:21,905
I could explain it
but you're not interested.

738
00:48:21,906 --> 00:48:24,625
No, I am. You're not!
I am interested.

739
00:48:24,626 --> 00:48:28,865
Water injection in the inlet
cools the charger

740
00:48:28,866 --> 00:48:32,986
and it's the job later done by...
I'm not interested!

741
00:48:34,026 --> 00:48:37,865
All we need to know is that
with water injection this

742
00:48:37,866 --> 00:48:42,745
turbo-charged pocket rocket could
get from 0 to 60 in eight seconds.

743
00:48:42,746 --> 00:48:47,345
That's quick,
even by today's standards.

744
00:48:47,346 --> 00:48:50,625
It accelerates faster than
a modern Mini Cooper. Yeah.

745
00:48:50,626 --> 00:48:54,666
And a Renaultsport Twingo 133.
This is a fast car.

746
00:48:57,706 --> 00:49:00,146
It is quick.

747
00:49:01,466 --> 00:49:04,625
Now, there is some
Saab weirdness.

748
00:49:04,626 --> 00:49:07,745
The steering wheel comes out of
the dashboard at an angle.

749
00:49:07,746 --> 00:49:13,065
It's like that. And there's a button
here that says extra. Extra what?

750
00:49:13,066 --> 00:49:18,666
It doesn't say. It just says extra.
Try it. Ready? Yes.

751
00:49:20,946 --> 00:49:25,745
You haven't got any more
interesting or attractive!

752
00:49:25,746 --> 00:49:29,585
Little details aside,
this is a fantastic car.

753
00:49:29,586 --> 00:49:34,585
This is a truly fantastic car.
It's a legendary car.

754
00:49:34,586 --> 00:49:37,146
I used to covet this massively.

755
00:49:39,266 --> 00:49:42,025
It wasn't just the speed I liked,
either.

756
00:49:42,026 --> 00:49:44,145
Because when you look at the bumpers

757
00:49:44,146 --> 00:49:46,985
sticking out like a spoiled child's
bottom lip,

758
00:49:46,986 --> 00:49:49,545
you get a sense
the Scandinavian engineers

759
00:49:49,546 --> 00:49:53,146
cared about the safety
of you and your family.

760
00:49:55,066 --> 00:49:58,465
I had my first proper road accident
in one of these.

761
00:49:58,466 --> 00:50:00,945
I was a passenger here on this side.

762
00:50:00,946 --> 00:50:05,465
I was only 17 and it belonged
to my girlfriend's dad.

763
00:50:05,466 --> 00:50:10,225
It was quite a rare car and it was
lovely, white with a blue stripe.

764
00:50:10,226 --> 00:50:13,225
The interior
was this brick-red dusty colour.

765
00:50:13,226 --> 00:50:16,105
And it was a really nice car.
We went around a roundabout

766
00:50:16,106 --> 00:50:19,665
and a car coming up the road
didn't stop and T-boned us here.

767
00:50:19,666 --> 00:50:23,906
I was perfectly OK. You would be
in a Saab. What was the girl called?

768
00:50:26,226 --> 00:50:28,785
Uh...

769
00:50:28,786 --> 00:50:30,665
Kate? No...

770
00:50:30,666 --> 00:50:35,105
You can remember the Saab had brick
red upholstery and had a blue stripe

771
00:50:35,106 --> 00:50:38,065
and where you were sitting
but not the name of the girlfriend.

772
00:50:38,066 --> 00:50:39,506
Was she called Derek?!

773
00:50:41,906 --> 00:50:45,985
Because this car was fast and safe
and a bit left-field,

774
00:50:45,986 --> 00:50:49,145
it brought the Saab brand
to the attention of

775
00:50:49,146 --> 00:50:51,305
a very specific type of customer.

776
00:50:51,306 --> 00:50:54,865
A customer who has remained loyal
ever since.

777
00:50:54,866 --> 00:50:56,785
This person likes Audis.

778
00:50:56,786 --> 00:50:58,745
This one likes Ferraris.

779
00:50:58,746 --> 00:51:00,505
This one likes the bus.

780
00:51:00,506 --> 00:51:02,145
This one has a Honda.

781
00:51:02,146 --> 00:51:03,266
He has a Peugeot.

782
00:51:03,267 --> 00:51:06,065
And then this chap
with the black polo neck

783
00:51:06,066 --> 00:51:08,065
and the thin specs.

784
00:51:08,066 --> 00:51:12,105
He is an architect,
and he likes Saabs.

785
00:51:12,106 --> 00:51:18,225
♪ All the leaves are brown... ♪

786
00:51:18,226 --> 00:51:23,266
Research has shown that Saab drivers
are the best educated people
on the roads.

787
00:51:26,066 --> 00:51:31,745
The 99 gave Saab customers other
companies could only dream about.

788
00:51:31,746 --> 00:51:36,425
This car, then, was Saab's
Dark Side Of The Moon.

789
00:51:36,426 --> 00:51:41,066
Their first big hit,
the one we all remember.

790
00:51:42,786 --> 00:51:48,665
None of the models that followed
the 99 Turbo appeared to have quite
the same appeal.

791
00:51:48,666 --> 00:51:50,985
But they did.

792
00:51:50,986 --> 00:51:54,345
'What we have here is a 1980s BMW

793
00:51:54,346 --> 00:51:57,905
'hanging upside down
eight feet from the ground.

794
00:51:57,906 --> 00:52:01,866
'And what we are going to do
is drop it.'

795
00:52:04,946 --> 00:52:07,945
You wouldn't want to be in that
if it fell from a crane upside down.

796
00:52:07,946 --> 00:52:12,225
If you were Richard Hammond,
you'd be all right.

797
00:52:12,226 --> 00:52:15,946
Yeah, that's toast. The steering
wheel is touching the ceiling.

798
00:52:17,546 --> 00:52:19,745
'So, let's see what happens

799
00:52:19,746 --> 00:52:23,666
'when we drop a 1980s Saab 900
from the same height.'

800
00:52:29,026 --> 00:52:31,505
God, I really wouldn't
have believed that.

801
00:52:31,506 --> 00:52:35,425
I would not have believed that
in a million years. Look at that.

802
00:52:35,426 --> 00:52:39,825
I think you could get out as well.
That is stunning.

803
00:52:39,826 --> 00:52:44,345
Saab made the pillars so strong
that when they went rallying

804
00:52:44,346 --> 00:52:46,826
they didn't have to fit a roll cage.
Is that true? Yeah.

805
00:52:46,827 --> 00:52:51,825
They had to fit one because of
regulations but it wasn't necessary.

806
00:52:51,826 --> 00:52:53,665
I was talking the other day

807
00:52:53,666 --> 00:52:56,985
to a friend who is
a senior designer with
another Swedish car company

808
00:52:56,986 --> 00:53:04,306
and he said nobody
could ever work out why Saab cost
so much until they crashed it.

809
00:53:05,666 --> 00:53:08,705
Saab were always pathological
about safety.

810
00:53:08,706 --> 00:53:14,066
Before putting a car on sale
they made sure it could survive
just about anything.

811
00:53:15,106 --> 00:53:17,506
Even a head-on collision
with a moose.

812
00:53:21,906 --> 00:53:24,265
This attention to detail
caused a few problems

813
00:53:24,266 --> 00:53:26,905
when they conceived the 9000.

814
00:53:26,906 --> 00:53:30,585
Because, to save costs,
it was designed in tandem

815
00:53:30,586 --> 00:53:32,506
with the Lancia Thema.

816
00:53:34,226 --> 00:53:37,825
The idea was that
behind the different badges

817
00:53:37,826 --> 00:53:43,225
and underneath the bodies, the cars
would actually be the same.

818
00:53:43,226 --> 00:53:48,185
And it seemed like they were -
up until the point
that they were crash-tested.

819
00:53:48,186 --> 00:53:52,185
Lancia's engineers
described the results as perfect.

820
00:53:52,186 --> 00:53:57,505
Saab's engineers described them
as - I'm quoting directly here -
"not good at all."

821
00:53:57,506 --> 00:54:01,666
And from that moment on, the
joint venture completely fell apart.

822
00:54:03,666 --> 00:54:07,105
The Saab ended up with much bigger
wheels than the Lancia.

823
00:54:07,106 --> 00:54:09,026
It was also made out of
thicker steel

824
00:54:09,027 --> 00:54:12,345
and had a completely
different rear axle.

825
00:54:12,346 --> 00:54:16,225
Sticking to principles like that
is expensive.

826
00:54:16,226 --> 00:54:21,226
Saab was losing money hand over fist
on every car it made.

827
00:54:23,306 --> 00:54:26,706
Even advertising it as a jet fighter
for the road didn't help.

828
00:54:28,906 --> 00:54:31,785
Saab 9000.

829
00:54:31,786 --> 00:54:37,185
So, in 1989, Saab was bailed out
by General Motors.

830
00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:40,265
To try and larch some fiscal sense
into them,

831
00:54:40,266 --> 00:54:43,985
a team executives from GM
went over to Sweden and said,

832
00:54:43,986 --> 00:54:47,665
"This is a Cavalier
from our Vauxhall division."

833
00:54:47,666 --> 00:54:53,145
"To make your new car, you change
the body and the badges. That's it."

834
00:54:53,146 --> 00:54:56,305
Nice and cheap. Body and badges.

835
00:54:56,306 --> 00:55:00,465
Saab ignored them so completely
that their new 900

836
00:55:00,466 --> 00:55:05,265
shared only a third of its
components with the Cavalier.

837
00:55:05,266 --> 00:55:08,985
When the time came to replace
the 900 with the 93,

838
00:55:08,986 --> 00:55:13,705
the General Motors executives
went to Sweden again and said,

839
00:55:13,706 --> 00:55:18,425
"Here is the Vauxhall Vectra.
This time we mean it.

840
00:55:18,426 --> 00:55:23,745
"Only change the body
and the badges. Nothing else."

841
00:55:23,746 --> 00:55:27,625
Guess what?
The Swedes went even more mental.

842
00:55:27,626 --> 00:55:32,265
They changed so much that even
the wheelbase was different.

843
00:55:32,266 --> 00:55:35,865
At one point, a General Motors
accountant went to Sweden

844
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:39,105
to see why Saab was costing them
so much money.

845
00:55:39,106 --> 00:55:42,425
He got into the new 93,
turned on the Sat Nav

846
00:55:42,426 --> 00:55:45,945
and thought, "Wait a minute,
that's not one of our systems."

847
00:55:45,946 --> 00:55:47,505
He was right, it wasn't.

848
00:55:47,506 --> 00:55:51,505
Saab had developed,
at vast expense, their own system

849
00:55:51,506 --> 00:55:55,666
because they thought GM's
wasn't good enough.

850
00:55:57,146 --> 00:56:00,825
Eventually, General Motors
had had enough.

851
00:56:00,826 --> 00:56:03,145
In 2010,
as Saab was finishing the job

852
00:56:03,146 --> 00:56:07,785
of turning the Vauxhall Insignia
into the completely different 95,

853
00:56:07,786 --> 00:56:10,986
the Detroit giants pulled the plug.

854
00:56:11,946 --> 00:56:15,825
The brand itself will have
some residual value,

855
00:56:15,826 --> 00:56:18,626
the company's facilities are likely
to be broken up and sold.

856
00:56:19,946 --> 00:56:22,185
At the last minute,
a buyer was found,

857
00:56:22,186 --> 00:56:26,305
a Dutchman who owned a small car
company called Spyker.

858
00:56:26,306 --> 00:56:28,865
To get the money rolling in,

859
00:56:28,866 --> 00:56:33,506
he needed to get the new 95 into the
showrooms as quickly as possible.

860
00:56:34,866 --> 00:56:38,065
That meant it went on sale
before it was finished.

861
00:56:38,066 --> 00:56:41,105
And that meant it was
a commercial flop.

862
00:56:41,106 --> 00:56:46,706
And so in January of this year,
Saab closed down for good.

863
00:56:53,066 --> 00:56:58,546
So, this is the last ever Saab
that we are in right now. Yeah.

864
00:57:00,666 --> 00:57:07,626
This is the final chapter. I really
like the way they did things.

865
00:57:11,186 --> 00:57:17,786
I am going to miss Saab.
It is a sad day. It is sad.

866
00:57:21,266 --> 00:57:24,585
It is a sad day, too,
for the Swedish town of Trollhattan

867
00:57:24,586 --> 00:57:30,185
where for 60 years the workforce has
tried to be different, to be better.

868
00:57:30,186 --> 00:57:31,906
To think outside the box.

869
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:40,465
And, of course, it's very sad
for our architect friend who,

870
00:57:40,466 --> 00:57:44,065
from now on,
will have to buy a five series.

871
00:57:44,066 --> 00:57:47,585
Still, there's one crumb of comfort
because let's not forget

872
00:57:47,586 --> 00:57:51,425
whose engines powered
the first-ever jet fighter.

873
00:57:51,426 --> 00:57:53,986
BMW.

874
00:58:01,586 --> 00:58:03,906
Genuinely sad.

875
00:58:08,546 --> 00:58:11,745
You ought to know that
the Messerschmitt 262

876
00:58:11,746 --> 00:58:14,345
was supposed to use BMW engines
but it didn't work.

877
00:58:14,346 --> 00:58:16,546
It had Junker's engines
when it went into action.

878
00:58:16,547 --> 00:58:20,545
James, we haven't got time
for your precise history of aviation
since 1944!

879
00:58:20,546 --> 00:58:24,825
What I'm interested in, those
architects who've got Saabs today,

880
00:58:24,826 --> 00:58:28,625
if the company has gone,
will they be able to
keep their cars on the road?

881
00:58:28,626 --> 00:58:30,985
Well, you might imagine

882
00:58:30,986 --> 00:58:33,905
if you had a Saab you could take it
to a Vauxhall dealer

883
00:58:33,906 --> 00:58:37,865
but because Saab changed so much,
you may as well take it to WHSmith.

884
00:58:37,866 --> 00:58:41,825
They would be more likely to be
able to service it. The good news is

885
00:58:41,826 --> 00:58:44,585
a new company has started up
specifically to

886
00:58:44,586 --> 00:58:47,185
provide parts for Saabs.

887
00:58:47,186 --> 00:58:51,025
If you are an architect, fingers
crossed, you should be OK for a bit.

888
00:58:51,026 --> 00:58:56,905
That's the second week on the trot
we have ended with a useful piece
of consumer advice!

889
00:58:56,906 --> 00:58:59,905
It's weird. And on that bombshell,
it is time to end.

890
00:58:59,906 --> 00:59:03,266
Thank you so much for watching.
Good night!

891
00:59:03,291 --> 00:59:08,591
<font color="#3399CC">Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru</font>

