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<font color="#3399CC">Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru</font>

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Tonight, Raikkonen... Oops.

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Evans... Can't believe it.

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Slash...

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and bash, as we do
proper motor racing.

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Hello and welcome to the playground.

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Welcome, everybody. Thank you.

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Thank you so much.

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Now, we begin with the BMW M5.

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For the last 25 years, it has been
the best fast saloon.

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Erm, which is a bit of a problem
for BMW every time they replace it,

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as Richard Hammond
shall now explain.

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This is the outgoing M5 in action
and, straightaway,

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you can see the problem.

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It's brilliant.

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Big, 500 horsepower, V10 upfront,

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naturally aspirated,

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it's just distilled essence
of single-malt driving pleasure.

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And that gives BMW
a problem much like that faced
by the makers of Die Hard 4,

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or of Cheryl Cole's 2011 calendar.

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This is a personal analogy,
but it works for me.

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The problem is this...
where to go next?

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Well, this is where they've gone
the next. It's the brand-new M5.

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It costs £73,000 and, on paper,

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it sounds like a much tamer beast.

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For starters, the magnificent V10

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has been replaced
by a more polar bear-friendly V8.

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When you're driving along,
you can certainly hear it.

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But then you would
as it's fitted with a system

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piping a synthesised version

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of the exhaust note
through the stereo.

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That's kind of cheating, isn't it?

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Thanks to additions like the
seven-speed double-clutch gearbox,

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this new M5 now weighs
90 kilograms more than the old one.

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At first glance, then,
it seems like the M5's

36
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rock 'n' roll days are over.

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Oh, dear.

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I seem to have accidentally pulled up
alongside the old M5,

39
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for what looks
like the makings of a drag race.

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Yeah, there's a man in a white coat
and everything.

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Three, two, one, go!

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Oh, ho-ho ho! That's some power!

43
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Getting ahead.

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Yeah, this is probably a good time
to tell you more about that V8.

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It's got two turbos
which gives it 552 brake horsepower,

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52 more than the V10,

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and more torque.

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A lot more torque.

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And it's quick!

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Ya-hah-ha!

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Had you worried for a moment, then!

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More firepower in the engine bay

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is just the first piece of good news.

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In the old M5,
you got a techno-overload

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of 11 gearshift settings.

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In the new one,
it's a more sensible three.

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And, with that new
twin-clutch gearbox,

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the shifts are so fast,
the gap between them

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can't even be measured.
That's good,

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But it's not as good as the way
this car simply devours corners.

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Unlike Porsche, with their new 911,
BMW has not gone for electric

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steering, but instead stuck
with old-fashioned hydraulics.

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And it's so much better for it.
There's much more of that feedback.

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It actually lets you know which way
the front wheels are pointing.

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With these settings in full track
mode, you can smoke all day long.

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And, when you've had enough of that,

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at the touch of a button, it becomes
a completely different car.

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The old one was always a bit,
you know, "Grr-argh",

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always straining at the leash.

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But this one,
it can be a proper lunatic M5.

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Or a soothing companion when you
just want to drive along the M5.

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See, the motorway? The M...

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It's also more economical.

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It has a bigger fuel tank
so it can go harder for longer,

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and then there's the ride.

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It's really, really good,
comfortable.

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There's no stupid
rock-hard run flat tyres.

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It feels better than
a normal five series.

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The new M5, then, is not only better
than the old one,

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I'd say that, as an all-rounder,

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it's actually the best car
in the world right now.

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And, in some ways,
it reminds me of this...

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The BMW M1.

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In 1984, BMW actually took
the engine out of that

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and put it in a five series

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and the original M5 was born.

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The point is the M1
was the first supercar

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that could also be civilised
in the real world.

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And that's what they've done here.

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Meet the new boss,
same as the old, old boss.

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I see what you did there.
It's a heck of a thing!

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I have to say, that car... I drove it
the other day... is epic.

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It is amazing. Phenomenal car.
You like the M5, as well,
don't you? Yep.

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The only problem with it
is that in the past,

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an M5 was worth it because it was

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so much better than an ordinary five
series but the normal five

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series now is so good, it's hard
to justify spending the extra.

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Well, you're quite right.
Have you driven the 530 diesel?

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It's stupendously good.

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And it's £30,000 less than an M5
and it's an almost
completely perfect car.

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Did you know that in the diesel,
if you're careful,

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you can go almost 1,000 miles
on one tank full of fuel.

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That's all you want. 1,000 miles.
God! How old are you two?

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Well, I haven't spent
the last 10 years being 38,
unlike some people I know.

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I like 38. It's a nice age.
I'm going to do it again this year.

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Hammond, we don't have time
to cut you in half

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to see how old you are
cos we've got a very busy show.

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We also don't have time, I'm afraid,
to show you The Stig going

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round in the M5 but we can tell you
he did it in a 1.29.2.

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Pouring with rain, meaningless time.

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So what we'll do is move on,
swiftly, and do the news.

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Yes. And we begin with this.

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If you drive a car without
a windscreen at 50 miles an hour,

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your face looks like this.

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We established this
very clearly, last week.

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Now, if you take the speed up to 80,
your face becomes this.

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So can you begin to imagine
what your face would look like

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if you were to drive one of these?

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Inside out, I should imagine.

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This is the 217mph concept at the
moment... Lamborghini Aventador J.

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Has no windscreen, has no roof,
and I can only imagine, Hammond,

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that if you were to drive that,
your face would end up like that.

123
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I don't know
why you're laughing, James,

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because I've done research. Have
you? Your face'd look like this.

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Let's move on.

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The government is holding
a big summit to try

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and find out how to prevent sat navs
accidentally steering people into
fields and canals and railways.

128
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Yeah, always reading about them.
Heard this discussed on the news
and one bloke had

129
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contacted them to say, "I was using
my sat nav, driving along in my car,

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"concentrating, when I drove down
a ramp, past a lifeboat
into the sea."

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Well, clearly,
you weren't concentrating

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because you drove into the sea.

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The government summit
just needs to say,

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"If you allow your sat nav
to steer you into a field,
or the sea, or a nun,

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"it's your fault because
you're a blithering idiot."

136
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Yes. You're so right. It cannot be
the sat nav's fault. It isn't.

137
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A friend of mine
lives in Knightsbridge,
in the middle of London,

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wanted to go and see Chelsea
play at Stamford Bridge,

139
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put Stamford Bridge into the sat nav

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and only realised
something was wrong while
going past Peterborough on the A1,

141
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on the way to the TOWN
of Stamford Bridge, rather
than the big football ground.

142
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How daft d'you to be to do that?
It's only a mile down the road.

143
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How thick do you have to be
to believe what the digital

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pretend woman on the dashboard says
over what you can actually see
out of the window?

145
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I mean, the sea, for example,
it's big, it's blue, the top of it

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wobbles around and isn't suitable
for motor vehicles.
Don't drive into it.

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Now, pay attention, everybody.
Are you Mario Balotelli
or Wayne Rooney?

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Or that ginger one... Paul Scholes.

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Does your downstairs lavatory
look like this?

150
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Nice.

151
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Anyway, if your downstairs loo
looks like this and you're
a premiership footballer...

152
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good news, because Bentley
has made a new 4x4.

153
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Here it is.

154
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Oww!

155
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It is just a concept at the moment
and it is hideous and disgusting!
Look at it.

156
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Did he step away from his design
and go, "Yes, that's exactly
what I wanted"?

157
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He must, at some point, said,
"Yeah, that's my days work done.
I'm going home."

158
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Does anybody here like that?

159
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What? Yes? Seriously?

160
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That's because you're sitting behind
the television and you can't see it.

161
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You see, it's not there.
It's here. Look. Seriously?

162
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Yeah, I like that. Do you have,
in your house, those pillars either

163
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side of the front door like a
clang-clang-clang when you hit it?
No, but I'd like them.

164
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Have you got two fake stone lions
on either side of the gates?
No, I'd like them as well.

165
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This is My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding
being played out

166
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right here, right now.
What's going on? And there's the car.

167
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The only way is Cheshire.
There you go.

168
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Moving it along, a couple of weeks
ago, there was a report

169
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that said the flashing blue lights
on police cars were too bright

170
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and causing accidents because they
disorientated motorists.
That's as may be.

171
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,239
I have more of a beef
with police car sirens.

172
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,759
Too loud. Eh? Massively too loud.

173
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:25,679
I think I live in a police
siren testing area.

174
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Four o'clock every morning,
"Sarge, can I borrow the Astra

175
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"and make sure the siren works?"
"Go to Holland Park.

176
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,399
"Bring the Fire Brigade, ambulance."

177
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:39,359
Are you two seriously suggesting
that emergency sirens are too loud?

178
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,279
They are. Yes. Definitely.
They have to be loud

179
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because they warn people
to get out of the way.
They need to hear it.

180
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:50,159
The people in front, but you don't
need to know three miles away.

181
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,359
You don't. For people in front,
it would be OK

182
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,439
if they'd just had a little bell
that went ding-aling...

183
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,920
What's the point of waking me up
in the middle...?

184
00:11:57,921 --> 00:12:00,719
I can't move my house
out of the ambulance's way.

185
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,559
They're not using the siren... They
don't care about you at that time.

186
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:09,639
They care about people in the way in
a traffic jam. "Get out of the way!
Wake up James May, doesn't matter."

187
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,679
I'm becoming increasingly fed up
of the way you drive up to London,

188
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:18,319
from your house in Wales,
tell us how to live
and then drive back again.

189
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,639
We have to live there. Well, I don't
live there, but stay there,

190
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:26,280
and it's noisy and it's stupid.
We don't come down and tell you lot
to stop hanging witches.

191
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,959
I've just been passed this. At the
back, everybody, can you hear this?

192
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,919
Yes.

193
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,079
Clear as, quite literally, a bell.

194
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,719
That's for starting playtime,
not sounding an emergency!

195
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,879
He can hear it!
I'm in a burning building...

196
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,679
I bet in Ross on Wye they do use it.

197
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:51,319
I bet they have a cowbell and go,
"Dang-dan, Hammond's barn's on fire.

198
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,639
"Send a child down the well.
Dan-dang."

199
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,399
You get on with your thing.
Stop complaining others
are in the city with you.

200
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,759
Ooh, now, next weekend,
Formula 1 returns

201
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,359
and the big news is that
one of the old guard is back.

202
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:08,120
But, before that he's here. Ladies
and gentlemen, Kimi Raikkonen!

203
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,800
Mate, have a seat.

204
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,959
So, there we go.

205
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,120
Back in Formula 1.

206
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,279
How does it feel?
How does it feel to be back?

207
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,639
Very normal. I mean, the cars
are same. The people are the same.

208
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:31,759
Same story.

209
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,279
I just want to clear up,
you're racing for...

210
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,639
because I'm a bit lost with Lotus...
you're racing for Lotus Renault?

211
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,920
Er, yeah.

212
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,279
That's what it says on there.

213
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,639
Yeah, Lotus Renault
but there's another Lotus.

214
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,959
You've got Lotus
that make cars in Turnipshire

215
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,519
but that's got nothing
to do with this.

216
00:13:55,520 --> 00:14:01,519
No, I think the Lotus
is just the sponsor.

217
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,279
So, is it a Renault?

218
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,040
No, it's...

219
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,879
You don't know
who you're racing for, do you?

220
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:16,039
It's Renault factory built, so...
And you're sponsored by an
anti-dandruff product.

221
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,800
Is that good? Seems to be working.

222
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,320
Maybe you should try.

223
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,879
Could be worse, could be Anusol.

224
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:32,879
Now, I have to say, I sincerely hope
your return is successful.

225
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,239
Really, genuinely, I do,

226
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,439
because I love it when you're
in the post-race press conference

227
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,840
and they ask those big, long,
convoluted questions,

228
00:14:40,841 --> 00:14:44,159
"So, in the third corner you came up
the outside, then you jinked left,

229
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,359
"then right and then you went
on the inside, what happened?"
And you just go, "That."

230
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,199
Yeah. I mean, you can make it
very complicated to answer

231
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,279
but then you can also be straight

232
00:14:55,280 --> 00:15:00,279
and tell the true story,
so usually it's much more easier.

233
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,599
Is it a Finnish thing
to be economical with words?

234
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,759
I think there are
a lot of different people
in Finland, like they can tell

235
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:12,679
the long way or the short way,
but for me it's easier
to say the short way.

236
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:17,039
I've got some of
my favourite ones, actually.
There was the famous one

237
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:22,159
when Michael Schumacher
got his lifetime achievement thing
in Brazil, from Pele,

238
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,839
and Martin Brundle said,
"Did you see the ceremony?"
You said no because...

239
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,680
I was busy.

240
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,759
"Taking a dump," is what you said.

241
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:35,159
I mean, I told the truth,
a true story, so...

242
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,559
I fell off my chair laughing!

243
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,799
I like this one. "The helmet has
a special meaning for many drivers.

244
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,680
"How important is it to you?"
You said, "It protects my head."

245
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:52,959
I quite like...
someone asked you, "What do you
think of the Abu Dhabi circuit?"

246
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,319
Um...

247
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:59,040
You said, "The first few turns are
good, but the rest of it is BLEEP."

248
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,919
It's true the last part is not
very good. It's very twisty.

249
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:10,159
It's catastrophically boring
to watch cars race round there,
from our point of view.

250
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,359
I think it's many other circuits
also. It's not just that.

251
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,319
No, there are a lot. You start
in Australia, don't you? Yeah.

252
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,879
And that's next weekend. Yes.
How will you get on? Good?

253
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:25,399
We hope. I mean, I don't know,
nobody knows where everybody is.

254
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,679
It's a bit complicated to say from
testing, but we will see one week

255
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,559
and, hopefully...
I think our car's not too bad.

256
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,319
The car is not too bad?

257
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,399
Yeah. Have you been hard at work
training to come back?

258
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,119
Um, a little bit more time
than normal, but it should be OK.

259
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,240
Have you given up drinking? No.

260
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,999
Actually,
did you meet The Stig today? Yeah.

261
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,879
Do you realise you're his hero?
Yeah? Did he say?

262
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,879
He didn't speak a lot. I think
his work would be perfect for me.

263
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:59,239
No need to speak,
just drive around in different cars.
You didn't speak to each other?

264
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,999
A little bit.
He did speak to me.

265
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,239
He said, "I've always really
liked Kimi Raikkonen,"

266
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,519
and he met you once before.
Oh, yeah?

267
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,599
Well, he wasn't drinking in a bar,
but he was in Monaco

268
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:14,599
standing in a bar and then somebody
collapsed, drunk, on his feet.

269
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,160
Yeah? It was me. Yeah.

270
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,679
He looked down and went,
"Oh, it's my hero."

271
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,239
Hopefully, he'll help me, then, huh?

272
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,119
I've always wanted to check this
out. Before your very first race,

273
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:31,839
your very first race, is it true
you were found in your motor home

274
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,759
30 minutes before the race
fast asleep?

275
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,199
Er, not in the motorhome.

276
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,439
It was in Australia
so we had just small boxes there.

277
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,559
But you were asleep? Yeah, under
the table. I found a nice place.

278
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,319
It's normal.
I always sleep before the race.

279
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,639
Usually there is a little bit
of time to relax. Really?

280
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,359
Yeah. I like sleeping.

281
00:17:53,360 --> 00:18:00,159
Was it before the Ferrari race
that you entered a snowmobile race
in Finland?

282
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,919
Yeah, I think it was 2007.
I've been a few times in the race.

283
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,199
Do Ferrari let you do snowmobile
racing? I didn't really ask,
but I guess...

284
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:14,599
You have a very strict contract,
but as long as you don't get hurt
too badly.

285
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,639
Talking of which, show me your arm.

286
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,359
No, undo your shirt. It's OK.
This is...

287
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,039
What's that? It's a scar.
What from?

288
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,559
Um... Some snowmobile, I think.

289
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,119
And that was recent?

290
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:33,599
Yeah, it was before Christmas
I hurt it a little bit

291
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,280
but I had a good doctor to fix it.
Let's have a look.

292
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,719
That is big. Did you break it?

293
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,439
A little bit. A little bit broken?

294
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,479
Anyway, obviously, you came
down here to try it. Yeah.

295
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,880
I have to say the Suzuki Liana,
the Formula 1 car,

296
00:18:49,881 --> 00:18:52,639
the old reasonably priced car,
how was it?

297
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:57,279
It was better than I expected, so...

298
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,679
I mean, it wasn't too bad.

299
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,639
It was quite wet so it was slippery
and I got a bit sideways a few times
but it was good fun.

300
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,559
Who'd like to see Kimi out there
having fun in our Liana?

301
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,800
- Yeah!
- Let's have a look. Here we go.

302
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:20,599
Yep, that has begun. There was
a nice helicopter on our left.

303
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,719
Well, I think you've covered
everything there.

304
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,439
There you go. That's the line we
like to see from Formula 1 drivers,

305
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,359
very wide.

306
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,359
Oh, that's just
perfectly judged.

307
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,760
Maybe it was luck.

308
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,080
Oops.

309
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,519
You see?

310
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,919
You don't need any more than "oops",
although it is a surprise

311
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,719
to see a Formula 1 driver
cocking up a gear change.

312
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,399
Actually, you don't have to
change gear in Formula 1.

313
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,519
It's much easier. It is.

314
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:04,199
It's not a bad car
to drive in, then.

315
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:09,919
You should be a road tester on Top
Gear. "And now back to the studio."

316
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,559
We don't need to say
any more than that.

317
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,999
Hammond rabbiting on earlier
about the M5. What's the point?

318
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,519
Here we go, second-to-last corner.

319
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,799
Unlike most of the guests, you held
it on the track, round Gambon

320
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,200
and there we are, everyone,
across the line.

321
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,040
Ho-ho!

322
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:38,240
Now, these are the peeps from
Formula 1 who have tried it before.

323
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,559
Sebastien, your badminton partner,
I understand.

324
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:46,999
Yeah, at least I can beat him
in badminton. Can you beat him
in badminton? Yeah, every time.

325
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,479
It's good to know someone can
beat him at something. Yeah.

326
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,199
Our fastest wet lap is Lewis,
1.44.7.

327
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,479
It's actually only
mildly moist. OK.

328
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,959
Proper wet,
it's probably Jenson Button.

329
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,559
No, it was Webber,
I've just been told.

330
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,919
I hope I will be in top 10.
Top 10? Yeah.

331
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,599
Somewhere there.
You're going to make it.

332
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,319
That's my prediction.
I've got the time here.

333
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,839
Kimi Raikkonen, you did it in...

334
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,999
What was Webber?
The only really wet one? 1.47.1.

335
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,080
You did it in...

336
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,520
One...

337
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:26,720
40...

338
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,680
Six, one.

339
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:41,519
Oh, I haven't put the W on.
I've got to put the W on.

340
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,000
It looks better now. It does,
we'll remember that.

341
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:46,399
Well, Kimi,
huge pleasure to have you here.

342
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,279
Huge pleasure to have you
back in Formula 1.

343
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,359
Very, very best of luck
with the season.

344
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:54,320
Ladies and gentlemen,
Kimi Raikkonen!

345
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:06,119
Now, you may remember that a while
back, Chris Evans out of Radio 2

346
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,399
spent five and a half million
of his pounds

347
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,479
on a very rare
Ferrari 250GT California Spyder,

348
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,119
One of only 56 ever made.

349
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:20,919
When I was a boy,
this was always my favourite
of the classic Ferraris.

350
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,680
I've always wanted to drive one.

351
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,919
This is Chris's garage,

352
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,479
a place where his mostly white
collection of Ferraris,

353
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,719
including an F40,
a Dino and a 288GTO,

354
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,400
is pampered and entertained.

355
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,599
Why did you choose white?
It's a big decision
once you've chosen white...

356
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,719
They were all going to be
different colours

357
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,198
but we couldn't figure
which colour to paint the Dino.

358
00:22:51,199 --> 00:22:53,120
So we said,
"Let's paint the Dino white."

359
00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:55,959
The Dino was the first finished,
it looked so good in white, we said,

360
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,079
"What the hey!
Let's do them all white."

361
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,679
'When I'd listened politely
for a well-mannered amount
of time...'

362
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,759
It's got the nod to the GTO. Mm.
250 short wheelbase.

363
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,639
'..I got to the real reason
for my visit.'

364
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,920
Where's the California?

365
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,279
It's over there. Can we see it?

366
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,039
I must take my shoes off
to go through? Absolutely.

367
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,399
Come on. Sort it out.

368
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,840
I've never, ever been asked to take
my shoes off in a garage before.

369
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,360
Oh, look at that!

370
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,080
Oh, man!

371
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,920
May I? Yeah, course.

372
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,359
Oh! Ho-ho ho!

373
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,840
Wow!

374
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:42,720
Can I have a go?

375
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:45,239
What do you mean?

376
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,919
Huh? What do you mean?

377
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,999
Can I... can I drive it?

378
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,239
What, out of here? Yeah.

379
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,319
It is me. If it was Pinky or Perky,

380
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,559
I could understand your reticence,
but I'm a...

381
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:03,239
Can't I? Chris, I've waited
all my life just to stand next
to one of these.

382
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,880
I know it was expensive. Oh, God.

383
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,120
But I won't ever get another chance.

384
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,600
Take it out, be careful...
Of course.

385
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:22,039
Avoid standing water. I do this
in my Fiat Panda. Yeah, I'm sure.

386
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,439
You know, just be careful with it.

387
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,599
Of course I'll be careful.
All right. Thank you. Yeah.

388
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,039
I appreciate it.

389
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:35,640
Before I set out, Chris insisted we
put the roof up, in case it rained.

390
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,879
That doesn't really work, does it?

391
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,720
Well, that doesn't work at all.
Oh, no! How much was it? Oh, God!

392
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:52,999
With the roof abandoned, I set off
in one of the world's rarest cars,

393
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,440
already starting to wish
that Chris had said no.

394
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,999
Right, there is a car coming.

395
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,479
It's a long way off, but this
could cut out, you never know.

396
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,360
It's an old car,
so let's just hold back.

397
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,720
Go, go, go!

398
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,119
Right, I'm on real roads,
with real cars.

399
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,519
Those people might be
trying to send a text.

400
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,440
Those people over there
may have been drinking.

401
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,319
This is a fantastic moment

402
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,839
in my driving life,
but it is rather being spoiled

403
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,759
by the thought of £5.6 million.

404
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,759
It's a bit like being given
an original Rembrandt

405
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,120
and then being told to take it
down the pub on Friday night.

406
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,239
Now, I can't honestly say
I'm enjoying it.

407
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,679
Don't reverse.

408
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,840
Get off the phone.

409
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,280
Oh, God! Not here.

410
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:10,760
Oh, don't say you want
to go backwards.

411
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,000
Steady, steady.

412
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,919
Thank you.

413
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,440
I think I'm going to get away.

414
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,759
Yes, freedom!

415
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,440
'And then things got
slightly worse.'

416
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,279
Be careful of the car,
it's very valuable. Mind the car.

417
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,879
Stay away from the car.

418
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,759
'Those pesky kids
were the last straw,

419
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,800
'so I went and hid,
in Windsor Park.'

420
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,640
And... relax!

421
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,719
Right, the Ferrari
250 GT California,

422
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,920
what is all the fuss about?

423
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,719
Well, besides the fact that
it's rare, the California has always

424
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,919
been one of the most
desirable Ferraris, built to allow

425
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:12,840
wealthy West Coast Americans
to soak up their sunshine.

426
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,799
This car, for example, belonged
to the film star James Coburn,

427
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,759
who kept it for 23 years.

428
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,999
Coburn was one of Hollywood's
petrol-head elite,

429
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,559
along with Steve McQueen.
In fact, it was Steve McQueen

430
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,199
who persuaded Coburn to buy it
from a Belgian dealership

431
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,560
while they were filming
The Great Escape together.

432
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,279
The other reason this car
is part of automotive royalty

433
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,720
is quite simply
because of its astonishing beauty.

434
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:53,199
It was built by Ferrari's
favourite metalworker,

435
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,199
Sergio Scalietti, who never
really bothered with drawings,

436
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,639
but beat out the panels
using an artist's eye
and a craftsman's hand.

437
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,039
That's why it's said

438
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:07,720
that no two Californias
are exactly alike.

439
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,319
But putting all the romance and
history to one side for a moment,

440
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,120
what's this car like to drive?

441
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,239
It's fantastic!

442
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,920
Yes, it is! Come on!

443
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,799
You can tell it's an old Ferrari.
The steering wheel is enormous.

444
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,799
The driving position is ridiculous.

445
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,839
The pedals are actually
over near that tree somewhere,

446
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:40,040
but it's lovely.
It's so special.

447
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,319
I can actually feel the wood
on the steering wheel

448
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,639
flexing slightly
as we go over bumps.

449
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,719
Its 3-litre V12
produces just 280 horsepower,

450
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,359
and 0-60 takes around 8 seconds.

451
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,559
Slow by modern Ferrari standards,
but that's not the point.

452
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:05,639
Cars like this, the performance
is not about the figures.

453
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,400
It's about the nature
of the delivery.

454
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,360
You get it above about 3,500 rpm...

455
00:29:11,361 --> 00:29:14,320
I'll drop it down
so you can see what I mean.

456
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,360
California!

457
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,919
I don't want to get emotional,

458
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,719
but this is the realisation
of a childhood dream.

459
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,680
When I was seven or eight years old,

460
00:29:33,681 --> 00:29:36,799
I looked at pictures
of this car and I thought, "I wonder

461
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:41,959
"if I will ever drive a Ferrari 250
GT California," and here I am.

462
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,520
It's absolutely magical.

463
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,880
I've met my hero,
and I'm not disappointed.

464
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,120
Really, it was time
to give Chris's car back.

465
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,959
But since he works
on a breakfast show,

466
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,759
I reckoned he'd be in bed early

467
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,480
and he wouldn't miss it
for a bit longer.

468
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,200
It's close, I agree it's close,
but I still think it's that.

469
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,399
I still can't believe
he let you drive that car.

470
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,919
Well, why not? Because as we learned
from Monopoly, you are a liar

471
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,239
and a cheat.

472
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:37,039
You brought the bank down.
Yes, you are Sir Fred May.

473
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,199
You should be made to hand back
that honorary doctorate.

474
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,879
Now we know more about...
Hammond, we don't have time

475
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,999
for any more arguing about Monopoly

476
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:49,560
because I need a Slash, and luckily,
we've got one. He's over there!

477
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,279
Look who's here.
How are you?

478
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:58,919
I'm OK.

479
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,519
Look at that!

480
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,119
Really here!

481
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,560
Have a seat. Have a seat.

482
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:11,399
Now, I think a lot of people
would be surprised

483
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:16,319
to discover that you grew up
in Stoke-on-Trent.

484
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:20,079
Yeah. I was born in Hampstead,

485
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,959
London, but lived in Stoke.

486
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,399
Stoke gets a bad rap,
but it's a great place.

487
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,399
I went back there and played there,

488
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,879
did my first concert there,
just last year.

489
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,319
This is with the new solo stuff?
Yeah, it was great. We had a blast.

490
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,519
So you were in Los Angeles
by the age of...

491
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,559
Six. Oh, so it was
a very short time in Stoke?

492
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:44,199
Yeah. I am fascinated by one thing.
Your mum is an African-American.

493
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,879
Uh-huh. She designs costumes
for the likes of... or did design...

494
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,159
Joni Mitchell and David Bowie, yeah?

495
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,959
Your dad did album covers

496
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,479
for Neil Young, among others.
Uh-huh.

497
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,079
Paint a picture,
with these parents like they were,

498
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,319
of what it was like growing up
in Los Angeles?

499
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,439
Basically, both my parents were
hippies, both involved in music.

500
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,079
Everybody was an artist.

501
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:12,039
It was just a very Bohemian,
very artistic, creative environment.

502
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,039
In that neighbourhood,
there was Frank Zappa, Jim Morrison

503
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,199
and the Eagles,
before they formed with Glenn Frey.

504
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:23,559
We had to watch Top Of The Pops,
and you had them around
your breakfast table.

505
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,519
That's deeply irritating to me.

506
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:27,999
Can I just ask,

507
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,439
did your mother do your outfits,
since she's a costume designer?

508
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,479
Well, she did actually make me
one of the coolest pairs of leather
pants I ever had.

509
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,079
Why do you always wear
leather trousers?

510
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,679
I've always just thought that they
were cool-looking and, you know,

511
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,839
you can get away
with not washing them

512
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,240
for long periods of time!

513
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:50,759
And the hat? What gave you the idea
to wear Brunel's hat?

514
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:57,239
The hat came from when I was
in the early days of Guns N' Roses.

515
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,120
I was walking around Melrose Avenue

516
00:32:59,121 --> 00:33:01,279
in Los Angeles,
looking for some clothes

517
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,119
because we had a show that night.
I don't have any money,

518
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,119
so I'm just wandering around
looking in windows and stuff,

519
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,439
and for some reason,
I saw this in the window.

520
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,119
So I went in there and looked at it
and tried it on

521
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,519
and it felt really cool, so I walked
out of the store with it.

522
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,279
I figured I'd just say
I forgot to pay for it or something.

523
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,999
You stole the hat? Yeah.

524
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:25,119
Then I went next door and
stole a concho belt and cut it up
and put it around the top.

525
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,719
You do know this show is shown
in America? It's OK.

526
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,279
It was long enough ago
that the statute's up by now.

527
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,719
So you're going to get away
with the stolen hat.

528
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,799
There's some gossip we didn't know.

529
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,919
Slash wears stolen clothing.
And you've got
a new solo album out? Yeah.

530
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,919
Is that it? Yeah, this is the
classic rock version of it.

531
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,279
It comes with this thing
which is a fan pack

532
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:50,359
and it's a magazine filled with
all kinds of stuff about myself
and the band.

533
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:56,199
And that's the actual CD. And that's
called Apocalyptic Love? Right.

534
00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:00,399
It's a title of one of the songs,
and it's basically
a tongue-in-cheek thing

535
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,800
about sexual relations
on the eve of the Apocalypse.

536
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,760
Well, you'd like to get
one in before you...

537
00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:16,799
Er, now, obviously
you had a hard life

538
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:20,919
in Guns N' Roses, I would imagine.
It was pretty edgy, yeah.

539
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,080
But these days,

540
00:34:22,081 --> 00:34:28,360
am I right in thinking you're
completely clean and completely off
everything? For today, yeah.

541
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,039
Have you still got
the snake collection?

542
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,519
I have one snake now.
I used to have a vast collection,

543
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:36,919
upwards of 90 snakes

544
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,679
at any given time
for a long while there.

545
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:41,160
And then just before London,

546
00:34:41,161 --> 00:34:45,719
my oldest son was born, because
they were all big constrictors

547
00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:49,679
upwards of ten foot,
I just had really cold feet

548
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,919
that we should probably get rid
of all these snakes.
We're having a boy...

549
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,119
Where's the baby? Yeah.
Which one of you...?

550
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,679
That can happen.

551
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:03,359
Now, I'm sorry for taking up
so much time talking about
your rock 'n' roll lifestyle,

552
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,719
because I like that. But I know
you're here to talk about cars

553
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,559
because you like them,
you'll all be relieved to hear.

554
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,719
So what was your first car?

555
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:19,319
My first car that I paid for with my
own money was a Honda CRX. No way!

556
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:20,799
I had a Honda CRX. Yeah.

557
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,719
It was fantastic. It was
a cool-looking little car,

558
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:27,719
but eventually I gave it
to my brother,

559
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:31,879
and then I got a 1966 427
Corvette coupe.

560
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,479
The classic Corvette? Yeah, yeah.

561
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,399
That's a bit of a leap
from a Honda CRX to a Corvette.

562
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,479
It's a great car. I did a couple of
360s on Sunset with that car

563
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:41,920
because it was so powerful.

564
00:35:41,921 --> 00:35:44,599
I didn't know what I was doing
when I first bought it.

565
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:45,999
What have you got now?

566
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,159
I have an Aston Martin.
That's my favourite car.

567
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,679
Really? Ever since I was
a little kid, James Bond...

568
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,959
But I could never afford one.
You look so similar! Right.

569
00:35:55,960 --> 00:36:00,839
When I got sober, my reward to
myself was to buy an Aston Martin.

570
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:06,959
Which one did you get? I got
a Vanquish last year that they had.
Rotten gearbox, though. Yeah,

571
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,719
but it was a cool car for a while.
I got a lot of tickets in that car.

572
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:15,879
Then I traded that for the DBS,
which I had for a while.
But then I saw

573
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,879
the V12 Vantage and thought,
"I got to have one of those",

574
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,959
so I traded the DBS.
So you traded a DBS

575
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,839
for a V12, and which do you think
is better?

576
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,519
I have more fun in the V12 Vantage.

577
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:32,519
Really? The Vantage
is just a little bit smaller
and because that engine's so big,

578
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,919
it just makes it
that much scarier a car.

579
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,999
So, your lap... how was it out there?

580
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,119
It was actually pretty tricky
when I first got out.

581
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,919
I mean, the way your track's
laid out,
it's like it's not really there.

582
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,320
It's sort of made up.

583
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:53,199
Are you sure you're sober? No,
I mean it's... It's the grey bit.

584
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,519
Green, grey. I know, but it's got
all kinds of turns and stuff

585
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,279
that are sort of pencilled in.

586
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,079
Who would like to see Slash's lap?

587
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,639
I would. Yeah!
Here it is.

588
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,880
I was petrified.
Let's have a look.

589
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,759
Look at that Kia go!

590
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,319
Goddammit! BLEEP.

591
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,039
You could just say "oops".

592
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,039
We know that from Kimi. Ooh, I say!

593
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,639
Now, that's stately. Silent.

594
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,359
The wild man of rock.

595
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,839
All right, brake on this one.

596
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:33,920
Braking for Chicago and driving
round the corner in a brown car.

597
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:37,759
Right, let's not BLEEP this up.

598
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:42,559
Now, sometimes when a car looks
slow, it can be fast,

599
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,479
but I've got a sneaking suspicion

600
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,199
that this looks slow
because it sort of is.

601
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,320
Pretty slow.

602
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,359
This guy's got a lot of balls.

603
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,279
I think you're referring to our
cameraman who just stands there.

604
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,999
He does, yeah.
I know, he does it everywhere.

605
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,639
Somebody'll get him one day.

606
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,680
Right, how are we doing there?

607
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,879
Oop! Yeah, braking. This is the
hardest part of the track.

608
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,319
Very hard, but at that speed,
it's not as hard as you might think.

609
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:15,480
When I did it faster,

610
00:38:15,481 --> 00:38:19,520
I ended up all the way on the grass.

611
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:33,959
This is the board. Bearing in mind
it's raining out, so it's wet,
mostly the wets are down here.

612
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,879
Where do you think?
I don't know.

613
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,399
You tell me. Oh, I'm going to.

614
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,679
I'm not guessing.
You're leaning forward.

615
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,919
It's always a sign.
It's been an interesting day.

616
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:46,279
I'm dying to see
what the result of all that was.

617
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,399
Mr Slash,

618
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,639
you did it

619
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,360
in... one...

620
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:00,520
49.8.

621
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:14,719
It's along with will.i.am
and Peta 23 from Essex,
who you probably don't know.

622
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:17,759
But I was faster than
Angelina Jolie, so that's good.

623
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,920
That's not actually Angelina Jolie.

624
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:23,919
Is that Alice Cooper down there?

625
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,399
Yeah,
you're faster than Alice Cooper.

626
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,759
He is the only real rock
guy on there.

627
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,559
It's that rock 'n' roll thing.
Perhaps it's all blurry.

628
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:32,720
Who knows? Anyway,

629
00:39:32,721 --> 00:39:38,399
ladies and gentlemen, it has been an
enormous pleasure to have you here.
Thank you so much for coming. Slash!

630
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,960
Thank you very much.

631
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:52,239
Was that you driving that car?
Might have been. Oh, come on.

632
00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:54,799
It looked like it. Now, moving on,

633
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,719
and we move on, surprisingly,
to golf.

634
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:02,919
It is very popular. There are 4
million golfers in the UK alone.

635
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,639
Yeah, that is almost 8%
of the adult population

636
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:09,639
and we can't really understand this
because, as far as we can make out,

637
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:11,199
golf is extremely boring.

638
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,359
It is also ruinously expensive.
A decent set of bats

639
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:18,479
is going to set you back £1,000.
We rang a golf club

640
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,519
in High Wycombe the other day,

641
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,319
not Wentworth, and annual membership
there is £1,000.

642
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,839
It's two grand before
you even start. Then you have

643
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:31,079
the stupid jumpers and shoes, and the
Rupert the Bear trousers. It adds up.

644
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,839
Then there's the cost
of joining the Freemasons.

645
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:40,119
Exactly. So we were wondering,
could you do motor racing for less?

646
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:45,679
We tend to think of motor racing
as catastrophically expensive,
but is that necessarily the case?

647
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,239
We decided to find out.
We each bought a set of wheels,

648
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,919
converted them into racers
as cheaply as possible

649
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,480
and met up at the Lydden Hill
race track in Kent.

650
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,399
Race day dawned,
and Richard and I were there

651
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,319
good and early with the cars
we bought.

652
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:08,199
This is a 150mph BMW 328I,

653
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:13,239
for which I paid £795. Nice.

654
00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:18,959
It looks good. And you paid what
for this? This is a Citroen Saxo VTS
1.6, for which I paid

655
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:22,799
£550, and it's a nice one.
It is a nice one.

656
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,279
That is in really good nick.
It's a hot little car.

657
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,519
'Then James arrived
in a Toyota MR2.'

658
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,639
That is a surprise.

659
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,479
That is an unexpected car.
I thought he'd been lost on the A35.

660
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,879
Morning. May! How much was that?

661
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:41,919
£450.

662
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,079
Seriously? 450 quid? Yep.

663
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,599
So we've got mid-engined,
rear drive,

664
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:51,319
front-engined, front drive,
rear drive, front engine.

665
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,679
That's a 328. I know.
But have you seen this?

666
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,879
It's brilliant, this. I have to say
it, and I wouldn't normally say it,
obviously,

667
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,239
but your cars look terrific.
Hammond?

668
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:02,759
Yes. Blood type? Yes. "Red".

669
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,559
Well, it is. It's red. I've checked.

670
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,119
Stuck a pin in it. B?

671
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,119
B-. I don't know what I am.

672
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,519
That's an exam result!
I just made it up.

673
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,439
It's what I'm used to seeing on
forms. I wasn't sure,

674
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,799
so I put AB+. That way I'll get the
lot, so one of them will be right.

675
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,959
As you can see, obviously,
I've put stickers on mine.

676
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,239
Yeah, where did... Well, it's the BBC
and you have to have stickers

677
00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:30,879
on a racing car. "Fragile roof"?
I know, but the BBC
doesn't allow brand names,

678
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,759
so I put health and safety notices
on it, as that's what the BBC likes.

679
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:40,359
We should explain at this point
that there are certain safety
requirements you have to fulfil

680
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,039
before you go motor racing.

681
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,559
You have to put a roll cage,

682
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,359
proper seat, harness,

683
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,719
electrical cut-off fire
extinguisher, and the total cost

684
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:52,599
of doing that on mine was around
£1,000.

685
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:57,679
Yours was a bit less. A bit less
cos there's less roll cage in it
so it brings it up to 1,400 quid

686
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,119
for the lot. And yours is? 1,430.
So, 1,400,

687
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,439
1,400, 1,800 all in.

688
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,399
So, for the price of a bag
full of golf bats,

689
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,679
we were ready to go motor racing,

690
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:11,400
and the motor racing we'd selected
was rallycross.

691
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:18,599
The beauty of this
is that half the track is tarmac

692
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,279
and half is gravel and mud.

693
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,599
Oh, my good... Oh,
gosh, I don't know what's happened!

694
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,519
So, you get to do high-speed
circuit driving

695
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,839
and slidey rally stuff
all in the same race.

696
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,199
Do you know,
I used to love rallycross.

697
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:38,399
Yeah. Grandstand, World Of Sport,
you had Dickie Davies and he'd go,

698
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:42,559
"This afternoon, we've got
fly-fishing, athletics and golf."
You'd go, "Oh, no."

699
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:46,119
Then, "And rallycross." Yeah.
And you had those tiny televisions,

700
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:50,239
the black-and-white screen
you were watching on. You
might have done in Birmingham.

701
00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:54,599
Look at that! I know. But then he's
got some actual track to do it on.

702
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,199
Or he could be standing with
a Pringle jumper on,

703
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,839
going like this...
Waiting for the man in front.

704
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,319
Yes. Do you know the best thing
about this?

705
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,999
It's really simple.

706
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,199
When we got
to the driver's briefing, however,

707
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,959
I realised I'd spoken too soon.
OK, there's 18 of you,

708
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:17,999
so when you do your heats, if you
finish first, you get one point.
We've got three sets of races,

709
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,919
so there'll be three people with one
point, three people with two points,

710
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,279
three people with three points.
If you come seventh twice,

711
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:30,439
that gets 14 but you only end up
seventh. You get seven points.
Why does it say 1 + 2 = 2?

712
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,759
Well, you only pick the best one.

713
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,119
If we were doing three,

714
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,839
we'd pick the best two. Three what?
Three of your points from the heats.

715
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:42,439
Eh? Happily, Captain Maths
was on hand to explain

716
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:47,559
that, in short, we'd all take part
in two heats and at least one final.

717
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,719
And, with that sorted,
we got to know the other drivers.

718
00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:54,120
I notice from the entry sheet
you're all called Gary.

719
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,400
I'm not!

720
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:04,999
Do you mind if I call you Gary,
just to keep everything clear? No,
that's fine. Just keep it simple.

721
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,919
OK, but who is called Gary?
You're Gary, you're Gary
and you're both in my class?

722
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:13,880
You are racing in Gary class...
so you are Gary Clarkson.

723
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,959
I, meanwhile, was in the
modified two-litre class

724
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,400
and our heat was first.

725
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:27,999
I've got to do three laps.
That's all. Three laps
and try not to mess it up.

726
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,079
Oh, look, we're getting lined up.
This is the grid. This is it!

727
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,520
Go!

728
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,840
Oh, we're off.

729
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,520
He is overtaking!
Oh, my God, he's about second!

730
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,879
He's not... He's third. Third!

731
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,240
This is good. This is good.

732
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:53,000
Now I'll have him!

733
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,719
Come on, come on!
Ohh, this is exciting!

734
00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:00,639
Oh, he's gone to second!
He's overtaken... No, he hasn't.

735
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,319
But this is genuinely exciting racing
with James May in it!

736
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:08,439
And remember,
this costs less than golf.

737
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,799
This bloke's all over my chuff!

738
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,520
Right, watch this!

739
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,720
Oh, no! No, I've got it back.

740
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,920
No... Oh, he's lost it.

741
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,119
I've broken something. Sod it!

742
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,279
We... must... not... laugh... No.

743
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:30,960
When he gets back.

744
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:39,999
How bad is it? I suppose it's just
at the wings on the wheel.
Has the suspension collapsed?

745
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:45,679
Every time I braked, it veered off.
Do you know that, momentarily, you
were in second place? I know.

746
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,360
It was extremely exciting.

747
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:53,159
Next up in the stock hatch class was
Professor Richard Hammond,

748
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,359
who was still trying to get
to grips with the scoring system.

749
00:46:56,360 --> 00:47:02,399
Six plus one equals one,
because that's the result
they carry forwards...

750
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:07,319
which means I could end up
in final C, which... C comes before A.

751
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,880
I'm just going to drive around
as fast as I can.

752
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,119
Oh, he's going to...
Not bad, not bad!

753
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,360
It's a blinding start from Hammond!

754
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:25,879
I love the rough stuff!

755
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:30,279
The agile front-drive Citroen was
brilliant in the mud.

756
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,319
Yeah, ha-ha!

757
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,200
But I could have done with a bit more
power on the tarmac.

758
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:40,879
I haven't quite got the legs on
this one up to the top. Might have...

759
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,399
I braked myself into that quite hard.

760
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:48,479
He might have done it... No,
he won't do it, unless he can get
a lot of speed down the hill.

761
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:52,279
Oh, this is an epic battle
for third place.

762
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,519
Oh-ho!

763
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:59,239
Oh, wait, he's through. He's done
a move. He's overtaken somebody!

764
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:03,000
Oh, this is exciting.
It's too exciting even to speak!

765
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,120
Oh-oh, that was a punt!

766
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,919
Could be playing golf, remember.
Could be playing golf.

767
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,919
He's not going to come third.
That would be impossible.

768
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:22,160
Come on. Come on!

769
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,919
Yeah, ha!
Third place, that'll do me. Come on!

770
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,119
Has anybody ever left a golf course
feeling this high?

771
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,239
Woo-hoo!

772
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:39,119
High-five! Hammond, that was
absolutely rostrum or hospital.
I loved it.

773
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:42,599
So, third? That's exciting,
yeah. It's great!

774
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,119
It was now my turn
and I was a bit nervous

775
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,959
because the big engine in my BM

776
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:51,039
meant I was in the
top super-modified class,

777
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,159
where three of the Garys were
former champions.

778
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:59,719
Ha-ha! Loneliest man in the world!
Get in there and be alone.

779
00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:04,439
Maybe I should go and play golf.
No. No, because we need to see
what golf is like in comparison.

780
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:09,839
No, we need to prove our point,
which means you have to
drive that against these people.

781
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:17,079
Crack on, Clarkson. Go on. Kindly,
James spent a few moments asking
the other drivers to be nice to me.

782
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,959
Don't be nice to him, OK. I'm not
going to be. Just muller him.

783
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,080
Top man.

784
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,880
And then it was time for action.

785
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,080
Five seconds...

786
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,240
Oh, they're good.

787
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,879
Unbelievably, though, I started to
make up places.

788
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,879
Ooh, he's third, he's third!

789
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:50,279
He's going to be third if he
can out-drag that one, and he is!

790
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,280
Come on, Gary!

791
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,560
Gary, I'm going to get you!

792
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,360
I've got Gary up my chuff here
and I'm trying to take Gary
on the inside.

793
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,240
Then the super-modified Garys
put me in my place.

794
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,040
Ohh! Heavens, that was a big shunt.

795
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,000
I may be off the track
slightly here.

796
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:27,800
Spurred on by the support of my
colleagues, I chased after the pack.

797
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:33,559
Right, come on, Jeremy, concentrate.
Let's go get 'em!

798
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:37,400
But before I could catch up,
the race was over.

799
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,880
That was brilliant, and I was last!

800
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:47,759
Some of you will probably be
thinking, "I'd like to do that,
but what about safety?"

801
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:53,439
Well, the number of people killed
last year in rallycross was nought.

802
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,719
The number of people
killed on the golf course was...

803
00:50:56,720 --> 00:51:00,360
Well, nobody knows,
but it's many, many people.

804
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:03,160
God, that was good fun!

805
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,199
And the fun continued for the
rest of the afternoon.

806
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,639
Loads of short, hard, fast action.

807
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,839
And the racing was epic!

808
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,439
Oh, look at that manoeuvre by the
Mini! That's Gary the girl.

809
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,520
Gary the girl going
round the outside.

810
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:26,239
Ooh, Gary's off the track. Come on,
this is good.

811
00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:30,399
Oh, it's absolutely wheel-to-wheel
stuff. Spectacular racing.

812
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:35,919
Gary the girl! I've never
seen a race where two people are
side by side all the time.

813
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:37,479
Yeah!

814
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:41,359
In his second race,
Richard got another third,

815
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,400
despite a bit of a moment...

816
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:50,120
whereas, in HIS next heat,
Jeremy improved massively.

817
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,599
I'm not last! I'm not last!

818
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,599
I'm second to last.

819
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:02,120
Then it was my turn, and they put
my hastily repaired car on pole.

820
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,640
I'm ready.

821
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:11,359
What a start.
He's into the lead!

822
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:15,440
James May is... there's no other
word for it... winning!

823
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,160
Oh, he's gone off, look.

824
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:26,840
Right, now I've got
some racing to do.

825
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,400
Cock!

826
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:36,079
Three completely blind laps later,
I finished last, again,

827
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,959
with yet another wound on my MR2.

828
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:42,560
Oh, yeah! Oh, mate!

829
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,879
With the points from the heats all
added up, we learned that Richard,

830
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,599
with his two third places,
had qualified for the B-class final,

831
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:55,120
whereas, James and I were in
the final for losers.

832
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:00,919
That means you and I get to
race each other, then. Yeah, I know.
Yeah, but it's...

833
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:04,079
If you stop and think
about the scoring system here,

834
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:07,839
it's clever because it means
you will always end up in a final,

835
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,280
irrespective of how rubbish you are.

836
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:15,879
The final for losers went well.

837
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,360
James got up to third
and stayed there.

838
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,320
That was terrific! Did you see that?
Did you see me all over him?

839
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,279
And as for the orang-utan...

840
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:31,240
Jeremy, you're winning! You're
actually winning something!

841
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:37,679
Miracles have happened here,
ladies and gentlemen, today.
I have actually won a thing!

842
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:41,520
The victory gave me
a chance to wear my winning face.

843
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,719
And there was another bonus as well.

844
00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:53,199
What are you doing here? Because I
won the spanner final,
I'm allowed to go into this final.

845
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,399
This is my final. I don't understand.

846
00:53:55,400 --> 00:54:01,079
We established in practice you're
fast around here because you're used
to driving on wet leaves and mud.

847
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,400
Because I live in Wales. Exactly.

848
00:54:06,720 --> 00:54:11,119
Right now I could be, I don't know,
chatting to my caddy,

849
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,199
adjusting the tassels on my loafers,

850
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:19,119
instead of which, I'm sitting here
at the wheel of my race car,
waiting to start.

851
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,559
This is just so much better.

852
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:26,239
What if I spoil Hammond's race
in some way?
I mean, I mustn't and I won't.

853
00:54:26,240 --> 00:54:28,799
I'm going to stay at the back,
not get in anyone's way.

854
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:30,279
I shouldn't be here.

855
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:33,080
Right, five seconds...

856
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:42,800
That was a good start for me. That
puts me right amongst the big boys.

857
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,280
Bad start. Really bad start.

858
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,919
Come on, Gary, out the way.

859
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,559
Whoa, he's got me on the grass!

860
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,920
God, this Fiesta is really
aggressive.

861
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:14,399
Oh, no, look who's there.
It's Richard Hammond, is what it is.

862
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:18,839
How did Jeremy make up
that many places in MY final?

863
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,760
I decided not to spoil
his big race...

864
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,040
then I decided I would.

865
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,440
Yeah, come on! Oh, yes!

866
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,120
Come on, Beemer! Come on now!

867
00:55:38,240 --> 00:55:40,440
Oh, he's left me a gap.

868
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,679
No, I've gone wide!

869
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,120
Ooh, that was a biggie!

870
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:53,360
There was now just one lap left
to take Hammond.

871
00:55:59,920 --> 00:56:01,960
Lot more traction here, sunshine.

872
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,519
Coming up the inside of you.

873
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:08,480
There you go.

874
00:56:13,720 --> 00:56:16,720
Come on! Clarkson's right behind me.

875
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:22,040
Come on now!

876
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:29,479
BMW on my inside.
This is where he's got the power.

877
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:31,560
I'll get him on the outside.

878
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:35,960
Leave him all the room in the world.

879
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:40,199
I've been hit!

880
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:44,519
He actually turned his wheel there.
The camera will reveal that.

881
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,400
Come on, little Citroen.
Everything you have.

882
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,000
There's the chequered flag.

883
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,359
Second place.

884
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:02,759
And, amazingly,
third place for Jezza.

885
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,200
Woo-hoo, hoo-hoo!

886
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:09,399
How good was that?!

887
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:13,119
That was absolutely brilliant fun.

888
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:18,999
Two more different cars you can't
imagine pitting against one another
having a great race!

889
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,480
That was tremendous.

890
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:29,479
That was brilliant! Really.
I know. It was.

891
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:33,639
One of the best days of my life.
Really and truly, one of
the best days of my life.

892
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:38,399
We went to prove a point
and we did. My hair feels like
it's standing on end.

893
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:43,039
And you've got to ask the question,
"Why would you play golf
when you can do that?"

894
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:46,919
I'm not given to this sort of thing,
as you know, but it was brilliant,

895
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,159
and I even enjoyed watching that
last race with you two.

896
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,559
I'm sorry to keep banging on
about it,

897
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:59,079
but this whole racing car
costs less than this
plastic bag full of sticks.

898
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:05,159
But, on the money front, can I inject
a note of caution? If I were
to be racing my Saxo next weekend,

899
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:08,399
I would want to spend 100 quid
on some stiffer suspension.

900
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,319
It was quite bouncy. Very bouncy.

901
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,879
I'd want to do something about my
rear end, because it was tail-happy.

902
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:18,719
Yeah. And there will come a time when
the children say, "Mummy,
why aren't we having a holiday?"

903
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:22,199
"Well, Daddy spent all our money
on shock absorbers."

904
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:26,479
Yeah, it is going to add up,
but it doesn't matter
because, as we've just proved,

905
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:31,879
rallycross is brilliant.
I urge you, get a racing licence,
get some cheap wheels,

906
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:36,559
find the nearest place where you can
do it, get out there and do it.

907
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,879
And all the Garys
are really friendly.

908
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:43,959
Yes, they are, but the thing is,
the Garys are friendly,
but the Richards, they're not.

909
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:48,239
I'm sorry to bring this up. Eh?
No, on the last lap,

910
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:51,439
you tried to ram me off the track.
I did not!

911
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:54,519
Well, you did.
It was attempted murder.

912
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:55,999
It wasn't!

913
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,439
All right, look.
As we promised last week,

914
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,759
we'll have a steward's
enquiry about this.

915
00:59:00,760 --> 00:59:04,319
We have on-board cameras.
Let's have a look. Fine. OK.

916
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:07,759
Coming up to where the
incident happened.
Let's listen to what he says.

917
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:11,720
Got to shut the door on him here.
I'm sorry. Argh!

918
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:20,679
You said, "Got to shut
the door on him. Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Yeah.

919
00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:24,919
Well, I did say that. I did.
And you were wrenching the wheel
left. I did not do that!

920
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:30,279
Look at the steering wheel here.
Look, he's going round a
right-handed corner. Left!

921
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,439
Left again! Left again!

922
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:35,199
You did! Yeah, I did do that.
Yeah, I did.

923
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:39,679
So, who here thinks that
Richard Hammond is guilty?

924
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:43,239
Yes! Well...

925
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:48,159
Now, if this was Formula 1,
Hammond would be forced to take
a drive-through penalty

926
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,719
and that would spoil the race
for the spectators. Exactly.

927
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:54,359
So I think we can do it better.
Yeah. Sorry, mate.

928
00:59:54,360 --> 01:00:00,039
Listen, it was racing. Honestly.
You little scallywag!
I'll get you next time.

929
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,639
And that, Mr Ecclestone, is how
you deal with disputes.

930
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:05,519
Done. Absolutely.

931
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,400
It was ruined, though. I don't care.
I could've come last.

932
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,679
And normally, of course,
that would be that,

933
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:17,799
but because it's the end of the
series, we've got a treat for you.
Oh, have we ever!

934
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:22,520
Because, to play us out, with his
version of Jessica, Slash is back!

935
01:00:56,982 --> 01:01:07,085
<font color="#3399CC">Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru</font>

936
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,639
I'll tell you what.

937
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:13,720
He's a lot better at that than he is
at driving. And he's quicker!