1 00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:04,343 Top Gear S19E03 Wembley to Milan Corrections & sync: Wally73. 2 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,199 Tonight, I stop for petrol, 3 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,799 Richard wears some sunglasses, 4 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,560 and James sees some shirts. 5 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,720 Hello. Good evening. Thank you so much, everybody. 6 00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,679 Thank you. Thank you. 7 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,119 Now, we begin with this. 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:42,159 It is the Toyota GT 86, a car which has stirred the soul 9 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:46,239 and indeed the trousers of every petrolhead in the land. 10 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,719 But, unfortunately, to explain why 11 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,240 I need to be a little bit boring. 12 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,120 What we have here is a front-wheel drive car 13 00:01:02,121 --> 00:01:06,040 going around Chicago Corner in an exuberant manner. 14 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,358 If we slow the film down, 15 00:01:09,359 --> 00:01:11,960 you can see the front wheels are fully turned, 16 00:01:11,961 --> 00:01:15,119 but the car is ploughing straight on. 17 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,680 This is called understeer. 18 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,920 Now, here we have another car coming around the same corner 19 00:01:25,921 --> 00:01:28,320 in the same exuberant fashion. 20 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,920 However, because this one is rear-wheel drive, 21 00:01:34,921 --> 00:01:37,999 the back end is sliding out of line. 22 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,119 This is called oversteer. 23 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,600 Now, for reasons that are extremely difficult to explain 24 00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:49,239 to normal human beings, petrolheads prefer oversteer. 25 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,559 We like the front end to grip and the rear to be all loose 26 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,839 and that means we prefer rear-wheel drive. 27 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:02,039 But rear-drive cars - Jags, BMWs, Porsches, Mercs - 28 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:07,000 are complicated to make and that means they tend to be expensive. 29 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:19,479 That brings me back to the new GT 86 - 30 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:24,280 a rear-wheel drive car that costs just £25,000. 31 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,040 Whoo! Ha-ha! 32 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,799 It gets better. The engine is a flat-four boxer unit 33 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,519 so the pistons go like that and that means it can be mounted low down 34 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,759 and that means a low centre of gravity. 35 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,720 And there's no turbo charger so there's no lag. 36 00:02:49,721 --> 00:02:53,680 Everything about the GT 86 is immediate... 37 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,199 and brilliant. 38 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,080 And I haven't got to the best bit yet. 39 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,680 To make sure that its tail is as waggly as possible... 40 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:13,399 they use exactly the same sort of skinny little tyres 41 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,600 they use on a Prius. 42 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:29,719 And what it means is the petrolhead can enjoy some tail-out action 43 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,679 at low, non-frightening speeds. 44 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,880 Look, here we are, 30 miles an hour, well within the speed limit, 45 00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:38,800 and the tail's gone! 46 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,680 You might think it's daft 47 00:03:51,681 --> 00:03:55,039 fitting deliberately ungrippy tyres on a car. 48 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,159 You might think that you'd inevitably crash, but would you? 49 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:00,400 Well, let's find out. 50 00:04:00,401 --> 00:04:04,479 How hard is it to slide this thing at 80 miles per hour 51 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,560 the wrong way round the Hammerhead? 52 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,879 Not hard. 53 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,519 You could drift this car while reading a book. 54 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,359 So I did. 55 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,199 "Some regard non-echoic irony" 56 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:29,599 "as being produced by semantic reversal." 57 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,480 Interesting point. 58 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:39,200 Because of the thin tyres, it's obvious the GT 86 was not designed 59 00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:42,559 to set new lap records at the Nurburgring. 60 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,679 And with a 197 horsepower, two-litre engine, 61 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,920 it won't win many drag races either. 62 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,480 What it will do, though, is put a massive smile 63 00:04:56,481 --> 00:05:00,600 on the face of every motoring enthusiast in the world. 64 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,079 It isn't even stupid. 65 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,320 It comes with easy finance and a five-year warranty 66 00:05:16,321 --> 00:05:20,919 and cruise control and Bluetooth and air-conditioning come as standard. 67 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,078 There's a boot too, which is big enough for things 68 00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:26,280 and in the back, a couple of seats. 69 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,078 There are, however, a couple of problems. 70 00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:34,880 One, it doesn't look particularly interesting 71 00:05:34,881 --> 00:05:37,920 and two, it has a deadly rival. 72 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,080 Welcome, everyone, to the Subaru BRZ. 73 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,120 Like the Toyota, it has rear drive. 74 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,600 And a low-mounted two-litre boxer engine. 75 00:05:54,800 --> 00:06:00,359 Like the Toyota, it'll go from 0-60 in 7.7 seconds 76 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,639 and onwards to a top speed of 137. 77 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,000 And the similarities go further than that. 78 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,239 Both cost the same. 79 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,638 They have the same bodies 80 00:06:15,639 --> 00:06:18,440 and the same interiors with the same equipment. 81 00:06:18,441 --> 00:06:22,599 They're even built by the same people in the same factory. 82 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,920 You might imagine, then, that it's quite hard to 83 00:06:24,921 --> 00:06:28,200 choose between them, but, actually, it isn't. 84 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,840 Watch, because this is how you do it. 85 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,119 Eeeny meeny miny moe Catch a teacher by his toe. 86 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,520 When he squeals let him go Eeeny meeny miny moe. 87 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,519 Toyota it is. 88 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:59,119 A-ha, now we must find out how fast the winner of our 89 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,640 eeny-meeny-miny-moe test goes round our track and that, of course, 90 00:07:02,641 --> 00:07:06,239 means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 91 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,200 Some say that, following the vote on gay marriage, 92 00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:12,719 he's got engaged to James May's lawn mower. 93 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:17,599 And that he's become convinced this week that Henry IV is buried 94 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,639 under the Follow Through?! 95 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,000 All we know is he's called The Stig! 96 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,159 And he's off. 97 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,039 Skinny Prius tyres scrambling for grip on the damp track 98 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,118 could make for some big slides. 99 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,720 Let's be finding out here on the first corner. 100 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,960 He's keeping it remarkably tidy so far. That is a bit of a surprise. 101 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,200 ♪ Canada. ♪ 102 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,158 Stig still obsessed with national anthems. 103 00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:50,238 No need to tell you where that's from 104 00:07:50,239 --> 00:07:54,358 and no surprise the GT 86 did go a bit sideways around Chicago. 105 00:07:54,359 --> 00:07:57,838 Right, Hammerhead now. ABS pulsing hard under braking. 106 00:07:57,839 --> 00:07:59,920 Suspect it might oversteer here. 107 00:07:59,921 --> 00:08:02,079 Yes, there it is. 108 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,839 It is very, very tail happy when it's greasy. 109 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,199 Bet Stig's smiling, though. 110 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,440 ♪ From far and wide, Canada... ♪ 111 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,718 Now, will we see a small brown Richard III from the Follow Through? 112 00:08:17,719 --> 00:08:21,480 I think we might. Looking a little bit out of shape there. 113 00:08:21,481 --> 00:08:25,159 OK, now we just have two corners left. 114 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,880 Here we are, little bit of opposite lock going in there to keep 115 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,479 it all tidy and now Gambon. 116 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,398 Here he comes and - guess what? - 117 00:08:32,399 --> 00:08:35,040 he's sideways again, but across the line. 118 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,600 It did it in one minute, 11.7. 119 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,839 I made that up. 120 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,358 It was a little bit slower. 121 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,480 It was a lot, lot slower actually. 122 00:08:56,481 --> 00:09:01,039 1.31.03, so there we are. 123 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:05,559 But, once again, we must turn to the baby Jesus who once said, 124 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:09,439 "He who shall be last, shall be sideways and smiling." 125 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:17,798 And now it is time for the news and the news is Subaru has announced 126 00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:19,960 that there will be a new Impreza, 127 00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:24,199 but that it won't be coming to Britain. I'm sorry, what? 128 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,318 Yes, there is a new one but we're not going to have it in Britain. 129 00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:29,240 They're not going to sell it. 130 00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:34,239 The Yob-mobile is not going to be sold in Britain? That is so. 131 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,400 But how will our studio audience get here every week? I've no idea. 132 00:09:38,401 --> 00:09:43,919 I'm not joking. Every single week our car park is 75% Subaru Imprezas. 133 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,840 Don't worry about our car park. 134 00:09:45,841 --> 00:09:50,799 What's going to happen to Wales because, once again, those of us 135 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:55,559 who choose to live in the countryside are not just ignored but abused, 136 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,680 it would seem deliberately, and I've had enough, seriously - 137 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,799 the end of the Impreza. 138 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,118 I mean, they've taken our libraries, they've taken our post offices, 139 00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:09,278 they've taken our bus services and they can never take our freedom. 140 00:10:09,279 --> 00:10:10,440 It must stop. 141 00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:13,479 Crikey! Hammond's gone mad. 142 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,999 It's the end. 143 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,118 You say that, Hammond, and indeed they have because they're 144 00:10:18,119 --> 00:10:22,438 only going to concentrate now on the Forester and the Legacy Outback. 145 00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:25,158 And the BLZ that I was just talking about in my film. 146 00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:28,118 Well, technically, yes. Sorry, lads, I don't care. 147 00:10:28,119 --> 00:10:30,238 You're rambling on about cars that don't matter. 148 00:10:30,239 --> 00:10:32,598 Wait, what do you mean "technically, yes" on the BLZ? 149 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,398 The thing is they did a deal with Toyota 150 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,398 when they did their joint venture thing. Yeah. 151 00:10:36,399 --> 00:10:39,760 And the arrangement was, for every ten Subarus that are sold, 152 00:10:39,761 --> 00:10:43,319 they can sell 90 of the Toyotas. 153 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,159 So you can order a Subaru and have it some time in the future, 154 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,238 or you can have a Toyota this afternoon, sir. You're kidding? 155 00:10:51,239 --> 00:10:54,518 But either way, you can't have an Impreza. That's the key issue here. 156 00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:57,558 You may as well just get rid of the countryside. 157 00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:59,958 All right, all right, Hammond. That's incredible. 158 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,318 I thought it was all about the ban on fox hunting. 159 00:11:03,319 --> 00:11:06,080 It is a good question, though. What are yobbos going to drive? 160 00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:07,519 I don't know. 161 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,198 Well, if you are a yobbo and you have a suggestion, 162 00:11:10,199 --> 00:11:13,158 write it down on a note, attach it to brick 163 00:11:13,159 --> 00:11:15,160 and throw it through our window 164 00:11:15,161 --> 00:11:19,959 at 201, Wood Lane, London, W, wherever we are, 12. 165 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:24,119 Hammond. What? You like a Camaro, don't you? Yes, I do. 166 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,960 OK, well, they've made one just for you. Here it is. There you go. 167 00:11:26,961 --> 00:11:28,160 Funny! 168 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,278 Ignore the little one, that's a Hot Wheels one. 169 00:11:33,279 --> 00:11:37,438 What they've done is a full size Hot Wheels model of the Camaro. 170 00:11:37,439 --> 00:11:41,238 So they've made a full size version of a model which is 171 00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:43,798 a miniature version of a full size car? 172 00:11:43,799 --> 00:11:46,800 Yes, I can't understand the logic myself but that's what they've done. 173 00:11:46,801 --> 00:11:48,959 That's a brilliant idea. Is it? 174 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,918 That will survive an 800mph impact with a giant skirting board 175 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,038 and come out completely unscathed. 176 00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:55,838 The worst thing about Hot Wheels is 177 00:11:55,839 --> 00:11:59,240 when you get up in the night for a pee and you tread on one. 178 00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:02,079 Or Lego. 179 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,839 Or an upturned plug. 180 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,759 No, Lego's worse. Why? 181 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,120 Because an upturned plug is big. Lego hides in the carpets. 182 00:12:10,121 --> 00:12:11,719 You can't see it. 183 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,318 Is there anything worse than an upturned plug for treading on 184 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:15,800 in the middle of the night? 185 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,519 A land mine. 186 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:24,279 A tiger? Your house, James... I know something worse. 187 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,360 Dog shit? I was about to say... 188 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,159 It's the, "-splat!" 189 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,279 If you have a lot of dogs, it can happen. 190 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,278 You have horses in your house. 191 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,478 I did. On occasion, yes, it has happened. 192 00:12:40,479 --> 00:12:43,680 Have you ever trodden in some horse manure? Possibly, unbeknownst to me. 193 00:12:43,681 --> 00:12:46,439 I just had a warm foot. 194 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,838 Anyway, if you want a full size model of a toy car, 195 00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:53,998 it's basically a Camaro with Hot Wheels written on it, it's £40,000. 196 00:12:53,999 --> 00:12:56,640 But it will be worth more if you keep it in the box. 197 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,439 Ooh, now, business news. 198 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,238 Yes. Important business news. 199 00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:05,360 Classic car values have been shooting through the roof 200 00:13:05,361 --> 00:13:08,879 in recent years and months and I think I know why. 201 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,400 If you put your life savings in a bank, what is it nowadays, 202 00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:14,279 half a percent interest? 203 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:18,879 So if you put £25,000 life savings in the bank you get... 204 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,399 125 quid. 205 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,518 It is about 125 quid a year back in interest. 206 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,358 Now, if you'd have bought ten years ago 207 00:13:25,359 --> 00:13:29,358 an E-Type Jag for £25,000, it would now be worth £80,000. 208 00:13:29,359 --> 00:13:33,038 £80,000, and you'd have had an E-Type to drive around in, 209 00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:36,558 cos you can't drive around in a bank statement. Makes perfect sense. 210 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,518 And there's no tax presumably on the profit on a car? No, there isn't. 211 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,958 On a car, you can sell it and not pay any tax on it. 212 00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:45,518 But there's quite a lot of cars doing that. Ferrari 275 GTS. 213 00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:48,760 If you bought one of those ten years ago, £130,000, 214 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,759 now half a million in ten years. I know. 215 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,718 It's staggering how cars have gone up. 216 00:13:53,719 --> 00:13:56,078 The difficult thing is knowing what to pick next, 217 00:13:56,079 --> 00:13:57,920 spotting what's going to do that. 218 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,359 Talk to me. Really? 219 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,080 So, Jeremy, what's going to be...? 220 00:14:02,081 --> 00:14:05,839 I once bought a BMW three-litre CSL for £3,000. 221 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,480 They're now worth 40, 50? Easily. How much did you sell yours for? 222 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:10,799 1,500 quid. 223 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,120 I am the man you turn to. Come on, your top tip. 224 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,039 Subaru Impreza probably! 225 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,678 We ought to take this quite seriously 226 00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:26,518 because we could actually dispense sound financial advice. 227 00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:29,798 A car I've noticed has gone up a lot in recent years 228 00:14:29,799 --> 00:14:31,640 is the Rolls Royce Corniche. 229 00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:35,039 Yeah, like the one you've got, James. 230 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:39,679 How much is it worth now, James? About a million pounds. Is it? 231 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,998 That's nothing compared to the Mercedes 600 Grosser. 232 00:14:42,999 --> 00:14:46,440 Such as the one you've got, Jeremy. £1 billion. 233 00:14:46,441 --> 00:14:48,879 Really? A billion pounds? 234 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,958 It's now a billion to buy one of those. 235 00:14:50,959 --> 00:14:54,798 If anybody's interested, give me a shout after the show. 236 00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:56,638 You know the old Maserati Quattroporte? 237 00:14:56,639 --> 00:15:00,518 We all agreed on this actually. It was one of the most want-one cars. 238 00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:03,598 You just got in and wanted one of these. Fantastic thing. 239 00:15:03,599 --> 00:15:06,158 For me, though, the only problem with it was, 240 00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:08,118 I thought its headlights were a bit too small. 241 00:15:08,119 --> 00:15:09,718 They were out of proportion. 242 00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:12,598 There's a new Quattroporte been announced. Here it is. 243 00:15:12,599 --> 00:15:15,280 I think it's got the same problem. It's got piggy little eyes. 244 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,160 It looks like Ray Mears. 245 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,799 A bit fat and lives on squirrels. 246 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,158 Do you know the best thing about Ray Mears? 247 00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:25,598 You know he always wears those very tight shorts? 248 00:15:25,599 --> 00:15:28,118 Well, when he bends down to whittle something, 249 00:15:28,119 --> 00:15:29,960 you can always see a testes. 250 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,198 That is the best thing about Ray Mears? Not the best thing. 251 00:15:35,199 --> 00:15:38,360 The occasional glimpse of chicken skin outside of his shorts? 252 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,999 No, you know what I mean. No, I don't. 253 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,720 Don't bend down, Ray. No, there it is! 254 00:15:46,721 --> 00:15:49,039 One of the boys has popped out. 255 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,838 Anyway, if you do want a Maserati, 256 00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:52,920 there's a V6 turbo which is £80,000 257 00:15:52,921 --> 00:15:56,239 and a V8 turbo which is £108,000. 258 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,999 I did want one quite a lot. You have now ruined it. 259 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,918 And that's the end of the news. 260 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:05,918 Now, over the years, we've had many big races across Europe 261 00:16:05,919 --> 00:16:08,880 and in every single one of them, the car, driven by me, 262 00:16:08,881 --> 00:16:11,559 has always beaten public transport. 263 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:16,479 However, since the last race, public transport has got a lot faster 264 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:21,599 so the producers thought it would be a good idea for us to have another. 265 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,159 Yes, and they announced that they had one ticket 266 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,078 for a Champions League football match to be 267 00:16:27,079 --> 00:16:30,918 played between AC Milan and a Belgian team called Anderlecht 268 00:16:30,919 --> 00:16:33,760 down at the San Siro Stadium here near Milan. 269 00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:37,239 And the first of us to get there could have it. 270 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,559 The start would be here at Wembley Stadium in Wembley. 271 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,400 As usual, James and I would be on public transport, buses, 272 00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:46,239 trains and tubes. 273 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,358 And, as usual, 274 00:16:47,359 --> 00:16:51,078 Jeremy would be making the 800-mile journey by car, except 275 00:16:51,079 --> 00:16:54,118 obviously for the Channel which he would have to cross by boat. 276 00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:58,198 There was, however, one difference because the producer said to me that 277 00:16:58,199 --> 00:17:02,280 I couldn't just turn up at the start line as I usually do with 278 00:17:02,281 --> 00:17:07,599 a £350,000 super car made out of rhodium and myrrh. 279 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:12,559 No, they said the car he chose had to cost no more than £35,000. 280 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:17,439 So, just to summarise, Jeremy would be slower and we would be faster, 281 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,360 so you can see why were feeling just a little bit confident. 282 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,280 To have a hope of making the kick-off in Italy, 283 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:32,639 the start time was an alarming 3.30am 284 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:38,480 and, rather worryingly, at 3.20am, Jeremy still hadn't arrived. 285 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,958 Right, so 35 grand. He's not going to get that much power for that, is he? 286 00:17:43,959 --> 00:17:47,718 No. What I'd do, to be honest, even though it's a bit boring, 287 00:17:47,719 --> 00:17:51,398 is get something like a diesel Audi, cos it will go fast enough 288 00:17:51,399 --> 00:17:53,638 and you'd be comfortable and you get the range. 289 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,520 BM. Or a BM, yeah. Get something reasonable. A Volvo. 290 00:17:56,521 --> 00:17:58,239 Even a Mercedes for that. 291 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,199 'Soon we had an answer.' 292 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:07,680 Yeah, what he's done, he's gone for a Mustang. A Ford Mustang. 293 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:11,999 There they are. He looks pleased with himself. 294 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,439 Dear, dear. 295 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,919 What do you think of that? 296 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,878 Well, you do know, don't you, that just because a car has 297 00:18:19,879 --> 00:18:23,838 go-faster stripes on it, it doesn't actually mean it goes faster? 298 00:18:23,839 --> 00:18:24,918 I know. 299 00:18:24,919 --> 00:18:27,920 You wouldn't go through Europe in a Stetson with chaps on, would you? 300 00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:31,599 He would. So why? Come on! Because... 301 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,840 Mustangs, very good straight line quarter of a mile. 302 00:18:34,841 --> 00:18:39,479 That's what they're for. This is 800 miles across Europe. Yep. No. 303 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,999 Have you quite finished because have you seen the time? 304 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,280 Actually that's a very good point. I think we need to get cracking. Yeah. 305 00:18:47,281 --> 00:18:51,640 'And so, at precisely 3.37am the race began!' 306 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:03,880 Mustn't spin the wheels on the pitch. Mustn't break the pitch. 307 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,559 Here we go... again. Look. 308 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,040 That's it, now we've got to play for England. It's the wardrobe. 309 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,639 Look, there's Adrian Cole's shirt. 310 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,599 Right, 16 hours to kick-off 311 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,960 and I've got 814 miles to go. 312 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,440 'For the first part of their journey, Richard and James would 313 00:19:24,441 --> 00:19:29,159 'have to catch a night bus and then an overland train to St Pancreas. 314 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,160 'I, meanwhile, had a choice.' 315 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,399 So, North Circular M25, or straight through London? 316 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,960 3.45 in the morning, I'm thinking straight through London. 317 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,520 Wake a few people up... in Sheffield, in fact. 318 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,759 Morning. I'd like a single to Hendon overland. 319 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,080 First Class, that must be upstairs at the front. Is it? I don't know. 320 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,278 I haven't been on a night bus since the late '80s, 321 00:20:02,279 --> 00:20:04,280 but when I did, it wasn't like this. 322 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,360 I was envisaging a sea of sick, sloshing from side to side. 323 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,679 If you're sophisticated or intelligent, 324 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,759 in other words, European, 325 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,559 you might think James May has a point. 326 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,160 That this is a stupid car. 327 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:30,479 In fact, if you are from the land of Wordsworth and Shakespeare 328 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,839 and Right Honourable Gentleman, 329 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,999 you probably think the Mustang is a bit daft. 330 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,119 A codpiece, really, for the shorter chap. 331 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,560 You still have a Mustang, don't you? Yes. 332 00:20:41,561 --> 00:20:46,240 Judi Dench, June Whitfield, Melvyn Bragg. 333 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,200 These are NOT Ford Mustang people. 334 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,278 Would you drive it to Milan? 335 00:20:54,279 --> 00:20:56,400 I wouldn't drive it to Cheltenham. 336 00:20:56,401 --> 00:21:00,719 I mean, it's lovely. I like Mustangs, but they're not fast. 337 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,678 You know how people who don't ride bikes think Harleys are fast, 338 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,878 and they're not? Mmm. 339 00:21:04,879 --> 00:21:05,880 It's like that. 340 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,119 'This particular Mustang, however, is not like that.' 341 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,640 In America, this car costs the equivalent of £35,000. 342 00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,879 It is very cheap. 343 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:22,239 But its engine produces 662 horsepower. 344 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,239 That's round about 100 more than you get 345 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,200 from a Ferrari 458 or a Mercedes SLS. 346 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:38,760 It is, in fact, the most powerful road-going V8 ever made. 347 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,438 'And today, I will need that power, 348 00:21:44,439 --> 00:21:48,078 'because since we last did one of these pan-European races, 349 00:21:48,079 --> 00:21:51,440 'the seesaw has tilted to make life harder for the car.' 350 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,678 You see, the train they're using to get to the Channel 351 00:21:56,679 --> 00:21:59,200 is 20 minutes faster than it used to be. 352 00:21:59,201 --> 00:22:01,279 And to make things worse, 353 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,078 they've stopped using the JetCat things to go across the Channel. 354 00:22:05,079 --> 00:22:07,440 I have to use an old-fashioned ferry, 355 00:22:07,441 --> 00:22:11,239 and that's 40 minutes slower than it used to be. 356 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,960 So even before I get to France, I've lost an hour. 357 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,638 An hour ahead. Doesn't stand a chance. You can't make that up. 358 00:22:22,639 --> 00:22:26,798 Yeah, well, you're right. Well, unless he tries to make it up in a Mustang, round a corner. 359 00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:28,080 Then he'll just be up a tree. 360 00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:31,879 'It's true. Mustangs are not good at corners. 361 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,558 'But that wouldn't be a problem for me on the motorway. 362 00:22:35,559 --> 00:22:38,200 'What was a problem was fuel consumption.' 363 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:44,040 Since I left Wembley, I've done 12.6 miles to the gallon. 364 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,319 That's not brilliant, is it? 365 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:48,718 'And nor, as it turned out, 366 00:22:48,719 --> 00:22:52,480 'was the Mustang's voice activated telephone directory.' 367 00:22:52,481 --> 00:22:54,200 Richard Hammond. 368 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,360 'For media device, say, 369 00:22:57,361 --> 00:23:01,039 '"User device," "USB line in," or "Bluetooth audio." 370 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,680 'For settings, say, "Phone or Voice settings." 371 00:23:03,681 --> 00:23:06,479 'For sync services, say, "Services." 372 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,080 'If a route is active, you can say, "Next turn," "Update route," 373 00:23:10,081 --> 00:23:12,840 ' "Route status..." ' Shut up! 374 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,520 Look, St Pancras. 375 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,320 Do you want to go before we set off? 376 00:23:19,321 --> 00:23:21,479 Please come in. Thank you. 377 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,199 This is nice! 378 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:27,799 'Or see the tips available at www.saymyroute.com.' 379 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,440 HE SCREAMS Please, stop talking! 380 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,360 As we waited for the train to depart, 381 00:23:34,361 --> 00:23:39,119 the tension on board was electric. 382 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,358 It is about ten years since we did one of these races 383 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,118 with James and me on public transport and Jeremy in a car. 384 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,438 A few things have changed. 385 00:23:48,439 --> 00:23:50,198 Amongst them, ten years ago, 386 00:23:50,199 --> 00:23:53,720 my esteemed college would have managed to stay awake. 387 00:23:53,721 --> 00:23:56,039 Obviously those days are gone. 388 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,959 It has caught up with him. 389 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,760 Nevertheless, the race is still going on. 390 00:24:00,761 --> 00:24:02,359 And here is Jeremy. 391 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,960 And he appears to be in Dover. 392 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,559 I was indeed boarding HMS Yesterday, 393 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,960 where I found out that not everyone shares my views on the Mustang. 394 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,438 So I mocked this thing all the way through London. 395 00:24:25,439 --> 00:24:27,758 I mocked it, actually, all the way through my life. 396 00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:30,120 But there is something about it which is, 397 00:24:30,121 --> 00:24:33,559 as you can see quite appealing. People like it. 398 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,600 I think it appeals to our inner nine-year-old. 399 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,398 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard...' 400 00:24:42,399 --> 00:24:44,758 He's not really French. It's just... 401 00:24:44,759 --> 00:24:48,760 I find the girls respond to this accent. 402 00:24:48,761 --> 00:24:50,359 It works very nicely. 403 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,760 'Please ensure that your luggage is...' 404 00:24:52,761 --> 00:24:54,000 Lugg-age! 405 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,799 Our new, faster train thundered across Kent, 406 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,519 and was already under the Channel 407 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:07,879 when HMS 1924 finally lumbered out of Dover. 408 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,079 Why are we going so slowly?! 409 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,240 We used to be able to go across the Channel in 50 minutes 410 00:25:13,241 --> 00:25:15,839 and now it takes 90 minutes. 411 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,360 It doesn't make any sense! 412 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,280 We're already steaming ahead through here somewhere, 413 00:25:25,281 --> 00:25:27,239 and he's just there, look. 414 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,159 Miles ahead. That's incredible. 415 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,438 'And thanks to the speedo app on my phone, 416 00:25:32,439 --> 00:25:35,480 'we could keep abreast of our immense pace.' 417 00:25:35,481 --> 00:25:38,079 177 miles an hour. 418 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,039 He's not doing that, is he? No. 419 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:46,199 'In fact, I was only doing a Victorian 23 knots.' 420 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,360 I'm going to ring May because, as you can see, we're nearly in France. 421 00:25:49,361 --> 00:25:52,879 Here he is now. 422 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,919 Jeremy Clarkson. 423 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,599 May, yes. 'Yes, hello.' 424 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:57,640 Where are you? 425 00:25:57,641 --> 00:26:00,999 We are about 15 minutes outside Paris, 426 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,719 and about 200 miles into France. 427 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,319 You're what? 15 minutes from Paris? 428 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,199 Yes. 429 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,559 OK. I'm not... 430 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,639 not actually in France yet. 431 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,359 What, you're still on the boat? 432 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,120 This is a setback, I admit. But enjoy your cockiness. 433 00:26:20,121 --> 00:26:21,800 Well, he's had it! 434 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,640 Right, they are now arriving in Paris. 435 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,079 Right, next train. 436 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,879 There you go. Paris, 275km. 437 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:40,440 So they are 275km in front of me. 438 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:47,760 Do you ever get the impression you're completely wasting your day? 439 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,718 On the plus side, Hammond and May now had to get across Paris 440 00:26:55,719 --> 00:26:57,438 to catch their train to Milan. 441 00:26:57,439 --> 00:27:00,800 Which wouldn't be leaving for another 80 minutes. 442 00:27:00,801 --> 00:27:04,079 It's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 443 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,359 'That meant I could close the gap 444 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:09,040 'and I had just the engine for the job.' 445 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,159 It's a big, 5.8L, supercharged V8, 446 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:18,119 but unlike most traditional American V8s, 447 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:22,119 this one isn't made from melted-down box girder bridges. 448 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,400 It's actually quite sophisticated. 449 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,240 The block is made in Germany, where they know what they're doing. 450 00:27:31,241 --> 00:27:34,119 It's got plasma-this and Stellite-that. 451 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,680 The propshaft is even made from carbon fibre. 452 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,880 Hopefully, then, it won't explode 453 00:27:40,881 --> 00:27:45,200 when I introduce it to what we Europeans call speed. 454 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:55,719 '0-60 in this car takes just 3.7 seconds. 455 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,880 'And the top speed is 202.' 456 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,800 And I needn't worry about the police, of course, 457 00:28:02,801 --> 00:28:05,759 because I'm an Englishman in American car, 458 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,839 and the French, well, they love that Anglo-US combination. 459 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,799 It makes them feel all warm and gooey. 460 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,479 Bonjour, monsieur. 461 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:19,120 Will you carry my bag for me for a bit? Er, let me think about it. 462 00:28:19,121 --> 00:28:21,039 Um... no. 463 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,519 50 miles to empty. Fuel level low. 464 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,560 I've got to go for a pee now. 465 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,678 I think that's the ladies! I don't know! 466 00:28:31,679 --> 00:28:33,518 It's all women in there! Go and have a look. 467 00:28:33,519 --> 00:28:34,880 They always have. It's French. 468 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,880 No, it's just confusing. I'm going to hold onto it. 469 00:28:40,881 --> 00:28:44,599 'At the petrol station, I discovered a problem.' 470 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,399 You are joking?! 471 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,199 It's only got a 50L fuel tank? 472 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,760 50L? What's the point of a 50L fuel tank? 473 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,519 So I'm doing the maths. 474 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:06,479 50L, that's about 14 miles to the gallon. 475 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,640 Which means I'll have to stop every 140 miles. 476 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:17,519 'As the Mustang set about draining its fuel thimble, the phone rang.' 477 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,279 Hammond. 'Hello, how are you?' 478 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,359 'Are you still in Paris?' 479 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,478 We're just setting off now, yeah. What? 480 00:29:26,479 --> 00:29:27,958 We're leaving Gare de Lyon now. 481 00:29:27,959 --> 00:29:30,718 And you're 100 miles ahead of me already, 482 00:29:30,719 --> 00:29:32,678 and you'll be increasing that lead? 483 00:29:32,679 --> 00:29:33,758 The thing is, mate, 484 00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:35,758 we've still got quite a long way to go, 485 00:29:35,759 --> 00:29:37,960 and I don't want to put an end to all this right now, 486 00:29:37,961 --> 00:29:39,919 but you have clearly had it. 487 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,239 That is really not good. 488 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:47,319 They're on the super fast train, and they're now doing 489 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,520 100 miles an hour more than I am. 490 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,599 Sit rep - 491 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,720 I'm going to lose! 492 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,159 I mean, normally, 493 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,719 normally I win those races by minutes. 494 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,240 Yeah, well, seconds, actually, when we raced the Ferrari to Verbier. 495 00:30:10,241 --> 00:30:12,639 No, no, you're absolutely right. 496 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,559 So to be an hour behind before I even got to France, 497 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,079 the situation was pretty bleak. 498 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,198 But we shall find out what happens later on, 499 00:30:21,199 --> 00:30:24,958 because now it is time to put a star in our reasonably-priced car. 500 00:30:24,959 --> 00:30:27,918 Now, my guest tonight drives a Bentley Continental. 501 00:30:27,919 --> 00:30:30,840 AND a Range Rover, AND has an impenetrable accent, 502 00:30:30,841 --> 00:30:33,279 but isn't a footballer. 503 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,238 She is, in fact, an incredibly talented songsmith. 504 00:30:36,239 --> 00:30:38,920 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Amy Macdonald! 505 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,639 How are you? 506 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,479 Good, thank you. 507 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,319 Excellent! Look who's here! 508 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,319 Marvellous! 509 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,758 Now, as you say yourself, you're not really a household name, 510 00:30:54,759 --> 00:30:57,680 but you have had some EXTRAORDINARY success. 511 00:30:57,681 --> 00:31:00,039 Yes, I like to think so. 512 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,558 How many albums have you sold now? 513 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:04,480 We're close to about five million, I think. 514 00:31:04,481 --> 00:31:05,959 Five million albums! 515 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:07,198 You started when you were... 516 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:09,720 well, you were 15 or something, when you picked up a guitar? 517 00:31:09,721 --> 00:31:12,239 Yeah. What are you now? 25. 518 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,119 25! Yeah. 519 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,638 And it's not just Britain, either, it's all across Europe. 520 00:31:16,639 --> 00:31:18,518 Yes, I've been very fortunate 521 00:31:18,519 --> 00:31:20,638 with the support I've had in places 522 00:31:20,639 --> 00:31:23,198 like Germany or Switzerland or Holland. 523 00:31:23,199 --> 00:31:24,598 I've been very lucky with it. 524 00:31:24,599 --> 00:31:26,960 Do they understand what you're on about there? 525 00:31:26,961 --> 00:31:29,119 Erm, most of them understand. 526 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,639 I have had the odd strange comment. 527 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,359 One in particular was, "Now that you're successful," 528 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,640 "will you learn to speak English properly?" 529 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,199 And will you? 530 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,919 I still haven't! 531 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,438 Sorry, Scotland! Couldn't help myself! Couldn't help myself! 532 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:49,398 And you're a rare thing, actually. 533 00:31:49,399 --> 00:31:52,638 You're a Scottish person who actually still lives in Scotland. 534 00:31:52,639 --> 00:31:54,038 Is that right? Yes, I do. 535 00:31:54,039 --> 00:31:56,838 You're not like Connery and all the other ones 536 00:31:56,839 --> 00:31:59,558 who live in the Bahamas and go, "I love Scotland!" 537 00:31:59,559 --> 00:32:01,878 "I love it so much, I live in Monaco." 538 00:32:01,879 --> 00:32:03,880 That was a Scottish accent, by the way. 539 00:32:03,881 --> 00:32:07,039 That was terrible. It was dreadful, I agree. 540 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,598 So you are really, I mean, 541 00:32:08,599 --> 00:32:12,558 one of the biggest petrolheads I think we've ever had on the show. 542 00:32:12,559 --> 00:32:15,718 On a scale of one to ten, where would you put yourself? 543 00:32:15,719 --> 00:32:17,918 I don't know, I mean, I went through a phase 544 00:32:17,919 --> 00:32:20,278 where I was stat crazy and I knew everything. 545 00:32:20,279 --> 00:32:23,118 I knew all the brake horsepower of everything that was coming out, 546 00:32:23,119 --> 00:32:24,918 and I just was obsessed by it. 547 00:32:24,919 --> 00:32:27,718 I've just... Ever since I passed my driving test, 548 00:32:27,719 --> 00:32:30,998 it's just been something that I've been really excited by 549 00:32:30,999 --> 00:32:33,358 and just exhilarated, and I love the thought of cars. 550 00:32:33,359 --> 00:32:35,038 I know you had a big love affair 551 00:32:35,039 --> 00:32:37,440 for quite a long time, actually, with the Audi R8? 552 00:32:37,441 --> 00:32:40,479 Yes, I did. That was my first true love. 553 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,320 Before I even passed my driving test, 554 00:32:42,321 --> 00:32:45,559 and when I was able to buy that car, 555 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,479 it was just a moment of... 556 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:48,918 I was sitting behind the wheel, 557 00:32:48,919 --> 00:32:50,880 and you see the little badge that says R8, 558 00:32:50,881 --> 00:32:54,359 and actually had to say to myself, "No!" 559 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:58,759 "No way!" Was yours a V8 or V10? 560 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,999 I've done the V8 and then the V10, 561 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,920 and then I done the R8 GT as well. So I'm well-rounded on the R8! 562 00:33:04,921 --> 00:33:06,759 You've done a lot! 563 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,318 Actually, the GT was quite an interesting idea for them, 564 00:33:09,319 --> 00:33:11,838 because it was... How did they change it? I've forgotten. 565 00:33:11,839 --> 00:33:14,358 They basically made it a whole lot lighter, 566 00:33:14,359 --> 00:33:15,958 so everything was carbon fibre. 567 00:33:15,959 --> 00:33:18,558 They got rid of the glass in the windows and lowered it, 568 00:33:18,559 --> 00:33:20,640 so it was just quicker. Was it more powerful? 569 00:33:20,641 --> 00:33:22,879 It was up to about, I think, 570 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,399 560 from about 520 from the standard V10. 571 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:30,118 Do you write albums thinking, "Right, if I sell a lot of these, 572 00:33:30,119 --> 00:33:32,560 "I can go and buy a..." Yeah, definitely! 573 00:33:32,561 --> 00:33:35,239 You do? Yeah! This is the motivation? 574 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,679 I live my life that way! 575 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,559 The ultimate goal is the Bugatti Veyron, 576 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,480 but I've got to get busy with the old songwriting before I can go there! 577 00:33:44,481 --> 00:33:47,839 So, OK, you did a V8, a V10, and then the GT, 578 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,199 and then you did...? What came after that? 579 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,199 After the GT came a Ferrari 458. 580 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,038 And that's still with me now. 581 00:33:57,039 --> 00:33:59,038 That is fan... cos the 458 is... 582 00:33:59,039 --> 00:34:00,638 Are you a big fan of that thing? 583 00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:03,998 I am, yes. That was the first time that I'd ever sat in a Ferrari. 584 00:34:03,999 --> 00:34:06,198 And, again, I still get that moment 585 00:34:06,199 --> 00:34:09,000 when I see the little prancing horse and I go, 586 00:34:09,001 --> 00:34:11,839 "No! Definitely not!" 587 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,798 So you pull into a petrol station, 588 00:34:13,799 --> 00:34:16,960 do you get people who make observations about your car 589 00:34:16,961 --> 00:34:20,079 if you're in the Ferrari? Yes. All the time. 590 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,518 Like, "I bet you can't get much in the back of that!" 591 00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:23,598 That's the usual one. 592 00:34:23,599 --> 00:34:25,638 Or, "I bet that costs a pretty penny to insure!" 593 00:34:25,639 --> 00:34:28,078 And you just think, "Why are you saying that?!" 594 00:34:28,079 --> 00:34:30,878 Everywhere you go abroad, people go, "What a lovely car!" 595 00:34:30,879 --> 00:34:32,438 But in Britain, it's always, 596 00:34:32,439 --> 00:34:34,438 "My Maestro does more miles to the gallon." 597 00:34:34,439 --> 00:34:36,400 Yes, but it makes you look like a BLEEP! 598 00:34:36,401 --> 00:34:39,359 Yes, I've had that a few times, actually. 599 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,838 You even got it when you went on BBC Breakfast News. 600 00:34:41,839 --> 00:34:43,358 I bet you can't remember that. 601 00:34:43,359 --> 00:34:45,278 I can remember it, because you wrote a column 602 00:34:45,279 --> 00:34:47,998 and you were absolutely raging about it. 603 00:34:47,999 --> 00:34:49,438 I couldn't believe it! 604 00:34:49,439 --> 00:34:52,598 OK, so Amy went on and said, "I've got a Ferrari 458." 605 00:34:52,599 --> 00:34:55,798 The first question was, "Well, how much did that cost?" 606 00:34:55,799 --> 00:34:58,638 The next was, "Where can you drive a car like that in Britain?" 607 00:34:58,639 --> 00:34:59,998 You can drive it everywhere! 608 00:34:59,999 --> 00:35:02,480 Everywhere you drive your pathetic little Nissan! 609 00:35:02,481 --> 00:35:04,839 I was PROPERLY cross! 610 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,438 I actually said, "I'm going to get Amy on Top Gear one day" 611 00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:10,720 "and apologise on behalf of the BBC for its Communist tendencies." 612 00:35:10,721 --> 00:35:13,359 Thank you! 613 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,398 I'll tell you one more car I want to talk to you about, actually, 614 00:35:16,399 --> 00:35:18,118 which I didn't know that you'd had. 615 00:35:18,119 --> 00:35:19,358 It was a Nissan GTR. Yes. 616 00:35:19,359 --> 00:35:22,040 Because I've never met anybody who owned one of those. 617 00:35:22,041 --> 00:35:24,479 Did you enjoy it? No. 618 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:25,640 Really? 619 00:35:25,641 --> 00:35:27,799 Obviously, it's super fast, 620 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,999 but I did feel like I was driving just a big, plastic box. 621 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,998 Because technically, you look at all the on-paper stuff... 622 00:35:34,999 --> 00:35:36,838 if you read the car magazines and you think, 623 00:35:36,839 --> 00:35:38,038 "My God, this is amazing!" 624 00:35:38,039 --> 00:35:40,278 But there is something missing from it, isn't there? 625 00:35:40,279 --> 00:35:43,438 Yeah, definitely. And it's very quiet as well. 626 00:35:43,439 --> 00:35:45,240 When I've got something super fast, 627 00:35:45,241 --> 00:35:48,759 I want everyone around me to know how fast it is! 628 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,718 Did you ever use launch control on Nissan? I didn't, no. 629 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,398 I think it's definitely a boy racer's car, though. 630 00:35:54,399 --> 00:35:55,840 What, and you're NOT a boy racer?! 631 00:35:55,841 --> 00:35:57,960 I'm not a boy. 632 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,278 So, really, I mean, I know you said 633 00:36:01,279 --> 00:36:04,038 that this was an ambition, then, to come down here? 634 00:36:04,039 --> 00:36:06,318 Yeah, totally. Was it fun out there? 635 00:36:06,319 --> 00:36:09,478 It was great fun, yes. The Stig was brilliant. 636 00:36:09,479 --> 00:36:13,480 I had a good laugh and I hope I'm not too near the bottom! 637 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,319 Well, the practices weren't completely perfect. 638 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,039 But they were exciting! 639 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:22,318 You know when you spin off 640 00:36:22,319 --> 00:36:24,798 and you know you think the cameras weren't filming you? 641 00:36:24,799 --> 00:36:27,038 Yes, they were? Yeah, they were. 642 00:36:27,039 --> 00:36:29,720 Who'd like to see some of Amy's practices? 643 00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:31,599 Yeah! 644 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,758 Let's have a look. 645 00:36:32,759 --> 00:36:34,240 Right, coming up to... 646 00:36:34,241 --> 00:36:36,999 yes, the second to last corner. 647 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,599 Ooh, yep! 648 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,519 Good one! 649 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,918 That's the follow-through. 650 00:36:42,919 --> 00:36:45,280 That's about 100 miles an hour and... 651 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,680 And kept it going! APPLAUSE. 652 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,120 That's brilliant! 653 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,759 The only person, I think, 654 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:01,398 who's ever been off there 655 00:37:01,399 --> 00:37:04,078 was Black Stig from years and years back. 656 00:37:04,079 --> 00:37:05,238 Went off in a Vanquish. 657 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,078 It's about 100 miles an hour there. 658 00:37:07,079 --> 00:37:10,798 Yeah, I was caning it, and then right over all of them lights. 659 00:37:10,799 --> 00:37:13,878 Yeah, the landing lights did suffer quite badly, actually. 660 00:37:13,879 --> 00:37:17,318 But how did you manage to run wide? Was it really greasy? 661 00:37:17,319 --> 00:37:20,198 I just think I wasn't paying attention at that point, 662 00:37:20,199 --> 00:37:23,360 and I suddenly went right off. But I went off with style. 663 00:37:23,361 --> 00:37:25,599 And you did some damage. 664 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,838 And I love the way you keep your foot down 665 00:37:27,839 --> 00:37:29,360 and keep coming back. Yeah! 666 00:37:29,361 --> 00:37:32,039 So who would like to see the lap? 667 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,479 Yes! 668 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,040 Let's play the tape. Here we go. 669 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,439 Perfect wheel spin. 670 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,600 Burning rubber! 671 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,079 You do look a bit scared. 672 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,080 And a couple of braking points there. 673 00:37:49,081 --> 00:37:52,359 And into the first corner. 674 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:56,240 Just the right amount of tyre squeal, and a perfect line. 675 00:37:56,241 --> 00:37:58,399 Follow the road. 676 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,440 Yes, good plan! 677 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,599 Follow it. Get a bit in... 678 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,079 Bang on! Yep, that's looking good. 679 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,160 I'm coming for you, Damien Lewis. 680 00:38:09,161 --> 00:38:11,679 I think I might beat you! 681 00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,198 Do you know, I think you might! 682 00:38:13,199 --> 00:38:17,120 He was dealing with quite a lot more snow and ice than you've got there. 683 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,960 That is nicely judged through there! 684 00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:30,359 My mum's going to have a heart attack watching this! 685 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,758 Does she get worried? Yeah. 686 00:38:31,759 --> 00:38:33,678 She does? But there's nothing to hit, 687 00:38:33,679 --> 00:38:35,358 except for a few landing lights 688 00:38:35,359 --> 00:38:38,960 and you can't even hit those any more, because they've gone. 689 00:38:38,961 --> 00:38:43,519 That was very fast through there, and kept it on the island nicely. 690 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,520 That was, yeah, not even cut there. No cheating. 691 00:38:46,521 --> 00:38:49,719 And here we are coming up to Gambon. 692 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,520 Again, that is absolutely spot-on, and across the line. 693 00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:00,840 So, Amy Macdonald... 694 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:05,680 whereabouts do you think you came? 695 00:39:05,681 --> 00:39:09,999 Erm, I'm hoping it's not too far near the bottom. 696 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,478 Somewhere in the middle, I'd be happy with. 697 00:39:12,479 --> 00:39:15,158 Somewhere in the middle. What, the sort of 147 times? 698 00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:18,000 Yeah. I'd be happy with that. Well, well! 699 00:39:18,001 --> 00:39:20,119 You did... 700 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,120 1... 701 00:39:21,121 --> 00:39:23,599 OK, that's good. Not last! 702 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:24,919 40... 703 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,479 4... 704 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,239 Wow! Point four. 705 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:32,040 No bad! So I think that is astonishingly good. 706 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,119 Not bad at all! 707 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,880 Just... 708 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,720 two-tenths behind Tom Cruise! 709 00:39:42,721 --> 00:39:46,439 See, Stig was pushing me on and pushing me. 710 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,798 So he must have known that I was right near Tom Cruise. 711 00:39:48,799 --> 00:39:50,078 That is an astonishing time. 712 00:39:50,079 --> 00:39:53,118 And to celebrate, we've got a gift for you to go home with. 713 00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:56,998 Yes, this hasn't happened since Harry Enfield came here, actually. 714 00:39:56,999 --> 00:40:00,280 But we'd like to present you with the landing lights you broke. 715 00:40:00,281 --> 00:40:01,679 Aw! 716 00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,400 Ladies and gentlemen, Amy MacDonald! 717 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,240 There it is! 718 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,519 Now, tonight we are having a race. 719 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,240 It's between Jeremy Clarkson in this Mustang 720 00:40:18,241 --> 00:40:20,799 and Richard Hammond and I on trains. 721 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,679 Yes, and we left the action 722 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,119 with Jeremy here, and us two here, 723 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:29,359 100 miles ahead and going 100 miles an hour faster. 724 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:33,040 Yes, now, you don't have to be a professor of advanced mathematics 725 00:40:33,041 --> 00:40:35,119 to realise that, for once, 726 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,800 Jeremy Clarkson is going to lose. 727 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,238 I suppose it would be cruel, wouldn't it, 728 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,440 to pray for some kind of derailment? 729 00:40:49,441 --> 00:40:51,000 A minor one. 730 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:56,919 Or a strike. 731 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,120 The French love a strike. 732 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:08,279 We are now approaching Fontainebleau at 183 miles an hour. 733 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,879 There's the proof. 734 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,518 I suspect, even with his mighty Mustang, 735 00:41:12,519 --> 00:41:13,680 Jeremy isn't doing that. 736 00:41:13,681 --> 00:41:17,399 'With victory for the train looking almost certain, 737 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,439 'we now had to tackle a thorny issue. 738 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:24,840 'There were two of us on it, and we only had one ticket to the match.' 739 00:41:24,841 --> 00:41:27,239 I like big matches. Do you? 740 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:28,478 I like going to see a big match. 741 00:41:28,479 --> 00:41:30,838 It's the best thing in the world to watch. It's fantastic. 742 00:41:30,839 --> 00:41:32,760 So you'd quite like to win this? Yeah. 743 00:41:32,761 --> 00:41:36,439 I'll be honest, I can take it or leave it. 744 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:37,520 I'd rather leave it. 745 00:41:37,521 --> 00:41:39,239 But in this one instance, 746 00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:41,598 I want to win more than anything else 747 00:41:41,599 --> 00:41:44,680 because I want to deny you and Jeremy the chance of watching it. 748 00:41:44,681 --> 00:41:46,959 No of fence. That's my thinking. 749 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,359 'Because I wasn't really in the race at all, 750 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,519 'I was getting distracted.' 751 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,398 This is good. There's a control on the steering wheel 752 00:41:55,399 --> 00:41:56,798 that allows me to choose 753 00:41:56,799 --> 00:41:59,560 what dial I have in the middle of the dashboard. 754 00:41:59,561 --> 00:42:01,039 So, I can have volts, 755 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,439 or inlet temperature, 756 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,119 air fuel ratio. 757 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:06,760 I've got 14 of those. 758 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,118 The problem we have here is that you and I are competing, 759 00:42:11,119 --> 00:42:15,038 but obviously, what we are engaged in here is a very lengthy truce. 760 00:42:15,039 --> 00:42:17,038 Yeah, because there's nothing we can do now. 761 00:42:17,039 --> 00:42:20,920 We are tied together until we get there and we get off the train. 762 00:42:20,921 --> 00:42:24,279 But the last bit is on foot. Yeah. 763 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:28,038 Now, I'm quite happy to run on television. Are you, James? 764 00:42:28,039 --> 00:42:29,878 Well, this is what's bothering me. 765 00:42:29,879 --> 00:42:31,598 The best I can do is come second... 766 00:42:31,599 --> 00:42:34,400 Yes... with my inability and refusal to run. 767 00:42:34,401 --> 00:42:37,359 Well, you've lost. 768 00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,600 I've currently got 11...what is it? 769 00:42:39,601 --> 00:42:41,199 InHgs! 11 inHgs. 770 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,079 No, wait, 20 inHgs. 771 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:45,838 What's the point of all this? 772 00:42:45,839 --> 00:42:49,120 They may as well tell me the weather forecast for Adelaide! 773 00:42:49,121 --> 00:42:51,199 'Then there was the radio, 774 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:52,758 'which could only receive 775 00:42:52,759 --> 00:42:55,040 'frequencies ending in an odd number.' 776 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:02,839 Happily, though, 777 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:06,199 the office have provided me with a talking book 778 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,238 to keep me amused on the long journey. 779 00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,598 "He brings his hand up to grasp my chin" 780 00:43:11,599 --> 00:43:13,120 "and holds me in place." 781 00:43:13,121 --> 00:43:15,839 "He wants me, and I want him." 782 00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,199 "He sits down on the edge of the bed." 783 00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,439 "'Did you undress me?' I whisper." 784 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,960 "'Yes.'." 785 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,200 Who preceded Alex Ferguson and manager of Manchester United? 786 00:43:29,201 --> 00:43:30,440 Kenny Dalglish. 787 00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:34,600 Was it? Ron Atkinson? He's a local builder, isn't he? 788 00:43:34,601 --> 00:43:36,799 Didn't he play Mr Bean? 789 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:41,199 "Perhaps I imagined it all. No." 790 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:45,519 "I touched my lips, swollen from his kiss." 791 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,479 "It definitely happened." 792 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,479 In 1969, the year I was born, 793 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:53,358 which legend scored what was claimed as his thousandth goal? 794 00:43:53,359 --> 00:43:54,520 George Best. 795 00:43:54,521 --> 00:43:57,480 Peel. Pele? 796 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:01,880 The miles rolled by 797 00:44:01,881 --> 00:44:06,119 in a relentless blizzard of fuel stops and sadomasochism. 798 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:10,399 "Before I know it, he's got both of my hands on one of his," 799 00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:13,120 "in a vicelike grip above my head." 800 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,919 'By mid-afternoon, I'd worked out 801 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,240 'why this immensely powerful car is so cheap.' 802 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:32,399 Well, it's not what you'd call lavishly equipped. 803 00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:36,359 The seats, for example, adjust manually. 804 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:40,558 Then you've got the plastics, which are HYSTERICALLY terrible. 805 00:44:40,559 --> 00:44:43,480 'And it simply isn't as refined or as well-engineered 806 00:44:43,481 --> 00:44:47,199 'as anything made in Europe or Japan.' 807 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,879 But it is a likeable car. 808 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,599 It's a good-looking car. 809 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:53,959 The power is always intoxicating. 810 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,240 You'd never, ever, ever get bored with that. 811 00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:02,040 'And you do get a lot of something else as well. 812 00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:04,160 'Heritage. 813 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:08,159 'This car owes its existence 814 00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,320 'to a Texas chicken farmer called Carroll Shelby. 815 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:16,079 'He was born in 1923 with a heart condition, 816 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,799 'which meant he lived much of his life 817 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:22,199 'on a daily dose of nitroglycerine pills. 818 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:26,560 'That's probably why, one day, he decided to become a racing driver. 819 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,560 'After not quite making the grade, 820 00:45:30,561 --> 00:45:33,199 'he heard that in little old England, 821 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,199 'a small company called AC 822 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,719 'was struggling to find an engine for its sports car, the Ace. 823 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:42,400 'He brokered a deal with Ford to supply big V8s. 824 00:45:42,401 --> 00:45:47,280 'And what became known as the AC Cobra was born. 825 00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:53,919 'The Sunday Times reported 826 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,799 'that a coupe version had achieved 190mph on the M1. 827 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,438 'And the following week, the Daily Mail said 828 00:46:00,439 --> 00:46:01,880 'this had sparked fury 829 00:46:01,881 --> 00:46:04,959 'with motoring organisations. 830 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,759 'And thanks to the Mail's campaign, 831 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,320 'the 70mph limit was introduced. 832 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:15,039 'In America, though, 833 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,838 'the Cobra cemented a partnership between Shelby and Ford. 834 00:46:18,839 --> 00:46:21,678 'A partnership that spawned many great cars 835 00:46:21,679 --> 00:46:24,400 'and lasted right up until May of last year, 836 00:46:24,401 --> 00:46:27,920 'when at the age of 89, he died. 837 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,719 'Just before he passed away, though, he got to see this. 838 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:36,639 'Apparently, he liked it. 839 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,720 'And I like the fact that it bears his name on the back.' 840 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,720 I was going to say at this point, 841 00:46:45,721 --> 00:46:48,119 "Well, Mr Shelby, wherever you are," 842 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,320 "my victory today, it's for you." 843 00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,359 But I am so far behind, 844 00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,720 I just can't bring myself to say it. 845 00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,960 However, while I was delivering my small history lesson, 846 00:47:00,961 --> 00:47:04,119 Ivor the Engine had stopped. 847 00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,158 The problem is, as we start to go into the mountains, 848 00:47:07,159 --> 00:47:08,998 as we make our way towards Italy, 849 00:47:08,999 --> 00:47:11,118 we get onto the old bit of the network. 850 00:47:11,119 --> 00:47:13,558 It has to wind around a bit to go through cuttings, 851 00:47:13,559 --> 00:47:14,880 and that slows it down. 852 00:47:14,881 --> 00:47:18,599 So we're in a very fast train on goat paths? 853 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,318 And that's him, and he's actually moving forward 854 00:47:21,319 --> 00:47:22,678 in big leaps and bounds. 855 00:47:22,679 --> 00:47:25,398 This thing updates itself every two and a half, three minutes, 856 00:47:25,399 --> 00:47:27,558 so we see Jeremy's progress as a series of jumps, 857 00:47:27,559 --> 00:47:29,158 and they're bigger than our jumps. 858 00:47:29,159 --> 00:47:30,800 And it's costing us our lead. 859 00:47:30,801 --> 00:47:32,600 It is costing our lead. 860 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:39,239 Sit rep, I've eaten my last pork pie, 861 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:41,400 and I've eaten all my sausage rolls. 862 00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:47,239 Richard Hammond is making contact! 863 00:47:47,240 --> 00:47:50,279 Hammond! 'I'm only wanting to ring' 864 00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,678 with good news for you. Which is to say, we appear to be stuck, 865 00:47:53,679 --> 00:47:56,038 'because we have mountains in our way, ' 866 00:47:56,039 --> 00:47:58,800 and I haven't seen more than 80mph and we're getting slower. 867 00:47:58,801 --> 00:48:00,639 You're only going 80? 868 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,719 Yes. The gap is closing right now. 869 00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:06,439 'And we haven't been over about 65,' 870 00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:09,238 70, for the last stretch and we're slowing again. 871 00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,158 'Our ETA is still ahead of yours.' 872 00:48:11,159 --> 00:48:13,838 You've still got time to make up, but you're closing on us, 873 00:48:13,839 --> 00:48:15,518 and that's an unpleasant feeling. 874 00:48:15,519 --> 00:48:18,760 Interesting! Right, well, thank you for that update. 875 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,279 Better still, because of the Alps, 876 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,278 the train had to take a longer, 877 00:48:26,279 --> 00:48:28,440 southerly route, to reach Milan, 878 00:48:28,441 --> 00:48:30,719 whereas the road was more direct. 879 00:48:30,720 --> 00:48:32,919 I was back in the race. 880 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,798 We are going to scythe through these mountains, you and me. 881 00:48:36,799 --> 00:48:39,560 Let's do this for Carroll Shelby! Come on! 882 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,718 68. Why isn't it registering 168? 883 00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,798 Why is it only saying 68? Because we're not going that fast. 884 00:49:03,799 --> 00:49:05,520 Why aren't we going that fast? 885 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,039 200 miles, three hours. 886 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,999 Air con, low. Speed, high. 887 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,680 Keep me awake! 888 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,758 Another problem for us was that in the mountains, 889 00:49:18,759 --> 00:49:21,918 we seemed to be stopping at every single village. 890 00:49:21,919 --> 00:49:25,240 We'd been stationary at this one for five minutes. 891 00:49:25,241 --> 00:49:26,679 Excusez-moi. 892 00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,879 Cette cinq minutes... c'est cinq minutes en addition 893 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,439 de la grande totale pour la trip... 894 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,319 or, or, included dans le train. 895 00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:40,078 Je crois qu'on va bientot partir? 896 00:49:40,079 --> 00:49:42,798 Yeah, I don't understand. Pas tres longtemps. 897 00:49:42,799 --> 00:49:44,478 Yeah, I don't understand the answer. 898 00:49:44,479 --> 00:49:46,118 It's OK. It's OK. Let's just be calm. 899 00:49:46,119 --> 00:49:48,838 There's going to be a pause now while we wait, 900 00:49:48,839 --> 00:49:50,400 and then we'll rocket away. 901 00:49:50,401 --> 00:49:56,079 He is catching up. I mean, look at him. Cracking along. 902 00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:59,319 Chamonix Mont Blanc. That'll do me. 903 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,239 I love the signposts you get round here. 904 00:50:02,240 --> 00:50:05,478 It's like I'm driving through a Robert Ludlum novel. 905 00:50:05,479 --> 00:50:08,760 I'm going to see Jason Bourne going the other way, 906 00:50:08,761 --> 00:50:10,799 punching people in the face. 907 00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,880 And he'll give me a thumbs up going, "Yeah, go, Mustang!" 908 00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:21,199 45. We're going slower than him. 909 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,440 I'm getting depressed looking at it. 910 00:50:23,441 --> 00:50:28,359 As we trundled through the Alps, we got a call from Carroll Clarkson. 911 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,679 'Hammond!' 912 00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:31,759 Hello, how are you doing? 913 00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,760 'Let me put it to you this way, ' 914 00:50:33,761 --> 00:50:35,399 what are you drinking? 915 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,119 Why?! 916 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,078 Because I'm doing really well. Mont Blanc is straight ahead of me. 917 00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:43,358 You're looking at Mont Blanc? I'm looking at it. I'm under it. 918 00:50:43,359 --> 00:50:44,878 He's looking at Mont Blanc? 919 00:50:44,879 --> 00:50:46,478 God! He's going great guns. 920 00:50:46,479 --> 00:50:48,120 It's a bit neck and neck. 921 00:50:48,121 --> 00:50:49,599 Yeah, it is. 922 00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:53,639 'But then, my charge was brought to an abrupt halt.' 923 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,639 God! Contraflow! 924 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,319 That's not funny! 925 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,880 I suppose they're just doing all the repairs 926 00:51:00,881 --> 00:51:04,279 before the skiing season starts. Bloody skiers! 927 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,438 Come on, French worker Johnnies! 928 00:51:06,439 --> 00:51:08,078 What numbers are we going to have here? 929 00:51:08,079 --> 00:51:09,478 Hang on, I'll tell you his speed. 930 00:51:09,479 --> 00:51:12,520 I'm going to make a guess at 74 miles an hour. 931 00:51:12,521 --> 00:51:13,839 70 miles an hour. 932 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:15,279 I wasn't far off. 933 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,440 No, no, no! 934 00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,360 Not again! Please, no more contraflow! 935 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,799 For about 10 glorious minutes, 936 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,598 I thought I was in with a shout of winning this, but these roadworks... 937 00:51:36,599 --> 00:51:37,720 it is just constant. 938 00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:44,680 'In the Mont Blanc tunnel, I had seven miles at 40 miles an hour.' 939 00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:49,159 If the Italians aren't doing roadworks 940 00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:51,719 to the same extent as the French, 941 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:54,119 I am still in with a shout here. 942 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,999 'Meanwhile, far to the south...' 943 00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:59,038 How fast are we going? 944 00:51:59,039 --> 00:52:02,118 Well, we've been touching 100, and we're accelerating again. 945 00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,440 He's not going very fast. 946 00:52:03,441 --> 00:52:07,800 But then, I emerged from the tunnel onto God's racetrack. 947 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,039 Italy. 948 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,120 You beauty! 949 00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,160 The race was now entering its final, dramatic chapter. 950 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:24,159 James and Richard would get into Milan at 6pm. 951 00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,080 Then they'd have to cross the city by tube 952 00:52:27,081 --> 00:52:29,839 and cover the last mile on foot, 953 00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,400 meaning they'd reach the finish line, 954 00:52:32,401 --> 00:52:35,160 a bar near the stadium, at 7pm. 955 00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:43,919 All the current calculations say I'm going to arrive at 7.14, 956 00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:47,280 which means I'm only 14 minutes behind them. 957 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,119 Come on, Mustang! 958 00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:53,079 You are going to beat the train. 959 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,240 Ha-ha! 960 00:53:08,720 --> 00:53:12,799 We peaked at 120 miles an hour in that last stretch. 961 00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,600 That's a tremendous sort of speed. 962 00:53:14,601 --> 00:53:19,000 We might actually just be in with a chance. 963 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,319 I'm 79 miles away. 964 00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,400 I've been awake since two o'clock this morning, 965 00:53:26,401 --> 00:53:28,519 but I'm very, very awake now. 966 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,080 Very determined and awake. 967 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,639 'May!' 968 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:39,999 Hello, Clarkson. We're just pulling into Milan. 969 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,080 I wondered what time you thought you were going to arrive. Just curious. 970 00:53:43,081 --> 00:53:46,279 I reckon I can be there in an hour. 971 00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:49,318 I think we're going to be there in one hour and four minutes. 972 00:53:49,319 --> 00:53:52,278 May the best man win. It will be you or Hammond, obviously, 973 00:53:52,279 --> 00:53:53,600 because I can't run. 'Yes.' 974 00:53:53,601 --> 00:53:56,719 Got to go, sorry. 'Bye.' 975 00:53:56,720 --> 00:53:58,519 Come on, Mustang! 976 00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:02,560 You have been the hero of many, many films in the past. 977 00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:08,160 It's now time to be the hero in another one. 978 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,080 'In Milan, the San Siro Stadium was coming to life. 979 00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,718 'And on the other side of the city...' 980 00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:19,800 Is that the right bit? Or is that it? 981 00:54:19,801 --> 00:54:22,279 Metro. M. It must be! 982 00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:24,439 'We decided to stick together 983 00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:28,119 'until we dealt with all the tricky train stuff.' 984 00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,200 It's M1. M1 is down there. 985 00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:35,438 Come on! 986 00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:37,640 We missed that by about... Yes, seconds. 987 00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,800 Where the hell are we? Garibaldi. 988 00:54:46,801 --> 00:54:48,159 OK, three stops. 989 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,279 What's the name of the bar? 990 00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:51,560 It's the, er... 991 00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,480 So it's another train, yeah? This is a change, isn't it? 992 00:55:03,240 --> 00:55:04,520 It's not this one. 993 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,040 15 miles to go. 994 00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:11,720 I can still do this. 995 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:16,878 How long are we on this one? 996 00:55:16,879 --> 00:55:19,078 I don't know. I'm trying to work it out. 997 00:55:19,079 --> 00:55:20,120 Come on! 998 00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,800 There's Lotto. So it's one, two, three, four, five stops. 999 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,799 Seven miles. 1000 00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,400 We've done 807. Seven to go. 1001 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:38,200 You're not going to run? No, I'm not. 1002 00:55:38,201 --> 00:55:40,559 But you are? Yes, I am. 1003 00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,000 Like a stabbed rat. 1004 00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,200 This is bad traffic! 1005 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,678 I am treading on my own tail. That's what's happening here. 1006 00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:51,878 I'm caught up in match day traffic. 1007 00:55:51,879 --> 00:55:54,520 Is this us? No, but we're going the right way. Two more. 1008 00:55:56,480 --> 00:56:00,680 That's all the Belgians coming down to watch their team get annihilated. 1009 00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,599 I'll be on your side, Belgians! 1010 00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:05,918 If you cheer for me now. 1011 00:56:05,919 --> 00:56:07,160 Come on, come on, come on! 1012 00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:13,118 Right, exit! 1013 00:56:13,119 --> 00:56:15,680 'Hammond and I had reached our final stop, 1014 00:56:15,681 --> 00:56:18,999 'which meant we were no longer a team.' 1015 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,799 Running commences! 1016 00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,479 Move it! Yes, yes, yes, yes! 1017 00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:25,958 'Outside the station, Hammond scampered off, 1018 00:56:25,959 --> 00:56:28,158 'imagining that victory was in the bag, 1019 00:56:28,159 --> 00:56:31,400 'But that's because he hadn't seen what was in mine.' 1020 00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:38,478 San Siro! 1021 00:56:38,479 --> 00:56:41,640 OK, that's a good sign. 1022 00:56:41,641 --> 00:56:42,920 That'll do for me. 1023 00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,720 Audi man, move! Move! 1024 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:55,960 We're through! 1025 00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,720 Where's the bar? Where's the bar? 1026 00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,319 Dov'e' il bar? 1027 00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:25,840 Stairs? Yeah, yeah. 1028 00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:28,519 Cock! 1029 00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:31,399 Loser! 1030 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,439 Well done. You look a bit tired, mate! 1031 00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:35,798 He's not here, though, is he? 1032 00:57:35,799 --> 00:57:37,878 No. So, although you are a loser, 1033 00:57:37,879 --> 00:57:39,280 you're not THE loser. 1034 00:57:39,281 --> 00:57:42,239 There's a word for what I am. Yeah, smug. 1035 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,839 'Moments later, our deluded colleague arrived.' 1036 00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:47,400 Right, where's the ticket? 1037 00:57:47,401 --> 00:57:48,600 Jeremy? 1038 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,240 Ooh, he's trying this on. He doesn't like how it fits, does he? 1039 00:57:56,241 --> 00:57:58,359 No, no, no! RICHARD LAUGHS. 1040 00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:00,119 Well done, chaps. 1041 00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,918 Be magnanimous! I just was! 1042 00:58:01,919 --> 00:58:05,600 I haven't thrown a suitcase at you, I haven't said, "Cock!" 1043 00:58:05,601 --> 00:58:07,359 Well done. We heard you. 1044 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:11,039 Well, that's it, isn't it? My first ever loss. 1045 00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,358 800 miles in a Stang. You've done all right. 1046 00:58:13,359 --> 00:58:15,358 It's not a Stang. It's a Mustang. It's a Stang. 1047 00:58:15,359 --> 00:58:17,158 Who won, by the way? I did. 1048 00:58:17,159 --> 00:58:18,678 Yeah, he did. By running. 1049 00:58:18,679 --> 00:58:21,400 So you're going to watch a football match? Yes. 1050 00:58:21,401 --> 00:58:22,839 All by yourself? Yes. 1051 00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:26,440 Do you fancy some nice dinner? He doesn't even like football. 1052 00:58:26,441 --> 00:58:29,159 Where are you? 1A. 1053 00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:32,718 Which is at the front, isn't it? You're actually playing in goal. 1054 00:58:32,719 --> 00:58:34,398 I think you ARE actually in the team. 1055 00:58:34,399 --> 00:58:36,478 That is the goalkeeper's position. Is it? 1056 00:58:36,479 --> 00:58:39,040 Yeah. Is it complicated? Do I need gloves? 1057 00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:48,239 No, look. No, no. 1058 00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:50,319 I won't blame the tools. 1059 00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:53,239 But I will blame the French. 1060 00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:56,519 Why? Because it was the French's fault. 1061 00:58:56,520 --> 00:59:00,238 Those roadworks, the contraflow, went on for nearly 100km, 1062 00:59:00,239 --> 00:59:03,238 and that is what cost me the race. Yes, yes. 1063 00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:06,320 Well, enough about your embarrassing and very public failure. 1064 00:59:06,321 --> 00:59:10,079 The thing is, what about the car? The car. 1065 00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:14,039 Looks great, tons of character, goes like a train... 1066 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,478 No, it doesn't. No, it didn't. Doesn't go like a train, no. 1067 00:59:16,479 --> 00:59:18,680 It goes like a British train. But there is a problem. 1068 00:59:18,681 --> 00:59:21,159 Is there? No, no, really, there is. 1069 00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:25,719 Because the biggest advance with cars in the last 40 years 1070 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,319 is not in speed or economy or safety. 1071 00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:30,439 It's actually refinement. 1072 00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:33,799 You could drive an old Ford Escort at 70mph, 1073 00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:37,678 but if you did, it shaked and rattled and it wore you out, yes? 1074 00:59:37,679 --> 00:59:40,718 Now, a modern-day Ford Focus, you can drive that that at 70mph 1075 00:59:40,719 --> 00:59:42,560 and it's like sitting in the bath. 1076 00:59:42,561 --> 00:59:44,839 THIS is like an old Escort. 1077 00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:49,639 The noise and vibration and harshness, it is exhausting! 1078 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:53,038 You're absolutely right. And that is why American cars are so cheap. 1079 00:59:53,039 --> 00:59:55,678 This, the Viper you were driving last week, 1080 00:59:55,679 --> 00:59:58,758 the truth is, they simply aren't as thoroughly engineered 1081 00:59:58,759 --> 01:00:02,238 as cars from the civilised world. They're not. They're not. 1082 01:00:02,239 --> 01:00:05,000 And as a result of that, I arrived at the end of the trip 1083 01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:08,799 and I was just a big, soggy bag of skin. 1084 01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:10,519 Yeah, yeah. 1085 01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,120 The thing is, though, let's not forget... you lost! 1086 01:00:13,121 --> 01:00:14,999 I did. 1087 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,320 I did lose. I did lose. And as a result of that, 1088 01:00:17,321 --> 01:00:20,879 we must finish on a rather alarming conclusion. 1089 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:22,679 Because of the French, 1090 01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:25,759 the car as a concept is finished. 1091 01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,798 And on that bombshell, it's time to end. 1092 01:00:27,799 --> 01:00:30,040 Thank you so much for watching. Good night. 1093 01:00:30,041 --> 01:00:33,200 Corrections & sync: Wally73