1 00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,816 Tonight, I hold up a jar. 2 00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:16,792 James points at a hill. 3 00:00:18,272 --> 00:00:19,952 Richard eats a sandwich. 5 00:00:28,032 --> 00:00:34,831 Hello! Hello and welcome! Thank you so much, everybody! Thank you. 6 00:00:34,832 --> 00:00:38,391 We start tonight with a big and important issue. 7 00:00:38,392 --> 00:00:40,231 You see, back in 1975, 8 00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:45,631 just 15% of people aged over 70 had a driving license. 9 00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:49,071 Today, it's more than 60%, and that means 10 00:00:49,072 --> 00:00:54,791 the roads are full of people whose eyes are broken and whose feet hurt. 11 00:00:54,792 --> 00:00:58,871 And car-makers are just not recognising this fact. 12 00:00:58,872 --> 00:01:02,230 Most modern cars are made for techno-savvy teenagers. 13 00:01:02,231 --> 00:01:04,730 Yeah, my mother, she just says all she wants from a car 14 00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,169 is Classic FM and a heater 15 00:01:06,170 --> 00:01:08,969 and everything else is a waste of money and annoying 16 00:01:08,970 --> 00:01:10,649 and possibly even dangerous. 17 00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:14,291 Which is why Jeremy and I decided it was time we went out and bought 18 00:01:14,292 --> 00:01:19,571 a car to modify specially for today's enormous army of pensioner drivers. 19 00:01:22,011 --> 00:01:24,971 This meant heading to the Top Gear Technology Centre - 20 00:01:24,972 --> 00:01:28,530 the birthplace of all our great projects. 21 00:01:28,531 --> 00:01:31,851 And, while Richard went off to buy a car which we could modify, 22 00:01:31,852 --> 00:01:34,851 I examined the scale of the problem. 23 00:01:37,051 --> 00:01:40,691 This Volvo has very few buttons, and that's a good thing, but each 24 00:01:40,692 --> 00:01:45,810 one seems to do 28 different things depending on how you push it. 25 00:01:45,811 --> 00:01:50,370 What does My Car mean? BLIS? DSTC? 26 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:53,611 Collision Warning? Why would you want to turn that off?! 27 00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:56,250 And look at these - if you're 85, 28 00:01:56,251 --> 00:01:58,851 these are just out-of-focus hieroglyphics! 29 00:02:00,211 --> 00:02:02,731 Things were just as bad in this Ford Focus. 30 00:02:05,771 --> 00:02:08,690 What does Block 5A mean? 31 00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:10,490 There's literally nothing, 32 00:02:10,491 --> 00:02:14,290 nothing on here which is old-people friendly. 33 00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:17,251 "Press source for USB BT line in." 34 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,490 I'm sure all this makes perfect sense 35 00:02:21,491 --> 00:02:23,850 to the foetus that designed it, 36 00:02:23,851 --> 00:02:28,531 but to anyone over 65 it is just incomprehensible gibberish. 37 00:02:29,731 --> 00:02:33,369 'Before I had a chance to get to grips with the Citroen...' 38 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:37,331 Oh, for BLEEP sake! '..Richard was back with the car he'd bought - 39 00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:41,490 'a Fiat Multipla, famous for having three seats in the front 40 00:02:41,491 --> 00:02:43,331 'and three in the back. 41 00:02:44,851 --> 00:02:48,651 'To decide what to do with it, we set up a mood room.' 42 00:03:03,371 --> 00:03:06,849 All top designers use rooms like this to put them into 43 00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:10,691 the actual mind of the customers they're trying to attract. 44 00:03:10,692 --> 00:03:15,450 So, for example, we have an early vacuum cleaner, a one-bar heater, 45 00:03:15,451 --> 00:03:18,249 a TV listings magazine, many of which are available, 46 00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:21,369 with the programmes we want to watch highlighted. 47 00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:24,249 It really is just like being in James May's front room. 48 00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:27,011 Well, where do you think we got everything from? 49 00:03:29,451 --> 00:03:32,890 What I'm seeing with every single thing in here 50 00:03:32,891 --> 00:03:37,010 is simplicity and comfort. 51 00:03:37,011 --> 00:03:42,690 Comfort on the chair, simplicity of the mop, the kettle, the TV. 52 00:03:42,691 --> 00:03:44,650 Everything is simple. 53 00:03:44,651 --> 00:03:47,370 It's simple... straightforward and yet, 54 00:03:47,371 --> 00:03:50,491 in the case of this small sofa, also strangely itchy. 55 00:03:52,371 --> 00:03:58,330 After several intense hours in the mood room, we at least knew 56 00:03:58,331 --> 00:04:01,931 what colour our car should be, so we went off to get some paint. 57 00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:11,530 Excuse me, you know this machine, can you match the colours of things? 58 00:04:11,531 --> 00:04:12,890 Yeah, we can try. 59 00:04:12,891 --> 00:04:17,130 Can you match the colour of this hearing aid, this bit, 60 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:20,331 specifically that bit. That is a symphony in beige. 61 00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:23,970 That's the colour we want. Can it really do that? 62 00:04:23,971 --> 00:04:28,131 So analyse the colour of the hearing aid. Can it do my left nipple? 63 00:04:32,531 --> 00:04:34,730 With the paint sorted, 64 00:04:34,731 --> 00:04:38,531 we went back to the Top Gear Technology Centre to begin work. 65 00:04:41,131 --> 00:04:46,330 Look at this dash. Speedo - out of focus. Radio - too complicated. 66 00:04:46,331 --> 00:04:50,010 It's all going to be changed, all of it. 67 00:04:50,011 --> 00:04:53,409 I've been thinking about safety and not just for the car's occupants. 68 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:56,769 So, with that in mind, old people find it very difficult to look around 69 00:04:56,770 --> 00:04:59,329 when they're reversing - it's just a fact - 70 00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:02,291 so I'm planning a system for the rear, to help them 71 00:05:02,292 --> 00:05:07,610 stop reversing into garage walls and lampposts, their wives. 72 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:10,929 I'm also planning much, much bigger door mirrors. 73 00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:14,489 Then, at the front, a radical redesign of the front bumper 74 00:05:14,490 --> 00:05:17,811 to avoid and minimise expensive bodywork damage. 75 00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:19,051 I'm thinking. 76 00:05:23,731 --> 00:05:25,250 After several hours, 77 00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:28,491 Jeremy's dashboard was beginning to take shape. 78 00:05:33,011 --> 00:05:35,730 Um, airbags. Yeah. 79 00:05:35,731 --> 00:05:39,249 Dangerous, because you're not allowed to put children in the front seat 80 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:42,729 with them there because they're too delicate. Yeah. 81 00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:45,649 Old people, they tend to sit quite far forwards even 82 00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:48,689 when they're not driving. And they're just as delicate as children. 83 00:05:48,690 --> 00:05:52,169 There you go - danger. So I think we get rid of them. Can I have them? 84 00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,089 Yeah, I don't need them. I've got a plan. 85 00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:56,289 I'll have your airbags out in literally... 86 00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:59,411 Are you sure this is...? I'm not sure this is... Yes! 87 00:05:59,412 --> 00:06:04,130 But the airbag had to be defused by cutting one of the two wires. 88 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:08,370 Which one do I cut? One presumably sets the bomb off. 89 00:06:08,371 --> 00:06:12,050 Well, not bomb, but explosives. Yeah. 90 00:06:12,051 --> 00:06:15,369 How much explosive is in an airbag? Quite a lot. Is there? 91 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,811 Is it really a lot? It is, genuinely it's a lot. 92 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,850 You can get burns from it. It's a lot. 93 00:06:20,851 --> 00:06:25,491 So let's get inside the mind of the man who made it. He's Italian. Yeah. 94 00:06:26,811 --> 00:06:29,331 So if I think it's blue, it's probably brown. 95 00:06:34,531 --> 00:06:38,891 Wait! Yeah, no, you see, brown - that might be what they want you to think. 96 00:06:45,131 --> 00:06:49,530 Wait! Wait. What colours are in the Italian flag? 97 00:06:49,531 --> 00:06:50,891 None of those. 98 00:07:06,451 --> 00:07:08,569 Ah, you see! It was easy! I wasn't worried. 99 00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:11,131 We could just edit all that stuff out. Yeah. 100 00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:16,369 While Hammond continued with his safety features, I started 101 00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:20,371 making a new dashboard and soon had something to show my colleague. 102 00:07:22,211 --> 00:07:25,649 You know elderly people like to drive quite slowly? 103 00:07:25,650 --> 00:07:26,969 Yeah, like James. Exactly. 104 00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:29,129 So this is what I've done to get round the problem. 105 00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:32,371 Brilliant - so it only reads 20 even if they're doing 80 miles an hour. 106 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:37,410 115! "I'm only doing 17 miles an hour," so they're happy. 107 00:07:37,411 --> 00:07:40,089 The people stuck behind, whose wives are in labour 108 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:43,609 and they have meetings to get to, they're happy. Everybody wins. 109 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:47,849 'I was also rather proud of my old-people-friendly rear fog light.' 110 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:50,289 This'll be mounted in the car - this is the switch. 111 00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:52,569 So as soon as it starts a little bit of light drizzle, 112 00:07:52,570 --> 00:07:55,169 the elderly person turns on the rear fog light 113 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,611 and then what happens round the back is... 114 00:07:57,612 --> 00:07:59,651 absolutely nothing at all. 115 00:08:01,411 --> 00:08:06,009 With the new dash sorted, I started to think about the rear seats and I 116 00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:10,369 went online to search for an advert I remembered from the early '80s. 117 00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:14,251 And that's it, that's it! Hammond! Hammond! Come and look at this! 118 00:08:14,252 --> 00:08:16,331 Watch this commercial. Ready? 119 00:08:17,811 --> 00:08:19,969 It's grand to find a comfortable chair 120 00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:23,329 when you're getting on a bit or you've got arthritis. 121 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:25,969 My niece got this from Shackletons, you know. 122 00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,691 You know! You know! You know! 123 00:08:27,692 --> 00:08:30,970 Shackletons' original high seat. 124 00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:34,291 Never thought it would be so easy to get in and out of. 125 00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:37,850 Shackletons' high seat chair. It's lovely. 126 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:41,209 Hang on, so you're saying replace that with one of those? 127 00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,529 But they're so easy to get in and out of, YOU KNOW! 128 00:08:43,530 --> 00:08:46,491 And it is lovely to find a nice, high seat. 129 00:08:55,811 --> 00:08:58,211 Things were better in the old days. They were. Fact. 130 00:09:09,411 --> 00:09:11,810 Oh! Oh-ho, oh-ho! 131 00:09:11,811 --> 00:09:14,650 Ohhhh... 132 00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:17,330 Come on, that is brilliant! 133 00:09:17,331 --> 00:09:20,210 'Our car was coming along nicely. 134 00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:23,729 'We removed the Fiat badges, which were a bit foreign, 135 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,771 'and replaced them with something more appropriate. 136 00:09:28,811 --> 00:09:35,050 'Hammond softened the suspension and I installed a pet cage.' 137 00:09:35,051 --> 00:09:36,649 A cat bolted to the roof? 138 00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:39,489 I'm not bolting the cat, I'm bolting the cat cage to the roof 139 00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:42,369 and then it'll be up here and I won't get asthma. 140 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:45,049 'As I was busy with my cat carrying system, 141 00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:48,731 'Hammond decided to make some covers for the front seats.' 142 00:09:49,851 --> 00:09:54,010 Weirdly, I've used this as my inspiration. It's a BAC Mono. 143 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:57,329 Because it's a track car, it's got no roof or doors or windows, 144 00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,929 so they line the interior with this special material. 145 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,131 I've got some here. 146 00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:03,690 In beige, obviously. 147 00:10:03,691 --> 00:10:07,730 Now, it's quite plush, it feels like suede or even velvet, 148 00:10:07,731 --> 00:10:10,851 but when it gets wet, here's the strange thing - 149 00:10:10,852 --> 00:10:12,490 the water just runs off. 150 00:10:12,491 --> 00:10:15,489 Look at that! You'd think it would be ruined, but it just flies away. 151 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:19,291 I'm going to use it to make what I shall call inconti seat covers. 152 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:38,250 By the evening, our car was almost finished, but we felt a bit strange. 153 00:10:38,251 --> 00:10:41,209 What's extraordinary about today is that, without James here, there 154 00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:45,489 have been no arguments, nobody's caught fire, nobody's fallen over. 155 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,489 We've been like a well-oiled machine 156 00:10:47,490 --> 00:10:51,531 and I think we've created something really rather brilliant. 157 00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:54,211 And with that, back to the studio. 158 00:11:01,491 --> 00:11:04,569 The thing is, I've just got a question, actually. 159 00:11:04,570 --> 00:11:05,769 What do you do...? 160 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:09,049 While we're on the subject of old people, what do you do when you know 161 00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:13,489 that your mother or father is really too old to be driving any more. 162 00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:16,289 Good question. You can't really say, "Hand over your license." 163 00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:19,409 I think that's why our car makes so much sense. 164 00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:22,129 Yeah, and we shall see how it does in a road test later on. 165 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:25,129 What happened to your eye? Nothing, nothing at all. 166 00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:28,009 No, because you weren't there with your slap-happy attitude, 167 00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:31,089 no part of the needle of the sewing machine went in it. 168 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:35,209 Not even a tiny... No, not even a tiny bit. No. No. So, the news. 169 00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:38,489 You know there's a new Volkswagen Golf? Yes. Very nice, actually. 170 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:41,091 But in four months there'll be a GTI version of it. 171 00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:44,170 Now, that will have 217 horsepower... 172 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,730 Or no, actually, it's German - cowpower. 173 00:11:47,731 --> 00:11:51,329 217 cowpower engine and it's going to be about £25,000. 174 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:54,889 Thing is, though, there's going to be a rival for this. 175 00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:57,929 You know the car we looked at last week, the Kia Cee'd, well, 176 00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:01,489 look at this. This is the... They're calling it the Pro Cee'd GT. 177 00:12:01,490 --> 00:12:03,369 I think that looks rather good. It does. 178 00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:05,649 And it's two grand less than the Volkswagen. 179 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,049 Nearly three grand less. 180 00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:10,049 And the thing I like about that is they haven't gone absolutely 181 00:12:10,050 --> 00:12:13,969 mad with it. It's a 1.6 litre turbo, 200 horsepower, which is... 182 00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:17,971 Well, no, it's not horsepower. It's Korean. It's dogpower, yeah. 183 00:12:17,972 --> 00:12:19,650 Exactly, yeah. 184 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:22,289 I tell you what, though, if you don't want to spend that much, 185 00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:24,209 the reason we bring these hot hatchbacks up 186 00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,929 is, Volkswagen has announced, you know the Up, which we love? 187 00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:29,289 It's a great little car. Really brilliant little car. 188 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,969 They've announced they're doing a GT version of it here, OK? 189 00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,571 Now, this is going to have 110 horsepower, 190 00:12:34,572 --> 00:12:37,730 so exactly the same as the original Golf GTI. 191 00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:40,891 It's smaller than an original Golf GTI, it weighs less than a tonne. 192 00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:44,490 I reckon that will be epic and it's £13,000! 193 00:12:44,491 --> 00:12:46,249 No, I think that could be brilliant. 194 00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:49,171 So if you have ordered a new car for later this year, 195 00:12:49,172 --> 00:12:53,290 S Class, Lamborghini, whatever it is, cancel your order. 196 00:12:53,291 --> 00:12:55,569 You want one of those. You do. That is going to... 197 00:12:55,570 --> 00:12:57,129 I can't wait to drive that. 198 00:12:57,130 --> 00:13:00,209 There is another version of the Mini, yet another. Not another! 199 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,289 Another one. We needed one in 20 minutes. 200 00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:05,571 It's out, this month it's on sale. It's called the Paceman, here it is. 201 00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:09,330 Oh, look at it! It's so miserable! It's little face! 202 00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:12,291 I saw one coming the other way, coming into work the other day, 203 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,410 and it just looked so catastrophically sad. 204 00:13:15,411 --> 00:13:18,490 "Morning, it's all awful! 205 00:13:18,491 --> 00:13:20,490 "I hate being a Mini! 206 00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:25,610 "I have to sleep outside and a dog weed on my wheel last night. 207 00:13:25,611 --> 00:13:28,851 "All the big cars steal my pencil money." Look at it! 208 00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:33,970 Hammond, do that face again. You do look incredibly like it! 209 00:13:33,971 --> 00:13:35,291 You do look like the... 210 00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:41,449 It's so depressing! Why have they done that? 211 00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:43,969 I tell you what, though, for radiator grilles, 212 00:13:43,970 --> 00:13:45,649 have you seen the new Lexus IS? 213 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,771 Oh! That's like it's got a vacuum cleaner on the front! 214 00:13:49,931 --> 00:13:53,051 You'd have to lift your feet as it goes past! 215 00:13:53,052 --> 00:13:56,570 How hard can it be to do a radiator grille? 216 00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:57,890 Hey, bad news. 217 00:13:57,891 --> 00:13:59,929 You know when the Tories came to power they said 218 00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:02,609 they were going to up the motorway speed limit to 80? Yeah. 219 00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:06,571 Well, the new Transport Secretary who's called something dreary - 220 00:14:06,572 --> 00:14:10,370 Patrick McLoughlin - has had a rethink. Oh, God. 221 00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:13,410 No, he says that he's unlikely to up it to 222 00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:19,890 80 because in his constituency there's a very bad road where a lot of people get hurt. 223 00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:21,889 Yeah, this is quite interesting, isn't it? 224 00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:23,849 His constituency is the Derbyshire Dales 225 00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:26,809 and we had a look at a map and there are no motorways there. 226 00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:29,049 What this means, ladies and gentlemen, 227 00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:31,569 is our Transport Secretary in Great Britain 228 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,451 doesn't know what a motorway is. 229 00:14:33,452 --> 00:14:36,090 The man is a blithering idiot. 230 00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:39,889 No, but in all seriousness, you can't really have a Minister 231 00:14:39,890 --> 00:14:43,649 for Transport who isn't interested in, for example, cars and roads. 232 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:47,449 It's be like making you the Governor of the Bank Of England. 233 00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:50,489 Don't do that. No, cos he's not interested in the economy. 234 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,969 No, but I could sort it out. How? 235 00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:54,809 Well, I could sort out the budget deficit. 236 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,489 Well, I'd find out how much it was 237 00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:59,609 and then I'd write a cheque for that amount from the Bank Of England. 238 00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:01,529 He probably has a point! That could do it. 239 00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:04,169 Well, maybe he should... That's economics covered. 240 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:08,691 I'd also have minted a £9.99 note to make life easier for shopkeepers. 241 00:15:09,731 --> 00:15:12,849 Can I just say, actually, changing the motorway speed limit 242 00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:14,009 to 80 miles an hour 243 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:17,049 wouldn't actually make a blind bit of difference, would it? 244 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:21,089 Because everybody in the outside lane of the motorway is doing 95. 245 00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:24,889 They are. No, they are. People go, "Everyone does 80 on the motorway," 246 00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,169 and they don't, they're doing 95 in the outside. 247 00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:28,889 So all an 80-mph speed limit would do 248 00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:31,129 is reduce the income from speeding fines, 249 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,451 cos you're only going to be doing 15 miles an hour over the limit 250 00:15:34,452 --> 00:15:36,770 rather than 25. The fact is 251 00:15:36,771 --> 00:15:39,729 that on a weekday afternoon - I'm not talking about weekends 252 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,209 when the roads are clogged up with people in Peugeots 253 00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,171 going to B&Q to buy more hideous decking. 254 00:15:44,172 --> 00:15:46,930 I'm talking about a weekday afternoon, 255 00:15:46,931 --> 00:15:49,409 Britain has the best standard of driving 256 00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:51,169 you'll find anywhere in the world. 257 00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:54,449 You're right. I would agree with that. It's a big claim. 258 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:57,209 Is it? Right, let's run through the opposition, shall we? 259 00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,329 The Germans all do 150 on the autobahn 260 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:02,329 that far behind the car in front. They do. The Italians are mad. 261 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:05,809 The French can't get to the grocers without crashing into a field. 262 00:16:05,810 --> 00:16:08,569 The Americans are belligerent, the Australians are drunk, 263 00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:11,011 the rest of the world hasn't got the hang of it yet. 264 00:16:12,451 --> 00:16:15,050 No, I'll... Yeah. 265 00:16:15,051 --> 00:16:17,011 Hang on. No. What? 266 00:16:18,531 --> 00:16:19,890 What about... 267 00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:22,529 What about the Scandinavians? Cos they're pretty handy. 268 00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:25,209 No, they're not half as good as they think they are. Really? 269 00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,731 They always say, "I can drive..." I won't do the accent. 270 00:16:27,732 --> 00:16:30,331 "I can drive..." 271 00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:33,489 Overreached yourself there, didn't you? 272 00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:36,169 They always say, "I can drive at 75 miles an hour on sheet ice," 273 00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:39,089 and that's true, they can, but they don't tell you the other thing - 274 00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:40,529 they crash all the time! 275 00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:43,329 There isn't a florist window anywhere in Scandinavia 276 00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,769 that hasn't got a crashed van halfway through it. 277 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,209 They just spin off constantly. 278 00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,769 They do. OK, so scrub the Scandinavians. We are the best. 279 00:16:49,770 --> 00:16:51,769 We are just the best, and that's an end of it. 280 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:54,049 I think we should have a campaign, a global one, 281 00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:57,811 posters by the motorway with a Lord Kitchener-type figure on 282 00:16:57,812 --> 00:17:01,091 that says, "Think - what would the British do?" 283 00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:05,209 Oh, Alfa Romeo, they have a proud history, don't they, 284 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:08,251 of really excellent names, evocative, emotive, names - 285 00:17:08,252 --> 00:17:10,290 Giulia, Spider, 286 00:17:10,291 --> 00:17:12,609 Giulietta, Stradale, all great names. 287 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:15,611 Well, they've released photographs of a new Alfa. Here it is. 288 00:17:15,612 --> 00:17:17,650 Mmm. Lovely. Lovely. 289 00:17:17,651 --> 00:17:20,010 Except, it's called the Gloria. 290 00:17:20,011 --> 00:17:22,730 The what? Gloria? That is Gloria. 291 00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:25,691 You're looking at Gloria. Gloria's not the name of an Italian car. 292 00:17:25,692 --> 00:17:28,410 Gloria is the name of a receptionist. 293 00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:31,849 Yeah. Gloria has her glasses on a chain around her neck. 294 00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:35,571 Gloria wears... What's it called when tights are really thick? 295 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:37,730 Is that 50 denier or 100? 296 00:17:37,731 --> 00:17:39,731 That would be 100. 100? Right. 297 00:17:39,732 --> 00:17:44,490 Gloria wears 100-denier tights and they rasp when she walks. 298 00:17:44,491 --> 00:17:47,209 We went off topic quite badly. We have gone very off topic. 299 00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:49,169 Anyway, listen, ladies and gentlemen, 300 00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:51,609 this morning, Richard Hammond was late for work. 301 00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:54,371 Oh, I'm sorry! I know! I arrived at 8:07. 302 00:17:54,372 --> 00:17:57,650 You got there at 8:10. You arrived at 10:47. 303 00:17:57,651 --> 00:18:00,369 Yes. I'm sorry. 10 to 11 when you arrived. 304 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,849 I'm sorry I was late for school! And this was good news 305 00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:05,569 because, while we were waiting for you to rock up, James and I 306 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:08,769 talked about the enormous success we had last week playing car rugby. 307 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:11,809 Exactly. And I think it was a great success, and we were thinking, 308 00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:14,889 "Are there any other sports you can play in a car?" Were you? 309 00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:18,129 Now, you were so late, we decided to go out onto the track to see 310 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,771 if you can play tennis in a car. 311 00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,490 You can't. You can't? 312 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,490 No. Really? 313 00:18:23,491 --> 00:18:25,889 Well, we had a couple of cameramen out there, 314 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:27,649 so let's just find out, shall we? 315 00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:29,811 Here we go. This is how we filled our morning. 316 00:18:30,931 --> 00:18:32,210 Serve! 317 00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:34,171 Here we go, this is a good one. 318 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,250 Whoa-ho! 319 00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:48,971 That's a great shot! Yes! 320 00:18:52,811 --> 00:18:53,970 What? It works! 321 00:18:53,971 --> 00:18:56,091 I know, it does. You can play tennis in cars, 322 00:18:56,092 --> 00:18:57,650 with a bit of editing! 323 00:18:57,651 --> 00:19:00,289 Little bit of editing. It did work really well, though. 324 00:19:00,290 --> 00:19:03,129 And it was really good fun. Well, I'm sorry I missed it. 325 00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:05,089 Now, moving on, sometimes it seems 326 00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:08,489 like the motor industry is a little bit like the film business. 327 00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:12,409 Occasionally you get low-budget indies like the Ariel Atom. 328 00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:16,491 Sometimes you get a quirky, offbeat foreign-language production. 329 00:19:16,492 --> 00:19:17,970 That'd be a Saab. 330 00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:22,730 And then occasionally, you get a big, huge-budget blockbuster, 331 00:19:22,731 --> 00:19:24,411 such as this. 332 00:19:50,171 --> 00:19:53,371 Welcome, everyone, to the new Range Rover. 333 00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:57,650 And when I say new, 334 00:19:57,651 --> 00:20:00,251 I really mean new. 335 00:20:01,891 --> 00:20:05,329 This body shell, for example, still looks pretty much like a Range Rover 336 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,851 but it's been totally redesigned from scratch 337 00:20:07,852 --> 00:20:10,330 and made from aluminium, 338 00:20:10,331 --> 00:20:15,651 and that saves a whopping 400 kilograms of weight. 339 00:20:16,891 --> 00:20:18,811 And that's just the start of it. 340 00:20:21,411 --> 00:20:25,689 It has a new active suspension system, so it no longer rolls around 341 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:28,531 like a torpedoed frigate when you go round the bends. 342 00:20:28,532 --> 00:20:31,410 It has new electric power steering, 343 00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:34,211 it has a new, very clever eight-speed gearbox. 344 00:20:37,011 --> 00:20:40,409 Inside, half of the switches and buttons have been ditched 345 00:20:40,410 --> 00:20:42,891 to create this more minimalist dashboard. 346 00:20:45,931 --> 00:20:49,731 There are also four inches of extra legroom in the back, 347 00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:54,251 and you no longer have to burn any calories opening the tailgate. 348 00:20:57,891 --> 00:21:01,651 On the road, it feels more luxurious than ever. 349 00:21:02,891 --> 00:21:05,450 The ride is really very good, 350 00:21:05,451 --> 00:21:07,411 quite Rolls-Royce-like. 351 00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:11,571 However, all these improvements come at a price, 352 00:21:11,572 --> 00:21:17,570 because even the cheapest version, a V6 diesel, costs £71,000 353 00:21:17,571 --> 00:21:22,290 and the supercharged V8 model is almost £100,000. 354 00:21:22,291 --> 00:21:25,050 That's Mercedes S-class money. 355 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:29,970 But then, the Range Rover has long been a Mercedes S-class rival 356 00:21:29,971 --> 00:21:32,410 and this new one is equally at home 357 00:21:32,411 --> 00:21:35,770 on the expensive bits of the Monopoly board. 358 00:21:35,771 --> 00:21:39,889 Thing is, though, previous Range Rovers have always been about 359 00:21:39,890 --> 00:21:43,331 a bit more than just poncing around a nice big city. 360 00:21:43,332 --> 00:21:46,970 They've always been formidable adventure cars, 361 00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,251 great off-roaders, pioneers, in a way. 362 00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:53,891 So what I think we'll do now is, we'll drive out of London... 363 00:21:55,011 --> 00:21:57,771 and into this place. 364 00:22:09,731 --> 00:22:12,810 The Nevada Automotive Test Centre 365 00:22:12,811 --> 00:22:14,251 in Nevada. 366 00:22:15,491 --> 00:22:18,810 This vast 1,200-square-mile proving ground 367 00:22:18,811 --> 00:22:21,409 is where the original Hummer was developed, 368 00:22:21,410 --> 00:22:23,089 making it the perfect place 369 00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:26,571 to find out whether Lord Snooty can still get his shoes dirty. 370 00:22:28,771 --> 00:22:30,249 To spice things up a bit, 371 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:33,329 we're going to give the Range Rover some competition. 372 00:22:33,330 --> 00:22:35,529 So now, obviously, you're expecting me 373 00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:38,771 to introduce a redneck in a massively modified jeep. 374 00:22:40,211 --> 00:22:43,010 But no. We can do better than that. 375 00:22:43,011 --> 00:22:45,691 And we have. And here he comes now. 376 00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:52,971 Though when I say "he", what I really mean is "it". 377 00:22:59,371 --> 00:23:00,491 Bloody Nora. 378 00:23:10,531 --> 00:23:12,610 Meet the TerraMax. 379 00:23:12,611 --> 00:23:16,530 It has six-wheel drive, tyres the size of Ferris wheels, 380 00:23:16,531 --> 00:23:18,651 the ability to drive almost anywhere 381 00:23:18,652 --> 00:23:20,410 and, as you've just seen, 382 00:23:20,411 --> 00:23:22,371 nobody in the driver's seat. 383 00:23:26,851 --> 00:23:28,970 It's an autonomous vehicle. 384 00:23:28,971 --> 00:23:32,290 This thing can go on patrol, deliver supplies, 385 00:23:32,291 --> 00:23:36,770 and all without any risk of soldiers being blown up by IEDs. 386 00:23:36,771 --> 00:23:39,330 Here's basically how it works. 387 00:23:39,331 --> 00:23:42,009 Up on the roof, there's a thing called LIDAR, 388 00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:45,649 which is 64 separate lasers spinning round and round very quickly 389 00:23:45,650 --> 00:23:47,209 and reading the terrain. 390 00:23:47,210 --> 00:23:50,849 The information that comes back is interpreted by the computer on board 391 00:23:50,850 --> 00:23:52,609 that decides where it should go 392 00:23:52,610 --> 00:23:56,331 and then operates the steering, the brakes, the engine and so on. 393 00:23:57,611 --> 00:23:59,851 And what it sees is this. 394 00:24:01,011 --> 00:24:05,130 Anything that comes up green is basically no problem. 395 00:24:05,131 --> 00:24:07,089 It's vegetation, that sort of thing. 396 00:24:07,090 --> 00:24:09,529 Anything that comes up in various shades of red 397 00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:14,169 is more of an obstacle, so a big rock, a tree, a wall, a cliff face, 398 00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:15,491 all that sort of thing. 399 00:24:21,371 --> 00:24:22,571 Look at that! 400 00:24:24,531 --> 00:24:26,251 That's really quite amazing. 401 00:24:27,411 --> 00:24:29,330 But the big question is, 402 00:24:29,331 --> 00:24:31,611 can it beat a car built by Brummies 403 00:24:31,612 --> 00:24:33,571 and driven by me? 404 00:24:38,931 --> 00:24:41,291 What we're going to do is have a race 405 00:24:41,292 --> 00:24:43,970 from here to that hilltop over there, 406 00:24:43,971 --> 00:24:46,290 a distance of about ten miles. 407 00:24:46,291 --> 00:24:50,011 Between us and the finish line lay many off-road challenges, 408 00:24:50,012 --> 00:24:53,250 including rocky ground, steep slopes, 409 00:24:53,251 --> 00:24:56,050 cloying mud and icy rivers. 410 00:24:56,051 --> 00:24:58,809 And there would be no pre-planned route. 411 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:02,571 The Range Rover and I would have to adapt as we went along. 412 00:25:04,251 --> 00:25:06,331 ENGINES RUMBLE 413 00:25:08,451 --> 00:25:11,010 It's man versus machine, 414 00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:12,451 quite literally. 415 00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:15,291 Three! 416 00:25:17,651 --> 00:25:19,131 Hang on! 417 00:25:21,971 --> 00:25:24,531 I suppose it has a mind of its own, doesn't it? 418 00:25:26,891 --> 00:25:29,011 It's May versus Schwarzenegger! 419 00:25:33,211 --> 00:25:36,049 In truth, the jump start didn't really matter 420 00:25:36,050 --> 00:25:38,409 because I was on standard road tyres 421 00:25:38,410 --> 00:25:42,451 and this path was so craggy, he was always going to be faster anyway. 422 00:25:44,611 --> 00:25:47,209 Look at the size of the tyres on that thing. 423 00:25:47,210 --> 00:25:49,089 Ah, God, he's miles in front. 424 00:25:49,090 --> 00:25:52,129 Right, if you're thinking of placing a bet on this at home, 425 00:25:52,130 --> 00:25:54,969 here are the odds. Team Terminator, with the TerraMax, 426 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:57,411 they can go over terrain that I can't manage, 427 00:25:57,412 --> 00:25:59,570 and the boffins who built it 428 00:25:59,571 --> 00:26:03,691 have programmed satellite maps of the whole area into its brain. 429 00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:07,489 So it already has a pretty good idea of where to go. 430 00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:10,971 And if they want, they can take control of it remotely, 431 00:26:10,972 --> 00:26:12,531 like a drone. 432 00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,531 Team Top Gear, with the Range Rover, 433 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:20,250 you have me, possibly the greatest off-road vehicle in the world, 434 00:26:20,251 --> 00:26:22,570 and higher speed. 435 00:26:22,571 --> 00:26:26,210 I also have Land Rover's Terrain Response system, 436 00:26:26,211 --> 00:26:29,289 which allows you to select different settings for the car 437 00:26:29,290 --> 00:26:31,851 depending on the type of surface you're on. 438 00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:35,250 But there is a new feature - 439 00:26:35,251 --> 00:26:37,009 you can now push the knob down 440 00:26:37,010 --> 00:26:38,689 and it goes into automatic mode, 441 00:26:38,690 --> 00:26:42,249 and then the car will work out for itself, believe it or not, 442 00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:44,049 what sort of terrain you're on, 443 00:26:44,050 --> 00:26:46,611 what ride height you need, all the rest of it. 444 00:26:48,331 --> 00:26:50,689 Right now, though, it was speed I needed, 445 00:26:50,690 --> 00:26:54,371 and with these tyres on this terrain I wasn't getting any. 446 00:26:56,011 --> 00:26:57,651 God above! 447 00:26:59,051 --> 00:27:00,611 That looks like a short cut. 448 00:27:02,531 --> 00:27:04,571 That is a short cut. I'll miss this. 449 00:27:05,691 --> 00:27:09,530 The short cut was a steep, slippery slope. 450 00:27:09,531 --> 00:27:11,691 Right, hill descent. 451 00:27:15,131 --> 00:27:16,491 Here we go. 452 00:27:17,571 --> 00:27:18,851 Whoa! 453 00:27:20,691 --> 00:27:22,051 Whoa, that's steep. 454 00:27:25,771 --> 00:27:27,571 I'm losing it! No, I'm not! 455 00:27:30,211 --> 00:27:31,611 Whoa-ho! 456 00:27:32,931 --> 00:27:35,131 Oh, God, he's there. 457 00:27:36,611 --> 00:27:38,530 And sure enough... 458 00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:40,451 Yes! Take that, Robocop! 459 00:27:43,011 --> 00:27:45,009 And things could only get better 460 00:27:45,010 --> 00:27:48,011 because ahead of me lay a fast, sandy track. 461 00:27:54,491 --> 00:27:55,571 Wahey! 462 00:27:58,251 --> 00:28:02,570 This is the 510-horsepower supercharged Range Rover. 463 00:28:02,571 --> 00:28:06,450 You'd be mad to buy this in Britain. It's so thirsty! 464 00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:09,411 Makes sense out here, though, and it makes sense doing this. 465 00:28:14,771 --> 00:28:17,051 I've no idea where Robocop is. 466 00:28:18,411 --> 00:28:20,531 But he ain't going as fast as this. 467 00:28:22,211 --> 00:28:24,930 Sadly, Robocop didn't need to, 468 00:28:24,931 --> 00:28:28,769 because the boffins back at base switched to drone mode, 469 00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:32,729 remotely deflated the tyres for better grip in tricky conditions 470 00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:35,571 and ordered it to take a short cut of its own, 471 00:28:35,572 --> 00:28:37,331 over even rougher ground. 472 00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:46,130 Wahey! 473 00:28:46,131 --> 00:28:47,810 Back on the sand track, 474 00:28:47,811 --> 00:28:50,089 I was at least reaping the benefits 475 00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:52,731 of the Range Rover's 400-kilogram diet. 476 00:28:54,491 --> 00:28:57,489 Hang on, a quick downshift to the sandy hairpin. 477 00:28:57,490 --> 00:28:59,211 Look at that, it's beautiful! 478 00:29:01,931 --> 00:29:05,170 But the TerraMax's shortcut had put it ahead 479 00:29:05,171 --> 00:29:08,091 and now the terrain was even more in its favour. 480 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:23,091 That thing's not going fast, but it is utterly relentless. It just goes. 481 00:29:32,331 --> 00:29:33,610 Moments later, 482 00:29:33,611 --> 00:29:37,211 I arrived at the ridge the TerraMax had just climbed. 483 00:29:38,691 --> 00:29:40,091 Holy moly! 484 00:29:41,091 --> 00:29:42,691 What the hell, here we go. 485 00:29:45,851 --> 00:29:47,411 Geronimo! 486 00:29:49,331 --> 00:29:50,811 Whoa! 487 00:29:54,651 --> 00:29:56,370 Did you see that? 488 00:29:56,371 --> 00:29:58,851 That is just... That is astounding! 489 00:30:01,971 --> 00:30:05,091 Meanwhile, the TerraMax was surging ahead. 490 00:30:08,691 --> 00:30:11,290 And once it had crossed the river 491 00:30:11,291 --> 00:30:16,410 it could hit its top speed of 35 miles an hour, 492 00:30:16,411 --> 00:30:19,531 which meant I had to push even harder. 493 00:30:24,571 --> 00:30:26,571 Whoa, that's deep. 494 00:30:28,571 --> 00:30:31,091 Whoa, that's getting a bit dicey! 495 00:30:32,691 --> 00:30:33,851 Whoa! 496 00:30:35,651 --> 00:30:37,251 Whoa-ho! 497 00:30:38,371 --> 00:30:40,891 It really is astonishing, this thing. 498 00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,370 Let's hear you cheering, Birmingham. 499 00:30:45,371 --> 00:30:50,250 Here we go. This will wade up to 36 inches, this car. 500 00:30:50,251 --> 00:30:52,689 That's more than a Land Rover Defender, 501 00:30:52,690 --> 00:30:55,649 more than the old car would. The air intakes have been moved up 502 00:30:55,650 --> 00:30:58,609 to the top of the bonnet, so the water doesn't get in the engine. 503 00:30:58,610 --> 00:31:00,411 If there's no holes in the river, 504 00:31:00,412 --> 00:31:03,211 I'm across! Yes! 505 00:31:08,691 --> 00:31:12,970 Back on smooth ground, I could now close down the TerraMax. 506 00:31:12,971 --> 00:31:15,290 Where is he? 507 00:31:15,291 --> 00:31:17,371 No sign of the metal bastard. 508 00:31:19,411 --> 00:31:21,490 Actually, the driverless swine 509 00:31:21,491 --> 00:31:23,971 was starting its ascent of the final hill. 510 00:31:26,971 --> 00:31:30,091 There's Arnie! I'm on his six. 511 00:31:31,251 --> 00:31:33,889 Now, I could follow that thing, then just try and overtake 512 00:31:33,890 --> 00:31:36,009 at the last minute in a rush to the finish line, 513 00:31:36,010 --> 00:31:38,249 but I don't think that will work, to be honest, 514 00:31:38,250 --> 00:31:41,411 cos it's just going to end up somewhere where I can't go. 515 00:31:43,091 --> 00:31:45,531 On the map, Arnie's route was shorter 516 00:31:45,532 --> 00:31:47,850 but also clearly steeper, 517 00:31:47,851 --> 00:31:51,051 so I went for a longer, shallower track. 518 00:31:55,211 --> 00:31:57,171 Here we go. And it's smooth and good. 519 00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:03,051 That's where I'm going. I can see a whiff of the orange smoke. 520 00:32:06,251 --> 00:32:07,891 Heh-heh! This is excellent. 521 00:32:09,371 --> 00:32:11,490 Lost sight of Arnie. 522 00:32:11,491 --> 00:32:13,891 Absolutely no idea where it is. 523 00:32:16,651 --> 00:32:19,291 Whilst Arnie ploughed relentlessly upwards, 524 00:32:19,292 --> 00:32:22,091 my gamble started to backfire. 525 00:32:26,651 --> 00:32:29,451 This is getting tricky. Ah! Calm down, man. 526 00:32:33,131 --> 00:32:34,451 Jeez, it's getting worse. 527 00:32:37,931 --> 00:32:41,529 I'm sorry, I really can't do it much faster than this. 528 00:32:41,530 --> 00:32:45,929 I'll just pull a tyre off or smack something, then it will be over. 529 00:32:45,930 --> 00:32:48,371 The summit was now just half a mile away. 530 00:32:49,851 --> 00:32:52,489 He could be just the other side of that rise. 531 00:32:52,490 --> 00:32:54,611 I just... I've got no way of knowing. 532 00:32:56,531 --> 00:32:58,650 There's the orange smoke. 533 00:32:58,651 --> 00:33:00,810 Here we go, here we go. 534 00:33:00,811 --> 00:33:03,891 Here's the chequered flag! And... 535 00:33:05,571 --> 00:33:07,171 No TerraMax! 536 00:33:08,211 --> 00:33:10,571 Yes! Ha-ha! 537 00:33:11,651 --> 00:33:14,210 I thank you! 538 00:33:14,211 --> 00:33:17,929 How about that? An intelligent machine driven by a computer 539 00:33:17,930 --> 00:33:21,569 has been beaten by the intelligent machine driven by a human being, 540 00:33:21,570 --> 00:33:23,889 which is exactly as it should be, of course. 541 00:33:23,890 --> 00:33:27,529 We... are still the most important component in a car, 542 00:33:27,530 --> 00:33:30,091 and if we weren't, we'd all be doomed! 543 00:33:45,291 --> 00:33:46,730 Why... 544 00:33:46,731 --> 00:33:49,890 Why can't you walk on slippery surfaces? 545 00:33:49,891 --> 00:33:53,529 I don't like low traction. Yeah, but why do you need traction? It's you. 546 00:33:53,530 --> 00:33:56,729 You're not moving quickly or changing direction suddenly, are you? 547 00:33:56,730 --> 00:33:58,009 No, and the other thing is, 548 00:33:58,010 --> 00:34:01,129 I think I could have done the Range Rover test a bit more quickly. 549 00:34:01,130 --> 00:34:03,289 Really? No, you could. All you have to say is, 550 00:34:03,290 --> 00:34:05,049 at the front there's too much bling, 551 00:34:05,050 --> 00:34:06,689 at the back the boot is too small, 552 00:34:06,690 --> 00:34:10,009 and everything in between is utterly, utterly outstanding. 553 00:34:10,010 --> 00:34:12,609 You could have added that because it's so much lighter 554 00:34:12,610 --> 00:34:14,969 than the previous model, it's much more economical. 555 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:17,169 Yeah. There we are, we've covered everything. 556 00:34:17,170 --> 00:34:19,569 Could we get onto that TerraMax, actually? Yes. 557 00:34:19,570 --> 00:34:23,609 Cos that was built to take supplies to the front line in a battlefield. 558 00:34:23,610 --> 00:34:26,249 That's the idea, that you don't endanger any soldiers. 559 00:34:26,250 --> 00:34:28,649 You send the truck by itself. And that makes sense 560 00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:31,289 but you know Google, and indeed, Oxford University 561 00:34:31,290 --> 00:34:34,449 are currently working on a driverless car that we can all buy, 562 00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:36,611 and I'm sorry but I can't see the point. 563 00:34:36,612 --> 00:34:38,010 No, neither can I. 564 00:34:38,011 --> 00:34:42,570 "My car has arrived at work. I'm not in it, but..." 565 00:34:42,571 --> 00:34:45,249 "I sent the car into town to do the shopping!" 566 00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:47,969 Pity it hasn't got any arms. The school run, perhaps, 567 00:34:47,970 --> 00:34:50,249 you could send the kids off while you stay in bed 568 00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:52,489 but other than that, utterly pointless. 569 00:34:52,490 --> 00:34:56,411 Anyway, it's now time to put a star in our reasonably priced car. 570 00:34:56,412 --> 00:35:00,650 Now, my guest tonight likes bikes and is incredibly tiny. 571 00:35:00,651 --> 00:35:05,650 Oh, is it me?! Have you ever seen Keira Knightley naked? 572 00:35:05,651 --> 00:35:07,330 Yes. Really? 573 00:35:07,331 --> 00:35:10,971 No. Well, he has, and he's kissed Angelina Jolie. Oh, I've done that! 574 00:35:10,972 --> 00:35:12,890 No, you haven't. In my mind. 575 00:35:12,891 --> 00:35:15,251 Ladies and gentlemen, James McAvoy! 576 00:35:18,291 --> 00:35:21,731 How are you? Good. Nice to see you. Thank you very much. 577 00:35:22,971 --> 00:35:24,770 Have a seat. 578 00:35:24,771 --> 00:35:31,410 So Atonement, Last King Of Scotland, X-Men, and now you crown it all. 579 00:35:31,411 --> 00:35:34,129 The Bill. I was in The Bill. The Bill, as well? I was in The Bill. 580 00:35:34,130 --> 00:35:37,371 You don't crown that, but this is Top Gear - second best to The Bill. 581 00:35:37,372 --> 00:35:38,530 Yes! 582 00:35:38,531 --> 00:35:42,251 Now, the guests we've had recently - Mick Fleetwood, Amy Macdonald - 583 00:35:42,252 --> 00:35:47,130 really quite good car histories. Yours is shocking. Is it? OK. 584 00:35:47,131 --> 00:35:50,491 I think you're the first man we've ever had sit in that seat 585 00:35:50,492 --> 00:35:53,210 who once owned a Nissan Micra. Oh! 586 00:35:53,211 --> 00:35:56,129 Listen, I was very proud of that car and I have to say, 587 00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:59,571 that car was not even one litre and it went like the clappers! 588 00:35:59,572 --> 00:36:01,890 It didn't. It did. Oh, no! 589 00:36:01,891 --> 00:36:05,051 No, no, because you moved from that to something not much better. 590 00:36:05,052 --> 00:36:08,170 It was called a Renault Clio. 591 00:36:08,171 --> 00:36:10,650 And it was a 1.2. 592 00:36:10,651 --> 00:36:13,330 Five door, my friend! 593 00:36:13,331 --> 00:36:16,930 And it had a fantastic heating system. Did it? 594 00:36:16,931 --> 00:36:20,371 It did, it warmed up very quickly, much warmer than my new car, 595 00:36:20,372 --> 00:36:22,570 which is an Audi Q3 now. 596 00:36:22,571 --> 00:36:27,089 I actually said the other day, it's the dreariest car in the world. 597 00:36:27,090 --> 00:36:29,729 But anyway, let's gloss over that. Right, go. 598 00:36:29,730 --> 00:36:33,129 Because the problem you had is you didn't pass your driving test 599 00:36:33,130 --> 00:36:37,011 till really quite recently. I passed it about four years ago. 600 00:36:37,012 --> 00:36:41,810 I first took my driving test for a TV show called State Of Play 601 00:36:41,811 --> 00:36:43,170 and then failed. 602 00:36:43,171 --> 00:36:46,369 So I just thought, "To hell with it," and I started riding motorbikes 603 00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:48,769 and then four years ago I was having a baby 604 00:36:48,770 --> 00:36:51,929 so I thought I'd better learn how to drive and I finally passed my test. 605 00:36:51,930 --> 00:36:54,129 I was just thinking, there was a Channel 4 thing 606 00:36:54,130 --> 00:36:56,369 called Shameless you were in. Mm. 607 00:36:56,370 --> 00:36:58,449 You drove in that, I'm sure you drove. 608 00:36:58,450 --> 00:37:01,249 I played a car thief in that and I have to say... 609 00:37:01,250 --> 00:37:04,531 I have to say, that Channel 4 never once asked me 610 00:37:04,532 --> 00:37:08,970 for a driver's license, so how they got insurance, I don't know! 611 00:37:08,971 --> 00:37:13,010 Now, you say you were into bikes before cars, 612 00:37:13,011 --> 00:37:15,130 so what was your first bike? 613 00:37:15,131 --> 00:37:20,051 My first bike was not really a bike, my first bike was a Vespa. Oh, God! 614 00:37:20,052 --> 00:37:22,330 It was a scooter. 615 00:37:22,331 --> 00:37:24,931 I drove one of those all the way across Vietnam 616 00:37:24,932 --> 00:37:29,050 and they are death traps. Right. Did you fall off yours? 617 00:37:29,051 --> 00:37:30,570 I did fall off mine. 618 00:37:30,571 --> 00:37:35,010 Within...28 hours of owning one for the first time, 619 00:37:35,011 --> 00:37:38,649 I found myself illegally, by accident, on the North Circular. 620 00:37:38,650 --> 00:37:41,329 I was at... you know those big roundabout junctions 621 00:37:41,330 --> 00:37:45,289 you get on the North Circular, with a guy in a Maserati behind me, 622 00:37:45,290 --> 00:37:47,249 revving his engine and beeping me 623 00:37:47,250 --> 00:37:49,489 because he was angry that I was on the North Circular. 624 00:37:49,490 --> 00:37:51,649 I thought, "I'm trying to get off - give me a break." 625 00:37:51,650 --> 00:37:54,329 So the lights go green and I was under so much pressure 626 00:37:54,330 --> 00:37:55,809 that I revved off too quickly 627 00:37:55,810 --> 00:37:58,609 and, going round a corner, you know you get all that dust 628 00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:00,569 and gravel at the edge, I went into it. 629 00:38:00,570 --> 00:38:03,689 The thing span away from me and went about 30 feet down the road 630 00:38:03,690 --> 00:38:06,769 and that was my second day as a biker, so... That was... 631 00:38:06,770 --> 00:38:10,131 Cos I can remember once, being in a Maserati on the North Circular... 632 00:38:12,851 --> 00:38:15,409 No, I'll gloss over that. A green Vespa, yeah? 633 00:38:15,410 --> 00:38:19,689 Anyway, your new film, which I went to see last night. Right. It's good. 634 00:38:19,690 --> 00:38:22,529 Thanks very much, cheers. Good! Yeah, we're very proud of it. 635 00:38:22,530 --> 00:38:23,969 It's called Welcome To The Punch. 636 00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:27,051 We have a clip, which I'd like to show for you now. 637 00:38:27,052 --> 00:38:28,211 Sternwood! 638 00:38:33,451 --> 00:38:35,731 Can we just take a step back for a minute? 639 00:38:36,891 --> 00:38:39,651 Max is an inch away from piecing all this together. 640 00:38:47,651 --> 00:38:49,371 Move! Go! 641 00:38:52,091 --> 00:38:53,451 We'll end this tonight. 642 00:38:55,851 --> 00:38:58,051 And when it's over, you'll go to prison. 643 00:39:08,011 --> 00:39:10,291 Why don't we let off some fireworks while we're at it? 644 00:39:11,971 --> 00:39:14,371 That is properly good. 645 00:39:16,851 --> 00:39:19,969 I really did enjoy that, but a couple of questions from that. 646 00:39:19,970 --> 00:39:23,009 Number one - that's an Alpha 159 you're driving. 647 00:39:23,010 --> 00:39:25,009 Did you not think when you were driving that, 648 00:39:25,010 --> 00:39:26,889 "This is better than my Audi Q3?" 649 00:39:26,890 --> 00:39:28,931 I didn't have an Audi Q3 at the time, 650 00:39:28,932 --> 00:39:32,170 I think I had a Citroen C3 Picasso. Ugh! 651 00:39:32,171 --> 00:39:34,450 This gets worse! 652 00:39:34,451 --> 00:39:38,089 The other thing I noticed in that is your beard, which you still have. 653 00:39:38,090 --> 00:39:42,009 Now, this is because you're in... Macbeth. I'm trans-gingered. 654 00:39:42,010 --> 00:39:46,051 Were you surprised when you grew it and it was orange? Er... 655 00:39:48,091 --> 00:39:50,889 You know, your hair's not orange. And I'm not orange down there. 656 00:39:50,890 --> 00:39:54,769 You're not orange there? People ask me do I dye my top, but I don't. 657 00:39:54,770 --> 00:39:57,649 So do you know why it's orange? Was it disappointing to be orange? 658 00:39:57,650 --> 00:39:59,689 I don't know why it's red, but I dig it, I like it. 659 00:39:59,690 --> 00:40:02,769 I don't need a comment, but I like it. I'm... 660 00:40:02,770 --> 00:40:04,451 I'm fine with an orange beard. 661 00:40:06,771 --> 00:40:09,409 Erm, now, I believe it was Michael Fassbender, 662 00:40:09,410 --> 00:40:13,169 a former guest here, who suggested we should contact you to get you on 663 00:40:13,170 --> 00:40:16,689 cos he said you'd love it. I would love it, yeah. And did you? 664 00:40:16,690 --> 00:40:19,969 I did love it. He's been your driving partner, hasn't he? 665 00:40:19,970 --> 00:40:23,409 He's been... We would operate... I don't know what you'd call it, 666 00:40:23,410 --> 00:40:26,649 but you know when you get the motorbikes with the sidecar racing 667 00:40:26,650 --> 00:40:29,249 and you get the guy on the side doing the counterbalance? 668 00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:31,531 We would do that for each other, taking it in turns, 669 00:40:31,532 --> 00:40:37,170 on a golf buggy... erm, when we made X-Men. 670 00:40:37,171 --> 00:40:39,369 Our golf buggy was, thankfully, restricted, 671 00:40:39,370 --> 00:40:42,689 but we got into our director's golf buggy one day, unknowingly, 672 00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:45,451 which had been de-restricted and I think it went the grand total 673 00:40:45,452 --> 00:40:48,450 of 17 miles an hour or something like that. 674 00:40:48,451 --> 00:40:52,369 Anyway, I was driving, Michael was in the back doing counterbalance, 675 00:40:52,370 --> 00:40:54,089 and I'm here, passenger seat here. 676 00:40:54,090 --> 00:40:55,929 There's a seat here, passenger bit, 677 00:40:55,930 --> 00:40:59,049 then another passenger bit there and then a little footplate here. 678 00:40:59,050 --> 00:41:01,369 He's on the footplate, hanging on, going like that 679 00:41:01,370 --> 00:41:03,569 when I'm going that way, all this kind of thing. 680 00:41:03,570 --> 00:41:05,451 He gave me such good counterbalance, 681 00:41:05,452 --> 00:41:09,130 it just flipped, and when it sort of landed again 682 00:41:09,131 --> 00:41:12,449 it caught so much traction that we just launched forward. 683 00:41:12,450 --> 00:41:17,011 Anyway, we launched into the back of a Lexus. 684 00:41:17,034 --> 00:41:19,072 And, erm... 685 00:41:19,073 --> 00:41:23,352 And I flew forward, smacked my face off the windscreen 686 00:41:23,353 --> 00:41:25,473 and the next thing I knew I was about 15 feet 687 00:41:25,474 --> 00:41:29,232 away from the actual golf buggy, lying on the ground. 688 00:41:29,233 --> 00:41:32,312 I looked up and Michael had somehow managed, 689 00:41:32,313 --> 00:41:36,391 with a roof and two passenger seats, then the driver's seat there, 690 00:41:36,402 --> 00:41:37,881 had managed to fly forward 691 00:41:37,882 --> 00:41:41,563 and he was sitting in the driver's seat, just looking... 692 00:41:41,564 --> 00:41:45,602 And his shins were like Niagara Falls of blood. 693 00:41:45,603 --> 00:41:47,962 He was just cut to shribbons. 694 00:41:47,963 --> 00:41:50,481 There's something about a golf buggy which is... 695 00:41:50,482 --> 00:41:53,521 They should never be used for golf, totally wasted! 696 00:41:53,522 --> 00:41:55,681 Anyway, listen, if I'm honest with you, 697 00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:58,521 when I heard that you were able to come on, I was very excited. 698 00:41:58,522 --> 00:42:01,043 I thought, "He's only been driving 25 minutes, 699 00:42:01,044 --> 00:42:04,042 "there's no way he's going to be any good." 700 00:42:04,043 --> 00:42:06,962 So are we ready to see if he was or not? 701 00:42:06,963 --> 00:42:09,003 Yeah! Let's play the lap! 702 00:42:13,923 --> 00:42:16,723 Right, here we go. Drumchapel, this is for you. 703 00:42:18,763 --> 00:42:22,242 Clear your throat. The mighty Kia Cee'd. 704 00:42:22,243 --> 00:42:23,923 Did you get the corner right? 705 00:42:23,924 --> 00:42:25,843 Looking good. 706 00:42:28,763 --> 00:42:31,123 A lot of tortured tyres, but we're through safely. 707 00:42:31,124 --> 00:42:33,762 Dirty little Kia! 708 00:42:33,763 --> 00:42:38,002 It's only cos you had a few offs in practice that it's dirty. 709 00:42:38,003 --> 00:42:41,203 It's a clean, legs-together sort of car. 710 00:42:43,043 --> 00:42:46,401 Why do I keep checking my BLEEP rear-view mirror? 711 00:42:46,402 --> 00:42:49,121 There's nobody there anyway... except my dust! 712 00:42:49,122 --> 00:42:53,523 You would be amazed how many people do that - mirror, signal, manoeuvre. 713 00:42:59,683 --> 00:43:01,521 It looks much slower than it felt. 714 00:43:01,522 --> 00:43:04,241 Yeah, no, it's awful, that, but the slower it looks, sometimes, 715 00:43:04,242 --> 00:43:05,321 the faster you are. 716 00:43:05,322 --> 00:43:06,923 Come on, come on, come on. 717 00:43:08,883 --> 00:43:12,121 Argh, you end up speaking like a movie, it's ridiculous. 718 00:43:12,122 --> 00:43:14,163 "Come on, come on, come on." Listen to me. 719 00:43:14,164 --> 00:43:16,282 You've got to talk to them. 720 00:43:16,283 --> 00:43:19,761 They look like machines, but they're not really. Close to the tyres? 721 00:43:19,762 --> 00:43:21,881 Oh, yes, that was close! Lewis Hamilton close! 722 00:43:21,882 --> 00:43:25,641 Wobbled the camera. Second-to-last corner, two bites at the cherry. 723 00:43:25,642 --> 00:43:27,483 Yes, but through and not off, 724 00:43:27,484 --> 00:43:31,202 and that's good and now we come back to Gambon... 725 00:43:31,203 --> 00:43:33,643 A lot of understeer... Oh, my God! 726 00:43:39,763 --> 00:43:43,601 Which way did you end up facing? Straight, I went straight on. 727 00:43:43,602 --> 00:43:46,721 The car was completely... Yeah, but I got it back, though. 728 00:43:46,722 --> 00:43:49,441 You got it back?! Yeah. You must be a hell of a quick learner 729 00:43:49,442 --> 00:43:51,641 cos for someone who's only been driving for, well, 730 00:43:51,642 --> 00:43:54,361 not very long, to be able to... It didn't look too bad at all. 731 00:43:54,362 --> 00:43:56,801 It was great fun. Thank you so much for letting me have a go. 732 00:43:56,802 --> 00:43:59,563 Oh, man, it was fantastic! I don't need to know my time! 733 00:44:01,883 --> 00:44:05,362 Right, so where do you think that you came? 734 00:44:05,363 --> 00:44:07,882 I think I should have got... 735 00:44:07,883 --> 00:44:12,802 about 1.43 probably and I kept messing up 736 00:44:12,803 --> 00:44:17,081 one of the turns in particular, so I think I've got about 1.45. 737 00:44:17,082 --> 00:44:19,881 Well, I like your ambition! Thanks very much. 738 00:44:19,882 --> 00:44:23,201 It is ambitious! So you're thinking 1.45 somewhere. 739 00:44:23,202 --> 00:44:25,683 Well, you did it, James McAvoy, in... 740 00:44:27,003 --> 00:44:28,123 one... 741 00:44:29,683 --> 00:44:30,723 forty... 742 00:44:33,163 --> 00:44:34,922 three... 743 00:44:34,923 --> 00:44:37,883 point six! You made your goal! Oh! 744 00:44:46,683 --> 00:44:48,922 Look at that! 745 00:44:48,923 --> 00:44:51,681 Oh! That's brilliant! I cannot believe that! 746 00:44:51,682 --> 00:44:54,121 Oh, my God, I actually didn't do too badly! 747 00:44:54,122 --> 00:44:56,721 He's actually breathing a sigh of relief, cos I don't think 748 00:44:56,722 --> 00:44:59,721 he would have wanted you to go faster. Fassbender is... 749 00:44:59,722 --> 00:45:01,601 That's a genuinely pleased man! 750 00:45:01,602 --> 00:45:04,763 I'm really, really pleased because I've had the premonition of me 751 00:45:04,764 --> 00:45:06,522 going round the track 752 00:45:06,523 --> 00:45:10,922 and I've always thought I'd flip the car, I'd roll it badly 753 00:45:10,923 --> 00:45:12,881 and, erm, so I really did believe 754 00:45:12,882 --> 00:45:15,361 that I'd be down in the bottom quarter. 755 00:45:15,362 --> 00:45:18,923 Well, you're not. Yes! Ladies and gentlemen, James McAvoy! 756 00:45:27,363 --> 00:45:32,562 Now, the population of Britain is getting older 757 00:45:32,563 --> 00:45:35,841 and yet cars seem to be getting more and more complicated 758 00:45:35,842 --> 00:45:37,923 and fiddly, which is why, earlier on, Jeremy 759 00:45:37,924 --> 00:45:42,362 and I decided to make a car specifically for old people. 760 00:45:42,363 --> 00:45:45,043 And now it's time to test it on the road. 761 00:45:52,363 --> 00:45:55,801 The location for this maiden voyage was Christchurch, 762 00:45:55,802 --> 00:45:59,201 the south-coast town with a larger percentage of elderly 763 00:45:59,202 --> 00:46:01,603 residents than anywhere else in Britain. 764 00:46:03,043 --> 00:46:07,243 It's the perfect place, then, to test our new car. 765 00:46:19,563 --> 00:46:22,923 Now, listen, I've got a couple of questions for you. 766 00:46:22,924 --> 00:46:24,762 First of all, this. 767 00:46:24,763 --> 00:46:26,562 Yeah. 768 00:46:26,563 --> 00:46:29,963 Underneath the brake pedal, I've fitted one of these... 769 00:46:29,964 --> 00:46:34,282 so you know which pedal you're hitting. Oh, I see! 770 00:46:34,283 --> 00:46:37,363 So there's no chance of unintended acceleration. 771 00:46:37,364 --> 00:46:40,882 Yeah, that's a big problem solved. 772 00:46:40,883 --> 00:46:43,322 Am I pushing the right pedal? 773 00:46:43,323 --> 00:46:48,522 Yes, I am! There's an audible reminder! That's brilliant! 774 00:46:48,523 --> 00:46:54,082 Not only that, but the nature of the noise... Yes, it's funny. 775 00:46:54,083 --> 00:46:56,243 When it comes to cadence braking... 776 00:46:56,244 --> 00:46:58,882 Oh, that is lovely! 777 00:46:58,883 --> 00:47:01,843 Cos a cadence-braking situation is a panic situation, 778 00:47:01,844 --> 00:47:04,603 but that sprinkles some comedy into it. 779 00:47:06,403 --> 00:47:08,561 And then the next one I've got, really, is this. 780 00:47:08,562 --> 00:47:12,563 Well, I've been thorough here and addressed all the senses, look. 781 00:47:12,564 --> 00:47:15,842 Magnifying glass. Let's have a look. 782 00:47:15,843 --> 00:47:17,522 Oooh! 783 00:47:17,523 --> 00:47:21,522 'Of course, the main improvement we'd made 784 00:47:21,523 --> 00:47:25,122 'was the new easy-to-use dashboard.' 785 00:47:25,123 --> 00:47:28,083 Hammond, would you like to set the sat nav, please? 786 00:47:28,084 --> 00:47:31,922 Yep, we have a choice of four destinations - 787 00:47:31,923 --> 00:47:35,401 home, post office, Peggy's house or bingo. Yes, we do. What do you fancy? 788 00:47:35,402 --> 00:47:38,683 A bit of bingo? I fancy a bit of bingo. A bit of bingo. It's in. 789 00:47:38,684 --> 00:47:40,602 There you go. 790 00:47:40,603 --> 00:47:42,842 You have selected bingo. 791 00:47:42,843 --> 00:47:46,481 If you wouldn't mind turning left, that would be smashing. 792 00:47:46,482 --> 00:47:49,681 You see, now that's what I call a sat-nav instruction! 793 00:47:49,682 --> 00:47:51,721 It's so much better than the German ones. 794 00:47:51,722 --> 00:47:54,721 GO LEFT AT ZE NEXT ROUNDABOUT OR YOU WILL BE SHOT! 795 00:47:54,722 --> 00:47:57,563 Who wants to be told by a German where to go? I know! 796 00:47:57,564 --> 00:48:00,202 Or a young German. Well, that! 797 00:48:00,203 --> 00:48:04,603 Continue straight on. This area was bombed during the war, you know. 798 00:48:04,604 --> 00:48:10,082 Oh, you see! Those are the details you want. War, rationing... 799 00:48:10,083 --> 00:48:13,602 'Next we tested my new speedometer.' 800 00:48:13,603 --> 00:48:15,723 Taking it up to five! 801 00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:18,883 Seven. 802 00:48:20,163 --> 00:48:21,763 Nine miles an hour! 803 00:48:22,763 --> 00:48:23,883 And into fourth. 804 00:48:26,963 --> 00:48:28,803 Go straight on. Ten! 805 00:48:31,003 --> 00:48:33,083 'But then... disaster.' 806 00:48:36,483 --> 00:48:40,003 It's gone! What? The cat! No! 807 00:48:41,923 --> 00:48:45,682 'The cat had not fared well.' It's dead! 808 00:48:45,683 --> 00:48:50,002 'Then a young policeman arrived.' Where was the cat before? 809 00:48:50,003 --> 00:48:54,202 There, but... Is it your cat? It's dead. 810 00:48:54,203 --> 00:48:57,282 And its name? Tiddles. Dead. 811 00:48:57,283 --> 00:48:59,523 Tiddles? Ex-cat. 812 00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:05,483 After giving the cat a decent burial... 813 00:49:10,523 --> 00:49:12,163 we reached the bingo hall... 814 00:49:13,243 --> 00:49:15,922 You have arrived! Lovely! 815 00:49:15,923 --> 00:49:19,322 And went off to find a parking space. 816 00:49:19,323 --> 00:49:23,083 Right, there's one, look, next to that Focus. 817 00:49:25,923 --> 00:49:28,243 Are you shuffling the wheel? Yes. 818 00:49:30,483 --> 00:49:32,962 These are lovely crashers. 819 00:49:32,963 --> 00:49:38,162 No damage whatsoever to any vehicle in this car park. 820 00:49:38,163 --> 00:49:40,362 Three and six, 36. 821 00:49:40,363 --> 00:49:45,322 We expected bingo to be very relaxing. Eight and one, 81. 822 00:49:45,323 --> 00:49:48,282 But it wasn't. Two and one, 21. 823 00:49:48,283 --> 00:49:52,443 I've never concentrated so hard in my life. Two and eight, 28. Oh! 824 00:49:52,444 --> 00:49:57,002 I'm literally wetting myself! One and five, 15. It's coming out! 825 00:49:57,003 --> 00:50:00,082 All the sixes, 66. Oh! Say 86! 826 00:50:00,083 --> 00:50:03,322 Six and five, 65. Yes! Oh, boll...! 827 00:50:03,323 --> 00:50:08,042 'Even though we'd lost 17 shillings, we'd had a great time.' 828 00:50:08,043 --> 00:50:10,522 Exciting! Was it ever?! 829 00:50:10,523 --> 00:50:13,002 'But afterwards there was an issue.' 830 00:50:13,003 --> 00:50:15,483 Now, Jeremy, can I ask you a question? 831 00:50:15,484 --> 00:50:19,882 Can you remember where we parked our car? No, Richard, I can't. 832 00:50:19,883 --> 00:50:22,401 This is a common problem, and not just for the elderly, 833 00:50:22,402 --> 00:50:25,601 which is why, you may have noticed, on top of our car was a box. 834 00:50:25,602 --> 00:50:28,761 In that box is a special feature that I can activate 835 00:50:28,762 --> 00:50:31,003 if I press this button on the key fob. 836 00:50:34,163 --> 00:50:35,402 There it is! 837 00:50:35,403 --> 00:50:38,002 You see, this activates a flare 838 00:50:38,003 --> 00:50:42,163 and we now know to head in that direction. 839 00:50:43,603 --> 00:50:46,762 Very quickly, we found the correct car park, 840 00:50:46,763 --> 00:50:49,683 but we still couldn't find the car. 841 00:50:53,763 --> 00:50:56,563 You're the height of most elderly people. 842 00:50:56,564 --> 00:51:01,202 Can you see our car in this car park? No. No, I can't. 843 00:51:01,203 --> 00:51:05,243 And that's why, if I press this button... 844 00:51:08,963 --> 00:51:10,802 You see? 845 00:51:10,803 --> 00:51:14,843 So it's brilliant - the flare guides us to the rough position 846 00:51:14,844 --> 00:51:19,923 and the balloon takes us to the precise location of the car. 847 00:51:21,243 --> 00:51:24,562 'Having wound in the balloon locator system, 848 00:51:24,563 --> 00:51:28,523 'we decided to find out how our car would go down with some 849 00:51:28,524 --> 00:51:34,162 'actual old people, so we set off to an old people's home.' 850 00:51:34,163 --> 00:51:37,161 Turn right at the newfangled mini roundabout. 851 00:51:37,162 --> 00:51:41,523 'And on the way, I showed Hammond another of my special features.' 852 00:51:42,843 --> 00:51:45,963 Now, the radio, Hammond - just one station. 853 00:51:50,483 --> 00:51:53,722 It's the music from the Horse Of The Year Show 854 00:51:53,723 --> 00:51:57,081 and old people love that cos you can clap along to it. Very nice. 855 00:51:57,082 --> 00:52:00,641 It doesn't tune in to any other stations? No, that's it. 856 00:52:00,642 --> 00:52:04,041 It plays it on a loop constantly. Why do you want anything else? 857 00:52:04,042 --> 00:52:07,201 What if you get in your car after your children have been 858 00:52:07,202 --> 00:52:09,923 driving it and they've left it tuned to Radio One?! 859 00:52:09,924 --> 00:52:14,762 Or worse still, Radio Two and that talk-show man who does... 860 00:52:14,763 --> 00:52:15,961 Jeremy Vine. There you go. 861 00:52:15,962 --> 00:52:18,123 Those difficult topics - they're unsuitable. 862 00:52:18,124 --> 00:52:20,922 What, like pregnancy? Exactly! 863 00:52:20,923 --> 00:52:23,283 'However, there was a problem.' 864 00:52:27,763 --> 00:52:30,681 I can't stop clapping! I can't stop clapping. 865 00:52:30,682 --> 00:52:34,721 This is a massive design fault! This isn't safe! Turn it off! 866 00:52:34,722 --> 00:52:38,203 'Eventually, we arrived at the old people's home...' 867 00:52:40,083 --> 00:52:42,842 Well done, that was lovely. 868 00:52:42,843 --> 00:52:45,962 '..And went to find the testing team.' 869 00:52:45,963 --> 00:52:51,122 So you're Miriam? I am, yes. And you're Betty? Yes. I'm Barbara. 870 00:52:51,123 --> 00:52:55,241 You're Barbara. And this is the car that... What is she called? 871 00:52:55,242 --> 00:52:58,683 This is The James. It's called The James. James? The James. 872 00:52:58,684 --> 00:53:02,802 A Rover James. Oh, it's a Rover, yes? First impressions? 873 00:53:02,803 --> 00:53:05,003 What do we think? It's wonderful! 874 00:53:05,004 --> 00:53:07,642 This material is waterproof. 875 00:53:07,643 --> 00:53:12,161 Oh, good! So if there's any little accidents... Yes! ..don't you worry. 876 00:53:12,162 --> 00:53:16,201 'However, there was an issue with the Shackleton rear seating.' 877 00:53:16,202 --> 00:53:18,841 Have you got a hoist? That bit there... 878 00:53:18,842 --> 00:53:20,561 See, in the advert for the chairs, 879 00:53:20,562 --> 00:53:22,881 we were told they were very easy to get into and out of. 880 00:53:22,882 --> 00:53:26,041 Get me bottom round. Shall we get a nurse to do this? 881 00:53:26,042 --> 00:53:30,081 No, I'll do it if it kills me! Well, we'd rather it didn't! 882 00:53:30,082 --> 00:53:33,321 I was going to say... There's a lot of paperwork. I'm so sorry. 883 00:53:33,322 --> 00:53:35,761 Can I help? We're there! We're there! Hooray! 884 00:53:35,762 --> 00:53:38,203 Well done! With both our dignity nearly intact! 885 00:53:43,963 --> 00:53:45,163 Lovely. 886 00:53:48,603 --> 00:53:52,403 'With the testing team on board, we set off to the bowls club.' 887 00:53:52,404 --> 00:53:55,322 Don't overdo it, not with your back. 888 00:53:55,323 --> 00:53:59,043 Look at the speed we're going now - three miles an hour, as you can see. 889 00:53:59,044 --> 00:54:01,563 Oh, isn't this absolute fun? 890 00:54:05,083 --> 00:54:08,442 'Soon, we reached our destination.' 891 00:54:08,443 --> 00:54:12,842 Here we are, ladies, at the bowling club. Ooh, lovely! 892 00:54:12,843 --> 00:54:16,603 'And Hammond insisted I show off his new parking sensors.' 893 00:54:16,604 --> 00:54:18,442 Keep going. 894 00:54:18,443 --> 00:54:20,802 Keep going. 895 00:54:20,803 --> 00:54:23,243 You know there's no bumper on the back? 896 00:54:23,244 --> 00:54:24,842 Just keep backing up. 897 00:54:24,843 --> 00:54:27,043 Ignore the noise, pretend you can't hear it. 898 00:54:29,963 --> 00:54:32,242 What did he hit? 899 00:54:32,243 --> 00:54:36,242 External rear-mounted airbag! But... Genius! 900 00:54:36,243 --> 00:54:37,483 Excuse me a minute. 901 00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:42,442 Three quite elderly ladies in there have now all had heart attacks. 902 00:54:42,443 --> 00:54:46,602 There is that. Ladies, I do apologise for that. 903 00:54:46,603 --> 00:54:49,683 When have you ever experienced banging like that? The war. 904 00:54:49,684 --> 00:54:51,362 When the bombs dropped. 905 00:54:51,363 --> 00:54:56,082 You're saying that because these ladies lived through the war 906 00:54:56,083 --> 00:54:59,883 they're capable of dealing with a bang of that nature? Yes. 907 00:55:01,123 --> 00:55:05,883 Leaving the ladies to play bowls, we went off to buy food for a picnic. 908 00:55:05,884 --> 00:55:09,042 What about Battenberg, or is that too German? 909 00:55:09,043 --> 00:55:11,083 It is too German, isn't it? 910 00:55:14,563 --> 00:55:18,002 Sandwich spread! Potted meat! Beef spread. 911 00:55:18,003 --> 00:55:20,801 They must have ginger beer in Christchurch. 912 00:55:20,802 --> 00:55:24,081 Ginger beer's a bit racy, don't you think? No! They'll love it. 913 00:55:24,082 --> 00:55:27,243 Enid Blyton used to rub herself with it. There it is. 914 00:55:27,244 --> 00:55:33,362 Peruvian, Greek, Brazilian... Holland. Dutch. Grown in the UK! 915 00:55:33,363 --> 00:55:35,802 'With the shopping finished, 916 00:55:35,803 --> 00:55:40,402 'it was time to demonstrate yet another feature of The James.' 917 00:55:40,403 --> 00:55:44,922 If you've got osteoporosis, arthritis, lumbago... Or rheumatism. 918 00:55:44,923 --> 00:55:47,883 Or rheumatism, then lifting your heavy shopping into the boot 919 00:55:47,884 --> 00:55:52,162 can be, well, very difficult indeed. 920 00:55:52,163 --> 00:55:55,001 But with this genius solution, not a problem. 921 00:55:55,002 --> 00:55:58,803 Bring the trolley up to the back - that's easy. Lift, drop in, job done. 922 00:55:58,804 --> 00:56:00,643 How brilliant is that?! 923 00:56:04,123 --> 00:56:07,003 'Having picked the ladies up, we set off for our picnic.' 924 00:56:08,883 --> 00:56:11,362 Where did you get that mouse from? 925 00:56:11,363 --> 00:56:14,443 It's a squeaky ball he's got underneath the brake. 926 00:56:16,243 --> 00:56:19,401 'Sadly, because it was an English summer's day, 927 00:56:19,402 --> 00:56:23,563 'it soon started to rain, which revealed a bit of a design flaw.' 928 00:56:23,564 --> 00:56:29,202 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, no, no, no! What's happened here? 929 00:56:29,203 --> 00:56:31,483 Ugh, that's a lot of water coming in now. 930 00:56:31,484 --> 00:56:34,602 This is a disaster that we've had, Hammond! 931 00:56:34,603 --> 00:56:36,681 I think some of our modifications 932 00:56:36,682 --> 00:56:39,283 have interfered with the waterproofing. 933 00:56:39,284 --> 00:56:44,002 Is it all on you, dear? It's all a stream down there. 934 00:56:44,003 --> 00:56:46,841 Look at this spirit of the Blitz going on. I know. 935 00:56:46,842 --> 00:56:50,681 This is what makes us great. The Americans would be weeping now. 936 00:56:50,682 --> 00:56:53,521 They'd be making a fuss. But what good would that do? Nothing! 937 00:56:53,522 --> 00:56:56,603 'And we had just the thing to raise our spirits even more.' 938 00:57:06,043 --> 00:57:08,281 You can't help it. You can't, can you? 939 00:57:08,282 --> 00:57:09,883 Oh, no - the constabulary. 940 00:57:09,884 --> 00:57:11,042 Oh, not again! 941 00:57:11,043 --> 00:57:14,203 Sorry, officers! Nothing to see here! 942 00:57:15,243 --> 00:57:17,321 'Eventually we arrived at exactly 943 00:57:17,322 --> 00:57:20,403 'the sort of picnic spot elderly people love.' 944 00:57:25,523 --> 00:57:30,482 There we go. Shall we pop it just here? Yeah. 945 00:57:30,483 --> 00:57:33,283 Look at that for a sunset picnic. 946 00:57:39,803 --> 00:57:43,523 'Having rescued what we could from the ruined shopping trolley...' 947 00:57:43,524 --> 00:57:47,362 Mr Kipling, bread... This is all soaked! 948 00:57:47,363 --> 00:57:49,641 '..We settled down to do what all old people do 949 00:57:49,642 --> 00:57:51,723 'when they're on a picnic together.' 950 00:58:15,683 --> 00:58:18,121 'The next morning we left Christchurch, 951 00:58:18,122 --> 00:58:21,163 'generally quite pleased with how things had gone.' 952 00:58:21,164 --> 00:58:24,723 Oh, what?! Leaking again! 953 00:58:25,923 --> 00:58:29,841 There are a few things we need to address - there's the waterproofing, 954 00:58:29,842 --> 00:58:33,081 obviously, the Shackleton easy chairs that aren't, 955 00:58:33,082 --> 00:58:36,083 as it turns out, so easy to get in and out of, you know. 956 00:58:36,084 --> 00:58:39,562 The irresistible clapping machine. Yeah. Er... 957 00:58:39,563 --> 00:58:42,961 Hold on, if we carry on along here, we'll have to get on the motorway. 958 00:58:42,962 --> 00:58:45,203 Yes, I know, and that will give us 959 00:58:45,204 --> 00:58:52,042 the opportunity to test a feature that I fitted. What? 960 00:58:52,043 --> 00:58:55,361 Well, you know you're always reading in the newspapers about 961 00:58:55,362 --> 00:58:59,001 an old person who's driven 30 miles the wrong way down the M1? Yeah. 962 00:58:59,002 --> 00:59:02,801 Well, I've fitted something that will stop that happening. How? 963 00:59:02,802 --> 00:59:05,563 Well, no, look, you see here it's not clearly marked, 964 00:59:05,564 --> 00:59:09,602 it's easy to go the wrong way down that slip road. 965 00:59:09,603 --> 00:59:12,242 I just did. Exactly! 966 00:59:12,243 --> 00:59:13,963 Watch this - here we go. 967 00:59:17,123 --> 00:59:20,242 Oh, I see! That's clever, that's good. 968 00:59:20,243 --> 00:59:23,483 But if I miss the signs, I could just as easily miss all this. 969 00:59:23,484 --> 00:59:26,882 Yeah, OK, keep going. Oh, this is going to be... 970 00:59:26,883 --> 00:59:28,923 Keep going! 971 00:59:38,323 --> 00:59:41,042 There you go! You idiot! 972 00:59:41,043 --> 00:59:43,922 What?! Well, it's ruined! 973 00:59:43,923 --> 00:59:46,921 Yes, but it can't go on the motorway going the wrong way. 974 00:59:46,922 --> 00:59:50,641 No, we can't GO anywhere because you've exploded the car! 975 00:59:50,642 --> 00:59:53,883 We're alive, everybody on that motorway is alive, 976 00:59:53,884 --> 00:59:56,722 this is the best solution ever. 977 00:59:56,723 --> 00:59:58,923 I've wet myself again! 978 01:00:01,563 --> 01:00:04,682 Thank you, ladies! What?! 979 01:00:04,683 --> 01:00:07,963 I knew you'd have something to say about it. What? 980 01:00:07,964 --> 01:00:11,682 I think you've overdone it. What on this is overdone? 981 01:00:11,683 --> 01:00:13,801 That heater - that's too complicated. 982 01:00:13,802 --> 01:00:16,521 I said that - you don't need a button for hot and a button for cold, 983 01:00:16,522 --> 01:00:18,881 you just need one that says, "Just right." 984 01:00:18,882 --> 01:00:22,561 No, no, let's not get bogged down with details cos I think it's more 985 01:00:22,562 --> 01:00:24,761 important we express our appreciation 986 01:00:24,762 --> 01:00:26,241 for the man who provided us 987 01:00:26,242 --> 01:00:29,563 with the voice for our satellite navigation system because it was 988 01:00:29,564 --> 01:00:35,882 the lovely Richard Briers, who sadly died just last week, so thank you. 989 01:00:35,883 --> 01:00:38,363 Honour to have met him. It was. Honour to have met him. 990 01:00:41,003 --> 01:00:45,762 Anyway, next week... it is our Christmas special! 991 01:00:45,763 --> 01:00:48,203 It's hardly Christmas, is it? Not really. 992 01:00:48,204 --> 01:00:53,082 It is if you're watching this on Dave in 2016. Good point! 993 01:00:53,083 --> 01:00:57,441 Anyway, it's us in three very cheap estate cars, plunging around 994 01:00:57,442 --> 01:01:01,801 in the heart of Africa looking for the source of the River Nile. 995 01:01:01,802 --> 01:01:04,881 Now, it is in two parts. This is quite simple. 996 01:01:04,882 --> 01:01:08,641 Part one is on next Sunday, part two, the week after that. 997 01:01:08,642 --> 01:01:10,881 Yep, and they are both worth a watch 998 01:01:10,882 --> 01:01:14,881 because we do quite literally rewrite history. We do indeed. 999 01:01:14,882 --> 01:01:18,161 And, on that bombshell, time to end. Thanks for watching. 1000 01:01:18,162 --> 01:01:19,483 See you next week. Good night!