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Tonight, I eat a cabbage,

2
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James throws a bird out of a car

3
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and Richard forgets
the abbreviation for America.

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USB.

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CHEERING

6
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Hello, everybody! Good evening.
Thank you so much.

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Thank you, everybody. Now,

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I want to start by talking
about Denmark because, you see,

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00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000
over the years, this tiny little
country has contributed

10
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so much to the
betterment of mankind.

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It's given us interesting furniture,
stylish hi-fi,

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amusing children's toys
and, of course, this.

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Danish bacon, Danish butter,
wrapped in bread,

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to create the only known cure

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for vegetarianism.

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LAUGHTER

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Denmark, however,
has never made a car...until now.

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Because Denmark has
more windmills per head

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than any other country on Earth

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and because Copenhagen
is a cyclist's paradise,

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you know exactly what
sort of car it's going to be.

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Yeah, well, it isn't.

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I was also expecting Hans Christian
Andersen with windscreen wipers

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or The Little Mermaid
with door handles, but no.

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What we've got instead is this.

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A 1,086 horsepower orange monster!

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It's called the Zenvo ST1
and it is extremely fast.

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It's got a 6.8 litre V8...

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..which is supercharged
AND turbocharged.

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And that's like smearing
a habanero chilli with wasabi

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and then garnishing it
with dynamite.

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The net result is
a speedometer that can't keep up.

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It's just a blur.
138, 150, 170-something...

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My God! No, no idea!

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Apparently, however, flat out,
it will do 233mph.

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You know those Scandinavian
crime dramas,

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lots of quietly thoughtful people in
jumpers looking out of the window?

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This is nothing like that.
Nothing at all.

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So, it is very definitely
a supercar.

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And that's a problem

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because who's going to say,
"No, I don't want a Ferrari

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"or a Lamborghini
or a Pagani or a Bugatti

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"or a Porsche or an Audi R8
or a McLaren or an Aston Martin

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"I would rather spend my money
on something totally unproven,

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"preferably from a company
I've never heard of?"

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I mean, why would you do that?

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It's not like the engine is
made from the tears of an angel

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by the gods of science
and precision.

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What's more,
it has conventional suspension

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and a heavy, steel chassis.

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However, because it's
a bit last-week, you can

52
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have some old-fashioned
fun in the corners.

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Oh-ho-ho!

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'But you can also have an accident.'

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Part of the problem is that
if you engage sport or race mode,

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the traction control is disengaged.

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Now, this, according to
the - oops - chief engineer,

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makes it pretty much undrivable

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He's right.

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He is right.

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There were also some issues
with quality.

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The lights filled with condensation,

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the rear brakes didn't seem to be
working properly,

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then the clutch went.

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So the car had to go
back to Denmark.

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After a couple of weeks,
however, it was mended,

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so the Zenvo came back.

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But almost immediately...

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a cooling fan went wrong.

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Fire, fire, fire! Copy that.

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So the car became even more orange.

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And that was the end of that.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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That didn't do very well.

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How much is this thing?
How much? Mm.

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?800,000. 800?!

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LAUGHTER

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Yes. Are there any upsides to it?
Er, upsides, yes.

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The fire did get rid of
the condensation in the lights.

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LAUGHTER

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Apart from the fire?
Apart from the fire...

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Yes, it's surprisingly comfortable
and very quiet.

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Well, it would be quiet.
It was broken.

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Yes, but amazingly, they have
mended it again and it's back again.

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And now we can find out how fast
it does a lap of our track,

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or rather IF it can do
a lap of our track.

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That, of course, means handing it
over to our tame racing driver

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Some say that this week
he is wearing two layers of Nomex.

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SLOW-BUILDING LAUGHTER

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And that on a recent trip
to Cornwall,

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he stopped off for one of his
special big wees in Somerset.

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LAUGHTER

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All we know is he's called The Stig!

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CHEERING

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And he's off!

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Cautious start because
it is soaking out there today.

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Be beautiful, though, if it catches
fire. Right, first corner.

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Will it try to bite him?
Nothing so far.

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Oh, no, wait, there is
a bit of a nibble at the end.

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DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKE
SINGING ON STEREO

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Absolutely no idea what
The Stig is listening to.

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I do know, however, he is in full
race mode. No traction control

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He is being cautious, though.

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Right, through the Hammerhead.

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Oh, no, it's stepped out again,
but he has managed to hold it.

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God, that is very good driving!

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DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKE
SINGING ON STEREO

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Right, is he going to lift?

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Oh, yes, he is going to lift

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because that thing is as racy
as the Danish Prime Minister.

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Through the tyres.

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Only two corners left.

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You can actually see it squirming on
the lake where our track used to be.

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Only Gambon left before he can have
a lie down. Is he going to make it?

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Is IT going to make it?

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Yes, it has!

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CHEERING

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Now...

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I have the time here.

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Remember, it is an ?800,000
1,000 horsepower car, so here we go.

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AUDIENCE: Ohhh...

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No, it's a bit lower. Really?

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AUDIENCE: Ohhh...

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Oh-ho!

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There you go, it's 1.29.9,

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slower than a Ford Focus.

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LAUGHTER

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No, no, hang on a minute.
I'm sorry. Hang on a minute.

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Let's be fair about it. We need to
look at another time for a wet lap.

130
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There you go. It's slower than
a German saloon car. It is!

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You know this is Danish and it s
orange and it's genetically flawed?

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I'm surprised they haven't
called The Giraffe...

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LAUGHTER
..and shot it.

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GROANS AND LAUGHTER

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He said that out loud,
didn't he? He did.

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00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000
He said it out loud.

137
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Never mind,
let's move on with the news

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and, well,
my big news this week, certainly

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is I spent last weekend
driving the new Porsche 980.

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Oh, you did! It'll be on the show
later in the series. There it is.

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00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,000
Come on, quick, quick, now,
sneak preview. What is it like?

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Well, Jennifer...

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LAUGHTER

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Funny(!)

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Yeah, if you were watching last week,
Jeremy did say on the show,

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00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000
on TV, that if the Porsche
was faster than the McLaren,

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he would change his name to Jennifer.
Yes.

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Didn't you, Jennifer? Well, it won't
be. See, I think it might just be.

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Honestly, it... It's staggering
Really.

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It doesn't accelerate
like most other cars.

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00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000
You are not conscious of it

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00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000
gaining speed through the gear
as the revs rise.

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It doesn't go, "Ohhh-aaahhh!"

154
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,000
It just goes straight to, "Aaaaargh!"

155
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000
But, Hammond... What?

156
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,000
..the McLaren has more power
than the Porsche

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and is lighter than the Porsche
I know.

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But listen, Jennifer,
the Porsche has four-wheel-drive

159
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000
and four-wheel steer
and on our track...

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It will lose.

161
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Listen, I'm sure the Luftwaffe
were very proud

162
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and pleased with
the Messerschmitt Me 109.

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That was a damn good aeroplane.
Yes, but it wasn't...

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It wasn't as good as the Spitfire!

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No, you could do negative G
in the Messerschmitt 109.

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May, you are as bad as he is!
That is going to be humiliated.

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We are going to win. When I say we,
Britain is going to...

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I'm all for patriotism,
that's great,

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but you've just got to face facts.
The thing is astonishing.

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It's about how it manages those three
engines... Shut up about it!

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00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000
LAUGHTER
I'm with you about
the British thing,

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but I sort of hope
the Porsche wins, JENNIFER.

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LAUGHTER

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00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,000
The news has been
filled with a lot of scenes

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of flood victims
all waving their arms around

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and going, "Oh, no,
what are we going to do?"

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End of the world really.

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I mean, it certainly makes me
very sad because the answer,

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as we all know, is simple.

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00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,000
You buy a Ford transit van,
cut a big hole in the floor,

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00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,000
take the back doors off, couple
of engines in it, fans, skirts,

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00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,000
put it in the water, it sinks.
That's true.

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00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000
You get another transit van,
more powerful engines,

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00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000
totally redesigned. Here we go.

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LAUGHTER

186
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And it works perfectly.
That IS the solution.

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We predicted these floods six months
ago and came up with the solution.

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But what is really annoying
is that everybody

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is blaming the floods on David
Cameron, the Environment Agency

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00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000
pretty much anything you can name...

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00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,000
Mm-mm, I know exactly
who is to blame

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00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000
for this problem
everybody is having.

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00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000
Miranda Hart.

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LAUGHTER

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00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,000
You laugh, but here's the thing

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00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,000
We are sitting here
now on a Sunday evening.

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00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Eight, nine million people
in Britain have chosen to watch

198
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,000
some 1950s midwifery
on the other side,

199
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000
so they don't know
about the hover-van.

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00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,000
That is the problem.

201
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,000
They have chosen Miranda over us
and our show is

202
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,000
rammed full of helpful hints and
useful consumer advice. Every week!

203
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000
LAUGHTER

204
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,000
Now, hey, listen, how long has
the Gallardo been in production

205
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,000
17,000 years? Just over? Just over.

206
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,000
I know there are cave drawings of
it in the Pyrenees. There are.

207
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000
Well, Lamborghini has announced
they are stopping making it

208
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,000
and are going to replace it with
this. It's called the Huracan.

209
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000
600 horsepower, 5.2 litre V10,
four-wheel-drive.

210
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000
None of that is interesting

211
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,000
because if you're interested in
speed and power and handling,

212
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,000
you're going to buy a Ferrari 4 8
or a McLaren 12C, aren't you?

213
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,000
The only reason you want to buy a
Lamborghini is because it looks mad.

214
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,000
And that's very nice, but I don t
think it's bonkers enough.

215
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000
I know what you mean.
It looks nice, but...

216
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,000
Yeah, it needs to be outrageous
It does.

217
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,000
Nobody should be allowed
to design a Lamborghini

218
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,000
unless they've just consumed
two bottles of absinthe.

219
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000
LAUGHTER
Now you're ready!

220
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000
The essence of it is,

221
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,000
it doesn't really matter
how a Lamborghini drives

222
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000
because a Lamborghini
is for prowling around the city

223
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,000
Ferraris are for doing
a 2.35 around Silverstone.

224
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,000
Lamborghinis are for doing
Knightsbridge at 2.35am.

225
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,000
Yes, yes.
LAUGHTER

226
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Now, there's a new type of gas
which is worrying the government.

227
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000
Is it cyanide? No.
Is it carbon dioxide?

228
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000
No, it used to be carbon dioxide.
Now the days where...

229
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,000
I can hardly bring myself
to say this.

230
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000
They are very worried
about a terrifying new combination

231
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,000
of nitrogen and oxygen.
What, you mean air? Yes.

232
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000
99% of the air that we breathe
is nitrogen and oxygen,

233
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000
but the government has got
his knickers in a twist about it,

234
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,000
specifically about nitrogen dioxide
and I've done some checking.

235
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000
Bear with me on this.

236
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,000
It mostly comes from
soil or stoves

237
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:50,000
or particularly from lorries
in stop-start city driving, OK?

238
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,000
So the government has decided to
address the problem

239
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:59,000
by limiting cars to 60mph on the M1
just outside Sheffield.

240
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,000
That's their solution.
But that's got nothing to do with it!

241
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
Isn't that like saying,
"I've got toothache,

242
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
"I think I'll go and have
a hair cut. That will sort it."

243
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,000
"Doctor, I've twisted my ankle.
"You must put on a bomber jacket "

244
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,000
The thing is, they actually say
"Well, it's as European law,

245
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
"so we have to lower
the speed limit."

246
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,000
Germans aren't, French aren't,
Italians aren't, only we are.

247
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,000
And I know exactly
what's happened here.

248
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,000
You've got some guy
in the government, you know...

249
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000
LAUGHTER

250
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000
You know the type. Oh, yes, right.

251
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,000
OK, now, he has the power
to lower the speed limit

252
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,000
and stop parents eating sandwiches
in cars if kids are present,

253
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000
but what he needs to do is take
a leaf out of the Queen's book.

254
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,000
What, marry a Greek? No!
LAUGHTER

255
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000
The Queen has
the constitutional power

256
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000
to declare war on another country,

257
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000
but she never does.

258
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000
Even after a big party
where she's a bit...

259
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000
and all her mates
are egging her on.

260
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000
"Go on, Liz! Declare war on
someone!" Can she really do that?

261
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Yes, she can do that, but she
doesn't. "Hello is that Mr Hollande?

262
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000
"This is the Queen. WE ARE AT WAR!"
I'd do that every week!

263
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,000
She could do that. I'd be
constant... I'd do it every...

264
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000
"Oh, God, what have I done?"

265
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000
Yeah, I would love to be
a drunk Queen!

266
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000
LAUGHTER

267
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000
I didn't mean...

268
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000
Shall we move it on? Yes. Yes.

269
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Every week, we receive thousands
of letters from people that say

270
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,000
"Dear Top so-called Gear,
why do you never test the sort of

271
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000
"affordable cars that normal
people are likely to buy and drive?"

272
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:28,000
Well, the truth is, we would love
to. But the producers won't let us.

273
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,000
It's frustrating,
because contrary to public opinion,

274
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000
we really do like small,
sensible little cars.

275
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,000
I mean, he has a Fiat Panda.
I have a Fiat 500.

276
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,000
Yeah, and I have a very small
AMG Mercedes.

277
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000
LAUGHTER

278
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000
Very small indeed.

279
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,000
We like the way that small cars
are easy to park and cheap to run,

280
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000
but, most of all,
we like the way that a lot of them

281
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
are very good fun to drive.

282
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000
But the producers say they aren t,
they say they're boring.

283
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000
And to prove their point,
they came up with a challenge.

284
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:04,000
Yes, they told us to choose three
one-litre, three-cylinder,

285
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:10,000
little city cars and report
with them to the Crimean peninsula.

286
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,000
So, here it is,
at the bottom end of Ukraine,

287
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000
jutting out into the Black Sea.

288
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:27,000
The Crimean peninsula, 10,000 square
miles of history, beetroot

289
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000
and girls who leave the West behind.

290
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,000
And this is where we were to meet,
the city of Yalta.

291
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Outside the very building
where Churchill, Stalin

292
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,000
and Roosevelt met to carve up Europe
after Hitler's defeat.

293
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,000
Hammond was the first to arrive

294
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,000
I have brought,
as you can see, a Fiesta.

295
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Which is a very, very good
small car in any case,

296
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
but in this instance,
particularly good,

297
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000
because this one is fitted with
an absolute jewel of an engine.

298
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000
It's a tiny, one-litre,
three-cylinder EcoBoost,

299
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,000
and when I say tiny,
I mean REALLY tiny.

300
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,000
The block of that engine
would fit on an A4 piece of paper.

301
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,000
And it's magnificent.
Right, who's that?

302
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Oh, it's the orang-utan. Here we go.

303
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,000
Congratulations. What, why?

304
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,000
Because that is unquestionably
the best one-litre little car

305
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:32,000
of them all. No doubt about it.
The engine in this... Yeah.

306
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:37,000
It is phenomenal. 125 horsepower,
from one litre. I know!

307
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
And 65 miles to the gallon.
Honestly...

308
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
Why are you saying these things
and why, then, are you not in one?

309
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,000
Why are you in that VW? It's the Up!

310
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Well, I brought this because
I like it. Hang on, you've just ..

311
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:55,000
No, I like it. This is brilliant.
But I like this.

312
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000
Let me put it to you this way.

313
00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,000
You can buy better dogs
than my West Highland terrier,

314
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,000
but I LIKE my West Highland terrier.

315
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000
Yes, it bites the postman
and it lays dog eggs all over

316
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,000
the kitchen and it steals food
but it's brilliant! And it goes ..

317
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000
If this had ears,
it would go like that...

318
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:15,000
'Sadly, at this point,
my dog impersonation was

319
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000
'interrupted by the arrival
of Captain Interesting.'

320
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,000
That's the most boring looking car
I've... What is it? I'm nodding off!

321
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:29,000
Good news! What? It's
a Dacia Sandero. Is it? Yes.

322
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000
Anyway, we were just
saying before you got here,

323
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,000
this is just an epic little car

324
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,000
It's quite expensive, though,
isn't it? How much is it? 17,50 .

325
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000
?17,500? Yup.
And how much is yours? 7,500.

326
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,000
That's a big price gulf,
Hammond. It is...

327
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,000
I can afford to lose this
and just go and buy another one

328
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:52,000
and I'm still better off than you.
Look at it! It's... It looks great.

329
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:56,000
It's anti-fashion, it's a car for
people with more sense than money.

330
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,000
It works, it's cheap. Wow,
how have they done it so cheaply ?)

331
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,000
You can't work it out, can you?
There is no obvious...
It's amazing(!)

332
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
That steering wheel,
what a quality item(!)

333
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,000
That's exactly the same as yours! It
isn't the same! It's the same SHAPE.

334
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,000
And correct me if I'm wrong,
it was a Renault Clio 30 years ago.

335
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000
Not 30 years ago.

336
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:18,000
It's BASED on the underpinnings and
mechanicals of the old Renault Clio.

337
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000
An old car. Basically, I've brought
an iPod to a gramophone convention.

338
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Utter rubbish! Look at it!

339
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,000
'Our argument was then interrupted
by the arrival of a challenge.

340
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,000
They still don't believe that
we like small cars. But we do!

341
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000
I love my Fiesta. Right.

342
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,000
"Between Yalta and Sevastopol,
there is an excellent coast road,

343
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,000
"which you would enjoy very much
in a normal car.

344
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000
"But you will not be able
to enjoy it

345
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,000
"in your miserable little
shopping carts"?!

346
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000
Hello!

347
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,000
You can't get away from the fact
the Fiesta, in any guise,

348
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,000
is a brilliant little car.

349
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000
The chassis is so sorted out!

350
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:17,000
I've driven the ST version,
the hot one, and it is simply superb.

351
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:22,000
What's incredible is that they
haven't lost any of that liveliness,

352
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,000
that excitement, that thrill, by
fitting it with a tiny, tiny engine.

353
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000
It's like driving a cartoon!

354
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
BRAKES SQUEAL

355
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000
Squealing!

356
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
Bit of turbo boost,
bit of traction control wise.

357
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,000
That means I'm having fun
and I'm on the ragged edge.

358
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000
Hee-hee!

359
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:57,000
Unlike the Ford and the Dacia,
the Up! doesn't have a turbocharger.

360
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000
But even so, it still feels like
a determined spur.

361
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,000
I'm going to get there first!
Yes, I am, get out of my way!

362
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Woo-ha-ha!

363
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000
And stick it into the bend...

364
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,000
I mean, if I were in even a Ferrari
on this road, I'd be thinking

365
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
"Oh, no, I'm going
to scrape my nose!

366
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000
"How much power do I need here
and how much braking?" And I don't

367
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000
have to worry about any of that,
because the Up! has no power at all.

368
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,000
You just put your foot hard down
and leave it there!

369
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,000
Much to the annoyance
of the producers,

370
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,000
we have loved our drive
on the wiggly road.

371
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,000
But we loved what we found
at the other end of it even more.

372
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000
A disused Soviet submarine base

373
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, ordinarily, we would have
to park in the car park there.

374
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:07,000
But because our cars are so little,
we won't.

375
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,000
This is remarkable.

376
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000
James Bond could not have
got in here!

377
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,000
Because of course,
his Aston Martin is too large.

378
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000
Good God!

379
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000
Look at that!

380
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000
In the event of a nuclear war,

381
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,000
they could get 14 submarines
in here, and 3,000 people.

382
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,000
It's under a mountain!

383
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Yeah, it is your actual
under-a-mountain submarine base

384
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,000
It's full-on Bond.

385
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,000
How much energy and effort
was expended by MI6

386
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:07,000
and the CIA trying to find out
the details of this place?

387
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,000
And here I am, driving through it!

388
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000
Sadly, we spent so long
driving around the sub pen...

389
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,000
..that night was falling
by the time we reached

390
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000
the busy city of Sevastopol.

391
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,000
And here, the Up!'s lack of oomph
was a bit of an issue.

392
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,000
Oh, I'm being squeezed!

393
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:43,000
I've lost it.
Being strashed by a Lada 2107!

394
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,000
However, because the VW
is smaller than the Ford

395
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:53,000
and the Dacia, I didn't have to park
miles and miles from the hotel.

396
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,000
Is that legal? No.
Where does it say "no parking"?

397
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,000
But it doesn't say "no parking"
in a lot of places where it's

398
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000
obviously not quite right to park.

399
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
To be fair,
it doesn't say "no murdering" either.

400
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,000
The next morning,
we continued our journey through

401
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000
a region where the hills were once
soaked with British blood.

402
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,000
The Crimean War may have been
unfathomable,

403
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:30,000
nobody really knew why it started,
but the legacy is enormous.

404
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
It gave us important words
like balaclava and cardigan.

405
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
It gave us Florence Nightingale

406
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,000
the world's first war photographer,
the world's first war reporter.

407
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,000
The Victoria Cross was first awarded
to soldiers who fought here

408
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
And even today,
the medal is made from metal

409
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,000
taken from a Russian gun
that was captured here.

410
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,000
Then, of course, there's
the best-known legacy of them all.

411
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
How's it go?

412
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:11,000
"Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,

413
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000
"Theirs but to do and die."

414
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000
"Into the valley of death rode
the 600." And that is the valley.

415
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:22,000
That is where the Charge of the
Light Brigade actually happened

416
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000
It was a misunderstood order.

417
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000
Yeah, they were supposed to go
up there somewhere.

418
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,000
They were supposed to
snout around in the hills,
looking for the Russians,

419
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,000
misunderstood it, came charging
over here armed with sabres,
against the entire Russian

420
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,000
artillery here, all of it was there,
pointing straight at them.

421
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000
And they were on horses with sabres.

422
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,000
How could that possibly end?

423
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000
Oh, God!

424
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Choose your moments!
Exactly. Exactly.

425
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,000
"Ukraine is the second largest
country in Europe, and now you will

426
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,000
"drive all the way across it,

427
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:14,000
"from here in the far south to
the Belarus border in the north

428
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,000
"It will be worse than those
long journeys you did

429
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,000
"as a kid in the back of
a family car to the seaside.

430
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,000
"It will be the journey from hell."

431
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,000
How can it be worse than those
journeys? I was a kid then!

432
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,000
I was in the back of
a Mark I Cortina.

433
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,000
I was in the back
of an Austin 1100.

434
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Anglia, with a hole in the floor
How far is it? It doesn't...

435
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,000
How far is it? It's 750 miles.

436
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:42,000
750 miles? What, in a Volkswagen
Up!? That's easy. Piece of ca..

437
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,000
In these three cars - light cars -

438
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000
we shall be the modern-day
Charge of the Light Brigade.

439
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000
Very good.

440
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,000
Still feeling slightly baffled,
we set off.

441
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,000
Well, I think the producers have
gone a bit soft, to be honest.

442
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:07,000
It's just not in any way difficult,
challenging... It's just...

443
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,000
It's easy!

444
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000
APPLAUSE

445
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,000
750 miles!

446
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,000
It turned out not to be easy at all.

447
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,000
Yes, in the second
part of that film,

448
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000
which we'll show you later on,
I was actually killed.

449
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,000
Yeah, he really was.

450
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,000
So, that's something for us
all to look forward to.

451
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000
Yes, thank you, Hammond.

452
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,000
But in the meantime, we must put
a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.

453
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Now, my guest tonight is the only
British musician who can

454
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:49,000
drive a tank, fire a mortar
and strip an assault rifle.

455
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Apart from Posh Spice, obviously.

456
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,000
Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!

457
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

458
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,000
How you doing, big man?
How are you? I'm well.

459
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Hi there. How are you doing? Hi
Hello. He's here. Have a seat.

460
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,000
All right. Many whistlings!

461
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,000
First of all, congratulations
on your forthcoming marriage.

462
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,000
I'm getting married? BLEEP!

463
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000
You're getting married to the girl
standing behind you. Fantastic

464
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,000
Just in case you'd forgotten.
No, there she is, look.

465
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:28,000
LAUGHTER
What's your name? Aah!

466
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,000
That's the ticket. OK, great.
So, when are you getting married?

467
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,000
September.

468
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,000
I'm just thinking, I know there s
lots of girls here and they'll

469
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,000
want me to ask lots of questions
about it, but I can't think of any.

470
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Shall we talk about the Army?
Let's talk about the Army.

471
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,000
The Army's better. We've got
to do the Army, it's easier.

472
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,000
Now, we know you were in the Army,
of course, that is well documented.

473
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,000
But I think what a lot of people
don't know is that you actually

474
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
single-handedly,
when you were in Kosovo,

475
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000
stopped World War III
from happening.

476
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:59,000
I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah.
Because it's time the nation knew.

477
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,000
Actually, it was genuinely
the most incredible day of my life.

478
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000
Other than my forthcoming marriage.

479
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,000
And, er... It was...

480
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,000
You know, having bombed the crap
out of the Serbs,

481
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000
we signed a peace accord
and we pushed up to Pristina,

482
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,000
the capital, and I was remarkably
put as truly the first officer

483
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,000
to lead 30,000 people up there,

484
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,000
and when we got to the airport
in Pristina, General Wesley Clark

485
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000
told us to just overrun

486
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000
and overpower the 200 Russians
who had beaten us to the airport

487
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,000
The American general?

488
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000
Yeah, and we asked several times -
that one thing means destroy them?

489
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,000
Which seemed a pretty stupid thing
to do. He said destroy...

490
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,000
He said overrun and overpower,
definitely using some political
manoeuvring in his wording.

491
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,000
And after, you know,
five minutes of arguing,

492
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,000
a very special man called
General Mike Jackson,

493
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,000
an incredible character
who I would follow anywhere,

494
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,000
came up on the radio and said,

495
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000
"This is ridiculous,
I'm not having my soldiers being

496
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,000
"responsible for starting
World War III,

497
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000
"let's push off somewhere else.

498
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,000
And when the Russians
had run out of food and water,

499
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:05,000
they came back and asked us for food
and water and we said,
"Sure, if you share the airport "

500
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:11,000
That was an order from an American
to a British captain to...

501
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,000
And he later then ran
for president in America. I know

502
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000
Let's move on to music.
We've covered the army.

503
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000
You saved the world from
World War III, which is good.

504
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,000
Your new album is called
Moon Landing.

505
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,000
Moon Landing, which I only
discovered after the event

506
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,000
that "moon landing" is actually
in the Urban Dictionary

507
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,000
as a term in the gym when two men
are changing and they bend over

508
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,000
and their bottoms touch accidentally.
So, yeah...

509
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,000
There's a single called
Heart To Heart, isn't there? Yes.

510
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000
Now, forgive me for saying this
my daughter,

511
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,000
she said to me a couple of days ago,
"I was going to tweet James

512
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,000
"to say how much I love that song,"
but she said, "I was so worried

513
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,000
"that his tweet reply would rip me
apart that I haven't dared do it."

514
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,000
I wouldn't abuse her,
if she's nice.

515
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,000
What have you just won on Twitter?

516
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,000
It's something, the best
twitterer... Best Comebacks.

517
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,000
The Best Comebacks, from the chap
over there with windswept hair

518
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,000
I've actually got a few
of your ones here.

519
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Don't they take a long time
to think of?

520
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,000
I would say I'm spontaneous with it,
but I might be lying.

521
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,000
Somebody said here, "Why have you
only got 200,000 followers?"

522
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,000
And you replied,
"Jesus only needed 12."

523
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,000
APPLAUSE

524
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,000
You've got to admit...
they are properly very funny.

525
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,000
"James Blunt has an annoying face
and a highly irritating voice.

526
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,000
You went, "Yes, and no mortgage "

527
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,000
Do you mind if I show them
my absolute favourite? Go for it.

528
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,000
The rather sarky,
"Whatever happened to James Blunt?"

529
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,000
And this was the picture you posted.

530
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,000
What I love about you is the way
that somebody is abusive to you

531
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:53,000
and you just take it on the chin and
are fine. I sob uncontrollably.

532
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,000
I mean, people take Twitter
far too seriously.

533
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000
It's just,
there's a real world out there,

534
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,000
and people seem to think
that Twitter is important.

535
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,000
It's just people opinions,
and opinions are like arseholes

536
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Everyone has one. Yeah. Cars.

537
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,000
When you were last here, I think

538
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,000
the only car you'd ever driven
at the time was a Lada.

539
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,000
Yeah, I was really embarrassed about
that, and I've tried to upgrade.

540
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,000
I had a Lada Riva 1.3SL, for "slow".

541
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,000
Because now, obviously,
things have moved on dramatically.

542
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,000
You've got a tuk-tuk.

543
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,000
I have a tuk-tuk from Bangkok,
which is awesome, three-wheeled

544
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:31,000
vehicle, does 70mph, and I drive it
around home in Ibiza.

545
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,000
It does 70?

546
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,000
70mph, and if you get all your mates
in the back,

547
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,000
you can wheelie as well, at 70mph.

548
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000
Actually, my best friend is a
chap called Nin, he's Indian,

549
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,000
and he insists on driving to make it
look more authentic.

550
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,000
LAUGHTER

551
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,000
Yeah.

552
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,000
When you're in London, I gather
you've now got a bicycle. Yeah.

553
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:55,000
Why do you have a bicycle?
It's much, much faster
and it's good exercise.

554
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,000
You can lose a paunch with a bicycle.

555
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,000
I've got a bicycle, and look what
it's done to me. Literally.

556
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000
You're not supposed to eat it.

557
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,000
Yeah...

558
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:13,000
Now, you recently had an altercation
with a paparazzi photographer,

559
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000
I believe, in the United States

560
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000
Yeah, paps are quite aggressive
and yes,

561
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,000
I was coming out of a party
and I was with someone who

562
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,000
was in the public eye as well,
and they shout. Paps don't want

563
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000
an ordinary picture,
they want an aggressive picture

564
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000
and they're all banging
on the window,

565
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,000
and one of them fell in front of the
car, and what are you supposed to do?

566
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,000
He's fallen down and I wouldn't want
to incriminate myself by saying

567
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,000
that I hadn't spotted him and touched
the throttle and went gently over.

568
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,000
That would be the wrong thing to do.
But... But we did go over him

569
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,000
Did you actually feel the dum-dum?
Yes.

570
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,000
Something strangely
satisfying about it.

571
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,000
And in the meantime, the police
and the ambulance did arrive,

572
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,000
but before they arrived, he got up
and took pictures of more people

573
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,000
They even had some film footage
from another paparazzi of him

574
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,000
rubbing his leg, saying,
"Make it redder, make it redder,

575
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000
and when the police arrived, he said,
"Poor me, I've been run over.

576
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,000
But it was a very small hire car
and I think it was fine.

577
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:13,000
It wasn't a large American Cadillac?
No. Get one of those next time.

578
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,000
Anyway, the lap,
how was it out there today?

579
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,000
I think as I was driving down today,
they said today was the first

580
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,000
day of the year the Met Office has
issued a red weather warning -

581
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,000
do not leave home unless you
specifically have to,

582
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,000
and I've been doing laps.

583
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,000
The thing is, as you know,
everybody who comes down here

584
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,000
goes off at the second to last
corner, that's a given, really,

585
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,000
but I heard that James went off
on the Follow Through.

586
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,000
And I followed through
at the time as well!

587
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,000
That's why it's called
the Follow Through,

588
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,000
because that's a 100mph corner,

589
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,000
and you have that building in front
of you, and if things start to

590
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,000
go wrong through there,
it's actually a slightly
buttock-clenching...

591
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000
Very much. And some of your camera
crew are lucky to be alive. Yeah

592
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000
Would anybody like to see this
moment when one of our guests

593
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000
actually went off on
the Follow Through? AUDIENCE: Yes.

594
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,000
Let's have a look at this.
Here we go.

595
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,000
That is absolutely soaking.

596
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,000
That's properly fast, and you keep
your foot in it until, look at this!

597
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,000
What I love about that is
you did not apply the brakes

598
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,000
until you were an inch
from the edge of the track.

599
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,000
Everyone says you're not allowed
to lift off and so I tried not to.

600
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,000
We're talking big cojones there

601
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000
It's actually because I couldn't see
through the windscreen.

602
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,000
I didn't know I was coming off.

603
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,000
It started to get bumpy and green -
"This has definitely gone wrong."

604
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:38,000
Anyway, eventually,
we did get a lap together.
Yeah. Who'd like to see it?

605
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,000
Yeah! Here we go.

606
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,000
See, I think this is
the Blitz spirit.

607
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Come on, then! BLEEP!

608
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,000
It's like a BLEEP lake out here

609
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,000
Yeah, nobody's complaining
about the Environment Agency,

610
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,000
you're going in there, "Why don t
you come and clear it up?"

611
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,000
That is so wet!

612
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,000
Stayed on the track nicely.

613
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,000
It's like ice skating.

614
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000
Not that I ice skate very often

615
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,000
You really should have borrowed
Richard Hammond's booster cushion.

616
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,000
I needed Moses to part the sea.
There's a private jet over there

617
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,000
That could get me home!
Ibiza, right.

618
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000
Hammerhead, probably couldn't even
see the lines,

619
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,000
so that's pretty impressive.

620
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:33,000
Here we go, right, coming up to
the Follow Through again. So slow.

621
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:38,000
Up to 6,000. And again,
I can't see a BLEEP thing.

622
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000
This is, I really admire you
for doing this.

623
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:49,000
A touch of the brakes, and I can't
say I blame you. Through the tyres.

624
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:54,000
No whingeing, no complaining.
And, yeah, going to make that one.

625
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,000
Not bad at all, actually.
And it's blowing a gale.

626
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:03,000
Whoa! It's the Jimmy Carr line!
There we are. Across the line.

627
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,000
That is really, properly...
I've never seen it like that.

628
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000
Yeah, it was fascinating,
because last time

629
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,000
I came down it was wet as well, and
basically, whenever you have me on,

630
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,000
unsurprisingly, it is the wettest,
James Blunt is the wettest lap.

631
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,000
We have had two previous wet laps
in the last couple of weeks.

632
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:33,000
Hugh Bonneville at 1.50.1,
Tom Hiddleston last week at 1.4 .9,

633
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,000
so bearing in mind, he was very wet,
but nothing like...

634
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,000
Not nearly as wet as me. So come on,
where do you think you come?

635
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,000
I really hope I haven't
humiliated myself too much.

636
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,000
No, you haven't humiliated yourself,

637
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,000
because you went out there, which is
brave enough, and you drove around

638
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,000
in it, which is very marvellous
and you looked determined.

639
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000
Like one of those schools
where everyone's a winner.

640
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:59,000
So there we are, fastest lap so far,
1.49.9. You did...

641
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,000
1...

642
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,000
49...

643
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,000
4.

644
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

645
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:15,000
I have to say... That is the fastest
wet lap. You are above Ron Howard.

646
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,000
And just under Joss Stone.
I'm always under some... Anyway

647
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000
Feel the eyes in the back of my head.
Yes. I can see them.

648
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,000
You're between
Joss Stone and Ron Howard.
That's a very odd place to be.

649
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
That was quite something.
It really was. Thank you.

650
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!

651
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,000
Thank you.

652
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:48,000
Now, tonight we are trying to prove
that we really do like small cars,

653
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,000
and our producers are trying
to prove that they're rubbish.

654
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:56,000
Yes, so, they told us to drive
our three one-litre hatchbacks

655
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,000
all the way across Ukraine,

656
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:01,000
a trip they said would be
the journey from hell.

657
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:14,000
Why do they think this is going
to be the journey from hell?

658
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,000
Driving across the Ukraine.

659
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,000
We've only been here 24 hours,
we've been through the Cold War

660
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,000
the Second World War, the Crimean
War. It's going to be tremendous.

661
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,000
And I'm in my Up!

662
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,000
In the not too distant past,
little cars like ours

663
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:35,000
were very spartan, but these days,
if you choose your car wisely

664
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000
you get loads of stuff to play with.

665
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,000
Right, Hammond, have you got your
air conditioning set just so?

666
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000
I have, yes, I've set it
just half a degree lower

667
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000
than would be too comfortable.

668
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,000
This heated seat, I think,
just to the first position.

669
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,000
USB.

670
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,000
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
'USB iPod.'

671
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,000
Bluetoothed my iPod
into the stereo system.

672
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,000
Heated windscreen, let me try that.

673
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,000
Cruise control. Haven't done that.

674
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000
Yep, a mirror on that side.

675
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:20,000
Eventually, though, even Hammond and
I ran out of things to play with,

676
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,000
so we turned our attention
to the Ukrainian scenery.

677
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:49,000
A hill or two wouldn't go amiss

678
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,000
Right, I admit it, this is boring.

679
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,000
Do you think
we're halfway there yet?

680
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000
We needed to find out.

681
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,000
So, as we couldn't understand
the writing on our sat-nav systems,

682
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,000
we pulled over to consult a map

683
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000
We came from down here, yes?

684
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,000
And we've got to go
all the way there.

685
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,000
We've just gone through a town
called Pravda.

686
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000
We can't be further back than that.

687
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,000
Maybe it's in...
Can't be there. We've done that

688
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:08,000
Oh, Christ, oh no! It's there. Don't
be daft! It is! We're only here!

689
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:12,000
We've only done that. We've only
driven over the Isle of Wight.

690
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,000
We've got to come here? How come ..
We've only got there?!

691
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,000
And that's good news. Is it? How is
that good news? It's good news.

692
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,000
Really? Yes.

693
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,000
Instead of just sitting and,
"I'm bored,"

694
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,000
why don't we make ourselves more
rounded human beings on the journey?

695
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,000
So while we're in the car
we learn to do some thing?

696
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:39,000
Exactly! We could sit there going,
"I'm bored, I'm bored,
I wish I wasn't doing this,"

697
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:44,000
or we can simply say, "No, we shall
use this time constructively.

698
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:49,000
We will arrive in Belarus
more intelligent

699
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,000
and more rounded than we are now.

700
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,000
Back on the road,
the self-improvement began.

701
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,000
'Hello and welcome to
Teach Yourself Ukrainian. Unit one.

702
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000
'Hello, what's your name?'

703
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,000
"You will learn to play blues
harp quickly

704
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,000
"and easily by just listening
to the CD." Ooh, I've got a CD!

705
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,000
"And following the book."

706
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,000
Viewers, you will notice
I'm wearing my magic hat

707
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000
and that there is
a playing card in it.

708
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,000
'Karus again invites Stephen
to his home to discuss

709
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,000
'some business questions.'

710
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,000
MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
AND JEREMY REPEATS

711
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,000
So that goes in there.

712
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:33,000
BLUES HARMONICA PLAYS

713
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000
Well...

714
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,000
In the mobile language lab,
things were going well.

715
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
Underwear.

716
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,000
And soon I felt confident enough
to get us

717
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000
something to eat at a roadside cafe.

718
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,000
FLIES BUZZ

719
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

720
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,000
What are you saying? I'm trying to
find some food that isn't fish.

721
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,000
Oh, thank you.

722
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

723
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000
You seem to have ordered some wood.

724
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Jeremy then asked for some apples.

725
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000
Well, we've eaten. Shall we go?

726
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,000
The next morning, after breakfast
had been cleared away..

727
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:47,000
What?!

728
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,000
..I used my new Ukrainian skills
to check the sat-nav.

729
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Oh, Jesus. To get to Kiev,
13 hours and 49 minutes.

730
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,000
HE GROANS

731
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:08,000
We were in a state of despair, but
then, out of the fog loomed a man.

732
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000
And behind him, this.

733
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,000
An abandoned nuclear missile base.

734
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,000
This is the silo, is it?
That's a silo. It's ever so big

735
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:29,000
Hammond, this is an SS18, nicknamed
the Satan, targeted Ross-on-Wye.

736
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,000
Was it? That's what that says.
Hang on a minute, though.

737
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,000
It says "alternative target
Chipsky Norton" there.

738
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,000
LIGHTER CLICKS

739
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,000
I think it must be damp!

740
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000
THEY LAUGH

741
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,000
Many people complain about having
to do a long drive, but on this one,

742
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:56,000
we really had hit on a brilliant way
of making the time fly by.

743
00:45:56,000 --> 00:46:00,000
HE PLAYS A FEW MOURNFUL NOTES

744
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,000
Ha ha! Viewers, my hands empty,

745
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:12,000
nothing at all in them.
Now, can I...

746
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,000
HE HUMS

747
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,000
MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
AND JEREMY REPEATS

748
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:27,000
'Unit three. Stephen, do you have
a family?' There's Stephen again.

749
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,000
Everybody's called Stephen here,
that's the one thing I have learned.

750
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,000
Oh, God. My doves have escaped.

751
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,000
My doves have got out. What doves?

752
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:43,000
What do you mean, got out?
My doves from my magic box.

753
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,000
They're all over the back.
They've crapped everywhere.

754
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:51,000
Upset by the mess,
OCD May ejected the culprit.

755
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,000
HORN HONKS LOUDLY

756
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Oh, my God, there's a lorry...
That is an ex-dove.

757
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:02,000
Yeah, now, you see,
the truck that hit your dove, James,

758
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,000
how good are you at magic?
Seriously, did it not fly away?

759
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,000
You're not going to do
children's parties, are you,

760
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,000
because you're going to have
to change your act if you are.

761
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,000
"So, Sally, is this
the family parrot?

762
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,000
"Just watch what happens

763
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,000
"when I throw it out of
the window of a moving vehicle.

764
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Putting this tragic
incident behind us

765
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:33,000
we ploughed on, and by nightfall had
reached Ukraine's capital, Kiev.

766
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,000
Jeremy checked us into the hotel

767
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

768
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000
Yeah.

769
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Did you just say yes
to stop him talking?

770
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,000
And in the bar, James did another
trick that went wrong.

771
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000
Ta-da!

772
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:55,000
I'm afraid not. You can't change
your mind about the card you chose.

773
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,000
That was the card you chose.
You can't tell me what card I chose.

774
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,000
But I know you chose that
because I read your mind.

775
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:04,000
Magicians are supposed to exercise a
degree of finesse, not just bullying.

776
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000
No, it's still not.
It is! That's what you chose!

777
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,000
The following morning,

778
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:15,000
we were warned there was a mob on
the streets of Kiev, and there was.

779
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,000
Thank you for coming,
thank you so much.

780
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,000
So, to get a bit of peace and quiet,

781
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,000
we were told to report to
the country's only racetrack...

782
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:38,000
..for what, chillingly,
was called the final challenge.

783
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:43,000
"Your cars will each be given
exactly 23 litres of fuel,

784
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,000
"which, because
they're so economical,

785
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,000
"should easily be enough for them to
cover the 100 or so miles

786
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,000
"to your destination, a town
near the border with Belarus."

787
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,000
Hang on, 23 litres? To do 100 miles?
That's not really a challenge, is it?

788
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:02,000
That's easy! "Your challenge is to
run out before you get there." Eh?

789
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,000
"This is something you
will want to do,

790
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,000
"as the town in question
is called...

791
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,000
"..Chernobyl."

792
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,000
Can we actually...
We can't go there, can we?

793
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:26,000
Chernobyl was the scene of
the world's worst nuclear accident.

794
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,000
When reactor number four
exploded in 1986,

795
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:35,000
it released a radioactive cloud
so devastating that the entire area

796
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,000
will remain uninhabitable
for 20,000 years.

797
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:45,000
And unless we could make our cars
do less than 20 miles to the gallon,

798
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,000
this is where we'd end up.

799
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,000
Ford claim mine does 65mpg.

800
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:56,000
All the way here, this has done 60
miles to the gallon, give or take.

801
00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:01,000
Yes. How would you make these cars
do 20 miles to the gallon?

802
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,000
I can't imagine getting it under 30.

803
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:08,000
After the producers had put
precisely 23 litres of fuel

804
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:12,000
in each tank, we did some
preparations of our own.

805
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
Right.

806
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000
Clever, this.

807
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,000
What I'm going to do is let
about 30% of the pressure
out of the tyres.

808
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,000
The point is,
it increases rolling resistance

809
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,000
which means I use more fuel.

810
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,000
That is one heavy Up!

811
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,000
What are you doing?

812
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,000
I'm sealing all the gaps so that
radioactive dust can't get in.

813
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,000
What you've done there, Hammond
is made it more aerodynamic.

814
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
I have, haven't I? You have. Goodbye.

815
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,000
To get through this much petrol
in less than 100 miles,

816
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,000
we would have to drive like maniacs.

817
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,000
Three, two, one.

818
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:11,000
ENGINES REV FURIOUSLY

819
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Come on! Build up the revs!

820
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:20,000
Second gear. Right to the limiter.
God, that's wasteful.

821
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:27,000
James and I decided to go for
a low-gear policy of maximum revs.

822
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000
Hammond, on the other hand...

823
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:36,000
If I keep doing this all the way
there, I'll go further.

824
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:42,000
It will be twice the distance. This
is the answer. Lock to lock. Ooh!

825
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,000
TRUCK HORN BEEPS

826
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,000
That's where I'm going
to have to be careful,

827
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,000
when there's traffic
coming the other way.

828
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,000
I've just realised!

829
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000
I'm driving without the lights on.

830
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000
I'm driving with
the eco-engine system...

831
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,000
Heated rear window, I want that on.
Heated seats, yes.

832
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,000
That's better.

833
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,000
Probably people think
this is a bit odd,

834
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,000
but if they knew why I was doing it,
they would understand.

835
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000
I can't believe
they're making us do this,

836
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:24,000
because it's not like the
radioactivity has gone. It hasn t.

837
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:29,000
It has a half-life, material that's
left, of 245,000 years.

838
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:33,000
And James May, obviously,
can explain what a half-life is

839
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,000
In fact, he probably is doing.

840
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,000
A half-life is actually constant.
A piece of uranium

841
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:44,000
will have a half-life
and when that half-life is passed,

842
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,000
the remaining bit
still has the same half-life.

843
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:51,000
I think the word was coined
by Marie Curie.

844
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,000
The early 20th century was the time

845
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,000
when radioactivity was identified
and discovered...

846
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:03,000
After 25 miles of red-line motoring,

847
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000
the news from the Up!
still wasn't good.

848
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,000
I've managed to average
23 miles to the gallon.

849
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,000
I've got to get that down.
How do I get that down?

850
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:25,000
Right, the drag is now
dramatically worsened.

851
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,000
Meanwhile...

852
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:33,000
I am feeling a bit sick now,
if I'm honest.

853
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,000
Oh, is that a police car? Oh, dear.

854
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,000
There's the horrible evidence.

855
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:51,000
At a quarter distance, 25.5 miles,

856
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:55,000
I should have lost one of those
four bars that I started with.

857
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000
But it's not happening.

858
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Come on, petrol! Sod off.

859
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,000
OK, we've been pulled by the police.

860
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,000
They were wondering
why I was zigzagging.

861
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000
They're talking to
the camera car in front.

862
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:18,000
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here
at max RPM to try and use some fuel

863
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,000
while I'm stationary.

864
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:26,000
Whilst Hammond was deafening
the police,

865
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,000
I pulled over to disable
my engine management system.

866
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000
How about that!

867
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,000
Engine warning light.
Yes. That's what we want.

868
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:40,000
What the engine has to do now
is assume a sort of
worst-case scenario,

869
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,000
because it doesn't know
anything about itself,

870
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:46,000
so it will assume it's very cold,
the fuel quality is bad,

871
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000
so it must be less efficient.

872
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,000
30 miles from Chernobyl,
all our cars were still running

873
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:03,000
and we were trying every trick in
the book to make them conk out

874
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,000
Look at that for drag now!

875
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000
Brake. Then accelerate.

876
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,000
Then brake. Accelerate.

877
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,000
Still got three bars! Come on!

878
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:31,000
There it is! 17.8mpg.
My fuel light has come on! Oh, yeah.

879
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,000
I'm doing 21 miles to the gallon.
I'm not doing well enough!

880
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:44,000
Everything's on empty.
The needle, on empty.

881
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,000
Come on, run out. Run out.

882
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:52,000
It's one degree out there.
Nipples are sticking out badly.

883
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,000
Ah! I believe this is
Richard Hammond.

884
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,000
This thing should not be moving

885
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:09,000
I'm going! I'm going! I am going!
Don't tell me you've run out. Yes!

886
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:15,000
Yes! Ha ha! Oh, bliss! It's gone

887
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,000
I don't believe you. It...

888
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,000
ENGINE SHUDDERS

889
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:27,000
I don't believe you. Sit rep.

890
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:30,000
Richard Hammond is a BLEEP.

891
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,000
Go on. Go and meet your fate.

892
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:43,000
The un-turbo-charged Up! continued
onwards. And then...

893
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:48,000
Oh, wait a minute. What do we have
here? Some kind of checkpoint

894
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:54,000
The barrier marked the start of
the 30km exclusion zone,

895
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:58,000
and now I'd have to go through it.
So would James.

896
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:02,000
But who would film
what happened afterwards?

897
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000
Three main cameramen. Yeah.

898
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:09,000
They're getting in a taxi
and going back to Kiev. What?

899
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:41,000
Thare's snmethinf like 07 tonnds