1 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:20,989 Tonight... I sit on a rock... James gets something in his eye... Oh! And 2 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:32,989 Richard says, "Mummy!" Oh, mummy! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. 3 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:39,989 Thank you, hello! Hello, good evening, thank you so much. Thank 4 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,989 you, now... Now, tonight's show... Tonight's show is interesting 5 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,989 because we have all sort of reverted to type. Later 6 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,989 desert driving like an idiot in a large and 7 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,989 desert driving like an idiot in a in northern Italy driving a rather 8 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,989 elegant sports car and James, well actually, we are kicking off with 9 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,989 James, who really is in his comfort zone because he is on a Second World 10 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:13,989 War air base talking about a car from the 1950s. 11 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,989 This is The Stig taking a Caterham to the ragged edge on our track back 12 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:26,989 in 2008. That particular lap is something of 13 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,989 an Internet sensation. It's been viewed over 100 times and one of the 14 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,989 reasons it's so popular is because that is the Caterham R500, the most 15 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:43,989 powerful and extreme car they have ever built. Or, rather, it was. 16 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:54,989 Because its crown has just been stolen by this. The brand new 17 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:02,989 Caterham 620R. Where the old 500 had 263hp, this has 310. And since it 18 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:10,989 weighs just 545kg, it has a better power to weight ratio than a Bugatti 19 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,989 Veyron. But I have driven a Bugatti Veyron and I have to say it was very 20 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,989 civilised. Let's see how this compares. 21 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,989 ENGINE REVS. Oh! Bloody Nora! Oh! Argh! Argh! 22 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:36,989 Argh! ENGINE DROWNS SPEECH. 23 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:43,989 I can't see! Oh! Ow! BLEEP. ?? new line Argh! 24 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:49,989 God above, that's not... That's not like acceleration, that's like being 25 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,989 in a football and somebody kicks it. Ugh! 26 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,989 'With a helmet and goggles deputising for the windscreen, 'I 27 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,989 tried once more to get to grips with the 620R.' Obviously, you can tell 28 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:17,989 from the way I'm screaming at you, the racket in here is tremendous. 29 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,989 It's quite difficult to breathe. 'That's hardly surprising since 0-60 30 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:30,989 takes just 2.8 seconds. 'And it's not like you can get your 31 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,989 breath back in the corners.' TYRES SCREECH. 32 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:44,989 Geez. HE COUGHS. 33 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:49,989 Right, this time, watch this. TYRES SCREECH. 34 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,989 Oh, not again. Sorry. There'll be a lot of editing to do on this piece. 35 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,989 'Stick at it for several months and you can bring the 620R to heel.' 36 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:08,989 Whey, hey-hey! 'And when you get your eye in, it's 37 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,989 not a bad car.' It's still a Caterham. It's all very crisp. Very 38 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:25,989 nice. Fantastic sequential gearbox. 'It's just that it's too much hard 39 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,989 work.' The trouble is this is power piled on power. It can barely 40 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:34,989 contain itself. It's like a teenager left alone with the Internet. The 41 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,989 wheels and the suspension can only just keep up with what's going on. 42 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:44,989 Whey-hey! It's not supposed to be like this. It's just a little 43 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:45,989 Whey-hey! It's not supposed to be car! 'However, I think I have an 44 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:50,989 answer to the problem.' You see, I car! 'However, I think I have an 45 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:57,989 minimalist car, you need to take a minimalist approach to performance 46 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,989 and handling, as well. It's no good just piling on more and more power, 47 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:05,989 that's like trying to improve a curry by putting more and more 48 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,989 chillies in it. What I'm trying to say is, well, Caterham needs to find 49 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:17,989 a better Indian restaurant. Fortunately it seems they're ahead 50 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,989 of me on this one. Alongside their new, most powerful car ever, they've 51 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,989 also come up with this, their least powerful car ever. It's called the 52 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:27,989 160 and it has just 80hp from a tiny turbo-charged three-cylinder Suzuki 53 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:40,989 engine. So the engine is much smaller but 54 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:50,989 then so is the price. The 620R is ?50,000. This is just ?17,000. 55 00:05:51,000 --> 00:06:01,989 Admittedly, 0-60 takes a gentle seven seconds and the top speed is 56 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,989 only 100. But that's not the point. Top speed, 0-60, they're just 57 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:12,989 numbers. They are meaningless in themselves. What matters is whether 58 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,989 or not they add up into a sensation and this delivers a tremendous 59 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:22,989 sensation. TYRES SCREECH. 60 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:28,989 HE CHUCKLES. The key to the 160's sense of fun is 61 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:33,989 a set of super skinny tyres. They are only a tiny bit wider than a 62 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,989 space saver. So you only have to twitch your foot a little bit... 63 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:44,989 TYRES SCREECH. ..and you can slide around like 64 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:50,989 TYRES SCREECH. Hakkinen. Oh, lovely! Look at me. 65 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:58,989 Whoo! When you have worn your tyres out, they're only 40 quid each to 66 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,989 replace. Even The Stig, who normally turns his snout up at anything with 67 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,989 less than 500hp, had an absolute ball. 68 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:13,989 It has a windscreen. It'll do over 50 miles to the gallon. As far as 69 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,989 I'm concerned, it's the best car Caterham has ever made. In fact, 70 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:24,989 there's only one thing wrong with it. The way it looks. Next to the 71 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,989 latest stripped out sports cars like the Ariel Atom, and the BAC Mono, it 72 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,989 sits a bit like a typewriter in an Internet cafe. I wonder if they 73 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:43,989 could do something about that? As it happens, they're ahead of me 74 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,989 on that one, too. This is the AeroSeven. It's been developed with 75 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,989 the help of the Caterham F1 team. The great thing is, it isn't some 76 00:07:53,000 --> 00:08:04,989 static papier mache one-off built for a motor show stand. 77 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:17,989 Positively down on gastrique by Caterham standards. The next thing 78 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:23,989 you know, they'll have a fax machine. The AeroSeven isn't going 79 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:33,989 into production for a year or so. Before it does, there's one major 80 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:45,989 thing they need to fix. Ow! Oh! It hasn't got a windscreen! Useless! 81 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:51,989 The best car they've ever made? According to him, it is. Well... The 82 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:56,989 best car they've ever made? Slowest... So, James, er... So you 83 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,989 don't like cars without windscreens? No, I hate cars without windscreens. 84 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,989 That is the most idiotic idea in the whole history of motoring, isn't it? 85 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,989 What is the point? What advantage is there of building a car without a 86 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,989 windscreen? You might as well have a snorkel mask with no glass in it and 87 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,989 you get hit in the eyeball by fish. LAUGHTER. ?? new line It's that 88 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,989 idiotic. James, before you have an aneurysm, there are one or two 89 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,989 points that Hammond and I would like to make about some of the things you 90 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,989 said in that film. Hammond, do you want to go first? Yeah, four minutes 91 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,989 and 58 seconds into your film, whilst referring to acceleration 92 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,989 figures, you say, "they are just numbers, they're meaningless." They 93 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,989 are. You would say that! James, but a car that accelerates from 0-60 in 94 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,989 2.8 seconds is better than one that does it in seven seconds. No, what I 95 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,989 was actually saying... Also, at three minutes 51, you say and I'm 96 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,989 paraphrasing here, that giving it more power is like trying to improve 97 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,989 a curry by adding more chillies. Mmm. That is how you improve a 98 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,989 curry! No, it isn't. It is. Remember the chicken curry from school, it 99 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,989 was screaming for more spice, it's what it needed is more. Yes, then 100 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:08,989 James at five minutes and 29 seconds, you said you were sliding 101 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,989 around like Mika Hakkinen. I was. Yes, but you see Mika Hakkinen is a 102 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,989 Formula one driver and they don't slide around. Yeah, but when Mika 103 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,989 Hakkinen took me out for a drive, he did slide around! Yes, but he's not 104 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,989 known for sliding around. No, exactly. He might collect porcelain 105 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,989 frogs but you don't go around saying, "I'm collecting porcelain 106 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:30,989 frogs like Mika Hakkinen right now." It's not relevant. Exactly! Have you 107 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,989 quite finished? Well, not really because there's a lot to go through 108 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,989 but, sadly, we must now find out how fast these cars go round our track 109 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,989 and that, of course, means fast these cars go round our track 110 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,989 them over to a man who can actually drive! 111 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:50,989 LAUGHTER. ?? new line Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a 112 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:56,989 dishwasher. LAUGHTER. ?? new line And that at 113 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,989 the Winter Olympics he was disqualified from the skeleton event 114 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,989 for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton. 115 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,989 LAUGHTER. ?? new line All we know is he's called The Stig! 116 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:12,989 ?? WHITE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. ?? new line And they are off. Oo, it's 117 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:18,989 a bit damp out there, that may slow them down a bit. 620R building up a 118 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,989 command... Oh, no, there was the other one coming into shot... At the 119 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,989 last moment. First corner in, the 620R, he's handling that well. No, 120 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,989 still... Yes, we just saw the other one. And here he is, no music, 121 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,989 obviously, to listen to today. Just the sound of that two-litre Ford 122 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:37,989 Duratec engine, supercharged in the 620R. They don't use the 2.3 that 123 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,989 they use and the BAC Mono. Here he is at the back! Cos it's too tall. 124 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:48,989 He is actually struggling to get the power down. But he is getting it 125 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:53,989 down. Beautifully. Right, Follow Through next. Here he is, definitely 126 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:59,989 lifting off. This is a magnificent example of car control from The 127 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:04,989 Stig, in one of them at least! The other one simply not there. Right, 128 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,989 just... Oh, good God, look at that. Nearly losing it at the exit of the 129 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,989 Follow Through. Handling it nicely coming through into Gambon. Getting 130 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,989 some opposite lock on before the corner and across the line! 131 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:26,989 We just have to wait now for James's favourite car to finish. "The best 132 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:32,989 car Caterham have ever made"... There it goes. 133 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,989 LAUGHTER. ?? new line Any minute now, it'll be across the line. OK, 134 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:42,989 talk is! 135 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:49,989 AUDIENCE CHEERS. APPLAUSE. ?? new line Wet lap, so 136 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,989 we're not expecting any records, we certainly haven't got them. Right 137 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,989 the 620R, the car you didn't much like. That did it in 1:22.3. Similar 138 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:05,989 conditions, similar time to the magnificent Lexus LFA. OK? Now your 139 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,989 favourite car... Not quite so fast. LAUGHTER. 140 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:16,989 ?? new line There's no other way of saying this, it was a 1:45.5, so 141 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,989 it's there. It's actually five seconds slower than Morgan's wooden 142 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:30,989 tricycle. ?? new line Good. And that's your 143 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,989 favourite car? Of those two, yeah. LAUGHTER. 144 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:39,989 ?? new line And now the news and the news is that later on in this 145 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,989 programme Jeremy is going to try and prove to James and me that cars are 146 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,989 better than bikes. Well, that's because they are. Well, they're not. 147 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,989 Oh, yes they are. They're warmer than bikes, they stand up by 148 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,989 themselves. You don't have to wear rubber trousers. They're faster. Not 149 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,989 faster! They are round corners. Well, not in a straight line. Yes, 150 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,989 you see, that's what I'm going to prove later on that they are faster 151 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,989 in a straight line. Really? Yes, I am. Really? Yes, I am, but now we're 152 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,989 going to do the proper news, OK? Now you know all around the world there 153 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,989 are museums for all sorts of silly things. There's a pencil museum in, 154 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,989 is it Cumbria? Yeah, it is. Yeah, a pencil museum. There's an umbrella 155 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:25,989 museum in Spain and a museum of the vagina in Japan. There is a penis 156 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,989 museum in Iceland. Been there. It's very cold, all the exhibits are very 157 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,989 small. The reason I bring this up is because, in America there is a 158 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:32,989 Corvette because, in America there is a 159 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,989 photograph of it here. because, in America there is a 160 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:41,989 America is quite... Heavy. because, in America there is a 161 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,989 they're bigger gentleman. Big-boned. Well, one of them visited the museum 162 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,989 this week and this happened. LAUGHTER. 163 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:55,989 ?? new line Must have been a big one! That was a big hole. And 164 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,989 apparently, eight cars fell into it. There's a shot actually looking 165 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,989 down. Look at that. Oh, God, that's painful to see! Damage was estimated 166 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,989 at $37. Was it? Was it? But actually, we shouldn't mock because 167 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,989 you know there was a sinkhole, which is what this is, that opened on the 168 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,989 M2 this week, did you see? On the central reservation? They closed the 169 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,989 motorway for 18 hours. That, they kept the museum open. They did! 170 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,989 Well, you can still see the cars. Yeah, you just... I think we should 171 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,989 applaud the Americans for that because that's a good attitude to 172 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:28,989 health and safety. It is. Well done, you. Oh, now, I tell you what, I've 173 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,989 just remembered something else. Recently, we were talking about, um, 174 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,989 those motorway gantry signs that flash up idiotic nannying messages. 175 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:40,989 There was a sign photographed in America this week, OK, I think it 176 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,989 was in Texas. There was a light snow flurry and some wag, and this is 177 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,989 brilliant, posted this. "Oh my God! Is that snow? We're all gonna die!" 178 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,989 That's more like it! It's just fabulous. But actually, that is what 179 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,989 we should do. Because that is the British way. Self-deprecating, make 180 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,989 fun of the situation, have a laugh. Make fun of the rules and 181 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,989 regulations. I don't know who did this, but if you're watching and you 182 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,989 ever come to England, I would like to buy you a beer. I'll put a 183 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,989 strawberry on it for you. Yes. Now, I've received a letter. May I just 184 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,989 read it to you? "Dear Mr Clarkson..." You're going to love 185 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,989 this. "I'm writing to you on behalf of the world-famous Madame 186 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:24,989 Tussauds." Oh, they're not going to... Yes, they are! Oh, you're 187 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:25,989 joking! Oh, no! They say I have been highly requested, highly requested, 188 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:32,989 to be immortalised in wax. You sure that doesn't say immersed in wax? 189 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,989 No, immortalised in wax. that doesn't say immersed in wax? 190 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,989 they going to immortalise you in wax? Where are they going to get all 191 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,989 the wax? Presumably they'll have to melt down everything else in Madame 192 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:49,989 Tussauds, to make one massive hideous wax dummy... Of a hideous 193 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,989 dummy. It's easy, they just get a very big candle, they light it, let 194 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,989 it drip down the edges for a couple of hours, then just draw a face on 195 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,989 it with felt tip. That would look a bit like him. What are they going to 196 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,989 do with it when they've got it? Imagine children, "We're going to 197 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,989 Madame Tussauds! What is that?" THEY SCREAM. 198 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,989 It's going to be the first waxwork in history to be sculpted with a 199 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,989 pickaxe. Yes! And a hammer. I want to see them sculpting it, cos 200 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,989 imagine, once they've melted down enough wax, which is a lot, the size 201 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,989 of the urn, it'll look like a scene from Lord Of The Rings! With all 202 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,989 these little orcs walking around the bottom, getting ready... A big pour, 203 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,989 to create this hideous, hideous, grotesque, enormous thing! How are 204 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,989 they going to fit it in? No, don't put it there, put it in the Natural 205 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:42,989 History Museum. Next to the big brontosaur! Just a 206 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,989 big skeleton. Just a big skeleton next to the brontosaur, a big 207 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,989 tyrannosaurus- what-the-hell-is-that? And then 208 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,989 people can go and watch. Ladies and gentlemen, the sound of bitterness 209 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,989 and jealousy. My colleagues, there. I wish I hadn't brought that up. As 210 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,989 you probably noticed last week, a Danish supercar called the Zenvo 211 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,989 came down here and caught fire. A lot of people were very shocked by 212 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,989 that but actually, it's not unusual for expensive cars to catch fire 213 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,989 when they're first released. Ferrari had a problem with the 458. And then 214 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,989 just this week, we've been hearing about Porsche GT3 problems. There's 215 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:19,989 a shot here of one in... Of one in Switzerland. The internet is awash 216 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,989 with rumours of other examples of this. Porsche themselves admit it 217 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,989 has happened in Italy as well. And have now suspended deliveries of the 218 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:31,989 new GT3 to customers. have now suspended deliveries of the 219 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,989 if you'd already taken delivery of your brand- new... Your brand-new 220 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,989 and expensive your brand- new... Your brand-new 221 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,989 fire at any moment? Well, we really need to ask a customer, don't we, 222 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,989 who's just done that? Hammond! What? You've just had a GT3 delivered, 223 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,989 haven't you? Yes! HE LAUGHS. 224 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:57,989 Shut up, stop talking about it. Thank you, move on. It must be so 225 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,989 depressing. Oh, God. Yes, it is. To have worked so hard to buy your 226 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,989 dream car that is then immediately valueless. Oh, God! So to try and 227 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,989 cheer you up, Hammond, I've bought you a small present. Oh, have you? 228 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,989 Thank you, I love your gifts. We don't often buy each other presents 229 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:18,989 on this show but I've done just that today. Mono... They're actually GT3 230 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:27,989 branded driving gloves. Oven gloves. Thank you. Funny. Ha-ha-ha-ha(!) 231 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,989 And... Doesn't just stop there. Oh, please let it stop. I think we need 232 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,989 to coat your car in the most fire retardant material known to man. 233 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,989 Pizzas. Oh, not your pizza theory! It's one of his stupid theories. 234 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,989 Come on, Hammond, come with me. Really? Now, this is your actual 235 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,989 GT3. Yes, it is, actually, yes. We know this because there's a fireman 236 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,989 standing next to it with an extinguisher in case it suddenly 237 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,989 combusts. Good! Now, what I'm planning on doing, OK, is I'm going 238 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,989 to take these pizzas, pop them on the car. And then apply a blowtorch. 239 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,989 No! No, you're not, no, you're not! I've seen you do this and you're not 240 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,989 doing it to my car. No. But the ladies and gentlemen want to see if 241 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,989 pizza is... I don't care! Not to my car! No. Can we attach them to you? 242 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,989 Well, if you must, yes. Right, well, first of all, we need to 243 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,989 establish... James, can I borrow you? Yes. First of all we need to 244 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,989 establish that these are pizzas, OK? Have a look. You will see there's no 245 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:29,989 asbestos in there, they're real pizzas. Yes? Yeah. 246 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:29,989 asbestos in there, they're real you'd like to just take a bite? Yes, 247 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,989 let me just pull a piece off. you'd like to just take a bite? Yes, 248 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,989 that a pizza? Tastes like the cardboard box it came in, so it must 249 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,989 be. There you go. So those are the pizzas. If you'd like to attach 250 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,989 those to Hammond, that would be tremendous. To his face? Um... His 251 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:53,989 vegetables. OK. Oh, really? Come on! Oh, not... That's ambitious, mate. 252 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,989 That's by my knees! Now, I'm going to fire up the blowtorch. There we 253 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,989 go. Oh, God, come on, no! This is ridiculous! James, how hot is the 254 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,989 tip of this flame? Probably the best part of 800 degrees C. Enough to 255 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,989 melt aluminium. Enough to melt aluminium. This is a real blowtorch. 256 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:14,989 Look, I can demonstrate it. Fire on there, you can actually see it 257 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,989 burning the table nicely. Oh! This is a real, well, two layers of 258 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:24,989 pizza, and a real Richard Hammond. Everybody ready? CROWD: Yes! 259 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:29,989 Wouldn't do it to him. AUDIENCE GROANS. 260 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,989 Oh, yes, I would! AUDIENCE CHEERS. 261 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:39,989 Oh, no! HE YELLS. ?? new line Jeremy, that's 262 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,989 quite a long time, isn't it? Not really. Stop it! I can smell burning 263 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:49,989 sausage. Is that alarming? Can you see? Pizza. Pop it on your car. No! 264 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:55,989 Ladies and gentlemen, Hammond is still here. 265 00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:01,989 APPLAUSE. ?? new line Stupid, stupid. That is... I think that is a 266 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,989 Top Gear hot tip. We're going to move on. Because, you see, in the 267 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:10,989 olden days, when James was 43, car makers would sell you a complete car 268 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:16,989 like they do now. Or they would sell you something like this - an engine, 269 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,989 a chassis, and some suspension. And then you would take this to a coach 270 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,989 building company who would then fit a personalised body, personalised 271 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,989 interior, you could have anything you wanted. And in the '30s, this 272 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:28,989 interior, you could have anything meant there were some truly amazing 273 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:39,989 creations. Back then, there were coach building 274 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:45,989 companies all over the world, helping the wealthy to fulfil their 275 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:51,989 wildest dreams. Anything was possible, and everything was done. 276 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,989 Coach building meant that Clark Gable didn't have to have a car that 277 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:04,989 looked like this. It meant he could have one that looked like this. 278 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:11,989 Today, though, cars are built differently. You don't get a chassis 279 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,989 with a body on the top. Because the body sort of is the chassis. The 280 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,989 pillars, the roof, the doorframes, they're all load-bearing, so 281 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,989 changing anything is a nightmare. And this has meant that for many 282 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,989 years, coach building has been a lost art. Now, though, I'm delighted 283 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:39,989 to say... It's back. Welcome, everyone, to the Alfa Romeo 284 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:51,989 Disco Volante. One of the most striking, 285 00:23:52,000 --> 00:24:01,989 intelligent, and unusual cars I've seen in a very long time. 286 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:08,989 It started out in life as an Alfa Romeo 8C. But was totally re-bodied 287 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:09,989 and re-upholstered by an old coach building company in Milan called 288 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:21,989 Touring. In the '50s, they styled and built 289 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:30,989 sports In the '50s, they styled and built 290 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:38,989 they designed the Aston Martin DB5 and DB6. Along with the Jensen 291 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:44,989 Interceptor, and the very first Lamborghini - the 350GT. 292 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:51,989 That is quite a CV. In recent years, however, they've been reduced to 293 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:56,989 making mildly modified Bentleys and Maseratis. It's been like watching 294 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:03,989 Dame Judi Dench reduced to appearing in a regional pantomime. 295 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,989 But now, they've decided to bring the lost art of proper coach 296 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:14,989 building back, with the Disco Volante. 297 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:20,989 Certain structural and safety related things can't be changed. The 298 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,989 seat belt mounting points, the windscreen, the suspension mounting 299 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,989 points, they'll be the same on this car as they are on this one. It's 300 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,989 like plastic surgery. You can't change the skeleton, but you can 301 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:40,989 change the flesh. And that is what they've done. But has it worked? 302 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:48,989 The simple answer is, yes. It doesn't shake, it doesn't rattle. It 303 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:54,989 doesn't feel like botched plastic surgery. You don't think every time 304 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,989 you go over a bump, "Oh no, my nose is going to fall off." Doesn't feel 305 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:07,989 like Michael Jackson. Do you know what it does feel? It 306 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,989 feels... Solid. It feels, and this is high praise for a hand-built car, 307 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:15,989 it feels... Mass-produced. That said, it does not feel like the 308 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:28,989 car that spawned it. It That's because they've softened the 309 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,989 suspension, they've turned it from a stiff, B-road barnstormer into a 310 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:37,989 comfortable cruising machine, and I like that. 311 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:45,989 There are loads of cars built specifically to attack a road like 312 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:51,989 this. So it's quite refreshing to find one that allows you to savour 313 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:57,989 it. Savour the views, savour the moment. So, it doesn't feel like an 314 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:09,989 8C. And it certainly doesn't sound like 315 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:15,989 one either. Oh, it's the most... ..soulful-sounding car I think I've 316 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,989 ever heard. It's as though the entire exhaust system is actually 317 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:36,989 made out of Otis Redding. # Left my home in Georgia... # ROARS 318 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:41,989 IN TUNE WITH ENGINE. GIGGLES. ?? new line # Heading for 319 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,989 the Frisco Bay... # IMITATES ACCELERATING ENGINE. 320 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:55,989 GROWL It's Otis! Don't get me wrong, though. This is not a slow car. It 321 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:03,989 has a 444 horsepower 4.7 litre Maserati V8. 322 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,989 Couple that to a super-light carbon fibre and aluminium body, and you 323 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:18,989 end up with a car that accelerates like it's fallen off a cliff. 324 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:27,989 The top speed is 181. Thing is, though, driving a car this 325 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:35,989 exquisite, this elegant, quickly, feels wrong. It would be like pogo 326 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,989 dancing to I Heard It Through The Grapevine. No, no, no, you can't do 327 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:50,989 that! This, this kind of speed, this is 328 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:56,989 where it's at its best. Half speed. I don't even feel inclined to drive 329 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:02,989 it fast. I don't want to hang the tail out on the hairpins. Just want 330 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:06,989 to put it in auto, put some tunes on the stereo, like so. Pop on a pair 331 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:25,989 of sunglasses... And slow on down. And pretty soon, you'll want to stop 332 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,989 altogether and get out. Because looking at this car, that's really 333 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:38,989 what it's all about. It's interesting how many elements 334 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,989 from other things are in that shape. I can see a little bit of Corvette, 335 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:47,989 a bit of E-Type... Then there's the, um...I think it was called the 336 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:53,989 Discovery, the spaceship in 2001: A Space Odyssey. I see that at the 337 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,989 front. And I love the way they paint it gold before they paint it red to 338 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,989 make the colour richer. Then there's the name - "Disco Volante" - picked 339 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,989 out in the seats. I know, in Italian, Disco Volante means "flying 340 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:06,989 saucer" but to me, it's the name of Largo's hydrofoil in the Bond film 341 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:29,989 Thunderball. I think it really is time now to 342 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:34,989 bring out my special, "in love" face. 343 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:40,989 I was jealous of Hammond when he came out to Italy the other day to 344 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,989 drive the new Alfa 4C, because, to me, that thing is special. 345 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:47,989 It's...it's the Angel Gabriel. But I'm not jealous any more, because 346 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:58,989 this... This is the full baby Jesus. I'm not going to say it's the best 347 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,989 car in the world - it certainly isn't the nicest to drive, the 348 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,989 brakes are spongy, you can see nothing out of the back. But as a 349 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,989 tool for making feel special, really, nothing gets close. Nothing 350 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:17,989 at all. A Maserati heart, an Alfa Romeo 351 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:28,989 badge, exhausts made out of Otis Redding... ..and a hand-crafted body 352 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:38,989 to die for. That is one hell of a combination. It really is. 353 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:56,989 ?? new line No, no, no, no, no. No, don't... Sorry. What? Hang on. You 354 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,989 were having a go at me earlier on because I preferred the slow 355 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,989 Caterham to the fast one. Mm-hm. And here you are, raving about a car 356 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,989 that's happiest at half-speed? Well, yes. You're an utter hypocrite. No, 357 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,989 no - you see, the thing is, I'd prefer to drive to somebody's house 358 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:17,989 in a Lexus LFA, cos I like the power from that screaming V10 engine. But 359 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:21,989 in a Lexus LFA, cos I like the power beautiful, it's handcrafted... 360 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,989 in a Lexus LFA, cos I like the power much is it? Uh... Well, do you know, 361 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:30,989 they won't tell me, even when I lightly tortured them. But I have 362 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,989 heard there's a man in Singapore paid ?1.5 million for his. Now, 363 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,989 there are a lot of import taxes in Singapore - I mean, huge ones. Even 364 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,989 so, that's about 130... That's still ?600,000 for the car. Yes, I know. 365 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,989 And what's amazing is that, in Singapore, you're not allowed to 366 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:51,989 drive a left-hand drive car on the road. So he's paid ?1.5 million for 367 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:56,989 a car he can't drive. LAUGHTER. ?? new line He's 368 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,989 completely mad. He isn't - somebody's just paid, what, ?42 369 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,989 million for a Francis Bacon painting. You can't drive that, 370 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,989 either. It's not a car. James, I haven't got time for your pedantry. 371 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,989 Because we have to now put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car. Now, my 372 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:17,989 guest tonight is extremely funny, but he can't drive. So he is the 373 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,989 exact opposite of Nigel Mansell. LAUGHTER. 374 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:29,989 ?? new line Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall. 375 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,989 APPLAUSE. ?? new line How are you? Good, how are you? Look who's here! 376 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:39,989 Hello. Hey. Have a seat. Oh... Ooh... Do you know, I haven't seen 377 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,989 you since you were in short trousers. Yes, well, I mean, you 378 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,989 know... You were a big part of my childhood. And that's not something 379 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:51,989 that probably everyone in here knows. Jeremy was a father at the 380 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:57,989 prep school that I went to and I have a lot of very vivid... This is 381 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:02,989 a big moment for me, being here, with you, cos... With long trousers. 382 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:11,989 With long trousers on - tight, long trousers. But you were, like, the 383 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,989 first kind of... Real, kind of, silverback alpha male I'd ever set 384 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,989 eyes on. Every other father at the school that I went to was, like, a 385 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,989 blubbering-faced posh toff with a Barbour jacket. Then you came 386 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,989 striding across the sports field, a vision in denim, like... It was 387 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,989 amazing - we were all like, "Oh, God, look at him! "He probably eats 388 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,989 his steak rare "and doesn't bother getting out of the bath to take a 389 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:36,989 BLEEP. " LAUGHTER. 390 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,989 ?? new line. And here you are. It was always those book signings - 391 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,989 that's... You had to go, all the parents had to go, if they'd written 392 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,989 a book - and almost everyone at this school had... Yeah. You'd be in this 393 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,989 room and there'd be Jeremy Paxman with a big stack of books he was 394 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,989 trying to sell. It was you and Paxman... I remember it like it was 395 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,989 yesterday. There was one room, it was a science lab. You were at one 396 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,989 end and Paxman was at the other. And it was basically who's got the 397 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,989 biggest dick competition. He'd have some really acerbic, intelligent 398 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,989 book he'd written about the Reformation, then you'd have, you 399 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,989 know... "Full Throttle", or whatever it was. It was. It was. He'd got a 400 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,989 queue of people going, you know, "Your observations on the 401 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:20,989 Plantagenets are most interesting." And I got, "Do you think the Subaru 402 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,989 is better than the Evo?" Now... We get many guests down here who say, 403 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,989 "Ooh, no, I can't drive." And they mean, "I've never done any track 404 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,989 driving "and I'm not very confident and I'm not very good." When we say 405 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,989 you can't drive, we mean... You CAN'T drive. No. No, I can't drive 406 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,989 at all. I... I mean, I've been in a car once, behind the wheel. I've 407 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,989 done passenger stuff loads of times, I'm amazing. But the driving aspect, 408 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,989 I've done, like, half a lesson? My dad gave me half a lesson and it 409 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,989 became clear that it wasn't really a lesson - he wanted a lift to the 410 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,989 butchers. So we drove down the road to the left, he picked up a leg of 411 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,989 lamb and we went home. So that's the only lesson I ever had. But I've 412 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,989 never been behind the wheel of a car on my own ever before. So I thought 413 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:07,989 it would be good to come and do it... Here? Which, of course, meant 414 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,989 that we actually had to teach you to drive a car. Yeah. When I say, 415 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,989 "we"...The Stig. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't... He's 416 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:15,989 "we"...The Stig. Yeah, I mean, he let's put it that way. Um... Well, 417 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,989 we've actually got some footage let's put it that way. Um... Well, 418 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,989 Jack's first ever driving lesson in an actual... Was it a manual? I 419 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,989 mean, did it have, like, a lever coming out there? It had a pull-y 420 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,989 thing and then three pedals. Three pedals and a pull-y thing. This is 421 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,989 known as a manual car. A manual car, yes. Anybody like to see Jack's 422 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,989 first ever driving lesson? AUDIENCE: ?? GREEN Yes! 423 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:42,989 Never, ever done this before. Here we go, let's have a look. It should 424 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:51,989 make a "vroom" noise, shouldn't it? Do I... Am I turning it the right 425 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,989 way? No? Right, OK, fine. 'Was he completely uncommunicative?' He 426 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,989 didn't even nod. ENGINE REVS. 427 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:01,989 Yes! ENGINE STALLS. 428 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:07,989 Stig, I might need a little bit more from you than this. OK, right, so 429 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,989 that's not working. By process of elimination, if we come off the 430 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:17,989 clutch and press this... ENGINE REVS. 431 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:25,989 Yeah, that's revving. Getting ready. And your handbrake's on. That sounds 432 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:30,989 good. No, it doesn't. OK, this is getting better. Oh, Jesus... 433 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,989 APPLAUSE. ?? new line I mean, well done. But we had to go from that to 434 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,989 getting you round a lap in the space of an hour. I think my priorities 435 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,989 were... He didn't think that I was taking it seriously, cos when I 436 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:47,989 first got in the car - a perfectly valid thing, it's the thing I always 437 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,989 ask when I get in a car, is whether he had an iPhone charger. Because 438 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,989 mine had died and I wanted to get some photos of the journey and he 439 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,989 wasn't happy about that. He's so moody! I asked him if there was a 440 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,989 Mrs Stig and that didn't go down well. No, it wouldn't. That's what 441 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:08,989 he needs - maybe he's not getting enough of it at home. I thought of 442 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,989 the perfect person for The Stig as well - match made in Heaven - him 443 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:15,989 demonstrations on The Cube. With the mask. 444 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,989 LAUGHTER. They would be perfect together! 445 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,989 APPLAUSE. What would the babies be like? The babies would be amazing! 446 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,989 You could do it as a challenge - send them to the Isle of Fernandos! 447 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,989 Talking of The Stig not getting enough, how, if you're a 17-year-old 448 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,989 youth, do you get any... At all from girls if you can't drive them 449 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,989 anywhere? Yeah, it was hard. Especially when I became a stand-up 450 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:43,989 and it was like, stand-up, you're going around on tours, quite 451 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,989 rock'n'roll, there would be groupies and stuff, but it's very hard to 452 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,989 pull a groupie when your mother has driven you to the gig. Afterwards, 453 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,989 you'd be like, "Yeah, you want to go back to my crib? "My ride's outside, 454 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:59,989 it's the Volvo just there. "You'll have to sit in the back, cos I ride 455 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,989 up front with Mummy. "Hope you like The Archers!" So when you're doing 456 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,989 your gigs now, presumably your mum doesn't take you around. No - the 457 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,989 best thing about this latest tour, it's the biggest one I've done, and 458 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,989 I'm going to be in a tour bus, which is amazing. Cos the worst thing, I 459 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,989 find, about doing a tour when you're in a car is having to use petrol 460 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,989 station toilets, cos the lock on a petrol station toilet door is always 461 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,989 broken. They're always bust, then you have to do that thing which we 462 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,989 all do, which I call "lavatory yoga" where you work out how to keep the 463 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,989 door with a broken lock shut. Yeah. There's three main schools of it - 464 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,989 you've got the Tom Daley, where you lean forward with the arms like 465 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,989 that. Use the fingertips. Yeah. But I can't BLEEP unless I'm playing 466 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,989 Candy Crush, so that doesn't work. Then you've got the Bowing Monk, 467 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,989 where you put your head forward and just use it as a doorstop. But 468 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,989 someone can, like, knock you out if they're too insistent on getting in. 469 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,989 Then your third option, which is the best one, which you should always 470 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,989 use, is the Woman In Labour, where you plant two feet onto the door. 471 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,989 But I committed to this recently in a petrol station just outside of 472 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,989 Bolton, and I'd fully committed, but you have to be a master of your 473 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:14,989 surroundings, you have to be a master of your 474 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,989 door in question opened both ways! This, like, hairy trucker ripped it 475 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,989 off and literally thought I was kind of presenting myself to him! 476 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,989 "Hello!" Now, I want to just go on to... Are you playing the O2? I'm 477 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:32,989 playing the O2 on the... Oh, I've forgotten the date! 478 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:37,989 LAUGHTER. Come on. 17th March. 17th March? The 17th or 18th March. Like, 479 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,989 roughly. 17th, he's coming, he's got a ticket. The 17th! Oh, no, he works 480 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,989 here. And there we are, so... It's not just going to be a tour, there's 481 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:48,989 plenty of surprises as well. There will be the greatest ever Segway 482 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,989 entrance to a stand-up tour the world has ever seen. Somebody's 483 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,989 putting you on a Segway? I'm on a Segway, yeah. Well, that's worth 484 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,989 going to see. It's got everything you'd want from a stand-up comedy 485 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,989 tour. Anyway, the lap. I ought to explain, you did actually ditch the 486 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,989 manual, didn't you, for the lap and go to an automatic? Yeah, I thought 487 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:09,989 that was best cos I wanted to get all the way around it. The only 488 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,989 trouble with an automatic is you're not going to... You'll probably not 489 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,989 get very high up that anyway, so... Let's not worry too much about that. 490 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,989 Who here would like to see the result of your driving lesson? 491 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:24,989 AUDIENCE: Yeah! Here we go. Oh, dear. Flying solo for the first 492 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,989 time. Come on, Jack. You are a king of speed! We shall see, you look a 493 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:34,989 bit frightened. I was very frightened. You've steered round 494 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:39,989 that one. It sounds awful. Oh, good God! And off. That counts though, 495 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:45,989 doesn't it? Yes, yes, yes, you're still... To be honest, a lot of what 496 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:51,989 The Stig says is BLEEP! It's really just about... Oh! 497 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,989 JEREMY LAUGHS. I guess we'll never know, as we do Chicago, heading down 498 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,989 to the Hammerhead. Where are you going? That's completely the 499 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,989 wrong... Oh, I feel so sick. You made yourself sick! I made myself 500 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,989 sick. And here we go, round the Hammerhead... Whoops! 501 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,989 sick. And here we go, round the good. Not really... 502 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:16,989 circular thing is necessary there in front of you. Is it low on petrol? 503 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:25,989 Cos it kept beeping. Right, so, it was beeping at you? Don't go off 504 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,989 there! Tyres. This one was good. Oh, braking there! That's ballsy because 505 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,989 that can upset the rear end in a front-wheel-drive car and I may be 506 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,989 talking French as far as you're concerned there. Only Gambon to go 507 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,989 and can you do it? Oh, wait a minute, yes, nearly, you can! Across 508 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:48,989 the line! CHEERING. I got there. When you bear 509 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,989 in mind that you arrived this morning having driven a car once to 510 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,989 the butchers and back... Yeah. And then you had a lesson and then put 511 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,989 that together, I think that's pretty impressive, I really do. Oh, thank 512 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:05,989 you. But how fast do you think you did it? Where do you think you came 513 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,989 on the board? Oh, I don't know. In between Hiddleston and Bonneville? 514 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:15,989 You're hoping to get between Tom and Hugh? Around about the 1.50 mark? 515 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,989 Yeah. You did it, Jack Whitehall... You're leaning forward like a pro... 516 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:32,989 One minute... One minute, that's good. ..50... There's no kind way of 517 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:42,989 saying this. ..4.5. AUDIENCE GROANS. It's all right, you 518 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,989 know... Getting in the car for me was a victory in itself. Do you want 519 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,989 to move it further down? I feel like I'm sullying that person by being 520 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,989 there. But that, I mean... Maybe I could come back after I've actually 521 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,989 learnt to drive and I would get a competitive time. I'd like that 522 00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:01,989 because this was woeful. Yeah, I know! At least I'm on the board and 523 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,989 not at home crying in my pants, which is 524 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:05,989 not at home crying in my pants, comes to driving. No, I'd like to 525 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,989 have you back because it's comes to driving. No, I'd like to 526 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:17,989 Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall! 527 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:25,989 Now... If you want a car that's fast, you're spoiled for choice. 528 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,989 Same story if you want a car that's economical or cheap, or has a big 529 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,989 boot, but what if you're a massive show-off and your main requirement 530 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:38,989 is for a car that makes you stand out in your hometown? Well, that can 531 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,989 be a lot trickier depending upon the town where you live, as I shall now 532 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:55,989 demonstrate. Welcome to the United Arab Emirates, 533 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,989 where, as you can see, it takes quite a lot to stand out on the car 534 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:06,989 front. Out here, your common or garden 535 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:13,989 Ferrari or Lamborghini can no longer cut the mustard. So what do you do 536 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,989 if you want to turn heads? Well, I think I may have the answer. 537 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:26,989 ENGINE REVS. You see, everyone thinks about 538 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:32,989 blinging their wheels, but nobody ever thinks of adding MORE wheels. 539 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:41,989 This is the new six-wheeled version of Mercedes's iconic G-Wagen. And 540 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:48,989 beside the extra wheels, it also ticks the rarity box because it's 541 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,989 one of only two in existence. More will be built, though I suspect not 542 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,989 many when you consider the price, which is a trouser-troubling 543 00:45:53,000 --> 00:46:04,989 ?370,000. The six-wheel G-Class was originally 544 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:11,989 built for the Australian Army, who demanded standard equipment like 545 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,989 seats and doors. In this civilian version, however, you get heated and 546 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:15,989 ventilated electric leather chairs, a leather-trimmed dashboard and a 547 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:28,989 bamboo-lined cargo bay. You really do get a lot of car for 548 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:33,989 your money, as in A LOT OF CAR. I mean, look at it. It's nearly a 549 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:38,989 metre longer than a Range Rover and it's got 37-inch wheels. I reckon I 550 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:47,989 could get my head in the gap between the wheel and the wheel arch. Yeah, 551 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,989 I can. Try doing that in a Range Rover. 552 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:56,989 ENGINE REVS. The six-by-six also weighs three-and-three-quarter 553 00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:03,989 tonnes or the same as three VW Golfs. So, engine-wise, it can't 554 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,989 afford to mess about. It's actually got a 5.5 litre, 536-horsepower 555 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:15,989 twin-turbo V8 from Mercedes's in-house nutterists, AMG. 556 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:24,989 Oh, we're getting a move on! 560 pound-feet of torque. 0-60 in under 557 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:34,989 six seconds. That's sports car stuff in something 558 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:39,989 the size of a shopping centre. Fuel economy? Well, I doubt this will be 559 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,989 the official transport to the next Greenpeace annual conference. All 560 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:48,989 I'll say is they thought it best to fit two fuel tanks. You change over 561 00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:53,989 using this switch up here. And everybody loves an overhead switch. 562 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,989 If I drove this down Ross-on- Wye high street, I would be lord of all 563 00:47:56,000 --> 00:48:03,989 I survey. high street, I would be lord of all 564 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:12,989 Herefordshire, this thing attracts attention even around here. 565 00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:17,989 SIREN WAILS. Seriously? Really? 'Yeah, he's serious. 'As it turned 566 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:22,989 out, 'the policeman had never seen such an unusual car before...' 567 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:27,989 There's six wheels. I guess it's the same on the other side. '..and was 568 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:34,989 on his way again after he'd had a look.' Bye! Lamborghini Aventador 569 00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:44,989 police car. They don't have those in Ross- on-Wye. Or these... Ferrari 570 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,989 FF. That's an S... MG. What a funny day. 571 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,989 Now, although the six-by-six is seriously quick on tarmac and turns 572 00:48:53,000 --> 00:49:00,989 policemen's heads, where it's really built to shine is as an off- roader. 573 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:06,989 Let me give you an example. A Land Rover Defender can wade through half 574 00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:13,989 a metre of water and that's very good. This can wade through twice 575 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,989 that. However, this being the desert, water is quite hard to find, 576 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:34,989 so if you want to test it, you do have to improvise. 577 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:47,989 Morning, sorry. Sorry. This is, unless I'm very much mistaken, a 578 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:54,989 metre of water. And my six-by-six is... Wading through it. Even 579 00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:00,989 dealing with the rubber rings. Yeah, not having any difficulties 580 00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:06,989 this at all. But how does it cope with sand? Well, the good news is, 581 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:13,989 sand is one thing we're really not short of. Welcome to the Empty 582 00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:21,989 Quarter. The largest sand desert in the world. Covering some 250,000 583 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:22,989 square miles. Out here, temperatures hit 50 degrees centigrade and there 584 00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:43,989 are dunes more than 800ft high. OK, we have six-wheel drive with the 585 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,989 power split 30-40-30 across the axles... Check. Stronger front 586 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:53,989 springs from the armoured version of the G- Class... Check. Locking diffs 587 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:57,989 - oh, we've got those. The most you'd expect normally would be 588 00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:58,989 three. On here, five! And you lock them using these buttons in 589 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:14,989 different ways. Right, let's go. These are big, big dunes. This is 590 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,989 more of a sand mountain I'm on right now. 591 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,989 Oh! Three-and-three-quarter tonnes of Mercedes is doing this, it just 592 00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:45,989 doesn't feel right! This extra axle and these two extra 593 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,989 wheels, it changes the way the six-by-six travels over the ground, 594 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:50,989 it undulates, it feels supple. It's like blasting through the desert 595 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:56,989 dunes... ..riding a sinew. Come on! O-o-o-oh! No! BLEEP! I got 596 00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:17,989 some air. Sorry, everybody. 'Intoxicated by what the Merc could 597 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:18,989 do, 'I drove deeper and deeper into the Empty Quarter.' Right, where's 598 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,989 it go now? Oh, for crying out loud! I wouldn't 599 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:55,989 ski down that! OK. Whoa-oh-oh-aah! Over the top, over 600 00:52:56,000 --> 00:53:00,989 the top... Oh! Oh, very unpleasant, not nice! 601 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:09,989 It's vertical! I'm in a car, I'm having a plane crash! I'm still 602 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:28,989 going down! Ahead, I saw a nice, flat desert 603 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:32,989 floor 'and decided that was a much safer place to be.' HE LAUGHS. 604 00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:43,989 It's drifting! Now it's a rally car, a gigantic rally car. 605 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:49,989 And let's not forget, I'm not having to shout over this, it's not 606 00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:53,989 "Raaargh!" In here. I'm still cocooned in luxury. It's an amazing 607 00:53:54,000 --> 00:54:02,989 device. Now, when you take an off- roader 608 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:07,989 across sand, the standard practice, as I've done, is to let some air out 609 00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:15,989 of the tyres to give them a bigger footprint. Now I'm going back on 610 00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,989 tarmac, so I need to reinflate them. All I've got to do is operate these 611 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:27,989 overhead switches. I feel like a jet pilot. Compressor on. Going up. And 612 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:33,989 they can reinflate ALL of these tyres in under a minute. Oh, I love 613 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,989 this. If I did this in Ledbury I'd be mobbed by now. 614 00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:46,989 Leaving the Empty Quarter behind, I headed back towards civilisation. 615 00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:52,989 I'm not going to pretend this is anything less than a preposterous 616 00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:54,989 machine. It's a six-metre, three-and-three-quarter tonne, 617 00:54:55,000 --> 00:55:03,989 ?370,000, six-wheeled dinosaur, but as dinosaurs go, it is a magnificent 618 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:09,989 one. Magnificent to behold, magnificently made, it's one of the 619 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:16,989 car world's mad moments. A day off from Priuses and Leafs. And even in 620 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:23,989 a country as chock-full of showy-offy cars as this one, it's 621 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,989 still really rather special. You can forget your chrome wraps and 622 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,989 whatever, I don't think you can beat just having more wheels than 623 00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:31,989 anything else, and I can say with absolute confidence that I have more 624 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:46,989 wheels than any other... Oh. No matter, one thing I can say for 625 00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:52,989 sure is that this is the most extreme Mercedes out here. I doubt 626 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,989 there's anything with a Mercedes badge in these parts that can draw 627 00:55:55,000 --> 00:56:07,989 as much attention... As that. All right, so I don't have the most 628 00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,989 wheels, it's not the most extreme Mercedes out here, but the 629 00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:15,989 six-by-six does have size on its side. Bigger than any Range Rover, 630 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,989 bigger than any Land Cruiser, bigger than that old Jeep up there and 631 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,989 that's the thing - a car can be beautiful but when it's big, it's 632 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,989 got presence and they don't come much bigger than... 633 00:56:28,000 --> 00:57:06,989 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Brilliant. Embarrassingly, whilst 634 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,989 there, I ran the Merc out of petrol in the place where they actually 635 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:14,989 grow the stuff. Really? It was awful, I felt an idiot. Never mind 636 00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,989 that, can we just look at that picture of you at the end? 637 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:19,989 LAUGHTER. You do look like something out of 638 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:23,989 The Borrowers, to be brutally honest. But I have to say that Jeep 639 00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,989 is incredible. Sadly, it was broken the day I was there, but it does 640 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,989 actually move. And I'd like to see that one day, but now it is time for 641 00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:36,989 me to demonstrate that cars are better than motorbikes. Oh, no. Hang 642 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,989 on. Jeremy, we've only got a few minutes. Yes, yes, listen. Come over 643 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,989 here, because what we have here is a table laid for two, OK? And I'm 644 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:45,989 going to remove this tablecloth without knocking anything over. 645 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:46,989 Where are you going with Everybody, stand back behind me, 646 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:53,989 because Everybody, stand back behind me, 647 00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:59,989 do this. Well... CHEERING. 648 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,989 Well, yeah. Oh, well done. That's really cleared that up for us(!) 649 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:07,989 Bikes are faster than a table! Or something. What's that got to do 650 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,989 with anything? It went rather well, better than I'd expected, if I'm 651 00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,989 honest! Anyway, the thing is, BMW once did that trick with a much 652 00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:34,989 larger table, as I shall now demonstrate with this bit of film. 653 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:44,989 CHEERING. Well, that is tremendous, it's 654 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:50,989 amazing. Well done, the motorbike. Yeah. But what I'm going to do now 655 00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:54,989 is that exact same thing only with a car. You are aware, aren't you, that 656 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,989 a Superbike accelerates very fast? Yes, Hammond, from say 10-150, but 657 00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:04,989 to do that you need the instant acceleration, it's 0-10 that 658 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,989 matters. That is a very good point because it's very difficult to get a 659 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:11,989 bike off the line. Right, I'll admit, it usually spins the wheel or 660 00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,989 it flips over backwards. You see, cars don't flip over backwards, it's 661 00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,989 one of the many reasons why they're better. And the car I've selected is 662 00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:22,989 this one. A Datsun? A Nissan GT-R. No, I approve of your choice of car, 663 00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:26,989 actually, I have to say. Yeah, cos May and I were playing with one of 664 00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,989 these the other day and the way it sets off is simply unbelievable. I 665 00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:33,989 mean, it really is, there's no car I've ever driven that goes from 0-10 666 00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:38,989 faster. It's got four-wheel drive and an amazing launch control 667 00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,989 system. So you put your foot hard down on the accelerator, hard on the 668 00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:46,989 brake, take your foot off the brake, computer does everything and you set 669 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,989 off. OK, and this is the table, yeah? Yes, it is. So let's get this 670 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,989 straight. You are going to pull this tablecloth off this, what, 18ft 671 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,989 table? Yes. Using this Datsun? Listen... Without breaking anything? 672 00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:02,989 Without knocking a single thing over. Really? Yes. The words "stand" 673 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,989 and "back" spring to mind. Ye of little faith. OK, I'm using the same 674 01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:09,989 length of rope that BMW did. Same amount of slack that they did, we're 675 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:13,989 pulling from the same place that they did. Everything is... What? 676 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:18,989 Have you actually measured this out? A bit. You've got to go 18ft to get 677 01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:22,989 the tablecloth off the table, plus the length of that bit off the 678 01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,989 end... Yes. ..plus you got to account for the amount of rope and 679 01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:29,989 you've got to stop before you hit the other side of the studio. No, I 680 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,989 haven't. You have. I haven't, because I'm not going to drive it. 681 01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:37,989 He is. Ladies and gentlemen, The Stig has come among us. 682 01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:43,989 CHEERING. Very rarely in the studio. Hold on a 683 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:48,989 minute. Very rarely... Hold on a minute. Yes, what? So you are saying 684 01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,989 he is going to drive across our darkened studio, peering through his 685 01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,989 darkened visor? Yes. Is this how this Stig dies? 686 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:59,989 LAUGHTER. Has he done a book? No, he hasn't. 687 01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:08,989 Right, is he ready? Are you ready? LAUGHTER. Everybody here ready? 688 01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:14,989 AUDIENCE: Yes! Oh, God! We have no idea how it's 689 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:22,989 going to work out, but I have hope in my heart. In three, two, one, go! 690 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:28,989 APPLAUSE. JAMES LAUGHS. Well? That was mostly incredibly 691 01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:32,989 successful. How, in what way? He didn't hit the wall, as we can see. 692 01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:35,989 But everything else has hit the floor, it's smashed to bits! Yes, 693 01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,989 but look! There's a whole cup and saucer, not damaged. It didn't work. 694 01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,989 It didn't... It is most odd actually. Can we see a replay of 695 01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:51,989 that, maybe work out what wrong. Oh, there's the problem. 696 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,989 What? He's doing it too slowly. No, that's in slow motion, you idiot. 697 01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,989 Well, if he hadn't have done it in slow motion, it would have worked! 698 01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:02,989 For crying out loud! But now look! It's a disaster. It's a bombshell. 699 01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,989 And that means we can end. Yes. Mm. Thank you ever so much for watching, 700 01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:11,000 we'll see you next week. Take care and good night.