1
00:00:12,020 --> 00:00:14,810
'Tonight, James falls out of a boat.

2
00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:17,970
'I have a fight with a gear lever.

3
00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:19,690
~ 'And...'
~ Hello.

4
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:22,680
'Oh, dear. This is
a bit embarrassing.'

5
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:32,530
Hello and welcome to
what's left of Top Gear.

6
00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:35,170
And tonight's programme is not,
as I'm sure you've guessed,

7
00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:36,450
a normal one.

8
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,610
In fact, what we're going
to do is show you two films

9
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,170
that were shot for the last series.

10
00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:43,010
Yes, the second one is tremendous,
and that'll be coming up later.

11
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:46,690
But I want to start with
this. It's a Jaguar E-Type.

12
00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:49,890
And thanks to rocketing
classic car prices,

13
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:53,330
it's now worth about 200 grand.

14
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,490
And it's the same story
with these two.

15
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,690
The Ferrari Daytona and
the Aston Martin DB5.

16
00:00:58,740 --> 00:01:00,930
Around 20 years ago, you'd
have been able to buy

17
00:01:00,980 --> 00:01:03,570
either of these for around £80,000.

18
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:08,050
But today, the Ferrari, £700,000.

19
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:11,210
The Aston Martin, probably a million.

20
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:13,610
But there are still some
classic cars around

21
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,730
that you can buy for
reasonable money.

22
00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:17,610
The question is, should you?

23
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,770
Well, to find out, the producers
told me, Richard and Jeremy

24
00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:23,290
to go and buy a classic car apiece

25
00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:27,610
and then turn up with them at an old
railway station in Buckinghamshire.

26
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:29,770
They said we were going
to spend a few days

27
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:32,010
living the classic car experience.

28
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:34,730
English country lanes,
warm brown beer,

29
00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:37,650
and lots of fellow
enthusiasts to talk to.

30
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:41,380
Basically, Jeremy's idea of hell.

31
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:48,580
'This was the meeting point.

32
00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:57,050
'And I was the first to arrive,
in my 1972 MGB GT.'

33
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,660
This is it.

34
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,290
This is the daddy.

35
00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:05,890
Think of a small, classic,
British sports car

36
00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:09,460
and you are thinking
of this, the MGB GT.

37
00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:14,610
Mechanically, it's not a bad
example of what is undoubtedly

38
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:17,210
Britain's most popular classic car.

39
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:23,250
'At this point, I was interrupted
by the arrival of Captain Cheerful.'

40
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:27,570
Oh, I say. That is pretty.

41
00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:30,210
~ Why are we doing this?
~ What? What do you mean, why?

42
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:32,410
Look at it, cos of
everything about the day,

43
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:37,410
the location, old trains,
classic cars, tinkering.

44
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:40,250
Hammond, listen, nobody
buys a classic television.

45
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:43,650
They don't say, "Look, you have to bang
it on the top to make the picture work

46
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:47,290
"and it's in black and white and then you
have to stand up to change the channel."

47
00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:49,410
So why would you buy a classic car?

48
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,450
Because, well, look at it.

49
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:55,890
No, I admit, Fiat 124 Spider.
Incredibly pretty.

50
00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:59,330
Designed by the same man
who did the Ferrari 275 GTS,

51
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,050
Lancia Fulvia, De Tomaso Pantera.

52
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,170
But it will go wrong all the time.

53
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:07,810
Yes, that's the point. Then you
can stop and fix it yourself.

54
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:10,930
This is not just a car. It's
something to do at the weekends,

55
00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:12,210
it's a project.

56
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,570
The Hoover Dam was a project.

57
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:17,570
A broken down car
is an inconvenience.

58
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:22,170
It is. And yours will break down
even more, cos it's an MGB GT.

59
00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,290
Deliciously and delightfully
simple. It's...

60
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:25,490
~ Whoa!
~ What? What, what?

61
00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:27,730
Has there been a knife
fight in the back of it?

62
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:30,290
Look at it. The heritage,
the history.

63
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:33,050
It's... This was the
poor man's E-Type.

64
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,890
It's horrid.

65
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:40,090
'Soon we realised there wasn't
an elephant in the room.'

66
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,610
What do you think the elephant
will be driving?

67
00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:44,330
Well, it'll be a Triumph.

68
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:48,130
But I've thought about this,
it'll be, I think, a TR7.

69
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,610
Because he won't expect
us to expect that.

70
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:52,130
~ He'll think that'll...
~ Stag.

71
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,570
But that's too obvious.

72
00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:57,450
No. It's a Peugeot. And
that's right and proper.

73
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,530
Cos he's old and he never
goes faster than one.

74
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:02,370
He is basically a Peugeot himself.
Is it... is it very quiet?

75
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:04,020
Or has it...

76
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,490
~ Bonjour, mes amis.
~ It's electric!

77
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,250
Why isn't it running?

78
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,650
Oh, I'm just saving petrol.

79
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,450
~ James, why isn't it running?
~ What do you think?

80
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,570
It's extremely pretty.

81
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,290
~ That is a pretty car.
~ Pretty.

82
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:24,370
~ Peugeot 304 Decapotable S.
~ Cor, I didn't expect...

83
00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:25,810
That means convertible?

84
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,810
~ It does, yes.
~ Decapitated.

85
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,130
Beheaded, yes.

86
00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:31,290
~ Is this you or him?
~ It's mine!

87
00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:33,370
~ Hello, hello.
~ Britain's most popular classic.

88
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:34,410
Look at it.

89
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:37,930
~ So that must be yours.
~ Yes.
~ I sort of approve of that.

90
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:39,930
The only problem is it's
the American spec,

91
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,170
it's lived all of its
life in California.

92
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:43,570
Those wheels are all wrong.

93
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:46,610
I know. They had to raise it
because to get the headlights

94
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:49,850
the American height above the
road, they raised the whole car.

95
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:53,810
And that ruined the ride height and
the wheels are, as you say, wrong.

96
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:57,210
Anyway, let's be positive about it. We've
all got cars styled by Pininfarina.

97
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:58,530
He hasn't.

98
00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:01,770
~ Oh, I have.
~ No.
~ What, this was styled by Pininfarina?

99
00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:06,530
Yeah, the convertible version came
out first and a couple of years later
Pininfarina turned it into this.

100
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:08,450
Pininfarina's dog.

101
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:11,650
'With the classic British
weather beckoning,

102
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:15,770
'we set off for a classic,
classic car drive.'

103
00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:18,330
Which way are you going to,
oh... Through the gate.

104
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:21,250
~ Cos this is the S, remember.
~ Go on!

105
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,530
ENGINE RUMBLES

106
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,130
Oh, that sounds mighty.

107
00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:26,100
Here we go!

108
00:05:34,780 --> 00:05:38,810
This is everything I hoped it
would be. It's an experience.

109
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:43,220
I can... feel things that are
going on. I'm involved in it.

110
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:51,090
There are those who say there is no
better sound in the motoring world

111
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:54,850
than the 1.8 litre engine,
exactly like that one.

112
00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:57,290
ENGINE REVS WITH A THROATY NOTE

113
00:05:57,340 --> 00:06:01,040
Oh, that does sound brilliant.
That's a proper car.

114
00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:05,730
'In the Peugeot, James
was upbeat as well.'

115
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:09,090
This Peugeot, I think you
will agree, is charming.

116
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:10,370
It is interesting.

117
00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:13,210
It's French, it's a bit left-field.

118
00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:15,410
I mean, everything
works. Look, I mean,

119
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,490
the windscreen wipers are working.

120
00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:18,860
Um...

121
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:22,010
Yeah, there's a clock.

122
00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:25,980
'Meanwhile, in the Fiat...'

123
00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:30,490
This car is absolutely horrible.

124
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,890
I mean, the driving position,

125
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:35,290
they put the steering wheel
directly above the pedals,

126
00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:38,850
so to get comfortable, your arms
have to be the same length

127
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,370
as your legs. And mine aren't.

128
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:43,810
Steaming up slightly.

129
00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,200
I'll just engage the heater.

130
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:47,770
Oh.

131
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:49,450
Heater's not working.

132
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,410
Welcome to 1970s classic motoring.

133
00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:57,770
'And, a few moments later, James
made it even more authentic.'

134
00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:59,450
ENGINE SPLUTTERS

135
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,500
Hang on, hang on, it's
conking. Oh, here it goes.

136
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,760
Don't stop.

137
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:13,620
Seven minutes and two miles into
the journey, he's broken down.

138
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,730
'With the help of a kindly local...'

139
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:18,210
~ Pushing.
~ Pushing.

140
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,650
~ OK.
~ Pushing.

141
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,450
'.. we got James going again.'

142
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,690
~ Here we go.
~ Dump the clutch, James.

143
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,050
There you go.

144
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:28,290
Yes, thank you! I can't stop.
Now I'm having to leave them.

145
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:32,060
That's a bit poor, isn't it, but...
I'm sure they'll catch up.

146
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,980
We're off again. That's
all part of it.

147
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:39,170
Nice man helped us.

148
00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:42,260
You see, we'd never have met that
nice man if it wasn't for our cars.

149
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:49,690
Is this really your top speed, James?

150
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:52,330
Uh, pretty much, yeah.

151
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:56,490
'For once, though, I was quite
glad he was holding me up.'

152
00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:01,180
Right. No faster than this,
or the wheels will fall off.

153
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,930
These are aftermarket wheels.

154
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,530
They have oval-shaped holes
where the nuts go through.

155
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:11,980
And if you go above say,
50, they just fall off.

156
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:16,380
'Luckily, before there was a
chance for that to happen...'

157
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,580
~ Bloody hell, oh, not again!
~ ENGINE STALLS

158
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,300
'I've gone again, sorry.'

159
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,610
Tell you what, that is coming
out of the back of your car.

160
00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:32,210
~ That is....
~ Oil.
~ This is... this is classic car motoring.

161
00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:34,730
Oh, next Thursday I'll
take a day off work,

162
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:37,930
take the old girl out, get the roof
down, Thursday comes, it's raining.

163
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:40,170
~ Yeah.
~ Well, yeah...
~ And your car breaks down.

164
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,930
~ The rain makes it more interesting.
~ It doesn't.
~ It does.

165
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:46,050
Standing here on a warm, sunny
day would be boring and ordinary.

166
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,210
~ It wouldn't!
~ This is more of a challenge!

167
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:52,410
'Hammond and I then did another
classic car workout.'

168
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:53,810
Push like hell.

169
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:57,290
~ Yes, just shut up.
~ We are pushing hard! We are pushing!

170
00:08:57,340 --> 00:09:00,210
~ ENGINE REVS
~ Here we go.

171
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:02,540
Come on, chaps, let's go.

172
00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:10,220
What an absolutely horrible day.

173
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:19,370
The Peugeot is getting better. It's
responding to sympathetic treatment.

174
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:22,770
That's the thing you have to
remember about old machinery.

175
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:25,050
~ You have to form a bond with it.
~ ENGINE STALLS

176
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,260
Oh... bollocks!

177
00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:30,680
Don't stop.

178
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:40,330
'At this point, even Hammond was tiring
of the classic car camaraderie.'

179
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,970
We've weighed it up and we've decided

180
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,810
we've helped him enough
today, frankly.

181
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,450
HORN TOOTS

182
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,900
James, your car doesn't work.

183
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:58,050
Hammond, do you think you'll
be able to buy an alternator

184
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,530
for a 1970s Peugeot in Burford?

185
00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:02,580
No, no.

186
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:07,290
A very nice oven glove
with a cat on it - yes.

187
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,970
Or some jam in a gingham
pot of some sort.

188
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:14,260
But alternators for
1970s Peugeots - no.

189
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:23,170
'Later that day, we were all
reunited. And the producers said

190
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:27,980
'we should do what all classic car
enthusiasts do after a short drive.

191
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:33,340
'Go immediately into a garage
to do a bit of tinkering.'

192
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,740
METALLIC TAPPING

193
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,850
There you go, my beauty.
There you go.

194
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,570
FIREWORKS FIZZ

195
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,730
MUFFLED MUSIC

196
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:59,410
RADIO: #.. telling
you, be of good cheer

197
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:03,210
♪ It's the most wonderful
time of the year... ♪

198
00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:04,850
Hold tight.

199
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,740
SNAP! You win again!

200
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:14,180
RADIO: Sit back, enjoy the fireworks,
and let's bring in the new year.

201
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:17,770
SCRAPING

202
00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:19,410
TAPPING

203
00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:20,890
HAMMERING

204
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,210
RADIO: ... Jane, the producer today,

205
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,690
is looking forward to seeing her
Valentine, Paul this evening....

206
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:28,410
Nicola wants to say Happy
Valentine's to her niece, Ella,

207
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:32,090
and I promise my Valentine
a big kiss later today...

208
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:34,580
TAPPING

209
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:38,450
BIRDS SING

210
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,290
'When a cuckoo told us
that spring had sprung,

211
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:43,850
'we emerged from our nests.

212
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:46,850
'And not only were our
cars transformed...

213
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,370
'so was I.'

214
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:51,650
~ Oh, I say, here.
~ Oh, yeah.

215
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,570
Checkerboard, nice work.

216
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,850
Ooh!

217
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,370
~ Harnesses.
~ Look at those seats.

218
00:11:58,420 --> 00:11:59,850
~ Hello.
~ Wow.

219
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,170
Bucket seats. Racing seats.

220
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,010
And stainless steel exhaust,
front to back.

221
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:06,450
~ You're kidding.
~ Yep, all the way.

222
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,650
But, gentlemen, behold
the achievement.

223
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,050
Losing the bumpers...

224
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,850
~ Bumpers gone.
~ Genius.

225
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,770
Coils, sliced away top and
bottom. So it's now lower.

226
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:18,930
New Abarth wheels. Black bonnet.

227
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:22,730
And, of course, at the
front, a brace of Cibies.

228
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,330
So, essentially, this is
how it should've looked.

229
00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:27,330
It's how it was when
it was sold in Italy.

230
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,370
~ Yes.
~ The Americans totally ruined it

231
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,570
by lifting it up

232
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:34,010
and putting stupid bumpers on it.
I've taken it back to original spec.

233
00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:35,730
~ I have been busy.
~ It's nice.

234
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,770
So, James, what car have
you been working on?

235
00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:39,330
[LAUGHS] Funny.

236
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:42,130
No, wait, I can see
how busy he's been.

237
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:45,250
You've painted your headlights yellow
and it's taken you... October,

238
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,610
~ November, December, January, February...
~ Yeah, but I've also rebuilt

239
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:49,890
and improved and completely
mended the engine.

240
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,570
~ You mean you've just made your car work.
~ Yeah.

241
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,370
Except you won't be able
to see where you're going

242
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:55,490
cos you've gone for the old
French headlight system.

243
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,810
~ Yes.
~ James.

244
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,810
It's authentically dangerous. Yes.

245
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,850
~ What is that on your steering wheel?
~ That's just...

246
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,290
in case I had to move the
steering wheel while I had

247
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,170
oily hands from working
on the engine.

248
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,930
Somebody manufactures a condom
for the steering wheel?

249
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:11,290
It turns out they do, yeah.

250
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:13,810
And if you're a monk with
hair round the sides

251
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,450
but not on the top, it's
also a shower cap.

252
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,940
THEY LAUGH

253
00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:31,890
'Having spent six months in
hibernation doing tinkering,

254
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:35,660
'even I couldn't wait to take
my car out for a drive.'

255
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,490
Tell me this car doesn't look
brilliant. Tell me, I dare you.

256
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:46,010
Actually it does look a lot better
than it did, I'll give you that.

257
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:49,660
'You have polished that
turd well, Hammond.'

258
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:56,140
Oh, I'm loving... This
is... this is tremendous.

259
00:13:57,020 --> 00:14:00,250
Driving a car like
this with big bumpers

260
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,650
and idiotic ride height in
the rain - utter misery.

261
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,650
~ But now...
~ ENGINE REVS

262
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:10,690
.. hmm-mm. An English spring day
in a car with a matt black bonnet.

263
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:11,810
I'm happy.

264
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:17,860
'So we plunged into the Cotswolds
looking for classic car adventures.'

265
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:22,170
Now, normally at this point
we would do the news!

266
00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:25,410
Or maybe we would watch a famous person
blatting around our test track

267
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,890
in a Vauxhall Astra, but obviously
we can't do either of those things,

268
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:31,570
so instead we're going to
give you some information.

269
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:35,930
Yes, the producers told us, after
we'd modified our classic cars,

270
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:39,170
that during our journey we would
be facing various challenges

271
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:42,890
and that points would be
awarded to whoever did best.

272
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:46,050
However, they also told us
that we would lose points

273
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:47,770
for every breakdown we had.

274
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,730
So, you've basically
lost already, then?

275
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:53,610
No, rubbish. Not necessarily, actually.
And... that the person who ended up

276
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:57,660
with the most points would
get a special prize.

277
00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:11,260
'Eager to show off our newly fettled
cars, I came up with an idea.'

278
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,090
The great thing about England
at this time of year is that

279
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:18,410
every single village, pretty
much every single weekend,

280
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:21,050
hosts some kind of classic car event.

281
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,930
People gather in a field,
talk about their adenoids

282
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:26,180
and the "old girl" and...

283
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:30,220
I think we should find
one and go to it.

284
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:37,620
'So, we headed immediately for
a leafy village in Wiltshire.'

285
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:43,010
Can you imagine what a classic
car show will be like

286
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,730
in a village such as this?

287
00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:51,050
Old men in flat caps, little
children scampering around.

288
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:55,130
Stalls selling tea towels
with Morris Minors on them.

289
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,610
Making your own chutney. Putting
people in the stocks.

290
00:15:58,660 --> 00:15:59,770
All that sort of stuff.

291
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,730
'However...'

292
00:16:01,780 --> 00:16:03,330
PULSATING MUSIC

293
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:06,180
INDISTINCT TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENTS

294
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:15,730
TANNOY: Welcome to Castle
Combe for Japfest...

295
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,460
Japfest?

296
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:23,970
Mitsubishi, Mitsubishi, Mitsubishi,
Mitsubishi, Mitsubishi,

297
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:26,020
that's a Mitsubishi.

298
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:29,970
So it's probably fair to say
we've got this slightly wrong.

299
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:34,330
'Nevertheless, we were among
fellow car enthusiasts.

300
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:37,570
'And once we'd got Hammond
properly dressed...

301
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:40,730
'we were treated to a
spot of light drifting.'

302
00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:42,320
ENGINES REV

303
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:49,650
TYRES SQUEAL

304
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:52,700
~ That's June Whitfield in that one.
~ Is it?

305
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,250
David Attenborough, here he is.

306
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,440
He loves a bit of this.

307
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:02,730
That's a good one.

308
00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,770
This'll be good. Darcey
Bussell, she is brilliant.

309
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:06,490
Go on, Darcey.

310
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:11,210
~ That's a belter!
~ That was a good one.

311
00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,730
What?

312
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:21,610
It's not really that
sort of... thing, is it?

313
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:25,810
Right. "Even though your cars
aren't technically Japanese..."

314
00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:27,890
~ Well, not at all.
~ Mine's completely French.

315
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:32,170
".. the organisers here will allow
you to do ten laps of the track.

316
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:35,900
"Points will be awarded
for the fastest time."

317
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:39,450
We're not going out at the same
time as these guys, are we?

318
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:40,570
Not, like, now.

319
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,530
Are we going to have
the track to ourselves?

320
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:44,010
No... no?

321
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,290
~ Must do.
~ What?

322
00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:49,530
No, we'll be out with other
enthusiasts of the Japanese car.

323
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:52,690
That's an idi... Why would
you do that in a 304

324
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:56,340
~ front-wheel drive convertible?
~ Come on, enter into the spirit of it.

325
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,850
'To make sure he wasn't too much
of a nuisance on the circuit,

326
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:05,650
'Captain Sense of Direction
had taken some precautions.'

327
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,890
So, down there, that one's
tight with a bit of a crest.

328
00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:11,210
Got to watch out for that.
That's reasonably quick.

329
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:13,460
Got to go slow for that.

330
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,820
'And with that taken
care of, we began.'

331
00:18:19,580 --> 00:18:22,970
Now, the chassis in this
car, the Fiat 124 Spider,

332
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,690
went on to be used later
in the Lada Riva.

333
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:28,420
Oh, yeah.

334
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,770
The engine, though, is
an absolute cracker.

335
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,380
1750cc, 16-valve twin cam.

336
00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:43,540
This is what my little
MG was born to do.

337
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,770
It's a sports car.

338
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:50,770
Live rear axle, 1.8
litre B-series engine,

339
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:54,580
pumping out 95 brake horsepower.
That's just enough.

340
00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:02,530
Now, the standard Peugeot 304 had 65
horsepower, but don't worry, viewers,

341
00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:08,700
because this is the twin-choke
carburetted S-version, and has 74!

342
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:13,930
'Sadly, however, today,
that wasn't enough.'

343
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,660
ENGINES ROAR

344
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:30,050
Yeah, they're all past safely.

345
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:34,090
'Unfortunately, the man
who then overtook Hammond

346
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,850
'didn't manage his
move quite so well.'

347
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,570
TYRES SCREECH

348
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,530
And he's lost it.

349
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:43,970
LAUGHS

350
00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:45,210
'But then...'

351
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,050
ENGINE RASPS

352
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,170
Oh, a misfire is happening.

353
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:51,450
Oh, no, I think I am...

354
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,010
unwell.

355
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:56,780
'Still, at least I wasn't
suffering alone.'

356
00:19:58,460 --> 00:19:59,610
Yeah.

357
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:02,650
Yeah, you see, ah... The oil's been,

358
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,850
it's sloshing from side
to side as I corner hard.

359
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,290
And some of it has sloshed out now.

360
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:11,770
And that is sounding a bit, what
classic car enthusiasts call

361
00:20:11,820 --> 00:20:13,210
"bottom endy".

362
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:18,410
'Having ruined their cars too, James
and Richard came into the pits,

363
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:22,610
'where the producers
revealed our lap times.'

364
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:27,490
I happen to know that when the Mazda MX5
owners club meet here for a track day,

365
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:31,050
so just ordinary people
who are vets and teachers,

366
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:33,530
they lap in 1.25.

367
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:34,930
James May.

368
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,180
Yes.

369
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,450
You're not starting
with a 1, are you?

370
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,130
Well, hang on.

371
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,090
Not even close to a 1.

372
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:48,370
It's 2 minutes, 17.19.

373
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:49,410
That's big.

374
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:52,890
Me, 1 minute, 52.17.

375
00:20:52,940 --> 00:20:54,170
That's under two.

376
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,890
Richard Hammond, 1 minute, 51.65.

377
00:20:56,940 --> 00:20:58,930
Was that all that was in it?

378
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,770
Half a second.

379
00:21:00,820 --> 00:21:05,170
'Keen to find out why we were
so slow, the producers told us

380
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:08,130
'to put our cars on a rolling road...

381
00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:12,530
'to see how much horsepower
they'd lost over the years.'

382
00:21:12,580 --> 00:21:13,850
James, when it was new...

383
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,810
What did it used to
have when it was new?

384
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,490
74 horsepower.

385
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:19,970
74. Oh, yeah, it's off.

386
00:21:20,020 --> 00:21:22,160
Here we go. Here we go.

387
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:33,010
50.2. You've lost 24 horsepower.

388
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:36,130
That's 33% of your
total power is gone.

389
00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:37,330
That's quite a lot, isn't it?

390
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,540
'Next, it was the turn of the MGB.'

391
00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:43,690
This is the most powerful
when it was new.

392
00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:45,810
95, we're looking for.

393
00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:48,610
Whoa, whoa.

394
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:51,220
'It didn't go as I'd hoped.'

395
00:21:58,180 --> 00:21:59,850
58.8.

396
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:01,570
Your machine's wrong.

397
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:04,540
'Then it was the Fiat's turn.'

398
00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:09,930
So, 85 is what it did
have when it was new.

399
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:12,730
55, I'm going for 55.
56, I'm going to go for.

400
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:14,330
There it is.

401
00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:16,690
~ Here we go.
~ Higher, higher!

402
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:18,460
Oh, no!

403
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,490
~ Read it and weep!
~ 68.6.

404
00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:28,210
~ Yeah, but it's still not a big number.
~ 68 horsepower.

405
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:30,210
You're applauding lawnmower power.

406
00:22:30,260 --> 00:22:31,900
CHEERING

407
00:22:33,180 --> 00:22:36,180
'Sadly, however, the
victory was hollow.'

408
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,290
ENGINE RASPS

409
00:22:39,340 --> 00:22:41,340
ENGINE CLATTERS

410
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:44,740
That is not a good sound.

411
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,490
A classic car is like a pet dog.

412
00:22:48,540 --> 00:22:52,060
One day it's going to
let you down and die.

413
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:55,770
'We therefore decided to
do something less taxing,

414
00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:58,410
'like going to the pub.

415
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:01,460
'But that was trickier
than it sounded.'

416
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:04,730
Here's a pub. What about
this? We can go in here.

417
00:23:04,780 --> 00:23:08,050
No, it has an illuminated
sign for lager.

418
00:23:08,100 --> 00:23:11,300
Well, of course it sells
lager, it's a pub.

419
00:23:11,460 --> 00:23:14,760
Pub coming up on the
right. Is this any good?

420
00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:19,170
They're having a cheese and
wine evening. Keep going.

421
00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:23,170
James has very specific
requirements about pubs.

422
00:23:23,220 --> 00:23:26,770
He won't go in a pub
if it has Sky Sports

423
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:30,650
or if there's a purple dinosaur in the
back garden with steps up its back.

424
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,130
Or if there's a sign saying
"Children Welcome".

425
00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:36,490
He doesn't like beams, he
doesn't like horse brasses.

426
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,740
This may take a while.

427
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:45,850
James, there's a pub up here.
What's the matter with this one?

428
00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:50,090
Er, stickers in the window, flags,
and it calls itself a tavern. Go.

429
00:23:50,140 --> 00:23:51,770
Right.

430
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:54,100
That smelt nice.

431
00:23:55,860 --> 00:23:58,450
Pub ahead. Pub ahead.

432
00:23:58,500 --> 00:23:59,610
Bit Camra.

433
00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:02,930
What's the matter with Camra? You
love the Campaign for Real Ale.

434
00:24:02,980 --> 00:24:05,890
Don't like any campaigns.

435
00:24:05,940 --> 00:24:09,450
'In the end, none of
the pubs passed muster.

436
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:13,700
'So we went to our overnight
hotel and had a drink there.'

437
00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:20,050
Hi, we would like two pints of
bitter, one rose wine, large,

438
00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:23,900
a bag of salt and vinegar
crisps and biltong.

439
00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:28,330
There's nothing better than
your local radio pub orders.

440
00:24:28,380 --> 00:24:30,410
I knew somebody who used to do that.

441
00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:35,130
'That evening, we embarrassed ourselves
in a traditional pub quiz.'

442
00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:40,170
Neil, or Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry,

443
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:43,770
and Louis are the five members
of which British group?

444
00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:46,570
Uh, uh...

445
00:24:46,620 --> 00:24:51,180
Which song won the Top Gear
greatest driving song contest?

446
00:24:55,740 --> 00:24:59,330
'We then totted up the points
from the producers' competition

447
00:24:59,380 --> 00:25:02,970
'to see who was on course
to win the special prize.'

448
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:05,850
So, just work it out, so it's
minus 20 for a breakdown.

449
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:09,010
~ Yes.
~ And then ten, five and nought
for the... So you're...

450
00:25:09,060 --> 00:25:12,050
~ Being the fastest.
~ Yeah, around the track, you get ten.

451
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:13,650
Yes. For being the fastest.

452
00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:16,770
So you're on ten. I'm on five,
and then you get nought.

453
00:25:16,820 --> 00:25:18,090
So you're still on minus 60.

454
00:25:18,140 --> 00:25:19,890
So why is it nought?

455
00:25:19,940 --> 00:25:21,690
Because you were last.

456
00:25:21,740 --> 00:25:24,210
~ I should get one, then.
~ No, no, no, no...

457
00:25:24,260 --> 00:25:27,610
'After much arguing, we worked
out that James had lost everything

458
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:31,940
'and was out of the running, but that
Hammond and I were level pegging.

459
00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:36,170
'So, the following morning,
we knew that all we had to do

460
00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:39,530
'to win was not break down.'

461
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,860
ENGINE SPLUTTERS

462
00:25:43,180 --> 00:25:45,420
ENGINE SPLUTTERS

463
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:48,970
SPLUTTERING PICKS UP SPEED

464
00:25:49,020 --> 00:25:52,250
'Eventually my B
spluttered into life.

465
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,690
'However...'

466
00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:55,410
~ INTERMITTENT SPLUTTERING
~ Ha-ha!

467
00:25:55,460 --> 00:25:58,090
Oh, yes, sounds brilliant(!)

468
00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:00,050
~ ENGINE REVS
~ Come on!

469
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:03,420
Plea-ea-ease!

470
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,060
Yes!

471
00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:12,730
'The producers told us the
special prize was waiting

472
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:17,700
'at another classic car show
20 nerve-racking miles away.'

473
00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:22,650
It's not healthy, I'll be honest.

474
00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:24,370
ENGINE STRAINS

475
00:26:24,420 --> 00:26:27,720
That's three cylinders.
I'm running on three.

476
00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:30,130
ENGINE GROWLS AND STUTTERS

477
00:26:30,740 --> 00:26:33,810
I think it's... mm.

478
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:38,020
Yesterday was a big day for these
cars and they've all suffered.

479
00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:45,220
'Soon we arrived at the pretty Cotswold
town of Stow-on-the-Wold.'

480
00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:50,690
Many, many classic car enthusiasts
come here at a weekend

481
00:26:50,740 --> 00:26:52,890
to look at classic
furniture and remember

482
00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,010
how life used to be...

483
00:26:55,860 --> 00:26:57,850
.. in the olden days.

484
00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:02,860
'While my Fiat cooled down a bit, I
bought the other two some presents.

485
00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:06,820
'Richard got a stand for his hat.

486
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,810
'And as for James...'

487
00:27:09,860 --> 00:27:11,650
James May, can you hear me?

488
00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:13,050
Sadly, yes.

489
00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:14,450
What time is it?

490
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,140
Er, I don't know, my clock's stopped.

491
00:27:20,100 --> 00:27:22,730
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to Last Of The Summer Gear.

492
00:27:22,780 --> 00:27:27,930
'We carried on towards the show and
shared some truths about our cars.'

493
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,330
MG is still working.
How's the Fiat going?

494
00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:37,530
Well, we've got, er, 11 miles
to go and all is well back here.

495
00:27:37,580 --> 00:27:39,210
Is it really?

496
00:27:39,260 --> 00:27:42,020
How's your down-on power B?

497
00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:46,050
Um, it's fine, really
fine, good form.

498
00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:47,700
It's not.

499
00:27:49,580 --> 00:27:51,720
Come on, come on, Fiat.

500
00:27:54,820 --> 00:27:57,020
Please, just keep going.

501
00:27:58,220 --> 00:27:59,960
ENGINE STUTTERS

502
00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:04,010
What was that?

503
00:28:04,060 --> 00:28:05,490
ENGINE RASPS

504
00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:07,740
Oh, my God, what is that?

505
00:28:09,860 --> 00:28:12,130
ENGINE SPLUTTERS AND STOPS

506
00:28:14,740 --> 00:28:16,410
RICHARD LAUGHS

507
00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:19,820
For once, the small guy wins!

508
00:28:21,980 --> 00:28:27,810
'A few minutes later, James
and I arrived at the event.

509
00:28:27,860 --> 00:28:30,330
'The Rendcomb Wings and Wheels show.'

510
00:28:30,380 --> 00:28:32,130
TANNOY: .. twists and turns...

511
00:28:32,180 --> 00:28:34,890
Ooh, there's lots of valuable
things not to crash into here.

512
00:28:34,940 --> 00:28:39,370
'The field was crammed
with high-end exotics,

513
00:28:39,420 --> 00:28:45,180
'which made our colleague's arrival
all the more embarrassing.'

514
00:28:51,580 --> 00:28:55,890
'With all three of us present,
it was time for the prize-giving.'

515
00:28:55,940 --> 00:28:57,970
Congratulations, Richard Hammond.

516
00:28:58,020 --> 00:29:00,090
~ Thank you.
~ You have won.

517
00:29:00,140 --> 00:29:04,660
And as a special prize, you will
be appearing in the air show.

518
00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:08,610
'The jammy sod had got himself a ride

519
00:29:08,660 --> 00:29:10,210
'in one of the planes in the display.

520
00:29:10,260 --> 00:29:14,890
'So, while he went off to get ready,
James and I consoled ourselves,

521
00:29:14,940 --> 00:29:17,480
'by checking out the exhibits.'

522
00:29:18,460 --> 00:29:20,130
It's lovely, isn't it?

523
00:29:20,180 --> 00:29:23,650
It'll be terrible by modern
standards, but look at it.

524
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:27,660
~ It's just fabulous.
~ Very similar to my Fiat.
~ Yes.

525
00:29:28,940 --> 00:29:30,010
(No!)

526
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,610
Yeah, I like this.

527
00:29:31,660 --> 00:29:34,730
What, the Daytona? One
of the prettiest cars...

528
00:29:34,780 --> 00:29:36,050
Absolutely lovely.

529
00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:38,730
This... is an AC Ace.

530
00:29:38,780 --> 00:29:43,490
This was what Carroll Shelby dropped
a V8 in, flared the arches

531
00:29:43,540 --> 00:29:46,770
and created the Cobra. But
this was the genesis of it.

532
00:29:46,820 --> 00:29:48,770
Frazer Nash, this is Tiff Needell

533
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:52,130
~ arriving in the '50s at a party.
~ Oh, yes, in the Frazer Nash.

534
00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:54,530
It was 101 brake
horsepower per tonne.

535
00:29:54,580 --> 00:29:58,050
~ That's quite significant.
~ It's pretty good for then.

536
00:29:58,100 --> 00:29:59,850
How much are these now?

537
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:01,290
30 million dollars.

538
00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:03,370
Mm, pounds, I would've thought.

539
00:30:03,420 --> 00:30:05,900
That's the 250 GTO.

540
00:30:06,980 --> 00:30:09,970
Still just about the most expensive
car in the world, isn't it?

541
00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:11,690
Most valuable car in the world.

542
00:30:11,740 --> 00:30:14,780
Even standing near that
gives me the fizz.

543
00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:19,300
'Meanwhile, I was now ready.'

544
00:30:21,900 --> 00:30:26,250
Oh, dear God. Why did
my car have to work?

545
00:30:26,300 --> 00:30:28,500
Why didn't I pick a Fiat?

546
00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:33,610
This is about the least
happy I've ever been.

547
00:30:33,660 --> 00:30:36,060
And I've been pretty unhappy.

548
00:30:37,060 --> 00:30:40,090
Please, don't come undone.

549
00:30:40,140 --> 00:30:42,330
Please, do not come undone.

550
00:30:42,380 --> 00:30:44,050
Oh... [BLEEP!]

551
00:30:44,860 --> 00:30:46,940
Oh... [BLEEP!]

552
00:30:50,300 --> 00:30:53,500
SCREAMS

553
00:30:55,180 --> 00:30:56,650
I got a letter,

554
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:59,890
a letter from your commanding
officer today asking me...

555
00:30:59,940 --> 00:31:03,100
RICHARD'S SCREAMS DROWN SPEECH

556
00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:11,370
Of course.

557
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:16,410
RICHARD SCREAMS

558
00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:18,500
Oh, no! Oh, no!

559
00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:24,980
SCREAMS

560
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,930
Right, that was our
experience of classics,

561
00:31:36,980 --> 00:31:39,290
and now for something
a bit more modern,

562
00:31:39,340 --> 00:31:40,810
with cars like these -

563
00:31:40,860 --> 00:31:43,010
VW Tiguan, Toyota RAV4.

564
00:31:43,060 --> 00:31:46,290
Manufacturers call them
sports utility vehicles.

565
00:31:46,340 --> 00:31:49,090
And experts are predicting
that very soon

566
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:52,970
over half of all vehicles
sold will be SUVs.

567
00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:56,450
Thing is, the manufacturers are not
really selling these cars as cars,

568
00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:59,770
which is just as well, really,
because they're largely terrible.

569
00:31:59,820 --> 00:32:03,050
No, what they are selling
you is a lifestyle.

570
00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:06,730
You buy one of these, pretty soon
you'll be doing windsurfing,

571
00:32:06,780 --> 00:32:09,370
hot air ballooning,
paintballing, nudism,

572
00:32:09,420 --> 00:32:12,650
lots of other rugged, healthy,
outdoors-y stuff.

573
00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:16,330
Yeah, the trouble is, SUVs,
even small ones like these,

574
00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:18,610
can cost from around 25 grand.

575
00:32:18,660 --> 00:32:20,890
And that got our producers wondering.

576
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:25,050
Can you buy into the
SUV lifestyle for less?

577
00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:26,730
A lot less.

578
00:32:26,780 --> 00:32:30,730
Well, to find out, they
gave us each 250 quid.

579
00:32:30,780 --> 00:32:34,810
They told us to go and buy a sporty
SUV 4x4 and then report with it

580
00:32:34,860 --> 00:32:39,340
to the Rutland Activity Centre
for the young at heart.

581
00:32:44,140 --> 00:32:49,290
'This is exactly the sort of place
where SUV people spend their weekends.

582
00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:51,880
'And I was the first to arrive.'

583
00:32:55,420 --> 00:32:59,370
Viewers, behold - the
Mitsubishi Shogun Pinin.

584
00:32:59,420 --> 00:33:03,530
My passport to the sort of healthy,
active lifestyle you would enjoy

585
00:33:03,580 --> 00:33:07,210
in a place like this on a day like
today. There's a bit of rust.

586
00:33:07,260 --> 00:33:10,530
There are a few bumps, a few bruises,
but that's as it should be

587
00:33:10,580 --> 00:33:16,700
because it's an action vehicle.
Mine for just 15,000 pence.

588
00:33:18,220 --> 00:33:22,260
'Then, the Duke of Hammond
arrived, in a Jeep Cherokee.'

589
00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:26,210
Good effort, Your Lordship.

590
00:33:26,260 --> 00:33:28,610
~ I'm impressed.
~ Oh, yeah.

591
00:33:28,660 --> 00:33:31,210
Four-litre straight six there.

592
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:33,730
So, basically this is
an Aston Martin DB5.

593
00:33:33,780 --> 00:33:36,090
~ Well, it isn't, mate.
~ I mean, it's got the same engine.

594
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:38,690
Actually, it's better in
many ways. It's a monocoque,

595
00:33:38,740 --> 00:33:40,850
not a separate chassis,
so it's more modern.

596
00:33:40,900 --> 00:33:43,730
And, unlike an Aston, it's cheap.

597
00:33:43,780 --> 00:33:45,410
25,000 pence.

598
00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:47,490
25... you've spent the
whole 25,000 pence?

599
00:33:47,540 --> 00:33:50,410
~ 250 quid.
~ You're mad.
~ Well, hello, what have you got?

600
00:33:50,460 --> 00:33:52,690
This was built by Pininfarina.

601
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,050
~ Built?
~ Yeah.

602
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,130
~ Built by Pininfarina.
~ Built by Pininfarina.

603
00:33:56,180 --> 00:33:59,130
~ Like a Ferrari.
~ And styled by...
~ Mitsubishi.

604
00:33:59,180 --> 00:34:02,850
Right, so built by the Italians,
styled by the Japanese.

605
00:34:02,900 --> 00:34:05,930
~ That's the perfect combination.
That's exactly what you want.
~ It's perfectly good.

606
00:34:05,980 --> 00:34:07,490
~ RASPING ENGINE
~ 'At this point, we heard

607
00:34:07,540 --> 00:34:11,140
'the unmistakable sound of
an approaching orang-utan.'

608
00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:18,770
Hello.

609
00:34:18,820 --> 00:34:20,770
~ Wow.
~ Now, this...

610
00:34:20,820 --> 00:34:25,130
is no ordinary Vauxhall Frontera.

611
00:34:25,180 --> 00:34:28,450
Well, no, it's the loudest car
in the world, is what it is.

612
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:33,650
~ That's because this is the Sport RS model.
~ Is it?
~ And because it has

613
00:34:33,700 --> 00:34:35,330
~ a hole in the exhaust.
~ The exhaust is blown completely.

614
00:34:35,380 --> 00:34:40,290
But what is genuinely
staggering is this cost me

615
00:34:40,340 --> 00:34:42,370
14,000 pence.

616
00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:43,530
Yes...

617
00:34:43,580 --> 00:34:47,570
A replacement clutch for a Vauxhall
Frontera is around about

618
00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:52,770
£300-£400. So I have got
here a half-price clutch

619
00:34:52,820 --> 00:34:57,610
with an entire car thrown in
for free and MOT'd and taxed.

620
00:34:57,660 --> 00:35:00,650
Yeah, but, the entire car
is a Vauxhall Frontera.

621
00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:02,250
Yeah, you are left with a...

622
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:06,850
What? Look, for 140 quid, I wouldn't care
if it said "dog dirt" on the grille.

623
00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:08,930
It pretty much does.

624
00:35:08,980 --> 00:35:10,490
And look what the chap...
Look in the back.

625
00:35:10,540 --> 00:35:13,010
Oh, a swing-away door so you
can't open it in a supermarket

626
00:35:13,060 --> 00:35:15,570
or it's... Oh, my G...!

627
00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:17,130
How happy would your dog be?

628
00:35:17,180 --> 00:35:19,890
All I can hear is the word "victim".

629
00:35:19,940 --> 00:35:23,530
They're not murderers' cars.
That's for your hang glider.

630
00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:29,580
'Eager to test our incredibly cheap
machines, we hit the road.'

631
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:44,410
Even though this was only £140,

632
00:35:44,460 --> 00:35:49,250
the previous owner has thrown in,
for free, these air fresheners,

633
00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:52,570
which give the cabin
the aroma of a hot...

634
00:35:52,620 --> 00:35:54,360
Turkish urinal.

635
00:35:55,340 --> 00:35:56,570
And there's more.

636
00:35:56,620 --> 00:35:59,290
In the centre cubby hole,
I find he's left me

637
00:35:59,340 --> 00:36:01,290
a pair of his old sunglasses.

638
00:36:01,340 --> 00:36:05,330
And... these earphones,
which come with traces

639
00:36:05,380 --> 00:36:09,250
of his personalised earwax.

640
00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:10,930
Unbelievable.

641
00:36:10,980 --> 00:36:15,370
And all of this is in addition
to what comes as standard.

642
00:36:15,420 --> 00:36:19,290
Functioning air conditioning,
electric windows, air bags,

643
00:36:19,340 --> 00:36:22,780
electric door mirrors,
two sunshine roofs.

644
00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:27,810
'And the value for money
doesn't stop there.'

645
00:36:27,860 --> 00:36:30,850
The scrap value of this car
is about, let's say 200 quid.

646
00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:35,980
So, if I crash it, I'll
be 60 quid better off.

647
00:36:37,020 --> 00:36:39,960
I can make money by
having an accident.

648
00:36:46,220 --> 00:36:50,410
I'll be honest, I was deeply cynical
of this whole enterprise.

649
00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:55,610
I just stood up and said, "No way,
you can't buy 4x4s for 250 quid."

650
00:36:55,660 --> 00:36:57,660
And yet, here it is.

651
00:36:58,540 --> 00:36:59,850
It's not perfect.

652
00:36:59,900 --> 00:37:04,890
Rear view mirror is... not
there. Head rests have gone.

653
00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:09,090
Other than that, there's air
conditioning, very nice stereo,

654
00:37:09,140 --> 00:37:12,410
six-CD multichanger, cassette
player - nice touch of history.

655
00:37:12,460 --> 00:37:14,330
Loads of speakers.

656
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,090
It's brilliant.

657
00:37:17,140 --> 00:37:18,530
I've got wood.

658
00:37:18,580 --> 00:37:20,220
There.

659
00:37:24,900 --> 00:37:27,490
I actually wrote a review
of this car when it was new.

660
00:37:27,540 --> 00:37:31,290
And I remember being very impressed
at how good it was off-road.

661
00:37:31,340 --> 00:37:34,890
This has a proper transfer
box, high and low range,

662
00:37:34,940 --> 00:37:36,490
and differential locks.

663
00:37:36,540 --> 00:37:40,690
It's only 1.8 litres, but
it is quite spritely.

664
00:37:40,740 --> 00:37:45,010
And it's very light. It's almost 400
kilograms lighter than the other two.

665
00:37:45,060 --> 00:37:48,330
Mind you, it wasn't all good news.

666
00:37:48,380 --> 00:37:53,260
The previous owner did warn me that one
of the brake discs was "slightly warped".

667
00:37:54,660 --> 00:37:56,770
What he didn't actually
say was that it's, well,

668
00:37:56,820 --> 00:37:58,450
it appears to be bent
at right angles.

669
00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:00,810
~ When you brake...
~ RATTLING

670
00:38:00,860 --> 00:38:02,370
.. the juddering is appalling.

671
00:38:02,420 --> 00:38:04,090
It really doesn't...

672
00:38:04,140 --> 00:38:05,860
Cor, blimey!

673
00:38:09,340 --> 00:38:14,410
'Soon we arrived at Top Gear's
top secret lifestyle test track...

674
00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:18,490
'which is just off Ladyhole
Lane, one mile to the west

675
00:38:18,540 --> 00:38:20,940
'of the village of Ellastone.

676
00:38:21,180 --> 00:38:23,890
'At this state-of-the-art facility,

677
00:38:23,940 --> 00:38:26,730
'we headed first to the indoor
winter testing centre,

678
00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:32,130
'where we discovered our cars weren't
much good on the, um, inclines.'

679
00:38:32,180 --> 00:38:34,170
Up, up the hill!

680
00:38:34,220 --> 00:38:35,410
CLANKING

681
00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:38,460
I'm trying to put it
in four-wheel drive.

682
00:38:39,260 --> 00:38:41,940
Oh, no! Something's gone wrong.

683
00:38:43,100 --> 00:38:46,330
Come on, no! Why are
you going backwards?

684
00:38:46,380 --> 00:38:47,890
I can't...

685
00:38:47,940 --> 00:38:49,260
Ugh!

686
00:38:50,570 --> 00:38:51,570
Bollocks.

687
00:38:51,620 --> 00:38:53,420
I can't get it...

688
00:38:54,140 --> 00:38:55,810
JEREMY LAUGHS

689
00:38:57,020 --> 00:39:00,250
'We were then told to report
to the oval test track,

690
00:39:00,300 --> 00:39:02,770
'where we received a challenge.'

691
00:39:02,820 --> 00:39:04,810
It's a game of tag.

692
00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:09,570
"You each have a different start point
on the top secret oval test track.

693
00:39:09,620 --> 00:39:11,290
"And you each begin at once.

694
00:39:11,340 --> 00:39:14,610
"The object is not to be overtaken.
If you are, you're out.

695
00:39:14,660 --> 00:39:19,370
"And to make the test more relevant,
you will each have a ballast."

696
00:39:19,420 --> 00:39:22,620
A ballast? That's what
it says, "a ballast".

697
00:39:25,380 --> 00:39:28,010
~ Right, this is the "a ballast".
~ Yeah.

698
00:39:28,060 --> 00:39:29,410
And actually it is relevant.

699
00:39:29,460 --> 00:39:30,450
~ Is it?
~ No, it is.

700
00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:34,570
Because one of the "leisure
activities" done by SUV people

701
00:39:34,620 --> 00:39:37,250
is going on holiday in a muddy field.

702
00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:41,090
Yes. What isn't relevant
is the size of my caravan.

703
00:39:41,140 --> 00:39:42,970
~ What do you mean?
~ Why have I been given

704
00:39:43,020 --> 00:39:44,850
such an enormous...?
Look at the size of it.

705
00:39:44,900 --> 00:39:47,610
No, no, the caravan isn't
big. Your car is small.

706
00:39:47,660 --> 00:39:49,540
He... he's right.

707
00:39:52,020 --> 00:39:57,010
'Eventually, we stopped bickering and
took our start positions on the track,

708
00:39:57,060 --> 00:40:00,940
'where it turned out there
was a surprise late entry.'

709
00:40:02,780 --> 00:40:04,290
I know exactly who it is.

710
00:40:04,340 --> 00:40:07,610
That, ladies and gentlemen,
is not the Stig.

711
00:40:07,660 --> 00:40:11,130
That is Top Gear's top
secret Leisure Stig.

712
00:40:11,180 --> 00:40:12,920
Useless driver.

713
00:40:13,460 --> 00:40:16,300
We use him only for testing caravans.

714
00:40:17,820 --> 00:40:21,220
TANNOY: Three, two, one, go!

715
00:40:24,540 --> 00:40:25,690
Here we go.

716
00:40:25,740 --> 00:40:28,650
Testing, testing has begun.

717
00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:35,410
I'm now unleashing the 134
horsepower Vauxhall Vectra engine.

718
00:40:35,460 --> 00:40:39,450
'Sadly, though, Leisure Stig's
driving was so slow,

719
00:40:39,500 --> 00:40:42,290
'that soon he was causing
a bit of a traffic jam.'

720
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:43,650
Oh!

721
00:40:43,700 --> 00:40:48,370
Why have they given me such a massive
caravan? This is hopeless.

722
00:40:48,420 --> 00:40:50,210
'Well, it could be worse.'

723
00:40:50,260 --> 00:40:53,650
I can feel the downforce from
my "a ballast", and it's good.

724
00:40:53,700 --> 00:40:56,410
Ohh! I've gone wrong.

725
00:40:56,460 --> 00:40:59,460
It's hopeless. I've
crashed into myself.

726
00:41:00,340 --> 00:41:02,770
I mustn't be overtaken or I'm out.

727
00:41:02,820 --> 00:41:08,090
'Using the power of the mighty
Frontera, I caught up with Hammond

728
00:41:08,140 --> 00:41:10,970
'and tried to take
him on the inside...

729
00:41:11,020 --> 00:41:14,460
'which meant going onto the surface
designed to test suspension.'

730
00:41:15,740 --> 00:41:18,900
Oh, this bit's even worse!

731
00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:28,020
Total chaos, and I've lost all
the ground I made up there.

732
00:41:29,380 --> 00:41:34,450
'Because Leisure Stig was so slow,
even James was getting impatient.'

733
00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:37,730
Juddering, buffeting. Come on, Pinin!

734
00:41:37,780 --> 00:41:39,780
'And violent.'

735
00:41:43,620 --> 00:41:46,410
Oh, yes. He's losing the wheel.

736
00:41:46,460 --> 00:41:48,410
Massive error by the Stig.

737
00:41:48,460 --> 00:41:51,740
Smoke is pouring off.

738
00:41:53,140 --> 00:41:56,440
Right, this time, Hammond,
you're going down!

739
00:41:56,580 --> 00:41:57,720
Oh!

740
00:42:00,820 --> 00:42:02,620
Oh, no!

741
00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:11,330
'Then Hammond made an error.'

742
00:42:11,380 --> 00:42:12,810
I'm on the rough stuff.

743
00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:15,690
Oh, this is impossibly...

744
00:42:15,740 --> 00:42:21,260
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Hammond. We
have overtaken you. You are out.

745
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:25,930
I think I've lost a wheel now.

746
00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:27,850
Lot of sparks.

747
00:42:27,900 --> 00:42:31,400
It's... it's barely
controllable, if I'm honest.

748
00:42:40,340 --> 00:42:43,890
Oh, now I, I can see
the problem here.

749
00:42:43,940 --> 00:42:47,170
'Meanwhile, my race was going well.'

750
00:42:47,220 --> 00:42:50,980
Yes, I've just done James May. He's
somehow ended up on the infield.

751
00:42:52,580 --> 00:42:55,370
That was a catastrophic mistake.

752
00:42:55,420 --> 00:42:59,700
'But sadly, I overcooked it
trying to take Leisure Stig.'

753
00:43:01,620 --> 00:43:02,960
Aaargh!

754
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:08,540
Oh! Lost my brakes completely.

755
00:43:11,820 --> 00:43:16,170
'With 20 laps completed,
Leisure Stig had given up.

756
00:43:16,220 --> 00:43:19,330
'Hammond still thought
he was in the contest...

757
00:43:19,380 --> 00:43:21,130
'and I had a problem.'

758
00:43:21,180 --> 00:43:25,330
Steam coming from the
front of the Frontera.

759
00:43:25,380 --> 00:43:27,730
Things are not good in the Vauxhall.

760
00:43:27,780 --> 00:43:31,290
Yes, here we go, I
can have him. Come on!

761
00:43:31,340 --> 00:43:35,220
Uh-oh! It's tight, it's
tight at the back.

762
00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:39,970
Manoeuvre attempt by Jeremy Clarkson.

763
00:43:40,020 --> 00:43:41,690
Argh!

764
00:43:41,740 --> 00:43:43,860
Ah! Ah!

765
00:43:48,340 --> 00:43:51,460
~ He's up the bank.
~ TOOTS HORN

766
00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:55,580
I think we might have lost sight
of the rules of this race slightly.

767
00:43:57,020 --> 00:43:59,930
'The producers had come
to the same conclusion.

768
00:43:59,980 --> 00:44:03,890
'So, we were told to abandon
the oval test track...

769
00:44:03,940 --> 00:44:06,450
'and report to the drag strip,

770
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:10,210
'where we would see which car
could get from nought to 60

771
00:44:10,260 --> 00:44:12,730
'and then back to nought again

772
00:44:12,780 --> 00:44:15,690
'in the shortest possible distance.'

773
00:44:15,740 --> 00:44:18,770
~ It's a good test, this.
~ Yeah.
~ It is, cos it measures

774
00:44:18,820 --> 00:44:22,610
~ acceleration and braking all in one go.
~ Absolutely.

775
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:26,570
'Leisure Stig went first
to lay down a benchmark.

776
00:44:26,620 --> 00:44:30,320
'And, as he was mid-run,
Jeremy noticed something.'

777
00:44:30,500 --> 00:44:33,210
If you don't stop in
time... [CLEARS THROAT]

778
00:44:33,260 --> 00:44:35,650
Then your day suddenly
gets a lot worse.

779
00:44:35,700 --> 00:44:37,730
~ Wetter.
~ Colder.

780
00:44:37,780 --> 00:44:39,610
'Luckily for Leisure Stig,

781
00:44:39,660 --> 00:44:43,010
'the Kia Sportage stopped
well short of the pond.

782
00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:44,890
'And once this point had been marked,

783
00:44:44,940 --> 00:44:47,930
'Hammond took his position
on the start line.'

784
00:44:47,980 --> 00:44:51,170
I think he's had a bit
of a hair transplant.

785
00:44:51,220 --> 00:44:52,810
Just look at the...
look at his fringe.

786
00:44:52,860 --> 00:44:55,250
Seriously, look at his
fringe when he gets out.

787
00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:57,370
You don't have your fringe
transplanted, do you?

788
00:44:57,420 --> 00:44:58,970
Just... well, remember Rooney,

789
00:44:59,020 --> 00:45:01,610
when he had that forestation
job done? You have a look.

790
00:45:01,660 --> 00:45:04,900
OK, there's no putting
this off. Here we go.

791
00:45:07,780 --> 00:45:11,940
Come on, everything you've got, Jeepie,
I need you to get to 60 quick.

792
00:45:13,140 --> 00:45:15,730
40.

793
00:45:15,780 --> 00:45:18,860
Oh, my God. I'm coming
up to the Stig's...

794
00:45:19,980 --> 00:45:22,410
~ Oh, my God.
~ On the brakes, that's all I've got.

795
00:45:22,460 --> 00:45:24,460
That's all I've got.

796
00:45:26,820 --> 00:45:29,760
Oh, I can't brake any
harder than that.

797
00:45:33,740 --> 00:45:37,490
Did a bit of excrement come out?

798
00:45:37,540 --> 00:45:41,010
I had to use all of
the brakes, I mean...

799
00:45:41,060 --> 00:45:43,930
And you hadn't actually started
braking before you got to

800
00:45:43,980 --> 00:45:45,930
~ the Stig's stop time?
~ No.

801
00:45:45,980 --> 00:45:48,730
'That was a bit of a worry,

802
00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:52,370
'as Hammond's Jeep was much faster
than my wounded Vauxhall.'

803
00:45:52,420 --> 00:45:54,850
Here we go!

804
00:45:54,900 --> 00:46:00,050
Yes! It's a flying start
from Luton's finest.

805
00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:01,490
5,000rpm.

806
00:46:01,540 --> 00:46:03,340
Five-and-a-half.

807
00:46:04,130 --> 00:46:05,130
Looking good.

808
00:46:05,180 --> 00:46:06,810
There's the Stig's marker.

809
00:46:06,860 --> 00:46:09,060
And there's 60.

810
00:46:14,700 --> 00:46:15,970
RICHARD AND JAMES LAUGH

811
00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:17,650
Wow!

812
00:46:17,700 --> 00:46:21,090
Holy mother of God, that
was close! Oh, no.

813
00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:24,570
Do not pretend you've got clean
pants, because I know you haven't.

814
00:46:24,620 --> 00:46:28,060
Many poos shot out of my ani.

815
00:46:29,540 --> 00:46:32,410
'I didn't enjoy my
near-death experience,

816
00:46:32,460 --> 00:46:35,810
'but in truth, James
enjoyed it even less.'

817
00:46:35,860 --> 00:46:39,450
My car is faster than your car.

818
00:46:39,500 --> 00:46:41,840
And its brakes are not bad.

819
00:46:42,740 --> 00:46:45,570
And I very nearly went into
the muddy pool of effluent.

820
00:46:45,620 --> 00:46:46,610
Didn't you?

821
00:46:46,660 --> 00:46:49,770
~ My car's very light.
~ Yeah...

822
00:46:49,820 --> 00:46:53,770
'Still clutching at straws,
I began my run.'

823
00:46:53,820 --> 00:46:55,360
Here we go.

824
00:46:57,220 --> 00:46:59,530
It is a test of
acceleration... and braking.

825
00:46:59,580 --> 00:47:03,370
~ And he has neither of those things.
~ No, no, he doesn't.

826
00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:05,380
Oh, come on.

827
00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:10,570
Still accelerating.

828
00:47:10,620 --> 00:47:12,130
30...

829
00:47:12,180 --> 00:47:13,700
35.

830
00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:17,840
Still accelerating.

831
00:47:19,260 --> 00:47:20,370
45.

832
00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:23,210
Well, he can't get to 60, can he?

833
00:47:23,260 --> 00:47:24,780
50.

834
00:47:25,780 --> 00:47:26,920
52.

835
00:47:31,340 --> 00:47:33,810
Bollocks.

836
00:47:33,860 --> 00:47:34,930
Oh, it's sinking.

837
00:47:34,980 --> 00:47:37,290
~ Well.. he was committed.
~ Help!

838
00:47:37,340 --> 00:47:39,930
~ Yes.
~ He was determined to reach 60.

839
00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:41,930
But he didn't, did he?

840
00:47:41,980 --> 00:47:44,450
Ah, God, it's chuffing freezing!

841
00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:48,090
~ You went a bit far.
~ Can we get a flag to mark his position?

842
00:47:48,140 --> 00:47:51,050
Don't just stand there, you
idiots, it's filling up!

843
00:47:51,100 --> 00:47:53,610
James, I've looked at the situation,

844
00:47:53,660 --> 00:47:55,810
and there's nothing we can do.

845
00:47:55,860 --> 00:47:58,530
So, with that, back to the studio.

846
00:47:59,420 --> 00:48:02,210
'Except, it wasn't
back to the studio.

847
00:48:02,260 --> 00:48:05,890
'Because we were then
told to modify our SUVs

848
00:48:05,940 --> 00:48:11,100
'to make them more lifestyle-y
and then report to a car park.

849
00:48:12,420 --> 00:48:15,490
'A few days later, with
our work completed,

850
00:48:15,540 --> 00:48:17,880
'I was the first to arrive.'

851
00:48:26,740 --> 00:48:28,930
I mean, hello, here it is.

852
00:48:28,980 --> 00:48:35,770
What I've done is bring out the Jeep's
innate outdoors-y, American feel.

853
00:48:35,820 --> 00:48:39,290
Up there, roof tent, which is the
best thing in the whole world.

854
00:48:39,340 --> 00:48:40,610
Winch, dinghy.

855
00:48:40,660 --> 00:48:45,170
Windsurfer. Pretty much everything
I need to lead the perfect life.

856
00:48:45,220 --> 00:48:48,660
'At this point, Tubs
Clarkson arrived.'

857
00:48:56,140 --> 00:48:57,810
Oh, [BLEEP...]

858
00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:01,130
Wow!

859
00:49:01,180 --> 00:49:04,250
I'm not going to tell him,
but that looks amazing.

860
00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:05,810
LAUGHS

861
00:49:05,860 --> 00:49:09,130
That looks stupid and you
didn't fix the exhaust.

862
00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:13,530
Um, you know the Vauxhall badge
isn't particularly lifestyle-y?

863
00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:17,370
This is now a Pershing
sports fishing boat.

864
00:49:17,420 --> 00:49:22,330
Very naval, fishing rods,
it's registered in the BVI.

865
00:49:22,380 --> 00:49:25,890
~ Is that an office chair?
~ Yes, it is.
~ Can you fish on land?
~ No.

866
00:49:25,940 --> 00:49:27,410
~ Do the aerials work?
~ No.

867
00:49:27,460 --> 00:49:29,930
~ Can it go in the water?
~ No, but it doesn't...

868
00:49:29,980 --> 00:49:31,530
What have you done?

869
00:49:31,580 --> 00:49:33,490
Just standing here criticising mine.

870
00:49:33,540 --> 00:49:35,330
Well, let me start at the front.

871
00:49:35,380 --> 00:49:37,450
If I shoot a deer, it goes on there.

872
00:49:37,500 --> 00:49:39,730
~ OK. Have you got a gun with it?
~ No.

873
00:49:39,780 --> 00:49:42,330
~ So, what are you going
to shoot the deer with?
~ Throw rocks.

874
00:49:42,380 --> 00:49:46,970
'Whilst Hammond was demonstrating
his rear-mounted barbecue,

875
00:49:47,020 --> 00:49:49,960
'our underachieving
colleague arrived.'

876
00:49:51,220 --> 00:49:56,610
So he's just done nothing at all and
then emptied a skip onto the roof.

877
00:49:56,660 --> 00:49:58,930
~ Flamboyant.
~ That was a handbrake....

878
00:49:58,980 --> 00:50:02,130
~ Nothing works!
~ It didn't work.

879
00:50:02,180 --> 00:50:05,730
~ Bit of warm-up, was that?
~ Yeah.
~ You've written "Turboactive" on it.

880
00:50:05,780 --> 00:50:08,970
Yes. These are very good
words, "turbo" and "active".

881
00:50:09,020 --> 00:50:11,410
So I combined them
to make turboactive.

882
00:50:11,460 --> 00:50:12,490
Is it turbo-charged?

883
00:50:12,540 --> 00:50:14,650
No. It's not, it's not
referring to the car,

884
00:50:14,700 --> 00:50:16,170
it's referring to the lifestyle.

885
00:50:16,220 --> 00:50:18,010
What I've done is I've
anointed the car

886
00:50:18,060 --> 00:50:22,250
with every conceivable leisure
activity piece of equipment.

887
00:50:22,300 --> 00:50:23,810
Name a leisure activity, it's here.

888
00:50:23,860 --> 00:50:27,530
But look at this. You've done your leisure
activities, whatever those are,

889
00:50:27,580 --> 00:50:29,810
and then you work up a sweat.

890
00:50:29,860 --> 00:50:30,930
So you go...

891
00:50:30,980 --> 00:50:33,090
~ WHIRRING
~ What do you think?

892
00:50:33,140 --> 00:50:34,680
And then...

893
00:50:36,300 --> 00:50:39,210
~ But everyone will see your bits.
~ No, you've got a curtain. Look.

894
00:50:39,260 --> 00:50:40,610
~ Want to try it?
~ No.

895
00:50:40,660 --> 00:50:42,690
What's your seat
upholstery made from?

896
00:50:42,740 --> 00:50:44,090
Wet suits. What?

897
00:50:44,140 --> 00:50:45,690
Old wet suits.

898
00:50:45,740 --> 00:50:48,770
If, for example, you drove in, you
know, your car went into some water...

899
00:50:48,820 --> 00:50:50,290
Which does happen.

900
00:50:50,340 --> 00:50:52,330
Yeah, it does happen.
The seats aren't ruined.

901
00:50:52,380 --> 00:50:55,970
There's one feature I want to
show you on my car, if I may.

902
00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:58,530
Obviously I've built
a sport fishing boat.

903
00:50:58,580 --> 00:51:02,210
Um, but I've equipped it
with some excellent wheels.

904
00:51:02,260 --> 00:51:04,860
Oh, my God.

905
00:51:06,540 --> 00:51:09,210
Don't you think they're the cleverest
wheels you've ever seen?

906
00:51:09,260 --> 00:51:12,330
~ No. I think they're really terrible.
~ What's the matter with them?

907
00:51:12,380 --> 00:51:16,290
"Yes, certainly, Reverend,
I'll give you a lift. Hop in."

908
00:51:16,340 --> 00:51:18,650
'Proud of our leisure
lifestyle vehicles,

909
00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:22,060
'we decided to go and do
some leisure lifestyle.'

910
00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:30,010
People are no longer
looking at this saying,

911
00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:32,730
"Oh, look, there's a
man in a £140 Vauxhall."

912
00:51:32,780 --> 00:51:36,970
They're now saying, "Oh, look, there's
the hero from a Wilbur Smith book.

913
00:51:37,020 --> 00:51:41,500
"The man whose back ripples
like a sack of pythons."

914
00:51:43,780 --> 00:51:47,170
I'm wondering what sort of a man
would want to buy Hammond's car

915
00:51:47,220 --> 00:51:53,050
and I'm thinking it's the sort of man
whose IQ begins with a decimal point.

916
00:51:53,100 --> 00:51:55,730
I could drive off there
now into those woods.

917
00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:59,570
I've got a tent. I've
got my home on the roof.

918
00:51:59,620 --> 00:52:01,170
I can hide from bears up there.

919
00:52:01,220 --> 00:52:04,930
I could cook a bear on my barbecue
or carry a bear on my bonnet.

920
00:52:04,980 --> 00:52:09,050
I could probably survive for weeks,
months, years with this car,

921
00:52:09,100 --> 00:52:11,700
out there in the wilderness.

922
00:52:15,460 --> 00:52:16,970
That man's taken a photograph of us.

923
00:52:17,020 --> 00:52:19,770
He's going to show it to his friends
and say, "Look what I saw.

924
00:52:19,820 --> 00:52:22,980
"Some utterly [BLEEP] cars."

925
00:52:25,700 --> 00:52:28,490
'Soon we arrived at
a cold British pond,

926
00:52:28,540 --> 00:52:33,610
'and immediately took to the
water in some leisure craft.'

927
00:52:33,660 --> 00:52:35,250
James May is doing leisure!

928
00:52:35,300 --> 00:52:37,050
Hey, this is leisurely!

929
00:52:37,100 --> 00:52:41,500
'But, as it turned out, doing leisure
proved to be quite stressful.'

930
00:52:42,700 --> 00:52:45,850
No, no, no, no, other way.

931
00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:47,410
Other way, you [BLEEP!]

932
00:52:47,460 --> 00:52:50,090
Jesus wept!

933
00:52:50,140 --> 00:52:52,010
Hammond, I'm going a million!

934
00:52:52,060 --> 00:52:53,860
I don't like it!

935
00:52:54,860 --> 00:52:56,770
This stupid thing's got a mind...

936
00:52:56,820 --> 00:52:59,130
Ow!... of its own!

937
00:52:59,180 --> 00:53:00,530
Arrgh!

938
00:53:00,580 --> 00:53:02,970
'Still, could be worse.'

939
00:53:03,020 --> 00:53:04,380
No.

940
00:53:06,980 --> 00:53:08,450
No.

941
00:53:08,500 --> 00:53:10,020
Ooh.

942
00:53:13,060 --> 00:53:14,250
No.

943
00:53:14,300 --> 00:53:17,660
'As I fought off attacks
from my Hobie Cat...'

944
00:53:18,700 --> 00:53:19,850
No!

945
00:53:19,900 --> 00:53:21,610
'.. I noticed something.'

946
00:53:21,660 --> 00:53:24,490
Hey, look. That's one
of the producers.

947
00:53:24,540 --> 00:53:27,650
Has he got a gold...? He's
got a gold envelope, look.

948
00:53:27,700 --> 00:53:32,180
'And since I was the only
one who was moving...

949
00:53:33,740 --> 00:53:35,810
'.. I went to see what was what.'

950
00:53:35,860 --> 00:53:39,370
Oh, no, Thomas Crown Affair's
going in and going in hard!

951
00:53:39,420 --> 00:53:42,570
Oh, now it's going all
choppy and that's worse.

952
00:53:42,620 --> 00:53:44,090
I hate this!

953
00:53:44,140 --> 00:53:45,290
~ Guys!
~ BOTH: What?

954
00:53:45,340 --> 00:53:46,970
There's a challenge.

955
00:53:47,020 --> 00:53:49,060
What is it?

956
00:53:50,260 --> 00:53:53,650
"Many people who buy sport
utility vehicles imagine

957
00:53:53,700 --> 00:53:57,140
"they're more safe and
robust than normal cars.

958
00:53:58,180 --> 00:54:01,010
"You will now find which
one of you has the safest

959
00:54:01,060 --> 00:54:04,940
"and most robust car by rolling
them down a cliff."

960
00:54:08,180 --> 00:54:10,980
'Annoyingly, that wasn't a misprint.'

961
00:54:12,740 --> 00:54:14,970
Oh, hang on, look.

962
00:54:15,020 --> 00:54:17,260
Holy moley!

963
00:54:22,260 --> 00:54:23,810
God's teeth!

964
00:54:23,860 --> 00:54:26,170
~ That's a drop, isn't it?
~ Isn't it?

965
00:54:26,220 --> 00:54:28,930
Can I suggest we should probably
put our seat belts on for this?

966
00:54:28,980 --> 00:54:31,410
I was just thinking,
I'd like a harness.

967
00:54:31,460 --> 00:54:33,410
You know we're not going
to be IN the cars?

968
00:54:33,460 --> 00:54:34,450
I knew that. Good.

969
00:54:34,500 --> 00:54:37,730
This is a test of the car's
robustness and safety.

970
00:54:37,780 --> 00:54:40,010
~ Can I just say...
~ That's good. I thought it was death.

971
00:54:40,060 --> 00:54:42,890
.. I really like my car and
I don't want to do that to it.

972
00:54:42,940 --> 00:54:45,130
Well, no, this is the thing.

973
00:54:45,180 --> 00:54:48,090
Working on this programme is
a bit like doing a jigsaw.

974
00:54:48,140 --> 00:54:50,930
You spend ages and ages and
ages doing something, you go,

975
00:54:50,980 --> 00:54:54,090
"Yes, that's brilliant, now I'm going
to smash it up and put it in a box."

976
00:54:54,140 --> 00:54:57,740
Yeah, that's what's happening today,
cos I'm really pleased with that.

977
00:54:58,740 --> 00:55:01,780
'And sadly, that was first to go.'

978
00:55:02,820 --> 00:55:04,650
Oh, no, no, no, no!

979
00:55:04,700 --> 00:55:06,050
Oh, no!

980
00:55:06,100 --> 00:55:08,490
~ No, it's fine, it's fine.
~ Is it going to be OK?

981
00:55:08,540 --> 00:55:09,890
~ It's OK.
~ It's all right.

982
00:55:09,940 --> 00:55:12,090
~ It is OK.
~ It is all right, look at that.

983
00:55:12,140 --> 00:55:13,290
It's fine.

984
00:55:13,340 --> 00:55:17,330
It's fine, the wheels are still on,
which is unusual for a car of yours.

985
00:55:17,380 --> 00:55:20,570
It's quite nice to see the underside.
It's in good nick, that.

986
00:55:20,620 --> 00:55:22,290
Look at that cross
member in the chassis.

987
00:55:22,340 --> 00:55:24,650
Hey, you need a new
rear exhaust silencer.

988
00:55:24,700 --> 00:55:28,090
'Next, it was the turn
of the Turboactive.'

989
00:55:28,140 --> 00:55:30,690
What if mine hits yours
on the way down?

990
00:55:30,740 --> 00:55:32,690
You get points for that, don't
you? Like a snooker thing.

991
00:55:32,740 --> 00:55:34,880
Here we go, here we go.

992
00:55:35,660 --> 00:55:37,000
No, no!

993
00:55:38,740 --> 00:55:41,530
Oh! Oh, no, that's less good.

994
00:55:41,580 --> 00:55:44,650
Turns out the bicycles
are a big safety feature.

995
00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:45,850
~ They are.
~ Cos they stopped it rolling.

996
00:55:45,900 --> 00:55:48,130
That's an interesting point. If
you have a bicycle on the roof...

997
00:55:48,180 --> 00:55:49,170
You can't roll.

998
00:55:49,220 --> 00:55:52,490
Better putting it on
the roof than riding it.

999
00:55:52,540 --> 00:55:56,060
'Finally, it was the turn
of the Pershing Frontera.'

1000
00:55:57,140 --> 00:55:59,850
You can't roll a Frontera.
It's very famous for that.

1001
00:55:59,900 --> 00:56:03,250
I'm not sure, but I think you may
be about to discover that you can.

1002
00:56:03,300 --> 00:56:07,000
~ Watch, it won't roll. This is...
~ Oh, ho-ho, ho-ho.

1003
00:56:07,100 --> 00:56:09,010
There you go. Oh, it is doing a bit.

1004
00:56:09,060 --> 00:56:12,770
~ Yeah, it really is.
~ Oh, dear. Oh, it's still going.

1005
00:56:12,820 --> 00:56:15,130
~ Oh, that's very good.
~ What it's doing is still rolling.

1006
00:56:15,180 --> 00:56:19,210
That's dramatic. Oh, and it's
gone right off the edge, ohhh!

1007
00:56:19,260 --> 00:56:22,370
Mine is the only one that's
completed the journey.

1008
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,250
You don't get extra
points for getting

1009
00:56:24,300 --> 00:56:26,370
~ further down the cliff, you don't.
~ You do!

1010
00:56:26,420 --> 00:56:32,490
'Amazingly, the £140 Frontera
still looked like a car.

1011
00:56:32,540 --> 00:56:34,880
'And even more amazingly...'

1012
00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:37,290
ENGINE STARTS

1013
00:56:37,340 --> 00:56:39,140
Yes, here we go.

1014
00:56:40,460 --> 00:56:41,530
Oh, yeah.

1015
00:56:41,580 --> 00:56:43,050
Excellent.

1016
00:56:44,140 --> 00:56:45,210
That's passed.

1017
00:56:45,260 --> 00:56:46,490
That is genuinely...

1018
00:56:46,540 --> 00:56:49,280
Surprisingly well! That is not bad.

1019
00:56:49,780 --> 00:56:53,690
'Better still, it was able to
haul the Jeep off the cliff.'

1020
00:56:53,740 --> 00:56:55,490
Yes!

1021
00:56:55,540 --> 00:56:57,290
There you go.

1022
00:56:57,340 --> 00:56:58,610
I thank you.

1023
00:56:58,660 --> 00:57:04,770
'But sadly, James's Turboactive
Pinin was just too far away.'

1024
00:57:04,820 --> 00:57:06,620
Onwards!

1025
00:57:07,620 --> 00:57:09,820
'So we left him behind.'

1026
00:57:15,340 --> 00:57:18,970
'Eventually, though, we were
all reunited in Yorkshire,

1027
00:57:19,020 --> 00:57:23,610
'where we'd been told to report
for one final challenge.'

1028
00:57:23,660 --> 00:57:26,770
Why are we on a grouse
moor in dinner jackets?

1029
00:57:26,820 --> 00:57:27,890
I've no idea.

1030
00:57:27,940 --> 00:57:30,210
And why are you getting out
of your passenger door?

1031
00:57:30,260 --> 00:57:32,810
Well, that side's a bit bent,
I can't open that door.

1032
00:57:32,860 --> 00:57:35,250
You... Oh, hello.

1033
00:57:35,300 --> 00:57:37,810
Now we can discover why
we're dressed like this.

1034
00:57:37,860 --> 00:57:42,570
Right... "Now you must test your
cars' rough terrain abilities.

1035
00:57:42,620 --> 00:57:48,170
"Tonight, the North Yorkshire Carbon
Management and Sustainability Trust

1036
00:57:48,220 --> 00:57:50,530
"are holding their annual conference

1037
00:57:50,580 --> 00:57:54,170
"and dinner at Broughton
Hall, five miles from here.

1038
00:57:54,220 --> 00:57:57,620
"You must drive there without
using any roads."

1039
00:57:58,740 --> 00:58:00,410
Um... Oh, God.

1040
00:58:00,460 --> 00:58:01,650
What?

1041
00:58:01,700 --> 00:58:05,580
"The last to arrive will be doing
the after-dinner speech."

1042
00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:10,330
This matters.

1043
00:58:10,380 --> 00:58:11,810
~ This is bad.
~ This matters a lot.

1044
00:58:11,860 --> 00:58:13,090
I'm not losing this.

1045
00:58:13,140 --> 00:58:15,410
Where's Broughton Hall?

1046
00:58:15,460 --> 00:58:20,130
This is what I do - maps,
countryside, 4x4s.

1047
00:58:20,180 --> 00:58:21,850
That's east...

1048
00:58:22,860 --> 00:58:25,000
There's Broughton Hall.

1049
00:58:29,260 --> 00:58:31,690
Oh, please God, no.

1050
00:58:31,740 --> 00:58:33,330
I hate after-dinner speaking.

1051
00:58:33,380 --> 00:58:35,850
I hate it with such a passion.

1052
00:58:37,820 --> 00:58:39,930
I have done a couple of
after-dinner speeches.

1053
00:58:39,980 --> 00:58:41,170
On both occasions I thought,

1054
00:58:41,220 --> 00:58:43,450
"I'm going to be brilliant,
I'm going to knock 'em dead."

1055
00:58:43,500 --> 00:58:46,240
On both occasions I died on my arse.

1056
00:58:47,100 --> 00:58:49,890
'I too trembled at the thought
of after-dinner speaking,

1057
00:58:49,940 --> 00:58:52,580
'and I had another issue.'

1058
00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:55,930
I know I'm out of my
element here, viewers.

1059
00:58:55,980 --> 00:58:59,770
I live in Hammersmith, this is the
countryside, I don't really like it.

1060
00:58:59,820 --> 00:59:04,420
Don't know what it's for or what
you're supposed to do with it.

1061
00:59:04,660 --> 00:59:06,570
OK, sit rep.

1062
00:59:06,620 --> 00:59:10,930
The, er, roll down the bank has
caused a little bit of damage.

1063
00:59:10,980 --> 00:59:14,850
The windscreen and side window
are both now plastic,

1064
00:59:14,900 --> 00:59:21,140
but the mighty Vauxhall Vectra
engine is working well.

1065
00:59:22,260 --> 00:59:24,690
Come on, grippy penis wheels.

1066
00:59:24,740 --> 00:59:30,180
'In the Pinin, my ignorance of country
ways had already got me in bother.'

1067
00:59:31,820 --> 00:59:33,490
Hang on a minute.

1068
00:59:33,540 --> 00:59:35,740
I'm stuck in a sheep pen.

1069
00:59:37,260 --> 00:59:40,010
You mustn't worry sheep, I know that,

1070
00:59:40,060 --> 00:59:43,360
otherwise the farmer
comes and shoots at you.

1071
00:59:43,860 --> 00:59:46,960
'I, meanwhile, was totally
in my element.'

1072
00:59:47,620 --> 00:59:49,170
Yes.

1073
00:59:49,220 --> 00:59:51,090
Oh, well done, Jeepie!

1074
00:59:51,140 --> 00:59:54,300
This thing is actually
brilliant off-road.

1075
00:59:55,300 --> 00:59:58,300
Minimal revs, just
let the torque do it.

1076
00:59:59,100 --> 01:00:02,130
This is where Jeremy's going
to go horribly wrong.

1077
01:00:02,180 --> 01:00:05,180
Power is not necessarily
the solution here.

1078
01:00:06,420 --> 01:00:08,020
Power!

1079
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:13,140
Come on, speed! Oh, dear, no.

1080
01:00:15,820 --> 01:00:18,090
And that's... Oh, come on!

1081
01:00:19,140 --> 01:00:21,740
Now I'm in very big trouble here.

1082
01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:25,250
Ladies and gentlemen.

1083
01:00:25,300 --> 01:00:28,970
I'm not saying my
mother-in-law's fat...

1084
01:00:29,020 --> 01:00:31,250
but she is sustainable.

1085
01:00:31,300 --> 01:00:34,900
I can't do after-dinner speaking!

1086
01:00:45,380 --> 01:00:48,410
Cocking Nora, I'm in another pen.

1087
01:00:48,460 --> 01:00:51,740
I'm going to spend the rest of
my life in a pen full of sheep.

1088
01:00:53,180 --> 01:00:55,180
Gate, that's a gate.

1089
01:00:57,100 --> 01:00:58,570
Bollocks!

1090
01:00:59,780 --> 01:01:02,890
'Having been pulled free by
a friendly country type...'

1091
01:01:02,940 --> 01:01:05,810
Yes, yes.

1092
01:01:05,860 --> 01:01:11,370
'.. I set off again... having
not learned my lesson.'

1093
01:01:11,420 --> 01:01:13,760
Speed through the muddy bit.

1094
01:01:15,860 --> 01:01:18,610
No, no, no, no, this is bad!

1095
01:01:18,660 --> 01:01:20,740
Aargh!

1096
01:01:22,780 --> 01:01:24,330
Aaargh!

1097
01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:25,530
I've gone in a tree.

1098
01:01:25,580 --> 01:01:27,050
A tree is happening.

1099
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:30,130
'Still, could be worse.'

1100
01:01:30,180 --> 01:01:33,580
Don't touch the brakes. I can't help
it, I'm touching the brake. Oh!

1101
01:01:34,700 --> 01:01:37,410
Ow! Oh, no, I can't stop now.

1102
01:01:37,460 --> 01:01:38,740
Ah!

1103
01:01:40,420 --> 01:01:42,050
Oh, don't go down there,

1104
01:01:42,100 --> 01:01:44,210
don't go down there!

1105
01:01:44,260 --> 01:01:46,020
Not good.

1106
01:01:47,140 --> 01:01:50,940
Ha-ha. There you go. Yes.

1107
01:01:52,420 --> 01:01:53,890
Oh, yeah.

1108
01:01:55,700 --> 01:01:58,460
Yah, ha-ha!

1109
01:01:59,940 --> 01:02:02,770
'All three of us had been
on the move for two hours

1110
01:02:02,820 --> 01:02:05,890
'and none of us was much
closer to our destination.

1111
01:02:05,940 --> 01:02:10,100
'However, I'd managed to find
a promising-looking track.'

1112
01:02:11,220 --> 01:02:14,770
It doesn't go all the way to
the hall but it will get me

1113
01:02:14,820 --> 01:02:16,770
a mile or so.

1114
01:02:16,820 --> 01:02:20,570
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
your guest speaker is...

1115
01:02:20,620 --> 01:02:22,050
James May!

1116
01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:24,010
Speed!

1117
01:02:24,060 --> 01:02:25,890
Power...

1118
01:02:25,940 --> 01:02:30,900
Wait, yes, that's... that's
it, it's all over now.

1119
01:02:31,780 --> 01:02:35,300
'Meanwhile, back in
the sheep pens...'

1120
01:02:36,940 --> 01:02:39,080
I've already been here!

1121
01:02:40,620 --> 01:02:43,650
'Having solved my
visibility issues...'

1122
01:02:43,700 --> 01:02:47,970
Yes! Behold the strength of the man.

1123
01:02:48,020 --> 01:02:50,360
'.. I was back on the move.'

1124
01:02:54,700 --> 01:02:56,640
Oh, God, it's cold.

1125
01:02:58,180 --> 01:03:01,140
I'm 54, why am I doing this?

1126
01:03:02,940 --> 01:03:04,610
Arrgh!

1127
01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:06,660
Don't want that.

1128
01:03:08,340 --> 01:03:12,730
'In the Jeep, my countryside
skills had paid off.'

1129
01:03:12,780 --> 01:03:16,860
Hang on a minute. That's
it. That's where I'm going.

1130
01:03:19,260 --> 01:03:20,690
This is it.

1131
01:03:20,740 --> 01:03:24,890
There it is. Ladies and gentlemen,
your speaker for this evening

1132
01:03:24,940 --> 01:03:27,980
will not be Richard Hammond,
because he won the race.

1133
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:32,010
Ah...

1134
01:03:32,060 --> 01:03:33,900
Ah. Oh, yeah!

1135
01:03:41,460 --> 01:03:42,970
Wrong place.

1136
01:03:43,020 --> 01:03:44,410
Oh, God!

1137
01:03:44,460 --> 01:03:48,100
'I, meanwhile, wasn't
at the wrong place.'

1138
01:03:51,100 --> 01:03:55,140
And there it is, Broughton
Hall. My quest is at an end.

1139
01:03:57,420 --> 01:04:01,060
There's a bridge across
the river. Excellent news.

1140
01:04:07,580 --> 01:04:08,920
Oh, no.

1141
01:04:11,940 --> 01:04:14,130
Yes, look, in here, there's an exit.

1142
01:04:14,180 --> 01:04:17,810
That's what it's for, look,
that's what it's for.

1143
01:04:17,860 --> 01:04:19,330
That's a ford...

1144
01:04:19,380 --> 01:04:21,610
in my mind.

1145
01:04:21,660 --> 01:04:25,770
'Having waterproofed my car for
the perilous river crossing,

1146
01:04:25,820 --> 01:04:28,460
'I waded in.'

1147
01:04:30,180 --> 01:04:31,530
Yes.

1148
01:04:31,580 --> 01:04:35,860
I have designed this to be a
boat and it's going to be one.

1149
01:04:46,260 --> 01:04:47,530
Arrgh!

1150
01:04:50,900 --> 01:04:52,900
Please don't do that!

1151
01:04:56,420 --> 01:04:59,900
'Meanwhile, James was still
stuck in a sheep pen.

1152
01:05:01,900 --> 01:05:03,130
'Really stuck.'

1153
01:05:03,180 --> 01:05:05,120
No, no, no, no, no!

1154
01:05:07,340 --> 01:05:09,530
Right, hang on, hang on, hang on.

1155
01:05:09,580 --> 01:05:10,690
I can do...

1156
01:05:10,740 --> 01:05:12,890
~ THUD
~ [BLEEP!]

1157
01:05:12,940 --> 01:05:15,140
~ SQUELCH
~ [BLEEP!]

1158
01:05:16,100 --> 01:05:17,570
SPLUTTERS

1159
01:05:18,540 --> 01:05:20,810
~ CLASSICAL STRING QUARTET PLAYS
~ 'Up at the hall,

1160
01:05:20,860 --> 01:05:24,340
'the guests were starting to arrive.'

1161
01:05:32,060 --> 01:05:33,490
Let's just try that.

1162
01:05:33,540 --> 01:05:35,820
[BLEEP] hell!

1163
01:05:41,620 --> 01:05:43,810
That was the bit of the map I needed!

1164
01:05:43,860 --> 01:05:45,530
It's slippery.

1165
01:05:49,380 --> 01:05:51,210
This is the right way.

1166
01:05:51,260 --> 01:05:52,850
I think this is the right way.

1167
01:05:52,900 --> 01:05:56,170
I don't want to have to do the speech.
I don't want to do the speech.

1168
01:05:56,220 --> 01:05:59,650
What was it again? Sustainability
and carbon something.

1169
01:05:59,700 --> 01:06:03,100
I mean, they're not going to want
to hear about my Mustang, are they?

1170
01:06:06,140 --> 01:06:09,260
MUSIC AND CONVERSATION

1171
01:06:14,020 --> 01:06:15,970
No-o-o!

1172
01:06:16,020 --> 01:06:19,290
'In the Frontera, things
still weren't going well.'

1173
01:06:19,340 --> 01:06:20,770
You bastard!

1174
01:06:20,820 --> 01:06:24,500
'But I had at least found
a way to stay warm.'

1175
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:28,180
Ah...

1176
01:06:29,340 --> 01:06:31,210
Oh, yeah.

1177
01:06:31,260 --> 01:06:34,770
I can't imagine that a urine-soaked
pair of trousers is going to

1178
01:06:34,820 --> 01:06:37,700
put the audience off, because look...

1179
01:06:38,740 --> 01:06:41,780
'Meanwhile, a long way downstream...'

1180
01:06:43,260 --> 01:06:46,260
Oh, oh, that's deeper
than I expected.

1181
01:06:50,740 --> 01:06:52,100
Yeah!

1182
01:06:55,940 --> 01:06:57,570
Oh, no.

1183
01:06:57,620 --> 01:06:59,020
Kill me.

1184
01:06:59,940 --> 01:07:01,490
Just kill me.

1185
01:07:01,540 --> 01:07:04,450
Bad! Bad!

1186
01:07:04,500 --> 01:07:07,290
Deep m... Oh, deep mud!

1187
01:07:07,340 --> 01:07:10,490
Oh, God, I've lost a shoe! Oh, no!

1188
01:07:10,540 --> 01:07:13,010
No shoe... Cold! Oh!

1189
01:07:13,060 --> 01:07:14,330
Oh!

1190
01:07:14,380 --> 01:07:16,290
No, no. Oh, God!

1191
01:07:16,340 --> 01:07:20,370
~ 'With Jeremy and I bogged down...'
~ No-o!

1192
01:07:20,420 --> 01:07:22,130
'.. James was on the move again,

1193
01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:25,120
'and bringing himself
into contention.'

1194
01:07:27,940 --> 01:07:29,330
Oh, yes.

1195
01:07:29,380 --> 01:07:33,010
Oh, this farm track is the most
beautiful road I've ever seen.

1196
01:07:33,060 --> 01:07:36,540
I might, I might get out of this yet.

1197
01:07:45,300 --> 01:07:47,610
~ GRINDING
~ Come on, no! Don't.

1198
01:07:47,660 --> 01:07:48,770
WHIRRING

1199
01:07:48,820 --> 01:07:50,330
GRINDING

1200
01:07:50,380 --> 01:07:52,720
I hate working on Top Gear!

1201
01:07:56,380 --> 01:08:00,690
'In the Jeep, I was finally free,
and back in the running.'

1202
01:08:00,740 --> 01:08:01,850
It's not over yet.

1203
01:08:01,900 --> 01:08:05,540
Going to go just over this
crest and there it will be.

1204
01:08:07,020 --> 01:08:09,650
Buffeting. Buffeting.

1205
01:08:09,700 --> 01:08:12,530
Ladies and gentlemen, your
host for this evening,

1206
01:08:12,580 --> 01:08:16,700
from BBC's Top Gear, it's Richard
Hammond/Jeremy Clarkson.

1207
01:08:19,020 --> 01:08:21,170
'Not if I had anything
to do with it.'

1208
01:08:21,220 --> 01:08:23,010
CLATTERING

1209
01:08:23,060 --> 01:08:24,690
Come on, Vauxhall!

1210
01:08:24,740 --> 01:08:29,060
Come on, £140 Vaux...
well, £70 Vauxhall now.

1211
01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:35,770
Engine warning lights are on.

1212
01:08:35,820 --> 01:08:38,650
It doesn't have to live for more
than another ten minutes or so.

1213
01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:42,250
It just has to get me there
before one of the other two.

1214
01:08:42,300 --> 01:08:43,640
Please!

1215
01:08:44,450 --> 01:08:45,450
Move!

1216
01:08:45,500 --> 01:08:48,820
Yeah, ha-ha!

1217
01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:53,980
Not now! Not so close!

1218
01:08:55,820 --> 01:08:58,890
Please!

1219
01:08:58,940 --> 01:09:01,980
I beg of you! Mercy!

1220
01:09:05,220 --> 01:09:09,010
Come on, little car, you've
got about half a mile to go.

1221
01:09:09,060 --> 01:09:11,530
Come on, come on, keep moving.

1222
01:09:11,700 --> 01:09:13,170
CLATTERING

1223
01:09:14,620 --> 01:09:17,720
Here I am, I've made
it to Broughton Hall.

1224
01:09:17,900 --> 01:09:20,050
Is James here, is Richard here?

1225
01:09:20,100 --> 01:09:22,240
I can't see their cars.

1226
01:09:24,660 --> 01:09:26,820
Oh, yes!

1227
01:09:28,140 --> 01:09:30,880
Thank you, God! Thank you, Vauxhall!

1228
01:09:35,660 --> 01:09:38,010
Oh, God, I'm going to
end up doing the speech!

1229
01:09:38,060 --> 01:09:43,860
Oh, yes! That is, ladies and
gentlemen, the home straight.

1230
01:09:45,340 --> 01:09:47,540
This is it, there it is.

1231
01:09:49,700 --> 01:09:52,780
Please, please, please.

1232
01:10:00,940 --> 01:10:05,530
Ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry
about the wait this evening.

1233
01:10:05,580 --> 01:10:08,010
Thank you so much for your patience.

1234
01:10:08,060 --> 01:10:12,020
It gives me great pleasure, your
guest speaker tonight is...

1235
01:10:13,060 --> 01:10:14,690
.. Mr Richard Hammond!

1236
01:10:14,740 --> 01:10:16,620
APPLAUSE

1237
01:10:18,740 --> 01:10:21,500
APPLAUSE DIES AWAY

1238
01:10:26,020 --> 01:10:27,210
FEEDBACK ON MICROPHONE

1239
01:10:27,260 --> 01:10:29,490
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

1240
01:10:29,540 --> 01:10:33,900
Um, Carbon Management and
Sustainability Trust.

1241
01:10:37,580 --> 01:10:42,570
I am often asked, "What's your
favourite car, Richard?"

1242
01:10:42,620 --> 01:10:44,690
And it's a Land Rover.

1243
01:10:46,620 --> 01:10:48,970
But... that... you see, land,

1244
01:10:49,020 --> 01:10:50,610
because, you... it's...

1245
01:10:50,660 --> 01:10:55,530
it's primarily the environment
with which you are involved.

1246
01:10:55,580 --> 01:10:58,700
Um, I'm actually wearing quite a
lot of the environment this evening.

1247
01:11:01,660 --> 01:11:03,220
Um...

1248
01:11:08,180 --> 01:11:09,980
Isn't Jeremy fat?

1249
01:11:11,820 --> 01:11:16,410
Sorry, sir, I don't mean... That's
not necessarily bad, obviously.

1250
01:11:16,460 --> 01:11:19,340
Um, some people just are. Um...

1251
01:11:21,500 --> 01:11:22,850
Well, you know what?

1252
01:11:22,900 --> 01:11:26,410
Actually, that sounded like one of your
more successful after-dinner speeches.

1253
01:11:26,460 --> 01:11:29,810
Do you know, it was! Nobody even
threw crockery for another minute.

1254
01:11:29,860 --> 01:11:31,890
Anyway, we hope you
enjoyed those films

1255
01:11:31,940 --> 01:11:35,570
and all that remains now is for
us to say thank you for watching.

1256
01:11:35,620 --> 01:11:38,890
Yes, absolutely, thank you
very much for watching,

1257
01:11:38,940 --> 01:11:41,050
and, well, goodbye.

1258
01:11:41,100 --> 01:11:42,500
Goodbye.

1259
01:11:44,220 --> 01:11:45,820
SILENCE, NO THEME MUSIC