1
00:00:01,142 --> 00:00:03,466
I feel like you guys are not
taking my audition seriously.

2
00:00:03,650 --> 00:00:06,018
A lot of famous comedians
started out doing commercials.

3
00:00:06,019 --> 00:00:08,291
Yes, but none of them
were dressed as a snowman

4
00:00:08,292 --> 00:00:09,691
for a frozen yogurt company.

5
00:00:09,692 --> 00:00:12,430
Kevin Hart was the voice of a
delightfully sarcastic pimple.

6
00:00:12,431 --> 00:00:14,036
- Was he?
- What am I, his biographer?

7
00:00:15,196 --> 00:00:18,712
- Point is, you gotta start off somewhere.
- Check it out.

8
00:00:18,712 --> 00:00:21,579
Your favorite person in the world
just solved our babysitter problem.

9
00:00:21,615 --> 00:00:24,482
Luke Skywalker solved
our babysitter problem?

10
00:00:24,518 --> 00:00:26,885
Guess which one of our
extremely religious neighbors

11
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,920
has agreed to do a babysitter share?

12
00:00:28,955 --> 00:00:31,723
- Please say the answer isn't me.
- It's not.

13
00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:32,824
Thank you, Jesus.

14
00:00:32,859 --> 00:00:33,958
The Goldmans.

15
00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:36,461
Ugh, the Goldmans? Anybody else.

16
00:00:36,496 --> 00:00:38,496
Is this about you stealing
Avi's recycling can?

17
00:00:38,532 --> 00:00:40,198
I didn't steal it.

18
00:00:40,233 --> 00:00:42,167
And yet every trash day,

19
00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:44,869
I get Avi Goldman's stink eye.

20
00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:54,579
I didn't take it!

21
00:00:54,614 --> 00:00:55,780
I didn't...

22
00:00:55,816 --> 00:00:57,215
You know what I'm gonna steal?

23
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:58,450
Is that toothbrush!

24
00:01:00,253 --> 00:01:01,286
I don't know.

25
00:01:01,321 --> 00:01:03,488
Tuesday morning it's there,
Tuesday afternoon, poof.

26
00:01:03,523 --> 00:01:06,858
My guess is the black guy took it.

27
00:01:06,893 --> 00:01:08,726
It's not what you think.

28
00:01:08,762 --> 00:01:11,396
He's just a horrible racist.

29
00:01:11,431 --> 00:01:13,264
<i>♪ Don't look now ♪</i>

30
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,867
<i>♪ I said don't look now ♪</i>

31
00:01:15,902 --> 00:01:17,056
<i>♪ 'Cause here we are ♪</i>

32
00:01:17,222 --> 00:01:18,950
<i>♪ Living the best days of our lives ♪</i>

33
00:01:18,951 --> 00:01:22,569
Synced and Corrected by Nsiko
www.Addic7ed.com

34
00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:26,911
Starting tomorrow, two days a week we'll be
looking after the Goldman's daughter, Maya.

35
00:01:26,947 --> 00:01:29,080
And two days a week, Sadie
will be going over there

36
00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:30,615
with their babysitter, Gary.

37
00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,951
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Male babysitter?

38
00:01:32,986 --> 00:01:34,052
That's not a deal breaker?

39
00:01:34,087 --> 00:01:36,955
The only way I'm hiring a male babysitter,
is if I didn't have kids,

40
00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:38,990
and I just needed
somebody to cut the grass.

41
00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,825
And even then, he's only
drinking out the water hose.

42
00:01:40,861 --> 00:01:42,827
Actually, Gary is great.

43
00:01:42,863 --> 00:01:45,430
He teaches music to all the
kids in the neighborhood.

44
00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:48,333
And even though he doesn't have kids,
he's a Scoutmaster.

45
00:01:48,368 --> 00:01:50,935
- This one time he took...
- [mimicking alarm beeping]

46
00:01:50,971 --> 00:01:52,470
Step away from the children.

47
00:01:52,506 --> 00:01:53,605
No, no, no, no.

48
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,406
All the neighborhood moms love him.

49
00:01:55,442 --> 00:01:57,208
He's like a male Mary Poppins.

50
00:01:57,244 --> 00:01:59,010
He's Gary Poppins.

51
00:01:59,045 --> 00:02:00,612
You remember, he's the one that did

52
00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:02,013
the giant bubbles with the hula hoops.

53
00:02:02,048 --> 00:02:04,015
- Oh, bubble Gary.
- Yeah.

54
00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:05,216
That guy's awesome.

55
00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:06,951
I stood inside my own bubble.

56
00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:08,653
Well, on Saturday, he's
bringing his bubbles

57
00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:10,421
and his guitar to Sadie's birthday party.

58
00:02:10,457 --> 00:02:11,856
I'm surprised you're going
with live entertainment

59
00:02:11,892 --> 00:02:13,324
- after what happened last year.
- [chuckles]

60
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,827
Yeah. I don't know what agency you used,

61
00:02:15,862 --> 00:02:17,228
but that princess you hired

62
00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:20,832
was not a princess.

63
00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:22,066
She wasn't a stripper.

64
00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:24,802
Babe, she had a handler.

65
00:02:24,838 --> 00:02:28,339
Hey, watch it with the fingerpaint.

66
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:29,574
When the clock strikes midnight,

67
00:02:29,609 --> 00:02:32,010
I bet this Cinderella
turns back into a hooker.

68
00:02:32,045 --> 00:02:36,381
[both chuckle]

69
00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,917
You just don't understand the
kind of pressure I'm under.

70
00:02:38,952 --> 00:02:40,585
This party has to be amazing.

71
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,120
The kids are gonna love it.

72
00:02:42,155 --> 00:02:43,393
Of course they're gonna
love it, they're kids.

73
00:02:43,394 --> 00:02:45,639
Fill them with cake and ice cream,
they'll love anything,

74
00:02:45,692 --> 00:02:49,093
- It's the moms she's worried about.
- Really? But, Trace, your whole thing is

75
00:02:49,129 --> 00:02:52,096
you don't care if anyone likes you.
That's why everyone loves you.

76
00:02:52,132 --> 00:02:53,398
Why do you care about them?

77
00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:55,400
Because I'm a working mom,

78
00:02:55,435 --> 00:02:57,835
which means whenever I'm
racing off to the office,

79
00:02:57,871 --> 00:03:00,071
all the stroller moms are
peering over their lattes

80
00:03:00,106 --> 00:03:02,373
giving me judgy looks.

81
00:03:02,409 --> 00:03:06,611
It's just Sadie's party has to be perfect.

82
00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:09,681
Oh, hey, we didn't get your RSVP yet.

83
00:03:09,716 --> 00:03:10,715
Yeah.

84
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:13,618
- Is that something y'all want us at?
- Not that last year wasn't great.

85
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:16,187
Who knew I could be in
my 30s and get pink eye?

86
00:03:16,222 --> 00:03:18,389
It's just that we'll probably
be the only ones there

87
00:03:18,425 --> 00:03:20,391
- without kids.
- Or pink eye.

88
00:03:20,427 --> 00:03:22,026
Really? So you guys don't want to go?

89
00:03:22,062 --> 00:03:23,227
You're kidding, right?

90
00:03:23,263 --> 00:03:25,997
Sadie's turning the big six-nothing.

91
00:03:26,032 --> 00:03:28,366
- Of course we're going.
- Try and keep us away.

92
00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:30,868
My eye already itches.

93
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:34,872
Girls, girls, no jumping on the couch.

94
00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:36,741
Tushie or knees. Tushie or knees.

95
00:03:36,776 --> 00:03:38,176
Tushie or knees.

96
00:03:38,211 --> 00:03:40,345
Maybe I should take the first playdate.

97
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,913
It's not that I don't believe in you.

98
00:03:41,948 --> 00:03:43,581
I just believe in me more.

99
00:03:43,617 --> 00:03:45,984
Honey, look at the couch.

100
00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:48,753
What you are seeing is the
successful implementation

101
00:03:48,788 --> 00:03:52,390
of the Tushie or Knees Policy.

102
00:03:52,425 --> 00:03:53,825
It's gonna be smooth sailing.

103
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:57,095
But in the unlikely event that
this playdate takes a nosedive,

104
00:03:57,130 --> 00:04:00,465
I am leaving the "Frozen" DVD right here.

105
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,433
I don't need the crutch of screen time.

106
00:04:02,469 --> 00:04:05,103
I got the whole three hours planned out.

107
00:04:05,138 --> 00:04:06,871
First, we're gonna start
off with bracelet making.

108
00:04:06,906 --> 00:04:08,139
Then I'm locked and loaded

109
00:04:08,174 --> 00:04:10,775
on a pretty elaborate
scavenger hunt in the backyard.

110
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:13,811
Uh, spoiler alert, check the treehouse.

111
00:04:13,847 --> 00:04:17,382
Then, I am closing with
the big guns: boom whackers.

112
00:04:17,417 --> 00:04:20,051
[playing boom whackers]

113
00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:21,252
Huh?

114
00:04:21,287 --> 00:04:24,389
Super fun. I'm leaving the DVD right here.

115
00:04:24,424 --> 00:04:26,424
And that is where it will be
when you get home, 'cause...

116
00:04:26,459 --> 00:04:28,226
[smacks lips] I got this.

117
00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:29,961
Stop! Stop! Girls, stop. [girls screaming]

118
00:04:29,996 --> 00:04:31,796
The box specifically
says do not hit people.

119
00:04:31,831 --> 00:04:34,732
Okay, fun little fact that
Mommy doesn't need to know,

120
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:37,969
"Frozen."

121
00:04:38,004 --> 00:04:39,937
Oh, ffff-rozen.

122
00:04:39,973 --> 00:04:42,774
[girls screaming]

123
00:04:42,809 --> 00:04:44,243
Hey, Mitch. Tiny humans.

124
00:04:44,391 --> 00:04:46,778
I was about to hop in the
shower for my fro-yo audition.

125
00:04:46,813 --> 00:04:48,012
- What's up?
- Real quick.

126
00:04:48,048 --> 00:04:49,514
Do you have a copy of "Frozen?"

127
00:04:49,549 --> 00:04:51,482
You're asking a grown man
if he has the movie "Frozen."

128
00:04:51,518 --> 00:04:52,750
The story of two sisters' love

129
00:04:52,786 --> 00:04:54,419
set in the snowy city of Arendelle?

130
00:04:54,454 --> 00:04:56,087
- So you do have it.
- I do not.

131
00:04:56,122 --> 00:05:00,224
I put it on my Christmas list,
but Angie thought it was a joke.

132
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:01,859
But she did give me a
kick-ass karaoke machine

133
00:05:01,895 --> 00:05:04,228
with all the songs from "Frozen"
and two dope wireless mics.

134
00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:05,697
- You're the best.
- You heard him, girls.

135
00:05:05,732 --> 00:05:09,901
Time to build a snowman.

136
00:05:09,936 --> 00:05:11,736
Hello, Goldman girl.

137
00:05:11,771 --> 00:05:12,870
My name is Russell.

138
00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:14,405
Welcome to my home.

139
00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:18,076
Please take note of the
number of recycling cans: One.

140
00:05:18,111 --> 00:05:19,577
Mine.

141
00:05:19,612 --> 00:05:21,546
<i>- Russell?
- Coming!</i>

142
00:05:21,581 --> 00:05:22,880
- How many?
- One.

143
00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:25,383
Go ahead.

144
00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:33,591
Test! Test! Test!

145
00:05:33,626 --> 00:05:35,560
Yeah, the mic part seems to
be working great, sweetie.

146
00:05:35,595 --> 00:05:37,829
Daddy just needs to figure
out how to make music come out.

147
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:42,266
[cell phone rings]

148
00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:44,702
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.

149
00:05:44,738 --> 00:05:46,871
I was working on that brief
today, and it got me thinking.

150
00:05:46,906 --> 00:05:49,107
Do we want to do snow cones for this party?

151
00:05:49,142 --> 00:05:51,242
- I love snow cones.
- Linda votes yes.

152
00:05:51,277 --> 00:05:52,877
- Especially the red ones.
- Okay.

153
00:05:52,912 --> 00:05:55,351
Are they supposed to be cherry
or strawberry... who knows?

154
00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:56,981
Linda, you're doing it again.

155
00:05:57,016 --> 00:05:58,549
- Sorry.
- Yeah.

156
00:05:58,585 --> 00:06:00,885
This is going to be the best party.

157
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,954
I had Linda get the most
amazing party favors.

158
00:06:02,989 --> 00:06:04,589
Oh, about that.

159
00:06:04,624 --> 00:06:06,657
I couldn't find light up yo-yos,

160
00:06:06,693 --> 00:06:10,428
so instead I got pencil erasers.

161
00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:15,433
Linda, I need to make up for last year,

162
00:06:15,468 --> 00:06:17,702
and pencil erasers that
aren't even in the shape

163
00:06:17,737 --> 00:06:18,936
of cute little animals...

164
00:06:18,972 --> 00:06:20,905
They had those!

165
00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:23,908
Would you have wanted those?

166
00:06:23,943 --> 00:06:26,677
Honey, when are you finally
just going to give up on Linda?

167
00:06:26,713 --> 00:06:30,148
On speaker.

168
00:06:30,183 --> 00:06:31,716
Hi, Linda.

169
00:06:31,751 --> 00:06:34,852
Hi, Mitch.

170
00:06:34,888 --> 00:06:38,656
Yo yo yo, it's me, your
fro yo bro, Seymour Snowman.

171
00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:43,060
Oh, hello neighbor girl.

172
00:06:43,096 --> 00:06:46,798
Boom, got it. Girls?

173
00:06:46,833 --> 00:06:48,432
Sadie, where's Maya?

174
00:06:48,468 --> 00:06:52,870
Mitch, please report to
the upstairs bathroom.

175
00:06:52,906 --> 00:06:54,372
How does Russell have the...

176
00:06:54,407 --> 00:06:55,807
I gotta call you back.

177
00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:00,944
Okay, so neighbor girl
sees me in the shower.

178
00:07:00,945 --> 00:07:03,260
Not such a big deal it's
nothing she hasn't seen before.

179
00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:06,386
She's five. It's everything
she hasn't seen before.

180
00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:07,820
This is not good. Not good.

181
00:07:07,856 --> 00:07:09,188
What is happening?

182
00:07:09,224 --> 00:07:11,291
Dude, what is happening
is I'm going to prison.

183
00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:12,725
Calm down.

184
00:07:12,761 --> 00:07:16,029
We're two grown men we can figure this out.

185
00:07:16,064 --> 00:07:18,498
- I'm calling Tracy.
- I'm paging Ange.

186
00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:21,134
I can't believe this. What
happened to "I got this"?

187
00:07:21,169 --> 00:07:24,237
I had such a bright future ahead of me.

188
00:07:24,272 --> 00:07:26,706
Pediatrician weigh-in. How bad is this?

189
00:07:26,741 --> 00:07:28,708
Well, a healthy
conversation about body parts

190
00:07:28,743 --> 00:07:31,144
is good for a child
because it minimizes shame.

191
00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:33,413
Okay, so we helped her.

192
00:07:33,448 --> 00:07:37,350
Yeah, you deserve a medal.

193
00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:41,554
I can't believe our neighbor's
daughter saw my best friend's...

194
00:07:41,589 --> 00:07:44,357
- BBC.
- BBC?

195
00:07:44,392 --> 00:07:48,261
- Big, black...
- Oh.

196
00:07:48,296 --> 00:07:50,430
- How did you know that?
- How did you not know that?

197
00:07:50,465 --> 00:07:53,366
It's just C to me.

198
00:07:53,401 --> 00:07:56,703
Guys, how do we even know
for sure what she saw?

199
00:07:56,738 --> 00:07:58,604
The way I see it, we have two options.

200
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,441
One, we sit Maya down and we calmly inquire

201
00:08:01,476 --> 00:08:03,710
what she may or may not
have seen upstairs and...

202
00:08:03,745 --> 00:08:06,946
Whatever the other option
is is what we're doing.

203
00:08:06,981 --> 00:08:08,181
Excellent, excellent.

204
00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:09,949
I am loving what I am not seeing.

205
00:08:09,984 --> 00:08:12,285
Can't see past the towel
to your danger zone.

206
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,320
I'm not exactly sure where the towel was.

207
00:08:14,356 --> 00:08:16,322
It could have been a little to the right.

208
00:08:16,358 --> 00:08:18,558
Okay.

209
00:08:18,593 --> 00:08:19,859
Actually, that's even better.

210
00:08:19,894 --> 00:08:22,328
All that girl got was
an eyeful of terrycloth.

211
00:08:22,364 --> 00:08:25,331
But it... it could have
been a little to the left.

212
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:28,935
Okay.

213
00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:32,905
Oh, that's a straight
shot to ding dong town.

214
00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:35,174
Avi is going to be here any minute.

215
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:36,476
What are we going to do?

216
00:08:36,511 --> 00:08:38,478
I'm telling you, we just
put one piece of bacon

217
00:08:38,513 --> 00:08:39,846
in that little Jewish girl,

218
00:08:39,881 --> 00:08:41,914
that's all she going to be talking about.

219
00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:44,517
I think it's obvious. We say something.

220
00:08:44,552 --> 00:08:46,486
Or we say nothing.

221
00:08:46,521 --> 00:08:48,988
- Or we say something.
- Or...

222
00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:53,292
Trace, we have a very small
window in which to come clean.

223
00:08:53,328 --> 00:08:56,028
Once Avi leaves with his
daughter, that window is closed.

224
00:08:56,064 --> 00:08:58,264
- We're shutting that window now.
- Slamming it shut.

225
00:08:58,299 --> 00:09:00,133
Why? Why not just have
a rational conversation

226
00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:02,502
with the man and explain that
his daughter accidentally...

227
00:09:02,537 --> 00:09:04,370
Walked into the house
next door and upstairs

228
00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:07,974
and into the bathroom to
see her very first BBC?

229
00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:10,777
I get it now. It's part of my vernacular.

230
00:09:10,812 --> 00:09:12,245
Babe, any way that we try to explain this,

231
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,680
it's going to sound so much
worse than it actually is.

232
00:09:14,716 --> 00:09:16,282
And we already know how Avi responded

233
00:09:16,317 --> 00:09:17,683
to you stealing his recycling can.

234
00:09:17,719 --> 00:09:21,020
- I didn't steal it.
- All: You didn't steal it.

235
00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:24,590
Mitch, in three days, I'm hosting a party
for all the kids in the neighborhood.

236
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:26,926
If this gets out, we're going
to become the penis house.

237
00:09:26,961 --> 00:09:29,529
Once you become the penis
house, that doesn't go away.

238
00:09:29,564 --> 00:09:33,366
It's something the realtor
has to disclose to the buyer.

239
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:34,867
What about the window?

240
00:09:34,903 --> 00:09:37,437
[doorbell rings]

241
00:09:37,472 --> 00:09:38,971
- Shut that window, Mitch.
- Pull the drapes.

242
00:09:39,007 --> 00:09:42,141
'Cause we ain't home.

243
00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:45,678
Thank you so much for looking after Maya.

244
00:09:45,713 --> 00:09:49,248
- Hello, Russell.
- Avi.

245
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:52,318
Hi, Daddy. Guess what I
saw for the first time?

246
00:09:52,353 --> 00:09:54,320
Quick, give me a strip of bacon.

247
00:09:54,355 --> 00:09:56,322
- Avi, I can explain.
- C-SPAN.

248
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:59,895
C-SPAN? Guilty.

249
00:09:59,895 --> 00:10:01,963
Yeah, things got a little crazy over here.

250
00:10:01,964 --> 00:10:03,708
There may have been a little filibustering.

251
00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:05,832
Wait, wait, wait, you let
my daughter watch television?

252
00:10:05,867 --> 00:10:09,435
I'm sorry, man, it's just, Devorah is
very protective of our little angel.

253
00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:12,538
You've just... you got to be
careful what the kids are exposed to.

254
00:10:12,574 --> 00:10:13,906
Avi, I need to tell you something.

255
00:10:13,942 --> 00:10:15,641
Mitch thinks you're
really handsome for a man.

256
00:10:15,677 --> 00:10:18,211
I got jealous for a
while, but now I see it.

257
00:10:18,246 --> 00:10:20,582
- Go home and process that.
- Shalom.

258
00:10:23,117 --> 00:10:25,218
I'm told "shalom" means
both hello and goodbye.

259
00:10:25,253 --> 00:10:26,912
It's their aloha.

260
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,755
So I booked the commercial.

261
00:10:29,791 --> 00:10:31,624
Costume's pretty embarrassing.
But hey, it's a job.

262
00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:33,078
That's the uniform.

263
00:10:33,079 --> 00:10:35,563
You don't hear lunch ladies
complaining about their hair nets.

264
00:10:35,731 --> 00:10:37,897
Plus, you get to be a
snowman, which is cool.

265
00:10:37,932 --> 00:10:39,866
Cool. Nice. I see what you did there.

266
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:42,134
I don't know if you see it, but I do.

267
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,402
Stop trying to impress my daughter.

268
00:10:43,438 --> 00:10:45,204
She's not going to follow you on Twitter.

269
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,405
Sadie, you ready for

270
00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:48,741
your playdate with Maya and Gary Poppins?

271
00:10:48,776 --> 00:10:50,843
There he is. Hey, bubble guy.

272
00:10:50,879 --> 00:10:52,278
Gary!

273
00:10:52,313 --> 00:10:55,584
For a guy who spreads joy for a
living, he seems kind of pissed off.

274
00:10:57,886 --> 00:11:00,419
Avi, what are you doing
here? Where's Gary going?

275
00:11:00,455 --> 00:11:03,155
- We fired him.
- Really? But the kids love him.

276
00:11:03,191 --> 00:11:05,258
Yeah, well, this morning,
Maya drew a picture

277
00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:08,394
of a naked man and his... schvantz.

278
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:14,734
- Is that Jewish for...
- Uh-huh.

279
00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:16,402
Oy.

280
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,781
So, Maya sees you in the shower,

281
00:11:23,352 --> 00:11:26,620
draws a picture of a naked
guy, but Gary gets fired?

282
00:11:26,655 --> 00:11:28,388
Doesn't seem fair.

283
00:11:28,424 --> 00:11:30,490
Obviously the crayon that
Maya used was flesh tone.

284
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:31,758
Not my flesh tone.

285
00:11:31,794 --> 00:11:33,778
Thank God those crayon people are racist.

286
00:11:34,404 --> 00:11:36,147
Do you think we should have said something?

287
00:11:36,147 --> 00:11:37,383
Are you...

288
00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:41,101
I believe I was standing squarely in

289
00:11:41,136 --> 00:11:42,836
the "we have to say something" camp.

290
00:11:42,871 --> 00:11:45,205
Well, if it makes you feel
any better, you were right.

291
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:46,473
It helps a little.

292
00:11:46,508 --> 00:11:49,409
- How could you not lock the door?
- I did lock the door.

293
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:52,246
I locked my front door.

294
00:11:52,281 --> 00:11:54,681
Hi, everybody. TGIF, am I right?

295
00:11:54,717 --> 00:11:56,817
Linda, it's Thursday.

296
00:11:56,852 --> 00:11:59,786
I know, I'm just so excited.

297
00:11:59,822 --> 00:12:01,488
Well, we're in the middle
of something. What's up?

298
00:12:01,523 --> 00:12:04,341
Oh, right, I just picked up the tiny
guitars the kids are going to paint.

299
00:12:04,342 --> 00:12:05,459
- Great. Thanks.
- My pleasure.

300
00:12:05,494 --> 00:12:07,294
Actually, they're ukuleles,

301
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:10,631
which I guess is
pronounced ooh-koo-lay-lay.

302
00:12:10,666 --> 00:12:12,099
Linda, you're doing it again.

303
00:12:12,134 --> 00:12:14,879
Oh, right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

304
00:12:17,973 --> 00:12:19,740
Freakin' Linda.

305
00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:21,141
We have to say something to the Goldmans.

306
00:12:21,176 --> 00:12:24,745
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That window is closed, lady.

307
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,947
You slammed it shut on
my fat little fingers.

308
00:12:26,982 --> 00:12:28,181
- But, Mitch...
- Yeah, Trace, we agreed,

309
00:12:28,217 --> 00:12:29,983
- that window's closed.
- Closed.

310
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:31,885
- If we don't say anything...
- Okay, okay, hold on.

311
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,154
Everyone just hold on.

312
00:12:34,189 --> 00:12:37,024
We say nothing.

313
00:12:37,059 --> 00:12:38,492
But Gary got fired.

314
00:12:38,527 --> 00:12:42,296
Yes, for something he didn't do.

315
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:43,930
See, that last thing
you said kind of supports

316
00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:45,799
the "say something" argument.

317
00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:47,034
You hire him.

318
00:12:47,069 --> 00:12:49,469
Gary will be so appreciative
that you believe him

319
00:12:49,505 --> 00:12:51,705
that he'll be loyal to you for life.

320
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:57,110
Plus, who's going to steal
away a pervy babysitter?

321
00:12:57,146 --> 00:13:00,647
Damn, I'm a little afraid of you right now.

322
00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:02,683
But I'm kind of turned on.

323
00:13:02,718 --> 00:13:04,851
But mostly afraid.

324
00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:06,553
Damn, I'm turned on.

325
00:13:06,588 --> 00:13:08,121
We have to clear Gary's name.

326
00:13:08,157 --> 00:13:10,657
He's performing at Sadie's
party this Saturday.

327
00:13:10,693 --> 00:13:12,125
And I can't have a
pedophile birthday party.

328
00:13:12,161 --> 00:13:13,427
That's a terrible theme.

329
00:13:13,462 --> 00:13:15,629
Although it would take the stink off

330
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:17,497
last year's Strippergate.

331
00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:18,999
Babe, I keep telling you,

332
00:13:19,034 --> 00:13:20,767
you can't just add "gate" to
something to make it a thing.

333
00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:24,404
People, we can't frame a guy
for a crime he didn't commit.

334
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,474
Yes, we can.

335
00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:31,678
Oh, you mean we shouldn't.

336
00:13:31,714 --> 00:13:34,314
Devorah, girl, this kugel is to die for.

337
00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,683
Why are you guys here?

338
00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:39,353
Avi, listen, I have something
important to tell you.

339
00:13:39,388 --> 00:13:41,088
Yesterday, when I was babysitting Maya...

340
00:13:41,123 --> 00:13:43,190
Mitch, can I talk to you
privately for two seconds?

341
00:13:43,225 --> 00:13:45,892
You know, a good place to do that
would be in one of your homes.

342
00:13:45,928 --> 00:13:48,595
Two seconds. This'll give you
time to plate me more kugel.

343
00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:51,865
Hooray.

344
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,767
Russell, I'm telling them.

345
00:13:53,802 --> 00:13:55,102
Mitch, you know how sometimes
you're doing something,

346
00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:56,603
I'm not really paying attention,

347
00:13:56,638 --> 00:13:57,771
I'm just looking around the room and stuff?

348
00:13:57,806 --> 00:13:59,806
- Yeah.
- Well, it just paid off.

349
00:13:59,842 --> 00:14:02,709
That picture Maya drew is on
the fridge. It's not a penis.

350
00:14:02,745 --> 00:14:05,278
It's a third leg.

351
00:14:05,314 --> 00:14:07,681
Come on. This is no time to brag.

352
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:11,251
No, no. A real third leg.

353
00:14:11,286 --> 00:14:14,588
That thing's wearing a
shoe. Check it out. Go. Go.

354
00:14:18,327 --> 00:14:20,060
Ugh.

355
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:27,567
- Clearly a leg and a shoe.
- Right?

356
00:14:27,603 --> 00:14:30,103
Okay, so we just point
out it's not a penis.

357
00:14:30,139 --> 00:14:31,271
- Gary gets his job.
- Problem solved.

358
00:14:31,306 --> 00:14:33,774
No one needs to know.

359
00:14:33,809 --> 00:14:36,076
Guys, what's going on?

360
00:14:36,111 --> 00:14:38,059
- Your daughter saw his penis.
- Unbelievable.

361
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:42,516
So Maya didn't see Gary, she saw Russell.

362
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:45,018
- What?
- But on the plus side... hear me out.

363
00:14:45,053 --> 00:14:46,420
I don't think she saw anything

364
00:14:46,455 --> 00:14:49,222
because that picture on your
refrigerator is not a penis.

365
00:14:49,258 --> 00:14:51,191
It's a third leg. With a shoe.

366
00:14:51,226 --> 00:14:53,293
The curly thing's a shoelace.

367
00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:55,162
So you're saying that
this drawing on our fridge

368
00:14:55,197 --> 00:14:56,596
is not of your genitals.

369
00:14:56,632 --> 00:14:58,265
- Bingo.
- Yeah. Of course not.

370
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,234
Do you think that we would hang
a crayon drawing of man-parts

371
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:02,702
in the middle of our kitchen?

372
00:15:02,738 --> 00:15:04,037
I mean, when you tell
me you don't eat pork,

373
00:15:04,072 --> 00:15:06,506
I have to question your
entire decision-making process.

374
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:09,728
- Not helping.
- That is not the picture. This is.

375
00:15:17,119 --> 00:15:20,053
Say what you want about me, but this guy,

376
00:15:20,088 --> 00:15:22,594
his only crime is being
an incredible best friend.

377
00:15:22,731 --> 00:15:24,257
I mean, a little... [clicks tongue]

378
00:15:24,293 --> 00:15:25,559
And the door would have been locked.

379
00:15:25,594 --> 00:15:27,260
- Mitch...
- Dropping it.

380
00:15:27,296 --> 00:15:29,830
The headline here is "kid-friendly."

381
00:15:29,865 --> 00:15:32,299
But in a good way.

382
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:35,101
Obviously what happened here is horrible,

383
00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:36,736
but Maya is Sadie's best friend,

384
00:15:36,772 --> 00:15:38,205
and Sadie would be devastated

385
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,874
if Maya wasn't at her
birthday party, so please come.

386
00:15:40,909 --> 00:15:45,745
You'll see that we're
normal, pants-wearing people.

387
00:15:45,781 --> 00:15:47,214
Just give us a chance to process this.

388
00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:48,181
- Sure.
- Of course.

389
00:15:48,217 --> 00:15:51,418
Thank you.

390
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:55,555
Awkward question. Is there a
reason that you're keeping this?

391
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:04,965
This party is going to be fantastic.

392
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,533
Linda, thank you so much.

393
00:16:06,568 --> 00:16:09,970
I know that I've been crazy the
last couple days, I just... here.

394
00:16:10,005 --> 00:16:12,339
Why don't you go help
yourself to a snow cone?

395
00:16:12,374 --> 00:16:14,140
I thought we said no to snow cones.

396
00:16:14,176 --> 00:16:15,375
Why would we say no to snow cones?

397
00:16:15,410 --> 00:16:16,643
Linda, I need 12 snow cones.

398
00:16:16,678 --> 00:16:18,812
Come on, Linda. You better than that.

399
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,248
But the thing is, she isn't.

400
00:16:21,283 --> 00:16:23,450
Ah-choo.

401
00:16:23,485 --> 00:16:25,886
Oh, that kid just ruined some
perfectly good Pirate Booty.

402
00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:27,687
Going to wash my hands again.

403
00:16:27,723 --> 00:16:28,822
[door knocks]

404
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:30,857
Hey. Oh, you made it.

405
00:16:30,893 --> 00:16:33,527
Oh, aloha.

406
00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:35,829
See? They showed up. Everything worked out.

407
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,430
Whoa, whoa, you told everyone about that?

408
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:39,533
That was private information
involving my daughter.

409
00:16:39,568 --> 00:16:41,001
No, no, I was...

410
00:16:41,036 --> 00:16:42,936
I'm just messing with you.
Come on. Look at this guy.

411
00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:45,138
His shoulders got all
hunched up he's nervous.

412
00:16:45,173 --> 00:16:46,206
It's a kids' party, all right?

413
00:16:46,241 --> 00:16:47,841
Just have a juice box, enjoy yourself.

414
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,476
[phone dings]

415
00:16:49,511 --> 00:16:51,711
Oh, you've got to be kidding
me. Gary said he's not coming.

416
00:16:51,747 --> 00:16:53,747
What? Why's he not coming?

417
00:16:53,782 --> 00:16:56,550
Uh, he did seem pretty angry
about the way things went down.

418
00:16:56,585 --> 00:16:58,051
[laughs]

419
00:16:58,086 --> 00:17:02,822
Not kidding about that.

420
00:17:02,858 --> 00:17:05,759
So, okay, okay, we
have 12 five-year-olds

421
00:17:05,794 --> 00:17:08,728
for the next two hours
with no entertainment.

422
00:17:08,764 --> 00:17:11,131
Look at them. They're
already talking about me.

423
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:12,399
They're not talking about you.

424
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,367
No, I was just eavesdropping,

425
00:17:14,403 --> 00:17:17,137
and they're definitely talking about you.

426
00:17:17,172 --> 00:17:19,901
Is it true what the moms
are saying? No bubbles?

427
00:17:22,915 --> 00:17:25,111
[kids laugh and scream]

428
00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:27,788
Oh, this is a disaster. Look at them.

429
00:17:27,948 --> 00:17:29,214
Every single one of those moms

430
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,098
is staring down her
reconstructed nose at me.

431
00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,284
Do you know how much work
I put into this party?

432
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,520
[blender runs]

433
00:17:34,522 --> 00:17:36,161
Linda, please, I'm begging you to stop.

434
00:17:39,482 --> 00:17:40,972
Okay, how about we just
put a movie on for the kids?

435
00:17:40,973 --> 00:17:42,478
Yeah, yeah. Let's give 'em Disney crap.

436
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,330
I'm not going to be the mother that
plays a movie at a birthday party.

437
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,733
Yeah, great idea, guys,
and for refreshments

438
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:52,204
we'll just serve them
peanut products and wine.

439
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:53,539
Can we just think of something

440
00:17:53,541 --> 00:17:54,873
before they burn this place down?

441
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:56,008
Yeah, guys, think, think, think.

442
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:57,976
What do kids love more than anything?

443
00:17:57,978 --> 00:17:59,711
- Snow cones?
- Linda.

444
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:00,946
Please.

445
00:18:00,948 --> 00:18:02,981
Don't mind if I do.

446
00:18:02,983 --> 00:18:05,317
Just need to find something.

447
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:09,254
Snow cones. A fun frozen treat.

448
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,622
Oh, Mitch. That's it.

449
00:18:10,624 --> 00:18:11,990
Let's go to my house and
get the karaoke machine.

450
00:18:11,992 --> 00:18:13,492
Are you doing what I think you're doing?

451
00:18:13,494 --> 00:18:15,527
You know it. Anything for Tracy.

452
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:17,196
Baby, get ready to turn
that frown upside down,

453
00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:19,565
because this is going to be
the best birthday party ever.

454
00:18:19,567 --> 00:18:20,933
Actually, it's just a
six-year-old's birthday party,

455
00:18:20,935 --> 00:18:24,169
but it's going to be great.

456
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,572
Tushies or knees. Tushies or knees.

457
00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:28,407
- At least take off your shoes.
- No.

458
00:18:28,409 --> 00:18:30,809
Check, check, one, two, check.

459
00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:34,980
Excuse me. Does anyone here like "Frozen"?

460
00:18:34,982 --> 00:18:36,181
[screaming]

461
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,717
- Oh, my God, it's going to work.
- Sadie, Sadie, come on up.

462
00:18:38,719 --> 00:18:41,620
Well, for legal reasons, I have to
inform you that what you are about to see

463
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:43,622
has nothing to do with that beloved tale.

464
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:46,592
Babe, they're children.
Just ease up on the legalese.

465
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:51,230
From the city of... Barendelle.

466
00:18:51,232 --> 00:18:53,832
Please welcome Bolaf.

467
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:55,868
[kids scream]

468
00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:58,830
I made the snow cones, so in
a way it's kind of my idea.

469
00:19:00,241 --> 00:19:02,975
Look at those moms smiling
at what you've done.

470
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:04,276
Well, except for Annabelle's mom.

471
00:19:04,278 --> 00:19:06,345
She's had so much work,
she can't move her face.

472
00:19:06,347 --> 00:19:07,813
You know, it's not about them.

473
00:19:07,815 --> 00:19:10,582
It's about that look right
there in Sadie's eyes.

474
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:11,917
Here I come, children.

475
00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:13,986
A couple of things about me.

476
00:19:13,988 --> 00:19:18,657
I love summer, that you know,
but I am not crazy about germs,

477
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:19,892
so if y'all could, like...

478
00:19:19,894 --> 00:19:22,327
Suck it up, Bolaf.

479
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,996
Okay, kids, it's fun time.

480
00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:25,397
All: Yay!

481
00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:28,066
My chocolate snowman.

482
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,469
- Mitch, you did it.
- We did it.

483
00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:31,837
♪ When it's hot and you're sweating ♪

484
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:36,341
♪ The thing that I'm forgetting ♪

485
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,777
Ooh, the party has started.

486
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:39,878
- Is that his...?
- Yep.

487
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,180
Oh, my God. Chloe, come here.

488
00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:44,349
What is with this family?

489
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,752
It's okay, kids. Hey, you can touch me.

490
00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:48,987
Where you going, kids?
Man, you can touch me.

491
00:19:48,989 --> 00:19:51,823
I mean, you know, at least he's circcid.

492
00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:52,958
Show's over, snowman.

493
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,893
- Why? Kids love me.
- Ding dong town.

494
00:19:54,895 --> 00:19:57,329
- Oh.
- Come on.

495
00:19:57,331 --> 00:20:00,265
Great idea, Linda.

496
00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:05,737
What's going on behind me,

497
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:06,872
or are you just going to leave it green?

498
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:09,341
It's going to be green the whole time?

499
00:20:09,343 --> 00:20:12,911
Hi, it's Seymour the
Snowman here for fro...

500
00:20:12,913 --> 00:20:16,415
Hi, it's Seymour the Snowman here for f...

501
00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:19,585
Hey, Seymour the Snow... okay,
time out, time out, time out.

502
00:20:19,587 --> 00:20:24,022
That's the opposite of time out.

503
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:29,595
Yoyo, yo... aaah! Aaah!

504
00:20:29,597 --> 00:20:37,302
Brain freeze. Brain freeze.

505
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:40,038
Some of this.

506
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,406
What do you mean, I can't sit?

507
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,941
I need to sit down for a second.

508
00:20:42,943 --> 00:20:46,245
What do you mean, I can't sit?

509
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:54,853
Hi. It's Seymour the Snowman here.

510
00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:57,422
This is [bleep] disgusting.

511
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,062
The best thing about this
frozen yogurt is the spoon.

512
00:21:00,528 --> 00:21:05,635
[People laughing]