Angie, come on down it's time to go to church, this is god.
- Mitch, Trace, you guys already up? - Already up?
Russell, we've already had two meals today.
Did arts and crafts, went to feed the ducks.
Yeah, got there so early, we had to wake up the ducks.
I haven't had a full night's sleep since my water broke.
- Hey, guys. You already... - Don't ask. The bottom line is
they resent our childless but leisurely lives.
Aww, you two know you were done
with the interesting part of your lives anyway.
- We had a good run. - We really did.
Come on, woman, I don't want to be late for church.
I do not want to sweat out my suit on the walk over from the overflow parking lot.
- What's church? - Okay, great question.
- I'll tell you what church is. - Allow me.
Church is a really fun place with music and fancy clothes
and a man in a robe telling stories.
- Oh, and our band just went electric... - It's also the place where we go to pray
- and to be closer to God. - And that.
What's God?
[sighs]
♪ Don't look now ♪
♪ I said don't look now ♪
♪ 'Cause here we are ♪ ♪ Living the best days of our lives ♪
Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com
So, your daughter knows
all the names for the lady flaps and folds,
but you haven't found a way to broach God?
She's too young.
Yeah, it's the same reason she hasn't had her ears pierced yet.
I want her to be old enough to make a conscious choice,
to... to weigh the pros and cons of God.
Remind me of the cons again?
Mitch has no faith in faith.
Oh, hold on.
Don't act like you're the good Catholic girl.
You had tons of sex before marriage, some of which was with me.
Hey, I used to go to church every Sunday.
Really? 'Cause there's a car headed there now,
but yet, here you stand in flip-flops and shorts
that make me need to go to confession.
I painted the chickens from school.
Aww, you have chickens at your preschool?
Yeah, they had bunnies last year,
but they wrestled too much for a preschool.
I named one of the chickens Russell.
Guess which one.
I don't want to guess.
I'd bet you'd get it right.
It's this one.
You want to know why I named him Russell?
Oh, sweetie, you know, just because certain things about the chicken
- may resemble... - 'Cause he's the coolest chicken!
[laughs] I am.
I am the coolest chicken.
- Thank God. - That's what we're about to do.
Give Him our best.
Oh, believe me, I will be mentioning you.
Coolest chicken out.
[laughs]
Oh, Sam.
Just a heads-up... Mom's getting braces.
So, for, like, the next two years,
she's gonna be undermining us with a lisp.
[lisping] That skirt's kind of short.
[both chuckle]
What are you doing up so early on a Sunday?
Oh, I'm not up early... Still up from last night.
Tracy let me in. She's so hot.
I still don't understand how you took her down.
Well, what we have is loving and mutual.
Gross.
Listen, you know how I owe you $400?
- I'm here to pay you back. - Great.
Well, I don't have the money just yet.
But I do have a ton of stuff in my storage unit that I'm gonna sell on Craigslist.
Okay.
I just need to borrow 50 bucks for back rent on the storage unit.
So, just to be clear, I'm paying you $50 to get my $400 back.
- Actually, $450. - Well done, mathlete.
It's worth paying you $50 just to end this conversation.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Mm-hmm.
Honestly, is this a princess shoe
or a stripper shoe?
A stripper's just a princess with a job.
I don't know.
Nobody princesses their way through college.
- Did you tell him your news? - No, changed my mind on that.
He can get so judge-y.
As you say that, I'm literally getting money
from my wallet for you.
Fine.
If you must know, I've been getting professional help,
you know, with life decisions, et cetera.
Good for you, Sam.
But here's the thing.
I'm starting to develop romantic feelings for him.
Not judging, just pointing out that that is very common.
It's called transference.
But if this guy's a professional,
he will not violate that boundary.
Too late. I've already slept with him.
You're sleeping with your therapist?
Oh, no, I wish I was sleeping with my therapist.
That guy's hot as [bleep].
No, I'm sleeping with my psychic.
- Josh is a psychic? - Yes.
And he kills it in the sack.
It's like he can totally sense what I want.
And I'm out.
Was that Sam?
Yep, and my 50 bucks.
Oh, we missed it?
I love watching you when she's here.
She pushes your buttons more than people who bring
- fake service dogs into restaurants. - There is no service a pug can provide.
- Okay, what's the latest button? - She's dating a psychic.
Fantastic! You know, I hear psychics are real.
They're emotional vampires that suck the money out of innocent people.
They're perfect for each other.
All right, it's one dinner, Mitch.
So just smile and keep your opinions to yourself.
Yeah, 'cause that's what he's known for.
We need a invite to that dinner that I predict is going to be epic.
- Done. - Yeah, I'm with Mitch.
It's a little too much voodoo-hoodoo for me.
But I do wonder what happened to my curling iron,
and I wouldn't want to bother the Lord about that.
Psychics are all about the show...
Kind of like church.
- Excuse me? - Excuse me.
I was the one waiting on you this morning, Angela.
And next Sunday, can we coordinate outfits?
Because this dress is not working with all of a-this.
I brought Russell the chicken some organic chicken fee.
Hi, Gloria.
I... Miss Gloria.
Sadie, I think your dad forgot
that you're an independent person who can carry her own lunch box.
How do you know it's not mine?
It could be yours, Mitch. Boys can have pink.
That is one cold Popsicle, Jack.
She's garbage.
Hey, where did Russell go?
Hmm? I'm not even allowed to have a lunch box.
Ask to Miss Gloria.
Miss Gloria, where did Russell go?
He's dead.
- Maybe he'll be back tomorrow. - No, he's dead.
And when you die, you don't come back.
For my little chicken homey.
[whispering] Cock-a-doodle-Doo.
First, Russell and Angie bring up God,
and now Sadie's teacher's talking about death?
Everyone is screwing us this week.
I had a plan.
Sadie would learn about death after she learned about religion,
which she'd do after she got her ears pierced.
There's a timeline, people.
Respect the timeline.
Babe, you're clenching the wheel kind of tight there.
Frickin' Gloria.
Sadie shouldn't know what death is.
She barely knows what tomorrow is.
Mitch, when we get in there, can you not be confrontational?
[sighs]
If you yell, you're gonna seem crazy.
How dare you destroy our children's innocence?
You call this a school?
You're coming in hot, honey.
What I've found in the past
is that parents who are the most vocal
are often the ones
struggling with their own unresolved issues.
What works best for the child
is the matter-of-fact approach,
which is why we're encouraging all the parents to buy this book
to help them, you know, talk to their kids about death.
"Where Did My Goldfish Go?"
"Written by Gloria Nieber."
Wait. You wrote this?
So you killed a chicken just to move a few books.
It's not that what she's saying is so awful.
It's that she as a person is so awful.
She's total garbage.
What bothered me so much is that Gloria was right.
Totally. Wait. What?
How was she right?
Maybe there is some unresolved stuff
going on with me.
This whole death thing has got me thinking about Lolo.
Really?
But your grandpa died when you were eight.
Exactly.
It was the first time I lost someone.
You know, Sadie's gonna have a ton of questions like I did...
Questions I never fully resolved,
questions we don't even know how to answer.
Well, I tell you what we're not gonna do.
Use Gloria's book.
Can you believe she's charging $35 for that thing?
- She's total garbage. - Totally.
Oh, remind me to bring that check tomorrow.
Tracy, Mitch, thank you so much
for inviting me to dinner.
Well, technically, I didn't...
Let's eat.
Angie, these green beans look delicious.
Thanks, Josh.
Wait a minute.
How did Josh know
that Angie made these green beans?
Because, Russell, he saw the Tupperware.
Yes, I saw the Tupperware.
Okay, obviously you all discussed
my abilities beforehand,
so maybe I should just clear the air a little bit.
Um, what I do is really not that extraordinary.
Yet he charges for it anyway.
Fantastic.
Russell told me about what happened at school.
Previously on "Mitch and Tracy"...
a chicken died at Sadie's school,
and surprise, surprise,
my brother's handling it poorly.
They say natural causes,
but I still want to hear the real story
behind Russell the chicken's sudden yet suspicious death.
Black chicken dies, nobody investigates.
Somebody saw something.
Okay, what he means to say is, "How's Sadie doing?"
She's okay.
No major questions about death or chickens,
but she's putting it together, Mitch.
As she sleeps, her little half-Asian brain
is putting it together.
What are we gonna tell her?
Here's what I would say.
"We are all energy."
Interesting. Interesting.
Mitch?
You know what?
Let's... let's not talk about Sadie right now.
Sorry, Josh.
It's... it's an emotional time for us.
Yes, of course. You lost your grandfather.
It's been on your mind.
- Could you pass the, uh, rolls? - Mm-hmm.
You're right. I did. How did you...
Do you know where my curling iron is?
Guys, Sam clearly told Josh all about that.
[scoffs]
I never told Sam.
Oh, this is legit weird.
Okay, okay.
But who doesn't have a dead grandfather at your age?
I mean... I-I mean our age.
How great does Tracy look?
You don't have to be a psychic
to kw that he's not getting any tonight, okay?
Hey, you should do a session with Tracy.
That way, you can say whatever you want to Lolo.
Love it.
You need to understand that a medium and a psychic
are two different things.
But it turns out that, yes, I am both of those things.
Oh!
Okay, let's switch back to Sadie, shall we?
Look, I know it's not your thing,
but I was thinking
maybe we could teach Sadie about Heaven.
How would you feel about that?
Well, I-I definitely don't want to deprive our daughter of comfort, but Heaven...
Is just a metaphor to help us deal with the overwhelming-ness of death.
I kind of agree with you.
- That's no fun. - I'm sorry.
Did nobody have an issue with Heaven being a metaphor?
No?
Just me? Okay.
Babe, I think what they mean is that there are many paths to the truth...
Uh, Eastern mysticism, astrology, the Bible.
Are you lumping the Bible in with astrology?
No.
Yes.
The Bible is great. What?
Look, I'd love to give Sadie religion.
- It's just we're a mixed-faith couple. - Apparently, we are too.
Babe, come on, I go to church every Sunday.
I tithe. I help move the airs.
Hey, psychic Josh, is my husband going to hell?
What's hell?
People, you're killing me.
I miss Russell. Where did he go?
- Um, babe? - Hmm?
All right, what are we gonna say?
We have about as much time
as it would reasonably take me to fill this sippy cup.
Oh, I never give her bathroom water,
so we have an extra 30 seconds.
Okay. We have to say something reassuring to Sadie,
something she can understand.
We can go with your thing.
What is your thing again?
I guess if you're forcing me to say what I believe,
I like science and proof.
I mean, Carl Sagan said that extraordinary claims
require extraordinary evidence.
She's five.
Okay, okay, what the heck? Let's just go with Heaven.
- I'm starting to see the utility. - Good. Great.
- We'll tell her about Heaven and God. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How can there be Heaven without God? It's where He lives.
It's like talking about Disneyland and and pretending there's no Mickey
Okay, fine. There's a God.
- And Jesus. - Oh, God!
What? My God comes with Jesus.
I gave you Heaven. I gave you God. Work with me!
- Mommy! - You heard her. She picked you. Ha ha.
Are they a pre-wash family?
Mitch either definitely is or definitely isn't, you know?
I'm gonna go with pre-wash.
I'm gonna just... I'm going pre-wa...
They were supposed to be the show, Russell...
The slacker sister and the freak boyfriend.
I made one comment.
He heard your one comment.
And if He's anything like me,
He thinks you need to take your faith more seriously.
- I don't care about Him. - [gasps]
I mean...
what I really care about is you.
I'm listening.
Don't mind me. Don't mind me.
- God's with us all the time. - Oh, even last night when...
Don't mind me. Don't mind me.
Hey, Mitch, are you a pre-washer?
I don't care.
I have bigger fish to fry.
But, yes. Forks up, knives down.
Don't let the spoons spoon.
Don't mind me. Don't mind me.
Actually...
[gasps] Hey!
Mitch, save the parenting for upstairs.
Okay, here's what you missed.
Sadie's never gonna eat chicken again. I want to kill Gloria.
And I made Heaven sound so great,
- Sadie wants to go there for her birthday. - Great.
Our daughter is now a suicidal vegetarian.
I had to say something while you went downstairs to...
To get an empty cup of water?
What are we gonna do?
Well, there is...
No, no way. Not in a million years.
- Mommy! - Give me the book.
Give me the stupid book.
One second, sweetie.
Mommy just lost a contact.
I don't wear contacts.
You do now. What is happening?
You're crying over a dead goldfish?
You had to see that ending coming.
It's just the words.
"As we flushed Finny good-bye,
"we knew we would be reminded of him,
"whether we were at the aquarium
"or seeing his empty fishbowl
or just flushing the toilet for another reason."
It can't be the words.
Ang, come on.
You know I'm a church-loving man.
I know you love the clothes and the food
and the wine and the socializing.
They do love my announcements.
Yeah, but I want to know what you believe,
because when we got married, we were equally yoked.
What changed?
Can I pray on it right quick?
Okay, okay, here's the thing.
Before I met you, I felt like I was crushing it in church.
But since we got married, it's just you feel it so much.
I mean, I believe,
but, babe, you, like, believe believe.
So my faith has caused you to question your faith?
Look...
a chicken has died.
Can we somehow find a way to let this bring us together?
I just... I keep thinking about Lolo.
Every morning he would drive me to figure skating
in that crappy blue station wagon.
Oh, that's right.
Didn't he get his license at 70?
Just so he can drive me.
Scariest seven minutes of my day.
So sweet.
I want to talk to him.
- To who? - Lolo.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna ask Josh to do a session.
What? Tracy, that's crazy.
- Why would you dignify... - Daddy?
- Yeah, babe? - I want to pray.
Frickin' Gloria.
Oh, okay.
- You want to pray, huh? - Yeah, like in church.
At least someone wants to do it.
- Babe. - What a night.
First, Daddy gave you bathroom water.
Now we're gonna pray. Okay.
Hey, A-Ang?
Ang, your fingerprints are all over this.
Little help, please?
Well, start filling the tub,
'cause we're taking Sadie to the water.
Okay, can we dial that back by almost all of it?
Should we put our hands together like this...
- Let's hold hands. - Oh, we're... Okay.
Baruch atah Adonai...
- Daddy, you're scaring me. - [clears throat]
Okay, Aunt Angie's tagging in.
Lord, we ask that you bring peace and comfort to Sadie
and help her and those around her
to see Your truth in their moment of need.
- Am... - And to let those
who are seeking You, find You.
Let those who are caught up in the trappings of the world,
like over-dressing,
glory-seeking, wife-misleading...
[clears throat]
Find their way to You.
We pray in Jesus...
[clears throat]
Most of us pray in Jesus' name.
All: Amen.
Carl Sagan. You good?
- My turn. - Her turn.
I miss Russell the chicken.
God, may You please bring him back.
Amen.
- Oh, sweetie... - Amen!
Now, everybody out because I have to go to sleep.
You heard the boss.
Nice job. You still want to go on Sunday?
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Got to do my announcements.
What are you doing?
Mouth sundae.
Where are they?
Dining room. Don't bother them.
Uh, did a little research on your Bae.
He was arrested for check fraud.
Yeah, I know.
I'm a 26-year-old single woman.
You don't think I know how to cyberstalk a guy?
Sam, if you know, why are you dating him?
'Cause I'm just dating him. No one's getting married.
Does it help you to just think of it as casual sex?
It does not.
Would it totally destroy everything you believe in
if Josh can actually do this?
Yes.
Okay, but...
why won't you let your wife have this?
You let your daughter pray.
You're willing to let one woman in your life feel better
but not the other?
News flash... bowls exist.
My favorite part of the day
was that drive to figure skating.
Anyway, when he got sick,
I had to quit figure skating.
I was mad.
Didn't even visit him in the hospital.
My mom took me, and I stayed in the hall.
I wish I'd gone in to say good-bye.
I wish I'd thanked him.
Can you thank him for me?
[inhales deeply]
You just did. He hears you.
You know how on Saturday morning
you drive Sadie to ballet?
Yeah.
He says that every time you drive her that...
that that is you thanking him.
That's his love, still in the world.
- Mmm. - Mm-hmm.
It's good.
How'd it go?
Pretty great.
Yeah.
You probably think it's stupid.
I don't.
So you think it's real?
Something real definitely happened in there.
You're welcome.
There is the matter of the bill.
Of course.
Let me write you a check.
- Probably not a check. - Right, cash it is.
[children laughing, shouting playfully]
Russell's back! He came back!
Yes, he did, just like Jesus!
- What was that for? - You think I don't know
who put that chicken in there?
- Wait. You did this? - Sadie asked God for something.
I couldn't let her little prayers go unanswered.
What is happening here?
The coolest chicken always comes back, Gloria.
Wrap your head around that.
It may not have been the best plan,
but it shows you have a good heart.
I have faith in you, Russell.
[chickens clucking]
Wow, new Russell is really
having trouble making friends.
- Where'd you get this chicken? - Someplace in East LA.
Russell, did you get a cockfighting rooster?
Apparently prize-winning!
- Ooh, start praying! - Way ahead of you, baby.
Look, kids! There's candy!
Look away, children! Look away!
- Candy! - Look away!
[chickens clucking]