You're a a zombie with no arms,
how are you driving a stick shift?
I just got a crazy text from Mitch.
Oh, his whole phone etiquette is off.
Yesterday he sends me an email he's running five minutes late.
That should be a text.
Last week he texts me a recipe for hummus.
Email!
How can he not get this?
He teaches people.
But Mitch never texts me.
Listen to this,
"Hey, do you want to grab lunch tomorrow, just you and me?"
- What's up with that? - No, no, no. No, no, no!
I just sent you a text inviting you to lunch.
- I didn't get a text. - Are you sure you didn't email it?
What I meant is I accidentally texted Angie instead.
Why did you text me from upstairs?
I thought it'd be cute.
Aw, that is cute.
Yeah, no time for cute.
How do you unsend a text? Where is the undo button?
So you're the guy taking those classes at the Apple store.
Look, it's not that big of a deal.
- One thing is clear. - You have to go.
What do you mean, "I have to go"?
You can't make me go.
Mistaken text or not, you can't take back an invite.
You'll look like a dick.
But, Trace, the friendship between the four of us
is like a delicate ecosystem.
Pairing up outside of that dynamic
could throw the whole thing out of whack.
Put it this way.
Do you think Michelle Obama and Joe Biden
are just kicking it in the Rose Garden?
No! It's Barack and Joe and Michelle and...
I want to say Susan?
Russell and I don't hang out alone either,
but he's coming with me to work tomorrow.
Wha... it...
He needed a quiet place to work on his stand-up materials.
I told him he could use an empty cubicle.
Were you not listening to my ecosystem lecture?
Is that a surprise to you?
She said, "Yes." Damn it!
"I can't wait."
He can't wait! Damn it!
What are we even supposed to talk about?
Babe, it's Mitch.
If you ask him the right question,
you won't have to do any talking at all.
Jill. It's Jill Biden.
Living the best days of our lives ♪
Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com
All right, last text, sweetie. It's my boss.
- Daddy? - No.
Okay. Back to the game.
My turn.
Ah! Go to jail again?
- Yes! - Stinker.
Are you doing mommy-daughter story time on Friday?
I know I missed the last couple, but despite what your teacher says,
I will be there.
I really want to put you down
for mommy-daughter story time on Friday.
Then do it 'cause I'll be there.
Well, I'll just put it in pencil.
It's easier to erase.
And you should ask your teacher why she lives alone.
Actually, don't ask her.
Seriously, don't ask her.
Okay, Sadie, time for school.
- You're driving. - It never gets old!
And that's the break room.
- Just one more question. - Yeah?
Are those cupcakes in the break room communal?
Uh, yeah, they're leftover from some birthday party.
- Can I have one? - Sure.
Can I have six?
I know the menu says, "Hot coffee,"
but they're not kidding.
Not kidding, but I appreciate hot coffee.
Unless you wanted iced coffee.
- Then you want it cold. - Ice is great.
It's the best.
This is your cubicle.
Oh! Ah! This is great.
And on the D-L, I'm not actually
just working on my standup,
I'm writing a pilot for me to star in.
In this environment I can focus.
No video games like at home where I get distract...
Oh!
Trace, check this out. Who am I?
Doo!
Blake Shelton from "The Voice."
- Blake Shelton. Blake Shelton. - Yeah.
- Tracy. - Morning, Phil.
I need you to look over this discovery material
from the Carlson case.
Uh, great. Linda, can you grab that?
Nice to meet you, Linda. Welcome aboard.
I've been here six years.
I'm feeling that suit, Phil.
John Varvatos, right?
It's my first time wearing it. How is the cut?
- Is it too slim? - No! No, no, no, no.
No, no, you look great, man.
No, it's dope!
You might want to reconsider those shoes, though.
Got a bit of a "What are those!" vibe.
I know you haven't seen that Vine,
but you should check it out.
I haven't. Good one, Blake.
So... that's my boss.
Damn, Phil! P-Fizzle, that's my boy.
- Watch! - You watch.
I set an alarm for 55 minutes.
Is that to feed your parking meter?
Yeah, yeah, I have an hour, but I have to give myself
five minutes to walk there.
I do seven, shorter legs!
Makes sense!
We're planners. Nothing wrong with that.
When I was a kid, I made my family and earthquake kit.
I made an earthquake kit!
Yeah, but I grew up in Baltimore.
Oh!
Let me guess. Were you a boy scout?
Please! That gang of shiftless amateurs?
They can never challenge me. I started my own troop.
"The Mitch Scouts." Our motto, "Be over prepared."
Our motto?
My motto.
Okay, off the floor, into the wall, hits the chair,
trampoline bounce into the box.
I just wanted that one thing.
- Guys, what are we doing? - Oh, it's a game.
We take a ball and we bounce it...
Tim, you're supposed to be organizing the document review for discovery,
and Amy, I really need the deposition transcripts.
We all got work to do. Okay, guys?
- Let's get on it! - Yay... Oh.
She's fun.
Yeah, she ruins everything.
I hate how she staggers our lunches
so someone can always be answering phones.
Oh, and she put up a firewall so I couldn't check
my fantasy football line up.
What about how she stopped that ball from going in the box?
Amy, that was 30 seconds ago.
Remember?
Come on, guys. Tracy's fun.
You just don't see her outside of work.
Thank God.
Hey, everybody, Tracy's great.
I just assume she's always behind me.
Is she behind me?
I was always the responsible one.
You know, by age 14 I was practically raising my sister.
Same thing with me and my brother.
Sometimes I feel like I missed out in all the fun.
We were robbed, Angie.
We were denied the experience of being bad,
and it... it's not just when we were kids.
It's the same today.
Yeah, like two weeks ago, when we were in Idyllwild,
and Russell and Tracy smoked out while we just babysat them.
You remember how they tried to climb that tree,
which turned out to be a cactus?
I was picking needles out of that fool for days.
I'm tired of being the caretaker.
I want to have fun for once.
You know what?
Let's take back our childhoods.
- Let's... smoke pot. - Smoke pot?
Shh! both: Shh...
Yes! The universe owes us.
Is the universe gonna pee in a cup for me
if I get drug tested?
I'm kidding. Let's do it!
I'm a pediatrician.
Do you know how much clean urine I have access to?
Hey, Trace. Can I talk to you for a minute?
If it's quick. I have a minute in five.
Is it with Rascal Flatsworth?
Yeah, that's me.
Listen, uh... can I tell you something as a friend?
Yeah.
People hate you.
- Huh? - Yeah, yeah, they're...
I mean, they're talking about how you're all business
and no fun and just not cool, and boring, and awful.
Okay, that's... not true.
People love me around here.
Jane, in accounting, she gives me a jar
of persimmon jam every Christmas.
Persimmon? That's a garbage fruit.
Look, Tracy. I want them to see the real you,
the Tracy I know. "Fun Tracy."
I can't be "Fun Tracy" at work.
I'm their boss
and if they don't like me, that's fine.
I mean, does anybody like their boss?
Yes! Yes, people love their bosses.
The "World's Greatest Boss" mug is a $40 billion a year industry.
No, it's not.
That kind of negativity will not get you a mug.
Okay, look.
The important thing is that they do their job
so I can do mine and get home to be a mom to Sadie.
Yeah, but being strict isn't the only way to motivate people.
Did you know at Google they have segways
and ping pong tables, and soft-serve machines.
We're not getting a soft-serve machine.
Well, we should. We work hard around here.
My point is, places like Google do it,
and according to "Fast Company Magazine,"
they're the forth most innovative company in the world.
- Can I ask you something? - Yeah.
Are you working on your pilot at all?
I'm really not.
Ah!
What did I tell you?
They just ask you a couple softball questions.
Getting a pot prescription is so easy.
So easy!
Except it kind of wasn't.
Trouble sleeping?
Falling asleep or staying asleep?
- Falling asleep. - No.
- Staying asleep. - No.
Any digestive issues, upset stomach?
Sometimes, but you know what's really good for that?
Ginger ale.
I'm sorry.
My friends say I can be pretty exhausting.
Perfect, exhaustion. Just pay on your way out.
- No, no, no. I wasn't finished. - We're giving it to you. Move on.
You're ridiculous! It took me 28 seconds.
What did you say?
Look, I just want to get high.
All right.
When are we going to smoke weed?
Oh, well, I'm on call today,
but I have the next three days off.
Okay, okay. I'm a college professor, so...
Tomorrow it is!
Linda, do you have a sec?
I was just about to give myself an insulin shot,
but it can wait.
Is this about the Carlson case?
Oh, no, I don't want to talk about work.
Let's talk about you.
Why?
Well, I figure we see each other every day,
but what do we really know about each other?
So, you first.
Okay, okay.
Is this a trap?
Linda, I got a bunch of
the other assistants together for a happy hour.
- You in? - Oh, absolutely not.
I like to stay late, just in case something comes up.
Plus, I got an automatic feeder for my cat,
so I'm good until midnight.
You're working late.
That is an excellent work ethic, Linda.
Yeah, that's the kind of thing a cool boss
would probably reward.
You know what?
I can finish this up.
Linda, you go enjoy a margarita
with your co-workers.
Oh, I'm allergic to Tequila.
Really? What happens?
I get really slutty.
Linda, did you just make a joke?
I think I did.
You two have fun.
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!
Oh!
Just cleaning up after my crew!
They're a little disorganized, but I can't fire them all.
Am I right?
We can. Does someone need to go?
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.
We just got hit with more discovery for the Carson case.
I'm gonna need you to work late tonight, and finish up.
Ah!
- So I can brief the client in the morning. - Yes, sir.
Oh.
Tracy, check out what Blake showed me earlier.
How great is Blake?
He's the best!
- Wow! - Wow!
Yeah.
You're looking at ten of the top strains
of medical great cannabis in the world.
- Ha! - Ooh!
What are you guys into?
Waxes, oils, edibles, tinctures,
dabs, medicinals, traditionals?
We're not sure.
What's this?
That's a lemon verbena candle.
What does it do?
Uh, it makes the room smell nice.
- Mm, that is nice. - We'll take that for sure.
Cool. I'll see you guys later.
- Did you think... - I totally thought he worked here.
- Hi, Mommy. - Hi, sweetie.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna come
to your school later for mommy-daughter story time, okay?
Sadie?
You're frozen.
WiFi.
- Bye, Mommy! - Bye, sweetie.
Hey, Trace, I don't know what you're doing
around 10:00, but everybody is donating something
to throw off the roof.
Tim brought in his rabbit.
- What? - Oh, wait!
That's... that's two separate thoughts.
We're throwing stuff off the roof
and Tim brought in his rabbit.
You look exhausted. You okay?
Yeah, about that...
you know how you said I should be "Cool Boss"?
- Mm-hmm. - I'm not sure that's working.
Oh, it's working.
After happy hour last night,
they all came to see my set at the Laugh Factory.
We shared a cigar in your honor.
- Really? - Yeah.
Tim had a cigar.
We all notice his cold sore a little too late,
but, hey, that's tomorrow's problem.
Anyway, they love you out there.
Wow!
I guess... thank you!
Thank you!
Being here has given me
a ton of great ideas for my pilot.
Did you know Linda was way into CrossFit?
She got drunk last night and squatted me.
Hey! We got to hit the links soon.
Just let me know the time and the place,
and preferably a place that allows me to golf there.
Ooh!
We got a whole thing going.
Don't be jealous. Later, Phil.
I was looking over these files, Tracy.
I don't know what the rest of your team was up to last night,
but I'm incredibly disappointed.
- I'm sorry. - Me too.
I was reading the latest issue of "Fast Company."
Blake turned me into it.
And he said that sometimes you need to fire someone
just to set an example. I was thinking about
- one of the support staff. - But Phil...
Probably not Linda because she's new.
Can't get rid of Timothy. You don't want that lawsuit.
But that really doesn't seem necessary.
I'm sure I can pitch in and find time to fix this.
Okay, well, then cancel your lunch plans
because we got a lot to do.
- Uh... lunch today? - Are we fixing this or not?
We're fixing this.
I like your commitment to the job, Tracy.
Seems my buddy Blake is rubbing off on you.
- Ready? - Ready!
Oh, the last number I dialed on my phone was 9-1-1,
so if things go south, we can just hit redial.
But what if I can't remember that when I'm high?
That's why I typed out this list.
"Things to remember when we're high."
Ah?
- Be over prepared! - Yeah.
Okay, okay. Oh, you know what?
- We should document this. - Okay.
Okay.
Oh, Sadie.
You know? Up until this moment if my little angel would ask me,
did I do drugs? I could say, no, but...
today I'm doing it.
Today daddy is ingesting an illegal drug.
What kind of role model am I?
You know what, Angie? I...
I... I can't do this.
Russell, I need to talk to you.
Is this about the Pop-Tarts in the break room
because when I see brown sugar cinnamon, you know me,
- Tracy, I lose control. - No!
Thanks to you, my entire team dropped the ball
on the Carlson case, and now I have to work through lunch
and miss story time at Sadie's school.
Oof! I'm sorry about that.
You probably should have pushed back
when I brought the whole "Cool Boss" thing yesterday?
Do you have any idea what is like to be a working mom?
I do not.
If being a task master at work means I get home
a little bit sooner to see my daughter,
then so be it!
If I could fire you, I would,
but you don't even work here.
- Tracy... - Russell, please go!
Fine! But before I do, let me say one thing.
We carpooled.
What time do we go home?
I want to punch you in the nuts, Mitch.
We were supposed to do this together,
but now I'm about to be very high by myself!
I'm gonna have to go to church twice on Sunday
to make up for this.
I'm sorry, but...
You know? Maybe this is better.
This way I can make sure you're gonna be okay.
- It's what I'm best at. - No!
The whole reason we did this was to not be responsible
for once in our lives.
There it is.
Ohh, yeah...
Angie, you know, being responsible is in my DNA.
As... as a kid it was for my mom and Sam,
and now it's for Tracy and Sadie.
It's just something I can't change!
I'm not asking you to change, Mitch.
I'm asking you to take a break!
And besides, none of those women are here right now.
Your mom, Sam...
Tracy...
the little one.
I want to say Sandy?
We care so much about other people, Mitch,
but sometimes we need to just care about ourselves.
We didn't do that growing up,
and we missed out on a lot!
And today, finally we had a chance
to get a piece of that back,
and I just wished that you had taken this journey with me.
What?
Go, Mitch!
Wait, why did you say, "What?"
That's what you did. I thought that's how
we were supposed to do it.
Hey, Tracy, you want to join us
for a birthday party in the break room?
I can't, Linda, I'm supposed to be meeting Phil over lunch.
I think you're gonna want to come.
It's for Russell.
It's not his birthday.
I'll take care of this.
Hey, uh, how solid do you think his marriage is?
Rock solid.
Yeah.
Are you really not gonna come, Phil?
Not today, Blake. Too busy.
Come one, P-Fizzle,
take an hour to help celebrate my birth
and I'll pay the green fees at Roosevelt this weekend.
I'm unbeatable Roosevelt.
You never played my way.
Moscow Mules on the front nine, Long Islands on the back.
By the time we get to 15, we're either gonna be passed out or making out.
You're a maniac!
- Get in there! - Try and stop me!
- Russell... - Before you say anything,
I know it's not my birthday,
but I figured this way if I can distract Phil
for an hour, you could... I don't know,
sneak out and go read a story?
You did all this, so that I could...
Go see Sadie.
Thank you, Russell.
Now get out of here.
By the time you get back, I'm going to be partner.
- What? - Nothing.
Hey, hey, another black dude!
Hey, I've been looking for you for three days.
Okay, okay. How about this one?
- Okay. - Snap, Crackle, Pop?
Kill Snap, marry Crackle...
Crackle?
You're going to marry Crackle?
I don't see that working out.
I'm just being honest.
- Can I be honest? - What?
That text that I sent you a few days ago,
that was an accident.
I knew it.
No, no, but you know what?
You know what, I'm glad it happened
because yesterday I thought that marijuana was bad,
and that you and I would have nothing in common,
but to...
I'm high and you might be the coolest person I've ever met.
- Nancy Reagan lied to me. - What?
The 80s, the war on drugs, just say "no."
They told me my brain was an egg.
Ooh! Eggs! Favorite kind of omelet?
Go! Denver!
What were we so scared of, Angie?
It's just pot.
I'll tell you what I was scared of.
Anything that would hurt my chances of becoming a doctor.
You know what doesn't look good when you're applying to medical school?
Prison time.
You know what else didn't help my chances?
Using my real name. D'Angela.
You know what my real name is?
Mitchell.
I like you, Mitchell. I'm gonna keep you.
What's going on, guys?
Look who smoked out.
- Oh! - Why would you think that?
Oh, I don't know, D'Angela.
No! No, no, no. It's not that.
We're... we're having an affair.
- He has a white ding-dong? -