1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:03,949 To the almost-newlyweds, 2 00:00:04,128 --> 00:00:06,338 and to me for introducing you at my wedding. 3 00:00:06,523 --> 00:00:09,189 Our wedding and turns out, you don't get credit 4 00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:11,429 for sitting single people at the singles' table. 5 00:00:11,839 --> 00:00:13,334 We ain't sitting there no more. 6 00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:15,541 Mm. 7 00:00:15,543 --> 00:00:19,078 Mm-mm-mm. 8 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,446 Yeah. 9 00:00:20,448 --> 00:00:21,747 Muah. 10 00:00:24,426 --> 00:00:27,527 I'll come to you. 11 00:00:28,482 --> 00:00:30,716 I am so looking forward to this weekend. 12 00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:32,250 Oh, that's so sweet. 13 00:00:32,252 --> 00:00:33,719 Oh, she couldn't care less about your love. 14 00:00:33,721 --> 00:00:35,821 She just wants out of the house. 15 00:00:35,823 --> 00:00:37,122 The last time I had hotel sex 16 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,690 was when Sadie was conceived. 17 00:00:38,692 --> 00:00:40,359 She's kidding. 18 00:00:40,361 --> 00:00:41,693 Sadie was conceived in my parents' house 19 00:00:41,695 --> 00:00:42,828 in the bed that I grew up in. 20 00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:44,830 I don't know why I shared that. 21 00:00:44,832 --> 00:00:46,398 How is it you guys have time to hang out 22 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,367 and have dinner with us this close to your wedding? 23 00:00:48,369 --> 00:00:49,601 Yeah, when we were three days out, 24 00:00:49,603 --> 00:00:51,536 this one was hiring a florist, firing a bridesmaid, 25 00:00:51,538 --> 00:00:53,538 and putting a pastry chef in a choke hold. 26 00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,307 All on 300 calories a day. 27 00:00:55,309 --> 00:00:56,508 Oh. 28 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:58,744 Well, actually that's the reason we're here. 29 00:00:58,746 --> 00:01:00,145 You know our minister died. 30 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,681 I wouldn't take that as an omen. 31 00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:04,016 We looked for a replacement, 32 00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:05,884 but we realized what we really want 33 00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:08,053 is someone standing there who knows us. 34 00:01:08,055 --> 00:01:10,222 We talked about it, and we both think 35 00:01:10,224 --> 00:01:12,758 there's only one choice. 36 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,694 As long as you both are on the same page. 37 00:01:15,696 --> 00:01:17,329 Will you marry us, Mitch? 38 00:01:17,331 --> 00:01:18,964 - Huh? What? - Whoa. 39 00:01:18,966 --> 00:01:20,365 You want Mitch to marry you? 40 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,267 What happened to "There's only one choice"? 41 00:01:22,269 --> 00:01:23,602 Wow, what an honor! 42 00:01:23,604 --> 00:01:25,003 Yes! Yes! A million times, yes! 43 00:01:25,005 --> 00:01:26,938 I will marry you. 44 00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,609 Oh, you have just made him the happiest girl on earth. 45 00:01:30,611 --> 00:01:32,010 Really, really? 46 00:01:36,216 --> 00:01:39,075 Living the best days of our lives ♪ 47 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:43,326 Synced and Corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com 48 00:01:44,024 --> 00:01:45,857 What do you think, black binder, blue binder? 49 00:01:45,859 --> 00:01:47,192 Why do you need a binder? 50 00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,427 It's the wedding binder. 51 00:01:48,429 --> 00:01:50,295 This ceremony has to go perfectly. 52 00:01:50,297 --> 00:01:52,464 Wait a minute, you scripted out every word 53 00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:54,866 that you and everyone at the wedding is saying? 54 00:01:54,868 --> 00:01:57,369 On a related note, I think I have carpal tunnel. 55 00:01:57,371 --> 00:01:59,604 Don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously? 56 00:01:59,606 --> 00:02:03,008 Yes, this is the biggest honor I've ever been given. 57 00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:05,110 When Grace and Daniel made me godfather to what's-his-name, 58 00:02:05,112 --> 00:02:06,278 that was something, 59 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,680 but what are the chances of them both dying? 60 00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:10,415 This wedding is really happening. 61 00:02:11,418 --> 00:02:12,784 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 62 00:02:12,786 --> 00:02:14,519 Mitch, got your email... That should have been a text. 63 00:02:14,521 --> 00:02:15,954 He doesn't know the difference. 64 00:02:15,956 --> 00:02:17,989 Here's our wedding video. Why do you wanna see it? 65 00:02:17,991 --> 00:02:19,591 Well, I wanna hear your minister's voice 66 00:02:19,593 --> 00:02:21,993 to see how I should play it. 67 00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:25,964 I will now place the DVD into the player. 68 00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:27,466 He's been at it all day. 69 00:02:27,468 --> 00:02:29,034 This morning I caught him trying to marry 70 00:02:29,036 --> 00:02:30,836 Cap'n Crunch and Mrs. Butterworth. 71 00:02:30,838 --> 00:02:32,404 Well, I don't see that marriage working out. 72 00:02:32,406 --> 00:02:34,873 She's such a homebody, and he's always at sea. 73 00:02:36,477 --> 00:02:38,410 It's a big responsibility. It's harder than you think. 74 00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:40,612 Well, maybe they should have gone with someone with more experience, 75 00:02:40,614 --> 00:02:42,013 someone who has entertained crowds 76 00:02:42,015 --> 00:02:44,249 from Portland to Austin and everywhere in between, 77 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,051 except for all of Arizona. 78 00:02:46,053 --> 00:02:49,387 Russell, you said you were gonna be a big boy about this. 79 00:02:49,389 --> 00:02:52,657 No, Ang, you said I was gonna be a big boy about all of this. 80 00:02:52,659 --> 00:02:54,693 Fine. 81 00:02:54,695 --> 00:02:57,662 You know what, you wanna steal our minister's swag, 82 00:02:57,664 --> 00:02:59,331 go for it, but while you're watching, 83 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:02,000 pay attention to what I serve up during the wedding. 84 00:03:02,002 --> 00:03:05,070 Babe, are you ready to relive the best day of your life? 85 00:03:05,072 --> 00:03:06,738 Pass. 86 00:03:08,342 --> 00:03:11,877 Russell, ever since I was a little girl, 87 00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:13,645 I dreamt of this day, 88 00:03:13,647 --> 00:03:15,180 but now it's real, 89 00:03:15,182 --> 00:03:16,882 and it's not a dream. 90 00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:19,317 It's even better because I didn't know you 91 00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:20,619 when I was a little girl, 92 00:03:20,621 --> 00:03:23,288 and I didn't know I could be this happy. 93 00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:29,127 It's not just what she said, it's how she said it. 94 00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:33,298 What was that? You don't want to see your video? 95 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,700 You mean the most special day that a woman looks forward to 96 00:03:35,702 --> 00:03:37,068 her whole life? 97 00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:38,603 Oh, this is bad. 98 00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:40,138 Give me the goods. 99 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:43,675 I just wish that the wedding hadn't been such an R.L.P. 100 00:03:43,677 --> 00:03:46,878 A Russell Logan Production. 101 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,816 Angie, my love, I have also dreamt of this moment 102 00:03:50,818 --> 00:03:52,684 since I was a little girl. 103 00:03:57,825 --> 00:03:59,491 Boom! Improv! 104 00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:00,859 Look at the cellist laughing. 105 00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:03,328 Paid her to play. She laughed for free. 106 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,463 I'm hilarious. 107 00:04:05,465 --> 00:04:08,700 This ring cost a lot of money, 108 00:04:08,702 --> 00:04:10,268 especially for something I'm just gonna wear 109 00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,704 around the house. 110 00:04:12,706 --> 00:04:14,606 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 111 00:04:14,608 --> 00:04:17,776 It's. It's... oh, what? 112 00:04:19,746 --> 00:04:23,081 Russell, you may now kiss the bride. 113 00:04:25,519 --> 00:04:28,520 Uh, uh. 114 00:04:28,522 --> 00:04:31,022 Wow, the bar has been set. 115 00:04:31,024 --> 00:04:32,123 Thank you. 116 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:33,425 Your minister was really great. 117 00:04:33,427 --> 00:04:34,459 That was your takeaway? 118 00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:36,161 That guy really found the zone. 119 00:04:36,163 --> 00:04:38,597 It should be me! I should be marrying them! 120 00:04:38,599 --> 00:04:40,765 I'm a performer. You're a professor. 121 00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:43,768 I have stage chops, you have pork chops. 122 00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:46,271 I lost it, but you know what I mean. 123 00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:50,976 Russell, I didn't realize you felt this way. 124 00:04:50,978 --> 00:04:52,444 Okay, you know what I'm gonna do? 125 00:04:52,446 --> 00:04:54,746 I'm gonna... I'm gonna call Derek and Charlene 126 00:04:54,748 --> 00:04:57,649 and tell 'em that you're the better man for the job. 127 00:04:57,651 --> 00:04:58,683 You'd do that? 128 00:04:58,685 --> 00:04:59,885 No, it's a huge honor! 129 00:04:59,887 --> 00:05:01,119 I want it. You didn't get it. 130 00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:03,021 So, suck it. 131 00:05:06,497 --> 00:05:09,099 Okay, everyone, a rehearsal dinner is reward 132 00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:12,002 for a rehearsal well-rehearsed. 133 00:05:12,004 --> 00:05:15,038 Okay, procession order will be: 134 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,675 Anton, Mike, Trey, Scooter... 135 00:05:18,677 --> 00:05:20,577 Sorry, those are the names of the guys in the band. 136 00:05:20,579 --> 00:05:23,146 Wrong tab. Wrong tab. 137 00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,915 - Hey there. - Hi, babe. 138 00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:26,183 As part of our child-free weekend, 139 00:05:26,185 --> 00:05:28,118 I am booking us couples massages. 140 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,020 I just want to know, do you want a male or female masseuse? 141 00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,022 Oh, I'm really busy. Doesn't matter. Female. 142 00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:33,156 Okay. 143 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:37,561 Just making sure that we are still on track for some sexy mommy, daddy time. 144 00:05:37,563 --> 00:05:39,029 - Sorry. - Yeah. 145 00:05:39,031 --> 00:05:40,364 Now, I am all for that. 146 00:05:40,366 --> 00:05:41,531 Let me just finish the rehearsal, 147 00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:43,333 but if you want to do me a favor, 148 00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:45,202 Google how not to cry. 149 00:05:46,672 --> 00:05:48,538 Uh, flower girl, flower girl, 150 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,240 can you practice your Nae Nae after the rehearsal? 151 00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:51,308 Angie, help me out. 152 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:53,443 Mitch, she's a kid. She's dancing. 153 00:05:53,445 --> 00:05:54,478 This is a wedding. 154 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:55,779 A wedding's no place for dancing. 155 00:05:55,781 --> 00:05:57,858 - Excuse me, are you the minister? - I am. 156 00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:59,650 All right, can I ask you to relax a little? 157 00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:00,851 You can. Who are you? 158 00:06:00,853 --> 00:06:02,486 I'm Ashley, the wedding planner. 159 00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:05,389 Okay. Can I ask you to relax less? 160 00:06:05,391 --> 00:06:07,057 Where have you been? It's almost dinner. 161 00:06:07,059 --> 00:06:09,059 We haven't even run the ceremony once. 162 00:06:09,061 --> 00:06:11,194 Once is plenty. I told everyone 5:30. 163 00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:13,597 You told everyone 5:30 for 5:30? 164 00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:16,333 Oh, my gosh. You didn't want to pad it? 165 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,501 Is this your first wedding? 166 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,002 It is. Is it yours? 167 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,204 Okay. Calm down. 168 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:22,706 Don't worry about the plan. 169 00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:24,941 Oh, my gosh. You're a wedding planner. 170 00:06:24,943 --> 00:06:26,310 The only reason you have a job 171 00:06:26,312 --> 00:06:29,246 is because people worry about the plan. 172 00:06:29,248 --> 00:06:31,648 Well, I researched how not to cry, 173 00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:33,750 and the answer is chardonnay. 174 00:06:33,752 --> 00:06:34,951 Can't. I need to stay sharp. 175 00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,353 I'll find you right after this. 176 00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,454 Where is the... 177 00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:39,289 Then I will be drinking both of these. 178 00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:41,325 - Good luck to you. - Good luck to you. 179 00:06:41,327 --> 00:06:44,861 Hi, Russell Logan at your service. 180 00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:45,862 Who? 181 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,098 Russell Logan at your service. 182 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,299 Russell, Russell... 183 00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:50,500 Are you part of the wedding party? 184 00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:51,601 No, he's not. 185 00:06:51,603 --> 00:06:53,804 I am... technically not, no. 186 00:06:53,806 --> 00:06:56,873 But Derek and Charlene have bestowed upon me a critical... 187 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:57,874 Courtesy. 188 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,276 - Privilege. - Busy work. 189 00:06:59,278 --> 00:07:01,878 Okay, I open the ceremony 190 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,348 by untying the ribbon at the head of the aisle. 191 00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:06,350 Oh, the knot guy. 192 00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:09,619 Great, now I'm missing a bridesmaid. 193 00:07:09,621 --> 00:07:11,621 Has anyone seen the groom? Kinda need the groom! 194 00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:14,391 Ashley, try. 195 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,393 I saw them at the bar. I'll go get them. 196 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:20,630 You stay here and continue having your meltdown. 197 00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:23,333 She called me "the knot guy." 198 00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,970 Derek, relax, the past is the past, 199 00:07:26,972 --> 00:07:28,171 and nobody knows. 200 00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:30,307 And nobody better find out either, Monica. 201 00:07:30,309 --> 00:07:32,609 How would you feel if everyone at your wedding 202 00:07:32,611 --> 00:07:34,611 knew the bridesmaid hooked up with the person 203 00:07:34,613 --> 00:07:35,979 you're about to marry? 204 00:07:35,981 --> 00:07:38,448 Ooh-Kay. 205 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:43,553 I can't believe Derek cheated. 206 00:07:43,555 --> 00:07:44,654 I didn't say he cheated. 207 00:07:44,656 --> 00:07:46,123 There's no way he cheated. 208 00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,190 I didn't say he cheated. 209 00:07:47,192 --> 00:07:49,359 - Do you think he cheated? - No way! 210 00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,927 Which one is Monica again? 211 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,829 2:00, stilettos with the mini. 212 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,267 Well, this is new information. 213 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,236 I think it's clear that I need to talk to them. 214 00:07:59,238 --> 00:08:01,405 No, Mitch, this is not your problem to solve. 215 00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:02,574 But I'm their minister. 216 00:08:02,572 --> 00:08:04,306 You have a laser-printed certificate 217 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,518 from a non-denominational ministry in the Bahamas. 218 00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:08,471 - I took an oath. - You clicked on an oath. 219 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,815 I double-clicked on an oath. 220 00:08:09,818 --> 00:08:11,111 You both should care. 221 00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:12,548 They met at your wedding, at your singles' table. 222 00:08:12,556 --> 00:08:13,886 A lot of people hooked up at our wedding. 223 00:08:13,886 --> 00:08:15,419 It was a very good band. 224 00:08:15,421 --> 00:08:16,686 I need to talk to Derek. 225 00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:19,289 Okay, look, if someone's gonna talk to Derek, it should be Russell. 226 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,425 - I mean, they're closer. - Which is why it's ridiculous 227 00:08:21,427 --> 00:08:22,959 that I'm not performing this ceremony. 228 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:23,960 - Babe. - Russell. 229 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,929 Suck it. 230 00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:27,964 Mitch, this is our weekend. 231 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,332 You and I are going to that bar 232 00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:31,535 and then we're gonna have sex whether you like it or not. 233 00:08:31,537 --> 00:08:33,437 Fine. 234 00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:38,775 So, Derek, tomorrow's the big day. 235 00:08:38,777 --> 00:08:39,776 - Aah. - Ha. 236 00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,077 Any jitters? Any problems? 237 00:08:41,079 --> 00:08:42,646 What... what are we thinking? 238 00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,514 - Everything's good. - Okay. 239 00:08:44,516 --> 00:08:47,317 - Except... - Except? 240 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,952 My Uncle Harold. 241 00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,587 He got snowed in at O'Hare. 242 00:08:50,589 --> 00:08:51,721 Won't be able to make the wedding 243 00:08:51,723 --> 00:08:52,989 to read this poem he wrote. 244 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,391 Sorry, man, that's tough stuff. 245 00:08:54,393 --> 00:08:56,026 - Hmm. - So what's up with the... 246 00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:58,995 Wait, do you need somebody to read a poem? 247 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:01,598 Oh, you know what'd be fun? 248 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,433 I sit at the bar, you pretend you're a stranger, 249 00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,435 bring me over a drink, and then try to pick me up. 250 00:09:05,437 --> 00:09:07,370 Fun. Did I bring those drink vouchers? 251 00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,105 But don't do that thing where you ask me a bunch of questions 252 00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:10,841 about my sexual past in an effort to determine 253 00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,175 your exposure to STDs. 254 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,910 Okay, okay, but if we're gonna be strangers, 255 00:09:13,912 --> 00:09:16,179 I'm wearing a condom. 256 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,848 Hey, Mitch, good news. 257 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,516 Yeah, hey, what'd you find out? 258 00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:21,585 There's snow in Chicago, and yours truly got upgraded 259 00:09:21,587 --> 00:09:24,054 to poem reader, or as I like to say, 260 00:09:24,056 --> 00:09:26,690 rhyme syncopation coordinator. 261 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:27,791 What? 262 00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:29,626 I'm now reading a poem during the ceremony. 263 00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:32,696 It's a very high honor, so suck it. 264 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,064 What about Monica and Derek? 265 00:09:34,066 --> 00:09:35,665 Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 266 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:40,003 I totally forgot about that. 267 00:09:40,005 --> 00:09:42,572 So, what brings you to town? 268 00:09:42,574 --> 00:09:44,107 That's the voice you're doing? 269 00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:45,909 Okay. 270 00:09:45,913 --> 00:09:48,673 Me and my roller derby team are in the semifinals 271 00:09:48,683 --> 00:09:51,615 in La Jolla, so... oh, God. 272 00:09:51,617 --> 00:09:54,782 She murdered her first husband and got away with it. 273 00:09:56,286 --> 00:09:57,457 What about you? 274 00:09:57,455 --> 00:09:59,789 - I helped. - I'm out. 275 00:10:01,696 --> 00:10:03,197 Hey, ladies, you hear the good news? 276 00:10:03,191 --> 00:10:04,995 I am in the wedding. 277 00:10:04,999 --> 00:10:06,191 I thought you were already in the wedding 278 00:10:06,198 --> 00:10:07,397 with that ribbon thing. 279 00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:08,865 We all know that's a load of crap. 280 00:10:08,867 --> 00:10:10,967 I am reading a poem. 281 00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:12,269 They just gave me the title for now, 282 00:10:12,271 --> 00:10:14,137 but based on the length of the title alone, 283 00:10:14,139 --> 00:10:15,739 gonna be a long one. 284 00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:17,908 Russell, this is the whole poem. 285 00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,175 It's a haiku. 286 00:10:19,177 --> 00:10:21,444 No, it's not. 287 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,812 One, two, three, four five. 288 00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:24,180 One, two... five... seven. 289 00:10:24,182 --> 00:10:27,217 Ah, damn it! 290 00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:28,552 - Hey, Derek. - Hey. 291 00:10:28,554 --> 00:10:31,721 Oh, Ashley, while I have you, 292 00:10:31,723 --> 00:10:33,156 are you even remotely aware 293 00:10:33,158 --> 00:10:35,625 that one of the bridesmaids is allergic to orchids? 294 00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:38,128 You mean Tonya. 295 00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:39,429 Lucky guess. 296 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,530 It's a wedding, Mitch. 297 00:10:40,532 --> 00:10:42,065 God forbid a bridesmaid tears up. 298 00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:45,569 Great choice. 299 00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:46,870 So I was gonna ask you... 300 00:10:46,872 --> 00:10:49,372 Oh, I got your email. I owe you vows. 301 00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:51,441 It's just those words are the pillars of your marriage, 302 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:52,943 but whenever. 303 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,512 I'm sorry, man, it's... something came up. 304 00:10:55,514 --> 00:10:59,282 Oh. Something came up? 305 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,918 You know, if you... if you need to talk, 306 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,520 I am your minister 307 00:11:03,522 --> 00:11:08,258 for the weekend, who you can tell anything to. 308 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,893 You know, don't you? 309 00:11:11,063 --> 00:11:13,563 So, I just talked to Derek. 310 00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:14,598 - And? - Yes? 311 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,632 Do tell. 312 00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:17,601 Monica did not hook up with Derek. 313 00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:18,768 - I told you. - Not my boy. 314 00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:21,504 But Monica did have a two-month relationship 315 00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:22,505 with Charlene. 316 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,207 - Oh, my. - This is new. 317 00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:26,142 But it happened over two years ago, 318 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,777 before Derek and Charlene even met, 319 00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:29,245 and even though Derek just found out about it, 320 00:11:29,247 --> 00:11:31,681 he and Charlene talked it over, and he's okay with it. 321 00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:33,650 - That's their business. - Of course he is. 322 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,952 But I am not. I can't marry them. 323 00:11:37,889 --> 00:11:41,191 Would you be more comfortable with a haiku? 324 00:11:45,515 --> 00:11:47,516 First of all, there was no cheating. 325 00:11:47,518 --> 00:11:49,418 Charlene didn't even know Derek when she dated Monica. 326 00:11:49,421 --> 00:11:51,988 Second of all, this happened before they knew each other. 327 00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:53,523 That's what I just said. 328 00:11:53,525 --> 00:11:55,125 This is a huge deal. 329 00:11:55,127 --> 00:11:57,093 But it doesn't have to be. Derek's fine with it. 330 00:11:57,095 --> 00:11:58,561 Marry them. Do it. 331 00:11:58,563 --> 00:12:00,230 No, this is very big information 332 00:12:00,232 --> 00:12:02,132 for a groom to be finding out about his bride 333 00:12:02,134 --> 00:12:04,067 on their wedding weekend. 334 00:12:04,069 --> 00:12:06,469 They obviously don't know each other very well. 335 00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:07,771 They obviously didn't put a ton of thought 336 00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:08,838 into this poem thing. 337 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,640 Yeah, it's only been nine months. 338 00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:11,908 Wait, whose side are you on? 339 00:12:11,910 --> 00:12:14,010 I don't know. I just like a good argument. 340 00:12:14,012 --> 00:12:16,246 They haven't even known each other for all four seasons. 341 00:12:16,248 --> 00:12:18,114 Has she even seen him in shorts? 342 00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:19,949 What if he has strange kneecaps? 343 00:12:19,951 --> 00:12:21,251 There's no exercise for that. 344 00:12:21,253 --> 00:12:22,752 Can I talk to you for a second? 345 00:12:22,754 --> 00:12:24,721 No, you never pull me aside to take my side. 346 00:12:24,723 --> 00:12:26,222 Oh, come here. 347 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:27,857 It is 12:01. 348 00:12:27,859 --> 00:12:29,592 We've been in this hotel for eight hours, 349 00:12:29,594 --> 00:12:31,694 and the only person that's seen me naked is the maid. 350 00:12:31,696 --> 00:12:33,763 Look... really? 351 00:12:33,765 --> 00:12:35,265 Why do you care about other people's lives 352 00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:36,633 more than they do? 353 00:12:36,635 --> 00:12:38,468 If our friends thought we were making a mistake, 354 00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:40,403 wouldn't you want them to stop us? 355 00:12:40,405 --> 00:12:42,105 Yeah, while you're fixing everyone else's lives, 356 00:12:42,107 --> 00:12:43,406 I'm left here alone. 357 00:12:43,408 --> 00:12:45,041 I didn't think my first weekend without Sadie 358 00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:47,444 was also gonna be my first weekend without my husband. 359 00:12:47,446 --> 00:12:50,046 You can put that in your binder. 360 00:12:50,048 --> 00:12:51,915 Don't take it out on the binder. 361 00:12:53,718 --> 00:12:55,452 Sounds like Mitch is out. 362 00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:56,786 Yeah. 363 00:12:56,788 --> 00:12:59,522 That would leave this wedding without a minister. 364 00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:01,591 Pardon my reach. 365 00:13:01,593 --> 00:13:04,727 But you're not even ordained. 366 00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:08,798 Just did. 367 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,534 Oh, this beautiful binder is a disaster. 368 00:13:12,737 --> 00:13:15,672 This page just says, "Do a rap, question mark." 369 00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:18,975 The answer to that question is, "No, period." 370 00:13:20,412 --> 00:13:22,145 Hey, babe, would you mind if I reused some material 371 00:13:22,147 --> 00:13:23,112 from our wedding? 372 00:13:23,114 --> 00:13:24,981 Material? You mean vows? 373 00:13:24,983 --> 00:13:27,016 Yeah, I mean, it's a slightly different venue, but... 374 00:13:27,018 --> 00:13:28,518 Venue? You mean wedding? 375 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,086 Is something bothering you? 376 00:13:30,088 --> 00:13:33,857 Do you know why Derek and Charlene picked Mitch over you? 377 00:13:33,859 --> 00:13:36,426 The same reason why their wedding song is "Ghostbusters." 378 00:13:36,428 --> 00:13:38,294 They've lost all touch with reality. 379 00:13:38,296 --> 00:13:40,330 Because you make everything about you. 380 00:13:40,332 --> 00:13:41,965 You turn everything into a joke, 381 00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:43,533 which is great when you're onstage 382 00:13:43,535 --> 00:13:44,868 or in line at the bank. 383 00:13:44,870 --> 00:13:47,036 I do crush at the bank. 384 00:13:47,038 --> 00:13:48,872 I loved our wedding. 385 00:13:48,874 --> 00:13:50,206 But during the vows, 386 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:52,675 during the most important part of the wedding, 387 00:13:52,677 --> 00:13:54,711 guess what a bride doesn't want to hear. 388 00:13:54,713 --> 00:13:56,346 A rap. 389 00:13:56,348 --> 00:13:58,748 - Laughter. - That was my second guess. 390 00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:05,688 Russell, I have something really important to ask you. 391 00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:07,857 Good, because I have something really important to ask you. 392 00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:10,260 Do you think I make everything about me? 393 00:14:10,262 --> 00:14:12,862 Yeah, yeah, you literally just did it. 394 00:14:12,864 --> 00:14:14,030 Wow. 395 00:14:14,032 --> 00:14:15,431 Yeah. 396 00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,900 I did, didn't I? 397 00:14:16,902 --> 00:14:18,268 Angie has a point. 398 00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:21,004 That must really be annoying. I gotta work on me. 399 00:14:21,006 --> 00:14:22,005 How can I... 400 00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:23,039 You're still doing it. 401 00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:24,941 Damn! 402 00:14:24,943 --> 00:14:27,744 Sorry. 403 00:14:27,746 --> 00:14:29,646 Do you think I care about other people's lives 404 00:14:29,648 --> 00:14:30,680 more than they do? 405 00:14:30,682 --> 00:14:32,482 You definitely do. 406 00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:34,250 That's your jam. 407 00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:35,885 I call it Mitching out. 408 00:14:35,887 --> 00:14:38,254 Tracy just wants to have sex with you. 409 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:40,957 I know. 410 00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:44,260 Wife, sex, you. 411 00:14:44,262 --> 00:14:46,296 Oh, my God. 412 00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:49,566 Hey, can you, uh... 413 00:14:49,568 --> 00:14:51,301 Charge this to your room? Yes. 414 00:14:55,173 --> 00:14:56,973 Okay, everyone, the last of the guests are being seated. 415 00:14:56,975 --> 00:14:58,341 We're about two minutes away. 416 00:14:58,343 --> 00:15:00,877 We're just looking for the flower girl's other shoe. 417 00:15:00,879 --> 00:15:03,079 Real tight ship, Ashley. 418 00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:05,081 Hey, thanks for the room service this morning. 419 00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:07,083 And for breakfast. 420 00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:08,818 But most of all, thanks for doing this. 421 00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:11,688 Most of all, that was an $80 breakfast. 422 00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:13,056 Don't look over here, Derek, 423 00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:14,524 even though you're gonna want to. 424 00:15:14,526 --> 00:15:16,025 Ooh, Charlene, I need to see her. 425 00:15:16,027 --> 00:15:18,661 Babe, we are having a fantastic weekend. What are you doing? 426 00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:19,762 I am going to be a wreck 427 00:15:19,764 --> 00:15:22,899 if I don't see her in her dress before she takes the main stage. 428 00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:24,767 Kinda made her sound like a stripper there for a second. 429 00:15:24,769 --> 00:15:27,537 My fault. 430 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,473 Hey, listen, babe... 431 00:15:30,475 --> 00:15:32,976 No, you don't want to miss the best part. 432 00:15:32,978 --> 00:15:35,812 That ribbon is a Tubman family tradition. 433 00:15:35,814 --> 00:15:37,981 It's been a part of every wedding in our family 434 00:15:37,983 --> 00:15:41,718 since my Grandma Harriet got married. 435 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,587 That's Harriet Tubman's ribbon? 436 00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:46,589 - He's reading a poem. - Mm. 437 00:15:46,591 --> 00:15:48,691 I'm just grateful I get to do something. 438 00:15:48,693 --> 00:15:51,894 - Oh, Uncle Harold. - Damn it. 439 00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:54,163 So, the vows? 440 00:15:54,165 --> 00:15:55,698 Last time I'm gonna ask for 'em, 441 00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:57,767 because it's the last time I can. 442 00:15:57,769 --> 00:16:00,370 Here you go. 443 00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:02,205 You know I still believe 'em, 'cause I just wrote 'em. 444 00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:04,273 Hilarious. 445 00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:05,541 Huh. 446 00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:08,044 "As long as we both shall love," is that a typo? 447 00:16:08,046 --> 00:16:09,345 No, that's right. 448 00:16:09,347 --> 00:16:11,881 But it says "love." 449 00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,883 You mean "live," right? 450 00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:16,486 "Be together for as long as you both shall live." 451 00:16:16,488 --> 00:16:17,920 No, we're gonna be together 452 00:16:17,922 --> 00:16:20,089 for as long as we love each other. 453 00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:22,325 For as long as it's right for us to be together. 454 00:16:22,327 --> 00:16:23,893 Makes sense to me. Let's do this. 455 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,195 Okay, size two patent leather show found. 456 00:16:26,197 --> 00:16:27,730 It's wedding time. 457 00:16:27,732 --> 00:16:29,265 Hang on. Just a minute. 458 00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:31,134 Look, I'm... I'm sorry. 459 00:16:31,136 --> 00:16:32,301 Trace, what are you doing? 460 00:16:32,303 --> 00:16:34,270 "Be together for as long as you both shall love"? 461 00:16:34,272 --> 00:16:36,339 Just it sounds like someone's hedging their bets. 462 00:16:36,341 --> 00:16:37,940 Yeah, it does sound a little noncommittal. 463 00:16:37,942 --> 00:16:39,909 - Me? - Wait, what's happening? 464 00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,544 Does this have anything to do with Monica? 465 00:16:41,546 --> 00:16:43,312 How does she... 466 00:16:43,314 --> 00:16:45,415 Did you tell her about this, Derek? 467 00:16:45,417 --> 00:16:47,850 I told her, but he told me. 468 00:16:47,852 --> 00:16:50,553 But you just told everyone, so that's on you. 469 00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:53,056 I thought we weren't telling anyone. 470 00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:55,892 I'm sorry. I needed to talk about it. 471 00:16:55,894 --> 00:16:57,193 Okay, a little less talky-talky, 472 00:16:57,195 --> 00:17:00,229 a little more walky-walky. 473 00:17:00,231 --> 00:17:01,864 I thought you didn't care about it. 474 00:17:01,866 --> 00:17:03,232 I don't. 475 00:17:03,234 --> 00:17:05,501 It's just, it made me think: 476 00:17:05,503 --> 00:17:08,304 Are there other things I don't know? 477 00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:11,541 I don't think so. 478 00:17:11,543 --> 00:17:15,144 Mitch, they need a minister. 479 00:17:15,146 --> 00:17:16,612 Do your thing. 480 00:17:16,614 --> 00:17:20,583 Okay, I'm not sure what it is, but we don't have time for his thing. 481 00:17:20,585 --> 00:17:24,053 Look, you guys have only known each other for nine months. 482 00:17:24,055 --> 00:17:26,122 So before we walk down this aisle, 483 00:17:26,124 --> 00:17:28,124 let's take as long as you need. 484 00:17:28,126 --> 00:17:29,125 No. 485 00:17:29,127 --> 00:17:30,793 Let's take five minutes. 486 00:17:30,795 --> 00:17:33,362 So you guys can be completely honest with each other 487 00:17:33,364 --> 00:17:35,665 about what you want. 488 00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:38,868 Yeah. 489 00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:41,938 You see, this is why I hate internet ministers. 490 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:53,138 Sorry for the delay. 491 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,808 Friends, family, 492 00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:58,978 something very special is about to happen. 493 00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:04,383 Two people who love and care about each other so very much 494 00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:06,085 are not getting married. 495 00:18:07,722 --> 00:18:09,154 What, are you kidding me? 496 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,090 I flew all the way from Detroit. 497 00:18:11,092 --> 00:18:14,126 Somebody owes me $800. 498 00:18:14,128 --> 00:18:16,095 Charlene and I are still 499 00:18:16,097 --> 00:18:18,631 making a commitment to each other. 500 00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:22,601 A commitment to getting to know each other a little better. 501 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,371 Don't worry, Grandma, the bar's still open. 502 00:18:25,373 --> 00:18:28,107 Thank you, baby. 503 00:18:28,109 --> 00:18:31,176 You know you're going to walk down the aisle one day. 504 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:34,313 You may even expect to be at the birth of your child. 505 00:18:34,315 --> 00:18:36,448 But what you don't count on 506 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:39,218 is standing two feet away from a couple 507 00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,520 you so believe in 508 00:18:41,522 --> 00:18:44,556 as they exchange these beautiful vows to each other. 509 00:18:47,828 --> 00:18:53,432 Angie, yours is the laugh that I care about the most. 510 00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:57,703 But I'm also gonna have the courage to be with you 511 00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:59,972 when you feel like crying, 512 00:18:59,974 --> 00:19:04,543 to listen to both your words and your silences, 513 00:19:04,545 --> 00:19:09,181 to pay attention to you before myself, 514 00:19:09,183 --> 00:19:13,218 and always be a headliner in your heart. 515 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,554 And, Angie, that's what I shoulda said the first time. 516 00:19:15,556 --> 00:19:17,589 Mm-hmm. 517 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,000 Really, we're doing this? 518 00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,703 Yes, we're doing this. It's my one weekend away. 519 00:19:30,705 --> 00:19:33,505 Yeah, my girl T came to dance. We're gonna dance. 520 00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,474 Now, we agreed she needs this so bad, 521 00:19:35,476 --> 00:19:37,076 we're willing to watch you dance. 522 00:19:37,078 --> 00:19:39,278 Mm-hmm. 523 00:19:48,456 --> 00:19:50,990 This has been the best weekend ever. 524 00:19:50,992 --> 00:19:52,791 I mean, I miss Sadie, but... 525 00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:54,660 It's just us. You don't have to say that. 526 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:03,235 So, did you finally get the wedding you wanted? 527 00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:05,871 I did. 528 00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:09,541 Russell, there's something I have to tell you. 529 00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:11,577 Hmm? 530 00:20:13,914 --> 00:20:15,481 Who is? 531 00:20:15,483 --> 00:20:17,616 We is. 532 00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:18,784 Are you serious? 533 00:20:18,786 --> 00:20:21,086 Yeah. 534 00:20:21,088 --> 00:20:22,921 Oh, my God. 535 00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:23,989 I knew! 536 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,267 Ohh. 537 00:20:35,269 --> 00:20:38,070 Hey, guys, is it too early to ask to be in the delivery room? 538 00:20:38,072 --> 00:20:39,471 Let me tell you something, man. 539 00:20:39,473 --> 00:20:40,973 This kid better not be white.