1
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,839
Tequila, checkbook, sourpuss.

2
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,915
Must be alimony time.

3
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,351
Go away, Charlie.

4
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,548
Boy, you'd think for all that money, she'd
at least come and give you a lap dance.

5
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:29,196
- Leave me alone, Charlie.
- In fact, you know what'd be funny?

6
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,920
Where it says "memo,"
write "lap dance."

7
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,233
Give her something to explain
at tax time.

8
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:37,919
Charlie, you...

9
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,432
Okay.

10
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,036
- So where's Jake?
- Sleeping at a friend's.

11
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,191
- He'll get dropped off tomorrow.
- Oh, man.

12
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,749
- I rented a movie he'd like.
- Oh, what'd you get?

13
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,911
Don't worry. It's educational.

14
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,873
<i>One Million Years B. C.?</i>
How is this educational?

15
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,153
Raquel Welch running from dinosaurs
in a fur bikini?

16
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,750
What is that if not history?

17
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,313
I'm afraid you're gonna have to
watch it by yourself.

18
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,391
Won't be the first time.

19
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,758
What's the deal with that giraffe?

20
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,912
How come you bring it out every time
you write an alimony check?

21
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,878
It's symbolic.

22
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,157
Do you wanna know
what it's symbolic of?

23
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,038
No, I'm good.

24
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,637
I made it in ceramics class for Judith
when we were dating.

25
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:29,479
All these years I've been shelling out
for tennis bracelets and satin underwear.

26
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,600
Some women aren't impressed
with jewelry and lingerie.

27
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,270
Well, sure, if you wanna
date a dead girl.

28
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,637
Hey, I just realized.

29
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,759
Your name is Al, and you're sending
your ex-wife money...

30
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,277
...so it's "Al-i-money."

31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,674
Hey, hey, I just realized,
your name is Charlie...

32
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,717
...and you're a moron.

33
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,276
Be that as it may.

34
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,675
If you gave her the giraffe,
why do you have it?

35
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,554
When Judith kicked me out,
I wanted to get back at her.

36
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,314
She took the house, she took the car,
she took the money.

37
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,473
- I felt I had to take something.
- So you stole bric-a-brac.

38
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,917
- Symbolic bric-a-brac.
- Oh, right.

39
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,079
You see, now every month
when I write the check...

40
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,596
...I can look at it and remind myself...

41
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,037
...what a pathetic loser I am.

42
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,518
No, dude. You don't need
a giraffe for that.

43
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,393
Get rid of the damn thing.

44
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,596
You're killing yourself
with this bitterness.

45
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,878
What, you think I'm hurting myself
more than her?

46
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,435
No, I don't think
you're hurting her at all.

47
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,872
You need to move on, buddy.

48
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,679
You're right. You're right.

49
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,513
And you know what would
be truly symbolic of that?

50
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,275
Getting your knob shined
by a keno waitress in Laughlin?

51
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,794
No. No.

52
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:08,191
Me bringing this back to Judith
and apologizing for taking it.

53
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,590
I like my idea better.

54
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,837
Okay, here's the plan.

55
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,072
I'll bring this little fella back to Judith,
and clean the slate.

56
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,477
Did you even consider my idea?

57
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,277
- You drive.
- Why do I have to go?

58
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,352
Because I am obviously
too drunk to drive.

59
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,274
What does that say about your plan?

60
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,914
Alan, wait.

61
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,594
You can't stop me.
I am giving Judith back the giraffe.

62
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,513
Oh, I don't wanna stop you.
I just want a good view.

63
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,710
Okay, you can stay.

64
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,749
Charlie, look at this. What is this?
"The Harpers."

65
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,749
- Yeah, so?
- She's not the Harpers anymore.

66
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,956
She's the Harper.

67
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,193
That mat is a complete lie.

68
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,120
Yeah, and it's in cahoots
with the mailbox.

69
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,150
Come on, ring the bell.

70
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,352
You and me, we're the Harpers.

71
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,598
Us.

72
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,074
Oh, Alan.

73
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,959
Hi.

74
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,073
Dr. Melnick. Is Jake all right?

75
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,671
I assume so.
He's spending the night at a friend's.

76
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,632
Oh, that's right, that's right.

77
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,873
Dr. Melnick is Jake's pediatrician,
so naturally, I thought...

78
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,918
Oh, okay.

79
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,914
Looks like somebody else
has given your wife the giraffe.

80
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,158
Make sure they didn't forget
the garlic balls.

81
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,518
What are you doing here?

82
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,229
Why don't I just get back in the hot tub
and give you guys a minute.

83
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,433
- Well?
- I came to give you this.

84
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,509
- What is it?
- I made it for you.

85
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:17,272
- Just now?
- No, no, a long time ago.

86
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,070
It's symbolic.

87
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,071
Alan, you're a disturbed man.
You need help.

88
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,597
Enjoy those garlic balls.

89
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,554
Wow, that was more fun
than I expected.

90
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,196
- Come on, giraffe boy, I'll buy you a drink.
- Okay.

91
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,430
Wait, wait, wait.

92
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,310
Our pediatrician.

93
00:05:54,480 --> 00:06:01,079
My ex-wife is sleeping
with our pediatrician.

94
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,915
I wonder if she gets a lollipop
after every visit.

95
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,510
You know, you're actually
a very lucky man.

96
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,036
Oh, really? Really? How am I lucky,
Charlie? Show me the luck.

97
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,589
Well, first of all,
if Jake ever gets sick or hurt...

98
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,876
...free medical care is only
a hot tub away.

99
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,713
Well, that's true.
He is good with kids.

100
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,916
I begged her to do it
with me in the hot tub.

101
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,548
She said it made her hair frizzy.

102
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,278
Well, apparently, she's found
the right conditioner.

103
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,757
What if she's serious about this guy?
What if she marries him?

104
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,640
- Even better.
- Better?

105
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,836
How is it better? Show me the better.

106
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,508
If she marries him,
you're off the hook for alimony.

107
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,437
That is better.

108
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,395
In fact, if you saw the big picture,
you'd encourage this relationship.

109
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,632
This guy is a real catch for you.
Don't let him get away.

110
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,719
You're right.
Maybe I should go back there...

111
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,839
...and, you know, bless their union.
- No, no, no.

112
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,072
You provided the woman
and the hot tub.

113
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,313
- That's enough for one night.
- Yeah, I guess.

114
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,795
- Probably even paid for the garlic balls.
- Yeah.

115
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,713
- Could I get some more coffee, Berta?
- Who's stopping you?

116
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,273
Get your own damn coffee.

117
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,190
- Well, Charlie, you're finally up.
- Hey, Mom.

118
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,436
- Where's my grandson?
- He's at a sleepover.

119
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,591
- He'll be here later.
- And no one calls me?

120
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,194
I wouldn't come over if I'd been told
he wasn't here.

121
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,357
Good to know.

122
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,909
Where's your brother?
His car's not in the driveway.

123
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,033
Hey, Mom, I'm not even sure
where my pants are.

124
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:32,956
All right. Well, looks like you and I get to
spend a little quality time together.

125
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:37,752
Gee, I'd love to, but I got my regular
Sunday morning softball game.

126
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,234
- Charlie.
- Yeah.

127
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,197
It's Saturday.

128
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,517
Damn.

129
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,916
- Oh, you're still here.
- Yeah.

130
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,914
- Listen, Alan, I'm really sorry about...
- No, no, no. I should apologize to you.

131
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,197
Showing up last night unannounced.
That's completely inappropriate.

132
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,828
And I came by to tell you
it won't happen again.

133
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,473
So you came over unannounced to
apologize for coming over unannounced?

134
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,798
I was afraid you'd pick up on that.

135
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,236
- Is Judith up yet?
- Actually, she's not here.

136
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,391
She ran to the market.

137
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,832
Up and out this early on a Saturday?
Good for her.

138
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,116
She used to sleep a lot
when we were together.

139
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,033
It was probably just the depression
and the meds.

140
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,910
- Meds?
- Oh, no, it was nothing serious.

141
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:46,232
Just your everyday little pink pill
to turn that frown upside down.

142
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,635
Alan, I gotta tell you,
this is a little awkward...

143
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,279
No, please, don't feel awkward.

144
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,591
Look, we're obviously going
to be seeing each other a lot.

145
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,194
There's no reason for anybody
to feel uncomfortable.

146
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,151
That's a very mature attitude.
Thank you.

147
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,634
Well, you're welcome.

148
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,030
So let me make you some coffee.

149
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,393
Are we supposed to believe...

150
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,678
...that cavewomen waxed their legs
and wore fur bikinis?

151
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,916
It's not a documentary, Mom.

152
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,033
You know, I'm not gonna
be around forever...

153
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,875
...and the time will come
when you'll regret ignoring me.

154
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:39,474
- Charlie, why do you hate me?
- What?

155
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:43,519
Whenever I come, you do everything
you can to avoid spending time with me.

156
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,432
Obviously not everything.

157
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,312
We're spending time together
right now.

158
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:54,075
You're just staring at the television,
and it's not even on anymore.

159
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,514
I can still see you.

160
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,400
Charlie, look at me.

161
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:14,389
- How long you wanna do this for?
- I want you to talk to me.

162
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,152
- Okay, I'm out of here.
- No, no, wait, Berta.

163
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,995
- Come, sit, talk.
- Mommy-and-me time over already?

164
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,034
- He hates me.
- No, I don't.

165
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,158
- Please, Berta, I need you.
- I'm done. I wanna go home.

166
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:34,678
- Berta, I'm begging you.
- Oh, all right.

167
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,148
So why do you hate your mother?

168
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,830
Here we go.

169
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,554
Coffee, juice, and my secret stash
of Mint Milanos...

170
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,551
...from the back of the freezer.

171
00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,190
Just a tip: If you want quality cookies
around here, you gotta hide them.

172
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,158
Judith eats Pepperidge Farm
like she's going to the chair.

173
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,393
So tell me a little bit about yourself.
Ever been married?

174
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,517
- My wife passed away.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

175
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,317
No alimony, though. Gotta love that.

176
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,837
Hey, hey, here's a funny thing.

177
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,911
My name's Al and...
And I give Judith money.

178
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,072
So it's... So it's alimony.

179
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:43,155
- Wouldn't it be "Al-i-money"?
- I was afraid you'd pick up on that.

180
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,389
- You got kids?
- No.

181
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,313
Well, that's a blessing.
What with the dead wife and all.

182
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,278
- Mint Milanos?
- No, thank you.

183
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,237
So anyway, kids. Hey, you know,
it's not too late for you.

184
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,992
Judith is a wonderful mother.

185
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,670
We're not at that stage
in our relationship.

186
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,831
Oh, of course not.

187
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:14,432
On the other hand, you don't wanna
wait too long. She's no spring chicken.

188
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,117
You know, eggwise.

189
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,997
So I'm having this nice Mother's Day
dinner with my slutty daughter...

190
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,798
...and her idiot boyfriend.

191
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,589
Suddenly, the front door comes down
and the room fills with tear gas.

192
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,911
Next thing I know, I'm belly-up
on the floor, hacking out a lung...

193
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,311
...while the cops are dragging out
Bonnie and Claude in handcuffs.

194
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,873
Come to find out that the money that
I loaned them to open a tanning salon...

195
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,919
...was used to turn my tool shed
into a hydroponic pot farm.

196
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,112
- Unbelievable.
- Yeah.

197
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,999
Your daughter came to visit
on Mother's Day.

198
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,829
Sure, what ungrateful mutt doesn't visit
their mother on Mother's Day?

199
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:03,034
- One year I forgot. Let it go.
- When's my birthday?

200
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,233
- Excuse me?
- You heard me.

201
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:13,111
- What's that got to do with anything?
- You don't know your mother's birthday?

202
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,031
- Well, not by heart.
- Charlie.

203
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:22,433
- What? She changes it all the time.
- Just the year, not the day.

204
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,028
Hey, I just realized something.
I can leave.

205
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,677
Fine. But before you go,
just tell me one thing.

206
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,630
- What?
- Why do you hate me?

207
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:38,516
Oh, Mom, for God's sakes, l... Rose!

208
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:43,676
No, no, no. Rose, wait.
Rose, come on in.

209
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,474
Look, my mom's here.
You like my mom.

210
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,871
- Oh, sure. Hi, Evelyn.
- Hello, dear.

211
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,393
- Are those my pants?
- Oh, no.

212
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,710
I bought these.

213
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,429
But I think this might be
your wallet and keys.

214
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,270
Evelyn, you get younger
every time I see you.

215
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,989
Oh, aren't you a dear.
And thank you for the birthday card.

216
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,038
- Oh, did you get it on time?
- Yes, I did, and it was lovely.

217
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,679
So sweet of you to remember me.

218
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,196
How could anybody
forget your birthday?

219
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,358
Well, yeah. You know, she does become
a little emotional at times, huh?

220
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,590
I thought she was getting over
your divorce.

221
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,593
No, no. She was over the divorce
while I was still packing.

222
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,951
No, what you're seeing
is low blood sugar.

223
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,432
The trick to that is to always have
some Fun Size Snickers in your pocket.

224
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,989
- It'll perk her right up.
- Really?

225
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,515
Oh, yeah.
Oh, and here's another tip.

226
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:54,276
When she starts crying for no reason,
and she will...

227
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,913
...never say, "Don't cry."
And try not to touch her.

228
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,389
- Okay.
- Or whistle.

229
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,953
Never, ever whistle.

230
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,999
Okay, maybe I forgot a birthday or two.
Maybe I don't return every single call.

231
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,549
But that doesn't mean I hate her.

232
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,830
Was he breast-fed?

233
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,239
Of course he was.
Not by me personally.

234
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,999
That's interesting.
I see the bras that come through here...

235
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,071
...and he does tend to favor
the big yams.

236
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,710
- I do not.
- Oh, really?

237
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,318
- Raquel Welch.
- Hey, that's a damn fine film.

238
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,315
Come to think of it,
the night we were together...

239
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:46,473
...he did spend a freakish amount of time
on my boobies.

240
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,710
I mean, foreplay is one thing, but,
golly, it was like making love to a cat.

241
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,509
Rose, for God's sake,
you're talking to my mother.

242
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,877
Sorry. A very giving cat.

243
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,118
He's always had an oral fixation.

244
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,955
When he was little, he used to
suck on other children's thumbs.

245
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,634
And now he's always got a bottle
of booze in his mouth.

246
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,559
My therapist says that's his way
of stuffing his feelings.

247
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,793
- That's what my therapist says.
- Hell, I could've told you that for free.

248
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,189
- Hey, I'm here.
- Hey, it's Jake.

249
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,433
Back from his sleepover.
Look who's here to see you, buddy.

250
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,511
Hi, Grandma.

251
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:33,239
Hello, sweetheart.
Thank you for the lovely birthday card.

252
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,234
- My mom picked it out.
- Oh, and you love her, don't you?

253
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:41,279
- Sure.
- Thank you. You can go now.

254
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,833
- Can I go too?
- We're not done with you.

255
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,635
- Where were we?
- We were trying to figure out...

256
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,189
...why Charlie hates you.
- Yeah.

257
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,510
Well, Charlie?

258
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,276
Okay, fine, here it is.

259
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,749
I'm not saying I hate you,
but if I did...

260
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,515
...it might have to do with the fact that
you're a narcissistic bloodsucker...

261
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,194
...who drove my father
into an early grave.

262
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:07,875
Then married a succession of men who
couldn't care less about Alan and me...

263
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,359
...which was fine with you...

264
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,829
...because you looked at us
like dancing monkeys...

265
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,514
...you could just haul out
whenever it suited you.

266
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,717
And when it didn't, you sent us off
to boarding school or camp...

267
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,269
...or that kibbutz in Israel,
where we got beat up...

268
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,431
...because we weren't even Jewish!

269
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,071
And now, now you show up here
every chance you get...

270
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,673
...to lay a guilt trip on me...

271
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:34,356
...for not appreciating my cold,
Ionely, loveless childhood.

272
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,232
Well...

273
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,275
...obviously you're not ready
to talk about it.

274
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,434
- Alan, you really don't have to do this.
- Hey, hey, I am a licensed chiropractor.

275
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,309
If Jake had a sore throat, I'm sure you'd
treat him, prescribe something.

276
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,516
But it's nothing,
I think I just slept wrong.

277
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,399
Oh, that's probably because
you're not used to our bed.

278
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,314
So have you...? Have you met
Judith's parents?

279
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,199
- No.
- Oh, they are just gonna love you.

280
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,998
They were devastated by the divorce.

281
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,197
Not to mention some of her
unfortunate choices thereafter.

282
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,431
- Unfortunate choices?
- Oh, you know, that's not important.

283
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,434
What's important is they're just gonna
be relieved to see she's dating a man.

284
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,038
You carry a lot of tension up here.

285
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,512
Alan.

286
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,357
- Didn't you just pay your alimony?
- This is the pediatrician's bill.

287
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,517
- Jake was sick?
- No, no.

288
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,797
The pediatrician had to see
an orthopedist.

289
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,715
You know Mom's birthday
was a couple weeks ago?

290
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,996
Yeah, I sent her some flowers
and a card.

291
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,078
Oh, man. Would it have killed you
to put my name on the card?

292
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,392
I did put your name on it. I wrote,
"Love, your sons, Alan and Charlie."

293
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,239
- Damn.
- What?

294
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,358
She tricked me into thinking I forgot.

295
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,431
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

296
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,591
[ENGLISH]



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