1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,509
That was very nice, Mindy.
2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,954
Okay.
3
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,236
Jake, we're ready to hear your report.
4
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,557
- Jake?
- Just a sec.
5
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,832
Now, Jake.
6
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,155
Okay, I'm finished.
7
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:23,235
- Does spelling and grammar count?
- It's an oral report, Jake.
8
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,311
Oh, so it's like an oral thermometer.
9
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,754
Right.
10
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,391
Good thing it's not a rectal report.
11
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,469
- Just read it.
- Okay.
12
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,235
"My Weekend, by Jake Harper.
13
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,391
Grade five, Mrs. Flanigan's class.
14
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,438
Woodward Avenue Elementary School,
located on Woodward Avenue."
15
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,953
I'm not counting words.
16
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,670
Oh, good.
17
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,390
"My weekend starts on Friday, when
my mom takes me to my dad's house.
18
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,516
Which is actually
my Uncle Charlie's house.
19
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,716
Who is my dad's brother,
making him my uncle.
20
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,838
His name is Charlie, which is why
I call him my Uncle Charlie."
21
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,918
Anyway...
22
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,799
"Even though my parents are divorced,
they still get along."
23
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,109
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, Dad.
24
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,759
- How was your week?
- Just fine.
25
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,194
- Bye, honey.
- Bye, Mom.
26
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,749
- Thanks for bringing him.
- Bite me. What the hell...
27
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,388
...went on last weekend?
- What are you talking about?
28
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,358
When I brought him home Sunday
night and served him dinner...
29
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,114
...he tipped me with a $25 chip
from Caesars Palace...
30
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,999
...and told me I had a nice rack.
31
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,958
Well, Judith...
32
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,677
...you do.
33
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,592
That's not the point.
34
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,479
Where'd he get the chip?
Where is he learning this behavior?
35
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,631
Hey, Judith.
36
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,356
Looking good.
37
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,117
Run away, run away.
38
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,113
Did you give my son a $25 chip?
39
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,748
- No, I did not give him a $25 chip.
- Happy?
40
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,753
He won it, fair and square.
41
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,311
You couldn't run away.
42
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,232
I don't care what you do on weekdays.
43
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,710
But on weekends, remember you are
a role model for an 11 -year-old boy.
44
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,475
Oh, that's a bad idea.
Who thought of that?
45
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:13,679
I'm warning you. Things had better
change or there will be consequences.
46
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,308
Legal consequences. Got it?
47
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,110
- Got it.
- Goodbye.
48
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,269
"There will be serious consequences.
49
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,352
Legal consequences."
50
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,796
"I don't care what you do
during the week.
51
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,279
But on the weekends,
you're a role model."
52
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,318
I enjoy talking this way.
53
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,431
As do I.
54
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,719
"Friday night, I stayed up late.
55
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,269
I watched all three Austin Power
movies with my dad.
56
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,317
We ate Chinese food
and Buffalo wings.
57
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,755
Dad fell asleep during
The Spy Who Shagged Me...
58
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,878
...which, in my opinion,
is the strongest of the trilogy.
59
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,149
By the way,
'shag' means 'sex' in England."
60
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,398
Just read, Jake.
61
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,154
That was a footnote.
62
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,797
- Read.
- Okay.
63
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,837
"I woke up later with a stomachache...
64
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,514
...but felt better after
I went to the bathroom."
65
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,033
If you know what I mean.
66
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,278
- Jake.
- What? It's not like I said:
67
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,953
"I took a dump."
68
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,953
"Anyway, I tried to go back to sleep
but I couldn 't.
69
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,678
Probably because I was thirsty.
70
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,799
So I went into the kitchen for what
Uncle Charlie calls a 'virgin screwdriver. '
71
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,110
But really it's just a glass
of orange juice.
72
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,875
It was late, so I decided
to skip the glass."
73
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,958
Jake?
74
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,076
Hang on.
75
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,199
That one hurt a little.
76
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,310
- What you doing?
- Having a virgin screwdriver.
77
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,074
- Want some?
- No, thanks. I'm good.
78
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,072
- What are you doing?
- Watching TV.
79
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,591
Why isn't it on?
80
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,191
Because I've seen this one already.
81
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,876
- Hey, you wanna hear a funny joke?
- Sure.
82
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,031
Why did the blond stare
at the juice carton?
83
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,189
I don't know. Why?
84
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,476
"Cause the carton said
'concentrate.'"
85
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,112
That's okay. I didn't get it either.
86
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,515
"The next morning
I was pretty hungry because..."
87
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,399
I think you all know why.
88
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,310
"So I had a bowl of cereal with my dad,
and we made plans for the day."
89
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,278
- You wanna go to the museum?
- No. I wanna watch TV.
90
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,110
It's pretty windy out there.
Wanna fly a kite?
91
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,236
No. I wanna watch TV.
92
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,078
- Hiking?
- TV.
93
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:26,953
- I'll get it.
- TV.
94
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,711
"We decided to watch TV."
95
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,873
- Hello.
- Is your name Harper?
96
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,793
- Yes.
- Then this is for you.
97
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,830
- Why'd you do that?
- Why did you sleep with my wife?
98
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,990
Charlie.
99
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:56,839
Busy.
100
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,878
I don't care. Open the door.
101
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,636
- I've got company.
- I know.
102
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,791
And her husband's downstairs.
103
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,317
Really?
104
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,118
- You're married?
- Yeah.
105
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,431
I'm not in.
106
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,792
You have to come and deal with him.
107
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,479
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
108
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,113
I disagree.
109
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,430
It's not up for debate.
He knows you're here.
110
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,071
Oh, man, I hate when this happens.
111
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,239
This happens a lot?
112
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,391
Not a lot, but enough to be a drag.
113
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,510
Charlie, are you coming back to bed?
114
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,473
- Yes.
- Yes? No "yes."
115
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,710
There is an angry husband
in your living room.
116
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,632
How angry?
117
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,677
- Is he packing?
- What?
118
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,876
- Does he have a weapon?
- L... He has a stick.
119
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,834
That's not good.
I could lose an eye.
120
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,116
- Charlie! Come on.
- Fine, I'll wrap it up here.
121
00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,271
- Give me 20 minutes.
- Oh, no.
122
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,873
A better idea. Wrap it up now.
123
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,073
- Ten minutes?
- Now.
124
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,668
We got five minutes.
125
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,229
"The weekend was going great, but then
something really bad happened."
126
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,834
- Hey.
- Hello.
127
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,639
- Who are you?
- I'm Norman.
128
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,110
I'm Jake.
Have you seen my Game Boy?
129
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,999
No. Have you seen my wife?
130
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,354
No. Well, if you see it, let me know.
131
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,794
Ditto.
132
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,794
"I couldn 't believe it.
133
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,713
I lost my Game Boy."
134
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,038
"I couldn't find my Game Boy
in the kitchen or living room...
135
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,191
...so I checked my bedroom
and my bathroom.
136
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,433
Because, as you may recall, I'd spent
a lot of time in there the night before."
137
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,357
- He'll be right down.
- Thank you.
138
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,876
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
139
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,348
Decaf. I'm already pretty enraged.
140
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,519
Well, that's certainly understandable.
141
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,232
I have cookies too.
142
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,799
- I wouldn't say no to a cookie.
- Good. Come on in the kitchen.
143
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,997
I always find a nice cookie
can brighten up even the darkest day.
144
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,628
Yeah, well, this better be
one hell of a cookie.
145
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,628
- It's a nice house you got here.
- Oh, thank you.
146
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,074
Actually, it belongs to my...
147
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,996
You live in the neighborhood?
148
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,440
- Bel-Air.
- Oh, that's nice too.
149
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,558
Gated community,
but the wife gets out anyway.
150
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,233
Chews through her leash, huh?
151
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,150
Hey, let me get you that cookie.
152
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,471
You see like a nice fella.
I'm sorry I hit you with my stick.
153
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,835
Oh, that's okay.
I'm sorry my brother is...
154
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,949
That's okay.
155
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,190
So women, huh?
156
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,398
Can't live with them.
157
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,032
That's all I got.
158
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,111
- You married?
- Divorced.
159
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,352
- She sleep around?
- No, mostly just slept.
160
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,154
You're lucky.
161
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,074
There's no pain greater than being
betrayed by the woman you love.
162
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,277
You know, these are really very tasty.
163
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,518
Aren't they?
164
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,036
- Good morning.
- Oh, speaking of tasty cookies...
165
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,634
...Norman, this is Berta.
166
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,189
- Hello.
- What is this, a fix-up?
167
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,355
No, no. Nothing like that.
168
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,476
That's good,
because I'd probably kill him.
169
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,152
Nothing personal, Cotton Top.
I just kind of like it rough.
170
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,670
- Have another cookie.
- Thank you.
171
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,195
So is anybody gonna tell me
what's going on?
172
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,271
Well, it's a little complicated.
173
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,351
- Charlie...
- Got it.
174
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,953
Got it? How could you get it?
175
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,394
There's a Rolls-Royce in the driveway...
176
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,950
...and I found these
hanging on the mailbox...
177
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,157
...so I'm guessing that your brother's
got some bimbo upstairs...
178
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,675
...and Norman here is her daddy
or her sugar daddy.
179
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,756
- Tell me I'm wrong.
- I'm the husband.
180
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,319
Judges?
181
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,749
- You gotta give it to her.
- Yes.
182
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,150
- I mean, tough break.
- Thank you.
183
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,276
- You got a gun?
- No!
184
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,074
- Want one?
- Berta!
185
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,433
I'm making small talk.
186
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,914
Okay.
187
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,310
You wanna talk this out like gentlemen,
or you...?
188
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,470
You might've mentioned
he fought at the Alamo.
189
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,798
- No offense.
- None taken.
190
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,470
- Does that make us even?
- You tell me.
191
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,158
Okay. One more.
192
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,994
How about that?
193
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,516
- He poked you, you poked his...
- Berta!
194
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,279
What? How often do you see
that kind of symmetry in life?
195
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,234
Hey.
196
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,794
Hello.
197
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,791
Were you just up in
Uncle Charlie's room?
198
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,871
- Yeah.
- Did you see my Game Boy?
199
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,029
No.
200
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,111
- Did you see my husband?
- The old guy?
201
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,872
- Yeah.
- He's in the kitchen.
202
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,634
Thanks.
203
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,397
Well, that's weird.
204
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,676
If I was a Game Boy,
where would I be?
205
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,989
I am so sorry.
I had no idea that she was married.
206
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,232
I have a firm rule when it comes
to sleeping with married women.
207
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,198
Yeah, if she's firm enough,
he'll do her.
208
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,995
Sorry. Isn't there something
you could clean?
209
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,197
I'm guessing you could
use a good scrubbing.
210
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,151
Wait a minute.
211
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,358
"And suddenly I realized...
212
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,988
...I might have left it
in my mom's car."
213
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,197
Hey, Mom, did I leave
my Game Boy in your car?
214
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,112
Well, can you go look?
215
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,350
Can't you just dry off
and put on a robe?
216
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,995
There's another $25 chip in it for you.
217
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,198
She wasn't wearing a ring.
There was no mention of a husband.
218
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,237
Is that supposed to cheer me up?
219
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,836
- No, no, no. I just wanted you to know...
- Now, now. I get it.
220
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,470
You're a nice guy,
and I married a skeevy tramp.
221
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,677
No, no, no.
I mean, yeah, I am a nice guy...
222
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,831
...but I'm sure Annette
is a lovely woman.
223
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,150
Her name is Natalie.
224
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,269
- Really? You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
225
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,273
Because I've been yelling
"Annette" all night.
226
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,113
Her name is Natalie.
227
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,999
Well, then maybe this is all
just a huge misunderstanding...
228
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,072
...and I've been upstairs
doing someone else's wife.
229
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:17,631
Five-foot six, long brown hair,
butterfly tattoo on her left hip.
230
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,350
Left hip, huh?
231
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,797
Hold on now.
A lot of women have butterfly tattoos.
232
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,874
But the one I slept with also had a little
beauty mark in a certain intimate place.
233
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,951
I'm not here to claim a lost wallet.
234
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,074
Okay, let's just assume it's her.
Again, I am really sorry.
235
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,879
It's my own fault anyway.
236
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,190
I should've realized
back when I married her...
237
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,193
...a man my age couldn't satisfy
a woman that young.
238
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,796
If it makes you feel any better,
I couldn't ring her bell, either.
239
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,315
- You couldn't?
- You don't know me...
240
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,311
...but there's things I don't kid about.
241
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,589
So it's not just me.
242
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,079
- That's a relief.
- Tell me...
243
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,151
...about it.
I was killing myself up there.
244
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,554
So anyway...
245
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,994
...are we okay?
246
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,038
You mean, aside from the fact
that you just rolled off my wife?
247
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,839
Oh, yeah. We're aces.
248
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,589
Good. Thank you.
249
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,196
- Can I give you a little advice, kid?
- Sure.
250
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,590
I was a player once, like you.
251
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,876
Do tell.
252
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,828
Does the name Tuesday Weld
mean anything to you?
253
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,678
No.
254
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,912
Joey Heatherton?
255
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,559
No.
256
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,398
The immortal Miss Anne Francis.
257
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,396
TV's Honey West.
258
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,959
- Sorry.
- Well, look them up on your Internet.
259
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,588
They were all hot, and I nailed them.
260
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,918
Really. Well, kudos.
261
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,156
But nothing lasts forever.
262
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,551
There's going to come a time
when you'll wanna settle down.
263
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,280
And I only hope you don't make
the same mistake I did.
264
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,839
I picked a young hottie...
265
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,470
...because I figured I'd die in the sack
with a smile on my face.
266
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,474
That's my retirement plan.
267
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,835
But it doesn't work that way.
268
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,468
What happens is...
269
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,230
...you get your heart broken...
270
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,709
...and you wind up having
coffee with some putz...
271
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,757
...who never heard of Honey West.
272
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,798
Got it.
273
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,313
Thanks for the advice.
274
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,478
Well, I'll be getting home now.
275
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,916
I got lawyers to call, locks to change.
276
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,992
Maybe I'll stop at the market,
pick up some of those cookies.
277
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,958
- Here. Take the box.
- Oh, thanks.
278
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,953
Looks like I'm the big winner
around here today.
279
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,269
- Hello? Anybody home?
- Hello.
280
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,995
- Hello. Who are you?
- Norman.
281
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,435
Oh, hello, Norman. I'm Evelyn.
282
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,588
Is that your magnificent Rolls-Royce
out in the drive?
283
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,239
Why, yes, it is.
284
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,470
- Are you a friend of Charlie's?
- No.
285
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,790
But my wife is.
286
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,996
Did my son polish your trophy wife?
287
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,390
Well, you seem
like a very intelligent man.
288
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,471
I assume you had an airtight prenup.
289
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:24,914
Bulletproof.
290
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,718
You know what, Norman?
291
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,792
You look a lot like my fifth husband.
292
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,270
Really?
How many times you been married?
293
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,431
Four.
294
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,030
Cookie?
295
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,272
"When Grandma came over,
I thought things couldn't get any worse.
296
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,032
But instead of making me visit...
297
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,476
...she gave my dad money to take me,
my uncle and Berta to the movies.
298
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,639
We saw the Rob Schneider movie
where he plays a stupid guy.
299
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,678
I had popcorn, nachos
and two jumbo red Slurpees.
300
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,513
But as you know,
you don't buy Slurpees. You rent them."
301
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,479
- Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
- Cool your jets.
302
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,393
And if you can't cool them,
point the nozzle away from me.
303
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,198
Oh, God. Mom!
304
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,838
- We can't go in right now.
- Why not?
305
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,470
Because I can't afford to send you
to therapy for the rest of your life.
306
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,835
What's going on?
307
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,356
- Oh, God!
- What? What, what, what?
308
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,195
Good for Norman.
That's getting right back on the horse.
309
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:30,318
- There's a horse in there?
- No, no. No horse.
310
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,631
- Well, I still have to pee.
- So go water that bush over there.
311
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,836
"And so I did.
And it just goes to show...
312
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,550
...it's always
in the last place you look."
313
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,678
Very nice, Jake.
314
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,070
"Then on Sunday,
we all went out for breakfast...
315
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,753
...with Grandma and Uncle Norman.
316
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,390
I had chocolate-chip pancakes
with blueberry syrup and bacon.
317
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,393
Dad had scrambled eggs
but with no yolks. Just the whites.
318
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,437
They looked like mashed potatoes.
319
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,957
Then the kid next to us threw up
his waffles. It was awesome."
320
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,918
- So, what's new in school?
- Almost got an A on my paper.
321
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,873
What do you mean "almost"?
322
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:05,998
Got a C.
323
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,869
Okay, that's... That's fine.
That's an improvement.
324
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,271
Minus.
325
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,032
Still, here's your dollar.
326
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,711
You're paying him for a C-minus?
327
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,316
That was our deal. A buck for every C,
a car for every A.
328
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,870
- A car?
- Safest bet in the world.
329
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,590
- So, what was the report about?
- What we did last weekend.
330
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,199
- No kidding?
- Yeah. And guess what else happened.
331
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,352
Trevor Griffin saw a ginormous rat
in the cafeteria.
332
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,193
Yeah, but about the paper.
333
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,352
You wrote about everything
that happened here last weekend?
334
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,874
Well, everything but the boring stuff.
335
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,429
Oh, this could be problematic.
336
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,989
No, it's called "summarizing."
337
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,671
- Can I see it?
- Sure.
338
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,753
But it's at Mom's house.
I gave it to her to read this weekend.
339
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,670
He's 11.
There's no way it stands up in court.
340
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,754
Does this smell funny to you?
341
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,511
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
342
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,671
[ENGLISH]
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net