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Previously on Two and a Half Men...
2
00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:04,785
Hi Charlie.
3
00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,458
You should know that
I didn't come over to ruin your date.
4
00:00:08,658 --> 00:00:10,092
Really. Why did you come over?
5
00:00:10,292 --> 00:00:12,128
To tell you that I'm getting married.
6
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:14,397
Today's the big day, huh?
7
00:00:14,398 --> 00:00:16,249
Oh, please.
There's no wedding.
8
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,700
Would it make
a difference to you,
9
00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:19,252
knowing that cute little face
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00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,638
will never pop up
over that railing again?
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00:00:21,639 --> 00:00:24,774
That the one woman who's always
loved you and been there for you
12
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,227
is forever out of reach?
13
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Come on.
14
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Where are we going?
15
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,414
To the church.
I'm going to prove to you
16
00:00:31,415 --> 00:00:32,482
that she's not getting married.
17
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:35,485
Look. Tell me if
you see a wedding.
18
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,089
I see a wedding.
19
00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:41,491
OFFICIANT: Two persons
present now come to be joined.
20
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Rose and Manfred...
21
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,595
She's really doing it.
22
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...let him speak now,
or forever hold his peace.
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00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:53,003
And we're clear.
24
00:00:53,004 --> 00:00:54,921
Yep, that ought to do it.
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00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,439
Thanks, Freddie.
26
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,475
♪ Men. ♪
27
00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:03,113
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
28
00:01:03,114 --> 00:01:05,448
Catch a tiger...
29
00:01:05,449 --> 00:01:06,850
Oh, who am I kidding?
30
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I love you all.
31
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Let's see. What else do we need?
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Oh, right. Ice.
33
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Water in a useful form.
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00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:20,630
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Everybody all right?
35
00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:21,831
Charlie?
36
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,867
Rose?
37
00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:25,735
What a nice surprise.
38
00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:26,836
(smooches)
39
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:27,971
How are you?
Good. Good. Good.
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00:01:27,972 --> 00:01:29,039
You look great.
41
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,307
Oh, thank you.
Married life agrees with me.
42
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,992
Oh, that's right.
Congratulations.
43
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,144
So where are
you living now?
44
00:01:34,145 --> 00:01:36,312
Uh, Manny and I moved
into my beach house.
45
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,797
Oh, so we'll be
neighbors again.
46
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,616
Yeah.
I'll have to come by
and meet him sometime.
47
00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:41,484
I don't think
that's a good idea.
48
00:01:41,485 --> 00:01:43,803
The old boyfriend
meeting the new husband.
49
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,004
It's a little awkward.
50
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,222
Yeah, I guess you're right.
51
00:01:46,223 --> 00:01:48,425
I've never been that
popular with husbands.
52
00:01:48,426 --> 00:01:50,760
Or fathers.
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00:01:50,761 --> 00:01:52,629
Or boyfriends. Sons.
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00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:54,531
Surly lesbian roommates.
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00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,566
(sighs)
So, anyway, you're happy?
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00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,635
More than I ever
dreamed possible.
57
00:01:58,636 --> 00:02:00,970
You know what he said
to me the other day?
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Without me at his side,
he might as well not exist.
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00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:09,579
Wow. That's a little gay,
but all right.
60
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:11,214
What about you, Charlie?
61
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,816
Is there anyone
special in your life?
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00:02:12,817 --> 00:02:16,202
No. Not really. I mean, there's
gals with special skills,
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but I got to pay extra.
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00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,556
You should find
someone who loves you
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the way Manny loves me.
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00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:23,993
The love is the same.
It's just at an hourly rate.
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00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:26,229
Don't grow old alone, Charlie.
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00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,430
Right.
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00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:30,600
Bye.
Bye.
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00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:36,973
What is it with women?
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00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,575
They go off and get married,
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00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:40,860
and all of a sudden seem
a lot more beautiful.
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00:02:42,847 --> 00:02:46,549
Ah, no matter, MacTavich.
We can grow old together.
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00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:51,287
After all, you're only 20.
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00:02:51,288 --> 00:02:54,057
But I doubt you're gonna see 21.
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00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:56,876
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,130
♪ Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
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00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:03,299
♪ Men, men, men, men,
manly men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,974
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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00:03:10,975 --> 00:03:13,669
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
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00:03:13,769 --> 00:03:17,269
♪ Two and a Half Men 8x14 ♪
Lookin' for Japanese Subs
Original Air Date on January 17, 2010
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00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:20,869
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
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♪ Men. ♪
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Is it on?
87
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I think so.
88
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All right, let's do this.
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00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,976
Hi. I'm Jake Harper,
and this is the Human Volcano.
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00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,862
We begin by drinking
a warm can of Diet Coke.
91
00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:36,665
That's not Coke, dude.
92
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:38,584
Yeah. My dad did the shopping.
93
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,787
Anyway, a warm
diet cola product.
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00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,931
Ah.
95
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,434
And now I will swallow a Mentos.
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00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,837
Mentos.
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00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:00,689
(gags, sighs)
98
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:04,310
Now I will lay on the floor.
99
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,510
Goggles.
100
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:08,847
Right. Safety first.
101
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,399
You feel anything yet?
102
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,867
Oh, yeah. It's working.
103
00:04:11,868 --> 00:04:13,535
If it starts coming
out the back door,
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pull your pants down
and roll over.
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00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,556
Good thinking.
106
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,523
ALAN:
Hey, what's going on?
107
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:20,292
Not a good time, Dad.
108
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,194
What are you doing on the floor?
109
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,462
(vomiting forcefully)
110
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Whoa! Whoa!
111
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Awesome!
112
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(spluttering)
113
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,134
What the hell are you doing?
114
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,269
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
115
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Are you all right?
116
00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:34,539
Yeah. We were just
making a video. Hold on.
117
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,675
(retching)
118
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:39,678
Cool stunts.
119
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,113
Cool stunts?
120
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,581
In God's name, why?
121
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,717
- You've heard of Jackass?
- Yeah.
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We are Dumbass.
123
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:49,988
Really?
124
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,292
However did you come
up with that name?
125
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,929
Well, we were thinking
"What's better than Jackass?"
126
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,431
That's kind of a
rhetorical question.
127
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,200
No. It wasn't that hard.
128
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,769
It came down to a choice
129
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,171
between Dumbass
and The Asskateers.
130
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,706
I think you made
the right call.
131
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:08,907
Really?
132
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,877
Oh, yes. I applaud
your decision.
133
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,480
The plan is, we shoot
a bunch of cool stunts,
134
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,482
post them online,
and then sell advertising.
135
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:19,618
Who on earth
would advertise on that?
136
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,888
Well, right off the bat,
we figure Coke and Mentos.
137
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,392
It's a product
placement bonanza.
138
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,528
Come on, let's go upload
our premiere episode.
139
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:33,399
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about this mess?
140
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,700
(sighs)
141
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,101
Damn it.
142
00:05:37,287 --> 00:05:40,472
I'm gonna be taking care
of that kid till I'm 90.
143
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:45,110
Please, God, don't
make me live that long.
144
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:48,046
You'll never guess who I
ran into at the supermarket.
145
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,248
Rose.
146
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,150
Oh. She's back
from her honeymoon?
147
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,836
Yep, and living down the beach
with her new husband.
148
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:55,621
Ah, good for her.
149
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:59,007
Yeah, good for her.
150
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:02,127
You have to forget about her,
Charlie.
151
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,462
I know.
152
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,131
That's why I got me
some milk of amnesia.
153
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,533
Nice.
154
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,192
What are you
doing down there?
155
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:14,156
Wiping up cola vomit
my son spewed in my face.
156
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:17,976
Oh, great. The Human
Volcano worked.
157
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:19,578
You knew about this?
158
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,180
It was my idea.
159
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,197
You're kidding.
160
00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:23,282
Yeah. It'll make
161
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,783
a great first episode
of The Asskateers.
162
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,503
Actually, I think they went
with Dumbass.
163
00:06:27,504 --> 00:06:31,490
Oh, damn. I already had
a bunch of t-shirts made up.
164
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,192
What can I say?
165
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,826
Well, still, you got to like
that your son's got
166
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,395
a little entrepreneurial spirit.
167
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,380
Thanks for showing me
the bright side.
168
00:06:38,381 --> 00:06:39,998
No problem.
169
00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,967
Memory wipe?
170
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:45,103
I think I will.
171
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,674
♪ Men. ♪
172
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:06,592
Looking for Japanese
subs, Cap'n?
173
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,031
What? No, I'm just trying out
these new binoculars.
174
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,300
You're spying on
Rose, aren't you?
175
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,752
It's not spying. It's...
176
00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,237
Shut up and leave me alone.
177
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,739
You said you were
going to forget her.
178
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,675
And you said you were going
to move out after a few days.
179
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:26,311
Don't change the subject.
180
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,313
I'm just trying to get
a glimpse of her husband.
181
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,282
Oh, that's really sad.
182
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,784
Sadder than throwing your back
out trying to pleasure yourself?
183
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,487
I was doing yoga.
184
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,290
Then why were you
wearing lipstick?
185
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:43,495
And again, don't
change the subject.
186
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,965
I am simply curious to see what
kind of guy Rose would marry.
187
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,634
Oh, well, if
that's the case,
188
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,402
why don't you just go over
there, knock on the door,
189
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,204
and shake the
man's hand?
190
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,906
What would I tell him?
"Hi. I'm Charlie Harper.
191
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,440
Your wife used to stalk me"?
192
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:57,342
I might leave that part out.
193
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,678
And besides, I'm sure he
already knows about you.
194
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,846
How would he know about me?
195
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,714
Well, it's possible
she told him,
196
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,517
or perhaps he
noticed the tattoo
197
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,352
of your face on her
left butt cheek.
198
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,621
Yeah, I kind of wish
she hadn't done that.
199
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,156
After she takes a hot bath,
200
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,292
I start looking like
Edward James Olmos.
201
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,862
Just go over,
introduce yourself
202
00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:19,298
and welcome him to
the neighborhood.
203
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,766
Yeah, I guess you're right.
204
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,734
Bring over a bottle of wine,
little housewarming gift.
205
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,703
Now you're talking.
206
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:25,804
(clattering)
207
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,105
JAKE and ELDRIDGE:
Geronimo!
208
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,974
(both screaming)
209
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,009
(crashing)
210
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,045
Oh, God. Are you all right?
211
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,479
JAKE:
Mostly.
212
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,281
Did you remember
to get it on video?
213
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:39,284
ELDRIDGE:
Aw, crap.
214
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:42,354
♪ Men. ♪
215
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:48,193
(doorbell rings)
216
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:52,431
Charlie, what are
you doing here?
217
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,465
I thought I'd stop by
218
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,533
and welcome you guys
to the neighborhood.
219
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,969
No, no. This is a
bad idea. Please go.
220
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,136
But I thought we could
open a bottle of wine
221
00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,271
and all get
to know each other.
222
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,672
Listen to me, Charlie.
223
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,274
I love my husband.
224
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,077
I'm building a new life with him
and I won't let you ruin it.
225
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,478
How could I ruin it?
226
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,013
Well, he doesn't
even know you exist,
227
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,548
and I plan on
keeping it that way.
228
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,583
How is that possible?
What about the tattoo?
229
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:15,153
I added glasses to it and
told him it was Harry Potter.
230
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,691
Now, please get out of here.
231
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,127
Okay, fine.
232
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,379
I'm sorry.
233
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:28,033
Just so I'm clear,
you and I, we're...?
234
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,302
Over, finished.
235
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,704
Okay.
236
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:34,573
I get it.
237
00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:43,365
Told you he'd stop by.
238
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,369
♪ Men. ♪
239
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,655
Do you realize how
lucky you are?
240
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:50,989
You could have
broken your necks.
241
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,358
We took precautions.
242
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,831
You flew off the roof!
243
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,702
In a shopping cart!
244
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,139
What precautions?
245
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:10,876
We were planning
to land in the ocean.
246
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:16,281
You missed it by 100 yards.
247
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,718
It's not an exact science, Dad.
248
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,354
Okay, okay. Let's not
dicker over the details.
249
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,438
(both laughing)
250
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:25,257
He said, "dicker."
251
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,792
I know.
252
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,660
Okay, okay.
I am serious. Okay?
253
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,829
This Dumbass thing
stops right now.
254
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,165
You're the one who told me
I should follow my dreams.
255
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,168
I meant dreams
like "doctor" or "lawyer,"
256
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,070
not "crash test dummy."
257
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:43,308
"Dr. Jacob Harper."
I like the sound of that.
258
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,578
Hey, doc, what's this on
my nutsack? Is it infected?
259
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:52,517
Yes. It seems we'll have to
perform a nutsackectomy.
260
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:53,719
(both chuckling)
261
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,921
Will you two quit
262
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,473
with the cockamamie babble
263
00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:01,159
and focus on what
I am trying to tell you?
264
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,096
He said, "cockamamie."
265
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,114
(both laughing)
266
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:07,499
He said, "focus."
267
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,934
(laughter)
268
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,306
♪ Men. ♪
269
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,508
(TV plays quietly)
270
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,479
Oh, what's to become
of my son?
271
00:11:22,298 --> 00:11:24,483
Don't worry, Alan.
272
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,651
There'll always be carnivals.
273
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,088
I suppose.
274
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:33,258
So, how'd it go
with Mr. and Mrs. Manfred Quinn?
275
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,094
I never met him.
Rose told me to get lost.
276
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:38,897
Wow. That's got to sting a bit.
277
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,365
Yeah, but I understand.
278
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,834
She's happy now, and doesn't
want me screwing it up.
279
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:45,537
You still love her, don't you?
280
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,740
I guess I do.
281
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,810
Funny how these things turn out,
isn't it?
282
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,146
I mean, eight, nine years ago,
283
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,548
she was just a crazy
one-night stand
284
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,750
who ended up stalking you.
285
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,754
All you wanted
to do was get rid of her.
286
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:04,189
But the years go by,
287
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,793
and stalking turns
to friendship.
288
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,763
Friendship turns to love.
289
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,000
But it's too late.
290
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,969
She marries another man,
and she's lost to you forever.
291
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,607
Boy, that would make
a great movie, wouldn't it?
292
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,910
Yeah, great.
293
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,645
Want to write it with me?
294
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,380
What?! No!
295
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:31,516
Well, don't go stealing it.
296
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:33,852
I mean, you know,
297
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,420
it's your life,
but it's my idea.
298
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,289
(sighs)
299
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,224
Oh, how's this
for a title?
300
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,760
Look Who's Stalking.
301
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:46,531
Meet the Stalkers.
302
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,802
Avatart.
303
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,205
Are you done?
304
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,539
Yeah.
305
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,576
Although I do think it has
real franchise opportunities.
306
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,111
Could be a sitcom.
307
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:04,649
Maybe not on a major network,
but, you know, TBS, TNT.
308
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,554
I Love Looney.
309
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,391
Where you going?
310
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:15,293
I was just spitballin' here.
311
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,699
(quietly chuckling)
312
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,667
I said, "spitballin'."
313
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:24,870
(quietly chuckling)
314
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:28,573
Oh, God, I want to die.
315
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,409
♪ Men. ♪
316
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,778
(slow, romantic
music plays on TV)
317
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:46,224
♪ Men. ♪
318
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:51,296
♪ Men. ♪
319
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,876
That has got to be
the worst-looking toupee
320
00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:01,144
I've ever seen.
321
00:14:01,145 --> 00:14:03,079
What the hell
are you doing here?!
322
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,682
You scared the
hell out of me.
323
00:14:05,683 --> 00:14:08,018
Are you crazy,
climbing up on my deck,
324
00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,853
snooping around like this?!
325
00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:12,756
I need to talk to you.
326
00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:14,557
Well, I can't
talk to you.
327
00:14:14,558 --> 00:14:15,825
Manny is right inside.
328
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:17,861
I love you.
It's a little late for that.
329
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:20,530
I'm sorry. I realize now, Rose,
I can't live without you.
330
00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:22,065
It doesn't matter
what you realize.
331
00:14:22,066 --> 00:14:23,166
I'm married now.
332
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:24,367
Oh, please, Rose.
333
00:14:24,368 --> 00:14:25,602
Oh, God, Charlie,
334
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,621
why are you doing this
to me? It's so unfair.
335
00:14:27,622 --> 00:14:29,706
I'm begging you.
Just talk to me.
336
00:14:29,707 --> 00:14:31,441
(sighs)
337
00:14:31,442 --> 00:14:33,143
All right.
338
00:14:33,144 --> 00:14:36,546
Manny has to go back into
the office to do some work.
339
00:14:36,547 --> 00:14:38,515
Come back in an hour.
Thank you.
340
00:14:38,516 --> 00:14:39,950
But just to talk.
Of course.
341
00:14:39,951 --> 00:14:43,486
- And can you bring me some
butter brickle ice cream?
- What?
342
00:14:43,487 --> 00:14:46,056
- And marshmallow fluff and sprinkles.
- Sure, whatever you need.
343
00:14:46,057 --> 00:14:48,058
Chocolate sprinkles, not
the multicolored kind.
344
00:14:48,059 --> 00:14:50,360
- Fine.
- I don't know why they even make those.
345
00:14:50,361 --> 00:14:51,895
Okay.
Okay.
346
00:14:51,896 --> 00:14:53,463
I'll see you later.
347
00:14:53,464 --> 00:14:55,598
(thudding)
Ow!
348
00:14:55,599 --> 00:14:57,567
Son of a bitch!
How do you do that?
349
00:14:57,568 --> 00:15:00,337
Don't lock your knees.
350
00:15:03,541 --> 00:15:05,875
(romantic music plays on TV)
351
00:15:06,911 --> 00:15:08,811
Good news, Manny.
352
00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,813
We're getting ice cream.
353
00:15:14,535 --> 00:15:16,819
♪ Men. ♪
354
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:18,955
You ready
for some more beans?
355
00:15:18,956 --> 00:15:21,124
Bring it on.
356
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:22,625
(clears throat)
357
00:15:22,626 --> 00:15:26,363
So, I'm thinking we call
this stunt "Fart Rocket."
358
00:15:26,364 --> 00:15:30,233
Nah, I think we need to go with
something more intellectual.
359
00:15:30,234 --> 00:15:33,770
How about
"The Dumbass Assblaster?"
360
00:15:33,771 --> 00:15:36,606
No, you can't use
two "asses" in a row.
361
00:15:36,607 --> 00:15:39,693
It's... redumbnant.
362
00:15:39,694 --> 00:15:42,412
Hey.
363
00:15:42,413 --> 00:15:43,947
What's going on?
364
00:15:43,948 --> 00:15:45,815
I'm just making Eldridge
something to eat.
365
00:15:45,816 --> 00:15:48,151
Really?
366
00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:51,254
Yes, I was peckerish.
367
00:15:53,324 --> 00:15:55,759
You mean peckish.
368
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,361
Fine. If you
want to dicker.
369
00:15:58,362 --> 00:15:59,695
(both laughing)
370
00:15:59,696 --> 00:16:02,432
Good one, dude.
371
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:07,587
Hey.
372
00:16:07,588 --> 00:16:09,472
What's in the bag?
373
00:16:09,473 --> 00:16:11,057
Butter brickle ice cream
374
00:16:11,058 --> 00:16:13,910
with marshmallow fluff
and chocolate sprinkles.
375
00:16:13,911 --> 00:16:15,278
Oh, Charlie, no.
376
00:16:15,279 --> 00:16:17,247
What?!
377
00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:19,115
"What?!"
378
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:21,518
Only one person on earth
puts chocolate sprinkles
379
00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:23,853
and marshmallow fluff on
butter brickle ice cream.
380
00:16:23,854 --> 00:16:25,188
Congratulations, Sherlock.
381
00:16:25,189 --> 00:16:26,889
You cracked the case.
382
00:16:26,890 --> 00:16:28,608
She is a married woman, Charlie.
383
00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:30,527
I can't help it. I love her.
384
00:16:30,528 --> 00:16:32,162
Oh, please.
You didn't start loving her
385
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:33,963
until you found out
you couldn't have her.
386
00:16:33,964 --> 00:16:37,500
So? That doesn't
make it... not love.
387
00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:39,502
But what if her husband
catches you?
388
00:16:39,503 --> 00:16:41,204
Then he shoots me, and you can
have my house and my car.
389
00:16:41,205 --> 00:16:44,641
Go to her, Charlie.
She's waiting.
390
00:16:48,112 --> 00:16:50,213
(sighs)
391
00:16:50,214 --> 00:16:51,614
(thudding)
Ow!
392
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:53,650
Son of a bitch!
393
00:16:53,651 --> 00:16:56,319
(breaking wind)
394
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,354
JAKE:
Dude, don't waste it.
395
00:16:58,355 --> 00:17:00,557
Squeeze it in!
396
00:17:03,027 --> 00:17:05,195
♪ Men. ♪
397
00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:07,597
(panting)
398
00:17:11,202 --> 00:17:13,236
(grunting)
399
00:17:13,237 --> 00:17:16,272
Not as easy
as it looks, is it?
400
00:17:16,273 --> 00:17:17,824
No.
401
00:17:17,825 --> 00:17:19,609
Is your husband gone?
402
00:17:19,610 --> 00:17:20,943
He just left.
We're alone.
403
00:17:20,944 --> 00:17:23,046
Oh, great.
Wait.
404
00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:24,547
We agreed, just talking.
405
00:17:24,548 --> 00:17:26,850
Right, right, right.
Just talking. Let's talk.
406
00:17:26,851 --> 00:17:29,252
Do you know what Manny said
to me right before he left?
407
00:17:29,253 --> 00:17:30,920
Um... "I love you,
408
00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:33,456
"but it's okay to have
an affair with Charlie,
409
00:17:33,457 --> 00:17:35,925
'cause he's a swell guy
and I'm secretly gay"?
410
00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:37,527
No.
411
00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:39,129
He said, in the whole world,
412
00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:42,098
I'm the only one
who can move him.
413
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,934
Like I said, gay.
414
00:17:44,935 --> 00:17:48,304
How can I betray
a man like that?
415
00:17:48,305 --> 00:17:50,006
I can think of
several ways.
416
00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:52,909
You on top, you on bottom,
everybody facing the TV.
417
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:54,344
Charlie.
418
00:17:54,345 --> 00:17:57,347
Who moves you,
Rose? Him or me?
419
00:17:57,348 --> 00:17:59,149
I don't know. I'm confused.
420
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:00,416
I love Manny.
421
00:18:00,417 --> 00:18:03,052
But you and I are soul mates,
like Romeo and Juliet.
422
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:05,522
Really? Did Romeo ever
chew through the ropes
423
00:18:05,523 --> 00:18:08,391
holding him to a radiator in
a motel outside of Bakersfield
424
00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:11,427
when Juliet was just trying
to give him a birthday surprise?
425
00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:13,997
Birthday surprise? You
were going to brand me.
426
00:18:13,998 --> 00:18:16,533
Branding is the new
piercing, Charlie.
427
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:20,403
Fine. Pierce me, brand me,
do anything you want.
428
00:18:20,404 --> 00:18:22,555
Anything?
It's just an expression.
429
00:18:24,441 --> 00:18:26,075
Give me another chance, Rose.
430
00:18:26,076 --> 00:18:28,611
No. It's wrong.
431
00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:31,748
Fine. You just say the
word, and I'll go.
432
00:18:33,984 --> 00:18:35,018
Time's up.
433
00:18:35,019 --> 00:18:37,570
(sighing)
434
00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:38,688
I love you.
435
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,790
I love you, too.
436
00:18:40,791 --> 00:18:42,992
You know what this means,
don't you?
437
00:18:42,993 --> 00:18:45,027
I think so.
438
00:18:45,028 --> 00:18:46,796
You're going to have
to kill Manny.
439
00:18:46,797 --> 00:18:49,232
What?!
440
00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:50,667
Kidding.
441
00:18:50,668 --> 00:18:53,002
Just wanted to see
how far you'd go.
442
00:18:54,672 --> 00:18:57,039
♪ Men. ♪
443
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,042
Can I tell you
something, Rose?
444
00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:00,643
Anything.
445
00:19:00,644 --> 00:19:03,179
I've never felt happier
and more at peace
446
00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:04,981
than I do
at this very moment.
447
00:19:04,982 --> 00:19:08,217
Who's being a
little gay now?
448
00:19:16,193 --> 00:19:18,394
(phone chimes)
449
00:19:21,365 --> 00:19:22,966
Oh. It's a text from Manny.
450
00:19:22,967 --> 00:19:25,618
He's on his way home.
You have to go.
451
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:28,421
When can I see you again?
452
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:30,239
You can't.
This was a mistake.
453
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,541
How can you say that?
454
00:19:31,542 --> 00:19:33,743
Charlie, I love my husband.
455
00:19:33,744 --> 00:19:35,428
Forget Manny.
Run away with me.
456
00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:36,679
You don't mean that.
457
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:37,547
I do.
458
00:19:37,548 --> 00:19:38,715
Come on, Charlie.
459
00:19:38,716 --> 00:19:39,882
If you had me to yourself,
460
00:19:39,883 --> 00:19:41,484
you'd be tired of me
within a year.
461
00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:43,486
Then you can go back to Manny.
Everybody wins.
462
00:19:46,256 --> 00:19:47,757
Go.
463
00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,144
I love you.
464
00:19:57,835 --> 00:20:01,237
Oh, aren't you the naughty boy
who likes to watch?
465
00:20:01,238 --> 00:20:03,606
♪ Men. ♪
466
00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:06,487
♪ Men. ♪
467
00:20:06,488 --> 00:20:07,722
ELDRIDGE:
Hurry up, dude.
468
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,623
I'm about to blow.
Hang on.
469
00:20:11,226 --> 00:20:13,427
Hi. I'm Jake Harper,
470
00:20:13,428 --> 00:20:14,628
and you're about to witness
471
00:20:14,629 --> 00:20:17,198
a little something
we like to call...
472
00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:20,368
"Fumes of Fury."
473
00:20:20,369 --> 00:20:23,444
- Let's do this thing.
- All right.
474
00:20:23,869 --> 00:20:25,169
Remember, if
for some reason
475
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,254
you don't reach the
ocean, just tuck and roll.
476
00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:28,539
Okay, just hurry up.
477
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:31,175
All right.
Let 'er rip.
478
00:20:31,176 --> 00:20:33,632
(breaking wind,
flame roaring)
479
00:20:38,712 --> 00:20:39,912
Dumbasses.
480
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:44,236
I can't believe nothing happened.
481
00:20:44,436 --> 00:20:45,636
I wouldn't say that.
482
00:20:45,836 --> 00:20:47,176
I think I cracked my pants.
483
00:20:49,251 --> 00:20:51,712
♪ Men. ♪
484
00:20:51,812 --> 00:20:54,812
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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