1
00:00:03,214 --> 00:00:06,182
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh... oh, my God.
2
00:00:06,184 --> 00:00:09,018
Oh... Oh, my God, Jenny!
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:09,020 --> 00:00:10,419
Yeah. Oh...
Oh, my God.
4
00:00:10,421 --> 00:00:13,022
Oh, my God.
5
00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:15,258
Oh, Jenny!
Give it to me.
6
00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:16,792
Give it to me,
Jenny.
7
00:00:16,794 --> 00:00:18,828
Just give it to her
already.
8
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:25,768
Hey.
9
00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:27,403
Hey. Couldn't sleep, either?
10
00:00:27,405 --> 00:00:30,473
No. Jenny and her friend
are crazy in there.
11
00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:33,276
Have you ever made
a woman scream like that?
12
00:00:33,278 --> 00:00:34,343
Once.
13
00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:36,212
I hit her with my car.
14
00:00:36,214 --> 00:00:37,880
It sounded like Jenny hit her
15
00:00:37,882 --> 00:00:41,150
and then backed over her again.
16
00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:42,785
And then hit her,
17
00:00:42,787 --> 00:00:45,154
a-and then...
backed over her again.
18
00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:48,524
And then hit her...
19
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,359
and then backed over her again.
20
00:00:50,361 --> 00:00:53,629
I counted eight orgasms,
not including mine.
21
00:00:53,631 --> 00:00:54,997
Hey, that's my niece.
Oh, yeah,
22
00:00:54,999 --> 00:00:57,967
and out of respect to you,
I only listened to her friend.
23
00:00:57,969 --> 00:01:00,102
Yeah, me, too.
24
00:01:01,171 --> 00:01:03,306
Hey, how about
this weekend we go out
25
00:01:03,308 --> 00:01:05,474
and find some women
and make 'em scream?
26
00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:08,177
In-in your imagination,
27
00:01:08,179 --> 00:01:11,414
are they running away from you
or towards you?
28
00:01:11,416 --> 00:01:12,982
You know what I mean.
29
00:01:12,984 --> 00:01:15,184
Let's go out
and find some strange.
30
00:01:15,186 --> 00:01:18,387
I'm looking at some strange.
31
00:01:18,389 --> 00:01:20,289
Besides, I can't.
32
00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:22,158
My mom's got a charity dinner
this weekend.
33
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,026
Oh, she's still trying
to help the monkeys?
34
00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:27,263
Yeah, she's raising money
to expand her sanctuary
35
00:01:27,265 --> 00:01:30,399
for helpless creatures
that nobody else wants.
36
00:01:30,401 --> 00:01:32,101
Kind of like what I do for you.
37
00:01:32,103 --> 00:01:34,604
Will there be any
single ladies there
38
00:01:34,606 --> 00:01:36,505
looking to use those
opposable thumbs?
39
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:39,342
You know, swing on my vine,
peel my banana.
40
00:01:39,344 --> 00:01:41,010
Well, there might be a few there
41
00:01:41,012 --> 00:01:43,212
that want to throw
their poop at you.
42
00:01:43,214 --> 00:01:45,781
Mm, sounds like a good cause;
I'll buy a ticket.
43
00:01:45,783 --> 00:01:48,751
They're a thousand
dollars apiece.
44
00:01:48,753 --> 00:01:51,954
Can I borrow $998?
45
00:01:51,956 --> 00:01:53,155
Hey.
46
00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:55,057
Hey.
Hey.
47
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,030
That'll work.
48
00:02:01,865 --> 00:02:03,232
You know what they say:
49
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:07,136
once you go Black & Decker,
you never go back.
50
00:02:07,138 --> 00:02:09,705
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
51
00:02:09,707 --> 00:02:12,408
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
52
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:16,433
♪ Two and a Half Men 11x06 ♪
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Original Air Date on November 7, 2013
53
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:21,458
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
54
00:02:24,193 --> 00:02:26,094
Hey! Look at you.
55
00:02:26,096 --> 00:02:28,096
Where are you going
in that monkey suit?
56
00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:29,798
A benefit.
57
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,833
For monkeys.
58
00:02:33,135 --> 00:02:34,736
How do I look?
59
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,072
Like you should be
on top of a cake.
60
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,940
Let me guess: you're the cake.
61
00:02:38,942 --> 00:02:43,611
No, I'm the one that gets
to blow out the candle.
62
00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:49,551
Oh, when did we install
a mirror in here?
63
00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:51,086
Tell the truth, Berta,
64
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,821
you ever seen
two better-looking guys?
65
00:02:52,823 --> 00:02:54,222
No.
66
00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:55,690
Yes.
67
00:02:56,959 --> 00:03:00,228
Oh. That must be my date.
68
00:03:02,031 --> 00:03:04,366
Hi, honey.
You look amazing.
69
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:07,002
Oh, you look so handsome.
70
00:03:07,004 --> 00:03:08,536
Wow, nice job, Walden.
71
00:03:08,538 --> 00:03:09,971
Where'd you two meet?
72
00:03:09,973 --> 00:03:12,073
Kind of a "meet cute."
73
00:03:12,075 --> 00:03:13,742
I shot out of her.
74
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:15,577
Jenny, this is
my mom, Robin.
75
00:03:15,579 --> 00:03:18,246
Mom, this is my new
roommate, Jenny.
76
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,914
Oh, well, it's
a pleasure to meet you.
77
00:03:19,916 --> 00:03:21,516
Alan,
78
00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:23,084
does this mean
you finally moved out?
79
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,822
No, no, no,
Jenny's my niece.
80
00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:29,190
She's staying
in Jake's room.
81
00:03:29,192 --> 00:03:32,460
Well, I have my charity,
you have yours.
82
00:03:33,429 --> 00:03:35,930
I can see where Walden
gets his pretty face.
83
00:03:35,932 --> 00:03:37,265
Aren't you sweet?
84
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:38,500
He's single, you know.
85
00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:40,735
I know. Are you?
86
00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:44,205
Okay. All right, let's...
87
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:47,275
go save some monkeys.
88
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,412
Really?
89
00:03:50,414 --> 00:03:51,946
Hey, just 'cause
you came out of it
90
00:03:51,948 --> 00:03:54,549
doesn't mean
I don't want to get into it.
91
00:03:58,421 --> 00:04:01,089
They call
these martinis?
92
00:04:01,091 --> 00:04:04,025
The only thing they're saving
the monkeys from are DUI's.
93
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,828
You like that one?
94
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:11,132
No, I was just picturing
a drunk monkey driving a car.
95
00:04:12,301 --> 00:04:14,102
Walden.
Mm.
96
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,403
Oh.
97
00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:17,972
That woman with your mom
looks just like Lynda Carter.
98
00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:21,743
That is Lynda Carter.
99
00:04:21,745 --> 00:04:22,977
Really?
100
00:04:22,979 --> 00:04:24,946
Wait, wait, T-TV's
Wonder Woman?
101
00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:26,481
The jewel of
Paradise Island?
102
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:30,018
The-the shining crusader for justice
and star-spangled hot pants?
103
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,320
I-I just call her Lynda.
104
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:35,690
And I just lost the cleaning
deposit on this tux.
105
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,891
Walden.
106
00:04:36,893 --> 00:04:38,760
Lynda, you look amazing.
107
00:04:38,762 --> 00:04:41,463
Oh, my God.
The last time we saw each other,
108
00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:43,164
you barely came up to here.
109
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:45,834
I remember those... days.
110
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:48,803
Introduce me.
111
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:51,072
Robin, you told me
he was successful,
112
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:53,508
but you didn't tell me
how gorgeous he is.
113
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,010
Well, it takes
a gorgeous person to know one.
114
00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:59,614
No, it doesn't. I'm Alan.
115
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,416
Hi.
116
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:04,442
This is Alan Harper.
He lives with Walden.
117
00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:05,187
Oh, well, it's lovely
118
00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:06,354
to meet you.
119
00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:09,257
My gay fans have always been
my biggest supporters.
120
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:11,526
Oh, oh, no, no, I-I'm not gay.
121
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,229
Oh, I'm sorry.
Transgender?
122
00:05:15,131 --> 00:05:17,065
I told you the hormones
weren't working.
123
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:20,335
He's kidding.
Uh, I-I am very straight.
124
00:05:20,337 --> 00:05:23,705
In fact, the longer I look
at you the straighter I become.
125
00:05:23,707 --> 00:05:26,574
Well, if you'll excuse us,
I'm gonna start a fund
126
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,511
to, um, save Lynda
from this conversation.
127
00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:31,679
It's lovely to meet you.
128
00:05:31,681 --> 00:05:34,983
And it was "wonder-ful"
meeting you.
129
00:05:34,985 --> 00:05:37,719
That's funny. I've never
heard that one before.
130
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:39,420
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
131
00:05:40,289 --> 00:05:41,923
Call me.
132
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:47,362
What the hell are you doing?
133
00:05:47,364 --> 00:05:50,999
Sorry, I just wanted to put
my mouth where her mouth was.
134
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:53,501
And I also wanted to thank
you for a lovely evening.
135
00:05:58,307 --> 00:05:59,440
Morning.
136
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,009
Mm. I got to tell you,
137
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:03,912
you gave me a night
that I will never forget.
138
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:08,616
Don't ever say that to me again.
139
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,817
I'm serious.
Meeting Lynda Carter was
140
00:06:09,819 --> 00:06:11,586
one of the greatest moments
of my life.
141
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,288
I mean, she was
my first celebrity crush.
142
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,323
I had a poster of her
that looked like
143
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:18,059
the bottom of a birdcage.
144
00:06:18,061 --> 00:06:22,430
On behalf of Lynda Carter
and the rest of humanity...
145
00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:24,232
yuck.
146
00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:26,801
You know, it's not just about
how beautiful she was.
147
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,370
I mean, she's multitalented.
I mean, I had all of her albums,
148
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:31,472
I-I-I've seen everything
she's ever done.
149
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,874
How?
150
00:06:32,876 --> 00:06:35,443
Were you hiding outside
her house in a bush?
151
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:42,250
Lynda Carter's bush.
152
00:06:44,086 --> 00:06:46,221
Hey, you know, she's single.
153
00:06:46,223 --> 00:06:47,455
And?
154
00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:49,190
And?
155
00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:51,025
Set me up with her.
156
00:06:51,027 --> 00:06:54,462
Can't I just... get
you a new poster?
157
00:06:55,831 --> 00:06:57,832
I'll laminate it.
158
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,934
Come on, come on.
159
00:06:59,936 --> 00:07:02,337
I-I-I have been in love with
Lynda Carter for my whole life,
160
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,173
and because you know her
and I know you,
161
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,874
I actually have a shot.
162
00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:08,309
I mean, this is fate.
163
00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:10,011
This is probably
why my brother died.
164
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,480
You said fate
killed your brother
165
00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:14,616
so you could get
that espresso machine.
166
00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:16,351
Come on!
167
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,952
I'll see what I can do.
168
00:07:17,954 --> 00:07:19,153
Really?
169
00:07:19,155 --> 00:07:20,722
Yeah. Just don't
get your hopes up.
170
00:07:20,724 --> 00:07:22,223
Oh, of course not.
171
00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:23,825
Thank you.
172
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:28,129
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the dance floor,
173
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:31,032
for the first time
as man and wife...
174
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:34,002
Mr. and Mrs. Lynda Carter.
175
00:07:40,542 --> 00:07:43,044
Okay, great.
All right, we'll see you soon.
176
00:07:43,879 --> 00:07:45,346
Hey.
177
00:07:46,181 --> 00:07:47,548
Was that her?
178
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,716
Who?
179
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,486
♪ Wonder Woman!
180
00:07:52,521 --> 00:07:55,723
♪ For your friend,
Alan Harper! ♪
181
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:56,991
What are you doing?
182
00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:59,027
Oh, it's the Wonder Woman
theme song.
183
00:07:59,029 --> 00:08:00,962
♪ Wonder Woman!
184
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:04,532
♪ You're a wonder,
Wonder Woman! ♪
185
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:05,900
Not familiar.
186
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,101
You should be, 'cause it's...
187
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:09,604
♪ Kind of awesome!
188
00:08:09,606 --> 00:08:11,806
I was ordering a pizza.
189
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:14,909
I haven't had a chance
to talk to her yet.
190
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,377
Why not?
191
00:08:16,379 --> 00:08:19,080
♪ Does your word mean nothin'? ♪
192
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,016
You know what, uh,
to be perfectly honest, I...
193
00:08:22,018 --> 00:08:24,652
I don't know
if this is a good idea.
194
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:25,887
What? Why?
195
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,655
What-what's wrong with her?
Is she crazy?
196
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:30,358
I like crazy. You met Lyndsey--
that bitch is cuckoo.
197
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,095
No, there's-there's
nothing wrong with her.
198
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,229
So what's the problem?
199
00:08:35,231 --> 00:08:37,565
She's... Lynda Carter.
200
00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:39,600
And?
201
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,803
And you're...
202
00:08:41,805 --> 00:08:44,839
♪ Alan Harper!
203
00:08:46,742 --> 00:08:48,509
Oh.
204
00:08:48,511 --> 00:08:50,378
Oh, I get it.
205
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,747
You don't think
I'm good enough for her.
206
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,582
Oh, no, it's not that.
207
00:08:54,584 --> 00:08:56,017
No, no, no, no, no,
it's fine, it's fine.
208
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:58,419
Just out of curiosity,
who am I good enough for?
209
00:08:58,421 --> 00:09:00,154
Lots of people.
Well, name one.
210
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,856
Okay, how about...
how about the-the...
211
00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:03,891
the barista at the coffee place.
212
00:09:03,893 --> 00:09:06,194
The hot blonde, Vanessa?
Oh, God, no. No, I'm...
213
00:09:06,196 --> 00:09:07,795
I'm...
214
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,063
I'm talking about the other one.
215
00:09:09,065 --> 00:09:11,332
The only other one is Miguel.
216
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:14,936
No. No, Tracy.
The one with the brown hair.
217
00:09:14,938 --> 00:09:18,072
Coming out of her chin mole.
218
00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,574
Okay, then Miguel.
219
00:09:19,576 --> 00:09:22,643
I... I can't believe
you think so little of me.
220
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,579
It's not that.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
221
00:09:24,581 --> 00:09:26,681
This is actually good.
I finally know where I stand
222
00:09:26,683 --> 00:09:27,715
with my "friend."
223
00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:28,850
Okay, Alan...
224
00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:31,686
And you were gonna
be our best man!
225
00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:37,024
Yeah, no, he's
not good enough for Miguel.
226
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:38,526
♪ Men.
227
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,321
Hey.
228
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,022
Hey. You're up early.
229
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,825
Yup. Crack of dawn.
230
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,628
But, shh,
Dawn is still sleeping.
231
00:09:57,963 --> 00:09:59,331
Good morning.
232
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,398
Good morning.
233
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,434
Uh, hey, Jenny,
do you have any idea
234
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,603
how to get tear stains
out of pillows?
235
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,872
It's certainly not more tears,
because I tried that.
236
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,140
Have you tried spraying
237
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,343
some desperate
cry for attention on it?
238
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,846
You want
some coffee?
239
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,048
Why, yes, I would.
Oh, uh, Walden,
240
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,750
is there some
uglier coffee
241
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,552
that might be more
appropriate for me?
242
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,687
All right.
Alan, you're being ridiculous.
243
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,489
Hey, sticks and stones
may break my bones,
244
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,991
but thanks to you,
I'll never bone Lynda Carter.
245
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:32,230
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
will breakfast alone in my room.
246
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,699
What's wrong with Auntie Alan?
247
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:37,669
She's pouting 'cause I won't
set her up with Lynda Carter.
248
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,939
Why not?
Because, it's Lynda Carter.
249
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,774
Right.
250
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,909
And who's Lynda Carter?
251
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,178
Lynda Carter is an actress.
252
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,948
Oh. And she makes you
say her whole name?
253
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,416
She doesn't make you,
254
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:54,085
it's just something you do
when people reach icon status.
255
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,621
So why won't you
set Alan up with her?
256
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,089
She's out of his league.
257
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,290
What league is she in?
258
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,594
Well, among others,
the Justice League.
259
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:05,196
All right, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
260
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,332
so let me just
ask you a question.
261
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,947
Is Alan good enough
to be your friend?
262
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,736
Of course.
263
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,805
So then why isn't he good enough for her?
Okay, that's not fair.
264
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,708
There are a lot of women that
Alan is not good enough for.
265
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:20,278
Don't you think she should
decide who she can go out with?
266
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,455
Hmm. That's actually
a good point.
267
00:11:22,456 --> 00:11:24,040
Hang on, one second,
is this Lynda Carter?
268
00:11:24,065 --> 00:11:25,851
Uh-huh.
269
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:29,053
Yeah, Alan's not
good enough for her.
270
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,260
Alan.
271
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,528
Yeah?
272
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,329
Are you decent?
273
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,332
Not by your standards.
274
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,835
Okay, I'm coming in.
275
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,670
What do you want?
276
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,473
If it's self-esteem you're
after, there's none here.
277
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,442
I was wrong.
278
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:54,145
It is not my place to decide
who you can or cannot date.
279
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,146
No, no, it's fine.
280
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,514
Uh, actually, I'm making a list
281
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,016
of the people
you shouldn't date.
282
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:01,453
Uh, Number one:
Anyone with a heart.
283
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,421
Okay, you know, I deserve that.
284
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,857
And number two,
Taylor Swift, because she will
285
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,627
write a song about you called
"Back-Stabbing Dream Killer."
286
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,429
Okay, well, if you will let me,
287
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,998
I would like
to make it up to you.
288
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,770
I invited my mother and Lynda
over for dinner tomorrow night.
289
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,840
So, you are free
to ask her out yourself.
290
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,175
If you're joking,
I swear to God
291
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,078
I will pack my things and you
will never see me again.
292
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,580
I was joking.
So was I.
293
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,416
You're not just doing this
out of pity, are you?
294
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,351
Don't answer, I don't care.
295
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,352
You're a good friend.
296
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,221
So are you.
297
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,490
And, again, I'm sorry.
298
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,091
Thank you.
299
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,661
Okay. Oh, and,
and, a little tip:
300
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:47,332
when Lynda's here, just try
not to act like a crazy fan.
301
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,397
I got it.
302
00:12:48,422 --> 00:12:50,623
No, no, seriously, like, if,
if you want a shot with her
303
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,004
you need to treat
her like she's a normal person.
304
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,640
And, and you should
pretend to be one, yourself.
305
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,408
It's not a problem.
306
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:04,182
Until tomorrow.
307
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,953
All right,
I'm out of here.
308
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,589
Dinner's in the oven
and the wine's chilling.
309
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,557
Oh, thank you.
310
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,459
No, I was talking about
at my house.
311
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,662
Oh, oh, uh, uh,
before you go, um,
312
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,064
uh, uh, which is my good side?
What?
313
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,033
I'm trying to figure out
where to sit at dinner.
314
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,035
I-I want my good side
facing Lynda.
315
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,570
All right.
316
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,171
Turn to your left.
317
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,273
Okay.
318
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,507
Now turn to your right.
319
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,309
Okay.
320
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,645
Turn around.
321
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,448
Perfect.
322
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,651
Who hurt you, Berta?
323
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,720
Oh, uh...
324
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:48,226
Ooh, uh, just in case.
325
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,331
Oh, God, it burns!
326
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:58,469
What did I say about
acting like a normal person?
327
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:02,540
That was before I got mint spray
in Little Alan's eye.
328
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,676
I'm not even gonna ask.
329
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:08,713
Oh, hey, you two
look beautiful.
330
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:11,049
Oh, it's great
to see you again, Walden.
331
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,750
And don't forget about me.
332
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:16,120
Oh, don't worry, I haven't.
333
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,691
Okay, you can let go now.
334
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,693
Well, I'm glad
you two could make it.
335
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,596
Wow, this is quite the place.
336
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:26,798
Thank you.
337
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,566
Single guy living at the beach,
338
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,602
you must do well
with the ladies.
339
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:34,973
I do okay, but this guy
is the real charmer.
340
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:39,944
Blink twice if you're
being held against your will.
341
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,279
Well, it's,
it's true, in my youth
342
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,481
I was a bit of a,
a rapscallion.
343
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:46,050
A rake.
344
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,086
A... gadabout.
345
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,555
A... g-gadabout?
346
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,390
What have you.
347
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,226
Yeah, but that was
in your past, right?
348
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,363
And now you're just a
normal, regular guy?
349
00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,464
Yeah, that's right,
that's right.
350
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,567
I'm just a,
a normal, regular guy
351
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:06,137
looking for a crazy
little thing called love.
352
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:09,774
♪ Crazy little thing called love... ♪
353
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,844
What's that I hear?
354
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:17,148
Is that the lovely voice of
triple-threat Lynda Carter?
355
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:20,451
Actress, singer, dancer?
356
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,454
Wait a second,
do I smell mint?
357
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:30,128
Yes, and it's not
coming from my mouth.
358
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,168
Oh ,uh, uh,
would you mind signing it
359
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:40,304
"From a Wonder Woman
to a Super Man"?
360
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:45,376
How about "best wishes"?
That works.
361
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,944
Hey, you know,
I'll, I'll bet you could
362
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,346
make a lot of money
traveling around
363
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,881
and signing
at conventions and stuff.
364
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,849
I'm not a big fan of travel.
365
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,218
Yeah, not to mention
the weirdos you'd meet.
366
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,454
Ugh. You don't
have to tell me,
367
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,489
I mean, I-I've talked
to a lot of them
368
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:02,260
on the Wonder Woman
message boards. Freaks!
369
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,129
Alan?
Hmm?
370
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,964
I'm pretty sure Lynda didn't
come here just to sign things.
371
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,033
Oh, of course, of course.
Sorry, I just, you know,
372
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,402
I, I geeked out a bit.
373
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,304
Oh, that's okay.
You can't imagine how often
374
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,107
I get roped into these kinds
of conversations.
375
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,975
Roped? Or...
376
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,644
...lassoed?
377
00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:24,115
Oh, God. He's gonna tie her up
and throw her in a van.
378
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:27,652
No, no. This is an original
Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth.
379
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,921
I-I got it at Comic Con '88.
380
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:32,390
Yeah, back when only
the really cool people went.
381
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,628
Whoever is wearing the lasso
must tell the truth.
382
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,731
Is this
the best night of my life?
383
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,332
It is.
384
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,169
Are you completely oblivious
to social cues?
385
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,838
You are.
386
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,373
Oh, oh, would you mind
posing with it
387
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,942
so I can snap a quick picture?
388
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,945
Enough.
Mm-hmm?
389
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:57,615
No. It, it's okay.
Let's just take the picture.
390
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,384
Oh great, great. Oh,
crud. The memory's full.
391
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,120
Uh, uh, let me just
delete a few.
392
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:05,423
Good-bye, Jake.
Good-bye, Jake.
393
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,792
Oh, kitty, hang in there.
394
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,193
Good-bye, Jake.
395
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,596
Okay, would you like to...
Yes!
396
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,834
Hurry back.
397
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:17,935
It's going well, isn't it?
398
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:20,037
I have chimps smarter than you.
399
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,242
I'm really sorry
about tonight.
400
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,077
Oh, it's okay.
He's harmless.
401
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,379
He is harmless, right?
402
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,649
Yeah, he's harmless,
clueless, homeless.
403
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,984
He's pretty much "less."
404
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:35,920
Still,
I'm glad I came over.
405
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,388
It's really good
to see you again.
406
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,791
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
And you look amazing.
407
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,560
Or, should I say,
"wonder-ful."
408
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,897
See? When you do it, it's cute.
409
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,732
Oh, uh, Jenny,
410
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:48,800
this is Lynda Car...
411
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:52,069
Lynda freakin' Carter.
412
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,604
Nice to meet you.
413
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,339
Jenny is
Alan's niece.
414
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,842
Ah, well, I won't
hold that against you.
415
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,812
Beautiful and funny.
416
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,079
Aren't you sweet.
417
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,715
Oh, I can be way sweeter.
418
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,484
Or less, if that's
what you're into.
419
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,085
Hmm.
420
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,620
You still like
wearing cuffs?
421
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:14,325
Okay. All right, uh, Jenny,
isn't your bedroom that way?
422
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,094
What he said.
423
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:22,600
See? I told you the
gays really like me.
424
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,970
I'm sorry. I, I,
I actually, I do have to ask:
425
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,339
does Alan have
a shot with you?
426
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:29,974
That Alan?
427
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,944
You do know I'm Lynda
freakin' Carter, right?
428
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,514
Okay. Asked
and answered.
429
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,684
It seems that everyone
in this house wants to be with me
430
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,686
except the one that I want.
Yeah.
431
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,955
Wait, what?
432
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,124
Okay, I made room for...
433
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,193
Betrayal!
434
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,181
Dude, seriously?
435
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,350
No wonder you
brought her out here. Oh!
436
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:16,120
God, I'm so angry I forgot to
emphasize the word "wonder."
437
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,256
Alan, it's not what you think.
Oh, really?
438
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,757
'Cause I'm thinking you're
kissing Lynda Carter.
439
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,660
What is going on?
Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.
440
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,196
Your son, my ex-friend,
still roommate,
441
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,697
just double-crossed me.
442
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,500
Alan, you're embarrassing yourself.
Oh, am I?
443
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,035
Okay, I'm not
gonna do this.
444
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,169
Oh, aren't you?
445
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,604
Okay, that's it.
446
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,707
Oh, this is about
to really suck.
447
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:49,821
Morning.
448
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,089
Morning.
449
00:19:51,091 --> 00:19:55,393
Listen, uh,
about last night...
450
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,529
Let's just drop it.
451
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,565
Fair enough.
452
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,408
Again, I-I am
very sorry.
453
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,777
I got it. Mo-Moving on.
454
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:20,585
I know you would never
intentionally try to hurt me.
455
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,553
We're past it.
456
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,891
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man