1 00:00:00,849 --> 00:00:01,949 Previously on... 2 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,677 Tonight would be a great time 3 00:00:04,679 --> 00:00:06,913 to tell Larry that you're not Jeff Strongman, 4 00:00:06,915 --> 00:00:08,147 that you're really Alan Harper. 5 00:00:08,149 --> 00:00:10,349 If you tell Larry who you really are, 6 00:00:10,351 --> 00:00:12,952 then he's gonna wonder why I didn't tell him. 7 00:00:12,954 --> 00:00:17,223 Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Alan Harper? 8 00:00:17,858 --> 00:00:19,225 Who the hell is Alan Harper? 9 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,495 Larry! Look! Boobs! 10 00:00:22,497 --> 00:00:24,497 ♪ Men. ♪ 11 00:00:24,499 --> 00:00:27,667 We can go in the other room and you can play with them. Huh? 12 00:00:27,669 --> 00:00:29,709 Really? In the middle of the day? 13 00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:31,170 Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:31,171 --> 00:00:33,272 Wait a minute. Who's Alan Harper? 15 00:00:33,274 --> 00:00:35,942 Uh, I am gonna answer that, but before I do... 16 00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:37,677 What do you say, Gretchie? 17 00:00:37,679 --> 00:00:39,112 Will you marry me? 18 00:00:39,114 --> 00:00:40,580 Yes. 19 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,915 Oh, my God! 20 00:00:45,052 --> 00:00:48,054 You've made me the-the happiest man in the world. 21 00:00:48,056 --> 00:00:50,022 Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. 22 00:00:50,024 --> 00:00:52,792 A-And for your question, Larry, 23 00:00:52,794 --> 00:00:55,962 I just want to say that everything you've known about me 24 00:00:55,964 --> 00:00:57,363 is a lie. 25 00:00:57,365 --> 00:00:59,198 My real name is Alan. 26 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,901 That's okay. My real name is Lawrence. 27 00:01:01,903 --> 00:01:04,804 All right, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. 28 00:01:04,806 --> 00:01:06,672 Um, uh, Lyndsey 29 00:01:06,674 --> 00:01:08,875 is my ex-girlfriend. When you and she 30 00:01:08,877 --> 00:01:10,610 got together, I made up a fake name 31 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,879 so that I could meet you and stay close to Lyndsey. 32 00:01:12,881 --> 00:01:14,847 But then it turns out I actually like you 33 00:01:14,849 --> 00:01:16,282 more than I like Lyndsey. 34 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:18,851 I like you more than Lyndsey, too! 35 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,155 What the hell is happening here?! 36 00:01:23,624 --> 00:01:25,558 So your name's not really Jeff Strongman, 37 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,994 it's Alan Harper, and you used to date Lyndsey? 38 00:01:27,996 --> 00:01:29,362 For four years. 39 00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:31,330 Did you know about this? 40 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,967 Yes. He was my boyfriend. 41 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:38,037 But-but I'm with you now, and only you. 42 00:01:38,039 --> 00:01:39,272 A-And I'm really, really sorry. 43 00:01:39,274 --> 00:01:42,275 Oh, save it, Jeff-- if that's even your real name. 44 00:01:42,277 --> 00:01:44,844 I think I made it pretty clear it's not, but o-okay. 45 00:01:44,846 --> 00:01:47,680 I told Alan that I thought he should tell you the truth, 46 00:01:47,682 --> 00:01:49,382 because I thought you deserved to know. 47 00:01:49,384 --> 00:01:51,017 How could you keep this from me? 48 00:01:51,019 --> 00:01:53,252 I would never lie to you. This is unbelievable! 49 00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:55,288 I never wanted any of this to happen. 50 00:01:55,290 --> 00:01:58,324 Well, it did-- and now I've lost my two best friends. 51 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:01,394 And this time I'm not talking about your boobs. 52 00:02:01,396 --> 00:02:03,996 I don't want to see either one of you again. 53 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,265 And I'm still not talking about your boobs! 54 00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:07,900 The wedding's off! 55 00:02:07,902 --> 00:02:09,302 Larry, wait! 56 00:02:09,304 --> 00:02:10,670 Oh, God, see? 57 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,039 This is exactly why I didn't want to tell him. 58 00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:15,107 Now both Lyndsey and Larry hate me, 59 00:02:15,109 --> 00:02:17,610 and I've ruined the lives of two wonderful people. 60 00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:20,680 I'll never forget the look on-- ooh, boobs. 61 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,049 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 62 00:02:23,051 --> 00:02:26,221 ♪ Ah. ♪ Men. 63 00:02:26,226 --> 00:02:30,226 ♪ Two and a Half Men 11x22 ♪ Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead Original Air Date on May 8, 2014 64 00:02:28,227 --> 00:02:30,227 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 65 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,586 ♪ Men. ♪ 66 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,589 Say hello to my little friend. 67 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,791 What is that? 68 00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:40,893 This is the most advanced 69 00:02:40,895 --> 00:02:43,762 robotic artificial intelligence today. 70 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,230 I call him WALD-E. 71 00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,298 Get it? 72 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,466 'Cause I'm Walden, 73 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,834 and the movie WALL-E? 74 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,469 WALD-E? 75 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:53,038 Say hello to my friend Jenny. 76 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,041 Hello to my friend Jenny. 77 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,177 I programmed him to be funny. 78 00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,112 I beg to differ. 79 00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:01,747 You're just jealous 'cause you don't have 80 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,248 an electronic friend to play with. 81 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,150 Trust me, I have a whole drawer 82 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,319 of electronic friends I can play with. 83 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:11,690 Then maybe we can have a zero-one-one-way. 84 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,493 That's a three-way in binary. 85 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:18,030 Oh, WALD-E, good times ahead. 86 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,398 Hey. 87 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,433 Oh. Hey, check out my new robot. 88 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,970 I detect no sign of intelligent life. 89 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,639 I'm not in the mood for this. Can you turn him off? 90 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,008 Can you turn him off? 91 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,846 I wish I could, WALD-E, I wish I could. 92 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,782 What's going on? Larry just texted me. 93 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,984 He wants to see me. What do you think he wants? 94 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,052 Well, 95 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,354 given the fact you blew up his entire life, 96 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,490 I'm guessing he either wants to kick your ass, 97 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:48,327 or rip your face off so you can watch him kick your ass. 98 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,429 Oh, this is all my fault. 99 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,930 I should have just been honest 100 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,302 and told the truth right from the start-- 101 00:03:53,303 --> 00:03:54,910 lying is never the answer. 102 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,102 Ooh, I know, I'll tell him I'm sick. 103 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,871 What's a trendy illness? 104 00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:00,305 Alan, you have to man up 105 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,307 and face the consequences of your actions. 106 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,609 Maybe you're right. 107 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,410 I at least owe him that much. 108 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,846 I'll just go and... Hah-choo! 109 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,249 Oh! Oh. Oh. 110 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,483 Alan? Mm-hmm? 111 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,986 When people sneeze, they don't say, "Hah-choo, 112 00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:15,721 oh, ew, ooh." 113 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:16,889 Okay, fine. 114 00:04:16,891 --> 00:04:19,291 But when he beats me within an inch of my life, 115 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,692 you're on bedpan duty. 116 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,495 Okay, if it makes you feel better, I'll come with you. 117 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,398 He only wants to go so when Larry beats you up, 118 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,066 he can say, "I told you so." 119 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,068 That is not true. 120 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,203 Even though I repeatedly 121 00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:34,006 told him to stop lying about who he was, 122 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:36,441 and deceiving the people around him, 123 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,844 and eventually it would blow up in his face, 124 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,847 I'm not going to say, "I told you so." 125 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,015 Well, I appreciate that. 126 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,250 I want to film Larry kicking his ass 127 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:47,820 and then say, "I told you so"" 128 00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,388 ♪ Men. ♪ 129 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,689 Hey, Alan. 130 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,758 Oh, hey, hey, Larry! 131 00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,531 I don't have a weapon. 132 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,866 Hi. I'm Walden, 133 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,134 Alan's friend. 134 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:03,902 Uh, just act like I'm not here, 135 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,004 and punch like no one's watchin'. 136 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,973 And... 137 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:08,807 action. 138 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,042 So, you, uh, you said 139 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,076 you wanted to talk? 140 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,845 No, no, no, louder. 141 00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:13,979 I'm sorry. What? 142 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,381 Louder. There's a lot of ambient noise in here. 143 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,851 So, so, you said you wanted to talk? 144 00:05:18,853 --> 00:05:22,254 Yeah, I actually came here to tell you that I forgive you! 145 00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:23,589 No! Cut! Cut! 146 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:25,691 What's... Wait, wait, you forgive him? 147 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,359 Yeah, I realized all this anger isn't good. 148 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,760 I had to let it all go. 149 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,829 No! 150 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,431 He's not gonna learn his lesson 151 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,466 if you forgive him. The only way he's gonna learn 152 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,869 a lesson is through pain and suffering 153 00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:38,871 and possibly losing a tooth. 154 00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:41,073 No, no. He's gonna be my brother-in-law 155 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,141 and make an honest woman out of Gretchen. 156 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,445 She's not gonna be an honest woman on our wedding night. 157 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,181 That's the guy I know and love who's banging my sister. 158 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,283 I do love banging your sister. 159 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:56,021 No, the only banging I want to see is you banging his face! 160 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,122 Oh, 161 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:59,358 that didn't come out right. 162 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,927 Gretchen is the most amazing woman I've ever met. 163 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,463 I-I just have to scrape together enough money for the wedding. 164 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,565 Oh, I know what you mean-- mine and Lyndsey's 165 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,000 was costing me a fortune. 166 00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:10,702 I already paid for the flowers, the cake, the tux. 167 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,071 Too bad you can't just take his wedding. 168 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,841 Or can I? 169 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,175 I was kidding. 170 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,912 Well, why not? I mean, this cup says "Peter" on it, 171 00:06:19,914 --> 00:06:22,314 but Peter wasn't there to get it. 172 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,851 I'm not gonna use it. Me and Lyndsey are through, 173 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:26,985 so you might as well. 174 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,787 You can't mooch a wedding 175 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,956 that you just destroyed. 176 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,858 I know. How great is that? 177 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,693 Classic Alan Harper. 178 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,626 Jeff Strongman. Mm. 179 00:06:36,627 --> 00:06:38,627 I don't know how I didn't see through it sooner. 180 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,799 It's such an obviously made-up name. 181 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,701 Yeah. Jeff. 182 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,672 ♪ Men. ♪ 183 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:49,875 Mom, this is my fiancée, Gretchen Martin. 184 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,577 It is so nice to finally meet you, Evelyn. 185 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,713 Oh, you, too, dear. 186 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,648 How far along are you? 187 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,617 What? Uh, my mother assumes that 188 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:01,086 since you agreed to marry me, you must be pregnant. 189 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,754 No, I'm not pregnant. 190 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,123 Are you after my money? Of course not. 191 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,527 ¿Estas buscando trabajo en el mundo nuevo? 192 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,828 What? 193 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,930 Not looking for a green card, either. 194 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,967 You must genuinely like Alan. Yeah. 195 00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:17,536 This is uncharted territory for me. 196 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,504 I know. She actually loves me for me. 197 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,873 I mean, I had to pretend to be another person 198 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,508 to make it all happen, but still. 199 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,011 Oh, that is some ring you bought her. 200 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,447 Oh, actually, that's the ring my ex-husband got me. 201 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:32,150 But I still had it-- I figured why make Alan buy another one? 202 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,286 My God, you've found your soul mate. 203 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:37,089 I know. Our honeymoon is at her cousin's time-share. 204 00:07:37,091 --> 00:07:39,725 He can't use it, 'cause he had a heart attack. 205 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,493 We're so blessed. 206 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,428 Speaking of blessings, 207 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:46,298 I just want to thank you for raising such a caring, 208 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,600 thoughtful, intelligent son. 209 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,504 Oh, you're serious. 210 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,574 So, when's the big day? 211 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,109 Oh, uh, it's next Saturday. 212 00:07:57,111 --> 00:08:00,012 We're just gonna have a small affair here at the house. 213 00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:01,880 We're trying to keep costs down. 214 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,148 Are your parents coming? 215 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,050 Oh, no, my parents have passed away. 216 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,652 Again, we're so blessed. 217 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,323 So, where are you planning on living after you marry? 218 00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,158 Oh, we're not in a rush to go anywhere. 219 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,127 I mean, beach house, no rent... 220 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,797 Don't be ridiculous-- you need your own place. 221 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,932 Well, that's easier said than done, Mom. 222 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:24,202 How about for your wedding if I give you a down payment 223 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:27,439 towards your own... Oh, I love you, Mom! 224 00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:32,010 I won't go that far, but thank you. 225 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,845 ♪ Men. ♪ 226 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,317 Walden. 227 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,453 Oh, don't worry, Alan's not with me. 228 00:08:41,455 --> 00:08:42,921 Wow, it's amazing 229 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,257 how infrequently I actually get to say that. 230 00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:46,792 What's up? 231 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:50,062 I just wanted to make sure you're okay. 232 00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:51,830 That's sweet, but I'm fine. 233 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,766 When I get dumped, I usually end up sobbing in a bathtub, 234 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,435 listening to Michael Bublé. 235 00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:58,904 I call it my "Bublé bath." 236 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,973 You sure you're all right? Yeah. 237 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,542 I was about to marry Larry, 238 00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:05,577 a guy who once called venetian blind cleaners 239 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,846 because he wanted to help handicapped Italians. 240 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,314 Look, if Alan 241 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,316 and Gretchen are supposed to be together, 242 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,951 I wish them the best. 243 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:16,354 If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me. 244 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,023 Thanks. Okay. 245 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:27,566 Siri, remind me to draw a Bublé bath tonight. 246 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,138 Mm, what's that, Larry? 247 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:37,242 You forgive me and you still want to marry me? 248 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,944 Oh, Alan... 249 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:42,714 you never stopped loving me and you want to marry me, too? 250 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:46,852 I am the luckiest woman in the world. 251 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,131 ♪ Men. ♪ 252 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,038 ♪ Men. ♪ 253 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,074 Everybody, freeze. 254 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,642 What the hell? 255 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,645 Berta, I know where you hide your pot. 256 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,015 WALD-E! 257 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,550 No...! 258 00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,720 Now, that's how you deal with a DEA drone. 259 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,188 No! 260 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,923 It's my robot! 261 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,958 I was playing a joke. 262 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,226 Oh. 263 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,061 It was funny. 264 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,798 Oh... oh... 265 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Don't worry, little ro-buddy. 266 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,969 We'll get you on life support. 267 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,139 Or tech support. Oh, he would've loved that joke. 268 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,708 I lost the head of one of my toys once. 269 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,345 Of course, I had to go to the emergency room to get it out. 270 00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:52,183 Um, listen, I know this may not be an opportune moment, 271 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:56,421 but, um, I was wondering, would you do me the honor of... 272 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,722 being my best man? 273 00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,792 Of course. I would have been hurt if you didn't ask. 274 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,027 Oh, thanks, thanks. Great, man. 275 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,762 Uh, oh, and better get your speech ready 276 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:04,863 for the rehearsal dinner. 277 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,398 I'm taking everybody to Souplantation. 278 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,266 Fingers crossed we all end up at the same table. 279 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,901 Come on, come on, come on. We... 280 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,036 we got to go someplace fancier. 281 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,104 Well, I would love to, but I can't affo... 282 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,005 I'll pay for it. 283 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,006 Great. We've got reservations 284 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,341 at 7:30 at La Dolce. 285 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,077 ♪ Men. ♪ 286 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:24,349 I would like to make a toast to the bride and groom. 287 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,352 Um, I don't look at this 288 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,320 as losing a friend 289 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:32,090 so much as gaining a guest room. 290 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,461 I don't see this as losing a friend either. 291 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:40,432 Anyway, uh, to the happy couple. 292 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:41,699 Uh, Alan, 293 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,701 you're like a brother to me. 294 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,204 And, Gretchen, you... 295 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:50,442 have a smile that lights up those around you 296 00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:53,478 and a heart big enough to let them all in. 297 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,612 So... 298 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,081 cheers. 299 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,483 That was so sweet. 300 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,984 Is he gay? 301 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,188 If he was, you think I'd be with you right now? 302 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,657 ♪ Men. ♪ 303 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,760 Um, occupied. 304 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,497 Ocupado. 305 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,569 S-Sprechen Sie poopin. 306 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,437 Alan. 307 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,272 Lyndsey?! 308 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,574 I need to talk to you. 309 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,276 You scared the crap out of me. Literally. 310 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,578 This'll just take a sec. 311 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,712 Wh-What are you doing? 312 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,647 My whole family's here in the restaurant. 313 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,283 I'm here to say yes. 314 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,818 To what? 315 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,854 Your proposal. 316 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,222 I want to be your wife. 317 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,492 I am yours forever and ever and ever. 318 00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:43,194 I am crazy for you. 319 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,663 Oh, I don't doubt that. 320 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,098 You know you still want me. 321 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,867 Fate has brought us here together. 322 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,935 Uh, actually, my lactose intolerance 323 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,271 has brought us here together. 324 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,174 Whatever. It was meant to be. 325 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,408 Um, Lyndsey, Lyndsey, 326 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,911 a-as romantic as this moment is, 327 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:03,448 um, uh, I-I'm in love with Gretchen. 328 00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:08,319 What happened to me? 329 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,288 I was the prize. 330 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,291 Men were fighting over me. 331 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:17,295 Am I not hot anymore? 332 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,499 Oh, I'm gonna need that. 333 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,237 Here. 334 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,507 They're sanitized for your protection. 335 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,144 Look, I-I still care about you and... 336 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,846 Oh, stop it. 337 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,081 I don't want your pity. 338 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:41,019 I'm gonna get out of here while I still have my dignity. 339 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,359 Oh, great. 340 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,663 Now everyone at the table's gonna know I was pooping. 341 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:55,133 ♪ Men. ♪ 342 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,734 Hey, Alan, 343 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,537 I have a little surprise for your big day. 344 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,573 Oh! Cash or check? 345 00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,775 I brought Jake to the wedding. 346 00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:05,710 My son. Yes. Yes. 347 00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,779 Yes, that's-that's way better than cash. 348 00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,615 Um, uh, where is he? 349 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,318 Hi, Dad. 350 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,420 Pull my finger. 351 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:22,260 Classic Robot Jake. 352 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,962 Alan, can I see you a second? 353 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,597 Oh, did you see Jake came to the wedding? 354 00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:28,700 Sure, of course. Hello, Jake. 355 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,907 Hey, Larry. 356 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,508 Hey. 357 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,911 You're looking... pretty pensive. 358 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:43,047 Oh, thanks, it's a rental. 359 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,351 You look pretty pensive, too. 360 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,286 Actually... 361 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,154 Thank you. 362 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:54,592 Uh, hey, I just wanted to say that it's, um.... 363 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,894 it's pretty big of you to forgive Alan the way you did. 364 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,830 I mean, 365 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:01,165 after hearing that he was still sleeping with Lyndsey 366 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,201 when you two were dating... 367 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,738 ...is apparently something you're hearing 368 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,673 for the first time right now. 369 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,675 Are you freakin' kidding me? They were cheating?! 370 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,809 I'll kill him! 371 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,944 Larry, Larry, 372 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,879 I'm sorry. For what? 373 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,081 This. 374 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,788 Okay, let's get this show on the road! 375 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,990 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What-What's the rush? 376 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,759 Oh, uh, I accidentally told Larry 377 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,661 that you and Lyndsey were cheating on him, 378 00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:32,397 so he wanted to kill you so I pushed him off the deck. 379 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,399 Let's go! Showtime! Chop, chop! Come on! 380 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,571 Oh, 381 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,641 wow, so pensive. 382 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:45,910 Where's my brother? 383 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,145 Oh. 384 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,212 Uh, 385 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:51,015 he was overcome with emotion. 386 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,818 So he hit the beach. 387 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:55,953 Uh, but don't worry. I'm filming it. 388 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,822 Oh, by the way, if you trip on your dress 389 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:01,359 and accidentally flash us, just go with it. 390 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,395 A-All right, honey, you look beautiful, 391 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:05,697 but let's move it along, please. 392 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,934 Uh, Jenny, hit it. 393 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,603 "Daughters, mothers, sisters, we gather here, 394 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,940 safe from the patriarchy and the oppression of its penises..." 395 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,709 Oh, I really should've revised this 396 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,177 before doing a straight wedding. 397 00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:22,714 Um, wh-why don't we, uh, skip to the vows that you guys wrote? 398 00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,849 All right. Um... 399 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:29,487 I, Gretchen, do swear to honor and cherish you. 400 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,323 You asked me to go down the road of life with you, 401 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,891 and I am answering. 402 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,027 I will go down. 403 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:39,330 That's what she said. 404 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,966 And I, Alan, do swear to honor, 405 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,001 cherish and stand behind you 406 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,570 whether things are easy 407 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,171 or things are hard. 408 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:50,174 That's what he said. 409 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,243 Alan, do you take Gretchen to be your... 410 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,778 I object! 411 00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:57,081 Lyndsey? 412 00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,085 Lyndsey, Lyndsey, you can't be here. 413 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,987 Aren't I a pretty, pretty bride, Alan? 414 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,489 Yes. 415 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,824 You look insanely beautiful. 416 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:07,892 Uh, now let's turn you around 417 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,427 and get you in a cab. How 'bout... 418 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,496 No! 419 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,632 This was supposed to be my day! 420 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,967 My wedding! 421 00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,969 My groom! 422 00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,571 My f... Wait. 423 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,440 Those are my flowers. 424 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:26,277 That's my food! 425 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,913 Those are my linens. 426 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,683 That's my... 427 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,453 I think she was gonna say "cake"! 428 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,593 I always liked her. 429 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,596 So, uh... so where were we? 430 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,165 Gretchen? 431 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,466 Derek? 432 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,333 Who's this guy? 433 00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:51,936 He's my ex-husband. 434 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,539 Oh, come on! 435 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,274 What are you doing here? 436 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,777 Some crazy lady called and said you were getting married. 437 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:00,878 Well, actually, 438 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,113 what she said was, 439 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,915 "Gretchen, pretty, pretty brid"" 440 00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,151 followed by two minutes of intense vomiting. 441 00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,786 Pretty sure that was her. 442 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,889 Boo-ya! 443 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,558 Gretchen, I know I made some horrible mistakes. 444 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,393 I drank too much, I wrecked your truck, 445 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,728 I cheated on you with your best friend. 446 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,664 In your truck. While I was drunk. 447 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,132 Which is why I wrecked it. 448 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,367 Lose your dog and you got a country song. 449 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,903 I wouldn't know. I'm more into hip-hop. 450 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,239 I miss you, baby. I want you back. 451 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,340 Hey, Derek, 452 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,408 if you want her back, 453 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:32,310 you're gonna have to go through me. 454 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,544 Fine by me. 455 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,213 And him. 456 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:38,082 Look, seeing you in that white dress right before 457 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,985 I beat up two goobers reminds me of our wedding. 458 00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,454 But this time the cake's not in the shape of Dale Jr., 459 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,423 which is a huge oversight. 460 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,460 Derek... 461 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,496 You're not actually considering this, are you? 462 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:52,864 I don't know. I'm so confused. 463 00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:55,233 I mean, Derek and I have so much history together. 464 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,201 This is really hard. 465 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,402 That's what she said. 466 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,474 That's what they say. 467 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,011 I'm sorry, Alan. I-I at least have to talk to him. 468 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:09,580 Gretchen, wait! 469 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,250 It's times like this a son needs his mother. 470 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,685 I'm gonna slip out the back. 471 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,555 Serves you right, you bastard. 472 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,557 I mean, I love you. 473 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:23,394 Let's work this out. 474 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,663 Best wedding ever! 475 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,065 Yep! And I got the whole thing on... 476 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:31,869 Aw, crap, I had it on photo. 477 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,972 ♪ Men. ♪ 478 00:19:41,719 --> 00:19:43,420 How you doing? 479 00:19:43,422 --> 00:19:45,589 I've had better days. 480 00:19:45,591 --> 00:19:48,258 Hey, I'm sorry, buddy. 481 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,561 Later, I'll run you a Bublé bath. 482 00:19:51,563 --> 00:19:54,231 Thanks. 483 00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:55,899 Gretchen called. 484 00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,534 She said it's not over. 485 00:19:57,536 --> 00:19:59,770 She's just sorting things out. 486 00:19:59,772 --> 00:20:01,838 Oh, buddy. 487 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,975 "Sorting things out" is just people's way 488 00:20:04,977 --> 00:20:07,611 of not giving you bad news. 489 00:20:09,247 --> 00:20:11,048 So I take it your... 490 00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:15,118 mom's not gonna give you the money for your own place? 491 00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:19,122 I'm just sorting things out. 492 00:20:19,124 --> 00:20:21,458 You know what? 493 00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,994 I didn't really want you to leave anyway. 494 00:20:23,996 --> 00:20:26,196 Aw. Thanks. 495 00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:29,199 Can you believe it? 496 00:20:29,201 --> 00:20:32,436 We're still together, three years later. 497 00:20:32,438 --> 00:20:33,904 I know. 498 00:20:33,906 --> 00:20:37,407 I thought for sure it was over when Charlie died. 499 00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:39,609 Thank God I showed up. 500 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,748 You're telling me. Hmm. 501 00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,750 I... You know, I've been so busy lately. 502 00:20:46,752 --> 00:20:48,385 I-I really miss hanging out with you. 503 00:20:48,387 --> 00:20:50,987 Yeah. Me, too. You know, we should pick a night 504 00:20:50,989 --> 00:20:53,290 where we just always get together. 505 00:20:53,292 --> 00:20:56,626 No matter what's going on, once a week, we just do this. 506 00:20:56,628 --> 00:20:58,395 Okay, I like it. I like it. 507 00:20:58,397 --> 00:21:00,764 How 'bout, uh, here every Thursday night? 508 00:21:00,766 --> 00:21:01,932 9:00. 509 00:21:01,934 --> 00:21:02,733 It's a date. 510 00:21:02,735 --> 00:21:04,368 Uh, don't call it a date. 511 00:21:04,370 --> 00:21:07,037 Just call it... two men hanging out. 512 00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:08,672 Hey. 513 00:21:08,674 --> 00:21:10,540 What about me? 514 00:21:10,542 --> 00:21:13,043 Okay, fine. Two and a half men. 515 00:21:13,045 --> 00:21:18,045 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net