1
00:00:01,676 --> 00:00:02,808
♪ Men. ♪
2
00:00:02,810 --> 00:00:03,976
Thanks for coming in, guys.
3
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It's always
a pleasure seeing you.
4
00:00:05,913 --> 00:00:07,813
I mean, she's so pretty.
You're so pretty.
5
00:00:08,649 --> 00:00:10,883
You know anyone
we can set her up with?
6
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I appreciate the thought,
but I am perfectly happy
7
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with my... cats.
8
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,223
Anyway...
9
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,658
how would you guys feel
about adopting an older child?
10
00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:21,994
Wow. Like, how old
are we talking?
11
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Like, I've been taking care
of this one since he was 43.
12
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,399
He's been a
wonderful provider.
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And he only spanks me
when I ask him to.
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Wow, that is a lot to take in
before 10:00 a.m. on a Monday.
15
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That's what he said.
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Okay, please stop.
17
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That's what he said.
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Oh! The reason I bring it up
is because there is
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a six-year-old boy
who's been bouncing around
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the foster system for a while,
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and I think he'd be
a great match for you guys.
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Wow, really?
23
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Uh, well, six
is a great age.
24
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Potty-trained
but not ashamed of you yet.
25
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Well...
26
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well, uh, can we adopt him
right away?
27
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Well, we'd start
with a weekend visit.
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See if it's a good fit,
then, assuming it is,
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you guys would become
his foster parents.
30
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After six months,
if everyone agrees,
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you can officially adopt him.
32
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Oh, and-and-and
if we don't agree,
33
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can we credit those six months
to a kid that we do like?
34
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Wow, I-I always thought
we were gonna get a baby,
35
00:01:17,218 --> 00:01:20,786
but I kind of like the idea
of giving an older kid a shot.
36
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Well, Louis certainly
deserves a shot.
37
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Louis?
38
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Louie?
39
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Aw, sweet Lou.
40
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Lou!
41
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Uh, is he married to that name
or can we change it?
42
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Alan.
43
00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:34,633
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
44
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I just, you know,
I had my heart set on Beckett.
45
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Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you guys.
46
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Louis has had a rough time.
47
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He's been in foster homes,
group homes.
48
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He's moved around a lot.
49
00:01:45,846 --> 00:01:47,179
We thought we had him
placed for adoption
50
00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:48,614
a few months ago,
but it fell through.
51
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So he's gonna be
a little gun-shy.
52
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Well, don't worry about that.
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I mean, I'm sure we'll have
a great time together.
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Just don't expect a lot.
55
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Same thing I told this one
on our wedding night.
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Wow, I really like this idea.
57
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I mean, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna have a son.
58
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How cool is that gonna be?
59
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I mean, and-and
you get to relive
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all those great
father-son moments.
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♪ By the time
you hear the siren ♪
62
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♪ It's already too late ♪
63
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♪ One goes to the morgue
and the other to jail ♪
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♪ One gets wasted
and the other's a waste... ♪
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Good thinking.
Aah!
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Dad?
Yeah, buddy?
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Bite me.
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Yeah, all those
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great father-son moments.
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
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♪ Two and a Half Men 12x05 ♪
Oontz Oontz Oontz
Original Air Date on November 2
73
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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♪ Men. ♪
75
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What the hell?
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- Walden?
- Up here!
77
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Check it out!
Isn't this awesome?
78
00:03:07,299 --> 00:03:09,366
They have one just like it
at the Google headquarters!
79
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:11,234
Oh, you know what you get
when you Google
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“greatest dad in the world”?
81
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This guy!
82
00:03:18,877 --> 00:03:20,444
What is going on?
83
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:21,511
What is all this?
84
00:03:21,513 --> 00:03:23,480
Oh, uh, well,
I went to the toy store
85
00:03:23,482 --> 00:03:24,848
and got a few things for Louis.
86
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:27,317
“A few things”?
Okay, I don't want to be the guy
87
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to point out the 800-pound
gorilla in the room.
88
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But there's an 800-pound gorilla
in the room.
89
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I just want him to like it here.
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00:03:33,926 --> 00:03:35,092
Well, so do I.
91
00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:37,060
But if you build Disneyland
in your house,
92
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you'll never get the thrill
of taking him to Disneyland.
93
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Ah. You're right.
94
00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:45,469
Damn it. I got to cancel
Mickey and Minnie.
95
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What?
96
00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,270
Oh, I was gonna have him
97
00:03:47,272 --> 00:03:48,405
wake him up in the morning.
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00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:49,673
Hey, Louis.
99
00:03:49,675 --> 00:03:50,807
Ready for breakfast?
100
00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:52,009
We've got orange juice
101
00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,277
and waffles shaped just like me!
102
00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:57,014
I think it's great that you're
so excited about being a dad.
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00:03:57,016 --> 00:04:00,651
And the best part is...
no stretch marks for me.
104
00:04:00,653 --> 00:04:03,186
You know, you're my best friend,
105
00:04:03,188 --> 00:04:05,389
but you're an odd little man.
106
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♪ Men. ♪
107
00:04:10,429 --> 00:04:11,662
Oh, hey.
108
00:04:11,664 --> 00:04:12,729
What are you doing up?
109
00:04:12,731 --> 00:04:14,064
I couldn't sleep.
110
00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:16,199
Oh, I get it.
Excited about tomorrow?
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00:04:16,201 --> 00:04:18,602
More like terrified
about tomorrow.
112
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Why are you getting paper towels
113
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in the middle of the..
Oh, you... Never mind.
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I don't want to know.
115
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That's a good call.
116
00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:31,381
You want to talk about it?
117
00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:33,784
There's a kid
showing up here tomorrow.
118
00:04:33,786 --> 00:04:36,286
And he needs a dad,
and I don't know if I can do it.
119
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What? Why not?
120
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Well, I've never had
a successful relationship
121
00:04:40,993 --> 00:04:43,527
with anyone in my life
except for you.
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Four years next Thursday.
123
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,097
Yeah, I got your wish list.
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00:04:47,099 --> 00:04:50,167
They're just ideas.
Make it your own.
125
00:04:50,169 --> 00:04:52,269
Look, the fact that you've
screwed up with women
126
00:04:52,271 --> 00:04:53,704
doesn't mean you can't
be a great father.
127
00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:55,806
I don't even know
what a good dad looks like.
128
00:04:55,808 --> 00:04:57,340
I mean, I know
what a bad dad looks like.
129
00:04:57,342 --> 00:04:59,810
It's an empty chair
across the table from my mom.
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00:04:59,812 --> 00:05:02,112
Which later gets filled
by my “Uncle Kenneth”
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00:05:02,114 --> 00:05:03,447
who sold speedboats.
132
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:06,249
And “Uncle Rob”
who sold insurance.
133
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:08,418
Then “Uncle Stan” who sold pot.
134
00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:10,587
I liked Uncle Stan.
135
00:05:10,589 --> 00:05:12,689
I get it. I didn't grow up
with a dad, either.
136
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:15,025
When Jake was born,
I was scared out of my mind.
137
00:05:15,027 --> 00:05:16,927
Why were you scared?
You're a great dad.
138
00:05:16,929 --> 00:05:20,263
Okay, I'm gonna
tell you something
139
00:05:20,265 --> 00:05:22,966
that I've, I've never
told anybody before.
140
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:26,103
When Jake was a baby...
141
00:05:26,105 --> 00:05:28,171
I dropped him.
142
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:32,743
Right smack on his head.
143
00:05:32,745 --> 00:05:35,312
Oh, my God.
144
00:05:35,314 --> 00:05:37,581
Now I feel awful
about all the times I said,
145
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:41,184
“Were you dropped
on your head as a baby?”
146
00:05:41,186 --> 00:05:43,487
My point is
that Jake turned out fine.
147
00:05:43,489 --> 00:05:45,989
I mean, sure, he had to repeat
seventh grade math
148
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:48,625
a couple of times, but he was
born at the right time.
149
00:05:48,627 --> 00:05:50,427
You know? Computers.
150
00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,697
Wait, so what you're saying is
151
00:05:53,699 --> 00:05:56,333
even if I screw up a little,
it's not the end of the world?
152
00:05:56,335 --> 00:05:58,535
The fact that you're worried
about being a good dad
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00:05:58,537 --> 00:06:00,370
is what's gonna
make you a great one.
154
00:06:00,372 --> 00:06:02,973
Thanks.
Hmm.
155
00:06:02,975 --> 00:06:04,274
You're a good friend.
156
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,876
All right.
157
00:06:05,878 --> 00:06:07,110
I'm gonna go get some sleep.
158
00:06:07,112 --> 00:06:09,412
Good night.
Good night.
159
00:06:13,685 --> 00:06:16,853
Oh, Baby Jake.
160
00:06:16,855 --> 00:06:18,889
♪ Men. ♪
161
00:06:18,891 --> 00:06:21,424
It'll be nice having
a kid around here again.
162
00:06:21,426 --> 00:06:23,493
Running up and
down the stairs.
163
00:06:23,495 --> 00:06:26,029
Laughing at all
the silliest things.
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00:06:26,031 --> 00:06:29,199
And they'll believe almost
anything you tell them.
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00:06:29,201 --> 00:06:30,467
No kidding.
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00:06:30,469 --> 00:06:31,635
Jake still thinks
one of the first men
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00:06:31,637 --> 00:06:32,769
on the moon was
Buzz Lightyear.
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00:06:32,771 --> 00:06:33,870
Ha!
169
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,207
I'll get it!
170
00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:40,644
You got to admit that would've
been way cooler with a slide.
171
00:06:46,218 --> 00:06:48,418
Look who's here.
Hi, guys.
172
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:49,953
This is Louis.
173
00:06:49,955 --> 00:06:51,621
Hi, Louis!
Sweet Lou!
174
00:06:51,623 --> 00:06:54,324
Lou!
175
00:06:55,661 --> 00:06:57,594
We're not booing,
we're Lou-ing.
176
00:06:57,596 --> 00:07:01,264
Louis, this is Walden and Alan.
177
00:07:01,266 --> 00:07:02,299
Hi.
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00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:03,301
You're gonna be staying
179
00:07:03,302 --> 00:07:04,301
with them for the weekend.
180
00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:05,869
Oh, uh, don't worry, buddy,
181
00:07:05,871 --> 00:07:08,371
I was only supposed
to stay here for a weekend, too.
182
00:07:08,373 --> 00:07:10,774
12 years later.
183
00:07:10,776 --> 00:07:12,909
Oh, and, uh,
184
00:07:12,911 --> 00:07:14,377
this is Berta.
Uh, she helps
185
00:07:14,379 --> 00:07:15,645
take care of us around here.
186
00:07:15,647 --> 00:07:17,614
Look at that face.
187
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:21,351
Walden, you might have
some competition
188
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,186
for the best looking
man in the house.
189
00:07:23,188 --> 00:07:25,088
You mean so-some
more competition?
190
00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:28,158
Nope.
191
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,260
Do you have any Cheez-Its?
192
00:07:30,262 --> 00:07:33,630
Uh, well, if we don't,
we could get some.
193
00:07:33,632 --> 00:07:35,765
Okay, I'll stay.
194
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:37,901
All right, well,
I want you guys
195
00:07:37,903 --> 00:07:39,603
to get to know each other,
so I'm gonna go.
196
00:07:39,605 --> 00:07:41,133
But you have my number
if you need anything.
197
00:07:41,157 --> 00:07:41,939
Oh, uh, wait.
198
00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:45,175
Uh, does-does he come with an
instruction manual or something?
199
00:07:45,177 --> 00:07:48,345
You'll be fine.
Bye, Louis.
200
00:07:48,347 --> 00:07:49,746
Uh, okay, uh...
201
00:07:49,748 --> 00:07:51,481
should we have tipped her?
202
00:07:51,483 --> 00:07:52,682
You're asking me?
203
00:07:52,684 --> 00:07:54,851
I don't even tip the pizza guy.
204
00:07:54,853 --> 00:07:56,353
I don't like pizza.
205
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:57,854
I like Cheez-Its.
206
00:07:57,856 --> 00:08:00,090
Oh, well, you know,
when you think about it,
207
00:08:00,092 --> 00:08:03,260
a pizza is just
a really big Cheez-It
208
00:08:03,262 --> 00:08:05,662
with sauce.
209
00:08:06,765 --> 00:08:09,766
We're gonna get
Cheez-Its, right?
210
00:08:09,768 --> 00:08:11,167
Berta?
211
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:12,302
I'm on it.
212
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:14,771
I'll be back as
soon as I can.
213
00:08:14,773 --> 00:08:15,906
And, Louis?
214
00:08:15,908 --> 00:08:17,173
That's the first time I ever
215
00:08:17,175 --> 00:08:19,142
said that and meant it.
216
00:08:19,144 --> 00:08:21,711
Hey, Louis?
Welcome to our house.
217
00:08:21,713 --> 00:08:24,447
Do you want to come on in?
218
00:08:24,449 --> 00:08:25,882
Oh, my God. Look at him.
219
00:08:25,884 --> 00:08:27,183
He's adorable.
220
00:08:27,185 --> 00:08:29,653
I know, I know.
He's like one of those TV kids.
221
00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:30,921
Maybe we can put him
in commercials.
222
00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:32,455
We know he likes Cheez-Its.
223
00:08:32,457 --> 00:08:33,924
Alan, do you really want to be
224
00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:36,226
making less money
than a six-year-old?
225
00:08:36,228 --> 00:08:38,628
Oh, oh, oh. Oh.
226
00:08:38,630 --> 00:08:40,297
Who is that?
227
00:08:40,299 --> 00:08:41,464
This is Timothy.
228
00:08:41,466 --> 00:08:42,565
He's a seal.
229
00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:43,800
Oh! Well, hi, Timothy.
230
00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:44,868
I'm Walden.
231
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:45,902
And I'm Alan.
232
00:08:45,904 --> 00:08:48,305
Timothy doesn't talk.
233
00:08:48,307 --> 00:08:49,606
Oh, right, yeah.
234
00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:51,308
Because he's a seal.
235
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:54,010
No, because he's a toy.
236
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:56,579
Right. He-He's a toy.
237
00:09:00,652 --> 00:09:04,020
Wow. Got a lot
of weekend left.
238
00:09:04,022 --> 00:09:07,924
So, which one of you
is the mommy?
239
00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:10,593
Um...
Um...
240
00:09:10,595 --> 00:09:12,896
well, that's-that's
a great question.
241
00:09:12,898 --> 00:09:14,264
And one I was hoping
you wouldn't ask
242
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:15,832
in the first five minutes.
243
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,233
You know, see, in some families,
244
00:09:17,235 --> 00:09:19,970
there's a mommy and a daddy.
245
00:09:19,972 --> 00:09:22,372
But in other families,
like this one,
246
00:09:22,374 --> 00:09:24,207
there's, there's two daddies.
247
00:09:24,209 --> 00:09:25,408
Why?
248
00:09:25,410 --> 00:09:30,013
Wow, that is
another great question.
249
00:09:30,015 --> 00:09:32,515
Um... Alan?
250
00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:34,284
No, no. You're doing great.
251
00:09:34,286 --> 00:09:35,418
Okay.
252
00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:37,320
He's the mommy.
253
00:09:37,322 --> 00:09:39,456
I told you, Timothy.
254
00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:41,758
♪ Men. ♪
255
00:09:48,402 --> 00:09:50,068
♪ Men. ♪
256
00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:52,804
Hey, Louis, check it out.
257
00:09:52,806 --> 00:09:55,607
Casa de Louis.
258
00:09:55,609 --> 00:09:57,276
Chez Louie.
259
00:09:57,278 --> 00:10:00,312
San Louis... Obispo.
260
00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,826
Basically what I'm saying is
this is your room.
261
00:10:03,826 --> 00:10:04,435
Cool!
262
00:10:04,459 --> 00:10:06,443
You know, I thought we could
decorate it together.
263
00:10:06,887 --> 00:10:09,655
Lucky. He never let me.
264
00:10:10,658 --> 00:10:12,024
Oh, and check this out.
265
00:10:12,026 --> 00:10:13,625
This is your bed.
266
00:10:13,627 --> 00:10:15,661
But if you're thinking about
jumping up and down on it,
267
00:10:15,663 --> 00:10:18,430
you're gonna be
in a lot of trouble...
268
00:10:18,432 --> 00:10:21,566
if you don't!
269
00:10:22,536 --> 00:10:25,003
Uh, we also heard, uh,
that you like to draw.
270
00:10:25,005 --> 00:10:27,372
So check out
this fully stocked art table.
271
00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:29,708
You got, uh, markers,
crayons, paints.
272
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:33,445
Someone's gonna put
the “arty” back in “party.”
273
00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:37,049
Okay, so, uh, why don't we,
uh, unpack your stuff?
274
00:10:37,051 --> 00:10:39,551
We'll put it in the dresser,
and then we'll go do something.
275
00:10:39,553 --> 00:10:41,687
No, I don't need to unpack.
276
00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:42,988
Oh, okay.
277
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:45,490
Uh, well, then it's straight
to the good times, huh?
278
00:10:45,492 --> 00:10:48,193
For King Louie
the Fun-teenth.
279
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:51,596
I apologize.
280
00:10:51,598 --> 00:10:53,198
So, yeah,
281
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,366
what do you want to do?
282
00:10:54,368 --> 00:10:55,867
You know, we could play a game,
283
00:10:55,869 --> 00:10:58,170
we could go to the park,
we could go to the zoo,
284
00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:00,405
we could go to SeaWorld
or Disneyland
285
00:11:00,407 --> 00:11:02,407
or Legoland, or we could
play Legos in the house,
286
00:11:02,409 --> 00:11:04,409
or we could play house,
or we could build a house,
287
00:11:04,411 --> 00:11:06,211
or we could listen
to house music.
288
00:11:06,213 --> 00:11:09,281
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
289
00:11:11,919 --> 00:11:13,485
What's up, Miami!
290
00:11:13,487 --> 00:11:14,720
Oontz. Oontz.
291
00:11:14,722 --> 00:11:18,523
Or-or we don't have
to do any of that.
292
00:11:18,525 --> 00:11:19,691
We could...
293
00:11:19,693 --> 00:11:22,494
do something else, like...
294
00:11:22,496 --> 00:11:23,695
Alan?
295
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:25,564
Uh, uh, we could,
we could go to the beach.
296
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,332
Oh, that's a great idea.
297
00:11:27,334 --> 00:11:30,569
Oh, but where are we
gonna find one of those?
298
00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:32,704
You live on the beach.
299
00:11:32,706 --> 00:11:34,773
Oh! That's right!
300
00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:36,908
It's your backyard.
301
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,810
So, what do you say?
You want to go?
302
00:11:38,812 --> 00:11:39,878
Okay.
303
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,980
We got an okay. Okay.
So let's go.
304
00:11:41,982 --> 00:11:43,749
Let's do this.
To the beach we go.
305
00:11:43,751 --> 00:11:46,451
Oh, hey, uh,
if you need a bathing suit,
306
00:11:46,453 --> 00:11:47,986
it's in the top drawer.
307
00:11:47,988 --> 00:11:50,322
So why don't you change,
308
00:11:50,324 --> 00:11:51,823
and we'll change,
and then we'll go
309
00:11:51,825 --> 00:11:53,759
have a party on the beach.
310
00:11:53,761 --> 00:11:56,762
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
311
00:11:56,764 --> 00:11:58,597
Oontz. Oontz.
Oontz.
312
00:11:58,599 --> 00:11:59,564
Oontz. Oontz.
313
00:11:59,566 --> 00:12:01,967
Oh, my God,
that was like pulling teeth.
314
00:12:01,969 --> 00:12:03,802
Please tell me
this gets easier.
315
00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:04,903
It doesn't,
316
00:12:04,905 --> 00:12:06,972
but the good news
is, you stop trying.
317
00:12:06,974 --> 00:12:08,507
♪ Men. ♪
318
00:12:08,509 --> 00:12:10,475
Hey, Louis,
look at this.
319
00:12:10,477 --> 00:12:12,144
We're almost done.
320
00:12:12,146 --> 00:12:14,045
Yes, now all we need
321
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:15,414
is a flag for the top.
Oh!
322
00:12:15,416 --> 00:12:17,449
Oh, that's an old Band-Aid.
323
00:12:17,451 --> 00:12:18,984
Uh, how about this?
324
00:12:18,986 --> 00:12:21,119
We'll take this juice box,
325
00:12:21,121 --> 00:12:23,855
flip it up here, and we'll put
the straw in like this,
326
00:12:23,857 --> 00:12:25,090
and ta-da!
327
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:26,425
It's a flag!
328
00:12:26,427 --> 00:12:27,859
Look at this, Louis!
329
00:12:27,861 --> 00:12:29,194
All hail
330
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:32,631
the Kingdom
of Mount Berry Cooler!
331
00:12:32,633 --> 00:12:34,599
Oh, oh,
332
00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:37,369
and here comes the king, uh,
returning home from battle.
333
00:12:37,371 --> 00:12:40,305
And what does
he have with him?
334
00:12:40,307 --> 00:12:41,673
The spoils of war,
335
00:12:41,675 --> 00:12:45,410
all the Cheez-Its in the land.
336
00:12:45,412 --> 00:12:47,179
Isn't this cool, Louis?
337
00:12:47,181 --> 00:12:48,880
I want to go back inside.
338
00:12:48,882 --> 00:12:50,015
What?
339
00:12:50,017 --> 00:12:51,116
It's kind of hot,
340
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,684
and I have to pee.
341
00:12:52,686 --> 00:12:53,919
Well, uh, you know,
342
00:12:53,921 --> 00:12:56,321
the ocean solves
both of those problems.
343
00:12:56,323 --> 00:12:58,757
O-O-Okay.
344
00:12:58,759 --> 00:13:01,393
Okay,
w-w-we'll meet you inside.
345
00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:03,228
Hey, hey, Berta,
he's coming in!
346
00:13:03,230 --> 00:13:04,496
I've got him!
347
00:13:04,498 --> 00:13:07,532
Well, he hates me.
348
00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:08,600
What?
349
00:13:08,602 --> 00:13:10,202
We spent an hour
350
00:13:10,204 --> 00:13:11,570
building a sand castle,
351
00:13:11,572 --> 00:13:13,238
and all he did was dig a hole.
352
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,506
Who digs holes, Alan?
353
00:13:15,442 --> 00:13:17,409
Prisoners, they want to escape.
354
00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:19,377
Oh, Walden.
355
00:13:19,379 --> 00:13:22,147
Why are the pretty ones
always so crazy?
356
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,748
Crazy? Am I?
357
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,951
Really? What about earlier
when he didn't want to unpack?
358
00:13:25,953 --> 00:13:27,052
What was that all about?
359
00:13:27,054 --> 00:13:28,920
Nobody likes to unpack.
I hate it.
360
00:13:28,922 --> 00:13:30,755
Oh, is that why
you've never moved out?
361
00:13:30,757 --> 00:13:32,023
Wow.
362
00:13:32,025 --> 00:13:33,959
Um, misdirected anger,
363
00:13:33,961 --> 00:13:35,494
your table is ready.
364
00:13:35,496 --> 00:13:37,929
You know what,
he doesn't want to be here.
365
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:39,331
That's it.
366
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,166
I-I knew I couldn't do this.
367
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,134
Come on, Walden,
put yourself in his shoes.
368
00:13:43,136 --> 00:13:45,670
He only spent
half a day with us.
369
00:13:45,672 --> 00:13:48,206
He's gonna need more time
to feel safe here.
370
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,941
Yeah, right.
371
00:13:49,943 --> 00:13:52,110
More time.
372
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:56,181
You think he'll love me
by tomorrow?
373
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:57,415
Trust me, Walden,
374
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,351
he'll warm up to you
just like I did.
375
00:13:59,353 --> 00:14:00,585
Remember when you moved here?
376
00:14:00,587 --> 00:14:02,420
I wasn't sure
I wanted you to stay.
377
00:14:02,422 --> 00:14:03,889
I bought the house.
378
00:14:03,891 --> 00:14:05,757
And I made it a home.
379
00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:08,593
You're gonna have
to have more patience with him.
380
00:14:08,595 --> 00:14:11,363
Fine.
381
00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,998
Patience.
382
00:14:14,601 --> 00:14:16,134
Where you going?
The ocean.
383
00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:18,136
I'm hot and I got to pee.
384
00:14:18,138 --> 00:14:20,739
Well, be careful.
385
00:14:21,508 --> 00:14:23,708
He hates me.
386
00:14:27,414 --> 00:14:29,347
Oh, there he is.
387
00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:31,216
Did you put the seat down?
388
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,984
I never put it up.
389
00:14:35,055 --> 00:14:36,421
Can I have a snack?
390
00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:38,323
Do we have snacks?
391
00:14:39,493 --> 00:14:41,693
Let's see.
392
00:14:45,432 --> 00:14:47,299
Wow.
393
00:14:47,301 --> 00:14:49,467
Take a load off.
394
00:14:52,739 --> 00:14:54,773
When a guy named Charlie
lived here,
395
00:14:54,775 --> 00:14:57,809
I had to keep this cabinet
396
00:14:57,811 --> 00:15:00,645
stocked with coke...
397
00:15:01,815 --> 00:15:04,449
...co powder.
398
00:15:04,451 --> 00:15:07,452
Because he loved hot chocolate.
399
00:15:07,454 --> 00:15:09,220
I like hot chocolate.
400
00:15:09,222 --> 00:15:11,222
Not like he did.
401
00:15:11,224 --> 00:15:14,025
You like your crackers?
402
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,126
Yeah.
403
00:15:15,128 --> 00:15:16,494
You don't talk much, do you?
404
00:15:18,098 --> 00:15:19,364
I get it.
405
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:20,966
I was a quiet child.
406
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,567
In fact,
407
00:15:22,569 --> 00:15:24,669
you and I have a lot in common.
408
00:15:24,671 --> 00:15:26,705
You like Cheez-Its, too?
409
00:15:26,707 --> 00:15:28,440
I do.
410
00:15:28,442 --> 00:15:30,775
But I was also raised
411
00:15:30,777 --> 00:15:32,811
in a whole bunch
of foster homes.
412
00:15:32,813 --> 00:15:34,045
You were?
413
00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:36,214
Yep, and I hated it.
414
00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:38,950
Moving around
all the time,
415
00:15:38,952 --> 00:15:41,186
having to make friends
everywhere,
416
00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:44,589
and no one ever offered me
grape juice.
417
00:15:46,159 --> 00:15:48,526
Would you like to have
some grape juice?
418
00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:50,762
Yes, please.
419
00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:52,697
But I got to tell you,
420
00:15:52,699 --> 00:15:55,900
we both hit the lottery
with this place.
421
00:15:55,902 --> 00:15:58,303
Walden and Alan
422
00:15:58,305 --> 00:16:00,238
are the best.
423
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,040
They're nice,
424
00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:04,576
they're fun,
425
00:16:04,578 --> 00:16:06,211
and guess what else.
426
00:16:06,213 --> 00:16:07,312
What?
427
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,514
They're easy to fool.
428
00:16:11,284 --> 00:16:14,753
Last year, I went to
my granddaughter's graduation
429
00:16:14,755 --> 00:16:16,087
seven times.
430
00:16:18,392 --> 00:16:19,724
And with that face...
431
00:16:20,661 --> 00:16:23,028
...you can get anything
you want.
432
00:16:24,131 --> 00:16:25,664
Welcome to Malibu, kid.
433
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:29,000
♪ Men. ♪
434
00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:32,937
Can I come in?
435
00:16:34,241 --> 00:16:36,307
What you drawing?
436
00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:38,143
Oh.
437
00:16:38,145 --> 00:16:39,744
A sand castle.
438
00:16:39,746 --> 00:16:41,980
That's ironic.
439
00:16:41,982 --> 00:16:44,182
Hey, uh, c-can we
talk for a second?
440
00:16:44,184 --> 00:16:45,917
Sure.
All right.
441
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:47,085
Great.
442
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,420
Look, uh...
443
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:52,357
I know it's got
to be overwhelming being here
444
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:55,393
and being in new places
all the time
445
00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:58,029
and with new people
and a new bed.
446
00:16:58,031 --> 00:16:59,164
I mean, heck, for all you know,
447
00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:00,665
there could be monsters
under the bed.
448
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:02,600
There's monsters?
No.
449
00:17:02,602 --> 00:17:04,035
That's a bad example.
450
00:17:04,037 --> 00:17:06,638
In fact, before you got here,
451
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,174
I de-monsterized
the entire house.
452
00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:13,845
My point is, is...
453
00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:15,647
I'm really glad
you're here, Louis.
454
00:17:16,783 --> 00:17:19,050
I just want you
to be comfortable
455
00:17:19,052 --> 00:17:20,885
with Alan and I.
456
00:17:20,887 --> 00:17:23,321
So if, so if there's anything
you ever need to talk about,
457
00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:25,657
like anything at all,
you can come to me.
458
00:17:27,461 --> 00:17:29,661
So, that's all I have to say.
459
00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:33,932
Is there anything
you would like to say?
460
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:35,467
Nope.
461
00:17:35,469 --> 00:17:37,035
Really.
462
00:17:37,037 --> 00:17:38,737
Just, like, just nothing?
463
00:17:38,739 --> 00:17:41,106
Like, nothing at all?
464
00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:42,807
Can I ask you a question?
465
00:17:42,809 --> 00:17:44,075
Uh, yes, of course.
466
00:17:44,077 --> 00:17:45,243
You can just, any time.
467
00:17:45,245 --> 00:17:46,344
That-That's why I'm here.
468
00:17:46,346 --> 00:17:47,612
So you just ask away.
469
00:17:47,614 --> 00:17:51,282
Is it okay that I can draw
by myself for a little while?
470
00:17:54,187 --> 00:17:56,254
Yeah.
471
00:17:56,256 --> 00:17:57,889
Okay, yeah.
472
00:17:57,891 --> 00:18:00,024
You-you want to be alone.
473
00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:01,392
I get that.
474
00:18:01,394 --> 00:18:03,294
That is not a problem.
475
00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:06,397
So, you want your space,
476
00:18:06,399 --> 00:18:08,900
and I shall give it to you.
477
00:18:08,902 --> 00:18:10,869
I will withdraw while you draw.
478
00:18:17,144 --> 00:18:19,310
Son of a bitch.
479
00:18:22,315 --> 00:18:24,616
♪ Men. ♪
480
00:18:28,622 --> 00:18:29,687
Walden?
481
00:18:29,689 --> 00:18:31,189
Oh, God.
482
00:18:31,191 --> 00:18:33,191
Oh, Louis.
483
00:18:33,193 --> 00:18:34,826
Oh, hey.
484
00:18:36,296 --> 00:18:37,829
What's going on, man?
485
00:18:37,831 --> 00:18:39,130
It's really late.
486
00:18:39,132 --> 00:18:41,466
I had a question, and you said
we could talk any time.
487
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,168
Well, that's-that's just
488
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,302
something that people say,
489
00:18:44,304 --> 00:18:45,770
but, I, uh...
490
00:18:45,772 --> 00:18:48,373
Yeah, what-what's up?
491
00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:50,074
Am I gonna stay here with you?
492
00:18:50,076 --> 00:18:51,476
What do you mean?
493
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,611
Sometimes I go to a house
for a weekend,
494
00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:54,946
but then I don't stay.
495
00:18:54,948 --> 00:18:57,248
Oh, buddy, that's what
you're worried about.
496
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:59,450
Well, come here,
c-come here, okay?
497
00:19:00,253 --> 00:19:02,153
Jump up here.
498
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:04,455
Hey,
499
00:19:04,457 --> 00:19:05,657
listen.
500
00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:08,960
You can stay here as long
as you want to.
501
00:19:08,962 --> 00:19:10,862
Do you want to?
502
00:19:10,864 --> 00:19:13,898
Uh-huh. I really like it here.
503
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,967
That's... great.
504
00:19:15,969 --> 00:19:18,503
Really surprising,
but it's great.
505
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:20,471
Hey,
506
00:19:20,473 --> 00:19:21,940
I'm not going anywhere,
507
00:19:21,942 --> 00:19:24,475
and as long as you want
to be here,
508
00:19:24,477 --> 00:19:25,944
you're not going anywhere,
either.
509
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:30,081
And believe me, Alan is gonna be
here longer than the both of us.
510
00:19:31,151 --> 00:19:32,817
So don't you worry.
511
00:19:32,819 --> 00:19:34,586
Thanks.
512
00:19:34,588 --> 00:19:35,887
So you really like it here, huh?
513
00:19:35,889 --> 00:19:38,523
All right, what was
the best part of the day?
514
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:39,858
The Cheez-Its.
515
00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:42,260
Yeah.
516
00:19:42,262 --> 00:19:43,494
And I like Berta.
517
00:19:43,496 --> 00:19:44,963
Berta's great,
518
00:19:44,965 --> 00:19:46,297
and you like me, too, right?
519
00:19:46,299 --> 00:19:48,433
Berta's so funny.
520
00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:50,368
Patience, patience.
521
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,003
Listen,
522
00:19:52,005 --> 00:19:52,937
as long as you're happy.
523
00:19:52,939 --> 00:19:54,472
Cool.
524
00:19:54,474 --> 00:19:56,975
It is cool, Louis.
525
00:19:56,977 --> 00:19:58,643
It's very cool.
526
00:20:01,448 --> 00:20:03,281
Where's Alan?
527
00:20:06,219 --> 00:20:08,152
Look at us.
528
00:20:08,154 --> 00:20:09,821
We're like
the Three Musketeers.
529
00:20:09,823 --> 00:20:11,489
I don't think the
Three Musketeers
530
00:20:11,491 --> 00:20:13,157
shared a bed.
531
00:20:13,159 --> 00:20:14,325
You don't know that.
532
00:20:14,327 --> 00:20:15,927
They were French.
533
00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:17,495
Where's Berta?
534
00:20:17,497 --> 00:20:18,630
No.
535
00:20:18,632 --> 00:20:20,932
♪ Men. ♪
536
00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:27,539
♪ Men. ♪
537
00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:29,311
And then you pull the bird back,
Uh-huh.
538
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:31,925
and then let them go fly
into the pig's house.
539
00:20:32,153 --> 00:20:35,888
And then they roll around,
and then they explode.
540
00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:37,690
And then it's fun.
541
00:20:37,692 --> 00:20:39,425
Angry Birds sounds like
it's fun.
542
00:20:39,427 --> 00:20:42,094
You know,
I bet the birds are so angry
543
00:20:42,096 --> 00:20:44,029
'cause they don't get
enough sleep.
544
00:20:44,031 --> 00:20:46,165
It's the pigs
who should be angry.
545
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:48,701
The birds are always crashing
into their house,
546
00:20:48,703 --> 00:20:51,904
even when they build them
out of ice or in space.
547
00:20:51,906 --> 00:20:54,202
I wonder if the pigs are
from Three Little Pigs.
548
00:20:54,527 --> 00:20:56,394
That's messed up
because the wolf already broke
549
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:58,555
their old houses.
550
00:20:58,556 --> 00:21:00,049
Little help, Alan?
551
00:21:03,017 --> 00:21:09,517
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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