1 00:00:00,111 --> 00:00:03,146 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:04,336 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:05,154 --> 00:00:07,598 Okay, not a word about anything. 4 00:00:07,623 --> 00:00:09,007 Final decision. 5 00:00:09,032 --> 00:00:11,236 Five minutes ago she was in the circle of trust. 6 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,141 - _ - What just happened? 7 00:00:12,166 --> 00:00:13,396 Caitlin's gonna have enough 8 00:00:13,421 --> 00:00:15,364 cultural shock coming home without having to hear that 9 00:00:15,389 --> 00:00:16,824 her mother has a completely new identity. 10 00:00:16,849 --> 00:00:18,552 And definitely don't mention Josh. 11 00:00:18,577 --> 00:00:20,192 I don't even know what's going on with you two. 12 00:00:20,217 --> 00:00:22,100 Mm, things are weird now that he knows that I'm 40. 13 00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:23,909 J-Lo's in her 40s, and everybody 14 00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:26,012 in their right mind's trying to make it work with her. 15 00:00:26,037 --> 00:00:28,545 - 'Cause she's J-Lo. - You're as hot as J-Lo. 16 00:00:28,569 --> 00:00:30,436 Well, you're as hot as Megan Fox. 17 00:00:30,461 --> 00:00:33,256 [chuckles] Hon, let's never stop lying to each other, okay. 18 00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:34,363 - [gasps] - [gasps] 19 00:00:34,388 --> 00:00:35,578 - Caitlin! - All: Hi! 20 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:36,711 [laughs] 21 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:37,988 - Hi! - Hi, Caitlin! 22 00:00:38,013 --> 00:00:39,842 Oh, I've missed you so much. 23 00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,495 Ah, hi Mom. Hi Maggie. 24 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:42,845 - Hi, give me a kiss. - Wow... 25 00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:44,538 - Both: Muah! - Someone needs a shower. 26 00:00:44,563 --> 00:00:46,522 - I got it. - Mom, don't be so Western. 27 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,331 All right. This is how human beings smell. 28 00:00:48,356 --> 00:00:49,836 Oh... okay. 29 00:00:49,861 --> 00:00:52,715 [upbeat pop music] 30 00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:54,030 ♪ ♪ 31 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,608 Mom, I know it's only 9:00 a.m., 32 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,169 but can we order pizza? 33 00:00:57,194 --> 00:00:59,965 Seriously, I've been having erotic dreams about pizza. 34 00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:01,962 Like, I'm about to kiss a boy 35 00:01:01,987 --> 00:01:04,438 and then his tongue just turns into a slice. 36 00:01:04,463 --> 00:01:06,469 Well, girl, you're back in the land of Seamless 37 00:01:06,494 --> 00:01:08,377 where you can order the pizza and the boy. 38 00:01:08,379 --> 00:01:09,495 Yes. 39 00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:11,164 Honey, will you sit down for a second? 40 00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:13,465 I want to share something with you. 41 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,618 Okay. 42 00:01:14,643 --> 00:01:15,833 [sighs] 43 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:18,041 So while you've been in India, 44 00:01:18,066 --> 00:01:23,122 I've been going through a bit of an identity issue. 45 00:01:23,147 --> 00:01:25,002 Mm. 46 00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:27,149 Gay or transitioning? 47 00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,092 - What? - Into a man? 48 00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:30,617 No. Why would you go there? 49 00:01:30,642 --> 00:01:33,123 Because you're tall, and Dad always said you had man hands. 50 00:01:33,148 --> 00:01:35,433 - When did he say that? - I wouldn't care. 51 00:01:35,458 --> 00:01:37,075 In India, they're known as hijras, 52 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,409 and they're very accepted. 53 00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:40,984 They're even legally recognized as a third gender 54 00:01:41,009 --> 00:01:42,071 on their passports, so. 55 00:01:42,096 --> 00:01:43,145 Okay, that's good to know, 56 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:44,586 but that's not my issue. 57 00:01:44,611 --> 00:01:45,931 What is it, then? 58 00:01:45,956 --> 00:01:48,035 The issue is... 59 00:01:48,624 --> 00:01:50,611 [mouthing] No. 60 00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:53,955 - Brooklyn. - What? 61 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:56,956 Yes. Yes, that's it. I love it. 62 00:01:56,981 --> 00:02:01,100 I love it, and I just don't identify with New Jersey 63 00:02:01,102 --> 00:02:03,146 the way that I used to. 64 00:02:03,278 --> 00:02:04,944 Well, Mom, that's really nice, 65 00:02:04,969 --> 00:02:07,086 but right now I need to sleep excessively. 66 00:02:07,111 --> 00:02:08,900 Like, for a week. 67 00:02:08,925 --> 00:02:12,427 All right, can you please deliver the pizza to my bedroom? 68 00:02:12,452 --> 00:02:14,702 Thank you. 69 00:02:14,929 --> 00:02:16,512 Wow, if she was okay with a sex change, 70 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,031 maybe this won't be such a big deal. 71 00:02:18,057 --> 00:02:21,015 [electronic pop music] 72 00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:21,989 ♪ ♪ 73 00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:26,214 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 74 00:02:27,936 --> 00:02:30,887 So I'm about to pitch a book at morning meeting. 75 00:02:30,912 --> 00:02:32,545 And I need your opinion. Sure. 76 00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,270 It's a Tumblr that's being shopped around. 77 00:02:34,295 --> 00:02:35,460 And... [sighs] 78 00:02:35,485 --> 00:02:38,166 You got to tell me if you think I'm crazy. 79 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,475 [rock music] 80 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,200 What do you think? 81 00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:45,719 Uh... so many things. 82 00:02:46,126 --> 00:02:47,659 [chuckles] Come on. 83 00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:49,052 [whispering] Wha... 84 00:02:49,077 --> 00:02:50,220 Oh, my God. 85 00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:51,271 _ 86 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,680 It's one of the most popular Tumblrs out there, 87 00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:56,739 written by a woman who's a freelance writer at "Jezebel." 88 00:02:57,448 --> 00:02:59,679 _ 89 00:02:59,704 --> 00:03:02,608 [all chuckling] 90 00:03:02,633 --> 00:03:04,583 - _ - [laughter] 91 00:03:04,607 --> 00:03:06,098 _ 92 00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:07,477 - Oh... - Excuse me. 93 00:03:07,502 --> 00:03:09,252 How exactly is this a book? 94 00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:11,637 It's pornographic Internet nonsense. 95 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:15,591 I mean, I wouldn't exactly classify oral sex as pornography 96 00:03:15,593 --> 00:03:17,323 unless you're trying to throw us back 97 00:03:17,348 --> 00:03:19,228 to the "Let's ban 'Lolita'" era. 98 00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:21,264 It's a list. It's not literature. 99 00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:23,911 I agree, but it is a fun, silly book 100 00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:25,413 that will sell 101 00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,753 to a young audience, which is what we're after. 102 00:03:27,778 --> 00:03:29,879 Liza? Uh, yes. 103 00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:33,176 I mean, it's like, uh, "Goodnight Moon" for adults... 104 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,671 - With blowjobs. - Yes. 105 00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:35,950 - [chuckles] - Charles? 106 00:03:35,975 --> 00:03:38,011 I'd at least like to see some more positive thoughts. 107 00:03:38,036 --> 00:03:39,529 Oh, of course. Um... 108 00:03:39,554 --> 00:03:41,364 - _ - Number 69. 109 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,722 [laughter] 110 00:03:42,747 --> 00:03:44,415 Okay, that's a start. 111 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,653 [upbeat music] 112 00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:49,313 You're not seriously entertaining this? 113 00:03:49,338 --> 00:03:51,453 Well, it is entertaining, 114 00:03:51,478 --> 00:03:54,157 but I'm not sure I can see it in the place 115 00:03:54,182 --> 00:03:56,060 that J.D. Salinger once called home. 116 00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:57,584 [sighs] Oh, thank God. 117 00:03:57,609 --> 00:03:59,595 Will I see you at the Bobby Flay meeting this afternoon? 118 00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:00,819 He's shopping his new cookbook. 119 00:04:00,844 --> 00:04:02,128 I think it's important you say hello. 120 00:04:02,153 --> 00:04:03,589 Damn, I forgot to mention Bobby wanted 121 00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:05,186 to move the meeting to his restaurant. 122 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:08,162 Um, can you make that dinner tonight? 123 00:04:08,187 --> 00:04:12,265 Um... I will have to check my calendar. 124 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:15,593 Probably have to rearrange a bunch of things, but... 125 00:04:15,618 --> 00:04:17,520 - Mm-hmm. - Thank you. 126 00:04:17,546 --> 00:04:20,239 [funky music] 127 00:04:20,264 --> 00:04:22,615 ♪ ♪ 128 00:04:23,786 --> 00:04:26,570 Liza, get in here, and shut the door. 129 00:04:26,595 --> 00:04:29,032 ♪ ♪ 130 00:04:29,057 --> 00:04:30,704 Is something wrong? 131 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,135 Charles just asked me to dinner. 132 00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:34,555 He did? 133 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:36,112 Yes, at Bobby Flay's restaurant. 134 00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:37,978 We're going to meet him about his new cookbook. 135 00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,434 Oh, so it's a business dinner. 136 00:04:40,459 --> 00:04:43,156 Are you suggesting I think it's something more? 137 00:04:43,181 --> 00:04:44,680 Of course not. 138 00:04:44,682 --> 00:04:46,933 I need you to download the menu and wine and cocktail list, 139 00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:49,235 and make sure the barman knows how to make a dry Negroni. 140 00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:50,467 Absolutely. 141 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:51,992 And call Davide at Barney's. He has my sizes. 142 00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:53,833 I need something simple and stunning. 143 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,575 Calling. [tongue clicks] 144 00:04:55,577 --> 00:04:57,952 I'm gonna show him what a perfect power couple we can be. 145 00:04:57,977 --> 00:05:00,509 [electronic music] 146 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,397 ♪ ♪ 147 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,260 Nice try in there. 148 00:05:04,285 --> 00:05:07,109 I just don't think it's Empirical. 149 00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:10,221 I don't think you realize how commercial this is. 150 00:05:10,246 --> 00:05:11,946 Swing and a miss. 151 00:05:11,971 --> 00:05:15,453 Just, uh, just keep looking for the next Bjornberg. 152 00:05:15,478 --> 00:05:17,293 ♪ ♪ 153 00:05:22,776 --> 00:05:26,499 So a Brunello Di Montalcino is aged at least four years, 154 00:05:26,524 --> 00:05:29,642 where a Rosso Di Montalcino is much younger and cheaper. 155 00:05:29,644 --> 00:05:31,527 I think I like the Rosso better. 156 00:05:31,529 --> 00:05:32,895 Are you in the wine business? 157 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:35,565 No, I just drink a lot of it. [all laugh] 158 00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:37,700 Okay, who's over 21 here? 159 00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,227 - Hi, Mrs. Miller. - Hi, Mom. 160 00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:40,112 We're not drinking. 161 00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:41,470 We're just having a wine tasting. 162 00:05:41,495 --> 00:05:43,242 Mm, Caitlin, why didn't you tell me 163 00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:44,707 Padma and Michaela were coming for dinner? 164 00:05:44,732 --> 00:05:46,123 Oh, no, Mom, you don't have to cook. 165 00:05:46,148 --> 00:05:47,938 - We're going out. - We missed out girl. 166 00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:49,745 We drove in from New Jersey to surprise her. 167 00:05:49,770 --> 00:05:50,756 Where are you guys gonna go? 168 00:05:50,781 --> 00:05:53,498 Uh, we're meeting some of Michaela's friends from NYU. 169 00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:55,111 - Are you ready? - Yeah. 170 00:05:55,136 --> 00:05:56,469 - Yeah. Okay. Love you, Mom. 171 00:05:56,471 --> 00:05:58,087 - Love you too. - Thanks for the wine tasting. 172 00:05:58,089 --> 00:05:59,245 - We won't be out too late. - Nice to meet you. 173 00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:00,024 - We love your art. - Thank you. 174 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,452 - Bye, Maggie. - Ciao. 175 00:06:01,477 --> 00:06:03,427 - Be safe. - Ugh, so cute. 176 00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:05,377 Okay, what just happened there? 177 00:06:05,402 --> 00:06:06,993 Uh, that's your daughter having a life. 178 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,547 I suggest you do the same. 179 00:06:08,572 --> 00:06:10,116 - Wh... excuse me? - Go see Josh. 180 00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:11,594 You got to grab your moments while you can. 181 00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:13,808 Ugh, I think I should give him more time. 182 00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,411 Time to do what? Go meet somebody else? 183 00:06:15,436 --> 00:06:17,014 That might be for the best. 184 00:06:17,039 --> 00:06:19,840 I mean, I... I worry that I really may not be 185 00:06:19,865 --> 00:06:21,364 the person that he fell in love with 186 00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:23,246 Liza, don't reject yourself. 187 00:06:23,271 --> 00:06:24,637 Okay? 188 00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:30,654 - Dude, come on. - No, dude, just wait... 189 00:06:30,679 --> 00:06:31,774 - Ooh. - [chuckles] 190 00:06:31,799 --> 00:06:33,317 - Ah! - All right, stop. 191 00:06:33,343 --> 00:06:34,506 - Stop. - Nope. Nope. 192 00:06:34,531 --> 00:06:35,731 - Not mid-mission. - Dude! 193 00:06:35,756 --> 00:06:37,078 [electronic video game buzzing] 194 00:06:37,102 --> 00:06:38,319 Ah, it's Liza. 195 00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:39,198 What? 196 00:06:39,223 --> 00:06:40,837 She wants to do something tonight. 197 00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:43,586 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The answer is no. 198 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:44,852 Dude, what is your problem? 199 00:06:44,877 --> 00:06:47,336 Wha... are you kidding me? She's a nut job. 200 00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:49,518 She should be locked up in some sort of cougar prison. 201 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,209 Dude, that is... [laughs] 202 00:06:51,234 --> 00:06:53,038 - That's not true. - Come on, man. 203 00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:55,928 She stepped on your heart. She destroyed your soul. 204 00:06:55,953 --> 00:06:57,252 She's a sexual grifter. 205 00:06:57,254 --> 00:06:59,680 Will you just give me my phone back? 206 00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:02,475 Fine... 207 00:07:02,696 --> 00:07:05,371 but don't expect me to be around to pick up the pieces. 208 00:07:05,396 --> 00:07:07,748 - [sighs] - Can I eat the dumplings? 209 00:07:07,748 --> 00:07:09,224 _ 210 00:07:09,249 --> 00:07:10,582 Okay, I'm getting the three dots. 211 00:07:10,607 --> 00:07:12,406 Will someone please explain the dots to me? 212 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:15,836 I think the dots are when someone's typing or thinking. 213 00:07:15,861 --> 00:07:18,683 Okay, now the dots went away. There's nothing. 214 00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:20,367 Oh, the dots can be very fickle. 215 00:07:20,392 --> 00:07:23,026 They're back. 216 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,831 Yes! East River Bar at 9:00. 217 00:07:25,856 --> 00:07:27,856 Oh, I don't know. What if Caitlin comes home? 218 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,584 Hm, don't worry. I'll keep her distracted. 219 00:07:29,609 --> 00:07:31,296 Nobody cock blocks mama. 220 00:07:31,321 --> 00:07:33,536 [scoffs] 221 00:07:36,861 --> 00:07:38,895 [Courtney Barnett's "Pickles From A Jar" playing] 222 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:44,588 ♪ We couldn't be more contrary if we tried ♪ 223 00:07:45,605 --> 00:07:48,940 ♪ ♪ 224 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,671 Hey, what's going on? 225 00:07:52,696 --> 00:07:55,604 Oh, um, I'm just waiting for my boyfriend. 226 00:07:55,629 --> 00:07:56,923 No worries. 227 00:07:56,949 --> 00:07:58,636 Mind if I wait with you? 228 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,716 Uh, sure, 229 00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,774 but you might just have to get up when he gets here. 230 00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:05,013 He's not gonna, like, beat me up 231 00:08:05,038 --> 00:08:06,693 if he sees me talking to you, right? 232 00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:09,388 [chuckles] I don't think so, but... 233 00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:11,941 ♪ ♪ 234 00:08:11,966 --> 00:08:13,386 You looked lonely. 235 00:08:13,411 --> 00:08:15,371 ♪ I say ooh, you say aah ♪ 236 00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:16,991 - Why are you so shy? - [groans] 237 00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:19,716 - I'm not shy. - Yeah, you are. 238 00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:22,711 Sitting here by yourself like a little introvert. 239 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,312 I bet people think that you're snobby, 240 00:08:25,337 --> 00:08:26,956 but you're really just quiet, right? 241 00:08:26,981 --> 00:08:29,596 - Mm, you nailed me. - Yeah. 242 00:08:29,621 --> 00:08:31,671 I like quiet girls. 243 00:08:31,696 --> 00:08:34,326 You know, quiet's the new sexy. Mm. 244 00:08:34,351 --> 00:08:36,049 So why don't you come out of that hard shell 245 00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:38,068 and tell me what else I should know about you? 246 00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:42,108 My daughter just came home from college, and I'm in my 40s. 247 00:08:43,113 --> 00:08:45,113 I saw my friends, so... 248 00:08:45,138 --> 00:08:46,372 I got to go, 249 00:08:46,397 --> 00:08:47,930 but take it easy. 250 00:08:47,955 --> 00:08:50,514 ♪ I say "you," you say "am I" ♪ 251 00:08:50,539 --> 00:08:51,821 ♪ ♪ 252 00:08:51,846 --> 00:08:54,764 ♪ You like mornings, I like nights ♪ 253 00:08:54,789 --> 00:08:56,444 ♪ ♪ 254 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,662 ♪ I love you till the day I die ♪ 255 00:08:59,688 --> 00:09:02,064 [big band music] 256 00:09:02,927 --> 00:09:05,452 How is your Habanero-glazed yellowtail? 257 00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:06,707 Delicious, I think this is the first time 258 00:09:06,732 --> 00:09:08,928 that a client's ever wined and dined me. 259 00:09:08,953 --> 00:09:11,266 - We need to sign more chefs. - Yeah, we do. 260 00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:13,674 I, actually, don't know if you're aware of the statistics, 261 00:09:13,699 --> 00:09:15,987 but the sale of physical cookbooks... 262 00:09:16,012 --> 00:09:17,518 - Stronger than ever. - Of course. 263 00:09:17,543 --> 00:09:19,729 Yeah, it's a real bright spot out there. 264 00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:22,269 That's why it's worth the effort to sign Flay. 265 00:09:22,294 --> 00:09:24,261 I think he's gonna find the combination of us 266 00:09:24,286 --> 00:09:26,043 as a team hard to resist. 267 00:09:26,068 --> 00:09:28,188 Yeah. That and the money. 268 00:09:28,213 --> 00:09:30,940 [laughs] 269 00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:34,668 Do you ever cook for yourself, Charles? 270 00:09:34,693 --> 00:09:36,483 Uh, no, not in the city, 271 00:09:36,508 --> 00:09:38,700 but I love to barbecue 272 00:09:38,725 --> 00:09:41,420 at the house in Pound Ridge. 273 00:09:41,676 --> 00:09:43,814 - How about you? - Oh, sure, yeah. 274 00:09:43,839 --> 00:09:45,622 I like to bake, grill, 275 00:09:45,647 --> 00:09:47,621 spit roast. 276 00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:50,906 Show me a nice piece of meat, I can't keep my hands off it. 277 00:09:50,932 --> 00:09:53,099 ♪ ♪ 278 00:09:53,263 --> 00:09:55,437 You should invite me up to Pound Ridge sometime. 279 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,516 I'll show you what I mean. 280 00:09:57,541 --> 00:09:59,492 - Uh... - Peppercorn shrimp. 281 00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:01,509 - Oh, that looks wonderful. - Delicious. 282 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,973 Mm... oh. 283 00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:05,828 Um, Charles, I just want to say, 284 00:10:05,853 --> 00:10:07,380 regardless of what happens with Bobby, 285 00:10:07,405 --> 00:10:10,520 it has been so nice spending quality time with you. 286 00:10:10,545 --> 00:10:12,925 ♪ ♪ 287 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,567 Diana, I think you have a... One of your, um... 288 00:10:15,592 --> 00:10:17,085 You have a little bit of, um... 289 00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:18,920 - Hey, guys. - Oh. 290 00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:21,056 Sorry I kept you waiting. How's dinner? 291 00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:24,497 Oh, simply sensational. You are a genius. 292 00:10:24,522 --> 00:10:26,674 I was just telling Diana 293 00:10:26,699 --> 00:10:28,446 what an enormous fan I am of yours, Bobby. 294 00:10:28,471 --> 00:10:31,222 "Boy Meets Grill" is my Bible. 295 00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:32,613 Oh. Oh, my God. 296 00:10:32,638 --> 00:10:34,582 Yeah, you chipped your tooth. Didn't you? 297 00:10:34,607 --> 00:10:37,022 Yeah, on a peppercorn? 298 00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:38,519 My peppercorn shrimp? 299 00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:40,230 You know, I have weak teeth. 300 00:10:40,255 --> 00:10:41,851 It's, um, my family's from England, 301 00:10:41,876 --> 00:10:43,191 on my mother's side. 302 00:10:43,216 --> 00:10:44,330 Yeah, I... you know what. 303 00:10:44,355 --> 00:10:46,272 Actually, I know a dentist. She works in midtown. 304 00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:48,013 She works nights. I'm gonna go call her right now. 305 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,398 - Bobby, you... Bobby. - That's not necessary. 306 00:10:50,424 --> 00:10:51,785 [sighs] 307 00:10:51,809 --> 00:10:54,210 ♪ ♪ 308 00:10:54,235 --> 00:10:55,740 I'm... 309 00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:58,272 so sorry. 310 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:00,786 Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry. 311 00:11:00,811 --> 00:11:03,344 I'm saving this seat. Can my ass save it for you? 312 00:11:03,369 --> 00:11:04,835 - [all laugh] - Uh... 313 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:06,944 actually, uh, my boyfriend, he's on his way. 314 00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:09,112 - He'll be here any minute. - Don't be such a bitch. 315 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:11,024 I'm not being a bitch. 316 00:11:11,049 --> 00:11:12,998 [scoffs] 317 00:11:14,542 --> 00:11:17,292 [indie rock music] 318 00:11:17,317 --> 00:11:21,685 - _ - ♪ I don't need you anymore ♪ 319 00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,721 ♪ Well, we made our plans with you ♪ 320 00:11:25,746 --> 00:11:27,662 - _ - ♪ Let 'em all fall through ♪ 321 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:33,607 - _ - ♪ You took my hand, and I put my trust in you ♪ 322 00:11:33,632 --> 00:11:36,266 ♪ Then you let go ♪ 323 00:11:36,792 --> 00:11:39,498 Charles, it's very nice of you to come with me. 324 00:11:39,523 --> 00:11:41,852 It's really not necessary. 325 00:11:41,876 --> 00:11:43,011 It's not a problem. 326 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,975 I just want to make sure that someone's here. 327 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,642 Such a gentleman. [chuckles] 328 00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:49,034 I feel like a toothless Cinderella. 329 00:11:49,059 --> 00:11:50,225 [chuckles] 330 00:11:52,518 --> 00:11:54,118 Hello. 331 00:11:54,143 --> 00:11:57,983 Dr., uh, Sarkisian? 332 00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:01,782 Yes. Please, come in. 333 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:06,282 I'm... it's fine. I really have no gag reflex. 334 00:12:06,307 --> 00:12:08,860 Okay. Open. What did you try to do? 335 00:12:08,885 --> 00:12:10,130 Crack a walnut? 336 00:12:10,155 --> 00:12:11,864 Your wife did some damage here. 337 00:12:11,889 --> 00:12:13,221 Uh, no, no, no, no. 338 00:12:13,246 --> 00:12:14,662 Um, not my wife, 339 00:12:14,687 --> 00:12:16,302 a business associate. 340 00:12:16,327 --> 00:12:18,320 We were having a business dinner. 341 00:12:18,345 --> 00:12:20,777 Oh, I was wondering where that ring was. 342 00:12:20,802 --> 00:12:23,977 - Nope, single. - Same here. 343 00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:27,003 It's not easy to date when you work late nights. 344 00:12:27,005 --> 00:12:30,006 Well, I'm sure there are lots of men who wouldn't mind 345 00:12:30,008 --> 00:12:31,345 waiting up for you, Dr. Sarkisian. 346 00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:33,336 [chuckles] Unless they happen to wander 347 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:36,224 into my office with a dental emergency, 348 00:12:36,249 --> 00:12:37,743 I'm not meeting them, 349 00:12:37,768 --> 00:12:40,390 and it's Lisa. 350 00:12:40,415 --> 00:12:42,006 - Charles. - Yeah, it's re... 351 00:12:42,031 --> 00:12:43,433 Please. Keep still. 352 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:46,300 [upbeat music] 353 00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:49,164 ♪ ♪ 354 00:12:51,629 --> 00:12:53,053 I just can't believe it. 355 00:12:53,078 --> 00:12:55,111 I knew he couldn't handle my age, 356 00:12:55,136 --> 00:12:57,136 but what kind of a person stands someone up 357 00:12:57,161 --> 00:12:59,988 and breaks up with them with a text? 358 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,784 How about telling me you can't make it work 359 00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:03,275 before I get a beer spilled all over me 360 00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:04,797 by a bunch of drunk mean girls? 361 00:13:04,822 --> 00:13:06,102 Look, he's in his 20s. 362 00:13:06,127 --> 00:13:07,426 He's not so mature, 363 00:13:07,428 --> 00:13:09,612 and he can't process all of his emotions. 364 00:13:09,637 --> 00:13:12,509 You knew that was the risk in telling him the truth. 365 00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:15,084 Yeah, but I had to tell him. 366 00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:18,204 And you know what, maybe I deserved that tonight. 367 00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:18,873 [scoffs] 368 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:19,883 Besides, it's one less thing 369 00:13:19,908 --> 00:13:21,483 I have to explain to Caitlin... who, by the way, 370 00:13:21,507 --> 00:13:23,321 I should never have let go out tonight by herself. 371 00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:25,549 Uh, she just spent the past six months in India. 372 00:13:25,574 --> 00:13:28,250 I'm pretty sure she can manage Brooklyn. 373 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,959 Yeah, I'm gonna wait up for her. 374 00:13:29,984 --> 00:13:31,761 - [sighs] - Muah. 375 00:13:31,786 --> 00:13:33,491 I'm sorry, it'll all feel better in the morning. 376 00:13:33,516 --> 00:13:35,536 Mm, it's fine. 377 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:38,814 It's time to move on. 378 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,103 Night. 379 00:13:40,128 --> 00:13:43,091 - _ - [soft music] 380 00:13:43,894 --> 00:13:45,144 Ugh. 381 00:13:45,169 --> 00:13:51,130 ♪ ♪ 382 00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:07,734 [mellow music] 383 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:15,899 ♪ ♪ 384 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:33,573 ♪ ♪ 385 00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:40,072 [pop music] 386 00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:41,768 ♪ ♪ 387 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,572 How was dinner last night? 388 00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:45,463 About as enjoyable as a root canal. 389 00:14:45,489 --> 00:14:47,556 Oh, I'm sorry. How was the food? 390 00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:48,701 Stop grilling me, Liza! 391 00:14:48,726 --> 00:14:51,549 [phone ringing] 392 00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:56,584 Hello, Diana Trout's office. 393 00:14:57,656 --> 00:15:00,182 It's a Dr. Sarkisian for you? 394 00:15:00,207 --> 00:15:02,972 [quirky music] 395 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,901 ♪ ♪ 396 00:15:06,142 --> 00:15:09,178 - Hello? - Diana, it's Dr. Sarkisian. 397 00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:12,101 I'm just checking in on you. How is that temp holding up? 398 00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:13,701 It seems fine so far. 399 00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:16,150 - Thank you for your call. - Of course. 400 00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:17,704 My patients are like family to me. 401 00:15:17,729 --> 00:15:20,637 Just remember to eat soft foods for the next few days. 402 00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:21,836 I won't forget. 403 00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:23,606 Now, if you'll excuse me, I... 404 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,468 Can I ask you a favor? 405 00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:28,156 Of course. 406 00:15:28,181 --> 00:15:31,037 Would you mind transferring me to Charles? 407 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,069 [knock on door] 408 00:15:33,335 --> 00:15:34,825 Liza, transfer this call 409 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,386 to Time Warner Cable customer service. 410 00:15:37,411 --> 00:15:39,834 - Charles. - We got the book. 411 00:15:39,859 --> 00:15:40,417 What? 412 00:15:40,442 --> 00:15:42,088 I think that Bobby 413 00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:44,833 felt so bad about everything he's signing with us. 414 00:15:44,857 --> 00:15:47,988 [sputters] 415 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,656 What a night. 416 00:15:49,681 --> 00:15:51,707 Good job, tooth. 417 00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:54,990 Good job... tooth. 418 00:15:55,015 --> 00:15:56,576 Damn it. 419 00:15:56,602 --> 00:15:59,257 ♪ ♪ 420 00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:01,303 Is everything okay? 421 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,081 "100 Things Women Think About While Giving Blowjobs" 422 00:16:05,106 --> 00:16:06,168 just sold to Little Brown. 423 00:16:06,193 --> 00:16:07,359 You've got good instincts. 424 00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:10,301 Yeah, but I hate to lose. 425 00:16:10,326 --> 00:16:11,826 I know the feeling. 426 00:16:11,851 --> 00:16:13,684 I think I lost last night. 427 00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:15,200 What? Josh? 428 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,639 - Mm. - Off again? 429 00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:18,648 Stood me up at a bar 430 00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,872 and broke up with me with a text. 431 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,744 - That's really lame. - [chuckles] 432 00:16:22,769 --> 00:16:23,985 It's okay. 433 00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:25,848 On again, off again. 434 00:16:25,872 --> 00:16:27,785 Classic. 435 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,208 It's all gonna get better in our 30s. 436 00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,562 [chuckles] 437 00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:32,983 [sighs] Yeah... 438 00:16:33,009 --> 00:16:35,833 - _ - [funky music] 439 00:16:35,858 --> 00:16:39,421 ♪ ♪ 440 00:16:40,678 --> 00:16:42,178 [sighs] 441 00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:44,732 ♪ ♪ 442 00:16:44,757 --> 00:16:47,908 So the green one, I think, would be perfect on my mom. 443 00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:49,576 - Right? - Oh, she's gonna love that. 444 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:50,948 - Hey. - Mom! 445 00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,036 Sorry I missed you last night. 446 00:16:52,061 --> 00:16:53,483 You were asleep when I got home. 447 00:16:53,508 --> 00:16:55,330 Yeah, you guys definitely got back late. 448 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:57,838 - Did you have fun? - Oh, the best time. 449 00:16:57,863 --> 00:16:59,481 [giggles] 450 00:16:59,506 --> 00:17:00,827 What is it you wanted to show me? 451 00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:02,602 Oh, okay. 452 00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:03,701 Are you ready? 453 00:17:03,725 --> 00:17:04,960 - Yes. - [squeals] 454 00:17:04,985 --> 00:17:06,923 ♪ Ta-da ♪ [giggles] 455 00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:08,881 [tense music] 456 00:17:08,907 --> 00:17:11,370 It's "namaste" in Sanskrit, 457 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,154 to commemorate my time in India. 458 00:17:13,179 --> 00:17:14,679 Isn't it gorgeous? 459 00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:16,553 What do you think? 460 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,456 - Where did you get that? - Ugh, from the hottest guy. 461 00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:22,169 He owns this place called, um... Inkburg. 462 00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:24,093 Just a couple blocks from here. 463 00:17:24,117 --> 00:17:26,901 - Did you see this? - Oh, yeah. 464 00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:28,731 Mm. Are you mad? 465 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,056 Please don't be mad. 466 00:17:30,081 --> 00:17:31,698 Uh, not at you. 467 00:17:31,722 --> 00:17:33,329 Excuse me. 468 00:17:33,354 --> 00:17:35,593 Mom, where are you going? 469 00:17:35,617 --> 00:17:38,944 Mom, you can't just go yell at the tattoo guy. 470 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,477 [rock music] 471 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:48,366 ♪ ♪ 472 00:17:48,391 --> 00:17:51,308 [knocking] 473 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,786 Hey, you. You okay? 474 00:17:55,811 --> 00:17:57,394 - No, I am not okay. - Whoa... 475 00:17:57,419 --> 00:17:59,975 You gave my daughter a tattoo last night. 476 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,254 What're you talking about? 477 00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:03,530 Namaste. 478 00:18:03,555 --> 00:18:05,521 [laughs] 479 00:18:05,546 --> 00:18:07,280 Oh, my... 480 00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:09,188 Oh, my God. 481 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,430 I... I did not know that that was your daughter. 482 00:18:12,455 --> 00:18:14,572 I... there were four girls. 483 00:18:14,597 --> 00:18:16,014 They all came in here at the same time. 484 00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:18,205 I... I had no idea. 485 00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:20,311 Yep, right on the side boob in Sanskrit. 486 00:18:20,336 --> 00:18:21,344 - Yeah. - Marked for life. 487 00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:22,907 - [groans] - Thank you very much. 488 00:18:22,932 --> 00:18:24,465 And then you stood me up at a bar 489 00:18:24,468 --> 00:18:26,696 and broke with me with a text, which I guess I deserve, 490 00:18:26,721 --> 00:18:28,026 but it still made me feel like crap. 491 00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:28,988 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 492 00:18:29,013 --> 00:18:30,834 I didn't stand you up, 493 00:18:30,858 --> 00:18:32,408 and I definitely didn't break up with you. 494 00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:34,488 Oh, no? 495 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,179 Sorry, can't make it work. 496 00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:38,750 Babe... 497 00:18:38,775 --> 00:18:41,194 Uh, it's, "Sorry." 498 00:18:41,219 --> 00:18:43,115 "Can't make it. 499 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:45,224 Work." 500 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:48,051 You know, on account of the four girls 501 00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:51,355 that just barged into my shop. 502 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,881 Have you ever heard of punctuation? 503 00:18:54,304 --> 00:18:58,022 I mean, I thought the meaning was pretty obvious. 504 00:18:58,047 --> 00:18:59,475 Well, not at the time. 505 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,866 Yeah, I see that. 506 00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:03,058 So you didn't mean to break up with me? 507 00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:04,874 No. 508 00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:07,651 Good, 509 00:19:07,676 --> 00:19:10,844 'cause I was really sad thinking that's what happened. 510 00:19:10,869 --> 00:19:12,244 Oh... 511 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:16,187 I'm sorry... 512 00:19:16,619 --> 00:19:19,651 about everything. 513 00:19:19,676 --> 00:19:22,485 [Koudlam's "See You All" plays] 514 00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:24,739 Is there any chance 515 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,222 I can try and make it up to you? 516 00:19:27,247 --> 00:19:30,428 ♪ ♪ 517 00:19:30,832 --> 00:19:33,419 I only have time for a quickie apology. 518 00:19:33,444 --> 00:19:34,715 Mm. 519 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,971 - Quickies are my specialty. - [chuckles] 520 00:19:37,996 --> 00:19:41,505 ♪ ♪ 521 00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:44,131 ♪ I can't see you all ♪ 522 00:19:44,156 --> 00:19:45,889 ♪ Take him down ♪ 523 00:19:45,913 --> 00:19:48,841 ♪ A river feels like a holy ♪ 524 00:19:48,866 --> 00:19:51,535 ♪ I can't see you all ♪ 525 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,727 ♪ See you all if you're on me ♪ 526 00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:59,449 ♪ I say, "Hey" ♪ 527 00:19:59,474 --> 00:20:02,214 ♪ "I want you, girl" ♪