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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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-First time?-Yes.
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All right.
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I've seen you somewhere before.
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Yeah, I've been around.
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How you doing?
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Causing a lot of excitement tonight.
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-Hi. Cheryl?-Yes.
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-How you doing?-Good. Thank you.
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Ready to have your baby?
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I hope so.
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-Is it "Bryce"?-Bryce. Bryce Dallas.
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Welcome to the world, Bryce.
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Bryce.
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-Hi, Bryce.-Bryce.
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Dad?
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-This is cool, right?-This is really cool.
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-Are you taking a picture?-Yeah. Why not?
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-Are you proud, Dad?-Absolutely. Always.
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This is the payoff for being a dad.
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-Okay. Yeah, Dads.-Dads.
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-Apparently you're one.-I am one.
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Good. Good, good, good. Cool.
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-So I'm gonna ask you about it.-Okay.
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Finish this sentence: A father is...
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Who knows?
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If I'm the expert,this whole project is in terrible trouble.
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So, please tell meyou've got better people coming in.
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I remember that I have children.I know I have four of them.
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Twenty-seven-year-old daughter named--We're off to a bad start.
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I can't believe this is you with a cold.
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But I think my voice soundskind of more manly.
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-Yeah, yeah, which is perfect.-Kind of a tough guy voice.
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-Hi. Thanks for including me.-Are you kidding me?
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-Can't believe you're doing this. Cool.-I am so excited.
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Kenan, would you mindstepping back the tiniest bit?
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-Yeah, dawg. I'm off the mark.-There we go.
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How many people--How many dads are you interviewing?
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My childhood, yes.
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West Philadelphia, born and raised.
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On the playgroundis where I spent most of my days.
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I gotta follow Will Smith?Don't tell me that.
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Oh, my God. Don't put that in my head.
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-If you could just stand naturally.-Like that?
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That's my natural resting--Okay, we're on the same page creatively.
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A father is-- Wow.
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Should I know the answer to that,and it's weird if I don't?
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The role of the modern father,
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-what dads are today...-Yeah.
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-...is really not defined.-Totally.
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It's a societal thing that dadsare kind of in the background.
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The sooner that narrative changes,I think, the better.
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Oh, my gosh.So that's a little girl in there.
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My brother, who's the youngest of four,is about to have his first kid.
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Oh, my God.
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So, can I ask you questions?What made you wanna do this?
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I wanna know moreabout what it takes to be a father
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and celebrate all the great dadsout there.
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I think being a father, todaymore than ever, it's a very fluid thing.
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I'm not-- There are no rules.
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It's all things at once.It's multiplicities.
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Oh, my God.It's this magical, intimidating thing.
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No, let's talk about everything so morepeople will do it and be better at it.
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Oh, my God.
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Bedtime, bedtime, here we go...
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So, in the simplest terms,what is a father?
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A hero?
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That's just the first thing I'm gonna say,because I look up to my dad.
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If I do it right,I should be a hero to them.
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How does it go?
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Shoes, shoes, where are you?
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Shoes, shoes, where are you?
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Dang it, I keep messing up.
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Just woke up and it's such a nice day
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Shoes, shoes, where are you?
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Shoes, shoes, where are you?Shoes...
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The role of fatherhood has shiftedin a major way.
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Because we went from providing,
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being there for holidaysand disciplining...
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Anaya, can you clear the table, please?
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-Get a cup, please.-Cup?
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Yeah, get it.
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...to being all the way involved.
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And you kind of look like a dorkif you're not.
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Clean up the toys, girls and boys
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Put it away, don't take all day, yeah
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Clean up the toys, girls and boys...
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I feel like being a fathermade me the man I am.
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Get the dishes off the tableGet the dishes off the table
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-Papa.-Thank you.
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Gonna get faster.Now you gotta move faster.
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Here we go, here we go, here we go.
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Clean up the toys, girls and boys
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Put it away, don't take all dayClean up, clean up
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Oh, look, there's a dish over there.
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Good job, buddy.
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My children taught me to be authenticand be honest with myself.
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What are we having for lunch?
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Fatherhood has given mea whole new identity.
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I used to work here.Started out foldin' shirts
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and displaying stuffand helping out salesmen.
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And thenI actually got my first sales job.
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I had a hard time.
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My wife hated the factthat I didn't love my job.
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I don't know why I said what I said...
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but I said it.
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What if you just stayed homewith the kids?
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I'm hiding in the kitchen...
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because the kidsaren't allowed in the kitchen.
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Is he there?
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I definitely underestimated the situation.
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All hell broke loose.
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The poop blowouts.
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Poop up the back. Poop in the hair.
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Yeah, he pooped.
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There's poop here. There's poop here.
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You're just tired of smelling poop.
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-Are you kidding me? Where is the powder?-I don't know.
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What's that smell?
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Smells like pee.
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Okay, we're gonna be fine, everybody.
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-Go in the potty, boy.-No.
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-Yay!-No.
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I thought it was going to be easy.
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Wipe my butt.
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Papa, wipe my butt.
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Wipe my butt.
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I sucked.
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I'm trying to figure out how to keep my...
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I knew I wanted to be a good father.
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...my patience.
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But I didn't know how.
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And I really hadn't had enough experiencewith stay-at-home moms
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or knew any stay-at-home dads at all,so I was kind of like,
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man, I felt like I was an impostor.
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I just remember cryingin this bathroom right here.
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And you hear the kidsbanging on the door, "Papa!"
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It was like, "Yo, I don't knowif I'm gonna make it through this
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if I don't get some typeof encouragement."
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Like, really.
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Some of you guys are new to my page.My name is Beleaf. I am a father...
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At first, I would just pull the camera outand start talking to the camera.
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Then, instead of pointing the camerato myself, I'm gonna point it to my kids.
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These are my children,the chocolate babies.
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-Say "Hi." Hi.-Hi.
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Say "Hi."
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And I wanna showwhat I'm experiencing as a father.
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You freaking kidding me, yo?
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-I'm stupid for leaving this out.-Okay.
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-But you shouldn't have touched this.-Okay.
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-And you know that.-Okay.
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Yo, I swear, man, you can't even writesome of the stuff I go through.
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I left the bags there.Riah goes into the bag.
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I was checking on Theo. He's on the potty.
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-Hi.-And Uriah does this.
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He could have tooka lot of different things,
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but he decided to take the eggs.
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-Not cool, bro. All bad.-All bad?
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-All bad.-All bad?
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-Horrible. Yeah.-Horrible?
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Now I gotta give you a bath.
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-Does anyone feel sorry for me?-No.
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You said no?
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So I started to sharemy rough experiences.
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I found a lot of people who felt like me.
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I got encouraged,and then I just kept making videos.
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To be honest with you, I wasn't a fan ofthe whole putting our family out there.
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-How long has Theo been holding his poop?-Three days.
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Come over here.
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-Why-- Are you recording me?-Yeah, I'm recording you.
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Walk here with me. Turn the corner.
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Don't hit!
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-Did you get it, babe?-Yeah, I got it!
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Don't put that in my face. Stop it! Stop!
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Babe, don't play with me.
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He really just wanted peopleto get the authentic experience
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of what it meant to bea stay-at-home parent.
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Yo, shout-out to L-FRESH The LION,you know?
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This has been another episodeof Beleaf in Fatherhood.
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This whole dad-vlogging lifestyle,
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I don't knowif this has ever been a thing.
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But I'm loving it.
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Good morning, anyone.Does anyone have any questions...
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-I do.-...for the chocolate babies?
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They're gonna ask you questions.
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"Are you a stay-at-home dad?"Yes, I am. Technically, I work from home.
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It forced me to realizethe power of transparency.
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All right. So, boom.
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As a stay-at-home dad,it really doesn't help if we're private.
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I love your hair.
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Dad, how you love my hair?
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-Just like it is, buddy.-Yeah.
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I like you just how you are.I love your chocolate skin.
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I think we need more fathersexposing their lives
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and opening their windows andallowing us to see the heart of a father.
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-Anaya.-'Naya.
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Ya. Ya. What letter is ya, ya?
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U?
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Not U. It sounds like U'cause U is uh, uh.
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Sounds just like this letter...
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I was a terrible stay-at-home fatherat first.
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But I got good at it.
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-Bacon!-Go me!
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-Bacon. Okay, let's go.-Go.
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Let's go. Let's go.All right. Come on. Okay.
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I am the man in their life,so I have to be excellent.
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Still hot, gotta blow it.Let me see you blow it.
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Very good.
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To go from being married to somebodywho doesn't want to talk about their job
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to somebody who is nowwalking in their calling,
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it's just like, "What the heck?"
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Like, it's a complete transformation.I'll try not to cry.
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Don't put it all in your mouth.Smaller bites, please.
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Now I understand a lot of stay-at-homemoms who have working husbands,
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like, "Don't ask me what I did today."
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You know what I'm saying? You haveno idea what I've been through. It's hard.
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-Papa.-Yeah.
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-Cheerios.-You want Cheerios too?
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-Yes.-All right.
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-Are you ready to say your prayers?-No!
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Your kid doesn't carewho the president is.
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Your kid cares that you pay attention.
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You are the center of that child's world.You're Dad.
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-Good night, baby.-Good night.
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-Good night, buddies.-Good night.
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-Good night.-Good night. I'm gonna close the door now.
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-Bye.-Daddy.
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Bye. Bye.
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-Daddy!-No.
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-Daddy!-Nope.
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-Daddy!-Bye.
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There's this saying,that you're the best parent you'll ever be
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before you have kids.
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Oh, because everything is theoretical?
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It's all in theory.Like, "When I become a parent..."
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What does that mean?
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-We're pregnant.-Oh, my God!
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I do remember my first reactionwhen my wife told me she was pregnant.
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I remember thinking, "Wow, it worked."
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It's almost like when you grow tomatoesin your yard,
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like, "Hey, look at that. I got tomatoes."
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There is a bun in the oven. Take it out.
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Pregnancy tests.
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-Thank you very much.-No, babe, look at them.
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-What?-The tests.
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David and I decided that a familywould be important to us,
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and we thought about maybe adopting.
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But we thought, "Why don't we trythe surrogacy process to see?"
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00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,767
First we tried the old-fashioned way,
251
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,938
and I just could not get him pregnant.
252
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,648
-Is this you?-Yes.
253
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,399
-Are you joking?-No.
254
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:56,735
-Do you understand "bun in the oven"?-What is that?
255
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,822
Explaining to you what it does mean.
256
00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:05,619
Come here. Come here. Oh, babe!
257
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,164
-Oh, babe.-All right.
258
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,876
It's suddenly the most important thingyou'll ever do in your life,
259
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:17,464
and you have no preparationfor it in any way.
260
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:22,344
And... it's really scary.
261
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,720
I'm leaving!
262
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,267
God, no!
263
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,435
What the...
264
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:32,479
Please.
265
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:34,898
What, you got--You got that from a joke store?
266
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,402
-Did I get it from a where?-Did you get it from a joke store?
267
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,697
-Did you get it from a joke store?-No.
268
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:45,701
Oh, Lord, my chest. Goddamn, my chest.
269
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:49,454
Babe, we old! We can't be doing it.
270
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:50,831
I'm not doing it no more.
271
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:56,795
I'm done. I'm sleeping with long johns onfrom now on.
272
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,298
-Baby, what we gonna do?-What you mean "What we gonna do?"
273
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,426
We're gonna do the same thingwe did for the last three.
274
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,971
Oh, baby, just-- Oh, Lord, diapers.
275
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:07,931
Really?
276
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,351
-We gonna be all right.-We gonna be all right.
277
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:13,312
-You gonna be all right?-We gonna be all right.
278
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,396
You all right?
279
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:20,485
What advice would you give to someonewho's about to become a father?
280
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:24,948
I just tell them,"This will change your life
281
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:28,619
and be the most meaningful thingthat happens to you in your life.
282
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,579
And that's all I'm gonna say to you."
283
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:34,374
And then I try to throw one of thosesmoke things down so I can disappear.
284
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,542
But I'm a terrible magician,
285
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:38,670
so the smoke clears,and then they see me walk away.
286
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:41,465
And the drama's lost.
287
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,968
All right. Let's figure this out.
288
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,138
Assembly not required. All right.
289
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:54,311
Growing up, I always saw myselfas someone who wanted to have kids.
290
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,190
"Do not remove."
291
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,442
God, I need to read directions.
292
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,945
-But...-Oh, my God.
293
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:06,990
To be honest, I'm just nervous'cause I want everything to go okay.
294
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,825
But this could fling the baby,couldn't it?
295
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,204
That seems like a problem to me.
296
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,498
Just as a quick question,"Is this normal?"
297
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,416
No.
298
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:20,546
They don't want you doing that.
299
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,798
-Yeah. Do it the other way.-They want the curved part on the floor.
300
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:24,967
The due date's about one month away,
301
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:29,137
so I think I'm gonna be nervous about ituntil the baby comes out
302
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,931
and the baby's okay, and Ashley's okay.
303
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,225
And then I won't be nervousabout it anymore.
304
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:36,770
Then I'll just be nervous aboutbreaking the baby once we have the baby.
305
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:37,855
All right.
306
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,401
Why is that not working?
307
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:47,322
I had just gotten a picture-in-picture TV.Remember those?
308
00:15:47,406 --> 00:15:49,324
You could have the little pictureof another channel.
309
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:51,326
And it was a thousand-page manual.
310
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,580
So I sit my thousand-page manual down,I'm going through,
311
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,541
and I hear Jada say, "Oh, shit."
312
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,710
And I was, "What, babe? What?"
313
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,546
She said, "My water broke.My water broke."
314
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:03,630
I was like, "Oh."
315
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,719
"You sure?"
316
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:17,060
When there are babies being born,I'm just nervous.
317
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,192
"Dad, hold her leg," and I was like,"Snap, it's happening here. No curtain.
318
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:27,070
You're telling me not to look.Okay, cool. So, I'll just hold this leg."
319
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,280
"You're doing a great job."
320
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:33,827
But make no mistake about it,she's Batman, and you're not even Robin.
321
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:36,538
You're one of the tires on the Batmobile.
322
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:39,416
In between contractions, to distract me,
323
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,586
she would give me these weird huntsto go on. You know what I mean?
324
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:46,340
Can you go find me two applestied together with an electrical cord?
325
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:47,424
I'm like, "Got it."
326
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,345
Are there any classesthat you guys have taken or anything?
327
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,224
Yeah, yeah, we took a seven-hour class
328
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:58,519
all about parentsthat are first-time parents.
329
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,897
And they showed you videos,and they showed you all sorts of stuff.
330
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,652
And to be honest, like, you know,
331
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:10,489
Mom made us all watch our birth videos,so I was already traumatized.
332
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,991
Yeah, no, can you just talk a little bit
333
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:16,994
about the birth videos that we havein our family, and that tradition?
334
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,705
Oh, yeah. Well, first of all,the premise is nice.
335
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:24,627
"We want you to see what we were likewhen we were pregnant with you,"
336
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:25,712
which is so sweet.
337
00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,047
So they do some interviews.
338
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,675
-So, I've gained four pounds.-At this point, you're about six inches.
339
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,427
Mom flashes her belly,"Oh, she's pregnant."
340
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,722
You know, the cat's running around.It's just Mom and Dad talking about it.
341
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,141
And then they decidedthat it was appropriate
342
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:44,314
to have a two feet from exitbirthing video.
343
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:46,400
Push, push, push, push, push!
344
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,863
-Here we go.-Come on, Cheryl.
345
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,745
You know, I'll let everyone judge on that,
346
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:02,332
but for me,I don't think we're gonna do that.
347
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,211
So that's maybe a traitthat we're not carrying on.
348
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,257
It's good quality family time right there.
349
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,970
Do you remember the first timeyou held your baby?
350
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,054
Yeah.
351
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:20,601
It was just, like, love at first sight.Like, for real, for real, for real.
352
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:29,151
They're just so little.Everything's so mini and tiny.
353
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:33,322
I remember holding her for the first timeand going, "I don't wanna break this.
354
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:35,657
Can someone else hold this?"
355
00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,409
But you did it ultimately.
356
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,786
Yeah, by the end,I'm easy, I'm one hand. Yeah.
357
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,289
I would hold it like the Heisman Trophy.
358
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,626
I was walking around with my babylike I wasn't even holding a baby.
359
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,545
I'm a dad. You know what I mean?
360
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:54,301
I felt like I was on duty, like a soldier.It was like, "I am a dad."
361
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,013
Let's go home.
362
00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:03,602
I remember driving home from the hospital
363
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:07,981
and just feeling like everybodywas an asshole driving.
364
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:10,901
Like, "Relax, y'all."
365
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:17,157
It was the first momentthat the full weight of his life
366
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:19,743
was my responsibility.
367
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:24,331
I remembered us taking Neve,my daughter, into the apartment.
368
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:30,546
And it is the way you watch peoplecarrying a bomb that hasn't gone off.
369
00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:31,839
You're just hyper aware.
370
00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:35,133
There's a bird six miles over that way,but it's headed this way.
371
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,510
What if it tries to take her?
372
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:39,847
When we left, it was just the two of us.
373
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:44,893
Now, this dude lives here... forever.
374
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:48,313
So, we're walking through the door,and I see all of my stuff
375
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:51,650
all over the floorfrom my picture-in-picture TV.
376
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,987
And it dawned on me, and I looked down,
377
00:19:55,070 --> 00:20:00,075
and I was like,"There's a thousand-page manual
378
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:04,162
for a picture-in-picture television
379
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:08,750
and they sent us homewith a baby and nothing."
380
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,963
I was like,"Something's really wrong here, baby."
381
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:26,226
I had my daughter Katie. She was aboutten months old, something like that.
382
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:29,146
I'm just kind of holding her over my head,and I was smiling.
383
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:33,150
I had my mouth wide open,and she had her mouth wide open.
384
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:37,112
And then she vomited in a forceful column.
385
00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:39,573
I guess they call it projectile vomiting.
386
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,326
Directly into-- Like, it hit my uvula.
387
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:46,580
It just went right into my throat,and of course, your reaction is
388
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:50,959
to throw this person, you know,as far away from you as possible.
389
00:20:51,043 --> 00:20:53,295
But I didn't. I held onto her.
390
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:56,465
I just spit as much of it as I could out.
391
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,800
That's when I realized I was a dad.
392
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,929
Every time her body touched the crib...
393
00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,474
it was like a monster movie.
394
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:09,353
I would hold her, with bad posture,which led to disk issues later.
395
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,855
So I would hold her like this for so long.
396
00:21:11,939 --> 00:21:15,359
Oh, my God. I could fall asleepliterally right now
397
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,653
from sleep deprivation.
398
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:18,987
Get up.
399
00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:24,076
You do have weeks and weeksof just no sleep, and you get crazy.
400
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:25,285
He's crying.
401
00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:26,537
It can break you.
402
00:21:26,620 --> 00:21:28,080
He's crying, babe.
403
00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:34,920
Where's he at?
404
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:39,633
-Where's he at?-Please. Please.
405
00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:44,513
He's right there crying,and he thinks he's holding him.
406
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:49,685
So much of our youth is"Me, me, me, me, me, me.
407
00:21:49,768 --> 00:21:51,436
Gotta go. Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta."
408
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,981
But then when you bringa kid into the world,
409
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:56,316
and you realize "That's my daughter,"
410
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,194
your shoulders dropin this very profound way.
411
00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:02,990
"Oh, right. Now it's about her." You know?
412
00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:05,158
"It's not about me. It's about her."
413
00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:07,327
It's this incredible...
414
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:13,584
realization that you're notthe most important person in the world.
415
00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:18,172
As a parent, the thingthat you always are most scared of...
416
00:22:18,255 --> 00:22:20,090
-Yeah.-...when you have a kid, is you say,
417
00:22:20,174 --> 00:22:22,301
what's the one thingthat you want your kid to be?
418
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,344
Healthy. Yes, of course.
419
00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:28,807
I wasn't at all worriedthat there would be anything wrong.
420
00:22:28,891 --> 00:22:32,978
When my son Billy was born, I hadthree kids that were perfectly healthy.
421
00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:35,606
Our kids were born premature,
422
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:39,651
and we didn't knowwhat was going to happen.
423
00:22:39,735 --> 00:22:45,532
It's one of those things where...that changes everything.
424
00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:51,038
You know, you're only as happyas your family is.
425
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:53,957
And so, you're very vulnerable.
426
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:02,007
Well, this is Daddy.
427
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:07,137
Your body will be here in a little bit.We couldn't wait for you to come.
428
00:23:07,221 --> 00:23:08,847
You took your happy-ass time.
429
00:23:10,182 --> 00:23:12,017
Happy-ass time. Two days late.
430
00:23:12,476 --> 00:23:15,103
But you better come out today. Today.
431
00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:17,231
When you're expecting a child,
432
00:23:17,314 --> 00:23:23,320
the parents, they always prepare forthe baby shower, the gender reveal,
433
00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:27,491
they're decorating the rooms and they'repicking out names and stuff like that.
434
00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:30,619
Everything is always happy.They never prepare for the what-ifs.
435
00:23:31,203 --> 00:23:32,955
Mama say you're two days late.
436
00:23:33,038 --> 00:23:35,666
But my thing is,you don't rush perfection.
437
00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:38,502
You're going to be a perfect child.And we love you to death.
438
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:40,587
Daddy's signing out.
439
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:49,596
I remember bells and whistleson the monitor started going off.
440
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,099
The next thing you know,like, a SWAT team came in.
441
00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:55,686
"We cannot wait.He needs emergency surgery right now."
442
00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:59,189
They told us he gota congenital heart defect.
443
00:23:59,273 --> 00:24:01,108
He had two holes in his heart.
444
00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:04,736
It didn't resonate with me, like,what actually was going on.
445
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:05,946
Like, what are you telling me?
446
00:24:07,406 --> 00:24:08,407
Yeah.
447
00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:12,327
The first time I saw himout of the surgery room,
448
00:24:13,704 --> 00:24:16,206
I broke down cryingbecause it didn't look like my child.
449
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,085
And he was like a lifeless doll.
450
00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:25,507
I just knew at that time, man,like, I will forever be his protector.
451
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:29,386
There's no doubt in my mindthat I will ever leave this child.
452
00:24:31,013 --> 00:24:32,014
I'm sorry.
453
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:35,475
This is the first surgery we did wherewe just alleviated the obstruction
454
00:24:35,976 --> 00:24:38,395
inside the heartbefore the pulmonary valve.
455
00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,522
But he still has moreobstruction at the valve.
456
00:24:41,315 --> 00:24:44,276
My man, my man, my man.
457
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,613
Let it out.Daddy's here. Daddy's here.
458
00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:53,202
The first three years,it really, really was a lot.
459
00:24:54,036 --> 00:24:56,163
That's my little homie's pump right there.
460
00:24:56,705 --> 00:24:58,749
Hook him up every night for ten hours.
461
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:04,963
My son had home nurses for three years,every day of the week.
462
00:25:05,047 --> 00:25:07,883
He had a physical therapisttwo times a week.
463
00:25:08,342 --> 00:25:10,469
And he was on, like,eight, nine medicines.
464
00:25:14,306 --> 00:25:17,059
Okay, we made it. About to head outto the doctor's appointment.
465
00:25:17,142 --> 00:25:20,020
He used to haveto see three doctors a month
466
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:21,772
for almost, like, a year and a half.
467
00:25:21,855 --> 00:25:23,190
-Daddy!-Okay.
468
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:26,109
It was a long, long, long rocky process
469
00:25:26,193 --> 00:25:28,028
because at that time, I didn't have a car.
470
00:25:28,111 --> 00:25:29,279
All right, hold my hand.
471
00:25:29,363 --> 00:25:31,740
I had to hop cabs and buses and stuff.
472
00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:34,368
And some of his appointmentswere way in Washington, DC.
473
00:25:34,451 --> 00:25:36,954
I would literally have to leavesix o'clock in the morning
474
00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,705
just to be there 30 minutes early.
475
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,751
Yeah, it was a rough night last night.
476
00:25:43,252 --> 00:25:46,839
I had to take off work today.Make sure, you know, RJ's okay.
477
00:25:47,256 --> 00:25:50,551
I remember one time he got sick.Like, a small little cold.
478
00:25:50,634 --> 00:25:52,386
He dropped a pound.
479
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:54,805
It took almost a whole yearto get that pound back.
480
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:58,183
Ninety-eight point seven. Okay, baby.You go back to sleep, okay?
481
00:25:59,434 --> 00:26:00,435
I'm sorry.
482
00:26:00,978 --> 00:26:02,855
It was like, I'm a first-time father.
483
00:26:03,313 --> 00:26:06,650
Back and forth I was going tothe hospital. The follow-ups. The visits.
484
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,652
-There. You're doing great.-You feel it?
485
00:26:08,735 --> 00:26:10,362
-All done, Daddy.-Almost.
486
00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:11,446
Almost.
487
00:26:11,530 --> 00:26:13,323
Big bubble.
488
00:26:14,867 --> 00:26:17,202
See your heart? Okay.
489
00:26:20,289 --> 00:26:21,874
I had to work overtime.
490
00:26:22,291 --> 00:26:25,002
My boss allowed me to leaveas much time as I needed and stuff.
491
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:28,297
But, you know, I wasn't reallygetting compensated for it if I leave.
492
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:31,175
I get a little bit of vacation time.And I burnt all that out.
493
00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:34,887
I'm heading to work.
494
00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:37,431
Work the graveyard shift, what they say.
495
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:40,767
You know, from 11:00 at nighttill 7:00 in the morning.
496
00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:44,188
Then 8:00 till 4:00, I go to school.
497
00:26:44,563 --> 00:26:47,566
Three hours after that,I pick my son up from the babysitter's
498
00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:49,985
and do our daily activities.
499
00:26:50,903 --> 00:26:52,154
It was just a lot last year.
500
00:26:52,237 --> 00:26:54,531
We're trying to balance, you know,
501
00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:59,703
whether I'm going to pay the rent,or the light bill, or my car bill.
502
00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:03,457
Last year my cargot repossessed three times.
503
00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:05,292
It's another stress on top of stress.
504
00:27:06,752 --> 00:27:09,421
My son never saw that.And he never felt that, or whatever.
505
00:27:09,505 --> 00:27:11,965
'Cause every day he wake up,his daddy's there.
506
00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:14,051
You know, it's all fun and games.
507
00:27:14,134 --> 00:27:16,595
And I just provideas much as I can for him.
508
00:27:21,099 --> 00:27:23,310
Where's RJ? Where's RJ?
509
00:27:25,145 --> 00:27:26,897
Marco Polo.
510
00:27:28,232 --> 00:27:30,317
He's not in here. Where is he at?
511
00:27:31,026 --> 00:27:33,237
Where's he at? It's RJ.
512
00:27:34,196 --> 00:27:36,532
-Now you're going---Put me down!
513
00:27:36,615 --> 00:27:40,661
He just brings something out of me that--I don't know what it is.
514
00:27:40,744 --> 00:27:43,914
I work 12 hours. I'm tired.
515
00:27:43,997 --> 00:27:46,416
As soon as I come through that door,he embrace me.
516
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:47,709
I love you a lot.
517
00:27:47,793 --> 00:27:49,837
All the excuses are out the door.
518
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,132
You know, all you know is,Daddy left, Daddy came back. Let's play.
519
00:27:54,216 --> 00:27:56,677
Daddy's home. So what you wanna do?
520
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:58,345
-Go outside.-Okay.
521
00:27:58,428 --> 00:28:02,224
I couldn't ask fora better partner in raising a son.
522
00:28:02,307 --> 00:28:04,059
Like, our situation, we're not together.
523
00:28:04,142 --> 00:28:07,271
We never were.We've always been really good friends.
524
00:28:07,688 --> 00:28:10,732
And as cliché as it sounds, it works.
525
00:28:10,816 --> 00:28:12,150
You okay, man?
526
00:28:12,234 --> 00:28:15,571
We decided that you don't have to,in our minds,
527
00:28:15,654 --> 00:28:18,991
have to be a couple or marriedto be great parents.
528
00:28:19,074 --> 00:28:22,411
So, you wanna play football? Yes.
529
00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:25,664
With me and RJ? Yes.Well, no. You're not playing...
530
00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:27,708
It's to the point, like,my friends tell me
531
00:28:27,791 --> 00:28:31,170
they wish that they hadmy situation, pretty much.
532
00:28:31,253 --> 00:28:34,965
And I love that.
533
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:38,343
-Push it in.-I gotta stand. Okay.
534
00:28:38,427 --> 00:28:39,428
Now...
535
00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:41,889
But as you can see,he's still up and at it.
536
00:28:41,972 --> 00:28:46,059
Like, this is not for show.This is Robert all of the time.
537
00:28:48,979 --> 00:28:51,106
When Chantay first told methat she was pregnant,
538
00:28:51,857 --> 00:28:54,568
like, I love this womanthrough the thick and thin.
539
00:28:54,651 --> 00:28:59,990
But when she told me she was pregnant,it just changed the mood in me.
540
00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:02,034
And for some reason,I don't know what it was.
541
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:04,578
And I guessI was more scared than anything.
542
00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:07,748
So I told her that,you know, I didn't want my son.
543
00:29:10,876 --> 00:29:12,503
And I stopped talking to her.
544
00:29:12,586 --> 00:29:14,546
That was, like, two monthsI can never get back.
545
00:29:14,630 --> 00:29:16,757
Because, like, we talked every day.
546
00:29:19,801 --> 00:29:22,429
At first, he wasn't happy at all.
547
00:29:23,055 --> 00:29:26,558
But he turned around for the better.
548
00:29:26,642 --> 00:29:29,144
It shouldn't have took methis long to apologize.
549
00:29:29,228 --> 00:29:32,814
And I asked her. I said,"If you ever find it in your heart
550
00:29:32,898 --> 00:29:35,734
to forgive me and give me a second chance,you will never regret it."
551
00:29:35,817 --> 00:29:37,528
-Me and Dad are going outside.-Okay.
552
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:41,532
-I love you, Mommy.-I love you too. Go ahead.
553
00:29:45,369 --> 00:29:46,703
I think people can change.
554
00:29:47,871 --> 00:29:51,083
I know people can changebecause I've seen it.
555
00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:53,293
You know, I witnessed it.
556
00:29:53,377 --> 00:29:54,962
She said that I made up.
557
00:29:55,045 --> 00:29:57,965
She said, "You made up forthe two months that you were absent."
558
00:29:58,048 --> 00:30:00,175
But, to me, I feel likeI've never made up for it.
559
00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:10,686
Give me a second.
560
00:30:11,186 --> 00:30:12,354
Set, hut.
561
00:30:19,653 --> 00:30:23,574
To me, people are like, "You'rean awesome dad. You're a great dad."
562
00:30:23,991 --> 00:30:26,743
But I'm like, "You did not knowI didn't want my child."
563
00:30:28,704 --> 00:30:32,124
All you see is what you see now.I'm very, very present.
564
00:30:32,875 --> 00:30:33,876
I'm almost there.
565
00:30:33,959 --> 00:30:35,919
But I had my faults and guilt.
566
00:30:36,712 --> 00:30:41,049
To me, I-- it's room to be better.
567
00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:47,181
My dad barely could read or write.But he always was there when I need him.
568
00:30:47,264 --> 00:30:50,017
Never shied away fromhis responsibility or duties.
569
00:30:50,809 --> 00:30:54,730
That's just something that I look up tobecause, like I say, he never had nothing.
570
00:30:54,813 --> 00:30:56,190
But he always gave something.
571
00:30:58,192 --> 00:31:01,987
To me, he has degrees.He is the president.
572
00:31:02,487 --> 00:31:04,990
You know, he's the first man on the moon.
573
00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:06,992
So, to me, he's everything.
574
00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:12,372
What's up, yo?
575
00:31:18,212 --> 00:31:20,923
My son, one day, told methat he wanted to be like me.
576
00:31:21,006 --> 00:31:25,093
And I looked dead in his eyes,I'm like, "You're never gonna be like me.
577
00:31:25,177 --> 00:31:26,637
I don't want you to be like me.
578
00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:31,975
I'm doing everything in my body to moldand shape you to be better than me."
579
00:31:33,435 --> 00:31:37,731
-Yay! Happy birthday, son.-Thank you, Daddy.
580
00:31:37,814 --> 00:31:41,068
My son is so smart and so full of life.
581
00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:44,613
The goal thatI'm looking forward to is long life.
582
00:31:44,696 --> 00:31:48,659
And hope that I could live long enoughto see my son have a family.
583
00:31:48,742 --> 00:31:50,202
And see what type of man he'll be.
584
00:31:50,285 --> 00:31:51,995
-Daddy.-Yes, RJ.
585
00:31:52,412 --> 00:31:54,498
I love you all of my fixed heart.
586
00:31:55,123 --> 00:31:58,752
You do? Thank you. Thank you.
587
00:31:59,378 --> 00:32:01,213
-Oh, wow.-Daddy?
588
00:32:01,713 --> 00:32:05,467
-Are you okay?-Yeah, I'm crying. Wow.
589
00:32:06,468 --> 00:32:08,720
-So, finish this sentence.-Yeah.
590
00:32:09,221 --> 00:32:10,931
A father is...
591
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,603
I will say what it meant to me,what my father is for me.
592
00:32:20,566 --> 00:32:21,942
A father is my compass.
593
00:32:29,825 --> 00:32:35,163
My dad had a very strong senseof his own moral guide
594
00:32:35,247 --> 00:32:36,999
of what is right and what is wrong.
595
00:32:38,959 --> 00:32:41,920
He was a good dad. Stern, but good.
596
00:32:42,796 --> 00:32:45,090
My dad is hard to describe.
597
00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:48,886
He wasn't a big advice giver.
598
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:54,099
He didn't cook or, you know, do homeworkwith us or any of those things.
599
00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:56,143
'Cause he was at work all day.
600
00:32:56,226 --> 00:33:00,355
But the weekendswere when Dad would shine.
601
00:33:01,565 --> 00:33:03,775
He's a good guy.
602
00:33:06,445 --> 00:33:09,448
He's not dead or anything.I just get choked up.
603
00:33:10,365 --> 00:33:12,701
I grew up, like a lotof children of immigrants,
604
00:33:12,784 --> 00:33:16,079
where the defining principlethat defined our generation was sacrifice.
605
00:33:18,624 --> 00:33:20,292
My father, he worked a lot.
606
00:33:21,043 --> 00:33:25,506
And... it's funny 'cause now I work a lot.
607
00:33:26,215 --> 00:33:28,592
-Have a good day.-Okay.
608
00:33:28,675 --> 00:33:33,931
I left my wife 24 hours aftershe gave birth to my daughter
609
00:33:34,014 --> 00:33:35,891
to go make television.
610
00:33:35,974 --> 00:33:38,268
And even talking about it now,I feel really guilty.
611
00:33:38,352 --> 00:33:41,605
When I think about it,I had this very kind of old-fashioned job.
612
00:33:41,688 --> 00:33:44,691
Well, I've gotta go intoRockefeller Center and do the show.
613
00:33:44,775 --> 00:33:45,943
The big show for the people.
614
00:33:46,527 --> 00:33:48,779
I probably made that happen in some way
615
00:33:48,862 --> 00:33:52,574
where I, consciously or unconsciously,
616
00:33:52,658 --> 00:33:55,869
made myself the dadthat was from television.
617
00:33:55,953 --> 00:33:58,580
Well, I had the baby.Gotta go. Time to go to work.
618
00:34:01,083 --> 00:34:03,919
It is programmed into methat you need to go to work.
619
00:34:04,002 --> 00:34:08,257
And that's a big part of your jobas a dad. I know it's old-fashioned.
620
00:34:08,340 --> 00:34:13,094
I think a big part of the fatherhoodnarrative is still a very old narrative
621
00:34:13,178 --> 00:34:16,931
of the father goes into the wilderness
622
00:34:17,014 --> 00:34:23,272
and hews a life,and finds supplies and kills an elk.
623
00:34:23,355 --> 00:34:27,192
But actually your kid wants you there.
624
00:34:27,275 --> 00:34:31,112
You know, it may be that one personreally has to work 75 hours a week.
625
00:34:31,196 --> 00:34:33,114
And maybe that'sthe best thing for the family.
626
00:34:33,197 --> 00:34:36,618
And if there's an agreement,then make it a strategy.
627
00:34:36,702 --> 00:34:38,495
But don't make it an escape hatch.
628
00:34:49,464 --> 00:34:50,799
Good morning.
629
00:34:52,426 --> 00:34:55,053
It's hard for us,I mean boys in Brazil,
630
00:34:55,137 --> 00:34:56,889
to know how to parent.
631
00:34:58,098 --> 00:34:59,600
You know, society always says,
632
00:34:59,683 --> 00:35:02,311
"Leave it with Mom.Dad will do everything wrong."
633
00:35:02,394 --> 00:35:03,562
Another bite.
634
00:35:03,645 --> 00:35:05,522
A big one.
635
00:35:05,939 --> 00:35:08,692
It's bad to have this concept in your head
636
00:35:08,775 --> 00:35:11,195
because you really thinkthat you can't do it.
637
00:35:11,278 --> 00:35:13,739
Papa, I want to help you.
638
00:35:13,822 --> 00:35:16,658
But you are helping me.
639
00:35:17,826 --> 00:35:21,496
I have this struggleto balance my father role
640
00:35:22,122 --> 00:35:23,957
and my worker role.
641
00:35:24,041 --> 00:35:28,795
And it's, I mean, I just drinka lot of coffee to balance that.
642
00:35:28,879 --> 00:35:29,880
I mean...
643
00:35:30,631 --> 00:35:31,798
Thank you, son.
644
00:35:33,217 --> 00:35:36,303
It's great, thanks.You make a great coffee.
645
00:35:38,972 --> 00:35:43,727
When I became a dad, I changed a lot.
646
00:35:47,523 --> 00:35:50,984
Usually women change with maternity.
647
00:35:51,068 --> 00:35:56,198
The birth, the pregnancy,he was always with me.
648
00:35:56,281 --> 00:35:59,618
So the changes that I went through,he also went through.
649
00:36:00,619 --> 00:36:04,706
You can see the transformationin his face.
650
00:36:06,124 --> 00:36:10,003
It was tough, becauseI became a father without having a father.
651
00:36:10,796 --> 00:36:15,217
At that point, I realizedthat I just didn't know what to do.
652
00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:17,344
I had no clue about it.
653
00:36:17,427 --> 00:36:21,056
I started reading everythingthat is parenting-related.
654
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,561
But once you start to understandhow you're gonna raise that child,
655
00:36:25,644 --> 00:36:26,937
you need to go back to work.
656
00:36:27,980 --> 00:36:31,316
And it cuts offall the emotion that you have.
657
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:36,947
I think it's absurd that fathers onlyhave five days of paternity leave.
658
00:36:37,030 --> 00:36:38,949
Why do we need paternity leave?
659
00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:43,036
Not only because we need to learnhow to raise a child,
660
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,832
but we have a mother who is in postpartum.
661
00:36:46,915 --> 00:36:49,209
He needs to support the mother a lot.
662
00:36:51,670 --> 00:36:55,549
It is true the babydepends more on the mother...
663
00:36:55,632 --> 00:36:59,011
exclusively in the first three months.
664
00:36:59,094 --> 00:37:02,681
But who takes care of the mother?
665
00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:06,602
Who will be next to her duringthis reconstruction process?
666
00:37:06,685 --> 00:37:10,647
How can he support the mother if, afterfive days, you know, of paternity leave,
667
00:37:10,731 --> 00:37:14,193
he needs to go back to workto get, you know, the bills paid?
668
00:37:14,276 --> 00:37:15,694
Come this way.
669
00:37:16,695 --> 00:37:17,863
Take your hand off, son.
670
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:19,907
Come this way! Dante gets in first.
671
00:37:20,449 --> 00:37:22,451
I'm a mechanical engineer for a living.
672
00:37:23,327 --> 00:37:27,497
It's a regular eight-hour day,8:00 to 5:00.
673
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:29,666
Let's go to school now, guys!?
674
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:30,876
Yes!
675
00:37:33,962 --> 00:37:36,840
The dads out there,they don't think like me.
676
00:37:38,550 --> 00:37:41,053
People tell meso much about the helping father.
677
00:37:41,595 --> 00:37:45,807
"Wow, what a nice father,your husband, he helps so much."
678
00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:47,226
No. It's not help.
679
00:37:47,935 --> 00:37:50,771
Help is my neighbor that looks after themfor a few minutes...
680
00:37:51,355 --> 00:37:53,357
while I put the clothes to dry...
681
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,775
This is help.
682
00:37:55,734 --> 00:37:57,736
The father doesn't help.
683
00:37:58,195 --> 00:37:59,863
He creates together. He is a caretaker.
684
00:37:59,947 --> 00:38:03,408
Calm down. Let go of Maya's hand.
685
00:38:04,284 --> 00:38:07,454
Calm down and breathe.
686
00:38:09,206 --> 00:38:12,626
There's one thing that I learnedfrom the first day of being a dad,
687
00:38:12,709 --> 00:38:16,255
is that you need to learnto trust your instincts, okay?
688
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,048
We know how to do this.
689
00:38:22,344 --> 00:38:24,721
He found a new voice.
690
00:38:25,764 --> 00:38:27,516
Hello, hello, hello.
691
00:38:27,599 --> 00:38:31,478
He started a podcast with two friends.
692
00:38:33,188 --> 00:38:35,607
It is nice to see...
693
00:38:35,691 --> 00:38:38,360
Even though we didn'thave affectionate fathers,
694
00:38:38,443 --> 00:38:40,487
we can still createa place of love for our kids.
695
00:38:40,571 --> 00:38:42,447
I decided to use this tactic...
696
00:38:42,531 --> 00:38:44,658
"If you leave the toys there,I will throw them out!"
697
00:38:44,741 --> 00:38:46,493
Here is the problem:
698
00:38:46,577 --> 00:38:51,206
You're expecting your daughterto follow your instructions
699
00:38:51,290 --> 00:38:54,001
without explaining it to her.
700
00:38:54,084 --> 00:38:55,961
And there is fear, too.
701
00:38:56,044 --> 00:38:57,129
Do you get it?
702
00:38:57,212 --> 00:38:59,089
I get it.
703
00:38:59,173 --> 00:39:03,802
And that's so good to see this movementstarting to arise here in Brazil.
704
00:39:05,888 --> 00:39:09,766
After my first boy was born,I started writing a blog
705
00:39:10,267 --> 00:39:14,354
and documenting those early yearsof experience with my boys.
706
00:39:14,980 --> 00:39:20,485
And then there was a commentin the blog posts saying something like...
707
00:39:22,321 --> 00:39:24,323
"I was wondering if it's our time now."
708
00:39:24,406 --> 00:39:26,491
And I was like, "What is this guy saying?"
709
00:39:26,575 --> 00:39:28,535
I mentioned that to Annie.
710
00:39:28,619 --> 00:39:32,998
And then she was like, "Oh, my God.It's your father. He found you."
711
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:37,169
We spent 18 yearswithout seeing each other.
712
00:39:37,669 --> 00:39:40,422
It's, like, a whole lifewithout my father.
713
00:39:41,465 --> 00:39:47,763
It feels like I started writing a blogjust to be able to meet my father again
714
00:39:47,846 --> 00:39:51,683
and to build a whole new story with him.
715
00:39:53,644 --> 00:39:56,230
He was, like, shaking and crying.
716
00:39:56,313 --> 00:39:59,566
He will hug my son. And we started crying.
717
00:40:01,235 --> 00:40:06,740
It was so good to havemy boys having a grandfather.
718
00:40:06,823 --> 00:40:11,662
Man, that-- God, that is good, man.That is so good.
719
00:40:14,414 --> 00:40:15,874
Oh, boy. What a gift.
720
00:40:19,294 --> 00:40:21,547
You're gonna think I'm making this up,but I'm absolutely not.
721
00:40:21,630 --> 00:40:24,383
On the way over here,driving here, on the freeway,
722
00:40:24,466 --> 00:40:27,719
I'm flipping through the different radiochannels, and then I hit Harry Chapin's,
723
00:40:27,803 --> 00:40:30,514
The cat's in the cradleAnd the silver spoon
724
00:40:30,597 --> 00:40:34,101
All about the dad that, like, "I don'thave time now, son, but later on."
725
00:40:34,184 --> 00:40:37,104
And I think all of us dadsthink about that.
726
00:40:37,187 --> 00:40:40,107
We all think about, "Am I there enough?"
727
00:40:40,190 --> 00:40:45,153
Sometimes I think,"Am I there too much compared to my dad?
728
00:40:45,237 --> 00:40:48,156
Do you also wanna give them their spaceand let them grow?"
729
00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:49,324
So, it's complicated.
730
00:40:49,992 --> 00:40:52,786
I just think it's changing very quickly,generation to generation,
731
00:40:52,870 --> 00:40:55,497
what your job is as a parent.
732
00:41:00,127 --> 00:41:02,337
From the beginning,my wife and I were like a team,
733
00:41:02,421 --> 00:41:03,714
and we're just partners in it.
734
00:41:03,797 --> 00:41:06,675
Changing the diapers, sterilizingthe milk bottles, all these things.
735
00:41:06,758 --> 00:41:09,636
Like, we were justinvolved with everything.
736
00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:12,014
And thank God I was there.
737
00:41:12,097 --> 00:41:15,100
And I have friends who will be like,
738
00:41:15,184 --> 00:41:17,936
"Yeah, you don't really needto do much for the first year.
739
00:41:18,020 --> 00:41:20,355
Then they kind of wake up a little bit,and you bond.
740
00:41:20,439 --> 00:41:23,066
But in the beginning, it's all the woman."
741
00:41:23,150 --> 00:41:25,277
Which couldn't be more wrong.
742
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,112
You're doing a good job.
743
00:41:27,196 --> 00:41:30,032
Thank you, sweetheart, so much.Daddy's trying.
744
00:41:30,490 --> 00:41:33,744
Am I doing too much? Am I not beingman enough by being this involved?
745
00:41:33,827 --> 00:41:37,539
But, like, I like gettingmy babies into clean diapers.
746
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,209
Show them perseverance. She's going.
747
00:41:40,834 --> 00:41:43,295
This is a new dad that's been invented.
748
00:41:43,378 --> 00:41:44,922
I'm taking them to school every day.
749
00:41:45,005 --> 00:41:47,049
And parent-teacher conferences.And things that--
750
00:41:47,508 --> 00:41:50,427
I'm at everything.I feel like I'm kind of going to school.
751
00:41:50,511 --> 00:41:54,848
If my dad had come to schoolin the middle of the day and I saw him,
752
00:41:55,516 --> 00:41:56,767
I'd have shit my pants.
753
00:41:57,434 --> 00:42:02,689
'Cause it would mean either somebody diedor I was in incredible trouble.
754
00:42:02,773 --> 00:42:04,691
Now, I'm not saying that that was better.
755
00:42:04,775 --> 00:42:07,152
I'm not a believer in"those were the good old days."
756
00:42:07,236 --> 00:42:09,279
But there's definitelybeen a pendulum swing.
757
00:42:27,089 --> 00:42:34,096
I used to brag about working150 hours of overtime.
758
00:42:39,893 --> 00:42:41,812
Because this was the norm.
759
00:42:43,188 --> 00:42:49,820
A man that doesn't workis a dropout of society.
760
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:56,910
I was diagnosedwith an autoimmune disease.
761
00:43:04,918 --> 00:43:07,129
It was constant pain.
762
00:43:08,213 --> 00:43:12,426
It made it impossiblefor me to go to work.
763
00:43:21,310 --> 00:43:27,608
Breakfast has a fixed image as"a mom's work."
764
00:43:28,734 --> 00:43:35,699
You don't often see a man standingin the kitchen in the morning.
765
00:43:37,534 --> 00:43:40,996
In my household, I cook,so this is our standard.
766
00:43:44,208 --> 00:43:45,250
Hi, good morning.
767
00:43:45,334 --> 00:43:46,335
Good morning.
768
00:43:48,045 --> 00:43:50,714
Put down Mom's cell phone.Put the book back.
769
00:43:52,966 --> 00:43:54,927
Put the book back.
770
00:43:56,803 --> 00:43:58,847
Book! Put the book back.
771
00:44:05,312 --> 00:44:07,606
You must not use the book like that.
772
00:44:07,689 --> 00:44:09,191
Put it away.
773
00:44:12,653 --> 00:44:13,862
-Dad.-Yup.
774
00:44:13,946 --> 00:44:14,988
Look there.
775
00:44:15,072 --> 00:44:16,073
What?
776
00:44:16,156 --> 00:44:17,241
There.
777
00:44:22,788 --> 00:44:24,873
Eat, Yu.
778
00:44:27,876 --> 00:44:33,131
After quitting work 20 years ago...
779
00:44:34,466 --> 00:44:37,928
I asked my wife for a divorce.
780
00:44:39,513 --> 00:44:41,139
Because of the illness,
781
00:44:41,223 --> 00:44:45,894
she would be stuckhaving to take care of me.
782
00:44:45,978 --> 00:44:50,274
And I couldn't stand the thought of that.
783
00:44:51,942 --> 00:44:57,447
I was actuallythinking of committing suicide.
784
00:44:58,866 --> 00:45:02,661
I clearly remember my wife'sexact words...
785
00:45:03,287 --> 00:45:06,164
"Please continue living for me."
786
00:45:11,837 --> 00:45:13,297
Get ready!
787
00:45:19,636 --> 00:45:21,555
It looks like you are having fun,
788
00:45:21,638 --> 00:45:23,307
but could I give you disappointing news?
789
00:45:23,390 --> 00:45:24,391
No!
790
00:45:25,225 --> 00:45:28,103
Your shirt is on backwards.
791
00:45:31,481 --> 00:45:35,694
My wife told me, "I will go and work...
792
00:45:40,199 --> 00:45:42,492
And you stay home."
793
00:45:45,746 --> 00:45:48,916
I have taken over the role of...
794
00:45:48,999 --> 00:45:51,376
the house husband.
795
00:45:58,217 --> 00:45:59,384
Okay, let's go.
796
00:46:13,273 --> 00:46:15,901
The reason I dyed my hair...
797
00:46:16,568 --> 00:46:18,987
To put it simply...
798
00:46:19,071 --> 00:46:22,824
you won't find any Japanese businessmen
799
00:46:22,908 --> 00:46:26,411
with bleached hair.
800
00:46:27,371 --> 00:46:32,042
If you dye your hair,you can't go back to work.
801
00:46:32,751 --> 00:46:37,548
And that's why I dyed my hair blonde.
802
00:46:41,510 --> 00:46:44,805
I showed my wife, and she said...
803
00:46:44,888 --> 00:46:47,683
"Oh, looks good on you,looks good on you."
804
00:46:51,311 --> 00:46:54,898
After going through periodic checkups,
805
00:46:54,982 --> 00:47:00,779
my doctor said, "Your illness is gone.What would you like to do?"
806
00:47:06,285 --> 00:47:11,915
The question that came to me...
807
00:47:12,374 --> 00:47:16,420
"Can I have children?"
808
00:47:48,410 --> 00:47:51,830
My wife adamantly said...
809
00:47:51,914 --> 00:47:55,542
"We're not having kids,we don't need them."
810
00:47:58,253 --> 00:48:04,176
I went on a two-year mission toconvince my wife.
811
00:48:05,344 --> 00:48:12,309
Other than pregnancy,birth and breastfeeding...
812
00:48:14,186 --> 00:48:18,815
a man can do everything else.
813
00:48:21,527 --> 00:48:27,366
After hearing that,my wife finally agreed and said...
814
00:48:27,449 --> 00:48:32,913
"Okay, I will give birth for you."
815
00:48:46,802 --> 00:48:50,931
Today I'm in Akihabara for a meeting of...
816
00:48:51,014 --> 00:48:56,019
the "Secret Society,Friends of House Husbands."
817
00:48:56,103 --> 00:49:01,275
I came here to talk aboutvarious household matters.
818
00:49:01,358 --> 00:49:04,778
Really there's nothing secret about it.We're open.
819
00:49:04,862 --> 00:49:09,157
But in Japan, if you say somethingis "secret," it's cool.
820
00:49:09,241 --> 00:49:14,621
My neighbor was saying that theywere able to take paid leave recently.
821
00:49:14,705 --> 00:49:18,792
I think that people have at leastbecome aware of us.
822
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:23,046
The house husband is stillin the minority.
823
00:49:23,589 --> 00:49:26,258
I think the attitudeis starting to change,
824
00:49:26,341 --> 00:49:29,720
where it's okay not to torment yourselfover being different.
825
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:35,893
When I first decidedto become a stay-at-home husband,
826
00:49:35,976 --> 00:49:37,978
I felt like a failure.
827
00:49:39,229 --> 00:49:41,273
I never used to smile this much.
828
00:49:41,356 --> 00:49:43,984
I was a different man.
829
00:49:44,067 --> 00:49:46,278
I always had a sulky look.
830
00:49:46,361 --> 00:49:48,447
Always making a face like this.
831
00:49:51,366 --> 00:49:54,036
That part I think I really changed.
832
00:49:54,119 --> 00:49:56,455
I've become cheerful.
833
00:50:03,212 --> 00:50:05,255
Becoming a father
834
00:50:05,339 --> 00:50:11,386
was the first time I cried tears of joy.
835
00:50:14,806 --> 00:50:18,435
I want to thank him for being born.
836
00:50:23,857 --> 00:50:27,319
Feeling thankful... yes.
837
00:50:59,142 --> 00:51:00,602
-Hello.-Honey?
838
00:51:00,686 --> 00:51:02,688
-Hi, dear.-Hi, honey. How you doing?
839
00:51:02,771 --> 00:51:04,314
-Just fine.-That's good.
840
00:51:04,398 --> 00:51:06,400
It's good to hear your voice.Tell me about the doctor.
841
00:51:06,483 --> 00:51:08,527
Well, I went to the doctor.
842
00:51:09,194 --> 00:51:11,947
And... there's two kids in there, honey.
843
00:51:12,030 --> 00:51:13,448
Oh, my God.
844
00:51:14,157 --> 00:51:15,367
This is fantastic.
845
00:51:16,702 --> 00:51:21,665
When Cheryl became pregnant with twins,I really had to step up.
846
00:51:22,249 --> 00:51:24,168
-Okay.-Okay, what is it?
847
00:51:24,251 --> 00:51:25,419
Two girls.
848
00:51:27,754 --> 00:51:29,047
Both real healthy.
849
00:51:29,131 --> 00:51:31,008
-And Cheryl's doing fine?-Cheryl's great.
850
00:51:31,091 --> 00:51:33,427
-Two sisters.-You have two sisters.
851
00:51:33,969 --> 00:51:35,429
-Two sisters for you.-You hear that, Bryce?
852
00:51:35,512 --> 00:51:36,722
We're gonna see your sisters.
853
00:51:36,805 --> 00:51:41,101
And I honestly rememberdoing more cooking, more caretaking.
854
00:51:41,185 --> 00:51:42,227
Blow.
855
00:51:43,645 --> 00:51:45,272
Really looking after Cheryl.
856
00:51:45,355 --> 00:51:46,940
I remember sort of thinking to myself,
857
00:51:47,024 --> 00:51:49,568
"Wow. I've really beena kid up until now."
858
00:51:49,651 --> 00:51:51,945
For the first time,I really feel like a man.
859
00:51:52,029 --> 00:51:54,990
I really feel like I'm doinga man's work in my family.
860
00:51:55,073 --> 00:51:57,701
-Can you give Daddy one?-Go kiss Daddy.
861
00:51:57,784 --> 00:52:02,039
I love being a dad for infants.It was so gratifying.
862
00:52:02,122 --> 00:52:03,415
Toddlers, a little hectic...
863
00:52:04,458 --> 00:52:05,459
a little exhausting.
864
00:52:05,542 --> 00:52:08,045
But unbelievable through to about 12.
865
00:52:08,128 --> 00:52:10,088
-No video?-You're embarrassing me.
866
00:52:10,172 --> 00:52:12,132
The greatest.
867
00:52:12,841 --> 00:52:15,385
Reliving your own childhoodin a fabulous way.
868
00:52:15,469 --> 00:52:16,845
Thank you.
869
00:52:16,929 --> 00:52:20,891
Cuddles, books, reading books, helpingwith a little bit of homework, coloring.
870
00:52:20,974 --> 00:52:23,769
Let's go on a vacation.Oh, here's Disneyland.
871
00:52:23,852 --> 00:52:26,271
Wow. All of it. Wonderful.
872
00:52:26,355 --> 00:52:28,357
And then they get shitty.
873
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:32,986
-I don't care! I'm fine!-I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
874
00:52:33,737 --> 00:52:34,738
Stop it!
875
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,991
Mom, you're ruining my life!
876
00:52:38,075 --> 00:52:40,619
It gets really intense in teenage years.
877
00:52:42,079 --> 00:52:43,080
Okay.
878
00:52:43,163 --> 00:52:46,458
And they have more feelingsthan you knew human beings could have.
879
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,713
You'd be a very good actress, Summer.
880
00:52:51,797 --> 00:52:55,008
I don't know if I'm cryingor if I'm laughing.
881
00:52:55,092 --> 00:52:56,802
Here's my daughterhaving a temper tantrum
882
00:52:57,344 --> 00:52:58,929
because I won't give her her phone.
883
00:52:59,012 --> 00:53:00,138
Give me my phone.
884
00:53:00,764 --> 00:53:02,266
Give me my phone!
885
00:53:02,349 --> 00:53:06,520
Let's accept that no father is perfect.
886
00:53:07,229 --> 00:53:09,398
-Foot on the brake.-Yeah, foot on the brake. Yeah.
887
00:53:10,983 --> 00:53:12,568
Get away from the tree.
888
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:14,778
Watch. Lady with a dog.
889
00:53:14,862 --> 00:53:16,947
Slow down. You're in a corner.
890
00:53:17,030 --> 00:53:18,365
Wow. You've got no idea.
891
00:53:20,284 --> 00:53:23,620
We're all making this up as we go.There's no school for this.
892
00:53:25,664 --> 00:53:27,708
It's love and limits.
893
00:53:28,166 --> 00:53:31,920
Love them, and then there are timeswhere I have to say "No."
894
00:53:51,773 --> 00:53:56,111
Very early on, our daughter,when she was just a baby, I told my wife,
895
00:53:56,195 --> 00:54:01,074
"Keep in mind, no matter what we do,she's going to go to therapy one day,
896
00:54:01,158 --> 00:54:03,035
and she's going to complain about us."
897
00:54:03,493 --> 00:54:06,246
-Morgan missed the bus.-Oh, my God. What are you doing?
898
00:54:06,330 --> 00:54:08,165
-So Dad is taking her to school.-Stop.
899
00:54:09,166 --> 00:54:12,294
And I'm gonna walk her into school,and this is gonna be great.
900
00:54:12,377 --> 00:54:15,047
-No, you're not. Stop. Don't.-So we're gonna record the experience.
901
00:54:15,714 --> 00:54:16,548
Don't.
902
00:54:16,632 --> 00:54:18,091
My subscribers are gonna love this.
903
00:54:18,175 --> 00:54:20,886
-No. You don't have subscribers.-Oh, I do.
904
00:54:20,969 --> 00:54:22,179
Back door. Back door.
905
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:24,806
-Let's go, kid.-No.
906
00:54:27,851 --> 00:54:28,852
Love you.
907
00:54:29,353 --> 00:54:30,354
Bye.
908
00:54:32,981 --> 00:54:34,066
Life is good.
909
00:54:34,149 --> 00:54:35,817
I give them a lot of rope,
910
00:54:36,401 --> 00:54:39,530
that I normally thoughtI would definitely be, like,
911
00:54:39,613 --> 00:54:41,990
a helicopter parent or a tiger dad.
912
00:54:42,074 --> 00:54:44,493
If not a tiger dad,like a honey badger dad. Some animal.
913
00:54:44,576 --> 00:54:46,495
I don't thinkmy kids have ever been punished.
914
00:54:46,578 --> 00:54:47,829
They think they have.
915
00:54:47,913 --> 00:54:49,248
They're like, "You're so hard on me."
916
00:54:49,331 --> 00:54:51,250
I'm like, "Have you everbeen grounded in your whole life?"
917
00:54:51,333 --> 00:54:52,501
"No."
918
00:54:52,584 --> 00:54:55,128
"Have you everhad anything taken away from you?"
919
00:54:55,629 --> 00:54:56,755
"No."
920
00:54:56,839 --> 00:55:00,634
Like, they don't even knowhow I've completely given up.
921
00:55:00,717 --> 00:55:04,096
"I'll tell you why. Because I said so,and because it's my house."
922
00:55:04,179 --> 00:55:08,016
I remember hearing that and thinking,"What a dick move, Dad."
923
00:55:08,100 --> 00:55:10,310
And now I'm saying it, to my son.
924
00:55:10,394 --> 00:55:13,188
We had a thing called"the circle of safety."
925
00:55:13,272 --> 00:55:17,818
The circle of safety was, you couldsay anything, and there's no punishment.
926
00:55:17,901 --> 00:55:24,408
So, we got to the point that our kids gotso comfortable with the circle of safety,
927
00:55:24,491 --> 00:55:27,744
they said everything.
928
00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:30,914
And by the time Willow was 15,
929
00:55:30,998 --> 00:55:32,708
I started tapping outof circles of safety.
930
00:55:32,791 --> 00:55:34,585
No, Dad. I don't wanna talk about...
931
00:55:35,169 --> 00:55:36,378
No. Seriously.
932
00:55:36,461 --> 00:55:38,672
-Your body is changing.-No, Dad. Oh, my God.
933
00:55:38,755 --> 00:55:41,300
-Your body is changing.-Dad, be quiet.
934
00:55:41,383 --> 00:55:44,887
I just want you to be able to talk to me.
935
00:55:44,970 --> 00:55:47,890
I am able to talk to you.Just, I don't wanna talk to you right now.
936
00:55:47,973 --> 00:55:52,060
-You're gonna have sexual relations.-Oh, my God, Dad. Stop it.
937
00:55:52,144 --> 00:55:54,438
-If you're gonna---Mom gave me a book
938
00:55:54,521 --> 00:55:56,315
that said about everything.
939
00:55:56,398 --> 00:55:58,108
-Well, I'm just saying.-I didn't like that.
940
00:55:58,192 --> 00:56:00,485
-I know, Dad. Oh, my God.-You can talk--
941
00:56:00,569 --> 00:56:03,864
-You can talk to me about it.-Just be quiet.
942
00:56:03,947 --> 00:56:08,660
One of the thingsthat Jada and I stumbled onto
943
00:56:08,744 --> 00:56:12,623
and agreed on really earlyin our parenting, is that we don't know.
944
00:56:13,790 --> 00:56:15,584
And if you just start with,"you don't know,"
945
00:56:15,667 --> 00:56:18,962
it's so much easierto develop a relationship with your kids,
946
00:56:19,046 --> 00:56:20,881
'cause they know you don't know.
947
00:56:21,673 --> 00:56:24,301
We got into a really comfortable placeof saying, you know,
948
00:56:24,384 --> 00:56:26,970
"This is a tough one. Help me out here.
949
00:56:27,054 --> 00:56:31,225
What do you think you need to evolve
950
00:56:31,308 --> 00:56:33,936
and becomethe greatest version of yourself?
951
00:56:34,019 --> 00:56:35,479
Help me. I don't know right now."
952
00:56:35,854 --> 00:56:41,318
You just begin to learn thatpart of being a dad is handling shit.
953
00:56:41,985 --> 00:56:45,531
You know? And coping with it,even if it's not pretty.
954
00:56:45,614 --> 00:56:47,157
Even if you're not that good at it.
955
00:56:47,241 --> 00:56:49,743
Lean into the jobof helping to raise these kids,
956
00:56:49,826 --> 00:56:51,954
because everything helps.
957
00:57:04,758 --> 00:57:06,677
We're getting there. We're getting there.
958
00:57:07,386 --> 00:57:09,847
Yeah. You ready?Hold on. Let me check the biscuits.
959
00:57:09,930 --> 00:57:11,431
Did I burn the biscuits?
960
00:57:12,182 --> 00:57:14,101
That's a lot of sugar for your coffee.
961
00:57:14,184 --> 00:57:15,269
Okay. I think that's enough.
962
00:57:16,937 --> 00:57:18,146
You gonna wake up today?
963
00:57:19,231 --> 00:57:22,609
I mean, you literallyhave just been sleeping for 14 hours.
964
00:57:24,403 --> 00:57:26,363
-You okay?-Get out of your sister's room.
965
00:57:27,573 --> 00:57:29,825
She's been sleeping for 14 hours.
966
00:57:29,908 --> 00:57:30,909
Oh, my God.
967
00:57:31,410 --> 00:57:32,911
She will if you let her.
968
00:57:32,995 --> 00:57:35,706
I promised herthat I would make sausage gravy for her.
969
00:57:38,333 --> 00:57:43,088
At the point that I knew I wanted tobe a father, I was about six years old.
970
00:57:45,007 --> 00:57:46,049
Seriously.
971
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:48,260
Do you want biscuits and sausage gravy?
972
00:57:48,635 --> 00:57:50,262
Do you want Daddy to make it for you?
973
00:57:50,637 --> 00:57:52,055
Are you gonna make it yourself?
974
00:57:52,139 --> 00:57:53,390
Wow. Shock.
975
00:57:53,473 --> 00:57:55,392
Hang on.I'll pour a little bit more into it.
976
00:57:55,767 --> 00:58:01,190
At one time, I was approachedby a lesbian couple about being a donor.
977
00:58:01,732 --> 00:58:04,026
I said, "Okay. Well, if I was to do that,
978
00:58:04,109 --> 00:58:06,445
what would my involvement bewith the child?"
979
00:58:07,279 --> 00:58:11,533
And they said, "Well, you wouldn'thave any involvement at all."
980
00:58:11,617 --> 00:58:15,245
And I said to them,"Then I could never do it."
981
00:58:15,871 --> 00:58:18,624
I mean, if I knew thatthere was a child of mine out there,
982
00:58:19,833 --> 00:58:21,585
I would wanna be a part of their life.
983
00:58:21,668 --> 00:58:25,464
So, I guess that's how I knowI wanted to be a father.
984
00:58:25,964 --> 00:58:29,343
So we decided to be foster parents.And we were gonna foster to adopt.
985
00:58:30,761 --> 00:58:33,555
I rememberwhen we were being asked about, like,
986
00:58:33,639 --> 00:58:37,434
the number of kids to be in our home,I was thinking one.
987
00:58:37,518 --> 00:58:41,355
Maybe two, because,you know, we had the discussion.
988
00:58:41,438 --> 00:58:43,732
We would not separate siblings.
989
00:58:44,775 --> 00:58:49,780
We went from no kids to four kidsin less than six months.
990
00:58:50,322 --> 00:58:52,199
Three boys and one girl.
991
00:58:52,282 --> 00:58:54,368
That's how we became a family of six.
992
00:58:54,451 --> 00:58:56,703
And three of them in diapers.
993
00:58:57,371 --> 00:59:00,415
Everybody thought we were insane.We were just crazy.
994
00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:03,001
But, I mean,I guess it took a little bit of that
995
00:59:03,085 --> 00:59:07,798
just to accept the situationand do the best we could.
996
00:59:08,257 --> 00:59:10,843
Makai Davis, let your sister play.Not kidding.
997
00:59:10,926 --> 00:59:12,177
I don't want to see youplaying on it at all
998
00:59:12,261 --> 00:59:13,595
unless you let your sister play.
999
00:59:13,679 --> 00:59:16,348
That's your choice. Okay? Hey, hey, hey.
1000
00:59:16,431 --> 00:59:18,058
-There's choices for your actions.-Damn.
1001
00:59:18,141 --> 00:59:20,102
If you want to let your sister play,that's awesome.
1002
00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:22,104
If not, then you're not playingfor the rest of the day.
1003
00:59:22,187 --> 00:59:26,817
Nobody gave a manual how to be a parent,so, you know what, we do the hit and miss.
1004
00:59:27,442 --> 00:59:28,902
More like pick your battle.
1005
00:59:29,486 --> 00:59:31,196
He's being so mean to me.
1006
00:59:32,030 --> 00:59:33,115
But I don't think that he--
1007
00:59:33,198 --> 00:59:37,411
Your brother doesn't think it's necessaryfor you to have male friends yet.
1008
00:59:37,494 --> 00:59:40,455
You can have male friendswith benefits, not--
1009
00:59:40,539 --> 00:59:41,957
-What? What?-Yeah, benefits.
1010
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:43,208
Not a boyfriend.
1011
00:59:43,292 --> 00:59:45,043
-What?-What are benefits?
1012
00:59:45,127 --> 00:59:46,295
-What the...-What?
1013
00:59:46,378 --> 00:59:48,505
I think you all needto think about your schoolwork
1014
00:59:48,589 --> 00:59:50,340
and not think aboutboyfriends and girlfriends.
1015
00:59:50,424 --> 00:59:51,717
I don't have schoolwork.
1016
00:59:53,552 --> 00:59:54,678
Okay, Amaya. We gotta go.
1017
00:59:57,639 --> 00:59:58,724
Put your shoes on, babe.
1018
01:00:04,980 --> 01:00:07,357
Reece came home from work one day,because we both worked
1019
01:00:07,441 --> 01:00:10,819
and the kids all wentto day care and after school,
1020
01:00:10,903 --> 01:00:12,905
and he says,"I want to be a stay-at-home dad."
1021
01:00:12,988 --> 01:00:14,448
And I said, "Okay."
1022
01:00:14,948 --> 01:00:16,575
I said, "We have to change our budget.
1023
01:00:16,658 --> 01:00:18,619
You know?'Cause we're used to two incomes.
1024
01:00:18,702 --> 01:00:20,037
But we're gonna make it work."
1025
01:00:20,621 --> 01:00:24,499
And at that time I had two jobs,but it just made sense.
1026
01:00:25,250 --> 01:00:30,339
A dad can be the stay-at-home parent,and it's not looked at as being weak.
1027
01:00:31,381 --> 01:00:34,676
And I felt thatI wanted to be home to be there for them.
1028
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:37,888
We get this quite often,"Who's the mom? Who's the dad?"
1029
01:00:38,430 --> 01:00:40,390
I mean,people literally ask us that question.
1030
01:00:40,474 --> 01:00:43,101
And I have to remind themthat we're both dads,
1031
01:00:43,185 --> 01:00:46,939
but the one thing that we dois we both partner.
1032
01:00:47,397 --> 01:00:48,982
That's what parents should be doing.
1033
01:00:50,067 --> 01:00:51,193
See you in a little bit.
1034
01:00:51,735 --> 01:00:53,445
-Love you.-Bye. Love you.
1035
01:00:53,946 --> 01:00:56,782
-An Apple Watch.-I am not buying you an Apple Watch.
1036
01:00:57,324 --> 01:01:00,035
-Why?-You can't even keep track of your phone.
1037
01:01:01,453 --> 01:01:02,496
Are you kidding me?
1038
01:01:02,579 --> 01:01:05,582
-Then can I have a drone?-No, I'm not buying you a drone.
1039
01:01:06,708 --> 01:01:08,460
-Hey, watch out.-Yeah. Daddy sees.
1040
01:01:08,877 --> 01:01:10,712
Good deer. There's a baby up there.
1041
01:01:12,714 --> 01:01:14,132
Thanks for reminding me of that.
1042
01:01:15,509 --> 01:01:18,095
Okay. Everybody get their boots on.We're going in the back.
1043
01:01:19,012 --> 01:01:21,932
What up, guys?Are you finally glad we're here?
1044
01:01:22,432 --> 01:01:23,725
All day.
1045
01:01:24,393 --> 01:01:25,894
All day you've been gone.
1046
01:01:32,609 --> 01:01:35,445
I had a motherwho had been married six times.
1047
01:01:36,947 --> 01:01:40,826
And out of six marriages,she gave birth to ten children.
1048
01:01:42,578 --> 01:01:45,038
From the very earliest age...
1049
01:01:47,082 --> 01:01:50,460
I remember my fatherputting cigarettes out on my leg,
1050
01:01:51,545 --> 01:01:53,088
for his way of control.
1051
01:01:55,007 --> 01:01:58,302
By my 18th birthday, I became homeless.
1052
01:02:00,262 --> 01:02:01,263
It was rough.
1053
01:02:02,639 --> 01:02:04,683
I'm 53 years old this year.
1054
01:02:05,267 --> 01:02:06,852
I never escape that.
1055
01:02:08,270 --> 01:02:11,398
See, my kids havea very, very hard past as well.
1056
01:02:13,108 --> 01:02:15,611
And the challenges and the difficulties
1057
01:02:15,694 --> 01:02:19,489
are thingsthat we can't really do a lot about.
1058
01:02:21,116 --> 01:02:26,163
For instance, with Makai being diagnosedwith fetal alcohol syndrome,
1059
01:02:26,622 --> 01:02:29,666
they just weren't surewhether he was gonna ever speak.
1060
01:02:29,750 --> 01:02:33,337
Makai, that's how you rip your shirts.Stop. Stop.
1061
01:02:33,754 --> 01:02:36,798
But I was like,you know, you never say never,
1062
01:02:36,882 --> 01:02:39,676
and maybe he's just not hadsomebody take the time...
1063
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:41,345
Oh, no, I'm not gonna carry you.
1064
01:02:41,428 --> 01:02:44,056
...to just show him that he can do it.
1065
01:02:44,139 --> 01:02:44,973
All right.
1066
01:02:45,057 --> 01:02:46,058
I came home from work one day
1067
01:02:46,141 --> 01:02:49,853
and Reece had been readingabout kids with fetal alcohol.
1068
01:02:49,937 --> 01:02:53,357
And he read about a girlwhose parents bought a farm,
1069
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:54,983
and how it changed her.
1070
01:02:55,734 --> 01:02:57,903
And I was like, "Oh, my gosh.What do you think we should do?"
1071
01:02:57,986 --> 01:03:01,031
And he said, "Here's five farms for sale."
1072
01:03:01,114 --> 01:03:02,699
And so, we literally bought a farm.
1073
01:03:04,368 --> 01:03:06,495
Where's her food bowl? She was--
1074
01:03:09,414 --> 01:03:10,249
What? Where?
1075
01:03:11,124 --> 01:03:12,292
Amaya, they're right there.
1076
01:03:14,753 --> 01:03:19,091
The farm has trulyallowed Makai to feel safe.
1077
01:03:20,300 --> 01:03:22,761
Makai and I are thinkingmaybe we might get a llama next or...
1078
01:03:22,845 --> 01:03:25,222
-Yeah. I can open it.-Is it a llama or an alpaca?
1079
01:03:25,305 --> 01:03:26,473
-A llama.-A llama.
1080
01:03:26,557 --> 01:03:28,684
-We're looking at maybe getting a llama.-Alpacas spit.
1081
01:03:29,226 --> 01:03:30,310
You gotta go up there.
1082
01:03:30,394 --> 01:03:31,520
You didn't do a toe touch.
1083
01:03:31,603 --> 01:03:33,188
Yes, I did. That's a toe touch.
1084
01:03:33,272 --> 01:03:35,440
You're supposed to touch your toeswhen you do that.
1085
01:03:35,524 --> 01:03:40,153
I'd say every single one of our childrenhave their own form of baggage
1086
01:03:40,237 --> 01:03:41,947
that they're having to deal with.
1087
01:03:43,490 --> 01:03:47,286
I will never forget when Reece came to meand said, "We've got a problem."
1088
01:03:47,369 --> 01:03:49,872
He says, "I'm finding lots of foodin Amaya's room."
1089
01:03:49,955 --> 01:03:51,748
I said, "She's hoarding."
1090
01:03:52,791 --> 01:03:55,669
Amaya's been hungry, and she's scared,
1091
01:03:55,752 --> 01:03:58,130
because she's worriedthat she's not gonna be fed.
1092
01:03:58,797 --> 01:04:00,090
Watch the mud, bub.
1093
01:04:00,174 --> 01:04:03,260
My son Greyson, who is now 11,
1094
01:04:03,343 --> 01:04:06,513
his mother was 12when she gave birth to him.
1095
01:04:08,557 --> 01:04:10,684
He came into the systemfor the very first time
1096
01:04:10,767 --> 01:04:13,645
with bleeding of the brainand shaken baby syndrome.
1097
01:04:14,897 --> 01:04:18,609
She was pregnantwith her second child at 14.
1098
01:04:19,276 --> 01:04:20,611
That's my son, Tristan.
1099
01:04:21,403 --> 01:04:24,031
Oh, please don't, Tristan.
1100
01:04:24,114 --> 01:04:25,240
He's gonna do a backflip.
1101
01:04:26,283 --> 01:04:28,118
Oh, you're so close.
1102
01:04:29,119 --> 01:04:31,246
They're hurting in their own way.
1103
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:33,874
They just don't know what to doabout it...
1104
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:37,377
or how to change that.
1105
01:04:38,670 --> 01:04:41,340
And so, as a dad,that's where you come in.
1106
01:04:41,423 --> 01:04:42,883
You've got to help them.
1107
01:04:42,966 --> 01:04:44,593
You've got a mustache growing.
1108
01:04:45,260 --> 01:04:47,387
See, I told you I got the mustache!
1109
01:04:47,804 --> 01:04:49,139
-I do.-What's that?
1110
01:04:49,765 --> 01:04:51,099
-Yeah, that's a pimple.-That's a mustache.
1111
01:04:51,183 --> 01:04:52,893
No, that's a pimple. That's a pimple.
1112
01:04:52,976 --> 01:04:54,144
-No.-That's a pimple.
1113
01:04:54,228 --> 01:04:55,771
-Yeah! Yeah!-It's not a pimple.
1114
01:04:57,022 --> 01:04:58,524
-Don't hit him.-Get out of my face.
1115
01:04:58,607 --> 01:04:59,608
It's not a pimple.
1116
01:05:01,443 --> 01:05:02,861
I won the lottery.
1117
01:05:03,946 --> 01:05:06,949
I literally won the lottery.
1118
01:05:08,408 --> 01:05:09,409
I was a dad.
1119
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:11,161
Go!
1120
01:05:17,292 --> 01:05:23,757
I have never wanted anything morethan to be married and have a family.
1121
01:05:23,841 --> 01:05:27,636
My childhood wasn'tthe picture-perfect childhood
1122
01:05:27,719 --> 01:05:29,096
that I thought it should be.
1123
01:05:29,555 --> 01:05:35,894
And I wanted to create thatfor my children.
1124
01:05:35,978 --> 01:05:38,564
I think children flourishwhen they know they're loved.
1125
01:05:39,231 --> 01:05:42,734
I think children flourishwhen they're as safe as they can be.
1126
01:05:43,902 --> 01:05:47,322
And I think children flourishwhen good examples are set for them.
1127
01:05:47,406 --> 01:05:50,158
To the extent you can createthat environment for kids,
1128
01:05:50,242 --> 01:05:53,287
I think you're doing about all you can do.
1129
01:05:53,745 --> 01:05:54,830
Which is, you know...
1130
01:05:55,747 --> 01:05:58,667
we all sort of thinkwe're gonna be able to do much, much more.
1131
01:05:58,750 --> 01:06:04,339
But I don't think any of itsupersedes that big three:
1132
01:06:04,423 --> 01:06:08,302
love, safety and an example to follow.
1133
01:06:10,095 --> 01:06:12,222
Hang in, hang in, hang in.
1134
01:06:12,306 --> 01:06:13,557
That was a really good shot.
1135
01:06:15,559 --> 01:06:17,311
Look at that.I just knocked you off, buddy.
1136
01:06:18,687 --> 01:06:19,688
Dad.
1137
01:06:20,981 --> 01:06:22,983
Yeah, I know I'm winning by a lot more.
1138
01:06:23,066 --> 01:06:26,153
I remember,you know, Dad was a hard worker,
1139
01:06:26,236 --> 01:06:30,574
but there was never even a second of doubtof where the priorities were.
1140
01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:33,535
Yeah, my dad worked a lot.
1141
01:06:33,952 --> 01:06:36,496
But we were on set, hanging out,
1142
01:06:36,580 --> 01:06:40,167
and there's this one scene of Dadlooking at the camera.
1143
01:06:40,250 --> 01:06:44,046
He has Joce on this lap,Paige is looking over his head,
1144
01:06:44,129 --> 01:06:46,965
and I'm just hanging on his earor something.
1145
01:06:48,342 --> 01:06:52,179
If I wanted to see Dad, if I wantedto talk to Dad, Dad was there.
1146
01:06:54,389 --> 01:06:57,184
Here's a picture of me and my dad.He was in the air force.
1147
01:06:57,809 --> 01:07:01,563
I sort of remember this whole place,just a tiny little bit.
1148
01:07:01,647 --> 01:07:04,858
You saw Dad helping me with the carson Grand Theft Auto, didn't you?
1149
01:07:04,942 --> 01:07:07,069
-I saw what? Right here.-See that picture? This picture.
1150
01:07:07,152 --> 01:07:08,362
That's such a good one.
1151
01:07:08,445 --> 01:07:09,780
Dad, how old were you there?
1152
01:07:09,863 --> 01:07:11,198
I was still 22.
1153
01:07:11,782 --> 01:07:15,035
Both my dad and my granddadwere really, really good dads.
1154
01:07:16,286 --> 01:07:20,749
God, they were always emotionally there.
1155
01:07:22,334 --> 01:07:25,128
These are the bootshe planned to become a movie star in.
1156
01:07:26,046 --> 01:07:27,422
And while he never quite did that,
1157
01:07:27,506 --> 01:07:31,635
he had to change the course of the family,in a powerful way.
1158
01:07:32,886 --> 01:07:35,180
I felt my father was somebodythat I admired
1159
01:07:35,264 --> 01:07:37,891
and wanted to emulate in many, many ways.
1160
01:07:38,475 --> 01:07:40,644
Especially the way he handled himselfthrough life.
1161
01:07:45,399 --> 01:07:47,067
So, Granddad.
1162
01:07:47,150 --> 01:07:49,236
-Good morning.-Good morning.
1163
01:07:52,114 --> 01:07:56,785
A guy named Ron Howard. Ronnie,we called him Ronnie at that time,
1164
01:07:56,869 --> 01:08:00,497
was working on a show calledThe Andy Griffith Show.
1165
01:08:05,002 --> 01:08:07,129
And being his father,
1166
01:08:07,212 --> 01:08:11,925
I was there as guardian and supervisoron the Andy Griffith set.
1167
01:08:12,926 --> 01:08:16,596
And I have a vivid memoryof the whole operation.
1168
01:08:17,221 --> 01:08:19,808
There are no rules for pas and sons.
1169
01:08:20,684 --> 01:08:21,935
It's as simple as this.
1170
01:08:22,019 --> 01:08:27,107
Each mother or father raiseshis boy or girl, as the case may be,
1171
01:08:27,191 --> 01:08:28,942
the way that he thinks is best.
1172
01:08:29,484 --> 01:08:32,654
And I think it's best for youto get a quarter and work for it.
1173
01:08:33,572 --> 01:08:34,907
Do you understand what I mean?
1174
01:08:34,990 --> 01:08:36,241
-I think so.-Good.
1175
01:08:36,950 --> 01:08:38,911
I'm not gonna get the 75 cents.
1176
01:08:39,411 --> 01:08:40,412
All right.
1177
01:08:41,830 --> 01:08:45,584
We were sitting around a tablehaving a reading of the script,
1178
01:08:45,667 --> 01:08:50,380
and since your dad, Ronnie,couldn't read at that time,
1179
01:08:50,464 --> 01:08:52,174
I sat in and read for him.
1180
01:08:53,341 --> 01:08:56,136
And after we read the script,
1181
01:08:56,220 --> 01:09:02,184
I stood up in front of the producersand the writers and the director
1182
01:09:02,267 --> 01:09:05,103
and I said,"The way you have Opie talking,"
1183
01:09:05,187 --> 01:09:07,856
that was the characteryour dad was playing, Opie,
1184
01:09:08,564 --> 01:09:09,774
"The way you have him talking,
1185
01:09:09,858 --> 01:09:14,529
with all of these smart aleck,wiseass things to say,
1186
01:09:15,154 --> 01:09:19,993
he's gonna get laughs,but it is very damaging
1187
01:09:20,077 --> 01:09:24,665
to any relationshipthat he might have with his father.
1188
01:09:26,542 --> 01:09:27,792
I mean, people may laugh at it,
1189
01:09:27,876 --> 01:09:31,046
but deep downthey're gonna resent the kid.
1190
01:09:31,129 --> 01:09:32,421
They're not gonna like him."
1191
01:09:33,215 --> 01:09:37,010
And I said, "I think you oughtto think about changing it,
1192
01:09:37,094 --> 01:09:39,220
so Opie is not such a brat."
1193
01:09:39,638 --> 01:09:42,975
And I remember Andy came up to me.
1194
01:09:45,018 --> 01:09:46,687
And he said, "Rance."
1195
01:09:46,770 --> 01:09:49,398
He says, "We've been talkingabout what you said over lunch."
1196
01:09:50,107 --> 01:09:51,358
And he says, "You're right."
1197
01:09:52,568 --> 01:09:55,070
He says,"We're gonna change that character,
1198
01:09:55,153 --> 01:09:58,323
and he's not gonna be brashand he's not gonna be smart-assed."
1199
01:09:59,074 --> 01:10:02,202
He says, "We're gonna tryto build the relationship
1200
01:10:02,286 --> 01:10:06,248
between me," Andy, "and Opie.
1201
01:10:07,165 --> 01:10:09,960
Same kind of relationshipthat you have with Ronnie."
1202
01:10:10,919 --> 01:10:14,590
I remember you revealing to me oncethat you were really worried
1203
01:10:14,673 --> 01:10:18,677
that you could never be as good a dadas your own father.
1204
01:10:19,970 --> 01:10:21,638
Yeah. I was very worried about that.
1205
01:10:22,306 --> 01:10:23,307
Yeah.
1206
01:10:24,141 --> 01:10:25,350
He was great.
1207
01:10:26,143 --> 01:10:27,144
I don't think I was.
1208
01:10:32,149 --> 01:10:34,651
Man, if you could be a good dad,that is a blessing
1209
01:10:35,611 --> 01:10:39,990
that you can pass on that is beyond words.
1210
01:10:41,700 --> 01:10:43,368
And he really delivered.
1211
01:10:56,965 --> 01:10:58,509
Stop!
1212
01:10:59,009 --> 01:11:00,802
The first one is slow breathing.
1213
01:11:01,637 --> 01:11:03,055
Then your transition is...
1214
01:11:05,891 --> 01:11:08,894
I just hyperventilated demonstrating it.So something's a little off.
1215
01:11:08,977 --> 01:11:11,813
I'm not the one that has the problem.Your dad has a tendency to hyperventilate.
1216
01:11:14,525 --> 01:11:15,359
Can you please...
1217
01:11:15,442 --> 01:11:18,946
I just got the wordthat the doctors now said, "Any minute."
1218
01:11:19,029 --> 01:11:22,866
Mom's stomach is tightening upand starting to push the baby.
1219
01:11:23,992 --> 01:11:24,993
All right?
1220
01:11:25,077 --> 01:11:27,538
So, that hurts a littlewhen that's going on.
1221
01:11:27,621 --> 01:11:30,874
So, what she has to dois concentrate and breathe.
1222
01:11:31,500 --> 01:11:36,463
Did you know that Dad has saidthat his biggest worry
1223
01:11:36,547 --> 01:11:38,423
was that he was convincedhe would never be able
1224
01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:40,801
to be as good a fatheras his own father?
1225
01:11:40,884 --> 01:11:42,511
He was just always worried about that,
1226
01:11:42,594 --> 01:11:44,972
just 'cause he looked upto Granddad so much.
1227
01:11:45,055 --> 01:11:46,098
-He said that?-Yeah.
1228
01:11:46,181 --> 01:11:48,642
I'm really worriedthat I'm not gonna be as good a--
1229
01:11:48,725 --> 01:11:50,561
I look at Dad,and I'm always saying to myself,
1230
01:11:50,644 --> 01:11:54,523
I'm like, "Well, deep downI'm definitely not as good of a person."
1231
01:11:54,606 --> 01:11:57,818
Like, yeah,that's been absolutely my worry.
1232
01:11:58,277 --> 01:12:00,612
I think you're walkinginto a pretty good situation.
1233
01:12:00,696 --> 01:12:02,322
We sort of now know what we're doing.
1234
01:12:02,739 --> 01:12:05,742
And whereas before,I think we were really faking it.
1235
01:12:05,826 --> 01:12:07,244
I think in the last year or so,
1236
01:12:07,327 --> 01:12:10,873
we began to understand the systemand develop a program.
1237
01:12:11,456 --> 01:12:14,459
And you've got some terrific sisters.
1238
01:12:15,043 --> 01:12:16,545
And, you know...
1239
01:12:18,797 --> 01:12:21,508
I hope it's good for you.I wanna make it good for you.
1240
01:12:23,927 --> 01:12:25,053
That's your baby brother.
1241
01:12:25,512 --> 01:12:27,264
That's Reed. Can you say "Reed"?
1242
01:12:27,347 --> 01:12:28,348
Hello.
1243
01:12:35,230 --> 01:12:37,065
Little lady. Little lady.
1244
01:12:37,482 --> 01:12:38,817
Yeah. There you go.
1245
01:12:39,276 --> 01:12:40,485
It's the seventh week.
1246
01:12:41,069 --> 01:12:42,696
She's gotten so much bigger.
1247
01:12:42,779 --> 01:12:44,948
She eats so much milk.
1248
01:12:45,490 --> 01:12:46,408
I know.
1249
01:12:46,491 --> 01:12:48,660
Ashley wakes up in the night and pumps,
1250
01:12:48,744 --> 01:12:50,996
and then I actually feed her,which I love.
1251
01:12:51,079 --> 01:12:53,582
She just chugged through the whole bottle.
1252
01:12:53,665 --> 01:12:56,043
And it's just beena really nice bonding thing.
1253
01:12:56,126 --> 01:12:57,753
Check this out. This is hilarious.
1254
01:13:01,965 --> 01:13:03,675
Stretch it out.
1255
01:13:04,301 --> 01:13:05,802
Stretch it out.
1256
01:13:07,638 --> 01:13:11,058
Little lady. Little lady. I know.
1257
01:13:11,141 --> 01:13:13,143
Yes. Yes.
1258
01:13:13,227 --> 01:13:15,437
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
1259
01:13:15,896 --> 01:13:17,147
You know, she's awesome.
1260
01:13:19,525 --> 01:13:22,444
And I'm convincedthat she knows me really well.
1261
01:13:24,363 --> 01:13:28,450
Just 'cause she won't remember thisdoesn't mean it doesn't stay with her,
1262
01:13:28,951 --> 01:13:29,952
I believe.
1263
01:13:31,119 --> 01:13:33,080
And, if anything,it makes an impact on me.
1264
01:13:35,707 --> 01:13:38,210
Can I tell you the questionthat I struggle with the most?
1265
01:13:39,336 --> 01:13:41,713
And I don't know the answer to this.I'd love your answer,
1266
01:13:41,797 --> 01:13:44,925
or maybe we just leave it as a questionthat I posit for the audience.
1267
01:13:46,051 --> 01:13:47,761
Do I get to determine if I'm a good dad,
1268
01:13:47,845 --> 01:13:49,471
or is that ultimatelymy daughter's decision,
1269
01:13:49,555 --> 01:13:51,515
to determine if I was a good dad or not?
1270
01:13:51,598 --> 01:13:52,432
And...
1271
01:13:53,767 --> 01:13:57,104
That's terrifying,that idea of not knowing.
1272
01:13:57,187 --> 01:13:59,439
Is that weird? It's, like,the biggest struggle for me is,
1273
01:13:59,523 --> 01:14:01,567
"What is my Dad Rotten Tomatoes score?"
1274
01:14:02,568 --> 01:14:04,820
What am I?Am I Certified Fresh or am I not?
1275
01:14:04,903 --> 01:14:05,904
Go.
1276
01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:08,740
Pedal, pedal, pedal.I'm about to let you go.
1277
01:14:08,824 --> 01:14:10,534
I'm about to let you go.I'm about to let you go.
1278
01:14:10,617 --> 01:14:12,244
Go, go, go.
1279
01:14:14,580 --> 01:14:17,332
Go, go, go. Good job!
1280
01:14:17,416 --> 01:14:20,419
Very early on,I read a Deepak Chopra book.
1281
01:14:20,502 --> 01:14:23,589
And he said, "You should lookat your relationship with your kids
1282
01:14:23,672 --> 01:14:26,216
like they are a soul and you're a soul,
1283
01:14:26,300 --> 01:14:29,219
and for a little while,you guide them a little bit.
1284
01:14:29,845 --> 01:14:31,054
And then they move on."
1285
01:14:31,722 --> 01:14:32,806
Turn, turn, turn.
1286
01:14:32,890 --> 01:14:35,392
And it's not a being you possess.
1287
01:14:35,475 --> 01:14:36,476
And stop.
1288
01:14:36,560 --> 01:14:38,145
It's someone you assist.
1289
01:14:39,646 --> 01:14:41,565
That's what I'm talking about, baby.Three times.
1290
01:14:41,648 --> 01:14:42,858
One, two, three.
1291
01:14:43,775 --> 01:14:44,610
Let's go.
1292
01:14:45,986 --> 01:14:48,322
Having a kid is the meaning of life.
1293
01:14:48,405 --> 01:14:51,366
It gives you a job.It gives you a purpose.
1294
01:14:51,783 --> 01:14:53,869
This is my purpose now. This is--
1295
01:14:53,952 --> 01:14:57,664
As soon as Winnie was born,I lost my name.
1296
01:14:58,165 --> 01:15:00,876
I'm not Jimmy Fallon anymore.I am Winnie's dad.
1297
01:15:00,959 --> 01:15:05,839
Like, a real father would take a bullet,or a flamethrower.
1298
01:15:05,923 --> 01:15:08,383
Like, whatever it isthat's coming at his kids, you know?
1299
01:15:08,467 --> 01:15:11,887
The real father puts them behindand takes it on the chest and on the chin.
1300
01:15:11,970 --> 01:15:14,097
Life doesn't have to be perfectto be wonderful.
1301
01:15:14,556 --> 01:15:17,434
Make it wonderful.We don't have to make our family perfect.
1302
01:15:17,518 --> 01:15:18,519
Just make it wonderful.
1303
01:15:19,019 --> 01:15:20,562
And that, I learned from my dad.
1304
01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:23,482
You get the tiniest windowand then it's gone.
1305
01:15:24,066 --> 01:15:25,234
It's just gone.
1306
01:15:25,609 --> 01:15:28,362
So, just revel.
1307
01:15:29,738 --> 01:15:30,906
And revel hard.
1308
01:15:30,989 --> 01:15:33,492
I would saythere's nothing more remarkable
1309
01:15:34,201 --> 01:15:37,079
than seeing your kids evolve.
1310
01:15:37,162 --> 01:15:39,581
When we're sitting aroundhaving a meal together,
1311
01:15:39,665 --> 01:15:42,292
and having a real conversation,
1312
01:15:42,751 --> 01:15:46,922
that, I sometimes leave my bodyand think, "This is the stuff."
1313
01:15:47,005 --> 01:15:51,093
I think what ultimately adds upis what they see, what they witness.
1314
01:15:52,010 --> 01:15:54,012
All right, little lady. Let's do this.
1315
01:15:54,638 --> 01:15:57,766
The way you, as a father, live your life.
1316
01:15:59,518 --> 01:16:00,602
There you go, beautiful.
1317
01:16:01,562 --> 01:16:03,146
What kind of example do you set?
1318
01:16:03,897 --> 01:16:07,651
Not everybody can make itto every game or any game.
1319
01:16:07,734 --> 01:16:10,863
Not everybody can sit thereand do homework with their kid,
1320
01:16:10,946 --> 01:16:12,865
because they might be carrying three jobs.
1321
01:16:13,657 --> 01:16:16,743
And this is something that, as a society,we have to acknowledge,
1322
01:16:16,827 --> 01:16:19,663
the importance of what a father means.
1323
01:16:19,746 --> 01:16:22,833
And then we have to also think abouttrying to create a society
1324
01:16:22,916 --> 01:16:25,252
that facilitates their doing their best.
1325
01:16:26,378 --> 01:16:32,384
Because, at his best, a father providesa kind of consistent sense of safety...
1326
01:16:33,552 --> 01:16:34,887
and therefore, possibility.
1327
01:16:34,970 --> 01:16:36,722
-You see it?-Yes.
1328
01:16:36,805 --> 01:16:37,973
Good job.
1329
01:16:38,807 --> 01:16:42,728
A gardener understandshow to nurture the seeds
1330
01:16:42,811 --> 01:16:45,105
through good weather, through bad weather.
1331
01:16:46,773 --> 01:16:49,443
A gardener doesn't want that seedto become anything
1332
01:16:49,526 --> 01:16:52,446
other than what it isalready designed to become.
1333
01:16:52,988 --> 01:16:56,742
A gardener doesn't want the roseto turn into an oak tree.
1334
01:16:58,660 --> 01:17:03,332
A good gardener helps the seedbecome what it wants to become,
1335
01:17:03,415 --> 01:17:06,793
not what the gardener wants it to become.
1336
01:17:08,003 --> 01:17:09,838
Yeah. Good job.
1337
01:17:09,922 --> 01:17:12,049
A father is...
1338
01:17:13,425 --> 01:17:15,010
a master gardener.
1339
01:18:10,732 --> 01:18:12,776
I've talked to peoplethat are much cooler than me.
1340
01:18:12,860 --> 01:18:14,945
Patti Scialfa and Bruce Springsteen.
1341
01:18:15,028 --> 01:18:17,155
And I was just talking to Patti Scialfa,and she said,
1342
01:18:17,573 --> 01:18:20,200
"Oh, my God. Bruce will be at the table,and he'll tell some joke
1343
01:18:20,284 --> 01:18:23,745
and they'll be like,'You're such a nerd, Dad.'"
1344
01:18:25,038 --> 01:18:26,039
I was like, "What?
1345
01:18:26,623 --> 01:18:27,708
He's Bruce Springsteen.
1346
01:18:27,791 --> 01:18:29,376
I mean, the rest of us are...
1347
01:18:29,459 --> 01:18:30,460
He's Bruce Springsteen."
1348
01:18:30,544 --> 01:18:32,796
She's like, "Doesn't matter. He's Dad."
1349
01:18:32,880 --> 01:18:35,632
My kids, they think I'm corny.
1350
01:18:35,716 --> 01:18:36,758
I'm hot.
1351
01:18:36,842 --> 01:18:39,678
I'm like, just as a person.
1352
01:18:40,137 --> 01:18:44,308
They've madea horrible mistake in judgment.
1353
01:18:46,727 --> 01:18:50,355
All my daughter wants to do at eightis watch The Shining.
1354
01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:52,983
And I'm like...
1355
01:18:53,692 --> 01:18:55,903
"First of all, no.
1356
01:18:56,737 --> 01:19:00,324
Second of all,that's a great choice for a movie."
1357
01:19:00,407 --> 01:19:02,159
This is what dads look like now.
1358
01:19:02,701 --> 01:19:03,911
This is the new dad.
1359
01:19:03,994 --> 01:19:05,579
I am wearing a baby.
1360
01:19:06,121 --> 01:19:07,414
That's the new fashion.
1361
01:19:07,497 --> 01:19:09,541
We don't have to push them at all.Me or my wife.
1362
01:19:09,625 --> 01:19:11,793
If anything,much like me and my overacting,
1363
01:19:11,877 --> 01:19:13,837
just gotta rein it back sometimes.
1364
01:19:13,921 --> 01:19:14,963
Rein it back.
1365
01:19:15,047 --> 01:19:17,966
Some of the best times of our entire lives
1366
01:19:18,050 --> 01:19:22,471
are just quiet momentstrying to get our kid to poop.
1367
01:19:23,096 --> 01:19:24,389
And then they do.
1368
01:19:24,473 --> 01:19:25,807
And we cheer.
1369
01:19:25,891 --> 01:19:28,936
If you don't have your kidson your home screen, then you're faking.
1370
01:19:30,687 --> 01:19:32,564
Just so you know.
1371
01:19:32,856 --> 01:19:34,233
I'm a comedian that's doing all right.
1372
01:19:34,316 --> 01:19:36,818
My sister is a very successful attorneyin the Bay Area.
1373
01:19:37,653 --> 01:19:38,946
What I'm trying to say is,
1374
01:19:39,029 --> 01:19:41,073
hitting your children with sandalsdoes work.
1375
01:19:42,491 --> 01:19:44,952
I know that's not the woke thing to say.
1376
01:19:45,035 --> 01:19:47,079
But I'm just saying it is what it is.
1377
01:19:47,704 --> 01:19:50,582
When they grow upand you've got this funny adult.
1378
01:19:50,666 --> 01:19:54,169
If I didn't know them, if they weremy coworkers or something like that,
1379
01:19:54,253 --> 01:19:56,713
I would be like, "Oh, this kid's great."
1380
01:19:56,797 --> 01:19:59,716
It's, like, some kind ofgrow your own friends program.
1381
01:20:00,425 --> 01:20:02,594
Do I have a favorite dad joke?
1382
01:20:02,678 --> 01:20:05,848
I like the joke of, like,"What's a pirate's favorite letter?"
1383
01:20:05,931 --> 01:20:08,851
You'd think it would be R,but it be the C.
1384
01:20:10,477 --> 01:20:12,437
-Thank you so, so much.-Thank you.
1385
01:20:13,021 --> 01:20:14,273
Better than Will Smith?
1386
01:20:16,525 --> 01:20:17,818
You've shared so much.
1387
01:20:17,901 --> 01:20:21,363
Yeah. No, that feels like we got it.I feel thoroughly purged and probed.
1388
01:20:22,364 --> 01:20:24,157
Good. I did my job.
1389
01:20:24,241 --> 01:20:25,617
Well, Dad, I love you.
1390
01:20:25,701 --> 01:20:27,202
I love you too. Thanks, you know.
1391
01:20:27,286 --> 01:20:31,957
Well, "Thanks"? I didn't wanna be here.I cried on camera.
1392
01:20:32,040 --> 01:20:35,127
I don't know why I'm thanking you,but I'm proud of you.
1393
01:20:35,210 --> 01:20:36,253
Very proud of you.
1394
01:20:36,336 --> 01:20:38,172
-Thank you. Thank you.-All right. Okay.
1395
01:20:38,255 --> 01:20:40,424
I love you. Okay. Okay.
1396
01:20:44,428 --> 01:20:45,429
Oh, you're good.
1397
01:20:46,346 --> 01:20:47,764
-I love you, Granddad.-Love you, Bryce.
1398
01:20:47,848 --> 01:20:49,183
Thank you for doing this.
1399
01:20:52,936 --> 01:20:54,521
-Thank you.-Such fun.